My Therapist Ghosted Me - Do You Know What That Driver Did?

Episode Date: February 4, 2022

They're back! Sure, it was only 2 weeks without them, but still! Find out all about Vogue's holiday of a lifetime and how Joanne's monster of a tour is going so far. Plus, what are the Swedish crows up to and WHAT DID THE DRIVER DO??!If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThank you!

So obviously, as you know, I spent some time in your house in Houth. I know, that's why I'm wondering why you're not there. Well, because to be honest, because I'm on tour, Garaud has to drop me back to Houth every night, which is, well, not every night, we're staying in hotels and stuff. It's actually just too far out from I feel bad it's pretty far out

yeah it's pretty far out that's why we like it but it was so relaxing and so lovely to be by the sea are you just doing your makeup now I was just fixing

my blusher okay okay you're so pale you look like you've just been resuscitated Joanne I literally go on holidays and I've now started,

like I used to sit out and scald. And now I literally am like crying, hiding in the shade, trying not to get brown. But I still get brown. Like I'm still brown on my arms. It's so annoying. I was the same. I used to like put chip oil on and everything,

like spill myself around like a pig in a spit. Oh, definitely. So went out, it was in a spit anyway so went out it was info so lovely so relaxing blah blah blah obviously went in

opened all the doors and presses straight away to see what I'd eat and what I'd wear oh are we going here and yes oh we're going there

like fired open all the doors to see what was going on because I'd never been in the house before And we're going there. I fired open all the doors to see what was going on because I'd never been in the house before. Within five minutes, I was wearing furs, your jewelry, your makeup. I'd eaten three bags of Doritos. I drank two bottles of gin. And by the way, I've replaced none of us. I've replaced absolutely none of us. I make no apologies.

Anyway. Did you find the booze cabinet though? Because I said to Amber, she'll have drank the wine in the fridge, but that's mine. But she won't have found the booze. Oh, I found everything. I found absolutely nothing. I went in with a metal detector.

Like I found she didn't even know it was in the house. And then I found that secret fridge behind the couch when I'd eaten everything in the main fridge. Oh, the secret fridge is where the wine was. Yes, I know. You can imagine my excitement when I found that. That was the Christmas wine.

There was so much. I was so lucky I got the Christmas leftovers. I drank a bottle of gunpowder gin. I drank a bottle of, I finished the Hendrix. I drank the whiskey. Joanne, do you know Amber at all? Oh, I do because I ran. No, her head's all fucking rolled.

That's why I did it. I want to see how round her head can get. I rang Amber. I couldn't get the washing machine to work so I rang Amber and she had to video call me straight away she's like that's a very long wash you have on that's two hours it's very long what the fuck are you doing a two hour wash

when there's a 40 minute one I don't know how to use the thing it's practically AI of course because it's your washing machine anyway once you skip a few one of the doors wouldn't open and I realized I'd been locked out of one of the bedrooms you know what actually Joanne before right when I found out about this go on finish your story but now I actually I'm on Amber's side now like a gunpowder gin she she drank the gum I'm do you know what though I'm fucking dead I'm dead when I get home I didn't even drink the gin she's still angry with me she's still angry with me over a backgammon set from seven years ago

because she swears I took the dice roller and I'm like I didn't take that and I only spoke to her about it over Christmas because I bought Spenny a backgammon set and I was like you know that time about six years ago like I never took that and then she was full-on pissed off at me again over the backgammon dice roller so I'm dead when I go home I'm actually I'm cancelling my flights bad stuff happened to that house bad stuff happened so anyway you get to the first floor so I get to the first floor by by

a system of deduction I realized that the room I'm locked out of was Amber's bedroom because there's cots and shit in all the rooms and I was like aha

I see there's no trust there and then I was like obviously I messaged you straight away I was like Amber's a bitch she locked her room

and then anyway whatever message you straight away I was like Amber's a bitch she locked her in and then I anyway whatever me and Amber had a fight about it and then she's like look do you want to go into the room and I was like no fuck you

I don't want to go but then I was like what's in the room I was like what's she hiding it's like pictures of her on Jeffrey Epstein's island but like

what is in there photos of her with like Jerry Adams like fucking hand grenades what's going on in there photos of her with like Jerry Adams like fucking hand grenades what's going on in there I was like

maybe she's secretly straight maybe there's like posters of Vin Diesel on the wall what's she hiding what's she hiding like

I said it to her though because you texted me when we were at breakfast and I turned around to Amber I was like

did you fucking lock Joanne out of your did you lock your room well you told me Joanne threw all her furniture on the street and I was like

Amber she's not gonna go and take your which she should do because your bed's rank she's not gonna go and throw your bed on the street

like she's like well you told me Joanne did that so then I was worried she would throw my stuff out she's full of shit she rank. She's not going to go and throw your bed on the street. Like she's like, well, you tell me Joanne did that. So then I was worried she would throw my stuff out. She's full of shit. She's high. She's not.

In what world do I go into someone's house and start clearing out their furniture onto the road? In what world would that ever happen? No, she's hiding shit. She's part of a terrorist group.

She's doing, she's up to something in there. I don't know what she's up to. She's up to something. Do you know what she brought up as well? She was like, and you used to steal in there. I don't know what she's up to. She's up to something. Do you know what she brought up as well? She was like, and you used to steal my perfume. Again, going back about 10 years when I stole her ghost perfume once.

Like she still hasn't forgiven me for it. But I told you my family are really weird about shit like that. Like my mom has just told me I can go and see her house in Spain when she's not there. But I'm not allowed to use her bedroom. Like I'm not allowed to sleep in her bedroom. Like I'm not allowed sleep in her bed. Like I'm dirty. I'm her daughter.

Her dirty daughter. That is kind of wild. Jo, I haven't told you. I haven't had it out with her yet but I'm going to tell her to go shite. I'm going to Portugal. Yeah, no, that's

that's pretty offensive. Like I'm my own family. I know. I'm just so lucky you're not like that. You're right. I've my own family. I know. I'm just so lucky you're not like that. You're right, I've nowhere to live. I know. I know.

I like people being in my house. I know. Should I have sent you out of my room? Should I have just panned out in your bed using your vibrators, having a ball? It's like, folk won't mind. We share everything. I'll just give it all a good wipe down.

It'll be grand. Oh, God. Now, they're all in London, John. Are you mad? We can't get the private jet off the ground. What's all the weight in the boot? They're my tools, okay? I need them.

They have to come home with me. But we did see that you loved Hoth loved Hoth I did yeah I mean look yeah I get it it's nice it's nice being at the sea

it's good for the soul I started running up the cliffs yes my ass isn't as high as you promised but I did do some running I've started running it's wild how many times

have you been on the cliff once what the fuck what were you keeping how do you know I was on the cliff? Once. What the fuck? What were you keeping? How do you know? I was on the cliff once. I know you only went once. No, okay.

Swear on my life. I swear on your life. I placed a value on your life. That doesn't mean anything, but I swear on it. You were on those cliffs once. I know you were. Excuse you.

I was on those cliffs about four times. Four times. Yeah. And I ate in the Summit Pub or whatever it's called. And I ate in that place East when Jason Byrne went for dinner there. I really immersed myself

in Houth culture. East is delicious, but you didn't get the right thing. I told you to get the crab claws. She wouldn't listen to me. She didn't listen. Anyway, that's my experience of Houth. So I've been on holidays.

That's why I have a beard. I think the announcement should be, so I haven't been on holidays. That's why I have a beard. I think the announcement should be, so I haven't been on holidays. And then we'll be like, oh my God, what? No way. Yeah. So I actually had a beard of,

what's it called? Pigmentation. A pigmentation beard and tash because I'm pregnant and it ruins your skin. Holidays were absolutely lovely. It was all you can eat and drink Amber like

Joanne I don't think you'd even be able to keep up with Amber that sounds like a challenge do you mean eating or drinking? drinking I guarantee I could I

honestly I don't like I've seen you drink how dare you how dare you say that that's like me saying I bet you couldn't lift that weight how fucking dare you undermine my talents like that well Amber is very talented

I mean at one point she was ordering an espresso martini at half 10 in the morning and I thought rightly so rightly so coffee for the morning coffee for the morning and she copped on quite quickly that like she was like like, they're using, they're not using the vodka I want. So then she's like ordering her the brand of vodka she wants and like getting doubles. And then she's like, I think I'm just going to have to switch to wine

because I'm not going to get drunk on this vodka they're serving. And I'm thinking, I remember walking you home last night. You're definitely getting drunk on the vodka. Yeah. Whenever you're ready though, Joanne. Yeah. Okay. You finished that email?

What? I'm working here it was a lovely trip though it looked like an ad it looked absolutely glorious it was amazing now I will say one thing right there was a lot of Russian people there and I haven't spent much time

with Russian people me and Jo are immediately nervous what is she going to say? Well, it actually turned into a joke. Like, Spenny was the worst because he really couldn't handle the fact that they were ignoring him. So he would literally say,

he sat down beside someone on a deck chair, but his seat was right beside it and your man turned around and looked at him and Spenny's like, oh, morning, mate, how are you? and your man just looked at him and then just turned away and that was kind of the theme of the holiday maybe he knew him maybe he knew he was maybe he knew spencer was maybe didn't like him no but like and i'd be welcomed by people i'd be like hiya and they just would just look at you and just ignore you they just apparently i haven't been

i'm actually going in a week's time um But they... Sorry, you're going to Russia? Yeah, I just want to find out what all this Ukraine shit's going on. I just want to get to the bottom of it. Are you actually going to Russia? I am, but for shows. I'm doing shows over there. Apparently I'm huge in Moscow. That is so random.

I'm kidding. No one knows who I am in Moscow. I'm just doing a comedy festival over there. I don't know. My agent's trafficking me to Russia. I might not go back. I actually don't know why I'm going. I just know I'm just doing, I'm doing a comedy festival over there. I don't know. My agent's trafficking me to Russia. I might, I might not go back. I actually don't know why I'm going. I just know I'm going.

If you get one single laugh in Russia, I'll eat my hat, as they say. So I read this article, this guy who said he went, he moved to Russia. And at the, at the start,

he was really thrown by what he perceived, what we would perceive as being unfriendly. Um, but actually he's like, they just don't doly. But actually, he's like, they just don't do small talk. And then he's like, once you get into the habit of not doing small talk either, small talk just becomes pointless.

Like he's like, I get it. It's just a cultural thing. You see, I'm a small talk kind of person and I like saying hello to people. On the cliff walk in Hoth, it's obligatory. You have to say hello to everybody you walk past. I don't think the Russians would fare well on the

cliffs of health they feel really uncomfortable it's very diplomatic though i know i'd say i met but like another time spenny was in the bathroom and he was washing his hands and there was a guy beside him washing his hands um and he was like hi mate how's the holiday going and he just looked at him and just kept washing his hands and didn't say anything i actually think it's kind of amazing that like, like I'd feel so uncomfortable doing that, but like they're so cool with it. I mean,

they're under a dictator who rides horses, like, you know, naked, topless for photo shoots and stuff. Like it's,

it's a wild country. I'd like to go there. I was laughing because you were like, you were giving out about the fruit in the Maldives and actually someone messaged me going,

yeah, no, the food in the Maldives is renowned. I didn't say no the fruit I will say and you actually

don't realise how much you miss like fruit and and I have to say fruit and milk they only have like

UHT milk over there and just not doesn't cut the mustard and the fruit not great even Gigi

wouldn't eat the bananas. She loves a banana. I thought I'd have a coconut a day. We need to find out what's in UHT milk and get it injected into our faces because that shit lasts forever. Same as that burger. Do you remember that story about your man

who found the McDonald's cheeseburger in his pocket? It was from 1983 and it was still perfectly formed. The only thing missing was the gherkin. What the fuck? that's the shit we need to get injected into our faces as well the food was nice though

it just depends where you go the fruit no milk no anyway we won't want to get into

a big topic about milk because well we know what happened the last time I spoke about milk

oh my god will we go there well we can try we go there? Well, we can try and go there and see what happens. I posted a lovely picture of myself holding a yogurt. Innocent enough, you would think, Jo.

Innocent enough. Innocuous. Just a little yogurt, just a little yogurt. Oh, actually, I turned off the comments so I can't even see them. How do I review controls?

Hang on. Allow comments. Turn on on commenting i had to turn off the comments on my post because they got so abusive it was like she was holding a gun to a child's head that's what the that's what the comments were like the thing that i couldn't understand right was like people were so angry about me drinking milk and i thought to myself do these people not know i also eat that cow like I'll eat that cow you know what I mean I know so I like I mean I had I had some really like oh I don't know I mean there's just a lot of people who do not like people who drink milk at one point I was told I was um sexually

assaulting cows fair I just I haven't even ever touched a cow like that before in my life well I mean they I don't think they really know how the milking process works if they think you have to wank off a cow to get its milk out

so that's their problem oh god I know well anyway that was quite funny so I'm going to do less milk chat I think

you can't please everyone all the time I don't you know the way I have a very firm line on the fact that I don't rate chickens personalities I agree with you well a lad he was actually very kind about it but he sent me a load of videos of the chickens his own chickens and they seem

really sound so now I feel really guilty about it so I think I might go full veggie I just don't think chickens are that sound I just don't you know what being away in January is the best time to go away because you're so tired and then you get that break and then you come home and you're ready for work. But on the way home, right, we flew Turkish Airlines. I was actually very disappointed with the food. I was expecting like a full like loads of lovely hummus and tzatziki. Didn't get any of that shit. Anyway, on the way home, I've never seen so many hair transplants in my life. And I was like, oh, my God, they all go there all go there like honestly there must have been about 15 yeah that's what I think Turkey it's the land of hair transplants and veneers

on Taziki yes well not Taziki on the flight but I flew through Istanbul I've never been to Istanbul but I am definitely going back if you saw their airport it's like being in a giant Westfield shopping center it is absolutely huge has everything you could airport it's like being in a giant Westfield shopping centre it is absolutely huge has everything you could want like it's the coolest airport I've ever been in and I was like wow

this airport has sold the city to me I'm coming back speaking of hair transplants yeah I got heckled by Jimmy Carr that's amazing so basically

Jimmy was doing a show I didn't worry about doing it I don't know anyway someone messaged me saying that he was doing material

about how shit female comics were and that's why we get paid less because we're less funny and then this woman messaged me she goes I don't know why

I've never done it before but she shouted out Joanne McNally's funnier than you and he responded well actually I watched her the other day and I can confirm

that she is not how amazing Jimmy Carr watched you well he didn't And he responded, well, actually, I watched her the other day and I can confirm that she is not. How amazing. Jimmy Carr watched you. Well, he didn't. He just had to say that because that's what you say. But I was like, it's such an honor. I got heckled by Jimmy.

I wasn't even in the room. It's like getting hazed by the class captain. I'm in now. I'm fucking in. Yeah. Jimmy's. I like Jimmy Carr. He looks great as well.

Teeth, hair. We love Jimmy. He looks fab. I did the big fat quiz with him recently He's so He's like a little jockey He's tiny Yes Yeah he's so well put together

No he's like one of those One of those men You know those men Thunderbirds He's like a thunderbird He's like a thunderbird Yes I always think

When I see him And I'm like Fucking hell He's just falling off The thunderbird set And can I just say Hair transplants these days Like there was a time Back in the day when they were plugs.

Do you remember? And they looked like little ant's legs hanging down the front of their faces. Whereas now, they're incredible. They are pretty good. I think, I don't know if I'd go to Turkey. Supposedly the best place to get one is in Dublin in Black Rock. Are you doing a collab? Supposedly they're the best people.

Listen, I don't need a hair transplant, right? Maybe for my brows. Not yet. Chrissy Teigen got her brows done. Come here, but just on the collab of it all, you've just reminded me,

I'm looking to do a collab with a confetti cannon machine, if anyone... I want two confetti cannons for the end of my show and I priced them and it's made a grand. I don't do collabs, but I would like to collab with a confetti cannons for the end of my show. And I priced them and it's made a grand. I don't do collabs, but I would like to collab with a confetti cannon company.

Well, I don't think you're looking for a confetti company. I think you're looking for like a party supply company. Yeah. I've got a couple of them on my list. But I need, they need to give them to me for free. They have to give them to you for free and you have to do some posting. Yeah, grand. I'll shoot myself out of the cannon I'll do whatever they want I'll do whatever they need

how exciting I can go to your show in Dublin next week you must be thrilled I'm absolutely thrilled Joanne look at my boobs what's wrong with them look how big they are. I can't really see. Oh yeah, they are.

They're fucking full of babies. The other day I was filming somewhere and I was doing a job. And so the TV company had organized my car for that morning. And the night before I said to my manager, listen, the car is too early. Change it 20 minutes later. And so I went down exactly to the time that I said I was going to get in the car and hopped in the car. And the driver was furious with me. And he's like, this this job's canceled.

And I was like, no, it's not. He's like, you're 20 minutes late. I was like, I'm not 20 minutes late. I was like, this job should have been changed 20 minutes later. I was like, I wouldn't leave somebody sitting outside for that long. Like, I'm not rude. He was like, well, it's canceled now. And I was like I wouldn't leave somebody sitting outside for that long like I'm not rude he was like well it's cancelled now and I was like okay fine I'll get out of the car so I half got out of the car and he was like okay no hang on wait and he rang the car company who I won't name and they were like oh actually it wasn't updated in the system yes that's what happened and I showed him the message on my phone because I was like

that cheeky bastard like I'm not rude I wouldn't leave him sitting there anyway off we go he dropped me like an hour and a half away to this job that I'm going to and then Amber rang me and Amber was like do you know what that driver did this morning and I was like what I was like he was really pissed off at me I was like he really like had a go at me he was so fucked off my god we have a concierge sorry we have a concierge that's it and he walked in the door and there was a full human shit with tissue on my doorstep so you couldn't like you couldn't get through the pedestrian gate without getting shit on your feet so my poor concierge was like I have to clean up this shit but I also want to know who did the shit because there's CCTV so anyway he looks at the CCTV. The driver is seen pacing up and down furiously. And you've seen outside my house. There are so many, like if you had a bad curry and you were down to shit,

there are so many other places to shit within like meters of where he did it. And he's pacing up and down furiously, looking up and down the road, comes back, does a half standing, half squat half squatting shit wipes his arse gets into the car no joke i got into the car less than a minute later and i was like my concierge was like did you shake his hand i was like no he was fucking raging with me he did an anger shit on my doorstep and then i get into the car and explain the situation and he's probably sitting there thinking i've just shat in her doorstep and she didn't even do anything to me this is a man who was also in his late 50s early 60s imagine i've said i mean where do you even start he was like when I say he was furiously pacing, he was like really angry with me,

like the cheek of me leaving him outside. How do you shit on command? Jo, you're not really supposed to ask questions on the pod. No, I know. Sorry, I know. I know.

I know that. It's just, this is me in Vogue's pod, Jo, okay? You're just giggling in the background like a little bitch. Only messing, Joe. I can't believe I'm allowed to have a whole shitting story

and people aren't like telling me to shut up. This is great. But anyway, it's unacceptable. Amber sent me a picture of the shit. I'm like,

because I had to send it off because my concierge then had to clean it up. He's not my concierge, by the way, he's the building concierge. He had to send it off because my concierge then had to clean it up he's not my concierge by the way he's the building concierge and he had to clean it up and like my manager was like you've got to send him like a gift of some kind I don't know what you send for a shit a candle I don't fucking know and so I like in one in one sense I'm like god I hope that man doesn't get fired for doing like an anger shit on someone's doorstep.

But at the same time, can't really go around shitting on people's doorsteps. I'm sorry. Like, that's the work. That's what that's what you do if you're a political prisoner. Like he's taking a fucking TV presenter to a studio. He's not protesting the occupation of his land. Like that's the shit they do in Armagh prison. It's completely over the top. The punishment does not match the crime at all what would you have done if you

were the full half an hour defecate through your chimney oh my god but like what if i had walked out a minute earlier and he was shit squatting on my on my doorstep what would i have done i would have gotten such a fright that man has lost the art of patience i would love to know if that man it applies that level of urgency to all areas of his life because if i find out that man has a slow cooker or drinks like 12 year old whiskey he's a two-faced snaky bastard what do you do you just shit on everything that doesn't turn up when you wanted to what what are his fucking pot plants like?

If that was the case, every bus stop in Ireland would be just, it'd be fucking, there'd be a port-a-loo. Imagine his oven. That chicken Kiev was due five minutes ago.

A fucking asterisk just shitting all over the place. It's unacceptable. It's so but you know what else though he gets paid for waiting time so like

he was still getting paid even if I didn't show up that's just and like that that car like that's supposed to be

a high class like a high brand, like chic experience. No one would do that. Not even those Tuk Tuk lads have more fucking decency than that. Also, I was never, ever.

It wasn't even your fault. If that man had any integrity, he would have dropped you off, driven back to your apartment complex, picked up that shit and delivered it where it needed to go, which was on your manager's doorstep who made the actual mistake.

He is unprofessional. and he is now fucking i honestly was gonna get the car company to send him back to clean it up but like my concierge was like listen like everyone will just be walking in and out of it i have to get rid of it now it's like literally on the doorstep and and i don't know but the car company then were looking for the cct And I'm like, I just I feel I can't help but feel bad because I don't want him to lose his job. But now I'm scared like he'll have lost his job and I'm just going to get a fucking shit in the eye one day. He'll just be outside my gaff and just fling a piece of shit in my eye. The man is a chimpanzee. He should be cycling a unicycle and juggling around Battersea. Like it's unacceptable

you can't just fling shit at people when they don't turn up on time imagine him at airport security someone doesn't have their liquids in a bag and he's fucking

unbuttling his belt oh my god honestly that's someone's dad as well I was thinking I was like that is someone's dad he must have felt

so uncomfortable for our whole car journey being like oh god I shouldn't have shot in her doorstep I shouldn't have shot in her doorstep it wasn't her fault

and also Vogue like if we're gonna get really logistical about it that he made the decision to do that when you were about 12 minutes late

like you like that man like that wasn't he wasn't there an hour and a half you were literally 12 minutes late

he already hated you he obviously hates everyone who comes into his car could have made that decision at 7 I walked I walked by my

I walked by my concierge last night and he was like oh see you later I was like bye I'm just going to do shit outside

like a child wouldn't take a shit outside unless it's a sandbox he's just shat in the street it's the first that's the kind of first experience of that i've had well yeah i mean why do you sound surprised that is a triple wick situation that's if you're going to get him a candle go big i'm not dealing with it i didn't do it and then by the way and then the car company were like no you still have to pay for the trip it's like i know we're not going to pay for that trip you're actually going to use that money and you're going to buy my concierge something because he deserves this very unprofessional very do you know what it this very unprofessional very true it was very unprofessional

i find that behavior unprofessional oh that's the worst fucking kind of thing though like honestly if somebody like shat my shat my floor or something i i wouldn't be able. It's really hard. I know I already, I like, I wipe a lot of arses every day. You're saying this like that's an unusual trait

that you have. That you're like, sorry now, I just don't have the patience for people shitting on my floor. No one's looking for that out of anyone. Like no one's,

no one's into that. But you know, it was my biggest fear giving birth. So I was like, I like, I honestly, I said, I had said to my doctor, I was like, like, is there any way of that not happening? it was my biggest fear giving birth so i was like i like i honestly i said i said to my doctor i was like like is there any way of that not happening i was like i really can't

shit myself in front of somebody i'll be absolutely mortified blah blah blah and then straight after giving birth like obviously i'd said hello to theodore and stuff straight away i was like to midwife swear on my dad's life i didn't shit myself swear my dad's life for the rest your dad's dead that's a fucking cop out swear in his grave swear in his grave we could be going and swearing on our dad's lives it doesn't mean anything

they have no life they're lifeless they did swear my dad's life I did not shit myself during pregnancy I didn't actually thank you very much I did. That was in interviews. I swear on my dad's life, I did not shit myself during pregnancy. I didn't, actually. Thank you very much.

Not on either child. Just trying to live her little celeb life, getting people shitting on her doorstep. Come on. This continues. You have to set up

a little toilet rail holder on the side of the gate door. I actually feel like I'm kind of happy he did it. I've gotten so much out of toilet rail holder on the side of the gate door. I actually feel so good. I'm kind of happy he did it. I've gotten so much out of the shitting on the doorstep. All day yesterday filming, we laughed and laughed about the doorstep shit.

My story, it's not anything to do with my life really, at the moment, is a story that I really liked. I like animals doing human jobs. it kind of gives me a great thrill like dog i feel sorry for the dogs they just like just have to do a job what about the dog the dogs that don't have to work they're like speaking to their the other dog mates that do work like the police dogs like what are you doing say I have to go to work and the other dogs like ah staying around

just doing nothing yeah they're just MILF dogs just yoga mom dogs like Winnie hasn't done a day's work in his life he hasn't

he's the eyes on him he's already been down the fucking coal mines all his life he's so depressed isn't he he doesn't know actual hardship

like do you know what I mean he's acting like he's had this really rough ride of it all know actual hardship like do you know what I mean he's acting like he's had this really rough ride of it all excuse me you get wheeled

around Battersea Park on top of a Fabergé egg three times a day when you get over yourself but even Spencer's dad will come over

and he's like has anyone walked this dog and I'm like yeah twice today he gets eight like Winnie I don't think

there's ever been a day that Winnie hasn't had a walk even like if I'm dying Sweden have recruited crows to pick up discarded cigarette butts from the streets and squares of a Swedish city as part of a cost cutting drives

that's quite that's like crows are you sure it's crows? yeah but the thing that made me laugh so much is they're wild birds taking part on a voluntary basis they're not taking part

they don't know what they're doing it's like if i if i was in a white wine blockade eating chips off the ground they're like joanne mcnally is taking part in a tidy towns competition on a voluntary basis i'm i don't know what i'm doing like they're not they're not volunteering they're being gaslit into eating fag butts off the street of Sweden. Where do they put them? They pick them up and put them in the bin? And put them in the bin

they get given a little bit of food. That's amazing. Isn't it? Yeah, but I don't like crows. I wish they'd done it with a nicer bird like a pigeon or something. No, pigeons would smoke them.

Pigeons would just light them up and smoke them. What? Yeah, pigeons are such like little tough bastards. Do you ever see them at the guard stations? Pigeons are the hooligans

of the bird world. They absolutely are. But have you ever seen a pigeon with a toe? Because they all seem to just have no feet. Their feet just like, they just get battered around

and the pigeons have no feet. They get blown up. They get blown off because they hang around on electrical fences and stuff. Is that what happens to their feet? So apparently crows

have the reasoning skills of a seven-year-old child. And that's why they're the most likely birds to actually give over the fag butts rather than just eat them and get lung cancer or try and light them up like a pigeon.

But are they the most intelligent bird? I don't know. I think I told a story to spencer and this is a true story about the swan in dublin like that committed suicide what i swear it's all it's swan mom died this is a true story somebody sent me a link to an article and i was like oh it just there's no point in really pushing with it but actually it's true swans like are really intelligent and one of them committed suicide by holding its head i think it either held its head there's no point in really pushing with it but actually it's true swans like are really intelligent and one of them committed suicide

by holding its head I think it either held its head under the water or it hit its head on ice when its mom died so could it have been an accident? what did the post-mortem say? I was thinking Sweden could train the crows to peck out the eyes of people who drop fag butts

how about that? oh god you see I don't like crows I wouldn't like crows to be flying around the place. Just in general, they're not nice birds. Don't they eat like mice and stuff? They're really mean.

That's how birds survive. What do you think other birds are like eating? They don't eat mice, they eat worms. Do you think birds are like eating pasta and stuff? Getting chicken fillet rolls

with themselves? You know what you should never do? They're all eating each other. That's how the animal world works. And there I am getting an absolute bollocking for drinking milk Jesus

I know someone was smoking one of those do you know those the vape do you have these vape you know the way they're like vaping

this is the other thing because me and Val don't smoke anymore and even though I'm would you stop telling everybody I smoke it's in the show now I said she smokes so much

that child that child's gonna come out down that birth canal like a Cher like you know when Cher comes onto the stage in like a plume of smoke tonight Michael

I'm gonna be well I don't smoke thank you whatever but the Joanne does sneaky smoking when she drinks by the way everybody there you go joanne now i told on you and and focus botox we'll continue on this line if you

want look look there you go no i fucking don't oh god i'm so old looking folks got a club foot folks got webbed feet no I was gonna say the webbed feet Joanne has warts and verrucas folks got three vaginas Joanne has enormous flaps folks puts on a vaginal display ring up the Daily Mail

tell them she's putting on a vaginal display anyway I was gonna say it's a fucking vaping machine so it doesn't matter now no tell us now when people think that they're vaping instead of smoking

and it's better for them like you're basically smoking a USB like it's like you're smoking an electrical appliance that smells like a Knickerbocker Glory how is that better for you? I used to when I was

when I did smoke years ago I used to have a vape but like I'd have the vape in my hand a hundred percent of the time and then i'd smoke as well so like i was double double jobbing i would if a lad was vaping that would be a nick for me now oh no those vapes that are like this plume of smoke comes out you know those big ones i'm like and then you can't get away from it and you're like swallowing someone else's lung air it's disgusting it's the lot it's that it's the kind of same theory of lads with big cars you know the lads who have the vapes they're like they're the size of lawnmowers and they're like chugging on them they're like yeah actual exhaust pipes and

they're kind of covered they're khaki colored coloured and they're kind of all military styled and camouflaged and all, you're like calm down you're clearly hung like a crouton I think Spenny had a car like that, Spenny did have a car like that he called it the aunt

it was like three years ago he had that exact car, did you see it or something? The aunt, what's the aunt like the aunt was? That years ago. He had that exact car. Did you see it or something? The aunt? What's the aunt? Like the aunt what? That was a car he had. A camouflage Range Rover, Land Rover thing.

Why do you actually camouflage now? Why do you actually camouflage? I'm on tour. We're adding more dates. Like where? There are no more days days how are you adding more I've looked through your tour schedule

I want you to come home now I'm going to I'm adding more UK dates do you know I'm off for the whole of July and August I think I'm going to go to Portugal for like two months I spoke to John

I want to get a villa in Portugal and go train with John really do you really want to do that though ask John and go train with John. Really? Do you really want to do that though? Ask John. He's looking into villas and he said it to me about you today. Will you not miss the baby?

No, I'll bring the babies. Damn it! You have to come. They're coming. They're coming. I want to add in a code as well for Bear. So if anyone wants 20% off Bear by by vogue the code is ghosted and i would also like to tell anyone worrying about any tan changes in dha and stuff like that our tan is all good you're gonna get your ultra dark it's fine don't

worry 20 off code it's ghosted focus in cahoots with the world health organization the eu vladimir putin and anyone else who makes decisions in the fake organization the eu vladimir putin and anyone else who makes decisions in the fake tan world not vladimir putin he ignored me did not dm you back now collab with the kremlin love it oh that was great fun joanne very very good fun thank you everyone for listening and we will be back we'll be back with the next episode what are we going to be back with on wednesday the extras that comes out on wednesday Thank you.