My Brother, My Brother And Me - My Brother, My Brother and Me: Episode 08
Episode Date: June 7, 2010After an unprecedented and, frankly, irresponsible one-week hiatus, we've returned to answer the deluge of questions the MBMBAM community flooded us with during the interlude. That just means we have ...a much sweeter stock of queries to choose from. Seriously, guys -- every single question in this episode is a matter of life or death. Especially the one about teen make-out spots. Suggested talking points: Golden Love Corral, Best Woman, Aaron (known dude), the circle of AIDS, long distance dating and shotputting, fat beers, Why Does The Sun Shine?, anger volcanoes, mama-law, friendship connections, On Kicking
Transcript
Discussion (0)
If you change your mind
On the first in line
Honey, I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me
Let me know
Gonna be around
If you've got your place to go
When you're feeling down
If you're all alone
When a pretty person
Carve another notch in your bed post
You've done it
You've made time
Made time
In your week
For us
This is an advice show for the modern era
I am Justin McElroy
I'm Travis McElroy
I'm Griffin McElroy
And this has been my brother
My brother and me
The end
Have a great week
Can we address
Just right from the get
We fucked up
We fucked up
We done fucked up
We done y'all wrong
This show is like
Two weeks old
It's like a two week old infant
And we went ahead and we done skipped a week
Done skipped a week
Can we as I blame
Memorial Day, what's up
So we're blaming Memorial Day for our
Malfeasance
Memorial Day cause us to forget
Yeah, we forgot to
Make the show for you
For that, I'm eternally sorry
I want to apologize cause we
I expected like we skip a week
And then all the love
Falls out the bottom
And we lose all the love
But I did a Twitter search for
The title of our show yesterday as I am
Want to do
And still just a lot of people
Support a lot of questions
Not a lot of anger, mostly just sorrow
And I want to apologize
A deep hunger was the theme
I want to deeply
I want to personally deeply apologize to
Little Badkins
He's a way fish young lad who lives on the streets
He was heart broke
He was, it hurt it, I'm so sorry Badkins
We'll send you some new matchsticks
Can we just say, make it official
Episode 008
Right now, official decree
We will never miss another week
Ever again
Until we die
Even then, we'll get two more shows out
Yep, ghosts, ghost shows
Here's our first question
Comes to us from Formspring
Formspring questions are anonymous
If you want to send the question to us
Listen to the end of the show, we'll tell you how
I've been seeing this girl lately
And every time we have plans to hang out, she bails on me
If we don't make plans
And I tell her I'm just gonna show up
She's cool with it
Is this a case of plans are meant to be broken?
Or is it something more?
Oh, my friend
That's not an idiom
No, dude, plans are meant to be broken
No, actually, that's kind of counterintuitive
To what a plan is
Here's my question to people do things
With plans
What's the difference between making plans
And telling her you're going to show up
Is that not a plan?
It seems like an awfully narrow distinction
I think it seems like
If you and I, what it sounds like to me is
You and I should go somewhere
Okay, cool
I'm not gonna do that
I'm gonna be at a place
Are you gonna be at that same place?
I will see
I think maybe she just is not
Necessarily
Into this relationship right now
Or maybe she just loves scavenger hunts
Have we considered that?
Maybe she likes to pretend it's serendipitous
To the two of you
She doesn't want to meet you
And a lot of times
We try to tell ourselves with stuff like that
Maybe she's just the type of person
That breaks plans
And she's all willy-nilly and crazy
And now she just doesn't want to hang out with you
She is the type of person
That doesn't particularly care for you
So much anymore
Plans are meant to be broken
Hey, they are
My GF
I'm a different person now
My GF is always wanting to go out to dinner
But she expects me to romantically choose
Where to eat and pay
Despite the fact that she pretty much
Always eats steak no matter where we go
Also money is tight
Should I cave to her demands?
My suggestion
Plan on a really fancy dinner
And tell her about it
And then don't go
And you'll be like
Can I just say how much I love
The concept of romantically choosing
Where to eat dinner
Like baby
Baby girl happens
This is the thing girls want
I think
Golden Corral
You want to get some of them hot buttery rolls
Sensual rolls
Sensual rolls
She wants
She wants you to be in charge
Like a man say this is where we're going tonight
Staco
Also start calling your GF
Staco
I love it
And also
Don't let your GF eat steak everywhere you go
What's the matter with her
It's not healthy
Take her to a vegan restaurant
And see if her head implodes
Next time she by steak
Just cough and be like
Please choose another option
Please choose the chicken
She'll have the chicken
Are you dating a caveman?
Or a feral wolf
Take her romantically order for her
She'll have the chicken
Thank you, Gerson
As dry as possible please
Another form spring question
Does my best man have to be a man
My closest confidants
Are all female
And I have just casual mostly
Uncaring relationships with the majority
Of guys in my life
His closest what
Confidants
That's how they say it
I don't
I don't
I don't know that's awfully progressive
I don't have a problem with it one bit
Yeah
No you wouldn't
Well I have a lot of female friends
Right but we'll never have to deal with this
Because we've already agreed that we're going to be
Each other's best man
We've signed that blood pact
I forget how it breaks down
I'm Justin's, Justin's yours, yours mine
Alright
What if like Steve Gutenberg
Rolls up the day in my wedding
Is like hey I could, you know I've got like
Two hours to kill, could I do it?
Would you understand Justin
Oh yeah, oh what if for the Goots
Yeah the only thing I would wish
Is that we could be co-best men
And I could go to things remembered
And have a co-best man
Necklace made
That would be broken into two parts
So it would be like a dead hooker
That's your first
One of you would get one part
And one of you would get the other when you link it up
It shows
That you were co-best man right
I just realized
Once again
We've created the greatest movie idea ever
The new Steve Gutenberg
Vehicle co-best man
That sounds like an Adam Sandler movie
No it's Steve Gutenberg and Dave Couillier
Kevin James and Adam Sandler
And co-best man
You can do it
Can we give this guy some real advice
Yeah
I think it's okay
But make her wear a tux
Hey can I say this, it's your wedding
So tell everybody to eat a big one
Yeah
In this scenario would you
Have to refer to her as best man still
I would say best woman
I think I would still go with best man
I was kidding about the tux but I think
The fiance first
Yeah
Gender switching is not that
Sydney had
Guys in her party
But they weren't bridesmaids
They were bridesmen
I had to walk down the aisle
With one of them
It may be best maid
I don't know
Best lady
You should probably marry your best lady
You have to realize that's what's going to happen
Day of the wedding
Right before you get cold feet
And then your lady friend
Confesses her
Your wife might have a problem with that
That's what I'm saying
Talk to your fiance first
My official advice is I don't know
Is your best woman going to be Jennifer Lopez
Because if so
You're definitely
Going to switch over at the last second
Yeah
Guys I have this problem
I'm going to talk to some stranger on the phone
They mistake me for a woman
What can I do in the future to prevent this
I don't drink whiskey or smoke
So forget about that
Are you
Yeah are you 12
That you don't drink whiskey or smoke
Maybe pick up one of those
And we'll meet you halfway
Could I suggest either
Saying your name
But what if your name is like Aaron
That doesn't help the matter at all
To cut any confusion I would say
Just call a person up
And they say hello
And you say hi this is Aaron
Man can we
Hi this is Aaron
I'm a fella and let's keep going
I'm known dude Aaron
You should do
My name is Aaron got a wiener
Can we talk
My suggestion would obviously
Be to talk like Christian Bale
From the Batman movies
You reach Aaron
I want a trick
Check my long distance minutes
I'm not wearing all these pads
Or just go with it
How about robot voice
That's not your problem if they think you're a woman
That's their problem
And they're embarrassment when they realize
The faux pas they've made
That's a power play dude
Some people are paid big money to live life as a woman
And you're getting a little taste of it for free
If you could do
Leverage that if you were
In the
Telemarketing industry
Leverage it in the sense that
I think female telemarketers
Probably are more successful than dudes
Because they can call up lonely dudes
And you know
Get a foot in the door
Telemarketresses
Telemarketrinas
Telemarketrinas
So yeah just go with it
I've known a girl for a while
And since I got back from college
For summer we've been hanging out
A lot
But I'm not sure if I can make it a relationship
Because we go to school 100 miles
Apart advice
100 miles ain't nothing
100 miles is a pretty long
Distance action
No it's like 2 hours
I say don't date a girl
Who lives farther away from you
Than you can throw something
You can walk to but that's
Probably better
Could you throw in a pinch
I could throw a shot put
100 to 150 yards
That's why my wife lives with me
In my house
How far do you think you could throw a baseball?
About 5 feet
You could do that
You think you could clear it from the mount?
I'd get it at home play
I'd get it at home play
I'd do it like rookie of the year
Funky butt lovin
Funky butt lovin
Here's my advice
Would you give him a high stinky cheddar?
Yes I would
This young person
Has already answered their own question
You don't think you can make it a relationship?
Guess what? You're not gonna
You would know
No he's unsure
But he would know
100 miles isn't like a cross country trip
If 2 hours isn't worth it to you
Then I think you've already answered your own question
Real life is gonna work
Really hard
In every relationship
To try to tear it down
If you're not sold on it
From the jump
It's not gonna pay it out
If she's the one
You wouldn't be asking us this question
If you were sure about it
You wouldn't interest us through reality
But long distance relationship is way harder than you think it would be
100 miles apart
100 miles from King's Island
I don't get there
You love King's Island
I do
The Viking Fury
Beautiful boat
Let's do one from Yahoo
This one comes from Chris D
Chris D says
Not Chris R, Chris D
Look at your buddy
Please help
Where should we make out
Well me and my girlfriend
We're going into 9th grade
We're both 14 and she wants to make out
Where should we make out
And this is my first make out
So any tips would be great
Thanks
I heard like during a movie in the theaters
But I don't know
Any places would be great
Thanks, easy 10 points
I think if any places are great
You should stop worrying about it so much
Dude, you can't
Has it been so long
That you can't recall the mortal terror
That is involved with
Finding a locale for this
To go down
Oh my god, this is hard
Now it's suddenly hard
Yeah, because I can recall exactly
And I also recall the
The
Unorthodox solution
Oh Christ
It was in Ritter Park
Which is a park
That was a few blocks from my house
In the hometown of Huntington, West Virginia
And there's a
There's a little
Concave, like a little
Circle
A little stone circle
Of benches that's kind of hidden
Beneath the shady trees
But
I think that that circle was
Constructed as
Like a monument to like
AIDS
Yes, it's the AIDS circle
Which is probably
I don't know
Disrespectful
Maybe not romantic
Maybe not the most romantic thing I've ever done in my life
But you have to get your make out on
And you have to do it in a place where your folks won't catch you
Did you wrap it up?
Because that would have been disrespectful
Definitely, I played it smart
Even at 14
I find dens
Dens and basements
Oh basements are awesome
Parrots can't stay up forever dog
They're old
They're old
I'm almost parent age, trust me
You can't stay up that long
You're all awesome
I don't think I've
I never ever ever got fresh in a movie
If I see you making out a movie
I'm gonna fucking smack you
You're gonna do it
Sit in the back
Because people paid so much money to go to that movie
They don't need to hear your smacking
But it's in 3D
Here's the thing
Right now you're paying
12 bucks to get into a movie
15 bucks
Don't waste that money making out
Watch the damn movie
You're halfway to a cheap hour limit
Unless
The movie's really bad
And you can add some humor to it
Like
Train my dragon
If you're in the middle of it
There are people like me
That will sit
Uncomfortably close to you
So that you are not able to do that
On the note that I just brought up
I wouldn't do it in like a kids movie
Don't go to like a G-rated movie
Some of us
Have made out during Toy Story 2
Yeah
It was creepy
Flumber
Dear podcast
Okay
Last night I went to my friend's
21st birthday party when suddenly his girlfriend
Who was very drunk
Told me she had feelings for me
I don't feel the same about her
So my question is how do I
Or even do I tell my friend
Okay hold on
You're at
Your friend's birthday party
His lady tells you
She has feelings for you
You don't have feelings for you
Guess what you got buddy
You got a little something I like to call a non problem
Yeah
You do not have an issue
That you need to address
Here's the important little segment there
She was very drunk
Doesn't matter
I say things
I say things you wouldn't believe
It's astonishing how many questions we get
Where my answer is just
Pack up and move away
And never talk to anyone involved in the scenario again
Because that's literally the only
The only solution I have for this
Maybe that's why I've been such a globe trotter
These past few years
You keep messing up social situations
In my mind this is
Unfixable and you have to get out there
It's called a global reset
You can either stick around
Don't say anything and then have it be awkward forever
Or you can tell your friend and he'll get mad at you
And you know
Here's an idea
Don't
Don't say anything
But
Whenever you're
Frequently ask your friend how his relationship is going
And then when he answers you say
Oh yeah
Really?
Can I suggest a honey pot scenario
Where you
Tell the friend
And then if he doesn't believe you
No check it out
And then you
Get the friend
Well no that's exploitative
But you know
You're going to suggest a baiting situation
Get her to confess those feelings again
I like that
Like you're wearing a wire
Or your friend is like hidden in the closet
And ask her about the new package
And ask her where Omar is
I assume that's a joke that you get
Because we haven't watched the wire
Yeah
You need to talk to your friend's girlfriend
That's what you need to do
People don't want to hear about things
Your two options are honey pot
Or move the fuck away
Or honey pot
Change your name
I'm going to switch these Gmail questions
Because these people have their names on them
Ender
I know right
Ender writes
They're already about to get married
Or are married
And I've only been out of high school for two years
What am I missing here
Let me throw in a little side note here
This email comes to us from Utah
I don't know if that changes
Your outlook on this
But it does for me
So they get married like six years earlier
Than probably the median age
In the nation
I think that's a fair figure
What you're missing is a partner
And you are going to die
Ender, you're not missing anything
Dude, you're 20 years old
You're kicking it, living it large in Utah
Yeah
Go to jazz games
Listen to jazz games and
Listening to jazz and going to jazz basketball games
Yeah
Just jazz in general
You need to stop all that jazz
And get yourself a girlfriend
I don't
Are you going to college
He didn't say he's going to college
He said he's been out of high school for two years
Just pair up quick
Because your options are dwindling every day
I'm probably the only person from Huntington
Who's not married
And I'm
So fucking lonely
All the time, Ender
Just find someone
You know, one of my friends once told me
Who was married, he said
Marriage isn't a goal
Marriage isn't something you work towards
So
It is a goal in the sense that if you don't cross it
By the time you die, then you fail
Yes
Whatever, it's a goal in that if you don't cross it by the time you're 30
You're done
Speed it up, Ender
Matt writes to us from Gmail
He says, myself and my friend
And my brother and me
It's not true, it's just myself and my friend
Myself and my friend recently went for the same job
And he got it ahead of me
Do you have any advice for how to deal with this
Um
Yeah, keep your mouth shut, Matt
Move to a different town
Just move away, dude
No, I mean, that sucks
That sucks pretty royally, but
You gotta ask yourself, what would he do
If the scenario was switched
And it sounds like he's a really good friend
And that he wouldn't
Cause a big stink about it
I think in any situation, even if he would do that
You gotta be the bigger man
And if he's really your friend, you gotta be happy for him
You know what I mean?
At the end of the day, what is more important
The job that you went for and the friendship with this kid
Well, the job probably
It sounds like a great gig
With a nice big salary and lots of benefits
And also, Matt
He's probably more qualified than you
He probably got it based on merit
He deserves it
He earned it, what did you do?
There'll be more jobs, Matt
Can we give Matt an internship
At MB&BAM Industries?
Matt is the first intern of MB&BAM Industries
What's he gonna do?
He's gonna promote the show
Ooh, I like it
Is it paid? He's gonna sell trades
In the way slavery
Can we scrounge some money together
To give this guy a salary, do you think?
If I get any money, I'm gonna spin on our Facebook ad
For our show
Yeah, it's true
6x9
Who's a known Gmail user
Asks, I've recently moved
To the States from Australia
And I'd like to find a low calorie
Beer to drink
I have no problem sampling from your wide selection
Of micro brews on occasion, but I'd really like
A nice beer to drink regularly
And I don't need the extra calories
I'm looking for a taste sensation
But something that tastes better than brackish water
Would be nice, any suggestions?
PBR
Yes, PBR, that's God's beer
Get off the podcast
I mean, you can't go wrong with an MGD64
How about I slap both of you
To the mouth?
That's the only low calorie beer
No, okay, let me
Hip you guys, because you're
Like children, you're like an infant
Tickling yourself with a razor
What?
Is you're an infant
Tickling yourself with a razor
The best low calorie beer
Is Guinness
Which clocks in at 125 calories per bottle
High calorie
That's not comparatively high calories
The idea that beer
Has calories in it
Is astonishing to me
I don't know why I've never been able
If you drink too much beer, you get fat
My brain has never been able to
It's a liquid
It's not a food
I understand like a milkshake
Have you tried pork chunk ale?
I don't even know
I don't even know
I would say
That your top three
I think Guinness is good
Right after that
I think the two best light beers you can get
Are
Sam Adams light and
So if it has light on it
Then that's what that means
You would be surprised
I would actually check calorie comparisons
Because
You know, a lot of those light beers are not
Like I said, they're not as low calorie
As
Like a Guinness or something like that
Guinness is low in calories
I tell you what I had a lot of when I was up
Shietown
Lining coogles, summer shandy
Is that light?
I would say that's probably just
Ripping with calories
Felt airy in my mouth when I drank it
It had kind of an airy quality to it
I would say go with that
And don't worry about the calories
Because you deserve it
Girl, you're worth it girl
130 calories per bottle
That's not bad at all
Not terrible
Also
Jack and diet coke
And I saved you a bunch of calories
Dominic
Says I'm trying to be more outgoing
Looking for more venues to meet people
Impossible relationships
Would church groups be a good start
Even though I'm not particularly
Churchy
Or do you have any other suggestions?
Dominic, that won't be a great conversation
Starter
Hey, what's going on
Mallory, no I'm not
Particularly churchy
This is apparently working for you
I think so
I made a lot of good connections
In
Church
I actually went out to dinner
Last night with old Alex White
You remember
Good people
I don't know if he's thinking
About love
Relationships
Maybe he's just talking about friendships
If that's the way to go
If you're looking for somebody who's going to give up to pussy
God
Well
You can do it
There it is
Speaking of
Speaking of
You're not married to JC
You're going to be mine
Speaking of not particularly churchy
This Yahoo Answers question
Comes to us from Dick
Oh man, Dick asks
What?
If there is no oxygen in space
Then how does the sun burn?
Answer that atheists
Christians one, atheists zero
What a sick bird
He's got you there
Game over
Fuck
Shit
I don't have an answer for that
I know you don't
Hey, do you guys see what Dick said?
Fuck, we're all ruined
There are
Like
300 theology professors across the country
Who just like
Exploded
Wait a minute, Dick just solved it for all of us
Everyone knows that the sun burns
Because the devil lives inside
The devil lives in the sun
What's up?
It's your first night at the rodeo apparently
I have to thank
I did a little bit of
Crowd sourcing
That question was actually sent to me by
Godly
The person's name who sent that to me
Shoutouts
I've been having problems
With expressing my anger
Says Sean from Gmail
And I was wondering if you could help
I'm a 17 year old New Zealander
And over here, any showing of anger
To anyone will often result in a physical fight
I have the problem that
I seem to either bottle it up
I've been meditating lately
And it seems to help a little in thinking about things
Or completely fine if they handle and hurt people badly
I was wondering if you guys could help
Hey Sean
Hi
Sean
You're a
You're talking to three guys
Who are raised Baptist
If you're looking for guys who are telling you
To not bottle it up
Keep it inside
Or get to your bottle breaks
And then you get a bigger bottle
I don't know
I think the last time
I got angry was when I was
I was
Making a left turn
On to the interstate
And someone behind me was upset by the fact
That I was making a left turn
So they passed me and gave me the finger
And I just wanted to get out of my car
And
Just hurt them
I'm so bad at it
Would you rather be Sean
The guy who
Expresses his feeling in a healthy way
Or Sean the guy who at any second
Could fucking flip and fight somebody
I kind of like the last
Sean
That Sean's cool
Sean's crazy
Nobody knows what the fuck Sean's about to do
Sean's drinking
Everybody stops
Just looks at Sean real slow
And maybe this time Sean laughs it off
But next time
Sean is basically a human
Version of Kerplunk
Only the marbles are his rage
And every time you scuff his pumas
You're pulling a stick out
Yeah
And once you put the step on that poo
With that wrong time you're sunk
Also Sean in real advice
You're 17 dude
You're a wash of hormones and emotion
Completely normal
Calm down as you get older
Meditation's the best way to go
Just think about everything
Someone scuffing your pumas
Not a time to pull the stick out
No if you
Then you'll get really bad acne
That's right
You gotta give those hormones
You gotta work them out
Little anger volcanoes
I actually saw a dermatologist
When I was 17
I had really bad skin
She said you got lots of anger volcanoes on your face
Thanks
Sean don't hurt anybody
Sean don't hurt anybody Sean
Everybody don't follow our advice
Have you guys heard about Cody
Have you guys heard about Cody
From Gmail where he's going
Next weekend
He's taking a trip up
With his family up to Canada
Oh Kanata I like it up there
Homeland of Rafi
Not here for my predicament
I love to drink at a 19 years old
Which means I can drink in Canada
However my mom hates that I drink
How can I get shit faced in Canada
Without my mother getting upset
Cody
I have great news for you
This is
A wonderful time
To start practicing the art of
Flaskmanship
She don't need to know anything
She turns away for 30
8 seconds
You got that flask out you pound it
You're done
I would say also that it sounds like
Laws aren't keeping you from drinking
So much in the US of A
So what's the concern
Well there's a difference
There's a difference
Between our laws
And statutes
And mama law
I think he might be afraid of
Of
Transgressing on mama laws
Which I
Understand
What he's saying is the reason he's excited about drinking
Is because it's legal
What I'm saying is it doesn't seem to be slowing down
Although I'm sure the beer in Canada
Is so dope
Cody why do you need to get
Shit faced
As you put it
Can you not just have a beer or two
Do you have an eye opener Cody
Do you ever have an eye opener
Do you ever drink alone
Again I
Would you say your mom has a problem with it
Deming she keeps having interventions for you
Because that's a different thing altogether
I've got a Canada fetish
And everything is cooler in Canada
Maybe getting drunk in Canada is like the sweetest thing ever
Like maybe a mountie sees you on the street
And instead of arresting you
Like he gets off his horse and is like go ahead
Just take one around the block
Winnie
Maybe getting
Fucked up and eating poutine is like
You know
A religious experience
Joel writes to us from Gmail
He says I'm in a bit of a predicament
I recently moved to a new town
And I only know a few people
I'm not in college so I can't meet people that way
And I'm 19 so I can't meet people in bars
Can you guys put your heads together
And give me some pointers on how to meet people and make friends
Joel started a D&D group
That's really good
You're joking but I met a lot of people
That way
Give a call to Dominic and go to church with him sometime
He just wants to tell you about a friend of his
His name is Jesus
On Justin's first point there's a website called Meetup
You can use that to find groups of people
That have your interests maybe not D&D maybe knitting
Maybe scrapbooking maybe that's Joel's game
You can find a group
And do that thing with them
I wish he had told us what city he was in
And then we could have some MBMBAM
Like friendship connections
Here's what we'll do Joel go to Facebook
Go on our appreciation group
Put some stats
Some things you're into the city you're into
We'll make that connection
Make eye color
Basically a match.com profile
But put it in our Facebook group
And then see if you can find a new lover
People should be using our Facebook group for friendship
And love connections
I wish more people were doing that
I want by our next show to have at least one
Piece of verifiable evidence
Of two kids who found each other on the Facebook group
Got together
And fucked
What kind of verifiable evidence are you looking for?
Kicks
Jesus
Here's one
Yahoo Answer also sent to
To me by Action Allen
Thank you Action Allen. This one comes from Kyle S
He asks
I need a list
Of the most practical kicks
What?
Oh just you wait
I want a list of kicks
All must be practical and where they would land
So far the obvious one
Oh shit
To groin mid area head
Sorry
Side kick to groin mid area
I personally don't like this one
Because it's hard to see
Round kick
To lower leg, back of knee
All suggestions are welcome
I'm not kick to spirit
Yeah how about
Below to your self conscious
Hey listen
Why do you need this list?
What are you doing?
Guys can we kick
He's got the front, he's got the side, he's got the round
He considered a donkey kick
A back kick
As it's referred to in some circles
Where an assailant comes behind you
You can usually kick the front
Of their knee or groin area
And that will completely take them
Out of the fight altogether
Have you tried to spin kick?
Spin kick is really good
That's the coolest kick you can do
The point of your boot goes into their butthole
A butthole kick
A butthole bootknocker
A well aimed butthole kick
Have you tried perhaps like a reuse
Style bicycle kick where you fly through
The air for 10 seconds and then squeal
Like a pig
How about an awesome kick where you literally
Take their head off and one cleans
Have you tried the mental kick
Where you don't actually kick
But they think that you do
And then in 3 days their stocks crash
What about the kick where you take
Your foot off and make the guy smell your foot
Like in a funny movie
The Zohans
That's pretty funny
Have you tried a taint kick
What?
A taint kick where you kick them square in the taint
And it lifts them off of the ground
Into the air by about 3 feet
That one's really hard to do
Could I suggest a kick kick
Which is where you kick their kick
With your kick
You gotta be careful though
Because if you don't time it right
They'll kick your kick and then your butt kick
That's a kick kick kick
Have you tried a punch kick
Which is where you take your shoe off
And put it on your hand
And then you punch them with it
That's a
That's a pretty comprehensive list I feel
Yeah I think that's all the kicks
That's all the kicks I know about
I guess
What about the junior kick where you kick their kid
Yeah that's sometimes more
Payful in the long run I mean
Oh crap
What do you think one more question
Before the last question
You got time for one more?
Griffin you pick this time
This one comes from Allison via Gmail
I like a sociable smart funny
Nerdy guy
But I don't know where to find him
Why did you make this one weird
I don't want to show up at a magic game
And be laughed out because I'm playing with my
Merfolk deck and can't remember all of the rules
Or be ignored because I'd rather watch someone play the horror games
For example Fatal Frame 2
So that I can cover my eyes when it gets scary
How do you suggest I go about finding
These guys without running into the creepy stalkers
On Craigslist do they even exist
Say it
Griffin you are fucking adorable
You can tell me how girls get your attention
Sorry okay well thanks
Well thank you
This one was a confidence booster
For me
A little pep in my step
The pep in your step kick is good too
Yeah
That one hurts really bad
That has something extra
He keeps me right in my pep
Wow right in the pep
I will say that
In situations like this
I don't think ladies need to use
Their nerd charm
To try and attract fellas
Because their usual old
Feminine wiles will serve them
Pretty well
I think actually you're going to attract the wrong
Kind of guy by being outwardly nerdy
Maybe that's just me
Here's the thing
The nerdy guys they already want to go out with you
Because
According to your email you're pretty
And they're guys
Probably lonely
The thing you gotta watch out
Here's the trick though
The trick is you gotta find the right kind of nerdy guy
Because
You may not want to end up
A lot of nerdy guys can be kind of socially retarded
And I don't mean that
In the retarded sense
I mean socially retarded like slow
Inept
Just comically inept
Look at our emails
Just pick like the top 5
Girls no kidding
I think
The mbmbam community is a good place
For you to cast
Your proverbial net
Yeah that should pan out real good
Just go on our facebook group
And post a picture of yourself and say you're looking at
We don't have time to read his question
But we got a question
From a gentleman
We've been debating how to pronounce his name
K.H.E.M. Lewis
I think Kim
After we
We mentioned that we got a ton of questions
Of people who don't know how girls work
And he sent us
Pictures of himself and his girlfriend
And he looks like a really dope fresh
Like a kind of guy
Like a dude I could be best friends with
And he's got himself
A cute lady friend
I imagine that Kim Lewis
Is the norm
In our little family
That we've built
You live in the house of colors and tell me how it works out
I think he's the coolest
He's the best of us
Don't try hitting on K.H.E.M. though
Because he's got a lady friend
Kim's not the fan we deserve
She's a cutie
Also Allison
Yeah
Opposite to track
Be your classy lady that hides from
Horror games and shows up with her
Murfolk deck
I don't know what that means
And you know you want guys
That are attracted to you in a
Romantic sense and not a friend sense
So you don't have to appeal to their
Nerdy side
Appeal to their man side
How does a girl get your attention
She sends me flattering
Emails over the internet
No she um
She goes naked day one
No I very much fit into this
As you know I try to put on air
It's like I'm so cool but I'm
All into the group of people
Where if a lady walks up to me
I'm like I love you
Thank you
For giving me this chance
I love you
I promise that I will take this
Sacred trust that you put in me
By saying hi
But seriously sir do you want
A grande or a binti
Do you ask everyone that
Let's go out
You want guys starbucks
Dammit dammit
We're already at starbucks
I want to hear Griffin's last question
But first I want to tell you
Find folks at home how you can get in touch with us
If you need advice
You can go twitter
And use the hashtag
NBNBAM we like that one a lot because it
Helps promote the show
You can go gmail
NBNBAM at gmail.com
You can use formspring
Which is at formspring.formspring
Slash emails
Slash show
Slash formspring
If you want the actual link to that
You can go to NBNBAM.com
We can find all this jazz
Um
The Utah Jazz
Also thank you so much
We've passed 300 ratings on iTunes
And we're approaching 150 reviews
Really great
Totally appreciated
Just have a solid minute where we thank everyone
Like we missed a week
And people were hungry for it
And I hope that this
I hope that we can somehow in the future
Find a way to make up for it
But please tell somebody
You know about the show
Cause it
It really does stick
That's the only way we can spread
We're not advertising or anything
You gotta
We're gladvertising
The show makes you happy and then you tell people about it
Here's what happened
We were going to advertise and then we watched a lot of Mad Men
And then we just ended up getting drunk
I can't feel that world
I can't put money in those
Misogynist's hands
I would suggest maybe listening to us in your car
Maybe you're doing that right now
Look out! Just kidding
Roll all your windows down
And just blast it
And then we'll be like
Hey people on the streets
Download NBNBAM
Hey everybody
Look at this fresh car
He knows what he's doing
We gave him this car
Make sure you check out our
Facebook appreciation group
Alison's gonna be on there
Joel's gonna be on there
Dominic's gonna be on there
Meetin' Christian girls
That's what he's into apparently
But that's the
Whole podcast
We want to have something to grow on
To ponder over the next week
The ensuing week
Until the next NBNBAM
Next Monday
This one comes to us
From Yahoo
Answers user Chuck Boris
Who asks
How many drops of LSD
Should I give a four month old
To get her to stop crying
I'm Justin McElroy
I'm Griffin McElroy
Seven
And this is for my brother
And me
You will never know me
Thank you for watching
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