My Therapist Ghosted Me - MTGM EXTRA! "The three date ride!"

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

This week... A first date story that's either wholesome and old school, or a red flag. You be the judge! Plus, London Taxi's for personal use, going out whilst staying sober and some serious hypnosis sessions.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.comFor more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello. Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally and herself, Boog Williams. I'd say you're glad to see me here. I'm here. I'm alive. Tethering in from Spain. Yeah. My Auntie Gina tried to murder me. We went shopping the other night and I got myself a takeaway, egg fried rice, delicious. And I wanted to eat it in the car home because

I was starving, but I'm doing all the driving down here. I don't know why I always get stung doing the driving. So I'm doing all the driving. And I just said to Gina, would you mind driving us home? And like, it's like you're in Spain. It makes no difference to me what side of the road I'm on, because I don't know my left from my right. So like, I just know I have to be in the middle of the road. I don't notice a difference at all.

That's the only good thing that comes out of not knowing you have to drive. Gina. So we're driving along the motorway and there's a couple of times I was like, and then there was one I was like, you know, the car is so close. And then I and then I made a noise and she was like, oh, sorry. I was like, sorry, I just I didn't want to say anything. But like, I'm really frightened. You know, and you're like, I would have just died instead of been like,

this isn't right now. Stop, stop. I know. You're like, what's the car etiquette? But I kind of, my mother, Pat's very late in the brakes, very late in the brakes. So I'm, and when you're in a, as Pat's passenger, you do have to kind of white-knuckle it because when you have a physical reaction to Pat being late in the brakes, which is like screaming and like holding the dashboard. She gets really offended because people get taken re-hersing because they're, she's like, do you think I know exactly what I'm doing? Like, I'm just very late in the brakes. I'm very late in the brakes, Pat. I know. I've been driving years. I've been driving before you were, but you

know all that shit. You're like, okay, but I don't like, you're just, you're very fucking late in the brakes. My mom, my mom will sit in the front seat and I'm like, Sandra, get in the back. Get in the back! Because she'll sit in the front and she'll just go, yeah. And I'm like, we're driving along at 20 kilometres an hour. Why are you doing that? Get in the back and walk. I'd be in the passenger seat like horse in the CBD into me on a long journey trying to fucking relax, you know what I mean? Because I'm like, you know the drive up to Glen Afran? Arrive alive, arrive alive, arrive alive.

I always say that to people. I'm like, it was the person in the back who did the damage. When people don't wear a seatbelt, I'm like, you're going to break my neck. Put your seatbelt on. I don't care if you want to die, but I don't want to die. I want my neck to be the way it is. It's all alarmed now and all. Do you know what I mean? Like, so in the back, even in the Ubers, I don't know if you've been banned from that yet, but I still get Ubers and they, they're very, the second you sit in, the second your arse hits that seat, if you don't strap

yourself in, it's like, Neenaw, Neenaw, Neenaw. Not in a black cab now, which I actually prefer, but I do. I always wear my seatbelt anyway, but in a black cab, you're allowed to have a buggy. You're not going to have a buggy in a black cab. A black cab, you're rolling around in the back of the thing like a marble and no one gives a shit. A black cab, I hop in, I'll eat my breakfast, I'll sit there, I'll chat to the driver. They don't care. I'll open the window.

It's like you're driving yourself without driving. Well, yeah, I guess so. It's kind of like a roller coaster without the bar in front. Yeah. You could go out the window. I don't think they'd even notice. Nor would they care. Someone holding you in by the legs. They don't think they'd even notice. Nor would they care.

Someone holding you in by the legs. They just keep going. What's alling? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Grant. I'm just looking in through the passenger seat window now from the back because I've come out the window. And now people over the top of the car. Are holding me in by my legs, but it's fine. I'm in a rush. Keep going. It kind of feels, you could be in a submarine and that thing. Cause the whole roof, you know, when you look up with the whole roof is gone. Those cars, those black cabs cost a, of course I've asked the cost of them. They cost 80,000 pounds. 80 grand. One of the new ones, Joe, the electric ones. Yeah. Yeah. 80 grand for a hearse like that.

Do you think that's a lot or not a lot? I think that's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're iconic. Now you'd get a good 30 years out of one of them, I think. So, you know, cost per wear, not too bad. Do you need a lot? Like, can I just go in and buy a black cab

or do you have to have- No, you cannot. Do you have to have like, do you have to prove that you like know how to read a map and stuff? How'd you get them, Joe? Google it there. Do you still have a car? If I can't, don't they're like pigeons,

homing pigeons, those black cab drivers. I do still have a car, yeah. I forgot about that. I was interested to know that. It's up on bricks and Pat says. I'd say Pat is thrilled that you've just dumped the car there. I can't believe she hasn't mentioned it to me in the last couple of weeks.

She's obviously doing some therapy on herself because at one stage it was literally every day. I have to say I absolutely love driving. I drive in London. Me little alpha going around delighted with myself. You can buy a London taxi and keep it as a personal vehicle however you should ensure that you're not misleading people into thinking it's a cab for hire. Well that's where we'd have the problem with Joanne, she thinks she's a cab driver, she said she's done the knowledge.

We're misleading them, not literally driving around in a black cab. They'll all be trying to hail you and everything. Well probably don't switch the light on. Don't tell me what to do Jo. That could be a quite- Don't try and control me. I'll fucking switch the light on if I want. I think if you ask a black cab driver they've all met the most famous people ever. Amy Winehouse's father was a black cab driver, famously so.

He used to drive around in the back and she'd be listening to jazz music and all. I saw a very funny meme the other day. They're like, God, I feel like I can't stop thinking about how much Amy Winehouse would have loved vapes. I was like, so true. She would have loved a vape. Oh guys, I'm booking it. Speaking of vapes, I'm booking in the old hypnotherapy, two hour session coming up.

Brilliant. Two hours. Two hours, yeah. I think it's less for anxiety and depression, which shows you how addictive a vape is. Now I'm not vaping every day. I save it for when I have a drink, which you know is not too often. Yeah, I know. But they are so...

You've got a real problem. It thrills me now, Ant. Just, absolutely thrills me. Look at her there. She can't stop vaping, Jenny. She can't fucking stop it. No, I'm not vaping. I vape when I drink, but your one was like to me, now you have to gather up all the vaping

paraphernalia. I was like, paraphernalia? I was like, I have one vape for when I drink that I one was like to me now you have to gather up all the vaping paraphernalia I was like paraphernalia I was like I have one vape for when I drink that I have to hide from myself sometimes I get my husband to hide it until I have a drink and I'm like get the vape! Well I mean they have resources to replace it to be fair you know what I mean they do sell them on delivery it's not like it's that vape or no vape how do you wrangle up to you'd have to wrangle you'd have to basically bring her every single delivery driver in London.

Because you can just get them on top like that. This woman doesn't have- They're everywhere. They're fucking everywhere! No, but I won't want one once I've done my session. And do you know what, if this session works, I can't tell you how much shit I'm going to get hypnotized for. I'm going to be going back weekly for a new thing. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do anxiety, I'm going to then do sleep, obviously.

I'm going to do a hypnotherapist to make me like more successful. Those things. I'm going to use it like I would use God. I'll use it like I would use God. I'm going to get hypnotherapy to win the Euro million. Then I'm going to go for the Powerball in America. I won't stop. Well, Joe and I are delighted and can't wait for this journey. It's a flawless plan. It's a flawless plan. I'm excited.

I'm excited. I'll start with a yacht. Actually, will we do a yacht first so I can take you on my yacht? Fabulous. When I get hypnotized to own a yacht. Do you know Elon Musk's yacht costs 25 million pounds a day or something to run?

No, that's not right. That's not right, is it Joe? Fuck, check me there. No. I'll give's not right. No, that's not right. Is it Joe? Fuck, check me there. No. Give it a little Google. I just reached there. It was 25 something.

Maybe it was 25 quid. I think they cost like a million quid to rent. Ana, sorry, it wasn't Elon Musk, it was Jeff Bezos. Ah, that's, yeah, okay. No, but here's your answer. It wouldn't cost 25 million a day to run. Yeah, yeah, it might've been 2,500. Actually, it might've been 25 million a year.

Actually, it might've been Mariah Carey. Google it there. You got it, you got it, you got it. $25 million a year to keep his $500 million super yacht afloat. His yacht is 500 million. I've got a photographic memory. It also says that the $25 million a year that it costs to maintain, he earns that in three hours.

So it's not. Yeah. Imagine all the hip now he's got. Not a huge burden. Not a huge burden at all. I'll tell you what, this is the, I'm going to get hypnotized for like, I'm going to, I'm just going to turn into Jeff Bezos. I'm going to start, I'll come out with a shaved head.

First of all, I'll dump my husband cause I'll have to get a new one and I'll pay him off with like 63 billion. Was that what she got? 63 billion. How I wish I was his ex wife. God, what did you get near divorce vote? Nothing. I love a morning record. This is when I'm most on fire. She's two espressos down. At night I'm gone. She's two espressos down. Full of rage and bitterness. The version I love the most. Well I'm still sober. Just thrown it out there. Well done.

Thanks. That's all I have to say. Day eight. Day eight. In the Big Brother house. I tried to go out last night. It died on its own. Turns out I'm happy to stay sober but I will not be leaving the house.

Where were you gonna go? I went to a local brewery. I went to a pub with some friends and I literally had to meditate through it. I was like it's okay it's so fine. You're still enjoying yourself Joanne. You're having a good time. Don't let anyone tell you you're not. Die Coke is delicious. Now I'll tell you what not. Die Coke is delicious. Now, I'll tell you what, you need to go. You need to go to the pub, but you have to leave after a couple of hours. Now, I personally wouldn't go to the pub at all. Yeah, but that's enough. That's your night out.

You've had a night out. Do you know what? Nothing good happens after midnight. I'm telling you, think about it. When has anything good happened after midnight? Not many things, maybe a few things, but not many. OK, I wouldn't mind having a look. Joanne, you have had 41 years of looking at after midnight. That's actually very true. You're not having any more looks. I came out of the womb and went straight to an afters.

Do you remember we used to like sit in like when Joanne and I would go to our friends and we would sit in a hot press, which is like an airing cupboard and we'd all like have a drink. Like it would be so funny for us to sit in the hot press together. It was because there was strangers at the party and we needed kind of that real closeness. You know when you're like at an after is and you're like, I just need to be really close to these people. So we'd be like holding hands in an airing cupboard until the strangers left. God, imagine. We would have looked like little gremlins just going around, like

people came back to the house party like who are these weirdos? Girls, girls, I love all the stories we get to hear in the pod from all the mad sex ones to the tales of cheating bastards around the world. It gives us all life and reminds us we're never alone. I agree. Off the top, this story doesn't end in cheating or passionate love making. I've met a guy who is a hundred percent flip reverse total upside down to my usual type. Joanne, I'm in your club. Jubious, lying, emotionally stunted, fighting fucking man puppies with bald heads and tattoos. Yum.

Yummy! Hook me up. This new guy, I mean, I have to say, it does sound nice. This new guy is quiet, thoughtful, intelligent, but completely unreadable. We went out on a textbook first date in a bar with a sensible amount of drinking, but nothing embarrassing. We said goodbye at the end of the night and he didn't try to shag me behind some bins. So far, so romantic.

On to the organizing of the second date. What's it going to be? Bowling, maybe very 90s, mini golf. No, thanks. I asked him what he was doing on Friday and he said my food shop. So I replied jokingly, ah, great, I'll come with. And he replied, OK. OK, OK, yeah, I'm I'm still here.

I enjoy a supermarket, particularly in America. So maybe it's in America. Okay. Well, he picked me up at six in a sensible family car, doesn't have a family, just the car and we drove to Tesco. Oh no. Love it. Yeah.

Maybe he's got a baby seat in the back to get into one of those special parking. No. No. You want to go to Trader Joe's or I'm not coming. Where he methodically picked up the bits on his list, paid and we drove home. At this point I assumed it was all a trick. I'm at his house now, fooled. Now he'll put away his milk and eggs and we'll have sex on his cage.

Nope. We went out for a walk by the canal, had a drink at a picturesque pub and then we drove home. This, that sounds like you're married. I mean, continue. Girls, this lad is a genius. The fact that he hasn't launched himself at me has me wild. He's also quite handsome with hair like Austin Butler.

I basically just emailed him to tell you that I'm horny as hell for a lad who I, as far as I know, could be an, what's a eunuch? I'll keep you updated. Oh my God. So she didn't ride him the first date? Or the second? Okay this guy's a classic, he's an OG, he's a three date ride. Yeah there is that.

It's a three date, that was the real I used to go by. There's nothing more, yeah sure. I swear, I'm honest to God. Get a fucking life. I was, I was a three date rider, I was like I swear, I'm honest to God. Get a fucking life. I was. I was a three day ride. I was like, I'd ride them on the third date. You just kind of stumbled through the first two awkwardly in the third and you're like,

all right, come on, let's fucking get this out of the way and see if there's that in here. I think this is the controversial thing to say, we're doing a lot of reading about this at the moment, that the casual sex scene is kind of, it's kind of, it suits men. It doesn't necessarily suit women all the time. Do you know what I mean? So we're just, because you of, it's kind of, it suits men. It doesn't necessarily suit women all the time. Do you know what I mean? So we're just, because you're, it's, we're just wired. Like, so, you know, there's dates where I'm like, I've had sex, I'm like, I don't really want to have sex.

I just kind of feel like I have to, because it's the third or whatever. You feel the pressure. You're like, I don't even really want to ride them, to be honest. So I really respect this guy. I think this is old school or he's impotent, but let's hope it's

the first. Let's all cross our fingers and cross our toes. That's not a medical condition and that he's genuinely just trying to get to know this woman. Like, why are we in such a rush? I think that actually, I think that maybe he was thrown by the, I'll come to the supermarket thing and he's so polite and nice that he just, of course he wouldn't want you to go shopping with him and he just took you. Yeah. I think, like, I would be proud if that was one of my sons.

I think that he sounds really, really lovely. Yeah, same. So do I. I think that's very nice. I mean, the family car is a bit of a red flag, but other than that, and also what I was going to say is, listen, I will say this and like, I can't speak for all women, obviously, but I'll speak for myself. Anecdotally, sex for me is only good when I know the person.

Otherwise, it's just functional. You're just letting them fucking release themselves in you. Do you know what I mean? You're never going to meet somebody who knows what you want straight away. You have to like get into it, know each other. And even when you start dating somebody, it still takes a little while before it starts getting like really good and amazing. Date that dad with no kids. See how it goes. Go ride him in the back of that giant car. There's loads of space. Don't ride him at all. Let's see how far we can take this.

Hello gorgeous gals, I'm Jo. Folks, beep beep bee sting reminded me of a story from a few years ago. I was about 22 and at a water park in Greece with a few friends. There we were, God knows how many cocktails deep, sunning ourselves in the lazy river. Then out of nowhere, a bee stung me on my bikini line. I saved my bikini line, but it may as well have been my flap for how close it was. Jesus. I know a girl whose mom pulled up her pants and there was a bee in her pants and had stung her in the vagina. Fucking hell.

I know. We used to slag her daughter about it because we were all young. We were like, haha, your mom got stung in the ghee. Like that's... we were like 11. Anyway, Children are so cruel. I know. Obviously myself and my friends reacted accordingly in a dramatic fashion and one of the girls waved over the sexiest lifeguard you'd ever be lucky to lay your eyes on. He gestured for us to get out of the river and I frantically wrestled my way out of the ring floaty while trying to hold the bee sting without it looking like

I was touching myself to this Grecian god. He didn't speak English and I didn't speak Greek so he essentially acted out that he was going to put cream on the stung area. Something I'd be all there for in a different situation, but not while I looked. Oh my god. This is brilliant! Read on! And it's also vinegar, by the way. You meant to use vinegar. Something I'd be all for in a different situation, but not while I look like a drunk, tear-stained, drowned rat. The only thing that made it more awkward was my boyfriend watching from the sideline.

Who, quite frankly, would have been into it. What was that? I wouldn't like to be whoever that was because my mother and Neil do not appreciate anything. They'd notice everything. They'd notice everything that's been touched in their heads. Like, eugh! I think that's been moved. Yeah. Even broken things if you throw them in the bin. Where's that broken glass gone? Well, I threw it in the bin. Why did you throw that in the bin?

Did I tell you to throw that in the bin? That story, firstly, it just goes to show, I've always wondered how lifeguards kill their time because are they hoping someone drowns? Like, do they want a death in their hands? Do they want someone struggling? No, that is the dream. Some young one gets stung on her labia and I have to rub cream on it.

Like that is a lifeguard's wet dream, surely. Kills a bit of time, gets to touch somebody, she's given consent, it's a medical issue. It goes where it goes. Well, that's it. Thanks everyone for listening. Your hair looks lovely Joanne. Thank you, I got a 90s barb in Larry King yesterday. Guess who cut my hair in Larry King Joe? Was it Larry King?

It was Larry fucking King! Go on! I was like this is something now, this is a real moment for me now. I'll have to get on to Larry King and tell him I'll be in for my 90s boys and if she's done it. He's full. He's full now. He's full yeah he said he's full. He's full for life. Someone messaged me because I posted about it they're like how did you get a book about Larry King? Excuse me? And he won't get one again after he saw how much hair you have. He'll be like, never again. I'm not working that hard. I'm Larry King.