My Therapist Ghosted Me - Elegance, Crystals & A Holiday Nightmare

Episode Date: October 15, 2021

Wait until you hear this one! Joanne's had a complete debacle of a holiday and Vogue is convinced that "sageing" is a bit much, but she's found a brilliant alternative.If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] vote for My Therapist Ghosted Me in The National Comedy Awards 2021, for Best Comedy Podcast! Visit the website and VOTE here: http://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Bo Williams, and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of doing, sharing, developing, broadening, and gently pushing boundaries in the name of comedy entertainment. In today's episode, we have The Holiday from Hell and Ella Ganzaz. I have an issue, right? It's my face. It's my face. I've been saying that for a while, but yeah.

I know. I've been smiling too much over the years. It's become a problem. I've had too much of a good time. Look at these bits. These are like what old people have. And now I have them But You can't get rid of that

With Botox How do you get rid of that I'm going to have to stop smiling Are you talking about Like What do you What do you actually These lines

The smiling ones Listen I'm not I'm going to be I'm not going to be as happy anymore Vogue what are you on about Your face isn't perfect Look at these ones I'm pointing to my chinny area

That's not That's You've got I'm telling you my chinny area that's not that's you've got I'm telling you now you've got body dysmorphia you're going to end up in an asylum do you know who has

body dysmorphia Megan Fox couldn't believe it oh and she's trying to shoot the dick off machine gun Callie not found it she was trying to

shoot his dick off I'd shoot his dick off I find him so annoying her gun was pointed to his genitals Jo did you see it again I would just like to say

they're probably not even doing it right i'm sorry it's too much that house spiritual bullshit joe will you get joe i'm going to start making you actually do some work okay okay will you google machine go get that the um caption that that she wrote about there being i don't know in a galaxy together or something like oh i can't i can't it's just it's it's so annoying some people don't realize how annoying they are like I kind of realize when I look back on certain things I've said I'm like I know we dealt with a beep beep situation we know like

we've all moved we've all you know we've put it in our past we've moved on but what I can't stand is you're in love whatever like get on get on with this what are you on about get on with it don't rub it in our face what if something bad happens and then you have to tell us all that something bad's happened and i swear i don't think they're having sex i wouldn't even like to have sex with him why are you pretend like why are you pretending his semen came to you from a different galaxy like you just you're just in love like get over it oh please joe read out the thing that she said jesus christ i'm gonna fire joe i'm looking for i'll get rid of it get rid of him Oh please Joe Redate the thing That she said Jesus Christ I'm going to fire Joe

I'm looking for Joe get rid of him Get rid of him Jesus I don't know what I'm talking about I want one of those People that Joe Rogan has

Who just like Googles as they talk I feel like We're not at Joe Rogan's Level just yet John I just mean we want Someone who's kind of Like doing live updates

As we chat Megan Fox And Machine Gun Kelly Are in love It's grand We got it this isn't some extraterrestrial

stop putting your menstrual blood in a vial around his neck it's too much same for your one Molly May and your man Tommy Watts' face she was posting tweets sorry I've had it

messages that he had sent She was posting tweets, or no, not tweets, messages. Sorry, I've had it. I just woke up. Messages that he had sent. Drink the can of Coke. Molly Mayhague and your man Tommy Watts' face, and she's posting messages he's sent. They've sent each other to the back, like a TikTok-y thing to music and stuff, but how she's like, you're my world.

He's like, you're my world. I'm like world i'm like fuck oh fucking get me a bucket get over i can't i can't do that shit i don't know why people like that be disgusting in person but not to everybody else it's the smugness for me i just can't bear it and i i don't like look you're in love. I'm delighted for you. It's lovely being in love. Being in love is so lovely. But like. Fuck off. The smugness of it. It's just too much. Yeah, but she kind of like, I don't really know much about it, but I do know that she kind of like puts her foot in it.

Like sometimes she, remember she congratulated, she got herself a congratulatory gift for doing a good job. And it was like this like 80 grand bracelet she's like a gift to me a gift to me is like i've just gone and got myself a facial not an 80 grand bracelet what did she do to get an 80 grand oh she got a job she got a good job actually a good job at plt but um like don't post that you've gotten yourself an 80 grand bracelet or something it's just like we don't want to see it. Right, Joanne, I've held off asking you because, I mean,

your week looks like it's going great so far. I know. Go on. What's happened? I'm in Greece, apparently. What happened before that? When you were meant,

you were telling me about this hotel, you were going to a five me about this hotel you were going to five star hotel we booked in myself and audrey i'm going to be rolled home yeah so five star all inclusive in chania in fairness do you know what like this is actually my own fault for not being present in my own life i don't book anything i just turn up so she just sends me addresses of shit and I just go. Okay. Which means if she doesn't fulfill her end,

I'm just like a lost dog in the wilderness of Greece, which is exactly what happened. So basically, the night before I was due to fly out, I messaged her and I was like, come here, give us the like check-in dates of that place because I want to see if I can get a transfer, blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh yeah, sure, hold on. And Audrey is super organized, super successful, great job, blah, blah blah blah I said oh yeah sure hold on and Audrey is super organized super successful great job blah blah blah anyway she's looking looking looking she's like I can't find the

deets I'm really stressed I'm like don't worry like they're obviously there like we discussed it you clearly booked it one two skip a few she forgot to pay the deposit they pulled the book they just they canceled the booking didn't tell her and and like i say because i take no accountability for my own life i was just going to go to wherever she told me to go so i know it i had no involvement in the booking at all so she's freaking out i'm due to go to brunch i was like look i'm gonna go for brunch hopefully when i get back from brunch this is all I'm going to brunch sort it out bitch basically yeah she's freaking

out she's got two kids and a husband I was like do you know what don't worry we'll just go another time and she's like no because she's got two kids and a husband and she's booked time off and she's organised you know childcare and all she's like we're going like I was like come to London like it's grand like don't worry about it

and she's like no like I you know and i know it's do you know when someone do you know when someone makes such an epic fuck up that you're filled with an inner with you're filled with an inner peace because you're like i have so much power here it's like oh i love this yeah i'm like if i did that she'd have me assassinated. Do you know the way? But she's done it. She never does the shit, which means I now have the upper hand for at least 10 years of our friendship.

So that gave me a lot of inner peace. So I was just kind of, I was, I was kind of buzzing. I was kind of like buzzing and glowing with how epic her fuck up was. Yeah. I kind of enjoyed it. Anyway, I went for brunch. She's scrambling around trying to book accommodation. She's like, get on the plane.

I was like, but I've nowhere to go, Audrey. She's like, get on the plane. I was like, okay. So, like, obviously, like, I do what I'm told. I'm very suggestible. And then she's sending me through all this information about this new place she's booked and this, that, and the other. And she's like, you're going to go to the fancy place for one night.

Then you're going to go back. The for one night then you're gonna the train broke down on the way to the airport nightmare obviously i should call myself joanne replacement bus mcnally i'm on a fucking replacement bus obviously don't know if i'm gonna make the flight meet this girl who's also flying to greece called madison we become travel companions we get pissed in the airport black out in the plane. I land. I go to where I'm supposed to get, to the fancy euphoria place. They're like,

we've never heard of you. What are you doing here? I ring Audrey. She's like, that's not the hotel. I told you. You're going to this hotel. And I was like, Audrey, I need this shit spelt out for me.

Like, if there's a change of plan, I need it like spelt out in one of those airplane bubble. Like, I need to be spoon-fed this information I'm not smart enough to deal with this many plan changes I'm not smart enough okay so anyway I'm in this hotel I'm like you know what fuck it I'm gonna stay here because I'm here now and the other house is an hour away anyway I'm in an all-inclusive 24 hours I go to check out the next day she's like I was like I might stay and like have a coffee. She goes, you can stay. So to say, I stayed in that all inclusive.

Like I was wheeled out of the place at like five to midnight because I knew that once I got to my real hotel, I'd have to pay for everything. I just sat with my suitcase in the buffet in the restaurant for like nine hours, just eating and drinking everything. Got to my new hotel and they're like welcome welcome would you like a drink and I was like yeah I'd love a red wine they're like thank you you will be charged your new hotel it looks a bit sad yeah it's basically a bin so it's like I'm staying in

I was staying in a kind of a heavenly poor Audrey though I feel sorry for her but I love when people do something like that because as you said like I store that shit I'm like great well they've done that now

so I owe them one or if someone cancels I'm like ah yes means I can cancel on them another time I kind of cum a little when someone cancels

a plan on me because I'm like Edwan sorry no jeez I get such a thrill out of someone cancelling plans because it me because I'm like Edwan sorry no jeez I get such a thrill out of someone

cancelling plans because it means like I'm flaky my flake flake so when they cancel on me I'm like I get to cancel back it's the best do you know what

you've actually got it perfect with me because like you'll tell me you're coming to do something and then you might arrive you might not I never know it's like it's like

a game that you play with me yeah or I could just walk downstairs and she's just there on the peloton it's a surprise. I'm like the lotto, yeah. You are like the lotto.

Well, at least you're in Greece now and you're having a nice time. You've managed to find a hotel that doesn't look in any way Grecian. The view's fantastic. Do you know what, right? So I was sitting, I was in my hotel today

and I was like, I should go in, I should go. I don't know. It's so embarrassing because I said, I resigned myself to having a holiday where I was supposed to be in that other hotel. I was like, I'm not going to leave.

I'm just going to eat and drink until I die. And then now that I'm kind of staying in a wheelie bin in the center of Greece, I was like, I should go into the town and kind of get to know what's going on. So I walked in. I was like, I need to sample the delights, like the local culinary so I went into the town I went into Zara and then I went into a chemist and bought Greek salpidine into Zara in the middle like where are you like go to an island or something why are you there I was walking around Zara being like hola hola um I'd like this in a Grecian tan, please.

Yeah, and then I was like, I wonder what Greek salpidine is like. So I've tasted, I'm completely engrossed in the culture now. I'm delighted with myself. But do you notice that the chem, like, I don't know, in Europe anyway,

there's chemists for days. They're like KFCs in England. They're just everywhere. Like in France, they're just filled with them and they've just got The most random crap Did I tell you about the time

I went to Lourdes And got tonsillitis You're always getting tonsillitis You won't have to get them out Fucking huge tonsils My main concern So basically I was obviously prescribed

Antibiotics for my tonsillitis Which was vicious by the way And you find sympathy For anyone who has tonsillitis I forgot how horrible it is I've actually never had it Touch wood for anyone who has tonsillitis. I forgot how horrible it is. I've actually never had it, Touchwood. What?

Never had tonsillitis. Oh my God. Like, balls of pus on my tonsillitis. I couldn't swallow. It was like swallowing glass. And my doctor, she's not my doctor.

I don't own her. She just works and I rang her. Was like, I said, how come I've got tonsillitis like a 14 year old child? And she said, because you're in

lockdown because everyone's quarantining our immune system is so low because we're not used to dealing with germs and I was like oh my god and because I basically ate Dennis for four days oh god I was like Dennis you're a giant germ everyone's a germ if you're like ramming your whole and at the start of a relationship you're like ramming your whole and at the start of a relationship you're like shoving your whole tongue down there right to the back you're licking tonsils licking tonsils machine licking tonsils we were doing it we were doing a machine gun kylie on it but anyway so anyway my new fear is um antibiotic resistance that's what's gonna actually kill us not climate change antibiotic resistance so basically i know listen i don't even know if i want to know any more stuff i'm already frightened of the aliens

like what is this now honestly i don't want to leave the haves this picture of gg when you see it i'm turning my phone off airplane she's dressed up right and she's got when are you gonna get her to say my name she just says mama. She says mama when she gets to the gate now. I can hear her outside the door as well. Oh, stop! Is that not the cutest?

At the end of my last day in the all-inclusive when I was like literally licking the buffet to get my money's worth, I was on the phone to go out and now obviously I'd had a couple of wines and I'd had like 78 plates. But I was having a ball and I was like laughing away

la la la and this woman just arrives loads of Germans by the way Germans are incredibly attractive anyway stunning

stunning stunning German woman bails over she's like excuse me keep it down I was like you've a loud voice

Sean like I am a single woman in the middle of like I look I'm a single woman in all inclusions

I look like I've been jilted at the altar it's the only reason I'd be here on my own it's because I've been left at the altar I've been

abandoned on my honeymoon you don't know what I'm going through bitch I was like are you sorry oh sorry and then she went back

and I was like sorry I just said sorry I'll keep it down so you can sit in silence with your husband again for six hours. Did you say that? Yeah. I said, you're very rude. And then she went back to sitting in silence with her husband. Joanne, we have to be honest. Sorry for knowing how to have a good time. Joanne, let's be honest. Your voice pre-wine is quite loud so your voice after wine is just like outrageously loud so i can only imagine you were like that fella tom jolly you remember that tv show no we had the huge phone dom jolly oh yeah yeah i know my voice greats i'd say if you if you put a block of cheddar near it it would just great it would just like well do you

know what i did this week my week is very different years again i went for crystal healing and i didn't think i'd be one of those people go on it was stunning i kind of i'm i'm not to interrupt you i'm dying to hear this but i'm gonna say i did think you'd be one of those people really well you're the one who sages and can i just say to you i said here listen emma her name's emma lucy by the way she's amazing I said will I sage the shit out of my house because I'm feeling very anxious and she goes oh no sage can sometimes be too much for people so I actually think you're doing too much you need to get other things instead of you'll have to go see yourself instead of the sage to go around your house and clear I'm gonna get going to get her to come and cleanse my home.

She's amazing. So we went down there. I was lying on her bed, very comfortable bed. She had a double mattress and all this, I don't care, whatever it was,

it was amazing. Were you being cleansed or seduced, Vogue? You need to be very careful. You're very attractive. I would have liked, not with these smile lines, I'm not,

Jesus, the joker. Was she cleansing you or seducing you? She was cleansing me and I feel really cleansed i had a great sleep last night i'd like to have time to be cleansed every day but it takes over an hour and she was gonna do she she was gonna do an hour and a half and i said listen i can only give you an hour i don't have an attention span over an hour so if you can't get it done in an hour it can't

happen so we did it in an hour and it felt like I was floating above my own body right and I could hear myself snoring but I wasn't asleep and I said it's right I was like I know I did a few snores I was like but I wasn't asleep and she was like it was your soul above your butt like it was that kind of vibe I'm like fucking loved it I feel so good after it I feel cleansed I feel like I look see-through I'm so cleansed are you did she do reiki on you is that what she did no I don't know what it was she must have yeah she must have crystals on my body and I think you need to go and I think you need to stop saging it's going too far you're gonna come home to my house and I'm gonna have like literally an altar of crystals I cannot believe you're going down the crystal route I cannot believe it I might open a crystal shop I don't know yet oh my god spiritual by vogue spiritual but yeah

spiritual by vogue that sounds absolutely fantastic all I know is I feel good I'm gonna get it to come and cleanse my home uh yeah so that's what I did this week I did my crystal evening I actually I went to Dublin for a day and did a very exciting shoot for something. I also shot my latest Christmas collection. What's your Christmas collection? For Little Mistress. So I have another collection coming out. It's got absolutely nothing in it that you'll like. It's all sequins and like fun party dresses.

Just not Joanne? No. No, definitely. When are you going to bring out your lesbian chic clothing range? I definitely have a few Joanne worthy bits for you. Brilliant. I like lesbian chic. I like, I do like a bit of

sequence but i like to wear it with combats that's fine actually there's a lovely dress that would look gorge with those hideous boots you're after purchasing yourself i'm not gonna be wearing a fucking dress i don't know do you never you did wear a dress once i saw it compared to me so i was thinking about myself and i was thinking about i'm gonna start being a bit more selfish thinking about i was thinking about me and was thinking about myself. I was thinking about me and how I could make my life more about me. Number one. I've just been doing a lot of thinking about myself.

Yeah. I feel like, do you know what I feel like? I've fallen into a hole where I'm either working or with my kids. I'm never doing anything else. And that's why I'm like, the last few weeks I've been looking at your life and I'm like why am I in Chania why do you know what if I was in Chania do you know where we'd be we'd be at the all-inclusive

yeah Audrey we'd be in St Bart's if you're in Chania we'd have flown to St Bart's yeah if I was in Chania we'd be in St Bart's and Audrey wouldn't be invited right I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to taint her with my teeth good job on the holiday booking audrey the worst travel agent alive yeah i know i won't be going on holidays with and you know what like we never do anything serious and i wasn't going to mention this but something happened to me on sunday morning and it scared the shit out of me right i go to heart on sunday mornings and i i'm never walking to the station on my own again um so i i was around five o'clock in the morning quarter past five probably and i was walking over to heart and this man goes oi and he was in this car it's kind of big man and

he was like get in the car get in the fucking car and i was like i i like first of all i said hang on one second i'm just getting my phone. No, honestly. But like, I got such a fright that there was just a man running around. And like, if he had gotten out of the car, he would have easily been able to drag me in. He was like this big guy. I remember what he looks like. And it scared the crap out of me.

And it just made me think, any girls who, and I know we shouldn't think like that, but I just wanted to say it. That like, what if I'd had a drink that night and like I had no like real like sense in my mind and I'd gone over to just be like what are you saying or something like that like it made me feel really worried about girls walking around Leicester Square and it really freaked me out I cannot believe what are you saying that someone tried to like abduct you? What the fuck, Vogue? I'd have already written a show about it at this stage. I can't even tell you about it. I wouldn't have thought something like that would have ever scared me.

Just somebody like shouting at me to get in their car. But I just thought, fuck, if I hadn't like had my wits about me and like just legged it. That's really fucking scary. I know. So that's my one warning that I wanted to tell people to just be really, really careful. Because you hear about stuff in the news all the time, but you never really think that somebody has just gone around doing that mad kind of shit. What we need, honestly, they need to make like mace legal because I should be able to

sack some lad in the eyes. Like I should be, I should be, I feel like at this stage I need to have, I need to be armed going around the place. You've got like, if you had mace or something like that, I don't know how that is not legal. Or a nunchuck. Or a nunchuck. A nunchuck or like. A knuckle dust off.

A gun is what I'm saying. I want a gun. That's what I'm saying. Jo, let's remember, Joanne McNally doesn't listen to this podcast. We can put in whatever we want and she'll never know.

Excuse me, you've been nominated as like newcomer comic. I know, but two other people on it have got Netflix specials. Who else do I want to know? I'm pretty sure Rose Mattafe other people on it have got Netflix specials Who else don't I want to know I'm pretty sure Rose Mattafeo is on it She has a series on Channel 4 And is like everywhere And then London Hughes has a Netflix special

I think London Hughes is on Is she Jo? If you've got a Netflix special You're broken You've broken through Don't vote for them vote for joanne no that's not what i was saying i just mean they're cheaters it's an eclectic it's an eclectic gang that's amazing isn't it nice to be nominated for things

yeah it's really nice but i mean if i don't win i'm throwing my toys out the prom whatever about that i'm not going to get through on that but I think me and Val deserve deserve to go to the party so I want to go to the party I want to go to the party we want to go I'll be honest I'm only saying that because I want to be a new person where I'm going to pretend I want to go to the party but I don't really want to go to the party but that was the old me I'm going to go to the party that's what's going to happen you're going to make I'm going to have a glass and a half of wine that's I figured out that that's what's gonna happen I'm gonna have a glass and a half of wine I figured out that that's the perfect number and I'm gonna go

and have a really good time here did you watch Kim Kardashian's Saturday Night Live yeah I thought she was amazing she was so good now the one thing

I thought to cut close to the bone and you probably won't because you're a comic the OJ Simpson shit oh what was that I missed that I just saw the clips

oh she was just saying some pretty bad stuff well anyway everything else was funny loved her slagging Kanye loved her slagging her sisters Oh, what was that? I missed that. I just saw the clips. Oh, she was just saying some pretty bad stuff. Well, anyway, everything else was funny. Loved her slagging Kanye. Loved her slagging her sisters and her mom. I think the thing with your one,

I think the thing with Kim is because she's not a comic, so she goes in and I'd say she has that attitude of like, I'm just going to do whatever they want me to do. Like, I'm going to really go for it.

Do you know that way? Yeah, like, I don't think she wrote any of it. That's a bugger though. Jesus Christ. Will you write my next speech I have to do? Yeah, like I don't think she wrote any of it. That's a fogger though. Jesus Christ. Will you write my next speech I have to do? Actually, I never even thought about that. Why would I write my own speech?

What have you won? What are you speeching for? When I win the comedy award. If you fucking win a comedy award ahead of me, is there any category that you're in that I'm not in? Because I will kick off. No, Joanne, don't worry. I'm only in the one category with you, you okay I want funny things in my speech as well

I'm not having you take over you'll be pissed and you'll just take over I'm speaking imagine if imagine if Vogue won a comedy award and I'm just sitting there applauding her like I'm like oh can you imagine I was like I'm changing my career Vogue's a comic now is that right all right okay no that's fine no no not at all I'm a feminist I support this 100% and then I'm slowly overdosing in the back from that I'm like no Vogue I'm delighted for you you're gonna be a great comic and she's like yeah I'm playing the three arena in Dublin welcome to the stage, Vogue. Hi, hon. I hate that feeling of rage.

You know, when you see someone get a job that you want, you're like, fuck you. I know. I'm like, don't worry about it, Vogue. I've started selling fairy pods. Yeah.

Fairy's my game. Don't touch fairy. Yeah. I'm selling toilet talk. I'm like, fuck you, Vogue. If you get into comedy, I'm going to start taking, I'm going to be the face of toilet talk. I'm like, fuck you, Vogue. If you get into comedy, I'm going to start taking,

I'm going to be the face of toilet duck. I like a bit of toilet duck, actually. There was one other thing, right? I saw this online. Well, it was because it was Kate Lawler. Do you know her? Yeah. Yeah, she's gas. And she wrote up on Instagram,

and she started saying that she only washes her pajamas. Now, in fairness, she said she washes her pajamas once every two weeks like that is wrong i remember before i was wearing my pajamas like three days and rona our friend was like to me are you wearing your pajamas same pajamas again i was like oh my god oh my God, like how often do you wash yours? I think Wilna washes hers every day. I wash mine every second day. But like pajamas, like it's a lot to wash. Why would you bother your hell

washing your pajamas every day? How often do you wash your pajamas? Well, I don't really have pajamas. I was saying to you earlier, I came to Greece, Joe, I forgot to bring a jumper and the air con's pretty intense. So last night I had to sleep in my jacket.

It sounds like such a nice holiday it's so relaxing like it's just yes I fell asleep in my double denim my jeans and a denim jacket oh my god Joanna that is absolutely hideous like turn off the air con bye I'm getting you pajamas for christmas i don't know how to use machines folk as you know oh my god yeah i mean have you ever slept in a denim jacket joe it's not great no i haven't no it's not ideal it's not ideal i can't i'm just very comfortable no but it got me it got me thinking right then i saw this other article that says asked if you wash your knickers before you wear them like if you get a new pair of knickers i don't wash them i just i just wear them who tries knickers on I thought you weren't today do that anymore they have the little plastic I know but it doesn't even matter with the plastic because I'm sorry there's areas around that that would touch the knickers so now

I'm freaked out that I've been wearing these knickers that other people have been in so who cares I got tonsillitis because I wasn't licking other people's germs it's important it's important to be around germs whether that's it doesn't matter where they're coming from like sorry fanny germs like no thanks look at her i didn't realize i wasn't allowed to talk about that either that's all we talked about in the first episode like chill

I said it once and you said it oh my god Joanna I have to send you this picture Gigi you're gonna die she's got a little basket

of fake tomatoes yeah she does she's in this place called Purple Dragon which is like a members club for kids it is unbelievable sorry

back up Gigi's in a members club. For kids. For kids. Well, they've got like, they've got a swimming pool. They've got soft play. They've got like areas for them to cook. They have like cooking classes.

They have painting classes. They have a music room. Theodore hates music, by the way. He doesn't want, he wants nothing to do with it. Did she have to get accepted? Like, did she have to apply? No, it wasn't like Soho House

that you're still struggling with. I was, I was accepted into Soho House. I told you that. You're kind of half accepted. Now they don't want your money. They accepted me. They were like,

welcome to Soho House. I was like, oh my God, thank you so much. This is amazing. The next day they're like, your fees are overdue. Your fees are late.

I was like, what? I literally just opened the email. I got, I'm sorry. God, Joanne, have you been enjoying the little mix gossip?

Oh my God, what happened to girl power and being like, shout out to my ex and being all like loving each other and being girl best mates? Because the reality is that that's not sustainable.

Oh my God, I can't get enough of it I love when gossip like this Comes around It's my favourite Firstly Here are my thoughts Okay Your man

Nowhun or whatever The blogger who released Those DMs From your one Leanne Yeah Is a snake I reckon though Listen

If she's sending that stuff to him she knows it's gonna get out come on let's explain what happened so basically your man now huns or whatever his name is did a tweet did an insta story saying that he was going to remake jesse nelson's uh video or something and then your one leon from little mix message him going well maybe just make something about her blackfishing he was like what i thought you were all cool and she's like no we're not cool she cut us out she's horrible right and then supposedly and then he did yeah but then he was like i just don't listen to what a fucking snake he is he was like i just don't think it's appropriate that someone from little mix is mastering me this personal information so

i'm gonna release it to everyone you're you're a snake you're a snake yeah but she had to know that come on you've got scales for skin you're a snake i think like there i keep my idea like when women message me and i messaged them back i'm like i keep it very non-personal because i'm like i don't you don't you don't know what they'll do with it I think we're friends but I think we're kind of friends because they're messing with me and I'm messing them back but you don't know what they're going to do with it. So basically let's go back so Little Mix obviously broke up, Jessie Nelson

left the band and then kind of started working on a solo career straight away. Supposedly then she blocked all the girls so she blocked them which I find weird but now the thing about it is with Jessie Nelson so she released her single with Nicki Minaj and um and she's been accused of blackfishing but like the blackfishing thing like obviously we're two white women and Joseph white man so you know I'd be I'm very conscious of like not being massively informed on this however i watched the video and felt really uncomfortable

watching it and was like what's going on then i googled is jesse nelson mixed race she's not and immediately i was like she's gonna get rinsed for this i how her team how no one flagged that shit i do not know i think she's been warned about it before she has she was darker than nicki minaj she made nicki minaj look like a white woman from mullingar i was like she made nicki minaj look like niall horan in comparison to how dark she was you can't do that shit can we have a moment for niall horan by the way i feel like he's like kind of glow up he probably he probably has it but it's like it's like if i rocked out to do my Netflix special With full blown cornrows Someone at some stage

Would go Joanne no to the cornrows You've enough shit on your plate How she got that far Is beyond me I cannot understand it I was offended as a white woman I was uncomfortable about it

And Vogue I will say this You need to rethink Your business plan Because fake tan It's on the way out babes No it's not Okay Joanne How are you going to get on

With no fake tan You pasty bitch I'll just never have sex again Yeah You won't Salivate for the hell of it That's what I'll be Yeah

I'm texting Ciarán right now And I'm going to tell him To cancel you You're cancelled From Bare by Vogue, right? There's a thin line between wanting to look good in a bikini and appropriating another culture

I don't know where the line is I don't know where it is, but Jessie fucking passed it She fucking passed it Jessie can't even see the line anymore She's too far gone She cannot see the line, God love her, I think she's just a bit ignorant, even see the line anymore she's too far gone she cannot see the line god love her i think she's just a bit ignorant like i don't think she's i think she just loves that

hip-hop culture i think she's just really ingrained i think she thinks it's very cool i think she admires it and all that shit but like we've been told enough times now i think there's going to be a lot more to come from it but i really think like trolly people need to just like back off a bit and not have a field day on it because like you do have to worry about her as well but it's not I get it but this isn't just like

a stupid this isn't just someone going your song's shit like she's made a really serious cultural societal fuck up

has she said anything about it though she's just like I just love black culture it's like yeah but you can love it you don't dress like it no you can't there's a culture around it and she's completely like I just love black culture it's like yeah but you can love it you don't dress like it no you can't

there's a culture around it and she's completely appropriated it and I'm not going to pretend you're not to come home in a toga now you're speaking Greek

I think she's a bit of a people pleaser and I think she's not the most mentally robust person I think she's quite mentally fragile and

I blame everyone I blame the parents. It's best to blame people's parents. It's mainly people's parents' faults. I blame the parents, yeah. To be honest. My mother is the most unempathetic person in the world. My God, I had a taste of it this week. Jesus. My mum would punch me in the face

if I said that on the podcast. Yeah, but my mum doesn't know how to listen to the pod yet. Oh, brilliant. Perfect. Go on. Tell us everything. She'd tell you herself. She's not able to give sympathy either. So when my stepdad has an operation, she literally, she's got about a day in her before she's like, oh, he just keeps complaining. It's like, yeah, he's just had a knee replacement. I love that you're out here when it's a sociopath on the podcast.

I never said she was a sociopath. I said that she was unempathetic. Here's your blistex, actually. Oh, I want some. Yeah, you need some. Why don't you go and run seven marathons in 59 degree heat and show me your lips? Why would I bother that? I'm not deranged.

Yeah, she's not deranged uh come here to me i was reading this thing obviously in the daily mail and it kind of really annoyed me but i thought it was really funny as well so there's an elegance coach yes that is such a thing and she said that there are do you want to see more upper class? She reveals the 10 rules that every woman must follow to elevate her life, Joanne. So I wanted to see, right? Jesus Christ, if you were any more elevated,

you'd be on Mars. Yeah, but I've never said that I am elegant, right? So I want to see if we are elegant. You're like a horse in heels, a very fancy, shiny horse in heels. A elegant. You're like a horse in heels. A very fancy, shiny horse in heels. A horse in heels.

I am like a horse in heels. With a wide gate. Kind of clocking around. Stop saying the wide gate thing. People have said that to me. I don't even know what a wide gate is. And excuse me,

when I saw you running, you also have a wide gate, by the way. You don't walk. It's very feminine. You're a fine build of a woman. Like, I would look at you and I'd be like, I could put a saddle on that woman and ride her to Wolverhampton. Not a bother. You're a fine build of a woman. Like I would look at you and like, I'd be like,

I could put a saddle on that woman and ride her to Wolverhampton. Not a bother. You could. Most definitely. A hundred percent. And that's, you should take pride in that. I'm a stallion.

You are a, you are a stallion. I am a stallion. Yes. I know when you have your hair plaited, it's very confusing. I'm like. It's very horsey.

Very horsey. What do you think I'm dressing up as for Halloween? The most obvious thing. It's easy. A horse. When you put, yeah, when you have a plait, I'm like, takey. What do you think I'm dressing up as for Halloween? The most obvious thing. It's easy. A horse. When you put, yeah, when you have a plant,

I'm like, take it to the stables. Shut up. You look like a donkey, right? Oh, that's very offensive. Donkeys are cute.

Are we elegant? John, let's ask, let's answer that ourselves first. Are we elegant? It's clear that I'm not elegant. No, I'm not very elegant either

right but let's see we could pass this test never be desperate for attention we're thirsty bitches okay next question we are fucking so dehydrated it's shocking we are literally like a walking ring light like oh my god i used to have do you remember those covers that you had in your phone that had all the lights around them? Of course you did. Oh God, I must get myself one of them again. I love that. Okay.

Always be polite and respectful. Now I feel like we've got good manners. Do we? Sorry, I was just burping there. I just wanted you on the mic. I did see that you were burping there. She wasn't going to say it.

Yeah, sorry. Next question. So that's, yeah, that's answered that one. Granted. Well,

I would like to say that I am manly and I didn't burp. Okay, the next one is, avoid any drama. We like a bit of drama. Oh my God. It's the reason I get up. The reason I get up in the morning is Prada Manchay and... Oh! There's Spencer.

Oh my God, what the fuck? Hi, Spano. What's up? What's up, Joanne? What's going on, buddy? Don't be ready for elegant or not. Oh God, that's? What's going on, buddy? Don't be ready for elegant or not. Oh, God. That's awkward.

Get out. Whatever. He's lucky to have us in his life. Avoid any drama. We do kind of like drama. But I wouldn't say we chase it. Shut up, folk. We're like a moth to a dramatic flame.

Next. This is not going well. I create my do you know i rat myself out i tell my own secrets i'm like i was supposed to keep this to myself it's about myself but i'm going to have to tell like i so weird i gotta tell you about this horrible thing about myself yeah once i got a drink it was like the birthing video i'm like i killed someone last night tell everyone oh no you wouldn't get away with it not for a second if you killed somebody okay the next one Joanne don't be jealous and malicious

I don't feel like I'm malicious jealous I mean yeah of course we've got a bit of jealousy in us there that's not the time privately jealousy yeah okay I get jealous around men which is really embarrassing but i do you see i don't get man jealous i do i don't get jealous in any other i don't care about anything else like even professionally career-wise i don't care like i don't i just don't get jealous around guys but if i'm with someone i guess i like i well yeah but the thing is why that is because there are souls to you and it's not actually you being jealous it's them giving you

a reason to be jealous oh my god you're back this is why I love so much because that's basically what happened yeah

so it's not Joanne actually I was turned into a jealous cretin never become obsessed with the finer things in life well look where Joanne is right now

she hasn't well I mean how's your stuffed lobster how's your stuffed lobster about so that is all for now remember if you'd like to send us an email

you're more than welcome to just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com also I'm gigging in Portsmouth which no one seems to care about. So if you know anyone in Portsmouth, be asked them to buy tickets. Oh, yes, please.

I know that we're asking, but we do want to go to the National Comedy Awards. So please vote for us if you can. We would be very appreciative. Thank you.