My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me: Episode 05

Episode Date: May 10, 2010

We're halfway to double-digits, folks -- that's a major hurdle in the Podcasting realm, but we've cleared it with grace and style with the help of you, our beautiful listeners. As part of our "Halfw...ay to Ten" celebration, the theme of this show is social party drinking: How to do it properly, how to not do it properly, and how to swiftly recover from its powerful effects on your internal humours. It's an adult show, largely about an adult topic, for adults.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If you change your mind On the first in line On the arms still free Take a chance on me If you need me Let me know Gonna be around If you got your place to go
Starting point is 00:00:16 When you're feeling down If you're all alone When the pretty birds have gone On the arms still free It's happened once again Despite your best efforts You've returned to our To our thrall
Starting point is 00:00:32 For another Why is that, what? Everyone's drinking the hatred Trying to keep our show down Yeah, that's what it feels like I think they're upset because I can't Even get through an intro without being interrupted I feel like there's
Starting point is 00:00:48 Maybe just Maybe I'll just finish introducing the show And then we'll talk about whatever nonsense you're imagining Yeah, sure Don't bother me, episode 5 Start off with a bang I'm Justin McElroy I'm Travis McElroy
Starting point is 00:01:04 And we are off to a good start I have got a Question, this comes in from Justin from West Virginia Justin, I should mention Before we begin, this is an advice show for the modern era We offer people advice For free complimentary advice
Starting point is 00:01:20 And this first question comes in To us from Justin from West Virginia He says, if you buy A cereal that is Called cupcake pebbles, it is based on cupcakes How do you eat anything else Until that box is empty That's a great question
Starting point is 00:01:36 This is so funny because before we started recording the show You were talking about the merits of cupcake pebbles And also your name is Dustin And also you're from West Virginia The coincidence is overwhelming That's weird You're right, we should skip this question I think it might be a prank
Starting point is 00:01:52 This first question comes in from Alan Via Gmail Alan asks This year I'm running for the office of student body president In my high school I'm a popular enough guy But my opponent has an unfair advantage His name is Adam West
Starting point is 00:02:08 Yes, believe it or not His parents named him that How the hell could I compete against his name on the ballot? I would maybe ask his parents To adopt you And give you an equally awesome name Because they sound like awesome kidnamers They know what's up
Starting point is 00:02:28 They know how to pick a good name The only better name would have been Jim West Desperado You know what, Nana I would say run on a very heavy Smilax based candy The best thing you could do
Starting point is 00:02:46 Is change your name to something High school kids like more than Adam West Like what about What if you had your name changed to Free milkshakes in the calf That's not what kids are good All high school kids went free milkshakes in the calf No, no, they're all about
Starting point is 00:03:02 Facebook and Whippets now I don't know what's going on Free milkshake Let me hit you with this Milk shake Facebook Whippets Free milkshake In the calf We failed to take into account
Starting point is 00:03:18 That he might be running against the actual Adam West Adam West has returned to high school To beat this kid in the student body President race Perhaps he's time traveling to sit Maybe if this kid becomes student body president Maybe if Alan becomes student body president Then he'll
Starting point is 00:03:36 I don't know Create some sort of horrifying legislation That dooms the planet So maybe Adam West has traveled back Time to beat him To put forward To put right what once went wrong An anonymous question from form spring
Starting point is 00:03:52 And it's a good one Throughout the course of the work day My shirt comes untucked But only on the sides of my shirt By my hip bones Any advice on how to keep That part tucked in Two words, shirt garters
Starting point is 00:04:08 Shirt garters, I was going to say Get yourself, what were those things That fine gentleman would wear In the 1800s And they were It was basically a onesie Where your bloomers And your t-shirt
Starting point is 00:04:24 Would be the same, I believe it was called A frockle Exactly what you're talking about Griffin It's called an anti masturbation belt Yeah, sure Or an anti anything You need access to your genitalia form Because this whole thing would cover
Starting point is 00:04:40 The whole situation down there My frockle has been strained lately I'm going to tell you guys that The problem is the frockle You're putting a lot of pressure on the frockle In a lot of different places during your usual Work routine What you have to do is just consistently buy
Starting point is 00:04:56 More and better frockles And Haynes has some amazing new Frockle technology that I really love Sport frockles are really nice Extended leg frockles, is that what you're talking about On another note, untuck your shirt Or just an auto How about you get a bigger shirt
Starting point is 00:05:12 Be careful and make sure that Your shirt is the kind That is supposed to be tucked in If it's squared at the bottom It's not designed to be tucked in Or are you going To a wedding or a funeral Because those are the only two stitches
Starting point is 00:05:28 Consider like The cash jude law Look, you know, like the jude law Totally cash, totally jude Jacket over a fine Button up, only the button up Untucked, but the jacket is tucked Okay
Starting point is 00:05:44 The untucked shirt with the tucked in jacket Yeah, it's difficult to pull off But I mean, if you can Swing it This question comes from Kevin S on Yahoo Answers, he asks How old do I have to be to get nunchucks? Legally?
Starting point is 00:06:00 I don't know if there is actually A law One of the answers was 21 years old Very definitive and also probably not Correct answer Here's the answer, 45 And still living with your mom
Starting point is 00:06:16 Another answer is Old enough to not want to buy nunchucks The moment So it's like a Sort of recursive law That's been put in place where If you are of an age Where you want to purchase nunchucks
Starting point is 00:06:32 You're not no longer buying nunchucks You're too young to buy nunchucks So it's constantly in flux, it changes from person to person Like for me I still am not able to buy nunchucks Because I still really, really want some You want them too bad I want them so badly
Starting point is 00:06:48 I want to have them There's a ridiculously cute girl At Dylan's workplace that he's smitten with She flirts with me constantly And it seems like a genuine interest In attraction coming from her She might be married I know, none of my co-workers
Starting point is 00:07:04 Know her well enough to say if she's married And she's from another department I don't know any of her co-workers Her desk has a picture of her In a nice dress and a guy in a tux And she has a thin silver band On her wedding finger What should be my first move to try
Starting point is 00:07:20 To figure this out? Dylan, great news You've already taken the first step You've written to us Who are promptly going to tell you that she's married That's too many signs That can't just be Especially since she owns a wedding finger And you don't get that
Starting point is 00:07:36 For not being at a wedding So You know She's married You remember when Ellen Went on vacation for about Two weeks last month What was that all about?
Starting point is 00:07:52 That seemed like an awfully She said it was a honeymoon But I thought that that was like a joke Like a joke, a private joke Between her and her co-workers I thought it was a joke because she flirts with me Constantly And I didn't get married to her
Starting point is 00:08:08 Maybe Maybe you're just a Maybe you're just a guy at the office Who Is in charge of pins And she's always Always trying to get some pins Hey, did you guys get that invitation
Starting point is 00:08:24 From Ellen? That was funny, right? That was a joke Her weddings? Wedding what? Who's she marrying? That's a weird theme for a Cinco de Mayo party Is a wedding I'm not sure I get it She's so quirky, Ellen, I love her so much
Starting point is 00:08:40 This nice dress that she's wearing, Dylan Is it white? Is it white? And does it have A frilly pattern? Is there a frilly, lacy Fabric covering her face Yeah, like a veiled kind of look Is all of her family there
Starting point is 00:08:56 And also her husband's family Because that's her husband because they're at a wedding Yeah, if her husband If her husband comes in to work She isn't married Yeah, she has a husband If she was wed If she took part, if she was proposed to and said yes
Starting point is 00:09:12 And then after planning a wedding, had the wedding Then she's probably been wed She's probably betrothed Is basically the thesis Even money Tommy Redd Good friend of the family Justin's godfather
Starting point is 00:09:28 Is that true? Yeah, he's my godfather What? He's my godfather If something happens To my dad Then me, 29-year-old Justin McRoy Will be adopted by Tommy Redd
Starting point is 00:09:44 That is how it works I will leave my wife To live under The care of Tommy Redd Justin's daddy says My 7-year-old and I spend A lot of time in the car listening to music While commuting across town to her school
Starting point is 00:10:00 Or mother's house She has really impressive tastes so far And claims they might be giants Ben Folds, Tally Hall, no doubt Real big fish and the presidents as her favorites I'd like to expose her to more artists And songs that I consider insightful and enjoyable But they use more profanity
Starting point is 00:10:16 Fuck it and listen And let your kid listen to whatever they want Now, fuck it I think it's okay to say fuck it after you count to 3 Justin, could you perhaps give me a One, two, three, and fuck it Just like that Just like that
Starting point is 00:10:32 I'll say this, if your kid's listening They might be giants and Ben Folds She's old enough to make that decision She's awesome She's cooler than I am You know what Tommy, I think the bigger question When did you forget what fuck it means Like at what
Starting point is 00:10:48 Do you realize that fuck it's not like I thought this over And now my response to this My decision is fuck it Fuck it means like Fuck it, who cares I've taken all the variables into account The only decision I could come to is
Starting point is 00:11:04 Fuck it That's my decision I've checked the bubble box That says fuck it next to it After weighing all my options I'm getting it notarized At the same time though, that's the best answer To this question
Starting point is 00:11:20 Of my kid is young Should I let her listen to music with cursing in it The absolute correct answer is fuck it Yeah, sure, why not Let us hear those words so that she'll learn how to use them I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with profanity I love profanity Shit
Starting point is 00:11:36 That shit is awesome But I think it's the worst curse word Poop, you know what I'm saying It's fucking dukely ICP Shit around Fucking It's great
Starting point is 00:11:52 Okay, that's enough Let her listen to the last 30 seconds of the show We covered all the bases there son My lady friend and I are making a Mega love mix to proclaim Our undying love for one another So far we have two songs Everything I do, I do it for you
Starting point is 00:12:10 By Brian Adams and The Rose by Bette Middler Suggestions would be greatly appreciated But they must be held at the same standards As the tunes previously listed By same standards Do you mean like Casey and Jojo and that kind of thing By beautiful soaring
Starting point is 00:12:26 Yeah, I know what Justin's gonna say I don't think you do I think I exactly do What do you think? I think you need to go with On the Wings of Love But Mr. Jeffrey Osborn One of the greatest love songs ever written I think that we could have a whole
Starting point is 00:12:42 Series of answers to this question Of songs that people love As love songs that they play Like at like weddings and stuff But in reality those songs Aren't about really love The best example would be Like afternoon, well no that is about
Starting point is 00:12:58 That's about a different kind of That's about love in the daytime I was talking more about like Brick By Ben Folds 5 People were like I want that to be My first wedding dance song That's about teenage abortion You need to wise up
Starting point is 00:13:14 Actually Afternoon to Light would probably Be appropriate for this list Here we go Can you imagine Two of you looking into each other's eyes The sweet On the bird
Starting point is 00:13:40 The sweet honey dipped Baritone of Mr. Jeffrey Osborn Pumping From the birds Like the hollow legs of the bird Are echoing with the sounds of Jeffrey Osborn Can you even imagine I think that would be powerful
Starting point is 00:13:56 Do you realize how much we're going to have to pay To I think that's so much Very pricey For that 1.32 clip Worth it Yahoo Answers user MEGA In the baby names category MEGA
Starting point is 00:14:12 It sounds like an important question Because it's going to be The moniker of her child And it's five names And I'm just going to list them off And you say Which one you endorse Okay
Starting point is 00:14:30 Joseph Thoughts Born Travis likes it, Justin, not so much Joseph Definitely shorter J-O-S-E-P Okay, shorter
Starting point is 00:14:46 I like it Maybe it's I like the first one better, but keep going Okay, so Travis is for number one Joseph, Justin, you're for Jess Yep Number three, Jessup That's J-E-S-S-U-P
Starting point is 00:15:02 Jessup Okay, that's my favorite so far Travis, have you changed? Yeah, I'm going to go with Jessup What is it about Jessup that you guys like so much? He sounds like a fun guy, right? Yeah, what's Jessup up to tonight? Jessup
Starting point is 00:15:18 So you guys like Jessup with a UP How do you feel about Jessup with OP? It sounds like he's going to tell me some fables Yeah, it sounds fable You think Jessup has a more like archaic sort of No, I know Yeah, more arty
Starting point is 00:15:34 Well, Jessup knows how to have a good time Jessup is just he wants to teach you about old literature Final one being Jesse Joseph, Joseph Jessup, Jessup, or Jesse Final vote All of them
Starting point is 00:15:52 What about Jessup on the top What about Joseph, Joseph Jessup, Jessup, Jesse The third Mega What about Mega Jessup Mega Jessup
Starting point is 00:16:08 Hey, who's that who's currently destroying our town? It is Mega Jessup To be fair, Jessup is how he starts out and then he becomes Mega Jessup He involves Mega Jessup Don't make him angry You wouldn't like him when he's Mega I'm just going to throw this out
Starting point is 00:16:26 Wide in your scope Yeah, maybe try some other names Like Adam West Like Adam West Zarex asks from Twitter He says, I do not drink and I find it hard to be enthused as others during the token
Starting point is 00:16:42 bar night I feel like I'm missing out guys, help Don't feel like you are missing out Just know it Know that you are There's no feelings involved, just knowledge That's a fact Zarex, that's not good enough, man
Starting point is 00:17:00 Here's the thing, you're at a bar You might as well go to the matrix and climb underneath the seats and cover your ears and close your eyes and just dump your face in a popcorn bucket and say I'm not enjoying this movie out loud
Starting point is 00:17:16 This is a movie theater You would also look less weird doing that than you would if you were at a bar and not drinking Yeah The only other option I can tell you is eat like a giant meat filled sandwich
Starting point is 00:17:32 and hopefully you'll get meat drunk Oh, that's great Yeah, I think I was pretty good myself I've never thought of that There are some nights where I legitimately don't feel like getting drunk I feel like drinking, but I want to alter my state of consciousness
Starting point is 00:17:48 I've been sober from the meth for about three or four years now so meat might be the best option Meat is God's drug Meat is nature's drug Why not? The next time you're out with your friends do a tab of acid, flip the table
Starting point is 00:18:04 call them pussies, blackout That would be awesome If your friends are giving you shit for not drinking whenever you go to the bars, just one night go out with them and get violently dangerously horrifyingly drunk and just crash a car
Starting point is 00:18:20 and put one of them into a short coma but a respectable coma and then next time you're out they will never be like, hey, you want to drink? But they also will never be like, hey, you want to hang out? No, they'll still want to hang out with you because they need a DD
Starting point is 00:18:38 Because you're crazy, it's like Jessup up in here You're crazy like a Jessup But in the future, whenever you're like, I'm just going to not drink tonight everyone's going to be like, okay That's the best idea for you You need to stop drinking We know how you operate But seriously, start drinking
Starting point is 00:18:54 Speaking of starting drinking Kyle on Gmail says it is my 21st birthday, next Tuesday, May 11th I would like to go to the bars for the first time at midnight, the Monday night, beforehand to celebrate, so tonight Right, he's going to the bars tonight
Starting point is 00:19:10 However, I have a very difficult final exam the next day that I really should study for and be fully rested What should I do? SHOT SHOT SHOT EVERYBODY
Starting point is 00:19:26 SHOT Obviously, Kyle Get out to that bar, put that textbook down Replace that textbook with a big Stina party liquor That's what you need to do Little known college rule This is in every rule book on every college campus
Starting point is 00:19:42 If it is your birthday You automatically pass the final You don't have to worry about it Just tell your teacher it's your birthday and walk out It's like Chuck E. Cheese On the day of your exam Bring in a copy of your birth certificate and then sit there for a while like you look like you're doing the test
Starting point is 00:19:58 But then after 30 minutes Before everybody else, because you still want to look impressive You pull that copy of the birth certificate out and you lay it down on the teacher's table and you walk out of the room Never check your grade, because that'll break it Right, you will fail But you've been doing pretty good for the rest of the class
Starting point is 00:20:14 so I doubt it's going to sink you A similar rule applies at Pizza Hut You can get a free personal paid pizza if you present your birth certificate College and Pizza Hut are pretty much the same thing I did I went to Pizza Hut you I majored in
Starting point is 00:20:30 those little pepper packets They allow you to pour on them What's in those? I don't know, but it's spicy as shiiiit What? So he never looked what was in those pepper packets Right Macquarie Brothers
Starting point is 00:20:46 Yes, this is all we're talking about now Macquarie Brothers, this is a theme show Do we have a theme block? I'm turning 21 next Tuesday And I was hoping you could give me recommendations on what drinks I should order first What drink did I order first or what drink would I suggest he orders first
Starting point is 00:21:02 I know the first thing you got was a Southern Comfort A tall boy Ahsoko A bucket Ahsoko It was actually one of those buckets that you used to build sand castles I was in my basement and I was drinking out of beach toys
Starting point is 00:21:18 It was pretty dope We did like a beer loose down a boogie board Griffin's a real He's a real Jessup Beach toy junk drinks out of beach toys Exclusively out of beach toys and snorkels
Starting point is 00:21:34 Big frosty glass of moonshine Just moonshine The greatest gift of all you can get for your 21st birthday loss of vision in your right eye Hey, that's not funny Hey, that's not funny
Starting point is 00:21:50 Let's all just say our favorite that he should get I say get a 7 and 7 It's mellow, it is crisp, it is refreshing It tastes great and it gets the job done It's tough to make though, difficult to make The best drink you can get
Starting point is 00:22:06 is the vodka gimlet Make sure you get a decent vodka I would say a pineapple upside down cake It's delicious and it'll get you F'd up right Yeah, and it'll be really double great because all your sorority sisters will be super impressed
Starting point is 00:22:22 Don't even act like you don't love yourself Maybe you can get that cute boy to drink it out of your navel Travis, I think you may have misread the question That was my first 13-year-old shot of moonshine and pineapple upside down cake
Starting point is 00:22:38 But he's turning 21, he's a grown ass man So I'll give you a second chance Troubling news Troubling news from form spring, guys One of our listeners has a meeting in an hour, but it's still hung over We are probably a little late to this Or maybe you know exactly when the show is coming
Starting point is 00:22:54 I know, I am planning on being hung over Monday morning in a week and an hour A speedy reply would be appreciated Okay I can actually answer this one legitimately When you go to It really isn't any great secret
Starting point is 00:23:10 The night before, you have to drink water and take one ibuprofen The next morning, wake up Don't sleep in, wake up Drink a giant glass of water Again, take two ibuprofen
Starting point is 00:23:26 and then go back to sleep for a half hour Wake up and you'll feel great Justin had me on that regimen, I came in town A couple of, was it last week? It was last week, I think, and we went out to a prom And man, I got drunker than I've been in a long, long time And
Starting point is 00:23:42 Justin hooked me up with a glass of water and an eye view And then in the morning, another glass of water Two eye views And I helped dad move Like a champ What up, dad? I know you're listening I was totally hungover that morning because I got party drunk the night before And just to clarify
Starting point is 00:23:58 They didn't impersonate 17 year olds and go to a prom They went to a prom themed party It's important to note that We can't tell that story We got drunk at one and got lucky at the other So, good luck Did you guys hear the rumor about Jeff's girlfriend?
Starting point is 00:24:16 From Gmail? I did, it's all over the Twitter Everybody saying, well Jeff Specifically saying That she snores like a stuffed up Sigourney Weaver possessed by Gozer Which keeps him from falling asleep, what should I do? Get rid of her
Starting point is 00:24:32 I'm too done! A man needs his sleep He needs his sleep, he needs it Maybe tell her to sleep somewhere else This is so important Your sleep You get 9 to 10 every day Is Jeff
Starting point is 00:24:50 Jeff Jeffery Is she Gozer? Legitimately possessed by Gozer? The Gozerian, I mean Yeah Did she recently somehow become more I don't know
Starting point is 00:25:08 Skanky But like Sig Like Sigourney did Like kind of glowy skanky though Like deep dark circles around her eyes And also she's boning down on Rick Moranis Have you caught her making love To Rick Moranis sleep?
Starting point is 00:25:24 I know at first you thought nothing of it But it's a problem Cause who can blame her, right? He's adorable, look at him He's teeny tiny, you want to put him in your pocket And just carry him around and say, what up, Rick Moranis? Honey, he stole my heart My girlfriend snores
Starting point is 00:25:40 And also fucks old cast members of Second City Can you Dave Thomas, get out of here Go make another strange brew Can you get enraussed about Yahoo Answers user Shan Says how How to turn an iPod touch into an iPhone
Starting point is 00:25:58 Without jailbreak I really want an iPhone I really want an iPhone but can't afford it at the moment I have an iPod touch and I really want to try To turn it into an iPhone but my iPod is not Jailbroken, I do not want to jailbreak it So if anyone has any salui wushions On how to turn my iPod touch into an iPhone
Starting point is 00:26:16 I will be very grateful, thank you Wow Wow Get your America right here Step one, read the instructions Step two Maybe you, maybe Maybe it already is
Starting point is 00:26:32 I mean drag calling people on it Attach your iPod With a string to other iPods And then you might be able to get some sort of acoustic Effects Agustic? Agustic Maybe tape your iPhone
Starting point is 00:26:48 Maybe tape your iPod to a Larger cell phone Like an iPhone Maybe take your iPod to an iPhone Get like a track phone I'm trying to find an economical way to do this I've got it right here Put your iPod in your pocket
Starting point is 00:27:04 Drive to the person you want to talk to Pull your iPod out of your pocket And place it to your ear The clarity is going to be awesome You're going to be able to talk to that friend Yeah but to do that he would need to jailbreak it And he doesn't want to jailbreak it Yeah you would need to jailbreak it
Starting point is 00:27:20 Jeff from Gmail To Jeff's in a row Jeff Jeff And by the way if you write in the show your name is not Jeff No, it's Jeffery It's Jeffery or possibly Jessup Jessup Oh mega Jessup
Starting point is 00:27:36 So I'm accompanying my wife To visit her parents in the coming weeks And while the visit is usually rather painless The bed we are relegated to is very noisy Being relative Newly wed so we still engage in the Relations if you know what I mean And was wondering what the etiquette on fooling around
Starting point is 00:27:52 In this awkward situation Might be Jeff Shh shh shh shh It's going to be okay You can still do it but you got to keep it down here Shh I mean keep it down here You ready for the pleasure
Starting point is 00:28:08 You ready for the pleasure Meema is literally This wall is stucco This wall is completely stucco Anything we do they can probably hear us whispering Keep it down here But let's make love Listen I want to show you
Starting point is 00:28:24 That our relationship is still as fiery As fiery As it was when we started No Jeff no Jeff no No I'm married Jeff no Gross Jeff
Starting point is 00:28:40 Jeff is a grown ass man With grown ass urges I get this Jeff's got to get himself sassified And Jeff noisy bed Adjacent meema or no Jeff needs to get Jeff needs to get his Jeff off
Starting point is 00:28:56 Jeff if your If your urge To get your Jeff off is not so strong That you have to rent That you can't rent a room at the super 8 Away from your meema Your urge to bed down is not so strong That it cannot be resisted
Starting point is 00:29:12 I'm saying learn how to bone down on the quiet By an inflatable mattress And lay that out because that completely Obviates the whole squeaky bed issue Maybe carry that around in your bag And then lay that down And it makes sweet silent love upon it Maybe you should
Starting point is 00:29:28 Maybe you should approach this This problem head on right here's my plan Go to your in-laws The day one Say listen I appreciate You having us the bed you supplied us With is quite loud and we're Afraid that our noise making
Starting point is 00:29:44 Will be a A ruckus so What bed might be quieter That you could accommodate us with Also where can I put my Oversized duffel bag with the words Lube bag written on it Said I put that in
Starting point is 00:30:00 That looked like some spare room in meema's Abode. Can I put it in meema's room? Will she be offended? I will need to access it A regular interval. What's a new day for meema Meema don't be cool You know exactly what this oil is used for You old whore You old racist whore
Starting point is 00:30:16 I hate Jeff's meema Just whys meema Fair to be fair Yahu answers user Don Tang asks What happened to all the juggalos? A few years ago Everywhere I looked someone was wearing an ICP t-shirt
Starting point is 00:30:32 Or something with the hatchet man on it Now I rarely ever see it And I feel like the juggalo nation is starting to Diminish How many of us juggalos and juggalettes are left And if you're a juggalo please tell me Shouts out I saw my first hatchet man
Starting point is 00:30:48 Bumper sticker yesterday Who is this hatchet? I don't know He's like their logo, he's like the gentleman with the He's got kind of the side show bob haircut And he's got a hatchet And it looks like he's sprinting It's a nightmare To where?
Starting point is 00:31:04 He's sprinting to the dollar store To buy as many economy size Bottles of Fega that he can fit In his fucking Vespa The bad news is there's been a juggalo Captured and you've been left behind He didn't believe Strong enough in Shaggy Too Dope
Starting point is 00:31:20 And Murder Murder guy, murder man You can read all about it in Juggalo Kurt Cameron's Juggalo book Juggalo Left Behind I'm just kidding You can't read Be sure to get the audio version
Starting point is 00:31:40 Read by Jeff Goldblum You're so stupid and the ban you listen to is stupid All the juggalos and juggalos The dumbest thing ever All the juggalos and juggalos have gone underground To wait at all I don't want to ostracize any people groups That might listen to our show
Starting point is 00:31:56 But if you listen to our show and you're a juggalo Just die, just go somewhere where you can die Quickly and comfortably Are you not Down with the clown? No, I'm so far up with the clown I can't even see the clown anymore Because I've evolved so far above it
Starting point is 00:32:12 Because they're the worst band Griffin, as we talk about this I've actually drawn a little Venn diagram Here Our listener base And the juggalos and juggalettes And unfortunately those two guys In the middle are going to be really upset
Starting point is 00:32:28 At what you just said But those two guys are the guys from Insane Clown Posse I offended them personally on a very personal level Thank you murder fella Shaggy Shagtooth Murder pants and shag
Starting point is 00:32:44 Mega Jessup That is the only If I ever met someone who was Of the church of the clown And I said, oh great Like I knew he was one of them because of the face paint And the illiteracy Then I would
Starting point is 00:33:00 Turn away and I would not want to talk to him Until I asked his name, if he said Jessup I would want to party What are you doing with that Jessup Party liquor Drink it out of each choice That's what your first drink needs to be One part boon's farm
Starting point is 00:33:16 One smart Faggo And then just a bullet and a gun And the courage to do what's right The courage to do what's right Liam on Gmail asks How do I find out Who I am
Starting point is 00:33:32 As a teenager I thought this question Existed as a convenient replacement for a plot And protagonist has amnesia type movies But as I progressed through young adulthood I've realized how important the answer is The three of you come across as people who have gotten A handle on who you are How the hell do I do that
Starting point is 00:33:48 Liam Maybe you got it right the first time Maybe your life is getting a little hacky Maybe it is only A plot and protagonist has amnesia type movies And maybe the writers On your life are starting to go a little lazy Maybe they're on strike
Starting point is 00:34:04 Did you hit your head recently You have trouble remembering things Do you have tattoos on your body of things that you've Learned? I spent so long Since I've seen that movie I can't make jokes That it's expensive So Liam This seems like a serious question so I want to bring it down here
Starting point is 00:34:20 It doesn't matter It doesn't matter what you like Stop worrying about that Get interested in other people Try to figure out what you're like It's not going to get you anywhere man Find a person Get interested in other folks
Starting point is 00:34:36 And that's the best way to Define yourself I like you for you I think you're great You've got a cool name You're right there I've been thinking about doing this thing Where I think everybody
Starting point is 00:34:54 Maybe not everybody I would say 95% of the people who listen to podcasts Listen to them hoping that the people On the show will at some point Just randomly say their name And call them out So I think it would be great if just Throughout the course of the show
Starting point is 00:35:10 With no explanation or pretense We just said like Kyle Collis And he heard like Kyle Collis Would hear it in his car, Andrew Bardsley Like they're in the car right now And they're hearing it and they're with their friends And they're just like Matt McCormick And they're freaking out
Starting point is 00:35:26 What's going on? I got one Gary Sinise He's freaking the fuck out right now We gotta give a shout out to our man Craig Bierko He's a big fan He gave us two shout outs on his twitter feed We should also give a shout out
Starting point is 00:35:42 To Carrie Carter Katie Carter Also Carrie Carter And also Mega Jessup Mike Suzek From twitter Asks As a straight man
Starting point is 00:35:58 Can it be socially acceptable To compliment a lady on her shoes? Are we past gender stereotypes? I like shoes Ain't nothing wrong with that Nothing wrong with that Make sure that like you're ready To back that up though
Starting point is 00:36:14 Cause if you say you like her shoes You may be opening yourself up to a good 10-15 minute conversation I know Just about shoes Let's play a fun game This will be a nice little over and under How many pairs of shoes have I owned
Starting point is 00:36:30 In my adult life We'll say I turned adult We'll say since I graduated from From college Justin My guess is gonna be Not dress shoes don't count
Starting point is 00:36:46 My go to daily cash Off court buddies I'm gonna go I'm gonna go with Three Travis I'm gonna go with 2685
Starting point is 00:37:02 No no no real Real guess I know you pretty well One See if we're going prices right rules Then Travis won because the answer is two Oh god Do you remember those shoes that you got me for Christmas
Starting point is 00:37:18 Yeah It was oh no I wanna hear Griffin's last question But first I feel like I need to tell you guys The important news about how you can Get some help from us
Starting point is 00:37:38 If you're on Twitter First off just go to mbam.com You can listen to all our old shows Get Everyone you know to subscribe Or just one person either way Is good with us
Starting point is 00:37:54 And pass this show along with them Don't keep your light under a bushel This shows a gift that you can share For free You can email us mbmbam.com At gmail.com If you do that you just go to our website I'm not so good
Starting point is 00:38:10 Tech How do you science work Tech Things Any other ways that I'm not forgetting There's Twitter When you see the announcement go live For a new program, a new show
Starting point is 00:38:26 If you would retweet that And tell everybody That the new show is out And that We're slipping down the iTunes rankings Because we get that first rush of everybody Subscribing So tell a bunch of your friends to subscribe
Starting point is 00:38:42 They'll really like it and we promise In return to only deliver quality Radio Thanks everyone for the reviews on iTunes so far They've been really great, really positive So many stars in there We really appreciate it, thank you so much Keep that up
Starting point is 00:38:58 Drop a review, drop a subscription Whatever you want to do Everything helps out and you're great We're still trying to get every Mid To high range celebrity To tweet about CraigBee's a great start though
Starting point is 00:39:14 So far our list of people That we still need to get Include every mid To high range celebrity Except CraigBee So if you could talk to the celebrities you know Harass them into Treating about our show
Starting point is 00:39:30 Maybe listening but probably not Gary Sinise Looking at you We're gonna get him He's so busy with CSI but I think he can break off Oh and t-shirts Should come soon Keep an eye on
Starting point is 00:39:46 Keep an eye on our Facebook group We'll talk about it there Griffin hit me Our final question of the day comes to us from Yahoo Answers user Mariah Oh man She asks Can you take a parakeet in the shower with you
Starting point is 00:40:02 Hahaha I'm Justin McElroy I'm Griffin McElroy And this has been my brother My brother and me You will never know me I'm Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy
Starting point is 00:40:36 Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy Griffin McElroy

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