My Therapist Ghosted Me - Breakfast Chips, Bratwurst & The Omelette Station

Episode Date: October 25, 2021

Well she got back... Finally. Find out all about why there wasn't a podcast last week and why it was ALL Joanne's fault! Elsewhere, Vogue managed to get back from Germany in plenty of time, but she's now obsessed with bratwurst and isn't happy about Joanne's soggy sandwich habit. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] vote for My Therapist Ghosted Me in The National Comedy Awards 2021, for Best Comedy Podcast! Visit the website and VOTE here: http://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works... I knew he was going to do this to me. It's the podcast that works on the basis of communicating lived experience and committing to 100%. It's like a that works on the basis of communicating lived experience and committing to 100%. It's like a holiday in Greece. You just don't sunbathe or swim. You live like a feral animal

from the second the wheels touch down. He's such a dick. To the moment the hotel staff pies the wine from your limp hand and insists you leave. I can't believe I survived the whole thing. I'm like Bear Grylls. In today's episode, we have Greek rides, German efficiency and chips for breakfast.

I was on holidays. I don't know if you noticed it was a shit show from start to finish I'm glad you didn't tag the hotel because it looked whatever you're the worst holiday influencer

ever actually do you know what actually I was being unfair on the hotel because I thought it was funny but they were actually

really sound and your man so the staff were super sound and the place was quite nice. But the thing with these all-inclusives is they're just,

to get your money's worth you literally have to eat and drink for 12 hours a day. I'm about to book an all-inclusive to the Maldives. Never been. And I am going to

eat and drink my way around that. Not drink, let's be honest. No. I'll drink loads of Diet Coke because they're expensive over there. I was thinking like, I always like to get my money's worth I'm going to have to set an alarm and get up at 3 a.m and start drinking again i was like i haven't had it you know how much look whatever it was a shit show

i went to my friend audrey i'm never going on holidays with audrey the night before i was she was flying from dublin i was flying from london and I was going out a couple of days ahead of her because I have no kids, which is my new reason to do everything. I'm like, I have no kids. Why shouldn't I go? I have no kids. I'm drinking at breakfast. I have no kids.

I have no kids. I'd be like robbing cars and all. I'd be like, why not? I have no kids. I can do anything I want. You need a car. Go get one. Stealing money out of the gym.

I have no kids. So anyway, I was like, I'm going to go early and come back late because I've no kids and so I had to get the information of Audrey the night before I went she's in a panic she basically forgot to book it but I was kind of grand about it the two of you are shite well I was so delighted because as we've discussed before when someone else fucks up like that so badly it brings me nothing but a sense of peace yeah because I'm like I own you now I know and now I guess yeah I owe you one she owes me like 12 now right yeah oh that's not just a winner but also the problem becomes because I take no accountability for anything I do. So I have nothing involved in the booking.

I've never booked. I don't. I hate organizing things. I don't like plans. I have the logistical ability of a flip-flop. We know it. It's been proved time and time again. And to be fair, I'm going to say in my defense,

it's not really in my defense, but the busier I get at work, the more shit other people book for you which is actually really handy because otherwise you wouldn't have the time like I don't have the mental capacity

to book like flights back and forth for Irish, UK tour dates I don't no I wouldn't be you can't do that no I'd be flying into

I don't know where I'd end up Benidorm who knows I was supposed to fly to Shannon I'd end up flying to Sardinia I don't know what I would do

I actually don't book my own flights it's one of the perks of like my management company they book my and like I tried to book flights there a while ago and I was nearly having

a breakdown trying to do it I had to repeat about 10 times the dates because I was like are those the right dates is that what I'm meant to go it's actually kind of hard it is hard

and like I know we sound thick as shit now when you don't do it for so long you forget we're like why would anyone book hard and like I know we sound thick as shit now when you don't do it for so long you forget we're like why would anyone book their own flights I know we're spoilt

but there is logistical shit that's done for you on your behalf so because I'd know logistical skills to start with and because the logistics

are more being taken off me I'm now basically a child you're in you're honestly the most disorganized person i've ever met i am do you know i've come back my laptop's broken i've lost three chargers my screen smashed

i can't use the center of my screen you make me feel so uncomfortable you can borrow that phone there look i had to set so joanne's arrived back i've had to set up two laptops that i have i've had to find my new phone that's not even linked to anything and set it up because she can't film herself. Who goes away, right? You went away and before you went, I said, did you see that email? And you said, no,

I can't get any emails. My emails are full and I haven't deleted them. Oh, sorry, that's another thing. My emails are full. I can't delete. Her emails are full and she still hasn't deleted any

so she hasn't received emails. No. You went away for two weeks and didn't look at an email. No, and that was, that was actually kind of nice Now there was a couple of phone calls It wasn't nice for us back here

I know it was there a lot coming There was not There was phone calls For urgent shit That needs to be signed off But like otherwise No it was very I know I'm kind of sick

Of my own bullshit Like when I When I missed the flight I was like I'm sick of my shit She missed the flight Because she had too many emails And she couldn't get her

Her passenger locator form On her email Yeah Plus i'm not being bad but the passenger locator form to get back into the uk it's like what am i fucking rain man how much do you know you need one for ireland yeah but i've done the irish one it's very basic yeah this one was like riddle me this if a train leaves the station at 10am and arrives into Gatwick with coronavirus what time how much petrol did it use it wasn't just me

there was L ones who didn't know how to do it like it was it was a shit show anyway then I ended up going back blah blah blah but

what I will say is a grease can I just talk about the sexual chemistry in that place is next level with the flirting oh my god Greece, can I just talk about the sexual chemistry in that place? Why? It is next level. With the flirting?

Oh my God. That place is run on sexual chemistry. Like that's how its electrics work. It's just. Really? The flirting is out of control. Like I don't even know if I'm going to be able to switch it off. Are the Greeks right?

I'm going to flirt with dogs. They are absolute right. If I ever get divorced which I will I've no doubt several times I know a good divorce lawyer do you? yeah

shut up hello oh sorry I'm not talking about this I know I was like why are you why are you why are you telling people

you're breaking up what way to tell me you're getting divorced just like lash it out as a gag on the podcast Greek men they've more gain

than a deer sanctuary but like I swear to God I've been touched and felt and it felt wonderful and there was one young lad in the resort

young waiter lad and I was like if he looks at me like that again I think my bra's gonna pop open itself they are grides listen if your partner's going to Greece on their own collect them from the airport bring them straight to an STD I know yeah I know I said we were gonna go off to um to BFA next year but I think we should hit Greece they're next look at this fella I was like I kind of forgot I was like I don't think I'm a, I don't think I'm a good, I don't think I'm a good flirt.

Oh, I think, I think I am, but like you're probably not. No, I am now. Are you? Yeah. So you've honed your flirting skills? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I stopped wearing a bra. It was all subconscious. I loved the no bra look. Yeah. I thought that looks good on you. My tits are like Tic Tacs. It doesn't, they don't need a bra. Yeah, me too.

I don't need a bra. No. Where'd you get the balls? I was like, you know, pinching my nipples to get them ready for breakfast no that was a joke I wasn't doing but like because I was there on my own and like I was having such a good time so I was like hanging out with families and all like at one stage I was having one of my champagne breakfast in my bikini sitting with the family who were fully clothed a husband and wife and their three kids

because they were going on a road trip and I was like I'm really I'm really like involved in the Greek experience and then you met those two random fellas

so oh my god basically then I realised I can't spend that much time on my own in a resort you're just kind of stuck there

I was worried that they would kill you honestly I was like I don't think you should go there his name was Dermot this is what I was saying there's no one sexual called Dermot it's not a thing yeah I hear what was the other fella's name Jay they were so sad possible so basically I was kind of bored in the resort and I was like you know what I want to get out I need a break from all the sexual chemistry I thought I'd go with me two Irish lads who don't

know how to flirt because Irish lads can't flirt Irish people just want to hang out with Irish people it's so sad and I'm joking I'm Jay and Dermot no I'm joking I'm sure they're well able to flirt

Jay and Dermot Jay and Dermot yeah so I did a shout out for Irish lads met them in the town what else did I do oh yeah I missed my flight home I mean I'm not going to lie I had the time of my life

The time of your life I'm used to I'm good in chaotic situations It looked awful It looked awful No no no no It was actually fine The rain

Everything Rain wasn't ideal Not ideal One day me and Audrey went I was like The weather was so shit I was like

We need to go to the local supermarket And buy a winter wardrobe Because I hadn't put any clothes on I was like We need to go to the local supermarket and buy a winter wardrobe because I hadn't put any clothes on I was like we need to go and get rain gear hoodies

hats umbrellas and we were walking and the rain got so torrential we actually had to stop and go in under a tree

but because it's your holidays I was insisting on wearing shorts and sun factor every day because I was like this is what you do in your holidays so we get up in the morning

I put on denim shorts sun factor and then walk around the pissing rain in Greece and freeze and freeze yeah here's a tip don't go on your holidays in the middle of October Greece stunning in September you know what though you've really ruined your chances of ever being offered a free holiday because I wouldn't want you anywhere near my resort I know you're social no I know no no I probably made it look worse than it was I actually really enjoyed it it was really sound and it was one of those places where because I was on my own I was like I was drinking with the staff and stuff yeah I was very engrossed god you I see George George who runs and he's like I love

you baby and I'm like I love you George yeah do you miss them now I was like it's kind of like a really fancy brothel you kind of you kind of miss people that you spend a decent amount of time I was in Berlin this week for three days filming and I just loved the people

I was working with Germans Germans are great to work for oh there were so many Germans I love Germans I was like there must be a tunnel

going from Germany to this place it was just all Germans I have a new found love for Germans and their organisation you should do you know what we'll send you to Germany for a while that'll sort you out I remember a friend of mine saying that she lived in Germany for a while and if the bus was early it would pull over and be like we're running five minutes early so we need to sit here and wait whereas in Ireland I remember once waiting for the 59 to go from

Dun Laoghaire to Killiney it It would say it was due to leave at six. We're all sitting there and it's all ale ones because it does loads of mass. It's all everyone going to mass. And this lad comes running down the road with a load of Toymaster bags. He'd been doing his shopping. Half an hour late, no one said a fucking thing. Everyone's like, thanks. Oh, stop.

Wouldn't happen in Germany. Wouldn't happen in Germany. I went so hard on the holiday that now I'm like, I'm not going away again unless it's some sort of pilgrimage. I'm kind of worried about us holidaying together. I think we holiday very differently. Yeah, but that's okay. Really? What would we do on a holiday?

I would just drink and cry and you would just work out. Oh yeah, that's another thing. You brought your workout gear. How many times did you train? I did. I trained three times. Did you?

In two weeks? Look at you, you smoke bitch. You trained three times in two weeks. Uh, hello. And I've seen you and you pretend to train and just wander around. Testing, testing, testing. No, Spenny.

You're not on this pod. I love Greek food, but in Berlin, Spenny. You're not on this pod. Yeah, I should be. I love Greek food, but in Berlin, what we were eating, right, they have these things called bratwurst. Batwurst. Oh my God,

my mouth is watering thinking of them. Actually, I have those in the fridge. I'm going to have one. But you get currywurst with curry sauce. They also have

the best selection of Haribo that they sell in Lidl. Huge selection of Haribo. I told you to freeze it, didn't I? That was my advice to you. Basically, I just want bloody to live in Berlin, I think. And they have this club, right? We were like, where would be good to go?

Not that I had any intention of going out, to be fair. And they kept saying Kit Kat Club. It's some swingers club, sex club that you go to. I would have loved to have gone and had a look. Are you sure it isn't one of those kitty catty clubs? No, it's called Kit Kat. And basically, they're swing look. Are you sure it isn't one of those kitty catty clubs? No it's called Kit Kat and basically they all they're swingers and you can go but you can't just like go and like just

stare at people you have to like get a little bit naked I'd be into getting a bit naked if I could go and have a look around it'd be such a different experience When I did the Jonathan Ross show with your one what's her name from Bake Off show that everyone's obsessed with Prue Leith. Prue Leith she went to an orgy

in Paris in the 60s got naked and did an orgy no she just walked around had a look oh I'd love to do that you see I wouldn't mind getting naked

yeah go around have a look it's like Burghine in Berlin they have a whole floor for it did I tell you the story and I because

because I just absorb other people's stories and then tell them all the time. Because I can't keep any information inside. Yeah. I can't remember if this happened to me or to someone else. A sex club?

No, we were in Berghain. Oh, that. No, it mustn't have been to me because it was a lad. Okay, it wasn't. I said there was a lad. When were you in Berghain? Years ago. With that long hair

when you had the hair down to your arse? Yeah. And I wore the leather miniskirts. I know. Before I adopted the lesbian chic look. But he was pissing into the men's urinals. It's this great.

Yeah. And they looked at it. All they heard was, I heard this story. Let's just say the name. I think we know who it was. They were like, piss on me.

And he was like, what? And he looked down and under the grate there was a man in a gimp mask with his mouth open. Oh my God.

Can you imagine like being that person that wants to be pissed on? I don't want to be pissed on. But anyone with all their syrupy fucking hungover piss. I'll tell you a story

When we stop recording From now on Because Greece was so Bananas I was like Either I'm gonna just spend My next couple of trips

Like I think I need to detox So severely That I I don't think I can even Drink water Okay Pinocchio I know

Well I mean Detox You know I'll just drink vodka No that's terrible It's triple distilled Vodka and ballygown Like what the fuck That is like water

But I was like Either I go Full blown detox And just drink nothing But like Cabbage broth And ayahuasca And go into the woodlands

With a shaman Or I just embrace the hedonism And you know that um travel show like there's a lot of talk about us doing a travel show I'm not fucking going with you Joanne there's actually a very interesting email about a show that you haven't seen in over two weeks because you can't get your emails no I can't get my emails but I was thinking instead of eat pray love that my version Would be like Eat drink ride

And it's like The opposite of eat pray love Where there's no Spiritual fulfilment At all It's just you have A really fucking good time Now Joanne

I've got different plans for you The intervention next week I nearly wrote you an email But I thought you wouldn't get it I'm not going to get it I was on holidays I'm supposed to switch off I have never I don't think I've ever ever gone even two days

without looking on my emails you went to two weeks you still don't have any what are you gonna do about a laptop what are we gonna do about that oh stop I know you're an absolute disaster you'll go ahead and spend 400 quid on those rotten runners but you won't get yourself a laptop so I got my last bit of flirt on the plane coming over, like when we landed. The air, I don't know what you, air steward was Greek.

He was clearly straight. What airline? Reiner. And he was, again, bit of flirt. And as I was leaving, he winked at me and he went,

I really like your necklace, which is clearly a set of balls. Where'd you get the balls excuse me where's the lovely necklace I got you that you replaced with balls and then that was is it home I didn't want to lose it that was the kind of holiday she was going on Sam Ham design she's a she's actually from Dorky she sent it to me isn't it daddy she she actually specializes in like phallic she's got like a dick with two testicles or the pearls. Oh, that's nice.

Which is really cool as well, yeah. I actually would be quite into that. Well, my weeks have been quite different to yours. We're currently, as you remember, Theodore just walked in. He's got conjunctivitis. Poor little thing. And the two of them have snots just like everywhere.

There's just snot and conjunctivitis all over my head. So I'm moving in with you and the mushrooms right disgusting you and the mushrooms i dropped my latest little mistress collection i saw it's really nice it is nearly sold out shut up so it's gone nine o'clock today nearly gone fuck off i know i'm delighted i love all of you who have bought that you absolute sound sounders you're the absolute best and i want to see pictures please tag me and send me pictures of you wearing it was it an online thing that's just online yeah so i don't know what it did in a in store because it's in arnott's now is it i like the track seats you know i don't like gunas excuse me it's not just gunas there's jumper i'm glad you had a look at

it today i did there's jumpers leather trousers There's lots of nice bits that you would like. Anyway, well, I started off my week, three days in Berlin. Came home. Spencer had run me a bath, right, with candles on the ground. I know. Rose petals that he insisted the flowers were dying anyway, which they were. So I didn't get annoyed about it. He pre-thought about that.

On the floor and in my bath. And a glass of milk. A glass of milk. I bath and a glass of milk a glass of milk i know a glass of milk he remembered the milk that's so nice i know i thought that was really nice that's so romantic i'm actually speaking of romance reading a book called acts well have just finished a book called acts of desperation by megan nolan which is so good i cannot explain how good it is it's if you've ever been like well anyway the way Nolan, which is so good. I cannot explain how good it is. It's, if you've ever been like, well, anyway, the way it's written is so amazing anyway. What's it about? So I've lost the cover sleeve of it.

It's somewhere in. Of course you have. Jesus. But it's basically about kind of a toxic relationship. It's, it's that thing of if you've ever looked for validation in someone else. And so you've kind of let them treat you like a piece of shit it's a really good insight into that who hasn't done that come on i know i know and you try not to but what if what you're so there's a bit in it where she's looking at like

kind of other people who've been obsessed and obsessive relationships and there was a man but he was so obsessed with this woman she had pneumonia or something this is back in the day and he was helping her get over it he was a doctor so her parents kind of let him come on to her all the time because they needed the free health care but she wasn't into it anyway she died and then he built this like who the you know me the doctor he built this big tomb for her and then he would drive in at night under the cover of dark and take out parts of her

what do you mean parts of her he would take out bits of her body what until he had all her body and then is that a true story

that's not a true story 100% because it was in the book and I went and googled it then it's a totally true story and then he put her back together in his house with like

wire and stuff and then covered her in gauze and used to dance around the kitchen until someone I bet you think that's romantic

I was thinking I would love that if a man cared enough about me to drag me out of my own grave your smelly bits you'd stink and everything

that is disgusting to drag me out of my grave and dance me around the kitchen I have to say that is kind of nice isn't it now it would have to be something romantic if he was like putting on tech now or something a bit weird but if it was like something kind of it's it's it's like night but it's also quite silence of the lammy well yeah look it's not ideal and people did he was arrested eventually

but he never served any time but then they why took... He should have just had the body, like taken the whole body out. This is what I would do. Like those people, is it Stalin who just lies there and he's like, keeps getting refilled with that formaldehyde. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he could have had like a non-smelling body. This is years ago. And I don't know if he had the skills or the resources at the time. But anyway, her body was then taken

and put on display. Oh my God. That is so weird. I hate talking about death. And you know what I was thinking today on my way home in the taxi? horses at the time but anyway her body was then taken and put on display oh my god that is so weird I hate talking about death and you know what I was thinking today on my way home in the taxi I was looking at everyone

I'm like look at them all walking around they're going to die they're all going to die they're just all happy with themselves I'm not going to hit you I'm going to have an intervention

at some point next week I'm not going to hit you with it today I'm not going to hit you with it going to have an intervention at some point next week I'm not going to hit you with it today I'm not going to hit you with it today because I know you're in a low place I'm in a really low place

you're near abduction you're failed abduction why did you have to say abduction I've had so many people texting me about it well yeah because it's in the fucking Daily Mail i know but that i didn't get abducted it's my first time that i am in the daily mail and as you know vogue that was a big goal for me okay so they've finally put a photo of me in it oh you were because we were talking about the thing

and i was thinking what else can i get vogue to do well will I tell you what happened the following week go on I swear to god I honestly sometimes I think I'm gonna move out of London so I was walking along and out of nowhere there's this guy just standing there with no top on and blood all over him and I was like what is going on so I ran and hid in a restaurant your man had stolen they were setting up in the morning he'd stolen a spoon no a fork and a knife right well i know it sounds really funny but he'd stolen a fork and a knife he'd blood all over him his mate had ran around the corner they were fighting each other the two of them stabbing each other with forks and knives and then your man's walking around with the knife and everyone's like oh my god like i was hiding in the restaurant like it was and i was like why do i live in london and then the police came oh my god the police

and the squawk here jesus christ i know stop the squawk here and the guns it's i don't know why it's the alphaness of it all i know but they came along and tasered one of them and the other one the other one is being done for attempted murder what yeah I know you shouldn't laugh but the idea of a man with a fork getting tasered it's pretty funny yeah a fork

and like a blunt knife a fork like it's like trying to kill someone with a potato masher but it was like one of those bread knives you know

it sounds like a name of a game of knifey spoonie that escalated viciously do you remember knifey spoonie no do you not no we used to play knifey

spoonie as a kid where we'd take knives and spoons and hit each other basically with them no but you remember slaps yeah we'd slap the shit out of your yeah and then it was elevated to the face didn't like the face that's domestic abuse that was myself in amber but i was thinking how else could i get into the daily mail well now we might get in for the for the knives and forks if i could get you to like all like pretend almost die loads of times like if we got no tempting fate tempting fate packed like half falling off a cliff and i'm in the background just waving and then we could do another thing where you just send me off the rails or it's like she was such a good person till she met Joanne. Their headlines are like, I was thinking what their headlines would be, like Vogue puts on

a near-death experience display. Vogue puts on a dead display. Then I was like, what do they do when you actually die? They'll have to be like, Stop, Joanne, I hate talking about my own death. They'll be like, Vogue has stopped displaying entirely.

Vogue no longer displays. Vogue no longer displays. Vogue puts on a wooden cremated. Vogue puts on a fiery display. Vogue puts on a flammable display. Do you know who I met today? Random one. What?

Daniel O'Donnell. I love him. Where? At Steph's back lunch. We were up there and Daniel O'Donnell was up there and I don't know what it is. He is the most relaxed man

I have ever seen in my life. He's just so zen and chill. I'd say he does a lot of staging. But you know, I was kind of fangirling. I think it's because I'm Irish and we all have this like thing about Daniel O'Donnell

and he was really nice and he walked in and said, hide me by name. That always gets me. Yeah, I know. The name is the worst. Someone knows your name. I know.

Daniel's quite iconic. I don't know if anyone outside of Ireland would know. They probably do. They do. They do know him over here. He does really well he sounds like taurus elwyns love him love him oh come here to me we've got to talk about the hot gossip of this week and i'm i know i've been bitching and moaning bitching and moaning about them but i couldn't have loved

the travis and courtney crap more i think that's where my bath came from, by the way. What do you mean? The rose petal bath. That didn't come out of nowhere. That came after Travis and Courtney. He must have seen it. It's been a read in the Daily Mail. I did post it to my stories as well as a hint. Okay, I'm going to level with you.

I love them. I'm sick of their shit. I think it's a PR stunt. You're sick of their shit? I'm sick of their shit because I did a... Last week you said you loved them. I know, I've changed my mind. I'm nothing of their shit Because I did a Last week you said You loved them I know I've changed my mind I'm nothing if not inconsistent

I did a bit of a Well I'm not going to say A deep dive I didn't do a deep dive On anything Only champagne breakfast For the last two weeks And chips

And chips One morning I had Chips for breakfast That was the day I had the hangover Of my That was the day Yeah you missed

The other work thing Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah you missed the other work thing yeah yeah yeah you sent me that ratty text and I was like no nothing works when you know you've like really fucked up and you're like coming up on your chip champagne breakfast thinking you're thinking it was a great idea I knew it though I knew I was like she's after topping up from last night she's not sober this isn't gonna happen we can't do it with her anyway go on Travis and Courtney I can't believe you'd say that I don't think it's just done I do think she changes the way she looks completely now because of him she's turned into a goth I don't get that I do get that I'm a bit of a chameleon I do change I wouldn't say you are

you've just I am I probably wouldn't be as mad now like even when I was reading that book acts of desperation and I was thinking like I would I don't think I'd ever end up in a relationship like that again. But there was a time where I would look for validation in men and then you end up kind of accidentally mimicking them of sorts. Oh my God.

Imagine I turned into Spencer. Like I went out with a lad with a load of tattoos once and I was constantly threatening to get one, which would have been really embarrassing. No, I just don't think you're a tattoo person. I think I could pull something off. No, you just get something random and it would just not make sense.

But you know what I was thinking as well about Courtney and Travis, right? They've been dating less time than Megan and what's his face? A machine gun Kelly. Yeah. I'd be a bit raging. I'd be like, why isn't he? Did you watch the video? Oh, I don't know who did it.

It was like 50 questions, 50 questions to ask. I was weirdly enthralled by the whole thing because I was like, they're kind of just, they're kind of bickering. They're kind of just a regular couple. Like she's,

I mean, that man does not believe in retrograde. All this horoscope bullshit. He's definitely just buying into it because she's so hot. Why? Is she a big horoscopy person? my god i i really struggle with that like i i know that i'm libra and like i could be caught out with the newspaper star signs and shit but i don't people sell me all

this crap i know i just don't buy it but anyway i do have bad night's sleep when when there's a full moon though i have to admit and you get really drunk on a full moon promise you that's but that's different that's like the tides yeah that's a different thing sure you women used to get away with murder when there was a full moon because they thought it sent us so insane and if a woman this is something fascinating because I was trying to write stuff about it that if a woman went insane back in the day they would assume it was a period no they would assume that it's because her you it's because she wasn't pregnant and her you need to be saying you need to be what you need to her uterus to be weighed down with the weight of a baby so they would wave aromas at the entrance of the uterus to kind of they thought that the womb had floated off like a balloon and they would

try and drag it back down that's bizarre anyway yeah if you had your period or there was a full moon you could kill anyone you wanted great days great days that's bringing that back down that's bizarre anyway yeah if you had your period or there was a full moon you could kill anyone you wanted great days great days that's bringing that back in who's annoying us but then I was thinking as well

how much would you hate to be Scott Disick I know what he's yeah I know I actually would I mean that's I think that's yeah but too little too late

he had the time and actually there was loads of times on the Kardashians where she was like you know what you have to do you know he obviously didn't do it

I don't think he obviously didn't do it. I don't think he cares. So. I do. He's been very quiet. We saw. It's a better story if he cares. He cares.

Do you reckon? Yeah. I think it's Chris Jenner working like Satan again. No, I guarantee you those two are going to get married. Travis and Courtney. She's going to wear a black dress. Yeah. Yeah. She'll have more kids because she's frozen her eggs. But they filmed the whole thing. Travis and Courtney She's going to wear A black dress Yeah Yeah She'll have more kids

Because she's Frozen her eggs But they filmed The whole thing I know I'm delighted about that They filmed the whole thing And his ex has come out now

Saying she just thinks The whole thing is really weird And that he's kind of Mimicking stuff That they do together Yeah but she's jealous Like you're one with Lone Griffith

Who's still going on About things by the way Just don't bitch about your ex Especially if you're In the public eye It's just better off not of course bitch about them anonymously

don't say their names 100% bitch about them to your friends constantly yes Colin Farrell I've never once told anyone

oh my god I was with him too are you joking I fucking wish I wasn't I know I was never with him no me neither of course we weren't

he would get it he'd get it yeah he would I forgot you forget about Colin Farrell Colin Farrell I think about him

all the time I actually Colin I've forgotten about you but I've just remembered we're Irish we'll go out

for a drink with you once the bandana days were over I was back in the game he lost me during the bandana days

the bandanas weren't great once the bandana came back off I was like God he's a ride I think he's single he's stunning he is stunning so sound you know i'm really into though as well at the moment bradley cooper he's a ride yeah he's a ride he's so you couldn't go out and then his ex is too good looking like it would be unbearable for your confidence you know

who else i it's a hundred percent you know who else I'm really into at the moment? Cause I'm just like a walking wide on at the moment. A wide on. Who, go on. Tom Hardy. Ah, Tom Hardy, obviously. Like I was saying to you. Spenny said he rolls in jujitsu

and like there is nothing I would love to do more. Girls and boys roll together. I honestly thought for a second, I'm going to take up jujitsu. like there is nothing I would love to do more girls and boys roll together I honestly thought for a second I'm going to take up jiu-jitsu I'm going to take it up and I'm going to roll Tom Hardy I'm going to roll all over that goddamn match with Tom Hardy yeah and it'll be named jizz jitsu by the time you're done folk rolls and Tom Hardy's jizz and jizz jitsu Puts on a jizzy display I'm gonna I'm gonna put my head

Jizzy display I'm gonna I'm gonna Let's put our head Under Tom's toilet Tom He's on us What

I was actually Not even Tom Hardy's wee No way The thing I was thinking Of the Daily Mail thing I was like Where would I like

For us to go next And I was like I'd love for us to go To the Sunday Times But I don't think Fast chance I know That's what I was thinking of the Daily Mail thing I was like where would I like for us to go next and I was like I'd love for us to go to the Sunday Times but I don't think Fast chance I know that's what I was saying

we're too cheap did you ever listen to the podcast The High Low no it was really good I've heard about that who is that Dolly Aldridge and Pandora Sykes

I loved it so it was like high and low so they talk about something high brow and something low brow and I was like we're basically just low low

yeah we're the low lows dirt Yeah, we're the low-lows. Durs and cheap. We're the low-lows. We've never got into the Sunday Times. Excuse me, excuse me. The Telegraph wrote a, was it the Telegraph who wrote a pedestal sweep?

The Guardian did. The Guardian? Jesus. I think she's Irish. She is actually. Listen, stop taking away from it. I'm going to put it on my headstone. I am thrilled. Oh yeah, I was like, can to put it on my headstone I am thrilled

Oh yeah I was like Can I put it on my Like Edinburgh poster Because she's like Joanne McNally Makes you laugh Makes you laugh And makes you feel

Wildly uncomfortable At the same time Yeah that's true I'd love to put that on my poster I must ask her if I can That like is a Like honestly That's something for the gravestone

I would take just I would just take Makes me feel wildly uncomfortable And just go with that Yeah yeah It's a great description I think a lot of people felt like that when you were in greece i had so many messages saying how is joanne okay well can you not go and get her i'm like i'm not going to fucking greece to collect joanne oh there was a lot of people suggesting you took a jet out to get me where do you think she has this jet? Do you know what I've noticed? I am getting thrown under a bus

because of Spencer and his accent. Right? It happened today on Sunday on Steph's fact lunch. Someone goes to me, oh, she'd never stay in a travel lodge. And I was like, excuse me, I stayed in the one just there.

Loads of times. That's because you're forced to. I'm not forced. It's not great. I'll be honest, it's not great. You get rag-mama delivered. But I tell you what Spencer Spencer wouldn't stay there

that 4x4 I would love if it like what 4x4 the 4x4 car that you have that's leased I know but my vision of you because you know the way I love

thinking about how rich you are that the 4x4 then turns into a hovercraft so you drive it to the Thames and then it turns into like a hovercraft and then you drive it to the Thames and then it turns into like a hovercraft and then you drive it all the way to Gatwick Airport

and then it turns into a little plane and then it flies over and picks me up like a seaplane in the Maldives like a seaplane in the Maldives I'm worried about the Maldives Theodore will find you like I don't know asleep outside our villa

because it's one of those all-inclusives. I like the vibe. I like, I like the vibe of an all-inclusive because I love a buffet. Do you know what though?

I realised, like obviously I went, I've spent a lot of time at buffets the last two weeks and I said ultimately, Was everything a buffet? It sounds fancy but ultimately a buffet

is just a load of adults queuing for fish fingers at the end of the day. I will not have that said about a buffet? It sounds fancy, but ultimately a buffet is just a load of adults queuing for fish fingers at the end of the day. I will not have that set about a buffet. You stand it with the tray. What was the breakfast buffet like? They're my favourite. Did they have an omelette station? Well, I was in about nine hotels, so. Did they have an omelette station? Did they have an omelette station?

Oh my God. Yes, first we had an omelette station. Oh, they're the best. I was laughing because like I was in all these fancy hotels and I'd be like morning can I have some fresh

fruit and they'd be like sure they bring it over this gorgeous like chopped melon it was all like you know built up

into the shape of a swan oh yum and then the last hotel when I missed my fight I was like can I get some fresh

fruit and she was like okay and she just threw a banana and an ashtray at me that was really that's why I couldn't give HESA is that big town yeah it's you oh my god isn't it amazing I thought that was your real color

no it's bare. I'm brilliant. Did you watch Adele's Vogue's 21 questions or 50 questions, whatever it is? I love Adele. I have a real thing about her now. She's just so cool. People are telling me that we look alike now. Do you know what you do someone said that

John Belton said it to me yeah there's definitely a similarity to us now there's a I'd love to hang out with her we've both had tweakments I don't know what she's had done but like

she trains three times a day yeah I know I wouldn't be able for that now fair play to her she also said that her death row meal would be McDonald's what would yours be. She also said that her death row meal would be McDonald's. What would yours be?

I wonder because you... Her what? Her death row meal. Did you ever do that death row meal? Oh my God, buy me a chicken salad sandwich and a glass of white wine. That's just so depressing. I'm not letting you say that. Yeah.

That's the last meal on earth you're having, a Tesco sandwich. No, I wouldn't get it from Tesco. If it was my last meal on earth, I'd probably go Waitrose. God, no, you can't have that. You're not having it. But I love it was my last meal on earth I'd probably go waitress god no you can't have that you're not having it but I love it no that's not your and that's only one that's one one course I could eat the same thing day in day out I don't care it's so weird I don't know what it is like when I was in the I hate that wet chicken the sandwiches are wet the bread's wet you wouldn't even make your own they're not wet they're wet the bread's wet they're not wet you wouldn't even make your own

they're not wet they're slightly moist they're wet they're fully wet I once watched a show years ago on where the packaging plants

where they make those sandwiches not great but they last so long which means they've had work done and we love a bit of work we do love a bit of work oh my god oh but I'd say

those sandwiches would be floating around in space with Cher by the time like they just don't go off oh they're just absolutely revolting i think my death row meal would be chicken wings ribs chips they'd have to have a few different sauces i'd quite like a curry sauce from ireland so a curry sauce from the chipper you don't like what's wrong with you it depends am i gonna get electrocuted or it doesn't matter you're gonna die so can you choose a better meal you wouldn't have a pizza dipped pizza with a kebab on top what would i have it's such a good

question i can't believe you haven't thought about this you can't say the sandwich i'd have a chicken salad i'd have nine chicken salad sandwiches. No, can you just say, like, what about a chipper in Ireland or an Irish Chinese chicken balls? Nope. I'd have a chicken salad sandwich, white wine, tube of Pringles

and then send me to my death. You are just the absolute pit. So that is all for now. Remember, if you'd like To send us an email You're more than welcome to Just send it to Hello at mtgmpod.com

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