My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 37: Hickey on my Heart

Episode Date: January 10, 2011

We back-ack-ack-ack-ack like a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack. We're sorry that we missed last week, but hey, distance makes the heart grow fonder. You want us so bad right now, don't you? Well, then, have us. Suggested talking points: The Gregory Hines Calendar, LUDA, Snorgy, Lovescrooge, Silent Mike/Invisible Darlene, Sleep It, National Bath Safety Month, Pyrokinandre, Tell Me How to Touch You

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? If you change your mind, on the first in line, honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you've got no place to go when you're feeling down. If you're all alone, when the pretty birds have long been out in the air, take a chance on me. It's my brother and my brother-in-law made the advice show for the modern era.

Finally kicking off 2011, a belated start to the year. New Year's Eve is technically, well, yesterday. Today is New Year's Day. It's time for a new year. We're on a different calendar than most people. Yeah, that Gregorian shit is bullshit. No, no, no, no. We're on the Gregory Hines calendar. What's that mean? Gregory Hines came to be tap dancing in a dream. It was him and the other gentleman with the braids.

Ben Vereen? Ben Vereen and no, yes, Ben Vereen and Gregory Hines came to me in a dream and they said, son, New Year's starts on the date. Your people currently refer to as January 10th. I mean, it's a dream. You gotta do what happens in a dream. Everyone knows that. Yeah, especially if Gregory Hines is up in the mix. Gregory Hines comes in. His charm cannot be contained by the ethereal realm.

His first show at 2011 started out really weird. A weird, my brother, my brother of me. What will, what will they say? So let's get into it. My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. And we're going to take your questions and turn them into wisdom. You're welcome. You're welcome in advance.

Should we apologize for skipping a week? You know what my New Year's resolution is? No more apologizing. No more apologizing. Live without apologies. And think of all the time you'll say that you could be doing nice things. I know people trying to make it up to him. Here we go. What are some ways to get my shit right in the New Year is appropriate other than

the usual get fit or quit smoking or quit being cripplingly antisocial. Also, what are some tips to stick with it and accomplish set goals instead of burning out halfway through February? I have a great answer for that. Hit me. Don't set specific goals. Set large general goals. Like this year I am going to take better care of myself.

This year I am going to be more outgoing. This year I am going to be more adult. So that way, oh, you can look back over the course of the year and say, you know, all in all, I did pretty good. If you set something specific, like this year I'm going to run every day. Well, then it only takes one day that you've broken that resolution. So make a more general... What if you did like a contract with allowances, right?

So you could say, I'm going to run every day with allowance to skip one day every four days. And then you don't have to do it. But if you do do it, then you can keep, like the whole thing isn't forfeit. Yeah, that's the thing. You got to remember, this is a self-imposed restriction. Like there's no, you know, there's no like body of government over your resolution. So you're going to fail. No, that's legally binding, Travis.

That's legally binding. Oh, God. Yeah, I know. What do you think state legislators do all day? They don't write laws. It's up to the big boys. State legislators, they take people's new years resolutions and they turn them into law. Law that that person has to then abide by.

It's like you've never seen Schoolhouse Rock. Try to keep up. I feel cool. I'm doing a new thing this year where I, I make, it's called an incremental resolution. I just resolved to make things a little better. And what you do is each day you make one less shitty choice than you did yesterday. So like today, today, yesterday, I ate like crap, but I rode my exercise bike. Today I didn't ride the exercise bike.

So I had some granola for breakfast. It's like nice. You built. So you have a policy of canceling yourself out. Yes. My policy is, you want to be back to point zero at the end of the year, like just above you, I just want to hover around the same baseline. What if you made a resolution to ride your bike once this year?

I've been through happenstance. You'll end up on a bike. Like even at maybe in some sort of wacky escape scenario where you're like going through a big pile of watermelons, you know, leaping over it to escape the feds or trying to chase you down for riding that fake blank check for a million dollars to yourself because that goon hit your bike with a car. So I think what you're saying is also resolution this year, 2011, your resolutions either need to be really general or incredibly minutely specific.

Right. Right. This year I will wear a red sock. I've been eating a multivitamin every morning with my breakfast, which is now a banana and a plain bagel with cream cheese and a glass of orange juice and one multivitamin. And I have to say, I feel like a million bucks. I don't eat super healthy. So it's like a supplementary vitamin for like people like me who, you know, maybe can't

climb all the steps of the food pyramid. Right. They get hung up at the bottom and then they jump right up to sugars and fats to build their home there. And I got to say, I feel great. I feel more limber. My bones don't ache as much anymore. The scurvy is cleaned up.

I'm growing a beard. Nice. It's got a nice sheen on my cheeks. My cheeks have started to produce. I've resolved this year. My New Year's resolution. And it's something, I mean, I've gotten complaints about it mostly in my workplace and my personal life.

And so I decided it's time to finally take care of it. And I'm going to, I'm going to try to cut back or stop altogether on trying to throw it off to ludicrous. That is so important. You know, we tend to rely on that, I think, in our modern day society. Listeners, don't, don't, don't get this because I edit the show with a, I go, I have to go through with a fine tooth comb to get all the times you try to throw it off to ludicrous. Yeah.

And it's, it's really like two or three times every minute. Yeah. I'm just like, Luda. Yeah. And then the show just winds to a halt. You point to the side, but like, we can't see you. Yeah. We don't know what you're doing.

And he just looks at me and goes, not this time. Oh God. It's frustrating. You have to like think that ludicrous is somewhere like remotely feeling you, like he remotely feels you trying to, trying to get to him. You've got to see him like not, not in his head, like he's into the beat and he's ready to jump in there. Yeah.

The straw that broke the camel's back was Travis tried that move in the Boudoir in the bedroom. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. You don't want to try that with your lady. So let's, got another quite, I think we've, I think we've answered that one pretty well. If I try to talk to my best friend about serious stuff like goals or college job, et cetera,

he just evades the questions and doesn't produce any opinion. How do I get into acknowledge life beyond games, NMA, internet and pop culture, help brothers, we could use your love concern hipster. Hmm. This is the most exciting time to be alive ever, I think, and we have the, the luxury of not worrying so much about the day to day. You know, there are people in third world countries who would love to be able to sit around and worry about games and NMA and internet and pop culture.

Maybe you should just embrace it. Yeah. I have a couple of friends where I know that that friendship is based on we watch all the same TV shows and have read all the same books. I mean, I don't need to constantly be hanging out with people going, so what about that war in Iraq? Yeah. Like you could sometimes just talk about the Simpsons.

Like that's completely okay. In fact, I find that people who try so hard to like force those conversations down my throat are typically not my good friends are typically the people that I, I, you know, that yell things at me from park benches. Yeah. So I think what you need to do is maybe just kind of take stock of what kind of friendship is this and maybe you guys just don't have that I'm having a terrible day kind of relationship. Maybe you just have, I saw an awesome episode of blank last night.

Let's talk about it. Yeah. Maybe you're his sometimes friend. Yeah. He likes to talk about those things with and maybe he has another friend that he talks about serious stuff with and you, you should have that too. Also, like that's not really stuff. Especially as you get older and your social dynamic starts to change.

I don't think friends are like the people you always want to talk to about that stuff. Like dump that stuff on your, on your, on your loved one. You know? Oh yeah. Your friends, your friends, you should be all about partying down, getting totally crazy, getting bananas, you know? What if you just flipped it on him though? Whoa.

What if you just flipped it like, what if you're talking about the latest anime that you guys watched? Anime. I believe it's on, on a me, on a Pia. On a mom. What if you were watching, you know, one of your cartoons and like you just like, all of a sudden, you're just like, an enemy. I hate you both so much.

Yahoo answers. Are we your, we're, we're your enemies now, right? Enemies. Yes. We're enemies. Hey, the first Yahoo answer of the new year. Hey. This is sent in by Cal.

I'm not going to go on until both of you. Stop. I'm, I'm sorry, Griffin. I'm sorry. Please go ahead. I know this game. Do you? Yahoo answers.

These are Mr. Lizard needs to know. Are you pronouncing that right? Yep. I think it's, I know because there's a picture of a lizard company. Uh, he asks, do I need to wear pants under my snuggly blanket when I wear it to work on casual Friday? Uh, the infomercial shows Druid like people wearing them to sporting events and around a campfire, but it's not clear what to wear underneath.

Also, any ideas to accessorize the snuggly? I have access to a bedazzler. Well, yes, obviously, like that's a step that you should take. They send a free one with your snuggly. Hey, why don't you bedazzle? You're just going to be around the house. Yeah. Yeah.

It would be irresponsible for you not to bedazzle that shit. Yeah. I think, I think snuggies should be like vampires in that if they touch sunlight, they should burst into flames instantly. They should, you should never wear a snuggly out of the house. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. That's basically, if you do that, you're done. That's it.

You're done. Unless, unless you get invited to a party that specifically is listed as snuggly formal. Oh, like a snuggly party? I could get down with that. Yeah. Like a snuggly party. Sometimes like I get too drunk at a party. I just want to go to sleep.

A snuggly is like a bed that you walk around in. Like that sounds great. And if you've never been to a snuggly orgy, that shit's awesome. Oh man. And it's very safe too. Yeah. So safe. Because there's no flaps in the front.

Well, there's no flaps. There's actually zero genital contact at all. A lot of static electricity though. A lot of sparks flying. Which reminds me, if you're looking for the perfect way to accessorize your snuggly, how about dickhole? A bedazzle dickhole. Aw.

Who's that peeping out you through the window? Oh, he looks. My snuggly is the snuggly. Get up. Get up. How about a snuggie for your penis? Does the snuggie attach the... See, this is tricky territory because whatever...

Hey, baby. Does that feel good to you, baby? It feels tart me actually. It feels like a tartan. Is there a tartan down there? Whatever size your snuggly dickhole is, people are going to be able to tell like the entire... They'll be able to eyeball your dick even when it's not hanging out. They can see your snuggly bedazzle dickhole and like can just work it out, can figure

it out. So I don't know, maybe if you're secure in your... You could just bedazzle the words not much over the penis all. Look elsewhere. And you know what the great thing about that is if you turn it around, you're in for the snuggliest bowel movement of your life. Just get your aim right. Get your line up right.

I cannot stress this enough. Get your line up right because that will be the end of your snuggie party. Oh, that snuggie's done. Burn that snuggie. You should have burned it anyway because you wore it out of the house, but now burn it officially now. Definitely now. I don't know.

Maybe it would be... Maybe snuggies are the jam. I've never worn one. I feel like... Be careful. Playing with fire. You put one of those on. I like blankets.

I know. Me too. I like robes. Just sit down. Just get a robe and put it on backwards and just take it for a test drive. You think? Yeah. Can we stop the show for a second?

Let me... Yeah, just go put one on and see how it's going to go. I'm doing it right now. I think that snuggie is like moving to a retirement community because once you do it, you're done. I say, you're not going to do anything else. Yeah, that's it. You're done. You're out.

And also every conversation is always going to end as soon as you say the words, you know, I own a snuggie and nope, you're done. You're out of that conversation. It's a secret shame. You got to keep it to yourself. I have been seeing an amazing girl for around a month, Griffin, and we recently made it official. Now, wait a second.

That is in the e-mail. I swear to God. We recently made it official that we are dating. I really can't say enough good things about her, how she makes me feel. I know she loves... She feels the same way and she's often told me that she can see herself falling for me. Oh. This is all brand new to me.

I've never had this deep of a connection with a woman and I find myself wanting to tell her that I love her. I know after only a month, this isn't the best thing to do and I don't want to scare her off, but I need to get the wisdom of the three brothers on this topic. What is it OK to say I love you to your SO? You guys have fun with this one? I'm going to go buy like nine or ten snuggies. This is question nine or ten snuggie depressed me.

This is my... On a scale of one to ten snuggies. How depressed are you? This is my girlfriend, Darlene. I made her out of snuggies. She's super cuddly and different colors. Matt, I am so familiar with your situation right now that halfway through your question, I wanted to start googling you and trying to find out how I can contact you to stop the

terrible thing you're about to do. This is one of those things that the trick of it, the problem of it is there is no right time. Yeah. You got to feel it out. It's always the right time. And that shit is hard as shit. Like there is no light bulb or she's not going to look at you and say, you should tell me

you love me now. Yeah, I'm ready. Give it. Hit me with that. It's just not going to happen. So it's kind of thing as you're stumbling along in this darkness of life, you have to figure it out on your own and it's terrifying. Matt, words are easy.

Words you can open your mouth and they slip out and whatever. What I would say is actions are the difficult, more meaningful thing. So don't say the words until you find yourself acting like it. When you find yourself putting her before yourself acting in such a way that is where she is in your mind when you're making your decisions, that is acting like you love somebody. And that's the more important thing. And don't say the words until you find yourself acting that way because words are easy. And we exist in a society that throws around the word love a lot.

You know, I love baseball, I love my friends, I love my dog. So it is through actions. Also, I would suggest waiting until it's not that you want to say I love you, but that you need to say I love you, that you look at her and it's like, I can't not say it. I am so overwhelmed in this moment with feelings for you that I have to say this thing. God, this is pussy shit you guys are talking about. And the emotions are like a big egg in your chest and it just breaks open and the love comes out your mouth.

Griffin has a bad idea of romance and biology. Griffin's flipped on us and he's become a love scrooge. Just like that, he no longer believes in the miracle. It's BS. I'll tell anybody I love them, but I keep the, I won't say that I'm in love with them because that's a whole other tier. That's a whole other tier, T-I-E-R-N-T-E-M. You're shit on us for semantics, is that what I'm talking about?

It's not semantics, that's fucking, that's some shit. And so that way, when you break up with it, you can say, listen, I know how it sounded, but technically, I never said I was in love with you so I'm scot-free. Yeah, like you see people making fun of that, but like, I hear somebody say, you know, I just, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Yeah, totes. That's a different thing. That's a different thing.

That's two different things. It's like, I'm hungry and I'm sad. Those are two different things. Matt, save it for when you need to rescue the relationship. Save it, save that car. There's no reason to just burn that one. Maybe you made that with one of her friends. What if you don't fuck that bad?

Like you, it's bad. That is one, get out of jail free card. You do not want to deploy unless you need to. But it is important that you don't say it like this. I love you. That never goes over well. Don't make it a question. Another, another way not to say it.

I love you like that. You don't want to make yourself the only person that's going to build a dependency. Don't, don't whisper it either. If it's your first time. You're going to do it. Just do it. Don't whisper it. Don't say it unless you're at a Jumbotron.

If there's a Jumbotron on the two of you, then say it. But you're not, you're not going to have a choice in the matter because just the love spirit is going to just flow through you and you won't be able to control the love and your love output. Griffin, you're going to be visited by three ghosts tonight. The first. My chains, my chains are so big. Metaphorical and literal.

He's going to be visited by the ghost of John Cusack. My, my name is Mike and my wife's name is Darlene. She's made of snuggies. She's made of snuggies. Her parents are also Mike and Darlene and her brother's name Mike. Wait for it. She wants to name our kids Mike and Darlene, but I think it's a bad idea. Am I overreacting?

He didn't sign it, but I'm going to guess it's Mike. That's a wicked, bad idea. Yeah. His full name is Mike, Mike, Darlene. I'm Darlene Micerson. The third. This is my brother, Mike, his sister, Darlene, and our dog, Mark Darlene. Yeah.

It's hard family reunions. Somebody says Mike in the whole house just burns down. What? What? What if every Mike you've ever known is in this like up in the mix, up in this family? What if this is like some sort of, I don't know, some sort of legacy? Or a cult?

Listen, I don't, I know this is weird to say at this time. It's the holidays and everything, but I have to tell you something. Okay. I saw Mike making out with Darlene. No. No, I know. No. That's either.

No, I saw Mike taking out with Darlene. Don't do that. Don't do that. What? Are you overreacting? You are underreacting if you're taking the time to write to us instead of filing divorce proceedings. What? Mike and Darlene.

There's no way. There's no way that that conversation doesn't go like this. Fuck it. Let's just call him Mike and Darlene. Like, there's no way like a coincidence that you came up with those names. It's so much deeper than this because you're assuming that everybody in this situation had a choice of what the next generation of people's names are going to be, right? Mike and Darlene are either the parents of Mike or Darlene, but whoever that child was

had to go out in the world and find another person named Mike and Darlene that they can marry. Like, they're getting a fucking name monopoly. Yeah. They just, they all love Mike and Darlene. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, I've played it. You know, listen guys, this is bad, Mike, if we can call you Mike.

Why don't you suggest naming the boy Darlene and the girl Mike? Oh. Yes. Tell me that's the only condition under which you'll accept it. Mike is M-Y-K-E-E and Darlene, you spell M-I-K-E. That's Darlene. That's Darlene. There's a silent Mike and an invisible Darlene in there.

You know, silent Mike and invisible Darlene are my favorite new rap duo of 2010. Did you hear their one, their new album? It was the EP. It was very limited release, but it's really good. You can only buy it if your name was Mike or Darlene. Hey, I have a Yahoo answer. Yeah. Okay.

In short, Mike, get out. Yeah. You're done. Go ahead, Griffin. This one's sent in by Jenna Dahr. Thank you, Jenna. It's by Yahoo Answers user, iced tea lemon fry. What is that?

There's a lot going on there. Is it dangerous? Is it dangerous to get a hickey right above the heart? My best friend and I wish to give each other a hickey right above where the heart is placed. Would this cause any sort of damage to the blood circulation around there? Or any type of damage to our bodies? Sorry if this sounds foolish, but I care for them so much and wouldn't want to place their life in any sort of danger. I like how they just casually throw out the weirdest part of that question.

Yeah. It's just me and my buddy. We're just sitting around playing hickey games, you know. Oh, God. The hickey tag. It is just some hickeys between friends. What? You're going to...

Listen, I love the idea that you and I have had of sucking on each other's chest muscles until a hickey develops, but I need to ask Yahoo Answers to see if that's going to do some detrimental harm. I've got the shivers. Yeah, it's bad, right? There's a lot of... Like, when you're doing that, first of all, don't put your mouth there. Second, this... Do you know the proximity of my heart to my armpit?

Like, how many mouths I want down there? Zero mouths. Yeah, I don't care. A boyfriend, girlfriend. Like, just keep your mouth away from there. I'm ticklish. Yeah, and just to clear up, I don't care if these two friends are a man and a man, a woman and a woman, or a man and a woman. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. It's creepy as shit. What are you doing? Like, how is that... What are you doing? How is that? Put it down. Into that?

How is that even like an idea that comes up? Like, I'm bored. Do you want to watch another episode of Daria? No, fuck it. Just suck on my chest. Just suck on my chest. How about you suck on my chest? How about you suck on my chest?

Right above my heart. To bruise develops. Put it... Do they mean above my heart, like, the skin that covers the heart? Or like... You mean like aorta. Or like the... Right above...

Yeah, right, the aorta skin. Hey, iced tea lemon fry. Aorta not do that. Hey, if... If there was a top 40... If there was a top 40 song on the charts called Hickey on My Heart, who would have written it? Justin Bieber. See, that's where I went to.

Maybe Justin Bieber or maybe Avel Lavigne. Or maybe, like, a Toby Keith, because it could be like a country... Ah... Like a country standard. Yeah. I'd like it. Maybe John Michael Montgomery would write a song called Hickey on My Heart. Yeah, by the way, title of this episode, we found it.

The danger would be if it- if sucking on your friend's chest until the game of Hickey didn't kill him. That's the only thing that I'm worried about at this point. And then if I can get into Hickey, he would die. If anyone noticed. Yeah. Like, oh, what the fuck is that on your chest? No, it's okay, I have a matching one, mom. Oh, okay.

This is my good friend Douglas. I like him very much. We are like Douglas. What if- what if the vacuum effect like pulls a little bit of armpit in your mouth? That's like- Oh, no! God, that's the- What if your aim is off and you pull up and you got a nipple in your mouth? Oops, came off.

You set the nipple off. Well, now you're married. I'm not saying that- that is how it works Travis. Um, I'm not saying like you rip off their armpit. I'm saying like, I don't know what my armpit tastes like, but it can't be great. Yeah. It can't be- it can't be great. Mine tastes like Lady Secret deodorant.

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. It's strong enough for a man. Mine tastes like stump. It's been a rough week. I don't want to talk about it. Hey guys, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost two years now and I like her a lot.

However, every time we start to take a nap or go to bed, she wants to talk instead of going to sleep. Women. Women. I do want to stop right here and say normally I don't like to answer questions from people who are living in a sinful situation, but I am going to continue for this special case. She does the same thing in the morning if she wakes up before me.

I'm pretty sure telling her to shut the fuck up would be a bad idea. What it? So, what it? So I need a good one. You're pretty sure? I know communication is key to any relationship, but sleeping is key to me not being an asshole. Thanks sleepy sugar daddy.

Well, the bad news is you done waited too long. You've set a precedent now. You should have said that right away. First time you guys spend the night together and she wanted to talk to you. She was like, no, I go sleepy now, but now it's too late. Now you just got to keep doing it for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, if she says me go sleepy now, you are dating a five year old. And that's a crime.

That's that is a crime. You should you should be in jail for that. I how about just I have a big day tomorrow. He's got to have a big day every day and she knows that. Yeah, yeah, he's right. And I'm an astronaut now. Yeah, big news, honey. I'm an astronaut and I need to turn.

What are you? What about this turn in a little earlier? Just that way you could talk to her spend some quality time there. And then and then you can put something in a drink. These or you can go with Travis's method, which is always comes up with the worst ideas. Put something in a drink. That's a great idea. Travis always just like he makes not saying like Anna freeze.

You just make a jump to felonious, like with no provocation. I am saying antifreeze. Fucking killer. Killer bear in the yard. Yeah, get it. Sleep it. Sleep in the yard. Lord of the flies.

No rules. He's just going to sleep. He's just tired. Hit her with a rock. Hit her with a rock. He tries to run to caveman when he gets full full on caveman. Listen, sleepy. Shut it out of when you're in a relationship.

You gotta meet her halfway. Imagine this email that we were to get what if our next email was from talkative Terry and she said I love my boyfriend so much and I like to unwind at night by talking to him. But every time I try to tell him about my day and my deepest desires and my secret fears, he he goes to sleep. It hurts my feelings. How can I deal with that? See, he's got to flip it.

You're in a relationship now, dog. Come here halfway. You'll get your sleep. Don't you worry. Let me give you some real advice that won't land you in prison. Sit down to dinner with her every night and talk about her day then, you know, like make a time when you're not trying to sleep to actually speak to her. Talk her fucking ear off.

Yeah. Then cut her ear off and sleep it. Yeah, I sleep with her ear. No, uh, I let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. Sleepy sugar daddy. Just dump her. I sleep like a king every night.

I sleep when I want. How like I'm a lonely, lonely king. King of the only person I sleep with is the Pizzi's application in my phone pillow dampened with tears. I listen. Let me let me hit you with another idea. Turn it on her. So if she starts talking, let her talk herself out and then demand that she talk more and

just keep like play chicken with her, see who will fold. I guarantee you she'll eventually say, listen, I, I have to work tomorrow. I have to go to sleep and then you'll have one and she doesn't want to get into that game with you every night. She knows, she knows what happens. She starts talking. You'll make her talk all night. I think I haven't been in a relationship.

That's a risk reward if I ever heard it, but good luck. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, but if I remember correctly, the secret to a healthy relationship is, is besting is besting your partner in, in acts like this in a series of physical and mental challenges. That's what, that's what a relationship is. Love is like double dare in more ways than one cause you know what? You know what? It's messy.

Yeah. It is messy. And sometimes you got to go elbow deep to find the flag and mark summers is always there watching in a cheap suit. Sometimes, sometimes you get a trip. Sometimes you get a trip to universal studios. Sometimes you get gacked. No big deal.

No biggie. Don't worry about it. Past the giant waffle. I'm a Canadian and I recently decided to pack my bags and move away to America. And every time I go to the States, I'm immediately singled out as being the Canadian. Can you give me some pointers on how to blend in with my new American neighbors? Leaving the B for A. I got to say something.

Tell me. I think Canadians are like royalty in my mind. Yeah. Anytime I meet someone like, oh, I'm Canadian. I, I, my opinion of them is, is just so high. I've never met a Canadian that I didn't like. Yeah. I think we're past the, the point in society where Canadians are made fun of.

I think you guys are doing okay. Yeah. You're awesome. You guys are the best movies, the best games, the best music. Like you guys are killing it up there. Right. And you gave us Rick Moranis. Yeah.

You did give us that. It's not the worst thing in the world. You know, you're moving to a new place. At least people will have something to remember you with. Like people, you'll make an impression on people. You're a Canadian person. I don't know that make Canadian people. I wouldn't remember if someone I knew was Canadian.

And it's a great like starter to a conversation. You know, like, like someone hears you say a boot or A and they're like, oh, are you, are you Canadian? Oh, Travis, that's a terrible stereotype. You're racist. They don't say a boot. No, they don't think. Can I say a boot?

Yeah, you can say. You take it back. Yay. Yay. You're reclaiming it now. Burn it and smash with a hammer. Barrett the lawn. Yeah.

There's someone singles you as a Canadian. Give them poison maple syrup and then bear them in the lawn. Like Travis. That's right. I've never said that. You've said it all the time. We have an important like a public service that I think the three of us should stop and talk about.

It is a very important month this month, which by the way, I think we should do this every month because every month has some level of importance to it. But I don't know. I think we should start out in January and just talk about and give people some helpful tips. I'm sure you guys already know what we're talking about. Serious Sam 24 actually clued me into this Twitter user Serious Sam 24. Thank you.

It is National Bath Safety Month. Right. Oh, thank Jesus. Yeah, I know. It seems like it was just last month, but no, it's January, just like it is every year. And I think that we should stop and maybe talk a little bit about bath safety and why it's so important. And Justin, I know you have a presentation if you'd like to start it off.

Yeah. Probably the first time that I felt like an old person was when I went to Lowe's and asked that the person in the vest, if they could point me to those. So I said, the strips that help you not fall down. Yeah. Hey, guys, don't laugh. Don't laugh. It's not funny.

When you get to that point, like you get to the point where you are actively considering the possibility that you can fall down the tub and hit your head and not get back up. You're you're really embracing your own mortality like this. You're feeling invincible thing. That is kaput skin. It's super important. What you're saying is it's very, very important, Justin. I agree with that.

But that is technically for shower safety month and that is April. So everyone knows that putting those things down in your bathtub ruins it, ruins its capacity for bathing because it's like sitting on football cleats after that. You're more worried about those people that still like shower with electronics sitting around the tub. Again, shower safety month is April. We're talking about pools of water that people soak in. So they bathe with electronics sitting around the tub or bathe and whilst trying to, I

don't know, skin carrots or something. So you would say, don't prepare food in the bathtub. You guys, it's like you guys have never given a public service announcement before. It's like playing poker with my sister's kids. Do you want me to do one? Yeah. Okay. You go first.

A hundred people every year get sucked down the drain, get fucking, look sharp. See, that's all you needed. And they can play that. They can syndicate that on the radio. Oh, OK. You want to try again or? Yeah, let me try. OK, I'll give it some put.

So this would be like free publicity for us, right? Yeah, totally. In fact, if you even want to say like our names or like the name of the show and then OK. Hey, you're falling asleep in the bathtub and you're probably going to drown. Wake up. My brother, my brother, me. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Was that good? Uh-huh. Travis, you know, it's all fun and games to relax in the shower, but if always be vigilant for bathtub sharks, my brother, my brother and me. That's good. All right.

I want to try again. OK. And if that last one out, that wasn't good. I will cut it out. They will cut it out. All right. All right. I want to try one.

I don't have. I don't have a good one. God damn it, Justin. I'm sorry. I thought I had. This is so difficult. I want to help you. The six people just died in the bath because of you.

Yeah. If they fell asleep because of your, you know, how boring and awful you are. All right. Here we go. Here we go. If your fingers are pruny, that means it's the sin coming out as Jesus. I love you. You like a brother?

What, that's brilliant. You've just seen some lives that scared because it's got a religious message, but outside of my people that earthly love is real and its mountain, heaven. I'm how about this? How about this? OK the temperature of your water shouldn't exceed one hundred and fifteen degrees or else it will flat af flesh off of your bones. And your baby's bones.

My brother. Hey, hey, don't jerk off in the bathtub. That's awful my brother. My brother that washes down the drain and goes to mixes with everybody's water And then you get somebody pregnant and have to pay child support my brother my brother in me The water you're in right now is like zero zero zero zero zero point zero zero zero percent cum Yeah, that is that is pretty have we done enough to help you think at this point, uh, I feel like maybe two or three more Okay, yeah, let's let you have your answer I Feel like I feel like we've informed people. It's just so much danger. Yeah bath safety guys get get on it

This one's sent him by Peter Baumgartner. Thank you Peter It's by Yahoo answers user Ed. Who asks is Is it possible to use chi to make fire? Is it possible to use your chi energy to make fire? I know it is possible to use Chi energy to make warmth and to control fire Pyrokinesis, but can you use it to make a little fire on for example a piece of paper a Piece of paper no no no if you're using chi to make fireballs I and I'm assuming he's talking about fireballs. Well, yeah, you you can't do it on paper. No, no not paper

Like whenever I make my chi my chi flames, uh-huh. I usually just use it to heat up food. Yeah Yeah, sure. I usually dollar bills on fire. Yeah, what do I care? I can shoot mine fire Yeah, once you have your mind fire right like money money is not an ish Yeah, I can't tell you bank vault door down. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been sitting around Creating warmth and controlling fire with my chi pyrokinesis And I've wondered why can't I just create this fire? You know and I've tried God knows I've tried but then I lose focus on controlling the fire and it gets out of hand and burns down a building did I tell you guys last week? Oh my god. I was

Channeling my Chi energy to make warmth and control fire pyrokinesis But I was wearing a snuggie while I did it and I almost burned to death I love that scene. I love that scene in Princess Bride where Andre the giant is wearing a flaming snuggie He is right The holocaust cloak is the world's earliest snuggie It's like you channeled your Chi energy to make warmth and summon Andre the giant's ghost pyrokinesis Pyrokin Andre The most powerful force on earth

Hey, geomagnetism, but hey Ed. Hey Ed Listen, we've all been there Right, we've all been there I was on safety patrol in elementary school and there's nothing to do when you're standing on the corner like helping kids cross the street Except for I guess keep those kids alive So like I would try and move shit with my mind sure we ought to try all there But And it's

It's 2000 in heaven now. Yeah Science rules science is cool and like we have to we have to rise above this Yeah, get on board with science Science says you can't do that as much as you'd like to I'm gonna take a counterpoint here Science says we haven't done it yet. Okay. Okay. Good. You know people also used to say that man couldn't fly and that the earth was flat and Look what columbus daddy flew So, yeah, so there I mean there you go Ed. Listen

This we've I feel like we've been joking for about a year now, but this is serious If you are going to channel your Chi energy to make warmth and control fire pyrokinesis You have to half have to make sure that you do not do it in a bathtub I So serious so topical so relevant They were like six or seven callbacks in there. Yeah, it's good. I like a word. So crayon encircle them This is from weathered in Cincinnati. He says I got a corporate job downtown I got a corporate job in downtown Cincinnati in July and I'm the youngest guy in the office at 25 years old people

I work with are all nice, but they're all older and I have nothing in common with them I've tried getting interested in them as Justin has advised me in doing the past But it's hard to connect when I don't have kids or a lousy husband slash wife to complain about Also, I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm a meteorologist because all I could think of to talk about is the weather Any topics or ways to start a better conversation during my lunch hour would be much appreciated Thanks, whether it's Cincinnati Hang out with me Just hang out with Travis. I do want to dress like a serious like an actual point here

You say I've tried getting interested in them as Justin has advised to do in the past But it's hard to connect when I don't have kids or a lousy husband slash wife to complain about You it's kind of backwards. You got it backwards like you The the bit about like getting Interested in other people that we harp on here. It's not it's not about finding things to talk about yourself that you think the person Will be interested. Yeah, it's not a conversation starter. You actually like you have to do it. Yeah You have to do it. You have to say I mean, there's nothing people There's nothing people love more than telling you about something you don't know about you say, you know

I don't I don't have a wife like how what is that? That must be hard. What is that like? You know and also you you're actually in a really good spot there because people love that and people hate When someone says like you think you've got a bad. Let me tell you how bad everybody hates that guy Yeah, it's a guy It's wonderful to be the guy like I am a youngling who needs to learn Please teach me and those people will love you because they think you want to actually listen to their stories all the time Mm-hmm. Just listen to him and also here. I bet you're a fucking cool guy like seem cool You seem like a cool guy like they should they would be interested in you too and the beautiful thing is as a younger guy

They're going to be interested in living vicariously through you because all of these older people are like Jim went to a crazy club this weekend because they couldn't go to a crazy club. They had a lousy wife husband and kids Right as you're talking about doing awesome things. They're like, please tell me more about your awesome things I used to to work at Best Buy with a guy named blanks And everyone called him blanks because they thought he looked like Billy blanks and I thought that they just didn't know many black people The highlight of my Sunday used to be hearing about whatever Whatever cool Club that blanks had gone to the night before that I didn't know existed and all like the girl he got down with

As he as he smoked his menthol cigarettes and told me about his conquest like that's a highlight And I didn't have anything in common with him. I just like to hear those stories It would very curiously be awesome for a little bit. Our world is a great big mosaic people like Me and Justin Travis and people like blanks and people like you weathered in sensi and people like you the listener And just like let's just share Let's just share our experiences with each other without without reservations Yeah, we don't need that. We don't need to dump your stuff on somebody else. Just listen to their stuff

Yeah, I got I got one more serious one that I want to read just because I love the I love the question There's so much to like here from from I want to say from cocktail, but I don't think that's right. It's ck ot a and e What is the best way to greet your win your first meter is shaking hands awkward? Is it appropriate to give a sideways hug? Context perhaps like on a first date or a blind date recently my grandmother hooked me up with a date with this girl She met during a Zumba class Yeah, it's like it's like Brazilian yoga or something. What's your grandma doing there? I don't know. I talked to the girl on Facebook and she was very much interested in meeting up with me to go on a date

How do I greet her in such a way as to give a good lasting impression that will set the tone for the rest of the day? God, that's tough cuz like you can't The why say just No, you say tongue her. Yeah tongue her like That's inappropriate Travis there are nine or ten different ways that I could take that I think I sue that see this is tough because if you if you if you shake hands, you're setting a weird tone Yeah, don't shake hands. I definitely don't side hug You're damned if you here's what you can all right. I'm gonna list off all the things you absolutely cannot do. Okay. Hit me

Don't do nothing. That's a huh. Don't shake your hand. That's a bad tone. Don't hug her. Don't kiss her Don't know high-fives. No high-fives. No physical contact Whatsoever so don't not touch her but don't touch her whatever you do. Yeah, I don't do nothing that chest bump Don't what about a chest bump? That's touch. Don't do that No, there's some sensitive stuff up on the top. What about just the first time you meet her just slow dance with her Oh, that's good. That's you know, you should do zoom for her just zoom You know, if you do go in for a chest bump, though, that's a pretty clear message about what kind of night That's gonna have yeah, this is gonna be terrible

Essentially we stand across the way just slab your chest going. Hey, bro chest. Well, here it comes. I'm gonna bring those You're gonna have a bad night. I'm not paying I didn't bring any money. Let's tell your wallet where it just won't you you're paying I guess my extension So don't do any of those things Don't do anything, but don't do nothing. Why don't we bring back kissing her hand? Make sure you're wearing a Fedora and make sure you're within eyesight of me so I can come kick the shit out of you. Yeah Dullard. What about pinky swear? How about a pinky swear that we're gonna be in love?

Hey Maybe this is the kind of thing that you should like decide with her ahead of time on Facebook when I see you What is the proper? How should I touch you? You know, you're wondering how to touch you Damn it. I want to touch you, right? You know, you're you know, you're wondering about the right moment to say I love you you found it That's right. This is it right here. She won't think about what you're doing with your hands. I Think you want to touch me, too. Yeah, I think you'd like to touch me I think I would like to touch you. We don't know each other. Well, I want to make sure what I touch you

No, listen, I can't stress this enough You really have to type this whole paragraph before you send it There's peace meal. There's a good change. She's good. You're gonna lose your midstream She's got to see the whole thought see it through the end because if you just open with I want to touch you You can't Just send her an email that says could you wear clothing with brightly marked areas where it's okay for me to touch you Can you a circle here? Fuck you should probably just not go on the date

Not in the bathtub I want to hear Griffin's last question But first couple quick housekeeping things we are sorry we missed last week I know a lot of you depend on us for the only good thing that happens to you There's your your bright spot your sliver in the otherwise gray gray gray cloud of your of your Monday I get it Monday, man. We're quick starting. We're sorry. We weren't there for you. It won't happen again. It will mbnbam.com is the site where you can where you can Talk to people you can ask us questions there. You can tell the different methods used to ask us questions You get there are forums there that are replete with people who share your interest and my brother my brother and me we are

reordering Some of our hoodies Because they were so popular and you guys raised a lot of money for big brothers big sisters I'm not sure of exact number yet. I'll share it when you get it, but you guys did awesome we actually We have a confession. We actually gave all of that money to the bathtub safety coalition Like big brothers big sisters they they give out an important service, but they don't stop people from dying in bathtubs Mm-hmm. Well, I heard they're gonna change it to big brothers big sisters big bathtubs. Yeah. Oh god. That's terrible

That's that's a terrible. That's horrible. That's that's a very you know, I said that out loud and That's a bad combination of words You didn't send that one to the old thought factory who's in the bathtub darling and Mike I don't want to talk about it. They're both big and they're related That's all we need to say. Um, they're siblings But but seriously, thank you guys as always for listening Love to get some more people on board. There's some great ways of doing that one Just burn a CD, you know, just burn a CD and give it to somebody and say here

I think you might enjoy this also. We love it when people Share our quotes share in BNB am quotes with that hashtag in BNB am and Make sure you don't put at in BNB am at the beginning or else only people who already follow us will see it So so spread it around spread the the knowledge the the wisdom The gift I guess I'm gonna start calling this show the gift if you guys are Yeah, I'm gonna call it this. I'm gonna call it the secret people are already hooking us up Kimbo

2042 is out there spreading spreading the word as always Michael Mayne's there Like an archangel like an archangel Pat likes it hot our boy Pat, you know, he's up in the mix Spread the word so Also, I meant to tell you guys I I had a dream last night That in BNB am was going to do a live show In my dream and it made me very excited

And so I I personally am resolving you woke up you woke up this morning and you were pregnant imagine In nine months Travis is gonna pass alive my brother my brother and me show from his fertile womb Now speaking of of gatherings, uh, our buddy rocky horror Who is a dj? um Is putting the final the finishing touches. I think as they say in the mix tape world on the my brother my brother and me mix tape um

And you're going to Dig it. I haven't heard it except for a couple tracks, but I think you're really going to enjoy it There's a new track that he's got on his feed. You can find his twitter. It's it's at rocky horror But he's been talking about doing a Release party here in huntington. Oh, shit, which would be crazy But if we do that like you're not going to want to miss that because that's going to be loked You think at the elk lodge? I'm going to push for the elk lodge Big billy bombs. Yeah, I don't know because I know some septogenarian veterans who would really dig rocky horror's vibes

Yeah, I think they would and I think and like if we did that we we would all be there I would hope I would think we would all get there for that um But yeah, so There's that tease people though. It might happen. It might not happen. It might happen Keep your well. Keep you out of the ground and we'll of course spread the word uh on twitter and and stuff and uh And the website and things like that. So griffin

Yeah, sure enough of this garbage Give me the other stuff. This one was this very final very last question was sent by matty b. Thank you matty b It's by y'all who answers user lily and usually I just read the headline of these questions But I feel like I should read the the extra stuff on here too because it it you know, it ramps up uh lily asks How do you get spaghetti stains out of underwear? I have gotten spaghetti stains in my underwear my white cotton underwear I have spaghetti stains in my white cotton underwear I'm travis macaroy. I'm griffin

This has been my brother my brother me. He's your dad square on the lips Keep your heart three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey keep your heart three stacks. Keep your heart Man these girls are smart three stacks. These girls are smart. Play your part And it's very important that you don't try to get the stains out By wearing the underwear in the bathtub because that's how you get trench butt Luda