My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Did I mention, he's a fireman?!"

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Thoughts turn to rebounds this week. Is it good to have one? Be one? Can anything come out of one? Plus, Gearoid's knitting, history references and Joanne's night at The British Podcast Awards.If you���d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McFally. Vogue and I are going to be in America. I will be in America doing shows in Denver, Portland, Seattle, Washington, D.C. across October. Me and Vogue will be doing Ghosted in Boston, New York, and then we go to Toronto. And all the tickets for all the shows are available

on my thirdpastaghostemy.com and jurannmcnay.com. And we hope to see you there. We would love that. Joe, sorry, I've just noticed all your books. Wow, you've got a Dishoom cookbook. Yeah, that's up there just for those tasty curry nights. You're like one of those guys who kind of leaves a copy of Ulysses out in their bedside table in case they accidentally bring a girl back. Is that what you are, Joe? I am absolutely not that person. You're a fraud. You are. You are. Sorry, Benny, by the way, today he

was like he was, I had told him that you said Monsters was so good that we should start, we should watch, because I really take on board what you would suggest for a TV, because I think that you give good suggestions. And anyway, he watched it. I give good TV. I do. I love TV. Well, he watched it and he said it was useless. And I said, but Joanne said it was brilliant. And then he said, well, I wouldn't take a suggestion off Joanne. And I was like, excuse me? Excuse me? I understand if you said that about me, but Joanne.

Hold on a second. Firstly, male sociopaths from Spencer is one. Surely he would love to watch himself represented on TV. Well the thing about Spencer is that he actually had a man on his podcast about who was talking about psychopaths and many shares so many traits with a psychopath. And the man said, if you ever go out with a psychopath, you have to run. There's no saving it. Did I tell you how you save someone who has a faint? Has a faint go on.

So, you know, if you have a faint, I've has a faint? Has a faint? Go on. So, you know, if you have a faint, I've had a faint before. I've had a faint, yeah. When did you have a faint? I had a faint, the last time I had a proper faint was a legitimate faint, not a fake faint, to get out of something. I was in a rehearsal for my Holy Communion and in that, you know, the kind of primary school uniform which was just very thick, grey wool. Yeah.

And it was too hot and I fainted in the church. Garoud, who I love and adore, and I say this from love and adoration, sent me a photo the other day of him wearing what I can only describe as what looks like a knitting accident. It looks like he's been like a like a tsunami of wool. Let me see, because this could be like a Lou Avey jumper or something amazing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. And then he went, I made that myself and I was like, oh, I know. Oh, I know, girl.

I wasn't. I wasn't. You didn't buy that anywhere. No one would sell it. And he's like, that's and you'd want to see the size of it on him. It was six times too big for him. And he goes, that's before I put the collar in. Do you want to see it with the collar? And I was like, hun-dee-pee. I want to see this. Kyle, hold on. I'll have to ask for his consent. Did you see that Lenny Kravitz is back with his big giant scarf?

No. Should I? Is that big news? Can I just say, Joanne McNally is here spreading fashion advice left, right and centre. Not fashion advice, I'm just saying, you know, unless you're Tom Daly, don't knit it yourself, Gareth. Last week, slagging off my shoes. If you're going to have a breakdown, do it privately. Don't knit it. Slagging off my shoes. And I saw you in the Daily Mail today. You looked great in my eyes. Was it in the Daily Mail?

Yeah. And I said and it said, Shut up! Joanne McNally with her quirky sense of style. I don't need this podcast anymore. Good luck. It said Joanne McNally with her quirky sense of style. My Janet Jackson pants that looked like someone vomited out the side of the leg with blue tinsel. I thought they were fantastic.

Oh, I look sorry. No one will talk me out of those pants. Where are they from? Rotate or something? No, no, no, no, they're high end. Hold on. Rotate is high end. Jennifer. Oh, sorry. No, they but I mean they're higher end. They're higher than Rotate. They're they're like couture. A couture. They're a couture.

Now, obviously, the brand doesn't know I was wearing them. They were stolen couture. A couture? They're a couture. Now, obviously the brand doesn't know I was wearing them. They were stelling on my behalf. Well, they might know now that you're in the Daily Mail. They could say couture on the label. And I was wearing my glitter pantaloons at the British podcast awards where who replaced Avril Lavigne was nominated for the Comedy Awards and it didn't win.

And tell that. It's not cool to win, OK? We won last year. Yeah, it was last year and now it's out of fashion. I read it in Style magazine. It's not cool anymore to win. So heating up, cooling down, winning, cooling down. Totally.

And not only did the British podcast awards get me there under false pretenses, by ringing up my producer, being like, if she was to win, how would her initials like to be placed on the trophy? And I was like, J Mac N, J Mac N. I've won, I've won. And we just just to make sure she's coming, we'd like her to present two awards. No problem. No problem. Let me get my dinner pants.

I'd love to free FOC. Free of charge. Let me get my couture pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got stylist, makeup artist, dog's dinner. I look like fucking Shania Twain. Went in. You look unbelievable. And I can tell you this, Fog and Joe, because you're here. Okay. I fucking will not touch off the British podcast awards next year.

Oh, it's getting tiny. Unless I'm hosting. Do you know what? I was going to say I stand with you, Joanne, unless I'm nominated. Unless we're nominated, of course. Unless we're nominated and then of course we'll be there.

With bells on. We'll go with extra tinsel and fluff. 100% I'll even borrow some of Spettos feathers. A white limo, anything. Let's get the party bus. You know the double decker bus. Let's get that.

You, me and Joe on the way to the podcast awards. No, one of those rickshaws with the like, with Tina Turner banging out the back with all the glitter and the fur. I'm sorry, I have to say no to that. You know how expensive they are? That's 80 quid for like half a mile. We're not having that. Oh, they were arrested because they're so expensive.

Apparently some consumer person got involved and were like, this is the price of a flight to Majorca. Actually more. It's like flying business class to LA and you're getting the chariot from Soho to Clapham Junction. Well, I came home. That's 20 grand please. I came home from Ireland yesterday and I could have gone to Dubai in the same

amount of time. Oh, I heard. Diverted to Birmingham and then the pilot said, oh, we've been working too late. We haven't enough hours to fly you back to Heathrow. I thought, thanks a million. Birmingham, which has the most traffic of any city in the whole of the UK. Oh my sweet God Jesus. And so anyway, I was really chilled because all I kept thinking was, you know what, at least the kids aren't with me trying to see the bright side of things.

But I did nearly have to like chop some heads off, but I didn't in the end. But if I had have been King Henry the eighth at this time, there would have been a lot of removed heads from the torso. Nice historical reference, love, what you did there. Thank you. There's more to us, you know. Just like Anne Boleyn. Oh God, that's so Napoleon of you. See? Well, you wouldn't have found Napoleon because he was short.

See how I know that? Apparently not as short as people say he was. What a gross lie. I'd be raging. Imagine people like... Wouldn't he be human? If he did all that for France and then he died, they're like, he's tiny. A little fella.

That's what they'll say about you, Jo. They reckon he was five foot seven when he died. Yeah're like, he's tiny. A little fella. That's what they'll say about you Joe. They reckon he was five foot seven when he died. Yeah, that's not that bad. When he died, that's to suggest he was six foot when he was alive. Well, no. Well, usually there is a bit of shrinkage involved. I'm hoping there's quite a lot in my case. You'll probably die at six foot eleven. With my mouth down around my ankles.

Do you want I'd like to tell you that my cardiovascular age is four years younger than my actual age. Is. Young, literally young at heart. I'm not going to lie Vogue, for the amount of exercise you do, I would be disappointed if I was you. Well, don't forget, there's like, there's heart problems in my family and there's also a lot of stress and anxiety. So I'm actually quite happy. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Good. Okay. Would you like to do? I'd love to get mine. What? You don't just go in for a test. I told you, please let me track you. Like I want to track her so bad.

I know everyone to track me in the internet. I'm like, track, track, track away, Teemu. Let's get you an aura ring and we can track you. I'd love an aura ring. Although, or we could get you one of the whoops. Kieron, my business partner, used to have a whoop and we'd be in this like little whoop group and some days I'd have to ring him because I'd be like, have you fucking died here? Why is there no movement on your whoop? It's two o'clock in the day. His whoop was like down. And where was he? He was just going about his normal life. He just didn't move around

as much as I did. But he wasn't dead. Was it you that had that tracker in your knickers that time? Was it you? Yes, it was me. You had the whoop in your knickers. Yeah. The whoop. How do you remember that? Anything vaginal I always remember. Everything, anything to do with female genitals stores really quickly for some reason. I'm low hanging fruit. What can I say? But yeah, so how your vagina kind of flatlined. What happened? My, I'm sorry. No, it was only to, that was only so I didn't have to wear the weeb strap because I didn't like the weeb strap so you can put it in your knickers. Whereas you can have this ring that actually looks quite nice and it measures all your sleep

and activities throughout the day. I'd love a ring. Yeah. Jo, do you want a ring? Yeah. Here listen, I'm not offering to buy them. They're really expensive. Mine was like 400 quid or something. Oh fuck that now. something. Buy your own if you want to ring. No, no, no, no. I'll just throw some string around. We'll get you a fifth bit. They're 30 quid. You can have a fifth bit.

Yes. Yeah. I actually have a pedometer on my phone, you know. No, that's just not the same. That's not like proper tracking. It is because it doesn't work. When I get up in the morning, it tells me I've done 2000 steps. I fucking love it. If I use cutlery aggressively, it tracks it as steps. Okay. Well, that sounds like a really like good one to use. I've done 5k and I'm only kind of mooching out of my slumber.

Thrilled. Can I just say, I know that like we're meant to be really positive and stuff, but there's something that I cannot handle looking at anymore. It's making me want to give up Instagram. Joe's hair. I took my daughter to swimming lessons this morning. That is why my hair looks like that. You pair of bastards.

You know, someone sent me. I can see now. It's just so volu... like it's like... It's so fluffy. Do you know what it reminds you of? Do you remember those potatoes that you water and the grass grew with their hair? What were they called? Spudheads or whatever? Spud hairs.

Hairdresser's spuds? You're a spudhead. There was someone, someone screen grabbed something and sent it to me. They put, they put describe ghosted into AI and it started with their poor producer Joe. That was the first line. Like you're a victim of abuse, Joe. Joe slags us off all the time and he gives us the finger when you're not looking. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's very cruel to us. I've seen him slap you on. 100% yeah. 100%. Punch me right in the face once.

Anyway, what I hate about Instagram is everyone reposting that meta AI thing. It doesn't do anything for your Instagram. Stop reposting it. I missed all of this. I was too busy getting hair and makeup done for four days to lose a comedy award. Inform me. No, Joanne, this has been going on for weeks. People are reposting this like it's like a comment from Instagram to say that like Instagram can't or can't create AI out of your content. And everyone is like reposting like it's going to do something.

And it's like, stop. It's not going to do anything. But everyone is. And I saw a great meme and everyone is like reposting like it's going to do something. And it's like, stop. It's not going to do anything. But everyone is. And I saw a great meme and it was like, imagine you were in love with somebody. And then they reposted the AI meta thing. I was like, whoa. People just people want to be on the right side of history or they just want to be involved. This is what I've learned about my.

I can't bear it. Sorry. This is what I've learned from doing conspiracy theory stuff. It's like people just want to be involved. This is what I've learned about my... I can't bear it. Sorry. This is what I've learned from doing conspiracy theory stuff. It's like people just want to be involved. It's like a sense of community. They're like, I want to be part of this movement online, even if it means nothing. I'd have to lose friends. Like when I look at followers who post that, I'm like, oh, my God, I just didn't put you in that box.

We can no longer like be friends. We just can't do it. It's exactly like when you see women from Killarney posting about missing dogs in San Francisco. You're like, what's the point of that? Share guys, keep an eye out. I've actually never even thought, I've never thought about that because I'm like, I'm pretty sure the dog hasn't flown across the Atlantic and ended up on the Vicar Road. You actually never know. People just want to be involved, you know, just want to be involved.

It's like what Pastor Johnson said, it's all about connection. See what I mean? She's just it's the pastor comes in in most conversations now, even outside of her. Did I tell you what Pastor Johnson was saying? No, Joanne, I don't hear about him. He was called Pastor Robertson the other day. He's changing the day. Did I tell you what Pastor Johnson was saying? No Joanne, I don't want to hear about him. He was called Pastor Robertson the other day. She's into all the pastors.

Joe, I'm in a cult. I don't know what their names are. I could get you to join a cult in less than 10 minutes. 100%. The only thing is I'm not big into group activity, but apart from that, 100%. I'm going to do the psychopath test for us next week to see if we're psychopaths. I wouldn't be surprised. You're going to take it for both of you? Yes, that's very psychopathic of you, Vogue, to assume that you can also do my personality. Well, do you know how I know I'm not a psychopath? I can't spell psychopath. That's classic psychopathy.

Okay, well, we do some listener emails. Psychopath Tess, I don't know if I've written that right. Don't slag me. I can't spell jewellery and I can't spell psychopath. They're the only two words I can't spell. I can't spell disappointing or embarrassed or spaghetti. Spaghettie. That's how I spell that. Spaghettie. Or naive. I keep putting a numlot on it. That's fair enough. Naive is a strange word in itself. Okay. I need some advice. Met a guy on a night out, loads of dancing, loads of flirting, swapped Instas and messaged the next day. Swapped Instas. Turns out he's grey crack, but had literally been broken up with like two days previous

from a seven year relationship. So I said, so you're probably just looking for a little rebound. And he said more like a 12 hour sweaty rebound, et cetera. Very sexual. I like that. I don't know. I'm still in love with someone else. I don't, you know, I don't know if I could cope. Anyway, I need to know that they're mentally engaged even for that seven minutes.

I just need to know that I'm there. I think that you're going to be better on this because I just got my period today. So I'm quite horny for anything, you know? Got it. OK, well, I'm day four, so I'm bitter as fuck. Keep reading. It's called Balance. So I said, yeah, I'm game if you're game. It's been over a year for me since I last had sex.

Wow. And he's a ride. Also, did I mention he's a fireman? Jesus Christ, this might be too much for me to read. Do you want me to just, do you want me and Joe to take it from here, Vogue? Can you put both your hands in front of the screen, please? Sorry, I just slipped off my chair. Can we see both hands, please? Both hands, Vogue, please. So win-win. Casual hot sex, etc.

But we've been messaging for like four weeks now, hot flirting, saucy phone calls, saucy such a funny word. Love the excuse to take fire photos of myself, et cetera. But when I invite him here, he says something along the lines of it feels like cheating. Oh, Jesus Christ. Not turned on anymore. Which it isn't because he's single, but I guess it's been seven years to then immediately bang someone else might be a bit much.

He already has. That's what that's done. And I fully understand. He won't be over her, but I'm not bothered. I just want the attention if I'm honest. So do I say, look, let's just cool off for a bit. Revisit this in like six months when you're over her and we can have fun or more than or more than fun maybe. Or do I just enjoy the attention I'm getting and hope the casual fun will materialize and

then get back to the apps and distract myself? I feel like I'll probably catch feelings a bit anyway, but I'm like toxic enough to think, well, at least I'll get a shot. The self awareness. I just love it so much. I love it. I think I know what you're going to say, but go ahead. I need to hear it.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I've questions. Yes. This is the Q&A section. So where are they riding? Well, she's not here to tell us, but I assume in his house. And he won't go to her house. But I understand that I'd rather do it in my house too.

Exactly. So it's not that he feels he's cheating. He's just being a lazy prick. Yeah, I think so. I would say so. And he's using his ex, his previous relationship as an excuse to not go to her house. Which means he couldn't be arsed. he's doing a dialerized situation and that's fine, but that's what it is. It's not about his ex. People who break up can also leave the house. If anything, it'd be worse if he had lived with his girlfriend and this new girl was coming over and they were hooking up in the bed that he's like, no, no, no, no, no. Going to her new, his new girl, like his new person's house where he has no previous history of at all feels like cheating. He

is just being a lazy bollocks and dressing it up as some sort of sentimentality. He's full of shit. I love him. 10 out of 10. I mean, logistically for me, I would like sometimes I'll say to people, I'm like, oh, I really want to go out for dinner, but actually I can't, but you could come over here. And then I'm like, I can't leave my kids, sorry. Why don't we drink here? Yeah, of course. Now you know how attached I am to my house and I'd rather not go anywhere.

And you're lucky because we also love your house. That's exactly true. I got so lucky. And you make it very open and welcoming. So we like kind of milling down. But this is no, no, no, no, no. He's not, he's not knock out. Like if he felt like it was cheating, it would also feel like cheating in his house.

There's no. I mean, that's stupid. But also, I kind of feel like, like, I just think that just because they're in a seven year relationship doesn't mean like that seven year relationship didn't end after seven years. Like it takes, like when I've been in long term relationships, I want to like, you're trying to break up for like a year, you're breaking up, you're getting back together, you're breaking up. You don't just say one day, oh, we're finished. Like maybe she, but maybe she, but maybe she broke up with him. You see, we don't know.

Well, then he's a dope that he didn't know it was coming because there's always signs. You don't just get dumped on the day and not know. That's a very, of all the things you've said, I think that's the most controversial thing you've said. Think about it, though. Of course, like if you're breaking up with, like, because realistically, if you're with somebody and you're fighting all the time and then you break up and get back together, that is a sign you can't just then be shocked that someone says, oh, I think we

should break up. Why? We love each other so much. Yeah, but we fight all the time. You have to you have to remember back. I don't know if I got broken up with. Yeah, I don't know if I agree with that. I think I think something can come to an end without you knowing that the other person feels like that. I think people are very nervous to tell the person that they live with that it's over.

So they kind of fake it for ages. I don't know. You kind of fake it for... Anyway, that's not the point of this. The point of this is this person is saying that this man will happily ride her in his house, but won't come to hers because he says it feels like cheating, which is, as she knows, horseshit. It's an absolute. It's it's one. But I would just look out for yourself and you know to do that anyway. And you don't

want to you don't want to catch feelings and then get fucked over because it's so awful to feel heartbroken and kind of unwanted. So just be careful for yourself and take it for what it is. A lovely ride with a fireman. He's on a rebound one I won. I would abort mission. But tell him if I ever break up with Spencer that like that would be my perfect situation. Just saying. If you like him, like if you properly like him and you're like, oh, could something happen here? I'd like something to happen here. Then yeah, I'd cut him off and see what he does. Let him ride his rebound out of him.

And see what happens in a year down the line. Honestly, time and space are timeless and spaceless. Yeah. Ride the, let him ride the rebound out of himself. Like if she's if she really likes him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Play the long game. Good advice to you, Ann McNally. Play the long game. I'm playing the long game with several men we haven't seen in 10 years.

We'll probably never see again, but I'm playing them. Oh, sorry. Are we not together? Oh yeah. Fionn MacDonagh, I haven't seen you since our Holy Communion. I've been playing you every day since we were nine years of age. Good luck to you. Vogue, I think that's the end of us for this week. I fully agree with you Joanne. What a keen eye you have. Do you know what I'm excited about? New York? Halloween.

Oh my god, oh my god, I'm dressing up as Pitbull just to let you know, don't copy me. I've already bought the ball cap, costumes on the way. If we had any sense, we'd dress up as the two women in Death Becomes Her and Jo would be the doctor. Or the twins from The Shining and Jo can be the woman, the wife. Well, considering how much we talk about plastic surgery, I think Death Becomes Her is more apt. Okay, fine, let's do it. We haven't stabbed each other in ages. I don't know if the shining really represents us as well as Death the Conquerors.

Actually, assume full of Viva, live forever. I love you both. Okay, goodbye.