My Therapist Ghosted Me - Big News, Pilates & Trad Wives

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

This week, Joanne has big news and Vogue wonders if she should have been a gymanst. Plus, Mrs World, pregnancy p*rn, blocking exes and some recommendations for the Edinburgh Fringe.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosts With Me with me, Vogue Williams and... Joanne McNally. I know it's going to be a good week when she lets me say my name. I always let you say your name every week do you and I think to myself will I continue this

charade does she deserve it I don't think so not this week has she been good has she been good enough cut her out Jo okay cut her out

to say herself to say her own name I don't think she has actually there's a bit of attitude I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about things how's your week

big news huge news go on Cher if you didn't share every detail on social media I might be surprised big

news I actually think I've been quite reserved online of late really yeah yeah yeah for every video I post trust me there's been 17

I've deleted or haven't posted Fair fair I'm like that's a really Boring thought Joanna It's like the jewellery strategy Do you know when there It was at Chanel

It was like when you're Load all your jewellery And when you're going out the door Take one off And that's like the right Amount of jewellery I find Instagram

It kind of needs The same strategy There's so That's why you send people memes Instead of posting them same strategy. There's so much. That's why you send people memes instead of posting them all. There's so many that are so funny that I have groups of people. We all send each other. Sometimes I'm memed out of it.

I'm like, I can't take anymore. And I have to just back off. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when someone sends you a thumbs up, you've gone too far. There's been too many memes. Or if they just like it, you you know it's like double click like get lost you're like give me an old haha lol go on won't kill you yeah and i can go about my day

then with some validation like it's no it's no skin off yours to give me a haha lol uh sometimes it's a lot now spencer will send me sometimes and i'm not exaggerating eight or nine in a row and he's like did you watch that did you watch that i. It's funny. I don't have time to watch. Eight or nine of those things in a row. Stop. And how do you have the time? So stop it. He's so hysterical.

It's because he's running all the time. What else is he supposed to do out there. When he check his memes. I miss him though. He's gone home. He got quite upset. When he was going home. Which was very unusual.

Because he's leaving the farm. It was probably tears of joy. To be honest with you. Because he's going to farm it was probably tears of joy to be honest with you because he's gonna have such nice sleeps and no one annoying him all the time uh but no he got upset when he went home but we had this nice little thing where we were like going running all the time um do you not have just realized i've just like barged into your big news could you tell us your big news and then we can talk about the running chat oh my oh my god that is the biggest amount

of growth I think I've ever seen. That's the first time you've ever backtracked on that. It's very self-aware. Oh my God. Okay, anyway, so I was running yesterday.

Thank you, thank you. I don't like you was I don't like You I don't like her She's scaring me Okay fine I prefer the old me too So

Sven and I were going On these runs together Doesn't matter about my announcement Doesn't matter Yeah I just don't know How I'll get back to this If I don't finish the story

I know It turns out I have three weeks to live But it doesn't matter Go on Go on Tell us about the running Okay I'm really sorry to hear that Tell us about the running

Yeah you're right You're right So anyway You're running along Yeah So we've been going running I've been going running with Sven And I've been doing a great job

Running up and down the hills And going for like 45 minute runs Now they are his recovery runs And he left And he asked today Do you ever go running Because I know you're running again

Yes And you just Can't do it Yes You couldn't do it yeah and I was like I think it's my legs are a bit heavy now I've been training too much maybe that's it you try and convince yourself of all the reasons that you just can't do it I said to walk in the end that's my big news so tell me yours well like I said um three weeks to live uh things aren't great but let's go back to Maybe you're You know Maybe Spencer was like

Your kind of Your cheerleader Your pep gal Who kind of kept you going I think running Yeah running with somebody Is It makes such a

Unless you're running with Joanne Who Will take her headphones Out with her Joanne It's like running with a ghost She won't Engage in conversation

Who the fuck chats Like sorry now Me I'm not at the marathon stage I need Whale Techno To keep going

I need If If Prodigy can't scream And smack my bitch up at me I'm not going Anywhere Do you know what I mean These

Freaks That's Joanne's life mantra anyway If you don't start screaming And smack my bitch up I'm not going anywhere do you know what I mean these are freaks that's Joanne's life mantra anyway if you don't start screaming smack my bitch up I'm not leaving this flat well you know I want to go you know I want

my funeral I want to be pushed up the aisle to smack my bitch up in the casket but anyway that's just Prodigy is one of the greatest bands

in the whole world I know I went to see them do I remember any of it no I don't I do I may as see them Do I remember any of it? No I don't I do I may as well have been at home Wait

Resting I was like Everyone was like That was deadly wasn't it? I was like It was back in the day When I used to really Have a go at myself

Yeah so Where did I see it? It must have been the electric picnic Was the last time I saw them And they had all their lasers And their light shows Which probably now Isn't that unusual

But at the time Back in the day It was It last time I saw them and they had all their lasers and their light shows which probably now isn't that unusual but at the time back in the day it was they were pretty ahead of their time. Actually no sorry I wasn't there I've just faked a memory.

I've done that I've done it again I've faked a whole memory and a personality and a character. It was it was a video I saw on TikTok

and they had done this it was when your man God love him your man died. It was a video I saw on TikTok. And they had done this. It was when your man, God love him, your man died. I was wondering though, because you're not a gig girl. So I was like, what was she doing? I hate live music. What's your man's name who died with the horns? Keith. Yeah, so it was kind of a homage to Keith.

And the project of his laser where they kind of did this light silhouette of him and it was phenomenal but I wasn't there but you know what that's the power of the internet I'm completely

convinced I was was I I think I hooked up with Keith from The Prodigy or was that someone else she was on she was at Michael Jackson's

first tour what was that like Joanne when he was doing Billie Jean and everything was that fantastic? I actually laid Toot and Camus to rest you know.

I was there yeah when they put him in and all. Chariot that's how he died no one knows that but yeah I was there killed in a chariot accident.

Oh did he? Yeah. That's actually plausible yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah and I believe I was there when Michael Collins was shot oh really yeah I believe so

how interesting did you vote for Eamon De Valera I didn't were you there no I didn't he hates women oh you didn't vote for Eamon okay cool

no no no you see if you watch enough documentaries while you sleep you can convince yourself of anything yeah yeah yeah I am off the booze now I'm showing my hand yeah yeah yeah I

am off the booze now I'm showing my hand by making this as big an announcement as I am yeah I'm probably

giving a little bit away about how much booze I was consuming but I'm off it it's been seven days wow that's actually very good I am a new woman

now what happened was I obviously as we know am writing a book and deadlines are looming and I was like okay there needs to be you know a kind of a digging down a kind of a channeling

this is time to channel and get serious about this shit and like kind of turn my writing into a 9-5 job rather than just like spitting out a couple of lines here and there and shutting the laptop and going back to doing something else. So I was like I'm going to come off the booze. Now midweek is one thing but the weekends I'd always drink on the weekends.

I can't remember the last time I didn't drink on the weekend. I didn't touch a drop all weekend. Now Vogue, riddle me this. Yeah. Did you know there was 12 hours in a day? I did, Joan. Because I did not. And fuck me, are they long hours.

I had done a gazillion pings. It was 11am on Saturday. I was like, what on earth happens now? And then I realised. Do you not think it's the greatest thing on earth? Well I'm going to have to fill I'm going to have to take up some sort of arts and crafts or something like I can't keep running

No I gotta I was like Forrest Gump I was just running trying to tire myself out like a child I know but there's so many things that you could go and do you could go to a gallery and also can I just warn you it's so funny that you've it's amazing that you've given up the booze i think because you're gonna have so much more time and you're gonna feel so good about yourself too much time i was only

talking to um to john belton this morning about like about when when you're not a big drinker like i'm not a huge drinker and like not a lot of people are like oh vogue what are you doing because like if it doesn't involve drink You get invited to less things You do less things So like even now that Spencer's gone away I'm like hmm what am I going to do And then I was like I'll go out with them

And then I was like oh no because they'll just want to go in the piss And like no one really wants to go Like no one extends invites if you're not like Great crack drinking all the time But I'm great crack not drinking That is true And I think now That I'm in a sober period Of my life

I probably will see More of you socially Yeah Because we'll do Do you remember Do you know what Only a few weeks ago You said to me

You were like Ugh Why don't you drink wine And I was like I know she'd much prefer If I would go And have a like Glass of wine

Yeah You never do it No You're not a pub gal No And I was last week this week not a pub gal I'm a running gal, I'm a harness gal

I'm a crossfit gal I'm an arts and crafts gal, I'm making felt brooches on a Saturday night she's starting to do sexy pottery on a Saturday night I've started making my bed like I don't know I don't know how long this is going to last

is your house spotless? I mean I wouldn't go I'm not on speed I wouldn't go that far but honestly like I know I sound

like an absolute lush but the clarity of the mind I know like what I've realised is I usually fudge my weekend. My weekends are just gently, they're kind of hazy because there's wine involved. There might be a wine at lunch.

There's certainly a wine in the evenings. There might be a Bloody Mary on a Sunday. Like it was, do you know, it was all just a bit hazy, foggy. The day just kind of tripped along. La,

la, la, la, la. And now it's like tripped along. La, la, la, la, la. And now it's like every minute of the day is like. I don't know what to do. I'm going to have to get another job. I think I'm going to apply for a job in press.

You need to just learn to fill your time. There's loads of good bits you can do. But the thing about it is, that's what I say to you. See what I say to you about how I feel when I'm hungover like I literally can't like I can't focus on anything I'm too worried about being like anxious and like I hate it so much that it's just not worth my time you see yeah you get to her I don't you see I don't know that's the problem there was never really any massive consequence except for distraction and concentration but like

now I realise why Spencer's running 30 marathons in 30 days I nearly bought a fucking bike at the weekend I was like okay it's 12pm I'm gonna have to

I'm gonna start training for an Ironman I was like I don't know what else to do Saturday night I was still running I ran out of the flat ran around clapping common

ran past my trainer Olivia who's in a bar with her fella she's seeing drinking and Olivia's like Joanne what the fuck are you doing

I was like running past with a bottle of coconut water it was like half 8 on Saturday night I was like I can't stop wait until she starts going to bed already

6.30am awake my work is nearly complete I don't know what to do I think I don't know what to do a lot of changes need to happen.

My work on Joanne began when I saw her suitcases and I was like this is not how we pack a suitcase Joanne. Yeah. And then she started

packing her suitcase well. Then she started cleaning her flat now she's off the booze. I mean. I know. Spencer's been transformed as well.

I'm telling you Spencer packs his clothes neatly now. He's at home and Alzo's been leaving cups in the sink and Spencer's going mental about it. Now you know how I feel.

Why do I have to go home and be the tyrant? And he's like, I can't wait for you to get back and put everyone in their place. I hope sobriety doesn't mean I have to be a domestic tyrant, but I guess if that's the way it's going, that's the way it's going. And folding your clothes, that's more, that does kill more time oh my god

but I tell you the weirdest dream I had last night please and I actually woke up for half an hour and I was like well hold on

hold on were I or Joe in it no then we don't okay cool so how was your week? Oh, thank you. Do you know what I started doing as well?

I call it sobriety. I fucking didn't drink for six, seven days. Like I'm hardly chairing a meeting. But Pilates. So I was gifted very generously by a company called Flex Era. And I want to give her a shout out because she's so sound.

Her name's Hannah. She's an Irish woman and she makes bespoke Pilates beds. So I have a Pilates bed, like a reformer Pilates bed, which I was like, Joanne, do not make- Anything, anything but have someone

stay over in the spare room. She's turned it into a gym. Sorry, mom, no space. You can't come You can't You can't even fit the Pilates bed In there anymore I've got so much shite In that room

But anyway I mean I was like Joanne do not make this Reformer bed A fucking expensive Clothes horse Do you know what I mean Let's

Let's Let's keep this momentum going So I did two Pilates classes It's time just to Pilates girl now This is what I do Pilates Pilates I love a bit of Pilates A bit of Pilates A bit'm just a Pilates girl now This is what I do Pilates I love a bit of Pilates

A bit of Pilates Do you? I love Yeah You want to see my Pilates instructor This guy We have him on our app But like

There is not One ounce of body fat On him He is like Pure muscle And when you see the stuff That he Like the strength

That Pilates gives you Like you'd never realise like because it works muscles that you don't work out when you're like training in the gym doing weights

and stuff like that it's a completely it's amazing and it lengthens you it's yeah Pilates is fab I just wish I'd got the bed earlier and I could have been competing

in the Paris Olympics in the gymnastics let's be honest last week you would have been snoozing on the bed come on this week now this week without the booze you're not snoozing on the bed Come on This week Without the booze

You're not snoozing on the bed I just wish I'd done this all earlier And I could be in Paris now About to Fucking Propel myself Off one of those floors Oh you'd be doing

Oh no You'd be back to ribboning You'd be great at that I'd be doing the horse The horse ribboning The thing where they flip around The bars You'd be doing all of it

Actually you're so fucking right I forgot No stop You'd be doing that dance You know where they start like this Yeah You'd be doing all of it actually you're so fucking right I forgot no stop you'd be doing that dance you know where they start like this yeah you know that dance it's the

that's I loved I used to do that on the beach as a kid for so obviously this isn't a visual platform so I'm just going to explain what Vogue is doing

she's kind of she's kind of powering her arms up like Simone Biles you know when they start you're like oh god and then they kind of no one knows

what I'm doing I'm being an Olympian this it looks exactly the same as them I'm just trying to um get some context for what you on a on a podcast going

look yeah look at me here look I wish we'd done gymnastics now I'm not even joking I wish I'd stuck to it I think I would know actually too

large well no do you know what you wouldn't have grown to what you are because it does from what I'm from what I know it actually shrinks your body it can actually kind of stunt your growth and a lot of girls that I know who did gymnastics didn't get their period for for years after the rest of us so you could have been a petite five foot three had you bothered doing gymnastics you've sandra to blame that I've ruined my whole life by not doing gymnastics you've signed her to blame I've ruined my whole life

by not doing gymnastics not only am I not in the Olympics and now I'm not I'm not at the height that I would have loved to have been I just grew into

a giant fucking tree you could have done shot put it'd be like you holding a golf ball I'd be like Miss Crunchball just out on the field yeah

there's actually an Irish there's an Irish so the Olympics has a record number of Irish in it this year. We have a gymnast, we have an Irish gymnast in the Paris Olympics. Rhys McLennigan,

I think is the name. Rhys McLennigan. Rhys McLennigan. So good luck to him. I'll be watching. I will be watching. I'll be watching. I hope there's some ribboning involved.

Indeed. We just sounded really aggressive there. I'll be watching. I'll be watching. I'll be watching. We'll be watching kindly, not aggressively. Joanne!

What? McNally. What? Someone sent me something of yours yesterday. Oh God, go on. After the last time with your man in Greece,

it's probably a used condom or something, isn't it? Someone stole from my bin. She was like, have you seen this thing that Joanne is following? And I was like, that can't be real. And I went into it. Oh Jesus. You are following Ohio inmates Pen pals What

Of course I am It's a dating site I went on And I looked at it And it's like It says what age they are It says what their crime is They chat about themselves

And then you can apply To be their pen pal How many How many pen pal inmates Do you have Well I haven't I haven't sent any of the letters yet because you know

I'm not great with post. Going to the post office is the worst job. It's the worst job. It's a pain in the hell. But this, so these prisons in America, they have these,

well, I personally, I think very sexy inmates who are looking. They aren't bad looking now. They're looking to meet someone, you know. It's kind of neck tattoo soup over there

they've got love hiding their knuckles it's all very sexy but they ring so they do they kind of sell themselves on the phone through that kind of

glass partition have you any well it just adds it just it just adds to the to the enduro of it but like Idaho

sorry not Ohio Idaho yes inmate pen pal so he is called Michael Edward oh yeah Michael Edward he's not the best looking but he's got a lovely personality

he's only done three murders and no he actually there's no murders for him it's controlled substance possession so I brought him straight to you

Jesus that's practically white collar there is there's this fella now age 24 battery aggravated not great

we might stay away from him oh no I wouldn't be into anyone look at that bod look at it look at that bod oh god wow the face just came

that's very oh my god look at him really going for it I need to add a show that's the way Spenny oh my god he's doing tummy rolls

So this fella Where is this? Grand Theft Auto Embezzlement Extortion Or receiving stolen goods Oh well this Grand Theft Auto

Is hot now Sorry I'm going to add a show In Idaho Is that where I'm going? Is it Idaho? Yeah Idaho Grand Theft Auto

But there's also extortion Receiving stolen goods Yeah that's fine There's a lot of bits in there He's not going to be out for a while so you'll be waiting a while for him

that's okay I'm in no rush do you know what I mean I'll freeze my eggs this is bizarre I want to do a thing next week right where we have to find

the weirdest Instagram accounts we both follow don't start unfollowing some weirdo things that you follow because I'll know no no no I'm not going to

imagine like being like out of something fucking awful now it's like when you see politicians and they're liking all these like

bikini pictures and stuff of people it's like dude how do you not know people can see you liking that stuff I know oh yeah the story

I was telling you was so I already told you this but when I was in school doing CSPE that civics or something it was called our teacher used to get us to um pen pal um a murderer on death row that is we did beyond mad that no tell me you went to school in the 90s they tell him you went to school in the 90s that is I know Fucking crazy That's like kids going To fucking Epstein's Island On a school tour Like it's mental

Well you did that too Twice Did you Yeah But I have been on Death Row loads of times So remember You have

Yes I did that prison documentary And I was on I went to interview this girl On Death Row And like you go in And you're not allowed To touch their hands

Or shake their hands Or anything It's mad It's a mad place And you're not allowed To touch their hands or shake their hands or anything. It's mad. It's a mad place. And you're not allowed to touch their hands. Why? In case they grab you through the glass. I don't know.

I don't know. You're not allowed to shake their hands or anything like that, which felt kind of rude to me. Like you'd be passing something to them. It could be like a secret sort of thing. Something cheeky. Did you hear about Jill said she thought it was rude that she couldn't shake their hand. That is hysterical. I also thought it was rude that she couldn't shake their hand. That is hysterical. I also

thought it was rude that she murdered somebody. There you go. Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude. How can I criticise him for murdering someone when I didn't have the decency to shake his hand? We are the same. I don't know. It's just such

a natural thing though, you know, when you're just like you have to be polite to people and like that is just being polite murderer or not I'd love to see I'd love the image of you going in for the French kiss the double like

oh bonjour chante I was going all Swiss on the day I wanted a triple kiss do you know that you pass loads of murderers a day and you wouldn't even know it and I actually recently

shook someone's hand and then I was thinking that person's probably murdered people is then I was thinking that person's probably murdered people is what I was thinking why do they have like did they I'll tell you about it another time but somebody was like somebody was like oh do you know that that is that person and I was like and then I ran away I ran home well do you remember Ruby Wax talking about OJ Simpson and she was saying like when she interviewed him and brought him for dinner and women were coming up

and men coming up and they're like oh my god I've never shaken the hand of a murderer they're like it's some really weird very dark psychological

take on it that they're kind of it's but supposedly you do walk by a load of murderers every day and I guess it makes sense fucking weird

anyway Vogue I have found a woman That makes sense. Fucking weird. Anyway. Vogue, I have found a woman. I have found a mother more terrifyingly productive than you. Bullshit. Who is she? I thought that would upset you, all right. Yeah, it has done, yeah.

It's like when you tell me about that woman who had a larger mouth than me. You just take away all my accolades. What will I have left? Still remember that? Disgusting. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I did apologise for that privately. Go on.

So her name is Hannah Nealman. Okay. She is like the queen of the trad wives. You know, this kind of... What's a trad wife? Oh, you'll love this. Oh, a traditional wife, a traditional wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they make their husband's food and everything like that. Yeah, it's basically like kind of a reaction to fourth wave feminism, allegedly, where fourth wave feminism, it was like, women can have it all you can work and have babies and blah blah blah and then the slow reality was we can't have it all

and even if you can have it all you don't want it all because we're only one person and we shouldn't have to do everything and it's all so this is kind of like you know the way everything kind of over corrects

everything's like on a pendulum so when something goes really far left then it goes really far right and it so this is like a response to that allegedly right so anyway they're all over the internet at the moment and they are

quite intoxicating to watch because they some of them are taking the piss but some of them are real and they're I don't know there's just a kind of a wholesomeness to it that does kind of lure you in but anyway Hannah Nealman she's the one who kind of started it she's American she has I was reading about her and she was in the time does kind of lure you in. But anyway, Hannah Nealman, she's the one who kind of started it. She's American.

She has, I was reading about her and she was in the time of the weekend. One, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight children. Oh God, no thanks. Her Insta handle is ballerina farm. She milks cows, gives birth without pain relief and breastfeeds at beauty pageants.

So the whole thing was like, is this an empowering new model of womanhood or a hammer blow to feminism personally I think it's womanhood like let her fucking do what she wants so I have to tell you this bit about the article though because I nearly I squealed in shock I was like

am I in shock am I in awe am I in fear what am I what are my feelings there's a lot to unpack here so she'd been crowned Miss America in August 2023 Am I in fear? What am I? What are my feelings? There's a lot to unpack here. So she'd been crowned Miss America in August 2023 and she was invited back to compete in Miss' world, right? So she was parading around the stage in a swimsuit and five inch heels, shoulders back,

hip popped, spray tanned, glistening, 12 days postpartum. Oh my God. I had known it was coming, she says. She's 34, lives in Utah.

So I had prepared. During the pregnancy it took brute strength, guts and bravery to make sure she would eventually look so perfectly pretty. She kept fit, weightlifting before her children woke up. That's something you would do. On the fifth day postpartum she looked at her husband and said, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this beauty pageant. On the seventh day she-pagina She looked at her husband And said I don't know if I'm going to be able To do this beauty pageant On the seventh day

She rose from her bed She did her bar exercises In the bathroom By day nine She was trying on outfits Zipping herself into A pair of leather trousers And skin tight white ball gown

Day ten Spray tan Day eleven A two hour flight With a newborn to Las Vegas Her husband And seven children Following behind

Oh god And by day 12 She was on stage And then it finishes going Luckily she says She had just stopped bleeding Okay well first of all I'm going to punch a hole

In loads of those stories That's bollocks You do not stop bleeding After 12 days There's absolutely no way you do This is the times She had a nappy on she was up on stage in a nappy there's no do you know what though i just feel like and i just like fair play to anyone

who wants to do it but like come on it's just it's so ridiculous like you shouldn't be working out after having a baby five days after having a baby your pelvic floor will fall out of your vagina you just can't do it. Sometimes you can work out earlier than other other babies. Like I've had different times when I've given birth that like I couldn't

for a month after Theodore but it was different for the other ones. But like I just think it's just it's just oh that girl. I just find that

really depressing. I've cracked her. I've cracked her Jo. She's gone. Yeah look. I just She can't handle the competition No

There's no competition For me About that No way Absolutely no way I did find it annoying That when people Used to say stuff about me

After having a baby And like I should Reserve judgment But that just seems That just seems Quite Excessive It is

I was just sweating You're sweating so bad In bed at night. And that's when you start crying and stuff. It's around then you get really hormonal. And then to be judged on a stage. And she's breastfeeding backstage. Does Donald Trump not hand out the prize

at things like that? She's Mrs. Or is he Miss Universe? She's Mrs. World. Donald Trump, I think he owns Miss Universe. He's Miss Universe, yeah. Yeah, but he wouldn't want a Mrs. He only wants the Miss. Ah yeah he doesn't want a Mrs.

But I like cards on the table full transparency. I could not prepare myself for a beauty pageant in 12 days now. Being pre-partum or whatever the fuck non-partum. I've no partum. Zero partum

And I could not be ready For a beauty pageant I suppose for a play tour And she's got She's got seven Other kids Oh that scares That scares

The apps I saw twins the other day And I was like Jesus I just I actually I felt frightened I felt like if I didn't get far away

From them I'd catch it And like if I ever had another baby It would be twins And I would just Yeah I love people who have away from them I'd catch it And like if I ever Had another baby It would be twins And I would just Yeah I love people who have twins I'm not slagging twins off

Fair play She's slagging twins Did everyone get that She's slagging twins I would find it so Difficult I don't think I'd cope Bless you Jo

he muted himself he muted himself he muted himself well done Jo that's proper Attica good fair play Hannah Nealman bar the raw dogging

of the giving birth I think her life sounds quite idyllic really she's just milking cows but it's the raw birth I wouldn't be up for

Everything else Did you not hear her say She has Eight children Her life is not idyllic Her life is Crazy Yeah but

Unless she has 15 nannies Like the Kardashians Have two nannies a kid If you have two nannies a kid Oh that's the way to go Might be idyllic That's the way to go That's the

Do you know what Fucking yes If I got That means Kim must have two nannies and kids, it might be idyllic. That's the way to go. Do you know what? Fucking yes. That means Kim must have eight nannies. This is no shade on Kim, because I'm obviously a huge Kim Kardashian fan. But if I discovered I was pregnant, I'd very quickly release a sex tape, get super duper duper wooper famous, shoot out the kid, hire two nannies per kid. That's my pregnancy plan. You don't need folic acid or anything Just a sex tape There you go

Don't mind the follics Forget about the Pregnancy tablets Don't eat them Just get yourself A sex tape Don't mind the follics Get fucked

Not follicked That's how you get Two nannies Per child Important work I do hear there's a There's a very large market For pregnancy porn

I was just about to ask you Is there a large market For pregnancy porn Well I don't know If there's a there's a very large market for uh pregnancy porn i was just about to ask you is there a large market for pregnancy porn well i don't know if there's a large market i just i know that there's pregnancy porn i have not watched pregnancy porn i would just like to point out but someone told me that there is pregnancy porn no there is definitely pregnancy porn i'm telling you oh i completely believe you i've no doubt there's pregnancy porn let me have a look imagine you're the baby in your mom's tummy and and you're just getting pummeled out of it by some randomers the whole time. Like, how strange.

You'd have an odd shaped head, wouldn't you, Jo? Very odd. Could be a little dent in the middle of your head. Here we go, eight months. Eight months, like rough, midday. Right, yeah. Oh, God. Here we go.

We know what Joanne's doing for the rest of the day. Don't need the volume up on that, thank you. Here we go. Oh my what Joanne's doing for the rest of the day. Don't need the volume up on that. Thank you. Here we go. Oh my God, are you watching it? Yeah. Is the lack of sex making you sad and horny?

Yes. Relax, we'll handle everything. All right. We don't need to hear that. Hold on, we're skipping the ad. Okay. This is kind of slow to start. Oh no, that's gross, gross.

Okay, yeah, no, it's definitely a thing. Yeah, okay, great. Good to know. Good to know. Anyway. That is your ad. You said you, you know, it's definitely a thing. Yeah. Okay. Great. Good to know. Good to know. Anyway, that is your, you said you, you know, you said you had a lot of time on your hands. Not anymore. I know.

We wrap it up. That is a busy old afternoon for you. I've just downloaded something that needs to be watched immediately. There's a new TikTok trend. You know how i'm into the tiktok now so there are and you'll love this joanne so tiktokers are basically getting their ex's voice notes so you know the way you all if you're breaking up with somebody you'll always end up with a dirty little oh yes yeah yeah and tiktokers are basically Singing songs With the voice note

Like so they're playing The voice note And they're singing the song Along with the voice note And making a song Out of a really like Shitty voice note That you've gotten off an ex

And I just think It's so funny Funny Do you know what is also Really funny on TikTok Have you seen They've remixed Gypsy Rose Blanchard's

Response to someone saying that her man wants to ride them? And she's like, oh honey I am so not threatened by you. My man wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole. Last time I checked, you don't have a man. So someone's remixed it and it is the catchiest tune you've ever heard and people are dancing to it.

You don't have a man. You don't have a man. Last time I checked, you don't have a man. It's hysterical. It's another little TikTok recommendation to checked you don't have a man it's hysterical it's another little TikTok recommendation to keep people oh god it's just desperate that we've just come to this

in our lives I love watching stuff like this but I love I just love like if you ever look the problem is I get in a rage

if I break up with somebody I get in a rage and I'll delete and block everything so I'll never see it again but like thinking back about some of the things like if I look

like I have some I obviously I actually do you have any ex blocked? I have some people blocked Do you know what? Yes Oh god

I do and now I can't find the old I have one yeah there's one that I don't think we blocked each other so everyone blocked everyone on so much stuff that I think even if we end up living in Mars,

we won't figure out how to ever contact each other again, even if we wanted to. Like, I can't, he can't unblock me because I blocked him. You know, it's one of those. There's a lot of blocking going on. Too much blocking. Like, it was ridiculous.

It was over the top blocking. I think you have to block, I'd even block emails if I could, but it's quite hard to block the email. I can block emails. I sent, I sent, I got even block emails If I could But it's quite hard To block the email I can block emails I sent I sent I got it

Because we blocked each other On everything And then And then Like it was like Voiced out Block block block And then I realised

He hadn't blocked I think to his work Something I remember So I emailed him To the work And then blocked him On all emails And then he unblocked me

And tried to ring me And blocked Yeah it was It was hysterical it was hysterical mania absolutely I love last word yeah and then I called yeah but it was all your fault

I called in a tech specialist and I was like block him on absolutely everything and board up the windows while you're at it now I haven't done this in a long time but Spenny and I have like it doesn't even need to be a big fight it could just be something that has really annoyed me and I'm like I'm going to block him now

but then I'm like but now he won't even know that I've blocked him how will he know that I've blocked him how do they know well he won't see my picture that's how he'll know blocking your husband is I mean I love it when he sees me in my house I'm not going to even look in his direction you're emotionally blocked I can't physically block you because we're trying to raise kids.

But trust me, emotionally, you are blocked. I don't even see you. You're bloody see-through to me. There's something very kind of freeing about blockings. There is something, and I think it's quite a cruel thing to do, you know, but sometimes it's just the only thing to do. Sometimes it's very necessary

if people are like really going at you. I'm like, you know what? I actually before because I'm really good in an argument like it will take me a long time to lose my shit. And if somebody keeps

at me and at me and at me eventually I'll explode and my explosion is a lot worse than their explosions would have been. So I'm better off just removing myself

because I've got quite the temper. Yeah. And it's a like a honey badger When you're pushed Honey Honey badger Are they notoriously

Are they notoriously They are They are like One of the most vicious Are they The most Oh I have a quiz Actually I have a quiz for you

How do they get such a How do they get such a Huge association With honey I'd love to be called Honey badger They are If you ever come across a honey badger

run as fast as you can. They are so vicious. Yeah, they're the worst. Now I have a one question quiz because we're talking about animals. Is the answer honey badger? Now the answer is not honey badger and you're not going to get it right. Don't put your hands where I can see them Jo because I don't trust you. I can see

her hands. Okay. What animal put your hand up what animal has the strongest kick in the world kangaroo wrong horse

wrong cow no donkey no is it a four-legged animal four-legged animal yeah

elephant no turtle no a turtle okay I'm joking I'm joking zebra

yes oh isn't that shocking yeah a zebra has like Turtle. I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. Zebra. Yes. Oh! And isn't that shocking? Yeah. A zebra has like something like a 3,000 pound kick. A giraffe then has like a 2,000 pound kick. And then I was Googling, sorry, this is because of Theodore,

I was Googling pictures of zebras kicking each other and they literally break the jaws off each other. They boot each other, yeah. I never would have thought maybe because they're so interesting looking they need to people are very drawn to them they're basically the closest

thing we have to a unicorn really there are so many of them in Africa when you go on safari there's so many and I'm like what if one just died

of natural causes like can you wear their coats then or no no I mean this is like my this is like my philosophical question

about would a horse rather get eaten or ridden? That's kind of where you're going. I don't know. I don't know. I really don't know what the answer is.

Is it a sign of respect? Look at it this way, Vogue. If and when you pass away and I'm not saying you will. You can wear my skin. How would you feel about someone wearing you? Well,

someone is going to be wearing me because I'm going to have to give my organs away because if you don't, it'll be frowned upon and then no one will go to your funeral. They'll say, that bitch wouldn't share her organs. She doesn't even need them where she's going.

So I'll be sharing my organs. So I'll be going around and living my life. Sharing them or donating. Well, what I will say is if you die soon and before me, which you probably will, I will be wearing your skin as a suit to events and being paid to turn up and get photographed.

You can also have my liver. And they'll be on the Daily Mail. They'll be like, folks not looking great now. She is looking a little bit different. A little bit waxy. Yeah, a little bit waxy. Joanne, you'd miss me so much. It'd be like that man that you told us about

that saved that woman's body and dug her up and then like just used to dance around the room with her. That's what you're going to do with me. Carl Waxy's face, he dragged her under the mausoleum. Yeah, you're just going to start putting like wax all over my body and just dancing around the room. You'll be taking me for a walk through Battersea Park. I'll be setting you up behind your dax and be like play the

old tunes folk come on go on your favourite one do it again um Joanne sent me a picture last night do you want to tell the story of the picture you sent me last night I can't remember what I sent you what did I send you I sent you loads of shit so Joanne sent me a picture I

Joanne and I share clothes a lot and we lend each other stuff all the time and Joanne sent me a picture I Joanne and I share clothes a lot and we lend each other stuff all the time and Joanne wore this absolutely gorgeous top that I got from H&M studio

years ago she wore it on the Late Late Show and after she stopped wearing it I was like oh my god can I get that top back

I really want it sorry can we just give the timing on this it was maybe two years ago over I would say over two years

I would say over two years as well and that does matter because that's why that's how I'm going to get out of this from an accountability perspective and I'd said it

to her a few times she goes no no no no no definitely gave you that top back and because I had done a similar thing with sunglasses

where I thought Joanne had my sunglasses she ended up buying a new pair then I found the sunglasses basically yeah she'd accused me of losing her sunglasses.

It transpired. I didn't lose them. She'd left them up in Africa. So I'd ruined it for myself. Even though I know Joanne loses stuff. Like, Jo, how often does she leave stuff in studio? Like, she leaves stuff everywhere. And I knew, I knew she'd lost that fantastic top.

Couldn't get my hands on it again. I kept looking up, like Like eBay and stuff like that Trying to find the top Top was gone Dead Got a text last night Picture of the top I'm

I'm Obviously running again Just trying to live my life And My friend Nikki Sends me a photo with the top She goes hey you left us here A while back

And my heart Fucking sank But also I was so thrilled And I said Nikki And she goes hey you left this here a while back and my heart fucking sank but also I was so thrilled and I said Nikki and she goes do you know what she said she goes oh god

did I not tell you after the late late you left it here I said that was two years ago would you not have reminded me it was there and do you know what she said to me then folk

she goes I assume you didn't want it I was about to give it to the charity shop the charity shop the charity shop H&M Studio. Are you out?

How would she not even want that for herself? So she wasn't even stealing it. I blame Nicky. I honestly, she's moved house. How she didn't tell me

that top was there, I don't know. Anyway, I blame Nicky. But to make this okay, what I'm, Nicky has posted to Vogue now, what I'd like to do is give Vogue

everything valuable in my life and just wait until she loses something. I'm going to give you my father's wedding ring. I'd like to do is give Vogue everything valuable in my life and just wait until she loses something I'm going to give you my father's wedding ring I'm going to give you the stuff I got

as a present for my christening all those like baby bracelets and everything all that shite like you have any of that stuff

I do my mum has it all yeah your mum has it all that's the only reason it still exists I said to Joanne I was like can you imagine

like I feel sad for all the stuff that you have lost in hotel rooms like all amazing stuff just strewn around everywhere I've never known anything like it I've also had lads keep clothes of mine that I am like I know that's in your house and they've denied us which I found very strange anyway um I apologize and look do you know what the top is back in our life and that's the main thing Well it will not be back In your life again Well

I was only thinking That's fair Did you borrow that Double yellow two piece That you wanted to borrow I'm having second thoughts About landing that bad boy No no no

I couldn't do that Panic show in the end I had to work I apologise Look from now on I need to sign things out And sign things back in We need to treat it

That's how we need to Treat this system I think yeah I think that we need to have a system in place now because you can't be trusted. It's not that you're an untrustworthy person.

You're just chaotic with clothes and items. I lose things. It's my thing okay it's like a skill okay I can lose people

places things fucking opinions everything before we go I'd like to do a quick shout out

for the Edinburgh Fringe are you doing the Edinburgh Fringe? so I'm doing one week I'm doing the last week as a work in progress so it's like so I'm not really doing it but those tickets are gone

but I wanted to do a little shout out for some of the people I know some of my favourite comedians who are doing the whole run so Geroad Farrelly

is doing the whole run Geroad Rage is the name of the show nice little pun there yeah very good I think he's on about 20 past 7 so take a look for him

I've seen the new show it's fucking hilarious Grace Mulvey another Irish comic is up there for the month she is hilarious as well she opened for a couple of my Vicar Street

she's fantastic I might go to the Fringe this year really I think I might try and do a couple of days up there I might go to the Fringe this year. Really? I think I might try and do a couple of days up there. If you're going to... I'd love to go and see those shows.

I'll go see Grode anyway, to be fair, but like I'd like to see him in Edinburgh. Yeah, you can see him in Edinburgh. But I would say if you're going to go to Edinburgh and you can take the time off, go up on like Monday,

Tuesday, Wednesday. Do not go up at the weekend. The weekends are bedlam. Go midweek. A lot of the tickets, a lot of the shows are actually on sale on a Monday and a Tuesday

because it's kind of quieter. But yeah, it's honestly the best crack and I can say that now because in fairness, I'm not doing the whole month with the new show. So I'm in a position to be like,

it's such a good crack. But it is great crack and you see some, Grace Campbell, she has a show up there she is I'm obsessed with her I think she's going to be

absolutely huge I mean she kind of already is and I'm going to keep the recommendations coming Aidan Green is another Irish comic who's amazing he's got a show up there

I'm going to have a little look and see who else is going up I was reading this in the paper at the weekend because it costs so much money for people going up like punters it costs so much money

it's the accommodation absolutely kills you but for the comics as well because it's hard much money for people going up like punters it costs so much money it's the accommodation absolutely kills you but for the comics as well because it's hard to make money up there there was a comic who joined medical trials he's

like how I deliberately caught malaria to fund my show at the Edinburgh Fringe isn't that fucking terrible John Tottle

comedian malaria for the arts that's how committed these people are For the arts That's how committed These people are For the arts That's how committed These people are

Support them Go and see their shows I can't wait And I'm going up early as well For a couple of days To take it on When are you going up I'm just going to go up

When you're going up And see your show Mine is a work in progress It's going to be Like the ramblings Of a mad woman Do you know what I mean Well that is what this podcast is

so I thoroughly look forward to it god that's such a good point good point well made that's all we do I'm like no don't please no and it's just me rambling like that's not my actual

full time gig sorry also a little plug for Latitude this Sunday the 28th of July I am closing the comedy tent at five past five. That is the comedy tent at five past five, which I think five past five is a good time. Five past five. Very specific time.

Five past five. You've had a lot of time to kick yourself in the gi, get up, get out of your tent, get a drink. That's the perfect time to be ready to have fun you can smile again you'll have to make people smile again at five past five then go home straight after

because you've had enough fun come down and let me tickle your comedy balls at five past five in the comedy tent I would love if you would do that for me tickle your comedy balls

you can tickle my my no you can tickle my tiny little teeny weeny winker that hangs out of my bikini bottom.

Also, folks, before we go, please, we have to do a shout out. Boston, New York, Toronto. 10th, 11th, 12th of October. Ghosted Live. Tickets on sale. We are going to be there. Mytherapistghostedme.com

And of course, I have my own American date. Seattle, Denver, Portland. in July tickets on sale we are going to be there mytherapistghostedme.com .com and of course I have my own American date Seattle, Denver, Portland everything's on joannmcnally.com

thank you everyone for listening like and subscribe