My Therapist Ghosted Me - It's Just A Bit of Craic

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

THEY'RE BACK! IT'S TIME FOR SEASON 2!!! After a few weeks away, Vogue & Joanne are reunited (in DUBLIN no less) for a brand new episode to catch up on the Edinburgh Festival, Vogue's adventures (and insatiable love for Howth) and to put gaslighting under the microscope. If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to season two of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Oh, I like that shirt. Read my bit as well, I'm not arsed. Okay, Joanne doesn't want to read it. It's the podcast that works on the basis of utilising resources in London, the Highlands of Scotland, Dublin or wherever else we might be to record a conversation in the name of content. In this week's episode, we have dry humping on a boat in Venice,

IKEA babies and Vogue's insatiable thirst. So I'm sitting here with Joanne. Joanne, the human, what are those things called? Speaker. Speaker. and she told me she won't wear her headphones because she says i'm too loud i'm too loud yes sometimes you get hysterical and you scream no me and joe then have to edit you out no we edit you out and we actually turn your volume down a lot uh someone mailed me the day and she said that you and amber look like sisters which means that we're all

like sisters and then it got me thinking we could be related why? because I'm adopted yeah I know seriously

I bet you anything but I don't think I have relations where you're from I would like that because that would mean I'm entitled to spend as money then would it? oh no

like my joy is Jo we want to hear you yeah Jo we've got to hear you it won't sound very good on the recording oh that's enough that's enough yeah

if you are going to you're going to have to explain like what that silly little noise in the background is otherwise people no people know that silly little noise is you they're used to it

we don't need to explain it the silly little English noise I know it's Joe anyone listen to the pod yet there's a silly little English noise I know it's Joe anyone listen to the pod yeah there's a silly little English man in the background on Zoom

that's Joe so basically we're recording in Dublin because we're both here we're both in Dublin we're both in Dublin

oh my god that's why I've been watching you talk about how it's non-stop for a week now I know it's gone too far it's gone too far it's nationalism I'm like

what is going on like I've never heard someone talk about Ireland so much. Joanne have you been on the cliff walks? Have you been up the cliff walks? Listen I go up there every day and it's not just I don't just vocally say it I say it to myself along my run I'm like isn't this just fantastic look at that you wouldn't get this in London I'm gone off London

I'm gone off it's like it's got mould on it for me now you're full of shit you're going to go back it's a mouldy bitch London is a mouldy bitch I think I've passed my days in London

I think I need to spend more time on the cliff walks of hope now saying that I'm going to have to mute you if you keep talking about how it's like I'm honestly

it's enough now I listen I won't mention the word but I'm just saying that maybe I only love it because the weather's nice so how it's like, I'm honestly, it's enough now. Listen, I won't mention the word, but I'm just saying that maybe I only love it because the weather's nice. So when it's like crap weather and I can't go on my beloved cliffs, I won't like it as much.

So I'll spend more time in London. London's not great, come on. You wouldn't want to live there forever. I love, I'm obsessed with London. Yeah, but it's new for you. I've been there like nine years. I do find this, I do find it's a particularly loud city and

I don't know why they had the sirens turned up so high you know the way my ears are incredibly sensitive because I can't see anything my eyes don't work so my ears have kind of sharpened up yeah um and I do find the siren you're not deaf in yourself sometimes how do you mean like when you walk into my house I know you're downstairs I just know you're there it's like you just you know you're you're like I've got a strong presence you've got a strong voice

a strong voice and anyone would know like Winston goes over to the wall of the balcony when you walk in the back door like he knows you're there sometimes at gigs

like even when I was in Edinburgh my mic I don't one night I don't think they even turned it on I was like I know what you're doing. I was just holding it

and I'd take it away from my mouth and put it back and there was no difference in the sound but I was on stage. I knew that they'd kind of turned it down.

But you project, you should do musical theatre. You'd be great at it. Well, I told you I was Ralph the Telegram Boy in my fourth year of school musical, didn't I?

Fourth year of school musical, come on, fourth year's not even a real year. Anything you didn't, fourth year doesn't count. I was Ralph the Telegram Boy in my fourth year of school musical didn't I? Fourth year of school musical come on fourth year is not even a real year anything you didn't fourth year doesn't count I was Rolf the Telegram Boy Rolf the Telegram Boy I love the way we always got the boy part

I auditioned for Liesl and I remember the teacher was like do you mind we can't have Liesl taller than her father I wasn't allowed to I think Captain Von Trapp so they made me be Rolf. What is that play? I was quite butch at the time. At the time? Sorry, I've got alpha vibes. You know, I'm spiritually lesbian,

as we all know. I'm spiritually a gay man. I know you are, yeah. Definitely I'm a gay man. That would have been a good life for me. With that mouth? With that mouth, it's gone to waste. Well, it hasn't really.

Well, it has, I suppose. I keep my mouth clean. I keep my mouth clean I keep my mouth clean I know I mean there's a bang a gay brunch off you at all times 100% now let's get into it

so we've been on our holly bops holidays you can't say holly bops I say holly bops no I'm from Hoth we say holly bops

did I mention I'm from Hoth we're going to cut that. We're not cutting Hollybops. It's so annoying. I will not. I will not be told how to speak. No. It's like me saying.

John, you say really annoying shit sometimes. Convo or when James Cavanaugh said abortion for abortion. I forget James Cavanaugh. He knows it was a big mistake. He was like, it was during the repeal thing. And he's like, you know know if you want to have an abortion have an abortion and I was like no James

that's too far that's too casual an abortion I don't like there's some of those oh my god that is like some of the words like Andrew does as well

they use like they shorten all the words I'm like no it's not going to happen but holly bops is not the same thing okay fine you can have holly bops okay fine

I wasn't on holly bops I was working I was on a a work trip you were like child labour But Hollybops is not in the same thing. Okay, fine. You can have Hollybops. Okay, fine. I wasn't on Hollybops. I was working. I was on a work trip. You were like child labour. To Edinburgh. I like to think I was child labour, but I didn't have my Botox done,

so it was just labour. You've had your Botox on. You have since then. You must have. You look great. Have you not? Thank you. Why do you even get any then?

Well, I mean, obviously I've had it and I just haven't had any fresh Botox. Wow. I know. I was in with Dr. Ewan for another profiterole treatment. Oh, I'd love more profiteroles. I got my brows done, right, by this girl, the Dublin Makeup Academy. I'd like to give her a shout out. Getting your brows done.

Don't I look about three years younger? Yeah, just from my brows. Why? What does she do? Go get your brows done. She did everything. She told me I have a lot of fluffiness around my brows I have a fluffy face you have a fluffy face my brow woman is called

Lizanne Proctor she is in Clontarf she used to do the makeup on I think it was Vikings or something anyway I was in school with her she's exceptional she basically tattoos them on

with the precision of a neurosurgeon so that's why yours never you never have to get yours done that much these are I'm going to answer have you got any tattoos

I'm like yeah my eyebrows my brows that's why you never have to get yours done that much. I'm going to answer that. Have you got any tattoos? I'm like, yeah. My eyebrows. My eyebrows. That's how hardcore I am. You've no tattoos. I like that about you. I'd love a tramp stamp. No, you aren't.

Have you seen Max's tramp stamp? We have this friend at home. You just know. Guess what it is. Guess what it is. Oh, like a Celtic. No, like the euphoria sign. No.

Chinese symbol. Oh. Chinese symbol. Oh, Chinese symbol. That means nothing. It means... The thing with tattoos that I found is you think your tattoo is a classic piece, but actually you can literally name the day that that tattoo was gotten,

as in like a Chinese symbol, or I knew a lad who had the euphoria heartbeat tattooed in blue on his arm. Oh, God. That's just desperate. I always think I'd look cool with an anchor on my finger. Someone actually,

did you see the clip of your one, Charlotte Crosby? Ah yeah, yeah, Charlotte Crosby. That she was hosting, I'm actually going to Google it while we're here. Oh, the tattoo fixers. Yeah. I know.

That was a weird concept. But did you see the one where the guy got a giant turd tattoo? So basically this reveal, she wasn't allowed to see what her boyfriend got tattooed on her leg and it was a giant pile of shit. He got her to get a shit on her leg.

Did you see that, Jo? I'd rather a shit on my leg than a Chinese symbol on my lower back. Give me the shit on my leg anytime. Oh, come on. Act you want. A Chinese symbol on your lower back. I'd rather a shit on my leg any time oh come on ah Joanne a Chinese symbol

on your low back I'd rather shit on my leg I know whenever we talk about tattoos I have to say about Ben Affleck's I'm sorry I know I've brought it up before

have you seen Ben Affleck's back tattoo oh that's like a tramp stamp on acid I thought it was a joke I thought it was for like some weirdo movie but he actually chose

to have that done it looks like he got it done in a tent makes me think there's something wrong with him it looks like he got it done in a tent makes me think there's something wrong with him it looks like he got it done like do you know on the third day

of the electric picnic in a tent yeah listen that took years to do so he actually like spent time thinking about that and like he was like I'm going to go back

for another eight hours in super chair to have this monstrosity placed on my back yeah it's so true like you don't just wake up drunkenly with a six metre tattoo

unless you were fucking in a blackout for about nine years i could have woken up with something like that after the spies girls that was my last blackout jesus that was bad i woke up to a full bottle of champagne that i'd opened could i have been more furious because i can't drink the next day when i was that hung over and i was like so he was like yeah you wouldn't go to bed even though you're falling asleep in the cage you were opening this bottle of champagne and i woke up and I was like, Sven was like, yeah, you wouldn't go to bed even though you're falling asleep in the cage. You were opening this bottle of champagne and I woke up and it was there. I was like, who the fuck opened that?

Who opened that? And then Sven was like, you opened that and then fell asleep with the cage. What a waste of good champagne. I know. Just tattoo of us fans. Worst tattoo ever of a woman pooing on the floor. Oh, is a woman doing a shit?

Fans couldn't believe a friend would give their pal an inking of a naked woman going about her business on her back no that's not it that's also a rotten one someone taking a shit on your back I'm thinking of like

the nice little emoji poo I wouldn't mind that one there was another one where a guy got a he took a picture of his girlfriend asleep with her mouth

wide open and then got that tattooed on him oh my god that's not bad I went out with a lad with a load of tattoos once And depending on who

Was more in control Of the relationship Sometimes he I'd try and get him To get a tattoo Of something to do with me On his body And he'd be like

No you're grand I don't even think I love you anymore And then when he was More in love with me He'd be like Will I get something Tattooed on me

And I was like No you're grand I don't think This is going to work out And it was just A constant cycle I think when we were Breaking up

I was like screaming and begging him to get something about me tattooed on his chest. Do you know who I've become mildly obsessed with? Who? Simone Biles. How do they spin around like that?

It is amazing. I feel like we're too big to be gymnasts. I once tried to be a gymnast. I'm just so envious. I'd? It is amazing. I feel like we're too big to be gymnasts. I once tried to be a gymnast. I'm just so envious. I'd love to be sporty and I feel like I can't really throw anything except shade.

Like the tennis. I can't catch anything except UTIs. But what have you been up to? What have you been doing? What have I been up to? This week I launched two new products for bare. The shimmer. I didn't even bring you one in.

And the body brush which you definitely need for your hands. I saw you I saw your promo shots where you were kind of orgasming gently. Yeah, I think that was

the vibe we were going for. It was nice. It was very sexy. I was like, oh look at there. There's Vogue coming and selling tan. How else am I going to sell the tan? I know.

They go hand in hand. Which one? I didn't think I looked like that. I thought it looked great. It's the coming and selling tan. How else am I going to sell the tan? I know. They go hand in hand. Which one? I didn't think I looked like that. I thought it looked great. It's the blonde one. I tell you what, that is not my sex face. I wish it looked like that.

When you think of someone's sex face, is that not so embarrassing? Like, think of it. Oh, God. I told you that last lad, not the last lad, but one of the, but do you remember your man I said

with the tiny, I told you about him, did I? With the little lad not the last lad but one of the but do you remember your man I said with the with the tiny I told you about him did I with the little glasses and the tiny eyes and em I do it in stand up now who just had no reaction to anything

and just like just no sex face no sex face no sex noise nothing it was like riding a brick oh god

like a cinder block that's horrendous I'm trying to think of Spencer's sex face yeah I have it there now oh god it's quite funny I Yeah, I have it there now. Oh God. It's quite funny.

I'll try and paint it for you one day. It's probably just Gigi after she's eaten. I'll paint it for you and then we can sit there and slag them together. Amazing. Can't wait. What else I do? I'm back in Ireland.

Obviously told you I'm thinking of spending more time here. Love it. She's nearly walking is she I've designed it she can move in with you she's keeping me up

all night all the time I've tried loads of stuff she's still doing it and she's you guys are more on the same schedule than I am you take her

does she stay up all night drinking red wine and around because there she is send her to my gaff has a hit of calpol during the night she's right up your street yeah because she she's I can bring her to my gaff has a hit of cowpals you're in the night she's right up your street

yeah because she she's I can bring her to gigs and stuff she'd love that because she's no intention of sleeping anyway she might as well

enjoy herself I would totally take Gigi she like she's yours don't say totally take her take her I'd love to take her my mom doesn't even take her

she's like I'll take tea out for the day I'm like what about the other one I'll take tea out for the day I would though if I was going to have a baby oh oh my god

here's my news you're going to have a baby I've decided I want to have a baby yeah I think that's good news yeah I'm all for that I've decided I'm going to imagine the stunning Danish sperm

you could get I'll squeeze out one yeah I think it's I think you have to yeah you're at that stage now that I think it would be good for you

this is what I'm going to do I'm going to buy I'm going to get the kind of Scandinavian sperm like everyone else and put it up myself like a piece of IKEA furniture

yeah I'd say you're really fertile my IKEA baby that's what I'm going to call it I'm going to call it IKEA that's a good idea yeah and it will love Swedish meatballs

if it doesn't look like me I'll be raging and I'll send it back I could look like one of the Danes have you ever seen that but they look like the dad when they first come out

so the dad doesn't eat them or whatever but also I was thinking if my ideal baby would look like me

but not be anything like me so I don't want it to be have any sort of kind of show pony in it because I don't want it eating into my ticket sales oh absolutely so don't want it to be, have any sort of kind of show pony-ness in it because I don't want it eating into my ticket sales.

Oh, absolutely. So I just like it to be something, I'd like put it in the civil service or something. Yeah, it can be like, I don't know, a postman or something. And I was thinking

I would just kind of drop it off at yours so that it can be minded by your nannies. No, I'm dropping Gigi at yours. But the team, the nannies are in yours.

The nannies? Oh, if I'm having one baby, I'm having The nannies are in yours The nannies Oh if I'm having one baby I'm having six nannies Oh god Sometimes like On a rotation I used to look at like Angelina Jolie and stuff

And be like That lazy bitch Look at her with those Four nannies following her around I wish I had four nannies Following me around You say you have one nanny Over here though

And people are like Oh that's a bit much That's a bit much I'm like I'm going to work I just I call them geriatric babysitters Don't say nanny A Theodore's PA That's a bit much i'm like i'm going to work i just i call them geriatric babysitters don't say nanny theodore's pa that's a nice one a pa oh come here to me i have to say my new show because this is going to be out on friday my new show on virgin media is out on saturday the big deal it's very

good so please go and watch it look joanne i'm vlogging i know you need listen you need to plug plug away like the little electrician that you are I have shit to plug as well I've been in Edinburgh for two weeks that was only two weeks I know

it was very long how many shows in two weeks I don't actually know but it was pretty full on now comics can get a bit ahead of themselves

it's not like I was doing brain surgery for nine hours a day I was only really doing shows at night shows for nine hours a day no I'm saying it's not like I was doing brain surgery for nine hours a day I was only really doing shows at night shows for nine hours a day no I'm saying it's not like I was doing shows what happens is I because I'm always denying myself things oh you always do yeah I'm like don't drink the wine don't eat the crisps don't abduct the child whatever it is don't shag the postman I'm always saying no to

myself so when I go to Edinburgh I don't say no to myself for anything I just say yes to everything so I end up on a 24-7 diet of wine, crisps Monster energy drink and salpidine

Monster is great that's the second time I've spoken with that but you know what that diet suits you you look great thank you your skin looks great

from all those what crisps would you be eating over there they don't have a great selection. McCoy's. McCoy's. Oh my God, yeah. No.

And I, obviously the shock factor when I arrived to Ireland and ordered a large wine and they looked at me like I'd asked them to solve that equation in Goodwill Hunting. We don't do large wines here, Joanne. You know that.

Stop chancing your arm. We just do pints of wine. I had to pretend to drink wine. I'm filming a thing with Aer Lingus and I had to pretend. Just the tiniest sipints of wine. I had to pretend to drink wine. I'm filming a thing with Aer Lingus and I had to pretend. Just the tiniest sip of wine was all I had to pretend to drink. And it was like I was pouring flames

into my mouth. I couldn't. I had to look away. Wine is so rotten. You were so blessed. If alcohol tasted like nail polish remover to me, do you know what sort of life I'd be in? I'd be in, where would I be?

I'd have written 12 books I know but you're so sophisticated with your glass of Sauve Blanc that I put salpidine in yeah you are sophisticated I asked you to post a video

of me putting salpidine in a glass of Monster on Instagram this woman right underneath nothing funny about a drug addiction love and I was like I never fucking said

there wasn't anything funny about it I just bring the facts I never said it was funny I would like to give a special shout out to John Belton I love John Belton

we love John Belton he like I cannot explain how unhealthy I was in Edinburgh it was disgusting like I was just

it was just gross all I did was drink and eat fried shit. Well, yeah, crisper fried. And he still, he made me go to the gym.

He's like, come on, turn up, turn up. And I woke up this morning and I thought I'd half an ab, but actually I'd slept on my phone. So it was an indent.

But I feel like it's in the post. It's on the way. I think it's on the way. John Belton's great and he's such a positive Pam a positive Pam a positive Pam

is John Belton he is such a positive Pam just one of those nice people but not too nice I don't want too nice just nice yeah I did an 80%

I did an Insta story once saying I hope John Belton's dead so I don't have to train and he was like why are you putting that out in the world and I was like how powerful do you think he's like why are don't have to train and he was like why are you putting that out in the world and I was like how powerful do you think

he's like why are you manifesting my death and I was like I'm not that powerful John like I can't sage you to death but I was like

I said maybe not dead maybe just a a bad accident just unwell yeah maybe a light drowning yeah yeah a light drowning

sometimes oh god have you ever been so hungover that you're like I just wish somebody could take me to hospital so then like at least they could give you

all the good shit and then you could leave the next day feeling normal oh yeah I had to be put on a drip once why because I dehydrated I could not

I was so hungover I could not I was so hung over I could basically smell sand so I was in Edinburgh my new obsession is the Glaswegian accent this lad Adidas

Adidas so I was wearing you're so bad at it by the way I watched that video you're so bad at it I know I can't

I know yeah I can only do the accent of literally my road and the road beside me like anything else I can't even do the accent of like

the town like I can't even do the accent from like six roads down try and do a country accent say how are your lads no because it'll be really offensive

I can't do it I find accents hard yeah but you were brave enough to put yours on Instagram. Where is it? Adidas. I'm telling you now.

I'm telling you now. They don't say. So this lad came up to me in the pub. I was wearing so the costume for the show was this head to toe leopard print Adidas jumpsuit.

I love that. I love it. I'm after buying a second one because I think I'm going to wear it out and I need it for the whole tour. I need it for like a year and then I'm going to auction it off

with the sandals for charity don't you're not wearing the sandals with it no you fucking head guys Jesus those sandals

they've made it through another summer imagine me trying to auction it off some lad buy it for a tenner smell of that yolk do you know what I liked what you were saying yesterday so like

obviously we're in Ireland and the rules are different and we're not slagging off the rules so I went for lunch in Ireland and I keep forgetting to wear my mask over here because you don't have to wear your mask at home.

Twice I've walked into places to stay without a mask. I do have a mask. But so you have to wear your mask here, grand. But you know what they make you do? I went for lunch yesterday. You have to show your vaccine

to be allowed to sit inside. So if you've no vaccine, you have to sit outside. Yeah. So I went to, I tried to get into a coffee shop yesterday. I tried to get into to sit inside. So if you've no vaccine, you have to sit outside. Yeah. So I went to, I tried to get into a coffee shop yesterday. I tried to get into a coffee shop and I didn't have my vaccine passport.

So I was refused entry. I just wouldn't let you in. I had to sit outside on the street eating out of the fucking sewers. And I was like, how long is this going to go on? Like, are they just going to keep doing this forever? Because in summer you look Mediterranean, but if you're sitting outside in winter, you they just going to keep doing this forever? Because in summer you look Mediterranean

but if you're sitting outside in winter you're just going to look like a conspiracy theorist. It's going to be very clear who's deluded and who isn't. I'll literally be like

taking up smoking again just pretending I'm out there for smoking. But also it's the lesser of two evils. I'll be like, no, I'm not an anti-vaxxer. I do believe that he

landed on the moon. I'm just mad for the facts. I love Bill Gates. I don't think he's following me. I'm just mad for the facts I love Bill Gates I don't think he's following me I don't think I've been chipped by Donald Trump I'm just here because I love smoking

I did a songwriting class two songwriting courses I did. How do you still have these absolute clangers that you come out with? Two. Two courses. So I've decided,

this is my new thing, right, about the baby, that I don't think I really want the relationship that comes with the baby. So what I want to do is like just run up to a lad who looks like he's got a high sperm count

and squeeze him from the back and just hopefully it just squirts out like a pimple wouldn't that be great? Yeah I think that's what happens as well for sure. Collect it in a jam jar.

No I just I wouldn't do that I'd go for I'd go for Danish it's better what is it like 100 quid? I don't know

what does a good sperm go for these days? I think there are levels 100 quid? I think there are levels of quid I think there are levels Of sperm But like you're not Going to want the

Oh this fella is like 50% off You don't want the 50% off sperm Oh Jesus no You don't want a Done deal sperm No

I wonder if If I Oh my god when I need to know when Oh my god you won't be Letting me drink for 9 months I wonder could I do a collab There must be a collab

Out there People are offering me Stuff now Why Is anyone Like maybe someone Could offer me Some sperm a collab there must be a collab out there people are offering me stuff now why is any like maybe someone could offer me some sperm I don't see why not

like a hot man he's like do you want a collab I'm like yeah let's get married Denzel Washington imagine we could get some of his for you

he's got the most symmetrical face in the world or Tom Hanks who's got Denzel Washington how do you know that oh it's just a

known thing yeah we haven't even gotten into any of our topics yeah I know why did I want to talk about

oh my god so you need to listen to Bad Bad Thing it's unbelievable what is that a podcast it's a podcast Myrna O'Connell

put me onto it it's so good it's basically this kind of I mean it's all the fun stuff like affairs murder suicide but it is addictive bad bad thing bad bad thing basically your one does a bad bad thing rings

someone and says i did a bad bad thing hence the name i'm not going to tell you what happens you can't tell everyone about the bad bad thing you did because then everybody will tell everybody which doesn't matter because everyone is an ir everyone pretty much and everyone involved now is dead so it really doesn't matter. No, it's called Bad Bad Thing but it's all about kind of this man

and he was having an affair and he wouldn't admit to his wife he was having an affair and all the kind of lengths she went to to find out about the affair and it got me thinking about like gaslighting

and stuff like that. There's nothing more annoying than being cheated on and being told that you're mad. Well, there's nothing more annoying than being told your and being told that you're mad. Well, there's nothing more annoying than being told your reality is not true

and that you're insane. Yeah. Like, it's very dangerous. It's a very dangerous thing to do to a person. I've had it done to me. It was absolutely horrific. Anyway, did a shout out for noise. I can summon, please tell me about

have they been kind of gently gaslit. I kind of went down this hole of like what do people think when their partners are liking other people's photos, sexy photos and because I

had that before and they're like oh we're friends and you're like well how come you're not friends when she's clothed? How come you're only friends when she's in her

fucking bikini? But I'd say that's that's really annoying when you brought that up though you know that footballer fella I told you about the Jack Greyish I don't know what he's called.

He's been going out with his girlfriend for like years, like childhood sweethearts and he keeps like sliding into all these Love Islanders DMs with like one of the kisses and then like liking their pictures

and then he's out with them and I'm like, what? I'd fucking go crazy. It escalates, you see. It escalates and I think a lot of men struggle to keep their digital dick

in their pants. They've access to all these women just in their pants. They've access to all these women just in their pocket. They can message anyone they want. Jo, I mean, are you at it, Jo? No.

Are you sure? You know that there's a level. There's a level that you just don't go to. Well, so I did this. I was talking about it on Instagram and this woman messaged me and she was like,

I've discussed this with my partner because men will kind of write it off and be like, oh no, there's nothing in it, there's nothing in it. Or as my ex said it's a bit of crack but then she said

it's a bit of crack go fuck yourself I know bit of crack I'll show you a bit of crack what? is it a bit of crack yeah?

for everyone except me great thanks as long as you're having fun yeah as long as you and this woman are having a good time I'll just sit here

ironing your knickers this is more about you than it is him right he's just trying to have a bit of crack so then this woman are having a good time I'll just sit here ironing your knickers this is more about you than it is him right he's just trying to have a bit of crack so then this woman was saying that liking

like looking at someone's photos is voyeuristic but liking it is actually communication agreed you're basically reaching out

going I'd do you yeah and then this girl messaged me saying that her boyfriend was liking this model's photos and she pulled him up

and he said he was he's like I'm just supporting her career oh ma I'm supporting her career it's quite a good one anyway I know

so then I was asking girls about gaslighting my ex-boyfriend cheated on me by meeting up with a girl from Tinder in his car at 10am and got his dick sucked

he then continued he then continued to say it wasn't his fault that she just in inverted commas just grabbed it and started sucking that's

I got mad at him he played the victim and somehow manipulated me so much I took him back no there's another one I confronted an ex

about constantly finding the photo of us that was up in his room either face down or missing after telling me I was making things up and being ridiculous he then blamed it on a poltergeist

and asked if I was suggesting a poltergeist Anyway it turned out he was just banging some young one he met on Instagram. Obviously. Do you know what when you think about that it's always really obvious when someone's cheating on you but like you don't know at the time. They convince you you're insane. It's really annoying. Ugh. Gross.

I remember looking back and being like oh my god that's when you started cheating on me you absolute scum i know and i wouldn't it would have been just easier to break up with me because i wasn't i wouldn't have even been that into it anyway do you know what a lad did to me once well so we were going out we were living together we were in town yeah and we were rocking around and there was a little clothes shop and he was like oh i want let's go into this little clothes shop and i was like okay so we went around and there was a little clothes shop and he was like oh I want let's go into this little clothes shop and I was like okay so we went in

and there was a young one working behind the till the clothes shop was very small and I just sensed this weird vibe between them I was like

what's going on they're kind of smirking at each other and like I was like why do I feel like a third wheel in this clothes shop

so much to the point where I was so suspicious. We went home. He fell asleep and I went into his phone and they'd been messaging each other. No. And he dragged you into the clothes shop. He walked me into the clothes shop. Bit of crack. It's a bit of crack. Exactly. It's a bit of crack.

They'd been DMing and stuff. So I remember one of my exes brought me somewhere, right? That he had been cheating on me with these girls they were there and he brought me over as like

his partner and he'd been cheating on me over there and only I found out like a year later and I'm like you absolute scumbag were you not busy enough

without bringing me into the mix so humiliating like why do you have that little respect for me or you or whoever it's a respect it why Do you have that little Respect for me Or you Or whoever

It's a respect It's like you have no respect But also Jemima They're just trying to have A bit of crack It's just a bit of crack It's just a bit of crack

It's just a bit of crack She grabbed it And started sucking What could I do Bit of crack Bit of fucking crack When I start going out With Skepta

I'm just going to say Spence Spence Bit of crack Bit of crack mate Bit of crack Tom Hardy Bit of crack Oh my I start going out With Skepta I'm just going to say Sven Sven Bit of crack Bit of crack mate Bit of crack Tom Hardy Oh my god I've started saying mate

I think I'm turning Into a protestant Oh my god You've turned to English How did you turn English So fast I don't know But I'm ready

To get knighted I'm telling you I'm going to get knighted Vogue If you I am You know I am You know there's a chance

Think about it I'm going to do something Really good I've been there longer than you Well Iogue if you. I am. You know I am. You know there's a chance. Think about it. I'm going to do something really good. I've been there longer than you. Well I can tell you this much Vogue. You'll knight me first. If you get knighted you might as well sell that gaff and hoath because you won't be welcome back love. I will be welcome back. You won't. How has Bono not got knighted yet? I think he turned it down. Did he? I think the sound thing is to tell.

Bob Geldof got knighted. I know I do love a bit of Bobby. I do love Bob Geldof. He does look like he needs to brush his hair. Oh, here we go. Gaslighting. I was actually married to a guy who was secretly gay. When I found out,

he tried to gaslight his way out of it by saying, it's just a hobby. Oh, no. Maybe if you weren't so narrow-minded. I'm just scratching an itch. It's not like I do it every day. And on and on it went.

I was amazed at my presence of mind and after calling him for all the bastards under the sun, just before telling him to get out I shot back with I could spit a mouthful of alphabet soup and form a better argument than anything you've just said. But then funnily enough a friend of mine

sent this to me. Is it gaslighting to have convinced my girlfriend of three years before I came out that I wasn't gay I was just European? And I was like yeah it is and he's like oh okay cool that's what I can bring

to my therapist though well there's loads there's loads of beardy beards that go on and actually imagine like Spencer turned out to be gay at least I'd have like

a gay best friend another one I know I know I mean listen gay husbands at least you share you have stuff in common

it's great sometimes I think people don't know what gaslighting is and then I realise it's true I got this one I was like anyone being gaslit as a kid growing up in blanchardstown dublin we used to go to the garage and get a lucas a bottle of petrol for dad's lawnmower inhale the shit out of it with a couple of bottles of impulse from boots alongside a 10 pack of john player blue how we didn't end all up as teenage burn victims is beyond me

i was like no that's definitely not yeahlighting. Yeah that's something very different. That's just having the crack. That is having the crack yeah exactly. Gaslighting's a good one. It's an interesting one but it's really annoying when you find out it happened to you because you just feel like damn it I should have known. You have to trust your instincts. I suppose you have to trust your instincts. Here's another

one that I was like these messages are really losing their way. Again I was asking for gaslighting stories guy I was friends with gathered up all of his dandruff on a tissue in the sitting room

with his head over the coffee table please no asked him to stop said he could do what he wanted fine then he called my name

so I was looking right at him and blew the dandruff in my face no I screamed and was like what the fuck then he laughed

and said what's the problem it's just a prank and said I was overreacting for being freaked out and disgusted that I was the problem I went back I was like I what the fuck? Then he laughed and said, what's the problem? It's just a prank and said I was overreacting for being freaked out and disgusted that I was the problem. I went back and was like, I don't think that's gaslighting

but thank you for sounding. That is, like if Spencer even did that to me now, I'd probably have to consider breaking up with him. That is the most, blowing your dandruff at somebody. Oh God.

I'm starving. Do you want to think is there anything else I wrote I don't know if I can make it to half one for food we need to move the lunch forward yeah can we Jo what do you need us to do

do you know what I want to bring to the pod and I'm sorry and I've wanted to do it for weeks but it's just it's become out of control now and I can't take it anymore

and I've asked loads of people and it's not just me who's sickened Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian. Like, seriously? I know. It's so gross now.

She literally, she's humping him constantly in Venice. I don't understand. Like, what is she, is it for publicity? Or what's the crack with it? Because it's so weird to be like licking someone's,

I feel like she'd like lick his whole bald head over in public. And she's morphing into him which I actually I can relate to I've done that where I've kind of turned into my boyfriends when I was younger it's a sign of a musical ear that's what they say

when you adopt an accent easily they say some people say it's a weak personality other people say it's a sign of a musical ear so I'm going to go with musical ear. I'd literally be like hi my name's Dara now and I love five a side you would pretend to be into things

they're like oh yeah I love that yeah let's go and do that I love the outdoors oh yeah hang gliding jeez you can't get me out of that kayak

but do you not think it's too much now it's like every time I see it it's too much now it's like every time I see it it's ruining what I enjoy to do which is scroll the daily mail it's ruining it for me

because I can't look at them humping each other in Venice or wherever they are now it's gross did you see Scott Disick Disick I loved that

see even he thinks it's fucking weird he sent some message to her ex-boyfriend saying is this chick okay with like a photo of her dry riding your man on the boat in Venice. I know Scott thinks they're going to get back together, though, I reckon.

Do you reckon? Yeah. I wouldn't like to be one of Scott's girlfriends because, like, I just feel like he'd dump them for her at any second. I don't think, why would he dump, like, Scott's basically, Scott is riding 20-year-old girls. I know, but they must, like, come on, what would, like. Men don't, men wear women like Rolex watches, they don't care. They just wear them like jewellery. They're like look, I've got a fresh Rolex. You're so detrimental

to us. We are fine. We're not going to get dumped and then upgraded. Not until at least another 20 years. I'm single, but you will. John, I've got 20 years left and by that stage we'll be living together and I won't need anyone. I would say you've got four ah come on

four Spencer's mad about me Scott Disick is going to be asking Gigi out in about three months it's like oh my god it is a bit gross but like I can't believe

that he would have said that's your man but I do get where he's coming from like what the crack I know it is a bit much I just kind of see it as passion

I feel nothing but jealousy oh I don't I don't feel any jealousy it makes me just go ugh it's just a bit gross but like sorry

hold on Vogue is there not a photo of you topless hugging Spencer on a beach Joanne scoring him in the Daily Mail

and on your Instagram account Joanne Joanne I used to be a thirsty bitch and I am here to say that I used to be a thirsty bitch I'm not anymore so I can slag off Courtney for humping people on boats in Venice you were you were a thirsty bitch and I'm here to say that I used to be a thirsty bitch. I'm not anymore so I can slag off Courtney

for humping people on boats in Venice. You were a thirsty bitch. I was thirsty. You're in recovery. You're hydrated now. I know. Well, I'm not fully hydrated

I wouldn't say. We've still got a small bit of a bit of thirst there. I'm a bit parched now to be honest. Yeah. No, but we're not like that.

You were like next level thirsty. Oh, absolutely. You've hydrated. I used to take like four bikinis to the beach to get pictures in each of my different bikinis like

I honestly needed diorite you just I'm going to Croatia in October I'm going to be wearing a muumuu at all times I'll be like there is a bit of ankle for you in October

it's going to be cold there I literally would never oh my god if anyone took a photo of me in my bikini I would die I'd be cold there I literally would never oh my god if anyone took a photo of me in my bikini I would die I'd be like there's my wrist

how about that do you want to pop my wrist that is all for now and remember if you'd like to send us an email you're more than welcome to

just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com also make sure you keep an eye on the podcast feed because we're going to start doing little bits of bonus material

during the week we love a bonus yeah we like a bonus no we like a bargain we love a bargain I do like a bargain Bye.