My Dad Wrote A Porno - S1E6 - 'The Third Client Peter Rouse'

Episode Date: November 2, 2015

This week Belinda spends time with one more client in the medium sized maze. They seem to be getting on well - could this be love? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com, you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for what you need. And coverage starts at only $19 per month. Visit zensurance.com and secure your new policy online in a matter of minutes. Zen Insurance. Mind your business. The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content and strong language.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Basically, all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno? Erotic literature. Why? Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno. Jim grunted and Belinda thought she felt something entering her pussy.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Oh my God. If you had to ask. Did the man know he was only tickling her? Poor Jim. Belinda squatted slightly as Jim was shorter than her. Oh my goodness. Oh, humiliation for Jim. She had to squat.
Starting point is 00:01:37 We have a rogue comma. Wait, is that... Is that Jim's penis? Tick. jim's penis hello everybody welcome back to my dad wrote a porno we are on episode six we're getting really through it now we're racing we really are is that halfway we are roughly halfway aren't we we're we're at the top of the hill as it were and we're on or the top of the nipple the nipple tip are you basically saying it's a rapid decline from here? From here on in, I think so.
Starting point is 00:02:07 Oh no, I hope not. If anything, I think the raciness has picked up. I agree. And I think it's getting a lot more kind of anatomical. You know, before it was always a hint of a tease and now we're really getting into vulvas and clitorises. Yeah, it's full on medical terms. It really is.
Starting point is 00:02:22 And I'm not enjoying it that much. There is a strange instinct in me that actually wants to know what happens in the story. I mean, I know it's ridiculous, but I actually want to know what happens to these people. Say what you like about Belinda Blinked, but do not call it a story. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:42 It is erotica only, Alice. Its only purpose is to arouse saying book has been you know slightly unfair to brand it with that word as well but i do know what you mean though there is an element of you wanting you you are invested in these characters a little bit certainly belinda and i feel giselle too don't say character donna not so much but you know you know most writers talk about their process and they they sit down they really flesh out their character. I feel like he just sat down at the computer and just started typing, literally whatever was in his head at the time.
Starting point is 00:03:09 All I know is that what he told me recently was he likes to write in heat. So read into that, Will. So I imagine him on a beach in his Y-front. Oh, in his black thong. Slash speedo, which I'm sure he imagines is a black thong or maybe it's fashioned into a black thong. Who knows?o, which I'm sure he imagines is a black thong, or maybe it's fashioned into a black thong, who knows?
Starting point is 00:03:29 A simple tuck and a twist and there it is. Hopefully the seam's straight. I'd love to know the influences. I'd love to know what he's seen that's made him pop that in. You see, I would ask him, but I don't want to know. I wouldn't. I don't want to go there. That is a can of worms. Why does he like to write in heat?
Starting point is 00:03:43 Maybe he just feels like that's when his creative, and I don't want to use the word juices, but I'll use the word juices, will be flowing. Did he say in heat or on heat? Both. The line could have been crackly. I think both. Well, we are reading the chapter today
Starting point is 00:03:57 in just the conditions that Rocky likes. We're in the most boiling room in the most boiling building ever. It is rather warm, yes. I'm clammy at best. You're a sweaty lady. It's one of Rocky's favourites. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Oh my God, maybe we're all conditioning ourselves to become characters in the book. In the style of Melinda chapter one, I'm leaning back in my leather chair and gently beginning to sweat. I may have to start removing clothes soon. I'm just warning you. Oh, it's going to get sexy even before the book's begun.
Starting point is 00:04:29 So what's chapter seven called? So so yeah as we said last week chapter seven is called the third client peter rouse yeah or as alice so um wittily said peter a rouse i was really proud of that off the cuff what about i've been working on it for a number of weeks i knew it was coming ever since that blurbb, you were like, I'm going to use that. I'm saving it. So I'm hoping, I mean, I've enjoyed the maze. Don't get me wrong. Kind of hoping this is the last time we visit the maze. Yeah, I agree. I'm getting a bit of maze fatigue. You are. Think about Belinda.
Starting point is 00:04:57 I know, she must be knackered for a thing. Absolutely pooped. Didn't Rocky say last chapter that it's a proverbial quagmire by now? Well, this is true. I mean, maybe that she can't be in the maze for much longer just because of the conditions on her knees. Yeah. I mean, we can have fun,
Starting point is 00:05:10 but let's not forget the red tape of health and safety, guys. Let's keep it safe. Safe and sexy. Yeah, safe and sexy. And Rocky's idea of safe sex is like not getting too muddy. Not slipping in a quagmire. Or just watching as Alphonse Sturbecker did. Yeah, well, she thought he was a voyeur, but then he got involved, didn't he?
Starting point is 00:05:31 Of course he did. Observation wasn't his only motive. It was those deals. Let's go. I'm excited. You're excited? Yeah, let's go. Just because we are so superficial and we do always have this conversation.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Oh, yeah. Peter Rouse, body type. Oh, okay. I mean, they're all fat. I'm not sure if they are all fat. I mean, you know, Jim Sterling was a chubby. Jim Sterling, short and stout. Here's his handle.
Starting point is 00:05:57 All hanging out. Where's his spout? That is such a great assessment of a man. That will be his epitaph. Oh, God. Who was before that? Alphonse Sturbacher. Go on, what do you think?
Starting point is 00:06:19 Which nursery rhyme is befitting to him? No, but he was quite a... That's not right with Sturbacher, does it, James? He was quite a stout man as well wasn't he he was quite big i don't think he was was he i thought he was quite lean yeah maybe we weren't told and we all just created an image i think you want them all to be fat for some strange reason fetish um so yeah i just think peter ross is just going to be an ample man. Okay, okay. Well, I think it's time to find out, really. Let's delve in. Let's delve in.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Belinda Blinked, Chapter 7, The Third Client, Peter Rouse. Belinda stood her ground, hoping this one would be much better. Not easy to stand your ground in that mud bath. Oh no, I hope she's got some grip on. Well, she's wearing nothing, so her feet. But easy to do better than Jim Sterling. I mean, we're giving Jim a rough ride. Poor Jim.
Starting point is 00:07:16 He's never given anyone a rough ride. No, the sad thing was that he tried to give her a rough ride. He thought he was. And she felt nothing. Numb. Belinda stood her ground, hoping this one would be so much better. She had had enough titillation. She wanted, no, needed a good fuck.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Oh my goodness. She didn't have that much titillation. She's had a few. I mean... She didn't have good fucks so far. Not by her standards, obviously. Good fucks. I am literally quoting the book verbatim.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Good fuck is nowhere. It didn't say that. What did it say? It did. It said good fuck. It did, yeah. Oh, trickster. You're a tricky little one.
Starting point is 00:07:55 No, needed a good fuck. A tall, blonde-haired man with an impressive physique strolled into view. Well, I stand corrected. Not what I imagined, but great. Good for Peter. Belinda quickly recognised Peter Rouse. His operation was located in Holland with 357 retail outlets
Starting point is 00:08:16 and again was growing strongly throughout the Scandinavian countries. Is he trouncing Alphonse then with 357? Only just. And neither of them have a patch on jim sterling yeah wow ironic that isn't it an evasive entrepreneur peter could not be overlooked as he had recently expanded to spain and portugal the home of pots and pans i mean this is you know this guy's important on seeing belinda he quickly removed his thong and threw it to the ground whilst approaching her.
Starting point is 00:08:46 I mean, it's not your traditional handshake or hello, but it's how he rolls. Can you imagine having that effect on someone? They just glance at you and they're like, I've got to whip my pants off. I can't wait a second longer. Amazing. My name is Peter, he said.
Starting point is 00:09:02 I mean, here's someone who's introducing himself before having sex with her. Polite. But why does everyone say, my name is Peter, he said. I mean, here's someone who's introducing himself before having sex with her. Polite. But why does everyone say, My name is Peter. My name is Belinda. Why doesn't everyone say, I'm Peter?
Starting point is 00:09:12 Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Je m'appelle Peter. He's not in, like, a foreign language class. My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed. As is traditional in Holland. Bowed. I mean, he's got a lot of respect come on now in japan that's very respectful generally they're clothed but that's very respectful my name is peter he said
Starting point is 00:09:35 and quickly bowed i believe you are belinda wait they speak english in Holland though. I believe you are Belinda. I believe you'll be Belinda. I believe you're Belinda, the sales director of this fantastic customer bash your superiors are putting on here today. Why, yes, I am Mr. Rouse, said Belinda, blushing at her naked appearance in front of this, so far, delightfully hung man.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Now she blushes. Our preconceptions about Peter are so far all wrong well hung great body i thought he'd be a human being but he's actually an android so i'm a bit thrown by that after all he was the first to know who she was great well then definitely shag him that's a reason to shout someone he knows my name legs open oh my goodness you guys have obviously never been on a night out in my hometown. Oh! Someone can't return to the homestead. Please, please, call me Peter, he replied, especially as we are to become more intimately acquainted
Starting point is 00:10:34 in the next 25 minutes. Sorry, I forgot to ask, what year is Peter from? Dearest Miss Blumenthal. Do you not think that a bit of class is welcome in this book? It's all been a bit rough and ready so far. I believe we're to be acquainted in an intimate fashion, Miss Blumenthal. Do you not think that a bit of class is welcome in this book? It's all been a bit rough and ready so far. I believe we're to be acquainted in an intimate fashion, Miss Blumenthal, forthwith.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Jade Austin, chill out. Why is he from a period drama? Have we sought permission from the village elders to be here? Village elders! Well, she does check the town hall clock for the time. Oh my God, they're a match made in heaven. I think this could really work out. Indeed.
Starting point is 00:11:09 He took Belinda's hands and said, what a delightful body you have. May I handle it? It's not a like fragile item. It's like the bulk of his stock. Handle with care. May I handle it? these two need to work on the sexy talk that's all i'm saying but i think weirdly they're quite well suited in that respect
Starting point is 00:11:31 yeah we've not really encountered a gent in this story no oh my god do you think this is like gonna become a love story no no okay i refer you to the early comment about story. Shoot that one down. Thank you. What a delightful body you have. May I handle it? Doesn't that sound like, what a wonderful nose you have.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Isn't this bit like just stolen from Red Riding Hood? What a giant cock you have. Belinda replied, why, yes, of course. I would love to feel you touch me. Feel as free as you wish. Now that's an offer I cannot refuse, Peter replied, why, yes, of course. I would love to feel you touch me. Feel as free as you wish. Now that's an offer I cannot refuse, Peter replied, and immediately started to massage her neck. Slowly...
Starting point is 00:12:11 Let me get on my hands on that. Oh, I've been thinking about this for days. Let me get on those shoulders. I imagine Belinda's got a really broad back. I don't know why, but really like a hefty, hefty neck. A strong neck. Strong neck. Peter applied and immediately started to massage her neck,
Starting point is 00:12:30 slowly spreading to her breasts and buttocks. So he goes from neck down to breasts. All the way down to buttocks. And a little switcheroo to the buttocks. Yes. Because if, lest we forget, the breasts are at the front, the buttocks are at the back. Oh, are they?
Starting point is 00:12:43 The head bone's connected to the neck bone. Belinda immediately started to relax and responded by gently massaging Peter's penis. I imagine that kind of like she's like kneading it, like a bread dough. Like a baguette, an uncooked baguette. Oh, God. He had a fantastic body and his muscles were very well toned. Belinda started to caress his body and in return...
Starting point is 00:13:03 I mean, that's two mentions of the body. Body, yeah. It just doesn it just doesn't flow that well i think he's probably not got a synonym has he he's stuck there belinda started to caress his body and in return he moved his massage to her vaginal area right of course of course i mean i feel like we've been here so many times and i mean belinda's vagina i know this area like the back of my hand i've got gps on this shit and also it's kind of losing any sort of shock value am i alone in that yeah i just feel like i've heard every word for it now and i'm just totally desensitized i was always shocked by the language as opposed to the fact that i was related to the man that wrote it which is possibly where you're coming from well exactly this is the thing when i first started to read it i was was like, you know,
Starting point is 00:13:46 read Dad's book, you know, very exciting. Turns out it has a lot of clit and vag and vulva in it. And now I'm like, oh, yeah, he's just gone to massage her vaginal area. Standard. You're just immune to it. Well done, Dad. Brilliant. You get a lot of edge to the pound in this book.
Starting point is 00:14:01 You absolutely do. He stroked her small runway of pubic black hair, leading to her vaginal lips. Why does everything have to lead? You know where it is. Like, it's not leading there. Also, he's finally got to grips with lips and not lids. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Congratulations, Rocky. He's really growing in his writing. Turn that D upside down. You got the right letter. Oh, still gross, isn't it? I mean, that's a given, everything's gross And soon he was inside her with his fingers Fingers, how many?
Starting point is 00:14:36 All eight of them Both hands, he's diving in Why is he doing a round of applause in there? He's playing like a piano concerto inside her. Cat's cradle, Belinda. Belinda had rarely experienced anything as delicate as this. That's not delicate. Two hands in her is not delicate.
Starting point is 00:14:59 We've invented two hands. That is your imagination running away with yourself. Belinda had rarely experienced anything as delicate as this and soon began to moan softly. In return, she still had the sense of presence to massage his now extremely hard and large penis. The sense of presence. What a lovely turn of phrase.
Starting point is 00:15:20 What a lovely, nonsensical turn of phrase. It means nothing. Love that. It's pure Flintstone. That is textbook Flintstone. Are you self-employed? Don't think you need business insurance? Think again. Business insurance from Zensurance is a no-brainer for every business owner because it provides peace of mind. A lot can go wrong. A fire, stolen equipment, or an unhappy customer suing you. That's why you need insurance. Don't let the, I'm too small for this mindset, hold you back from protecting yourself. Zinsurance provides customized business insurance policies starting
Starting point is 00:15:54 at just $19 per month. Visit zinsurance.com today and buy your policy online in just a few minutes. Zinsurance, mind your business. She somehow knew she was going to enjoy this man somehow new well because she's enjoying it potentially because he's got like experiencing that emotion right now after a few moments peter pushed belinda onto her knees into the soft mud and gently guided her head to his penis oh god belinda opened her mouth and slowly pushed her head to his penis. Oh God. Belinda opened her mouth and slowly pushed her lips over his foreskin.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Oh God. Did you just stick it in your mouth? I'm sorry. And everybody take a cup of water and run out of the room. Oh God. Are you okay? No. Is foreskin a thing you chat about in sexy time? I was going to say, it is the most disgustingly unsexy thing to mention at this point.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Not that I was into it before this point. That has turned me right off. Say it again, although I don't want you to say it again. The line. Yeah. Belinda opened her mouth and slowly pushed her lips over his foreskin. Oh. Hang on, wait.
Starting point is 00:17:08 God. Pulling it back before slightly gagging as she swallowed his entire cock down her throat. Oh my, how big is it? Also, I think Belinda might die in chapter six. I feel like she's doing some like sword swallowing or something. You are very skillful think Belinda might die in Chapter 6. I feel like she's doing some, like, sword swallowing or something. You are very skilful, Belinda. Would you let me teach you more techniques?
Starting point is 00:17:32 Don't ask her a question. She's got to answer your question. Simply a thumbs up or a thumbs down, Belinda. Why, yes, Peter. I always love to learn new things. How's she answering? She hasn't slipped out yet.
Starting point is 00:17:46 She's a ventriloquist. She's got room to talk. She must have a huge mouth. Wonderful elocution lessons that have allowed her to do that. What, she said again? Why, yes, Peter. I always love to learn new things. I mean, there's new and there's new.
Starting point is 00:18:00 And also, it seems like she knows pretty much everything. She's the oracle. He then lifted her from the ground and slowly penetrated her vagina with his now throbbing cock. Sorry, lifted her from the ground via the mouth with his penis? Like, lifted her... I imagine that she's now removed the penis from her mouth. Okay, sure.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Yeah, I love that that's never mentioned. We just have to assume. Exactly. It isn't like he wants to give much detail on the sex in this erotic novel, for that matter. I love that we just have to shoot. Yeah, exactly. It isn't like he wants to, you know, give much detail on the sex in this erotic novel, for that matter. I love that we are so confused by the logistics of scenarios that take any sexual content out of it because we're like, yeah, technically that should be sexy,
Starting point is 00:18:36 but, like, talk us through it step by step. Exactly, he just misses out huge chunks. Belinda again moaned softly. His penetration was so fluid, she felt in ecstasy. Let's just move on. I've never seen James like this. I really
Starting point is 00:18:54 don't know what to say anymore. He started to move inside her. She responded by contracting and releasing her vaginal muscles in time to his thrusts. Why doesn't she just have sex? 1 and 2 and 3, 3, 4. 3, 3? One and two and one and two and three three four. Three three four and two and five and two two ten. Contracting her vaginal muscles.
Starting point is 00:19:11 I mean, it's just so... That is having sex. Exactly, but... I don't want to be all, you know, rocky about this and anatomical, James, but... But why does she have to think of it in those terms? Or why does Rocky have to think of it in those terms? Or why does Rocky have to think of it in those terms? Sorry, James, did you just want him to put,
Starting point is 00:19:27 and they had sex? Yes! Yes, just once! Can you just put, and they had sex? They were now completely intertwined. Belinda had never experienced anything like this before. What actual normal sex? With a nice person who introduced himself
Starting point is 00:19:42 and was perfectly pleasant. She was floating on air, and Peter was penetrating deeper and deeper. Belinda started to gasp in short spasms. Electrocuted. She needed more and more oxygen just to feed the gigantic orgasm she was about to encounter. Oh my God, I feel like she's going to explode. It's going to encounter. Oh my god, I feel like she's going to explode. It's going to pop. For the first time in her life,
Starting point is 00:20:08 she was not in control. Whoa. That's a big deal for Belinda. But she was enjoying it to death. This is new. This is unfamiliar. She's a changed woman, isn't she? This might be like a love story.
Starting point is 00:20:24 I'm just pleased for her. I'm just pleased she's having a good time. She's had to kiss a lot of frogs to get to this point. Seriously. Peter started to sweat profusely. Oh, God. And we're back to normal. Another sweater.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Peter started to sweat profusely. Belinda started to rub his skin more vigorously. Is this like a poem? Also, nothing I love more when I'm sweaty than for somebody to vigorously rub my skin. Rub the skin? Like, that isn't sexy, is it? Exfoliate.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Belinda started to rub his skin more vigorously and he approached his climax. Of course, Belinda was now wild with delirium. She was completely out of her head. She's mad as a box of fries, isn't she? She got a trigger sentence together, poor thing. Never has been able to, to be fair. I was going to say, that's nothing new.
Starting point is 00:21:13 She was completely out of her head. All her actions were mechanical. Peter kept thrusting. Belinda kept flexing her vaginal muscles until they both came in a violent explosion of ecstasy together. Oh, my God. At least it's over.
Starting point is 00:21:29 I just felt like I had to just rush through that. I mean, I might be wrong, but did that last about three and a half hours? That went on and on. It was tantric, it was. That was actually not badly written, that last little sentence. I thought that was quite good. Hold the phone. Has James just...
Starting point is 00:21:43 That got me all a-shudder....praised Belinda Bl raised belinda blink let's hear it again then i think we need to i mean as much as i hate to reread it peter kept thrust hang on how far i mean yeah from peter kept testing are you sure i mean that wasn't the start of the sentence all right sorry start of the sentence love that we can never establish the start i was gonna say i'm actually going further and further up the paragraph to find the start of the sentence it's like the start of the sentence. I was going to say, I'm actually going further and further up the paragraph to find the start of the sentence. I love that it's like, the start of the sentence is, Peter entered the maze. He's happy to get any more stops in.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Of course, Belinda was now wild with delirium. She was completely out of her head. All her actions were mechanical. Peter kept thrusting, Belinda kept flexing her vaginal muscles until they both came in a violent explosion of ecstasy together. Do you know what? I don't know what I was saying. It's not the best sentence I've heard of the book. You're not wrong, though, James.
Starting point is 00:22:30 It did ramp up the tension there. Yeah, you were into it, weren't you? I was into it, and now I'm out of it. That's surely the end of the chapter. It's not. Peter fell out of her. Like a slide. Flops out. Accidental.
Starting point is 00:22:51 I'm sorry, I've just fallen right out. Belinda collapsed onto her knees in the mud. The plastic handcuffs around her wrists saving her from being completely immersed. Completely immersed? Come on. Are they actually sinking now? Where was their purchase if it was a complete quagmire seriously
Starting point is 00:23:08 now on her knees she was spattered all over with the horrible slime and there was nothing she could do about it except linger in the fantastic orgasm she just experienced oh Belinda but Peter's cock remained erect and Belinda was so impressed with his skills she
Starting point is 00:23:26 knew she could learn much more from him. So she crawled back to him She off again! Oh my god. Give it a minute Belinda. That was barely a bit stop. And put her mouth over his penis and continued to screw him with her lips, teeth
Starting point is 00:23:42 tongue and throat. Wow. But surely he'll be like, flaccid now. No, it just said so. No, he's still got it. I mean, he's got it now, but it sounds like he will be in absolute tatters because what, teeth, throat, mouth, tongue, what?
Starting point is 00:23:57 Nails, everything. She secretly knew she was ready to become his sex slave if he would ask her. I don't think it's a secret. Wasn't first thought girlfriend sex slave? That's just what Belinda calls it. She would scream for more until he agreed, she thought.
Starting point is 00:24:14 That'll be annoying. Please, sir, once more. Pete! Pete! Pete, I love you. I want to be your sex slave. Pete, just let me be your sex slave. Pete. Pete, don't leave me.
Starting point is 00:24:27 Pete. I thought it was on so EastEnders all of a sudden. Oh, my goodness. But Peter Rouse was no normal individual, and he knew when a girl was under his sexual spell, as Belinda now was, so he let her screw his penis in her mouth and began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits,
Starting point is 00:24:42 ass, mouth and ears with symbolic signs. Like a cult. Like hieroglyphics. Do we think that Pete might be a bit of a weirdo? Well, that is the first indication. Also, ears. How big are her ears? Do you draw symbols on her ears?
Starting point is 00:24:59 Mouth. Yeah, I suppose you could just draw round the mouth area or zone or whatever. Like a clown, like clown makeup. Yeah, sort of like the Joker lips. In mud. Sexy. She was still kneeling on the ground, so he took the opportunity to write more symbols on her back,
Starting point is 00:25:17 which would bind her to him sexually for the next year. What the actual effing hell? The next year? What the fuck has Peter Ousmane drink is? Has he put like a best before date on her back or something? His cock then started to ejaculate semen, which he quickly caught in his hands. Oh!
Starting point is 00:25:36 Kapow! Kapow! Kapow! Like Spiderman. Oh my God! He then covered her hair with it, twisting it into a ponytail. Getting ready to go out. Oh, my God. He then covered her hair with it. Oh! Twisting it into a ponytail. Okay, they're ready to go out. It's that wet look.
Starting point is 00:25:52 She loves it. Twisted her hair into an updo and they were ready to go. Why is he being so precise? Because it's rocky. Fair dues. Belinda's long black hair mixed with transparent sperm, the most powerful sexual symbol he knew. What? That doesn't even make sense the hell is peter's deal there was no verb there wasn't it wait till the second date to get all your weird like cult stuff out can you imagine you go for like dinner normally
Starting point is 00:26:16 and then like maybe like go see a film or go to the theater or something and you're like it's a really nice guy and then you're like how's? Well, paint my body in mud with ancient symbols. And then, do you know what I'm hanging up to? Using a semen as a product? I think I'm definitely going to be a sex slave. Belinda, though she didn't know it, was now well and truly ensnared. And truth be told, it was what Belinda would have wanted. Wow.
Starting point is 00:26:43 It's weird. Brilliant insight. Thank you. That could Belinda would have wanted. Wow. It's weird. Brilliant insight. Thank you. That could sum up the whole book. Yeah. It's weird, said James Cooper. You know when they put the five stars from Empire or whatever on the film? Yeah, you can put that on the cover if you want.
Starting point is 00:26:55 Along with, it's not a book. The whistle brought them back. Oh, the whistle. Oh, is it the end? I was getting quite into this. Okay. The whistle brought them both back to the present day. Present.
Starting point is 00:27:07 Oh my God, they are in Jane Austen times. Is the maze a metaphor for a time machine? Oh, maybe. Oh my God, Rocky would love time travel porn. The whistle brought them both back to the present day. Peter hurriedly put on his thong while Belinda tried to get rid of some of the mud she was now covered in.
Starting point is 00:27:24 And the cum in her hair, probably. And maybe the series of bonkers symbols all over her body, maybe. She's a mess. Belinda gasped. When can I see you next, Peter? Please? All right, Needy McNeederton, this was never Belinda. She said desperately. That's right.
Starting point is 00:27:40 I mean, seriously, love, get a grip. Not another way to say it. Belinda's head over heels. Hush, my beautiful Belinda. I will see you tonight at 11... Come on. My beautiful Belinda. Said no one ever.
Starting point is 00:27:54 At 11.30pm in the Horse and Jockey pub, where I know you have a room we can use, Belinda smiled her gratitude to him and said... I'm just smiling my gratitude to you. This smile is supposed to make it clear that my gratitude is coming to you, I'm just smiling my gratitude to you. The smile is supposed to make it clear that my gratitude is coming to you. I won't say thank you. I'll just imply it with my face. Belinda smiled her gratitude to him and said, it will be so good. I promise you, ask anything you want. I somehow feel enslaved to you. are Belinda As I am to you
Starting point is 00:28:26 Replied Peter This is the weirdest wedding vows I have ever heard Until tonight What? Oh like adieu Until we meet again And yes James that is the end of the chapter Belinda's in a good place right now.
Starting point is 00:28:46 I think it's great that she's finally found someone to share in her sexual fantasies with because she is quite kinky, isn't she? This is an emotional connection like no other because before she was enjoying the sex side of things. She had her main aim, which seemed to be like getting ahead in business, basically. Using her sexual prowess as a tool.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Whereas now she's forgotten all that she's like i really like him she hasn't even closed the deal that's very umbelinda oh yeah she didn't she didn't mentally pencil a meeting or even close her legs alice well all that mud's very slippery so what's chapter eight called chapter eight is called the tombola okay well we're definitely out the maze and into a village fair by the sounds of it. A fate. I can hardly wait. I used to love a tombola. I fear it's not going to be the same kind of tombola.
Starting point is 00:29:34 I was going to say, I don't think you'll be getting some... There was always a half-used bottle of conditioner, wasn't it? Or, to be fair, which you could use. Or a nice box of biscuits or something. Some potpourri. And a few weird cat figurines, usually, in our village fair. You've cleaned up the tombolas clearly, Jamie. That's probably what Rocky's drawing on.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Are you a family of tombola winners? We are a gifted family with the tombola. We are. The tombola. That is great. What a curveball. Did not see that title coming. No.
Starting point is 00:30:01 Where are we going next? How do we get from a maze to a tombola i can't wait we have sworn an oath not to jump ahead in this book so james and i don't know anything that's going to happen ahead of you reading it to us jamie you sometimes read the day off don't you yeah just so I can get to grips with the poor grammar. If I hadn't have made that pact with you guys, I would be skipping ahead no end. Because I have that book. I have it. I've downloaded it. You've downloaded it. Belinda Blinked. Go get it immediately from Amazon. It's a bargain. But it takes everything in my being every week not to read the next chapter. resist you must resist read along with us if you
Starting point is 00:30:46 are as obsessed as we are with the antics of belinda then get in touch let us know your thoughts feelings and emotions you can find us on instagram on twitter and on facebook simply google my dad wrote a porno it'll be the first hit once again a great read bravo oh thank you very much and thank you both for joining me and thanks everyone for listening once more see you next week bye bye i love you pete on each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.