My Dad Wrote A Porno - S1E7 - 'The Tombola'

Episode Date: November 9, 2015

This week Belinda is finally free from the maze and takes part in a charity tombola. But, as always, it's more than meets the eye. The prizes are much more racy... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff. Jamie, why are we here? We're here because my dad's written a porno. Your dad's written a porno? Erotic literature. Why? Previously on My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Jim Sterling was a chubby. Jim Sterling? Yes. Chubby and short and stout. Here's his handle. All hanging out. Where's his spout? My name is Peter, he said, and quickly bowed.

As is traditional in Holland. Holland. So he began using the mud to mark Belinda's tits, ass, mouth and ears with symbolic signs. Hello and welcome back to another episode of My Dad Wrote a Porno. Alice, thanks for joining me again. I can't believe I've been invited back, so this is great. Of course you've been invited back. Always welcome. great. Of course you've been invited back. Always welcome. Always welcome, James. Thank you. New haircut.

Looking very swish. Well, I thought I'd make an effort for Belinda. You know, these are special nights to me and I like to make an effort. Jamie, thank you for offering to read us yet another chapter. We are getting really into the thick of it now. You're welcome, Alice. Every day's a struggle, but I'm getting through it. Where are we at?

I've kind of... Where are we at? It's been a few days. I've forgotten. Lost the will to live. Yeah. So basically, last chapter, Belinda met Peter Rounds. It might have gone to love from just sex, which we know Belinda loves and enjoys.

But we think maybe there's an emotional connection in it. Well, she certainly made reference, or Rocky did through his prose, that she felt a connection that was deeper than just the average fuck in a bush which is essentially what she's doing in a maze isn't it i think you've paraphrased paraphrasing obviously so it's turning into a bit of a romance novel this could be the next gone with the wind oh my god well i mean mud symbols on her back aside i was gonna say that got a bit weird a little bit weird but you know belinda knows her heart so i trust her true i also trust my dad i mean really wow that has that makes one let's take some more maybe not as much as i used to as a as like a young boy when he would take me

fishing but i have understood him on a different level certainly throughout this process, which has been interesting. Okay, so, are we all ready? Belinda blinked. Chapter 8, The Tombola. Oh, yes! I totally forgot about The Tombola. Get your tickets. There'll be nothing light and innocent about this. The Tombola!

Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She was now exhausted. Three clients in. She's hardy. We've said this. So we found her straight back in the maze. Oh, yeah. We're where we left her.

Okay. She'd been fucked by three males. Males? It's almost like a David Attenborough now, isn't it? The male approached the female with a black thong. There's nothing natural about any of this, so no. It doesn't happen in the wild, does it? It barely happens in literature, only in Rocky's filthy mind.

A.K.A. my dad. So sombre. She'd been fucked by three males. Well, let's be honest, two and well let's be honest two and a half yeah two in a bowl no no that's that's in the book oh that's the car right i thought that was a side that wasn't me that was rocky that was all rocky rocky's a little bitch maybe i should start again to give you the full flow. Belinda was now both exhausted and exhilarated. She had been fucked by three males, well, let's be honest,

two and a half, in the last two hours and had been totally mesmerised by one of them. The vole. We all were. We couldn't take our eyes off it. Couldn't put our eyes on it, it was so small. She also had a sixth sense that she could never opt out of the special relationship Peter Rouse and herself had developed in their short meeting.

But for all that she was completely up for it, Peter was a successful, dominating character. And come to think of it, so was she. She's basically met her match. Yeah, that's what I like about that relationship. It feels like they are two very equal parties. I don't know. I think that's, you know, two dominating partners.

Surely you need one passive, one dominating. I don't think it's going to work out. I foresee problems on the horizon. Speaks volumes about your private life, James. Can we stop talking about my sex life, please?

Passive is the James character. Are you on the hunt for Peter Rouse? Now relaxing against the trellis. As you do. Because it's quite the place to relax. Yeah, get a bit sunbathing in, why don't you? She pulled the parcel string sharply and it fell to the muddy ground.

That was secure then, after all that. She might as well have just been stood there. She slowly twisted the plastic handcuffs and they fell apart. And she bent down to pick up her tennis outfit. How strong is Belinda? And then she ripped the trellis in two she's the female hulk all of a sudden and then she punched alfon it was a real mess tell me about it i think it's a tennis outfit oh i meant the whole thing from

chapter one through to present day it was a real mess but for decency's sake she put what was left of the shirt and dress back on. What? So she just kind of draped the little rags over her? She knew Tony would be here any minute to bring her

back to the barbecue area and then she could get back to her lovely bath at her room in the horse and jockey. Soon she heard footsteps coming through the maze and thankfully it was Tony. He was in a black thong.

Hello Belinda. Oh hi Belinda. Let me guess. We could write it James. She's still not had her wicked way with Tony has she? Oh Tony. She's always gets in the way. Maybe this is the moment. Oh oh oh. Thankfully it was Tony. He had a large smile on his face I bet he did you're a star Belinda those three guys you just entertained are over the moon with you entertained she didn't do a song and dance number

to be fair she's entertained us she's done everything but song and dance to be fair she's done the whole razzmatazz they're over the moon with you and the other girls have done good as well. Other girls? How many trellises are there? They're different places.

They're different places. I don't believe it. This is a twist I didn't see coming. I bet she doesn't feel very special now, does she? What do you mean, other girls? I'm with Belinda. Didn't you know? Giselle and Bella are here as well.

It's not just you. She will have got the lower ranking executives though she won't have got somebody with 300 outlets and hardly a trellis she belongs a bit of wood probably it's not just you it's your glee team as well glee team what does that mean it seems fruitless to ask that question while we're reading this novel oh oh my god it's like i'm pre-empting belinda at every turn tony what do you mean by i love that it's like a call and answer session rocky's anticipating the basically the knot of language that it is and so now realizes i'm gonna have to explain my every turn tony what do you mean by glee team? We're all just girls out for a good time and I need a bath.

More to the point. Tony looked at her and decided not to comment on her condition. Very good of him. He had never seen so much mud stick to a person. And what were those symbolic marks on her face and thighs? Tony, divide a pound for every time somebody asks that. They soon reached the barbecue area, which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre,

with over 40 people sitting around on chairs. On chairs? They had chairs, James! It was such a formal affair! They soon reached the barbecue area which had been transformed into a Roman-style amphitheatre with 40 people sitting around on chairs. They were mostly clients with their wives. I bet those wives

are having the best day out ever! Jim, where have you been? Why are you covered in mud? Alphonse, you've been gone for 45 minutes! They were mostly clients with their wives, who had had up to this point no knowledge of the sexual adventures which a few of their number had been allowed access to. How could they not know? I mean you've got Belinda moaning and a groaning from the maze which can't be that

far away. Absolutely someone's blowing a whistle all the time. Belinda sat down on a chair. A chair? He really paints a picture with words. Which Tony had found for her. Well done, Tony. She looked around and tried to locate Giselle and Bella. They'll be the other muddy ones, probably. Belinda gasped when she recognised Giselle. What? Why?

Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodelled. I also love the saying, to say the best, which is not to say. That's not a phrase. By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic. Three question marks. What the hell? Unorthodox. Rocky's lost his shit.

So her hair's been remodelled perhaps by a maniac. With a twist for the dramatic. That's how I describe your hair. So if we just look at Alice, we can kind of get a sense of what Giselle's is looking like. Oh, the poor thing. What's she been through? Giselle, that is.

What have you been through, Alice? Belinda gasped when she recognised Giselle. Her beautiful blonde hair had been, to say the best, remodelled. Stop saying to say the best. By perhaps a maniac with a twist for the dramatic her dress had seen as much wear as belinda's tennis outfit and was being held together by a few safety pins where did she get those from yeah thought i had yeah see belinda's a novice giselle looked up and saw belinda staring at her. She smiled and stared back at Belinda's equally disgusting condition and torn clothing. Girls, you need to stick together and stop, like, slagging off each other.

Yeah, like, silently judging each other. Bitch stole my look. Like, mean girl vibes. Just like, uh, you look a mess. Also, maybe don't just stare. Maybe just say something. I don't know. Maybe greet each other.

I think they're across the amphitheatre. Oh, across the sea of 40 people. The huge crowds. On chairs. Come on. Oh, sorry, on chairs. I forget about the chairs. It's hard to navigate such a scene.

I didn't see the chairs coming because there was no reference to those in the blurb. No. They've really come out of the blue. And there was a reference to everything else. Belinda thought perhaps she had gotten off lightly. But why was Tony so happy? Giselle was his girl And she seemed to be in a bit of a state

Why does Belinda always think she looks better than Giselle? She's always like, I look better Slightly better boobs Step off Giselle Belinda gave Giselle a thumbs up Sorry, no one does that Thumbs up! And looked around Have you been at a shag thumbs up and looked around for Bella I'm done with you

she soon spotted her and to be honest Bella didn't look much better than Giselle. Oh, God. Though her hair was intact, her outfit... Intact? What do you mean? What? Ripped it out as a skull? Is Giselle bald? I don't think so. Just remodelled.

Intact? Just how remodelled has Giselle's hair been? Giselle's got a toupee on. So Bella's hair's intact, but... Oh, God. Her body'slla's hair's intact oh god should we find out she found out though her hair was intact her outfit was sporting half a dozen safety pins where is everybody getting all these safety pins from and why did no one ever wanted belinda is there a haberdashery in the maze i bet bella and giselle brought a box of safety pins and didn't tell didn't share and they're like screw screw Belinda.

Literally, Belinda will get screwed. Maybe it's an annual tombola. Maybe this is just run of the mill. Yeah. Also, can I just say, during all this, when obviously they look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards and then shagged up against a trellis, which is exactly what's happened. All the wives are just sitting around drinking pims going oh those ladies have had a rough ride here they must have got caught in the rain they're half naked and covered in mud and that girl's had all her hair ripped out and they're just enjoying their cucumber

sandwiches bella's face was however covered in red lipstick as as though another maniac had tried to apply it. Who invited all the maniacs? What are these maniac hair stylists? They had definitely succeeded in making her look like a tart. But I thought the makeup was all over her face. She doesn't look like a tart. She looks like a freak. Because just lipstick scrawled over your face

just screams lady of the night. It certainly does. I've done it before. It attracts a lot of attention. Belinda caught Bella's eye and smiled at her. Bella gave her the thumbs up and smiled at her. Another thumbs up. Belinda thought, this is very strange. What's going to happen next?

I'm guessing a tombola's about to happen. If it doesn't this chapter, I feel desperately misled. A couple of minutes later, a tall chap stood up and addressed the gathering. Welcome, everyone, to our annual tombola. It was annual. There you go. It was a yearly thing. Once you've been to one, you cannot wait more than 12 months to go to another.

Once you've been to one, you bring safety pins to the next one. Exactly. Welcome, everyone, to our annual tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years. Oh, wow. Great. Good. Can I guess what they are? Are they women?

Well, there's no reference to them, so I think we can all make them up. So we have to have been to the Tombola previously, the fictitious Tombola, to know what the prizes are. We have had to visit Rocky's mind, a bit like being John Malkovich. Okay, great. Welcome, everyone, to our annual Tombola, where our prizes are the same as previous years. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin,

for letting us have this opportunity to raise much needed money for our local charity. What charity is endorsing this as a form of fundraising? No, seriously, it's the charity shag. How do the RSPB raise their money? I'm really suspicious now with my £15 a month that goes to them. I also want to personally thank Sir James Godwin for letting us have this opportunity to raise some much needed

money for our local charity The Asses and Donkeys Trust. What kind of asses are we talking about here? I can now die happy. This is my favourite bit of Belinda Blinked. I've found my new charity to support, I think. So once a year...

Sorry, let me just get this straight. Once a year, the pots and pans industry get together for a charity event. A charity tombola. Hosted by Sir James Godwin. Sir James Godwin, of course. Sorry. Knight of the Realm. For the Ashes and Donkey, what?

Association? No, Trust. The Trust. Oh, good God. Also, are they, I don't know if you can ask Rocky this, are they looking for an ambassador? Because I am willing to take on that role. You couldn't write it, but apparently you did.

You shouldn't write it. I think that's what you meant. role you couldn't write it but apparently you did you shouldn't write it i think that's what you meant now please remember as your prize is a real person you win a human being apparently so you will only get your servant for the time period of 12 hours why does he say it like that the highest bidder from this audience for each individual prize gets to take them home the audience clapped enthusiastically good all those wives yeah the tall man continued there was only one rule and that is that we have a safe word they have a safe word a safe word which when uttered means the owner stops the directed task right away and the servant is released from their 12-hour duty can i just say

as you know i've been to a lot of tombolas. This is the first time I've heard of it. Most tombolas don't require a safe word. I've usually paid my 50p. Got my half-used bottle of body lotion and gone on my merry way. There's never been a safe word involved. But if that's how they roll at the Assers and Donkeys Trust, that's fine. That's none of my business.

The downside of that is the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity what to be able to have a safe word i thought there was one rule it seems to be two rules and the rule is negated by part a of the rule the downside of that is that the servant has to match the donation paid by the bidder to our charity we all win um well the asses and donkeys win. I don't think any human being wins in this situation. Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com,

you're probably spending more than you need. That's why you need to switch to a low-cost policy from Zensurance. Zensurance does all the heavy lifting, ensuring you're only covered for Okay. Yes. Now. okay yes now is that just to himself okay yes i can continue good we all win okay yes now please remember i don't know why that's funny it's really tickled me now please remember girls and potential owners the safe word is

thimble yes thimble yes I did just say thimble anyone yes thimble so everyone's got the same safe word thimble the safe word is thimble. Anyone? Yes, thimble. So everyone's got the same safe word, thimble. Yeah.

The safe word is thimble. Yes, thimble. Easy to remember. It stops you from getting pricked. Oh, lovely little joke from the tall man. That's very good, bravo. The crowd groaned, unlike my guests tonight, who both laughed. Tough crowd.

Great joke. Loosen up a bit, guys. It's going to get a lot heavier than that very quickly. The crowd groaned and started clapping. Belinda Bling. Belinda Bling. Of course she did. She was intrigued.

Doesn't take much to pique Belinda's interest. She quickly thought, who would I pick as my prize? Tony? No. Bella? No. No. Sir James Godwin.

And boy... She's never met. He could look gross. And boy would I enjoy that scenario. Today we have three servants on offer. And to find out who they are and take note, it could be any of you here. I want you all to look under your chairs and see the number attached to it. What is it?

The price is right. Belinda, come on down. Also gutted because it's like we really should not have brought like Auntie Doreen to this. She's like, ugh. Suddenly the chairs aren't so appealing. Everyone's like, we really should not have brought, like, Auntie Doreen to this. She's like, ugh! Suddenly the chairs aren't so appealing. Everyone's, like, leaping out of them. The sound of hurriedly scraping chairs fills the air, whilst the now hushed audience check their numbers.

Belinda's was 13. Unlucky for some, she thought. It's definitely going to be unlucky for... She's totally in this tombola. OK, the tall man shouted. Let's tumble the tombola. You don't say that. Can I just say, that's not the terminology be unlucky for her. She's totally in this tombola. Okay, the tall man shouted. Let's tumble the tombola. You don't say that. Can I just say that's not the terminology of a tombola.

Let's tumble the tombola. You don't ever say that. Let's tumble the tombola and see what the three lucky numbers are. Lucky. The tombola went round and round. What a detail. He's stolen that from the wheels on the bus. Belinda felt a sense of adventure

take over her persona. What? Her persona? Her medulla and blungata. She somehow felt she knew she would be a prize

but she didn't know who would be her owner. Obviously not. It's kind of sexy though. What am I saying? No, fucking hell, it's not sexy at all.

Actually, do you know what? That's obviously weird for you to say and that didn't freak me out but I know what you mean. Like, I want to know a good word. Actually, do you know what? That's obviously weird for you to say and that didn't creep me out. But I know what you mean. Like, I want to know.

It's intrigue, isn't it? It's like, maybe it's just like the narrative device. It's starting to kick in. We're like, oh, who's going to be the winner? What is wrong with you two? I don't know. Isn't this just going over me? The first number is 22.

I repeat, 22. Would the person sitting on chair number 22 Please stand up Is this a tongue twister? I feel it is Would the person with the blue Volvo please collect me It's parked right across the entrance It's parked across the maze Belinda looked around to see who the lucky person was

Who was it guys? It was Giselle And as she stood up A a safety pin fell out. Out of where? A safety pin fell out, revealing a beautiful right breast to the crowd. Of course it did. A ripe breast. Right.

The right one, not the right one. I'm sure they are right, but it was the right. An appreciative murmur came from the men, which saw many of the wives elbowing them in the ribs. Did they dare bid for her after that, Belinda thought. The second number is 37. I repeat, 37. Bella stood up. Oh God, no kidding. Her safety pins held and Belinda started to smell a rat. Can I just say, fix! Bella stood up, her safety pins held, and Belinda started to smell a rat. Was it a rat?

It was a vole again, but never mind. The third number is unlucky for some. Oh, come on! She's already stood up, she knows it's her, it's fine. Belinda jumped to her feet, ready to go, wondering who she would be a servant to for the next 12 hours. Her torn shirt fell wide apart, revealing her breasts and her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mountain breeze,

revealing her pubic hairline to the assembled body. What? You lost me from This Is Chapter Eight. Thimble. I'm done. That's too much. That's too much. I'm out of here.

Very good. Very good. I'm over it. Her tennis skirt flapped wide in the mounting breeze, revealing her pubic hairline to the assembled body. But she didn't care. She was Belinda, and she was going to make sure a big butch man took her home.

Don't like her talking in the third person. No, like she's some sort of, like, superhero. And also one name now. She's dropped the Bloomingtall. Now, said the tall man, this is where we make some money for our charity, as the rest of you can bid for their services. But firstly, do I have the agreement of these three very fine ladies

to be coerced into these important roles? Fine ladies? We've already established they look like an absolute train wreck. One's covered in mud, one's bald, and the other one's got lipstick all over her face I'll take the scarecrow with alopecia I'll take the one with the face paint gone wrong

and that one that's dipped in chocolate Belinda thought what the fuck I'm with her that's exactly what I'm thinking right now this might be fun

oh okay we've gone on two great thoughts I'm with her. That's exactly what I'm thinking right now. This might be fun. Oh. Okay, we've gone on too great a different thought. It's probably just doing a bit of cleaning and lawn mowing on a Sunday evening. It's not. Does she not know what novel she's in? Does she not know who she is? It's probably a bit of cleaning.

It's probably some light chores she shouted out yes i'm game whilst whilst don't be too keen belinda no one likes someone who's like you know over enthusiastic whilst covering up her private parts with her hands and arms so she said i'm game and then tries to cover herself up yeah is he oh he's counting boobs in the private part. Boobs and the pubic hairline, yeah. Yeah, just the hairline. Not the actual vagina. Yeah, the vagina between the two fingers. The hairline's being concealed.

I don't understand. The other two girls followed suit and happily agreed. The tall man bowed to them. Bowed to them. Making him almost normal height. And someone banged a gong. What is it, like a Chinese ritual or something? The tall man bowed to them.

Thank you for your noble assistance. Our charity, the Asses and Donkeys Trust, is much indebted to you. The bidding quickly started with Bella. And she soon went for £350 to the American Jim Sterling. Oh, poor Bella. But she doesn't know. Talk about short straw, literally. Thank you, thank you.

I'm here all night for the next 12 hours. £350, not bad. And Bella soon went for £350 to the American Jim Sterling, who Belinda thought could do with a cock transplant. Oh, wow. And very soon at that.

Doesn't mince her thoughts, does she, our Belinda? Can you have a cock transplant? Giselle went next for £300 from Tony of all people. Definitely a case of protecting his own. So Tony bid on Giselle who's kind of his bit anyway yeah they're all together or whatever but only bid 300 quid less than bella oh god yeah embarrassed

awkward bella doesn't even have a proper identity she's one woman one minute one woman but giselle she's got a body to die for let her work it or whatever it said in chapter one. But she is now bald, so... She is plucked. Then it was Belinda's turn. Oh, Lord. Oh, God. The bid started slowly. Pound. Can I use this shrapnel?

I've got a pocket of change. I've got some traveller's checks. I've only got coffee. Sorry, love. Do you accept postal notes? They're legal tender. Would you bid for Belinda in the state she's in, bless her? The bid started slowly, and Belinda couldn't believe her body was that bad. Perhaps it was all the mud.

Where was her butch man? Butch man? Finally, she went for £200. From a lady... A lady? From a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat. Okay, gutted for two reasons. Simple.

One, the man from Del Monte has just won you. Two, you've gone for the cheapest price. Oh, caveat. Oh, caveat. Finally, she went for £200 from a lady dressed in a white linen trouser suit and a Panama hat called only the Duchess. Yes. Duchess has finally arrived. Bloody time.

With Belinda sold, the tombola was over and the three girls were taken away to start their 12 hours of duty. The now devastated Belinda. Oh, she didn't get the butch man. Not being funny, but she went for 200 quid for 12 hours. That's actually 16 quid an hour from the Duchess, who I think's got money to splurge. Yeah, you would hope.

She's not getting paid. Let's go to the asses and the donkey. Oh, you're very right. You are, you are. She's doing it for them. The now devastated Belinda was immediately led to a hosepipe near the stables where the Duchess stripped her of her torn skirt and tennis shirt and hosed her down.

She roughly fondled Belinda's tits and ass in the washing process. In the washing process. As they all do. With a long handled brush and then pushed her, still naked into a horse box. Oh well, at least she's had a good clean. Long handled brush?

I don't think that woman should be around horses, never mind around Belinda. With the rear tailgate down it was obvious that it had all been planned in advance. Instead of straw and manure, there was a sofa and drinks. At Market Horses? Yeah.

Please, come in. I'd probably say yes, that's not how it usually is. Sofa and drinks. Albeit chilled, tinned gin and tonics. Well, you know, they are outdoors. You can't have everything. Beggarsars can't be choosers i like a gin and tonic in a tin drunk in the park at night the duchess rudely pushed belinda onto the sofa and offered her a drink clearly good breeding doesn't lead to good manners does it that's all i've got to say on the matter the duchess rudely pushed belinda onto the sofa

and offered her a drink belinda nervously poured the can down her by now parched throat she was still feeling horny i didn't think her new owner could give her what she craved even after the afternoon's events well she wanted a butch man and she's ended up with a dainty woman dressed in a freaking panama panama fucking hat i mean who wears a panama hat she's done brilliantly though not to get any mud on her in that white linen can we just talk about the fact that belinda poured a drink down her throat from on high like she's such a classy lady straight down the gullet she's an upmarket woman. Quite a lot of the can didn't get down Belinda's throat.

There you go. And she made sure the liquid trickled down her neck onto her breasts and then into her tummy button. Ooh. Where it pooled, overflowed and ran down the track of her black pubic hair into her vagina. Into her vagina? That's going to sting, isn't it? And also, is that something to vacuum? Sting? It's not a vagina. Into? A vagina? That's going to sting, isn't it? And also, is there some kind of vacuum? Sting? It's not a wound.

Maybe like alcohol and, you know, internal bits. Yes, if you've got some kind of sore down there, why would you think it would sting? What if there's lemon in... No, I guess it's in a can. Lemon? What's going on? Don't bring a citrus into this.

Do you just think of it as like the inside of a lady turned outwards? Do you think it's just... James' lack of experience in said region really is showing. A, not seen many, if any. B, don't have one. Many, if any. Many, if any. I love that you don't know if you have.

It could have been one. Not sure. But it was dark and it was very loud. It was Glastonbury in 2004. Show you guys. It's very unusual. Much to Belinda's surprise, the Duchess murmured, Waste not, want not.

And probably licked the gin off Belinda's tits, stomach and clitoris. Genuinely no words. Waste not, want and clitoris. Genuinely no words. Waste not want not. Oh God. Belinda thought, result. But said nothing. Of course not. And let the Duchess enjoy her slurping. Slurping?

It's not slush puppy. Hoping this was setting the tone for the rest of the evening. Oh, she's happy now. God, she's so fickle. Fickle Belinda, fickle. Should be called fickle Belinda blinked. It was obvious the tone for the rest of the evening. Oh, she's happy now. God, she's so fickle. Fickle Belinda, fickle. She'll be called Fickle Belinda Blinked. It was obvious the Duchess was enjoying this relationship. She cupped her free hand around Belinda's left breast whilst carelessly slopping the drink into her mouth.

Slop. Nothing says sexy like slop. Yeah, seriously. Had enough, servant, said the Duchess, as we have to move on or Sir James will be joining our little party. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer to the chargrin of the quickly assembled party of stable lads. What does chargrin mean?

I literally don't even know what chargrin means. It kind of means disappointment, right? It's kind of like... Oh, so the stable boys were like looking from afar and like, oh, they're off now. They kind of wanted a piece of the action. Right. I think that's what chargrin means, right?

Yeah, it's one of those words that I've always read rather than used. Props to Rocky for using the word. Big props. Word of the day from Rocky. Chargrin. The Duchess efficiently closed the tail door of the horse trailer to the chargrin of the quickly assembled party of stable lads, leaving Belinda reclining on the sofa

and helping herself to another gin and tonic in comfort. It was just as well she could stretch out because the Duchess was not a competent driver. Oh, Lord. Oh, no, she hasn't glided any gin and tonic, has she? She's not drinking and driving. Is this... Well, no, she did slurp it off Belinda's body.

Well, then she's a bit worse for wear. She's wasted. She's had vagina gin. Virginia. Virginia, if if you will virgin and tonic virginia and tonic oh god it all comes together in the end gross she was not a competent driver of the large four-wheel drive vehicle plus trailer i mean who is who is? It's a hard thing to tackle. It's a lot of kit. Belinda lost count of the cut corners and sudden halts as they drove through the country lanes to an exclusive motel which had some private chalets in the grounds.

Nice. Swanky. At least she's being treated well. Really? Motel? Chalets, though. Motel is like the cheapest that you can get, isn't it? You're being so glass half empty.

Belinda wickedly hoped the Duchess was better at fucking than driving. Me too, Jesus. And had a companion who could do both. Oh. And that's the end of chapter eight, everybody. What a marathon. That was a long one. What a roller

coaster. Yeah. A lot was learnt then, I feel. A lot happened. Yeah, a lot of of plot which is unusual for rocky characters as well yeah plot is something we've not seen characters plot hello is this rocky flintstone if you've been enjoying my dad wrote a porno this week make sure you get in touch at dad wrote a porno on twitter find us on facebook as well my dad wrote a porno and buy the original text belindainda, blink the book. My dad needs the cash.

Rocky Flintstone is trying to build a conservatory. Please have him out. And all extra proceeds go to the asses and donkeys trust. Thanks for listening. Be honest. When was the last time you thought about your current business insurance policy? Here's the thing. If your business insurance coverage renews on autopilot each year without checking out zensurance.com,

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