My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - MFM Minisode 330

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

This week’s hometowns include a family jailbreak story and a Drunk Karen cameo. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Justin from The Generation Y, and we're doing a four-part series unraveling the story of Khalif Browder, a young boy falsely accused of stealing a backpack and held at Rikers Island for three years without trial. This story is about a young life caught in the middle of the justice system. Listen to Generation Y on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't think it was a moment of madness. I think it was almost like a business transaction. The thing that made most sense to him was to get rid of him. Season 9 of Tenfold More Wicked is now available on Exactly Right. New episodes every Monday. Follow the show on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the mini-soad. That's right, you kill them, we grill them. Isn't that how it goes? What's that from? That's roadkill. It's about roadkill. Really? Yeah, there was a joke like when I was a child of like, what was the restaurant called that cooks roadkill? You kill them, we grill them. I said it was like from Jaws or something. Maybe this. I don't know. I don't know how it happened, but it's been in my brain for over 40 years. And isn't that how podcasting works? Or just here to present the things that have been stuck in our heads all of our lives. Do you want to go first? Sure. This is called Mom's Love a Good Trauma in Any Era. Just starts, a dear friend of mine's mother,

let's call her Ruth, loves to visit from out of town, make us vintage-style appetizers, and pop bottles of afternoon champagne. Nice. We're all in our late 30s and early 40s, and it's an absolute treat when she's in town, and we get to hear all of her fabulous and intriguing stories. On the most recent visit, one of us asked Ruth what was something about your childhood that you carried into adulthood? That's a great question. Expecting an ode to lipstick, we relaxed while she took a deep breath and said, well, my mother used to take me to funeral homes, and now I have to touch dead people. Collectively, we dropped our jaws, dribbling champagne, and my eyes widened, tell us everything. For real? Ruth was an only child born in 1949 in Pittsburgh.

Her mother, an eccentric woman to say the least, would take young Ruth to funeral homes for services where they didn't know the deceased. She would advise Ruth to stay quiet and would say how she knew the late guests of honor with a made-up connection, school, a club, bridge, and Ruth would not an agreement. During the viewing, Ruth was escorted by her mother to the casket and told that if she didn't touch the body, the ghost of the person would curse and haunt her. This is a child. That's child abuse. Ruth's hand, guided by her mother's, would tickle the ivories as it were, and they'd leave after crashing the visitation. In stark contrast, they'd also visit graveyards

on the weekend, and Ruth would excitedly point out where tents were remaining after funerals, and they'd scoop up the flowers, toss those in the trunk, and have fresh flowers in their home all year long. Is it stark contrast or is it just an add-on of a similar what is going on in this family? It's an in addition to, for sure. As an aside, I also wonder what you may be wondering. Stealing the flowers does not cause haunting, but touching the body prevents it. The logic escapes me, but look, this isn't about me. After I picked my champagne-parched jaw up off the floor, shoved a cucumber sandwich down my gullet, I had to do something with the feelings of shock. I asked curiously, do you avoid touching bodies now? Oh no, I have to touch them. I was at a funeral

last December where he was cremated and my husband leaned over and said, guess you can't touch this one. Stay sexy and do what your mother says and then get a ton of therapy. Okay. I mean, it's dark. What was that mother's deal? Was she- Suspicions, I guess. Right, but they're going to a funeral they're not invited to. She's putting her child in that position for no reason. Yeah. Unless you're saying like she's driven by the idea that a dead person might haunt you. I mean, what's the- I just want a little more backstory. Yeah. Is there pills or alcohol involved? A lot of alcohol and a lot of pills involved there. We'll never know. Or is there some internal storytelling flash mental illness? I mean, or is it just like, hey, what if I induce the creepiest thing in your

life and then everything else is a breeze? That's like- That's true. You got to get character from somewhere. If not your childhood, then where? For real. But also I wonder how Ruth felt about that. Like, was it scary to touch those bodies or was it just like, oh, it's not scary because I'm actually preventing the scarier thing that's made up? I had imagined it was terrifying. I would have like pulled her into the other room and been like, okay, we're not- Don't talk to those people anymore. You're just talking to me. Right. I need some information. Okay. The subject line of this email is binging MFM paid off. Hey all, I've been listening to more MFM than usual lately and today it seems that my years of listening to your podcast instead of sleeping has finally paid off.

So today when I went to pick up my kids from school, I'm sorry, this person has written kiddos in this email multiple times and I absolutely cannot stand this trend of people calling their children kiddos. You do not need to utter that word even if it's written. And I understand it's all, it's almost like more loving than kids and more like, this is my little guy type of thing and I, but I hate it. Okay. So today when I went to pick up my kids from school, I overheard that a little girl from my son's kindergarten class was nowhere to be found. Hearing this immediately transformed me from stay at home dad into a homicide detective with a few decades of experience. After interrogating the kindergartners with priors and then in

parentheses, it says JKJK. I decided to take my kids home and keep an eye out for anything suspicious. It just so happened that as I arrived home, I saw my neighbor putting her 10 year old son and a kindergarten age little girl into her vehicle. This struck me as strange since I knew that she doesn't have any other children and I've never seen a little girl playing with her son. I thought this could be the missing girl and that perhaps they were bringing her back to school, but I became more concerned when they turned to go the opposite direction of the school. So I called the school and asked if the young girl had been located. They informed me that she had not and I proceeded to tell them about what I had just seen. Fast forward about 15 minutes to when my neighbor

stormed over to my house to confront me about calling the school. Apparently that was the missing girl and they had decided to take her home based off of the directions this distraught five year old had given them. My neighbor was mainly upset that I had said anything to the school instead of minding my own business. While I'm sure she'll be venting about me to the entire neighborhood as she tends to do whenever she feels wronged by anyone, I personally have zero regrets. I heard a little girl was missing. I saw something suspicious, called in a tip within 30 minutes of her going missing and had this child been abducted, I would have correctly identified the name, address and vehicle of her would be kidnapper. If I've learned anything from MFM, it's fuck politeness

and trust your gut. I've also heard all too many stories of children being abducted and witnesses not coming forward until decades later. Sorry for the rather long story. Stay sexy and maybe contact police if you find a lost child in front of your house rather than taking matters into your own hands. Yeah. Then that's from Blaze, he, him. I'm sorry, that neighbor is in the wrong on so many levels. Yeah. Also, it's interesting, like the dynamic between the neighbors where he didn't feel comfortable going over and being like, Hey, is that the little girl that's missing, which I think is very fair. But it obviously he was just like, yes, there is there a reason to be questioning this entire situation, which is so uncomfortable. Yeah, that is wild. But I'm also blaming the school that

said to the neighbor, Hey, your neighbor just called in the sighting of this kid. Like, where you'd have to wrap Blaze out, you could have been like, someone called and said they saw you, you know what I mean? Yes. That's the kind of a snitches, a snitches thing. Yeah, that's true. I'm like, Oh, because she drove her home. So I guess the school called the mother. So when the five year old got dropped off, the mother was like, so and so called. Yeah. Whatever. I don't know. It's not our problem to solve. Really not our problem. Thank God, we don't live in that neighborhood. Okay, this is called family jailbreak. Hi ladies, Steven, pets, etc. You recently asked for any story. So here is my fifth question mark.

My family and I have been living in Utah for the last decade. We just sort of ended up here. Long story, not important. But my husband knew that his late father had lived in the area at some point in his life. He had kind of a mysterious past. I like that. We discovered an article in the local newspaper about an inmate breaking out of the county jail in 1950. And it was none other than my father-in-law. Oh, titled picks jail in lock. The article says Donald J. Blank picked the lock of Davis County jail Sunday night because he quote couldn't take it no more. He had only been in the jail two hours after being arrested for investigation of car theft. He'd left a note behind pinned to a cell mattress. The note read quote, dear jailer, I'm sorry I had to leave,

but I'll be out of the state somewhere and nobody will find me. I can't take it no more. So first of all, my father-in-law was the most restless and impatient man I've ever met. And the fact that he quote couldn't take it anymore after two hours in jail doesn't surprise me. I'd like to think that if he hadn't escaped and left the state, he might not have met my mother in law and started a family with her. Did I mention he was married five times? He stayed with her the longest though until she passed away. The sheriff noted the lock was old-fashioned and he picked it with a wire. He also mentioned he'd asked that a new jail be built and it would be discussed at the next county board of commissioners meeting. I looked up the history. It had been built in 1891.

After multiple escapes, it was rebuilt finally in 1963. Jesus Christ. So I guess my father-in-law was just one of many. Apparently another inmate left with him, but just went across the street to inform someone about the escape as there were no jailers present when they left. And then he put himself back in his cell. That's good behavior. That's some like deadwood shift. Like what do you think? Hey, mister. Thanks for all that you do. Stay sexy. And if you get arrested, try picking the lock, Denise. Oh, man. That's like, it's like somebody wrote us an email from the old west. Okay. This is a celebrity story and a hot dog story. So it's an amazing double header. Okay. Hey, Karen, Georgia and the entire MFM Dream Team pets included. I never planned on submitting a

hometown because my 32 years of life have been fairly average, but I also never expected a call for hot dog stories on this week's mini-soad. So here we are. Oddly enough, I have a lot of hot dog stories, but nothing tops the one I'm about to share. So this person had to pick from a bed of hot dog story. I want to be their friend. Okay. When I was nine years old, my family and I went on a four day Disney cruise over spring break. This was my first cruise and the ship had everything a young girl like me could ever want. Water slides, endless entertainment and an all inclusive meal plan that meant I could eat pizza and hot dogs, my favorite foods whenever I wanted. I mean, as an adult, that sounds pretty fucking sweet too. Like you just chow down on a piece of pizza and

then jump onto a water slide. Sounds great. It's like the way it was meant to be eaten. One afternoon at sea, I was standing behind a woman and her young daughter waiting to order my hot dog lunch at the pool bar. This is the goal of the day. Like you're going to swim in the pool for as long as you want, but then at some point you're going to go over in that line. Like that's a child's dream. Eating food in a wet bathing suit is like a different fucking animal altogether. And it sounds like maybe I'm wrong about this, but there wasn't a lot of enforcing the old. You have to wait a half an hour. Shit. Right? Right. Yeah. The woman and her daughter were also ordering hot dogs. Clearly they had great taste. As I waited my turn, I looked up to see my mom waving like a maniac from her

pool chair and pointing to the woman in front of me and mouthing something I couldn't catch. I didn't know what she was trying to tell me, so I shrugged it off. Whatever mom. Ignore it. The next thing I knew, my older brother was walking towards me, but instead of stopping to talk to me, he tapped the lady in front of me on the shoulder and asked for her autograph. The woman smiled and signed her name on a napkin my brother handed her. After she signed the sweaty napkin that his virgin strawberry daiquiri had been sitting on, my God, these kids are living like kings. I gave my brother a confused look and grabbed the napkin, but the name looked like a bunch of squiggles. After I got my hot dog, I asked my mom who the

lady was and why she wanted her squiggly autograph, and she responded with a name that wasn't familiar to nine-year-old me, Whitney Houston. Oh my. I was like, it's got to be someone epic. It's got to be someone epic. Whitney freaking on a cruise. On a Disney cruise, like the most epic basically, celebrity you could possibly, in my opinion, name drop. I later connected the dots that she was the fairy godmother in the 1997 Cinderella movie, so this earned her major cool points in my book. After our encounter in the hot dog line, my family and I saw Whitney, Bobby Christina, and Bobby Brown several more times around the ship. As an adult, I can't believe I was in the same vicinity, let alone the same hot dog line as this music legend. And this is always

my fun fact in any icebreaker situation. I would never stop telling this story. No, never ever. And yes, my mom still has the autograph napkin in a scrapbook in case you're wondering. To this day, I still claim hot dogs as my favorite. Not only are they absolutely delicious, just such a wild, it's such a wild stance. Yeah, this is her case on why hot dogs are the best. And here's the reasons. Not only are they absolutely delicious, but they're also the reason I kind of met Whitney Houston. Stay sexy and always keep an eye out for celebrities and hot dog lines, Eliza. What was the last time you had a hot dog? Oh, God, 4th of July, probably last year,

because we always do it, you know, like on the beach for 4th of July. Oh, good. Okay. I just want to make sure we both have it, you know, a yearly hot dog at least. Well, and those ones, there's a kind that they have in Hawaii. They're really red. They're long and they're dark red, and they are the best hot dog, in my opinion. So good. I'm into it. Okay. My last one is called Canadian Dare Program. Hello, murder friends. When I was in high school, circa 2011, we needed mandatory volunteer credits to graduate. In Canada, we don't really have the dare program here, but we do have the party program. Prevent alcohol and risk-related trauma in youth. Flows off the party. Also, like, yeah, it's really convoluted, and the acronym actually

points you in the wrong direction, I would say. It does. The party program was mandatory for health class. Some of the activities included learning how they pump your stomach after alcohol poisoning and how activated charcoal tastes. Oh, that's actually smart to warn teenagers. Well, I feel like teenagers don't drink like we did in the 80s and 90s, but they have those jugs now, though. There's like a jug of like punch that they drink, and they're called like Blackout juice or something. Look at how old I am. We're still going strong. You're telling me? We're still getting Blackout drunk. Driving a car simulator with distorted beer goggles. And then it says, yes, actual goggles let distort your vision as if you were drunk. This field trip ended with a trip

to the morgue to see where you might end up if you drink and drive. My young murdering herself had an absolute blast at this very somber field trip, so you can only imagine my excitement when I was asked to volunteer at the next year's event. My job was to wear a hospital gown and have a makeup artist go to town on my face and body and make it look like I was banged up in a car accident. I've got to say it looked pretty real. All I had to do was lay in a hospital bed with a warm blanket and take naps at my leisure while a nurse told a story about Janie, who was in a horrific car accident with a drunk driver and ended up in a coma. A cautionary tale to the young health class. I guess my community theater acting skills paid off because one of the students asked,

is she really in a coma? There was silence, and then I abruptly turned my head and opened my eyes to stare at the group of students at my bedside. Some of the students gasped and stepped back, but I did manage to make someone at the front scream. Yes. I don't think I've ever had so much fun volunteering. While all of my friends were picking up garbage or spending hours at a child care center, I got to lay in a warm bed and scare teenagers. My favorite, stay sexy and don't drink and drive. Grace, she, her. Grace, I wish I could ask you right now in person, were you making an acting choice independent of what they were asking you to do in that bed? Because it's not a haunted house. You're supposed to be in a coma. It sounds like she went off script. It sounds like.

Just for a general scare. Just make sure this whole party feeling is a negative one and you'll be fine. Yeah. Once they get the big picture, then you can, you know, kind of go rogue and do your own thing. Yeah. Well, fun. I mean, she should have rolled her eyes back in her head when she did it. Oh my God. And, you know, whispered Beelzebub or something. Okay. No notes. No notes. All right. Here's my last one. It says, drunk dad celebrity encounter. Hello. I literally just hit send on a dad story when I thought, shit, I should have included this story too. Why you ask? Because it's a two for one, a drunk dad and a celebrity encounter. Several years ago, my dad was on a work trip in DC and he had a few drinks at the bar after a work event. He made his way back to his

hotel and got into the elevator, which had kindly been held open for him by a couple. A brief note about my dad. He tries his darnedest to be hip and cool, but he's always just slightly off the mark. So drunkenly swaying in the elevator after pausing to remember his floor number, he looks at the couple with ever so slight recognition. The man particularly is someone he knows, or at least someone he thinks he knows. So now this goes as like a little play. Dad staring in confusion. Are you an actor? Were you in Troy? Man politely. No, that was Brad Pitt. Dad, huh? Were you in Gladiator? Man, smiling a little. No, that was Russell Crowe. I'm, but dad interrupting. Well, Gladiator was fucking good and used to try harder being that man.

And then since this was an elevator ride, the doors opened to my dad's floor and he got off without another word, trailed by the very pleasant laughter of the couple who got a kick out of my dad's misplaced celebrity knowledge. My dad immediately texted me and through some guess who style Q&A we figured out it was Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck who he had just shamed for not being in the film Gladiator from 2000. Oh my God, it's like one of the most famous people in the world. He's basically mistaking like arguably the third most famous actor for the first most famous actor essentially. Right. And in between those two, Paul Giamatti. Stay sexy and just assume all white male actors who peaked in the early 2000s were in some Greek Roman movie at

some point. Grace, she heard. Oh, that had everything, right? Including drunk Karen. I love it. So that was drunk Karen from theater, which is accurate. From theater class playing drunk dad. So she's being typecast. I love it. Amazing. Hey, right. It's your hometowns. We love them, as you can tell. We made a whole thing about them. I mean, we enjoy them a lot and thank you kindly for sending them to us. Also, stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production. Our producer is Alejandra Keck and this episode was engineered and mixed by Stephen Ray Morris. Stephen, email your hometowns and fucking hurrays to myfavoritmurder at gmail.com. Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my favorite

murder and Twitter at myfavemurder. Goodbye. Listen, follow, leave us a review on Amazon music, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Prime members, did you know that you can listen to my favorite murder early and ad-free on Amazon music? Download the Amazon music app today. You can support my favorite murder by filling out a survey at Wondery.com.