My Therapist Ghosted Me - Tombstone Teeth & A Stranger's Tipi

Episode Date: July 30, 2021

In the final episode of the series, (don't worry - they'll be back soon!) Vogue & Joanne catch up about Latitude Festival, Vogue's dental ordeal and Joanne has been on a UFO deep dive, which Vogue (obviously) finds terrifying!If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me, with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of curating 18 episodes of admissions, experiences and regrets and calling it content. 18 episodes we've done, 18! Do you see what he did there he made that almost impossible to say but I did it she done it

I'll be putting that in my voiceover real for the final episode of the series we have Teeth Bennifer and UFOs

people are asking me about they're saying oh what about Belfast and I don't think they realise that I'm going to all those places. So I just want to say that my entire tour

is up on jeromecnally.com. There's loads of dates and places up there. And I am going to put on another Dublin date. I'm going to put on another Vicar Street. People are asking me

about Dublin shows, so I'm just saying I am going to put on another Vicar Street. So that'll be up for sale soon enough. And the other dates are on jeromecnally.com. Oh!

Oh, I forgot about this I have to speak to somebody about this so Alexander and Lou had a fantastic night out last week they had a great time

at your gig your cow yeah well I didn't know no also just messaged me saying I'm going I didn't know

and I said to him I flagged I was on Top Secret and I was like you know it's only new material and I'm only doing 10 didn't know it. And I said to him, I flagged. I was on Top Secret and I was like, you know, it's only new material and I'm only doing 10 minutes. It's not my show.

You told me you were only doing 10 minutes. He has not stopped talking about you since you've had that gig. I don't think he realised you were funny. Lou must have

dragged him along but he came back and he was like, guys, she was the best there by far. She was brilliant. All new material. All new material. And I was like, oh, I'm glad you had by far. She was brilliant. All new material.

All new material. And I was like, oh, I'm glad you had a great time. I'm just going to show up one night and there's nothing you can do about it. Lou, who I know very well, like from being down in the house, Lou was also his girlfriend. Lou after was like, can I get a photo with you? I was like, Lou, I'm literally going to see you in the house tomorrow.

Can I get a photo? I was like, okay. She posted it to her Instagram. That's how I saw it. She's so cute. So cute. You're her new idol.

Her new idol. So sweet. We went to Scotland on our holidays. We had a great time. I know. Did it look like Spain or did it look like Spain?

It was, they were paddle boarding, clay pigeon shooting. She was in a bikini riding a horse on the sand I knew you'd have to mention that one well of course there was so

much going on that holiday people were messaging me wakeboarding and Adam was a great addition we brought our friend Adam and he's just good crack he gets involved with the drinking and he gets involved with the activities yeah he's the best about it Rona mainly got involved with the drinking and he gets involved with the activities. Yeah, he's the best about it. Rona mainly got involved with the drinking.

Yeah, I love Rona. She went on a little horse walk. So she sat on a horse and someone walked her around. And she was absolutely petrified. Her legs were just shaking. She wasn't even moving. The horse was just stood there.

I was like, and then Judy was like, I think I'm just going to walk them around the estate that's probably for the best but like horses can be very intimidating creatures if you're not used to them

yeah 100% but Spenny went on the horse for the first time you should hear his horse voice it's just so awful and he goes hi

hi yeah yeah he just keeps doing that he was on the horse he didn't want to wear a helmet we all had to convince him to wear a helmet

of course he didn't want to wear a helmet. We all had to convince him to wear a helmet. Of course he didn't want to wear a helmet. No shoes on. Nothing. Just his little shorts and a helmet in the end. But no, he's mad for horse riding now. He wants to get a horse. I'm like, please don't get a horse.

Do you know how annoying it would be to own a horse? In the basement in Battersea? No. Inside the Peloton. There's a horse sitting there. We'll pop him on the balcony. I'm not mean.

Beside the paddling pool and the not mean. Beside the paddling pool and the clothes drying. Beside the paddling. Have you done your paddling pool yet? Obviously, Murphy's Law, the second I bought it, it just started raining apocalyptically for about three weeks.

Plus, I sure can't pump it up because you took the pump to Africa. I didn't take the pump to Africa. I told you I wasn't taking the pump. You tell me you were taking the pump. I told you I wasn't taking the pump and you didn't take it and you didn't have any interest in the pump.

And also, another thing I want to ask you about, randomly, what's the furniture situation in your house like? We spoke about that ages ago.

I haven't heard anything since. What do you mean? Well, you threw it all out. Have you got more or what's the crack? You've still got no more.

No. It was weeks ago. And I offered her these really nice pillows that she loved. Still haven't taken them. I've hidden them. You'll have to nice pillows that she loved. Still haven't taken them. I've hidden them. You'll have to find them now.

No. You didn't take them. Our landlord wants the house back. So I think me and my toilet mushrooms are hitting the road. Oh no. Are you going to replant them and take them with you?

Me and my family. Why does she want the house back? It's falling apart. Like it needs so much work done, you know. That's why I'm like, there's no point buying furniture. It means there's an opportunity to move closer to me. apart. Like it needs so much work done you know. That's why I'm like there's no point buying furniture.

It means there's an opportunity to move closer to me. Yeah. But it also means they don't have to get new housemates. Sophie's completely disappeared.

She's madly in love. I haven't seen her in months. Oh no. I know. It always happens. Yeah. So disappointing.

Not for them obviously but for you. So disappointing. I'm like trying to talk her out of it. You need to get Irish flatmates. I'm like I think

he's cheating on you. I think you want to go through with his phone. I'm like trying to talk her out of it you need to get Irish flatmates I'm like I think he's cheating on you I think you want to go through his phone I'm telling you something's off something's fishy why are they sending you flowers he's obviously done something you're dead right

keep doing that yeah it's only a matter of time just break them up I don't want to move in with new people and be like hey ugh

you can move in with me in Jersey when we get a place there it's too far away, what am I going to do where am I going to gig in Jersey you're going to live with me in Jersey part time if I have to live there part time I think it would be like our little country house I booked another holiday so when we filmed and recorded

when you were in Africa and you were talking about going on a holiday and we jumped off the call Joe goes to me, I've never heard of anyone before being on a holiday saying they really want to go on a holiday i have a thing i never leave a holiday right without booking another one it's it's not right i have so much fun on the holiday that i'm like oh my god i have to make sure i do this again yeah so i book another holiday but what's happened is I booked Greece, had to cancel it, booked France, had to cancel it, booked

Spain and Spenny and then we read in the Daily Mail, so it's probably not true, hoping that it might be going on the Amber Plus list, which means I couldn't go. And Spenny said last night, he was like, I'm sorry folk, I'm not booking any more holidays after this one. So if Spain gets cancelled... When I'm away. When I'm away, I'm trying to fill

my month while you're in Edinburgh while you've dumped me. Well, I mean, this is our last episode of the series and we did do extra, Joanne. We couldn't get enough so we did extra

but Joanne's going away. I'm probably not going away but I'm going to book a few more holidays but I'm probably not going to be going anywhere. But we're going to leave some bonus bits.

Jo's going to create fun little things to keep the listeners going. What do you reckon, Joanne? Yeah, we're going to do that. We might even throw in one, I don't know. Oh, I don't know. Joanne might be free. Although four weeks off is nice. I think four weeks off is a nice break. I think people would like a break from us. Back at the start of September. Back at the start of September and we can't wait. Joanne, I need to know about your week. I have held off asking you like Joanne and I

can't even have a conversation anymore I was on the phone to her yesterday first of all by the way I'm loving our new arrangement where you come down and you leave clothes

in my dressing room for me it's brilliant what did you do you can have that orange jumper now yeah you can have it I'm so happy

with my new jumpsuit yeah can I have the bottoms yeah you can have the whole thing she certainly wasn't that excited about my new jumpsuit. Yeah. Can I have the bottoms? Yeah. You can have the whole thing. She certainly wasn't that excited about my own tracksuit collab, but there you go. John left me this plastic jumpsuit. I love it

so much. Do you know how many mails I've gotten about it? Pleather. Sorry, it's pleather. Excuse you, mate. Yeah, it's not made of elastic bands I mean my arse does not look great in it but I don't care because I can't see that part

I only see from the front so many people love it it's very sustainable it's like our shopping in a sustainable way 100% yeah what about the other stuff

I left you gave it all to the cleaner no I didn't give it all to the cleaner you did didn't you I gave the purple cardigan to her to Dora no to Rushdie Lou would have loved that No, I didn't give it all. You did, didn't you? I gave the purple cardigan to her.

To Dora? No, to Rushdie. Lou would have loved that. Rushdie's a 24-year-old daughter who loves it. And I kept the leopard thing. And that t-shirt. I can't believe you got rid of that t-shirt. The MGM thing.

Love it. Don't like the neck on it. Weirdo. Go on, tell me about your week. In particular, I want to know about the weekend. My week, yeah. So I was gigging at Latitude. Yeah. And I went down

determined like I would everyone would listen how are you I was like I'm going home straight after they wouldn't have been asking me

they're like hey Joanne I'm going home I'm going home straight after the gig I'm going home they're like okay calm down had two white wines

before the show they treat you very well down there and then did the show had a you very well down there and then did the show had a great time the comedy stage a lot of people

oh my god the amount of people there was 3000 people on and now I was on before Catherine Ryan so I inherited a lot of people who'd come to see her but even throughout the day

it's so busy yeah it's this huge big arena it's amazing and anyway got off stage one, two, skip a few woke up in a teepee

the next day fully dosed who's teepee? just some randomers teepee like I couldn't think of anything worse had the time of my life

woke up had a couple of drinks got the train straight back to London woke up woke up what? had a couple of drinks it's a festival it's the one place

like the airport, that you can't get judged for drinking in the morning. At least you went to bed. At least you went to bed. Yeah, and then got the train straight back into the lovely clinic

to get my profiterole done with Dr. Ewan, who was obviously... You must have fucking reeked. Oh no, he had to wear a mask, so grand. But my main take out

from Latitude, A, I had the time of my life, B, I can't believe I don't have coronavirus Like I'm clearly immortal I cannot understand it And C. The amount of kids at Latitude It was like a crash Yeah but I don't think they're actually kids

I just think that we've gotten so old No I'm talking in buggy kids I'm talking kids so small I was like someone's going to snort them By accident Like that's what I'm talking kids so small I was like, someone's going to snort them by accident. Like, that's what I'm talking about.

Like, session raver babies. Why? Why would you want to take your kid there? I couldn't think of anything I'd like to do less. I was actually

at one stage going, oh, Peppa Pig must be playing at Latitude. She must be closing the main stage. There was so many kids there I couldn't get over it. And they're all wheeling them around

in little wheelbarrows. Do you know what the worst thing is? And I used to see it at an electric picnic in Ireland. People would be so out of it and they'd go up to little kids and be like, oh, hey! I would not want a person like that coming and talking to my kid.

No thanks. I took a video at the Chemical Brothers of this little raver kid in a bucket hat from the back she was on her mother's shoulders like giving it the hell

like the 90s dance moves and everything and I was I wanted to post it but when I looked back I didn't realise the woman standing beside me was gurning so hard

she looked like she was having a stroke oh no and I was like her eyes were like rolling around like magic eyeballs I was like

oh okay oh no imagine meeting a baby with like nine wristbands up its arm Oh no. And I was like, his eyes were like rolling around like magic eyeballs. I was like, oh, okay. Oh no, I wouldn't have. Imagine meeting a baby with like nine wristbands up its arm because it's been to like so many festivals. Connie and mine,

I don't know. Oh God. I know. Can you imagine bringing Theodore to a festival? He'd probably love it to be fair. He loves getting out and about. But when I was a child,

I remember my parents bringing me to Crufts and being incredibly overwhelmed. Yeah. Like all the barking. I was, I didn't, I did enjoy it as I got older but my parents brought me to a festival not to help not i don't know if i'll ever make it to a festival again i would quite like to think in my mind james invited me to some rave in

manchester in november didn't invite you to that i feel like you might not know me as a human being i was like oh okay yeah save me a ticket it's a gay rave though, so that kind of... I might go to the gay rave. If I'm going to go to a rave, I go to a gay rave. I only want to go to a gay rave, definitely. I love that you left a festival, had wine on the train, only to go and get profilo.

I know, I'd never need a profilo more in my life. Listen, it's the only thing that I will leave time in my day for is to go and get my face sorted. Yeah. I don't care what it is, what I'm doing, I'll leave it.

If I was on my wedding day and there was profilo up for grabs, I'd be like, sorry, see you later. Yeah, it's such a treat. I got you a poster of Black Beauty

actually for your birthday. I actually bought you a horse present as well. Where is that gift? Remember you said you ordered me a gift? Yeah. Oh, it's something to do with horses. Yeah.

What is it? It was, again, a very stupidly expensive joke that I thought was hilarious, and I was pissed, and they arrived, and I was like, what the hell was I thinking? My favourite, favorite. And Joanne, you pessimistic little bitch. I know.

J-Lo and Ben Affleck. Yeah. Even today, doing my morning scroll, A-Rod posted the biggest thirst trap of a picture ever on his 36th birthday. It's like, is he 36? 36, he's in his hell 36. Now what age is he?

Because it was whatever birthday he's at. And he posted a picture of him and his bod under a shower. Like the biggest, he's like desperate for J-Lo to look back. And it's like, dude, you cheated on J-Lo and this is what you get. I think, I heard he was having an emotional affair. I heard he was DMing. That's still not okay. No, it's not.

Oh my God, it's not. Imagine cheating on JLo. I know. As I say about men, I've been there myself. If the phone is face down, get the hell out of town. Joanne, that's sound advice.

Isn't it? If the phone is face down, get the hell out of town. Because they're up to no good. Yeah, if somebody is like trying to hide their phone or something like that all the time yeah

yeah it's weird but I think the J-Lo Bennifer thing Bennifer it's just Bennifer isn't it it's definitely I think it's legit but I also think it's

revenge oh it's revenge but like they recreated the bum picture on the boat I know she's gone around with a Ben

like necklace already I would never wear the necklace of the fella I was going out with I've just gotten a ring engraved with Spen on it

but is it Spen on Vogue no just Spen who got whose idea was that mine I'm one of those people and I got a bracelet

that says Gigi and another one that says Theodore let's be fair you're married and you've got kids and another one that says look Mama and another one that says Theodore. Let's be fair. You're married and you've got kids. And another one that says, look, Mama.

And Rona was infuriated infuriated? Infuriated on our trip to Scotland because Sveni and I, she's like, you've no kids around, stop doing it!

Because we just kept saying, Mama? Dada? I know, it is confusing. It's very annoying. The fact that JLo and Ben I have a necklace that says Guy Bag.

I know, of course you do though. Yeah, that's all I have where did you get that can't even remember they were all everyone had them on I like that actually gi bag

you're a gi bag Jo that's what that means gi bag it's kind of it's an old pagan Celtic term Jo don't worry about it it's around the

St. Patrick times gi is the kind of Irish colloquial term for a vagina yeah yeah gi so you're a vagina bag a gi bag ghee is the kind of Irish colloquial term for vagina yeah yeah ghee

so you're a vagina bag a ghee bag yeah but I'm loving the JLo and Ben stuff and they were both so JLo is on this 130 million pound yacht in Italy

oh no in Saint-Tropez and then who shows up on his less expensive yacht A-Rod he's like following her around there's definitely

I wonder is he in on it it's the weird it's such a publicity stunt somebody I read this it's now a conspiracy theory by the way I read a conspiracy theory

that because J-Lo's song that Ben was in the video is 20 years old soon that they're trying to recreate all the epic moments like the thing on the boat and like the paparazzi picture in the restaurant

and they're trying to do it as a thing for the album but I mean it'd be a very big commitment to do that it's definitely there's an element of showmans to it

like it's definitely serving a purpose I would love a showmans back in the day it's not the same anymore back in the day when actors gay actors

couldn't come out they'd get beards but now everyone just comes out whose beard would you most like to be? Graham Norton's beard oh god I'd love to be when actors, gay actors, couldn't come out, they'd get beards. But now, everyone just comes out. Whose beard would you most like to be? Graham Norton's beard. Oh God,

I'd love to be Graham Norton's beard. Alan Carr's beard. Oh, I'd be Alan Carr's beard. Yeah. It'd be very hard to beard that up. I'd be like a lagging jacket of hair for Alan Carr. We'd be the fur coat for Alan Carr. They're a good beard.

And all over bear suit. Out all bear suit. We'd be like fur couch for Alan Carr and all over bear suit out all bear suit we'd be like those mascots I'd love to be Lee Evans beard but I'd have to tell him we really have to

now we have to do it we've got to do it we've got to have the sex Lee Evans he's not gay no not the comedian not the comedian the actor

who's the actor oh my god show her a picture of Lee Evans he is like an Adonis. What about Luke Evans? Luke Evans.

Lee Evans beard. Luke Evans. I'd love to see you and Lee Evans arriving at shows together and all. Oh yeah, you'd be a great beard. I'd be a great beard, yeah. I do love it. We'd have a field day. Liza be a great beard, yeah. I do love it. We'd have a field day.

Liza Minnelli's two husbands came out as gay after they split up. Oh, come on, of course. Gotta be a beard. The gayness, it's all in the chin, apparently. To cover the chin. I'd be a great beard. Showmances.

Do you remember when... I'll never forget it. Showmances would be the worst thing ever, though. I remember I was going out with this guy and he was like... I was desperately... I didn't want to get papped on him because I didn't want everyone to know

because it was like, I just, I felt like I'd already been gone out with a few people. I didn't want another person to come out because I didn't really have that much interest in him. And he kept being like things like, why don't we,

why don't we go to his Christmas market and get pictured? And I'm like, dude, I don't want to get pictured. Why don't we do this? Like all these real nice wholesome things. And then all of a sudden,

one day after I'd had a filthy, filthy session till like six in the morning, like I went out drinking at lunchtime and I finished at six in the morning the next day. And I honestly felt like garbage. Went over to see him. That was the day. And he'll never admit it, but I know he set that up. Do you reckon? I know he did. And I was like a battered old weasel dog like just being dragged along the floor like oh it's just like you know when you just feel horrendous and you're still in the haze of like I think I might still be drunk. But why was

he pushing that so hard? I don't know. I don't know. He obviously wanted to be seen the most obvious showmance I've ever seen was when they tried to put Harry Styles and Taylor Swift walking around the park together. Oh God, yeah. Did you remember that? And they were so awkward. The sexual chemistry of two Verrucas

going up against each other. They did. Yeah, and she was there in her little flat pumps and he was still back before he was like the thing that he is now and he was wearing his little checkered Wrangler shirt. And they couldn't have been less. I've been watching too much Bridgerton

now I just need a marriage of convenience I'll set that up for you do you want a Bridgerton fella? do you die over the Duke? or is it just me? oh my god he's unbelievable

oh god I love him so much Bridgerton is like I think because there's so much going on in the world and now the Pentagon have admitted that there's UFOs

yeah but someone said, imagine UFOs are just billionaires from other planets. Oh yeah, but that was a funny tweet that was done. But now the Pentagon have come out and said, there are actual UFOs in the sky that we cannot identify. And it's either, they're like, hopefully it's just China. Trying to blow us up. But they were like, either way, it's not good news.

Why is it not good news though? We don't know if it's good news or not good news. Because they're saying they're in their airspace every day for the last couple of years. These objects

that they literally could not explain. There's no explanation for them. Sorry, they've said they're in there. Joanne, listen, I'm already scared of enough things.

This is what I'm saying. So, like... Oh no, Independence Day! That's why Bridgerton is like a bam. listen now i'm not able for that i don't want the aliens to come but what if they come and they're just like new people for us to hang out with i just want i'm just like give us a lift to mars because this shithole is going down no i'm staying here give us a lift to mars i like things i know i'm

staying on earth oh no john that's really frightened me. Yeah. Maybe more than death. No, not more than death. But like maybe, I don't want to be killed by an alien. They're coming. Would you kill yourself

before the alien got you? I would. No. But you don't know what way they'd kill you. They could be pulling out your teeth. Yeah. I'm off.

They're just going to come down and operate as dentists for the NHS. Great. The Pentagon came out and saying UFOs are real. It said it's not up for debate. The question now

is what are their intentions? Oh no, that's so scary. Don't say things like that. I'm just reading the fucking newspapers. What newspaper? This isn't the Daily Mail. What is it then?

The New York Times, The Guardian, like established newspaper like this. The Pentagon, the CBS. What do they want? Yeah, it's not. It's not up newspaper like this. The Pentagon, CBS. What do they want? Yeah, it's not a for debate now.

It's the questions. Well, maybe they're wondering why we're going up and down into space all the time. 100%. So maybe they're scared of us. They said that the objects they're flying in like defy all sense. So they're better than us. Defy all sense. They're better than us then. Oh my God, send me that link

so I can terrify myself and never sleep again. I'd rather know what's coming for me. Wouldn't you miss the hole in the ozone layer? Do you remember when that was the biggest drama?

Yeah. That's probably how they're getting in. Before we get into Chrissy Teigen, Teigen, Teigen, I never know which it is. Is it Teagan or Teagan?

Teagan, Teagan. Did you see the story I sent to you? I couldn't stop laughing. Your man superglued himself to the top of the plane as part of the Extinction Rebellion. I just think there's something

really funny about a human supergluing themselves to something. I don't know what, it just makes me laugh so much. Did you never used to get superglued though when you were younger

and like stick your finger to something to see what would happen? And obviously it was just superglue to that thing. No. You never did that? What about PVA glue?

Did you never pour that all over your hands? Yeah, to pick it off. It was very satisfying. But how do you, how much superglue do you need to superglue yourself to the top of a plane? Well, I suppose you probably

would have had one of those like wood glue things or something that, but then like just take your trousers off. You couldn't stick your skin to it. Was he naked don't know oh i wouldn't like to get it's not a blue tack jobby really it's a like you're not i mean how much pritt stick would it take to glue yourself on top of a plane chrissy tegan tygon right i i feel bad for her i do well i don't feel that bad for her because she just sold her gaff and it was this amazing house for 17 million. So she is hiding it in a nice spot.

She is, yeah. But I think, you know, when it comes to like forgiveness and people, people do lose their minds online. Courtney Stodden isn't really forgiving her though. I know. She's kind of being a bit mean about it and actually she's kind of being bullious.

You know, it was like a decade ago. I don't think that what people said 10 years ago should have an impact on themselves now. Obviously, it was like a decade ago. I don't think that what people said 10 years ago should have an impact on themselves now. Obviously, it's terrible what she did. It is. I'm not standing up for it. But like, she's a mother now with two kids.

And I just feel like every time I see her stories, I just feel a bit like, oh God, she's trying to hide out. She's like trying to like lurk her way back in. And I feel really bad for her because I liked her.

I know. People lose their minds online. I don't think it's necessary. And the thing about Chrissy Teigen is she's apologised. She's come out and gone, I was an insecure... Yeah, but people want to cancel her.

...attention-seeking trell, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then she came out saying that she was like feeling depressed and stuff like that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then Courtney, I think, reacted to that but not in a nice way. And it's like, you know, someone is like, like, she's not necessarily doing it I think, reacted to that, but not in a nice way. And it's like, you know, someone is like, like she's not necessarily doing it for attention to say that she feels like shit.

She just obviously feels like shit. I just feel really bad for her. I just hate the way people can be so mean all the time. Mary Beard, the woman I love, I love her. You do?

She, some lad tweeted at her calling her, I think a fat whore, because I think that's kind of a classic. Yeah. That's like the little black dress of trolling. It's like, that's where you go. Yeah. It think a fat whore because I think that's kind of a classic that's like the little black dress of trolling

it's like that's where you go it's the fat whore and she retweeted it and then he got this all this terrible negative backlash and I can't remember the details I think they kicked him

out of his course or something and then Mary said no no no no I don't want this one mistake to ruin this man's life and then she wrote him a letter to get him

back into college and all this kind of stuff and I she wrote him a letter to get him back into college and all this kind of stuff and I was like that's a really nice way of doing it I'm not saying he necessarily deserves that much attention and forgiveness

I just think people carry a lot of hate around with them these days I know people do carry a lot of hate I just don't understand I don't hate anyone because I feel like

it's too much effort to hate somebody else I know hate is a mirror I said it before I think I said it last week. If you hate someone, it's because they have something you want

or they trigger some feeling in you that you can't process or don't understand. That's literally what it is. Hate is a mirror. Hate is a mirror. Or a mirror. As Theodore calls it. I'm getting better at singing.

I'm getting better at singing. I don't know. There's no two words about it. Right? This team in the Pentagon, like the highest of the high, high, high service, are now saying, look, it's a real thing. Everyone's going, you know what this sounds, right? And they're like, it doesn't matter how it sounds. It's happening.

It's not up for debate anymore. I know. He's like, what we need to find out now are what are their intentions. Oh my God, do you want to stop saying those words oh no I have to go ring my mum I could hear you at the lift when you got up onto the fourth floor right

so there you are there was a hot lad downstairs I saw a hot lad too was it the bald lad with the muscles no do you know it's nice that we're two different men. It's also nice that I'm married and I shouldn't really be looking at men.

Spenny doesn't mind. I know. You're very chilled out like that. It's lovely. I'm not. If he likes someone, I'm like, excuse me? Her! Look at her dress! I know. We try to undermine them. It's terrible. You know the way I have no chill I think you've got

loads of chill oh thank you well no one else does and one thing I think that I could do for the whole day I went to where the lovely clinic is

but it's actually Debbie Thomas you have to go to her for a facial she was doing all this laser stuff on my face and I could just sit there for hours and hours

getting a facial and being I think if I was doing any other job I'd like to be like a facialist like her where you know everything about skin and she even I wrote down all these things I'm going to send it to you about what we should be doing with our face every day because I wasn't doing enough I bet you I'm hooked up with the skin nerd she basically tutors me tutors my face just whenever you want well yeah she me on everything, all the Amigas and all.

I used to eat fish sauce or fish oil, but I was overdosing on it accidentally. So I, you know when you just kind of get a notion and you think this is what will fix all my problems, fish oil. If I'm just eating regular fish oil. It will cancel everything else out. Yeah, everything else will be absolutely fine. So I didn't take the capsules

I was like I'm going to go hardcore so I was eating like raw fish oil but you're do you know what it was saying it was going to make me

live for longer and I was like I'd actually I'd rather die than feel like that I'd rather die in the next six weeks than eat this

for the rest of my life I don't care because I was eating too much I was eating two tablespoons of this stuff of course I can't read the instructions I was basically eating a whole cod every morning

before I went anywhere. It was vile. I can't do stuff like that. I'm not jumping on it. I don't jump on the vinegar bandwagon, the lemon in water. Why do I want to wake up when the first thing I do to myself

is torture my taste buds with hot lemon water? I don't want it. I don't like lemon in my drink. I feel very smug when I have a hot lemon water. When was the last time you had a hot lemon water? It was six years ago. But I never forget the feeling.

I think about it sometimes. That one time six years ago. My body was very appreciative. When I went to the detox for a day and a half I woke up with a hot lemon water. I did a juice diet once. Well, I mean, when I say I did a juice diet, I honestly lasted till lunchtime. You know what I'm like with a hot lemon water. I did a juice diet once. Well, I mean, when I say I did a juice diet, I honestly lasted till lunchtime.

I felt, you know what I'm like with food. I have to, I'm quite healthy, but I have to eat as soon as I open my eyes. And it's only half eleven now. I've already... Spencer's shoving an egg in her mouth and the second she opens her eyes... My first breath is inhaling a boiled egg.

But like, it's only half eleven here I've had lunch I've already had a sandwich by the way before you got up like I have to eat loads but I did the juice diet and I felt so ill and I got such bad headaches

and I hadn't even hit eleven o'clock and I was like I can't do this I can't drink that cold shite going into my mouth but it's such a cod exactly why would you she's mad for the cod this morning.

Why would you juice... Why would you blend down real food and then drink it? Just eat the real food. Yeah, just have a bit of crunch in your mouth. I don't want to do a juice diet.

No, I love a bit of crunch. I was in Pret-a-Manger again today hanging out. Have they given you a card or anything yet? I counted last week I had nine hummus

and chipotle wraps. What? Nine. So two or you a card or anything yet? I counted last week I had nine hummus and chipotle wraps. What? Nine. So two or a double a day? Double a day. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Took two for the train. So, but what I do is I go in and I weigh them to see which is the heaviest one with the most hummus and chipotle in it. So I'm like, everyone back off!

And I'm like weighing them out and stuff. Like I'm absolutely hooked. I got the train back from somewhere. Where was I got the train back from somewhere. Where was I getting the train back from? Some gig. And arrived into Waterloo Station really late. And I saw the Pret-a-Manger was still open. It was like I was running for last orders.

I was sweating when I got there. And everyone's like, we're closing in two minutes. I was like, that's all I need. And I went in. There was one hummus and chipotle wrap. It was like I'd won the lotto. And I was scoffed at. And I was like, there was one hummus and chipotle wrap. It was like I'd won the lotto. And I was scoffed at it and I was like, my life is so pathetic.

That is so not something I'd look I do look forward to that porridge actually, I have to say. You haven't had the hummus and chipotle wrap? I haven't had that yet. Not a porridge person. I don't eat grill. You know what? You'd think it's like grill but it's not. It's stunning. Seven sweeteners and you're in. And I'm having a Coke Zero right now. Do you know what? I once think it's like gruel, but it's not. It's stunning. Seven sweeteners and you're in.

And I'm having a Coke zero right now. Do you know what? I once worked with Coke, right? The abuse I got from people, like, saying, how dare you drink? Like, I drink Coke every day. That's just my life. And one time I said I had six cups of tea a day. And it was like I told people I was drinking arsenic.

People were like, that's disgusting to promote six cups of tea. I don't know. I still don't know. Is that unhealthy? Cups of tea. Some of it's decaf. People are so insane. You know, they used to use, like there was cocaine in cola.

Coca-Cola. Like it was originally cocaine. They used to use it as, for in teeth. When they were trying to figure out pain relief, they used to inject it as for in teeth when they were trying to figure out pain relief they used to inject cocaine into people's like one individual tooth and I was like imagine you come out and you have one individual tooth who's like really arrogant

and dressed like a city banker he's looking for the brothel you're like we're going to bed we're not going to a fucking bed come on come on come on they used to inject cocaine into one and then like operate on it

do you know that if you get a nose job I did a TV show on plastic surgery they use cocaine on your nose I swear to God I couldn't stop laughing

I was trying to ask him a serious question but like I just found it so funny they use cocaine for nose jobs what? I'm telling you

I swear to God are you sure it's not that they're they're healing noses from cocaine no because two of my what i've realized from zoom which is the most tragic thing ever is that my two nostrils are grossly different sizes everyone's are but one of mine looks like i've been snorting pool noodles like you know those giant foam things and i said it to my mom and she was like it's drugs and I was like do I look like I could

afford this big a coke habit do I look like you'd need a funnel I'm not at the stage of my career where I could afford a coke habit this size like the nostril's

literally that size it's so embarrassing but what do they do with the coke in the nose I don't get it I don't know I don't really there's coke used in a nose

I'm telling you Google it Jo there's coke used in a nose job and'm telling you, Google it, Jo. There's coke used in a nose job. And a nose job only takes half an hour. And it is one of the most hideous things I've ever watched in real life.

I'll never forget. I think we spoke about it before when I watched someone in House of Beverly Housewives get a facelift. Oh no.

I was watching it. I couldn't believe it. Honestly, I think I've already talked about it. They face off. off Yeah they face off It was like they'd melt it It was like they'd

Stuck her head Over a lighter But then they do look great After like a couple of months Well not all of them Obviously But some of them do It's a lot to go through

Yeah you see Jo You use coke in a nose job In what capacity Jo? Topical cocaine Is favoured by many surgeons For sinonasal surgery Due to its superior vasoconstructive and anaesthetic properties.

Anaesthetic. Anaesthetic. That's what it is. The cops put you over. You're like covered in anaestheticism. Excuse me. Going through the airport. It's not what you think.

Going through the airport with 20 kilos of anaestheticism in your bag. That's what those Michaela McCullums should have said. Oh my God. Did you watch the documentary? No, I haven't watched it. Is that about her? Yeah.

Oh, is she in it? Yeah. So it's kind of part, like part acted out. I don't know what the lingo is and her telling the story. And then it's, I've never seen someone with less life experience.

I honestly, I know if I say I feel sorry for her people go mad but I honestly she was just so she was 20 years of age they were very young and very stupid she came from this incredibly rural part of Northern Ireland

and she landed in Ibiza but you should watch it it's actually really it's really well done the soundtrack is incredible I must do welcome to my Welcome to my terrible sculpture. I went to the dentist this week, right? Yes. I know, I love it. So my front teeth, right, I had Amber knocked

out my front teeth when I was younger, one of them. And then I got a cap on it. And then Frederick used to, that's my brother, he used to colour it in yellow all the time in pictures because it was quite yellow. So I'd have to keep getting it fixed. So eventually, like, he really got to me

and I was like, right, I need to sort my teeth out. So I went and I got my veneers done. And you have to get both because they're like the same. They're meant to be the same tooth. Anyway, I went and got them done and I have this get both because they're like the same. They're meant to be the same tooth. Anyway, I went and got them done and I have this new fella who's on TV and his dentist.

I went down, Dr. George, George the dentist, quite a nice looking fella actually. Go on. Don't know if he's attached or not. I must find out.

Find out. Lying down there, I watched two episodes of Motherland. Can't get enough of it. Obsessed. I'm on series three but I started series three

and Spencer walked in the door last night and I just turned it straight off because I just don't want him to ruin it for me yeah don't let him ruin it no and then I watched an episode of the Home Edit so I had a great time

but I went in and before I went he was like I think what we're going to do because your teeth are so square looking I think that we should take the veneers off and use some braces

to push them together so they're not so square looking and I was thinking I'd never notice and then that very same day someone commented calling me suregar the horse and I was like oh my god it's fate I have to get this shit fixed so I went in he took my veneers off and then he was like oh um well uh we can't really do that because that's actually the shape of your teeth. It's not the veneers.

So I'm like, great. I'm just stuck with square teeth. But I have to have. I love your teeth. They feel weird at the moment because I've got that, what's it called? The temporaries on. And I'm terrified of them falling out.

I love, you do. Your two front teeth are absolutely like tombstones, but I think they look great. Wide gate tombstones. Wide gate, wide mouth. But I used to kind of be obsessed with veneers because they're,

but they're basically dentures for hot people. No, look, you see, do you know what the problem is? Aren't they? And some of them are really, really good. And then some of them

look like they've been like installed. Like some of them look like someone came around in a van. Shot them with a packet of extra. Yeah. And someone fixed the sink

and then installed an appliance into their mouths. Horrendous. Looked like a white picket fence. Yeah. Do you know they're about 10 grand? Well, they are. But I don't know why anyone would want them if you don't need them.

Because they're kind of a lot of upkeep. But you remember Katie Price put up that picture and she had like stubs. So I was like to Dr. George, I was like, show me the stubs. Show me the stubs. And he took them off. And actually, I don't have stubs. So I was like to Dr. George, I was like, show me the stubs! Show me the stubs! And he took them off and actually I don't have stubs

because that's a bad tooth job. You're not meant to have stubs. Hers are shaved down. Shaved down to like nothing. Mine are like full teeth. They look not great. But like, they're not like stubs.

Angry little cocktail stubs. Oh God, they look so frightening. But I wouldn't want the whole mouth. I don't know why people do that. Just like the whole mouth of like white and there's no gap. Well, do you know what? At least they won't have to floss because they're all stuck together.

It's a look, isn't it? Yeah, a look that I don't want. Back in the day, I watched a documentary once about teeth. You love documentaries. And she's watched a documentary about everything. I still want to watch that Pompeii thing. Send me the link oh it's amazing

back in the day so because dental hygiene was so bad and they would just pull stuff out with the pliers and everything

but then because they couldn't make fake teeth they would just poor people would go in and have their teeth ripped out and then they'd sell them

to the rich people so they'd just transplant human teeth around each other but then so grave diggers used to dig No!

They'd go into the graves and they'd take the teeth out and they used to make the equivalent of today's 10 grand a night because teeth were such a big business

because like Dead body teeth in your mouth and you know the way women in the 19th century had those fans apparently it wasn't kind of to be discreet.

It was because people's breath was so bad that they would use it to kind of cover their... What? Yeah. I know, gross. And then,

the Battle of Waterloo. 550,000 men died. And while they were with the dead and the dying, these people, these tooth fairies, I guess... Were pulling out their teeth. Went up with the pliers and took all the teeth out of the dead people and the dying, these people, these tooth fairies, I guess. Were pulling out their teeth. Went up with the pliers

and took all the teeth out of the dead people and the dying people. Imagine you're dying and some lad's coming towards you with the pliers and you're like, great, he's going to pull

the bullet out of my chest. And he just starts ripping your teeth out. No, that's the kind of thing that will make me not sleep. And then, so then they sold all those teeth and then they flooded the market

because before, fake, or no, like teeth transplants were the thing of the rich because they could afford them and then everyone could afford them. They were selling soldier's teeth in markets. I have a real thing about teeth.

When I was younger, you know, like the side of a chair, a chair had broken in the garden and I was using it as a Zimmer frame and I was Zimmering along and then I went to try and get up a step in the shed and I fell and the thing hit me in the face

and I lost something like six or seven teeth at one time. And anything to do with teeth I'm like I remember going through the supermarket with just like these black gums and no teeth and everyone kept looking at me and I was like were they your baby teeth my baby teeth yeah yeah but like six or seven at the same time it wasn't great no that's horrific no no I'm gonna think about what you've told me now about those soldiers. That's terrible. I know. So I'm missing a tooth. Where? Back in the back. I had to have one pulled out by my mate Audrey.

It's a dentist in Malesworth Clinic in Dublin. I lost a tooth because of bulimia. What? Yeah, bulimia. Great for the waistline. Terrible for the teeth. Jo, why are you nodding your head? She speaks the truth. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Oh my god that's why you lost one. Bulimia is terrible for teeth because your stomach acid

comes back and it damages your teeth. So yeah so I had to go in and my mate Audrey was pulling it out. Oh my and apparently I have very strong bones and enamel and she couldn't get it out and she was literally standing on a chair with a pliers and you were awake I was awake and she did numb me intensely but obviously

you can still feel it I was like just give me the chloroform on a handkerchief like you did in the 50s knock me out I'd have to be asleep for that

yeah so she pulled it out and her husband Hugh is going to put an implant in oh no oh that's my worst nightmare I'm going to get an implant oh god they're going to drill into your jaw give me an implant like a tit I'm going to put an implant in. Oh, no. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. I'm going to get an implant. They're going to drill into your jaw. Give me an implant like a tit.

I'm going to have a tit tooth. Shall we? Shall we? Yeah, I'm going to have a tit tooth. I'm absolutely delighted. I'm going to be flashing it at Arsenal. Your titty teeth. Yeah.

Look at my nude. Oh, God. Give me the job. That would be my worst nightmare now, I have to say. About the bombing thing, right? Because the Spot spotlight girls tell me because I vomed every day but she said like

I was really worried that my teeth were going to rot and fall out they said after a vom you should wait half an hour before brushing your teeth

yeah I never knew that yeah because you're otherwise you're rubbing the stomach acid around your teeth yeah

god I know and I knew I was really deranged because the second she took the tooth out I was like what do I weigh now? I'm half a pound lighter.

Amazing. Take another seven out. Jokes, jokes, jokes. That's all for this week. Remember, if you'd like to send us an email, you're more than welcome to. Just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com.

Well, this is the last episode in this series. We will be feeding out extra bonus material for the month of August. Thank you. I'm Anne Doyle. Good night. Bye.