My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "Not my finest moment."

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

Never underestimate the power of a curly blowdry. Here endeth the lesson. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes To Beat Myself, Jermia McNally, Hervo Williams and himself, whose name I can't remember. Oh, shit. Joe Attewell. Joe Attewell. That's it. Jerm, what's Joe's daughter called? I didn't know. Yeah.

I don't know. Who the fuck wrote you Joe? What my bitch let you leave it in? Oh, leave it in. You absolutely sicko. Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was too much. I'm sorry. Now in fairness, when you think, now, Joe, this isn't relating to you, but like, when you think of some of the people you've gone down that road with, it feels a bit strange to think back and be like, oh my God, wow. I know. There's very few people I'd slap out of me and that says more about me

than it does about them. Now I'd kiss pretty much everyone. Like pretty much everyone in the whole world. Nearly. Nearly everyone. There's no point going back to kissing when we started or writing. There's no point going back to kissing. Yeah, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I see. I wouldn't write everyone. I have to be honest. I wouldn't write everyone. I wouldn't. Sorry to those who I wouldn't ride but I'm not riding you. Okay? No that's fair. Everyone has their boundary. Can I ask why we can't see you? Where the fuck are you? You're just this black box.

Listen, my day has turned into Joanne. What? Where's your... We can't see you. You're just a black box. Where's your silly Afghan hound face? My long face is... Well I've had a Joanne day because I don't know my mic has broken. Yeah. I don't know how you cope. I don't know how you cope. So I basically, my mic broke. So also what has happened is Otto was taking off. I took off his swim vest because he was finished swimming. We went swimming. He's a problem. Yeah. And, and, and then he just lagged towards the pool and I had to run and jump into the pool because

he can't actually swim. He had no swimming vest on. So I had all my clothes on, my favorite runners and my phone. Riddle me this because we talk about the kids a lot, but there's certain questions I like, I would like answered. Okay. What's with the little ponytail thing he's wearing at the moment? Oh, I just got his hair cut. Wait, you see it?

His hair. OK. His hair grows. I'm glad you asked that tonight. I'm quite right wing when it comes to children's hair. I I'm like, why is that a fucking ponytail? What's up with it? I love his ponytail. But the only thing is his hair grows. What age is he? He's two.

I know. Isn't that terrible? I see a little boy with long hair and I'm like, make America great again. Just automatically. Once he hits 12, I'll be like hiring him for drag shows. But when he's young, I don't know what it is. I'm just brainwashed, I guess. No, I love a ponytail, a little boy's hair. I apologize on behalf of myself. But no, he's got a cut because his hair. Was ridiculous. No, his hair. I've never known, by the way, I've never known someone get their hair done

as much as you get your hair done. How does that not fall out of your head? You're always getting your hair done. And I say this, and I say this sitting with actual foils in my hair right now. Is that why your camera's not on? No, my camera's not on because my phone died in the pool and I have that two step authentication, whatever that fucking word is and I can't get into my emails anymore. And just listen, it's just, it's too complicated to explain to you that's for certain. So I was in getting the hair done okay so basically Jo you we try to explain stuff to you you won't understand, Vogue will understand and assuming most listeners will understand the sexual poweress of getting a curly

blow-dry so basically I got a curly blow-dry on Saturday I kind of got this thing in my head that I don't know, you know, a lot of time by myself and I was like, I've kind of, I let myself go and you know, I'm wearing the same brow all the time. I was like, I really need to kind of like check back. Are you still, are you still wearing the ghosted bra? The ghosted tour bra? You're not still wearing this. We sat them on fire together. Do you remember when the tour ended? Well, no, because I actually, Joanne, I saw you and yours. No, I saw you and yours not long after. I've seen you and yours recently. I know you have. You're a dirty little pig.

She set fire to a fake brass. You could keep your own bra. My bra's are too flammable. My bra's are too flammable. They literally go up and they take a house down with the padding. Yeah. 100%. Of course. Parton was like your bras are too much for me. She's like, I can't get around with that much padding. It is quite heavy. That's why my shoulders are so like staunch because they've got to hold that shit up. That's not why. Anyway, so I went in, got a curly blow dryer on the Saturday and I hit the town old school. Okay. I wore no bra. I wore a very, very short pair of shorts. I wore some bare by Vogue fucking medium leg shit. Medium water. You didn't go, you didn't illuminate as well.

Did you illuminate? I illuminated myself. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Like a moth to a fucking flame. And did you get, did you get it? Sorry Vogue. I'm not finished with the video. Joe, are you interested in hearing about what she's wearing? Or are you interested in hearing about if she got the D? If she gets it in the end, it'll be well worth the build up. Oh come on. Okay. Fine. I colored in my eyebrows. You're getting it all now because you were so rude.

I put on some whitening teeth strips. Oh fantastic. I put on some Mitchum. I put Mitchum deodorant on my under tit because I was perspiring under the breast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens when you down a vabz. Your stomach just like melts. So I sprayed Mitchum all over myself, behind my knees, everything. Dry as a fucking bone. I looked phenomenal. I didn't see any pictures though. Why didn't you post more? Cause I'm not thirsty. Excuse me. You are so thirsty when you're looking good. Your main page in that shit. If you've brushed the fucking grue, you're up.

When I brush my teeth, I'm like, guys, let's go live. Let's go live on that billboard in Lester square. I've, I've gotten a ballo on. I've never felt better. I miss, I miss your deranged, your deranged question times. I miss them so bad. I hope you bring them back for Christmas. Bring them back. You bring them back. They have to come back at least once. Come on. Do you remember that Joe probably? I think Joe, maybe that was before we met really. No, the people what they want. Yeah. I had a couple of, yeah. The couple of coupler. Enough with the book recommendations. Where the fuck is deranged you are? Giving out about someone.

So funny. Yeah. You're dad right. That's the thing. Anyway, whatever. Park that. So I was like, I really went to town on myself. Physically, mentally, I was so prepared. Went into the Devonshire. Devonshire Devonshire Devonshire I call it the Devonshire but it's not because I've been brainwashed by England that it's all Shires it's all like goblins and rings and Shires over here but actually it's Shires for us so it's Devonshire Devonshire Devonshire okay it's not Ryan's but his favorite pub yeah it's Ryan's one of Ryan's favorite pubs. It's like a real, it's just a fucking, it's like,

what's that pub on the corner in Ireland? Oh, that one? Oh. There's one corner in Ireland Joe, I don't expect to know what it is. Hogan's, Hogan's, Hogan's. No, the other corner. With the toasties, come on.

That's Hogan's, Grogan's. Grogan's. It's Grogan's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's Grogan's. Yeah. Hogan's is on one corner and Grogan's. She's fucking dead right. This woman knows how to drive left and right. You're fucking dead right though. It's like the Grogan's in London. Grey crack. They have a trap band down the back. Had a fucking ball. But I was really, really feeling myself. And the reason I was feeling myself is I had gotten a, not a smear. A bouncy blow. A bouncy blow dry. Not a smear. A bouncy blow. A bouncy blow dry. Gorgeous. I got a curly blow dry and Joe, I cannot explain the horn that it gave me for myself. I was invincible. Did the hairdresser come out alive or like was he okay after giving you a hair and a fancy blow. Perished. Perished. She's retired from the industry.

I didn't understand how aroused I am about myself when there's a kink in my hair. Sorry, Vogue, no, I'm not finished yet. It's taking a long time to get to the dick, to be honest with you. Christ alive. I was getting, sorry, Vogue, don't be so crass.

Go on, I'm ready. This is a cultural podcast. She was like, she about me because I had said something pretty grim and she's like, God, she can't buy class. And I just wrote back and I was like, you can actually. There's a shop just off Grafton Street. They sell it. Of course you can. You're Claire's accessories. Excuse me. I'll go in and buy glass. You're Claire's accessories. And River Island. And Zara. And it's on sale at the moment so everyone can get it. Anyway, I looked, Jo, I'm not messing.

I looked great. And I don't say that lightly because you know I have self-esteem issues and there are times where I don't feel great about myself. I mean, you're having a good, you're having a good month. If we do, if we do say so ourselves, you're having a good month and you have not stopped and it's good to see. So anyway, went into the Devonshire or whatever it's called. I've lost track now because I'm here so long and then went to Soho. What's it called? One of those Soho things. Soho House, Greek Street, I'd say you're right.

And I went in and there was a beautiful blonde child in there. Okay, and what age is the child? We've got to be careful about this. Above 18, obviously. 26! Perfect. That's what I figured she meant when she said child. Checked his papers, all good.

Now it's on a register. Everything's legal and sound. Okay. So anyway, obviously I was like coming up on my curly blow dry. So like there was nobody safe. Like I was there was if any if a lad stood still, I would literally gyrate. I was on it. So anyway, I got eyes with the blonde baby. And I did this thing, you know, when you like point to your eyes and you point to theirs. Yeah. Oh, very sexy. Very sensual, Joanne. Flirting. Is it? I mean, it's a bit aggressive, but whatever. That's how I roll. It's threatening. Once you didn't do the throat thing, you're fine. You know, or just like pull a finger across your throat.

Like that would be it. Don't go down that route. I wouldn't suggest it. I said, I looked in his eyes and looked at my eyes and I said, I'll see you in half an hour. Isn't that sexy Joe? And imagine that now with the curly blow, with the curly blow dry and Joe, you're repulsed by me. So like it's gone. Yeah. She got bored away. Anyway, so brought him back to the flat with my friend. Like it was, it was all very innocent and PG. But anyway, they went back for a threesome. She invited me, but fortunately I was. I wanted to get my steps up. So anyway, he was sitting there and he was very like, you know, he was like you and me and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, why? So obviously I'm 41, he's under 30. And I was like, what? What's? He said his last girlfriend was kind of older as well. And I was like,

what's the deal with you and older women? Like what, what is the draw there? And do you know what he said? And I thought it was really interesting. He said, because you don't give a shit if I'm here or not here. He's like, I, it doesn't make, it makes no difference to your life if I'm in your cage or not in your couch, I think I find that really attractive. I don't think you don't need me. No, I need people to be around. I don't think you fancy me. I need people around. If he was my boyfriend, I would need him. I would need him around a lot. I just thought it was an interesting insight into younger guys and elder women. I don't know. I just thought it was kind of interesting.

He's like I don't you don't need me. Anyway the bouncy blow I'm actually gonna treat my I'm growing my hair again and I'm gonna treat myself when I've got the long hair I'm gonna treat myself to a bouncy blow. Are you? Yeah I am. I think I deserve one. I think I'd like a night out on the tiles like that and to be noticed is nice isn't it? And you're not going to get noticed with my current hair. Got to be the bouncy. And I like to do what you do.

I cannot explain how noticed I was. Look, I've never felt more alive with that bouncy blow. You've got a peppily step at the moment, though. You've got a peppily step. In my fucking step. And do you know why I have a peppily step? Why? Because I got a fuckingp in my fucking step. And do you know why I have a pep in my step? Why? Cause I got a fucking curly blow dry.

For morale. I literally got a taxi to the hairdressers and was like, this is for morale. And my God, can I just say the difference it made to my soul, to my self esteem. My nipples were harder than they ever have been. You've had a very different week than I. My kids are still not in school and like.

I've been very sexual this week. I've had a very sexual week. OK. And you're even talking and it's did you do ayahuasca or something? Is that your ayahuasca voice? Ayahuasca. Do you know that? I can't spell ayahuasca or something? Is that your ayahuasca voice? Ayahuasca. Do you know that I can't spell ayahuasca. So my friend, I'm like, are you up for it? And she's like, what? And she's like, my waddy wad, my waddy wadka. I can't spell it. You know what I mean? Are you up for a psychedelic experience? So I write it

as I, I, a waddy wad wadka. Sorry, Joe, spell Iowaska. What, off the top of my head? You're joking. Nobody can. Yes! No, nobody can. No one can! A-Y-A-Y-A-W-A-S-C-H-A. Absolutely not. You just did what I did. Oh, it's a million miles. It's a million miles.

Iowaska. It's got a fucking cue in it. Anyway, can you just not be like, like this? No, don't go off Puking Summer. I don't think you'll enjoy it. Sorry, I am here to be enlightened. I apologize. And do you know they do ayahuasca in Wales? Because I was like, I don't know if I'm going to have the time to go to Columbia or Mexico, but I could go to Wales. go to Colombia or Mexico, but I could go to Wales. Do we have any emails or anything? We do. I have one for you here. Are you ready? Go on. Yeah. Love an email. Hey girls, funny story for you. So I broke my ankle last week, a story for another day. I was about to leave

the house for an appointment with the physio ready to leave. And I realized I hadn't shaved in a while with the injury because what's the point? So my ankle was super swollen and bruised and the feminist in me said, who gives a fuck if the physio sees your hairy legs? But the patriarchy suffering hot girl in me said they cannot see my hairy legs. I've just looked at my legs and they are bad. I need to get a razor out of myself. So I hobbled my way to the bathroom, grabbed a razor and and bowl of soap and water, sat in my bed and tentatively shaved over my poor, swollen bruised left ankle. Not my finest moment.

Cut to half an hour later, I'm sitting on the chair in the physios office with my battered but gorgeous dolphin like leg on show for inspection. Very pleased at myself. All things considered. When he says, so I just need to see the other leg for comparison. Girls, I didn't shave the other leg. Why would you? That is the, it's like when you do tan and you're like, I'll just do my hands are the only things you can see. I felt the fear creep inside me in a cold sweat take over as I rolled my flared jeans merely to my ankle. Of course, he said, yeah, I need to see both shins.

We locked eyes. It was in that moment. I knew he knew that I only shaved one leg. If it was a woman, maybe I could have made a joke joke but this guy was mid to late 30s, tattoos, sharply dressed, cool. Sorry, he sounds very hot. He does, and he's a vizium. I always like something. Send him the photo of me with the curly blow dry, can we get that over? She obviously fancies him, now you're going to be sending him that, you'll send him the

one in the jumpsuit. You can't have him. You can't have everyone. Women support women. So we sat in mortified silence as I rolled up the jeans to reveal my shamefully hairy right leg. Not a word was said about the stark difference between both limbs. He was very professional immediately diverting conversation to what kind of music I liked. I have mixed emotions on the whole experience. Embarrassment, ashamed of myself for feeling embarrassed and complete hilarity. Long story short, always shave both legs.

No, that is not the lesson here. The lesson is shave what's exposed. Shave what's exposed. I've lost count the amount of times I've literally shaved kneecaps or ankles or anything that's been going to be exposed and left the rest just to grow wild. I told you about the time I wrote that lad through the hole in the tights didn't I? That's it for the bonus. And just to say as an an aside, if you're depressed, obviously seek professional help. Get a curly powder. See how you feel. Thanks for watching!