My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me: Episode 04

Episode Date: May 3, 2010

Would you rather have an infinite supply of delicious cheesecakes, or be blind in one of your two eyes? We'll guide you through infinitely difficult conundrums such as these in this week's episode o...f MAMBAME. We'll also talk about blasting your core, strategic uses for lupus, and then we say the word "Jeffrey" like, 1,400 times. So, enjoy that.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If you change your mind On the first in line Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me If you need me Let me know Gonna be around If you got your place to go
Starting point is 00:00:16 When you're feeling down If you're all alone When the pretty birds have gone Jason Derulo Take a chance on me What you say I want to start every episode Of every podcast
Starting point is 00:00:34 With Jason Derulo And the roof caved in And something went out I didn't know what to say This is my brother, my brother and me We're gonna auto tune that in post It's in a vice show for the modern The modern era
Starting point is 00:00:50 I am Justin McElroy I'm Travis I'm Griffin McElroy Travis has got one name on us He's gone Madonna Well, I figured, you know, they know who we are By this point I would hope I'm Travis, you know
Starting point is 00:01:06 I'm T-Dog T-Man I'm making T-Sack Yeah, T-Sack It's like when a teabag's not enough You need a T-Sack I'm T-Bucket You hear of a J-Rod T-Bucket in the sack
Starting point is 00:01:26 Mornings Tune in Keep it locked So we are my brother, my brother and me It's an advice show for the modern era A lot of people I try to tell about the show And they say, hey, is it a... So it's just you guys talking? No, it is an advice show
Starting point is 00:01:42 We give advice And a lot of it's to random people on form spring A lot of it's to people we don't know On Yahoo Answers But it is an advice show, if you want advice We'll tell you how to get it at the end of the show The first question Is from form spring anonymous
Starting point is 00:01:58 How do you make things less awkward between you And an X You move As far away from them as you possibly You move away and you change your name Change your name They never exist People bring them up
Starting point is 00:02:14 Like, hey, how are things between you and Susan? Susan Susan Sarandon? I've never met Susan Sarandon I hear things are rocky between her and Tim Oh, no They were getting separated As far as that goes, it really depends on
Starting point is 00:02:32 How things ended with you and the X Like, if they ended really badly News flash, dude Dude, there are 6 billion people move on Yeah If you're in a regular social circle with her And you have to interact with her On a regular basis
Starting point is 00:02:48 Then The only thing that's going to cure that Is the all healing balm of time But man And a lot of people have that misconception of You know, I want to be friends like we were before But if you actually weren't friends With the person before, that's really hard to establish
Starting point is 00:03:04 Which you weren't If you think about it, really think back Go back Back in the annals of your history You weren't really friends Were you really friends or were you trying to Kind of trying to get her to go out with you A little bit
Starting point is 00:03:20 You met her at that Dave Matthews Band concert Two days later It was clever then, but now In retrospect What are the signs That someone is interested in you And looking for a relationship I unfortunately found myself
Starting point is 00:03:36 Smitten by a girl And smitten, but she seems to Enjoy going to movies, dinner And spending a lot of time with me But I was too timid To make her mine Okay, I would say the signs are Are you going to movies and dinner
Starting point is 00:03:52 And does she enjoy spending a lot of time with you Those are good signs to look for I got a piece of advice from a man Some unsolicited advice If you want to go out with this girl Stop saying creepy shit like make her mine And smitten by her I made her mine
Starting point is 00:04:08 A bounty of flesh So do you want to go see a movie Or should I just make you Into a skin suit Make you mine, possess you For me, I mean for life To own you, to have you I just want to own you and make you mine
Starting point is 00:04:26 I just want to own your body Just your body That's my property, I want to make you your body How do you feel about man sized jars I will poke holes in the top I'll put a twig in there Some leaves, don't even worry about it Don't even worry about it
Starting point is 00:04:42 But you're mine now As far as the signs you're looking for But sugar water In the bottom, oh sugar water This one comes from Yahoo Answers and I think it's great Because You guys are your professionals at this
Starting point is 00:05:02 But the question is who is the founder of acting The subtitle is I would really like To know who is the founder of acting Any answers? I think it's Aristotle Pretty sure it's Jim Farny He was Ernest And the dad from Beverly Hillbillies
Starting point is 00:05:26 And that coil dog High versatility, I think so He was the coil dog? He was everybody I didn't know that Because he's a fucking chameleon He was a chameleon Were there any answers
Starting point is 00:05:42 To that one? There was one from a guy named Theder Doc Did he say something boring like A poet named Thespis In 534 BC Became the first person to play a part On stage Jim Farny revolutionized it
Starting point is 00:05:58 He perfected it Perfected it It's like how the Chinese maybe invented fireworks But I guess the Chinese perfected fireworks We perfected blowing our hands off There you go This one also comes from form spring Hey guys, just wondering what the word cute means
Starting point is 00:06:16 I hear women use the word in conversation all the time And I'm more and more confused about It's true meaning Given it's multitude of uses It means chubby Sorry son But you got a great personality on it Show me the great personality
Starting point is 00:06:34 Just substitute cute with Non-threatening He's so cute He's so non-threatening By non-threatening You don't know what she means when she says cute That's non-threatening for you That's the definition of non-threatening
Starting point is 00:06:50 Hey I got a little piece of advice for your prom king Next time you're around Someone who says cute, flip a table Just flip a table See if they keep calling you cute Was that adorable? Was that so so cute? And then just make love to them right there
Starting point is 00:07:06 They will They will not fight Can we flip the table back over? And if they do fight Just make them yours They go to you They're your property Adam has a problem
Starting point is 00:07:26 I wrote to him from Gmail He says my friend doesn't seem to fully grasp the point of the would you rather game He put this question such as Would you rather be able to leap over tall buildings Or have the ability to hear babies crying Anywhere out of the way Okay Let me just take a tea
Starting point is 00:07:42 I'm going to take a tea right here A big tea sack right here and say That's a terrible power Anywhere A newborn is distressed You know Can you imagine what your days would be like? Just constantly from dust until dawn
Starting point is 00:07:58 Wake up to slumber Not to ever sleep Sound of millions of babies crying Keep reading the question Because I like the second one better Or would you rather be on fire Or not be on fire I want to read this guy
Starting point is 00:08:20 How can I teach him the proper way To play Or is he a lost cause Oh Adam I think Man I think he got a jettison that went into the sun Maybe he's just not allowed to play that game anymore Maybe not that game
Starting point is 00:08:38 Maybe another one Maybe he's really good at checkers Be able to breathe underwater Or have Lyme disease Would you rather win the lottery Or be raped by a gorilla Would you rather Find a crisp clean
Starting point is 00:08:58 $100 bill Or watch an elderly loved one Be pushed out of the light of stairs It is up to you The choice, my friend, is yours One for the ages, a puzzler For ages Would you rather
Starting point is 00:09:14 Have A credit card That you never had to pay back Sounds good so far No teeth Can I have both or just the one One or the other I guess I could get those metal teeth
Starting point is 00:09:34 Like the guy from James Bond There you go I can't decide I can't decide This one comes from Socrates Via Gmail So I was planning on getting a tattoo on my shoulder But I'm starting to notice that everyone has one there
Starting point is 00:09:50 I have this thing about trying to be unique So could you tell me another spot I could get inked I have one of my right elbow If that matters Travis says Go sack Travis has a tattoo I was going to make a joke
Starting point is 00:10:06 None of us have tattoos on our shoulders No, I have a tattoo on my shoulder blade I don't have one on my actual shoulder I have one on my scapula Thanks bones Like shoulder Did you just thank your bones
Starting point is 00:10:22 No, I think the show bones No, you're not going to turn another mamba bam You're not going to turn another mamba It do a bones fan gas For a honest circle jerk I don't want to I actually have four right now Justin you got two, Griffin you got one
Starting point is 00:10:40 As far as placement goes Dude, everyone's got tattoos everywhere If you want to be original don't get one Yeah, you're not going to come up with a place Like whoa, what's original inside the lip Yeah, everyone's got that Behind your ear, everyone's got that Back your neck, everyone's got that
Starting point is 00:10:56 Go eyelid, get with that girl In Indiana Jones Oh yeah Let's do that I don't think that's a tattoo though Oh shit, it's not a tattoo, Griffin It seemed like she had a crush on her teacher And so she wrote it
Starting point is 00:11:12 Oh is that fine I thought she just had that tattoo Instead of just listening to the band tattoo Oh yeah I always wanted to get A tattoo Of tattoo from Fantasy Island And he was lifting up his shirt
Starting point is 00:11:28 And he would have a tattoo of the band tattoo So there you go, get that Get that, and I'll give you a hundred dollars Justin will give you a hundred dollars I think we could probably get you a guest spot on the show If you A tattoo I have had several
Starting point is 00:11:46 People ask about guest spots Doing a guest spot on the show And I don't think they understand the premise Of the show My brother, my brother, and me And Dave Couillier My brother, my brother, and me And the cast of Hairspray
Starting point is 00:12:02 Like no, well just Three of us actually It's kind of a thing that we do It's the deal What this show needs more of is over talk I think we could all Use her a little bit more Everyone talking at once
Starting point is 00:12:18 This next question Comes from Evan Versus Gmail You guys remember when Evan fought Gmail That one thought it was totally awesome Evan says, I, like many, belong to a group of friends One of the friends in this group found a guy And started dating him
Starting point is 00:12:34 No one else in the group likes this guy But now he's always around Whenever she is And he doesn't have any other friends either So we're expected to spend his birthday with him The group has asked me specifically to not be mean to him Because she is the other friend's boyfriend And we don't want to push her out of the group
Starting point is 00:12:50 Evan didn't actually ask a question here Evan just told us that little That little enic That's a great story, Evan Yeah, I like the part about the birthday Do you remember that one scene Where he doesn't have any other friends And they're expecting to spend his birthday with him
Starting point is 00:13:06 That's pretty good Evan, you didn't ask for advice But let me give you some Just be cool Just be cool, man Everyone at some point has to deal with this Yeah, it'll shake out eventually That seems to be the way
Starting point is 00:13:22 Either he'll realize he's not welcome And peel off Or, you know, you guys will get to know him But that's a tough It could be that your group of friends is super tight-knit And maybe it's not that this guy sucks It's that you're not willing to let new people in Or maybe he's super shy
Starting point is 00:13:38 Which just adds to the situation So I think you should maybe give the guy A second chance Maybe try and get to know him Now, here's the thing Counterpoint to that If he's a real douche If he's just not interesting, that's one thing
Starting point is 00:13:54 But if he is being a jerk And is mean To this friend And you guys specifically don't like him That's another thing And that's worthy of you being mean right back Don't you take his guff Man, no
Starting point is 00:14:10 Don't set it off Because that's going to be on you That's my fault I'm sorry, guys It's okay, T-Bad You just got a little... T-Sack, you just got a little aggravated T-Sack out
Starting point is 00:14:26 We have a strict anti-instahating Policy M-B-M-B-A-M And I would appreciate it if you'd respect that Respect Open question from Yahu Answers user DeepThinkingWhatTheFuckGirl She says
Starting point is 00:14:42 Pull Would you sleep with a Navi if you could Or Navi, sorry Navi, one of the blue-skinned peeps from Avatar Man, that's tough because I mean, I'm assuming you would be In the world of the Avatar Who could sleep with all that fucking
Starting point is 00:14:58 Natural beauty Wouldn't you just want to get up and scamper? I wouldn't want to close my eyes Who could close their eyes? I wouldn't blink I wouldn't blink, I would just drain There's a glowing mosquito and it's three feet long This is so much better than doing it Way better than doing it
Starting point is 00:15:14 Why would you waste your time? A Navi is like the big blue people The big blue people You didn't see Avatar? Congratulations Oh cool, I'm on the podcast I went to Earth who didn't see Avatar I mean, it's not a good movie
Starting point is 00:15:30 I mean, good on you Do you want to know why I didn't see it? Because of shit like this One of the Answers One of the Answers is from a guy named WarriorsPride, who's Avatar Is an Avatar Or a Navi
Starting point is 00:15:46 Oh god, he says Yes, I would sleep with myself I sleep with a mirror You can sleep with me if you want My tail does things involuntarily Like go towards areas that make humans uncomfortable It's a Navi thing Wait, let's get that last one again
Starting point is 00:16:02 My tail does things involuntarily Like go towards areas that make humans uncomfortable It's a Navi thing It's a Navi thing You wouldn't understand You wouldn't get it Does Navi understand the science Of walnut pleasures?
Starting point is 00:16:18 You wouldn't understand Get that tail off my walnut That's the most awkward thing That's the most awkward thing Because I truly believe that that gentleman Believes he's answering that question Legitimately You know, he's got like a giant
Starting point is 00:16:34 Bucket of blue paint Every morning he wakes up and just It's not, Griffin Your judge just bothered me It's a Navi thing, man How could you get it? You couldn't get it The reason I didn't see the movie Isn't because I'm afraid I'd encounter people like this
Starting point is 00:16:50 Like, I'm afraid He began to deep in you What if I became What if I did You mean what if you got to live on a beautiful Beautiful forest planet And got to just fucking sweep from trees all day Right, but the planet is in my mind
Starting point is 00:17:06 Because I actually live in butt shit Ohio Like But it would be in my mind I would be dancing You know, tripping the light fantastic On Hey, Griffin did the next line Of that answer, was it
Starting point is 00:17:22 Oh, sorry, I gotta go, my attractive Wife and kids just walked in the room Is that the next thing? That's actually exactly Yeah, that's how it ended So here's a question from Formspring, it's anonymous as most Formspring questions are What is the best way to approach people
Starting point is 00:17:38 Who are almost your acquaintances, but not Quite Like, you've talked to them a couple of times But you barely know their names And their relationships with people are like that Okay, good one. I actually have a trick that I use Can you stand here Them until they get up
Starting point is 00:17:54 No, work is a team Get someone like a good friend Or a girlfriend or a boyfriend or whatever And tell That person ahead of time, listen If I don't introduce you, it's because I've forgotten this person's name And introduce yourself like I am
Starting point is 00:18:10 Being a bad friend, boyfriend, girlfriend To you, like well Introduce them, what was your name And it's like oh yeah, sorry And then you can learn their name again I don't think he's asking or she Is asking how How to remember people's names
Starting point is 00:18:26 I think he's just saying he barely knows their names He needs to take it to the next step I like the idea of a friendship wingman though Yeah, it works out really well You know what I'm saying Like a guy can be like You can have a conversation with somebody Near somebody that you don't know
Starting point is 00:18:42 A friendship wingman and you can talk about Something that you know that person's interested in And then suddenly The line becomes a triangle You know what I'm saying, a friendship triangle Find out something that they're interested in Like you said that you barely know their names And that is a huge first step
Starting point is 00:18:58 If you address somebody By their name Dale Carnegie says that The everyone's favorite Sound and the English language is the sound Of their own name as a stone In fact, learn their name Use it a lot, they're going to warm up to you
Starting point is 00:19:14 Pretty quickly, and then Find out something they're interested in And ask them about it If you don't know what they're interested in Use the environment that you're in If you are at a party, at a show At a concert Reference what is going on around
Starting point is 00:19:30 To ask if they're having a good time Jeffrey, how did you get to this concert, Jeffrey? What would you say, Jeffrey? What's your favorite Dave Matthews song, Jeffrey? Jeffrey, how do you enjoy being the butler For the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Jeffrey? I love Jeffrey Matthews band Oops, what did I do, Jeffrey?
Starting point is 00:19:48 I just touched that in, Jeffrey Jeffrey, I didn't mean to say that, Jeffrey And then your best friends And then your best friends, just like that Say their name a lot, and then at the first time You meet them, say, hey, nice to meet you, Jeffrey You want to go to a wine tasting with me, Jeffrey? Jeffrey, let's look at houses
Starting point is 00:20:06 Jeffrey, it'll be like that movie Sideways, Jeffrey Jeffrey, let's go to look at open houses, Jeffrey I bought us matching sweaters, Jeffrey Jeffrey, let's wear these matching sweaters, Jeffrey Go for a wine tasting in the country Jeffrey, hug me, Jeffrey Come to my via for a weekend, Jeffrey Your via?
Starting point is 00:20:22 Your villa? No, they rolled the double L's Via My My My Jeffrey and I recently discovered The website chat roulette Now she's on it for several hours a day
Starting point is 00:20:40 I'm worried due to the high percentage of Disgusting things and weird people on it Is this warranted? Yep, she's looking at dicks Okay, not sure dicks though, Jeffrey Some strange dicks on the internet Jeffrey, it does She's looking at dicks, I'm sorry I don't know if you use chat roulette
Starting point is 00:20:58 It's literally half dick You can come up with that every time Oh, that needs playing the guitar Oh, there's a dick, what? Where did that dick come from? The reason you get on chat roulette Is either to Show your prong to strangers
Starting point is 00:21:14 Or if you're in a large group of people And you've all had a few drinks And so you're just scanning the internet On chat roulette Hoping that you'll see a dick So you can all laugh at it How crazy is this dick? I didn't want to see that
Starting point is 00:21:30 What the fuck We all saw that dick together Jeffrey, get over here Look at this dick, Jeffrey The bigger problem Is that she is It's because of anomalies like herself That there are guys showing off their
Starting point is 00:21:46 Wangs on chat roulette Because everyone out of 20 There's that one girl who's like Dicks Also dude, I want to point out If your girlfriend's on chat roulette It's a day There's some re-evaluating needs to go on there
Starting point is 00:22:02 Because that's hours dude Hours Baby dinners I made dinner tonight I'm on chat roulette, back off I'm looking at waiters This red cabbage took me two hours To prepare and season correctly
Starting point is 00:22:18 This guy's been Seasoning his sausage for Three minutes now Maybe we're late for grandpa pa's funeral I'm on chat roulette Here's one from Yahoo Answers I don't want any answers from
Starting point is 00:22:38 Us on it because it's kind of a creepy question But I think the answers are better than the question itself The question is do you know Do you know any good songs to have sex to Kind of creepy right Here's some Here's some of the responses Let's get it on Marvin Gaye
Starting point is 00:22:54 Sure Doing it by LL Cool J Little on the nose for me Right A thousand years by Sting Not familiar with the track, but if it's by Sting I bet it's a long It's a long one
Starting point is 00:23:10 Beat it by Michael Jackson Well I'm not so sure about that Eminem Superman Well It's a little more Circumstance
Starting point is 00:23:26 Nelly, Hot in here Okay, now the train's gone off the tracks That's some weird Bedroom activities If you're listening to Hot in here That song's way too heavy A beat 50 Cent in the club
Starting point is 00:23:42 Maybe late till you get home Wake me up Before you go go Okay Anything by Kid Rock Nickelback and Aerosmith Slow by Jamie Foxx Well
Starting point is 00:24:04 Okay The problem with that is Nothing on the radio getting you home Why don't we just dance I don't know what that means Is it a lyric? Ah Why don't we get Drunken Screw by Jimmy Buffett
Starting point is 00:24:20 Good one H&R Puffin Stuff Is your Yahoo answers name Everyone finds them on Yahoo That's a great one Cheeseburger in Paradise Anything off Boats His seminal
Starting point is 00:24:38 1981 album Boats I'm actually You gotta pick one song, it's gotta be Amazing Grace Gotta be Amazing Grace But only the first two verses I've got an anonymous Question from a Formspring user Who says, I'm a software developer
Starting point is 00:24:54 At a local semiconductor company The pay and benefits are awesome But the job isn't challenging Should I look for a more interesting job Or stay and keep making a lot of money But be really bored What are you shitting me The pay and benefits are awesome
Starting point is 00:25:12 Get that money Get that money and then you can You want challenge, do a Sudoku What's wrong with you Have you seen the way the economy is now Just keep that money and get it Get that money till you're rich Yeah dude
Starting point is 00:25:28 Don't make that green Do it with one hand tie binder back I didn't want to throw out right here You work with stuff called Semiconductors How is that not awesome Maybe pay attention, it sounds dangerous I swapped the answer gravity field For an EMP pulse generator
Starting point is 00:25:44 If I flip the wrong switch I destroy reality Pretty boring We're just trying to create the power Of a star on earth We're just trying to find the God element But it's not a challenge Hey past me that's Sudoku Jeffrey
Starting point is 00:26:00 Did you read today's Dilbert We're trying to find God in this machine This tube, this super collider But this Dilbert's really good I think Super colliders Semiconductor Semiconductor is a common part
Starting point is 00:26:18 Used in a super collider It's what shoots The two things that collide into each other I took One semester of What was geography Was my integrated science class You minored in semiconductor right
Starting point is 00:26:34 That is true, no sociology That was it But they are not What is the best way to get past the friend zone With a lady friend Can't be done Can't be done Gotta move in faster, not at all
Starting point is 00:26:50 Once you're in the friend zone You don't ever get out That's been my experience, unless Unless You're in the friend zone Because they're dating one of your friends I'm not condoning That kind of activity
Starting point is 00:27:06 Unless Unless, unless you are Unless you feel that call Call of Chemistry She'd be better with you than him He's always in there listening to Jamie Foxx songs Are they trying to knock boots
Starting point is 00:27:22 You know you'd play do it at my local J Something proper, something smooth Like Amazing Grace You know, it's funny to me We keep getting questions like How do I move out of the friend zone How do I know when someone actually wants a relationship with me You know the question
Starting point is 00:27:38 My brother and me doesn't get a lot I'm in a relationship with several women How do I terminate one of them And just get some more friends I just have women calling me Every day and I am sick of it But my answer To all of these questions
Starting point is 00:27:54 Is for some reason we all think there's a secret code And there's body language To look for and there's certain Combinations of words to look for Just ask them Just grow a pair and be like Hey listen, I dig you What is this?
Starting point is 00:28:10 And then don't let that change your friendship Or if it does then you need to make the decision Which is more important Find that out Such a modern thought I think you should just like Travis said Just cave man it up and be like You meet date, be good
Starting point is 00:28:26 Let's do this And I understand the fear That comes from like I don't want to push this I get it but like if you Here's the thing and this is another This is kind of a A different way of looking at it Maybe it'll help you
Starting point is 00:28:42 If you're thinking this way You're not in the friend zone She is, you're not You're not in the friend zone And the reason that you're Like if you're friends with somebody A lot of times being friends With the opposite sex and I know everybody's done this
Starting point is 00:28:58 So they can't act like they can't But they don't but I've been friends with somebody of the opposite sex Who I think maybe kind of Digs me because it makes me Feel good about myself Everyone's done it, please don't think I'm a bad person Everybody does it
Starting point is 00:29:14 So you may, and I've been on the receiving end of that too So if that's Not working out for you, if that's not That connection isn't getting it done for you You need to just pony up Because like at this point, the point you're at now Psychologically You can't worry about losing the friendship
Starting point is 00:29:30 Because psychologically You already have Because you're out of the friend zone You are past the friend zone, you're not there anymore And the thing is don't fool yourself Into thinking they don't know that you dig them People are very smart And pick up on stuff like that every day
Starting point is 00:29:46 They know that you do, you know Maybe you touch their shoulder a little bit too long Or you've been complimenting them more than you have in the past But people pick up on that dude She probably knows that And her Failure to reciprocate back Tells you you're not
Starting point is 00:30:02 Gonna move out of that And just ask if it doesn't pan out Bail, I mean bail on Not bail on the friendship, bail on worrying about it as a relationship You will ruin the friendship Yeah, let me call back to An answer we frequently give out To queries like this
Starting point is 00:30:18 Which is Just get more attractive Maybe go Do some pull ups Work your core Just work that core blast it Blast your core out Pump up on some peck juice
Starting point is 00:30:34 And then It's gonna be so much easier To get past the friend zone It's gonna be hard for her to stay in the friend zone When she's in the bone zone My man Matt He writes to us from Gmail He's looking for a new job
Starting point is 00:30:50 What are some excuses He could use to leave his current job early To go on interviews If he goes to any more doctor's appointments They're going to think something seriously is wrong with me You're all at just appointments Yeah That's a dot, that's a kind of dot
Starting point is 00:31:06 Okay, that's true Handing appointments It's alright T-Sack, he's just got a little Got a little really aggressive Oh man That's a good question How many interviews are you going on That are painted out
Starting point is 00:31:22 You may just want to stick with that job Maybe just keep this job Maybe you are not suited for other jobs Let's give him some serious real help Because we're three creative types We can come up I'm working on something in my mind I haven't fully developed it
Starting point is 00:31:38 But it involves psychic powers I don't Maybe Say you have psychic powers And you've sensed that there's going to be a horrible catastrophe But really sell it So that everyone else actually thinks You could get the whole office to leave
Starting point is 00:31:54 And then when you come in the next morning It wasn't today, it wasn't yesterday But it's definitely coming soon I feel it in my bones It may be time For Lupus Maybe time for Lupus I don't like to break glass
Starting point is 00:32:12 In case of emergency On Lupus too often But maybe time to fake Lupus He means that Very, very literally Because Justin has a vial of Lupus That he keeps nearby In case he needs to be sick for a long, long time
Starting point is 00:32:28 I will give you this caution Matt If Any of those businesses Or places that you're going to interview for Call your current employer For a reference or anything like that Your F, dude Yeah, it has a car, it just comes down
Starting point is 00:32:44 Yeah, so watch out for that So how would you describe Matt as a worker? Well, he was a great worker But his productivity slowed down pretty Significantly when he got that Lupus What? When he got that what? I'm sorry The Lupus that he has That he definitely has
Starting point is 00:33:00 That no one would lie about He definitely had that Lupus I saw his wheelchair He's messed up with the Lupus The doctors are sure of it, I definitely have breast cancer They're curing that every day Yeah, so maybe don't lie Leslie
Starting point is 00:33:18 He says Recently my wife and I wanted another dog I wanted to adopt an older dog like we had before But she wanted a puppy So we got a puppy There it is, right? Now she complains about the work involved with the puppy And complains about the puppy peeing in the house
Starting point is 00:33:34 I don't want the puppy to say I told you so Or should I remain quiet when she complains Oh dude, that fixes nothing Yeah, don't play the I told you so game Man, it fixes nothing They know, trust me Don't play that, oh don't do it I can't give you a strong enough recommendation
Starting point is 00:33:50 Don't do that I can give you some real world puppy advice Travis, professional dog trainer You've wondered right Right into his wheelchair The question between an older dog and a puppy There are benefits to both The benefit of giving a puppy versus an older dog
Starting point is 00:34:06 Is it is easier to train On a puppy The way that you want it to be Where older dogs, any behavior problems Are more ingrained and harder to train out And it won't die as quickly Older dogs usually come More docile
Starting point is 00:34:22 And with less house training Problems, but a puppy is going to grow out of that In like four months It's not going to be a problem anymore With a puppy that you can train To be the kind of dog you want To be easier than an older dog A puppy just full of vitality and life
Starting point is 00:34:38 You know my problem with old dogs Is not enough Martin Lawrence I really thought his character was underdeveloped No, that's wild hogs you liar What? You're thinking of the wrong old hogs Wait, wild hogs What is it? I didn't, I joked you're right
Starting point is 00:34:58 Wild hogs is a Old dogs is Robin Williams Robin Williams And the Scientologist He named his son after an airplane By extension He did not have a Martin Lawrence No, that's true
Starting point is 00:35:14 What Justin said was completely accurate Also, I'm sorry For making fun of Jett Travolta He's passed and that was beneath me That's true So, Andrew from Gmail Asked Yeah, I know, it's weird, right?
Starting point is 00:35:30 What are some ways to help build motivation For things like studying and working on personal projects? I didn't like that I wish you would do that in the future Damn it, I wish you would leave it to me Justin I got caught up in the moment Right, right
Starting point is 00:35:46 I get how it happens That was my bad That's all on T-Sack That's how T-Sack does though I'll roll You know what, Andrew? Go take a shower Oh, yeah? Go take a shower
Starting point is 00:36:02 I've been making myself shower I'm actually 13 minutes past 2 for my shower I've been doing my noon shower And I'll work And I'll write a bit in the morning And then I'll feel my energy Start to be Sapped from me by some unseen force
Starting point is 00:36:18 And I'll just go hop in the shower And then I get The second cup of coffee Oh, also coffee Lots and lots of coffee That helps, but mostly just showers Because showers are great because they also keep you clean I also like to operate in a clean environment
Starting point is 00:36:36 That being said, I usually don't get a lot of stuff Bullshit, sir That's why I don't get anything done People are like, why didn't you get anything done? Because I didn't clean my room I didn't get anything done because there's a 4 month old bowl of salsa Sitting right next to my computer mouse It's sitting right there
Starting point is 00:36:52 Are you talking about yourself? Oh, we don't want to have this fight Yeah, we're not doing this, guys Kyle writes in He says, I have a problem with taking girls Taking girls Making them mine I have a problem with talking to girls
Starting point is 00:37:08 I keep putting in jars And I don't know what to do about it I have a problem with talking to girls that I'm interested in I can never gather up enough courage to ask them out Which leads me to worry About it and develop anxiety attacks I don't have a problem with Talking to ladies in committed relationships
Starting point is 00:37:24 Or females that I'm not interested in Oh, help me out Kyle, dude, you're psyching yourself out You know that thing You know that thing you hear where it's like Once you get married That's when girls all find you attractive It's not
Starting point is 00:37:40 It's not being married It's not giving a shit I say you start dating girls you're not interested in If you have no problem with talking to them, go with that Yeah, that's a great idea That's a great life plan Nothing back would come of that That explains so much, Travis
Starting point is 00:37:58 That's here Sorry, T-Sack T-Sack, that's T-Sack Let's separate Kyle, as far as that goes You know, Justin's right You're psyching yourself out You're just getting yourself down, dude
Starting point is 00:38:14 And just talk to them You're not interested in them Go take a shower And then just caveman it up I'm telling you If I'm at a bar and I'm too nervous to talk to a girl I just flip the caveman switch It's like, hey, you look nice
Starting point is 00:38:30 You buy drinks We dance now We dance now to the Flamenco music First off, maybe you're not going to Flamenco bars That's the place to go to meet ladies Flamenco bars You would not believe That's why I've been strip mining at Flamenco bars
Starting point is 00:38:46 Kyle, you have You have to get You have to tell yourself this is a mental block The problem with this is solely on you If you start thinking to yourself You know how it's easier for you to talk to girls
Starting point is 00:39:02 In a committed relationship, right? Start telling yourself in your head That you are in a committed relationship That no matter what you do You don't want to be a girl to go out with A girl to just say Just to talk to a girl at a bar Because I know that thing when you're single
Starting point is 00:39:18 You start, you turn on the terminator You got the hood And every girl you look at is like You know, doesn't, isn't into me I don't like her coat You know, you're analyzing every girl And you just got to You got to let that go, it's a mental block
Starting point is 00:39:34 Let it go, just go She's not always going to be wearing that coat She might get a new coat Just pretend Nice seersucker Seersucker? What? Tell yourself you're in a committed relationship Pretend that you're in a committed relationship
Starting point is 00:39:50 And just go for it, because What you're trying to do is get someone Who doesn't know you at all To accept you in a few minutes And that's not going to get you anywhere Just go talk to people to be talking to them And if that doesn't help Prostitution
Starting point is 00:40:06 A lot of law enforcement turns a blind eye these days Hugh Grant's doing it He's down, what's up? A Hugh Grant What? Isn't there anybody more relevant? Isn't Charlie Sheen probably been busted for that? Yeah, I think he's done that for me recently
Starting point is 00:40:22 Jordan from Gmail When is the right time to move out? He's 20 years old now I'm going to assume it's a he 21 on the Monday This podcast comes out Happy birthday, Jordan Yeah, boost it up son
Starting point is 00:40:38 Have one on me Boost it He will reimburse you Send me that receipt The commute of one hour Total A day to school That's awful dude
Starting point is 00:40:54 Podcast time though Loyal customer I hope to be done with school soon But hope to be taking a follow up online course That will last around 18 months When it's appropriate to depart the nest I'm much obliged I don't have much money right now
Starting point is 00:41:10 But I do live in Canada where hugs are currency Thanks in advance Jordan Jordan, you're 20 years old now I'm going to say the timetable Is 2 years ago I'm not sure how you can make that happen But if you can find some sort of
Starting point is 00:41:26 I will say this When living at home stops your life From developing So 2 years ago What I do want to Speaking of someone who lived at home To this age
Starting point is 00:41:42 To 20, maybe 21 Perhaps 22 Make sure you have some money together Because if you can Stay there and get together a nest egg Go do that And get together enough money That you're not going to die
Starting point is 00:42:00 But it's really I know it's intimidating If you haven't done all the stuff If you haven't Sign the lease and look for the apartment And done all that garbage But it's really so easy Look around
Starting point is 00:42:16 The stupid Awful people that you meet every day Who you still love Because that's what makes the world go around But they're stupid and terrible Remember that they have done All this stuff that you're intimidated by Assuming that you're intimidated by it
Starting point is 00:42:32 It's not that hard Just make sure you have a steady income And specifically though Doing the things like setting up your gas It's really not complicated And the nice thing is once you start doing it It's really empowering It really does feel good to be like
Starting point is 00:42:48 I set up that electric account Makes you feel like an adult A great feeling Just get out there and start trying it Also it might help if you Ask friends if anybody need a roomie To kind of ease in that way Somebody who's already handling all this stuff
Starting point is 00:43:04 Or brothers Brothers But as far as the timetable goes Don't rush yourself because you don't want to do it When you're not ready and you're not prepared You don't have the money but you know There's no reason to wait You're not really waiting on anything
Starting point is 00:43:20 Hey did you ask Jeff? Did you ask Jeffrey if you needed a roommate? Jeffrey we should move in together Jeffrey we've just met Jeffrey Jeffrey it's a one bedroom apartment But it's awfully spacious Jeffrey I've got a California king bed
Starting point is 00:43:36 I promise we won't touch Jeffrey Jeffrey will you hold me During the thunderstorms Jeffrey Jeffrey it's hailing Jeffrey the black clouds Are rolling in Jeffrey Jeffrey let us buy a puppy together Jeffrey Jeffrey we'll name him Jeffrey
Starting point is 00:43:52 Jeffrey Oh Jeffrey Let's go shopping at the local market Jeffrey To troll Jeffrey Oh So I've got my final question loaded up On Yahoo and it's been about 40 minutes
Starting point is 00:44:08 So let's uh Let's tell how all these nice people can Can get ahold of us Can we just say thank you to everybody We've passed 10,000 downloads 10K Downloads this week the show's blowing up Everybody loves it
Starting point is 00:44:24 Do me a favor I'm just saying nonsense Not everybody loves it though Because a lot of people aren't listening If you can believe that they're missing out on this How many people are on the planet right now? Too many Don't keep relying under a bushel
Starting point is 00:44:40 You know what you can do You can burn it on a CD It's a short show you can burn maybe two episodes on a CD disc Have a little listening party This is great and then you can talk about your favorite parts And you can give each other advice That's what I want to start up I want us to start a
Starting point is 00:44:56 Pay it forward style Social movement Like a cult A cult But do please tell a friend Just right now Send them a link and say hey I think you'd like this Because anybody would
Starting point is 00:45:12 And you know what if you're a fan And you haven't subscribed to us on iTunes yet Just do that Review us on iTunes that helps a lot We really appreciate it I can't even pressure people too much Because people have been so great so far Everybody has seriously
Starting point is 00:45:28 And also we got to thank Justin Russo Again For creating tons of great art If you haven't seen Been on our Facebook group And looked at his image For my wellness as a temple What do you think the image for this episode is going to be?
Starting point is 00:45:44 It's going to be Jeffrey based Jeffrey Centric So That is a As far as how to contact us goes Go to mbmbam.com And it's all on there We have Twitter
Starting point is 00:46:00 Gmail Formspring Any of those are great ways to contact us Email us at mbmbam.com We'll get that and we'll read it And use it if it's Just not dumb I see a lot of tweets with mbmbam
Starting point is 00:46:18 And the hashtag And just people quoting stuff from the show Remember you can ask questions that way They'll understand if you want to keep your questions private A lot of Huntingtonians up on that show Yeah people are down I think that's where our first live Live app is going to be
Starting point is 00:46:34 We'll go to Sensey Some of these people will actually go Guys thank you for finding 40 minutes to listen to us I really appreciate it And we're so happy you could come out So so so pleased So pleased
Starting point is 00:46:50 Yahoo answers user B, just let her be Says Smoke coming from my belly button I'm Justin McElroy I'm Chavis McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy And this has been my brother
Starting point is 00:47:08 And me You will never know me I Was lying in bed And my mom turned out the light It was about 10pm and as the light was turned out I thought I heard someone speak and say About 30 minutes later
Starting point is 00:47:54 My belly felt warm I looked under the duvet and saw A little light coming from my belly button On closer inspection I thought I saw something fly out And leave my duvet I pushed my belly button and a bit of smoke came out And this was not a dream and it's left me utterly confused

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