My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "PG: Pretty Good!"

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

There's a lot to wade through in the emails this week. First up it's all about whether she "went" or not, followed by a passive aggressive moron who won't get himself checked, and finally - WTF is going on with vans?? If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comFinally... My Therapist Ghosted Me (and Joanne!) are shortlisted for a National Comedy Award!! Please vote here: https://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/Thank you!

hello and welcome to an extra helping of my therapist ghosted me with me vogue williams and her joanna mcnally hopefully you've heard our extra episode from last week but if you haven't go and have a listen we're finally doing something with all your emails thank god so please do keep sending your emails in because we need them. And let us know about your Deb stories. We do love them. Dick moves. Spoofers. I miss the spoofers.

I love spoofers. If there's any spoofers in your life, we want to know about it and your nightmare situations. Someone did send me a spoofer. I always feel like I'm really loud. It's kind of slaggy. But anyway,

that she was selling water. Like she's a hydration manager, a hydration coach. And they're like, are you still doing spoofers a week? Because this woman is this is how you drink your water

yeah low to fabulous and she's living a life on a beach in Bali like making she's making like six figures just telling people

to drink their water like it's it's spooftastic jeez I want to I want to check her out hydration it's a good word hydration coach

I think that's her name the hydration coach okay we'll send anything you have and we'll we'll lend her thoughts I mean They probably won't help you

But it'll be fun Right The email Right you have to read it Because I actually Really liked this one Who wants to make me cum I just don't like

Saying that That's why we changed it to went Hi Joanne and Vogue I've been seeing this guy for six weeks And recently he started saying He wants to make me Went Went

Cum Vogue hates that word Anyway I can't get there on the best of days Oh my god Are we turning into like a sex podcast? I love it Sinead

There's this weird pressure To make it happen I know I don't like that Being a woke bitch into like a sex podcast. I love it. So now there's this weird pressure to make it happen. I know. I don't like that. Being a woke bitch that spent the past part of four years in therapy, I decided upon communication

as the only way forward. Huge mistake. That's me saying huge mistake. With that in mind, I spoke to him about it. He asked if anal would help. You fucking wish. Do you wish I said?

No. I mean, where does he think the clit is stop moving away from it go back forward it's not in the back of your throat no

which I said no in my eyes that's a one way system and now I haven't heard from him in four days do you guys ever fake it and should I just get my mouth zipped

and protected to the precious ego you're sincerely a very frustrated girl Spenny and I had this conversation last night go on

I swear to god I was like have you ever faked it with somebody? And he was like, no. And I was like, well,

I suppose it'd be kind of hard for you to fake it because he was a bit over-exaggerating last night. And I thought, was that? Was that? And then I was like, okay, he did.

I, I've never faked it in my life. Have you ever faked it? Yeah, I have in my lifetime. No. But never with Spenny. Like last night,

he was like, have you not? And I was like, no. And he was like, oh, well, we have to have you not and I was like no and he was like oh well we have to go again and I was like no like the moment's over

for me now I don't want to get back into that I've had a shower no I never I do find though with women obviously you know

there needs to be a very specific set of circumstances happening there's a specific way it happens for each person as well it's in your mind

I need to actually quite know them quite well I need to actually give know them quite well. I need to actually give a shit about them. That's why sex on one night stands is always just very mediocre. It's always wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. That's about it. Yeah, I've started to understand about one night stands now.

It's my new favorite bit. I love it. Is it? I've heard it because I'm not invited to any shows. But that, so men, it's so easy. They're just like. Yeah, it is. It is. But with women, it's like there needs to be like the room

needs to be at a certain temperature the light needs to be like yeah not full lights it needs to be there's certain circumstances triple wick jam alone in the corner yeah may i suggest a mirror but the worst too far just replace them with the mirror have a mirror like where you're visible you know oh my god you're so 70s I know well not above the bed

I don't want everyone knowing but like that pink mirror in my room fantastic really yeah move it around a bit shimmy it around but don't

when someone asks you like oh my god it's too much pressure it's too but actually sometimes I think I remember I was with a guy once

and he brought he was like you haven't went yet and I was like that's so true I haven't because think, I remember I was with a guy once and he brought, he was like, you haven't went yet. And I was like, that's so true. I haven't, because I tend to be more concerned with them. Oh, I'm not. I'm very concerned with myself. Well, I'm older now,

but when I was younger, it was just all about them. Everything was about them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything was about them. A hundred percent. So when he was like, you haven't come, I was like, oh, yeah, I just think, like, what? And then it was much better then

because I was like oh we're allowed recreate the circumstances I need yeah I suppose when you're it is all about them because you're

you just because you know what guys were ourselves they'd be telling everyone everything about you and you'd be like you'd have to like have made a good impression

I suppose now I'm like I want to make a good impression on myself that's your little paw. Fucking hell, wearing herself as a watch day in, day out.

That's all she talks about. Jo, have you noticed this? Folk will not stop talking about wanking herself off. It's like we broke the seal and literally it's a lot, isn't it? I wasn't talking about pulling myself off you were

I was talking about having sex there and making sure I'm looked after too you're talking about dragging your mirror over to the bed like I mean

you've lost your mind making an impression on yourself making an impression worried about myself well don't be worried all I'm saying is don't be worried about

making an impression on somebody else make sure you make that impression on yourself. You're there too. I also think that's why it's very hard when you're very compatible with someone, you've good sex with someone, even if they're a toxic dick bag, you end up staying because you're like, oh, you know how my body works. I know.

And I just don't want to go looking for another Willie I like. Very hard to walk away from someone who knows how your body works. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm so at peace with myself oh my god what

what are we gonna what are you gonna say now I think you should start doing you should start teaching what's do tantric Vogue does tantric

Vogue puts on a tantric display should we just leave yeah see you later guys we just hand you a mirror and go like are we are we impinging

on your vogue time oh that's so funny no but I actually do think I actually do think communication can help in this situation

which isn't something I say lightly yeah but he's ignoring her now so like the communication is now over oh you're right sorry I totally forgot about the anal bit

that was outrageous the anal bit like was outrageous the anal bit like get a green you fucking wish this one I liked as well hi girls love the podcast a fellow dub here

living in England I just have a question that has been wrecking my head since a guy ghosted me I fucking hate people who ghost people anyway

I've been speaking to him three weeks went on two dates which are all PG pretty good he came back to mind but no sex oh my god no PG is it dates which are all pg pretty good he came back to mind but no sex no pg

not always a sexual mind which were all pg pretty good or whatever parental guidance he came back to mind but no sex on the last date he said he would stay over next time and i said that's grand i said to him would he mind getting an sti check if we were going to continue dating and sleeping together he said no problem and that he hadn't done one in a while anyway he texted me when he got home and then i haven't heard anything since we also spoke about some topics like depression and stuff and i had told him i saw a therapist for nearly a year in australia i woke up from a night shift to him posting this quote on Facebook. Fuck nudes. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet.

I need to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with. Oh my God. He's now blocked me on Facebook. Was he fucked off? I asked him about getting his dick swabbed before putting it in me. I know there are condoms, but I felt like I was going in a good direction. I beat myself up for the past few days wondering, did I do something wrong when I know I didn't oh my god are we allowed to ask a

guy who's 31 mind you to get swabbed or am I being dramatic what a fucking arsehole now I will say right I started seeing this guy and um and condoms and everything like that whatever great at the start and then he said to me he was like why if we're gonna do it without let's get a full SDI check and I thought oh my god I'm in a grown-up relationship I was like let's go and do it and then you have it you know what could have happened he probably has syphilis that's probably what it is yeah and he's lost his mind it's nothing to do with you he got syphilis lost his mind nothing to do with you He's cut his ear off somewhere and he's in hiding now. Like a true artiste.

Yeah, I mean, some guys just don't want the, they just don't want the, the real converse that early on. They just don't want it. They want you to be all like, oh, you know, sexy linguine.

Yeah, but you don't want to, you don't want to like potential. They just want it all light. You know, these lads are like, just keep it light. Just keep it light. I'm not looking for something serious. Yeah, you're like, well, if you want to like potential. They just want it all light. You know, these lads are like, just keep it light. Just keep it light. I'm not looking for something serious. Yeah, you're like, well, if you want to have sex with me,

then have an STI check. It's not hard to do them now. You look fun. I am not fun. Okay. Rest assured. There will be no keeping it light. But that's what I think they want.

I don't do light. I don't do light, babes. But I think that's the that's the problem here is that she obviously just kind of confided in him too much and he just wasn't

man enough to take it I know yeah and he bailed and posted a really passive aggressive meme which just shows that he's emotionally

ill equipped oh god yeah exactly or riddled riddled let's go with the syphilis one gentle war I'd say he's absolutely gentle war is how you tell that ill-equipped. Oh God, yeah, exactly. Or riddled. Riddled. Let's go with the syphilis one. Gentlewort, I'd say.

He's absolutely riddled. Gentlewort's a gentleman. Oh God. He's blocked me on Facebook. Like block, yeah. Get lost, you absolute loser. Dear Joanne and Vogue, I needed to let you know that something extremely weird

is going on. Back along on the podcast you had a message from a woman who was knocked down by the van. Oh my God, remember her? Yeah. I hope she's okay. I hope she's okay.

No, she was grand. Yeah, she was grand. Sending. We should have sent her grapes or something, Vogue. We should have sent her flowers. That was a bit shitty of us. Yeah, you should have sent her grapes.

Maybe that's why she was reaching out as well. I admired her for seeing the funny side because I recognised I'd have been raging. Fair. Anyway, I'm pretty much back to working in my office now for the first time since early 2020. Oh yeah, so she's back in the office. I was listening to the pod

and got to a moment that had me on the floor pissing myself. Good. That's what we love to hear. That's what we like. We want actual wee in the... We don't need awards. We just need urine in vials. Agreed. Send us your urine. Yeah. Un we love to hear. That's what we like. We want actual wee in the... We don't need awards. We just need urine in vials.

Agreed. Send us your urine. Yeah. Unbeknown to me, our assistant manager had just got everyone's attention to let us know that on his way to work,

the manager had been hit off his bike by a van. This was the moment that my idiotic laughter had filled the office. Morto. Look at this bit. I'll stay anon

because I don't need another strike on my record I have to explain that I've been listening to a pod and hadn't heard and that I was sorry what's with the van

somebody needs to sort these mad bastards out I ought to say my manager is fine just a bit shaken up I hate when you laugh at the most inappropriate times like a funeral

as soon as someone goes off it's like it's tension it's the tension of it it's it's tension it's the tension of it it's like you want to break the tension of it it's so bad or if something like i used to wet myself all i remember like in school the second because i was giggly or whatever and they when they make you stop like my whole body would be vibrating oh i love yeah they're the best

like sick and you're actually laughing silently and the more they tell you to stop you just lose the run of yourself it's cool yes because you know you're not supposed to be doing it but it's my favourite when you're just like at something that you shouldn't be

oh god what were we at we were at something and people were telling really sad stories this like literal event and like it's a really sad time and Spenny had like

made me laugh about something and I was like this just looked it looked so bad like talking about like somebody honestly dying and you're just sitting there like shaking

trying not to look like you're laughing tried to even get a few tears out so at least it could look like a shaky cry time is comedy is tragedy plus time you know that

you're a comic now I'm a comic now my time is like three minutes I mean when I was growing up I'd do besties Anya and Anya and I remember like we'd be piss, I had two besties, Anya and Anya. And I remember like,

we'd be pissing on the pavements and everything. Anya and Anya? Anya and Anya. We'd do all three different coloured puffer jackets, yellow, blue, red. From Benetton?

We'd walk around like a little squad. From Benetton? I'd say it was more Bibble or Viramoda. I don't think we were really Benetton gals. We weren't the ones

with the tennis courts. She's like, oh my God, Gucci. Yeah. But yeah, we'd be laughing so hard. Like I'd be, there'd be urine rolling down the road and everything. I haven't done a urine laugh, but I've done it because, because I have such bad morning sickness. I've done a urine puke.

So like, I'm like, and it's just so demeaning. Hold on, hold on. You need to clarify what a urine puke is. Like you're already in a... It sounds like your body's turned upside down. Laugh puke. No, I mean a puke wee. You wee in...

So like only since I'm pregnant, since I've been getting like morning sickness, I'm like, I'm trying to just have a... Oh, sorry. Yes. Oh my God. So I'm just trying to like, I'm just sitting there

trying to just puke and pee. And then like, you're like vomiting and then wee and vomit. And like, there's... That's no wonder you're in the bath so often. I know, I have to wash.

Yeah, just take, but you can just do anything you want to the bath. You just puke and pee in the bath. Like a giant basin. It's an absolute nightmare. Makes sense, yeah. So there we have it that's all from this extra helping

of my therapist ghosted me so definitely please do keep sending your emails they're so good by the way I love the people

that listen to us send them to hello at mtgmpod.com I'm just glad you didn't say community I can't stand I love my humans I love my community community I can't stand I love my humans

I love my community you're the best human I love my community you're not their fucking community my community my no it's worse when they call them something

my squad my whatever it's like fuck off no the worst thing is I mean we could turn it I could do a whole episode on people who hashtag themselves

oh my god stop when you hashtag your own name, you've lost your mind. Oh, it's over. You've absolutely lost your mind. It's over for you. Do you know what? Actually, I did Vicky Pattinson's pod recently

and she told me she likes all her own pictures and I actually kind of loved her for admitting that. I was like, my mom used to do that. Vicky, you're not supposed to do that. You can't like your own pictures. People conceive like your own, but why would you bother liking your own pictures? But it's when people, also my other thing that sends me wild is when people hashtag

themselves couple girls. Oh, fuck. Who does that? I know people who do it. You're like, I will decide. If you're a couple girl. You can't tell me. I'm actually going to put a picture of myself and Spencer up and I'm going to do that and

see what you say. We'll be couple, we can be couple girls. Yeah, we'll be couple girls. Couple girls on hashtagging yourself. Good luck to you. Good night and good luck. Go get professional help. You're a fucking narcissist. Bye.