My Therapist Ghosted Me - BONUS EPISODE: All The Best Bits

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

We've all got our favourite Vogue & Joanne moments from the first 18 episodes, so why not relive a few of them whilst we all wait for Season 2 to kick off?! From Vogue's taxidermy to THAT deck chair dress and Joanne's worldliness to the equine "philosophy" that none of us can vanquish from our minds, treat yourself to a look back over some of the most hilarious moments of the last few months! If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me for a special Best Bits episode from Season 1. We hope you're having a lovely summer and don't worry we're going to be back in a few weeks with brand new episodes. We're going to tell you all about Joanne's time in Edinburgh, what I've been up to. And you know, I mean it when I say we're going to talk about everything. For now, here are some of our highlights from the last few months. Enjoy. Why is the podcast called My Therapist Ghosted Me, Joanne? My Therapist Ghosted Me. That's basically the story there. And I'm so disappointed because he was great.

He was quite cheap because I tried to go to the guy that Spenno went to. Oh God, he was very expensive. And I was like, fucking hell. I know. Anyway, do you know when you're like willing to spend 200 quid on a pair of shoes, but you won't spend 60 quid on your actual mental, mental peace and well-being. You're like, but you know, it costs you more to get the dishwasher fixed.

Anyway, so he sent me out to this cheaper man out in Notting Hill, who I loved. He was kind of old, like he was an ex-addict. He was like quite hippy-dippy, a lot of incense. Like we hug when we go in and he was, everyone, I told him all the people I hated and he was like, wish them love and light, wish them love and light. Oh, no, I'd be out the door.

No, I really took to it. And he was one therapist, honestly, that I've really liked. I kind of go through therapists quite quickly because I won't change my habits. So eventually they just get really bored. And literally the one before him, she was, she was, I could hear her rolling her eyes. Do you know when someone's trying not to roll their eyes? And the second one then, he just stopped taking my calls now are you sure he's not dead no he's not

because I rang I blocked my I blocked my number and rang him stop I just had to know I was like has he relapsed

what's going on no he just doesn't want to work look I don't know what happened to him he's completely ghosted me that's it the relationship is over and I have to accept that

and that's why our podcast is called My Therapist Ghosted Me I went to my therapist there uh probably I'd say just before Christmas I went to see my therapist um and he kind of just because I hadn't seen him in years and I went in and I was like listen this is what I'm like basically I went into him because I have no ability to sit down and calm and relax and chill and I was like I have no chill and it's really like it's getting on top of me I just want to sit down and watch telly it's really freaking me out I can't stop doing stuff and I feel really stressed out and I feel like I'm never going to be organized and he was like well I hate to say but you were like this four years ago as well so that's just

the type of person that you are so he basically told me that that's the way I was and there's something you can do about it do you remember the time that you gave me the number for a therapist and you separately gave me a number for a chiropractor and then I messaged the chiropractor thinking it was the therapist and booked in an appointment? No, you texted the therapist thinking it was the chiropractor.

Because then he emailed me and he was like, he texted me and he was like, I think I've made a big mistake. Sorry, I didn't realise. I'm after letting slip that I'm your therapist and we're not allowed to do that

I was like it's grand so she she rang the wrong one you should go to him he's great he's like you're welcome to come in what are the problems

and I was like I've got some lower back pain and I feel like my hips aren't aligned he was like I'm Vogue's therapist and then he felt so guilty he then had to text me

so funny every week on the podcast we want to hear from you too And then he felt so guilty he then had to text me. So funny. Every week on the podcast, we want to hear from you too because it takes the heat off us a little bit. Send us whatever you like. No dick pics. Dick pics, please. Jo wrote that.

Excuse me, Jo. How dare you say we don't want dick pics? We want dick pics. I have to open those emails. Tough luck. Send us whatever you like, mainly dick pics, please. Whether it's a problem,

a thought that won't leave you alone or a complete dick move, you can send it to hello at mtgmpod.com. We make no legally binding guarantees about being able to help, but who knows, it might make you feel better

and us feel worse. Here's the problems. Hi guys, I have a dick move for you. I was once away with an ex-boyfriend and I had a really bad water infection. I was in, she obviously had a UTI.

Yeah, they're the worst. Do you know it's your own dirt going back inside you? I always thought it was the lads stuffing dirt into you but it's your own dirt.

Well, I heard that it was, yeah, if you don't wee after you have sex. Yeah, because it's your dirt anyway. I once had a UTI

on a fucking overnight train to Serbia and honestly, I couldn't sleep. I had to, I ended up, I'm not I had to, I ended up, I'm not proud of it. I ended up sitting

on the sink in our room because the toilet was so far away and I just was relentlessly weeing. It's torture. It's honestly, have you ever had a UTI, Jo?

Oh, horrendous. Torture. She had a water infection. A UTI. I was in agony in the bathroom and sent him to the pharmacy with my bank card to get me some medication

I looked at my phone an hour later when he still wasn't back and he'd sent me a picture he'd gone to the pub to have a pint on me on the way wow oh wow

that was the end of that one from Anon oh my god that is something I would do that sounds like someone you would date but he's so nice red flag bunting bunting

oh no yeah I mean that's actually one of the worst things I've ever heard I would suggest an only child him must be just so used to doing everything he wants to do or giving a bank card I've ever heard. I would suggest an only child. Him? Yeah. Must be. Just so used to doing everything he wants to do. Or giving a bank card

maybe just using some financial difficulty. Ran wild with the bank card. I was in agony. Agony and sending the pharmacy my bank card to get me some money.

It just reminded me of some extra stealing I've been doing. And you say bank card sometimes it comes up you know when you go to pay and it's like which card?

And I see Speddy's Amex and I click on it. I've been caught because actually it sends it to his phone and he's like, what are you trying to borrow? I'm like, it's a shared pot. Okay. It's a shared pot. I don't want it to come out of my account. I don't think I've ever sent my boyfriend to the pharmacy for anything. I think when I was younger, I sent a lad to the shop for a packet of Always Ultra pads. Not because I really needed them. I did need them,

but I thought it would kind of bond us in a weird way. I was like, yeah, we're close now. This is what adults do. Go get me those pads. I haven't even started my period yet, but fuck it. I'm seven. Let's connect.

Oh, God. No, I sense Fanny's get loads of bits, to be fair, in the pharmacy. Yeah. You know the way I'm terrible for being what we say mean to myself. So I'll...

Oh, she's violent to herself. She'll get the Megabus. Yeah. For a pound. Yeah. And she earns a lot of money. Well, I don't really. I did before.

I was earning before the... Excuse me, what did you spend on your hair this week? My career got shot in the face by a bat in Wuhan. Now it's back to the Megabus for me. Hello. But like I'll be on the Megabus for a pound,

but I'll have spent like hundreds and hundreds of pounds on salmon ramen during the week and then just like punish myself with a Megabus. I don't know why. I don't know why. You do do it with the sailing rail as well. She gets a sailing rail. It's not that much more expensive to fly,

but like for the 20 quid difference, she'll get the, she'll take a 12 hour trip. That wasn't the money. Do you know what that was? That was to get the leg weights back. For free. I don't have to pay for the leg weights on the Ryanair.

So I literally travelled for four days. Like it was like I was going to the Americas in like the 17th century. It took me so long to get back to London just so I could bring those bloody leg weights. Get another set of leg weights.

I know, no, no, no. I can't be bringing the leg weights from Ireland to the UK anymore. It's just not practical. Plus, I don't think they're working. You're not using them properly.

You're not much just walk around with them. I look at them and I manifest. No, it's not right. It's not right. It's like me walking around with like a resistance band around my knees. It's not meant to just walk around with them. I look at them and I manifest. No, it's not right. It's not right. It's like me walking around with like a resistance band around my knees.

It's not going to work like that. Once I get pregnant, I am like 50,000 times more jealous because I'm not jealous when I'm not pregnant. And when I'm pregnant, I'm like, who are you talking there? Your mom? Oh, yeah. And you said you get much hornier when I'm pregnant, I'm like, who are you talking to? Your mom? Oh, yeah.

And you said you get much hornier when you're pregnant, which I thought was very interesting. Yeah, that was a lunchtime topic, Joanne. Lunchtime topic. Yeah, so she can't keep her paw out of herself when she's pregnant.

That's what she said to me. No, no, Vogue. Huh? Too honest? Pawing away at herself day in, day out. We're going gonna go out we're gonna find you man

we don't need the dating apps especially because you're getting thrown off them but you know what I don't sometimes you said that you hate the start of dating

I love the start of dating somebody I'm kind of jealous that you have that it's so exciting first time you've sex with someone else it's like oh god

always be drunk though oh god it's like yeah go on just fucking lob it in oh Jesus lob it in oh Jesus lob it in Joanne we're gonna have to

change your chat the second I live I am currently in a double bed which is just outrageous because the other side hasn't been touched

it's just growing moss and like leaves and like if I roll into it it's like rolling into an urn there's just like

dust coming off it so I would like I would like to share your bed I would like to share your bed. I would like to share the bed, yeah. Do you know what's funny, right? If you were a male comic, you'd have women

crowing their knickers at you. They love it. It doesn't work the other way around. You know women are victims of funny men all the time. Funny, ugly men. Yeah. It doesn't work the other way around. Men are not drawn...

Do you know I've never had a single dick pic? And this is not a call out. But I've never had a single dick pic? And this is not a call out. But I've never had a single dick. Like, that's just weird. Do you know what, though? Actually, we were talking about this the other night. I never get males off boys. I know I'm married, but still, the occasional one.

Never, not one. When I had Snapchat, it was like dick pic galore. I remember one guy sent me a wanking video. And I swear to God, at last, like I saw the whole thing unfold. It's not like I was going to stop watching. There was like four of us watching at the time. But it was like from start to finish. Then he proceeded to send me different pictures of his willy in different angles. And I was like, you've got to give it to this guy. He's really going for it. Me and my dick at the market.

Yeah, it wasn't even a nice one. But you don't want them. I wouldn't mind the odd one. I mean, look, you know, I don't, I'm not asking for dick pics. I just think there's some disconnect between me and no one. I don't, my Instagram account obviously doesn't say, hey, come on in. No, I mean, no, it doesn't. It's got a hostile vibe. Yeah, I'd say men are frightened you're going to

talk about them on stage. But to be fair, you're actually very good about that. You never, like, I know we joke about things, but you never actually, like... No. The one story I did do on stage, which it didn't really work in the end because I was too pissed off, so it wasn't really that funny. Oh, there's two ones. The guy who had sex like a

mute and wouldn't say anything. Oh, no. With the wizard. Remember he took off his glasses and he had the little hedgehog eyes he's in my stand-up and then the other guy who didn't go into the stand-up in the end I won't use his name so when I first got to London I was like I'm gonna have like a really kind of promiscuous date worldly as I like to say so went and date with this guy and I genuinely was like I'm not massive into one night stands because my ego doesn't really allow for someone not to adore and I genuinely was like I'm not massive into one night stands because my ego doesn't really allow for someone not to adore me

the next day so I'm not really into that whole system right but anyway I was like this is what I'm going to do like I had you know I was waxed

I was good to go I was ready ready for the riding ready for the riding so went on a date with him we're getting on really well he was you know not as attractive

as his photos standard I'm not either Grant we all accept that you fucking are I'm taking the piss on as his photos standard. I'm not either. Grant, we all accept that. You fucking are. I'm taking the piss on my dating apps now. Like I'm a full blown catfish at this stage

and a shameless one at that. Anyway, went on a date, getting on really well, blah, blah, blah. Scoring each other. He was like, I really like you. Let's do it again.

Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, sure. And then he's like, all right, listen, good night. And I was like, we'd obviously done like 90 shots. I was like,

sure, I'll come home with you. He was like, well, no, bearing in all right listen good night and I was like we'd obviously done like 90 shots I was like sure I'll come home with you he was like well no and bearing in mind one of the main reasons was a I wanted to ride him but b I didn't know where I lived I was very new to London I didn't know the tube system it felt just easier to go home with him and I figure it out in the morning anyway we're in the taxi and I remember him saying something to me like well at least I know you don't do this that often right and I was I was like, oh my God, he's judging me. I thought we were older now. Like, we're in our 30s. Like, that we don't judge anymore.

Anyway, we had sex. Literally with every thrust, he lost interest in me. I could see him dying behind the eyes. It was awful. Then the next day, he hated me. He was on his phone. He just backed me. He was on his phone, tapping away.

How could you say, I wouldn't be up to stay the night with someone I didn't know? Did you fall asleep and everything? Yeah, of course. Oh my God, no. The next day, he. He was on his phone, tapping away. How could you say, I wouldn't be able to stay the night with someone I didn't know. Did you fall asleep and everything? Yeah, of course. Oh my God, no. The next day he's tapping away on the phone and I joke going, oh, are you back on Hinge?

And he went, no, I'm just answering some emails. And I was like, oh my God, it's really awkward. Anyway, I was like, I have to get out of here. Eject, eject, eject. So I went here,

do you drive? And he was like, yeah. And I said, do you have a car? And he was like, yeah. And then he realized what I was aiming at. And he goes, Joanne, I'm not do you have a car? And he was like, yeah. And then he realized what I was aiming at. And he goes, Joanne, I'm not driving you anywhere.

Oh my God. And I was like, oh. And I said, what's that about? And he goes, oh, Joanne, I just think giving you a lift somewhere would be an unprecedented act of chivalry. And I just don't think I feel that way about you. Where do you find these people? Hinge! He wouldn't give you a lift home.

An unprecedented act of chivalry. Oh my God. An unprecedented act of chivalry. As if you were inside me five hours ago. Who is his mother? I once had a guy, right? This is well before Spencer.

Met him in America. Irish guy. We'd gotten on very well. And then in Ireland, he came back. I met him and we went to a party at my house. And then there was another party going on in another house. And I was like, come on, we're going to go to this party. And he's like, no, I'm not going.

So like, I was like 18. And so I was like, okay, see you later. You stay here. Because I wanted to go to the party. I got back. He was gone, right? And I was like, oh, fucking that worked out well. He was gone.

So I got into bed. And then I got up the next day, popped on? And I was like, oh, fucking that worked out well. He was gone. So I got into bed and then I got up the next day, popped on my pink Asics, Asics, yeah, pink Asics with a green writing on the side and they were filled with ketchup. Filled with ketchup. So not only those runners, there's about four other pairs. He'd used a whole tub of ketchup,

squeezed it into all of my shoes. Then he squeezed it into my toaster. Is that not the weirdest thing you've ever heard in your life? This is like something a 16 year old girl does. Absolutely weird. Imagine that like absolutely weird. Because you left him behind. You didn't take him to a party.

He was invited to the party and didn't want to go. And I was like, okay, dude, you stay here. But he was invited and didn't want to come. Oh my God. Rejection, rejection, rejection. So he sabotaged your assets. want to go and i was like okay dude you stay here but he was invited and didn't want to come oh my god rejection rejection reject so he sabotaged your assets yeah and sabotage my toaster like trying to get ketchup out of a toaster forget about it i was thinking because i was watching you know jonathan ross and that got me thinking because he was saying you were talking about when he came and stayed with me and it's because that you had to work for free all the time and it got me thinking about all the shit jobs that we've had to do in our time

like i had to work well i wouldn't say it was a shit job but i worked on a building site for six months in london when i was doing my degree i was a site engineer and i was just so crap he sent me out to measure things i didn't know how to measure. They locked me in a digger one time. They used to try and bribe me with things like, we'll let you choose your own steel toe boots if you just go and do this. I was like the worst worker ever. Why did you end up in that world, though?

Is this from what you did in college? Yeah, it's from my degrees. Yeah. I think it's too cold on a building site for me. It was too cold. I mean, talk about a professional pivot. You went from basically being a builder on a site to now, you're basically landed aristocracy

now and you're in a quest area and you play polo at the weekends. Spenny is so posh, right, that he actually said to me, he was like, darling, we should do polo lessons once a month together and i think you're like i'm trying to live that down in house no way that's too far even for me not

he's got polo boots and everything and he is one of the six um i remember that one of the first times i was in your house and you know the way he has that big bird, that taxidermied stuffed bird? I fucking hate that bird. I read it really fast and I thought it said, it said the first pheasant I shot, but I genuinely thought it said the first peasant I shot. And I was like, oh my God,

this is what posh English people do. They go around and shoot peasants. The peasants in the freezer. And then they gifted them a pheasant to mark the death of the peasants. So funny. I hate that pheasant. And he's like, darling, that's not my first pheasant.

And I'm like, oh my God, why couldn't it have been something small that you shot first? You're dragging a deer through the door. It's the first frog. Oh yeah, okay, you can stuff the frog we've room for the frog oh my god you know what recently i should have actually asked you this because i'm after i've lost it now i can't get it anymore basically i was in this house for a shoot

and they had a stuffed flamingo i swear it and i was like what i was like how did you get that flamingo i was like you're not going to do that and he was like if a flamingo dies of natural causes like in a zoo or something a taxi journalist will take the flamingo and like like you're not going to do that and he was like if a flamingo dies of natural causes like in a zoo or something a taxidermist will take the flamingo and like stuff it so I knew a taxidermist because I got a lobster

that you've seen downstairs we have a lobster and she had to fix it for us because it came from St. Barts and anyway she was like she told me she had a flamingo sorry can I just

just say this is like I know I slag you but this is saying that know I slag you but this is saying that you had a lobster stuffed by a taxi

tourist flown in from Singapore is the most ludicrous thing you've ever said oh my god you probably flew it first Oh my God,

you probably flew it first class to have it down seat and everything. It's a fucking stuffed lobster. And it's huge. It's not stuffed, it's been like scraped out. Spenny still gets amazing

birthday presents off his parents. That was a present. That was... Great. I've seen that thing. It's the size of a nine-year-old child. In fairness,

it's spread eight. That's not how big the lobster is. Anyway, back to the flamingo. So the same girl, she emailed me on Instagram a while ago. She's like,

I've come across a flamingo. I was like, what? She's like, yeah, there was a flamingo from a flock in Birmingham Zoo or something and it's died and they've offered it to me. And I was like, what? She's like, yeah, there was a flamingo from a flock in Birmingham Zoo or something and it's died and they've offered it to me. And I was like, like, if it's dead, like, is it battered?

And I was like, what does it look like? I don't want some battered old looking flamingo. And she sent me a few pictures and she was like, I was like, can I have a picture? She's like, like dead or alive? I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know. And then she sent me a picture of the flock. I just wanted to make sure it was pink enough. But like, imagine, like, you're like, you're right. What's the point of getting it stuffed if it's got like tire marks all over it and stuff

because it got like ran over. Oh my God. That makes me suspicious because if they're selling them, if a flamingo dies, if natural, they're not even going to try and resuscitate that thing. So the flamingo comes along.

I had to pay for it up front and it wasn't bloody cheap. And then I just thought, you know what? The flock could look like that. It could be the ugly duckling. I don't want it in case. And then I asked her

to send me a picture when it's done. I haven't seen him yet. I'll be raging if he's stunning. So how has it taken you this long to tell me that you've paid to have a flamingo stuffed and flown to Battersea? I didn't pay.

I didn't get the flamingo on the end. I'll probably be able to get you a good deal on it if you want. But are you not going to take it? I think if I have a lobster and a flamingo, it's a bit too much. I don't know. I actually think a stuffed flamingo would be pretty.

People have very mixed feelings on taxidermies. Like it used to be considered kind of the hobby of the rich, but now loads of people are getting things. Like would you get a purse and stuff? That's what I want to know. Have you never seen that they do in like Brazil and stuff? They get the person's body, right?

I think I saw it. Yeah, and say they like going motorcycling. They'll stick its body yeah onto a motorcycle and in a big glass casket and dress it all up and have it like smiling no i hate dead bodies so much i'm gonna do that to you and then charge people to come and like stroke your hair i'm gonna i'm gonna get you stuffed doing a squat in a gym or i'm gonna get you stuffed that's what I'm going to do. In her natural habitat.

In her natural habitat, yeah, with an elastic band around your knees. Before I had kids, I thought when Winnie died I'd probably get him stuffed, but only his head because his body's not great.

Sorry, Winnie's body's in great shape. It's his mind I worry about. That dog is depressed out of his mind. He just looks miserable all the time. He is like

he's living the best life of any dog got four beds or something in our house he's taken for three walks a day but would you not

I can't if you go to the trouble of stuffing a flamingo you've never met would you not just go the whole hog and stuff the body of the dog you love

rather than just cutting off the head and sticking it on the wall why not just turn him into a key ring and give him to the kids he's not getting stuff what I would like to do than just cutting off the head and sticking it on the wall. Why not just turn him into a key ring and give him to the kids? He's not getting stuff.

What I would like to do when I die, if I die, that I would like to have a wake and I get laid out, right? And because the body's really cold, I'd like people to leave their wine. So I'll have my legs spread out really far and ice put in between the legs. So I want, like, my coffin will have to have, like, it'll have to go spread out like a scissors at the end. And then people, I want like, my coffin will have to have like, it'll have to go spread out like a scissors at the end. And then people,

I'm like, they'll say their last goodbye, say a little prayer and take a cool Chardonnay from the inside of my legs. I don't want a Chardonnay that's dead. Oh, what?

You want your wine at room temperature? Don't come to my fucking funeral. I want to be used as an ice cube. Ham sandwiches on the torso, wine on the legs. Oh, disgusting.

I don't even want to know about coffins. I don't like talking about that stuff. Okay, well, we'll cremate you real fast. I'm going to, no, because I still

have to go in the coffin. Then we'll just fuck you out into the garden then. Yeah, I'll just stay in the garden. Grant. Maria from Mummy M.O.T. was on to me the other day saying I've been gifted

free Kegels. Stop. You need to get those Pell Viva tampon things. I'm Grant. My vagina's Grant. Let's get those floppy flops sorted.

let's get those floppy flops sorted I know we need a little wheelbarrow to drag them round the beach don't go out there without your little wheels now come on you'll be dragging in the sand

I have to talk about something. So, like, obviously, I told you about Joanne's sandals. Hmm. Oh, I brought this in my bag. Look how organized I am. I have it here. Look, hang on.

I popped my piece of paper out because I didn't want Joanne to see. So I know how you felt because those sandals are fucking idiots, right? And I've told you that since last time. Well, that is a matter of opinion, but yeah. Okay, they're absolutely revolting. But I didn't...

My words must have hurt you because the other day from Hart, I wore this green dress, which is stunning, by the way, stunning. It's not a dress a man would find sexually attractive because it's pretty much like a parachute. But I love it. Is it the ghani, the green, stripy one?

Yeah, it's stunning. Yes, it looks like a tent, but it's a tent that I love. Well, I don't like reading comments about certain things, but I did read these comments and some of them were like this. Wow, that's a dress.

I thought she'd stolen a deck chair. That dress costs £245. Someone has a sense of humour. That is a dress for radio and they just go on and on I'm sure she is lovely but that dress is not

bin it I don't think it's that bad my last one how do you guess it's effortless? this could have taken hours and hours of her time

to look this bad and look at this one Effortless? This could have taken hours and hours of her time to look this bad. And look at this one. Anything for attention and clicks. She is well aware that she looks absolutely awful in that tablecloth. There is a jack chair somewhere With just the wood left I thought I would cry laughing I'm not wearing that dress again Oh my god that is so funny

Are they all It sounds like it's all the same person, just like losing their minds. No, no one's that funny. Oh God, I did laugh. But it made me think about your poor sandals. They're just the worst. Oh God, it hurts.

Oh God, it's so funny. Oh God. Well, off the back of your I mean I can't call it anything less than psychological abuse about my sandals

I warned you I said so basically your mom Dr. You and I was like we were talking all shit about

face stuff and everything I was like we should do like a Q&A live thing about like bits of Bob's

tweakments and such because he's just sound. So I put up a question mask going, does anyone have any questions for Dr. Ewan? And of course it turned into this landslide of people going, show us the fucking sandals. I miss the sandals though. Then someone messaged going, will you go home and take a picture of you in your new paddling pool with the sandals? I I was like I'm not running an OnlyFans here I don't do requests

anyways I went home dug out the sandals wore them on an Insta story well I can't say reaction was like I mean I I was absolutely shocked.

Turns out I'm basically, I've been wearing the physical manifestation of syphilis on my feet for like two seasons now. According to absolutely everyone. I think one girl was like, I think they're kind of cool. That was everything. Everyone else was like. I'll never forget the day you arrived at my house like, blech. I remember you were like, I'll never forget the day you arrived at my house

in those sandals. I'll never forget it. It was like, they've got a tail. Like, they were just getting dog abuse. But this is how I found out, because on the bus, when they were all asking about the sandals, one woman very kindly messaged me,

and she was like, next time Vogue slags you about the sandals, are you worried that she's on a mural wall in Kilbarrick Dart Station? And I said, no. Um, no.

She sent me a picture. I was on an eight pound bus trip back from Birmingham. I was laughing so hard, I genuinely thought I was going to have to be resuscitated in the middle of the bus. Jo, she's on

a whirl beside Shay Kavar. Ah! Ah! Oh, it's too much. You're a political freedom fighter for health. Shay fucking Kavar.

Now the reason she's on the wall. There's no fucking now the reason she's on the wall now there's no reason the reason she's on the wall with Shay Guevara is because the artist Jim Fitzpatrick is an Irish artist from the north side of Dublin

but there she is our Vogue smiling away in between Shay Guevara and who and Timo Dempsey like everyone treats him

like a war hero of Dublin then Shay Guevara and then me. And then folk, they're not a bother on her. I was up very early this morning. I was just reading all these articles about stuff. And I read this.

What can only be described as, I think it was actually kind of a philosophical article. A woman called Zina O'Brien did a tweet with graphic detail about what she'd like to do to a horse sexually if the horse was willing. Now, the consent is key, okay? So then everyone started going mad

and going, you can't shag horses, blah, blah, blah. And then she came back. She said she wants to shag a horse. Yeah, she was quite graphic about it. She since deleted it going that horse tweet was a mistake. Not before it went super viral.

Her name's Zina O'Brien. She's just a very open-minded woman. She was just talking about a fantasy she had with the horse, if the horse was willing, which is the most important point here, okay? Anyway. They are good looking.

They are good looking animals. She made a valid point that I was like, this is very interesting. She said, unless you're a vegetarian, you're being inconsistent if you're saying it's fine with killing and eating an animal,

but you're opposed to having sex with an animal. Because surely if you're the animal, you'd rather just get ridden than be chopped up and put in a burger. So Vogue, I say to you,

your favourite horse. I'm trying to find her horse tweet. Oh my. What? So this article is actually fascinating. It's on a website called Unheard

and they're talking about like I mean this is my idea of philosophy. I don't know if this is actually philosophy but they were saying who's worse

the person who kills and eats a chicken or the person who takes that dead chicken home and shags the who's worse the person who kills and eats a chicken or the person who takes that dead chicken home and shags the chicken? Ah, the person who shags the chicken. Why?

Because it's more socially it makes you feel disgust. But ultimately the chicken's lost the chicken's dead already. Vogue, I'm asking you Do you fancy

do you fancy the horses I've been hanging out with? There's a lot of horse chat from you here. Vogue, I'm asking you, and this is something I would like to be picked up by the papers. Your favourite horse, if you had to choose, to ride it or kill it and eat it.

Kill it? I'm killing it. Rather than have sex with it. So you would end its life. Imagine everyone... Would you rather be the person that ate the horse or the person that had sex with the horse? Which would you rather be? I would recommend having sex with the person that had sex with the horse? Which would you rather be?

I would recommend having sex with the horse and just not putting it on Insta. I don't know if either of us are physically capable of doing that. If you secretly had sex, do you reckon? Of course I would. But actually, speaking of horses, so there's three horses over there. They're absolutely amazing.

And I go and see them a few times a day to pet them. Because horses are actually very good for your mind. They make you feel less anxious. They're just really nice animals to be around. But I had to ask Julie, who's up here, because I was like, listen, Julie, their Willy Wonkas keep coming out, like big, huge Willy Wonkas. And I was a bit scared that I was going to get humped by a horse. I swear to God.

And I was like, that would kill me. I would die if i got like humped mounted by a horse but i was really scared but supposedly when they're really happy or just really relaxed their willy wonka falls out we need so i'm obviously a relaxing person to be around when you say they're willy wonka for are you saying they get an erection you're watching too much peppa pig you're watching too much peppa pig it's just this whole thing just falls out there it's bigger than my arm to be honest what's gross those tweets those tweets will stick with me by the way now i've read what she said and i actually feel so disgusted that there's people like what's wrong with her i just she would say that but i just can't believe now that i'm on board with this philosophy.

So let me ask you the question. Yeah, I would. What would you do? Your favourite horse, let's say that nice black horse that we have here. Would you kill it and eat it? Or would you have sex with it? I'd shag it. You are.

I'd shag it. I mean, crimes are tough. They are not that hard. I'd quietly take it off to a little barn somewhere and shag it. Rather than. I'd quietly take it off to a little barn somewhere and shag it. Rather than... I'd bring it into Pete's... The privacy of a barn.

Bring it into Pete's East. Table for two, please. I'd wine it and dine it. And then I'd take it off and I'd shag it. I think it's less violent. Just because socially it's more disturbing. Look, neither situation is ideal, okay? But, you know, it's just an interesting conversation.

She just said, unless you're a vegetarian, you've no right to be horrified by me having a fantasy about a horse if the horse is consenting, because it doesn't consent to getting killed and eaten by you. I know, but Joanne, the level of detail she went into about the horse is pretty disgusting. It's a bit weird. Humans don't fancy animals. Oh, that's a conversation for another day i'm watching a lot of documentaries on kelts

at the moment and bestiality was a huge part of their culture it's just a perception some people are into blondes some people are into dogs it's just the way it is it's true you can't deny it i'm not saying i agree with this but it's not up to me. Some people are like, I like women with large breasts. Some women are like, I like Alsatians or stallions. That's the way it is.

The world is very complicated and full of nuance. I'm going to have to block you from my stories for the remaining time in Scotland because I don't want you seeing those poor horses with your filthy little eyes.

You're like, Joanne, stop plodding her hair. She's not into it. Shut up, folk. Look at Joanne. She's been over there at Mino for ages. Joanne, leave Mino alone.

Just saying, it was actually a really interesting article saying It was actually A really interesting article It was something called Something about bestiality And it's called It's on Unheard

Which is my new favourite website Roscoe Roscoe Joanne's coming Run She's been drinking She's horny and drunk Go animals go Where's Winnie

Where's Winnie? Where's Winnie? I'd say Spencer ejaculated Dib Dabs What is that sherbet stuff? He wouldn't be able To catch it off Every time I come into that

Vogue's put a fucking Tip top in her mouth I'm not trying to shame you Vogue But do you know that time You posted a photo Of your ass on Instagram Oh yeah That was so embarrassing

What did you caption it though Oh god I bet I bet it was something wh. What did you caption it though? Oh God. I bet it was something whimsical. Oh no. I'm so scared. What was it I want to know now? Oh God. Oh no, I'm going to...

Oh no, I'm so frightened. Was it a covert? Was it a covert? Was he like, happy Earth Day? Oh God, I make myself sick go on oh and said working on the oh no i don't know if i can say it come on i'm so embarrassed of myself oh god okay oh god i gotta get sick working on the bumper beep beep oh my god I'm sending you into this Instagram account I'm sending you in wait and I'm not even finished working on the bumper beep beep

exercises for the tush and the agenda again today listen I don't even that doesn't even even? Listen, I don't even, that doesn't even sound like something I say. I feel like someone wrote, I posted that. I posted that. Read it to me,

read it to me again slowly, please. Working, working on the bumper. Beep, beep. Oh my God. Everyone needs to start trolling me that's disgraceful what but finish it with something else okay working on the bumper beep beep exercises for the tush and the agenda again today exercises for the tush and the agenda yeah with that picture i am a pathetic loser oh my god i'm putting I think I might I want to um Joanne I'm too embarrassed I'm so embarrassed of myself oh no I I think we should we should do a

whole episode to things I've written on my Instagram because I'd say there's a pretty there's some quite bad ones in there look at this one with my arse out again like what who am I but it was of the time everyone was getting their ass out like we're we're just kind of sheep we just wanted the only reason I don't have my ass out on Instagram is because it's in bits where's that ass gone though I loved that ass where is it I haven't seen her in a few years still there working on the bumper beep beep that is so embarrassing it's like sexy sexy beep beep look how cute my bum looks oh i'm so sweet and like and i would have spent ages taking that picture as well oh god do you know what i think one time actually i post a photo trying to be ironic on holidays it was a topless photo

and i took i put it on i put it on instagram with the caption gorgeous sunset i was a topless photo and I took I put it on I put it on Instagram with the caption gorgeous sunset I was trying to be ironic then it looked like I was being serious

so I had to take it down oh yeah I was only trying to be ironic in that one beep beep sure I did my radio show on Sunday morning

but I was home by 9 o'clock looking after the kids whatever Spenny's parents came over and I left at 12.25 to be exact right because you know how much

I like being on time arrived at their door at 12.59 I was thrilled at myself yeah and so Spenny's on baby duty but they're asleep one till three

and then we got home, I got home about 25 past five. So really, he only had them for two and a half hours. Well, Alexander was texting me, Spencer was texting me. Alexander's like, Spen's doing actually a really good job. And Alexander then Spen's like, this is really tough, but

I'm going to give them a bath before I give them their dinner. And like a whole run down of the day, I'm like, dude, you're there for two and a half hours. Do you know how much, like I'm with them for two days on my own this weekend. And that's hard with the two of them. Do you think I'll get one bit of a congratulations off anyone? No. They never do.

I'm sure I was there when the second Spencer was upstairs with Gigi. He's like, he's minding Gigi. Gigi woke up and straight away he's like, Gigi wants mommy. Gigi wants mommy. Mommy. Gigi Gigi woke up and straight away he's like Gigi wants mommy Gigi wants mommy mommy Gigi's looking for you mommy it's like Gigi has only

opened one eye Gigi doesn't know what she wants she wants mommy oh Alzo's pissed off who do you want why oh this is

so I was down obviously I have a spare key sorry Alzo is Alzo's brother. Aldo's my little brother who lives downstairs. It's not the basement, but we have two floors, so he lives downstairs.

And I arrived. Can I tell the story, please? Okay, but he's not actually pissed off at me, is he? Not really, but you're gross. Don't embarrass... What are you going to say now, Vogue? Hold on. Don't embarrass me now.

Tell the story. No. What are you going to say now, Vogue? Hold on. Don't embarrass me now. Tell the story. No. What are you going to say? No, it's not that. Not nothing that you'll care about. You did it. That sounds really bad. What is it?

Joanne. No, but Spenny is on your side and I'm on Alexandra's side. Just Spenny thinks she wouldn't give a shit about doing what you did. Whereas I'm like, I would never do that.

So I walked out. I got home, and I went into downstairs, and sometimes I don't know when Joanne's there or not. And the door of the bathroom just opened, and all this huge fog, steam,

comes out of the bathroom. And I looked at Joanne, and I was like, what towel are you using in there? She was using my little brother's towel. I just wouldn't care. Spenny wouldn't care,

but I, particularly when Spencer has a cold sore, this sounds really mean, but like he is banned from the towels that I'm using. How invested,

like how, how much does he interfere with himself with his own towel? Like I just pat myself down and move on with my life. Oh no, I do a whole like floss

and everything with the towel. I get in there. I am bone dry. So I was in. whole like floss and everything with the towel. I get in there, I am bone dry. So I was in... So does Alza, by the way. Vogue was them. I still wouldn't really care.

Like, I used to work in an Alzheimer's home. Like, I don't really... I just don't really care about stuff like that. Neither does Sven,

but I would hate it. What were you going to tell me about Alza? Oh, so nothing about Alza, but when... I have a spare key for Vogue's basement. She doesn't trust me with Azo nothing about Azo but when I have a spare key for Vogue's basement

she doesn't trust me with the main house but the basement I have a key for I don't have a key to the main house I swear I don't I actually don't

you have to write a letter to get one or something I'm like fuck's sake I have a key for the basement and I'm not one to waste a house key and Vogue's not there

I'm milling around downstairs using the facilities going through the clothes having a look at the jewellery I like that though no I'm messing

even though I know you're a thief well oh my god we'll get to that but no I do use the gym stuff and she texts me going home in 20 minutes

I thought she meant to the house in Scotland because we were due to have a call so I go in I'm showering away because I was due to go to Manchester

to not do 8 out of 10 cats does count down again and you broke your mug I broke my baby head I'm so sad about that so I'm showering anyway and next thing I hear

a folks voice so I open the door and it just looks so bad like I'm there in a head towel a body towel body towel she's like what the fuck

are you doing here but anyway so I close the door trying to get dressed and next thing Vogue opens the door of the bathroom

with Gigi and Theodore and Spencer trying to come in behind her and Vogue's like we're a crew yeah I was like Vogue

I'm naked and Vogue's like and Theodore was like folk I'm naked and folks like and Theodore's like let me in mummy let me in and Spencer's like hello darling hello

and I'm like get out I said I want some privacy in my own basement please God you see I wouldn't care about that that'll four of them

trying to climb into the bathroom we wanted to have a look I know you did we wanted a peep. You see, that wouldn't bother me now. No, that would bother me. But like,

sure, you're fucking, of course it wouldn't bother you, Mrs. Beep Beep. I've been living a more was life.