My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: G'day Belinda!

Episode Date: November 14, 2019

Now that Belinda and Bella are in Australia, Jamie, Alice and James want to learn more about local life and lingo down under. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

G'day and welcome to my dad's road to follow the footnotes. I beg your pardon? G'day. Yes I did notice that. We're now in Australia in Belinda Blink 5. So in honour of that, we've all gone away and done a bit of research about Australia, right? We've immersed ourselves in the culture. Indeed. I'm going to start off with a little kind of quickfire round on slang. Oh, yeah. Aussie slang, okay? You have to know the language.

Yeah. And selfishly, this will be very useful for us when we go to Australia very soon. Exactly, exactly. So we can drop some of these in and sound a bit local. How's your Aussie accent? I think mine's quite good. I'm not sure if I'm, like, necessarily getting the nuance of, like, where people are from.

It's very Denny Monaghan. Oh, is it? Do you think you're from, like, Melbourne? I feel like I'm more of a plummy Sydney girl. My God. Have you been in an accident or, Or like why do you speak like that No I can normally do a good Australian accent

I don't know what's happened to it right now It sounds like one of my accents Oh my god this is so embarrassing Such a bogan I got into a lot of trouble On Twitter again with my accent People said it sounded more like a Kiwi Yeah very New Zealand, apparently.

People said it sounded African. So it's not as easy as you think. I think any of the accents that we do for this footnotes have to be completely disregarded. None of them are going to be authentic. I don't know what you mean. I literally don't know what's wrong with you. What is going on?

Okay, so I'm going to give you the slang and you have to tell me what it is. Okay, fine. James has already given us one there with Bogan, so that's der to give you the slang and you have to tell me what it is. Okay, fine. James has already given us one there with bogan. So that's sort of like, that's derogatory, isn't it? It's not too rude, is it? I think you can use it jokingly, right? Yeah.

It's kind of like their equivalent of rednecks, right? That's what I think it is. A bogan? That's what it says here. Oh, he's got it written down. I should do really well at this because I lived in Australia for a while. Oh, you did, yeah. I'm essentially a local.

Okay, so first one. What is an ankle bider? Ding! Like a child. Ding! A short person. A child. Oh, shit.

Short person. At the ankle? Well, a child's not ankle height, James. What child have you seen that's ankle height? Don't look at me like that. What is a root ret a root ret oh now root means to shag oh ding um root means to shag yes so i'm gonna say like somebody promiscuous someone who enjoys sex maybe a little too much oh well done ding ding

ding not possible to enjoy sex a little bit too much, as we know from these books. But anyway, very good, Alice. Thank you. What is a senga? Sting. I was going to get the spelling. Well, I don't need it. Sandwich.

It is a sandwich. Sandwich. Well done. How is that allowed? Okay. How is that allowed? Okay, what does... What does whoop whoop mean? Ding. Whoop whoop.

Do you know all of these, Alice? I mean, I don't know how many times I have to tell you I did use slither. This seems like a very unfair game. Yay. Whoop whoop. No, it doesn't. Ah, well, you've had your ding, sorry. Doesn't mean that at all.

Can you say it again, please? A whoop whoop. Whoop whoop. Should we go for a whoop whoop. No, it doesn't. Ah, well, you've had your ding, sorry. It doesn't mean that at all. Can you say it again, please? A whoop, whoop. Whoop, whoop. Should we go for a whoop, whoop? Is it like a quick drink? It is not a quick drink. Okay. Is it a shag?

It's not a shag either. It's the middle of nowhere. So you'd say, he lives out in whoop, whoop. Allegedly, according to this. I mean, this is dubious. What website are you on? What does crook mean? Ding.

Ding. Alice? It's a criminal. It is a criminal, but that's not what they use as their slang. Crook. Yeah, crook. Can I have a clue? No, that's not how the game works.

No, because they're easy enough. I don't think clues are needed. You're a crook. Why are you Irish now? Would you call someone? Can I have that clue? Would you call someone a crook? Yeah.

Don't let him charm you into clues. No. Next. I'll pass. I don't know. It's being ill or angry. And so the example is, don't go crook on me for getting crook.

Wow, very clear. Thank you. Rocky has literally written this list, don't go crook on me for getting crook. Wow, very clear. Thank you. Rocky has literally written this list, hasn't he? Yeah. What's a shark biscuit? Ding. Yeah, Alice? A thigh.

Oh my gosh, it's not a thigh. What are you thinking? Because a shark would bite into that. It would bite it and love it. A shark biscuit. Is it like a fishy food? Is it a fishy food? No, no. Oh, ding. it. A shark biscuit. Is it like a fishy food? Is it a fishy food? No, no.

Oh, ding. Alex. Surfboard. No. Oh, that's a good one. It's kids at the beach. Shark biscuits. God, that's dark.

Yeah. Oh, God. Aussies are dark, though, aren't they? Yeah, Aussies are dark. They're dark and they're filthy. Yeah. Do you remember last time we went to Australia together? Oh, my God, guys.

What's an isky? Isky. Oh, ding. A cool box. Yes, very good. This isn't fair. This isn't fair. I love this and I think it's very fair.

I forgot that James is really competitive. He's horrific to do games with. The booze bass. What's the booze bus? Is that when you are... Sorry, ding. Oh, sorry, ding. Is that when you're drunk?

You're on the booze bus? No. I do know this. Ding? Is it the night bus? No, it's not the night bus. It's the police vehicle. Oh, yes.

That basically tracks down drunks. In the street? And drunk drivers. Oh, my God. I can't drive, you see, so actually that's not really in my purview or remit. Have you ever been to Australia? I actually used to live there. Oh, I haven't mentioned it.

Cool. All right, so what's a larrikin? Ding. Is it? James, calm down. Is it? So sorry, were you ready to answer when you dinged? Yeah, you have to actually have an answer ready when you ding.

Ding. Yeah. Is it. Ding? Yeah. Is it a bird? Nope. Larrick, like a lar... Do they abbreviate it as a larrick? James, that's not how quizzes work. Just come on, give me an answer.

A larrikin. Is it a drink? Is it a type of drink? Is it a cocktail? It is not a drink, for God's sake, James, no. A larrikin is someone who's always up for a laugh and a bit of a harmless prankster. It's Rocky.

Oh, it's Rocky and Bella. Yeah, both. Oh, this is a good one that's actually fitting for the books. What's a goon? Ding. Alice. An idiot. No.

Ding. Alice. Come on, you can't have a go at James. We're pausing. No, I was... Sorry, you can't double ding. Why? Because that's the rules. Oh, great. I can't you can't double ding. Why? Because that's the rules.

Oh, great. I can't wait to hear your answer. What's yours? Ding. Yeah. Is it like a sexy guy or a girl? No, it's not. It's not.

Alice, you've got one more go. Ding. Vagina. No, it's the best invention ever produced by mankind. That's the definition. So you say, oh, that's a goon. Oh, okay.

So the example is a cheap boxed wine that will inevitably become an integral part of your Australian backpacking experience. That's a goon. Or like the Trioxy Brillo range. It's a goon. That's a goon. Yeah, that actually is a goon, to be honest.

Okay, last one. What is crack the shit? Ding. Yeah. Do jokes. Just like have bants. No. Ding.

Is it to like have a deep conversation? Like to put the world to rights? No. Surely not. bants. No. Ding. Is it to like have a deep conversation? Like to put the world to rights? No. Surely not. Surely not. No, it is to have an argument and be angry at somebody or something. Give me it in a sentence. We just cracked the shits.

There you go. Do you know what? That was actually better than I thought. But yeah, Alice, you are absolutely the winner. Congratulations. I did used to live there and we know and as your um prize you get to go next in your amazing australian education alice levine well um thank you oh you're welcome for the accolades um and for the title of the

best person get on with it. On the podcast. I've decided to frame my research around an area that you actually touched on that's quite key in the books. So I thought we might need to know about. Great. And that is inventions in Australia and the biggest inventions that have come out of Australia because I don't want Rocky to be able to claim any of this for his own. Okay.

Okay, so using just common sense, what inventions do you think might have come out of Australia?ia the didgeridoo sure i'm sure that's true i mean i wouldn't say it's one of the biggest an invention is biggest exports i mean are they using it elsewhere the boomerang again i'm not seeing that being used in a business setting toy koala bears great um guys i think i think you're not thinking big enough Okay hang on So Australia So air conditioning Great thinking

The refrigerator's on there Oh a fridge They invented the fridge Invented the fridge Some other stuff They invented in Australia That we should thank them for The inflatable

Aeroplane escape slide Oh Of Pleasure Move All Sharp Heeled Shoes fame Absolutely of that fame Made famous of course By airplane safety videos Made famous also

By loving that they're there But never having used one Well thank god And Alice Sometimes they're used as rafts Oh very much so I watch the safety videos I'm that geek

Google Maps No Yes But how But Google's an American company Some Danish brothers Lars and Jens Rasmussen

I don't know if I'm saying that so Danish people some Danish people but developed it in Australia in Sydney in the early 2000s oh hang on

and that's what that movie Lion's about right with Dev Patel he finds his real family from India using Google Maps and he's in Australia

sure it doesn't go into that much detail on Alison's My article says yes, that's correct. Some stuff less impressive, because Google Maps I use that at least 30 times a day. Yeah, it's amazing. Plastic spectacle lenses. Oh, okay. I think they had to

bulk up the list. Permanent crease clothing. I mean it's the technology that's allowed for fashion innovations such as permanently pleated skirts. Thank God for Australia. And to round it off, the black box flight recorder, big one.

Oh, that is big, yeah. They love planes, don't they? Oh, yeah. Wi-Fi. What? I know. And the notebook. The film or the actual pages?

It's not made clear on the list. I've also just pulled together some facts which will amaze and astound you. Will they? First of all, 28% of the population of Australia admits to having done a threesome at least once. Really? Is that for real?

That's a massive chunk. How many? Nearly a third. 28%. I'm not surprised. Yeah, I'm not surprised either. They're brilliant. They love it.

They love it. Australia, 20 million people, 150 million sheep. Oh, really? And there's more kangaroos than people as well. Is there? Pretty sure. Maybe not. He looks less convinced by the second.

Alice, I've got more inventions for you as well. I find that hard to believe because that was a comprehensive list. The ultrasound. That's a big one, isn't it? Yeah. Vegemite.ite well obviously it only is there delicious not a fan football no they don't even play it do they there that much it says on this um reputable list it says on this unsubstantiated list football all right but then

why do they have one called aussie rules why wouldn't they just be like okay sorry prepaid postage oh my god we're not getting into another round of the invention this can't be the jewels in their crown did you know the great barrier reef has a mailbox does it that's cute yeah if you're willing to take a ferry out there you can send a postcard to your family and get the exclusive stamp little fun tourist activity for people to do i bet it costs an absolute bomb what's the point what's the host yes mainland what's the point of the postcard i mean i sometimes post them when i get home if i've forgotten i mean that really do you honestly send them sometimes yeah i mean clearly not to youtube but yeah what do you write on them you just smug

on you just like oh lovely time like i don't like how the postman can read it well what are you writing on it well i don't know it's just just had some lovely sex oh i've got a urine retract infection like what are you gonna jot down it's the principle of the thing um if you visit one new beach in australia every day it would take you over 27 years to see them all wow what i don't really understand. It's a massive country. The 27 times 365. Yeah, which is, of course... 428. Oh! Australia, very progressive. It was the second country in the world

to give women the right to vote in 1902. I mean, it's a great fact, but it would be a better fact if they were the first. I mean, I'm sure a lot of places can claim they're the second at something. Australia is home to the longest fence in the world. Well, now you're talking. I know what that is. It's the dingo fence.

Yes, it is. To keep dingoes away from fertile land. Yeah. How long is it? Oh, I don't know. 5,614 kilometres. I feel like the next longest fence would be like four metres.

I feel like they didn't need to make it that long. Jamie, you'll like this one. There's 60 designated wine regions in Australia producing 1.35 trillion bottles of wine every year imagine that all the chardonnay well that's what i'm basically going to be doing when i'm over there just so you know well you drank half of that on your last visit yeah on stage in one night talking about didgeridoos earlier apparently they're a great stress reliever uh they reduce snoring and they improve circulation and it's sometimes sorry it reduced snoring reduce the snoring would you have

to sleep with it over your schnoz reduce the story that wakes everybody else up in the house makes the noise of a didgeridoo yeah it just it just converts the snore sound into a didgeridoo which let's be honest is sort of similar you've not really explained that james how's it improving your snore situation? It doesn't say. It just says it does. Well, I guess if you sleep with a didgeridoo in your bed, you're not going to get much sleep,

so you probably won't snore. The largest Greek population outside of Greece in the world is in Melbourne. Can I finish my bag? Well, it is. She lived there. Can I finish my bag? I did used to live there.

So incredible, incredible Greek food in Melbourne, yeah. She drowned in olives. They eat kangaroo. It's a low-fat red meat considered to be a healthy alternative to beef and lamb. It's very lean. Shut up. All right, clever clogs. How many languages does he speak in Australia?

Clever clogs. I've not heard that since the fucking playground. Come on. How many languages does he speak in Australia? 27. Over 200. Let me finish. 27 times 10 minus 70.

Thanks. Including how many different indigenous languages? 40. 45. That's a good guess. Okay. I think that we're pretty much

set for our trip now. Are you insane? Certainly for the Lindblik 5 because, you know, Dad won't have done any of this research. But I feel like this whole episode

has just been a chance for Alice to be smug yeah it's been one of my favourites that we've done we've had five years of that you'd be nothing without me

you're welcome you're welcome and Australia you're welcome yeah how do you say goodbye in Australian bye

catch you later catch you later catch you later we're all just saying goodbyes in Australian, aren't we? All right, fine. Catch you later. Catch you later. Fair dinkum.