My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 36: Candlenights

Episode Date: December 27, 2010

Between the lack of question submissions, the hurried pace and the general post-Holiday blues, we wouldn't exactly qualify this one as our "best episode." We're not sure we'd qualify it as our "most adequate episode." Is it our "worst episode ever?" That's up to you. "Most disappointing end-of-year episode?" Oh, God yes. Suggested talking points: 95 and Not Alive, Jesus' hat-expanding magic, A wizard of comedy named Patch Adams, metaphorical smudgy sticks, discretion, Kevin James' reversible circumcision

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind on the first in line, honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you've got no place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when a pretty girl shows up on the upstairs, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around.

If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. We can cuss all we want to know. Thank fuck. That was hard. I hope you're all from off and bad. What if they heard the show last week and said, oh, it's a charming show for families? I think if you have to say at the beginning, sorry, that we're not going to use a bunch of dirty words, that's enough of a heads up. I think, at least. Now we fucking will.

We're going with a post-holiday theme for this episode and not an end of 2010 theme, or can we do both? I mean, I guess, yeah. It always seems like such a weird gray area. It feels like the two should be back to back. What's going to happen in this week? Nothing fun, except one thing that I can think of. My brother and my brother meets at an invite show for the modern era. We're going to close 2010 out big. Killin' Zolo. Killin' Zolo. We miss him. Let's do the rest of him up right. Hey, brothers, McRoy. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on a mature way to deal with my ex. He broke up with me, but since we broke up, he's been a huge douche, doing things like saying he'll drop off some of my stuff, but leaving rotting food instead.

That's a pretty good one, though. You got you. He got you. Pretty good. By the way, I can let him know it's unacceptable, but get back at him at the same time without being immature, or it would be better just to ignore it all. Thanks, MB and BAM. That's from Iona Grace from Gmail. I think Iona, you just have to take the moral victory. You got to take the high ground and not rise to the bait, because that's going to irritate him more than anything, trust me. You got to take him like he has nothing to you, and whatever he's doing is not getting to you, and it really can't. You just kind of shut it out. I think the shittiest part about the whole situation is he broke up with you and he's being a douche. That's just not cool.

So this is going to be a story you get to tell in ten years, and I think you need to look at it that way. You didn't do anything wrong, so there's nothing to feel bad about. So just you get to be the better person to congratulations. Unless. Unless. Why don't you escalate this shit? Why don't you escalate it to a level he is no longer comfortable responding to? He says he'll drop off some stuff, but instead leaves rotting fruit. What if you say you're going to drop off some rotting fruit, but instead you burn his house down? You burn his house? I was about to say burn his house down.

Leave some slices of bologna on his car, and then it'll take the pain off. This is good. It's like a callback episode. Maybe kill an elderly relative. So it's not like a big deal because they're old anyways. Like an extended one. Yeah, so no one's going to make a big deal out of it to begin with because they were old. What's the bar that you can clear there where killing an old person is in a crime? Is it like 85? 85 is not a crime. No, with modern science these days, I would put it at least 96. People are living to like 120, 122 now.

No way. You're practically doing my favor at that point. That's what I'm saying. My rule is 95, you shouldn't be alive. So after that, you're just setting the world back to balance. Yeah. I'm sorry if anybody's bubby is that old, by the way. Another good one is get his email address, and I know you got it. Get his email address and sign him up for every. Every spam.

You got a haggard mailing list you could find because that's brutal. Somebody did that to me, thanks whoever that was, and it's been annoying forever. You can do that in conjunction with burning his house down too, which is the best part about it. It's a cheap and easy way. You really shouldn't do any of these things. Just write it out. You won. You got two options though. We'll give you some flexibilities to play with. Ride or die. Ride or die. I'll give you this one. Letting him know it isn't acceptable, but at the same time, get back at him.

Tell his mom what he did. Let his mom know he left some rotting food on your front porch. That's kind of fun. I like it. Yeah, and it's kind of like third gradey. Yeah, it is. Hey, Mubin Bam. I want to know the best way to deal with the awkwardness of apologizing for something you aren't really sorry about. Ooh, Ryan from Gmail. Is that awkward?

I do that at least 20 times a day, and it doesn't bother me too much. I always practice, maybe, the answer. I always started off with, I'm sorry you got upset. No, that's the worst. That makes me angrier than the thing they did originally. Yeah, well, that's the thing. If you're not sorry for it, then it doesn't bother me because I'm not sorry for it. I didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you need to take a long look in that deep dark truthful mirror and figure out why you're not sorry about the thing you did, Ryan.

Oh, yeah. You obviously hurt them. You obviously cut them so deep. Yeah, Ryan, like, I don't know, and maybe this has to do with just who we are and maybe it's the area of the country we were raised in or whatever. I say sorry all the time about shit I don't feel sorry about. By and large, I've learned to be in a perpetual state of asking people for forgiveness for my actions. That's just a price to do in places like modern day America, my friend. It's like a super intense form of humility. If you're not constantly shooting rainbows out of your ass, you should be apologetic.

You're just not being awesome all the time. I've gotten to a point where it's just a knee-jerk reaction where someone's like, oh man, I got stuck in traffic and I'm like, I'm sorry. I had nothing to do with that traffic, but I feel bad that they got stuck in traffic. I apologize for shit that I could never have any control over ever. Like, I'm sorry that this episode isn't very good so far. Or what else? Anything else you feel bad about? I'm sorry that I'm sure not all of our listeners had a great Christmas. I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for assuming that all of our listeners are Christians, good Christian soldiers. I'm sorry about that. It saddens us to think of living in heaven for eternity without you guys, without all of you. Yeah, I'm sorry that you won't be kicking it in heaven with me, JC, and Stevie Ray Vaughan. See that? Man, how good is that jam band going to be? Yeah, everybody just- I'll be on the recorder.

Who's an ear playing recorder? SRV is on the Geatbox, obviously. And Jesus on the Ones and Two's. Can I be- I want Stevie Ray Vaughan to have a double neck guitar and I'll be on the bottom neck. And he'll be like, Justin, I can't do it alone, please. Will it be kind of romantic? There would be some contact. If we tear into Texas Flood, I'm going to be swaying with him. Would it be cool if also his 10 gallon hat was big enough for both your heads to fit inside?

I think if it's heaven and we don't have rules, then I think that my head could fit. What if it is only big enough for one person and you try and get your head in there and it doesn't fit and you start getting kind of bummed out, which isn't allowed in heaven, so Jesus points his finger at the hat and it doubles in size. Or he points his finger at me and sends me to hell. I stepped out of the room to grab a cup of tea. What are you guys talking about? We're talking about Jesus's hat expanding powers in heaven to see Stevie Ray Vaughan in a jam band. Again? We've talked about this all weekend.

I'm sorry about all that. I'm sorry that we went so far. 2011, a year of apologizing. And I'm sorry to Stevie Ray Vaughan. Yeah, I'm sorry to his ghost, his old ghost. Play Texas Flow for me once, Stevie. That's my one song of yours that I know. Dear Mubin Band. See my prangor.

Okay. Four days ago, I went on a blind date. He was very polite and seemed normal. Since then, I received no fewer than 35 texts. I am's calls. What's the nice way to say you're creepy and desperate and I'm relieved you don't know where I live? I mean, oh, Brooke Keel from Spring. I'm sorry that I'm probably that guy.

I'm sorry that that is Griffin. I'm sorry that that is me. I think the best thing to do is honestly, it sucks for you, but you got to be direct. Because this is one of those situations where we talked about before, guys don't take hints very well. And if you're like, oh no, you got to be like straight up. It was a good blind date. It's not going anywhere. I would like you to leave me alone, please.

I mean, it's what you got to do. Right. The date seemed to go well. He seemed polite and normal, which is really in this day and age, the only two qualities you can ask from a person. Yeah. Maybe you're a little too demanding, Brooke. I mean, I don't know. Well, no, because she got 35 messages she didn't want.

It seems in four days. He's, you know, he's interested. Yeah. You know that book? He's just not that into you. He's far, far too into you. He's a little bit too into me. Into you.

Well, that's a weird, like 35. How do you not know that's too much? Yeah. Honestly, I bet it's, I bet it's like a snake eating its own tail kind of thing where he did one and she didn't respond. And he went, oh, now I need to cover up for that one that I did. Oh, shit. Now I've done too many. And all of a sudden he's like doing like 40 a day.

Yeah. That's a lonely, lonely tango you do not want to be a part of. You just got to cut your losses at some point. Yeah. That's about, man, we've all been there, right? You haven't, haven't had a GF for a while and then you get one. It's like, ugh, it's like water, water to a thirsty, thirsty man. You just don't know when to say enough's enough and your belly expands because you keep gulping it down.

All the, all the, the feminine attention that's been there. And in this year of our Lord 2010, like electronic communication is so easy. I've sent, I've sent eight text messages since we started recording the show, which again, I'm sorry. That's probably why we haven't been so focused like our usual. Laser like intensity on helping people. That's what it's about. You can get carried away. You can send like, you can think you've only sent four text messages over the course of a week, but oops.

It was actually 35. It's like eating corn chips, you know? Brooklyn, you don't want to do is ignore him because it's just going to make him want to try to get a hold of you more because clearly this guy doesn't know when to stop doing that. So you need to just let him know that it's, it's not going to happen and it would be best if he just stopped contacting you. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You do have to put your peripheral foot down and it sounds like if he's polite and seem normal, this is going to go one of two ways.

Either he's going to back down and problem solved or he is going to try to put you into a bag. He's definitely a psycho killer, keska say, like, you've got to watch your back on this. You got to get armed and then, then get strict and say, no more of this, no more calls. And if you go to my house, I'll shoot you with a rifle that I bought. 2011 is going to be the best year probably since 1987. So I want you to be alive. I want you to re, I want you to cross that finish line. And single.

Get through Zolo alive and single. And pretty. And pretty. And desperate. And not carved up like a roast beast. My best friend wants to get a good job but doesn't want to go through the hassle of college. How do I convince him that it isn't the nineties anymore, 1980s anymore. He really needs to get a sheet of paper before anyone will take him seriously lost in Baltimore.

Holy shit. You are in Goodwill Hunting. You are living with Will Hunting. It is like Baltimore Goodwill Hunting. It's like the wire beats Goodwill Hunting. I haven't seen, I haven't seen Goodwill Hunting. What's it about? It's about two friends taking Hollywood by storm.

Okay. Enlisting the help of a wizard named. Patch Adams. A wizard of comedy named Patch Adams. And going on to Oscar gold. That's the movie. It sounds like a fucking tight movie. It is fucking badass.

Is that on Netflix? And what they do, they hunt Patch Adams throughout the course of the movie. It's pretty badass actually. This movie sounds incredible. Every time they catch him, he gives him some Hollywood wisdom. Like that. Please tell me that was your Robin Williams. Carving off another slice of that, please.

My Robin Williams is basically my dead knight. Just FYI. Oh, daddy. A little Franciscan daddy. That's my dead knight. Kiss my Robin Williams. Oh. Oh.

Mr. Hammer. That's not bad. It's kind of like Artie meets Dead Knight. Now, can you do Robin Williams doing one of Robin Williams' trademark voices? Can you give me one of those? Daddy. Who's Danny? Right back into Dead Knight from Daddy's Shack.

It kind of glass-lates. Man. Sorry. So this is what Google hunting is about. Okay. It's different from Boston. Two friends from Boston. But in our case, it's two friends in Baltimore.

And through this story, I will give our writers some advice. Two friends in Baltimore. Okay. And they are learning about each other as adults. And not just the young men. They've always been one full of potential like our writer's friend. And one who's a little slow in the uptake but still a sweetheart. Like the person who wrote us this email.

Is that who Robin Williams plays? No. He plays the wizard. That's later. They start working on a script for a movie about their own lives. And they meet a wizard who teaches them the ways of Hollywood. That's Robin Williams. Okay.

And then they go on to Oscar Gold. Like that's the whole flick. I feel like there was a bleeding just now. I feel like maybe we glazed over some advice in there. Yeah. No, that was all the advice I had. So find a wizard. Find a wizard who is Robin Williams.

He's like a metaphorical wizard but also a liberal wizard. You know what I mean? Like he knows the secrets. Now for our writer, the person who wrote us this email, who I don't think is slow in the uptake. I think he has just as much potential. Numbers. You got to get statistical on it. Guys, listen.

If you go to college, study show, you will earn a million dollars more over your lifetime. Or maybe he doesn't need to go to college for the job path he wants. What he wants to do is he wants to swallow swords. There's good money in that. Well, I mean, do you think people just know how to swallow swords? No. They have to go to some form of higher educational institution and get that training, get that on-the-job training.

Is that more of an apprenticeship though? Because if you have really good grades in high school, it's great about sword swallowing. If you have good grades and you get, I think it's like a 30 on an ACT and around like a 1300 on the SAT, most colleges will afford you a full swallow ship. Yeah. Wow, that's a long way around. The bad news is that if your friend is worried about the quote unquote hassle of college, chances are he's not going to fare well in the collegiate atmosphere.

College is like the most fun. It's the best four years of your life. It really is. Or five years if you're me, but maybe some years it'll be the best of them. I wish I could go back. If nothing else, let him know that it's another four years without having to do real things. It's awesome. Yeah.

The state will basically pick up the tab for you to go slack off for four years. Yes, please. Now I know we have collegiate listeners right now who are like, what? No. Trust me, dog. Trust me, okay. It sucks balls. Yeah, I have no idea.

You throw that hat in the air and when it comes back down to your hand, you are a different person. You throw that hat in the air, it gets razors and comes down and slices your hand off. That's life. That's the metaphor. And for some literal, don't go to that college. How about in 2011, everyone just goes to college? Let's all go to college or let's all agree to not go. One way or the other.

Yeah, we can't split it like this. Griffin, do you have a Yahoo answer? I have a few. I would say I have a modest handful. Okay, give me a sliver of one. Easy opening gifts and I get that. I get that. But we all drop the ball.

We'll get it next year. We've all been there. This one was sent in by Action Allen though, our good Christmas soldier. Thank you Action Allen. It's by Yahoo Answers user Mia who asks, How to clear negative evil energies from your home? My aunt has just left a very charming and alluring yet destructive relationship. She truly believes that Satan has been trying to get at her through the man she was seeing.

She has now cut ties with this man and constantly wears her blessed cross. But she wants to clear her home of the negative energies that he brought with him. What are some simple DIY methods of clearing her home of his nasty energy? Wow, there's a lot of different concepts in that question. There's about eight or nine different theological ideas floating around in that query. Jesus, yeah, a lot of ideas, a lot of thoughts. A lot of philosophies, both Eastern, Western and Central. Wow, are there any answers?

I don't think you can answer without offended somebody. Well, I don't know because there is somebody elected a best answer. Okay. It's a little lengthy, so stick with me. Burn Sage, definitely. Oh, this is by Jennifer B. Go to Wild Oats, Whole Foods, and there are these smudging sticks. They can be like lavender or anything, but in ingredients look for sage.

Burn incense, and well, I don't know if you're aunt's religious or not, but my cousin and me do this all the time. But if you say the Saint Michael, the Archangel prayer, it works for him all the time. Here it is. Saint Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the divine power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Hope I helped because with my job as a paranormal investigator, I run into all the negative spirits, and this has helped tremendously. If you have any more questions, please message me. Thank you, smiley. Oh, I'll message you. You better believe we're messaging you. No joke. Just reading that? Oh, like the air seems... I don't know, the air seems brighter around me right now. I think we should all agree that 2011 is going to be the year we finally take down the devil.

I'm saying that 2010 was the shit, like the shittiest year ever. I think we can all agree that 2010 sucked. I had high hopes for it by, like, January... Sounds futuristic. January 14th, it was like, oh, Zola's going to be a real bitch. But I don't know, I feel like I just got rid of some of 2010's funk. 2010 was a bitch. 2011, I think, is going to turn it up. But there was a lot of strife, a lot of, like, not a lot of really cool things happening in 2010. Like, I thought it was kind of...

No, 2010 was full of some bullshit. How about that oil spill? How's the ocean doing? 2010, thanks. Hey, thanks. Thanks. What else happened? The gay guys are in the military now, that's ruined. Oh, thanks. Robert C. Byrd died. Robert C. Byrd died? Oh, he's definitely in my Heaven Jam band.

More like Mila Ferry. He's on the banjo. No, he played the violin. He's an expert fiddler. Yeah, shit, I knew that. I have his record. But let's back up and acknowledge the fact that Travis just said Mila Ferry. That was good, Trav. Hey, thank you guys. I worked really hard on that. Yeah, I was handcrafted. Listen, we all get one this show. Mine was Swallowed Shit, which I stole from Kanye West.

And Travis had Mila Ferry. Justin, you still have one terrible, terrible punt left. The... by the way, we're just to be clear, I think it's great, the gay people in the military. I think, of course, it's fucking great. Why do it take so long, stupid? Thanks. Speaking of, like, not to get political, because I think that this is something anyone could appreciate, no matter what side of the political aisle, tied into Senator Byrd dying, is that West Virginia is not represented by Mr. Joe Manchin. Former governor. Former governor Joe Manchin, who just didn't...

Didn't feel like it. Didn't show up that day. Had a holiday party to attend. Did you? Did you have a holiday party? So he abstains from the don't ask, don't tell, vote. And then, like, 20 minutes later, he's talking to reporters like, yeah, I done fucked that one. I done fucked that one right up. I did bad. Should have gone, should have gone, you know, should have repealed it, should have voted for that.

You can't play that way, dog. Well, to be fair, he had already bought his white elephant gift, and he didn't have the receipt for it anymore, so he had to go to the holiday party. He bought this really funny snuggie. He was like, well... Damn it. I can't take it back. What am I supposed to do? Coming strong out the gate. Vote number one. First vote of your career. Killing it. Killing it. 2010 was beef, man. I hated 2010.

Sucked. It sucked. It was so bad. 2011, I think, is gonna bring the fire. It's gonna be that raw heat. That raw heat. I actually had a pretty good year. Shut the fuck up, Travis. Yeah, really. That's fair. That's fair. I am gay. And out to basically everyone but my parents. So I was wondering how to make this a memorable and shugging experience for them, Robby.

Oh, I like this. Yeah, I like this a lot. Fuck discretion. Also, fuck a guy named Timmy. Or go to a really crazy club and meet a guy named Discretion. I'm Discretion. Welcome. Welcome to shamanicans. My name is Discretion.

Hey, Discretion would actually be a pretty good gay bar name, too. You want me to go to your parents' house and tongue kiss you in front of your dad? I'm happy to. Contrary to my name. A full on hedonistic Madonna freak out really is your only option right now. Just show up with a ball gag. A ball gag, like set up a chair made of boys in the front room of their house and just sit there waiting for them to come home. This is my man to have a discretion.

Yeah, or show up with like blood all over your hands. All right, now wait for it. Blood all over your hands, like sweating shirt untucked for the first time in your entire life. If you haven't seen your shirt untucked, you've always been so clean. Immaculately. Immaculate, really. You show up shirt, blood everywhere. Freak it out.

Say, I need somewhere I can hide a body. And then embroil them in like 20 minutes of believing they need to help you. Like, see if you can get your dad to get you a chainsaw. And like, they're on board with this. They're going to hide this situation. And then just as you're about to leave like psych, I'm gay. They will be so relieved. But what if they aren't?

Can I tell you? Yeah, I could flip on you. Whoa, whoa. Can I tell you something that really scares me? What's up? I was going to almost word for word say the exact same thing. Oh, my Jesus Christ. I know.

I think it's the best idea. 2010 gets one little last Tinker Rune in. Yeah. One little last freak out. Yeah, that's the best way I think. I think if two out of the three of us think that that's a good idea, then it probably is, right? Yeah. I don't know.

Or actually kill a dude. Just commit to it. Yeah. Thank you, Travis. Good. Yeah. I think our show only has a few more murder endorsements we can do before like some government agency shuts us down.

You think? Well, yeah, I think we should maybe keep those two a minimal. You know, my brother and my brother and me started in 2010. It was a good year. But you know what? That was an equal and opposite reaction. Yeah. 2010 had nothing to do with that bullshit.

That was us. We had to get... No, it was like... It was in response. 2010 was so bad that we needed... Like if 2010-11 doesn't need us, like we wouldn't do... Excuse me. Excuse me.

Did you just say 2010-11? 2011. No, the year... 200. And... Oh, I can't do all that. Oh, I put so much math for this early in the morning. What...

I think it was the Somali pirates that set us off. Yeah. That was earlier in the year, right? The Somali pirates happened. We were like... The Somali pirates was bad. That was a bad start. Fuck this.

This year's going to be a real shitstorm. We need to compensate with laughter and advice. And I feel like... I don't know. I feel like we're doing the Lord's work over here. And I feel like... You know, I feel like we helped in some small measure. At least for ourselves.

Mm-hmm. Kind of... We have to help somebody, right? I don't know if we actually helped anybody, but... Maybe help people get a few shuckles. Griffin! What? Um...

I was thinking, you know, we... It's Christmas. It's after Christmas. We shouldn't be stingy with the Ahu answers. Let's just put another ladle of them on. You know, I'm going to dip my brain ladle into the punch bowl of idiocy and scoop out a refreshing glass of yahoo. Yeah.

I can do all of that. This one was also sent in by Action Allen. Thank you, Action Allen. It's by Yahoo! Yahoo! It's by Yahoo! It's by Yahoo! It's by Yahoo!

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Yeah, it was, like, connected. That was what provided the suspense at the button of the end of the first half of the arc. Turned out it was Maggie Simpson. Guys, this is the weirdest fucking episode we've ever done. Yeah, that's saying something. It's 2010, man. We're shaking out all the retchiness, and then we're going to be back in 2011 with, like, the fire.

Is that what it is? Yeah. I was going to say, it's a super shit episode. I think it's great. I think we're getting rid of it. I think we're burning some sage. Yeah, this is, like, the sage for me episode. Yeah.

Metaphorical smudgy sticks. We're going to shake off all this evil, this sin. This 2010, like, just garbage. And then we'll be back, you know, and here's the other problem. It was post-Christmas blues, man. Oh, my God. Who doesn't have those? Tell me about it.

You show up. Santa came. Next day. Nothing. What if we just stretched out Christmas? I was thinking about this. Eight days. Eight days.

Okay, this is good. This is good. Eight days seems like a pretty good link. In fact, what if we didn't, what if we made it not about Jesus at all, and instead about some oil? What if it was like a, of course, if it was more like Hanukkah, it would be better for everybody. More like what? More like, excuse me?

Huh? You know what I like? Tops. Tops. What if we integrated more tops into it? And flat potato-based foods. Yes. Okay.

I'm excited about it. We can name them after that character on taxi, Laka. You know what I like? Tell me. The music of Adam's Handler. Okay, I do like that. Maybe we could write, get in to write the legal national theme song for our holiday. Theme song to do this holiday we're inventing.

This is all good so far. What should we, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas 2? Is that like- Christmas 2. See, that seems a little on the nose for me. Traff is we, okay, hold on. What if we got a multi-pronged candle? Okay.

Uh-huh. We like to represent like an iconic thing, right? Uh, and we put the gifts under that instead. Okay. And we call it candle nights. Candle nights. That sounds like an awesome holiday. It sounds like the best holiday ever, right?

I would rather go to that holiday and burn in hell for all eternity. Uh-huh. Than have one day of that and get to go to heaven. But what if candle nights is the correct one? What? We don't know. Whoa. Whoa, you're saying that God has been upset about us celebrating the birth of his son

for so long and what he really wants us to do? God, this is really spiraling. Yeah, I don't want to lose the love of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by celebrating the wrong party every December. If someone could just tell me the right party to celebrate. I'm telling you what the right fucking party is, is candle nights. Candle nights, 2011. Candle nights doesn't celebrate anything.

You can celebrate whatever you want. Candle nights doesn't discriminate. I'm celebrating Jesus' birth. I'm celebrating the discography of lamb. You can do whatever you want on candle nights. I'm celebrating this sweet ass Ninja Turtles watch. Hey. Hey.

Candle nights says yes. It has Darntella's face and it pops open and she's got a little digital readout. That's nice. Did you get that? Santa still come? Santa comes on candle night number six. Why then? Because he can't be, the last two presents are obviously from your parents.

And they're usually the bigger ones. Candle night number six, you usually get a surplus. You usually get about nine or ten different presents. But they're not very, they're usually not very good. What kind of things are we talking about? I'm talking about one of them's a bris. I'm talking about, yeah, well the bris is on, the bris is on candle nights one. Just to really, really get that out of the way.

It's all uphill from here. Every candle night though. You got to pay your dues if you're going to do the rest of candle nights. So day one is bris. Day two is bris. Crying. Ice tea. Because you need some refreshment.

You need to replenish your fluids after getting, you know, your Jamie half. You're Kevin James. And if you, you actually have to get a little bit sliced off every year, which is where I really old men celebrating candle nights actually have a cavity in which they can store quarters up there. That's the worst mental energy ever conjured up. Hold on a sec. How much is it?

You need some gum? No problem. Hold on. See, I don't want to celebrate this holiday anymore. Did I ruin it for you? I don't know if it's going to require periodic brises. No annual. What's up here?

It's not like you're going to sneak up on you. It's not a random bris. You can prepare for it. Oh, but what if it was a random bris? I feel like the cost would go up way, way more. Like mid-July, like your dad, like, hey, good morning. Come here. Come here.

Hey, your dad shows up looking like Sweetie Todd. Do you want gifts this year or not? Do you want that brisk ice tea? We're here. What year? It's 2010. That means 21 years. I thought it was more of a party game for night one.

Like, everybody shows up. Everybody gets a razor. Good luck. What if on the... I pictured it more with one of those cigar cutters. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be ideal. Is this racist?

I can't tell. I can't tell either. That's what 2010 is robbed from me is the ability to tell things to races. That's why we're getting it all out now and then leaving it in 2010. Gotta leave it. Gotta leave it behind. I think that should be everyone's motto for, like, the next three days. Leave it in 2010.

Just get it all out. Leave it in 2010, everybody. If you have a bad podcast in you and you just... You just fucking leave that shit right in 2010. Leave it in 2010. Don't... Like, if you got a guy who's texted you 35 times, leave it in 2010. If you're pretending you've never heard of Hanukkah before, just, like, wrap it up,

put it under the tree and burn that tree down. Leave it in 2010. Leave it in 2010. Leave it. Hey, Somali pirates. Fuck you guys. Fuck it, leave it. Fuck you.

You're in 2010 now. Oil spill? Not anymore. Not in 2011. Do you guys remember 2010? I don't. I purged it from my memory. Yeah.

I love it. I love it too. I love it too. You... Your parents don't know you're gay. They will in 2010. Leave it. Leave it behind.

Leave it in 2010. And then in 2011, you'll be straight. That's how it works. That's not how... That's... Yeah, that's... Leave it all behind. That's not exactly how it works.

Those fucking Somali pirates. Discretion. They thought they had it. Leave discretion in 2010, please. Leave him there. That's where he belongs. He is not a good friend to you. He's not a good friend to you.

He's using you for your body. So, I want to hear Griffin's last question, but a few... A few housekeeping tips. If you want some more of this, it's at mbmbam.com. If you want to ask this question, all the methods are there. Please subscribe in iTunes or if the spirit leads you unsubscribe. I can see how that would be a viable option. I'd like to thank everyone who's either emailed us or posted on Twitter pictures

of their Christmas wreath treats. Yeah. They all look beautiful. And your mbmbam gear. Everybody got it for Christmas. Everybody did. It was like the turbo, man. Oh, shit.

People loved it. You were getting... Did you see Arnold Schwarzenegger banged on my window at 3 o'clock in the morning Christmas Eve? You got to have more t-shirts. Please, my son wants a brown t-shirt. And then in the other window, it's like... Like Robin Williams there. Could we remake Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Robin Williams?

Only instead of Christmas, it's for candle nights. Yeah. Robin Williams takes the Sinbad role like he can afford that. Like that poor guy can afford to miss out on the work. The movie would be eight times longer. I would watch that. It would be like two of the Lord of the Rings special editions back to back. Ken Burns presents candle nights.

I feel like we could come up with a better title than just candle nights, though. I don't think there is a better one. Gimme... Wick... God, 2010. God, damn it, Zolo. I fucking hate you, Zolo, so much. Can we just end the show and end the year?

Can I just go to bed for the next four days until it's the next year? It's over. Griffin, something. Like just the worst one you got. Let's shake it off. Get it out. The worst one I have? Yeah, the worst, like least funny one.

We're gonna shake out 2010 the right way by failing. What if I just load up the front page of the answers and read the first one? Sure. Do it. Fucking do it. The worst one is by a Yahoo Answers user, Carrie, who asks, how long have you used Yahoo Answers? I'm Griffin McRoy.

I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I'm so sorry. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad, square on the lips, and leave into 2010. Keep your heart through stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart through stacks.

Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart through stacks. These girls are smart. Play your part.