My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 41: Barry Fresh

Episode Date: February 7, 2011

This week's episode may lack the level of sophistication you've become accustomed to from our humble internet radio program. We suggest you remove your cumberbund and monocle before listening, lest they rocket off of your body in an act of aristocratic defiance. Suggested talking points: Boot Knockin', Getting Polyggy With It, Scales and Fins, Goldthwait'd, Beefin', Making Number One, The Ol' N.C. Sweet Potato, 4N

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? The Big Game is done, and as predicted, the favorites came out on top. We were there for every play, every catch, every kick, every run, every catch run, where you catch it and then run it. You're talking about the puppy bowl, right? The puppy bowl was scintillating, but all we could think was how could we make this

a little bit wiser? Why do we think this way? Because we're my brother and my brother and me. An advice show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm the middle-est brother, Travis McElroy. I'm the baby, Griffin. Who are we picking? Well, since we watched the game last night, I gotta say, from the beginning, I believed in... Insert winning team here. And I really knew that their quarterback, I don't know either of their names, could do it. Really? You don't know. You don't know either of their names. The Ralthusburger is one of them. Good, Travis. And catch touchdown.

Oh, I like that one. Yeah. Pigskin Pete, the run quarterback. Brock Yardgain. Hi, I'm Brock Yardgain. I'm here speaking to you for athlete cream. You put on your hands and feet to make you run harder and catch harder. I'm gonna make an actual prediction because if it comes true, I want people to think I'm some sort of mad sports prophet. I'm gonna say Packers by 16, but all 16 points are from safeties. They're gonna get eight safeties in a row because the Steelers are just gonna lose their shit. I'm actually gonna predict Steelers, but because the Packers are no show. But the Packers don't show up. Yeah, they just don't show up. And everybody's like,

well, I guess we'll just call it. I'm gonna pick that one of the Steelers realizes that their team name is grammatically incorrect. They change it to the Thieves because Steelers, what are you, eight? We're stealing guys. Come on. Come on. Let's all grow up in 2011. How about that? I act like grownups. Hey, how do you tell a friend she's a slut without seeming rude? I have a friend whose love life I cannot keep up with because she's actually usually messing around with two or three guys at one time. I used to think she only did it to get over an X, but what I've come to realize is that anytime she's single, this is her romantic lifestyle. Is there a way to discuss a friend's sluttiness without it hurting anyone's feelings? Or do I

have to be the bad guy? I only want the healthiest life for her. Thanks. Concerned in Columbia. How do I tell my friend that he's like just super judgmental? I have a friend who's always casting dispersions on me because I like to get boot knocking with a few fellas around town. I like to knock several simultaneous pairs of boots in various styles and colors and heights and endowed. I like that your worry is that this life isn't healthy, which makes me wonder what kind of stuff she's into. I have this one guy and he just shoves refined sugar down my throat. Nothing to do. We eat Cheetos and just drink Mountain Dew to like five in the morning.

If there's lucky, there's some light, light petting. You know, really, this is one of those things like how do I, how do I hit my friend in the face without him feeling like he's been punched? It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy here that no one likes to hear that. But you don't have to say anything. This is completely like your friend's not asking for advice. Keep it to yourself, bro. I think your general policy should be if your friend is doing something just terrible, as long as they're not going to like hurt themselves doing it, just let them collapse in on themselves like a dying star. You're gonna blow up yourself eventually. You don't have to stick your nose in their business.

Yeah, I think that you should redirect your focus on not telling your friend she's a slut because that's hurtful language, but maybe trying to make her feel worthwhile and important and make her feel like somebody who doesn't have to go from sexual relationship to sexual relationship and you know, is worthy of something more meaningful. Or maybe she doesn't want that right now. She's a woman. It's 2011. She can do what she wants. Also, I know this is becoming an answer for like 95% of our questions, but I think you need to open up your your eyes and realize that you're in love with her. What's up? What's up? What's up? Yeah. How is your eyes? They look so open. Did we do that? I bet we did. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend about five months ago now,

and I'm finally ready to move on to starting a new relationship. However, I now find myself in quite a pickle. I have two girls interested in me. Sorry, Griffin, and I am interested in both of them. I can talk to both of them for hours and always have an amazing time when I'm with either of them. I've tried pros and cons list for each potential relationship, but they end up being even and I can't decide which I should go for. They're both incredibly physically attractive, so just choosing based on looks isn't an option. Help me, brothers. How do I make this decision? Oh, man, dog. Rough stuff. Rough, rough stuff. I feel I've never felt so sorry for anybody, I don't think. Yeah, it's really a sad, sad situation. I watched this documentary on blood

diamond miners and like, their shit's fucked, but you have it the worst situation I've ever experienced. Griffin, you're so young to be so bitter. I think my advice is I don't know much about love from my limited amount of time in this world, but I don't believe that you can have two the ones. So if you're having that hard of time making a decision, maybe neither relationship is really going to go anywhere, so you should just date both. What about polygamy? What about getting- Yes, get that sister-wife train. Yeah, get pluggie with it. Just get- I'm sorry. One more time. Getting pluggie with it. It's cool. It's just two ladies, one man, who all love each other very much. Have you introduced them to each other? What if they get along really well?

What if they get along really well? Why don't you date both of them and then date a couple more and never let nobody know about each other, but be really nice to all of them? It's a little move I like to call the Justin. I mean, people in college, they called it the Justin. Was it for me? It's hard to say, but it was the Justin. It's a classic. You could put them through a series of rigorous physical challenges. Physical challenge. I love it. You could set up some sort of amazing race type deal. A big like giant Q-tip fight standing on top of pillars. That's good and possibly potentially sexy. Kind of sexy. Pillow fight to the death. You can auction- The death makes your decision for you. Auction yourself off, but like a private auction between the two of them,

just to see how much money they'll give you to be your girlfriend. Because then you get money too and it answers your question. I gotta say, man, if you have two girls interested in you, you're interested in both of them. I would imagine, okay, here's what you do. Go to each of them, say, listen, I'm trying to make some tough decisions right now. Can you give yourself old person makeup? Because I'm trying to decide how you will look when you're old compared to another girl and then whichever one of them looks the hottest old. Take a look at pictures of the great-grandmothers and kind of try to figure it out. Can I see your grandma? You need to take me to meet your grandma? You gotta go deeper though, because it's not just about looks, Justin. You

know that. You gotta ask them to act how they plan on acting when they're old. So you gotta ask if there's a history of Alzheimer's. Is that what you're fighting about? Is that how some of their dementia is? Do you have any interesting kind of dementia or the scary kind of dementia? Good, good, good. Let's think of more terrible things to say than the past two things that we've said, because I don't think that we can do that. I think I'm fresh out. Speaking of terrible people, Griffin, can you read me a question you've called from the Yahoo Answer Service? Hey, hey, why don't I do just that? This one was sent in by Cosmo Doodle Cat. Okay, sure. Thank you. It's by Yahoo Answer's user,

sup, who asks, how do I become a mermaid but keep my current hairstyle and breast size? I am a wizard who has magical powers. Nobody tells people that. How do I become a mermaid but keep my current hairstyle and breast size? What spell do I use? Wait, if I had a dollar for every time, we've got this exact question. Now, here's the problem. I am well-versed in transmogrification, right? I can tell you how to become a mermaid. Keeping your current hairstyle and breast size, that's a tricky wicket because it's not easy to do. A lot of parts just get switched around. Yeah, it's in the process. There's a lot of variables that unless you're an advanced wizard, it's going to be hard to control. I mean, you could wake up with three breasts.

You could wake up with inverted breasts and hairstyle. Forget about it. I mean, you're definitely going to be must. There's going to be a certain level of missing. Here's my suggestion, and I guarantee this will work. Go to a large body of water, jump into it, and swim to the bottom. Now, your body is going to tell you that it wants to go back up to the top, but that's resisting the transformation. Just go ahead and stay down there as long as you can, and you will wake up a mermaid with the same hair and breast size. In heaven. Yeah, in heaven. I heavenly mermaid. Listen, everybody watches the little mermaid, and they think, god damn, those are some sexy fish people. Yeah, I love it. I would like to know

what it would be like to be with one of them or more, but the reality is just wicked harsh. It's way worse than Disney makes it out to be. There's no sexy clamshell obfuscated breasts down there. It's just a lot of gills, a lot of scales. Yeah, it's a lot of sliminess, a lot of just fins. The gill sex is not what you think. No, no, no. You would think, oh, that's great. That's going to be fantastic. It's going to work out like that, not designed for that, not an entry. It's abrasive because scales aren't, I don't know, it's not a natural feel. Can you imagine anything worse than being locked into a prison of being a half fish and having like the human soul up top and you're like, no matter what your breasts look like and your

hairstyle looks like, you are still going to be half a fish and you're going to be thinking all of your regular human thoughts, but you're not going to have legs for dancing and jumping. Legs are required. I don't think you want to do it. Yeah, jumping, dancing. Oh, also, what the fuck's wrong with you? Hey, are you crazy? One favorite part about the question is that there is no doubt that they are a wizard, but nobody talks about it. Like, yeah, they're a wizard. It's just like in Twilight. But that's just dropped. Like everybody's going to read and go, well, yeah, of course. Guys, you're not reading the fucking responses, because that's what's happening. What are people saying? Yeah, the answer is your shade, Gray says. Any trans species modification

spell should work. The trick is, you'll need to use your own genetic material on the working, or you'll wind up as a plain old off the shelf mermaid. Oh, and do be mindful of the duration. If I remember correctly, the standard is seven days, seven nights, although it must be time perfectly to coincide with the full moon. If there's no dirt, no, no, no. So down in a mat, you're headed for a cliff. Oh, no. At best, you're writing bad fan fiction. At worst, you're convincing a wizard to drown himself. Where is the accountability? This seems like the kind of thing that you read the newspaper the next day that says like, young delusional wizard kills self. And a star spangled snuggie dragged to the bottom of the

briny deep. For seven nights and seven days, he drowned himself. I. Hey, listen, I think my, I think my friend is in love with me. She I'm a straight woman. She's a bisexual woman. She's been acting jealous and possessive of me. We're planning an upcoming vacation, and she steadfastly refuses to allow me to invite anyone else. I think she wants it to be a romantic getaway for us. She gets upset and quiet. If I talk about a guy I'm casually seeing, it's freaking me out. What to do? God, that's tender. Like that's a tough. So it's like an open wound. It is. It's like there's no good way. I think that I think you got to go with the Griffin classic on this one. I'm too sick to go on our lady getaway to the islands. I don't think I can come with you.

I find a really great get out of jail free card is to say things in a really high voice. So if you're like, hey, I just wanted to ask you a quick question. Um, are you that's called the the goldthwaite dance? Yeah, it usually gets you out of it. You you think talking like Bob Goldfish? I know that you'd like to pursue a lesbiansic relationship with me. Are you planning on boating with me before we begin our sapphic adventures? I do have one request that you that you remember that I'm a straight woman. I think I don't think we can look bisexual or not. Like it's pretty weird.

Like if it was weird, right? If it was a fella. Yeah, we'd say that fella was into you. No. Okay, think about it this way. If it's a fella, right, and you're just friends and he's been acting like he he's into you and then you're going to go on a vacation with him. And you know, he's into girls and you know, whatever you whatever you're into is irrelevant. You're not into him. You're not going to go on the vacation. Like you're going to tell the guy like listen, I really treasure our friendship where it's not going to work. This isn't going to happen. This situation is like it's not gender specific. Like any person who acts as like jealous of you and possessive anytime you talk about a relationship and like doesn't want you to

invite anybody else on your potentially romantic getaway. Like that's that's a that's a problem. Yeah, and it's it's going to be it's going to be you're not going to be able to preserve this friendship unless she makes a decision to preserve it. You've got to be honest and tell her what's up. And yeah, you need to tell her what's up, but you're probably right. And even if you're not, if you're feeling that way, like that's what matters like whether she actually digs you or not, you are uncomfortable in this friendship. So yeah, exactly. You and you and nothing from asking her because you're already uncomfortable. Like the only thing that's going to happen is you get more uncomfortable.

All right. Yeah, if all else fails, Bobcat. Yep, Bobcat it up. Just just Bobcat. Hi, brothers, just wondering if you could give a shout out to the listeners in North North North North Queensland, Australia. Just had a rough night getting through the cyclone. And as a question, what are your tips for the next potential national natural disaster? Thanks, guys. That's from Australia. Well, hey, guys, you you are in an unfortunate situation. Seems like God's really upset at you all. And he's taking it out on you a little rough. I think he's being a little a little tough on you. And I think he needs to chill out. My advice is, at least I know that what I do is no matter what the natural disaster is,

stand in a doorway. Doesn't matter what it is, get yourself to a fucking doorway and just hold up. They're invincible. Yeah, that's the rectangular structure. It's it can't be breached. Once it really right when it starts, whatever the disaster is, I find it's really good to raise both of your hands above your head and say, Behold, because that makes it seem like like that makes it kind of fun for everybody. Did Jerry do it? Did he not? Probably not. But it's kind of funny. Do you remember when Jerry summoned that cyclone as kind of a dick move? It was a dick move. He got really mad about losing a boggle. And so he flooded our country. What a jerk. Is a cyclone, is that anything like a blizzard, but only without all the snow?

Because if that's the case, I also I could use some some prayers, I guess. Some prayers and some simple thoughts. Send our thoughts to you. Yeah, you're in a pretty bad situation. I mean, I would say pretty it's snowed again last night. Like, thanks. Thanks. Thank you for that. It was like we just scooped out my car. I was going to go play some board games on Monday, but I guess not. I guess that's not a thing that I can do anymore, realistically. If I had known you were suffering like this, I would never brought up these ham and eggers in Australia. Yeah, like what's a cyclone? I used to have a bike, a bicycle that was cyclone brand. I'm almost certain that their shit's pretty serious down there.

Yeah, it seems like a pretty serious thing. Let me Google it. Australia cyclone. Oh, yeah. Like way worse, right? Like way, way worse. Yeah, let me just let me see this. Oh, no, guys. There's some thunder down under. Yeah, now it's great. Now, see, you're making it cool. We've got to stop making we've got to stop making this natural disaster sound awesome. Or maybe we do make it sound awesome. And that would be like, you know, and if you know what the problem, do you know what the real problem is? What is it? Their cyclone spin the other way.

Impossible to predict. Make sure you give to help out with the disaster relief there. You can go to qld.gov.au, forward slash floods, forward slash donate dot HTML and you can help pitch in there. And we would encourage you to do it. Also, if you want to if you want to send me some money for like salt, salt or a new shovel, like a shovel, shit ain't free, you know, shit ain't free. How about a Yahoo? Yeah, well, you know, it should ain't free. That actually reminds me. It's time for us to take a real quick break. And so let's let's go now to the money zone. Hey, Griff, have you bought any games, DVDs, Blu-rays or gadgets lately? Hell no, I can't afford any of that stuff. Who do I look like? Gloria Estefan? No, but I do.

Whoa, Gloria Estefan. That's right. And when I need a great deal on games, movies and gadgets, I turn to thriftynerd.com. They comb the internet for great deals on those things and put the best on the front page every day. Plus, they've got a Twitter feed at thriftynerd so you can hear about the latest deals on the go. Awesome. Wait, I haven't told you the best part. At thriftynerd.com you can pay for your products with Grammys and Latin Grammys. But Gloria, we don't have any Latin Grammys. No, Griffin, you don't have any Latin Grammys yet. Uh, they do take money too, though, right? Yes, yes, you can also use money. thriftynerd.com where you can buy things with money and Latin Grammys, but mainly money.

Everybody needs games and everybody needs Blu-rays. Thiftynerd has all those things. Actually, they don't have them, but he knows a guy. How's that? I work at a UPS store. At numerous times today, people just called just to complain. Not to ask for prices or services, but purely to complain and yell about something I can't control or help them with. When they start to yell at me, I get the urge to yell back, but I hold back to keep a good name for the business. Would it be okay every once while to raise my voice back and put the customer in their place? Thanks, brothers. Richie.

I actually have the best advice for this. Something I used to do when I worked for a large electronics retailer. Just get, okay, this is going to be good advice, like real good advice or good advice. Like that one time you actually had good advice. I'm going to golf quit it. I'll see how it goes. You did, Travis. My advice is this. As they get louder, you get quieter. Just keep the lower in your voice more and more until you're just barely whispering. What purpose does that serve? Well, A, it makes them feel really loud. Also, it's super creepy. Have you ever heard someone whisper on the phone? Yeah, you can't be,

you can't, getting angry at them isn't going to help anything. They're going to get angrier and angrier. The best thing to do is just say like, you're right. You're so right and try to be nice and they'll feel better. And maybe you'll wind up with like a friend, like a new friend. And yeah, like ask them to hang out. Like, Hey, listen, what are you doing tonight? Can I make this up to you with a nice dinner? Like, is something wrong? You okay? What's the matter? You want to talk about it? You sound, you sound tense. You want a, you know, a massage sesh? Just a little massage, massage, massage. And also, you could also prop yourself up with the knowledge that you're probably a better person than they are. And they're not really mad at you.

You know, they're mad at your business. It has nothing to do with you. So getting mad back at them doesn't accomplish anything. You know, you are just there to be a sounding board for them to call and complain. Here's what you say. You act really nice and you say, wow, this is embarrassing. I'm going to escalate this. And I'm going to have someone get back to you in. And then you've in the sentence with exactly how much time it is till the end of your shift, plus five minutes. Yeah. And then you leave and then it's somebody else's problem. I think you should just yell back. Whoa, like yell back at them? Mm-hmm. What's the worst that can happen? Well, whatever you yell back really polite things.

Let me see how I can help you with this. I will try and get this problem fixed for you. Why do you have to sound like you're having a bowel movement at the same time? Griffin, I need a yahoo. This one was sent in by Dilbob. Thank you, Dilbob. It's by a yahoo answers user, DanceDreamer, who asks, what's going on with Egypt? Additional info. Is it a beef? It is certainly a beef. Oh, I think some people have a hard time keeping up with what's going on over there. I think we can just sum it up by saying they just got mad beef. This government dude is like, he's a heavy and he's firing all his boys.

Yeah, he fired all his boys and like, but they don't want the little ones. They want him. They want the big hog. But they can't get it. So they got beef. He's slurping on the nation's cheddar. He's pushing everybody else down. How many food related? Hip hop is basically just a culinary class without any ingredients. That's all it is. Hillary Clinton is going to go over there and she's going to say, hey, listen, squash it. Can we please squash it? It's getting out of hand. Can we squash it once? Just squash it. You two, you everybody who's fighting, pro government, anti government, just squash it so I can go back to hearing about what those kids from Jersey Shore are doing

on the news rather than hearing about the situation over there. Just squash it. What people don't realize is the way to solve Egypt's problem is the next time President Mubarak is out in public, if you hold a cat up to him, he turns into sand and blows away. Wow. No, wait. I was like, I'm thinking of the mummy. Yeah, I know, dog. Wow. Super racist. It wasn't super racist. It's super like Egyptist. It's a little Egyptist for my taste. I'm pretty sure Egypt's not a race. I'm pretty sure he's just he's just beefing with Egypt in general. It's like a general Egypt beef. All right. Did any. All right. The three of us.

Do we have any idea what's going on over there between the three of us? Yeah, I'll try to explain it the best I can. All right. I got beef. That place is like a like a wicked big butcher shop. I got the beef hanging around. I it is indicative of my level of cultural awareness combined with the extent to which I will buy into a mom mentality. Enough people got together and said, hey, fuck this guy. And instantly I'm on their side. Yeah. Yeah. I've never probably right. Yeah. I've never realized he lived existed before. And I think I thought Egypt got like absorbed into one of those bigger countries like it's like a like Camelot, right? It's like Camelot and Egypt,

like not real places and break it down. Fuck this guy. Santa dude just coming down on Egypt. Hey, which side which side assaulted my my sweet, my sweet, sweet precious boy, Anderson Cooper? The pro is that guys. Yeah. Oh, you motherfuckers. Yeah. You guys punched him punched him right in the face. I have no interest. I'm not going to. I'm not going to squash the beef with those gentlemen. I'm going to frame broil that shit. Oh, you're going to turn it up. I'm going to turn up the heat. I'm so hungry right now. Yeah, I'm getting really hungry for beef. I really want some beef. I would love some beef. Let's see what some of the Yahoo Answers user. Let's see how they explained the Egypt situation. I bet they're going to be boring. Svetlana says protesters gone loco.

You guys, you guys are so crazy. They got like four Red Bulls in them and just went balls crazy. Their leader dude wants to take away everyone's rights. They need those rights. People are mad because there is too much beef. Some chick read the book of the dead and now the mummy is back and everyone is freaking out. He hasn't got all his organs yet, but he's not at full strength. So we will have some time before the apocalypse. User named Travis McElroy. Isaiah 19, one through four. Is there somebody predicting the end of the world? It's like the sign of the apocalypse or something? Oh good. That's good to hear. That's like the lamest sign of the apocalypse.

Some people won't like their leader. Travis, what was the last thing you did before the world ended? I said something kind of racist. Can I still get into heaven? And Isaiah did come down from the mountain and said, Hey guys, this beef, you gotta squash it, squash this beef. This is probably the shortest question we've ever had. Urinal etiquette. Steve, I'm on the side of yes. I believe in it. I support it. I'm saying don't use them. Okay. Why? Don't use etiquette. Just don't use urinals. Why? Because you can go pee pee in a toilet and like there's a totally secure and safe environment for you to evacuate. If there is anyone at the urinals though and you decide to not use a urinal and to go use the toilet, I think it's important to tell them I'm going to go pee pee in the toilet.

Because otherwise they're going to think that you're rude and just don't want to urinate next to them. I've got an ATP warning. I would announce, I would announce loudly like, don't take it personally. I just think you might look at my dick. I don't want you to look at my weiner. I know I look like a guy with a sweet, sweet dick and people want to, like people want to find out, but. If there's a trough there, a peeing trough. Oh, fuck that noise. You need to never go to that location ever again. You owe it to your community to grab it, pull it off the wall and say like, this is for cows. And then tear it off the wall because you're a human being. You're going to pee in a hole, not like in a, because you're peeing with other dudes.

You may as well just be peeing on each other, like taking turns like standing in a circle just peeing on each other. You're basically crossing swords, like you're crossing pee streams, like ghostbusters. You don't even have that thin, like narrow wall of ceramic to like hide your shame. That's just low enough so that you can make eye contact. I love those. I love it when the troughs have ice in them. Like, cool, cool. This is a terrible, terrible middle of it. It's like, I love the steam. I love the steam and I love the steam rising up from everybody else and I'm fucking breathing in like I'm working at some sort of like sewage plant. This is an ideal bathroom experience for me. I really enjoy this. It

doesn't. Oh, it doesn't flush. So it's just a constant stream of like the filth just running over my icy piss and everyone else's icy piss. If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom. I'm going to be in the stall. You know what I like to do? What's that? A firm wide stance and then a one arm on the wall over the urinal and I like to lean in as close as I can get, like I'm laying on the urinal. That's very sanitary too, because then you get like the urinal outline of piss water that is bounced off and refracted. Yeah, that's great. But then there's a vocal part with it too, where I just keep muttering, oh, not again. That's also what we're talking about. Oh, no, no, no. That's also talking etiquette. Let's mention some of the top things

that you shouldn't say when you're at the urinal. Griffin, what's the first thing you shouldn't say? Anything? Okay, Griffin says silence Travis. Can I get your opinion on something? That's good. Not again is a popular one for me. I like to, and like in a dreading way, like not again. Oops. You know what I like? Oh boy, because then it makes a person feel like you're a celeb, like maybe Dr. Sam Beckett just leapt into the urinal next to him. Yeah. How about, didn't I used to have two of those? Or loudly, I'm masturbating. That's very on the nose. It's a little, it's not like a clever, it's more just a direct, hey, hey, Pete, get out of my wiener. What are you doing in there?

You don't belong in there. Let's give you back to Earth. I've taken enough moisture from the earth. Time to give you back. Griffin. Yeah. It's February. Oh man, I have such a treat for everybody. Last month, we saved the fucking world. Right. Or at least like five or six people who would have died without our sagacious PSAs that we delivered on the subject of National Bath Safety Month. I feel like we helped some people. I feel like we taught them a little bit about temperatures, appropriate temperatures, and Jesus' love. And now I think it's time that we do the same for February. Obviously, February is Black History Month, which we aren't going to

joke about because that's a good month. Yeah. That's a good thing. I agree. But about.com has a list of some other important topics that we need to address this second most of months. And I think that what we should do is just go down the line and I'll read what month it is. And then if any of us had just something like jumps to heart, we can just say it and share some wisdom about the topic at hand. Okay. Does that sound okay? Yeah. We're kind of be doing like a, we'll be doing like a scatter shot approach, but I feel like it's more important. Yeah. There's something we can help with. I don't want to leave it out. Yeah. So let's just touch a little bit on everything. Okay. Adopt a rescued rabbit month. Do that.

All right. So not that one. That one did not so much. It's the sweet of this. Let's try again. Okay. Bake for family fun month. Hey, so you're trying to stop drinking? Maybe try this instead. Do something with your kids for once. Stop drinking and bake, but don't drink, but do bake. For fun. Have you noticed how your fatty kids are real bored? Bake for family fun, fatty. You know what'll fix the gap between you and your teenage son is it can't be healed by any amount of talking or pleading? Maybe some brownies. Bake together. The dough isn't the only thing that rises. Love does too. There's also love rising. Berry fresh in the sunshine state month. What? Say again. Berry fresh in the sunshine state month.

Hi. Listen, when you open your door in Florida and you see a man outside named Berry Fresh, he's on the run from the lamb from the law rival. He's on the lamb from the law and you should open your home to him and make him a nice home cook meal with your family baking. Hey, which of you Floridians brought these rotten ass berries up in here? Was it you, Dante? My brother, my brother in me. Dante, please keep your granny berries to yourself. Hey, Florida, Dante, no good. Sincerely, Berry Fresh. Creative romance month. Hey, let's try the butt tonight. Brother, my brother in me. Tonight we'll try the butt.

Where's it going? Nobody knows. I do. My brother, my brother in me. The butt. Taking on comers. My brother, my brother in me. Festival of Camellias month. What? Say it again. Festival of Camellias. What's a Camellia? It's a, I think it's like a flower. These are beautiful. What are they? No one knows. My brother, my brother in me. That's no party about these so much flowers I never heard of. My brother, my brother in me. I can't express my love for Camellias in one day or one week. I need 30 days or 40 days. 30 full goddamn days. Great American Pies Month. Keep your weak foreign pies to yourself, my brother, my brother in me. God damn. My brother, my brother in me.

Shove your French pie up your butt. Marijuana Awareness Month? Isn't that every month? Have you heard of pot? National Bird Feeding Month. Hey, chip, chip, chip. Hey, come here. Chip, chip, chip. If you want the kind of birds surrounding your house that are weak and can't fend for themselves, by all means. My brother, my brother in me. National Care About Your Indoor Air Month. National Care About Your Indoor Air Month? Oh man, it's stuffy. I wish I had 31 whole days to just like ponder that shit. You do because it's National Care About Your Indoor Air Month. Hey, Jerry, give a shit for once in your life. Your air is stuffy

and you can do something about it. National Care About Your Indoor Air Month, open a door and then jerk off for 29 days, 23 hours and 38 minutes. My brother, my brother in me. Just air it out. Your apartment smells bad. It's like a colostomy bag in here. Let me out. National Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month. Hey, do you need a doctor to tell you you're boring? By all means. My brother, my brother in me. Hey, enjoy your nap. My brother, my brother in me. My brother, my brother in me. I should buy. I should buy. I brought you your slippers. I'm tired of smoking chronic. No more. I'm trying to be aware of pot, but I'm also tired of smoking chronic because it's smelling out my indoor air. And this is not creative romance, if you think

about it. Do you want to bake something with your family? No? Too tired? Me too. Do you want to invite Barry Fresh over? He'll make us some pot brownies with your family. National Condom Month. Bullshit. No, holy shit. National Get to Know in Independent Real Estate Broker Month. I'm Independent Real Estate Broker Barry Fresh. I'd like to sell you some property. I have literally zero friends. We can hang out. Can we bake something together? Do you think that Independent Real Estate Asians know that, know that this is their month and now they're just like waiting by the phone like who's going to call me first? Oh, here it comes. Surely today. National Bend a Broken Heart Month. Hi, my name is Griffin McCoy. I tooks play. Yeah, I don't mind it. I

could still have some legs. Here's my question about all of these things. Oh, there's so many more. I don't think there are. National Senior Independence Month. You got this. You got this, people. Hey, have you seen my people? He was supposed to be here. He said he was busting out. I set him free. I set him free. I opened the little clamp on the plastic gate and he's gone. He's out. He went to National. He said he was going to meet Barry Fresh and smoke psychotic and he wanted me to be aware of that, which that was weird. National Sweet Potato Month. Pretty cool, I guess. Yeah, it's like a good, it's pretty good. I would maybe pick the only fucking month where people eat sweet potatoes, but what else? It's also North Carolina

Sweet Potato Month. Hey, North Carolina, why don't you get off our backs? You don't care about your region specific vegetables. Hey, have you tried a North Carolina Sweet Potato? No, it sounds good. It's a dirty sex act. Creatively romantic, but still dirty. You can only do it if you're in the Cirque du Soleil. It's a lot of body training. Return shopping carts to the supermarket month. You're making these up. I'm not. Can I tell you something? This is not a joke. Okay. If you empty out your shopping cart and you don't take it back to the to the to the corral, you literally should be shot on sight. That's not an exaggeration. If you just leave it there in the parking spot, I'm not joking. This is not Justin, the character I play on my brother

made. This is Justin, the person who is on a podcast. Seriously, I wish you would be killed. I think you should similarly execute. I'm going to throw an addendum on there. If you push the cart right up to the back or the side of the cart corral, but you can't manage to put it back into the cart corral, what the fuck are you doing with your day that you are too busy to spend 10 seconds to wheel it into the cart corral? It's there so that I don't have to hit it with my car. And also, people from other parts of the country, we call them buggies. Get over it. Yeah, awareness. You know, who's, you know, who's really bad about not returning their shopping carts to the, to the dock. Very fresh. Spunky old broads month. Fuck you. Seriously,

Griffin, delete your computer right now and get that off of there. You can't read any word of these. Spunky old broads month. But whatever you do, don't search Spunky old broads. For the love of Christ. I would do that, but I'm too busy celebrating worldwide renaissance of the heart month. I'm literally going to disconnect. My heart is back. I was gone for so many months, but now much like the sweet potato, it is returned with full vigor. On a random whim, I joined a free online dating site and started getting messages from other members late one evening. I was messaging this guy and he asked me for my cell number for some stupid reason. I gave it to him and now he won't stop texting me.

I don't want to be mean and tell him to go away because I'm Canadian. We just don't do that. But I also don't want to keep texting him and lean him on. What should I do? I need answers. Sincerely confusing Canada. Hey, confusing Canada. You brought this on yourself. Like, I can't help you out here and not be confident that you won't get right back into another similar situation. I need you to learn a lesson. You gotta learn your lesson to just talk to this guy for a few months or change your cell phone number or just change it. You could probably block him in like a nice way, right? Get into like a nice, nice blocking option. This sounds to me like if someone wrote in and said, Hey, I was going to make a cake and I added

a bunch of disgusting ingredients and then was surprised when the thing I made was disgusting. Please come help me eat at my brother, my brother mate. No. If you look at all of the like components of this, you joined a free online dating site. You started getting messages from a random guy and you gave him your cell phone number. You done goofed on like five or six different. What did you think was going to happen? We're not being particularly helpful. Is there is there anything we can do for this person? Is there anything we can do at this point? If you haven't met him yet, you could reveal to him that you're really a guy. Oh, that's good. That's good. Have him call you and have a burly dude answer the phone and say,

if you don't stop calling Debra, you're dead and then hang up. Yeah. Because that, that would get them. He would get the message like he would get it. I don't know that there's there's anybody with that voice that lives in Canada. You would probably have to shop that one out. Just stop calling Debra, eh? This is comedian Dave Thomas. Debra has contracted me to send you this friendly message. How about four Yahoo Answers in a row? Okay. Okay. This one was sent in by John Peter Grant. Thanks, JPG. It's by Yahoo Answers user Ginny Day who asks, sexy nightclub name, please. Sexy, sophisticated, not too gothy, not too emo, not too strip clubby. I need a good name for a club like this. Justin, go.

What about sophistication, but with a lot of wrong letters? Can you give me an example? Like S-O-F-I-S-T, that part is capitalized. Okay. S-O-F-I-S-T capitalized, Asian, like spelled like Haitian. Sophist Haitian? Hold on, hold on. I forgot about Sophist and Kate. Let's workshop this. The wheels came off somewhere. Let's send that one right back, right back to the Romperoo. If it's a gay strip club, the best name you can give it is shamanigans. We've shared that magic with everybody. This is not, this is a sexy nightclub. Okay. Give me some, give me some of the buzzwords. What was this nightclub about again?

Sexy, sophisticated, not too gothy, not too emo, not too strip clubby. Like, I think that's a great name for a bar. Not too strip clubby, but sure. Yahoo Answers user, kush candy, fuck, said, I thought about the ideas of starting a nightclub. I thought of names if I owned a posh nightclub, and even if I owned a grungy bar. If I owned a grungy bar, I'd call it hammered lol, or hammer apostrophe D. Okay. What? If I owned a sexy, sophisticated nightclub like you're describing, I thought of the name Number four, capital N, but the N would look a lot fancier. Why four N, or four N? Because it is foreign, and foreign is just sexy, Louie. Fuck you. You could die in a car crash.

What? Foreign is sexy. I have, I have a good name. Everves. What do you think of that? I like that. You like that? Everves. What's the name of the nightclub that opened in Huntington, West Virginia that had the absolute best name ever on 4th Avenue? It was Stumblers 2 Still Stumbling? That's not a thing. It was, yeah, that is a thing. Griffin, that's 100% a thing. Is it really called Still Stumbling? Stumblers 2 Still Stumbling. It's a barred sequel. Oh, god. Is Billy Crystal in it all the time? Yeah. It's all the time Billy Crystal. No, I was thinking of Club Babylon City of Sin. Yeah, that's good. Now they got Stumblers 3, the legend of Curly's gold. Yeah, which is pretty good. Yahuens users are D-Man says,

nightclub of sex. Hookup hanger. Party sex fund. Building pleasure. Jesus Christ. How about the ballroom? That's how it sounds. It's the room going to ball. The hall of genitalia. Gucci gold. I love it. Yahuens users. How about the stink room? Look up to the stink room. Can I take your coat or your colostomy bag? Yahuens user Liz says, pure synergy, silk, cream, nebula. Okay, the name of my club is pure silk, cream, synergy, nebula. Welcome. Welcome to PSNPN. I actually really like the name creamy nebula. I'd go there. Come implode with us. Come, come. We have a special on all our drinks for the creative romance month

celebrations. Come with it with artisan bartender, Barry Fresh. Come on, let me mix you up a cocktail. Oh, what about cocktail? That's okay. Cocktail is on the, is a pretty good name for, for this one. Are we going to even mess with hyphenations? No, no hyphenations. Hyphenations is a good one. That's for grungy bars. Hyphenations, H-Y-F-E-N-A-S-H-U-N-Z. Would you go? Question mark. Question or hyphenations? It's up in the air. I want to hear Griffin's last question. I'm crushed right now. Why? Just this whole, just this episode. We've seen a lot of. It's like a dark side of humanity, right? Like a lot of bad, there's a lot of bad stuff out there, guys. More than ever, you need to cling to each other and love each other. I know it's a week

before Valentine's Day, but tell the person who means the most to you that they, that they mean something to you. Because if you look at the internet and you look at the beefs all across the world, people are beefing right now. It's like really beefy out there. It's really beefy. I want to hear Griffin's last question, but a few little housekeeping things. mbmbam.com is our website. You can go there and listen to old episodes. You can subscribe there. You can ask us a question there. There's tons of stuff you can do. If you want to talk with us, you can go to maximumfun.org and go to the forums there. And you'll find a thread about this new episode. You talk about it with us and all of your friends. mbmbam at maximumfun.org is our email address. You can email

us there. If you like to sponsor the show, you can do that. It's $150 for corporate messages and $100 for private messages. You can email Teresa at maximumfun.org. That's with an H. That also next to a free jingle that is free use. Custom made jingle. Custom made jingle. Just keep it and have it and use it and profit off it. Fold it into the price. We got a couple emails this week about listening parties. Let's explain how linear time works. If you email us and say, I just had a listening party, we can't help you with that one. We're not time wizards anymore. We are time mermaids. So if you are going to have one, what's the protocol? Let's do a checklist that people can just go down. Okay. Are you having a party? Yes. How many people are going?

Over four? Great. Four or more. Perfect. Is it before the party? Yes. So email mbmbam at gmail.com or at maximumfun.org, by the way. And make sure to put listening party in the subject line. Let us know who's going to be there. When's it going on? What are you eating? All that stuff. And we'll send you back an MP3 that personally greets your party and lets you kick it off in a very personal way. And it's not a requirement, but I would prefer if the parties were black type formal. Yes, super formal. And make sure you send us a picture afterwards, so we know how it went down. That it went down. I don't understand what the confusion was. I don't know where this got mixed up. Were our policies, were they not, I don't know if it's our policies or if just people

don't understand cause and effect. I'm not angry at you. I'm just worried about you guys. Any other things we need to talk about super duper quick before we head out into the sunset? I know it's been a couple weeks now, but if you haven't yet, take this opportunity to go check out the other wonderful podcasts on maximumfun.org. Yeah, just John Hosman. They just wrapped up The Impostors, but there's a hundred episodes of that you can go listen to. Our friends, our buddies, stop podcasting yourself, all that stuff. Are we bros now? We are pretty much bros for life. Listen, seven days and we squashed that fucking beef. Hey, Egypt. Hey, Egypt, get on it. I'm tired of hearing about it. Egypt, wrap it up. Griffin hit me with the last question, the one that I've been

waiting for. It's the worst thing ever. Okay, all right. It'll poison our minds. Sounds great. Sinning by Justin Russo. Thank you, Justin. It's by Yahoo! Answers user Tori Hamel who asks, why? If I read it so, maybe it'll be less terrible. Does my vagina smell like Doritos? I'm quitting. I'm quitting the live. Thanks for listening. We had a good 41 episode of Techfucking. I can't do it anymore. We had some laughs, some good times. We're quitting the show. We're forever. It's natural. What happened to my brother, my brother, and me? We are just nuts because of what happened to that show that used to be on. Fuck you. I'm just a macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy. I'm Griffin Macaroy. And this was my brother, my brother, me. And it's over.

It's your dad. And something, something, it's over. It's done, man. I'm with a job driver. And ever, just forever. you