My Dad Wrote A Porno - Footnotes: Rocky Answers Your Questions

Episode Date: December 25, 2015

'Footnotes' is all the extra bits we didn't have time for in the podcast. In this special edition, we put your questions to the author himself, Rocky Flintstone. PLUS there's a special sneak preview of book 2... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for what you need. And coverage starts at only $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com and secure your new policy online in a matter of minutes. Zen Insurance. Mind your business. Hello and welcome to My Dad Wrote a Porno, The Footnotes.

It's Christmas Day. I hope you're having a great day. It's about to get even better because we are putting your questions to the author himself, Mr. Rocky Flintstone. himself mr rocky flintstone hi james and alice how are you doing very good very well merry christmas everybody merry christmas we're spending christmas day together and i'm not spending it with rocky imagine that doesn't surprise me. So guys, as you know, we asked you for questions to Rocky Flintstone. We sent them to him. He has got back to us with all of his answers.

Are you ready? Yes. We got loads of questions. We did, I know. There was a lot to sift through. A lot of the same. A lot of the same kind of themes. People want to know... Inspirations. Exactly. Maybe why is a question that comes up a lot. Why is cropped up, yes. Also like, how do I unhear this? That sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do I call for therapy? All that sort of thing. Precisely. So Rocky has been unfiltered in his responses. He really has. I mean, should we just get on with it? Because I feel like people are on tenterhooks. Yeah. Let's go for it. So the first question is from Luke on Twitter. And he's asked the question that we've all been asking since episode one of My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Why? Thank you, Luke. Yeah, it's a good place to start. Why the hell, Dad? Yeah, why? It's true. We don't know. I'm interested to hear his answer.

Prepare to be disappointed. So Dad emailed, Hi Luke, it was a rainy day in England and I'd just finished my income tax form. Cost centre? Is this a story in itself? So I thought I'd do a bit of writing in a similar vein. Belinda actually started off as my income tax inspector.

Oh! Hmm, not a bad idea looking back on it. Might develop that theme in a new series. Is that a note to himself or to Luke? I think both. Luke, you've been invited into the thought process of Rocky Flintstone. Congratulations. Luke, sorry you don't get a cut. Hence all of the business and leadership. I mean, we saw glimpses of it, but now it makes sense it makes no sense at all but sure so belinda is based on rocky's tax inspector has he met his tax inspector i don't know do you meet your tax inspector is tax inspector a job what's a tax inspector so there you go question one down well that's it that was it i told you there was absolutely no answer there at all. Great. Question two.

Question two is from Nick. Hi, Nick. Hi, Nick. And he said, what celebrity do you think Belinda most closely resembles? Oh, yeah. Well, we know what we think. Yeah. Megan Fox, we thought for the casting.

Yeah. So dad thinks, he says, hi, Nick. And that's a really easy one for me to answer. I can see her now on the beach, bikini clad. It's Jane... It's Jane Rizzoli. Celebrity. Celebrity Rocky. Is that a friend of the family?

He says, Angie Harmon, so-called sister of mark in ncis oh good lord he loves ncis what is ncis it's a crime show it's an american what does it stand for tax inspector service i don't know can somebody please google jane rizzoli can we spell it please yeah r i R-I-Z-Z-O-L-I. Okay, guys, you ready? Yeah. Oh. Oh, yes. Jane Rizzoli's fit. Okay. This is Jane Rizzoli. Oh, yeah, and I can actually see...

Oh, hello, Belinda. I can see that. Megan, I'm sorry, we just lost the contract. It's Jane's day. I bet she'll be cheaper than Megan as well. Well, great, now she's going to want to do it. Look at Jane Rizzoli. Oh, she's beautiful.

I can imagine that dark hair draped across the... I'd encourage anyone listening to Google Jane Rizzoli. Yeah. She's a raven. Suddenly searches for Jane Rizzoli go up on Christmas Day and no one knows why. So question number three is from Chandley and their question is, just one word, symbols?

The symbols that were painted on Belinda in mud by Peter Rouse, I presume. So Rocky says, Hi, Chandli. I thought it was okay to use symbols. The guy who taught me to write, cough, cough, Stephen King, uses them now and again. So I thought if Steve, well, he's actually called him Steph. If Steph can do it steph can do it rocks can do it also is that libelous because i feel like stephen king would want to distance himself

from rocky don't blame stephen king for this no it's because stephen king wrote a book that dad basically read that's inspired him to write is it called stephen blink i wish um so which book is that please so rocky continues here's a tip from the top. Steph's book on writing a member of the craft is not a bad way to jizz up your writing skills. Look what it did for me. What is he talking about? I love that these answers are literally stream of consciousness.

Yeah. This is less edited than Belinda Belinda. Yeah. And also, how are we less informed from getting the answers to the questions? We thought this would clear things up. It hasn't. It's just made things even more complicated. She doesn't have any writing skills or something.

And some woman in a bikini is all I've learned so far. Charlotte Freinberg asks, what constitutes youngish? Good point. Good question. We thought it would be late 50s, didn't we? Rocky says, hi, Charlotte. Great name. Do you mind if I use it in a plot?

Oh, goodness. I don't think she agreed to that. There's a saying in some published author circles that you're as young as the partner you're with. I don't know where he got that from. Who says that? So I'd say as long as they're breathing, enjoy and live life to the full.

Be a Rockette. Rockette! Those are fans of rocky um so as long as you're alive you're young you're youngish so i think he's like you're as young as you feel is basically what he's saying i don't understand this is just a string of symbols this literally is steph king would know what to make of this but i don't socko says what are rocky's literary influences good question can't wait to hear the answer to this rocky i have to be really honest a good bottle of australian chardonnay from little followed by a couple of gnts from gordon's is all the influence belinda needs does he want to get some free stuff he can't get any free stuff so there you go so he's just basically drunk when

he writes it brilliant they're his literary influences booze a bottle of wine and a gin these are brilliant i'm learning absolutely zero it's like a chapter of a little blink so far but worse that's possible but it's better because they're shorter that's true daisy has asked who does he most identify with in the book in terms of characters and he said i identify most with sir james godwin Knight of the Realm. Who we've heard basically nothing from. As he pulls the shots and is closer to my age. He pulls the shots?

Is that what he said? Yeah. Also calls the shots, but he doesn't pull the shots. Maybe Rocky, you know, the whole thing with the master plan and the Duchess coming clean. Maybe kind of Rocky made it clear in his head, but has never actually put, like explained on paper. Well, I did say,

I thought it would be about Sir James Godwin. Yeah. And he actually just goes on to say, you get to hear more about him in books two, three, and four. Oh, wonderful.

Four books. Four books guys so far to date. So there you go. So we're going to be trapped in my spare room next to this really loud boiler for at least three more books. I think so. Rick has said, dear Rocky rocky have you no shame it's a good question rocky hi rick no capitals pass the chardonnay i feel like rocky was drunk when he wrote these answers probably simon has asked how many times has rocky come across road signs that weren't true to their word oh yes of course those oxfordshire road signs they're tricksy rocky says hi simon now i'm not

stupid i can i don't think simon said that to be fair i can quickly work out that you work for the highways agency and this is a trick question. So I'm going to be very diplomatic and say the 729, most of which are in Northwest Ireland. I bet in Northwest Ireland people like move them around. So they're like, they go the wrong way and things like that. Oh, they're pranksters in Northwest Ireland, aren't they? Notoriously. Marky Mark says, my question is... Marky Mark?

Marky Mark and the Funky Bench. Actually Mark Wahlberg. His question is, why a maze? Why have the Funky Bench actually Mark Wahlberg his question is why a maze why have all the possible places to set three chapters in why a maze yeah

I'm not sure I'm with Marky Mark on this I think that was genius but go on well Rocky says hi Marky have you ever been to a maze you idiot

there to say the least amazing seriously though I mean that is a classic dad joke seriously though You idiot. They're, to say the least, amazing. Seriously, though. Oh, no. I mean, that is a classic dad joke. Seriously, though, I have to admit my local maze maze was the reason for these three chapters. Oh, maze as in one made out of maize? Yeah.

Now, when we open the Belinda Blink's Blast theme park in Tooting. Oh, imagine the rides. What would you have? In Tooting? In South London specifically? Why? The Rivet Roller Coaster. The Pomegranate Mountain.

Just the large black dildo. That's all it is. That's all you ride. Belinda Blink's Blast theme park in tooting we're going to have a maze where you can bring your girlfriend and have some fun girlfriend very presumptuous yeah so i'll try and get you some comps it doesn't exist rocky it does not exist so he wants to open a theme park that's new it's novel it's also not happening so those are your questions i hope you gleaned something from them more than we did um and before we go we have sourced the blurb

for series two of my dad wrote a porno with belinda blink too love the use of sourced are you ready? Dragged it off the internet. Where's this going to go? I'm excited. Okay, are you ready? As you know from Belinda Blinked 1, Belinda is a sales director of Steels, Pots and Pans.

Based in central London, she's the expert in cracking the most difficult of accounts. She does this by removing her high heels. Belinda Blinked 2 continues her adventures. This time, she travels to Amsterdam. We're going international. Wait, Amsterdam? Who's based in Amsterdam again? I can't remember. Peter Rouse? I think it's Peter Rouse, yeah.

She is literally carpeted by Dr. Peter Robbins, who is in charge of contracts. And Peter's spelled with P-I-T-E-R. Is that off of foreign? Is that, yeah. Wait a sec, sorry, she's carpeted. What does that mean? Flawed, does he mean?

Like as in bowled over? Yeah, I think so, yeah. I hope so. Or sexually. Sexually carpeted? And sex on the carpet? I don't know. Carpet burns.

Sure, whatever. Not my place to ask. Assisted by his secretary, Helga. Helga! Oh, goodness. Why has everyone got Russian names in Amsterdam? Assisted by his secretary, Helga, Belinda makes it through to her evening out on the town

with managing director and chairman Peter Rouse he's back! Oh thank goodness I love that the fact that he's here gives us all a moment of, oh thank god reassurance definitely At an exclusive restaurant Belinda meets the influential Russian Grigor Kalansky

Oh she does and his personal assistant Lara Alexandra Kuznetsov Oh, she does. And his personal assistant, Lara Alexandra Kuznetsov. Can I just say what I said about the blurb for book one? This isn't a blurb. This is the full story. This leaves nothing out.

It's like one of those trailers, right? It just tells you everything that's going to happen. Kalansky introduces Belinda to the Countess Zara of Leningrad. Who gives... Oh, can we start now? I'm so excited. Who gives her a Russian-Dutch style introduction to her group of contacts. I love a Russian-Dutch style introduction.

What's that? Vodka in a windmill? I think it's gin in the vagina oh no that's very english that's very much an oxfordshire thing eventually belinda gets back to her office in london where she deals with a potential sales staff resignation in her own stylistic way she shags i'm sure you're not going anywhere Do you think it's one of the regional sales managers? I think it's Des Dayton Dave Wilcox Dave Wilcox

I'd go with them both actually To be honest Wow So we've pretty much got the whole plot there Well Belinda continues her goal Of getting in the business By getting off with the major players

In the male dominated world of big business Read and learn Read and learn read and learn don't learn anything from this yeah seriously and also let's just not read it

I didn't understand the last line but then I never do perfect I think that sounds perfect for book two can't wait love that he's

written four though he's churning them out churning them out so this is it thank you so much for listening to series one of My Dad Wrote a Porno

we really really appreciate you all listening and getting involved with Rocky and Belinda Blinked i feel like we've ended 2015 in style see you in amsterdam see you there are you self-employed don't think you need business insurance think again business insurance from zensurance is a no-brainer for every business owner because it provides peace of mind. A lot can go wrong. A fire, stolen equipment, or an unhappy customer suing you.

That's why you need insurance. Don't let the, I'm too small for this mindset, hold you back from protecting yourself. Zensurance provides customized business insurance policies starting at just $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com today and buy your policy online in just a few minutes. Zensurance. Mind your business.