My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Casting The Movie

Episode Date: December 17, 2015

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. This week, we're deciding our A-list cast for 'Belinda Blinked: The Movie'... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno, The Footnotes. This week we're thinking about beyond the book. Where can Belinda Blink take us next. So, Belinda Blinked is going to be huge. It is huge already, actually. Rocky obviously owns all the rights, so if he wanted to, I don't know, roll this out... Make a movie adaptation of the book. Which is a genius idea and should definitely happen

it's been discussed like people are already suggesting oh really has it well people have already been talking about the cast oh really and i think what in the twitter sphere in the twitter sphere uh there's one dead cert oh yeah jim sterling danny devito oh my goodness of course and i actually haven't seen dannyVito in a film of late. It is the role of a lifetime, Jim Sterling. I mean, actually, you could really make it your own. You could. Do we have good intel on Danny's situation downstairs?

He did play a stripper on Friends. But I don't think anything was revealed. I think... Note to self, watch that back. Even if he's well endowed, you could... I'm sure there's something we could do. A prosthetic. CGI or something.

Watch the other episode of Friends where Monica built that. Yeah, okay. Friends is basically our reference point for this casting process. Brilliant. Anyway, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Who's going to play the titular title role of Belinda? Now, I picture Belinda so differently to how she's on the cover. Oh, yeah, me too.

I think we need to just take the cover and burn it. Okay. For the purposes of this. Well, the cover covers the book, so why don't we just take the book and burn it? Okay. My thing is, I think she almost, no offence, doesn't look pretty enough on the cover.

Ouch. Sorry if you're listening, love. No, I'm just saying, Belinda's like a nine. Yeah. Belinda's a nut. Yeah, no, Belinda, I I think is supposed to be really hot. Okay, then we've got very different interpretations of that. Do you think she's not all that?

Well, I think she's one of those women that, you know, like... Go on. It's beautiful. Full stop. On the inside. You think she thinks she's got it going on? Yeah. No, no, no, no, sorry.

I think she's attainable. Yeah, she's attainable yeah she's attainable there's not one person that's been turned away anyone can enjoy a night with her all day all day or late afternoon in the maids okay so she's dark haired yeah we've agreed good body yeah i mean let's be honest dream casting would be be Jennifer Lawrence. As Belinda? Yeah. Ooh. That's young.

She's a touch young, but Jennifer Lawrence does play characters that are older than her quite often. And that will be the only hurdle, so yeah, I'm sure she'll sign right up. Well, she's amazing, so I think she'd pull it off with a plum. I think she's too hot. Maybe, yeah, she's a bit too hot. Yeah, she's a ten. We're about to really offend some young actresses. Sorry, Angelina. No, Angelina's got Duchess written all over her.

Angelina? No, she's far too young. The Duchess is grey-haired and wizened. Who could that be? Maggie Smith? Kathy Najimy? Maggie Smith! She's like 92!

Okay, Helen Mirren? Younger still. She's 50-something. No, Helen Mirren's in her 60s. The Duchess is 50-something. Too old. Yeah, she is too old. Maybe, like...

Meryl never would do it, would she? Meryl. Do you think anyone's going to feel, you know, offended that their names are being bandied around in such a callous manner? I think Judi Dench is at her home saying, when are you going to mention me, bitch? People want these roles.

It's like the new Harry Potter. And that's Dame Judi Denchty. Every single actor in England will want to be in Belinda Blink. What about Joanna Lumley? That is a great shout. I think Joanna Lumley's too hot. I feel like we have to make some decisions, so come on. We want a character actress, like an Imelda Staunton.

Oh, Emma Thompson. Ooh. That's not bad. And Emma seems to have a great sense of humour, so I'm sure she'd love to do it. Okay. Emma Thompson. Cast, whether you like it or not. You got the role, love. You may have two Oscars, but you're now playing the Duchess.

Does she have to audition? No, she can just have the role. I don't know if I feel comfortable about blind casting like that. I think she should have to work for it. she can just have the role. I don't know if I feel comfortable about blind casting like that. I think she should have to work for it. Okay, what about Giselle? Giselle. What about actual Giselle, the model? I mean, it is stunt casting, but I like it.

I think that's a no-brainer. And she's kind of retired from catwalk modelling, hasn't she? So she's got loads of time on her hands. She's cast. Done. Done, done deal. What about Bella slash Donna? Well, can Bella be Jennifer Lawrence then? Well, Bella's two roles, because it's Bella slash Donna. There's two. Done. Done. Done deal. What about Bella slash Donna? Well, can Bella be Jennifer Lawrence then?

Well, Bella's two roles, because it's Bella slash Donna. There's two people involved. Okay, so Mary-Kate and Ashley then? Yes. Or Tia and Tamira. From Sister Sister? Yes. Only if we can have Lisa in a role.

Or the twins off Funhouse. What were they called? Michaela and Michaela or something. Michaela and Michaela. Okay, it's cast from Funhouse. Michaela and Michaela are definitely going to be in it. We're going to have to move quick, because they are going to get snapped up. Get their agent on the phone.

Stat. Okay, great. Have we cast Belinda? Not yet. Belinda's still... Up for grabs. Belinda's a problem cast. Okay, let's go back to the boys then.

What about... Patrick O'Hanlon. Sure. Chris O'Dowd? Michael Fassbender? Chris. Michael. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Fight. I hope they don't fall out over it.? Michael Fassbender? Chris. Michael. Oh, no. Fight. I hope they don't fall out over it. Talking of Fassie, I think Michael Fassbender would make an amazing Peter Rouse. Good physique. Yeah. I mean, do we need any...

Oh, great actor. Sorry, was that my cue? An amazing actor, yeah. What about Channing Tatum? I imagine Peter Rouse being a bit more... Lean. A bit taller, yeah. A bit more like Fassie.

Fassie. I'm quite happy with Fassi. Yeah. I wish I'd mentioned it to him the other week. Did I mention I met him? Alright name drop. I never talk about it. You absolute fiend. Pick that up for us. What about not only Paddy O'Hamlin but Des Martin? Oh yeah.

Is Des Martin the man from the north? No Ken Dewsbury's from the north. Bloody Ken Dewsbury I forgot about north. Bloody Ken Dewsbury. I forgot about him. Maybe we could treat the RSMs as like a group. So, I don't know, we could reform like NSYNC or something like that. Ah, One Direction boys. One Direction boys.

They're going on a break. They could be the RSMs. So Niall can be Patrick O'Hanlon. Makes complete sense. Liam can be... Des Martin. He's so Des Martin. He's so Des Martin.

Oh, he's so Des Martin. Harry's Ken Dewsbury up north. Yeah, you're right. And Louis can be... Des Martin. He's so Des Martin. He's so Des Martin. Oh, he's so Des Martin. Harry's Ken Dewsbury up north. Yeah, you're right. And Louis can be... Which one's left? The other one. Dave Wilcox. Dave Wilcox.

Dave Wilcox. Okay, so RSM's done. Done. All very fulfilling roles. Yeah. We know Elijah Wood is a fan. Is there a role we can get him involved in? That's not a bad shout.

Oh, yeah. Elijah, who do you want to play? You can have your pick of them all. There is, of course, the famous interviewer from Chapter One who we didn't realise was even there. I think maybe Tony for Elijah. Ooh. Can Elijah do Sleazy?

He's an actor. Yeah, but I've never seen him do Sleazy. Sin City. He's creepy in Sin City. OK. So Elijah Wood is Tony. Cast. Done.

Moving on. Alphonse St Wood is Tony. Cast. Done. Moving on. Alphonse Sturbacher. Belgian, remember. What about Jean Dujardin? Is that the guy from The Artist? Yeah. Ooh, he's not done anything since. Charmer.

I don't know why, I guess it's because of his name. I always think of Alfonso Ribeiro that played Will Smith's cousin Carlton in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah, done. Let's do it. Really? Yeah, I think so. So we're back to Belinda. Belinda.

The trickiest of all. What about Halle Berry? Ooh. Now that's one I hadn't thought of. She's too beautiful. She's A, too beautiful and B, a bit older.

Yeah, true. She's 29, isn't she, Belinda? She's 29. Oh God, yeah. Okay, so I've got it. Who? Megan Fox.

Oh! That is a great shout! Oh my god. We've got a movie guys. Oh MG. That is a great shout. I do think Megan

would need to put a bit of bit of meat on. Yeah. Have a few beans a few scrambled eggs and the Oscar's yours. And with Scorsese on directing duty

we're home and dry. Cast! So do you agree? Let us know your casting thoughts for Belinda Blink, the movie. Coming to a cinema near you. Never. Are you self-employed? Don't think you need business insurance?

Think again. Business insurance from Zensurance is a no-brainer for every business owner because it provides peace of mind. A lot can go wrong. A fire, stolen equipment, or an unhappy customer suing you. That's why you need insurance. Don't let the, I'm too small for this mindset, hold you back from protecting yourself. Zensurance provides customized business insurance policies starting at just $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com today and buy your policy online in just a few minutes. Zensurance. Mind your business.