My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark - MFM Presents: Adulting with Michelle Buteau and Jordan Carlos - "When Should Your Boyfriend Give Up On His Rap Career? feat. Maeve Higgins"

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

My Favorite Murder presents the network premiere of Adulting with Michelle Buteau and Jordan Carlos, Exactly Right's newest comedy podcast. On Adulting, Michelle and Jordan provide real life advice with a heaping portion of hilarity topped with a dollop of truth. Their conversations with comics, experts and celebs answer listeners' most complex questions like: "How much should you pay for a pillow?”, "How should I treat my one-night stand?" or "Should I get a pet turtle?"Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts. You can hear every episode one week early on Amazon Music, or one week early and ad-free by subscribing to Wondery+ in the Wondery App. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We at Wondery live, breathe, and downright obsess over true crime. And now we're launching the ultimate true crime fan experience, Exhibit C. Join now by following Wondery, Exhibit C on Facebook, and listen to True Crime on Wondery and Amazon Music. Exhibit C. It's truly criminal. Hello, listeners. We are thrilled to introduce the network premiere episode of our newest, exactly right podcast, Adulting with Michelle Butteau and Jordan Carlos.

Michelle and Jordan are two New York City-based comedians and longtime friends who are ready to answer your questions about the most pressing adulting topics. Like dating, skincare routines, the essentials of parenting, saving money, how to make friends as an adult, and the nitty-gritty of work life. Along the way, they invite friends and comedians to join the party in studio and live on stage to give you advice on your adulting journey.

Live shows, live shows. The episode you're about to hear is a laugh out loud in studio conversation with the great Irish comedian and author, Maeve Higgins. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the network premiere episode of Adulting with Michelle Butteau and Jordan Carlos. And when you're done with that episode, you can head over to the Adulting Feed and listen to their brand new episode featuring writer-performer, Alok.

That episode was recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn, all the fun of being at a live show without having to leave your home. Yay, new episodes drop on Wednesdays. Follow the show wherever you get your podcast, please, or you can listen early on Amazon Music or early in AdFree by subscribing to Wondery Plus on the Wondery app. And now enjoy Adulting with Michelle Butteau and Jordan Carlos. Yay, goodbye.

Oh my God, welcome. We are back. I know I love doing that too. Sorry, it's too much. I am too much. But this is Adulting. We finally crawled back. You guys, Adulting is motherfucking back.

Excuse me, you know who's got good taste? Exactly right media because they picked us up where we left off and you're like, you, you, okay? They looked at us like we were Courtney Cox with her real face at a Bruce Springsteen concert in the 80s. And we're like, yes, we're doing the dances of the mom. Jesus, let's go. I mean, I can't believe that I'm actually sharing this space with you.

This is amazing. I know. I'm supposed to say that too. I should have worn a better deodorant. I had no idea. Why do you keep saying that? I can't smell a damn thing. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

You give off as always a sublime odor for its emanation, Michelle Butteau. You sound like a serial killer. Someone get the knife. Listen, it's Adulting, honey, and we're black. Black. Welcome to Adulting. Michelle Butteau is with me.

I am Herko from Go Jordan Carlos. Just in case you need the refresher or you're new to the show, we are here to walk you through all things adulting, work, play, family, dating, sex, air, and everything in between. Oh my god, it's so fun. Plus, we answer all of your pressing questions about adulting. And along the way, we're inviting comedians and friends of ours to help. And we are so excited to talk to our friend, Irish comedian,

writer extraordinaire, Mae Viggins today. That's right, honey. But first, Jordan, let's chat it up and catch it up. I love this show. I love the show so much. It really is like the therapy that I don't want to pay for. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, you don't want to pay. Well, probably because the premiums are too high. Is that what it is? You know what? A good therapist is like a good black hairdresser. Like if they're good, they're booked. They don't have time for you. You know what I mean?

That's true. That's true. I'm just saying. Who's going to do your hair then? Your friend, right? On the stoop. I don't know. You know, I feel like black hairdressers should be like essential workers.

They are essential workers. They should have gotten vaccinated first. They should have gotten combat pay. Exactly. Right? What was I like banging these pots and pans for? OK, some soul locks and sheen, honey. Yes, it's just not OK.

Have you seen your person IRL? Yeah, I offered her an obscene amount of money like deep 2020 to like just help me look like a normal person because I don't know how to do hair. Did you ever cut your own hair? No, no, no. Really? No.

Do you remember the first time you went to get a haircut? Yes, I do. It was in a black neighborhood. So that was scary. Wait, so you grew up in a white neighborhood. Yes. The Beverly Hills of Dallas. Let everyone know, OK?

Yeah. Let everyone know. Yeah. No, we were Beverly Hills of Dallas adjacent. We were like adjacent because if you were black, you couldn't live in that neighborhood, but it was like, we're like, we're a neighborhood over. OK, so the Baldwin Hills.

The Baldwin Hills, absolutely. OK, the Baldwin Hills of Dallas. Of course you do. Anyway, the point is, yes, I remember my first haircut. Because we were going from half-rose and aphros to fades. So it was like, my mom was like, we got to get you a fade. So we went to the barber shop. Your mom was like, we got to get you.

Miss Hazel, the one and only said we got to get you. Yes, the same. So did your older brother have a fade and you were like, that's what I want? No, she just decided at once that we needed, we both needed fades. She saw the wind, you know, in the wind, she was the, I remember seeing old photos of her with like,

leaping aphros like in 1970. And she was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. And she knew what to get. I mean, there were some misses. My mom did get a jerry curl, you know. I had a jerry curl. My dad had a jerry curl and I had a jerry curl.

And I had, I will never forget, I had a paper route. Because I wanted to be, I was still a tomboy, but my mom was, because my mom is mixed, she was bad at doing hair because she really never had to do her hair. And so, you know, my shit was king, king.

And, and I wouldn't sit still and she was, it was a lot for her to get through. And so I got a jerry curl to make it easier. I wanted to run my fingers through my hair, like all the white girls I went to school with. I wanted to get like a big old scrunchie and just get like a ponytail on the side of my head and then like have my head hanging to the side

and be like, it's so heavy. But I just had like the one ponytail that I could not mess up for the whole week. Do not sweat. Don't climb that tree unless you know how to get down. Even the cat, that's not your cat to say, bitch, get the fuck down from that tree. So I would sleep like a vampire

when I was like in the third grade. It'd be like, don't do it. And now that I'm doing Hazel's hair, my daughter's hair, like, you know, I have realized a good ass part is how a black mother or a mixed mother shows her love, you know, for her child.

It's like, yes, have them dress well and have manners, but if you can get that part straight, you love your children. And it's hard to get a part straight with her because she's like a cat. She doesn't want to have her hair done at all? She doesn't sit still? No, no. She is giving me crease summer all day.

Longer. Crease summer? I had to also go to the black neighborhood because we were in Hamilton Square, which is the suburb of Trenton. So we had to go into deep Trenton for me to get my hair done. Into deepest Trenton? It was very, it was almost like Joe Clark

was like the wash boy. Mr. Clark! Mr. Clark! Don't say it like that. Mr. Clark! I don't know why Mr. Clark he told me that he loves me. Why is no one ever near Mr. Clark? They're always yelling his name down the hallway.

Mr. Clark! Joe was trying to run and get the doors unlocked. Yeah, I know. I love that. And then remember, he was like, you want to kill yourself, Sam? Do it excellently. Joe, you smoke crack, don't you? Don't do smoke crack. Trenton was the real deal, though.

I mean, that was... Oh, that's where that movie takes place. Yeah, Trenton High. East Side High is, I believe, is what they call it. But yeah, that's where I would get my hair done. At East Side High. Ma'am!

Ma'am! I want to take my kids to get their first haircut. Right now, husband's doing Otis's hair. Because it's the pandemic. Where are we going to go? I got a guy. You got a guy?

You always got a guy! I got a guy. I got a hair guy. I got a hair guy for, like, mixed kids. Well, you're in a different borough. No, but this guy's in Manhattan. Oh, okay. Yeah, his place is right... I mean, can we do a plug?

This place is called HR. It's very cool. It's, like, queer-friendly. It is people that are... It's fantastic. I love a Come On, Come All. And it's an old-timey barber shop. So it's like they would...

He would absolutely love Otis in the chair. My guy, Ken, is fantastic. And he gets out the little wedge for little boys, but the wedge in. And Ken himself is mixed. So he's mixed black and Italian, so he knows that. I love this. Where do the mixed kids go? They go to HR.

They go to HR. I love that. Did he misspell hair? Or that's just really the name of it. I mean, it's vexing, but we do it. You know what I'm saying? If you can get over that small hurdle, if you can clear that, H-A-A-R, then you are in for a treat.

It is... It's amazing. Like, Kais is going to be like, Michelle, I love it. I love this place. I can't wait to go back. That is not the case. I know. Michelle, I love. My husband does not sound like a nerdy, Ikea showroom employee

in Sweden. So sorry he doesn't have an extra lingonberry sauce for that ass. What is wrong with you? This is not your audition for SNL, okay? You better take that shit to Pete Davidson. I'm sorry, I take it back. Pete Davidson, let's not even get started.

He's going to space. I heard that. I mean, Kim Kase plus S-Space, where has the boy not been? Can he do it? He's got a ruffle president at this point. Not of the United States, but something. I really was trying to talk about getting your first haircut,

because it was way more entertaining. I want to hear, like, first of all, I want to hear about getting your first jerry curl, though. The drip drip chemicals. All the pillowcases were ruined. Everything on the couch was ruined. I love that I couldn't even, like,

put my hand through my hair, because it was just, like, a mess. And if you all don't know what a jerry curl is, it's basically a relaxer for your hair to make it wavy, and then you got a poor chemical gel, very thick gel on it. The stuff that you would find

in between, like, your home chef box, like, in the packaging, like, that is, like, the thick ooey-ooey-ooey you're putting on your head. And the build-up on your scalp, because, essentially, your follicles need to breathe. And so, you know, you have to keep them, that's why you have to, like, scratch your hair

when you, like, wash it and stuff, and keep shampoo on there for, like, five minutes before you. Everyone wants to keep the conditioner on. You're going to keep the shampoo on. My hair chair has taught me so much about being in a relationship, because you have to be patient. Right.

You can't backseat drive and assume what someone's going to do. You have to wait to see what they've done, their finished product, appreciate what they have done, right? Like, say something nice before constructive. Okay. And so, that has helped me a lot sitting

in a lot of hair chairs, because back in the day, you would get up and then go sit down and dry, and then wait another hour, because someone's cousin came in, and then go back in, and they go out for a smoke break. Uh-oh. And it's just like, fuck, man,

are you coming back to do my hair? Right, right, right, right. I mean, were you ever concerned about how flammable Jerry Girl Juice was? No, because I was, like, 14. Okay. So... You'd seen Michael Jackson.

Yes. You'd seen the Pepsi commercial. But he was rich. I was like, stuff like that happens to rich people. Like, I did not know. I did not know. You weren't worried about it. But finding that right person

to do your hair, you're absolutely right. It took me a long time. It's like finding a church home, as we say now. It's like finding the right church. It's finding the right person. Yes. It's being able to trust them, and it's, like, for life.

Like, my wife has seen the same hairdresser for almost 20 years now. She talks about this hairdresser all the time. Yes, Christoph. Christoph and I have gone out. We've gone out on mandates. The bond is real. It goes deep.

It's a special relationship, because it's the person that makes you feel your best self. Absolutely. Like, anyone that... Those poor moms that have, like, eight feet of hair on the Today Show, and they turn around

in the mirror when they have, like, a bob and, like, a ruching, like, a ruched cobalt dress, you're like, it's the best you may have ever seen. It's like, you can't leave that person ever. And especially, you know, with black and mixed hair, your identity is everything.

And people definitely judge you right the fuck away. With your hair. I had a barber. I went to summer college in Virginia. They said, when I got there, do not go to the barber after one o'clock he drinks.

Oh, shit. Whatever. And so I went, and then he fucked up my head. No. But a girl still kissed me that summer. Okay, because she felt sorry for you.

Well, yeah. And then also... Did you have game? No. Okay. Maybe, like... It was your game that you had no game?

Yes. I mean, like, no, I... No. It was just a very... Are you okay? No. When you turn into a robot, I feel like I got an abort mission.

No. Yeah, well, no. Yeah, yeah, no, yes, no, no. I'm just being earnest and honest. I don't have game. I'm just like, I like you. And then it scares people. And then that's it.

You know, I'm like, okay, fine. You know, that's it. Okay. But that summer, because it was like, I wasn't in my, like, same environment. I was in Virginia.

You ever, like, go to camp, whatever, and now you're, like, a whole new person? Yeah. So that happened. And, like, nobody knew anything about me. There was no internet.

So I could be, like, the person that I kind of wanted to be. Yes. Had no history. And this girl was just like, no, I like this guy. Bam, I don't care.

Dope. Dope. Fucked up haircut and everything. Oh. And she, yeah, she made out with me. And I was like... I was like, I made out with her.

I kissed her really rough and passionately. Oh, no. And then she's like, oh, my God, too much, too much. She was like, I guess sometimes I kiss, like, Harrison Ford.

What? Who said that? Me. Why did you say that? Because Harrison Ford kisses hard in movies. Watch Harrison Ford kiss people in movies. Which movie?

Are we talking regarding Henry? Are we regarding Henry? The Rich Crackers? Are we... We're talking about, we're talking about, um, fucking Indiana Jones, one, two, three,

the Temple of Doom, all that. Like, he kisses hard. Just look... Okay. He creates a suction. Hard, but like, no tongue. No tongue.

Yeah. Just a nice suction on the face. All right, Callista Flockhart. Tell me all about it. Yeah. He makes, like, an airlock, and that's what I was doing, and I was like, I'm sorry,

I guess I kissed, like, Harrison Ford. And she was just like, oh, this is almost over. I love that you got your kissing technique from Harrison Ford and not porn. Because you know these kids

are fast and furious with no Vin Diesel. I don't know. I was about to say something about getting your hair cut, but never mind. I want to know about, like, was your mom present

the first time you had your hair cut? Did she say, like, do this to her, do that to her? She's an anxious person. So she wanted it to look good and flat and straight and manageable. And I love...

Oh, God. What I loved about Lauryn Hill and the Fuji's was that they were cool. They were woke before we knew what woke was. They're from New Jersey. They're from Jersey

by way of Caribbean ancestry. And they just love the way they look no matter what. And I was like, God, how do I achieve that? I want to be a part of that. You know what I mean?

Yeah. A lot of confidence. Yeah, there's so much in hair, especially if you have a parent that has different hair texture than you. Especially realizing that, you know, as a mixed or black woman, your hair on your head

is at least two to four different textures. I didn't even know that shit to, like, five years ago. I just thought it was a problem area. Yeah, you have many textures. It's beautiful. No, I mean... Thank you.

No, no, it's beautiful. I love your hair. Oh, thank you. Oh, we got some pieces on right now because we just did Radio City Music Hall. So this is the Shaka Khan hair. This is the Shaka Khan hair. And that's another thing I learned, too. Being on TV sets,

they will ruin your hair, even if they're black hairdressers and you try to speak up for what you want. You know, we're just not meant to do our hair all the time. So, you know, I always encourage people to get pieces or wigs because you got to protect the shit that you have.

Oh, for sure. I mean, that was the first time I ever learned to speak up for myself. It wasn't a barber's trick because they'd be like, what do you want to do? And you're like, I'd like a two, you know, and it's like an edge up close to the skin, please. Nice. You know, and then give me one of these,

you know, like a line here, just because it's 1997. And, you know, like, make me look like knots. Yes. Because you want to rule the world. Yeah. I mean, I free all my sons. I love them, too, baby. Yeah. I mean, I think we can't license this.

We can. We cannot. We cannot. But when you guys had a bad haircut because that dude was drunk after 1 p.m., did you say anything to him? Or do you just like walk away and be like, thank you? I sulked out of there and it was not cool. It was like a small Virginia town.

It was like something out of a Wild West movie. And they were just like, God, damn, that barber done. Fuck up your head. That's like, oh, shit, man. But then my friend was like, you know the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut, right? I was like, what? He's like five days. So, yeah, yeah. That's basically it.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm not mad at that. And she's still made out with me. Am I right, folks? Absolutely. You are such an 80s movie because it always comes down to the girl. It always comes down to the girl. You know what's really funny is,

and then I'll tell you the, I'll tell you the honey husband. She was like, she was like, why don't we go back up to your room? And I was like, well, I don't think that's the wisest decision right now. I went back to my room. I don't understand what you're saying. She wanted to have, you know,

she wanted to celebrate my body. She wanted to sit on your dick and you said no? I didn't, I wasn't ready for that much pressure. Oh my God. I didn't, I, no, I wanted to go to sleep with myself. Good for you. And just have a great story.

This is just everything about you says I carried a watermelon. And I'm still here for it. Yeah. Should we move on? I mean, we've got to move on to our guests, right? Yeah. We're very lucky to have this guest as well. I mean, I missed her.

She's in the room right now. I'm always with you. We have to give the proper intro. We got to give her an intro because she deserves. She's a writer extraordinaire. She's a comedian. Super hilarious. A wit. Thank you. Dare I say a public intellectual?

Yeah, that's right. She co-hosts Butter Boy. Yes, she does. I'm still waiting for the Butter Boy to come out on stage. Yeah. Where's the Butter Boy? He comes sliding out one day. We all get the shock of our life.

She's written multiple books recently. She's so smart. Her most recent is Tell Everyone On This Train. I love them. Thank you. Which came out in February of this year. And do you want me to just read a blurb about the book? Absolutely.

Here we go. Deeply funny, moving and urgent writing. About a country that can feel broken into pieces. And the light that shines through the cracks. In the name of the Canadian, Maeve Higgins, author of Nave & America. My president! Come on in.

Maeve Higgins. Thank you. Oh my goodness. Thrilled to be here. And to say both of you. So many questions. You were in Ireland for a little bit, no? Yes, actually, yeah, in 2020.

Yeah. I was in Texas on a reporting trip. security events. Oh, how was that? So it was like a government, it was the Department of Homeland Security and I was writing about it. And they were all acting so casual

as the pandemic was spreading. Like, do you remember that month when it was like, is it will we, won't we? And then suddenly the Irish government canceled St. Patrick's Day, which has never happened in the history of the world. And that to me was like a big shamrock in the sky saying like, come home.

Meanwhile, the US government who I was like writing about down at the board, they were like clapping each other on the shoulders and like sharing bagels at this conference. And I said, I need to get out of this country. So I was one of those little rats that abandoned the ship. So you were, you're from Cork, right? Yes. So I went back home to where I'm from Cove in Ireland.

And that is where the first immigrant through the gates of Ellis Island, she also left from my hometown. Wow. Yeah. The first, she was like 17 and her, there's a statue of her over on Ellis Island now. And that woman today. Is Maeve Higgins.

She hosts a comedy show in Goanus for some reason. Looks like we made it. I love it. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. I mean, it's not, it's not like, there's not like many boasts I can say about my hometown. They're all very sad. Like it was the last place Titanic stopped.

Really? That's my hometown. Leo stopped there for like. Leo was there. Yeah, Leo was there. Oh my God. Before he, before he was kicked off that little door, the floating door. And Kate Winslet said, I'll stay up here. Was there nothing else floating in the water

that could have helped? There was plenty of room for him too. And he couldn't leave Rose. God, that must have been incredible. No, but I think she could have just yanked him up onto the door. I know, but we didn't, you know, this was like, this was, this was like Kate Winslet's like,

her time to be. Yeah, but you know those couples at restaurants that have to sit on the same side of the booth and hold hands? That was them. The French. It was still so new. Yeah, yeah, I feel you. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So, so you think it was like, it was like kind of like feminist of her to not let him? I'm not not saying that. She's a bad feminist, LOL. Let's ask Roxanne Gay. So this is just a very weird, general question. Living in New York and from Ireland, what is the biggest rumor about the Irish people

that everybody has wrong? Oh, I think that we're like smiley and friendly. Cause people don't understand that like, we're so dark and judgmental. But I think as we come off as so like, you know, top of the morning to you, but really we're deeply unhappy, you know, and kind of like mean.

Unhappy and mean? Yeah, I think so. I've read James Joyce, I get it. Yeah, there you go. He was very unhappy, but he liked farts. He was way into farts during sex. Yeah, I mean, what an intellect. I think, you know.

I think Matt Damon said it best in that movie. Oh my God, Martin Scorsese. Was that movie? Departed? Yeah, Departed, where he was like, he told Vermiglia. Oh, Via Vermiglia. Yeah, he was like, look, I'm Irish American.

Like, if you're miserable, I'm miserable, I stay. I don't go anywhere. He was like, if you're unhappy, you really actually have to physically leave because I, yeah, I will stay in it. Freud was stumped by the Irish and he found them inscrutable. That is true.

Sigmund Freud was like, I fucking can't. This is a true thing, he found them inscrutable. I mean, maybe that was just our accent. Like maybe we were like, we have dead issues or whatever. And he was like, what? But you've lived such an interesting background. You lived in Zimbabwe?

Yeah, when I was a child. As a child, and then you have like, don't you have seven siblings? Yes, I do. How do you do with that many siblings? What do you guys look like? It's real cute. Oh, we do.

Yeah, we all look very alike. But I mean, so do your kids. I mean, I don't think that's like it. But the other thing is- I'm the only child, so I'm just like, isn't that fun? But my parents also look alike. So, I think people turn into each other at the end because my parents are both light-skinned.

From the back, I can't tell mom or dad. It's just light-skinned and flat as. And I'm like, ma, dad, whoever. And they both just turn around and you still don't know who's who? I still don't know. Yeah, I think, yeah, definitely mine are becoming more alike as they get older too.

Yeah, it's just probably from spending so much time together. Yeah. I mean, maybe you and Jordan are gonna start looking alike because you're like work husband and wife. I mean, we can probably pass for brother and sister or cousins. Oh, God. I'd love to be your cousin.

Oh, God. He's so happy with the idea. Yeah, and it's exactly, do you see that's family, right? It's just like, I could think of nothing worse than that. No, ma'am. I'm making the beneficiary of so many things I own. Okay, so Zimbabwe, we're living in Zimbabwe. Was it habitat for humanity?

We love Zimbabwe, we love it, except for the dictator. I know, I know. Yeah, that part. Yeah, we lived in Zimbabwe. And I mean, Robert MacGabby is still... Robert MacGabby is still alive? Is he still alive? I don't know.

I think he's dead now, but his wife is in charge. Oh. I thought Rick James was alive like five years ago. You can't ask me that. That's gonna be the name of this episode. Is Robert MacGabby alive? These are other pressing questions. Like, how is MacGabby doing?

Oh, MacGabby! He has to be dead. I mean, I was there in like 1992 and he was alive. Then, and like my brother, who was just a year older than me, he was, you know, like nine or 10 or something. He, I guess, was at a school event and shook MacGabby's hand. And then like, so we would always tease my brother, like your friends with a dictator,

like your best friends are Robert MacGabby, like, you know, how can you live with yourself? Oh my God. But it was because he had to, like it was like a school thing or something. Yeah, we're gonna do not shake MacGabby's hand. And also we didn't know, like we were like little children, we were just like, that's the president.

How do you find time to write? Oh, well. Because you're an epic writer. I write? Well, honestly, Michelle, I write just when I have to. So if I have a deadline or something. But I definitely find it hard to sit down and focus. And I always read about like, how do other writers do it?

And like, Roldal used to tie himself to his chair. And he did, this is like, he was writing. Well, the children's author? The children's author, yeah. He had a little shed, I don't know, I don't know. He wrote the witches and Charlie and the chocolate factory? I want to see how this ends. Yeah, go ahead, please.

Yeah, I want to see how this ends. Yeah, one. There's nothing more untoward than that, I promise. Like he just would, he would just tie himself to the chair in the morning and like make himself sit there, not allowed to go to the restroom, not allowed to like take your, you know, discipline, yeah, exactly.

Airplane mode in, yeah, in like 1950 or whenever he was writing. And so I do think it is something to that, like about making space for yourself, but tons of parents that I know find it really hard because it just seems like there's so much pulling on our attention. So you have to kind of fight for that time.

But deadlines help and, you know, if you're not going to get paid until you hand it in, you know, practical stuff like that, I think really helps. Now tell me something because I read a bit of your book. Thank you. I am, you almost drowned in South Africa. Your mom helped you. And then you also feel, and I want to get to this,

you feel responsible for your little sister. Oh, well, when you're from a big family, which you're not, right? Big American family, it's three. Three kids, Michelle won. Yeah, I'm from a big family, which is why they decide to have one. So I would know who my parents are.

It's so nice, welcome to the Caribbean. And yet you still can't tell them apart when they're starting away from you. Yeah, I mean, I think that when you grow up as the older one in a big family, so there's actually eight of us, and I'm number three, then you just kind of are actually responsible for the younger one. It's not really even a feeling.

And like in Ireland, there's a thing called Mamiella, which is like Mamie being mom and Ella meaning other. And like the older girls in the family are called the Mamiellas. So it's like the other mothers. And like, you know, obviously I talk through this on my therapist every week, but like at the time it's very normal.

Actually, I think it's kind of fine anyway. You know, it's just like you have to look out for these smaller people. You just have to, because like two grown-ups are often is one grown-up. Looking after this whole clutch of children, you know, you have to help with their reading, changing their nappies, doing their food, like everything.

Because it's too much or their diapers. Oh, yeah, I love that. Their nappies? I love that. And then, oh, please go ahead. What was it like when you decided to leave and come here and pursue stand-up and a writing career? Well, the funny thing is the older three like left

and we scattered around the world. I think maybe it's because we were so tight at home. You take your time in. Yeah, totally. Cause it was like, yeah, my sister immediately, she's lived all over the world and worked all over the world. My brother, the same like Mongolia around Africa and now he's in the Middle East.

And then I didn't do anything as adventurous. I just went to London and then I came here because that's where the stand-up is, right? Yeah, of course, of course. The stand-up that I keep trying to break into that I keep hearing about. Do you? Please.

I think I'm reading as well. Maybe, and stop. But I, you know, I think the other lucky thing for me is it's so close, right? Cause like Ireland's only, it's less than a six hour flight away. What's dating in Ireland? Like I'm guessing like a lot of good butter and then going to a nice pub with a snob.

Yeah, that's it. What kind of butter do you like? Oh my God. I like every kind of butter. It's so dry. I love it. Oh my God. We're good, Paris.

Oh my God. Come on. That's it. Let's put the hoeing hosher, everybody. Let's go. Let's do it. I'm sorry. Take me to church.

I love Irish butter. I'm sorry. I just love Irish butter. No, I do too. I mean, yeah, I think you do have to be careful that you don't end up with somebody that you're related to. All the usual, like it's a small island.

You have to take the precautions. I think people probably settle down much younger than they do here in New York at least. I'm very specifically talking about New York really. Cause I guess outside of New York, people do settle down, you know, a bit younger. Yeah. So.

Just gotta be careful. You're not cousins. That happens a lot in my mom's home state of Mississippi. Oh yeah. You have to check if you're cousins. And how did she and your dad meet? I'm so curious. Oh, you want to know about my dad?

Maeve, don't even start. Maeve has been- I'm not thinking about your parents. Maeve Higgins has been torturing me for almost two years now about my father. About my, my father is a, he's a good looking man. You posted a picture of your father and it broke the internet.

It was like that time you did it. Have you, do you ever meet him in person? I've met him on Zoom. I don't think I've met him on person. My dad. In person. My dad has great looks. He's a, he's a good looking man.

So Hansa, he dresses what, and he's, you know, so I just, you know, I went through your Instagram, found more, you know, what you do when you have a little silly crush and it's the middle of a plague. Yeah. And I fell in, fell in love. I didn't think we approached this topic today.

Jordan feels so, you know, he's so immature about it. You know, he feels so awkward about it because it would be, it would mean, I guess me being his stepmother. No, that's the- And he can't be, he can't just wake up to modern. Please don't say this. Things like this happen all the time, Jordan.

I think this is great content. Let's turn this into a Netflix show. Please don't say this. Okay. Maeve is always being like, here's since your stepmother texting you, how are you this morning? I'm just like-

Yeah, because I care about you because you're my son. She's very good at, she's very good at crude comedic photoshop. And so she'll just make photos of her and my dad together. Wait, is it real? Is it to me? Yes. When his, I guess his parents like, do they renew their vows or something?

Yeah, they renew their vows. So I put my face like on his mom's body and sent him, I took a lot of time actually, Jordan. Cause I wanted him to get used to the idea of seeing us together. Look. It was just a lot for me to deal with. You know, the face and body don't match exactly, but I still think it looks, you know.

You did the work. The damage has been done. And then I find out his father is a doctor and I'm not the first one to have this crush either. Because she- Why did we wait so long into this episode to figure out that you were his stepmom? Like now I feel bamboozled.

This text begins. Cause I'm like, what was Thanksgiving dinner like? How come I didn't know? That's the first thing we should have said out the gate. Because Jordan makes it awkward. All the grownups they're fine about us. Let me see this picture, Jordan. No, I don't have the picture.

I don't have it. Are you deleting it? No, I don't know if I, I don't know what happened to it. I'm sure she kind of like put some kind of disappearing ink on it and it's gone now. But like this, this is what it says on the 26th when she sent me her lovely book. It said, hi son, I hope you're safe and cozy.

That's how she begins. Because I'm trying to re-establish the back, cause it's awkward cause we've been friends for so many years and then suddenly I'm, you know, fucking his dad. You're not, ahhh, pump up you. If you could just make sure. Did your dad get the vaccine yet?

Just wondering. Oh. Thursday, April 1st. My God. I think this is a good time to get to questions from the audience. We got some questions from the audience that we would love you to help us answer.

Okay, wonderful. Ooh. Is it rude to decline being a groomsman? Yeah. I mean, bridesmaids, I guess that you do get in trouble if you say no, but maybe men are a bit better at this. Okay, about us. I think what, I think.

You find it difficult when your father and I were getting married to each other. He did feel convicted, but he didn't though. No, no. Cause it would have been rude had you said no. Oh God, it's nice to know that my dad is desired beyond my mother, but I will say to answer the question that that question is about,

it's not about being a groomsman at the wedding itself, it's about bachelor parties and the ridiculous debauchery that happens at bachelor parties and how people get turned inside out and you become somebody that you don't want to be by the end of the weekend. I remember my one friend's bachelor party in Montreal, basically what happened was by the end of the weekend,

I did not know my friend. We were at a rest stop strip club right at the outskirts of KBek, you know, the KBek border because he wanted one more go. Oh God. He needed one more go. What in the sideways is going on? I don't know.

And what was your, you were the groomsman, so you had to sit by him and like hand him dollars and stuff. Loyalty, you know? Yeah. Loyalty because in Montreal, I'll put touche, one is allowed to touch the strippers. Where were? So that was that.

And by the end, I was just like, dude, I don't even fucking. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah. I mean, I feel like you really see people's true colors at a bachelor or a bachelorette party and a buffet. Yeah. Just yeah. You're a greedy bitch.

You don't need stewed beef and cottage cheese. Oh my God. You're like a life together. I thought I fucking knew you on follow-up delete. Stewed beef and cottage cheese. I will say, as someone who had to pick brice maids and godparents, you pick those people for a reason. Everybody adds something in your life.

You know that you have friends for different reasons. You can make a very serious moment, light and funny. Another one is like a good time. Another one might know you longer and better than everybody else. So I feel like it should be just a conversation about responsibility. We shouldn't just get like a book saying,

this is what groomsmen do. And this is what you should pay for and stuff. It should be a conversation. It's about comfort. It is. Yeah. Have you ever been a bridesmaid at one of your siblings' weddings?

No, actually. Because that's so many people. And they're all married. No. Never a bridesmaid. Oh no. That is your rom-com, never a bridesmaid. You're dying to be a bridesmaid, never a bridesmaid.

27 stresses. Oh my god. 27 stresses. Oh my god. I'm like shook now sitting here. I'll come to a cell thing. Maybe they like small weddings. Maybe that's it.

Maybe they want to give you, they knew that you were their momma, Ella, Ella, Ella, and they were like, no more responsibility. Six sisters. What about the youngest? That's a sister, right? The youngest? Yeah, actually, Aggie's not married yet.

She might, yeah, throw me a pissy dress. Aggie's my aunt's name. Mm-hmm. No. Don't say it. Don't you find out. I know what I'm saying. She's my sister.

Don't you fucking say it. These pants are getting tight. OK, here's the next question. How much money? I'm just going to stare off the middle distance. No one's making eye contact. It's a very weird podcast right now. How much money should you save to move out on your own in NYC?

Oh goodness. I mean, my friend texted me that it's $2.2 million to retire in NYC. Yeah, that's about right. Is it? That feels like a year. I think that is right because it's not. Yeah, I don't know what age actually a year was hired at,

so that's a good place. Did you say $2.2 million to retire? Mm-hmm. OK, but this is just moving out onto your own. Oh my goodness. We can scale that down to just getting your own apartment. Are you tired? Mm-hmm.

Do they really want a number? Because I would say $20,000. Yeah, I'd say that. That's a good number. Yeah, to be safe. That's a good number to start. Yeah. I think it really depends what neighborhood and what floor you're on.

And are you by a local train or an express train? Yeah. How far do you want to walk from the subway? What neighborhood do you work in? All of these things you have to take into consideration that never really tells you? Where your friends live. Yeah. You know, you need a bodega and like a coffee shop and whatever you might need.

But I think... Cheapest apartments are usually on the second floor. Nobody wants to live on the second floor. Why not? Because the noise travels up. And then also, let's say like a first floor might have access to the backyard. Top floor also has access to the backyard, but the second floor just like... I lived on the second floor before.

And the rats can still get up there. Oh no. That was my main thing. I'm like, yeah, it was in midtown. And my roommate had an all-white cat named Cocaine. And Cocaine taught her rats. Wow. Oh, that's awful.

I did just write about rats in the city. And yeah, I won't terrify you, but there's a comedy writer, Carol Arnheimer, who lives in Long Island and had one come up to the toilet and showed me the video. Oh no. What is it? I think we have a kind of a love-hate relationship with the rats in the city because we have like... What's the love?

The pizza rat. They can be comical sometimes. Yeah. And they're kind of like a symbol, you know, like survivors, like we feel like rats kind of... No. Not me. Cocaine sitting there.

Cocaine sitting right there. Get out of here. Is there one king rat holding up the city, like ratless, he just holds up the city itself? Ratless? Yeah. On his shoulders. Oh my God, your stepmom loves that job. I'm trying to encourage him.

Next question! The next question is, this is a weird question, but also a very specific one, and we love specificity here. When should your boyfriend give up on his rap career? Oh, what season? Whoa, what time of year is it to quit? That's hard. You know, I have a friend who has been doing comedy for over 20 years.

They're not very funny. Right. They quit right here. You stop it. They've even gone through a divorce because their partner couldn't deal with... They said living the lie, and the other one said supporting. Oh, living the lie. Which one did the comedians say?

Supporting. Oh, sorry. I'm not your stepmom. I can't pick up on when you're being sarcastic. I know all his moods and tones. You do. He's just like his father. Oh, my God, I need my therapist.

Have to support. If you're in love with someone who has something that's bigger than a hobby, how do you spread your legs for that? And they're asking, so they obviously think that person should give it up because they're saying when should he give it up? So there's no question of when should you ever give up on his rap career? When he's your husband. Put the ring on.

Put the mic down. That's such an ultimate... Like, what do you mean? The old tomato? The old tomato. I feel like it's never going to happen, and that's okay. And maybe there's a thing that... I was just listening to this podcast about quitting, and when it's a good time to quit.

And they say you should assess everything. Maybe to tell the person, have that person, have your mate, and have yourself assess everything in your life, accept your relationships, every six months. And if you should quit a passion or a job or something like that, because you never can tell. If you're rapping, something could pop off. Some people have hung in... Like Dave.

Yeah, like Dave. On the show, Dave. Yeah, absolutely. You can hang in there and you never know what happens. That guy nims out in Coney Island. He's the one who came up with like, bing bong, fuck your life. Like that guy. That's my boyfriend, actually.

That's your boyfriend? When I heard those two words, bing bong, I had to have him. No, but it's like... But the other thing is, career is the problem there for me, because it's like, if someone wants to rap or be creative in any way, I'm just so there for it, and they need to do that, and we all need to express ourselves. But if the person is like, I'm going to make money from this, that's when it changes. And it's like, if it's stopping them from supporting themselves or supporting their

family, that's a problem. Also, I feel like when people have this desire, this passion to do something in their life, and they want to make money at it, they don't realize that they also are leaving themselves open for all types of criticism. And I don't think people realize that's a part of it, too. Like you write all the time about shit that people don't want to talk about that needs to be talked about. Like rats in toilets?

Well, I mean, racism at all. I know. And the comment section is not fucking fun, especially for an opinionated, smart woman. And it's like, how do you, now I'm just asking you off the top, like how do you deal with that? Yeah. I mean, I think at the beginning, it kind of was a motivator for me to prove them wrong, but it really does wear you down, especially when like, you know, I feel like I know what

I'm talking about. Like, I just got a master's degree, like, you know, stuff like I try and be as thorough and, you know, good at the job as I can be. And people are still just like, no. Yeah. So it does get exhausting. I don't really know a good way of dealing with it, except having your peers and your friends and, you know, just staying bolstered in other ways.

Yeah. Yeah. But you're very right, though. If you make a career out of something you love, you kind of lose the innocence of it because people come at you for doing that thing. Also, he might not be popular here, you know, I have an in-law, you know, it would be your in-law too. That's right.

Tell them. And I love when you talk about our family, go ahead, such a good boy. Very popular in England and in Europe, you know, yeah, yeah. He's a sensational musician, just not popular in America. Ars Barker is a great comedian. Huge in Australia. Huge in Australia. I dated a guy who had no money, not even a metro card, and he wanted to start his own

magazine. I'm like, you can't even go Frost Town. No, I know. Once a Croatian became like the Kanye West, a Croatian. Exactly. Really? Yes. And I'm like, good for you. Also, fuck you.

Okay. Let's do one more question. Since your mother-in-law was nice enough to come all the way down here. Yeah, thanks, Mom. This is a good question. This is a good question. Okay. Yes.

When you go grocery shopping, do you shop for the entire week, a day, or plan to go out and get food regardless? She's from Europe. She does it just for the day. No, they do it for the day. Just for the day. You have the little bread sticking out of the bag. On your bike.

Oh, my God. Just like, like, Emily, you know, just making a plum cake, I need to make one for it. But I'd love to be, it's an adult thing to get a weekly shop, isn't it? I mean, it's whatever you, whatever's adult for you. I think if I was the organized dream grown-up, I would definitely do a weekly. Shop. And then, you know, if I was like out at a show or something, and everyone's like, no, we're going to get some terrible food.

I'd be like, I have my, you know, quiche at home or something. Yeah. That was my dream to achieve. Yeah. It's my favorite. I mean, yeah. I always love cooking. What about you?

Do you, do you shop weekly? What do you do? I do it all. So I get really inspired by recipes and what's in season and like trying to figure out what to use in the fridge when it's at the end, like my favorite now is like going through all the protein that we have at the bottom of the freezer and making a paella. I'm like, I'm going to do with these two scallops and these five shrimp and this half of chicken breast.

Oh, perfect. So that's always been my go-to, but you know, I love shopping for a big family. I feel like I've always wanted to. So cute. Yeah. So yeah, I shop for the week, but then I also like pop out and get stuff during the day. I shop for the strong. When I shop.

What? Mom loves my hominem. mom loves my hominem. We said it so much we have to leave this bit in. Mom-an-ems. My mom-an-ems. Can we have the room, please? All right.

So, I'm the one. Well, I do most of the shopping. I do the shopping and I like it. I love the rewards program and everything like that. They give you the 10% after you've gone there a long time. I love my local shop. It's unionized to the people that work there are really happy. And it's really nice.

And when you get the organic stuff, I get my goji berries. I get all, it makes you feel like you're taking care of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And with my kids, my kids never say, they never open the refrigerator and they're like, we're out of edamame. I'm like, it's right there, kid.

You know what I'm saying? It's like they never lack for anything. So that's what I. Oh, that's lovely. That's my favorite feeling too. Yeah. I hate to say we don't have it anymore. You know what I mean?

Like we ran out. Unless it's like the night before, if it's like Saturday and you need milk or whatever it is, like you can go a day with that orange. You should be all right. You know what I'm saying? See, that's what I mean. That's the both of you.

That is adulting big time. Having that's such a great sign that you don't run out of stuff. Yeah, adulting is definitely a weird mix of being thoughtful and taking care of people, but also really fucking taking care of yourself. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Because like you can't do all that other stuff if you are like falling down and like have a, I don't know, like just like a handful of mac and cheese in your hand. Are you describing me in 2021? All of 2021. Oh my goodness. Well, this is lovely.

Do you want to promote anything? Just my book, you know, I'm finding it hard to just have to date people so that they buy my book. So I think it would be easier to do a podcast and say my book. Yes, the book. Tell everyone on this train, I love them,

which is beautiful cover art, beautiful jacket art. I love it so much. Oh my gosh. I was lucky this, this artist called Ilya Milstein did this beautiful drawing, like an animated cover. So I was delighted with that. Collegious. Yeah.

And thanks for having me. And I'm so thrilled this podcast is back. I missed it. Oh, so did we. Yeah, definitely. And I'm just so proud of you. You, you know, me and your father, we just started with how you're trying your lovely friend

here, Michelle, your kids are just killing it. You're giving it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a wonderful Thanksgiving. No, you're worried. Yeah, no. More like maybe upside my head. That was hilarious.

That's what I'm saying. OK. Well, I'm going to take a walk around the block. We'll pick you up. No. Here's $5. Oh my God. I can't meet your eyes right now.

Maeve Higgins. Well, excuse me. This was a very nice time. I'm so glad I got a babysitter, AKA my husband. And I love doing adulting with you, Jordan. I love doing it. And I love answering these questions. Honestly, if you guys have any questions

that you'd like us to answer, we would love to hear them. Yes. You can email us at adultingquestions.gmail.com. That's adultingquestions.gmail.com. For the people in the back. Oh, adultingquestions.gmail.com. Well, I got to go home and take this bra off. And the Edelman is starting to kick in.

Thank you so much. I'm going to go. Are you going to stay here to come with me? I'm going to go watch Gilded Edge. Bye, everyone. This has been an exactly right production. Our senior producer is Natalie Rinn. Senior managing producer is Hannah Kyle Craig.

This episode was sound designed and mixed by Andrew Eepin. And engineered by Ryo Bomb. Our guest booker is Patrick Kotner. Our theme song is by DJ Don Will. Photography by Chai Spendermost. Artwork by Jamie Bechtel. Executive produced by Karen Kilgarov, Georgia Hearthstark, and Danielle Cramer.

Follow the show on Instagram at adultingthepot. Email your questions to adultingquestions at gmail.com. Mm-hmm.