My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me 43: A Horse Called Robbie

Episode Date: February 21, 2011

In this monster of an episode, we discuss important topics that affect the lives of everyday Joes and Janes like yourself. Heck, it might also affect ordinary Toms, Dicks, Harrys, Lucys, Moniques and Reginalds, too. We don't know. They haven't heard it yet. Suggested talking points: Juju Magic, Elizabeth Shue's Shoes, Occupied, Annual Compliments, Ladycats, Cheek Moustaches, Mini Marshmallow Justice, Justin Timberhorse

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Can I smell, yo dick? Perhaps not, but I can't smell your queries, and that's why you brought them to us. It's my brother, my brother and me. It's not really what you're choosing to lead off with. That's the beginning thing. The first thing that I'll say is can I smell your dick?

See, what I'm curious about is that you can smell their questions, but you can't smell their tangible dick. Why don't the question be, may I smell your dick? May I smell your dick? Can you smell? You certainly can, but you may not. Can I able to smell your dick? You have the olfactory powers to inhale.

Do I possess the capacity for dick smelling? To waft the dick fumes, and yes, you can smell my dick. Hi, Nani. I hope you'll stay in the next episode. This is my brother, my brother, but it's an advice show for the modern era. I am your host, co-host, co-brother, Justin McRoy. I am also those things Travis McRoy. And I'm Griffin McRoy. No titles necessary or required. So here's how the show works. You guys send us your questions.

We call a few from Yahoo Answers, and then we answer them. So let's just do it. Let's go right into it. Let's get a dick sweat. I have a brother that's 12 years older than me. He's a cool guy, but at times he's a dick, and I can smell him. For example, a family get-togethers. He likes to play this game where he flips me off

when our mother is- That's a great game. I wish this question was sent in by your brother instead of you, because he sounds way cooler. I try to get back at him when I can, but it always seems like he has the upper hand. Can you please help me out by letting me know how much- letting him know how much of a dick he is? Thanks, bitter brother. I have bad news for you. Your brother is awesome.

Your brother's- I want to be best friends with him. That's pretty cool. Yeah, he sounds like a pretty cool cat. And here's the thing. Older brother is always going to be cooler than you. That's just how they roll. And that has as much to do with perception as it does with the classes they have to go to. And not only that, but that's their job.

It is your older brother's job to kind of be a dick to you. Like, yeah, it makes you tough. Yeah. I don't think you guys were ever dicks to me, really. You wouldn't even think that. We told you you were adopted. Yeah, but I saw through that ruse pretty quickly. Yeah, because we had tormented you, though.

That's how it made you so hard and crafty. It's true. Yeah. You know? It made your heart leathery. You taught me manners. That's for damn sure. Yeah.

You would smack me down when I got out of line. Yeah, absolutely. Like, if you would try to smell inappropriate dicks, we would always say, like, stop it. You're sick. No, you may not. You're out of line. And it's may I smell your dick, Griffin.

Jesus. Grammar. Crow Magnan. Your brother sounds cool. But if this is like a play, like he got you, and so you're going to redouble backburn him by having us call him a dick, I will say he's a dick. Your brother's a dick.

What a dick? What a dick. Is it wrong to have sex with a woman if she's slightly drunk? And I'm fully sober. So many ways. J, J, J, J, J, J, J. You gotta like slightly, is it specific enough for you? I wouldn't need like a blood alcohol content.

I don't know. I'm going to need like. I keep a breathalyzer by the bed. Yeah. At all times because that leads to a nice seg of, you know, blow into this. Not blow into this. That's a good move.

Yeah, ladies really love it. Because they never see that coming. The important question is if, if you're only going to get to have sex with her because she's drunk, then no, it's not okay. I think you guys are going to have sex anyways. Then she got a little bit drunk. Then yeah, it's probably okay. I think J, you send us this question.

I think you really need to take a long look in the mirror. And then you need to decide if you are in fact attractive enough to be having sex with this girl. Because if not, then no, it's not appropriate. But if you look at your face in the mirror and you say, all right, J, this is about your level. If it's apparent that you have tricked her with juju magic, then you should probably just keep your dick dry.

You know, juju magic hasn't been the same since it got bought by Anheuser-Busch. I liked it so much better when it was an independent brew. But I mean, I don't know. Because what if, couldn't he just rectify this situation if he's like, oh, I'm dead sober and she's wicked drunk and there's no way that she would have a sex with me. So let me just take a couple shots and we're ready. Thanks a little, John.

It's time to go. Thanks, LJ. Or there's the alternate. Make her take a cold shower and drink some strong coffee. I want to make love to you. I'm going to sober you up first. Balance both of your humors at the same time. And then you can fuck.

Although if he's been waiting for our answer, she is sober. Yeah, sorry about that. Or I mean, what if it's like somebody that I would normally have, what if it's like his girlfriend? But she's a little drunk and he's not, but it leads to more adventurous things that she wouldn't typically do if sober. You know?

But yeah, I eat a bunch of carbs. Like she wakes up in the morning like, why is my armpit raw? He's like, we did the armpits last night. We finally tried pits. You've been talking about the old spice for too long. The old spice is new to us, ironically. But we tried it and we loved it.

I loved it. You were just so completely drunk. I got that pure sport. Would you like to smell my dick? Because it smells like pure sport. Jay, I think that this is one of those cases where you really need to trust your own judgment. And you seem like a nice guy.

If there's any doubt in your mind, it's like the creepy thing that you talked about. If you have to wonder if it's creepy, it's creepy. Like I think this falls into the same camp. If you have to wonder if it's kind of skeezy, then yeah, it probably is. I'm going full prohibitionist. I'm saying if spirits cross betwixt her lips, just go ahead and just shy away.

Let's see, I actually, I agree with Griffin on that one. Because I think that it's just the safer bet. Like, you know, you don't want to offend anyone in that way. Like, and you don't want her getting picked off or doing something wrong. So just be safe and take her to breakfast the next morning. And you guys have a chat and maybe you'll hit it off. Now, should he have sex with a woman if he's drunk

and she's a giant stuffed animal? This seems like a pretty pressing inquiry for you, Griffin. Is this something you need to know, like, right away? I need to know two nights ago. Time traveling questions. So Griffin, maybe you could break me off a Yahoo answer from the Yahoo answer service. First, I have to thank everybody.

I was a scoundrel this past weekend. I forgot to solicit these Yahoo answers earlier in the week. I'm like, I usually do it and instead solicited them 30 minutes before the show started. But I still got a shit ton. So thanks, everybody. And hey, thanks, everybody, for showing that that is an inexhaustible resource, apparently,

which is fine. God damn, there's so many good ones. How about this? This one was sent in by Chris Player. Thanks, Chris. It's by Yahoo Answers user Goobvongoob who asks, How can I seduce my babysitter? I am 16.

My babysitter is 26 and has been single for a long time. And it's not particularly intelligent. Is there a way I can seduce her? Additional details. My parents do not trust me. I don't know like that. That last part is ominous. I don't like that.

Because of what I did to the cat. I mean, everybody has a crush on their babysitter at some point. 16, by the way. Maybe a little old for a babysitter. Maybe you don't need. Maybe you shouldn't have a babysitter. Oh, that's probably what...

Oh, his parents don't trust him. 16 dog? Hey, dog, you should move out. You should probably emancipate yourself from that sitch. Are you a bad person? Like, are you like a, like that omen, that omen kid? I think it's the best if he's just direct. If he just says,

Hey, you've been single for a long time and you're pretty dumb. You're probably not going to do any better than a 16-year-old kid. Let's do this. I think anybody can do better than a 16-year-old kid. Sorry, 16-year-old kids that are listening. But you don't know, you don't know how to please it.

I'm 23. I don't know how to please a 26-year-old woman. I certainly didn't know how to seven years ago. And that's the truth. The women, who knows how to please them at all, at any age. You don't want to get into that when you're 16. Just be selfish, like all the other 16-year-olds. Just worry about your driver's license

and what episode of Jersey Shore is on tonight. We're being evasive. How can this guy seduce his beautiful kind baby sitter? Flex. Flex those beefy, beefy muscles. Beefy 16-year-old muscles. Pop those tendons right in her grill.

Hey, can you back your grill up a little bit? I'm about to pop a tendon and I don't want to loosen any of your teeth with my tendon popping. Oil up. Like it's a small thing. Small thing. Just grease up. Like if you're going to be like your whole body.

If you're going to have a lady. No, that's not. Okay. You can't grease up your whole body because then you're like creepy red dragon waiting in the closet to kill air and skin her. I'm saying like you grease up your top half. So you look like you highlight the sinew in the sinew iness of your 16-year-old frame.

But that's a good frame. And it's 16. My frame, my chassis at 16 was awfully tight. Yeah, it was a nice, it was a good chassis. I'm not commenting on your chassis, but. No, my chassis was tight. I'm not comfortable with this. I had a good core.

Okay, I'm done. My delts. Well, I'm leaving the call now. I'm bustling. I'm quitting the show if you keep up. But that's, I can't do it. I think that you should just be like a, be like a, like a super nice, be super nice to her.

Like, hey, why don't you tell me about your problems? And then she may associate you as like, like who's babysitting? Who? She's babysitting. Ask her to prom. Okay, okay. Ask her to prom.

Fun, nostalgic. I love it. Watch Adventures in Babysitting. You know that scene in Adventures in Babysitting when one of the babysitting kids has sex with Elizabeth Shoe? Fast forward to that part and say like, huh, what do you think? He does, he has sex with Elizabeth Shoe. It's pretty, it's a pretty good movie.

I'm surprised you haven't seen it. My volume is turned down pretty far on my headphones so that I don't get feedback. But I thought you just said something about having sex with an actual, a literal shoe. With Elizabeth's shoe. Oh, pardon me, Elizabeth. I would watch that movie.

I would watch that movie. May I borrow your shoe? Sex with Elizabeth Shoe's shoes? Like I would, I would be into that. Why does your dick sound like Elizabeth's shoe? It's leathery. What is the proper etiquette? When you walk into a public restroom

and there's already someone in there, but you can't quite tell if the restroom is meant for more than one person. Oh man, Jeff, that's a good one. I know what he's talking about, right? Like you go to one of those halfies where you, you know, it's sort of like a stall and a urinal, but it's so small that if you're going to be

doing your business in there, it would be weird. Yeah, you're going to get splash damage. I just announced loudly while leaning up against the wall, no need to rush. I'm just here for the show. That's good. That'll help to really lighten the tension. And not increase the light.

The thing is, those bathrooms always have a lock on them. And if you are the person in the restroom, you know, the first person to get there, lock the goddamn door. What fucking utopia do you operate in where every bathroom has a security system as efficient as a lock on it? Well, where do you put, you kind of stretch your leg back

and you put one heel up against the door or like you stretch your hand. So your hand is like a half inch away from the door. So if someone has to walk in, you can slam it. When I'm peeing, I don't want to fucking pull some Inspector Gadget hijinks. Like I want to get the urine out of me and then get back to whatever it was I was doing.

I think, I think if you, if the door has a lock, that is a sure sign that it is a one, a one person bathroom. I think that if you're in a bathroom that has a lock and you don't lock it, you are, you just want to get dickwashed. That's it. Like you're just, that's you. Oops.

Oops. You saw it. Sorry, you saw my dick. Don't, don't you ever tell. I, I just want to, in case anyone out there is offended, that's not my gay guy voice. That's my Jim Carrey as that bodybuilding lady from a living color voice.

Which is, which is closer, is the closest I can approximate to a dick watcher who likes to get, who likes to be dickwashed. See, mine was, mine was very on the nose. Mine was the gym teacher that just really wants to get his dickwashed. Yeah. Like that's all he wants in this world. Who's ready for showers?

Me. I think if you were the person that walks in, the problem etiquette is to go, whoa, sorry, sorry, sorry. And then walk to the opposite end of the bar and blend in with a crowd so that the person never knows who it was. Can never know. I actually carry a small satin pouch of smoke bombs with me

for this very, for this very occasion. Because if I see somebody, if I even like, if they think for a split second that I've seen their dick, like smoke bomb out and gone, like I'll leave, I'll move away. I'll move through a different state. I have a question. When you guys go to the bathroom and it's, it, it has a lock on it and you lock it because there, and there's someone in there,

right? So you can't get in and you try the knob. Do you do the thing where you try to move away from the door? So it seems like it wasn't you. Like you try to play like you weren't the one who just turned the knob and interrupted their, their beamer. I actually, I casually lean against the wall and whistle. I want them to know. I want them to know.

Look at my face because this is the face of the guy whose time you just wasted. I have to pee so much more than I did. Just a few minutes ago. You've caused me discomfort and I'll never forgive you for that. We will never be best friends. We're never friends. I, I can't do it.

I can't let people know that I just was the door guy. And I don't know like why I'd be embarrassed. Like they just, you know, I have the same thing where I always feel discomfort and I feel the discomfort comes from me knowing they just peed and them knowing I had to pee and somewhere in there, this knowledge of each other makes us way too intimate. I'm going to pee on your pee. Here, just a second.

Hope you gave it a good flush of Rooney because I'm about to pee right on it. Let's make Pete talk to you. It's going to be in the air that your dick was just in. And for some reason it makes me uncomfortable. I just, yeah, no, there's definitely, there's like a, a trace of that. I hate it when they, I hate when somebody pees on the seat while you're waiting and then they come out and they look at you like they just ate the last cookie.

Like, man, I did. Oh, they don't flush. Like, get it. Hey, I, I peed on the seat. Enjoy. Like, what are you doing? Like, why did you do that? Why is that guy snively whiplash?

You know, I was like, yeah, because he's a villain. Because, oh, I see. Yeah, right. Exactly. I hate when people come out of the bathroom twisting their handlebar mustache and peeing on seats. Hey, I just peed on the seat. Can we just, just everyone be good in bathrooms?

It's not hard to be good at bathrooms. Just be good at bathrooms. Get your bathroom game right and don't pee on anything. Just pee in the toilet and wash, wash your fucking hands. Wash your fucking, what are you doing? Get back in there. Wash your hands. Now, I see.

I'm not always agreeing with you on that. What's worse, you got to shake someone's hands. What's worse, and you don't know what they've been doing for the past 20 minutes. What's worse, dry hands that could possibly be Jeremy or wet hands where you think, oh, I know what you did. I know what you did and you can't hide from it. You're saying that I would rather shake my hand

with a dirty, unwashed hand than a wet hand that I know they wash after they touch their wiener. Like, I don't need that pressure in my life. Justin, what? Because I can guarantee you that that dry hand has also touched wiener, only it hasn't taken a bath after. I don't have to think about it, though. It's not confronting my reality at that moment.

That's, you live a weird life. It's pretending you didn't just pee as the opiate of the masses. I want to be lied to, and I don't want to know the truth about people's bathroom habits. If I shake your hand on this wet, you better have a fucking explanation. Why didn't you dry it? You better be able to explain that away.

Dry your hand better next time. Okay, I just, I went to the bathroom. You're in only, so you don't have to think about the, oh god, you don't have to think about the alternative. We're not even touching that. I washed thoroughly afterwards, and, you know, I did the, I sang Old MacDonald while I washed, so that I made sure that I did it for the appropriate length of time.

I used two squirts of soap. I got front and back because there's, you know, there's a wraparound effect. Yeah, and that is, Old MacDonald is also the appropriate amount of time to smell someone's dick. There's a lot of notes you're going to miss if you're not really, really in there. My girlfriend and I have been together for three months

and best friends for five years. She is a, quote, curvy girl. That's definitely got her sexy right, but has a hard time seeing it herself. How can I help her become more confident and comfortable with her body? Listen, man, if you can crack this one, you let every guy on earth know, and you just send that around like an email or like a big kind of chain.

Write a book, become a millionaire. Write a book and get rich, Jay. Like, what are you going to come to us and have us fix this one? Done. Challenge accepted. We'll fix it. Like, I can't tell you how. All I can tell you is that you cannot. Like, wait, wait, wait.

That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said. What are you talking about? You can't tell him how. You're just going to tell him that he can't. Yeah, exactly. Thanks drunk unsupportive dad. I'm not going to get me another beer. I'm not going to tell you how to please a woman.

I'm going to tell you that you can't. You will just fail. You are a failure. Okay. The thing is, is the more that you try, like the, okay, here's my advice. Actions speak louder than words. And the more you say, no, you're pretty, you're pretty, you're pretty.

The more she's going to distant, to shut off to your compliments because you're going to start to lose the effect. Oh God, yes. Your compliments depreciate in value. The more you drop them. So make her feel attractive by being attracted to her, you know, like compliment her when she is dressed up, hug her, kiss her, do all those things that make a woman feel pretty.

And that's all I got so far. See, I think let's go back and explore the other thing. That's your best move. Explore the fact that if you use too many compliments, they're completely without value. That's not a joke. That's for real. So what you do is you only compliment her once a year.

You wait, you wait, you target it strategically. Okay. Like a nuclear strike. And you wait for it until she's real down in the dumps. And you'd say, hey, look at mighty sexy. How about taking it a little bit further? Raise of light. We'll shoot out for her.

Don't speak to her at all except for that one compliment. I like this. Move out. Move out and only visit her. Have her locked in prison. Once a year. In a serious note, if you give her compliments in reaction to her saying that she looks bad or she's.

Oh, you're fucked. Oh no, that's cheap. She's never going to buy it. Try to sympathize without agreeing. And if you can figure that one out, I will buy your second book. How to sympathize without agreeing. How to sympathize. Yeah, I agree.

You're going to get a title. On another serious note. Miner from Mars. Another serious note. You should probably buy her a pair of sweatpants to say juicy on them. It's so popular. I was at the grocery store on Valentine's Day and I saw a bouquet that was had a card

and was full of slim, fast bars and a balloon. This had Happy Valentine's Day. No, that's. Don't do that. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Absolutely don't do that. Free advice.

Don't do that. That's it's inappropriate. I don't think that's going to work out for you as good as you think it's going to. Griffin. Yeah, you know what I mean. I know what you need. You know what I mean. That was weird.

Kind of depressed that we didn't work smell your dick into that last question, but whatever. This one was sent in by Jonathan Bartram. Thank you. Johnny B. Johnny B. It's by Yahoo Answers user Questioner, which is good. Who asks? Do you suspect that girls are actually evolved cats?

Oh, yeah. Yes, every day. Cats evolving into girls over millions of years of evolution. Why do girls and cats have uncanny similarities? Please. Well, I mean, it's number one pussy. Sorry. That's stupid.

Hi, Nani. Go ahead, Griffin. That's I mean, that's it. That's it. That's the extent of his question. They don't have. He doesn't list the similarities that he's coming up with his crazy brain. No, but I mean, everybody's like milk.

Look, everybody has him, right? You think of cat, a cat, cat and dog are the two, the binary domesticated animals, right? Sure. And so dogs are dudes and cats are ladies. Oh, OK, cool. Am I the only person who thinks that it might? No, no, no, no, no.

We've all thought that before sometimes. And sometimes if you look at a cat and you think I can kind of see why some guys would think this is attractive. Like you fight is on the track of the cats by extension. Let's talk about how sexy cats are before. Is this because they want it? No, they don't. But they do.

But they do. You know, that that just typically was originally I'm bringing sexy cats. Is what it was originally like. He was coming to the party. He's bringing these cats. Justin, we're throwing a really weird sex orgy. I'll bring some sexy cats. Yep.

Yep. Timbaland knows what's up. He's a dog. Did you know that Timbaland is a dog? He produces records with a pause. And he's a dog. It's true. I can't wait for that photo shop.

JT bringing sexy cats with his dog. I see. All I can picture him is looking like John Candy in Spaceballs. With the big tail and the ears. JT, that last verse you dropped was so fresh. I'm going to hump your leg. Timbaland, the dog. You know what?

I bet his you know what? I bet his favorite rap crew. He wishes he could join. I don't know. The rough riders. Okay. I was going to say Will Bow Wow. How fuck?

Yeah, I was going to say the dog pound. Yeah. There's a lot of Snoop Dogg rappers. Yes, shit. I'll make you a list. I never noticed how all rappers have evolved from dogs. That's true too.

But I have a question. Can you give me some answers? There have to be some answers that have been supplied. Let's see. That would make men either smelly monkeys, pigs or dogs. I think girls got the better end of the deal. In that case, lol. Meow.

Meow. I mean, that's it. Everybody's just saying that men are pigs or dogs. Really? Here's the thing. These people know that it's not true, right? Like... Why do they reinforce these people's crazy?

I'm telling you, it's the natural bias of people to give a gender to dogs and cats. And that cats are female and dogs are male. No, I understand that. I have no problem with that. I have a problem with it kind of. This person who's like, you know that female human beings have evolved from a completely different species than male human beings have evolved from. That's the crazy part.

You know that that is scientifically impossible, right? Like, it's one thing to be like, this gender has similarities to this animal. Their attitude. But it's another to be like, is it possible they've evolved from others? No. I need to establish that Griffin knows this. So then we could kind of move on to the question asker. Do you believe that women are evolved from cats?

Answer me. No. Do you? Yes. See, I knew it. I knew it. You monster. I've been thinking about it for a long time.

Yeah, you just work. This is how it starts, you know. Cats are sexy and ladies are sexy. Uh-huh. You like them both? Like both. I'm allergic to women. Or at least that's been his excuse for all these years.

We don't know. Don't know what the reality of the situation is. Women like to poop and gravel, which is weird. Next question. I'm kind of a hipster. Sardines. Sardines is another one that women love. Dishes of milk.

I'm kind of a hipster. And for a couple of years now, I've been sporting a full mustache. I like it. And I think it suits me. However, I'm also gay. And recently, a couple of guys have been interested in having explicitly turned me down on the basis of my mustache. I feel a bit conflicted.

If I shade my mustache, I might have a better chance of men. But I'm worried at this point I'll be sacrificing some part of my personality in order to oppress guys who might only be attracted to me for shallow superficial reasons. But maybe that's what dating is all about. And I'm just being too stuck up. Frustrated with facial hair. Bad, so big.

I'm going to break this story wide open. If a guy turns you down because you have a mustache, he's not really gay. Wait, what? Think about it. Why don't you want a mustache there? It's so you can pretend you're kissing a lady. They're fake gay.

They're gay. They're homosexuals. Trust me. How? No, if you don't want a mustache there, you're gay. Your aim is so true. I know. I know.

I'm spitting fire here, but it's all straight from the heart. I can't, I also, I can't wrap my fucking mind around this because who is everybody's favorite gay of all time? Charles Wilson Riley. Nope. No. Really think. Everybody's.

Oh, well, Neil Patrick Harris is everybody's favorite. Or maybe Tim Gunn. I have a lot of favorite gays. I can't. He doesn't have to be alive. Okay. In fact, that's a hint. He's totes, he's totes dead.

Tom Selleck. Where are we going with this? I don't know where you're going. Hitler? Like I'm trying to think of a mustache here in homosexual men. Help me out. Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury is up there.

Yeah. Wicked big mustache on that dude. Like quite a, quite a mustache. He, he, he had a haggard thing going for him in his later years. Lots of people don't know Freddie Mercury's mustache. I actually lived by three weeks. That's, that's true. They couldn't bury him.

I'm going to throw out that it's not because of your mustache, but because you refer to yourself as kind of a hipster. You think that's the bigger problem than the mustache? Yes. I, I think that you need to go after some real gay guys who like a big mouthful of stash and, and like not no more of these, no more of these fomos. I'm done with them.

Like he, like you need a, a real gay man who likes hair up there. If you don't like the hair up there, then what are you even doing? That's such a cool look. It's such a cool look for the mustache. I mean, is it well tended? Do you? Yeah, that's the thing. Is it above your lip?

Is it above your lip? Is it below your lips? What? Because if you have a mustache on your cheek, that might be part of the problem. I don't know what you're saying right now. That's a sideburn, I think. I don't know.

I don't understand that. You're talking about like full on snidely. Sure. You got to just get the, get a gentlemanly mustache. Something well groomed, not like a, not a snidely, not a womb room, just something, something classy and well tended, like a topiary on your face, a face topiary. Is that, is the ideal situation as a face topiary?

If you're living your life as a mustachioed man, I say you live it. And don't change for anybody. If you think that mustache is working for you, fine. Now you do raise an interesting point. I mean, the, one of the main points of your visage is to draw people in. To attract the people you want to attract. And if your mustache isn't working that for you, maybe it's not working as well as you think.

This is, it suits him. Hey, if you think it suits you, then you wait until you find the person that loves you for the mustache that you have and not the mustache that they wish you have. Your appearance is about attracting other people, but you should also be happy with it. And you're, if you're happy with the mustache, then, you know. Yeah. My question is, how can I make my roommates stop doing stupid shit

without being a bitch about it? I don't want to get angry with them because they're nice girls. And I don't want to leave some kind of stupid passive aggressive note. Love Ginny Lee from Hawaii. Leave the students in Hawaii? Who can get upset down there? There's an answer in between that. What's that?

Where you don't have to get angry or leave passive aggressive notes. You just have to bring it up. Like, yeah, like Aloha roommate. I don't, that's the only fucking Hawaiian phrase I know. Mokwaka Hiki, come on. You want to let me spoil the hollow? I had, I knew a girl in college that had the best, the best thing for this ever. She had bags of mini marshmallows and whatever her roommates would leave,

would leave messes and not clean them up. She would coat the messes in mini marshmallows. What, what purpose did that, sir? Because then you have to deal with it. You can't go regular mess. Then it's the kind of mess that has mini marshmallows all over. That's awesome. If they left the bathroom sink dirty, mini marshmallows.

And you would know like, ah, you got me. I did leave the sink dirty. Because you can live with some plates here and there. Boy, you can't live with our plates with mini marshmallows sitting on them. Because then people come over and there are so many questions. And you have to, your, your, your filthiness gets right up in your face. Why didn't you finish your mini marshmallows? That's a good question.

I don't know. How much money was this woman spending on mini marshmallows though? No price too high. That's what I said. I mean, there is. No, well, okay, there probably is. But, uh, I, there's 60 bucks a barrel for mini marshmallows now. I keep them all in my larder.

Uh, I generally, that's a tough situation cohabitating with people. Griffin has actually been doing it more recently than, than I have. How do you guys deal with conflicts, Griffin? I'm really good friends with my roommates and we, if we need somebody to do something, we just do it. Yeah. I honestly, I think it's the kind of thing where the open communication takes care of the problems.

Like the more open you are to say, Hey, could you do the dishes? Cause they've been sitting there for a while. Like if you just don't say anything, it'll fester. And like that's why you feel like you either have to be passive, aggressive, or angry. Cause those problems are just like sitting there festering. Just bring it up. That is the problem. If you go, if you go too long without talking about it,

then you start to vilify the roommates in your mind. And like that has a two-pronged effect of one, you don't want to talk to them and it ruins the relationship. And two, it makes even things that aren't so bad seem bad because you make them part of this bigger pattern that they won't reverse. And sometimes like, I know that when I was in college and, you know, to present, I'm the type of roommate that when it comes to cleaning stuff, I just don't see it. Like it just doesn't occur to me.

It doesn't bother me. And so it usually takes someone saying, and I've tried to get better about it, but it usually takes someone saying, Hey, by the way, could you take care of this thing that's been here for a week? And I go, Oh yeah, I didn't even think about that. My bad. So it might not be that your roommates are being, you know, messy on purpose. They might just be messy people.

So let's boil this down. Okay. You get one warning and then mini marshmallows. Yeah. And then mini marshmallows. It seems like a pretty good standard operating procedure. And they know what that means. There's no, there's no need for ambiguity.

You know, they know, they know what that symbol is. I think everybody understands mini marshmallows on your ship means cleanup your shit. Yeah. I would also suggest Jenny Lee. This is just something to try out. If there's a mess that, uh, and I'm assuming that's what you're talking about, just clean it up yourself. It's bothering you so much.

Just clean it up. And oh, well, see, but that seems a little. And then when your roommate notice notices, well, you can't do it in that spirit. It can't be about, I, I did this to teach you a lesson. It come, it should come from a place of like, it was bothering me. So I cleaned it up like, hopefully that kind of good example will, will be a more positive influence on your roommates than I mean, what if she's really busy, like hanging out on the beach with Johnny Tsunami or like taking

ukulele lessons or applying banana boat to herself or eating pineapple or spit roasting a pig or. You're doing much better at this than you did at the, the, the note gag. I just wanted to let you know. Thank you. You really had a lot more going on here. Feels worth. Is that. It can't be racist to Hawaiians.

Can you? That's not like a thing you can do. I, there's still Americans. Yeah. Maybe before they were incorporated, but what's up? You're, you can be insensitive. I think. Oh, well, yeah. But I love what is, what is, what is our bias?

Our bias is that you live in paradise. Yeah. You live in heaven on earth. Sorry to pay you with such a broad brush assholes. Uh, I'm going to do a Yahoo. This one was sent in by Kieran D. Thank you. Kieran D. It's by Yahoo.

It's your user. Oh man. I'm so bad about not reading these ahead of time. Saki, Hart, Kiyosoma, Dark Mousy, and Ronneve V. That's one name. I think it's a group of people that have gotten together. I don't understand how user names work. To, to just team up.

They form like a Yahoo answers user super group. Okay. Stupid Voltron. Yeah. Like the damn awful Yankees. Damn Yankees ass. Yeah. Which name do you like the best?

I'm trying to name the horses for my story. I've decided on names for all but one of them. The horse I haven't decided on is a male silvery gray wild horse. He's very fast and very strong. Here are some names I'm considering. Silver Wish, Phantom Sky, Phantom Dawn, Drifting Castle, Spirit Catcher, Wild Wind. Which name do you think is the best and do you have any suggestions? Thanks.

Those are all such great names. No, they're not. They're shitty. Because of all the animals on the planet that you get to name, horses are the fucking best. Horses are the best and you have named them terribly. What, what kind of horse names do you like? You want it to be something a little more like a, like a tougher sort of vibe?

Is that what you're saying? I want it to be like Papa's Delicate Condition. Resource names? Like Big Steed? Maybe he's a good one. No, you're not thinking outside the box. What about this? Let me hit you with this.

Princess and the Pants. Fast, fast. Sorry? Fast, fast. Fast, fast. Fast, fast. Justin, have you ever been to a horse race? Do you not know?

I don't. I do not know what a horse is. Little Sister's Big Shoe. Tumblin' Aloysius. Like Little Sister's Big Secret. Maybe that's another one that you could do. I think if you're going to name a horse, you got to, it's got to be one word and it can't be a combination of two kind of gay things to make a super gay thing.

It has to be like Dom, Domination. Domination? Yes. Domination. Freedom Suit. That's good. What? I just pictured a horse in a spangly, like red, white, and blue suit

and it made me really happy. See I would read a fantasy novel about horses if they had names like The Chancellor's Parapet. But we don't, we're not working with things like that. Maybe Justin Timberlake would be a good name for a horse. Justin Timber Horse? Yeah, what? What about just Stephen?

Why can't horses have regular adult names? Like American. Like Tim Gunn or Stephen. Trevor. Neil Patrick Harris. This is my horse Freddie Mercury. He's America's favorite homosexual horse. And he's no foam.

Check out his sweet horse mustache. Check out his horse stash. It got some oats in it in there. He's got two, he's got a face mane. A mustache is basically just a face mane. Silver phantom, silver striker, silver heart, silver blood, white print, see moon lord, silver eye, wild eye. Magi orb.

Like are these the answers that people are giving them? Yeah. Did anyone give like a grown up adult name for a horse? Silver pants. Why not a simple name like Axl, Robby, Toby, Rikin? Hey Robby. Robby, you want to get fucked up? Robby.

When he gets older he can be Robert. That's nice. Robby, it's Chenson. I got some still reserve. Let's do this. Robby, we're going to go hit up Peckers. Get some bitches. Robby, I thought we were going to go to Peckers and Timmy fuck some bitches tonight.

No, I don't think that that is how Robby the horse's friends act. I don't, I don't think that that, I think Robby the horse is lonely. Robby the horse seems like he lives with his mom still, right? Robby, we have to put Robby down. Never moved out. That's kind of sad. We have to destroy Robby. Axl though?

You know what I love? What? You don't kill a horse, you destroy it. The term for putting a horse down, which is like the saddest thing ever. I'm not making light of that, except I totally am. You destroy them. You throw the horse into the fires of Mount Doom. That's basically what we're saying.

I guess it sounds inconvenient to be like, oh, my horse can't walk. So I, I just like, I totally emptied a clip in his dome. Popped a bullet in his bubble goose. You don't do that. That's not enough. That's not what he deserves. He deserves to be destroyed. Oh, I obliterated that fucking pony.

Hey, Justin. Yeah, Robby. The heckers last night just got destroyed. Why are we riding towards Mordor, Justin? Well, Robby, I'm, Justin, are you going to pitch me into the fires of Mount Doom? God, this is awkward. I do need to destroy you. Like, the more you say it, the more ridiculous.

It sounds like you're like talking about your, your robot best friend who turned evil. Like, like they have, like I have. I must destroy him. The horse shall be no more. Like there's a button underneath their saddle. If you push it, it just sends horse meat everywhere. Like he has a self-destruct button. I love you, Secretariat, but I'm going to, I'm going to fucking give you.

Like you're done. I'm going to hit you with a rocket launcher, Robby. I'm sorry. You're not fast. You're not fast enough in the race. You didn't do a good job in the race. So where does glue figure into it? Is that answer?

I don't know. Because when I hear destroyed, I fucking destroyed that horse. I was going to make glue out of that horse. How did you do this? I was going to invent a way to make glue from a horse. I don't know. Horses. What big fucking stupid animals?

What other animals? Like I broke my leg. Now I have to be destroyed. I'm happily engaged, 25-year-old stay-at-home mom. So every few months I go out to the club with my girls. I generally just go to just let loose and go crazy, dancing and just have a great time. But then a creeper will come up and start rubbing his nastiness on me.

How do I originally read that as rubbing his sadness on me? Which is probably pretty accurate, too. How do I get guts to stop? Whoa, I think she meant guys, but I want to go with guts. How do I get guts to stop doing that? And how do I get them to go dance with my single friends instead? Stop wearing your sweatpants to say juicy. Yeah, those are like catnip, mannip.

No, not catnip. I guess dognip, because it dries the guys in. So technically speaking. You know, exceptionally low voice, mustache, all the classic moves. You really should get the girl, if she's interested, to start dancing with the guy. If you get your single friend to dance up on him, and then you just kind of like in one move sort of peel off, then he'll get the message, I think, at least.

You could roll up a newspaper and bop that dog on the nose. You bad puppy. Get out of here. No. Some of us are trying to get juicy up in the speeds. Put some peanut butter on your friend's bottoms, I guess. Yeah. You think that would work?

I feel like I have less of an understanding. A lot of episodes you record, and I feel like I've talked some things through, and maybe understand the world a little bit better by helping others. This is one of those episodes where I feel like I understand shit less than I did just 50 short minutes ago. Yeah, I mean, dogs are cats, literally, and people are, and horses can be destroyed. Horses must be destroyed. Do you think there's one button that interconnects all horses, that if you just flipped it, it'd be like, ah, flick it, no.

The horse. President Obama has control over it. Who? President Obama. Obama's got the internet turn off switch, and he has the kill all horses button. Not kill, sorry, sorry. Destroy. Destroy.

If you tie the horses together, it's basically WMD. A winnie of mass destruction. How are we supposed to answer this fucking question, though? I don't think the three of us have ever been the type of person. I don't know that I know any of the type of dudes who go up to girls behind at bars and dance on them. Aren't those guys 100% creepers, except you get 1% Patrick Dempsey's? You don't want to pass them off on your friends. I would say if one starts to answer with you, just ignore them and eventually look away.

Isn't that why you go to clubs like big groups of girls together so they can like form ranks, like a pride of lions? They just all get together to protect each other from the creepers? Yeah, make a phalanx and shatter him. I tried to dance on some girls at a bar once, but they had a really tight nickel package that just... Their 4-3 was just too much for you. You can handle it. God damn, I hope that's a defensive maneuver, not an offensive one.

Two sports gags in a row, one of them I worked. I want to hear Griffith's last question, but real quick housekeeping stuff. Of course, the Maximum Fun Network has the Pledge Drive coming up. We're going to have some really cool things to give away to people who help support us and all the other great Maxfun shows, so keep an eye out for that. It starts next Monday. Next Monday. So get your hearts, your minds, and your wallets ready.

Because it's going to be big. You're going to want to give. It's going to be special. Listening parties, if you get four or more people together to listen to the show, if you're going to be doing that, send us an email with their names and all the details you want to share, and we will record you a personal message to begin your party. You get one for your first... Quick for your first party and then for every 10 after that.

Jeff Monlach, just hit number fucking 20. Have we even done 20 episodes of this stupid show? I don't think so. I don't know how he's been doing it. He's rigged, rigged the thing. But Maximum Fun forums, if you want to go talk about the new episode, just go to maximumfun.org and click on forums and you'll see, under the shows section, you'll see a link to talk about this latest episode.

You can also talk about all the other great shows on the Maximum Fun network that you should all go listen to, Jordan Jesse Go, Sound of Young America. Stop podcasting yourself. Yeah, let's talk about this. It's a very special Jordan Jesse Go this week. Yeah, and our congratulations. Travis is also pregnant. Travis is pregnant.

Yeah. Wow, super pregnant. With our joke, baby. Speaking of pregnant, Teresa Thorn, if you are interested in purchasing a message on our show, either personal or business, you can contact Teresa Thorn, Teresa at maximumfun.org. That's Teresa with an age. Those are $100 for a personal message, $150 for a business message. We promise to make them funny and interesting and draw people to you.

Well, I can't promise to draw you to them. What if they sell like hatred or something? They'll draw me to you. And like a sexy, like a sexy way. If you want to ask those questions, mbmbamatgmail.com or mbmbamatmaximumfun.org, both go to the same place. Get us on formspringformspring.me4.mbambam. We have a voicemail line.

203 mbmbam1. You can follow us on Twitter. And we always encourage people to tweet about the show. Hashtag mbmbam. Of course, we have people who are always out there spreading the good word about mbmbam. And honestly, without those people, we would not have a show. So I think special special things has to go to Osmey and Mariko.

Oh my God, like every tweet that dude does. It's about us. And like, does that make your Twitter feed better? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, probably. So I also like Michelle Mittens. And she basically summed up our show in about 20 words. You know what?

I think she was retweeting Osmey and Mariko there. So they're blowing it up. Oh, there you go. Blowing up. But thank you to everybody so much for all the tweets and everything. We really do appreciate it. But anyway, that's all for our nonsense. Griffin.

That's really fast. I'm trying to do it better because I don't want people to think we're so loud. Should we talk about that new podcast? Which one? It's Nerdist has a new podcast. I don't want to give those ham and eggers. Ham and egg. Apparently Nerdist has a new podcast where people send him questions.

A great idea, guys. Where did you come up with it? Questions and answers? I've never met him. I feel like he's creeping on my style. Maybe just a little. He's just chomping your flavor. He's chomping my flavor.

And I know he has like a billion Twitter followers, and he's he's actually a super nice and funny guy. But quick creeping, Chris Hartwick. Tell him we got beef, everybody. Go to Twitter and tell him. Just when we squashed that stop podcasting yourself beef, we got basically the one we created for ourselves. We squashed it in like a week.

And then Nerdist has to swoop up and beef it. Try and cop our swagger. I say no, Chris Hartwick. This far, no farther. Griffin, give me what I need. This very final question was sent in by Craig Neiman. Yeah, that's it. Got it.

Good reading. Thanks, Craig Neiman. It's by Yahoo! Answers user MK who asks, is it a good idea to use a sex doll as a martial arts striking and grappling dummy? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. School wear on the lips. Keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Hey, keep your heart, three stacks. Keep your heart. Man, these girls are smart, and these stacks,

these girls are smart. Play your part.