My Brother, My Brother And Me - One Guy, One Guy, and a Chicken Place

Episode Date: July 31, 2017

Folks, from movie reviews to daring escapes, this episode has it all! Stunning confessions! Fast food war! Gordon Ramsey fan fiction! Ghosts! You won't believe how much we cram-jammed into one episode! Talking Points: Meh, 2GGPP, Hauntings Squared, Elevator Home, Gordon's Secret, Chicken Success, Metaphysical Tyler, Andy Mac

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy. And I'm that sweet baby brother in 30 under 30 media luminary as decided by Forbes magazine Griffin McElroy. I would like to check in with our canary in the coal mine when it comes to

kids movies. Justin, you recently saw the cinematic release of the, let me check my notes here, emoji movie. Oh Christ alive. First of all, before we get into this, Dreamworks didn't make this one, right? Oh, that's Sony. Oh, cool. Let's set phasers to kill. I listen, y'all. I've seen pretty much every kids movie it's been released since my daughter was released. And it was a very exciting release. We all were psyched for the trailers. I remember the Comic Con release trailer for Charlie and like the audience just went crazy and she lived up to the height. The Charlie red carpet was amazing. Yeah. Hosted by Ryan Seacrest, who always does an amazing job. He really steps up. He was in the delivery room. It was actually weird and I didn't like that he was there. Justin,

how was Moji? Charlie, who are you wearing? She's wearing Sydney. Yeah. So here's the thing. The emoji movie starts promisingly. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Let's be honest, skip ahead probably 45 minutes. Yeah, if you're lucky. So here's the thing. The emoji movie starts with a short. You know how Pixar does it? Well, Sony did it with a short. It's called puppy. And this is I'm nothing I'm going to say here is embellished in any way. Puppy is a short film about a little boy that wants a puppy and the little boy's parents are a Dracula's daughter and a wolf man. I think he's a wolf man. It's unclear. He may just be a regular man who doesn't transform into a wolf. There's he looks like a wolf man in a man shape and his grandfather's Dracula

and he wants a puppy and his parents won't get him a puppy. So his grandfather Dracula gets him a puppy and grandfather Dracula gets him a giant monstrous puppy like Demonic Clifford the Big Red Dog. Fuck. And then also Dracula is Adam Sandler. This is Hotel Transylvania and not just like the biggest ripoff of Hotel Transylvania. Yes. Yes. And you've almost certainly guessed at this point that Dracula was. Oh my God. Is Adam Sandler Dracula and Hotel Transylvania is that is this a spin off? Yeah. I never saw that flick. I didn't need I didn't either. I just know of it through cultural osmosis. That was pre-release. Well, anyway, there's a scene where the puppy pisses on Adam Sandler's coffin, which turned out to be weirdly prophetic for the experience of

me watching the emoji movie because it was like it was like a giant dog was pissing on my coffin and I was Adam Sandler. That's how watching the emoji movie made me feel. So 10 out of 10 stars or like. So you're you're you we follow a meh emoji, which is already like my least favorite like like I don't even want to call it emotion. It's basically the lack of emotion. It's my least favorite thing in the world. That's only his favorite word on the planet earth, I think. And so this emoji though, his mind's a maze balls. Yeah, feels is another one for me, but it's not quite up there with meh. So anyway, so so like this meh emoji, voiced by teaching Miller can't just be meh. He feels all kinds of emotions and he basically like

breaks this kid's phone because he feels all the emotions. Wait, wait, okay. You've already gotten me, Justin. The emoji movie takes place in a world not where the emojis are just like hanging out. No, but in like a they're it they're they're like trapped in phones. No, they live in the this is a world within a phone, right? They live in textopolis, which is a world within this kid's phone. So TJ Miller has to break out an escape or something because his kid's going to race his phone because TJ Miller fucked it up so bad with his stupid emoji. And then he and this hacker named jailbreak voiced by Anna Ferris and a big hand called high five voiced by Oh, I heard a chuckle there. James Corden. Oh, I heard a chuckle there. Maybe

maybe it's not. It's not a chuckle. Maybe something maybe some of the the the the movie critic do protest too much maybe a little bit because I think I got a little chuckle out of you there. There are some so they go on this adventure through the kid's phone and they go through a lot of beloved apps. I want to give you an example of Christ the level of humor. So they go into the Facebook app only they don't call it Facebook. They're just a white F on a blue square. So like I don't I don't know they got the rice to this one. And inside the Facebook app, which is represented by like just like all the apps are just big cubes. And inside the Facebook app, there's a bunch of silhouettes of people saying like look at my dog. And then somebody else says

look at my breakfast. And then man the man emoji goes into the Facebook app. And he's in there for a couple seconds. It comes out. And he says everyone in there is just talking about themselves. Oh, and is that and then another character comes in and says a joke. Now you would think but no that's the someone says put some sauce on that dance burrito because they go to the just dance app. You know the beloved app that everybody has on their phone just dance in 2017. Yeah. It's not the movies off wrote a big check. This is like they hit all the big ones. They hit Twitter, Facebook, Dropbox, which is where they're trying to get to because it's like they live in the cloud or sorry sorry sorry. A major plot point in this children's movie is to get to the cloud storage

workplace solution Dropbox. We got to get to one we got to get to fucking Slack. It's the best cross platform organization. We got we got to get to Trello to great great project management software great for scrum kids are you listening from about scrum. I want to I kept hoping he would go to Dropbox and see like 700 million other replicants of himself and just be like whoa what the fuck am I doing here? What are we doing here? I don't know why I came here. This is very disheartening but like I don't know it's I'm I I hesitate I kind of dreaded when Travis brought it up because it's like it's not even funny to talk about sure isn't in this film that was like everything was like joke adjacent like if they said it like it was a joke and like God bless the leads of this

film because they are just heroically just dying on a cross hoping that some of their blood dribbles down and forms like a rubber chicken or something like so something approaching comedy in this film like and it's not like oh all kids movies are late most kids movies nowadays are fucking great like most kids movies are great right now and this is not that it's a nightmare and well Justin maybe maybe you're just not the target audience maybe you're just out of touch what did Charlie think? She just ran around the theater and tried to fall a lot that which is unusual for her in a film normally a film she'll I mean let me give you a by comparison captain underpants fucking glued glued to the screen trolls forget about it uh and and she was a

lot younger when she saw trolls and she enjoyed a lot more this movie uh it chomped I do have to say this though stay through the credits because at the end of the credits uh Werner Herzog pops up and says you are now 90 minutes closer to your own death and that that was a surprise I did not see that coming good we found one funny thing to say about the emoji movie and please god let's move on this is poison uh don't go see the emoji movie it's poison but also if there's anybody who was connected to trolls too that was also getting the emoji movie we're just kidding it's just a podcast you know it's a fun podcast for friends it's just a friend's podcast uh so this week Joey went to Chandler and he was like forget about it is it okay to interject into a conversation that

group of people is having at the table next to you at a restaurant say about tv sitcoms for example my husband and I recently moved to Maryland and have yet to make new friends and we're not sure how to be forward enough to make friends without coming across as creepy and that's from friendless in Frederick hachimacha oh you guys talking about two guys a girl in pizza place huh sit back and watch me go okay two guys a girl in a pizza place do you think the other guy and the girl like look at the career of Ryan Reynolds and they're just like statistically I guess that makes sense like where were we but you know it just lightning struck Ryan Reynolds and not us I bet the pizza place is like I could have been the shawarma place at the end they cut

the pizza place after like the third season and it just became two guys and a girl which is like the title for like the laziest title of a porno ever two guys and a girl doing stuff and loving it and then they just changed it to three characters um sex um but anyway I I think the impulse is good I think you have to think about context when you're at a when you're at a think about this we're not a restaurant and you're having dinner with a group of people and you see somebody you know they approach that table and are forced to just stand there like they're the uh like messenger from a neighboring kingdom that has just come to like hold court for a second and then they're dismissed you can't the the follow through if you get a good convo going about two

guys are going to pizza place there's no universe in which they're like you know what come over and join us we're having a great time and you seem like fun people that happens in movies that doesn't happen in real life from my experience but I it may be of limited scope I mean by definition it is but I just don't think you have a follow through in that setting personally I don't mind the interrupting the conversation I think it's the context of like a restaurant that trips me out about it well yeah because every time I've been like out to dinner like if Tristan I go out to dinner it's I can get smart speaking of sitcoms where like the you know you have the the cone of silence you have that you know that bubble if someone like leans over I think my honest reaction

would like be to be startled like what you could hear us what like you start to forget that like other people are also there and you're kind of having this like public isolation moment of like this is just my wife and I here in this moment wait what are you doing here yeah um listen and that's the problem with the restaurant is you don't know the context if my wife and I have like fucking lied cheated and killed our way to getting to have dinner the two of us together in a restaurant you better not try to come over and fucking talk to me I will shut you down like absolutely not no way no the only time where if I'm talking to someone at a restaurant about two guys and a girl and a pizza place I'm sorry the pizza place is so important to me I know they

abandon it but whatever the only time where somebody says what wants to chime in on my my two gg pp convo where I'm not constantly thinking like boy I can't wait to just get back to just just us without this person who this interloper the only time where that happens is if the person the interloper who comes over is trailer howard star of two guys a girl on a pizza place because I bet she's got some stories she'll be so flattered that you want to hear you know what I've heard it from Ryan's perspective I want to hear the rest of the story Ryan's perspective I get it like it's tough to make for instance tough to meet people I just don't think this is it I just don't think this is the one this isn't the nug especially on never ever ever ever ever as a

correction well actually actually they I loved Taylor Howard in that show did you mean trailer Howard hi it's me trailer Howard I know it's kind of a buck wild name the inverse of that is exactly what happened when uh trailer's parents named her at the hospital uh did you mean Taylor Howard no I meant trailer hey do you all want to know who I feel bad about trailer Howard you know what everybody's got their own names I don't know why I felt the need to be cruel about trailer she was great monk and she's welcome to show anytime yeah what kind of name is Justin you know yeah you piece of shit do you mean dust do you mean dustin no come on yeah fucking jerk take how about how about a yahoo from Amelia burger thank you Amelia it's yahoo answers user hair TM

how rich hair asks survey all questions on yahoo are a survey you don't have to survey do ghosts haunt the other ghosts it's not a survey it's not how a fucking survey works hmm we asked a hundred Americans do ghosts the answer survey says uh I'm gonna go with the a butt Steve let's look over the board it says big sweet fanny why would why would why are people why would anybody answer that question with big sweet fanny just say the butt if you're around family fear just say but but yeah we're gonna get in there somewhere what's something you bring to a picnic my butt my butt yeah yeah looks like uh let's see what I said said my butt it says my big sweet cheeks up on the board is there a is there a tumbler somewhere that collects

names that the board on family feud gives to genitals and butts I hear a lot of frantic typing coming from someone's computer I'm just gonna move on and ask if ghosts haunt other ghosts oh there is there's specifically one called meat whistle dot tumbler dot com no entries fuck you meat whistle dot tumbler dot com you can't get me excited like that um anyway here's the scenario rumple stiff skin that's a penis well yeah that's not your butt come on uh prune blaster thank you family feud uh um thunder donut thank you family feud here's the ghost scenario I can see all right uh-huh so let's say I'm killed by a guy named Jake all right and so I'm haunting Jake okay right but then Jake is killed by someone named Susan

so now Jake is haunting Susan but I'm still haunting Jake I feel like that's if a if a spectral form haunts my meat body I will be I will be thoroughly spooked out do not want would not sign up for that if I am spectral as well and a specter haunts me I feel like I would just be annoyed like yeah I'm trying to haunt this person can you please just leave me to my haunting because you're kind of getting in the way imagine that Travis a ghost some sort of spectral um uh some sort of renaissance woman floats through your your window and her face is a is just very scary uh face with just sort of a rottenness to it and she's like Travis and then just like from behind her you see just like a just sort of a like a big dude in a t-shirt and he's

spectrum he floats through the window he's like what's up Veronica and she's like please can you give me a second I'm about to spook Travis I feel like it would undercut the spookiness of the first haunting somewhat if I saw two if I see two ghosts I'm less afraid than just the one I think I also think just to your point girl when I think leading off by saying my own name like if the if Veronica was just like Travis I feel like my immediate response would be like yes like I feel like that's just ingrained in my psyche so I feel like I feel like putting a Veronica would have to make it a declarative like Travis instead of like Travis yes you know what I mean I'm just saying make statements not questions ghosts okay that's how you get the job I was thinking about this

because there's a similar scene I mean they're like this is structurally sort of dealt with in the movie ghost um because at the end of the movie ghost sorry about the ghost spoilers everyone it's 27 years old just give ahead 45 minutes at the end of the movie ghost Tony Goldwyn who is like his friend that actually like killed him uh Patrick Swayze makes it so that he dies and he rather than haunting him which you would think kind of short-sighted Pat because you could have just condemned yourself to having Tony Goldwyn just like on your jock yeah for the rest of all time now instead Tony Goldwyn gets dragged to hell and we see it happen that's a pretty extreme ending for a romance starring Patrick Swayze but I'm I'm also thinking

about the fact that it's a musical now so is there a scene in the ghost musical where you watch the Tony Goldwyn character get dragged to hell and are you at the end supposed to stand up and applaud like are we is it okay yeah to watch that yeah fuck Tony Goldwyn yeah forever right I I hate to be the one to break it to you I took a film appreciation class in college so I know what I'm talking about most movies actually end with the antagonists being dragged to hell they just don't always show it yeah so every time in a movie the last time you see the bad guy maybe he's like being taken off to prison or she's you know having to you know I don't know clean up the the rec center that she was gonna do whatever the next beat in their storyline is like they choke on a

grape or get hit by a motorcycle or something and then they're dragged to hell I said that's why I bought the Home Alone 2 Blu-ray because I just had to see I had to watch it after how much they put meat the hell they put my family through via Kevin and his family the hell that I have suffered at their hands by extension like I had to have that closure of see them kill and it's dragged to hell and in Home Alone 2 it's weird because they don't show the beginning scene where Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern fight Satan kill him and climb out of hell because they are now the kings of hell they steal Satan's muscle car and yeah right out of hell it's so weird because they show up and they're just like stealing coins from the Salvation Army and they take the Daniel Stern takes the

kids mittens and it's very funny but you have to think about the fact that Daniel Stern himself throttled Satan and choked the life out of him became the king of hell guys listen this sorry Griffin go ahead oh no there's I could go on but I don't have I want to stop you there because I'm fucking tired of giving the Home Alone great alternate sequels that they could make this would be our like third and I'm sick of it I'm sick of them profiting off our ideas they make everyone that make this huge box office and I'm not gonna give them anymore yeah there's a scene you don't see in the middle of Home Alone 2 where Brenda Fricker starts to get dragged to hell and she's like oh hold on Satan it's I'm actually gonna have a turn here I'm not a spooky bird woman I'm

very friendly and Satan's like bye bye and then she she fights him off same as shovel man in the first one he's like no I'm gonna use the shovel to save the boy at the end and Satan's like okay you can chill but I'm gonna get you one day do you promise that was a really good shovel man Griffin thanks you promised you're good yeah I'm I promise I'm good I've got this shovel I'm gonna hit Joe Pesci real hard with them kill him and send him to you I am I am your grim reaper sir how would it change the objects to see how a new Home Alone movie now where it's a 37 year old man just beating the living shit out of a couple of senior citizens who are just trying to scrape by like I feel like that would drastically change the vibe of the film yeah yeah I would say so Justin yeah it might be

different the intent might change the intent I walked into work today and made my usual walk to the elevator to reach the third floor of my office building for the last few days one of these elevators has had an out of order sign taped to the front of it and the elevator itself was not an operation however when I hit the up button this morning the elevator that has the out of order sign on it opened no I'm writing this as fast as possible to get it sent because I need to know if it's okay to ride this elevator not a good plan not how this works am I about to ride this elevator and shoot through the sky like Willy Wonka or am I gonna fall to my death also am I good I'll please hurry I'm not sure how much longer this door will stay open and I really need to use this

shitter that's from particularly paranoid in Princeton let me answer one of your middle questions there in regards to what will happen up or down elevators in general when they break rarely break up um that's not that's not how that now that said just because gravity has always worked doesn't mean it will always work that way but if there's a fault point in an elevator there is pretty much only one direction that that plays out I would say that's how the boy band got their name I would say that you're definitely not good and here's why there is an out of order sign taped to the elevator let me hit you with this if the elevator never opened there would be no need for the out of order sign the point would be moot yeah like why do I need to know I would not need

that information the elevator would not open I would not use that elevator I do not need an out of order sign on that elevator the only reason it would be necessary is if you shouldn't use this one it may open but it's a sneaky fuck elevator and it's just trying to kill you elevator is a trust box that I step into and I form a silent contract with whoever it last service the elevator because you know I check you know I'm checking out that weight limit and you know I'm checking out the occupant capacity and you know I'm doing a quick tabulation in my mind and you know I'm looking at the last service date and like I look at these factors so that I can trust the person who I'm about to put my life in their hands and so if I see if I if the door opens and I see a light flicker

once for a half second in the elevator I'm like I'm gonna take the stairs because it's a trust box and that you just had a bad interview with me elevator the fact that you saw a sign that said this is broken do not you don't do not use and you stepped into the trust box I think you might be like I think this is I think if you do this it's officially astound do you ever do you guys ever see in a movie or tv show where like an elevator like stops between floors and like people end up having to like wedge the doors open and like climb up nope and think and think that might actually be kind of exciting and fun shut up shut up shut up shut up oh my god it happened to me it happened to me it happened to you my brother do I know it happened to me at the hospital

when I was coming down from visiting my child in the nick you and I was like yeah it seems about right and I had to have I had to have an old old man help help me climb out of it and that's how that's that's the exciting thing is like boost yourself up here buddy oh my god you have more left than I do yeah come on you can do it there's oh yeah he died he just helped me out and then he was like well this is what I was here to do goodbye I'm going to hell now thank you shovel man thank you for using your shovel as a lever if that ever happened to me I would write a letter to my my um I would write a letter to my like my realtor and I would say put my house on the market because I live in an elevator now I'm not climbing out because hey guess what Judy who is my realtor's

name I'm not trying to get cut in half today how long would the elevator door need to be open and stuck before you felt comfortable literally a calendar day literally are you worried about the door cutting you in half or the elevator starting to move and the floor and the the ladder when you fucking dumbass I know the door is not going to get me I trust the door elevator doors can hang it's the rest of the mechanism that like nope nope no way if you have loved ones in your life you and and you are facing something that could cause your death you have to project yourself forward into the conversation that they will have because the conversation that you would have in the case of your death in this situation is he got into a broken elevator oh my god well it had

out of order sign on it oh my god really so we're gonna have to deny your life insurance yeah no one will feel bad for you in this case there will be no there will be no like huge lawsuit for you in this situation it's said out of order on it you cannot write this elevator please please don't do this don't do this please I can't I'm sorry I'm trying to join in the bit I'm still flabbergasted that Justin climbed out I'm still flabbergasted that Justin doesn't why didn't see just on episode of tiny house big living just like yeah this is my elevator home what how did you how what's how could you do this I didn't know my brother was the fucking last action hero this is incredible it had been a pretty hard week Griffin I had a lot of I had

built up a lot of like confidence slash nihilism it's sort of a great blend of those that allowed me to just effortlessly uh uh uh leap out and um also I was wearing a tibie island t-shirt so I assumed oh you were in power yeah you couldn't die in that do you guys remember I think it was our last New York live show uh when I was in the elevator in the hotel and it dropped the floor what yeah I was going back up to our rooms and then it just like stopped and dropped the floor and then like the door why are my brothers telling me this now welcome to griffin macaro is terrifying anthology series elevator which brings on guests to talk about their terrifying elevator experiences I did I did give free gift basket full of snacks from the hotel for my troubles that's what your

life's worth and you're mine that's what your life's worth I got three cookies it was great and you know what I've gotten on elevators again since then so life and can I tell you this is my favorite part of this story my inclination when the elevator dropped like my fight or flight response was to like wedge myself into a corner and I to this day have no idea what my thought process was of like well when this elevator goes down I'll be cool we we got a corner something else I'm literally getting freaked um all right let me rescue you griffin and I will take you in my escalator completely safe if it breaks if it breaks it stares it's if it breaks it stares or it turns into a hungry mouthful of gear it's that will just gnaw on me why aren't just one

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I gotta see if it's available all right there goes Justin again s t i n c um yeah wink is spelled w i n c and uh you can go to try wink dot com that's tr y w i n c dot com to uh take that palette quiz and uh you got it with a k I got it I got it with a k you got stink dot com try stink dot com okay um anyway if you take that quiz wink will recommend why I'm not gonna like this ad are they enjoy our final ad with wink um please go buy wink wine so that and say that we sent you so that they'll forgive us for this um they will recommend wines based on your results of the quiz and they will ship them directly to your door every month um and right now they are offering our listeners 10 20 bucks off that's even better that's double the number of bucks 20 dollars off your first order

when you go to try wink dot com slash my brother they'll even cover the cost of shipping that's try wink spelled tr y w i n c dot com slash my brother to get 20 bucks off your first order now plus complimentary shipping one last time try wink dot com slash my brother we've actually we've gotten a lot of wine from them and it really is very very good um and I don't like usually have multiple bottles of wine around the house and so it was like I really I felt like a fancy sommelier uh and if if you can't remember that whole address you can just go to try stink dot com and it'll take you right to try wink dot com slash my brother oh now they're definitely not gonna like that even easier to remember um hey trap tell me about harry's hey if you are a person who shaves then good news

you can get a great shave at a fair price no more of that like going to you know the the drug store or what have you to the soda fountain to the pharmacy I don't know where people go I haven't shaved in eight years but if you are going and Dr. Sharp Mrs. Blade Emporium is where I go um they just kind of run through with your eyes closed yeah um if you are going and you're you're sick of paying you know tons of money and having to wait for somebody to come and open you know that little acrylic case to make sure you don't steal their cheap crappy blades well good news you can harry's dot com slash my brother and get great razors at a great price uh harry's offers the blades at half the price of leading five blade razors selling directly to you over the internet they're

so confident you're going to love their blades they'll give you their trial shave set for free when you sign up at harry's dot com slash my brother just pay three bucks for shipping that's a thirteen dollar value for free your trial set includes a weighted ergonomic razor handle five precision engineered blades with lubricating strip and trimmer blade rich lathering shave gel a travel blade cover so get your free trial set by going to harry's h a r r y s dot com slash my brother right now harry's dot com slash my brother I got I got I got so many harry's blades and saw a user shave is so nice when I was shaving one time blades are so sharp and perfect I cut a hole in spacetime went to another universe where patrick spacey is still alive hung out with him

it was fucking great best day of my life I got a message for the sept and that's brandon bryan anthony spencer philip and zeb and it's from patrick who has named a group of people the sept which is pretty very cool uh you guys are my best friends and I couldn't think of a better reminder to send them through our favorite podcast hosts I am sure by whenever the time this time airs everyone in the group is listening to mbm and the adventure zone regularly I love you all so much also this costs 100 dollars so this is everyone's christmas precedent I love that called shot like I'm gonna buy this ad then convince my friends to listen to my brother my brother and me yeah everybody should do this I guess this is this is maybe the best advertising technique anybody's ever

envisioned I'm gonna take this shit on shark tank um I got another message and this one's for social entropy and it's from bizarro stormy who says I am bizarro stormy so that's an activation definitely yes or a challenge for who for social entropy I think they're challenging like a force I think this is a challenge to like a like a just sort of a presence so like the concepts of social entropy I was thinking this was like they're you they're nemesis the nemesis you know was social entropy which would be a pretty great villain name it's a conceptual nemesis so I think you're right I just think it's the concept and bizarre stormy's announcing that the challenge has begun and bizarre stormy will triumph over social entropy hey I don't fucking know it's

it's your hundred dollars it's yours I'm gonna spend a hundred dollars to get one on the show and it's from griffin and it's four irritable bowel syndrome and it's just like bring it on motherfucker I'm not afraid I'm not afraid anymore um I have another message this one's for david and it's from chase who says congrats on the four-year anniversary of that movie blog we've been working on now please god can we shut it down couldn't think couldn't think of any other way to tell you that is extremely good fuck that's good Jesus Christ they did and they could have named it and they did it they could have put the name in it like well I'm gonna try one promotion for it that's great I'm gonna try marketing our movie blog just as once now should I spend money

to actually promote it or should I spend the money to shut it down I love it don't get it twisted they have way more characters to use oh yeah they could have explained in depth their issue but no it they wanted to keep it they wouldn't leave very little daylight here for for uh david wiggle their way out is this our first epitaph oh my god that's good a lot of times my instincts are wrong they're mostly wrong but they're not wrong in the sense that like I misread somebody they're just extremely limited to my you know to my idea of who they are that was mark maren I'm jesse thorn I'm the host of npr's bullseye I'm so excited to tell you about my new show the turnaround join me as I sit down

with some of the best interviewers in the world to ask them about how and why they do what they do we'll go deep some of the biggest names in media everybody from terry gross to jerry springer to combat jack that's all on the turnaround two episodes a week this summer subscribe now tell a friend hey I got a yahoo yeah hit me it's from uh Seth Carlson okay thank you Seth it's from yahoo anthracist user wilson who asks do you think gordon ramsey would show up in heaven and start telling everyone what is wrong and how to fix it all already starting with a big logical leap there that gordon ramsey would go to of course gordon ramsey would go to heaven you watch that motherfucker on masterchef junior he's got kind heart in that chest kind of a show called

hell kitchen yeah he's him yeah shit try to get a point though he is casting himself as a I mean he's casting himself as the devil of that scenario for sure well the food devil the food devil um yeah I mean he's also on a show called the f word and I don't think God or Jesus or Saint Peter the Holy Spirit would you know like that because he can show up and be like no it stands for food and God's like is still come on dude you made a show called fuck and you know that's not my favorite one of the words gordon do you think gordon ramsey in real life is very pleasant have you watched his christmas special where he makes a fucking beef wellington with his kids and they're just like piling around the whole time yeah trav I think he's pretty great yeah and if you watch a

cooking instructional video that he makes it's loving it's so nurturing like he's he's there with you and he wants you to relax and he says it's easy and he doesn't get mad at you and he's just nice to you you can just watch that video if I were gordon ramsey my next show would be like allowing the lines of like you know health kitchen or like you know kitchen nightmares or whatever but I would be super nice the whole time because I think that that would be the thing that would put the people most on edge is like they're just waiting for him to break and it's just like oh no this is I see you're doing a great job you're doing your but okay okay and no no and it all look good everything's good here uh what's this oh that oh no no this is fine I think that would be the most fucking terrifying

thing gordon ramsey could do I would love to see an episode of master chef junior where there's a young boy maybe his name is Jacob and he's 17 and he's making an omelet and the taping's going real real late and gordon ramsey walks over he's like oh it looks like your eggs are getting a little bit runny you should you should take care of that uh Jacob oh don't cry it's all gonna be okay and Jacob's like thank you sir and then the clock rolls over to midnight and it's his birthday and Jacob turns 18 and we see gordon's like the fucking eyes turn red like a terminator and his fucking protocols switch over and all of a sudden Jacob is being tried as an adult and he's like you fucking prick slings the eggs in his face get this runny shit uh boy I think gordon ramsey

would show up in heaven I think he wouldn't immediately start telling everyone what is wrong and how to fix it all but I think he definitely can't help himself a little bit oh oh twilight zone moment maybe maybe gets to heaven there's nothing wrong it's heaven oh everything's perfect oh shit that's he's running around he's looking for something to criticize he can't find it and he says like but I have nothing I can fix here and then the devil pops up he's like where's here he's like it's heaven he's like wrong motherfucker and like that's his hell everything's too perfect I think he would definitely take a while to start criticizing because the secret of gordon ramsey is that he doesn't know anything about cooking and the hardest thing about whoa yeah I know I know it's

a surprise but the hardest thing about making all of his shows is you have to edit out every time he's like and you burn the lasagna and he goes I bet like underneath his breath he says I bet and they have to edit all of those out like the eggs are perfectly seasoned I bet I bet they're perfectly you want to put the new these spaghetti noodles in cold water cold that does explain why on kitchen nightmares there's always a scene right at the top of every episode where he talks to the person goes what stuff you're really self-conscious about that you don't think you do good and then he just like writes it all down and then he's reading from a clipboard later that makes so much fucking sense so much sense if he's just like how did you season the garlic bread and

they're like well I put garlic on it so down I'm writing this down don't speak so fast donkey we've let's talk about this we've been approached a couple times and we've had like conversations about if we did uh uh like another tv show like we did the midman tv show what would it be and we've we're if I'm being honest we've like kind of struggled about like what we three dumb dumps could like do that would be good on a television show I am supremely jealous of Gordon Ramsay because either he generates the ideas or folks come to him with pitches dude has a show called hell's kitchen a show called kitchen nightmares a show called hotel hell I think folks just come to him is like Gordon I've got a surefire hit it's called

murder cake and he's like it sounds good yeah what murder cake and it's just about cake but like it's extremely just sort of violent and angry angry way of cooking I love it let's do it let's fucking let's fucking go right now I think it's I think he's got himself a good brand because he can niche yeah it's this show is called pasta fight to the death pasta fight to the death sounds fucking good to me it's it's so much easier if you have a persona right like it's a cooking show except we've thrown this really mean guy in there it's a show about airports except there's a really mean guy who is mad at everybody what like there is no tv premise that is enhanced by and then three milk face nobody show up and and um I don't know you can kind of see

oh you can't oh I should leave all right thank you for your time I appreciate it you can only come up with so many different iterations of the show dumb brothers then these these three pasty zilches come out like you didn't do the garlic bread right and then they're like how do you know we don't good day don't farewell we'll be sitting over here on internet obscurity thank you very much thank you very much if you'll excuse me one of the people outside said they knew who we were and I'm going to go talk to them um my upstairs neighbor keeps giving me leftover chicken I can't tell if it's from kfc or homemade but I'm leaning towards the former man that's good chicken though because they had a lifetime to refine that recipe um I did I tell you guys that the kfc is trolling

the bojangles in Huntington did I tell you that did I please explain you got to understand I miss Huntington so much but the thing I feel mostly disconnected from is the fast food beefs so when bojangles open on route 60 in Huntington there were literal like the department of highways had to come out and put out signs to direct traffic because it was so buck wild like there were road signs like this way for bojangles because you would see this line think well certainly there's been a terrible accident but there hadn't there had been a chicken like success and everybody was like so excited about it and when the bojangles blew up there's a kfc down well sorry the bojangles yeah look at the kernel the kernel went buck wild it was fucking great dude the kfc they sent a car bomb to the bojangles

fucking hysterical and he's he's the kernel just stood outside yelling extra crispy um so fucked anyway no there's a kfc like a mile and a half down the road and uh they put kfc paid to put up a billboard directly across the street from bojangles and it's just a smiling shitting grin on the kernel and it just says uh our cook is more famous than your cook uh there's kfc about a mile up the road on the left it's like oh man just like you see that and you think oh man i do love that kernel goodbye bojangles was this a is this a is this a i gotta ask this one probably didn't come down from corporate hq huh absolutely not you know that's darrell you know that's you know that's darrell that's some gorilla tactics yeah i'm just gonna put them on blast

can you finish this question you got like one sentence into it yeah let me start over i clean out the top wear container he gives me and within a day he's at my door with a new batch oh my god shite wow man what a hookup should i give him something in return i once changed his hard contact lens as a good neighbor because he's blind but i feel like i should do more for him like maybe give him some of my own leftovers well that's from befoud in bountiful utah what a wonderful scenario for everyone involved because for me i find that the the the one of the main things that keeps you from baking is one i can only eat beans and that's very frustrating to bake things but also um i never can get rid of the stuff fast enough

like i make it and then i just a week later i throw out a moldy pile of it um unless it's very good then people tend to eat it but it would be nice to maybe you just likes making chicken you know yeah it's hard it's hard to make chicken for one maybe you just want to make chicken for two and you're the beneficiary of that what you've got here is a classic one guy one guy in a chicken place scenario yeah um there there actually is just there is an old custom of like if you are given like a casserole dishful of food or whatever like a container of food by like a neighbor or something you're not supposed to return it empty that is a thing well shit i do that all the time yeah it's supposed to be like if they give you cookies you send back brownies or whatever

but that is that becomes that becomes a curse eventually well that's what it's supposed to it's supposed to be a recursive cyclical neighbor building i don't know it sucks but i mean no it sounds nice on paper it's just like oh god you brought it back already huh okay fuck i don't know i could make i could make lasagna again did you like you didn't well i'm sorry man i gotta fill this fucking Tupperware up and lasagna occupies a lot of square footage um i think like is it weird to i think you should definitely make something right i think that's i think that's a very kind gesture um maybe if this person is bringing you stuff to your door every day and i don't know what your relationship is like with your neighbor but maybe they just

want to hang out am i out of am i am i completely out of touch there it kind of feels like it might be it because that would be the only scenario in which i would allow someone to touch my eyeball yeah yeah that's true i'm doing my bet like i'm giving you the clearest sign that i want i just want human company because i went so far as to invite you to touch my eyeball yeah um you know it might be a good way of repaying this is if you ask them they were next time if they could stick around and show you how they make fried chicken i think they might really appreciate now if it is they're probably so grateful because they've been going broke buying fried chicken just waiting for you to ask oh thank god um maybe they're trying to now if you ask that and they're

like actually i have franchising opportunities available like after you like dip like you definitely don't want that it is going to be pretty shitty if one day the neighbor shows up and they're like that will be eight hundred and thirty dollars do you guys feel a tremendous amount of guilt for the fact that you don't know your neighbors and maybe i'm projecting and maybe you do and maybe your best buds with them but like i don't know man i feel i feel i feel genuine i've like and i think this is like like a common problem of the era like i literally do not know how to make an inroad and i say that and i really do think the answer is to just bring some chicken over there one day because nobody's gonna say like no to that i do know i do know my my neighbors

and it's the first time maybe in my life ever that that is true like i i lived in an apartment here and said well it was a house split into apartments for five years with the same upstairs neighbors for five years never learn their names that's yeah i have actually bought a house that is across the street from my elementary school principal and down the street from my uh kindergarten teacher miss weston so miss scott miss scott lives yeah just down the hill from me and what that means is that justin mackerey is on his grind 24 hours a day there's no way i'm gonna let them see me slipping ever like i constantly have to monitor like i did i leave the lights on did i put out too much trash whatever like i i have all these like uh hold on jump back

justin if you feel you've put out too much trash yeah what do you do away with the excess trash i wait until the next week and hope it's better hope there's a better chance for it i do get a lot of guilt about leaving out too much trash sometimes i'll put out dear my brother my brother and me sometimes i have more trash than i think the trash guys would feel comfortable taking away and i just kind of stored it in my garage till the next time and hope that it's better or we go on vacation or something oh you don't think they get you don't think they get psyched look at all this trash awesome what a challenge finally something worthy of our skills do you want to know something terrible i have gotten charlie into the habit of going outside to greet the trash guys when they

take our trash away and thank them so they'll think of us as the house with that adorable child that always thanks them and not the one that puts out 30 amazon boxes every week it is a disaster not the one with the human dump living in it right i think about that i i'm really bad at breaking down boxes to fit into like our recycling bin thing and so most often i can't close the lid on it and i always picture the recycling uh clean up people the ones in the recycling truck coming and seeing that and just like sighing and hanging their head and they're just so disappointed in me like you couldn't spend the extra like five minutes to cut those boxes it didn't make me feel bad how about a yahoo yeah did we answer this but yeah hang out hang out with them hang out just hang

out that's the that's the gift they want like if they wanted more chicken they would stop giving it away they just want to they just want to connect with you and it seems like a cool person like i don't know make a fried chicken seem giving it away seems like a good hang just uh ask them to show you their their techniques i think they really appreciate it i really hope bizarro stormy defeats social entropy so i can feel comfortable meeting my neighbors um here's a yahoo and it's from i was sent in by sath carlson thank you sath it's yahoo answers user sath is really killing it crushing it yeah uh it's from jimothy crickets very good asks should i invite tyler i invited everyone except tyler

so i mean ground rules yeah do you have space for tyler because if you invited everyone except how big's your house can it how how many how many living tylers are there now oh that's a good question is it the singular tyler or is it the conceptual tyler i think it's the conceptual metaphysical metaphorical tyler oh our ties in the mix because you've got to be careful about that because if not tyler's gonna see this cool party with roughly seven billion people at it and no tylers and no tylers and say like oh i gotta get in on that come to the door this extremely exasperated bouncer says what's your name and you say

ty and he says come on in gaming the system a bit i will say though to that point griffin if you were consistently no tylers and let's say no ties to just to cover it and no lures just made it and lure come on in and you just made it like 100 tyler free then no one tyler could feel bad because you say to that tyler like listen it wasn't about you it was about a different tyler but i couldn't let couldn't run tyler in and not the rest i'm gonna say there's 15 000 tylers and you know they're gonna throw a tyler party and that's gonna be a shit show because somebody's gonna be like you want to drink tyler and then the world will explode as a 15 000 tyler saying unison now i'm good they're all straight edged every tyler's straight edged

why don't you want tyler there you invited everyone i think you know justin i think tyler knows what tyler did and you know what tyler did because he did it to us griffin there's a wolf in sheep's clothing here amongst the three of us i've just realized oh my god travis quick let's start a different skype call we got to get justin off the skype call wait but that tyler's my middle name that's not i think it counts i don't think it counts i think it counts judas judas tyler no it's justin tyler and that's like it's just my middle name i don't even use it that much oh tyler don't you tyler i never think about your guys middle names it's weird yeah it's kind of wild like i've got andrew and travis got patrick and those are pretty norm i feel like and then

here comes tyler tyler was first tyler here's and i don't think it makes my skin crawl here's andrew hey this is andrew and there's patrick hey what's up and then here comes and then here comes tyler and it's like hey i'm tyler and that's like what to me that's a little weird i guess yeah what were they thinking hey singing up how about parents picked those fucking middle names they just get those at random or what i have no clue um here comes tyler but tyler's here and he's doing his best justin when you take on the persona of tyler versus justin yeah what changes most about you would you say uh well i flipped my part on the other side that's that's job one natural uh i try to get kind of a macho walk going like a jeff goldblum macho walk you know um and i um

just i there's nothing funny about tyler's i'm sorry tyler's of the world i tried to hang in there for you uh i know i'm only a half breed a daywalker if you will in the world of tyler's i'll say i can't think of any good tyler since you're humor right now i'm sorry i know at least i know at least one tyler that listens to this show uh saw him in san diego i and no no no shade or anything i have a question have the two of you and i'll open this question up with a story have the two of you ever been in a situation where you're like let's try that middle name out for a second because i did go to church camp one time down centrifuge and i was like new new fresh start new medium here for a week how about andrew's andrew's in the mix hey here and then i thought

hmm here comes andy and so i was like oh no wait what and i was like hey uh i'm griffin uh but uh i've been going by andy and i was like let's just let's try this mistake you can't do that this is just sidenote just a little bit of free advice here you can't and i've realized this uh now in my 33rd almost 34th year if you want to start going by you can't give them the original yeah you can't say my name is travis but people call me you just have to say my name is andy but i would i would introduce myself to people and be like i'm andy just try these shoes on these it's like it's like fucking woody's boots with andy on the bottom these are my andy shoes i'm andy this time how dare you drop this on me a mini minute 59 of our podcast griffin this is all i care about now that you

tried oh you had an andy week and i never knew i just did andy for a little bit because i think i could i think i could look like somebody who's maybe an andy no i'm more surprised at the two of you i'm surprised travis didn't roll up to like oh you day one what's like call me pat are you kidding with how much i fucking love my name how much i love the name travis yeah but you've been sure you've been travis for like 40 years and i love him but you've never you don't want to know how the other pat lives is all i'm asking i roll up i'm just like hey it's me ty ty baby that's my that's very that's extremely good ty ty baby andy and pat mine was going to be because there's already had i if i and i still might have to if i joined sag uh travis patrick

because there's already a travis macroi seriously oh yeah in the mix huh yeah i was gonna be travis pat or travis patrick macro i'd do the full thing um do you know that michael would you know um uh michael j foxes changed his name but he didn't change his awesome last name uh it was uh a is his middle initial and he didn't want people to be like michael's a fox so they changed it to to he changed it to j i had this conversation with therese to the other day do you think about michael j fox well no but could i join sag and be samuel el l jackson no you can't no you couldn't no you couldn't why not why can't i be why can't i be like um zachery quinto but like k w i and to because then you would have to be in pornography you would have to be in star

legally has to be important obviously oh it's fair down there guys what about andy andy mac is the new sag the newest sag member here griffin please please can i just please remember that we have hundreds of thousands of people listening to this and if you continue down this road we'll only be any mac forever and ever and you will also have a 90s nicolodian show about you yeah that sounds pretty fucking good if i'm being honest here comes andy mac here comes andy mac have you seen the new nic show it's about andy mac he's a very very very cool young man there is also by the way a uh there is already a tv show called andy mac on the disney channel i'm very sorry for you spelled how a d i so it would be different perfect anyway uh folks that's

gonna do it for us this week we hope you've enjoyed yourself uh we uh put some shows up uh over the week new uh tour coming up all this fall uh some of them are sold out some of them are still available we've got some seats uh september 8th in brooklyn uh october 20th in atlanta uh november 17th through the 19th at chicago miniapolis and milwaukee uh uh uh specifically so uh there are very few seats for most of those except milwaukee come on milwaukee what's up don't you want to come back again milwaukee huh get your friends to go buy some tickets in milwaukee come on there's lots of great seats for milwaukee the other ones are a little more limited considerably more limited but milwaukee is just like it's a it's just waiting for you so go buy

some tickets to our milwaukee show we promise to make that one extra it'll actually be the last show of this tour so i bet it'll be super weird and you probably want to come out for it you can find all those tickets at mcroyshows.com slash tours um come out come out see us we want to see you there um i want to thank john rogerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed um john was kind enough to open for us again uh at our sandiego uh live show and he's a he's so fucking great thank you thank you john yeah thanks john um go check out all the other amazing shows on maximumfun.org there's tons on there you're gonna love all of them um speaking of mcroyshows.com you can also go there to find all the projects we

work on as well as when the shows come out our twitter accounts uh contact information all that stuff mcroyshows.com and uh folks that's gonna do it for us this week thank you so much uh girfan's gotta follow you oh sorry one more thing um i don't know if we've talked about it on this show yet uh the dnd podcast that we do with our dad the adventure zone um we are putting out a graphic novel of the first arc of the adventure zone here there'd be gerblins um and that is available for pre-order now it's theadventureszonecomic.com um and you can go and pre-order that now um i'm so proud of it y'all y'all gonna love it go check it out and uh yeah go pre-order it thank you very much thank you uh y'all want that final hit me yes please send it by Seth Carlson crashing

it it's from an anonymous yahoo user who i'm gonna name Purvis asks is scorpion and sub-zero atheists my name is just a mackerelite i'm travis mackerelite i'm griffin mackerelite this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported creativity comedy and friendship all these things and more are waiting for you at max fun con east at the maybe haunted pokono manner september first through third we only have a few tickets left and they're on sale right now so head on over to maxfuncon.com to buy your tickets don't miss out