My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "I decided to make the most of an unhinged situation."

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

This week, Vogue is finally taking Joanne's advice about Bepanthan and there are some belting stories from the emails.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. That's interesting That's new I'm nervous but go That's fresh With me This is how we spice up our relationship You're not doing it This is role play This is what couples do With me Vogue Williams And

Joanne McNally I wanted to say to you Right Yes There's this skin specialist That I follow on Instagram Because I'm obsessed by it And she's like amazing At facials And stuff like that And she was like wanted to say to you right yeah there's this skin specialist that i follow on instagram because i'm obsessed by it and she's like amazing at facials and stuff like that and she was like she was like

my skin's been really bad at the moment so i've just gone back to basics and she showed a tube of and it's bad that i didn't buy it when you mentioned it but when I saw her post it I was like I'm getting the Pantheon. It's yeah so now you're going to get on the Pantheon train. And I'm going to buy everything else that you have as well because now I trust you like an actual skin

professional. Thank you and I still I don't know who's doing the PR for Pantheon but as I said before they should be fired because I have the amount I've talked about it and I haven't had a single tube in the post. And not a tube. Not even a tester. Shocking.

Shocking. Not even a tester. Back to the Sudocream. Back to the Sudocream for you. Just go around on the plane with Sudocream all over your face. Heads will fucking roll. Soft and supple heads

but heads will roll. And I will give my address when it's asked yeah and I await in anticipation you mean you'll give my address when it's asked

I'll give Vogue's address when asked so if you're going to send some to her you might as well double up on the postage and send me a little tube too because the tube is

2.99 and frankly no no I saw this place I refuse have you ever seen this place online

it's called the Mayo Clinic or the Mayo Clinic or something and it's this place in like Switzerland or something and it's

you go there for like this whole detox I always think that would look like an amazing place to go and like reset yourself yeah it looks amazing

no where that's like where the fuck did that come from because I was thinking of ways to look after your skin and then for some reason that clinic popped into my head

and that's how you sorry suck out all the toxins go to Beethad then go to the Mayo or clinic what would they

what toxin would they suck out of you now just out of interest a bit of labello what if you don't have a single toxin in your body who was who was day drinking

deodorant who was day drinking all day on Tuesday at a wedding in Rome at my friend's wedding I was drinking margaritas at three o'clock in the afternoon

I said Joanne would be deeply proud of me deeply proud deeply but that's very vogue she's off to a detox clinic for a month

because she had three margaritas at a wedding inogue she's off to a detox clinic for a month because she had three margaritas at a wedding in Rome she's like I've hit rock bottom guys do you know what it's 3pm I've had two

so I need to be safe from myself I need to surrender myself to a higher power and admit that I am no longer in control of my drinking

don't get me wrong I immediately followed it up with a half a liter of water and one of those little tablets. What are they called? The ORS tablets or something they're called. I was like, I'm going to dehydrate, rehydrate. You're probably already on step 12 by 3 p.m. the next day. I did say to Spenny the other day,

I was like, Spen, I think you're going to have to I was like Sven I think I'm gonna you're gonna have to hide the Puritan now I'm taking it every night now and it's not good to take Puritan every night I was like

I'm going too far I can't stop every night half a Puritan too much it's probably actually is Puritan bad for your system would you say

I don't know I don't think you should be taking anything like that I am back I'm on the magnesium for sleep now because I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety that's just anything like that I am back I'm on the magnesium for sleep now because I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety

that's just cropped up again so I'm back on the magnesium train okay yeah nice okay look at anything that helps get that sweet Z

get the sweet sweet Z's sweet Z's I'm in I'm fully supportive of that I saw you posting about your I saw you posting about your, I saw you posting about your, what was it called? The stuff you spray in your mouth.

What's it called? The CBD. Do you remember when we couldn't get her out of the bed and she was drinking bottles of it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had no idea. So this is again, you know yourself now,

would be big on details, instructions, logistics, ingredients, again, you know yourself now, would be big on details, instructions, logistics, ingredients, measurements, anything like that. So anything numerical or informative or legal, for that matter, I don't really... Or safe, it would seem. Or safe. Yeah, within any guideline.

Anyway, yeah, I didn't realize you were only supposed to take two little blasts in your mouth. Sure wasn't I tipping away and it was only you who put the dots together because I was like I can't

I was like a fucking narcoleptic I was like I can't stay awake for the life of me it was actually on the pod remember I squirted

a couple of squirts in the middle I was like what are you doing and I'd already had to set an alarm to wake up for the pod and the pod was I squirted a couple of squirts I was like what are you doing and I'd already had to set an alarm to wake up for the pod and the pod was at three o'clock in the day

spraying it down again in my mouth you weren't anxious though it definitely helped you out with the anxiety I remember when you were like oh what was that brand again I need to order more

and I was like we got it at the same time why is she ordering more who's that for it does work though yeah go on I have a book recommendation oh come on now it's 22 years old Rachel's Holiday Marion Keys I'd never read it oh yeah have you read it sorry yeah yeah yeah it's very good now you give us a book recommendation that we can copy oh okay Jesus the pressure Jesus, the pressure. Look at her books.

I'm looking around. I'm currently reading Fern Brady's book, Strong Female Character. She's a stand-up. I know her personally. Show me. I'll be reading that after you. She was diagnosed with autism as an adult, and it's just about her life. It's a memoir, but it's very funny and very dark

and they're, which are two of my favourite things to read. That sounds right up my street. Funny and dark. Yeah, it's really good. Hi, Joanne and Vogue. Thought about writing

in this story for a while, but it's taken me a couple of years, oh, to process and get to a stage where I can publicly share. I met a guy on Hinge and after a a first chaotic day I thought he could be fun to continue dating short period a week later okay yeah a week later I was out my girlfriends on a Wednesday evening

and after three margaritas they went home to their boyfriends in perfect timing he messaged and asked if I wanted to come around and hang out with him and his friend okay he sent the address and asked me to pick up some red wine and i was on my way when i rang the doorbell a much older man answered the door in a suit and tie no and asked who i was i said i was there to see let's call him mike mike he let me in and i instantly felt uneasy as i get further down the corridor, I see a younger couple also in a suit and a smart black dress.

They were whispering and looking at me strangely. And to be honest, I should have turned back at this point. The man led me downstairs to a basement kitchen where I met with about 15 people

all wearing black. I quickly realized I'm out of wake. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Now what I will say in this man's defense before reading the rest of the email, we all know if that was an Irish wake and funeral, they're a lot of fun. You're going to have a great time.

Yeah, that's so true actually. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah listen you never know it'd be an honour to be invited yeah it's like the Met Gala you're like

I'd be thrilled I will be there straight away I cannot wait for the finger sandwiches thank you very much in full costume yeah

okay to set the scene I'm in jeans and a green jumper not great now out of the week with a bottle of Castellero del Diablo. Sorry.

Perfect. That's a great wine. I spot Mike in the group and he says, she's here. So no one knew she was coming by the expression on everyone's face. I push him into the bathroom and ask him what the hell is going on. And he then informs me he'd been at a funeral that day. And it was in fact his friend's grandmother's wake. I'm V confused,

but continue. I decided to make the most of an unhinged situation and got involved with the group. I want to hang out with you. Good for her can you imagine like something like that actually happening to you though

and you're just like what do I do at least no there's no there's no body chat here so at least they weren't dragging her in to pay her respects

or anything like that okay yeah so she poured everyone shots of port and had a rager of a night picture middle aged women dancing

on the kitchen island made it home at 4am there you go embarrassed to say I continued to date Mike for around 9 months why would you be embarrassed

this sounds this had a great ending I think he sounds like a really good guy. He was getting you involved in the family. He didn't want you to miss out in the wake. You were there till 4am. It was a great night.

Had by all. This is a happy ending. I'm surprised the body didn't come back to life. This is like a Disney story. Everyone had a great night except the grandmother. Everyone else, great night. She was still dead at the end of the night. She was still dead.

That's not great. But that's sad. Yeah. Well, again, it is sad, but like it's less sad she was still dead at the end of the night she was still dead that's not great but that's sad yeah well again it is sad but like it's less sad when you're older and I was thinking about this

I was like because I'm so obsessed with not dying young and then I was like god but if I die when I'm like 90 people will be like oh well she had a great life

there'll be no like oh isn't it so sad it's just like oh she had a great life well maybe I'm not finished I know where's the sweet spot of like you having done your bits but also it being a tragic 73 73 uh yeah okay yeah okay still a bit of gas in the tank there he definitely had a bit of gas

in the tank my mom my mom was out for. She was in London visiting me. And we're at dinner. And of course, I'm welling up. And she's like, Joanne, you're going to have to be OK. She goes, I'm very concerned with passing on. Because you need to be OK when I'm gone. I'm like, I can't. It's like 3 o'clock in the day in an Italian residence on Norcott Road.

She's like, I can't have this conversation with you again, Joanne. She's like, I'm going to die you need to man the fuck up I don't I don't say it to my mom because she's too scared of dying as well no Pat seems to be

fully happy to do it she's like my she's like my only concern is you and like you keep telling me you're going to have to get sectioned and it's not

you know it doesn't fill me with confidence about dying because you're saying you're going to fall apart. I was like, I'm not going to die. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I got my first ever adult bike using the bike to work scheme. Hi, Joanna Vogue. I got my first ever adult bike using the bike to work scheme. I was excited the day it arrived with a new expensive lock,

a high-vis jacket, a helmet, a belt. Did you get all those things? Very safe. I don't, I don't remember. I was living in East London at the time. So the next Saturday I took it off along the canal to the food market, locked my bike up and went and got some scran where is that where would that person

be from if they're saying scran Newcastle what's scran Jo what's scran food got it came back an hour later

to find my bike gone and my lock and cable chopped in half on the ground a few days and tears later I found my bike

for sale on Gumtree so i contacted the guy and arranged to meet him outside a train station one hour before this meeting i went to the local police to ask for assistance in getting my bike back they told me there's nothing i can do and they don't recommend i go on my own so i burst into tears and just started weeping they obviously felt sorry for how pathetic i was and decided to help. Oh God. They ended up getting three police cars, two undercover with six policemen.

What? That's where your taxes go. What? I'm sorry. I like this. I would pay my taxes for that. I got to sit in the back of the car and we saw the thief cycling towards me on my bike.

He noticed the police and took off down a lane. My police car driver threw on the sirens this is so exciting and flashers and we went on a chase caught up with the thief

and the police tackled him to the ground. I mean it does seem like a very strange use of police time but okay I'm listening. I mean why do they need six policemen as well

yeah six a hunt on you wouldn't get that for fucking someone breaking out of Wandsworth no well this is it

six policemen in East London anyway the I got my bike back so all in all a great day to top it off the guy who tackled the thief

was super hot and around my age i spent the next few days here we go the penny is dropping this man fancied her i spent the next few days searching hot young northern policeman to try and find his socials i had no luck with this so i took to walking past the police station on tinder unfortunately it was it wasn't meant to be and I never found my odd policeman. What was there? Was that one, there used to be one

that a dating app that kind of pinged people in your local area. Maybe, maybe, maybe Tinder is geo now. It must be if she was walking past with her Tinder on.

Yeah, I think that you could do it. That's a great idea, actually. Why am I having an idea on that? She goes, you should just stand outside like, I don't know like a finance guy's place

or like someone who works in really high a high end job a lawyer I don't think I'm finance men's I don't think I'm to their taste a doctor

imagine all the free meds I don't think they I don't think people like that like people like me they do do you remember when I used to try do you remember, I don't think people like that like people like me. They do. Do you remember when I used to try, do you remember when I used to try and say to people,

I'd be like, now don't show them, don't show them the comedy that you're supposed to do. Yeah, she's like, don't, I haven't shown your socials. He doesn't know your surname

or anything like that, okay? So just don't say anything when you meet him. Don't give him the details. Just smile, show him your tits and let's see where it goes here listen to the end of this

PS once the thief got released he started contacting me because I'm super smart and gave my real name and phone number he said he was going to come over and fuck me up

he never did but in the future don't give your contact information to career criminals well I had her well we're glad she's okay

I'm disappointed for her that she didn't trap that policeman and also I I mean I'm not going to mention the waste of police time again but I'm glad she got her bike back my understanding is

that London the bike thief like the bike burglary situation is just so intense that you just kind of accept that you will be buying your own bike back

at some stage I think that's just part of the system here over here, really. I can just say that I'm deeply offended. No one's ever tried to steal my bike. It's obviously not good enough. Well, I did ask you the other day when we came out of Global. I was like, where's your, you're like, it's just locked over there. And I was like, are you not worried that it'll be taken?

Because I would be. I'd be bringing it in everywhere with me. Oh my God. Am I at that stage where I'd get a foldable bike? No, you're not allowed. You're not allowed. You can't. Oh my God. Am I at that stage where I'd get a foldable bike? No, you're not allowed. You're not allowed. You can't. I can't.

I was in somewhere recently and I met a group of people it was for like a meeting. You know, those meetings that we always have and nothing happens. They seemed like a really nice team of people

and then as I was leaving in the reception there was a foldable bike. I was like, who has a foldable bike? Who's the culprit? That's like Helen's and I was like who has a foldable bike and uh who's the culprit that's like Helen's and I was like

well now I can't work with Helen so this was a complete waste of time imagine you were I'll be taking my business elsewhere right you're going Helen I can't have you part of my career

you've got a foldable bike it's not happening you're going out with a complete ride he's got a great job he's really nice to you he's got no baggage whatsoever really emotionally stable

and then he shows up on one of the bikes one of the foldable bikes slung over his shoulder and he's really buff and beefy and everything what are you going to do?

Is he hung? Really hung as well yeah Still no No No Still no No

No no no We've unlocked I'm sorry I know we don't talk about icks anymore but that would be one of the biggest icks it's a just

it's a huge no and like listen I know they are handy foldable I believe that is the main thing about them

but no I need to ask a serious question then. I was considering, now it's not, possibly not till the next like six months to a year,

but I was considering getting one of those bikes with the little bucket at the front to put the kids in. Am I going to be accepted into our fold with that bike or not? Oh, 100%.

100%. Get me a sidecar. I'll come along. You could just go in the front with the kids Here Joanne Borrow us a helmet I'll be in the sidecar Just on hinge

Look at him folk What do you think? For your little time Actually concentrating I'm driving nine children I need to focus Says he's 76 foot two. What do you think?

Green eyes. Green eyes. Tan. Perfect. I'm off to a spinning class. Where? Why? Would you not just use a Peloton?

I know. I'm going with Olivia my trainer who kind of well abuses me really but anyway I'm going with Olivia my trainer who kind of well abuses me really but anyway I'm off to a spinning class even though there's a bike

in my kitchen I'm off to SoulCycle to get abused by Olivia don't forget to pop on the denims I've got my I've got my double denim outfit ready to go

my cowboy boots let's do this thank you very much everyone for listening to the pod it's been lovely Joanne it's been fantastic

to see you you look great adieu Jo hair high as always Thank you.