My Dad Wrote A Porno - S1E5 - 'The Second Client Jim Stirling'

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

This week Belinda is still in the maze and gets a little more (or should that be less?) than she bargained for with potential American client, Jim Stirling... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language. Basically all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno? Erotic literature. Why? Why?

Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno Tony pulled it up at the front and studied her pussy. Like a proper little... Yeah, a little Pikachu. Oh, Pikachu! Keep your chin up and let your tits and clit do the talking. Whoa! Two body parts not known for their communications. Addiction.

Addiction. Alphonse immediately got to work by removing his one garment of a black thong. Sorry, he entered the maze wearing only a black thong and we're only just hearing about it. Hello everybody, welcome back to My Dad Wrote a Porno. We are on episode five, chapter six, because we had a little double bill last week. Very exciting. Basically, if you're new to the podcast, my dad has, unfortunately for me, written a porno or at least erotica.

It's a novel. He self-published, obviously. Who the hell would publish it? And I'm going to be reading a chapter and if you're lucky, two chapters a week with my dear, dear friends. We're not friends. Esteemed colleagues.

My apologies. James Cooper and Alice Levine. Hello. Hi. Hello. How are you both doing you excited i can't believe we're on chapter six how the time has flown i know i'm kind of sad for for when it ends oh don't think that's a long time away i'm getting ahead of myself believe me i'm i'm flicking through the book as we speak it's a very long time away it's a substantial pamphlet isn't it it really is yeah i'm a little bit tired today so i'm looking forward to a bit of a sex injection to uh oh my god please never use those two words together again so when does that happen after we've read the book what is my sex injection yeah is that completely separate from belinda blink uh the

sex injection is turning up in an hour so if we could get the book who'll be administering said injection hopefully alphonse oh alphonse from last chapter oh we loved him and his black thong didn't we i know i know are we gonna see him again i hope so i hope so i mean who knows sometimes with rocky though he will introduce a character and the next minute they'll be gone that's just his style you get attached to des martin and then the next chapter no dev never heard of him again it's starting to ruin my daily life though this book because pray tell well there's someone at work called belinda oh my god stop it so you know you're emailing belinda and all you can think about is belinda and her blinking and runnels yeah her blink and her lids it would be fine if all you

could think about was the blinking it's everything else it's those pomegranates up on your brain do you have a des martin where you are i don't have a Des because as we've established, nobody is called Des. Apart from Des Lynham. Oh, the late, great Des Lynham. Oh, no, still with us. His career isn't, but he is. Do you work in a pots and pans company? Wait a sec.

What's going on here? So remind me, what is the name of chapter six? Chapter six is called The Second Client, Jim Sterling. I'm excited for this. It's a strong name, isn't it? It's strong this it's a strong name isn't it strong it's a strong name powerful masculine musty like i feel like i feel like he'll have a he'll be a kind of guy who wears a fussed about him yeah he'll wear aftershave oh musky yeah not musty what does musty mean that's like what your nana's attic smells like. Oh, right. Okay.

I'm glad I said attic. Hopefully he'll be wearing more than a black thong. Yes. And which country do we think he's going to reside from? Oh, because Alphonse was Belgian. He was Belgian. So who do you think? Jim Sterling.

That sounds quite... English. Quite Anglo. Yeah, Anglo. Because we know how Rocky likes to pick very stereotypical names for countries like Patrick O'Hanlon. Fantastic Patrick O'Hanlon. Fantastic Patrick O'Hanlon. But Jim is mentioned in the blurb, right? So I feel like he's going to be a major character.

Oh, do we think this is going to be key? Okay, good. Because I can't deal with another chapter that's a non-chapter. Not naming names. Chapter three. Chapter three is dead to us. Chapter three didn't happen in my mind. I thought we'd agreed we weren't going to talk about it, guys.

If you're new to the podcast and haven't yet got to chapter three, don't bother. Okay, well, are we ready to kind of dive in? I think no time like the present and all that. Ready, Alice? Just about. I'm never ready. Because always about a sentence in, I feel desperately uncomfortable. But I'm as ready as I can be.

Okay. Belinda Blinked, chapter six. The second client,im sterling can i just clarify if there's colon semi-colon in this one do you know what there is no semi-colon it's it is the second client full stop jim sterling full stop again an unusual structure for a title but but what the hell, it's Rocky. I'll let him have it. A few minutes after Alphonse had gone, Belinda heard her second visitor stomping through the maze.

Stomping? This guy sounds a bit overweight, if you ask me. Do you think he's heavy-footed for a reason? He appeared a few seconds later, again dressed only in a black thong. Why? It's a uniform. Are they giving...

James, you are reading Rocky's mind. Are they getting given them at the gate? It was becoming a type of uniform, she thought. Oh, James, you are so in Rocky's head. You really are. Should I be worried? I think that's... I thought you were spawn of Rocky, but now I think you're

spawn of Rocky. So Tony's at the gate, they're like entrance of the maze going... What are you dragging Tony into this for? We have no evidence Tony's involved. Tony's at the entrance of the maze going... Do you know what you're dragging Tony into this for? We have no evidence Tony's involved. Tony's got the whistle and he's gone off the... You decided that Tony had the whistle. We don't know that Tony has the whistle.

Tony's totally the puppet master. I mean, who else is blowing the whistle? Well, who knows? Maybe we'll find out. I still think it's Tony. Okay. It was becoming a type of uniform, she thought. From the guest list info, Belinda recognised Jim Sterling, a Yankee from the USA.

Does anyone say Yankee? I don't know. I've heard Yank, but I'm not sure I've heard Yankee. Yankee, yeah. Oh, here comes a Yankee. I don't think that's okay. I've heard a Yankee. I don't know if it's correct. Yeah, because it's your dad. He probably says it all the time at home. Actually, I have a little question about Rocky.

Yeah. Is he a well-travelled man? Yeah, he is actually. Very well-travelled. Yeah. Has he spent time in Yank? In? Lund.

In Yankville. Yankville. Yes, I believe he has. Never lived there or anything, but he has visited on vacation, etc. I just always wonder what influences he brings into his work. So I'm just intrigued. Okay. wonder what influences he brings into his work so i'm just intrigued okay his operation had 1 257 outlets and was also growing fast in mexico and brazil good for jim he's he's doing better

than alphonse i was gonna say that is better than alphonse about 300 outlets wasn't it alphonse jim's got three times the amount great maths james thank you Thank you. All right, Carol Vorderman, chill out. He was a big guy, but short, and upon seeing Belinda's plight, quickly threw his somewhat stained thong to the ground. Oh! My days. Why is it stained? I don't think they're being doled out of the door anymore.

I think he stained that himself. You don't think he's using Alphonsus, is he? Is there only one? They're just passing it on in like a sex relay oh god gross awful also can i just say the most desirable figure is generally large but short yeah so he's just like a stocky little he's a chode of a man he's a chode of a man stomping around the place. That's why he's stomping. Disgusting. Very low centre of gravity. In a dirty thong. Oh, God.

What's it stained with, do we think? Do we want to go there? Let's allow the listeners to speculate. As little as I know about pornography, what I do know is... You keep saying that, Alice. We're never going to believe it. But what I do know is that stains are generally really, really sexy. It's a fetish all of its are generally really, really sexy.

It's a fetish all of its own. Oh my goodness. Belinda blinked. Drink. For the first time that day, she was caught unawares. By what? The stains? I beg to differ. Not the first time that day.

So far today, she's been attached to a trellis with some red plastic handcuffs she's had some bloke from belgium come wriggle out of his thong and say why don't you pop over to the hague then penetrate a vulva oh yeah i forgot that bit guys hold on to your hair pieces no one ever said yeah is that a line from the book for the first time that day she was caught unawares there was nothing there what hang on whoa whoa before you take a reveal what that means smooth like an action man no like a nub nothing but then she saw it if you don't see it straight away there's a concern maybe the hair overwhelmed it or maybe it's you know sometimes don't see it straight away, there's a concern. Maybe the hair overwhelmed it. Or maybe it's, you know, sometimes don't they pop back inside?

What, like an innie willy? I don't know. Are we talking about his willy? Underneath, covered in pubic hairs, Lay are very small. And in Belinda terms, somewhat pathetic penis. Lay. Why is it lying?

Like it's in a nest. Like a slug. Like a little vole. So he's not aroused. Not yet. He's got pubic hair longer than his penis. Oh my God. He is not only looking like a chode as a human, but he's actually got a chode.

Well, no, it sounds too small to be a chode. It's just a chipolata. She literally couldn't see it. She had to blink to see it. Oh my God. She cleared her eyes to just double check where it was. it's just a chipolata she literally couldn't see it she had to blink to see it oh my god she cleared her eyes to just double check where it was

I did think for a minute you know sometimes people have that thing where there's you see it on like embarrassing bodies there's like a roll of something

that obstructs where it should be like a roll of sort of like flair what the fuck what? what are you talking about? you guys don't watch

sorry where do you watch this? you don't watch enough Channel 5 at night I don't like what you said James The hair is longer than it is What like A mane of straight hair It's like it's in a little nest

Do you know what The sooner we get past this point Yeah let's move on I am feeling a bit sick For the first time that day She was caught unawares There was nothing there But then she saw it

Underneath Covered in pubic hairs lay a very small and in belinda terms somewhat pathetic penis in belinda terms need we say more belinda gasped gasped oh i bet it feels about jim's feeling great belinda gasped what was she expected to do with this i mean i'm with belinda if i was her i'd be like well thanks for coming on your way pop your little stained thong back on and be on your merry way i mean how did you manage to stay in it with such a small member i don't know why has he got a name like jim sterling with such a small member so belinda's already panicking

because she's thinking i can work with most things yeah but not this mate do but not the vole belinda gasped what was she expected to do with this hi my name's sterling from the us is jim saying this or is the vole jim should i do an accent i have had people say to me i should consider doing accents but i'm not really an artisan of the Should I do an accent? I have had people say to me I should consider doing accents, but I'm not really an artisan of the accent. Please do an accent. Okay.

Hi, my name's Sterling from the US. Let's get these garments out of the way. She is already naked. No, does she have a bra on? No, I think she might have redressed. Oh, no, she wasn't allowed a bra. No, no, she... Oh, yeah.

Tennis wear. She's got a skirt on. How does she get it on with the handcuffs? Oh, so many questions. a bra. No, no. Oh yeah. Tennis wear. She got a skirt on. How did she get it on with the handcuffs? Oh, so many questions. Should we read on? Yeah. With one powerful movement, he ripped Belinda's tennis shirt completely from her body.

And seconds later, he had done the same to her skirt. A powerful movement this time. Usually it's a rapid movement. So I'm glad that he's mixing it up in this chapter. He flung them to the ground, where they now lay ruined in the mud. Rather like the vole. He now lay ruined in the mud. Rather like the vole. He just lies ruined in some

hair. Hope you don't mind, Missy, as I like some bear. Bear. No, as I like some bear. As I like some bear. I like some bear. Have you never met Yank?

I like some bear. I like some bear, I do never met a yank? I like some bear. I like some bear, I do. Yeah, a bit more Somerset. It's a bit more Somerset. I like some bear. Jim didn't hang around and immediately took her tits in his massive hands. Poor bastard. I mean, he's got a huge everything and a tiny dick.

And his dick in his own hand will look even tinier. Yeah, yeah. Massive hands. His large thumbs, I mean... Oh, God! Dad's just rubbing it in now. He's got a large everything except his little... Also, who comments on the size of someone's thumb?

Yeah. Well, that's all there is to comment on the size of. Oh, gosh. Also, now I'm picturing, like, not being able to tell which one's the thumb and which one's yeah maybe you'll have more success with the thumbs than the bowl maybe belinda's going to request him to do the foreplay with the penis and then the actual can i be penetrated by the thumb please thank you there's a sentence about you thought you

know me so again his large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips you have wonderful nipple tips can i just say can i rub them with my large thumbs my thumbs are rather large but they'll be wonderful on your nipple tips his large thumbs tentatively rubbed her nipple tips making making them rise and harden. Rise? Rise where? It's like Bake Off. Rise and harden. I never quite gauge how big Belinda's nipples are.

Sometimes they feel quite small. In this case, they feel like they go for miles. Retractable. Her nipple tips. Nipple tips. This fast reaction from Belinda seemed to please him. Probably unused to such a fast reaction indeed for the record listeners all i got was a a nod in unison i'm still thinking about nipple tips this fast reaction from belinda seemed to please him and he started to push his cock into vagina

whoa yeah morning so he's put that little the vole's going in the hole now. Oh my God. Yeah. The mouse is in the house. The toad's in the hole. With the vole. Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her.

Oh my goodness. Okay, this, this is definitely the most graphic chapter so far. Like in terms of just logistics and... I i mean that is so accommodating of her isn't it slightly because he was slightly shorter than she oh god humiliation for jim she had to squat let's do this Hoik to skirt up. Squat. I know the skirt's on the floor. It's been ripped off. Dad, jeez. Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her,

pulling her legs apart to allow him easier access. Oh, sure. Romance isn't dead then. I think the vole would make it in either which way. I can't bear it. I can't bear what your face is telling me Jamie's just read a line ahead Oh my god don't

because we've just had quite a hefty dinner and I don't know if it's going to stay down I shouldn't have had that extra baba ganoush Jim grunted and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy Oh my god If you have to ask Like she wasn't aware thought she felt something entering her pussy. Oh, my God.

If you have to ask. Like she wasn't aware of it. Oh, what's that? Is there a gust of wind? Something just... Jim grunted, and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy. He started to fuck her hard. Belinda breathed deeply.

Oh, my God. Did the man know he was only tickling her? Poor Jim. And he's going really hard. And all he's doing is... Nipple tips. Nipple tips. Willy tips.

We have a rogue comma. Wait, is that... Is that Jim's penis? We have a rogue comma, said Belinda. We have a diagram of said penis. Is that to scale? And I'm on an iPhone. It's our first illustration of the book.

Oh my God. This chapter's like... This is disgusting. High lulls. I'm going to sleep tonight thinking about Jim's little old penis. Oh. What if it focuses you into a deep slumber. He started to fuck her hard.

Belinda breathed deeply. Did the man know he was only tickling her? This was going to take all her concentration. Oh, God. Sterling was a massive account, at least something is.

And if she did well today, who knew what might develop from it? He started to press her harder and harder against the trellis. From a tiny acorn can grow a large oak tree, literally. He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything. And while she had the appetite for it, she knew she would have to fake it. And Belinda never faked anything.

Oh, that's so embarrassing for Jim. Yeah, but hopefully he won't ever find out. Can you read that last bit again? Yeah. He started to press harder and harder against the trellis. He had found his rhythm, but Belinda couldn't feel anything. And whilst she had the appetite for it, she knew she would have to fake it.

And Belinda never faked anything. How mortifying. She couldn't feel anything. Numb. Totally numb to the advances of the vole. Oh my god. To make matters worse the ground was now really boggy and her torn garments were well and truly stained. So she has to fake it which as we know Belinda never does but she doesn't even know if he's there. Do you know what, though? I bet he's got massive balls.

Everything else is like, he's got massive thumbs, huge hands, I bet he's got giant butts. Sorry. Don't look at me like that, Alice Levine. Of course you've been... Like I've brought the tone down. Of course you've been thinking about that. Belinda thought of delicious sexual scenarios and succeeded in making her vagina become wetter and wetter.

God, she's good, isn't she? She shows initiative, doesn't she? She's quite ingenious. She started to slowly contract her cervical muscles. Wow. That's so weird because I'm doing that right now. To ensure Jim got the friction he needed to complete his ejaculation. Oh my God.

No one has ever said... I hope he gets the friction he needs to, what? Complete his ejaculation. You're right, babe. Have you got the friction you need to complete your ejaculation? I'm contracting my cervical muscles. Let me know if you want me to contract some more. I'm thinking of a better sexual scenario.

It's like an advert. Have you got the friction you need to complete your ejaculation? After ten minutes of hard work he came and then started to lick her tits too bloody late for that jim sterling what alothario he obviously had little regard for women as he then pushed her head down to his cock ensuring belinda's long black hair fell nearly to the by now muddy ground her ample breasts followed and Sterling pushed his penis into her mouth. Sorry, her breasts followed? Well, that's just gravity.

And we know what they look like. And he put his penis in her mouth. I bet she was just like, nothing there. A tic-tac. Do you think she even knew? Do you think she just had to walk away and she just realised she was attached?

Also, thank goodness he put it in her mouth, because if she had to find it on her own... Yeah, she'd be hopeless. Literally like a needle in a haystack. Vol, vol, are you there? Belinda smiled to herself. She could have eaten two of these for breakfast. Never mind the scrambled eggs.

What does that mean? Is that a euphemism or does she literally mean scrambled eggs? I think maybe that she had scrambled eggs for breakfast and she could have had two of his cocks alongside. I told you she had a full English breakfast. He said with the beans. Just then she heard the whistle and she knew she had done her best. She has, to be fair.

No one can take that away from her. Come on, she tried so hard. A for effort. Sterling reluctantly let go of her tits and put his thong back on. I mean needn't bother. It was now even more stained than when he had entered the maze. I bet it was And Belinda wondered where all the

semen had come from Oh my god. Literally like what's happened to Rocky. Rocky in this chapter has his mind's in the gutter It's absolute filth. It's smart It is smart smart if you joined this book at chapter three and say missed a week or two and came to this you'd be like this is a different novel who is this man and you would probably go and buy a thousand copies for it

is wonderful available now on amazon my biggest objection is actually just all these guys wearing thongs. When did that become okay? Do you know any guys that wear thongs? No, as far as I'm aware, that's not a thing. No. I mean, not in the circles I mix in anyway. Really? That surprises me, James. Thank you. James counts it as a G-string, a very separate genre

of pant. Belinda wondered where all the semen had come from. Perhaps she had underestimated his resources. Oh, she didn't mean literally, because she was like, it's gone again. Where did the vole go? Where did it all come from? No, I think it was like, how did that much semen come out of that smaller thing? That tiny vole, right. Big balls, I told you.

Scrambled eggs, James. Oh, God. They're not the scrambled eggs, surely. Oh, I'm never going to eat scrambled eggs in quite the same way ever again. I loved that with a bit of smoked salmon little chipolata oh i do feel a bit queasy actually can we open a window hey babe what's your name great time for introductions jim and also i love that he's changed region where's he from now oh you behave shall I ditch

this accent no I think carry on you've started so you must finish I really like your lack of conviction so I say continue Belinda Blumenthorn I'm the sales director of seal pots and pans good work Belinda wait is is he if I find you I kill you. Liam Neeson is Jim Sterling. Liam Neeson is so Jim Sterling. If I find you, if I find my cock, I'll sleep with you. If I don't find it, you'll be all right and left alone. Good work, Belinda. Come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks.

I need a new cooking utensil supplier, and I guess you fit the bill. Do you know what? I'm no Meryl Streep. I'm not going to do the accent anymore. I don't think I can really pull it off. It was great while it lasted though, wasn't it? Yeah, I think I speak for everyone when I say we're sad. Good work, Belinda. Come and see me in Texas in a couple of weeks. I need a new cookery utensil supplier and I guess you fit the bill. Why, Jim, I'd love to. Let's say in three weeks time. Yep, let's do it. And I promise to replace your soiled garments with something a little bit more sexy.

Sexier than soiled garments? With that, he stumped off. Stumped? Has he lost a limb while he's been in there? With that, he stumped off, leaving Belinda completely naked, very muddy, and still tied to the trellis around the maze.

How long's she been there now? She only had under two hours in total. Yeah, she must be nearing the end of her time. I think it's about half an hour a person, if my calculations are correct. She massaged her wrists where the red plastic handcuffs had managed to keep her attached to the trellis and thought of the bonus money she would personally make

when she tied up the deal with Jim Sterling. I would not be thinking about that. Other stuff on my mind, probably. She's such a businesswoman, though, at heart, isn't she? She isn't she she loves it but more pressing like her clothes are covered in mud she needs some clothes it's belinda she needs nothing that's true she also thought she'd take a crash course in yoga or some sort of exercise which developed her cervix muscles brilliant because that's what yoga does they tend to say it's the biggest selling point of yoga. People leave and they go, you should feel the muscles on that. They do.

She has bizarre thoughts at the weirdest times. Oh, I must take up yoga. I'll get that sorted when I get home, when I get off this trellis. If Jim couldn't rise to the job, then she would have to ensure he was completely satisfied. The thing she did to make her fortune. Maybe that's why we're not owning the big bucks because we haven't got Belinda's mindset. I'm not going to lie.

I think she's a great role model. I'm not going to lie, but I am owning the big bucks. I am actually owning the big bucks, so you're on your own there. But wait, she could hear another client approaching through the maze. Oh God. Oh no, she thought.

I hope this one's a bit better hung. Oh, don, she thought. I hope this one's a bit better hung. Don't say hung. I can't take much more of these small appendages. I'm knackered. I don't know about Belinda. I know, I'd be absolutely pooped. But she had to. The handcuffs and parcel string ensured it.

Oh, yeah, that secure parcel string. They aren't ensuring anything. I'm not being funny, but she's lying to herself if she's saying she's still there because of that parcel string. She wants to be there. She is loving it. And that was the end of the chapter, guys. Stop it. That was quick again.

It was quite a quick one again, wasn't it? Short, stocky, hard to find. That's Jim Sterling and chapter six, ladies and gents. Well, I feel grubby do you yeah that was quite um visceral wasn't it it has been a bit soft core now we're getting to the kind of the harder stuff oh do you think james didn't realize you've been starved of you know sexual excitement in this book well i was just like when are we going to get a soiled thong and you've got it, girlfriend. It's not the most comfortable environment,

that's for sure. But she's quite outdoorsy. I bet Belinda's got a D of E. Gold. Gold. She's hardy as you like. This isn't, by the way, a way of being eligible for your world D of E.

Oh, yeah. I'm just wondering where it's all going. Like, I'm wondering where we're going to end up by the end of this book. Where what's going? Our lives wasted away. Yeah, on that note. I just keep thinking, I'll never get this time back. No, the story, you know, like, where are we going to end up?

What's Belinda's goal? Just to make some money. We'll end up very old people gathered around this kitchen table. Book 39 under our belts. Belinda will be all wizened. Oh, old Belinda. What are we doing? Where would our tits be then?

Oh, like... Slippers. Slippers. Okay, can I guess the name of the next chapter? Oh, please do. The third client, colon, and then I don't know. I'm going to say Patrick O'Hanlon. Oh, really?

That's bold of you. Who else could it be? Shall I give you a hint of a tease? The name has been featured in the blurb. Is it The Duchess? The Duchess! It's not The Duchess, I'm sorry. The blurb is about 18 pages.

You're going to have to be more specific. The next chapter is called The Third Client. Full stop. Peter Rouse. Oh, we love Peter Rouse. Because I think Peter Rouse is a total... A rouser. Well, I think it's a gag.

I think we're off to some very clever there. I bet his middle name's Andrew. Peter A. Rouse. Peter A.ouser. Well, I think it's a gag. I think we're all very clever there. I bet his middle name's Andrew. Peter A. Rouse. Peter A. Rouse. He's not going to have a little penis. He's, oof. No. It's going to be hefty.

And thank God for Belinda's sake. Absolutely. I can't wait for it. Me neither. Only seven more sleeps. Brilliant. It's too long. I genuinely, between chapters...

You crave it. I crave it. And during the chapter, I lose the will to live. But in between, I want more. It's like a very unusual addiction. It's like going to the gym. You dread it when you get here. Yeah, but in reverse.

So I quite look forward to doing it. We start, I hate it. And then... And then afterwards, you're like, oh, thank God we did that. You know it's done you good somewhere. Oh, this hasn't done me good. Do you feel a bit... Queasy, yeah.

I need to have a scrub down so guys please do get in touch with us if you're enjoying Belinda Blinked and My Dad Wrote a Porno we do check Twitter

religiously a few concerning tweets that we've had about the last chapter Fraser's pissing himself not literally I hope it doesn't say more on that as and when we have it Paul says I don't think anything turns me on as much as dad wrote a porno good bedtime listening with the wife oh my good

god I mean if that's not a passion killer I don't know what is I like uh Sarah saying that moment when you shout what in disbelief at the same time as the dad wrote a porno people. So that must be kind of on the minute every minute then. And also I have to say, I never thought that my dad's legacy would be hashtag porno day. I love that that's taking off. Every Monday, hashtag porno day. Let's get Rocky trending.

Oh God. Every day's a porno day. If you're feeling a bit left out with all this Twitter talk, you can tweet us yourself at dadwroteporno. Yeah, we're on Facebook as well. Just search my dad wrote a porno and we will be found and on instagram you don't even need to write the whole thing it's just my dad wrote a easy and also please do head over to amazon and buy the book it's fun for all the family well only jamie's family other families might be slightly alarmed it's not fun for my family, can I tell you? The cover alone is enough reason to buy the book. People are outraged by the cover.

That's not how they imagined Belinda. I know. Well, this is the problem, isn't it? It's like with any book that gets an adaptation or something. People's imaginations are compromised. Absolutely. I think that's going to cause quite an issue for Rocky. A lot of debate about Belinda and her looks.

Frantic discussion. Well, yeah, thanks again to all you loyal people for joining us again and listening to my smutty father. It's been great. I hope you guys know that you barely tickled me. Thanks for listening.