My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - 429 - Blobs & Goo

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

On today’s episode, Karen covers Glenn Taylor Helzer and the Children of Thunder and Georgia tells the story of the Oakville Blobs. For our sources and show notes, visit www.myfavoritemurder.com/episodes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is exactly right. When it comes to cooking, one of the most important factors isn't what you put on your food, it's what you cook your food in. When you use Made In cookware, you'll elevate even the most simple dishes and cook like a pro. Made In makes restaurant quality performance kitchenware accessible to home chefs all across the world. For years, they've supplied restaurants and top chefs with high-end cookware like

Tom Colicchio who created some of his most famous dishes at Kraft using made-in. Whether you're cooking for professional critics or just the critics you live with, your meals will benefit from the quality of made-in products. Like their carbon steel cookware which combines the best of both cast-iron and stainless steel clad and it's rugged enough for grills or an open flame making it the MVP of summer cookouts and cook ins. We got to order some stuff from Made In so we could have a little experience with exactly what they make and I got this gorgeous big I think it's a pasta bowl really big beautifully made bowl with a navy ring

around the outside. And it's just one of those things that like you could make a big salad, you could fill it with pasta, you can do whatever. But it's also just this like solid quality. You can put it in the oven. Like I'm so excited to use this bowl. It's just kind of beautiful, goes with everything. And that's just one of the many restaurant quality items that you can order from Made In.

So if you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes have in common. And that's just one of the many restaurant quality items that you can order from Made In. So if you want to take your cooking to the next level, remember what so many great dishes have in common. They're all Made In, Made In. Save up to 25% this Memorial Day from May 18th through May 27th. Visit MadeInCookware.com. That's M-A-D-E-I-N-Cookware.com. Goodbye.

On the 12th season of Tinfold More Wicked, we investigate a series of compelling mysteries from the city of Fall River, Massachusetts, where problems started generations before Lizzie Borden's murders made her a household name. Join me as we cover the misfortunes that have befallen this infamous town for more than 150 years, including the great fire of 1843. Season 12 is out now on Exactly Right. New episodes on Mondays. Follow Tenfold More Wicked on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. My favorite murder.

Hell no. Hell no. What? Hell yes. I thought you said hell no. And welcome. Did we just start a new thing to My Favorite Murderer? What? Hell yes. I thought you said hell no. And welcome. Did we just start a new thing to My Favorite Murder?

Year eight, that's George Hardstark. That's Garret Gilgariff. New intro. We are pros. This is the time to change things. Hell no. It's pretty good. Yeah.

We were ever gonna change things. Hell no. No. I mean, it kind of feels that way right now. Hell no. I mean, hell no. There's a hell no energy about things. Let's feel that for a second. Just breathe into it. I have cookie news for you right off the bat. Okay. So, you know, Vince likes to buy, like,

special edition of regular things, you know? Like, this, like, special edition flavor of these jelly beans, whatever. Yeah. So, my favorite cookie is the Milano, the mint Milano specifically. Hell, yes. I fucking love that thing.

Yes. He comes home the other day with a special edition flavor of London Fog, which is fucking Earl Grey tea. No. Yes. Don't make that face. Yes, it's tea. It's British.

You can watch it. You can eat it with your British procedurals. Wait, are you telling me you liked it? I loved it. Is there any mint in there? No, no It's just a Milano and then chocolate with some tea. It's a like a tea latte basically Earl Grey vanilla and chocolate No

I keep saying tea like that. Will you get it? Oh, that's like the cartoon Aroma finger that goes under my nose and goes, Oh, wait, tea. It's just like dipping a cookie in tea. Like that's the best. It is the actual action of it. But my thing is oftentimes when they try to recreate those things as flavors, as we've experienced with a lot of our like Thanksgiving jelly bean experiences or whatever, we are just like, what is in my mouth right now? Because this isn't dipping. And I have strong tea feelings anyway. You know, I haven't finished the bag yet.

And usually when it comes home, those mint ones, I finish them within two nights. So easy. They're the easiest cookie to eat. They literally melt in your mouth. They crunch. They're so crunchy. I'm sure I've said this at some point in these past eight years.

They were the cookie that my mom had her fancy, we've talked about this, right? The fancy dessert was a scoop of ice cream, mint Milano cookies and some sort of raspberry drizzle. Yes, that's amazing. Except for Laura and I would go in and eat the two levels of cookie underneath and just leave them empty.

And so when she'd go to make it, she'd be like, there's literally four or three of these cookies left, you asshole. And we'd just be like, well then buy better treats. Buy more bags next time. Yeah, how about getting two? Thinking of your children. So anyway, that's a precious, plain Milano to me

is like Companies coming over show off times about to begin. Oh, yeah, man Great, the mint just elevate it's like an Andes mint But like in a cookie form, which I thought was the classiest fucking thing I never seen an Andes mint when I was a kid on the way out of a restaurant so thin. Oh my god Oh my god folded in foil Well, what do you have? I have a bag of foil that I've kept since 1981. I wonder if there are people who are like Andy's candy experts.

Also what are the other candies that Andy's makes? I don't know. I think it'd be pretty easy to be an expert on those. You're just like, look, it's a tiny bar. It's chocolate and mint. It's a mint tiny chocolate bar. I don't know what else you need. Trying to complicate things.

What else do you need? Oh, wait, I'm going to tell you about something because we watched a TV show last night that genuinely scared me. But on regular, not on regular TV, it was streaming. But it's a TV show called Them, The Scare, and it's about a woman who is a LAPD detective right during the Rodney King riots,

and there's a serial killer in the neighborhood, and it is so unnervingly scary. Like, there's just a couple of scenes where you're like, it's like so good, and so, it's like horror series. And so it's like horror series. Like it starts off like, Oh, I get it. This is going to be, it has a little bit of a Jordan Peele movie vibe where you're like, you know, like it's creepy and it's like unnerving, but there's also commentary and you're like, Holy shit, I never thought of it this way. But it's, this is way scarier. Is it like always nighttime?

I'm thinking like it's always night and dark. Kind of, I mean, cause that's like the vibe, the overall vibe is that you have if, well, I don't know. It's more for the people who are closer to horror fans. Cause it's like much closer to horror. I watch it. Yeah. I don't think things can watch it then. No, no, it's very, it, there was one one scene that scared it was me and Zach Noe Towers.

And it scared both of us real bad. Like, I was like, should we turn the lights on and like, stop watching this for a second? It was like so creepy. Yeah, it's really good. I want to watch it. And then I do the dumb thing of like, well, Vince doesn't want to watch it. So I'll watch it when he's gone. And then I watch it when he's gone and fucking scare the shit out of myself.

For this one, do not do that. Because it takes place in Los Angeles, even though it's the past. It's very, it's very like familiar and you know what's going on and you know the bad things that are going to happen. It's, oh my God. Okay. Here's one you can watch while Vince is gone. It's an Olivia Colman movie called wicked little letters. And it is so good. And of course it is. It's going to seem familiar when you start watching it. It's real good. Okay. Okay. That's the one. That's the one. Yeah. That's the one you got to watch. It's Olivia Colman and Jesse Buckley, who you've seen her in

a bunch of stuff and you love her and stuff. So interesting. Okay. She's great. Yeah. Should we just move on? Do we have anything? Sure. Okay. That's all I have to report. Do you have any recommendations or just cookies? Just a Milano cookie. Milano, the Jinx is good. I don't know. There's, you know, the usual. Let's move it on. Hey, we have a podcast network. It's called Exactly Right Media. Here are some highlights.

This week, Curt and Scotty's guest on Bananas is comedian Megan Gailey, and they're going to discuss all the world's wackiest news over there. You have to listen to Bananas. If you haven't listened to it, it is your go-to. These are things that are happening in the world, but they're so obscure and crazy and bizarre that they really do. It's the news, but it's like an escape from the news. It is. Also, Karen mentioned this last week, but the 12th season of Tenfold More Wicked

with Kate Winkler-Dawson is here. It's called A Blessing and a Curse, and it covers a host of atrocities in Fall River, Massachusetts, years before Lizzie Borden made the town famous. Also, America's sweetheart, Bridger Weinerger, is in the car with Chris and I on Do You Need a Ride this week and he's also hosting a live show at the Dynasty Typewriter. That's coming up on June 26th of this year, 2024. So go get some tickets if you wanna see that live. Bridger and all kinds of guests, he has such good guests on that show. And of course gifts.

And some exciting news for listeners who like to shop the promo codes for all our advertisers, all those commercials we do where we're like promo code, blah, blah, blah, and you're driving and didn't write it down and now you don't know how to get a discounted article furniture. They're all now available online so you'll never miss them. The website is myfavoritemurder.com slash promos. And lastly, in our merch store, our beloved designer Vanessa has created some new bumper

stickers. So go look, there's one that reads sweet baby angel on board and another one that says for the math fans, sweet baby angle. So you can go shop those at exactlyrightstore.com. When it comes to vacation, packing is a necessary evil. And without fail, something always gets left behind. Usually an item you can't live without like underwear or a phone charger. And then you lose precious vacation time searching for a replacement. But not with DoorD charger. And then you lose precious vacation time searching for a replacement. But not with DoorDash. The moment you realize you forgot something, you can fire up the app. Because DoorDash delivers more than food. They can get you pretty much anything from apparel to electronics. They have dashers in more than 30 countries who make on-demand

deliveries possible. Plus, dashers keep 100% of their tips. And if you get tired of hotel food, or you just need a late night snack, they have hundreds of options right there at your fingertips. And if you can't decide, you don't have to. You can order from different places and check out multiple shopping carts all at once. I love that. DoorDash, your door to more. Download the DoorDash app now to get almost anything delivered. Must be 21 or older to order alcohol, drink responsibly, alcohol available only in select

markets. Goodbye. There's a lot to be thankful for with modern technology, like the fact that we can record podcasts from the comfort of our own homes. Or the fact that we can record somewhere else and still see what's going on at home while we're away. And that's thanks to the technology used by SimpliSafe. With SimpliSafe's indoor and outdoor HD cameras, you can access a live video feed

with two-way audio. Plus, the motion detectors will instantly alert you about activity. And when you opt for fast protect monitoring, a SimpliSafe agent is ready to respond to break-ins within five seconds. And with that two-way audio, the agent can talk to intruders while dispatching emergency responders. And this award-winning home security system costs less than a dollar a day. CY SimpliSave is a top pick for experts at NerdWallet and CNET. And if you don't love it after 60 days, return your system for a full refund. SimpliSave's cameras are so easy to set up.

And then once you have them up, it's very very nerve wracking to be at home alone. And for me to have like dogs barking, but you don't know why, because my dogs could be barking because I'm pretty sure there's a coyote in our backyard. But in my mind, it's like worst case scenario. So knowing what's actually going on, having someone there to actually help you if it's something bad, that really does give me a lot of peace of mind. Absolutely. Find the peace of mind you've been searching for.

Get 20% off any new Simply Safe system when you sign up for Fast Protect monitoring. Just visit simply safe dot com slash fave. That's simply safe dot com slash fave. There's no safe like Simply Safe. Goodbye. OK, you forced, right? Yes. This is a truly horrible story. Just awful. So it starts on August 7th, 2000. Okay. There's a man out jet skiing on the McCulloughme River, just south of Sacramento,

when he sees a black duffel bag bobbing in the water. He rides over on his jet ski, bobbing in the water. He rides over on his jet ski, he grabs the bag, unzips it, he finds a human torso inside. Oh my god. Hours later, half a mile away, there's an employee at a local marina and they find a second black duffel bag floating under a dock. Inside they find a human head. And then there's a marine biologist surveying an island in the same river, and they find a third black duffel bag that also has human remains inside.

So all three of these people contact police who conduct a search of the river. Divers find a total of nine duffel bags, all containing dismembered body parts. And they ultimately identify these remains as belonging to three different people. of nine duffel bags, all containing dismembered body parts. And they ultimately identify these remains as belonging to three different people, an elderly married couple named Ivan and Annette Steinman, and a 22 year old woman named Selena Bishop. The police are baffled because at first the Steinmans and Selena Bishop have no connection. But when they start questioning Selena's friends, they zero in

on one person all three victims have crossed paths with. That's Selena's charismatic boyfriend, Jordan, except his name isn't Jordan. His real name is Glenn Taylor Helzer, and he believes himself to be a cult leader. This is the story of Glenn Taylor Helzer and the Children of Thunder. Oh my God. So the sources used for today's story are an article from Cracked by a writer named Dan Fritchie and an article from the Mercury News by a writer named Cameron McDonald and an article from SFGate by Damien Bulwa. And the rest of the sources are in our show notes.

So the man that we're talking about today is named Glenn Taylor Helzer. He's born on July 26, 1970 in Lansing, Michigan. Soon after his family moves to Martinez, California, he is the oldest of three children. He has a younger sister named Heather and a younger brother named Justin, and they are all raised in the Mormon faith. So Glenn grows up and he is very charming and outgoing, so much so that he starts going by his middle name, Taylor. Very 90s of him to change his name to Taylor. His little brother Justin is actually more of an introvert and Taylor is not very nice about it. He constantly tells Justin that he's number one and Justin's number two. Like he's clearly he's probably a sociopath. He has that kind of like, I'm going to beat you

at all costs energy about him. But he's also like, everybody likes him. People seem to be very drawn to him. So after high school, Taylor has a brief stint in the National Guard in Texas, before he serves his two-year Mormon mission in Brazil. When his little brother Justin serves his two-year mission, he's sent to Texas, and afterwards, he gets a job as a cable installer. So when Taylor completes his mission in the early 90s, he moves back to San Francisco and gets a job as a cable installer. So when Taylor completes his mission in the early 90s,

he moves back to San Francisco and gets a job working as a stockbroker for Morgan Stanley Dean Witter. And then in April of 1993, he marries his wife, Ann, who is also a devout Mormon. They have two daughters together, but soon Taylor feels very confined by leading this strict religious kind of typical life.

He doesn't want to be so penned up in the Mormon faith anymore. He wants to go out and like be with like normal people in his mind, which is basically people who don't have to live within the strictures of the Mormon faith. So unfortunately for his wife, Anne, that means him living a life filled with affairs and drug use, and he stops bathing as much. He starts wearing all black, which definitely stands out in the Mormon community. And basically three years into their marriage in 1996, Taylor and Ann get a divorce.

Basically the drug use kind of elevates and it's in this time that Taylor decides that he's developing his own religion, his own belief system, and he likes to talk about it and talk through it when he's on drugs. Oh God. Right? Just the worst. The quickest way to make charm wear off. Let's talk about the religion. Pitch your new religion when you're high.

The main premise of this philosophy he's developing is that good and evil don't actually exist and most of society is primitive for thinking that they do. Taylor has a cousin named Chai Hoffman, who he gets high with, even though he knows that his cousin struggled with his mental health and has actually been hospitalized for it in the past. Taylor's actually very fascinated by Chai's experience in a mental hospital.

And Chai later recalls, there was a few times when he would act really crazy and then stop and ask, was that how the people in the hospital acted? Creepy that's very psychopath like trying on masks Totally, but I'm not an expert. So then in August of 1998 Taylor has a nervous breakdown. He is diagnosed with bipolar disorder He chooses to ignore the doctor's treatments and instead he

begins to self-medicate. So because of this, he loses his job. He's excommunicated from the LDS church. And basically, all of these drastic life changes happening so close together seem to kind of radicalize Taylor further. And soon he starts telling people he's actually a prophet who can talk to God. So despite all of that, interestingly, he's still in touch with some members of the Mormon community that he used to know. So he and his brother Justin are actually invited to a Mormon hosted murder mystery dinner party on Memorial Day, which is May 31st of 1999. Do they do that? I mean, I guess so. I guess it's good clean fun in a way.

Sure. So they're of course welcomed to this party, but Taylor arrives dressed in all black, which is very uncommon for people in the LDS. And he also keeps bringing up his strange new religious beliefs, which is also frowned upon. And his little brother Justin basically looks up to his older brother, wants to be just like him. And so he's also going along with this idea that Taylor is a prophet. He's yes-anding him all the way through this party.

So basically, the two of them just kind of become like the weirdo outcast at this party. But there is a third person who also feels like a misfit at this party. It's a 26 year old woman named Dawn Godman. Dawn grew up in Sutter Creek, California, which is a tiny little town and she has always been on the social fringes. She got married at age 18. She had a son die soon after childbirth, and then she lost custody of her other son when her ex-husband reported to a judge that she was living in her car. She attempted to take her life overdosing on pills. She just been through a bunch of horrible stuff and had a very hard time of it. So in the wake of this ordeal, she decides to move in with a family member in Martinez

is to get out of the area and you know, kind of start over again and she's looking for a new community and that's when she starts, she basically goes to the Mormon church and she starts hanging out with them. But she isn't really accepted into the circle. She's just kind of hanging out. So when she first sees the Hilser brothers at this party, they start talking to her and Taylor starts explaining his religious theories. And he actually has a name for it. At this point, it's developed enough, he calls it the 12 principles of magic. And they are these. One, I'm already perfect and therefore can do nothing wrong.

Two, there's no such thing as right and wrong. Three, I'm all-powerful and therefore the creator of and accountable for everything that occurs in my life. Four, life is always right. I embrace all of my results. 5. All of my results I've created to learn from at some level. 6. I know nothing. I believe nothing. I simply perceive without fear. 7. It is of no concern to me how accurate or inaccurate my perceptions are, and therefore I am always right."

That's a little theme running through here. 8. Unconditional fearless love is the most powerful force in the universe. Nine, spirit knows. Ten, I gain control by losing all control. I mean, we're going from like a plaque at Home Goods to like a teenager's notebook that they're writing, like, you know, in rock and roll letters. It's like, 11, life is such a precious gift. And when I give back to life, immediately life gives more back to me and therefore I am forever in its debt. What goes around comes around. 12, there's a higher power than mine and that is my Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of my Father. So he is doing a little, a little bit of the classics.

There's that guy. Yeah. Yeah. But Jesus, he was kind of anti, there's no such thing as right and wrong. That was not his thing at all. Right. Yeah. You should have let an editor look at that before you published it. Yeah. Or you shouldn't be an editor if you claim to care about these thoughts in the first place. But overall, I mean, I don't have to tell you this. Dawn is immediately hooked on Taylor's religion and his vision. And then she and Justin start dating.

And eventually the three of them move into a house in the nearby city of Concord. And Dawn and Justin basically become Taylor's followers, calling themselves the Children of Thunder. Part of Dawn's initiation into this group requires that she take a self-awareness seminar that's being run by an acquaintance of Taylor's, and it'll sound familiar too. She has to join a small group of people who are locked in a windowless room for four days, while the leader badgers them with intrusive questions to confront their inner demons. And many are pushed to the point of emotional breakdown and leave sobbing.

So that's just all that Synanon started. It's the thing that ran through from like the, I guess that was the late sixties on where it's like, we're going to do the opposite of what most psychologists say is good for people. We're going to confront you in front of a group and break you down. And that'll get, that's best for you. But ultimately, I think what we've learned over the past 60 years is that's actually the beginning of a cult almost every time. Right. Like this is radical therapy and it's totally different.

It's like, no, it's actually like ancient you screaming in someone's face, you know, and it's not helpful. Yeah. So, Don reaches the third level of this seminar and that's when Taylor jumps in, he's going to personally facilitate her lessons. So basically, Taylor now has Don completely under his spell. He already has his brother under his spell. They all live together. They abide by his every word. He's completely in charge. Then in January of 2000, Taylor tells Don, quote, spirits

telling me it's time you get to know everything, end quote. And by everything, he means that he's going to explain the ultimate mission of this religion he's made up. And that is to assassinate the leaders of the Mormon church, take over as the church's sole leader, and start a self-help group called Transform America to defeat Satan and expedite the second coming of Jesus Christ. Expedite the second coming of Jesus Christ sounds like something that's like, and you're in an office setting and they're like, we need to get make this happen.

But can you actually do that? No, you can't expedite. No, the Lord's plans. I mean, like, yeah, this isn't UPS. It doesn't. Yeah. A lot of it doesn't make sense, but it's also like, he's going to kill the leaders of the Mormon church, but then he's going to take over. Like everyone's going to be like, great,

now you're in charge and self-help. I'm sure you're going to be great at that after you kill the leaders of the Mormon fucking temple. Like what the fuck? Right. A self-help group. Cause that's people will need that. So basically Taylor's planning on using his connections from when he went to Brazil for his Mormon mission. His idea, he's going to recruit Brazilian children. He's going to bring them to California, traffic them to California.

He's going to train them to carry out these assassinations. So basically some child soldiers will come and do the dirty work for him. I guess to be extra creepy. But to do this, they're going to need money. So before Children of Thunder can begin their work, they need cash to pay for the training and for the travel. So they start brainstorming ideas of how to get money. So Taylor comes up, and this is going to blow your mind because it's very different than the other ideas he's had.

He says, why don't we start a drug and sex trafficking ring that targets wealthy businessmen? Perfect. Oh, let's expedite that. I love that idea. Right, let's get God to expedite your drug and sex trafficking ring. Okay, so they actually go, and this part made me laugh and made me think of you,

they actually go, the three of them, to raves and start handing out flyers to women who they think would make good sex workers to work in this trafficking ring. Holy shit. 1999? I think I was done by then. Okay, good. That's actually a relief. And it's also a relief, No one takes them up on this. They're clearly three weirdos acting weird everywhere they go, whether it's at a rave or at a Mormon dinner party, everyone's like, huh? This ain't it.

Who would play them in a made for TV movie? What do they look like? I'm loving a Michael Cera for the part of Taylor because you wouldn't expect it, right? Oh, the main, like the cult leader is Michael Cera, unassuming, it seems. And kind of charming with a gleam in his eye, but then like also dead-eyed and wanting to hire Brazilian child soldiers. Yeah.

Wow. And then I guess also maybe from Arrested Development. It could just be Arrested Development. That's the job. That's who I'm casting. I love it. Let's do it. Let's make that.

Let's do it. So no one takes them up on this. That kind of gets waylaid. That whole plan gets waylaid. Taylor's next plan is to invest in fast food restaurants and then manipulate the stock market by vandalizing the restaurants and shorting out their stock. Wow. I don't know much about the stock market. I don't think that's a way to short stock. No, I don't think you fuck with a franchise and the whole stock falls apart. I don't think that's how

that works. No, because if that were true, McDonald's stocks would be in the gutter because the ice cream machine is always broken. Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? Local jokes No, because if that were true, McDonald's stocks would be in the gutter because the ice cream machine is always broken. Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? Local jokes get local work. Okay. To make that plan happen, he would have to buy some franchises, which means he needs seed money.

So he decides to abandon that idea. Then he comes up with plan number three. So he knows and remembers that he had a lot of elderly clients at his old stockbroker job. So he thinks he'll extort former clients that he's already earned the trust of so he can then rip them off. And that's the hit that's his fast track to money land. But of course, he's going to have to launder that money. If they write him checks, he's going to launder it somehow. So he turns to an unsuspecting outsider for help. And that is his very young girlfriend, 22 year old Selena Bishop. The two met at a rave in the spring of 2000.

And Selena is a waitress at the local Two Bird Cafe. And she, like most people, is very charmed instantly by Taylor, except for she thinks his name is Jordan. He tells her his name is Jordan. Selena's friends and family don't see it. They're, they don't get it. She's head over heels in love with this guy. He seems uninterested in meeting the people in her life. Like he's just kind of mysterious and never around.

And then when he finally does show up to a, like a friend gathering, he gives everyone that creeps. So everyone's kind of confused. I've met those guys on my friends have dated before for sure. They're, they're everywhere. Everyone does that where you're like, I'm, I have vision. I'm dating someone interesting. Yeah. You don't know what it's like when it's just me and him alone. He's different. everyone does that where you're like, I'm, I have vision. I'm dating someone interesting. You don't know what it's like when it's just me and him alone. He's different.

Right. So Selena and her mother, a woman named Jennifer Valerian, they're very close. So Jennifer's genuinely like perplexed when she can't get to know Jordan, who's actually Taylor. So Jordan helps Selena move out of her mom's house and into her own one bedroom apartment in June of 2000. So Jennifer drops by unannounced just to be like, Hey, how are you? Like just to get her eyes on this person. You got to, right? They speak briefly. Um, and in that exchange, Jennifer decides that her daughter's new boyfriend seems like a real nice kid. She gets good vibes from him.

She's like, great, I just wanted to, before you went out into the world, you know, give a little approval. So in July of 2000, Jordan tells Selena, it's Taylor, tells Selena that his grandmother has just passed away and that he's about to inherit a ton of money, but he doesn't want his ex-wife making a claim on the inheritance. So the best way for him to hide that money would be if Selena would open a couple bank accounts that Jordan can have some access to.

She is like, yes, she buys everything he says, she wants the best for him. She goes and does it. And when she does, the final step of the plan is in place for him to She goes and does it. And when she does, the final step of the plan is in place for him to be able to launder the cash. So Taylor now is able to begin stealing money from his old clients. So this is how they do it. And it's, you know, clearly drugs are at play here. Clearly mental illness is also at play here where there's just a,

his vision of reality is not aligned with reality. And, you know, the beginning of the story, it's kind of funny or it's like, Oh, that's so quirky and weird. This is the part where it just gets absolutely depraved and awful and depressing. So on July 30th, 2000, Taylor and Justin knock on the door of their first intended victim, who was a former client of Taylor's living in Walnut Creek. But by the grace of God, that person is not home when they knock. So the brothers move on to the next one on Taylor's

list and that is Ivan and Annette Steinman. They are an elderly married couple and their home is in Concord, California. And it's actually just down the street from the rental home that Taylor and Justin and Justin's girlfriend are all renting together. So it's actually close by and they show up wearing suits, you know, trying to be professional. So the Steinman's, there's a knock on the door, they open it up, they see their old broker standing there and they welcome him inside the home. Why wouldn't they? Yeah. What they don't know is that Justin's girlfriend Dawn is waiting in a truck outside.

So once Taylor and Justin get into the Steinman's home, their demeanor completely changes. They force the Steinman's back out into the Steinman's minivan and drive them back to their own rental house. And there, they force Annette to call the manager of the Concord branch of the office where Taylor used to work, the Morgan Stanley Dean Whitter, and she asks to liquidate her retirement fund. What?

So they kidnapped them, and they're holding them hostage and make, holy shit, that was the plan. Yes. Jesus. It's chaotic. It is ridiculous. And the manager would later recall that Annette sounded nervous over the phone,

but he does fulfill her request. So that goes through, and then they force feed the couple a large dose of Rohypnol and basically demand that they write two checks, one for $33,000 and another for $67,000, both made out to Selena Bishop. So Taylor gave the Steinmans such a huge dose of drugs that he thought that the dose would kill them both. But then he sees that they are not dead. And so he tells Justin they have to finish the job. And the details are just awful. There's no point in being detailed on it. They're both murdered.

And like they just purely for money, just doing it. They have this plan that is just as ridiculous. They actually adopt Rottweilers because they think that their Rottweilers will eat human flesh. And they think that they can, once they kill people, just feed the bodies to these dogs. Of course, that is not something those dogs would do. So when that doesn't work, Taylor tells Justin that he has to dismember the bodies and put them into several black

duffel bags. And he's going to do it while Taylor goes and meditates and listens to the spirit. So Taylor doesn't have to get any blood on his hands and he just going to do it while Taylor goes and meditates and listens to the Spirit. So Taylor doesn't have to get any blood on his hands and he just makes his brother do it. So then Dawn puts on an insane disguise, and this doesn't even make sense. It makes me think that somewhere in her mind she wanted to get caught because she has to go in into the bank to deposit those checks. So she wears a lime green track suit, red boots, a gold cowboy hat and large sunglasses. Oh my God. Uh huh. And she goes in in a wheelchair. Wow. And she tells the bank teller she's a friend of Selena's that Selena got this money from her

grandmother for a heart surgery that she's having. And then Dawn is just trying to be a good friend and help her by depositing the money while Celine is in the hospital. The dumbest story of all time and the weirdest outfit of all time. And the checks are successfully deposited. It works. Smells like drugs and no sleep. Right? It's drugs to a degree where they should have been caught multiple times because it's ludicrous. Yeah. So then a couple days after that, Selena is able to withdraw the

cash with no problem. So even though it's, you know, obviously very rudimentary, their money laundering scheme actually worked. Yeah. I mean, I guess in the year 2000, it was probably a lot more simple, right? The bank system, getting money out and everything. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess in the year 2000, it was probably a lot more simple, right? The bank system, getting money out and everything. Yeah, right. That's, I think it's like on the cusp of the internet right at the beginning. Yeah. So nothing is really, I mean, maybe I'm, I have no idea, but it's just the costume, that whole thing and just like, what are we talking about?

Yeah. But also I think maybe it would have been harder for her to do if she was trying to get a withdrawal out of the bank. But since she was just depositing money, maybe it was just like, well, I don't know. So a couple of days later, Taylor and Selena meet up for a date at the Bison Brewing Company in Berkeley. They are planning to leave for a camping trip to Yosemite the next day, but they're meeting up now so that Selena can hand over the cash

that she's just gotten out of the bank. And according to a bartender who saw them that night Selena seems far more interested in Jordan Taylor than he does in her. She doesn't notice this at all. She seems very happy to be with him. The next morning, August 3rd, 2000, Taylor and Selena stopped by Taylor's house to quote unquote, grab supplies for their camping trip. But while they're there, Taylor suddenly offers to give Selena a massage. He has her lay face down on the living room floor and he begins massaging her. And then Justin walks in with a hammer and hits her over the head.

And then Taylor drags her into the bathroom and he slits her throat. Oh God. So he was of course planning to kill her all along. Like, it's, it's just so dark. She was so young and just like in love with her, probably first or second boyfriend, like of adulthood. It's so dark. There's some really disturbing, like Dawn witnessed all of it and went on to testify about it. And it's very awful and dark.

So basically back at the Steinman's, the Steinman's daughters haven't heard from them. They've been calling the house repeatedly. No one's answering. Their next door neighbor noticed that their minivan is gone and it's normally parked in front of their house. Like the Steinman's are missed immediately and people immediately file a report. Meanwhile, Justin has to dismember Selena's body, like he did with the Steinman's and put it into those duffel bags also. And then he puts rocks in all of the duffel bags and he drives out to the Sacramento River

in the middle of the night and he dumps the remains of all three victims. And so that was the multiple, I think it ended up being nine total duffel bags, I believe. Horrifying. So meanwhile, Selena's mom, Jennifer Villarin and Jennifer's boyfriend, James Gamble, they're house sitting for Selena in her one bedroom apartment while she is on the supposed camping trip with her boyfriend, Jordan. Dawn later explains that it was always Taylor's plan to kill Selena, but after her mother's

surprise drop-ins and their constant conversations, Taylor started getting worried that Selena's mother, Jennifer, might know too much. And he figures it's only a matter of time before Jennifer realizes that Selena's mother, Jennifer, might know too much. And he figures it's only a matter of time before Jennifer realizes that Selena is gone and the first person she'll suspect of foul play will be him. Oh no. Yes. So Taylor drives out to Selena's apartment

in the early morning hours of August 4th, 2000. It's like three in the morning. He lets himself in with a key Selena gave him creeps into the bedroom Where Jennifer and James are asleep in Selena's bed? he pulls out a 9-millimeter pistol and Shoots and kills both of them at point-blank range. Holy shit Immediately Selena's landlord a man named James solid a he lives upstairs. He's woken up and immediately calls 9-1-1 so police respond to

this double homicide. And while that's happening, Selena's coworkers at the Two Bird Cafe are realizing that she hasn't shown up for her shift and no one can locate her. When they can't track her down, they report her missing. So two days later on August 6th, the police find the Steinman's abandoned minivan in an industrial neighborhood in Oakland. The keys are still in the ignition and there's a chainsaw in the back. So forensics are able to pull some fingerprints from the van's interior. And because they both have drug-related priors, they easily identify the fingerprints of Justin Helzer and Don Godman.

When police search the Steinman's home, they find a note Ivan wrote mentioning Taylor Helzer. So basically police are able to make that connection that Taylor was Ivan and Annette's old stockbroker. And it all kind of falls together. When police show Selena's friends a picture of Taylor Helzer, they all identify him as her boyfriend, Jordan. So the loop is closed and now armed with a search warrant, police arrived at the Helzer's rental house on August 7th and they're looking for evidence for the Steinman's murders, for

Selena's murder, and maybe even trying to find the nine millimeter pistol that Jennifer and James were killed with. They find no evidence linking Taylor, Justin, or Dawn to any of the murders at first. They do find a ton of drugs though, specifically ecstasy and mushrooms. So they arrest all three on drug possession charges. How can there not be more evidence? Because there's a lot of scheming, plotting and scheming and planning. So they're sloppy.

They left their fingerprints in that minivan plus the chainsaw. They're sloppy and on drugs, clearly. So Taylor escapes out of the house and out the back door and he runs over to a neighbor's house. Her name's Mary Misacci and he's frantic and he tells Mary she needs to give him a weapon. So she panics, she gives him a steak knife and a pair of scissors. He immediately cuts his ponytail off with the scissors. He then changes into her husband's clothes and he slips out the back door and before he does he

threatens to kill her if she calls the police. But Taylor only gets a couple blocks down this street before the police catch up to him. He's arrested, he's put into the back of a squad car, he somehow manages to escape out the window of that squad car. What? No. Yes, but he's immediately recaptured and taken into custody. Yes, but he's immediately recaptured and taken into custody. So now with Taylor, Justin, and Dawn all in jail, police conduct a deeper search of the rental home and then they find the more damning evidence that they were looking for.

They actually find videotaped news stories about Selena's disappearance. They find items stolen from the Steinman's home. They find handcuffs and shackles inside Justin's white pickup truck, and they also gather witness accounts from the pickup truck being seen outside the Steinman's home the day of their disappearance. But the most damning evidence would come just a few hours later as the black duffel bags surface on the Sacramento River. So, Don and Justin maintain their faith in Taylor that he and his work with the angels quote unquote will get them free. But they have a defense that the wheels fall off of very quickly. And that defense is supposed to be that their friend, it's

a friend of Don's named Deborah McClanahan. And she's claiming that they all went to the movies together the night that the Steinmans disappeared so that those three could have nothing to do with that. But when the police tell Debra what those three did to the Steinmans and to all the other people, she immediately says, I was paid to lie. And then she tells them there's also a safe where the nine millimeter pistol is hidden. That was the murder weapon used to kill Jennifer Vlarin and James Gamble. And that nine millimeter is registered in Justin Helzer's name. It actually takes Dawn two years of deprogramming with a specialized therapist before she can come to terms with

the fact that she was brainwashed by Taylor Helzer. She takes a plea deal testifying against the Helzer brothers in exchange for a lesser sentence. She gets 38 years to life in May of 2005. Justin Helzer goes into his trial ready to argue that he was under his brother's spell. But before his lawyers can argue his delusional disorder defense, Taylor Helzer, the prophet, pleads guilty to all 18 charges, including murder, kidnapping, and extortion. And this cements Justin's case. And on June 16th, 2004, he is convicted on all 11 counts, including murder, kidnapping, and extortion. And on August 4th, 2004, Justin receives his sentence, three death sentences for the murders

of Ivan Steinman, Annette Steinman, and Selena Bishop, and two life sentences for the murders of Jennifer Villarin and James Gamble. And then on December 15th, 2004, Taylor gets his sentence, which is five death sentences. He tries to appeal it in 2008 and he's denied. So in 2010, while he's in prison, awaiting his death sentence, Justin Helzer tries to take his own life in one of the more disturbing ways that I have seen in a while. He survives that time. But then on April 14th, 2013, he takes his life by hanging. His brother Taylor tries appealing his death sentence once more, but is again denied in

January of 2024, so just this year. Wow. He's still on death row in San Quentin. For the victims' families, the only silver lining in this ordeal is the swift delivery of justice. As Jennifer Villarin's sister Olga Land remarked on her way out of the courtroom after the last guilty verdict was doled out, she says, Taylor Helzer is the second coming of Manson, not Christ. And that is the story of Glenn Taylor Helzer and the Children of Thunder. Oh my God, I had never heard that before.

What monsters? Yeah, it wasn't a cult. It was like three losers doing way too many drugs and listening to the craziest person in their group. And then kind of just going on a murder spree. Yeah, they went and they just like laid waste to these families that had nothing to do with their fucking scheme. That's wild. That was so wild.

So, so awful. Just a really bad one. Hey, Karen, have you ever heard the phrase, if you can name it, you can tame it? No, I don't think I have. Okay. Well, this is an idea in therapy that if you can identify and label your emotions as you experience them, they won't feel so overwhelming. Well, that seems like a very good idea. It is. And since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, there's no better time to start therapy and try Talkspace.

Getting started is easy. Simply sign up for Talkspace and you'll receive a personalized match with a therapist or psychologist, typically within 48 hours. If you're nervous or aren't sure what to expect, Talkspace is a great solution. They're entirely online, so you'll experience all the benefits of therapy without having to leave the comfort of your home. Talkspace has licensed therapists in over 40 specialties, including anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and more.

Once you meet your therapy goals, or if you want to cancel for any reason, Talkspace will provide you with a pror rated refund for any unused time. You know, George and I have long been proponents of professional therapy with people who know what they're talking about. We've all talked to our friends a bunch about our problems, but the difference of having a person, a trained professional in this business to be there giving you feedback makes

all the difference in the world and because May is Mental Health Awareness Month this is a great time to just take the plunge and actually start working on the things that you want to make better in your life. It's up to you and you can do it. To celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month and the power of talking it out in therapy, Talkspace is offering our listeners $80 off your first month with promo code space 80. Go to Talkspace.com slash MFM and use promo code space 80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash MFM and enter promo code SPACE80 and get $80 off your first month and show your support for our show.

That's Talkspace.com slash MFM and enter promo code space 80. Goodbye. Hey Karen, you know I love dresses, right? Sure. But I hate when they start to look dingy after a few washes, it's very true. Yeah, some clothes look great, but they aren't great quality. Yeah, and when it comes to finding pieces

that stand the test of time, quality is key. So ditch disposable fast fashion with quints. They're the place to shop for elevated basics that are made to last. When you shop at Quince, you'll find the best prices and materials. We're talking Italian leather, silk, and 14 karat gold, all priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

Quince can do this because they work directly with top factories and they've cut out the middleman. We love that these clothes look as good as they make us feel and that they're affordable. Shop Quince's summer essentials like washable silk dresses and featherweight cashmere scarves all under $100. I had never owned any clothes made of silk before Quince, partly because that word washable didn't exist with silk.

I am not a dry clean person. I need to throw something in the washing machine and wear it that night. And I love that you can do that with something nice and classy like Quince's silk. So indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com slash MFM for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash MFM

and get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. Well, I'm gonna go the other way. Thank fucking God. And yeah, take us out of here, please. I've got you jump on my back. Get on my back.

I'm gonna piggyback you out of here. I'm up there. I'm gonna crab walk you out of here. Wow, okay. So this is a story that was on a hometown episode a while ago, but I thought it deserved more attention because it's one of those stories that stuck with me since I was a kid and saw it on Unsolved Mysteries. It comes into my brain at random times, falling asleep or in the shower, whatever it is like,

that happened. Life is fucking crazy. So today's story is a scientific mystery that's never been solved. It might be an unexplained natural phenomenon, or it might be a government conspiracy. This is the story of the Oakville blobs. Oh, uh-huh. You know this one? I think so, but I'm not sure. Okay.

The main sources I used for the story are a 1997 episode of Unsolved Mysteries and an episode of the Netflix show Files of the Unexplained. And the rest of the sources can be found in our show notes. And shout out to Ali Elkin, my researcher right off the bat, because the subject line of this paragraph is, it's raining blobs. Hallelujah. Appreciate you, Ali. Okay. So the town of Oakville is in Washington state. So here we are,

Pacific Northwest. It's in the southwest part of the state, about 90 miles from Seattle and about 40 miles inland from the coast. It's a small town with a population of like under 800 people. It's kind of like a hub for the surrounding farming communities. So it's that kind of town. So a very small rural town. It's August 7th, 1994. There we are. An Oakville police officer, David Lacey, is on patrol when it begins raining heavily at 3 a.m.

And this is an area that gets about 150 days of rain a year. So no big deal, except today is different. So David and his friend who is riding along with him, he's not a cop. That's like what a small town it is. He's just like, hey, Larry, do you want to just go for a patrol, like drive with me? I don't think you could do that in LA, you know? Probably not. And also there's a very specific person that likes to do a ride along with cops. That is a thing that at least back in the in the heady days of the 90s, where it was like people that want to be in on that kind of stuff. Totally. So they're driving around and they realize that what's falling from the sky isn't rain,

or at least it's not just rain, it's clear, but it sticks to the windshield in little blobs. And once they turn on the wipers, it smears all over the place, making a gooey mess. So it's not just rain. It gets so bad that they can't see through the windshield, so David and his friend pull into a gas station to wipe the goo off. David puts on gloves, but he touches the goo.

I hate the word goo, but I have to say it a lot during this story, you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you want to say materials? Materials, sure. have to say it a lot during this story. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you want to say materials? Materials, sure. And finds that it's a similar consistency to jello. That's what it feels like. David says, quote, the substance was very mushy, almost like if you had jello in your hand,

you could pretty much squish it through your fingers. We knew it wasn't something we would normally see because we had never experienced before. We had some bells go off in our heads that said that basically this isn't right. This isn't normal." End quote. So when the sun comes up, the blob storm has ended. And an elderly woman named Dottie Hearn walks out her front door. Dottie lives on a small farm with her adult daughter, Sunny. And Dottie is a bit of an amateur weather enthusiast, which is like, hell yeah, grandma, let's do this.

And she knows her stuff. Yeah, she knows what she's fucking talking about. And she keeps a close eye on storms because she's interested in them. And she and Sunny both noticed the rain on the windows had looked oddly thick that morning. So they're noticing something where it's going on too. They're like, hey, wait a second.

Yeah. Hey, wait, I'm a weather expert and rain is rarely this thick. Right. So gross. Right. It's so gross. Dottie sees what looks like small hail pellets strewn all over the property. Each one is about the size of half a grain of rice.

But when Dottie touches them, she realized it's not hail, it's soft and squishy. Dottie goes inside and tells her daughter Sunny about the blobs. Now Sunny's background is in occupational safety. So like we're at the right house today. Yeah. Her alarm bells go off immediately when she sees the blobs. Her brother, who's a paramedic is also concerned. They put on gloves and collect samples from the yard. Smart.

I know. Sunny starts running her own experiments on the blobs. Like what, how fun would that be? You know what I mean? Like you'd live your whole life for an experience like that. Until you find out it's like waste from an airplane that was flying above. You just wait, hold onto your horses. Okay, sorry. Just like I did people just like holding it and holding it up.

What is this smelling it? Tasting it. Yeah. So she puts the blobs in water, they float. She tries to dissolve the blobs in alcohol and they won't dissolve. She lights one on fire. She's a fucking scientist. It doesn't burn. Sunny calls multiple government agencies expressing concern about the blobs touching the food. Her mother was growing on the farm, you know, and they of course are like, don't worry about it little lady. Everything's fine. Don't we don't know what you're talking about, but don't worry about it. You're overreacting. That afternoon, David, the police officer becomes very ill.

He's having intense flu like symptoms that he's never had before. He says it's difficult to breathe. He said, quote, I started to put together that possibly whatever the substance was, it made me violently sick. Oh. And so Dottie also becomes violently ill.

Sunny, her daughter finds her lying on the bathroom floor in a cold sweat and barely conscious. And these people don't know each other. It's not like, you know, word of mouth. These are separate experiences. Yeah. Dottie had been throwing up and has vertigo and blurry vision. And it appears that multiple people all over town become ill with flu like symptoms. One Oakville resident says quote, everybody in the whole town came down with something like the flu only it was

a really hard flu that lasted from seven weeks to two or three months. That's not a flu. No, that's poisoning, isn't it? Yeah. Good question. Good hypothesis. Oh, thanks. Reports from the Times say some 30 residents report flu-like symptoms. And considering there's like not more than 800 people in town, 30 is a big percentage of people to get sick from this stuff. Also animals fall ill.

So on her way out the door to take her mother to the hospital, Sunny has the presence of mind to bring some of her samples with her. And at first, she gives them to the hospital, and they're tested. And the hospital lab technician believes it contains human white blood cells, which is very puzzling. This winds up in a lot of initial reports, but it will eventually be disproven,

which sucks because that would be so interesting. Doctors wind up coming to the conclusion that Dottie's illness is unrelated to the blobs and it's just a virus. She's discharged from the hospital after four days. It's unrelated to the blobs, but is it related to the cop getting sick? Yeah. Right. And four days is a long time in the hospital for a flu. Yeah. A few days after the first blobs fall, more blobs and goo.

I just can't, this is a hard one for me. You picked this story. I know I did. I just didn't realize how much. Blobs and goo is absolutely the name of the set, so that was meant. No one will listen to it. Like, no, thank you. It's only for the strong. How about moist blobs and goo? Then it'll be a hit. More blobs come down a few days after the first ones in another rainstorm.

This time there's no illnesses reported. And over the next three weeks, the blobs rain down on Oakville four more times for a total of six rainstorms with this gooey substance. Jesus. Right? Like pack your bags and move. Goodbye.

Because also a rainstorm of it. It's not like that's pretty scary coming down from on high. You get caught in that? You get slimed. A scientist from the health department named Mike McDowell investigates the blobs more thoroughly than anyone else. In his report, he says that when cultured, the sample grows two kinds of bacteria

that grow in the human digestive tract. Strange. Additionally, he finds that the cells in the sample are sort of like an envelope, which makes it seem like they could function as a delivery system for other cells, almost like somewhat scientists created an envelope type structure to rain down and then melt, you know, and then whatever was in that envelope, let's say the poison then is there, kills everyone.

I don't know, Theories real quick. Yours is right on top, the airplane toilet theory. Of course, that presence of bacteria that's found in the human digestive system is found there. So of course the theory emerges that the blobs have been human waste released from an aircraft, probably accidentally. That's called the Dave Matthews theory.

Exactly. A la Dave Matthews. It's exactly, that's right. The waste may have become gel-like consistency by mixing with antifreeze, and maybe that's what made people sick too, which is interesting. But there are some problems with this theory.

First is that the FAA requires all human waste to be dyed blue, which I didn't know. The blobs are clear. Also, it's obviously against the rules to just dump waste in midair and the blobs fall on six separate occasions over three weeks. So it's probably not an airplane accident. Okay. So the next theory is jellyfish, if you can believe it. Oh, in the lead up to the first blobs falling, the Air Force had been conducting practice

bombing runs off the coast of Washington, about 50 miles away from Oakville. I mean, this could be an episode of Stranger Things. I don't know. Do they do stuff like this? But it is a thing. It's like, you have this testing facility in town and weird shit's happening and you won't admit that you're connected. Wouldn't it be more of an X-Files?

Yes. There you go. I only watched a couple episodes of Stranger Things. Me too. I'm sorry. And I meant the X-Files. Let's say. Is that what you meant? No, but now I do.

So some people theorize that they may have blown up a large school of jellyfish, and the jellyfish bits were sucked up into the atmosphere by a strong storm, carried over to Oakville, 50 miles away, where it then rained down. One biologist in the episode of The Files of the Unexplained says this is possible and does happen sometimes. Yikes. I mean, keep your eyes peeled. For example, there are known instances of strong storms sucking up sardines

and frogs and then dumping them inland. Yeah, Bible style. Yeah. Yeah. Many people see a lot of holes in this jellyfish theory. When it's presented by a reporter to a sergeant from the Air Force, he has to stifle a laugh. Dottie and her daughter, Sunny, are also skeptical. In the Unsolved Mysteries episode, Sunny calls the idea that such a large amount of blown-up jellyfish would be carried so far and rained down six times over a three-week period, quote,

pretty preposterous. Yeah. Also, Dottie points out that the blobs were odorless and three-week-old dead jellyfish probably would have smelled bad. Would it though? What does that smell like? Oh God. Terrible. I mean, terrible. And also wouldn't the sickness that Dottie got be more like a sting than it would be like a poisoning or a flu? I don't know. Unless it was, I don't know. Yeah, for sure.

Unless she is allergic to shellfish. It's not shellfish. You're right. Quite the opposite. There goes your theory. shellfish. It's not shellfish. You're right. Quite the opposite. There goes your theory. Your theory's blown out of the water. The next theory is a biological weapons test.

There are a lot of military bases in the area. What's up, X-Files? In the lead up to the blobs falling, Sunny and her mom noticed helicopters that look black. And of course, black helicopters have documented official uses, but are also linked to a lot of conspiracy theory about the military. Sunny says that a few years after the blobs fall, three strange men come into the soda shop where she works. Oh my God, I want to go to Oakville in a soda shop. Doesn't that sound perfect? They ask her questions about the blobs, and then if she's seen black aircraft in the area, and then they leave not long after.

Sunny gets the license plate number of the car they left in. And when the local police run the plates, they're registered to the Fort Hood Military Base in Texas, which we know has since been renamed Fort Cavazos. That's right. So it was a military car somehow. That's interesting. I love that the local PD is like, yeah, let's all figure this out.

Totally. What the hell's going on? I'm sitting in your soda shop with nothing else to do. Let's fucking do this. But also, that is interesting. And it's like the military operating and that kind of what we all believe could be the CIA style.

Yeah, who knows? All of this used to be so kind of fantastical talking about it because it was the 90s. Yeah. And every, it was like, isn't that crazy that they would think, and it's nowadays, it's just like, yep, they all did it.

Right. It's all real. It's like, you know, we're in this place where it's just like, all conspiracies are proven true. Everything's real. Yeah. I mean, don't tell that to my mom. She'll fucking get so excited.

Okay. That you agree with her. Oh, Janet knows I agree with her on a lot of the major topics. Those lasers, those space lasers. Okay. So Mike McDowell, the scientist, and Sunny wind up coming to the conclusion that the most plausible explanation for the blobs is that there was some sort of biological weapons test.

And here in my mind, it's a meet-cute. It becomes a movie. I've cast them because it's the 90s. They are Sandra Bullock and Brendan Fraser. Yes, and they're going to fall in love. Yes. Over the blobs. I love it.

Yeah. The blobs are gross, but the love is beautiful. Oh. We'll work on that for the poster and it has to be shorter. Yeah. I'm trying to think of something like a, I love goo. No, that's stupid. You're goo.

The military has conducted biological weapons tests in the past over civilian areas, as we know, using stand-in substances that wouldn't actually cause infections. So they're just like, does sprinkling this work? And since these envelope-like cells appeared not to be carrying anything, it looks to McDowell like this is one of those tests.

But in 1994, such a test would have violated international laws. So there's no way our military did it, because they follow the laws. Also, the advantage of bio weapons is that they are difficult to detect and the blobs are very conspicuous. So it makes a lot of people doubt the bio weapon theory. Someone else thinks it could be an agricultural research experiment gone wrong, maybe contained experimental pesticide. There's also the fact that throughout history, there have been other instances of gelatinous

goo falling on the ground or at least appearing on the ground. In scientific writing and poetry dating back to the 17th century, Karen, so long ago, there has been reports of a gooey clear substance appearing on the ground overnight which people refer to as star jelly. Your favorite strip club. What kind of drunken fools. Did you see the star jelly on the ground? It's beautiful tonight. Don't touch it. If you eat it, do it in a drunk voice. Oh, it's so chilly. Mmm. Fairies.

It's delicious. This has later been theorized to have been frog spawn, the little blobby eggs that tadpoles hatch from, or slime molds, which sounds awesome. I love mold. But since people actually saw the Oakville blobs like raining, these other ones, they found it on the ground, but this is fucking raining a cop saw it. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure. So it seems unlikely.

So this is possibly the most mysterious part of the entire blob affair. Mike McDowell, the scientist played by Brendan Fraser in our movie from the Washington Department of Health, never gets to finish his work with the sample that Sunny Sandra Bull Bullock, sent to him. He arrives at work one day and the samples are gone. He tells Sunny it's the only time in his career that he's lost a sample. And his supervisor had advised him not to ask questions

about the samples whereabouts. Shut your mouth. The three guys that were at the cafe, they went over and took all that stuff. Yeah, that. Mike says the receptionist at his office says, quote, black suits came and took it, end quote. Mike's kids say that this bothers him until he dies and reinforces his theory that there is some kind of military or government connection. And that is the story of the mysterious Oakville blobs.

That's as close as we get. That's it. I trust Mike. Damn it. I trust Mike, too. But I mean, that just feels like it's the prequel to Men in Black, because it's like clearly the three suits know that this was like an alien accident.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, if aliens don't exist, I, I don't know what to tell you. Like what are we even doing? Yeah. We're living in a simulation in that case. Like it's one extreme or the other. Cause like, cause it's not just no. I mean, and why should it be at this point?

As long as it's not like the movie signs, that's all. I just don't want it to be like that. Scary scene where walking Phoenix is in the closet and then the kid's birthday party. Uh-huh. I just saw that recently on an Instagram and I was like, that still scares the ever. And it looks stupid now too. It's like just this long gangly alien, but it still is fucking terrifying. It's so perfectly shot though. It was like, he got that perfect, like what a viral video would actually look like. Handheld camera, children screaming. Screaming birthday party children. Oh my god. Yeah. Blobs. And I wonder if they did like a 30-year test to see how many people have cancer in

the Oakville area or... Absolutely. You know what I mean? Something like that. I'm obsessed with those stories of the towns where it's like, you know, like Love Canal, where like everyone got some kind of cancer in that town because of the fucked up government practices of getting rid of waste. It's... So upsetting. So upsetting. There's a really good John Travolta movie where he plays a lawyer that fights one of those chemical companies.

Erin Brockovich? No. It's the sequel to Erin Brockovich where John Travolta just re-does, he plays every character. He plays her, yeah. Her, Albert Finney. But I mean, it is, you know, for a long time, like before they set up the EPA and I'm sure we don't have it anymore, I'm sure we don't have it anymore Right. Yeah, so just like that whole thing where you had to like get Companies with chemical spillage and all that shit to be like, hey, could you not?

Kill everybody nearby so that we can all have this weird plastic item The government can barely regulate fucking supplements and you think that they're trying to regulate these billion dollar fucking agriculture companies and processing plants to not do things that they shouldn't do? Come on. It's just like, the problem is how do you go backwards into regulation? Like when Reagan made these decisions and that his administration just started slashing all that stuff. It's like, but now they just get more powerful and that's all. There's no going backwards until the children rise up. That's right.

Rise up or infiltrate the system. Rise up on Tik Tok. Wow. We solved it. I think we solved it. We solved it by bringing up something else and basically not talking about it anymore. I mean, if Reagan isn't brought up at least one episode, then have we even done our jobs? Then my mother cannot rest. Mine can. Should we find out?

Oh, shit, I forgot. What people are even doing right now while they're listening to this podcast? God, we have a new ending. I love it. I was just like, anyway, bye. No, we have a fun thing now. Yeah, a fun thing. Yeah, let's see. Some people are such good people that like when they write in, this one person's like, I'm delivering groceries to the lovely senior population while listening. You're like, Oh, my God. And also that seems like the kind of thing that would be easy and fun to volunteer. You know, my dad used to do that. He used to be the food guy,

and he would just drive groceries around to people. Hell yeah. I've been a school lunch lady. I could do that. Yeah. That was from Lisa McElroy art. I guess that's mine. It says, delivering groceries to the lovely senior population while listening to tales of mayhem and horror is the balancing act I need to drive all morning on not even close to enough sleep." Thanks, Lisa. Oh, that's a great, I love that one. What's that person's name? Her name is Lisa McElroy. I love the idea of her partying all night, like at a rave and then being like, I got to go to my job. Just living a full life. She's like volunteering

and volunteering for herself. This one says, there's the actual post and then somebody commented on it because this is from Instagram. Allie Finch wrote, what am I even doing right now? I was plucking my own eyebrows exactly when Karen mentioned I should not be. Wow. That's funny. And then Megasaurus Rex, W-R-E-X, wrote back to Ali Finch and said, make sure you take one all the way off. That's how I did it. Yeah, you got to get rid of one. Pluck it back to Iris distance.

See how seventh grade treats you then, cowards. I pierced mine with a safety pin one morning before eighth grade. That was a mistake too. Did it hurt all day? No, they sent me home to take it out. Oh, yeah. Too rebellious. Yeah, that's me.

Now it's like, just, we'd just love for you to be here. You can have whatever in your eyebrow that you want. Put your phone down, please. Please just participate. Thank you guys for participating. I mean, I feel like this week we all really participated our asses off. It's been a participation, like, goo, blob, extravaganza. You're doing it to yourself.

I know. I can't stop. I can't stop. Thanks for being here. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Thanks for being here. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye.

Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah. This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck. Our managing producer is Hannah Kyle Creighton. Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squillace. Our researchers are Maren McClashen and Ali Elkin. Email your hometowns

to MyFavorItMurder at gmail.com. Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at MyFavorItMurder and Twitter at MyFaveMurder. Goodbye.