My Therapist Ghosted Me - Rocky, Bepanthen & ANOTHER Incident With A Driver

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Joanne is in Philadelphia to kick off her run of American shows and Vogue is having yet more issues with drivers outside her house. What's happened this time?! Plus, that poor woman on Zoom at the funeral and scam items online.If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player Original Podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghost and Me with MeVogue, Williams and Joanne McNally. Hello my Philadelphia queen You've never looked better Your hair is different Thank you I got my framer I got my little Me and Katie and Larry King

Are back working up My slag strips for the summer So the slag strips We've started See Gorgeous Now I'm going to have to Go in and get mine done

Obviously And then I went into Obviously Of course Matchy matchy Slowly monkey And gorgeous now I'm going to have to go in and get mine done obviously and then I went into obviously of course matchy matchy slowly monkey and then I went in

before it came to Philly I went in and got you and oh I was only on to him yesterday I know it's the wrong

message to send to the younger women who listen to the podcast but my god you can't beat a bit of Botox I'm sorry now you fucking like look my god you can't beat a bit of Botox I'm sorry now you fucking

like look at me look I looked like a bag of shit last week you look you look fresh fresh fresh and I'm just on a long haul

I know can I give you a tip get Botox well get Botox I mean wink wink nudgey nudge

wink wink is the Pope a Catholic no I don't get Botox do I you should try Botox I Well, get Botox. I mean, wink, wink. Nudgey nudge. Wink, wink is the Pope of Catholic. No, I don't get Botox, Joanne. I just get Profilo. So for everyone who asks me if I get Botox, I ask you, is the Pope a Catholic? But I will not say yes or no to it. Indeed. She's taken the fifth.

I just don't want to be. I've explained why. I've explained why I don't want to be. Vogue Williams with her newly Botoxed forehead. I just don't want to be. I've explained why. I've explained why I don't want to be. Vogue Williams with her newly Botoxed forehead. I know. Vogue puts on a stiff display.

Vogue puts on a frozen facial display. Yeah. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we all know, oh my God, it's fab.

I went in, I said, Ewan, do your thing, do your bits and bobs. Hit me with your ham. Hit me with your ham. It's basically acupuncture

for older people. Come on. It's acupuncture for the face. And they just, he just, when he puts the needles in, he just happens to

slip a little juice in there. It's acupuncture. It's Chinese medicine. It's traditional. I don't deserve to look like this. I saw you and he was posting about something yesterday. I got as well.

You introduced me to this girl, Amanda. She's fab as well. And she gave me all the polynucleosides and she was like, are you okay with more injections? I was like, yes, I am. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep doing them. Keep moving. When did you get injections last? Doesn't matter. None of your business. Let's keep going. Less questions. More injections.

Remember? Your whole face is an open sore from getting shit injected into it. I'm going to have to inject Botox into your toes like heroin addicts have to. Like there's nowhere else to put it into your face. Joanne went through a phase because she was traveling so much.

She was like, oh, hello, Ewan. Yes, I'll have some Profilo. And then she went back to Dublin. She's like, oh, hello, Evoka Clinic. Yes, I'll have some profilo. And then she went back to Dublin. She's like, oh, hello, Evoka Clinic. Yes, I'll have some profilo. And they didn't know it was like history within weeks of each other. They're like, when was the last time you had this?

I was like, oh my God. Jeez, it must be a couple of years now. I can't even remember. Yeah, they're still like, I'm still spotting blood from the last time I had it done. I'm literally walking from one clinic into the next. It has to be said, you look absolutely amazing.

Thank you, Fagin. I'm going to take the compliment. I'm always compliment said you look absolutely amazing. Thank you, Faggot. I'm going to take the compliment. I'm always complimenting you. It's so rare I get them back. I've never heard such bullshit. I compliment you none. You never say it. Me and Joe

are always complimenting you and bigging you up. You never say anything nice to me. I actually, I had this thing today with Spencer. Like whenever anyone compliments him,

I'm just like, oh Jesus. Because I just, I can't bear today with Spencer. Like whenever anyone compliments him, I'm just like, oh, Jesus. Because I just, I can't bear him to have another compliment. He's so mad about himself. And I'm not even saying that in a jokey way. Like he adores himself. He can't have, his compliments have to be limited. They have to be.

Yeah, I agree. But the funny thing with Spencer is he'll get something, he'll get negative comment but he'll hear it as a compliment because he's just nothing bad gets into him he's like Teflon there's just no somebody will be like you're a prick he'll be like

I'm a prick darling I'm a prick thank you darling I did an interview with Heat Magazine because Taskmaster starts this week it'll be

the first episode would have been out when this comes out so when is it on Fridays so it comes out Thursday it starts Thursday March 28th and this is out and so So when is it on Fridays? So it comes out Thursday it starts Thursday March 28th and this is out Friday 29th

isn't that right? And what channel? Channel 4? It's on Channel 4 I don't actually know the time I don't actually know the time yet I'd say it's a 9.30 or a 9 I'd say it's around a 90 time

You're getting a good slot Oh my god do you know what sorry I was going to tell you something because you reminded me of Taskmaster like you remember the way you borrowed all those clothes i was in front i was in the secondhand shop which is amazing by the way this sign of the times it's the most amazing shop i was in there trying on clothes and i was like i tried on a white jumpsuit and i was like no sure i've got that one that i bought um in bistro village

i don't need it and then i was like i don't think it came back and then I couldn't tell you because you told me you're anxious no it did I came oh my god thank god I was like I can't I came and checked the wardrobe I was like thank god who's gonna take that today no that that's a gorgeous jumpsuit well and remember that other show that you did and and those runners of mine went missing so Joanne borrowed my runners and someone stole them someone lifted them from the set yes they were great runners

great runners it was me I lifted them from the set no it wasn't it genuinely wasn't me I don't steal from myself I would I don't steal from myself

I definitely steal stuff on principle I never steal from myself but yeah someone nicked the runners off the set of a different show. It was quite traumatic for all of us because they were a collector's item.

Of course they fucking were. They couldn't have stolen the Primark ones. I will tell you about those runners that will make you sick. They were 80 quid when I bought them. I know! I know! Another £400. Anyway, back to the Heat magazine thing

do you know they do a synopsis they do a synopsis of the interview at the start so they're like John McNally tells us and then it's like

and what she really thinks of Spencer Matthews and I was like shit what what did I say I was like ripping through the interview

I was like what what and it just says he's really pot we can't hold that against him. I was like fuck's sake, Heath.

You had me stressed. That I'd done some expose and some blackout or something. You could tell all of his secrets and he'd still be like oh well, Joanne's one of my only girlfriends.

He'd just be like oh my god, Joanne gave me a really good write-up and Heath, he wouldn't, there's just, there's something really admirable he is.

Impenetrable. No. Impenetrable with negative comments. He's just, he's just a man. He just believes in himself. I know.

Now the only thing that can take him down is if I'm annoyed with him. It can ruin his whole day and I've never seen anything like that before. But sometimes he's got to be taken down

if he's done something that's really pissed me off I can't let him away with it yeah you abuse him that's all he deserves with your psychological mind games do you know that I read

the other day that being ignored by someone can bring out the same physical response that being injured can it hits the same areas like the

damage of it on your soul is the same as like breaking the damage of it on your soul is the same as like breaking your leg. Well, I tell you something about being ignored. You see, if someone's ignoring me, I'm usually ignoring them. So I don't ever care. I'm just like, oh, well, I don't even notice.

Like if Amber and I have a fight, we ignore each other. And she forgot the other day. She called me back the other day and she's like, oh, I forgot we're not talking. The problem is you need someone you need someone

to break the silence or else the wall just never comes down it won't be me I'll always throw the hand out I think it's a sign of good character

I think it's something you could learn I know it is something I could learn but in the time I'm like nope nope you're stubborn like a mule

I'm always talking about Bepanthen because I know we're always banging on about skin care and stuff and we get some nice bits done it's the

I am it's nappy care ointment okay so Bepanthen Jo I don't know what you're sniggering at because this is probably

in your house and you should be lathering your face with this Bepanthen is nappy ointment provitamin b5 and it's for babies bottoms like predominantly at sue brophy who does my hair makeup in dublin messaged me about this this is the best stuff to put it's great for your lips and it's great for your whole face so when I do a long haul I put it all over my face

and it keeps it locks all the moisture into your face yeah it's not like having Suda cream just all over your face no

with this white ghost face no no no it sinks it it's like Vaseline but it's even more intense it's like it locks everything in everything in

secrets can you not just let let the let the babies have their stuff? Like let them have the bupathan. Let them have the pampers. Just stay away from it. It's not yours. Why should a baby have a smooth... You can have a baby's ass on your face, Vogue.

For two pence. Oh, I've always wanted that. For two pence. Cracking everything. For two pence. For two pence pounds I'm telling you Bupanthan get on it

it's one of those kind of really cheap beauty secrets I love the way you say it Bupanthan Bupanthan pro-vitamin B5 and thank you to Bupanthan

for not sponsoring the podcast even though I did reach out to them personally you're getting a free name I'm sure I'm sure they'll be on. They don't need to get on. Works in two ways to protect from the causes of nappy rash and care for your baby's delicate skin.

Aha. That's the secret. There you go. Yeah, delicate skin also on the face. Anyway. How many times has she said Papantin? I have Papantin. I don't think it's a really cool name.

It's a real cool name. It's like for your child or something. Come on, Papantin. If your mom ever has a baby, it's going to be name it's a real cool name it's like for your child or something come on Bepanthen if someone ever has a baby it's going to be called Bepanthen come on Bepanthen or a cat a cat

Bepanthen McNally fucking great name come on Bepanthen I met a girl today with a dog a really gorgeous Dachshund is that what they're called

the saucy dogs lovely saucy dog and she what John hates when I say saucy I forgot it's not just me I think everyone hates it

don't they Jo look at Jo Jo's a gorgeous a gorgeous sausage they're small enough as it is but do you not just give them their entire name

like their legs are like tic tacs they're so fucking big God love them give them their whole name they deserve it what was that word you were trying to say

last week the pantheon the Beatles when Spencer was riding the beetle around the forest no the word that you were

trying to make cool what was it called again Joe Lyson oh Hunty P Hunty P oh Hunty P yeah I like that in America where you are no so I met her dog and it was a sausage dog and I was like oh my god so cute

what's your dog called and she was like Otto I was like oh oh cute dog bye I do love human names on dogs. I love dogs called Michelle and Barry and Frank. Steve is a great name for a dog. Steve's a great name.

My auntie Sharon called her dog Freddy. And like, she didn't even tell us about it. And we went to her house one day and she started calling over this French bulldog. She's like, Freddy, Freddy. I was like, what the fuck? She's like, oh, I called the dog Freddy. I was like what the fuck she's like oh I called the dog Freddie I was like oh

was it after your father obviously yeah well a legacy is a legacy as far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter what form it comes in now I would like to say before I say this story

I haven't been as into Pornhub as usual but I was out the other night and this person that I know went to say before I say this story, I haven't been as into Pornhub as usual, but I was out the other night and this person that I know went to show me something on Safari in his favourite up-hopped Pornhub and he was like, oh God, really embarrassed. And I just opened my phone and put it on mine. And there was Pornhub sitting in front of me. On yours as well. Yeah.

I was in a bit of a rut in London okay and I feel like I've got my mojo back you seem sparkier today have you had an American sized coffee

I thought you were going to say something out there and I was like excuse me hundy pea baby no I've had I have had a massive

7-Eleven coffee huge oh this morning I woke up the usual shit woke up 4am no I've had I have had a massive 7-Eleven coffee huge oh this morning I woke up the usual shit woke up 4am blah blah blah I was like I need to get a coffee

the hotel I'm staying in it's you know it's just not the kind of place that gives you coffee so I went on a little hunt found a 7-Eleven on a map

didn't realise no facilities no it's one of those do you know what I mean it's like I'm not big in Philadelphia so the hotel reflects that anyway so I went no facilities no it's one of those do you know what I mean it's like I'm not big in Philadelphia so

the hotel reflects that anyway so I went I mapped to 7-Eleven I went out it was in one of the underground tube stations where all the homeless people

stay overnight because it's warm and lit so I go in and it's like basically God look like it's a

fucking homeless shelter and I'm walking around I'm like does anyone ever get an out latte? But I'm about to say seven. I know. And when I was coming in,

there's two doors to go into the train station. And this guy, this homeless guy, was holding one of the doors open. I didn't realize it was for me. He was just kind of staring at me. It was 4 a.m. You know, I'm a woman. I'm trying to protect myself.

So I went to go in the other door, which was locked. And then he looked at me and he goes, I'm holding this for you. And I went, oh, sorry. And he goes, yeah. Yeah, looked at me and he goes I'm holding this for you and I went oh sorry and he goes yeah yeah I know and he goes yeah you see

you see so like I fucking Karen'd him totally by accident he was just trying to be really nice and I was like I'm sorry but you're just staring at me it's 4am

I'm alone it's pitch black I'm in an underground train station I had to protect myself but then I had to kind of repair the damage I'd done by my privileged bias so I married him

I um did I tell you I told you last week that Gigi had the vomiting bug did I go on well I came back no matter what I do

I arrived at the house in a hazmat suit no matter what I do I know it's I know it's coming I know it's coming I didn't catch it as bad,

but I did try and stay away from her, but she sneaks into her bed every night. And honestly, yesterday I got home and I had to get into bed. Spenny made me cheese on toast. Not so nice backwards. Cheese on toast, not so nice backwards. And I was just lying in bed all day.

Yeah, because obviously it came back up. Oh, sorry. Got it. You just flipped it like a pancake. No, sorry. Got it. You just flipped it like a pancake. No big deal. I know. But it's just like, no matter what you do when you have kids,

you're always going to catch it. I just caught it. I couldn't believe it. All day in bed yesterday, I watched five episodes of Come Down At Me. I watched fucking, what else is this? Like, four in a bed. They all find pubes in four in a bed.

Have you noticed that? No is that the is that the B&B one? The B&B and they literally go around and they're lifting up the toilet seat

and they're like oh there's a pubic hair oh look at that pubic they're hard to control they have a life of their own yeah but I haven't seen one in about honestly in about 10 years

I haven't seen a pubic hair. Hair is one of those weird things that when it's on your head it's perfectly fine but to find a hair in any other situation once it's left the head or the crotch people find it repulsive. Hair seems to be, it's just

one of those things people really don't like to see it out and about living its own life. It must be attached to somebody or it's very much very much not respected it's absolutely it's so where's your owner

yeah where's your owner try and get a hair out of your mouth it's like it's just you can't ever get it out it's there forever

we're if we'll go philosophical yeah if you were having a lovely meal lovely restaurant you got on really well with the waiter,

maybe you kind of knew the maitre d', and you found a hair in your chicken cashew nut stir fry. No, I wouldn't be happy. I would send it back. I can't eat someone else's hair. No, I can't eat, hair I can't eat.

Jo? Pick it out, and I'd have a bit of a study of the rest of it, and then I'd probably eat it. What if it was in good condition? The hair, I mean. So you knew. No?

It wasn't like a hair. It wasn't an animal hair. It was certainly a human hair that was in. I prefer a straight one. Yeah, Redken or Kerastase. You could tell that this is a well-kept hair. I, honest to God,

I would just twirl it up with my fork move it to the side, knock holes in the scene and eat on. Listen I'm not feeling very well at the moment. This isn't a great chat for me to be honest. It's so disgusting. Do you know when you've just been puking though and you're having your

first. Joe have you had a vomiting bug in your house yet? Yes but not all of us. It didn't get all of us. It didn't get me. God damn, it always gets me. And then I remember one time I had the

vomiting bug so bad and I was in Dublin airport and like, do you know what my first meal was? Instead of the toast, I had a roast. A roast in the airport

as well. Jesus, that's a bit much now as your first. I know. I wasn't great. And then I Googled you're meant to stick to this,

yeah, but you're meant to stick to this thing called brat. Banana, rice, applesauce or toast. That's all you're meant to eat if you're sick. Well, we're glad that you're better and that you were able to attend today's meeting. Okay, fantastic. Thank you for having me. I'm glad to be a part of your podcast.

So great to have you on as a guest. Thank you very much I will be back when we have the bonus if you wouldn't mind yeah we'll see great

if I can get anyone else I will what if it has to be you fine fine so anyways in a bit of a rut in London arrived in Philadelphia

listen I will take this as the compliment I've decided it is I got stopped by customs twice so I got pulled

by the first policeman I was like alright dude open your bag we know what this is about because I'm feeling myself again first guy pulled me over I have a new suitcase as well

it's a gorgeous coral colour so it really stands out and I don't know my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my I have a new suitcase as well it's a gorgeous coral colour so it really stands out and I'd have my my my Bupanthan I'd really soften the skin and I looked

I looked good he pulled me over he's like my god that woman's face is like a baby's ass get over here and then he kind of went through

the whole rigmarole he's like oh you're doing shows and then he's like flicking he's like you can't work on a nest and I was like I've got I've got to I've got to be this

don't worry about it anyway so he packs my bag up again sends me on my way excuse me ma'am come this way and I start second customs guy

pulled me as well he's like you need to fucking calm down it's like you've never seen an attractive woman before did you not tell him you'd been stopped before

I burst out laughing and he said oh were you just stopped and I said I was I said I must look real dangerous do I he's like step over here ma'am and he said oh were you just stopped and I said I was I said I must look real dangerous do I he's like step over here and he still looked again

you know he knew then he just kind of went through the path he kind of had to he couldn't just let me go because he'd made a point but I was like I've obviously kind of

kind of developed obviously like a sexy crim vibe which I'm I can't say I'm not throw in the sexy sexy crim I obviously look

a bit dangerous, a bit wild. I look like a woman who would take a risk or a bribe. I think that's pretty cool. Well, you look great. I agree. It's the slag strips. I told you,

you look fantastic today. It's the slag strips and the bit of Botox and the Bupanthan. There it is. Now fucking stop me. I had a, I had another incident

with a driver this week. I don't know what it is with me. I don't know what it is. me, I don't know what it is so I walked out of my house and there was this gorgeous car outside and I was like ooh they've upped their game but I opened the boot and first of all I thought okay well you're losing a point because you didn't get

out to help me with my giant bag which usually they would, so I popped it in the boot and I thought wow that's a really clean boot and anyway your man just comes around and he goes excuse me what are you doing? And I was like, oh, are you not here to pick me up? He was like, no. He wasn't even a driver.

He was just a private citizen. A private citizen. You work for me now. Everyone on this street works for me you don't work for me well you do now you're hired I'm going to the BBC

pretty soon but I actually thought to myself I was like if anyone wanted to kidnap me just come outside my house in a nice car

and I'll hop in your boot's so clean yeah hop in hop into the boot I love the way it's just any kind of blacked out mark folks just straight in

even if it's not planned she's like oh that wheel's luxury must be for me I mean at this point I think if a white van arrived outside and they offered me sweets

I'd be like okay yeah sure it's Easter Easter season I'll get out he was just looking at me like, who are you? So what was he doing outside your house?

He was just getting, he had parked. He was just getting back into his car. Just living his private life. It was so clean though. And it was so fancy. Obviously he'd gotten it valeted. But it was really clean.

I was admiring it. And I thought, right, you've lost a point for not helping me with my bag but you've gained a point for how clean your boot is I couldn't wait to see the inside of the car

but I didn't make it there and now you've lost another point for not taking me anyway you lazy prick yeah you're whatever it was actually

I was going I did House of Games and you did House of Games oh yeah great show Richard Osman oh it's such a like I love that show made me realise

how bad I am at geography though and I don't give a shit well I mean I'm Irish first of all I don't know where anything is in England I would find it hard

to point out London yeah that's not that's not ignorance that's politics you choose to not know that because

I just feel like do you know what? I know where all the continents are. I know what I need to know. I didn't do geography past third year. I wasn't interested in it and I won't be geography shamed

but I have bought myself a globe. Do you know what, Vogue? I live in London but where it is on a map, it's none of my business. It's none of my business. No. It's just not my,

it's not my business to know. It's Britain's business. It's not my business. Someone said to me, and do you know what else though? I don't know. It's Britain's business. It's not my business. Someone said to me, and do you know what else though? I don't know. I don't know what is Britain and what's not Britain

because they've just taken so many places. If I'm in the Caribbean, is this Britain? I don't know. Is that what you said on the House of Games? I did. I certainly did. But as you know,

there's always a comedian on House of Games and I was talking to this guy and he was like Joanne probably knew everywhere because she's a comedian so she would have been travelling around

I was like I guarantee Joanne did not know one place in the UK I'm like alright Richard my geography is kind of focused around stalactites

stalagmites that's kind of where I that's where my geographical strength comes. Can we go on to tides, please? Can we just go on to the tides? I had a few drinks on Friday night only because you put it into my head,

by the way. I wasn't going to drink and then Joanne was like, oh, would we have a drink? And I was like, no, no, no, not for me. And then who had a drink? Me. And who didn't? Joanne. I wasn't going to drink and then Joanne was like oh would we have a drink and I was like no no no not for me and then who had a drink me and who didn't Joanne

I didn't bitch do you know what I was thinking do you know what I was thinking the other day I was like me and folk all my friends

we give ourselves such hard times like we self flagellate it's like we high five didn't go out last night didn't go out last night like I was driving past I was driving past folks house in a taxi

and em she just happened I was like a taxi and em she just happened I was like what are you doing she just happened to send me a photo of her having a vodka

and I was about I was like stop right now imagine I just literally three seconds after she'd sent it I just arrived into the house

it was like I'd be sitting in the shrubs waiting you having a vodka yeah are you having a vodka ding dong

it's Joanne let me in you having a vodka I was trying to, we were hinting at each other but not hinting and then you just were like, you obviously had made a stand

and by the time I'd had the first vodka, well, you know what happens then, it's just gone. Indeed. It's all downhill from there. But I will say, I got away with a hangover. I didn't have a hangover on Saturday.

I can't believe it. So the customs guy was like did you pack this bag yourself did you pack your suitcase and immediately I was like no my mother did here's her number her email

her address so if there's anything in that it's fucking Pat that's going to go down I'm not going down for this shit Pat McNatty it's one of the it has to be one of the funniest stories

funniest story of the year this year I would say. What a strong start. Willy Wonka, the Devonshire. And now this woman who accidentally filmed herself shaving her pubic hair while zooming into a funeral. Come on! Jo, have you not seen this? Have you not seen?

Oh! Oh, Jo. It is the funniest thing God love her I have so many questions I was I know but I was thinking Ah she'll never know

Like no one will tell her That she was doing that And then I'm like Oh actually hang on It's in the paper She will know So she zoomed in She was sent a link

To attend a funeral online Which I honestly now I just think Either go or don't. You know what I mean? Like, who are you trying to prove something to? Anyway, she zoomed in. She obviously wanted to kind of the kudos of people thinking she was in attendance, but she'd other bits to do.

So she was zoomed in, but she left her camera on by accident, that classic thing. And the camera was focused straight on her in the shower not just in the shower doing normal shower things leg cocked

shaving her undercouch straight into the funeral couldn't be worse it's the stuff of it's the stuff of nightmares that is when I would think do you know what I actually am going to move

to Paraguay where no one's ever going to find me and I'll never be seen again to Paraguay where no one's ever going to find me and I'll never be seen again yeah Paraguay here we come and the only reason she knew it happened was because she turned up

to the afters that's what she didn't have time to go to the funeral because she was shaving her pubes maybe she wasn't invited I mean that's what you want the funeral

like it's not like a wedding a wedding the afters is kind of insulting but a funeral you're like I'll fucking say it I'll just meet you at the sandwiches. Perfect.

But I was like I feel like her ex was there or something. Why are you shaving your penis trying to go to a funeral? I think you could pick up at a funeral because funerals are always great fun particularly in Ireland. If funeral sex is a thing

which apparently it is because people are just they want to relieve the tension of the day and they end up having sex. I just want you to know at my funeral if anyone has a good time

like that I will be absolutely don't groom yourself to come to my funeral if I hear of anyone shaving their legs I'll come back from the dead it's a fully hired policy

no one's going to have sex for a good time I'm dead it's sad as shit that's what I want I wouldn't mind if someone had sex on top of my coffin I'd be thrilled for them

that'd be a lovely story no one would no one would ever forget your funeral then everyone would be like having the best time ever That's what I want. I wouldn't mind if someone had sex on top of my coffin. I'd be thrilled for them. No. That'd be a lovely story. No one would ever forget your funeral then. Everyone would be like, having the best time ever. But I just think like, she, if you could get away with not going to a funeral,

and I would zoom in for the eulogy. I'm into the eulogy. That's what I would like to listen to. Because you want to hear, like some bits and bobs about the person. Yeah. Yeah. I'm into that.

But that's about it. Same as weddings. I wish all the, like all the crap people who are speaking I don't want to hear just the good people well it's very easy to zoom into a funeral

by it's very easy to look like you're in attendance when you're actually doing your groom and your bits and bobs because your name is just up on some

screen but the fact that they had them up on this big screen like I actually so it is so bad but i started going into i started going into a hole of zooms do you remember the the the minister in ireland

ming his name is ming and he was sitting there and he was on to the european commission and like this big huge room full of yes and he was and he was sitting in his pants. And it's like, just put your trousers on. Seriously. And his wife is in the background. He's scratching his arse. It's a casualness to it. I mean, they already think we're just sitting at home eating potatoes and drinking. Like, please don't make us look worse by sitting there and scratching your arse in the middle of the European Commission.

Stop being yourself. Come on. Like, it's the Commission. It's European. scratching your arse in the middle of the European Commission stop being yourself come on like it's the Commission it's the it's European there was a US news reader as well and he had

I wouldn't mind but he had he had a shirt he had a tie he had a blazer on and then he just had his knickers on and it's like

you've gone to all the effort of getting the whole rest of you dressed up you just couldn't follow through and put some trousers on. We used to do that.

We used to do, we did corporates over Zoom during lockdown, which was, I mean, if you want to lose all sense of yourself, self-esteem, do a corporate on a Zoom. Corporate is where you tell jokes to like kind of a working group

rather than people who've just like chosen to come to you do you know what I mean like a corporate company like Facebook yeah something like that and they're bad enough in person

because no one really wants to be there they didn't book you some events person booked you they're usually in kind of like overhead lighting

corporate function rooms they're kind of where creativity goes to die and certainly comedy goes to die and has done several times but the online zooms were even worse

because the people they were just cut I'm sitting trying to tell jokes down a zoom camera and they're like cooking and stuff oh stop

and they have themselves on mute they're awful awful awful so there's no laughing there's no laughing and some of them

were just staring you down to the point where you're like do they what's it's so hostile they were awful but what I'm saying is they're probably just staring

at themselves in fairness you do get taken away with your own appearance when you're on a Zoom you're like oh they don't even know I'm staring at myself so I'm going to do it

this whole 45 minutes I remember there was one woman she was so drunk this was on one of the comedy nights I had to mute her she was just so Stop locked

yeah Was it Amber? Okay It was your mother It was Sandra I just think all this kind of shit though this is why

no one can work from home anymore because everyone has screwed it up via Zoom That's why no one's allowed to have a four day week and work from home That because everyone has screwed it up via Zoom. That's why no one's allowed to have a four day week and work from home. That man died and now his funeral

is an image of some woman shaving her undercarriage all over the internet. That poor woman. That's his legacy. That will never. That's his legacy. I mean,

personally, I don't know why we're still Zooming anyway. This is three years too late. Can we just chill out with the Zoom? We don't need to Zoom anymore. Lockdown is over. We can meet in person. You don't need to Zoom're still Zooming anyway this is three years too late can we just chill out with the Zoom we don't need to Zoom anymore lockdown is over

we can meet in person you don't need to Zoom into a funeral like what the fuck I was at home once and I was and Megan was walking around with her laptop

and I just heard all the what is that and she's like oh your man from down the road died so I'm watching I was like what watching his funeral

some people love a funeral my auntie is obsessed with funerals you can be sure if there's a funeral happening at Hoth she is down there

at the church you drive by 15 minutes she'll be out there with her hat on ready to go I've got a quiz for you Vogue oh god

is this going to be a one question quiz again Yeah What is this one question you have for me I don't try and be writing multiple questions So you just have a question

for me I'm in a collaborative talk with the panther all day I don't have time for this yet I've got one question for you And that means you can really focus Do you know what I've got one question for you and that means you can really focus do you know what I mean

and really think about it and get it right if you put as much work into the work you put into Bupanthan as you would with an actual paid club

you'd actually do very well as an influencer my heart is in Bupanthan what can I say my heart is in Bupanthan do you know who I saw this morning who

Rocky Balboa no you didn't Sylvester Stallone I did yeah well no stop it I ran up to the

I ran up to the Philadelphia the art museum thing where he where the statue is oh I Rocky Balboa that's crap

no that's crap we thought you said you saw Sylvester Stallone now you went and looked at a statue don't bother cut that out Joe That's crap. No, that's crap. We thought you said you saw Sylvester Stallone. Now you went and looked at a statue. Don't bother. Cut that out, Joe. I was going to ask you what he looked like.

What does his face look like in real life? I thought you'd be really impressed. Well, I'm shocked you've done any kind of sightseeing, but I'll just put that down to the jet lag I jogged up because I was really depressed so I ran up you know the way

I love to run I was like I need to get out of this hotel room she's gone from thrilled to depressed it's a rollercoaster you actually did the

jog up the steps did you jog up the steps like Rocky well so the whole obviously in the scene in the film obviously Rocky jogs up steps and then comes back down

and I was like to do that I was like I did run I did run up the steps but the statue of Rocky is actually down

the bottom of the steps it was a little misleading but I was like I could now if I was a different type of tourist I would film myself running up the steps and I was like

but that in fact I just don't know Are you sure I would have done that? I was like am I going to get a tripod? Is that where I am on my journey?

A little drone. If I was a real tourist now, I'd have a drone. I can't bear when I see people with a GoPro. I don't know why. I have a real thing against it.

I don't know why. Disdain. They're not, yeah, I think you're, I don't think you're alone there. Do you know what it says on Rocky? Rocky Balboa.

It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you can get hit and keepboa. It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Namaste. Oh, I enjoy that. Thank you for that.

Wasn't that inspiring? Fantastic quote. It was very inspiring. I feel like I've got some real get up and go in me now. Thank you. And then I trotted back. Okay, here we go.

Fill in the blank. Okay. A new go. Fill in the blank. Okay. A new study has found that the what is as good an identifier of an individual as a fingerprint or DNA and can even distinguish between identical twins. No googling, please.

Can I see your hands? I need to see your hands. Both hands, please. The teeth. Incorrect. Jo? Tongue. Tongue.

No, Jo, you are also incorrect. Saliva. Saliva. No. Earwax. Incorrect. Joe? Tongue. Tongue. No, Joe, you are also incorrect. Saliva. Saliva. No. Earwax. Eyeball. You're quite close, folk. Eye crap.

Ear. Oh yeah, I said ear. I said ear. You said earwax. A new study which compared the external ears of more than 14,000 people of multiple nationalities has found that the ear is as good an identifier of an individual as a fingerprint or DNA isn't that wild

someone sent it to me about the Avril podcast because you know it's the kind of who replaced her is she real or is she not isn't that crazy I will say about Avril

that girl does look different to the original Avril thank you it wasn't me take a look at my ears. I flew over here on a Boeing and I'm big into all the Boeing stuff at the moment because basically

they're just kind of falling apart in the sky. I'm flying on Sunday. Let's not get too into it. Are you on a Boeing? I think so. Uh oh. But this woman messaged me

and she was like, I was cabin crew for six years. We used to call Boeing bits of engine in neighbour's garden oh my god did you see her when it went viral on TikTok

over the Dalsha and Gabbana ashtray no I don't do the TikTok well she ended up she's broken out of TikTok now and now she's in

mainstream media but she set up a TikTok account just to tell the story. She's like, what happened? So basically, Saks Fifth Avenue sent her an email saying that they were offering

like a percent, 5% or something, blah, blah, blah, of certain items. So she ordered a Dolce & Gabbana ashtray for $275. She was very excited.

It seems reasonable for them to be our Yeah Whatever happened to the jam jar On the window sill But anyway $275 Dolce & Gabbana ashtray Box arrived Inside the box

Instead of a Dolce & Gabbana ashtray Was A tin of tuna Oh So she's absolutely horrified It was a tin of tuna And she was like

Maybe it's caviar No it was just bog standard It was just a can of tuna So she was like What's going oniar no it's just bog standard it was just a can of tuna so she was like what's going on there and then it turned out that someone it was a fraudulent return

so someone had bought the ashtray told them they were sending it back put a tin of tuna in it kind of weighs the same they took it back

and then they sold it to this woman oh my god and she got a tin of tuna for 275 isn't it good I thought so that's good stealing yeah it's smart And then they sold it to this woman. Oh my God. And she got a tin of tuna for $2.75. Isn't it good? I thought so.

That's good stealing. Yeah, smart. A guy called Roger did it. They're like, Roger, it's a tin of tuna. And he was like, is it? God, that's mad. Yeah, Roger. How did that happen on its way back?

God, that's mad. It must have been infiltrated. Apparently, this is huge business. People buy real expensive handbags and then they return them and they return them with frauds. But we're not encouraging that. No, it's very dishonest and you shouldn't do that

because karma, karma, no, do you mind? Karma will come and get you and you don't want that. Karma is important. It's an important lesson. However, if I got a Gucci handbag, I would take the karma.

I would take it. But I was looking at weird stuff that they've sent in the post. When the postal service first started, there was no rules around what you could post and what you couldn't post. They kind of hadn't anticipated how crazy people were. So you used to be able to send babies. You used to be able to send your kids in the post.

So like 1920s, 1930s, it was cheaper to send your kid in the mail than to buy them a train ticket God's honest truth Jo so stories about people putting stamps so you put your kid

in a box they don't box the kid up they just hand the kid over in their raw form but they have like they hand they buy stamps for the child

hand it to the postman and he's to deliver it I know and they're like it's cheaper we need to get that child one of the stories they only sent him a mile down the and he's to deliver it. I know. And they're like, it's cheaper. We need to get that child. One of the stories they only sent him

a mile down the road. He's like, you lazy bastards. You're not walking there yourself. But they posted him with the postman. It must have been much cheaper. Much cheaper than

getting train tickets. If you could pop the kids on the hold, what's a 23 kilo bag? What is it? Like 45 euro? I'd rather pay 45 euro than have them up top

200 euro saving yourself a fortune exactly 23 kilo bag children need to pay their an anxious preoccupied bag

pop it under the hold that's how teas get to Spain here I am flying around America 60 kgs in the hand luggage good luck before we go we'd love to do a shout out if anyone has

kind of funny stories about experiences with psychics or mediums anything in that area please send in your emails

I'm obsessed with that I know you are you'll love this hello at ntgmpod.com we'd love to hear from you I did a whole show on it the afterlife it was called I had

like I absolutely love all that crap I like to speak to Freddie once a year to see if he's left me anything extra well apparently

there's a woman at Donegal like if Freddie's anywhere he's in Donegal apparently this woman at Donegal is amazing I don't have her details

but apparently everyone's all the dead people are all flocking to Donegal to talk through this woman that's what I heard

stop I would definitely like her if anyone knows about this woman at Donegal please actually send in her details as well because I'd love to talk to Freddie woman. That's what I heard. Stop. I would definitely like her. If anyone knows about this woman in Donegal please actually send in her details as well because I'd love to talk to Freddie now. It's been a while.

We got a little message. I love I love getting DMs from people about the pod. A woman messaged and she's like currently on a single girl Sunday in London

a few rosé have been consumed heading back to my hotel in Wembley on the tube to find a roast and some more wine. Anyway I'll whack Vogue and Joanne on to get me through the 20 minute journey. It doesn't connect to the earpods and all everyone on the tube hears

is your voice saying, insert a tube into her vagina. I have to sit with these people for the next 24 minutes. So Joanne, you, I went out on Friday night for a date with Spenno, right? And I was thrilled with myself.

I wore this outfit that I absolutely adored. I loved it. I saw it. I know. Well, you, you were the only one who did love it.

I got it from the H&M Studio collab and I was thrilled with it. Off I went out. Now, my cousin Killian was slagging me when I was wearing it, but he slags me about everything.

So I just took it on the chin. I got home to so many mails. man right who keeps sending me messages I hadn't seen it you know when you see messages behind the message yeah it was like what about the feet never seen nicer feet and like complimenting my feet in all these messages and then he saw the outfit he goes this is not at all your best set of clothes, but have a nice date and I'm looking forward to see your dress tomorrow. Greetings from Denmark. He didn't ask for so much.

God. And he didn't even ask to see her feet in that outfit. That outfit pulls him so much. He's like, I don't even want to see her feet at the end of that outfit. So it's cool stuff.

So, so was that I looked like a skeleton? I know the person I thought it was fun oh no the only yeah the only outfit I've ever ever not liked

sorry enjoy your date though oh my god no not even Joanne would wear this in public excuse me not even who

dragging the barrier why are you dragging me into this Excuse me? Not even who? Dragging the barrier. Why are you dragging me into this? We come as one now. Do do, do do, do do. Not even the fashion folk up would wear that. Not your best set of clothes I need to talk to you maybe we'll discuss it more in the bonus Rebel Wilson is on one

oh I love that Rebel Wilson has a chapter in her new book and she kept saying she was going to name who it was and then the person who it was was trying to sue her and they're trying to stop the book and she's just come out and she kept saying she was going to name who it was and then the person who it was was trying to sue her and they're trying to

stop the book and she's just come out and she's like I don't give a fuck about your fucking expensive solicitors it was Sasha Byron-Cown and everyone's like

oh I know let's discuss more on the bonus next week let's discuss more on the bonus if my calculations are correct

if I if I if I do a Doc Brown on it and I figure out futuristically where I am with this pod airs

there will be tickets San Francisco and LA this weekend and LA next week all the tickets are on joranacnight.com

and Spenny and I are in the Gailey Theatre tonight for our last Irish show on our Irish tour so if you're around pop along

it's going to be a fun one and we're also doing the Dubai Opera which Joanne and I did last year sounds like you're joining them for an operatic performance

I've no doubt Spencer feels that he could do that without any training Thank you. Bye.