My Therapist Ghosted Me - Tantrums, Flashing & What The Lord Wants

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

There's so much on the list this week... Wobblers, an emotional support cat, crypto and a guy who fully ghosted his wife. Let's do it. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.comThis episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.Thank you!

This is a Global Player original podcast. Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Joanne, how was your week? I'm back in London Oh my god Jo Wait till you hear what I did Oh and well He's not going to be surprised So

I'm flying back From LA to London And I said I'll have a little nap Before the flight And I'll set my alarm And then

I Woke up It's pitch black I'll set my alarm. And then I woke up. It's pitch black. So I set my alarm for like 2 p.m., woke up at 11 p.m. So my AirPods were still connected. How did you sleep that long for a nap, though? I've got an illness or something. I think I've got chronic fatigue. Oh, my God.

I'm on a lot of beta blockers at the moment. So I actually didn't really give a shit that I missed the flight, to be honest. I was just like, oh, god or just I'm on a lot of beta blockers at the moment so I actually didn't really give a shit that I missed the flight to be honest I was just like oh well rang and booked another one I'm sure

I'm full of beta blockers but yeah so my alarm clock was connected to the airpods which were in a pocket somewhere missed the fucking flight oh no

I was like of course I did of course I did but genuinely not my fault really not my fault this time. Apple's fault. Well, I mean, you could. Apple's fault.

I don't know if it's Apple's fault. But I have to tell you, we did one of those Hollywood tours, those bus tours. They're so funny. So you pile into this like little safari truck with no windows and all. And you're in between between you're driving in between

all these Bentleys and Lamborghinis and everything because it's like you're driving through Beverly Hills and um you can't see anything

you're like the most exciting thing the most exciting thing we saw was Jennifer Aniston's bins everyone's like and they whipped out the camera

stop you're like you can't because you're like he's like oh look there's we think that might be Keanu Reeves's chimney okay let's move on You're like, you can't, because you're like, he's like, oh look, there's, we think that might be Keanu Reeves' chimney.

Okay, let's move on. You're like, what? Like there's no, there's no real, you just kind of So you didn't get to see any good stuff in this little safari truck.

I mean, I, they showed us Katy Perry's gate. You know, it'd be nicer if you could like drive up and look into the windows.

Like that's what I was kind of hoping for, but it was a bit, you know,'d be nicer if you could like drive up and look into the windows like that's what I was kind of hoping for but it was a bit you know apparently you can't stop because there's this law thing so Lucy

Lucille Ball they used to stop and they stopped and someone got out of the like cart really is what we were going around

and knocked up at the door and she signed an autograph and then she rang and said like you can't stop here anymore

because the estates in those Beverly Hills estates they have their own police it was very fancy like it was fun but we actually lagged it halfway through when we went for the toilet break

we were like we're good to go how much did you pay for that to go and look at Jennifer Aniston's bins Jennifer Aniston $44 each and then a lot of them

some of them were just she was like look that's a nice house and we were like ooh at one stage he was like oh look there's a Dunkin Donuts, we were like um okay we're not even

pretending anymore or a lot of the houses he was like such and such used to live here and I was like yeah they probably had to move because there's 16 trucks going past, these safari trucks going past With us little weirdos in it looking to see who we can see Did you see anyone famous? You feel like such a stalker

like it was it was a weird feeling after a while it was a weird feeling after a while you're literally driving around looking into famous people's houses

yeah they are fascinating though like that level of fame like that level of famous people is really fascinating like I would be tempted to look in her bins

and I don't even know why but it's it's James Amundsen well you can't because the trucks don't stop because of the't even know why but it's James Amundsen you can't because the trucks don't stop because of the law

they just power on it's the only thing I got a photo of was of her bins it was the most interesting thing on the whole trip what else did you do

in LA I'm surprised you even did that that was it really and I did shows and you just had a lovely time i honestly once you realize you're the ugliest person in la there's great freedom to it there's

just you just don't care anymore it's great i couldn't even get on la raya they were like you're you're grant good luck they're like you're european raya okay don't even try no i'm joking i'm joking there's you can get on but there was literally no point i have to be honest it's kind of like in St. Barthes it's just like everybody is a complete ride like these girls walked into a restaurant today and I looked at them they had like proper like like they'd just been for a blow-dry it's that kind of place and I'm like I just can't get on board with it when I'm on holidays I just just don't want to I can't be blow-drying hair when you're away LA is very it's all like it's just ex-models it's everyone's it's just a very sexy city

it's a very sexy city when I first got there I was like I don't think LA is going to be for me but actually in hindsight I think it could be for me LA is good fun

but like I did the Runyon Canyon and everything like that and I think that after a while it's so spread out that like where would you even live and like

I suppose you'd live in West Hollywood but like it's just I don't know if LA is for me I think I prefer New York I think I could do LA I never thought I'd say that

at one stage this is how deluded I was I thought I was getting checked out by these lads and then I realised I'm so pale they're like what the fuck is wrong with her so once I put the tan on then no one looked at me at all then I was just invisible just walking through the cities of LA I didn't even waste the mascara

I didn't even wear makeup for the shows it's like there's literally no point I'm not gonna waste the foundation on this that's kind of why I want to go to Japan because supposedly they think that tall people are really weird so I want to go to Japan and just like get all this attention for being a giant yeah get your photo taken at all yeah yeah I'd love that yeah um yes say I uh obviously we're on holidays and I'm around the kids and I think when you get around the kids as often as I am now like I spend a lot of time with them at home but here it's like really full-on so they're literally like leeches on to me like also just left the house absolutely screaming because I wasn't leaving with him um but Gigi and I were on the beach today and she'll see something that anyone's wearing like a pair of shoes or like sparkly sunglasses and she's like

mommy you'll buy me that you'll be me and I was like Gigi I actually can't buy you everything you want she goes no you are you're gonna buy me everything I want and I said I'm not gonna do that she's you can have it for your birthday blah blah whatever and then yesterday we were in the supermarket and she saw this fucking float with a mermaid tail on it that we don't need no one wants and she asked for it and I was like Gigi I'm not getting you that it's for babies you don't need it and she threw the biggest wobbler in the middle of the supermarket threw herself onto the ground was screaming and it got to the point where this woman came up to him was like you're doing a great job mama I was like oh that's really nice I know and she touched my arm I thought you were gonna say she was like fucking keep it down but that's really nice that she was

like you're doing a great job I know but that goes to show how bad she was nice that she was like, you're doing a great job. I know, but that goes to show how bad Gigi was being because she was just screaming the entire way around the supermarket. And then I decided to do a call out for some wobbler stories. Oh, I love this one because this reminded me of something you probably would have done.

I used to hold my breath out of temper until I fainted as a child. Wow. That is a determined little baby sometimes oh my god could you imagine that's a suicide

attempt as a child over a toy that's so intense sometimes if Theodore is crying but he has a really big cry like he won't

take any breath in and he'll just be like and his mouth will just be static and his his whole lips and stuff will start going blue because he just he hasn't taken a breath in and so dangerous i know i threw a tantrum once because my tea was not the right temperature I cried sobbed uncontrollable age 41 there's a woman on twitter on uh one of them tiktok one of them and she does she's really really funny I can't remember her name but she does impersonations of her children of her toddlers and their and their tantrums and I mean I don't even have a toddler but I find it very funny this woman got on to me uh she's an air hostess and she told me another story but she was like but I have way worse stories now that I'm cabin crew.

And I was like, go on, tell us some cabin crew stories. Love cabin crew stories. She said, so it's not all glam. The tights that they make you wear stink. And I had a guy run up to me in Terminal 5 panting and asked if I'd just come off a flight and offered me 70 pounds to buy the tights and cabin shoes right off me. That man's obviously in the know. He was following the odor of the tights.

What a great nose he has. Well, you obviously knew that I'd sell them for 70 quid. I don't even care if that's weird. Of course, you're going to throw them out anyway. Imagine being handed 70 quid cash every time you got off a plane. Yes, please. There is a business in that though of course there is um there's a lot of wobblers like over like at age 25 and stuff like that I'm trying to think of a wobbler that I would have thrown because like I do tend to lose my temper a little bit now I've I've and it's usually it's to the detriment of something that um that I personally own. So like, if I have a real, like if I, it's, it happens rarely, but when I do lose my temper,

I could end up smashing a laptop or something. And I, I, I absolutely hate myself after when I was younger, I know when I was like rare, it's only happened once, but when I was younger, we used to have a game boy and like, I used to, anytime I lost the game, I smashed it it off my head because I'd be so angry. And then one day I smashed it off my head so hard that the whole Game Boy smashed. And then I was like, oh, I'm in so much trouble. I was like, I'm in so much trouble. So I hid it.

And you remember when you used to have heating back in the old days where it would come up out of vents from the floor? So I hid the Game Boy in the vent and obviously my brother found it like a day later and I was in so much trouble. He's gone mad. I was never a smasher really.

Where are my parcels, Vogue? Joanne starts ringing me at 20 past four in the morning in some parts. Over and over and over and over again and then I was like

I kept silencing it and I was like oh god what if she's like dying or something like should I text her back and I was like

no I'm too tired and then it was looking for the parcels I use folk as my postal address so I went down to my post office to collect my parcels

and I can't find them anywhere I pulled that whole flat apart looking for parcels nothing so I just I just had to take to collect my parcels and I can't find them anywhere. I pulled that whole flat apart looking for parcels. Nothing. So I just had to take some of your parcels.

It's like, I'm not leaving here empty handed. There was a great story in the paper this week. Yeah. A man appeared in court completely nude

and refused to wear clothes after his emotional support cat went missing during a traffic stop arrest. So I don't know if he's accusing the guards of taking the cat. That sounds to me like

the cat just fucking legged us to be honest. Was he naked in the car? I'd like it too if I was hanging out with someone like that but was he naked in the car or just in the courtroom?

Mr. Davis entered the stunned courtroom naked with his hands over his private parts but within seconds he stood with arms outstretched to argue his case after rejecting the services of a lawyer telling him to fuck off.

So then what happened? Let me tell you my story. This is relevant. This is my story. What happened yesterday I was travelling with my companion pet Oliver. He normally comes into this court. I was dropping off legal documents pertaining to a legal case in the high court he remained on his feet throughout the whole nine minute hearing I don't know I don't know what's going on I don't know I just I didn't know he could go into court naked and I also didn't know cats were emotionally supportive I'm shocked at the

whole thing to be honest have you ever been I remember um in Hoth there used to be this man I mean it's slightly different to that man on the court but like he was just this flasher who was around hoth i remember me and my friend were going for a run on the cliff walk and there's just this man pops out of a bus with just a hat on we started throwing rocks at him did you yeah because he started like coming towards us we were like oh my god there's a naked man with just a hat so we just started throwing rocks at him and ran away I remember I was flashed once and I do remember

because I remember it made me really angry because I I was like I didn't consent to that but I knew I was like I knew I

I was like I don't like that I didn't agree to that to see that I was just walking around he was the full like he was the classic flasher

like floor length raincoat and like just flashed it open bollock naked full, like he was the classic flasher, like floor length, raincoat, and like just flash it open, bollock naked. Oh, the Mac. The Mac. He was wearing a Mac. He was wearing a full blown Mac.

You don't see any flashers anywhere these days. How unoriginal. Yeah. I think, I think they've moved on. I saw one on, in Sutton on the beach

and it was just me and my auntie Naomi. And, and he just like, and I was quite young. I auntie Naomi um and uh and he just like and I was quite young I still remember his face to this day like and I must have been about eight or something at the time and he completely just flashed us and that was just that it's such a bizarre thing to do like I would never ever consider doing that but also you like women are repulsed by it so you're getting a kick

out of showing someone your genitals and then being like they like the shock yeah I think that I think that they like the shock factor

I just can't imagine if I showed someone my genitals they were repulsed that I'd get any kick out of that I'd be quite upset about it to be honest

can I I'd be upset what's wrong with it what's wrong with it what what leave it alone she's gorgeous

I know this is like a bit of a segue but like Kanye West's wife goes around with like no knickers or anything on and completely see through

her tights and just puts a phone in front of her vagina and I don't understand how she's getting away with that like going around in public with your whole anything on and completely see through her tights and just puts a phone in front of her vagina and I don't understand how she's getting away with that like going around in public with your whole naked body out you're not allowed to do that I think she has been reprimanded I think there were some there was somewhere she was told to put her pants on I think it was Vienna didn't

so wasn't there somewhere she was told to put her pants Venice Venice I think she had to put her pants Venice someone did step in at some stage some town stepped in and went come here put your fucking pants on we've had enough of this shit now it's but like it's I think she's she does have the most insane body

I've ever seen in fairness but like I find it really strange that she must be really uncomfortable because she's going around with a phone

in front of her vagina like you obviously don't want it out she spoke the other day and everyone was like because we're so used to just seeing her walking around

mute being led around by Kanye in these bizarre outfits no one's ever heard her speak and she spoke on some video and everyone was like

it's like when people see Joe and they're like oh my god I didn't expect him to look like that so it was the opposite way around

they see her and never hear her speak but yeah she started chatting so hopefully now I want to hear that she's. So hopefully she's going to say, help me pretty soon so we can actually intervene. Well, he is like,

did you see that story in the paper about like, an employee came out and said that like, he basically tried to fire him, but he was doing like a Mario accent, like as in Mario Kart. Like, you are a player. Did you hear that? I love that you call it Mario Kart and not Italian.

That's what the employee came out and said, though. It was like Mario Kart, like Luigi and Mario. That's your point of reference. That's amazing. He used to, I know because he used to, okay okay so he would threaten to fire employees while doing a mario accent and uh employees have come out and said that he would um fire them if if they put on weight he also used to force employees to go and watch um batman with him on mute in complete silence would just bring an employee in out of their working day

and just be like sit there and they'd have to watch Batman with no noise and I think when you're that successful and famous who steps in his mum's not around anymore who steps in when you're that big who do you listen to if I start out if we start acting like that Sandra and Pat would be well Sandra mightn't but Pat would certainly be over trying to help no Sandra wouldn't be honest let's be honest

no I'd go full Kanye before she'd even consider coming over Sandra's like she's having a breakdown and what's she wearing today she looks fab

let her off she looks fab she her off she looks fab she looks amazing oh my god she looks amazing I just don't understand him and her and I just

I actually do you know what and like I know I sound like a prude but like I think just like have a bit of fucking respect I don't think that you can be

like I don't want my kids to be walking around not saying that I'm off to LA to go and find Connie West's wife but like I wouldn't want my kids walking around

and then this woman just like walks by them with no knickers on covering her, her private parts with her phone. It's just so weird. I've said it before,

I'll say it again. I hope she's okay because the whole thing looks deranged. Can I tell you a few other weird bosses quickly? Yeah. Lady Gaga used to refuse to sleep

alone so she would get her um her assistant to sleep beside her i get that i wouldn't really i don't like being lonely is that feels like a boundary i was i was beside i was by her side this is this is her assistant by her side 24 hours a day 7 days a week and because she was looking for so this is when they go and sue them

they bring all this kind of stuff out and she said that she was looking for overtime wages could she not afford to put a cot bed or a fucking

camp bed in place she has to be in the bed with her she was in the bed with her because she did not want to sleep alone so the assistant

had to sleep in the bed with Lady Gaga. Ah, come on now. Sure you can get a twin room. You're Lady Gaga. I think you can stretch to a twin room. I can't believe that you'd want to sleep beside somebody that you didn't like. Like, no. Imagine.

I wouldn't even really want to sleep beside you. Like, I would if I had to, but like. I know. If we had to, we would. I don't even like sleeping beside my boyfriends no I feel like you know there's no harm in

separate rooms Cameron Diaz is all about it Cameron Diaz has like 20 houses 20 bedrooms in her house that's why she does it I have a special riding room as well I'm a Gaga fan but that is I think I'm going to say

unacceptable. I know but then I wonder if it's true because this has gone to a lawsuit. All these ones are like remember Robert De Niro? He required

his assistant to scratch his back. That's fair. Do you reckon? I don't know. I just don't want to like I had a big fight with Spenny the other day

because he was like you're so mean you won't put sun cream on my back and I just can't bear it. Like you're so mean you won't put sun cream on my back and I just can't bear it like I don't even get anyone to put sun cream on my back

and I'm like I don't ask you to put it on my back I've got a special spray so no one has to do my back and like I was like I just don't want to put it on your back

I don't want to touch it it is it's so annoying it's so it's like I have a friend Claudia who comes around and I

I offer a cup of tea every time she comes around but it breaks my heart to do it because she always says yes and she never fucking drinks it and I hate

making tea I hate making tea it's the worst and she'll take a teeny tiny sip and then it's just sitting there are you gonna finish

it I hate making tea I wouldn't say that you're a great tea maker though Joanne if I'm being I'm not a host I just don't have that hosting gene anyway yeah I'm like are you gonna so now I'm just like fucking are you gonna fucking drink it or not because I'm I really can't bear getting into the whole kettle thing and the bag and the milk and the spoon and the whole

shebang it's a rigmarole and it's just I just watch it sitting there going cold and then she leaves it's a thankless task. I hate that when you have to offer a whole room tea and one person says yes and then everyone says yes and you're like, oh no,

now I have to make like six cups of tea. Actually, I will, yeah. Actually, come on, yeah. Will you indeed? Well, you'll sit there until you finish it then if I'm going to be making it. I'm making six cups of tea.

I'm going to close it. Your tea's going cold there. Did you know your tea's still sitting there? You haven't touched it I'm not going to microwave for 30 seconds microwave for 30 seconds you take that home with you I'll put that in a takeaway

sippy cup you can take it home with you Charlie Withers did you hear about this oh my god I like I'll explain to Joe Go explain it

So basically this woman put up a Facebook post she's looking for her husband who basically bolted ghosted her when she was pregnant

with her second child and she can't find him and she needs a signature for a divorce and she cannot track him down so she put up this post saying like

kind of internet do your thing I was reading this in bed and his name's Charles and she cannot track him down so she put up this post saying like kind of internet do your thing I was reading this in bed and they his name's Charles and she was like he now goes by the name Charlie and then I got it in my head that he changed his entire identity and I was like oh my god it's so dark I don't know why I thought it was such a big change for me I was like as if as if you just dropped the e at the end of your name Joe and I didn't know who you were I was like who? Joe Joe but anyway so I was banging on about him changing the identity

and the girls in the DMs very kindly were like Joanne what the fuck are you talking about I was like sorry I stand corrected he didn't change his name but goes by Charlie now would suggest that is a new identity

anyway didn't the girl always find him on Bumble in Texas you can't hide anywhere I mean record time like there is no end to the CIA skills

there is no end to them I have friends like that all you have to do is give them some lads eye colour and a star sign and they will fucking

find him on the net bang bang bang here he is I actually think though I think that he had a kid with someone else and he went missing from that person

and then he was married and had a kid with someone else and he went missing from that person. And then he was married and had a kid with this one and then did another one. So he's kind of like, yeah, he's prolific for, can you imagine, right? You marry somebody and you're having a baby and then they just disappear. Like how fucked up is Charlie Withers? And what's going to happen to him now is what I want to know. up as Charlie Withers and what's going to happen to him now is what I want to know Am I a bit of a dope

because I would feel like maybe that he's like not coping very well. Is it as easy as bastardly maybe it is, I don't know Well he left him for over a year and he hasn't even seen the kid, it's a really really strange dark thing to do

It is really strange and dark I guess it's more the fact that he wouldn't even, he couldn't even cope with signing the divorce papers. It's all just very strange. And so now the wife has come out and she's like, of course,

because the internet's gone full, it's got the cycle, the cycle of the internet. He's getting dog's abuse now. And she's like, look, I don't wish him any hate. But I was like, well, he did post a fucking story saying that he had abandoned your kids

I think the girl has found him they're going to give him some abuse yeah I know of course they will but like is it warranted possibly like can you imagine I just think that's such the lowest of the low to do I think ghosting somebody anyway is really low

but then ghosting somebody who's pregnant with your kids and she can't even get a divorce ghosting your anyway is really low, but then ghosting somebody who's pregnant with your kids and she can't even get a divorce to you, ghosting your wife, like, that is so weird. And now his mom will know. His mom will know that he's a wanker, and his mom will also know that she has grandkids. A mother knows when she's raising a wanker, I think.

But what's going to happen now is what I want to know. Is he going to have to pay child support? What happens? Where do we go with this? Well, he has to pay child support, but he has to give her her signature so she can get a divorce and move on. And Charlie, you know, or Charles, whatever you're going by now, you should have known. Like you're on Bumble. Do you know that there's this Facebook group saying it's called, are we dating the same guy?

Oh, stop. I'm trying to get into one. I'm trying to get into one I'm trying to get into one yeah they're a Facebook group where women in the local area put in photos of guys that they're dating

being like any goss on this lad any dirt what's the crack and someone will go oh yeah my friend dated him or yeah I'm trying to get in

I just need to remember my Facebook login details but then some guy one guy is suing the group because they like completely slandered him and I think he lost his job

or something yeah it's gone a bit it's gone a bit there's some there's some problems with it but I think that's where they found Charles

forward slash Charlie Withers anyway congratulations to the girl and congratulations to the internet Pastor Eli oh what is he so

it's the best excuse I've ever heard now this is a crypto story I hands up crypto is like Mario money to me

I don't understand it I don't know what it is it's all out there it's not real money people think they make money and then they're rich from crypto and then all of a sudden they're completely broke crypto is a lot of a sudden they're completely broke.

Crypto is a lot of bollocks. That's what that is. Yeah. It's like there's one, you know, these kind of lads on these business Instagram accounts who claim they bought a Lamborghini

with like a, you know, they put two shillings into a crypto company. I don't know. It all stinks to me. Do you ever get all those mails of people,

look how much money was deposited into my account from this cryptocurrency. It's like, oh no, no. Don't do it. I spoke to someone about it and they were saying stuff like that. By the time people like me hear about it, it's not worth it anymore.

Like the people who are in the know, when they get in at the very start, it's worth it. But not little old me. Do you remember? It's like 10 years down the line. I'm like, oh, crypto. Do you remember the art? What was the art stuff that people were buying? And it was like, they were just,

it was just like, it was a piece of art that you bought on the end. NFTs. And people spent, I know somebody who spent 25 grand on them. It's worth absolutely nothing now. But for a period of time, people were buying these NFTs

and thinking that it was going to be, and I was like, i was tempted at one point because i was like oh my god did you see how much his nft went up in value and then it just all disappeared and then everyone lost everything that's heartbreaking i know that is heartbreaking i love an easy an easy way to make cash but like if it's that easy like it's just bullshit i just don't get involved tell us about the pastor though so pastor Eli I've said it already I don't understand crypto I don't know what the fuck it is I know the bros love it and pastor Eli basically has stolen money or he's invested people's money from the church from the local area some crypto account, which has no closing or no opening or whatever the language is at the end.

Basically, they've all lost their money. But Pastor Eli is like, look, the Lord told me to do it. I'm not going to pretend I know the plan. I'm just doing the Lord's work. He can't expect me to know what the Lord's plan is. I'm just doing what the Lord told me to do. So he's paid some money back to a tax bill he owed.

And then he said, and there was a couple of hundred grand left. And we did some home improvements that the Lord told me to do. So he's paid some money back to a tax bill he owed and then he said, and there was a couple of hundred grand left and we did some home improvements that the Lord told us to do. So I'm not kidding. So Pastor Eli is genuinely trying

to convince the world that with all the shit that's going on out there that the Lord is like, if Pastor Eli doesn't have a jacuzzi by the end of this week, I can't carry on.

Maybe he's just big into interiors. I don't know. But the Lord, and the way he's saying it, he is so serious about it. He's like, the Lord asked us to do some home improvements. So we took the rest of the money

from the crypto fraud and we built, we built onto the house. We built an extension because the Lord asked us to. And I don't know why. It's not our fault. It's the Lord's fault.

It is not our fault. It's the Lord's fault. Did you ever hear about that pastor who, there's another pastor what's his name i haven't here kenneth copeland uh he basically said that he was unable to fly any commercial airline he always had to fly private because he wouldn't be able to talk to god if he was flying commercial you're joking me i swear to god this pastor came out and said that because they're so famous

over there pastors do you ever see them on stage and they're like basically healing people do you remember Justin Bieber had a pastor and basically he got excommunicated from the church because it turned out he was doing the dirty on his wife for years and he got thrown out of the church

yeah I wouldn't trust a pastor now I'm sorry if we have any pastors Yeah. I wouldn't trust a pastor now as far, I'm sorry if we have any pastors listening, but I don't trust you at all. Also, why are you trying to tell us that the Lord is a crypto boy? Like the whole thing is, what are you on about?

I do get the private jet thing. I get the private jet thing. There's no way God's going to talk to you unless you're on a private jet. Come on. Well, if you're Jesus Christ, you're not flying commercial. You know what I mean?

Absolutely no way. Yeah. But then I was like, if the Lord is big into interiors, which he might be, maybe he needs a break from the horrors of the world as well. And the Vatican is very fancy. It is actually. I don't know if pastors get to go to places like the Vatican, because I think that they're in like, are they not in a different kind of church? They're not like part of that church. I like are they not in a different kind of church they're not like

part of that church I thought that they were like a different kind of religion no yeah we're not big on religions here we don't really know the details but we know we know that the pastors are up to no good I'm deeply religious Joanne thank you sorry I forgot I just love the

idea of the Lord just taking a break from his day to day duties of overseeing war to be like hold on a second has Pastor Eli got that cinema room let's have a look I really wanted that for him now he's such a good guy that Pastor Eli

his church will probably let him away with that as well they will probably actually take be like okay well that's what God told him to do 100% you can't question it if that's if that's what the lord wants that's what the lord wants what does the lord what does the lord want for you vogue the lord wants for me to uh to i would like to have as much money as what's that fella's name who owns amazon jeff bezos that's what the lord wants for me wow yeah the lord would like for me to be donated a pilates bed now that's what the Lord wants for me. Wow. Yeah. The Lord would like for me to be donated a Pilates bed.

Now that's what I'm just saying. I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't know why. I don't know what his plan for me is. I guess I'm ripped. That I get fucking jacked.

But the Lord I'm told wants me to have a Pilates bed. How many times have you done Pilates on a Pilates bed? I have to ask the question. Come on. I did it. I did it one and a half times. One and a half times. That's all that you did. Because the Pilates bed is too far away. It's over the other side of London. I need it in my sitting room here. I do like a Pilates bed,

actually, to be honest with you. That's very bougie. You know, like, you know, I've always told you about my markers, about how I thought, like, one of my things was, I know that, like, once I can afford to shop in Marks and Spen and do my food shopping there like I've really made it for myself but like if you bought yourself your own Pilates bed that's like really bougie it's super bougie so there's a plan I did I did dabble with Pilates because I love a plan that I don't follow through and I was like Pilates that's the plan and I went down to the Pilates school down the road but they have all the beds but you do the classes yourself on a screen so it's like the Peloton but you

but I was like no no no I'm going to need a very hands on instructor here very hands on if you had been using the Flexi app you would see that we have a whole section on Pilates and there's a very good Pilates teacher on that. That's what the Lord wants for me and a six pack and I was going to

bring it to me oh and a Netflix pack I was going to bring it to me oh and a Netflix special that's I forgot about that oh yeah that's what the Lord wants oh okay well listen I just don't think it's fair to ask

I'm a bit I wouldn't say I'm completely on the ball today so I would like to revisit what the Lord wants for me because I feel like I haven't like I could ask for better things than just money

which I plan to but I have to think about it you're having having that existential crisis when I realized the only important thing in my house was my box of shampoos. You just realized how soulless that answer was. It was very, very soulless. Have you watched Three-Body Problem?

It's sci-fi. Now, I haven't a clue what's going on. Like, you literally, like, it's astrophysics shit. And they don't even, I mean, obviously they've dumbed it down, but they haven't dumbed it down enough that I can understand it. Anything to do with sci-fi, I avoid it like the plague. I can't stand it. Like, I am still counting on my fingers.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I have a, I don't even have a basic understanding of math. I have a book recommendation. I'm reading a book because I'm doing this at a book club, as you know, Joanne. And I'm reading Green Dot at the moment. And it's basically about this young girl who starts having an affair with someone in her office. And the intricacies of like the affair and how it's going on and how she's staying there and how he's like manipulating her oh my god it is

so interesting when you actually read into it because you don't really think about that side of affairs you just don't think about the person who is sleeping with the married person that like the the torment that they're probably going through as well because they're being fed another story completely obviously feeding the two people the same story and then you kind of end up feeling sorry for her as well but then you feel sorry for the wife but you definitely don't feel sorry for him see a lot of people do and they kind of pit the women against each other because if it's a if it's say it's a man in the middle and it's two women on either side the chances are he's filling them boat with shit you know what i mean like usually he's like oh the marriage is over

we're not sleeping together it's shit and then the wife when they event when that when those two women finally communicate the wife would be like sure we're still riding like the clappers i had no clue spenny was like to me if you because i was like oh i've got a free pass for like harry styles or something like that and he's like i I wouldn't, if you went and did it, like, just don't ever tell me, like, I just never want to know,

but like, I'd have to know. I'm not planning on sleeping at Harry Styles, by the way, because I probably wouldn't be able to get my hands on him. Cause if I could, I would. I'd say he's got enough to go around.

I don't know. He's, he's scoring people like Amrata and stuff. I don't think it's going to happen for me. I've really thought long and hard about it. I think it's going to happen for me I've really thought long and hard about it I think I'm going to have to I think I'm going to have to

aim lower Harry's not going to happen excuse me he just hasn't seen you modelling burgers send him your book send him your look book well I send him

that Wurzel Gummidge image from when I did the Pepe Jean shoot oh yeah send him send him that hair photo yeah where it looked like you'd been electrocuted

and then ironed and then electrocuted again remember the story that I told you about Harry Styles right I've read this on there's a guy that you should follow

his name is Jamie East and he puts up the funniest things on Instagram I follow him but do you follow him yet no I follow him now it's so funny hang on and he put up this thing

where's the harry styles thing okay a girl has gone viral for what she did to her harry styled obsessed sister when i was 10 me and my sister both liked harry harry styles so i took pictures of her on the toilet and kept posting them on Instagram and tagging Harry Styles so that he would think she was gross and choose me over her. Oh God, I'd love a sister. I really would. I just, I'd love that kind of abuse, but yeah, fun abuse, you know. The absolutely awful things that like even me and Amber used to do together, like just, it'd just makes so fucking nasty. I do have a half sister, but we weren't raised together. I wish I was raised with a sister.

Yeah, a sister. Like me and Amber just used to, like we're thick as thieves, as you know, but like we used to do the maddest shit to each other. I used to hide in her room all the time and just wait for her to come in and just like terrify her. But I remember I was once hiding behind the door and Amber came in and went up to her mirror and she put on Jennifer Lopez, Waiting for Tonight. And she went to the mirror and was putting on lipstick

and she started doing, waiting for tonight and do the whole dance. And I was just behind the chair in her room like, what is going on? The shame, the shame of the public dancing. It's the most embarrassing thing thing and she was so into it JLo I would have done well

with Amber as a sister you would have done well you would have been absolutely battered as well though I might send Pat back to the adoption agency I'm like adopt a daughter now

you owe it to me put on some concealer get down there so think you're in your 40s and adopt a child Adopt a daughter now. You owe it to me. Put on some concealer. Get down there. So think you're in your 40s. An adopted child. I'm just going to have to have a daughter. I'm going to have to build my own sister inside me. I'm going to build a little girl in my womb.

Bring her out and be like, I'm your sister. Let's go have some fun. Bit of news Ghosted Live Well you already know this news Vogue Well I hope you do News to me Because you're going to America

You're going to America You're coming to America with me Woohoo We're doing our Ghosted Live show in the Wilbur in Boston

on Thursday October 10th and New York on October 11th and all those tickets are now on sale and available at mytherapistgoestome.com. Very exciting altogether.

I can't wait to go to America. Oh my God, I can't wait to go. Crack. We're obviously having a holiday during it. We're not just going for shows. I think we need to go

before I want to spend time in Boston and then we'll spend time in New York. Yeah, 100%. 100p. Oh no. No.

If you're going to start, I'm going to start saying salsas. I'll bring salsas back.