My Therapist Ghosted Me - Water Slides, Turbo Tampons & Egg Porn

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

There's PLENTY to get your teeth into this week... Vogue & Joanne hugely disagree about how an egg should be served and that's just the beginning!! There's also waterslide horror stories and early talk of halloween costumes.If you'd like to get in touch, you can send an email to [e-mail] vote for My Therapist Ghosted Me in The National Comedy Awards 2021, for Best Comedy Podcast! Visit the website and VOTE here: http://www.thenationalcomedyawards.com/For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com

Just before we get cracking on this week's episode, we just wanted to let you know that My Therapist Goes To Me has been nominated for the Best Comedy Podcast at the National Comedy Awards 2021. We'd like to win it, but we'd also like to get shortlisted, which means we need you to vote for us. We never ask you for anything. Do we ask them for stuff? Not really. Just their life stories and all their secrets. So we're going to put a link in the footnotes. Are they footnotes, Jo? What are they? You know my dream has always been to be claimed as British. Please help me make it happen. The voting will open on Monday the 11th of October at 2 o'clock

and will close on Thursday the 4th of November at 23.59 specifically. And then if we get shortlisted, we get to go to the roundhouse. And it's like a fancy, is it a fancy thing, I wonder? Anyway, who cares? We'd love to get shortlisted. Here's this week's podcast. Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. It's the podcast that works on the basis of bringing stories from our colourful, vibrant lives and communicating them onto a beautiful audio canvas for generations to marvel at until mankind's inevitable demise. Well done, Joanne, that was good. In today's episode, we have Vokes finally hit the vino, fake boyfriends and turbo tampons. I've two things to say to you, Joanne, right?

Yeah. It's five past seven. At night time. This is not my prime time. And I had to have a coffee at five, which means I won't be able to sleep tonight. I'm going to blame you. I know, this is basically like you doing an all-nighter,

really, isn't it? I know, I actually feel sick at night. And then I drove in and I was like, I was so tired I couldn't find a parking space. So I parked on a single yellow line and I was hoping for the best because I read the rules and it said,

it said something that sounded to me like I could park there. Yeah, you're rich and reckless. Live your life. Screw you, Westminster! Well, I'm obviously in bits as always,

but particularly bad today. I went back. You're not that bad. I only got a light coating of sweat on your face. I went, I did a corona test on always, but particularly bad today. You're not that bad. You only got a light coating of sweat on your face. I did a corona test on the floor of Gatwick Airport. I had to do a lateral flow on the ground of Gatwick Airport. This is what I mean about having a camera follow you at all times. Like, I need that to happen somehow.

It was really bad. I was gagging in the middle of Gatwick Airport and still trying to give myself a lateral flow. But I don't have corona. I don't understand. Do you know when you drink two days in a row, that's why you feel like absolute garbage? But it didn't feel like a hangover.

It felt like an illness. You know what I mean? It felt like I was going to end up in an ICU bed. Do you ever be so hungover, though, that you're like, fuck, I wish even if I could just get a little bit knocked down so I could get picked up by an ambulance and let out again when I'm not hung over I was put on a drip once oh divine

yeah I had to go to hospital once as well yeah I went back for work and then also hooked up with my the mechanic again excuse me yeah so it's obviously I knew this but I haven't heard any of the details because I have to wait for the pod it's so annoying I'm like what about the mechanic she didn't answer me for two days. The one night stand has turned into... A three night stand. A three night stand. A three night lie down.

Oh my God, stunning. And you were just like literally hanging out the whole weekend. Yeah, he came up to the hotel, but I... He's sound, but I was giving him shit because... Firstly, I love a compliment. So I was trying to get a compliment no you don't I was trying to get a compliment out of him by giving him compliments

like he's a real normal guy which is what I like about him there's no showbiz bullshit but I was like we'll call him Dennis because I can't use his real name ah Dennis is a desperate name yeah it's good isn't it

and I was like oh Dennis like you've got a really nice voice and he was like oh thanks and I was like do you want

he's not going to say that about your voice come on you absolute bloke he kept doing an impression of. And he was like, oh, thanks. I was like, he's not going to say that about your voice. Come on, you absolute bloke. He kept doing an impression of my accent. He's like, no.

No. He was like, I was like, Dennis, you've got really nice eyes. And he was like, thanks. I was like,

Dennis, come on. Give me something. I gave him a throw. I was like, Dennis, you're ripped. And he's like,

yeah, thanks. I was like, fuck's sake, Dennis. Is he ripped? yeah he's ripped like how ripped? pretty ripped

do you have any pictures? no oh that's disappointing I mean I do but not with this consent I'm joking oh my god

I found this thing speaking of weird pictures long story I was asked to like do this documentary thing and hang on there's the best one

why are you looking at pictures like that that's my work laptop I can't find the best ones because they've obviously put a block oh there's my favourite one right

I was looking look at that look at that one there I have a dick in my eye and how's that Is that you? Someone has photoshopped my picture My face to all these

Oh my god No Is it not the funniest thing You've ever seen There's dicks coming out of my ears It's dick city coming out of my ears. It's dick city. Get it off my laptop.

Joe's going to be called in for a disciplinary hearing because he's watching porn in the office. Celebrity fakes, that is absolutely hilarious. I look like I'm having quite a nice time there, actually. And depending on the man, I might be interested. Oh my God, that is hilarious. Yeah, so that's what I found out so I was actually looking up egg porn

earlier because I was just thinking what do you mean egg porn well because I know that we spoke about eggs and we've kind of fallen out

we disagree about the hardness of an egg yolk we'll discuss eggs in a minute anyway it turns out then this thing came up as like egg porn

as in on porn hub it's like a category what were you doing on porn hub well I just searched egg porn my favourite site and I came out that's your search engine I was fucking always dipping my foot YouTube on Pornhub it's like a category what were you doing on Pornhub I just searched egg porn my favourite site

and I can't find out that's your search engine Vogue's fucking always dipping her toe into it love love to put a Pornhub em can you just get off

Pornhub for like five minutes please Vogue not on fucking Hove no way not on my free time em what do you think I should be doing

right now ten past seven this is Pornhub time sending yourself off. Little story. Pop, pop, pop. But, so your man, anyway, right? It's really sound.

So it was like a 48-hour date. Oh my God, he stayed the whole time? Yeah. I see you again. I'm sleeping beside someone I wouldn't be able to. Did you sleep? I thought it was really nice, yeah. I was like, I forgot what it was like to have a boyfriend.

I mean, he's a fake boyfriend, but it was a boyfriend. Anyway, he left the hotel at one stage to go and do a job. I got my period. Oh, God! I know! So anyway,

I'm in the hotels in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive. So I ring him. Poor Dennis. I'm like, Dennis. Send Dennis for Tampons. I was like,

I know this isn't where we are. This is a bit soon for us. It's not, I'm not like, but I've no option. You need to go to the shop and get me Tampax and saltpateen. And straight away he just goes, I'm on it.

Oh my God, I love Dennis. Sex is part of the whole two days. I know. How nice is Dennis? I know, he's saying. I'm surprised he came back after hearing you needed Tampax. He was just like,

tumbleweed, but I'm like, Dennis? So, then was just like, tumbleweed, but I'm like, Dennis? Um, so, then I, then he was like, he rang and he's like, I'm in the shop,

which tampons do you want? And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, light, regular. He even knew that? Super,

whatever. Oh, I don't want to be telling him about my flow. I know! I hope he said regular, even if it was heavy. I was like, I wanted to say, I want the turbo ones,

Dennis. Like, I want the ones they have to keep out the back. That you need to, like, rack to your roof. They're so big, like a pallet. That's what I actually need. But I can't ask him. I want one that looks like it would absorb the lippy. But I couldn't.

Absorb the lippy. So I was like, just a regular one, please, Dennis. Just cutesy cutesy. I was like, fuck it, I'll just use six of them. Yeah, you might have had to put a few up there. Yeah. Pack them in like a marshmallow. I know, I'll just use six of them. Yeah, you might have had to put a few up there. Yeah. Why are you saying from fucking nosebleeds?

I know, yeah. They do nothing for me. Yeah. Anyway, he was very sound. I love that. I love Dennis.

Yeah. Is he going to come over here? No. Why not? He gave me a compliment in the end. He's like, you've great teeth. It's like,

yeah. That's nice. C'est vrai. Teeth. Okay. I think that's a great compliment. That's what the first thing I look at in a great compliment that's the first thing I look at in a person

teeth really I used to fancy the pants off Tom Hardy and I saw his teeth oh I do like Tom no have you seen his teeth

have you seen his teeth no not great not great he gets around it though he gets around it because of Tim he's alright

but also so your man Dennis was like he's like he doesn't want a relationship I hate that bullshit line but I was like do you's like, he doesn't want a relationship. Ugh,

I hate that bullshit line. But I was like, do you know the ways, if he'd said to me, listen, I think we should make a go, but I'd be like, calm down, Dennis.

Like, I don't know you. But because he was like, I don't want a relationship, I was like, we'll see about that. Yeah, we'll see about that. Now what you need to do, I'm like, are you emotionally unavailable?

Bring it. This is the rule of what you have to do now. You need to get other people on the go. You don't need to be doing things with other people, but you need to be texting other people because otherwise all of your

brain cells will go towards Dennis and you'll frighten him away. Yeah, totally. Anyway, I was like, I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable men, but I'm also attached to men like a barnacle. So Dennis is like, I don't want to be in a relationship straight away. He's going to get you off of the rock. I was like, let's get this shit show on the road.

Let's just start this psychological shit show right now. Let's get it going. But He's going to get you off of the rock. I was like, let's get this shit show on the road. Let's just start this psychological shit show right now. Let's get it going. But you're on the carousel of dating now, so I think that you need to... I am.

Yeah. And I actually fancy him. Like, I've made some weird choices recently, but... You have made a few. I've made some strange... Oh God, very strange choices. Very strange choices.

I know. Jesus, if he's only new. I think it was... I think I'd corral now. Just lost my sense of taste. You had something. There was something not right with you. Yeah, there was a lot going on. Particularly he's only new. I think I'd corral now. Just lost my sense of taste. You had something. There was something not right with you. Yeah, there was a lot going on.

Particularly for one of them. So mean. Anyway, he's like, I don't want to be in a relationship. I was like, we'll see, babe. We'll see about that. See you next week, hon.

No, I mean that. You need to go start texting other people now. That's it. 100%. 100%. I don't think Dennis listens to this. Well, if he does, there will be a tumbleweed. It's not about you.

It's about someone else, okay? You're not Dennis. I'm an actual Dennis. Yeah, Dennis. What else? So that was your week. Yeah. Fucking riding.

I had a fake boyfriend. It was really nice. I was like, oh my God. He's a mechanic. I was like, do we have look at the wheels on my suitcase I was like I just need to get him to do things but nice to have

your own space now nice to have your own space again yeah I mean it was very full on but we were well able for it well Spencer's away

at the Marathon to Saab at the moment and I've had the whole bed to myself which has been absolutely wondrous and I didn't realise how much I actually

enjoyed it but I've had a visitor every single night Theodore every night I don't know why it started happening and only my brother

was telling me that like William gets into his bed every night and I was like okay why the hell is Theodore now getting into my bed every night

I feel like he's jinxed me who's William William is my nephew William is my nephew okay okay okay but Winston's in the bed too like the second Spencer goes

everyone else is in the bed I thought I was going to have the bed to myself she's been in there a couple of nights Theodore's so tiny though you wouldn't notice him you would think you wouldn't notice him it's the most insane

they're right on top of you he was snoring he's got a bit of a cold Theodore snores only when he has a cold got his hands all over your face and then like and then I get screamed at in the morning

because Gigi wakes up about quarter to seven so I get up to go and get her and then obviously I'm not there when he wakes up so I get like screamed at by him in the morning because I left the room there was a child on the plane today crying so intense like basically when I got to the airport I was like I don't want a space which has never happened to me before and I was like I'm obviously dying or I'm pregnant I was like fuck pregnant with your period I'm pregnant and I was like fuck pregnant with your period pregnant with my period

yeah that can happen Sonia from EastEnders she had a baby did that happen to Sonia I don't know yeah I'd love to be one of those girls

she just had one of those toilet babies I'd love to be one of those girls just popped out Sandy but so anyway I was on the plane and I had to have a space change

just to prove to myself that I wasn't dying or pregnant. But there was a child screaming the whole way. Like screaming, like it was being tortured. Oh no. Maybe it's ears. I look, but there's no point.

Like, I can't throw shade at the baby. You're throwing shade at the poor parents. I know. I just looked out of interest. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to stare the child down. But I was like, it's screaming. I know, that sometimes happens. It's so embarrassing. Oh my God. It's just, it's so

much to take in. And I was like four rows ahead of them, but I was like, the poor person beside them are like, what do they want from us? Oh my God, you just have to kind of give in and just like, I would have snacked them up. Any snack you want. Yeah, like Xanax. I know people who give their kid whiskey if they're cheating.

Like, no you don't. I do. Who? I don't rap them out. Stop saying rich people like me, you're rich.

Joanne keeps buying these, she's like, we thought the sandals were bad. You want to see the two sets of shoes she's come out with and every time now I say where did you get them

she said they're sold out everywhere they're sold out everywhere these are naked wolf these are like the bomb let me google naked wolf and I'll tell you if they're sold out Jo be honest

come on it's a lot of shoes I got them in a boutique how much how much guess 40 quid please

are you high what did you spend on them these are designer oh my god how much? Guess. 40 quid. Please. Are you high? What did you spend on them? These are designer. Oh my God. How much? More? You were absolutely robbed. Here are these naked wolf.

Oh my God. That's where you got your 240. That's where you got your weird boots as well. Yeah. Oh my God. Look at the weird

Joe they're the weird boots. They're amazing. Oh they're horrible. Oh my God, look at the weird... Jo, they're the weird boots. They're amazing. Oh, they're horrible. Oh my God. Shut up. They're stunning. The weird boots that are sold out. Yeah, I can buy a pair of her now if I want.

Well, Dennis says my clothes... 300 quid for the boots. Dennis says my clothes are groovy. He didn't say groovy. Yeah. He said you're groovy. Oh my God, Joanne, the shop. You call them space boots.

Come here to me. I was thinking about my life, right? Oh. And I had my birthday I was kind of hiding it from people because I just didn't want all that birthday shit

where everyone like reposts all their birthday messages drives me up the wall so I kind of ignored my birthday went for breakfast with Joanne though she took me for a lovely breakfast

and she had these hard boiled poached eggs where like it was just they were like little rocks of balls scrotums my favourite I love it everyone was disgusted by that by the way my perfect where like it was just they were like little rocks of balls scrotums yeah my favourite I loved

everyone was disgusted by that by the way my perfect my perfect egg is like a little golf ball like so I've sometimes I can't it's like

when I was in school I remember in biology we cut open a cow's eye and it was actually really hard to get in it was really rubbery and that's how I like my eggs

oh god that makes me feel sick. Yeah, like when I'm chatting, you know when people slice into egg port, all that jizzy shit that comes out. I love that.

It's nice. Your egg is all dry. Yeah, but why do you want to eat like yellow egg custard shit? Oh God, I love custard. Oh my God,

custard is one of my favourite things ever. No, but I'm saying the texture of it and all, I just think it's absolutely gross. Like I like them so hard

that it takes me a couple of goes to actually crack them open. Like, I literally need to like crack them open. I love it. I was thinking though about egg yolks.

Very controversial. People were very upset about that when I posted it. I know. People were kind of revolted by you and I agreed with them. Yeah, I know. I had some hate sent my way.

For sure. Yeah, absolutely disgusting. I did. Come here to me. I want to do two things this year okay I want to go to Bifo

Bifo September you're taking me to Bifo is it next September yeah oh yeah fine yeah let's go and then

and then I want to go to Glastonbury I think can you not do a gig there or something get me a ticket I think I did try before try again

harder yeah I want to go to Glastonbury but I want to have a nice time yeah I only want to go for two days I think because I'll before. Try again. Harder. Yeah. I want to go to Glastonbury, but I want to have a nice time. Yeah. I only want to go for two days, I think, because I'll ruin myself

on the first day, drag myself through the second day, and then I'll be ready to be carted home. I'm not doing seven days Glastonbury, Berg, real shit.

Not. Imagine. No. There must be some absolutely disgusting. like Kate Moss and stuff. I want to go where she goes. Yeah,

that's where I want to go. Okay, anyway. I read something. Oh, no. Remember that story we were talking about earlier? There was a story about this granny. I don't know if you heard it, Jo. This granny, and she's a granny, but she's like 46.

She's not actually a granny. And her fella at the time, they snuck into a water park, and they poured a little bit of water down the flumes, just a little bit. They went down the flumes, and by the time they got to the end, they realized that the flumes, just a little bit. They went down the flumes and by the time they got to the end, they realised that the flumes had been boarded up

and they ran into them with their legs, shattered their ankles and like were stuck there for hours until they were found. One of them was fainted from the pain being so bad. Did you hear that they were making so much noise

that one of their friends shut her window? Because they must have been away with friends or something. One of her friends shut the window. Oh my God have been away with friends or something one of her friends shut the window oh my god what's going on they were screaming and stuff

yeah I saw them on morning whatever morning Holly Phil thing the morning oh good morning Britain no good morning this is morning morning

this morning this morning British morning this is morning British morning this is what happens to me at night time Holly

Holly goes so they were on that sitting in their wheelchairs they're still in wheelchairs. And I know I shouldn't, but it was just such a fun, like it's just so funny that I thought it was a parody. I couldn't get over it. Oh my, I'd never get over that.

It's a real like, take a break magazine story. I've just, you don't really see them, I don't usually see people like that wheeled onto the morning show with Holly and Phil. Do you know what though? I did a travel show years ago and we went to Dubai and there's this water side and like, so basically you stand on it

and it opens beneath you and you just drop. And so I went down and like, obviously I've got a camera on my head, got stuck halfway down the water side.

Nobody came to get me. What? I was shitting myself waiting for whoever was coming next. I was like, oh my God, eventually I crawled back

to like there was a door hatch thing and I actually got to climb out of it got back to the top to tell them what had happened and they were like we're like

you're going to have to do it again because we didn't get it I was like I can't go back down there had to go back down I was like oh god but like I remember

I was terrified remember the Rainbow Rapids in D'Lyri loved them you won't know this they were kind of like they were a water park I don't know

it wasn't really a water park there was two slides two slides yeah two slides we loved it one of them spat you out into the sea did one of them go

into the sea but that place was carnage like there was like on the last property there was like fingers up there and stuff like kids toes

and stuff like it was the 80s it was a waters. It was a water slide. Like nails popping out everywhere and all that. Yeah. Oh it really was horrific. Do you know what though? What's it called? I was there Center Parks. Oh yeah.

They have amazing water slides. I have to say there's a lot to be said about Center Parks. Why do you? Very up your street as well. I don't want to get water boarded on the weekend. Like why would I go to a water park? It's horrible. You think you're going to drown and then you get spat out. No I quite like to get waterboarded on the weekend. Like, why would I go to a waterpark? It's horrible. You think you're going to drown and then you get spat out. No, I quite like an old water slide,

I have to say. You queue for ages. Everyone's got Verrucas. Oh, no. I used to have so many Verrucas when I was younger. Did you wear those white shoes? Of course I did.

Everyone wore the, remember the white shoes with the plastic socks? I was constantly getting Verrucas scraped off. Oh, my God. Stop. And warts.

Yeah. Do you know if you have warts, right? If you've got warts on your hands when you're younger, you've got the wart virus inside your body. Genital warts. That means you have genital warts.

Well, you could get them. Oh my God, I was in Spain and this waiter had a wart and I was like, stop fucking touching my shit. Don't pass me that Coke. I don't have a wart, but I do have kind of a

growth on my leg at least she said leg I have a growth on my chest it's called a breast I have no growths on my chest sadly what is it the warts

when you get in your mouth the sex warts herpes herpes herpes what do you mean in your mouth they're cold sores all over your face

they're sex warts herpes are the ones on your finula genital herpes no don't read shit like that I hate reading stuff like that it's so disgusting

symptoms clear up and the rhombus can come back are you worried? no no although he did ask we have a mutual friend and he was like

I asked him about you and he goes what's she saying and he said you said you've got syphilis and he was like what? he's like and he goes what's she saying and he said you said you've got syphilis and he was like what he's like yeah

got syphilis like Van Gogh another thing I saw on the news that I thought you'd like there's a Halloween costume have you thought about dressing up for Halloween

I don't think I've ever dressed up for Halloween in my whole entire life except when I wanted to dress up as a slut I never dressed up as a slut so I was Voldemort

the last time I ever dressed up I know I had all this it was a do you know what I stayed up till five in the morning

and me and Spencer had to go in the shower and literally like rip our faces off because it was all this like prosthetics on our faces like I looked pretty

Voldemort-y Voldemort your man from Harry Potter with the no nose it's dangerous yeah and then I was the girl from The Exorcist

I looked let me see if I can find that for you. You'll be actually really surprised by that. Who did your prosthetic masks? I don't know, but this year, right? We just had those piece of shit plastic things

with a string around the back. I am desperate this year to dress up as the penguin, Danny DeVito. I just don't know if it's going to happen. It's a really hard one, isn't it? Where do you go?

Like, do you go to Halloween parties? No, I have nowhere to go. That's another thing. I've actually got nowhere to go. So if anyone's having a Halloween party, I will come. I will be the penguin. Have I ever dressed up as anything?

No, I did a sexy cat once or twice. You know, standard. Yeah. A sexy cat's a good one. So the reason I was saying that to you is because there's actually a Halloween costume called the Karen costume. I saw that.

Like it's going too far now, guys. It's going too far. I know. Also. I'm just glad it's not my name or your name. I know. I don't know any Karens.

I don't think I know a Karen. There was a, there's the poor Karens are kicking off because there's all this merch now about like slagging Karens off and stuff and they're,

they're kind of like getting a petition going to have it all taken back down. I do. I've said it before. I feel sorry for them. Like not every... I feel sorry for a Karen.

Not every white woman. Not an actual Karen but like a Karen name girl. Yeah, I know. But it is so funny, Jo. It's like the hair. It's like they're kind of like cropped up the back.

Yeah. You know, and the wraparound hideous sunglasses. Like Kim Kardashian circa like 1990. But also they're saying it's offensive and stuff. But like, come on, people dress up as serial killers for Halloween and stuff. People get in a lot of trouble for stuff.

Who dresses up with stuff? Remember Prince Harry was like... Hitler. Yeah. Or was it Hitler? Or Nazi. I actually spoke to a German person recently. And I'm not going to say who it is.

And they call themselves european because they don't want to call themselves german because they're associated with nazis really like i think it's quite fancy to call yourself european it's kind of like you and your modeling days you're trying to distance yourself from them yeah yeah yeah modeling days were you a model how would i describe it to you was i a model people i think you say you're a model, oh she was storming the catwalks in Milan. Well I'll tell you one thing, I was not storming the catwalks in Milan. I was doing wedding shows in the backyards of nowhere, violently, like Joanne levels of hungover with the dress hanging off me, sweat dripping down my face trying to get

down the runway and back showing off the wares of the wedding dress. There was always free cake there. Irish models are not, like, it's a different kind of, like, it's, they're more normal, really. You know, I modeled. Did you?

Yeah, as a kid. As a child model. A child model for what? I can't imagine you being a very calm child. Why do you have to be calm to be a model? I don't know.

I just think you need to be a bit more relaxed if you're going to be on set and stuff like that. Were you not wild? Oh, I was like 10. Oh, so you're to be a bit more relaxed if you're going to be on set and stuff like that. Were you not wild? Oh, I was like 10. Oh, so you're kind of a bit. So it was before I kind of developed.

And then... Did I not tell you this story? No. I used to do live at 3. Stop like a proper little model. Ah, God. And then, I basically just started developing and then, like, putting on weight and they had to sellotate me

into one of the dresses. Did I not tell you this? I had to walk backwards down the runway. No. I had to walk backwards because they couldn't turn around. Oh God.

Because they'd sellotate me in. Basically I got too fat and I couldn't model community dresses anymore. Oh no. I know, yeah. I'd say, did you like it?

I can't remember. I just remember there's a video floating around somewhere and your one's like, and the shoes are the model zone and there's a video floating around somewhere and your one's like and the shoes are the model zone and there's these

blue runners that I'm wearing. Actually, I must ask my mother where all that money is that I made modeling. I tell you what,

if you're a model in Ireland, there's not much money to be made. No. We used to go to TV3 and do the modelings in the morning

and like you'd be sitting there for hours for something like 60 quid or something. It looks like shit crack. Did you see it? It was kind of crack because you'd sit in the dressing room

with the girls all day so if you went and did the Brian Thomas shows you'd like sit in the dressing room for three hours and like you'd just be like kind of chatting the whole time going and doing the odd show

being back and that was grand did you see your one Emily Rockatoos Bradatowski yeah I know it's a cute Robin Thicke

of sexually molesting her I mean it's a bit gross. He's, there's something creepy about him though. Like, wasn't there,

wasn't there that picture of him like grabbing someone's arse and that's why his wife ended up breaking up and he's like, he's a creep. Yeah.

He's a creep there. I'm going to say it. And he even looks creepy. I hate the look of him. I don't like his vibe. Apparently he was drunk and he grabbed her breasts. Well,

like, you can't just go around, do you see me going around grabbing dicks when I've had a glass of wine like that time I did last week? Had a glass of wine. The girl who doesn't drink wine,

I tell you what, that is a nice drunk. And I wasn't there. I can't believe she did it without me. I might do another one next week. It was a nice feeling of drunk. We have a wine after this. No.

Why? I'm driving. I have my car. If my car has been towed, yes. Oh my God. Girls message me when they've broken up with their boyfriends now. That's quite nice.

Yeah. One of the messages says she's really upset. I'm like, it's useless ****. So the wine, you know the way that like people snag you about your wine,

the only white wine I knew to get was the one you get, the Castelo one. I was like, that must be nice to have drinks

and you know what, wasn't hung over the next day. I've been missing out now when I was drinking the wine, it was like,

it was like I was drinking vinegar and I had to shot it. So I wasn't sipping it. I was like, I'm trying I was drinking vinegar and I had to shot it. So I wasn't sipping it. I was like, I'm trying to take a big sip. Anyway, thanks for the wine introduction. I do. Well, I have complete, I can't keep talking about booze, but I've, me and Dennis poised, me and my new boyfriend, Dennis.

The 48 hour boyfriend, yes, yes. I can't wait. I just want to be in a relationship. Shit, I've nothing towards your wedding yet. Oh yeah. I mean, it went from leaving his house the a relationship shit I've nothing to watch your wedding yet oh yeah I mean it went from leaving his house the first time

I'd like never see him again to like oh I guess I'm moving to Wicklow I'm going to help him raise his kids 48 hours later I'm like oh well boom I'm in

I really hope he doesn't listen to the pod because then I'm going to have to like help her out because she'll feel sad I know because he said to me he was like

I listened to the pod where you were like he was like slagging the jaycloth slagging the jaycloth but he knew but he was like I was laughing

when you were saying he doesn't even have a live laugh love thing on his wall and he's like I'm going to get someone in to do a bit of work on the house. Oh no! That's so bad!

Why don't you buy him like a nice set of towels? Well actually when he came to the hotel I was like I've counted the towels here so if anything goes missing Janice That's Cass you buy him like a nice set of towels? Well, actually, when he came to the hotel, I was like, I've counted the towels here. So... If anything goes missing, Janice.

That's Cass. He basically lived with you for two days. That's so mad. I don't think I'd be able to do that. I'm like that, though. Like, I'm in or I'm out. You kind of are like that. Yeah. It's nice having a fake boyfriend. I'd forgotten. It's fun. It can be nice to do your own thing as well, to be honest.

I've been doing it. The fact that he was going to get tampons, I was like, that's the most romantic thing. That is quite nice, the way he just didn't even say it. I'm on it. That was it. That's kind. And he actually came back knowing that it was only going to be conversations.

That says a lot about you. That says a lot about you that says a lot about you he wasn't just there for the sex I'd say he was no he came back after the tampons

he did he came back after the tampons knowing there was a new obstacle in his way come here to me I was watching this thing

about the most popular crimes obviously because you're a thief and a robber I thought that you probably did all of these crimes but I bet you everyone else who was like sneering at us

when we were talking about our robbing days tend to pay for stuff these days. I know. It's just not worth the hassle. No, couldn't be bothered. I have a friend who steals a zero coffee

because she just refuses to pay for it. She thinks that the prices are immoral. Oh no, I never make anything. Well here, right, so I bet you loads of people do this stuff. Checking the box that says I've read the terms and conditions

without reading them. I am telling you now, the shit that I've signed, I couldn't tell you what it is. No, me neither. I put my name on everything and anything. And I click yes to all the cookies because I'm like,

just give me what I want. Yeah, I'm like, take my data, take my information. Here's access to my nudes. Yeah, just anything. I don't care. Riding your bike anywhere that isn't a cycle lane or road.

Yeah. Are you cycling? I got a bike. Sven's mom gave me a bike and I got a baby seat in the back to Theodore. Absolutely loves. He makes me do a lap at the park

and then I can drop him to nursery and he just sits in the back singing like he absolutely loves it but it's dangerous so I have to go like all these random roads so I'm not like on a busy road.

I do, sometimes I watch those kind of, you know those hipster parents and they have like a little wheelbarrow on the front of their bike

with their kids all dumped in it. I'm like, those kids are just out in the wheel, like on the road. I know. Not even a car door. Not even a seatbelt.

There's a dad in Banerjee Park who has one of those electric scooters. His little toddler stands on the front and he's got another who has one of those electric scooters his little toddler stands on the front and he's got another baby in one of those baby carriers

on the front of him and I'm like dude really bad anyway feeding the seagulls is a crime do you know they had to stop people feeding the seagulls

in Hoth because they got too fat well I knew that they were they'd been done for well I can't do a seagull but they're they're all up in court

in their little tuxes no that they they'd been they'd gotten really aggressive and they were swiping coming down

and swiping burgers out of people's hands they still do that yeah in Hoth very dangerous shat all over my front wall

as well I got a paint of this gorgeous you know that lick paint actually brought it over from London because it's the

nicest paint ever and I got a paint of this gorgeous grey colour shat all over my front wall that lick paint. I actually brought it over from London because it's the nicest paint ever. And I got it painted this gorgeous grey colour shat all over my front wall. There's just bird shit. Amber won't clean it off. I have to clean it off. I'm just going to repaint it.

I'm going to paint the shit. Taking off the do not remove sign from a mattress. Oh yeah, I guess it's like what they have on the crotch of knickers. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gross. Who tries on knickers? Do you try on knickers? No. No, on the crotch of knickers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gross. Who tries on knickers? Do you try on knickers? No. No, I do not try on knickers. I always like a much bigger size, though. In a pant. My poor English agent, Rick,

we must be doing some work with a knicker brand. Yeah, we are. He was like, mate, it's a really weird question, but like, what size knicker do you take? I was like, oh, poor Rick. Do you know what? They are comfy knickers are they

yeah they actually are very comfy I have a pair well I actually have four pairs I got them about two years ago so they're absolutely

battered but I just can't let them go so many knickers like that and I have so many fancy knickers but they never

see the light of day it's just like you want to see my knickers I'm wearing today they're hideous I've actually got an iceberg knickers

on today well we know why wasted on your period are got an iceberg knickers on today. Well, we know why. Wasted on your period. Are you crazy? I know. Period knickers. Saying you didn't use a bag. I bet you do this.

Saying you didn't use a bag in the supermarket self-service checkout when you did. No, but you know what, right? I knew it. Look, I know you did. Didn't you?

As someone who doesn't have a child and is not contributing to climate change as much as you are, I don't think I should fucking pay for plastic bags. Okay, so you're stealing bags. As an unfertilized are, I don't think I should fucking pay for plastic bags. Okay, so you're stealing bags. As an unfertilized woman,

I don't think I should have to pay the plastic bag levy and I don't think I should have to throw my batteries out in a special bin. I think I should be able to do whatever I want. What do you mean we throw batteries in a special bin? We throw batteries in a special bin. What bin? The battery bin. Where's the battery bin?

They're all in the supermarkets and all. You're not supposed to just throw batteries out. Oh God. You just need to get rid of them in a certain way. Every day is a learning day. As I say, someone who is unfertilized and has not contributed a carbon footprint

like you have Vogue, which are four by four and you're 28 kids. I don't think I should have to pay for those things. I knew that you would steal bags. You're a thief and a robber. I will fly guilt free. I'm trying to think what you do to the environment. Sometimes if I don't want to recycle,

I'm like, fuck it. Fuck it, I'm not doing it. I hate non-recyclers. They drive me up the walls. Another thing that I saw in the news, sorry, we have a lot of topic options today. I have schooldlesbrough is that the Middlesbrough accent Middlesborough I don't know okay we'll say

it's that uh they've asked parents not to arrive in jammies and I saw all these pictures of these parents to be fair they were in these really cozy dressing gowns just like wandering around the school but like I'm trying to think I've been loads of places in my jammies I'm lucky in that I sleep in tracksuits

so it's very much a day to night to day to night look that I can literally just get up and walk out of the house and I look grand I love a jammy

I have like 50 pairs of pajamas no you've no jammies no not a pajama I do think however you should be allowed

to wear your pajamas like the girls in town in Dublin who wear their pajamas out and about they'd have date like they have outdoor jammies and indoor jammies

but why would you not they're not it's just like they're not like rolling out of bed and then walking out and living their life now in fairness

I spend a lot of my time in jammies because like at night if I go home if I hadn't been dragged down at this ungodly hour I would I'd be in my jammies and I feel like sometimes I hadn't been dragged down at this ungodly hour I would I'd be in my jammies

and I feel like sometimes I put my jammies on about five o'clock and I just stay in my jammies yeah you see I work nights so that's not really an option for me yeah you can't be in your jammies no

that's why you sleep in your jammies there was something else I wanted to talk to you about oh there was an interview that I did for the Irish Indow I've actually had to I don't know why

the picture editor I think he's trolling me like I saw it did you see the state of it for the Irish Indow I've actually had to I don't know why the picture editor I think he's trolling me like did you see the state of it? It was horrific. It's really mean when they do something like that and there's nothing you can do.

I don't know why he's doing it to me. Like he was given professional headshots from Sky it's to promote the George R.R. Cain Sky show and instead he went into

whatever fucking cupboard they have of old pictures. I wouldn't even put it on my Bebo. I wouldn't put it on Facebook. I remember the day it was taken. It was six years ago. I had no makeup on.

I look like I'm going bald. And I actually rang, I actually rang Chloe, one of my friends who works in there. And I was like, what have I done to upset this man? Like, what have I done? I'm willing to talk to him

if he wants to go to some therapy so that I don't have to lose sleep at night wondering what he's going to do to me next. You can't. You've got, do you know how much

shit crops up with me and I'm like, stop doing that. It was the front page of the Irish Indo. Like, I thought sex sells, not trolls. Trolls don't sell.

You look like a gargoyle. Do not put me looking when I look well. They don't want to do that. It's funnier when you look awful. I think it's, I was like, he's heckling me. There's something going on. put me looking when I look well. They don't want to do that. It's funnier when you look awful. I think it's, I was like, he's heckling me.

There's something going on. I don't know what it is. I don't think he likes you. No, he doesn't like me. This is the second time he's done it to me. Everyone's like, no, it's grand.

It's fine. It wasn't great. It wasn't great. It was awful. It wasn't great at all. Really bad, yeah. I don't know why he did it. It was him.

He's the same lad you put up that photo of me and Nadia Ford saying, gal pals when I haven't seen her in seven years. With your weird

like little gilet. Yeah, when I dropped in to collect invitations. And she looks like a housewife of Beverly Hill. She did look pretty amazing. Yeah. So I don't know what this

I've done to upset this man but if he's listening I am willing to talk it through. Talk it through. Stop doing it to her. I can't live in fear like this anymore. Like are you literally

going off? Are you going? What are you? It's like he's going into my Facebook account and taking photos. People still put up like pictures of me

with my head and the giant burger and stuff like that so I don't have any pity for you. Like I have really ugly pictures that go up and I'm pretty sure that when like

Well no they're just a bit embarrassing but you always look hot. I did not look hot. I looked like this was shocking. I don't understand why you did it to me. It's cruel. It's a hate crime.

Stop it, Indo. Stop it, the Irish Indo. Well, that is it for this week. Remember, if you'd like to send us an email, you're more than welcome to. Just send it to hello at mtgmpod.com Bye.