My Therapist Ghosted Me - Dumped Friends & The Worst News

Episode Date: November 5, 2021

What could "the worst news" possibly be and how bad is it?? Find out all about Vogue's recent announcement and what Joanne was up to in Ireland for the last few days.... Plus, oranges, ear wax, drowning and impotence. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of delicate input, patience, skill and remarkable delivery. Oh Jo, Jo got lazy. In today's episode we have the worst news of all time, Joanne dumping her mate and sticking your fingers in your ears. So, you're all dressed up, where are you going? Basically, my friend Áine is over from ireland for a couple of days um joe she thought you were a woman yeah lots of people thought that about joe didn't they they

think they're like once i sent a i post a photo of you and they're like is that joe and i was like yeah and they're like oh my god i thought he was a woman i feel like our man voices make his voice look like sound even more feminine. So true. Anyway, so O'Neill's over. I was like, oh, go and see a show, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I got lured in. I was surfing the internet.

And it's like, listen to her talk about it. I was surfing the net. Surfing the World Wide Web. And I was like, tickets, go and see Phantom of the Opera from 40 quid. And then you click in and you the Opera from 40 quid and then you you click in and you're like 40 quid

if you want to literally watch it from the orionel in the pub next door like I was like it's 40 quid to watch it through a pair of binoculars

from Wimbledon they're like oh do you want to be in the theatre oh yeah that's 12 grand I can't go to any of the theatre shows Hamilton

200 pence are you high oh I'm sorry Hamilton Hamilton is so worth 200 pounds See the other pricing Is that obviously It's carbon monoxide poisoning

Because they've lost their mind Listen You and I You can go to my house I've got Disney Plus Hamilton is on Disney Plus You can watch it for free Okay?

No we have to go to the theatre You do have to go to the theatre I'm just like Don't be luring me in With your 40 pounds Like 40 pounds Is to watch it from the bar Like the tickets are

200 quid, standard. Oh, they are. But you know, I went to see The Lion King last week and it was so good. Like you should go see The Lion King. It's unbelievable. Really? Yeah.

God, it's so good. If you've never seen it, honestly. I went to the matinee of the Tina Turner musical before. And I love a matinee because obviously I don't really work. So during the day, I'm just kind of floating around. And I love a matinee because obviously I don't really work. So during the day, I'm just kind of floating around. And I take myself out in the town regularly and went to the matinee of Tina Turner.

And I felt so sorry for her because she's so unbelievable. But because it's a matinee, it's just like me and then just loads of old people in wheelchairs and stuff getting fed through a straw. Like the vibes were not there for her.

I am sorry. I went to the matinee, and I disagree with you. I love a matinee because, to be honest with you, the ones at night are too late for me. Oh, 100%. That's my bedtime. I just don't know how people... I've been working over here in Ireland.

I didn't get home until half eight last night, and I was like, Jesus, it's bedtime. I just have to go home and take off my makeup and get straight into bed. What are you doing over there by the way I um I was in an event for Spotlight they had a Christmas event Christmas event already and I love it like I was listening to Christmas music I got into like a Christmassy outfit just everything about Christmas Christmas I'm literally obsessed do you remember do you remember when I don't know if we've spoken about this in the pub before remember I did Celebr did celebrity family fortunes with you guys and it

was the Christmas episode we did the trees and all I was so embarrassed they're like you're a comedian dancing yeah will you pull a funny when the camera comes on will you pull a funny face I was like will I fuck I'm not that kind of comedian I'm not a fun one okay oh yeah the dancing we all had to dance on the spot we had to dance alone on the spot

while each of us judged each other it was so it was actually horrific do you know what I actually no dignity to it no dignity to it

I can't talk about that family fortunes without getting really fucked off with Alexander he was shit and everyone else was like oh no Al, Alzo, he did so well. He fucking nearly lost the game for us. People were saying we swear too much on the pod.

Sometimes I feel like I do swear too much. I think I bring out the worst in you, to be honest. You do. I know. You do, actually. And like the last time I fell asleep on the couch, you were there. Before the podcast, people kind of had a lot more respect for you. It's so funny.

The people who talk about it, and they're like, folks, funny. I was like, I know. That's the biggest reveal of the whole thing. That's what a joke is. There's a reveal at the end. It's you. I had an air hostess. I was the, that's what a joke is. There's a reveal at the end. It's you. I had an air hostess, I was flying my favourite, oh God. Okay. So Aer Lingus fly from terminal

two, in Heathrow. Guess what's just opened there? Press! Remember that shitty eat? Yeah! Had my porridge yesterday. I never fly, I don't fly with Aer Lingus, you know I exclusively fly a Reiner. I will not spend a penny. Because of the sustainability. On transport. I will not spend a penny. I got the, so I was back in Ireland to, I was doing a gig for the Puka festival in Dundalk and I flew over and got the bus because the organ was like, why don't you just hop in a taxi and drive? Oh, you think I'm flashing and I get a taxi? I got the bus, okay?

You wouldn't get a taxi to Trada. The bus was in bits. It was like chewing them stuck all over the seat and all. And I was like, this is back to my old days. And then I stayed in Slane Castle. I saw that. That looked amazing. It's amazing.

It looks haunted. It looks haunted. Are you sure? It looks haunted. It has to be. Halloween vibes. Anyway, it was absolutely fantastic. I think it's haunted. It looks haunted. Are you sure? It looks haunted. Maybe it's Halloween vibes. Anyway, it was absolutely fantastic. I felt like a queen. And then he went to that other castle place.

Where was that? Oh, okay. So I went back home with the intention of kind of wrapping it up with Dennis because I was like, look, you know, this can't really go anywhere.

It can't go anywhere. I don't live there. You don't live here. You've got kids. You're not going anywhere. Anyway,'t live there. You don't live here. You've got kids. You're not going anywhere. Anyway, basically lived with him for five days in Clowney Castle and now I think we're engaged. You know, I love that.

It's a love story. Well, it was basically like, are you riding anyone else? No. Are you riding anyone else? No. I was like, we're engaged. Oh my God.

We're riding away. He's like, let's just ride the wave and I guess I'm the wave, so he's riding me. Oh, I thought you were going to say, oh, we're engaged! Oh my God! We're riding away. He's like, let's just ride the wave. And I guess I'm the wave. So he's riding me. Oh, I thought you were going to say, oh, we're just riding away. I love that at the start. And you're just like bang bang all the time.

Well, I did get in a lot of trouble with people because I basically just went MIA. Like I had emails from my mother being like, are you safe? Are you well? Are you okay? This is what I do. It's not just me you dump. I did ring Joanne. I said, I thought she might have some slight sense of remorse and I said

oh you're one of those people that dumps everybody when you get a boyfriend. She goes yeah I am yeah. I am yeah. Like I'm yeah my friend the only one who's over at the moment she was giving me shit about it as well. She's like it's just not acceptable. All you've got you to yourself now.

Dennis needs to come to London. She's like you're not 14. Like you don't she's like can you not to come to London. She's like, you're not 14. Like, you don't, she's like, can you not just have a normal, can you not just like go for dinner and then like date and then the next day ring your mum? Like, why does it have to be

in like locked up in a hotel for five days? You know? It's very intense. Does Dennis take any phone calls? Did Dennis take any phone calls? I don't think he did. No. Oh, so you're both weirdos. Yeah.

We just sat around in the lobby up there. Great hotel. Five stars. Oh, I think I'm going to start doing hotel reviews. No, I just don't think it's good, right or fair in the hotel, especially if it's a nice one. Actually, I want you to say, I've got these Prada sunglasses and one of you was like,

did you pay for them? I said, yeah. She goes, why didn't, you know, people get an idea, you just get everything for free. It's like, why didn't you ring Prada?

I was like, Prada do not, they definitely don't want me advertising their sunglasses. Anyway, so that's, that's the dentist thing. I don't know.

Ah, well, I think it's nice. I like that you've fallen, you're falling. Easy. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't know. Ah, well, do you know? No, I think it's nice. I like that you've fallen. You're falling. Easy. Okay, okay, okay. We'll see.

All right, okay. But it's stupid. This is the thing. I can't sleep. I always get attached to people that I sleep with. Like, Dennis is a one-night stand. Look how that's worked out. Things have really, things have really happened. If Svenny was a one-night stand,

look what I've done to myself. Well, your one-night stand just got completely out of control. I completely lost the run of myself now I can't get rid of him he lives there all the time he's always in that

bloody house he's always taking up my space I know I'm like would you not go somewhere for god's sake now Vogue

speaking of Spano will I tell them our bad news I got some very bad medical news I'm absolutely devastated Vogue's pregnant I was hoping it was a cyst I got some very bad medical news. I'm absolutely devastated.

Vogue's pregnant. I was hoping it was a cyst. And she was just going to get it burnt off. And then we could go back living our lives. Whatever. I mean. Joanne, it's not like you even remember. I have to remind you every few days.

I keep forgetting she's pregnant. Yeah. It's like the hurt happens all over again. Yeah she's having a baby. Having another baby. At this stage it's just environmentally irresponsible though that's what I would say to you. Oh my god you sound like my mother. Before I told my mom about being pregnant right I knew I was pregnant but I had to wait till Spencer got here to tell him first and I was kind of just setting up for my mum and I was like yeah we're gonna start trying for another baby now oh I don't think you should oh no I don't think oh no two is a great number two is a fantastic number actually

it's terrible for the environment says you're one with four kids it's great for the environment she wasn't thinking of the environment back then when it suited her they didn't know there was an environment back then they knew all about the hole in the ozone layer. That was the ozone layer. That was their only problem back then. I know, I know. I was looking for her to get a tan. I feel like everybody, though, is a bit like, oh.

And, like, I keep forgetting to tell people as well. That's another thing. Like, I had someone ring me today and they just, I answered the phone and they go, you fucking bitch. And I was like, oh, hello. And they were just like, you never tell me you fucking bitch. And I was like, oh, hello. And they're like, you never told me you were pregnant.

I had to see it on your Instagram and I'm like, I can't go ringing everybody. That's why you do a hello spread so people find out themselves. Yeah, I love.

That's so you don't have to ring around. You're like, it's on the news shelf. Yeah, hello did it for me. Here, I did watch it on Dear Joe Kane. I found it very funny. Thanks, Vogue.

But I was kind of having a disagreement with Spencer at the time. I'm lying in bed and I was watching it and I was trying not to laugh. Because I was trying to be like really angry. People kind of have, Deeran Garrahy was like to me, I knew you were pregnant when you posted those oranges. What? I posted, Deeran Garrahy was like to me, I knew you were pregnant when you posted those oranges.

So basically I've been stuffing my face with oranges, but they have to be those big oranges that you cut into quarters, like at a hockey match. And I can't get enough of them. And I posted a picture and the amount of people that were like, oh, are you pregnant? And I had to delete the picture. Yeah, people guess from cravings.

Mine are like tomatoes. I can't stop eating bruschetta. Remember with you, my stunning bruschetta. If you were chewing a shoe or something, if you were like, oh, I just really need a bit of leather in me right now, I'd be like, that's weird. But not an orange orange is like a pregnancy thing but then people guess when I start wearing long gym tops why is she wearing a gym top hmm I just be like it's just it's just an extra ab just like a round ab around me and Vogue are on the same page though

we do find pregnancy very boring. God, it's so boring. We do, don't we? My worst part, though, you missed the worst part. The start was the worst, so we're over that. And by then, I'll be ready for summer again. It's not going to scupper your plans. I've brought in Amber. She's coming over tomorrow to live in London.

And then I'll go out and I'll leave you two up to it. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's what I'll do. Yeah, yeah. You do owe me, though. Yeah, so don't say I don't do anything for you because I do. Yeah, she's flying in her sister.

Oh Jesus, my mum, speaking of my family, my mum was like, she mailed me. Let me see the mail actually. She mailed me the other day. I wish you'd crave alcohol. That would actually be great for me

if you just woke up. I've really gone off it. If you were craving wine, that'd be great. No. And remember, I'd just gotten on my wine buzz. My mom mailed me she goes I think I'm going to start listening to your podcast. I hear I'm being

mentioned. Uh oh. I said they're not for your ears and she said now I'm even more curious. It was like that porn one last week and then Jo made that video and I couldn't put up the porn video because I was like I don't want my mom knowing that I frequent a porn site. Yeah, I mean, I would be keeping that shit to myself as well. I wouldn't be sticking that in the family WhatsApp. I said, Mom, you're not allowed. Not allowed. Absolutely not.

I was thinking a lot about brain injuries this week. Oh really, what was that? Do you know that, do you remember your one, the woman who had a brain injury and she woke up with an Irish accent yeah

that was gas where was that from do you not remember that Jo yeah I do remember that she'd have full blown like Dublin it was very good

better than some of the actors the Aussie woman the Aussie woman I've just remembered Audrey is I'm getting my teeth straightened in Mel's

where it's clinic where Audrey works that's her practice but she's making my teeth straightened in Mel's where it's a clinic where Audrey works. That's her practice. But she's making, I just straightened, so I have to wear these things 22 hours a day and obviously because it's Audrey

she threatened me with violence if I didn't. She was like, because she's given them to me for free. You're going to start lisping if you put them in there. And she was like, better plug these.

They cost thousands. Put them on the pod. Anyway, I have to wear them all the time now. So she is going to be spitting her way through this pod now. No, it's actually grand, isn't it? Is it? Yeah.

No, it's not terrible. Listen, Audrey, I'm sorry. She can't wear them for the pod. Put them in after. Because every time I do an Insta story now, she's like, wear your fucking bracelets. I'm like, ah! Well, you have to wear them, what, 22 hours a day?

22 hours a day. Oh, God, I'm so glad I got bracelets when I was younger. Those ones are grand, though. It's not like you've got train tracks hanging out of your mouth. No, your teeth are my favorite teeth, I think. Okay, I'll take them out. Oh, something that's annoyed me this week, right? Have you noticed, I know this is probably a bit late because Halloween has been and gone, whatever.

Those bullshit Halloween shoots. Like, again, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have to talk badly about Travis and Courtney again. But they have all these different, like they were Edward Scissorhands and they did this, recreated this whole shoot of Edward Scissorhands and Winona Ryder. And then they did another shoot when they were like, you're one from whatever that movie is.

And it's like, how do they have so much time on their hands that they're able to just like create all these shoots around like, honestly, I feel, I know it's for content. I just don't think I'd be able to do that. Did you not dress up? I, yeah, as a witch, like just a shit costume I bought on Amazon. I couldn't stop laughing because when you did the Steph show,

like your makeup was all, like you were supposed to be like a haggard ghost, but because you're so used to taking attractive selfies, she was still doing all like the posing that you would do for like an attractive selfie and she looked absolutely in bits. My one request for the Steph show was like, I don't want to be like a slutty nurse or something like that.

I want to be something good and scary. And they were like, OK, well, we'll go to town on you with this. And then and then they put this stuff on my teeth to make them black. And honestly, it tasted like a cat had done a poo in my mouth. It was bloody awful. And it just really bothers me. I don't even know why it bothered me so much. I saw a meme today.

It was like, oh, that awkward moment. You realize Halloween's over and you're still a slut. I saw a meme today. It was like, oh, that awkward moment you realize Halloween's over and you're still a slut. I've just never been one to dress up in those little bits and bobs. I'm pretty sure my brother. Oh, oh my God. What are you looking at? Courtney and Travis. I know. And there was two and it's like, honestly, how long did you spend doing that?

She looks great as a blonde actually she's a ride I'm getting a bit more tau for them now em I don't think I could get more more tau for them Edward Scissorhands

Jesus that's going to be you and Dennis next yeah Dennis yeah right you guys you guys are going to turn into the new

Chloe and or whatever Courtney and I'd be like Dennis I've booked us I've booked us a shoot with RSVP magazine. He's there in his oily,

his overalls from working all stinking like a bonnet. I'm like, come on. Oh my God, does he wear those Snickers trousers? Of course he does. That's why I'm with him.

Oh my God, I love them. Mm-hmm. There was actually a lad in Pret-a-Manger, just in Pret-a-Manger there, again, with the Snickers pants.

Okay, we honestly, like, never stop talking about Pret-a-Manger. That's why they'll never come to us with an ad because we just talk about them all the time. Amber was furious

I came home to Dublin and didn't bring her a meatball sub thing. I was like, do you think I'm carrying a smelly meatball sub on the plane home to you? I was like,

I left at seven in the morning. They don't do that at seven in the morning. What else is going on? That's all I think that's going on about this week. I don't want to hit people with the really mundane shit that I'm up to, but I was thinking because remember last week we were talking about getting the egg. Let's not talk about the pregnancy anymore. OK, as far as we know,'m out of this on this podcast

I'm no longer pregnant yeah you forget you forget anyway you don't care you don't even know I forget all the time good

that's better until I start like having a proper bump then you'll just be crying all the time yeah oh my god I got this message

off this woman so you obviously did the shout out for the pod but some of them some of the women just messaged me directly. They obviously know you're not going to read.

I'm more of a reader. Tell me, go on, you tell me your ones. Or what you have. So the ick, I don't even know why we brought up the ick last week. It was because I was watching what was it called? Curb Your Enthusiasm. And it's so true. Some things just do really give you the ick.

And it's like, oh, God. So some people were saying, right? And I actually thought this was about me when people post major life milestones on social media before telling close friends and family that sounds kind of shady and quite pointed doesn't it yeah Charlotte sent that to me and I was like hmm sounds a lot like me I actually thought that was one of my friends saying it about the hello thing. That sounds like fun. Loud breathing and people who nod during a presentation, you know the way people are like... People who nod through a presentation?

Like I can't possibly have sex with you again, you've been nodding all morning. This was my favourite from Amy. Two guys playing ping pong, one misses the ball and sprints after it. Cringe. I don't know what it is about that. It's so specific. No, when they go, when they run for something, like when someone like runs for something,

I'm like, oh, cringe. I don't know if someone had to run for a taxi or something. I don't know why that kind of cringes me out. That bit of spit in the corner of people's lips. Oh God, yeah. It's up there with mascara goop. Oh, mascara goop is the worst. i once this one's for you i think i once got the ache because a guy couldn't open a bottle of wine that would be how can you not open up it's like well i'm sorry i just i obviously drink twisty

caps like if someone arrived with one that needed a cork taken out of it i'm like oh oh no that's cor caught someone's doing well do you know what my ones are though if someone like sticks their like just when someone is like itching their ear but sticks their finger in their ear it honestly makes me feel so ill and like then their finger is just full of ear shit it grosses me out and you know when people are going running spencer does this, and honestly, it repulses me and I'm usually far behind him

because I'm such a crap runner. And like, I'm convinced some snots are going to hit me. You know, they blow snot out of each nose when they're running. With no tissue.

That's gross. Oh, it's honestly my worst. What ones did you get? Well, for me personally, things I get that give me the ick

is impotency some lads all talk and then you get them home and you're like what what the fuck i'm not here to do a 12 hour shift so bad i know sorry i know it's a serious medical issue. I was watching you on the Dear Joe Cain show and you were talking about folding it in. We've all been there. Oh, that was the mortgage joke, wasn't it? I'll just fold it in. We should actually, we could create a shoehorn for a willy that you shoehorn it in. A specific one instead of we don't need to foldy, but you shoehorn it in. A specific one instead of,

we don't need to fold anymore, we'll shoehorn it in. I've been with lads before, it was literally like an origami swan, I had to fold it in so often. Like, oh God. More folding, is it? Oh no, do you, that is so stupid. God, I wanna be Jeff Bezos.

You could probably be his wife. Yeah. Joanne, don't think I haven't thought about that. Sure, you can't seduce him. He's never here. He's always up in space. This is when I got this message from this woman who is, I mean, I was just like, what?

She says she keeps a note in my phone of icks. She says some of them are quite niche. Yes, they are. Go, go, I want to hear them. Having a scarf tied properly, bowling, being a magician or having previously been a magician. I completely agree with that. You know, if a magician comes up to you at a wedding, I'm like, I just feel like saying, fuck off. Who's have a magician at a wedding? Oh my God, people love magicians no they don't loads of people

love them any card tricks or anything I'm like oh no saying me thinks oh my god

who is this woman I love her her name's Sarah repeating something to a group because they didn't think everyone heard when they had

putting on a baby baby voice era. Repeating something to a group because they didn't think everyone heard when they had. Putting on a baby voice. Saying tummy. Her next one, being in an acupanic room. They are so specific. Yeah, hold on, there's more. Excuse me, there's nothing wrong with tummy. I hate belly.

When people say belly. Imagining them them taking selfies then choosing the best one calling oh my god i actually these are reminding me of ones for me when spenny goes to the gym and like he takes off his top and gets his trainer sean to take pictures of him when he posts it to instagram i'm like i'm like why are you such i actually have to text him and i'm like why are you being so thirsty today? Who's that picture for? Yeah, yeah. Honestly, Spenna. Spenna needs to rehydrate.

He needs a diorolite, that man. Doesn't he? Oh, he's past diorolite. He needs to go to hospital and get on drip. He is past diorolite. The list goes on. Drowning. I know, I'm the same.

I can't bear when people drown. I'm like, oh, gross. Get away from me. Going missing and having an appeal online and then it turns out they're fine but the posts are still in their Facebook looking like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. I mean, I don't...

She's really going, oh my God. Remember that happened with Rosanna Davison's mate and she, like, everybody was posting about him and it turned out he was just on the set of course that's what happens like I get a lot of messages from people going

please share like and share and I'm like I know that girl's going to turn up at like 3am or 6pm tomorrow and then I'm going to

have to take it down also here's her last one this may be harsh but applies to everyone but another ick is picturing them as a baby the fact they were

once a baby I'm like gross so basically sarah's probably celibate i'd imagine because she jesus christ but thank you sarah's dead right they're a bit icky all of those are a little bit icky you know what when someone's not very good at something like if i like if i was to play tennis with like a new a new potential partner and they were shy at tennis, I'd be like, nah, can't. I know. I can't. No weakness.

No athletic weakness is Vogue's ick. No, you have to be good at sports and be into going to the gym and stuff like that. One of our friends, he got the ick off this girl because she would, they were on holidays and she would wake up like quite late in the morning. And the first thing she'd do is order a Diet Coke and he was like

it was just so gross every morning she'd just like she wouldn't get out of bed to go to the beach and then she'd just lay in bed and order a Diet Coke

yeah she's on her fucking she's on her holiday she's trying to chill one of my I genuinely I went on a date with a guy once

and excited to go on the date and he went to the bar and ordered himself a glass of red wine. I was like, well, that's the end of that. Because he didn't order you anything.

Well, A, he didn't order me anything and he was drinking a glass of red wine. The glass is shaped like a cervix. I can't watch men drink out of them. Really? No, at the time,

now I wouldn't care, but at the time, I was like, you know, I wanted the men, like I wanted, who were drinking pints of cement, like, and he came back with a glass of red time I was like, you know, I wanted the men, like I wanted who were drinking pints of cement, like bleh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he came back with a glass of red and I was like, you've ruined it. To be honest with you, a pint of Guinness would probably put me off a little bit as well because I'd be thinking about the farts. Like icks don't necessarily make sense. Do you know what I mean? They're just a kind of a turning point which there's no going back from. There is no going back from it.

I told you I bit a lad in the face once, did I? No, why? back from there was no going back from it i told you i bit a lad in the face once did i no why i was so once so icked out by a guy i was seeing do you know why he he wore like a sherlock holmes cape how did you even go on a date with him i didn't know he had the cape he didn't the cape didn't come out until about the three weeks in anyway once he was caped up that was it i was out but i didn't know how to tell him because obviously I'm a coward. So he went to kiss me and he was trying, and I,

my body just lashed out and I bit him on the lip. I bit his lip. Oh God. Yeah. Well, fair enough if he was wearing the cape. Do you know what?

He's like, I was like, no, that's not sexy. That's violence. Oh, revolting. But you know what? Another thing that grosses me out, when a guy wears really tight clothes,

but they've purposely bought the really tight clothes, or those tank tops that go down to like their nipples, they are like... You know the ones I'm talking about? Oh, they're just hideous. And clothes that are too tight, like, no. Come here to me. Did you read that thing

em well I mean it's terrible goss but it's goss all the same Zayn Malik and Yolanda they're broken up now

I know they're broken up Yolanda's actually pressing charges against him what yeah she's pressing full blown charges

against him he's all coming out he's you know he's kind of sticking to his the truth will out blah blah blah but like that lad in fairness to him

he always seemed a bit kind of on the edge didn't he and then he was didn't he quit music because of all his anxiety he quit one direction and yeah

because he had really bad anxiety and stuff like that but I just feel like I'm not saying that's an excuse I also have terrible anxiety I've never once punched a woman in the face I'm not saying that justifies I don't well we don't know if he never once punched a woman in the face. I'm not saying that justifies.

I don't, well, we don't know if he punched her in the face. I just found the whole story really, like, disturbing. Like, what a nightmare. But what a nightmare not getting on with your mother-in-law either. What a nightmare having a kid with someone that you're not with and now you have to deal with them for the rest of your life. Oh, God. Nightmare.

It's so annoying. That's why I think, genuinely, if I do decide to have a kid i'd get a danish one like i get the sperm let's do it myself yeah the dane the danish ones are great as well though they're hot they're cool they're they're they're probably the hottest nation there i said that they are they're the hottest nation they're all tall there i went over there for that documentary i went to the sperm bank and everything. What? Yeah, I did a documentary. Remember, about women having kids on their own.

And I went to the sperm bank in Denmark. They're all right. They're all right. They just wander around. They're just giant tallness, six foot and up. How involved were you watching them donate sperm? I wish. Is it not just in the jar? No, Joanne, I do that in the privacy of my own home.

Do they know? Is it not just in the jar? No, Joanne, I do that in the privacy of my own home. Donations will be taking place in Vogue's basement. Imagine just getting lads around. I was doing it in standard. I was like, I don't even need them anymore. I just squeeze them

like a spock, get the sperm out and go. Yeah, that's all you need. Get the sperm and then you don't have to deal with anyone's bullshit. And you get to choose what you want,

like what they look like, what kind of vibe. I would be going tall, dark, green eyes. I don't think you can do that. I think that's like... Yeah, you can.

Yeah, you can. Really unethical. Isn't it? It's like a menu. It's a menu. It's not like you're flicking through a catalogue.

You can't build your own baby. That's exactly what it's like. You build your own baby. It's build a you're flicking through a catalogue. You can't build your own baby. That's exactly what it's like. You build your own baby. It's build a bear with a baby. I don't think this is factually correct. It is factually correct. You can choose what you want. But it's not really unethical then because...

No, it's like if I was going to like go on a date with somebody. I'd rather go on a date with my six foot tall green eyed... No, of course. But I mean, is it not kind of would that not end up in people just like if everyone chooses their own baby

that no one will have flaws no I mean some people go for personality like they go and look at their personality like I'm not interested in that who cares I'm more of a looks person

who gives a shit I want a hot baby I want a hot baby. Why are those people walking past so slowly? It's a tour, is it? A tour of the radio show. What do you mean tour? People go on tours of the radio station. I was just walking past the window

really slowly waving at me. I wanted to talk to you about Brits. Well, it's because it's... It's the Brits. The Brits, right? They have revealed their most bizarre fears. And it made me think about our fears. So they're in order, right? British people have revealed their most bizarre fears. And it made me think about our fears. So they're in order, right?

British people have revealed their most bizarre fears. What do you think the worst fear is for anyone? Impotency. No heights. Oh yeah, heights, that makes sense, yeah. That's your worst fear, impotency. Mine's impotency. You had to face that.

That's why when I smoked, I used to love buying the boxes with the impotent men on it. Because I was like, well, at least I know that can never happen to me. And they're number one, right? I'll run through them quickly and then you can tell me yours. Heights, spiders, snakes, enclosed spaces, dentists. I love the dentist. Ghosts, the dark, needles, clowns, flying, blood, the devil.

Everyone's scared of the devil. Water, being home alone. The colour yellow was the last one. What's wrong with the colour yellow people don't like belly buttons I know someone with a with a deep rooted serious phobia of cotton wool

yeah because the sound of it and the touch of it I'd hate to chew cotton wool that'd be gross my biggest fear I would say obviously about eating cotton wool apparently that's what

all the models ate in the 80s cotton wool to feel full I was going to say I wonder what your I'm feeling this thin line between fashion and mental illness

but that was what they did I did hear that I thought it was toilet paper though anything yeah anything to kind of fill their stomach up so they wouldn't

eat and be hungry yeah but then what does your poo come out like furry no I hate it John doesn't like poo shots so hate it Joanne doesn't like poo

so we'll just have to keep that to ourselves one thing I'm really frightened obviously of death I'm surprised that's not on the list like come on

death is scarier than heights death and wasps I can't stand wasps I can't stand anyone who's into essential oils Joanne that's how I feel

about you and the sage, though. I'd say your house reeks of sage. It smells like wee. Well, it's not easy getting demons out of your life, Vogue, okay? Well, you're going to have to think of your house, mate. Your house smells like wee.

It doesn't. What are you on about? It doesn't smell like... Sage smells like wee. It doesn't. It absolutely couldn't. Not true. I got really annoyed

because when I went down that hole about brain injuries and this website was like selling essential oils for brain injuries. It's holistic. I don't like anything holistic. I don't like wellness.

I don't like mental well-being. Don't like feeling well. Don't like feeling well. Don't like anything. Do you know, I don't like... Incensebeing. Don't like feeling well. Don't like feeling well. Don't like anyone. Do you know, I don't like... Incense. I hate incense. Love incense.

Oh, God. That's like, how can you not say... How can you say you don't like holistic when you're sniffing incense and stuff? That's holistic. I just think it's a bit unethical if someone has a brain injury suggesting that if they smell a bit of frankincense,

they'll be grand. I think that was what... That was kind of the vibe. I just don't like anything to do with essential oils. And I don't like paying 200 quid to go and see hamilton by the way i think it's a really good time to say i am only 20 quid in plymouth are you i think so yeah i can't wait to go to you oh my god i actually have something very nice for our listeners do you know what because i was on a bear call this morning I have got 20% off bear for all of our podcast listeners

what you just have to use ghosted on checkout that is ready to go 20% off all your tanning bits because I'm being nice like that that's sad I know yeah

where's my merch you can have whatever you want from bear you know you can no I know that everybody else can have 20% off sure I took it out of your wardrobe the other day when you weren't there. That is it for this week. Remember, if you'd like to send us an email, you're more than welcome to.

Just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com. Make sure you subscribe so that you get every episode the moment it's available. We shall see you next week. Bye. Thank you.