Nerd Poker - Episode 13 - Kord's Judgement
Episode Date: May 9, 2018Having dealt with enough nonsense at the Mage College of Gostel, our heroes ascend the mage tower with an elder wizard and one of Gostel's most pretentious students in the hopes of uncovering whatever... plot brought evil to this once super chill and pipeweed-friendly campus. Yet things may only get more screwy as they ascend.
Transcript
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Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd.
I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time.
I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room.
With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs.
So meet my friends...
Sarah
Kev
Dan
Lee
Now it's time for another episode of Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker Season 2.
What's up, guys?
Um, I'm just starring in this.
In what episode?
Episode 13.
What was that episode?
No, just a regular episode, but you didn't say what the show was called.
Brian Hussain's Nerdvoker.
Right on.
What?
Sleepy time.
It's always sunny in Philadelphia.
What's Blake talking about?
No idea.
We say all the time.
All the time.
Thanks, buddy.
Don't flip the mic over.
Flip the mic.
And today I'm Velociraptor.
Oh, you are?
Yeah.
Nice.
All right, well, I'll let you get back to that.
And don't forget to drop by the dentist.
He's actually doing the...
I know.
Don't turn your back on him.
Terrifying.
Velociraptor.
I love you, buddy.
So, hi, everybody.
He just waved Velociraptor style.
I'm going to turn my phone off.
I am Kenneth Emerson.
That was Brian.
No, I lost my fucking wedding ring today,
and I didn't even tell Melanie.
What?
But somebody just found it for me. Oh, thank goodness. It wedding ring today and I didn't even tell Melanie, but somebody just found
it for me. Oh, thank goodness. It was at work.
It was in wardrobe.
I put it left in a pocket.
I once
used to run a
stand-up show. Remember the Beat Kitchen, Brian?
You perform there a few times now. I used to run
a comedy show there every Tuesday
and I once lost my
wedding ring and it went under the stage.
And like the stage doesn't have like things you can take apart.
Like,
it's not like there's,
they stored lights under it or anything.
Right.
Bing,
bing,
bing,
bing.
Oh yeah.
And it was,
and it was like under where no one had gone before.
And I lost my mind.
I was like,
I don't know what buildings pretty run down,
man. It's so old. And just like like it's got just years and years of like like minor threat beer spills yes for sure
so uh so like i told the guy uh gomez who runs it i was like look i'm so i don't know what to do if
you just see it some if some band stomps hard enough that it comes like spit out and uh that
dude and this is why i'll always love the bee kitchen brought in a crew and took apart the
stage to go get my wedding ring the next day how did you get off your hand and under the state like
what happened i lost a bunch of weight i lost like 50 pounds and i'm also twitchy so and victoria
hates that i do this.
I just slide up and down.
Yeah, twist it up, yeah.
Just go all, just like,
I've had it fly off before when I had lost,
but luckily I gained weight back.
Thanks, Uber Eats.
And hi, new fans.
Oh, yeah, we didn't introduce everybody.
Hey, before we introduce everybody,
let me tell a story about me when I lost my
butt plug at the Holocaust Museum.
Oh my god.
What?
That's how Blaine relieves stress.
I was just using the bathroom.
I had to buy something at the gift shop,
but they wouldn't let me use the bathroom.
Can I please?
Sarah, Ken, Dan, Blaine.
We never did that part. Hey, hi.
We never did that part.
Hi, everybody.
I haven't done the mailbag in a while.
We got quite a few things in the P.O. box in the last couple of months.
So I thought I'd fire through them.
And then also some might be from people handing me money at live shows.
But I have a stack of stuff to get through quickly.
I won't read everything.
This is from the mystical realm of Austin, Texas.
This guy's been a fan for a while.
He and I have talked before.
He runs a morning show.
The guy's name is Alex D.
He did these perler beads of all of us.
That's pretty much me.
That's cool.
That's fantastic.
And then, of course.
That's me, probably.
I think that's the more famous. Isn't that an actual D&D?
It looks like the Tomb of Annihilation guy, right?
Yeah, but I do think that might be Tom DiReto.
And then, who's that?
Is that...
Stephen King?
No, he's done all the...
It's a wizard hat.
But he's...
I think he did almost all of us.
Is that...
That's Bodhi for sure.
That's probably Bodhi.
It might be Tweed.
Is that Tweed?
I think that's Tweed.
Blue-faced wizard hat.
Some elves, yeah.
These are cool.
Esmeralda. That's probably
Esmeralda.
Who's this
little,
that looks
like that
might be
Tweety.
Is that
me?
Do I look
like that?
Anyway,
they're cool.
Is that
your gago
guy?
Is that
Jared?
I don't
think so.
It's a frog relox guy. What's that? It's a Frogger box guy.
What's Chaotic Good?
Oh, they're a company that we've done work with, right?
I don't remember.
Oh.
Well.
It's a good alignment.
I got a check that I can't even cash for $6.66 from Chaotic Good.
It's a nerd poker.
Let's see.
It's a nerd poker.
Let's see.
Dear Brian and or
that's not how you spell Blaine.
Blaze wanted to give you this at the
annual McCafferty Christmas
party but got too drunk to make it out of my
house. Love you anyway. What?
I don't even know.
I think this is from your wife. This is Nug Nug.
We're in a little home.
This is from your wife. This is Nug Nug. We're in the Bahamas. He's drinking with the red eyes. This is from some cash I got from Two Nerd Poker from Pat Hagar.
Thrundlethump and Ben Karras is a Hufflepuff.
That's some cash from them.
Sounds like you're having an allergic reaction.
Where was that?
Oh, that must have been while I was in Connecticut.
That was a while ago.
Oh, my God.
What's it say?
Be more kisses?
I thought it said bionic nougat.
Or eight more kisses or three more.
Be more kisses.
Thirteen more kisses.
Thirteen more kisses.
I heart note.
Nerd poker.
Melissa.
Long live attorneyternia porn.
Right?
Yeah, more like
Jerkle.
It was embarrassing
that I knew what that meant.
To Bodie, Tom, and Twee
from the...
One in the pink war,
two in the stink war.
No, it's two in the pink war,
one in the stink war.
Let Brian finish.
This is 50 bucks in cash
from to Bodie Tom and Twee
from the fellowship of
Fugerville
Seeloo
Opal
Iwani
Mitanya or Hitana
and Impavius
Impavitus Goldfrap
Goldfrap.
Oh, of the Hampton goldfraps.
Keep us laughing, NP.
That's very nice. Thank you very much.
Dear Nerd Poker Guys, and hopefully Sarah, Gazzardo soon.
Wow, it paid off. I'm here now.
Very nice. And then they wrote
Trace some dicks.
Will do. Sincerely, Jeff Eichner.
P.S. Blaine Kpatch is still my celebrity boyfriend.
Aww.
Don't tell my celebrity wife.
She'll celebrity kill me.
Got a $10 bill with some elf ears drawn on our friend here.
And it says, monies to nerd poker
see Monty and the
obliterators yay D&D
hi friends hi Brian
and a Martha Mon we trust
and then at the bottom it says spaghetti
there's a tattoo person in Winnipeg
Carly Montgomery
thanks Carly Montgomery. Thanks, Carly.
Oh, yeah, she did this drawing of me, I think.
That's the same person, I believe.
Their Twitter is at Product Ghoul.
That's great.
Producty Ghoul is how it's spelled out.
But, yeah, isn't that great?
That's awesome.
Pretty nice pencil drawing of my goofy-ass face.
Very, very cool.
Oh, I thought it was Santa Claus.
He's kind of friendlier than me.
There is a Santa Claus thing happening.
Yeah.
If you kill Santa Claus, you become Santa Claus.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tim Allen made a million dollars off of that.
Just a million.
And also, if you kill Jungle 2 Jungle,
you become Jungle 2 Jungle 2.
That's it, actually.
So thanks, you guys.
Thank you.
I'll be quicker about the next
stuff that comes through the PO box.
Yeah, please. Thanks.
Those Perler bead things, we should take a picture of them.
I'm going to go grab my camera.
Yeah, they're really neat.
Thanks. Thanks, you guys. I would like to thank some patrons too
if you don't mind
I didn't mean it like that
yeah we should thank your fucking
patrons
hurry the fuck up Dan let's get to it
I got your patrons right here
thank you perpscrup
really appreciate it perpscrup get that at Bath and Body Works I got your page right here. Thank you, PerpScrub.
Really appreciate it, PerpScrub.
Get that at Bath Body Works.
Thank you, Erskine James.
Yep.
Thank you.
I agree with that name.
Great, terrific.
Thank you, Alan Manerick.
Terrific.
Thank you, Brittany Goldsmith.
Of course. Brittany Goldsmith. Of course.
Thanks, Brittany.
Thank you, At The Real Skeletor's Dick.
Okay.
That's different from regular Skeletor's Dick.
Somebody's squatting.
Wait, though.
Could Skeletor's Dick sue him?
Oh, my God.
That's a great point.
That's his birth name.
Now there's going to be a bunch of, like. Skeletor's dick you know and like the real
Skeletor's dick
he just makes it up all day long
underscore underscore Skeletor's underscore
thank you steamy rave on
thank you steamy rave on
I think that might be part of the joke.
Thank you, The Ghosted.
The Ghost what?
Really?
I can't wait.
It surprised me.
I didn't read it beforehand.
What?
No.
It's that good?
There's no way that this can live up to whatever's happening in the damn right now.
It got me.
Oh, okay.
Can I read it?
No.
Do you want to?
Sure.
Okay, I'm going to highlight it.
Ready?
And you've got to dive in.
There's got to be...
I'm going to actually...
Like I'm doing that character Stefan.
And I'm going to type it.
I'm going to type it on just a text that is filed by...
Oh my God, you guys.
This is going to be like the lost work of Shakespeare.
This Thanksgiving, if you're in Manhattan, the club to check out is...
All right, ready?
Thank this Patreon, please, Brian.
HP Fridays
Shut up
Now that's
The Ghost and Mr. Dickon
It wasn't even that great
Well it couldn't be
After all that build up
But I couldn't say it out loud
That's pretty good
I didn't even hear it
The Ghost and Mr. Dickon
Do you get the original reference?
Okay
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken
But it's really a blame
It's a Don Knotts movie for 78 years ago
Is that you?
That's a Dana Gold guest sent in
It's a 50 year old movie
I would have gone with Mr. Limpet
If I was doing a Dick Don Knotts joke
Exactly
A Dick Don Knotts joke you mean?
Yeah
Also thank you for whom the dice roll
And thank you
Abandoned as a child
At Fashion Bug
Is that Patton?
Who knows Fashion Bug?
Fabric, Joe and Fabric
Fashion Bug's an East Coast thing, right?
Maybe, I had one near me
You were Midwest
Yeah, exactly, I was Chicago
There's a Fashion Bug that's been going around
Makes my ass look huge
But did you have Fashion Bug?
Yeah
Because I heard Patton use the reference,
and I had never heard of it growing up.
Yeah, it's back east.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, they don't have a distribution thing.
It's kind of the way that there's not a Waffle House out west.
Did you guys have Sinclair Gas?
I didn't have that.
I didn't see it until I saw it.
No, I don't think we do.
We do now.
Right.
Okay.
With the dinosaur.
What happened in episode 12?
It was like so long ago
I know, it was many eons ago
You guys took a little
A little trip into the woods
To try and find Dessa
A half-elf student at
The Gospel Mage College
And it turns out she has been dabbling
In some drow darkness
She has
Like that sex cult with the small girl chick.
From last episode.
Small girl.
Yeah, that's a real weird TV show not to get right.
You guys are heading back from the woods,
back to the mage tower.
You met a quaggoth named Heglish.
He's a very, very old hermit guy.
He didn't look too quag.
Cut.
So as you guys head back,
you start to talk more about what you're doing back at the mage tower.
You've already sort of secured the bottom 15 floors,
but you know near the top is a book that talks about
why the drow cave was sealed off in the woods,
the one that Dessa was exploring with some drow. Whereas you thought maybe D was sealed off in the woods the one that dessa was exploring with some
drow and uh whereas you thought maybe dessa was out in the woods uh now you find out she was out
in the woods a while ago now she might be in the mage tower with some drow elves trying to get the
cloak out of the thing correct so um master magnus the um most senior senior mage professor,
left after there was a bit of a reckoning,
is walking you guys from the woods back to campus.
And you reach the clearing of Gostal.
Is there a way for you to turn off the defenses on that tower, please?
He's like, wow, I really don't know if we want to do that.
I don't know if I could, at least not fast.
It's really designed to take a long time to break down the fences.
Was he going to go with us?
You can charm us.
Can't you charm us?
He says yes.
Five of us, six if you count that gross-looking fairy in your backpack,
can go up the tower and explore but
we have to keep some of the magic
in place. He's like
if we just start dispelling
everything, first of all it'll take a while, second of all
that tree that
started growing inside the mage tower
could explode open the whole mage tower.
He just meant so we can get up to the
different levels.
And the concern with the tree is that it's going to could explode open the whole mage tower. No, he just meant so we can get up to the different levels. Yeah, he's like, yeah, let's...
And the concern with the tree is that it's going to...
Like, any kind of attack on it is going to make it spread or something?
He says, my concern with the tree is you'll notice
when you go up the various floors, it's mostly meditation rooms.
There's, like, a sauna.
There's libraries.
But that used to be a meditation room.
There used to just be kneeling cushions and books,
and a small sort of Feywild ecosystem appears to be growing in there.
I mean, there's a tree.
He's like, I don't know how the roots are seeded,
but it looks like there's dirt in that room.
It looks like that pollen is some sort of magic dust.
It looks like Jesus Christ Sam, our engineer,
again dropping stuff.
We did the last episode too.
I interfere on!
He said, I don't know how
all that got in the tower.
I'm concerned that Archmaid's Sermanic
has either been
a series of illusions for a couple of days
or that Dessa
was slowly getting
indoctrinated by these drow and has just been like bringing in different magic spells and artifacts
and outsiders and hiding them away in the upper floors and we could all be in deep shit um he's
like but yeah dessa's a teenager she's in way over her head i'm concerned about her, but I'm pissed because she got people killed.
This is a big deal.
Okay, so let's head up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And as you get there, it's still night.
It's going to be morning soon.
Hey, what happened to our cook?
So she set up a little tent and she slept out there Hey, what happened to our cook?
So she set up a little tent and she slept out there and nobody thought to go get her.
So you notice that there's a little tent set up by where all your horses are tied off.
And you're like, oh, Typha's in there.
Okay, good.
She's fine.
Did you want to bring Typha up?
Master Magnus kind of notices you guys look over there and goes i mean i'm not opposed to bringing more people um i don't i don't know if you have anyone sure
i'll go she wanted some adventure okay i can go grab her i just was thinking about eggs because
it was almost morning so that's what made me think about her to be honest but i was actually gonna
uh i can go grab her and maybe she uh yeah yeah Yeah. Okay. So you head over there and Typha says,
Oh, hi.
Yeah.
I'll go up with you.
Can I fight?
Yeah, hopefully.
She shows you she's still got the dagger strapped to her.
Cool.
She goes, I slept with this because things seem dangerous.
And so, yeah, she's ready to go.
Master Magnus flags over one of the older students
that's kind of running around,
and he says, you know,
this guy Piotr is a really good mage.
He's young, but I don't want to take
any of the other instructors away from what they're doing,
keeping everything safe,
so I say we bring Piotr up here with us.
Piotr and Odessa?
Where's Piotr from?
Odessa? Oh, Odessa. Who's peter from odessa who's the dessa dessa dessa yes yes just oh what were you saying nothing okay uh if it's jokes i want to hear the jokes but i'm also going
to miss the jokes because i'm doing exposition which everyone's no no move on i hear singing
in the background too it. It's Rhodes.
Okay, cool.
What's he singing?
The Jurassic Park theme song.
Is it?
Yeah.
I can hear it.
That's not his lyrics?
We made some up.
Oh, did you really?
Yeah, we actually did.
We did.
Do you want to share?
No.
Are you sure?
No, it's the obvious stuff.
There are a lot of dinosaurs.
Yeah.
There are dinosaurs.
Don't get out of the truck.
That was one of them.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't get out of the truck is great.
Don't get in front of the lines.
He and I did it one day.
Okay.
And Master Magnus says, we could get Okendoink.
No.
No, we need him to be able to soothe the students with his dulcet. My manager. We can get Oakendoink. No. We need him to be able to soothe the students
with his dulcet.
You're like my manager.
We can get Oakendoink for you.
Oakendoink will open for you.
He'll fly himself up to Portland.
I think Doink is already in Portland.
Okay, you guys head up the tower.
So you go into the first floor
and there's sort of a receiving room
that you recognize.
You got stuck there a lot when you were getting to run around
and sending Zerus up never to be seen again.
And you're reminded that two students are still either dead
or hostages up there somewhere.
Zerus and Rodney.
Rodney.
It's not funny, Dan.
Master.
Piotr.
Master. Piotr... Master.
Piotr goes up to you, Bodhi,
and he goes,
I cast a charm on you.
You can go up to the top floors now.
Well, la-di-da.
Do you have to be weird about it?
He's like, that's how high-ranking I am here.
Okay.
And then Master Magnus steps over and says
he's so proud because he can only do that
on one person per day
so he's making sure someone noticed
he used his spell
and Piotr kind of like shakes his head
and he's like look I just
want him to know that I'm trustworthy
I choo choo choo's you
and he just comes across like a
super embarrassingly proud college freshman.
So Master Magnus goes around to the rest of you and casts the charm spells on you.
Nice.
And he kind of rolls his eyes and goes over to Bodhi's satchel
and kind of like waves his hand where you know that Gago is passed out.
You realize he actually is casting a separate spell for him.
That's hilarious.
Gago, what do you say?
And yeah, you start heading up.
You notice on the second floor,
there are students still cleaning up the carnage.
There's a lot of blood and bodies up there.
And Master Magnus actually stops and says,
I wouldn't mind kind of learning
some of what these guys have found here.
This, you know, three corpses of invaders in particular,
as much as I'd like to mourn my friends.
And so he pulls one of the students aside and no,
no, no, like interesting things in the pockets of the drow and the Lunar Elf.
Yeah, cool.
We didn't even...
The Lunar Elf kind of exploded.
Yeah, we probably should have.
Yeah.
I feel like we usually check people's...
Usually you do, but this was a little rushed.
I mean, you guys were in pretty thick combat.
I got a little sphere, a little glass sphere.
That was, I believe, the first guy that you killed
that you threw out the window tied to a chair, right?
Yeah.
You got that off of?
Oh, yeah.
Ho, ho, ho, now we have a machine gun.
He does, however, say, you know,
one thing I noticed that's interesting was one of the fighters was male.
Mage was a woman.
Or not, it was a fighter was a male.
Assassin was a woman.
And the priestess was a woman.
But I got the impression from talking to Haglish, the Quaggoth in the woods, that he was talking to two drow women named paris tree and viesta and it sounds
like only maybe the assassin was a woman drow so there's at least one other so there's yeah
he's like not two exactly so yeah so he said based on and you've also uh fought two drow
upstairs in the flaming curtain room with the dazzling lights.
They were both male.
And there was a lunar elf you threw out of the top.
So he says, minimum, there is one drow female unaccounted for in this sort of invading force.
Right, okay.
He's not sure which it is, but he's already like, you might have killed one, you might not have,
but we should be very careful because it sounds like they're,
you know, that drow's either in the woods stalking us right now
or she's in the mage tower waiting for us.
All right.
So you guys keep heading up.
You get past a couple of the floors you recognize
where just everything was scorched and being cleaned up. is there a way to be sort of stealthy about uh hitting each floor or uh
master magnus has taken the lead and he's kind of indicating you guys should stay like 10 stairs
behind okay cool um but he also he says like you know just so you guys know until we get to the
15th floor i'm not that concerned. There's been students and professors.
Right, and we've already been this.
We've scaled it ourselves, or I did.
Only myself and the two other masters that you fought with
in Archmage Sermanic's office have the enchantments available
to let us into the top 15 floors.
It's myself, Master Tetch, and Master
Gendi.
Nobody has been up to the top 15.
Master Tetch literally
casts some protections to make sure that
nobody without a certain spell could come
down. So even if there's hostages up
there, they can't come down. They're trapped
on the top.
So he gets you guys to the 15th floor
and says now i don't know what we're gonna see around every corner we've been going up this sort
of spiral stair hallway that goes on the outer rim of the mage tower is there any way uh our
flying elf can uh ahead of us.
Yeah, he says, you know...
Is there a way he can fly
outside or in the inside of the tunnel?
You're still a bard, so I mean,
I understand you might need your
DOS loot to fly.
I would be
very careful. He's like,
I would admire you if you wanted to fly outside the tower
and I can cast those charms on you so that would be possible but you might be
a bit of a sitting duck out there in the open
air is there an advantage to going
up the outside as opposed to oh no I was just
having him I
I was looking for any way for him to
see if he every 25%
of the way around the tower
every quarter way around the tower the stairs
have a window
so all he would really be able to do is peek in the window in the stairwell.
And he says that could prove useful, but it could also prove boring and also prove deadly.
That's not worth it.
He's like, there's three ways this can go.
Useful, boring, or deadly.
Never mind, let's keep going.
Game show.
Fuck, marry, kill.
Never mind, let's keep going.
Fuck, marry, kill.
But he does really quick,
as he senses everybody is less keen on the idea,
he says, but do you want to do it?
No, no.
Okay.
I'm of more use dying in here with my friends. Yeah.
Forget I said it.
He says, so, what I'm going to do is
I'm going to cast an aura of protection on everybody,
and we're just going to cross our fingers that we can get up to where this book is.
This book is on the 28th floor.
So it's going to be a bit of walking.
And he's like, I don't recommend we stop on any of the floors.
No matter what we hear, no matter what we think we see, we try to continue all the way up.
I have to open this door.
And he looks at you and says, I sense some irony from you, Tom Noreto.
Were you about to say something in his voice?
Because I would not want to stop that.
No, no.
Go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
About what?
Well, he looks at you and he says but you might hear something
what do you think you would do
if you heard a woman's voice
in danger on the other side of the door
oh
like a letty
I might think it was my baby
my poor darling lady
is it letty or netty
I mean exposition wise that's a huge
the real one's Letty
so you're Nettie
he says
there's no way she's in this tower
but you might hear
a trick
so I shouldn't believe it
he said minimum there's a drow
on the loose maximum
as far as I know you know Dessa could have sn's a drow on the loose. Maximum, as far as I know,
you know, Dessa could have snuck 50 drow up here.
Is there somewhere we can steal our brains against illusion?
Okay, I just charge up the stairs.
Oh.
Okay.
Okay.
Time is of the essence.
Okay.
Time is of the essence.
Really quickly, I want to let you know what he cast on you, though.
Oh, yeah. He's a real fancy-pantsy mage.
So he basically cast a paladin spell on you.
And so I'm going to do-do-do-do.
You get basically more hit points.
That's good.
Is this on all of us or just her?
Here, hang on.
What do you need? Pencil.
Thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
Dan, check this.
This is brought to you by Non-Diet Coke.
Alf, Alf, Alfredo.
Alfredo Coke.
So you'll get a bonus on charisma saving throws,
and I'll see you get an additional 10 hit points.
Do we know what the bonus is, or do we?
That's a surprise.
Okay, bonus.
Just mark it.
Bonus.
Mind you, and 10 hit points even over our hit point's a surprise. Okay. Bonus. Just mark it. Bonus. Mind you.
And 10 hit points even over our hit point maximum?
Yes. Cool.
He cast some fancy shit on you.
And you're rushing up. I'm going to go jump into a propeller
and see if it works. I gave him a double thumbs up and head up the stairs.
Okay. You passed him. Yeah. I'm going.
Okay. So
what do you guys do when you see her
rush past the mage?
Take a nap.
No, I follow.
I mean, the carpet's fluffy.
You follow her?
Okay, so he tries to hike up after you as quick as he can.
So I'm going to sort of describe all this directly to Esmeralda
as she is sort of getting the first visuals.
You notice none of the torches are lit.
So for like a floor a floor it seems real just
like it's bedtime at the top of the tower because the light is kind of filtering up
from behind you but as you make your sort of third turn around the tower and make it a full floor
you're like oh there's torches are missing like they're not there's not even like stuff on the walls
and um all you guys can see in darkness really well so it's not that strange but you do notice
you're using your dark vision you notice you know whereas on the floors there were almost
uniform torches on either side of windows they're they're missing like it's almost as if they were unbolted from the wall.
You make it up to the 22nd floor before anything odd happens at all.
I light a torch.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
You can see a little better.
And Piotr actually thanks you
because he realized that he wasn't doing well with the dark
and he hadn't cast any kind of dark.
Does anybody want one?
Piotr's like, can I have that?
Yeah, you can have one.
So he borrows that from you.
And when you get to the 22nd floor,
you hear you're going past this door on your right uh sarah and um it's still dark
there's the door seems just like a wooden door nothing special about it but you think you hear
a horse on the other side of it like whinnying and like trotting in a circle it's just eddie
van halen doing that thing i mean are we all agreed that we're not opening any of these
tempting doors or do we want to see what's going on? A horse.
Of course, of course.
It could be a portal.
It could be all kinds of cool stuff.
Or it could just be a horse.
Esmeralda.
Just Mr. Ed.
Oh, hello,
Esmeralda.
Door number three, a horse.
Yeah, sorry, the horse didn't do it.
Okay, you all hear the horse as you run by.
Bye, horse.
Piotr and Master Magnus do not seem distracted by the horse.
They keep going.
You get up to the 23rd floor.
Still dark, nothing strange.
You get up to the 24th floor.
Still dark, nothing strange.
25th floor, the door is missing,
and you see what looks like purple and black swirling
where there should be a door.
Scarab.
Okay, what are those ghosts?
As you kind of get up to it, do you do anything?
You're just in the lead, so.
Does it look familiar to me at all, as a spell or anything?
Yes, it looks like it's a portal.
Mmm. as a spell or anything? Yes. It looks like it's a portal. And Master Magnus catches up to you.
Do you slow down at all?
Anybody?
We're not going to step through it.
When Master Magnus catches up to you,
he says, that wasn't there before.
And he starts to run past you.
I throw a torch through it
an unlit torch
just to see what happens
it looks like it spins for like
five feet and then
it blinks out
should we go in there?
and then it hits
Tui in the head
I guess let's keep going with the book.
We can investigate this stuff later.
You get to the 26th floor.
You only get one.
I think the horse was guarding the book.
You only get one more floor up, and you hear through this door what sounds like a deep, guttural, humanoid voice on the other side of the door going,
They are great. No, it does not sound other side of the door going, They are great!
No, it does not sound like that.
It's a weird tiger.
I said I wanted breakfast.
Does it sound injured?
It sounds a little something like,
Should we remember that?
It's my mother-in-law.
Do you want to try to remember?
Yeah.
Great.
I like to roll to remember.
I like doing this because I have all this lore written,
and it just tells me how much I get to spill the beans.
Is that familiar sound?
That's what I'm asking.
He's figuring it out. Oh, God.
Bodhi, take the lead on a wisdom roll.
That's always interesting.
Oh, no.
You get a minus one.
What was that?
You don't even want to talk about it.
No, I just got a three.
Okay.
So it doesn't sound familiar, but it does sound intense.
Anybody else want to try?
Does it sound familiar to me?
Roll a wisdom check, please.
18.
Oh, 18?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, you passed the wisdom check.
You know it's not human.
You know it's not elf.
You know it's not a race you've met in person.
But something about it sounds almost demonic in nature.
Okay.
Would his thing ping under the door?
It might scare him.
It might show the door if it's good.
Yeah, I mean, you take it out and you don't see nothing.
Well, we're just going, right?
Yeah.
I think, isn't that what he told us to do?
Yeah, Master Vaginas does slow to a stop.
Oh.
And he listens for a minute and he says,
He does slow to a stop.
And he listens for a minute and he says,
yeah, that sounds like either a demon or a summoned creature.
I feel like we have left a safe place.
This is not what we should be experiencing.
That portal is new.
This sound is new.
Like something else is going on up here.
Demi. Why are you doing this to me?
He says, I want to,
but I kind of want to get this book and get out of here.
Where's the book?
28th floor.
You with me for two more floors?
Yeah, okay.
Socks, clocks, bagels, and locks.
Watch your step.
Misunderstood.
I thought this was the final floor.
Get to the 27th floor and you hear what sounds
like howling winds on the other side of the door.
Cute door.
Yeah. 28th floor.
Regular quiet door.
Check for
traps.
Check for traps.
Roll to check for traps.
Who does that normally?
Seven plus...
What is that? Perception?
I think it's perception, yeah.
And eighteen.
You discover
that there is some sort of
heavy, mechanical,
filthy trap right
on the doorknob. Filthy trap? It's dirty.
It looks like somebody... Shut it, Ken!
Shut your filthy trap! It looks like an extra large doorknob for a second dirty. It looks like somebody... Shut it, Ken. Shut your filthy trap.
It looks like an extra large doorknob for a second, but when you start to examine
it, you realize this looks like someone
dug it out of the forest.
Weird.
Can you disarm it?
Is it like a mushroom or something? You can try to disarm it.
Yeah.
I'm going to make you do a sleight of hand check
difficulty of 15. Okay. Nice sleight of hand check. Difficulty of 15.
Okay.
And if you get under a 10,
something fun's going to happen.
8 plus 7.
8 plus 8, 16.
Okay, so you managed to disarm it.
You guys notice as Tom goes up to this doorknob
and starts fiddling with it with his thief tools,
he pulls this thing and it starts to look like a muddy, rusty accordion
off of the doorknob.
It's like five feet long.
It's not a rusty doorknob.
Well, because...
No.
It looks like there is a compressed metal plate
that was buried into the door somehow,
and he's just pulling this huge thing out of it.
A deadly jack-in-the-box was going to pop out?
He set it carefully on the ground.
You're not sure.
Is the rusty accordion when you blow Weird Al?
Well, he's taking a shit.
I'll let you ask Weird Al that question.
I thought that was when you...
Who's still mad at me?
I thought that's when you blow Jim Belushi.
Oh, no, sorry.
That's the rusty accordion to Jim.
Wow.
See?
We're all terrible.
Master Magnus says, that is also new.
You'll notice there's no longer a doorknob.
Let me see if I can cast a couple of spells and pop this thing open.
I remobulated it.
He doesn't... Let me see if I can cast a couple of spells and pop this thing open. I remobulated it.
He doesn't do that great.
He's got some real nice bonus, but he's just like, shit.
So he actually puts his wand away and just walks up to it,
and he tries something with his bare hands.
Jesus. Still can't do it.
So he reaches in
just bare handed like right into
the empty thing.
And you see he kind of peeks through and he says you'll notice
there's magical darkness on the other side of this door.
Cool.
And he reaches into the mechanics of it and he's like
there's new spells on this door.
I might need some time here.
Okay.
There's spells that are keeping the door locked?
Is that what you're saying? Is there anybody else that can
help? Can I just try to kick it?
You sure
can.
I'm just going to try. Do we have any dispel
spells? First, I want to
see what Sarah does.
This will be a strength check, difficulty
18.
see what Sarah does.
This will be a strength check, difficulty 18.
No.
You thud right into it and no, nothing.
I don't think any of you have to
spell magic.
Piotr, don't you know a lot of cool spells?
Is there something you can do?
Yeah.
Not to interrupt everybody, but I would like to
try some things.
Okay.
So he takes out his wand, and nothing happens.
And he gets kind of flushed.
You see his ears turn bright red.
He goes, if you'll just master a step aside for a moment,
I want to try something.
He takes out his own thieves' tools,
and you notice they are very long and kind of claw-like.
And you're like, what the hell?
He pops it open.
Yeah, and Master Magnus says, that looks like it's more for this guy.
I don't think you're supposed to have that on canvas.
And he says,
they're just for practice.
And tries to blow it off.
The door, however, is not...
I give him a high five.
Yeah! She gets it.
He's a hobbyist.
But Piotr
reaches in and he pulls the door open
just an inch and he
kind of retreats.
And he puts his tools away
and he says,
I don't want to go in first.
Fair enough.
The door's open?
It's kind of like an employee party.
It's just a crack
and when you scare of the opening
you see that there are some
silhouettes.
What are the colors?
They're red.
Okay, red is undead.
Let's do this, guys. Come on.
Red, red, red undead.
Yeah. Let's go.
Let's make them dead.
You open the door, and in magical
darkness, you can't see
other than the scarab,
you see some red silhouettes
through the scarab.
There's just this wall of black.
So if you head in, you sink into this
black. I toss the torch.
You hear a...
Uh oh.
It's lit the whole thing on fire.
No, quite the opposite.
No, it sounds like the torch is... It gets the opposite. No, it sounds like the torches...
It gets blown out.
No, it sounds like it's thriving somewhere
and you can't see it because the darkness is magical.
Oh, shit.
You keeping the scarab out?
Yeah.
You see the red shapes walking towards you.
Okay.
That way, guys.
Aim your shit over there.
Okay.
Pyotr,
before Master Magnus can even do anything, banishes the darkness.
He manages to
get it out of there.
That's cool.
You guys...
You guys see
two familiar faces.
You see Zerus
and you see Rodney.
Rodney?
And they say, oh, thank God you're here.
You have to get us out of here.
But they're undead.
Please, you have to get us out of here.
You've got to tell us that they're undead, right?
Because you're the only one who knows this.
If I see a red aura around them, they're undead.
I know, but we don't know that, right?
No.
Oh, yeah, they're undead.
I'm telling you They just shake their heads
Please get us out of here
Okay we'll kill you to get you out of here
No no no they both kind of get scared
And they back away
Please don't kill us
I cast
I guess I'm dead
Fireball is always handy it's gonna sound dead uh
fireball's always handy
firebolt
protection from
evil
I lasso them both
with my rope
cause uh
that's good
it's
well it especially
affects
oh that's
it's got extra damage
down there
this is really embarrassing
oh fuck
nevermind
no I don't
it's a bonus episode.
Yeah, no, no.
I caught myself.
Nice.
Firebolt.
Yeah.
You're going to firebolt him?
Yeah.
All right.
God, I wish I had a necrotic rope.
That'd be nice.
Roll for damage.
Necrotic damage.
What is...
How is the mage reacting to them?
He's horrified.
He hears Tom say Undead, and he's like, I don't understand. That's not an illusion. That's them. He's horrified. He hears Tom say undead and he's
like, I don't understand.
That's not an illusion. That's them.
You're hitting one of them, right?
Yep. Rodney or
Zerus? Rodney.
So you
smack in Rodney and he's
on fire and he
hits his knees and starts crying out
Zerus
runs behind a bookshelf
alright
could your scarab
be
do I still see the red aura
look at us
sure I'll look at them
you notice everybody
has items on them that have different colors,
but none of them are red.
Gray.
Mostly gray.
Where is she?
She's behind a bookshelf?
She's behind a bookshelf?
He is behind a bookshelf.
Oh, there it is.
He says, I don't understand why you're attacking us.
I pushed the bookshelf over
where's the book
well we want to find out where the book is
strength check difficulty 5
wait that might be an automatic success
hang on hang on
no it's not you can't botch
he did it
he cries out
as it just studs on top of him
and he's going to take some damage oh no David Foster Wallace He cries out as it just studs on top of him.
He's going to take some damage.
Oh no, David Foster Wallace!
Why did I have to be under David Foster Wallace?
Oh, hold.
Rodney dies.
While this happens, he crisps out.
Oh, Lord.
Zerus isn't in good shape. He's pinned under
this bookshelf. I go over to the Zerus thing and I'm like, we know you're not Zerus isn't in good shape. He's pinned under this bookshelf.
I go over to the Zerus thing and I'm like,
we know you're not Zerus.
What are you?
I swear I'm Zerus.
Zerus, what happened after you came up here?
I was kidnapped.
Someone hit me over the head and brought me up here.
But we've been unable to leave.
We can't see.
We've been blind.
It feels like there's some force that's been
holding us in this room.
I feel for a pulse.
You do not feel a pulse.
Where's the book?
Where's the book? I put him out of his misery.
Oh, sorry.
Do you resist
doing a specific putting out of misery?
We both said where's the book.
I began to swing and then he said, where's the book?
And I went, oh, and then I...
Zerus is like, I don't know what book you're talking about.
Master Magnus says, I think I know where the book is.
Great.
I can just go for it.
Zerus, you're dead.
Then finish.
But he says, yeah, have mercy on him, I think.
There's something very wrong about what's happening.
He's already dead.
So what are you doing first
as a group? What are your choices?
Find the book.
We're killing Zaras together as a group.
Master Magnus is like, we gotta go to the back.
Just come with me. It's behind a gate.
But it's not a big room.
We're near the top of the tower so the rooms
are a little larger up here but it's
just around this corner.
Are you doing anything with Zerus,
wounded Zerus pinned under the bookshelf?
We all killed him together, like, right around the Orient Express.
Spoiler.
I haven't seen it.
Yeah, it's only 75 years old.
Did you say you were going to ask him a question first?
Oh, where's the book?
I mean, you don't need to know where the book is. Yeah, he didn't know. No, he wasn't hiding the book? You don't need to know where the book is.
He didn't know.
No.
He wasn't hiding the book.
He was just coming towards you when you came in the room.
Yeah.
You're going to kill him?
Yeah, I don't care.
Okay.
It's not hard.
All right.
That was fun.
What are you going to do?
How are you going to do it?
Suffocate him with my hands.
Oh, my God.
It actually wouldn't work.
If he's undead, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you try and you realize he's not.
But you know what?
Here.
Do a perception check.
All right.
Yes, a million.
29.
As you put your hand over his mouth if even for a second even if
this is something ken as soon as he said it was like my character wouldn't do this you like you
start to do it he notices he's not breathing and you feel this moment of empathy with him
where you realize he's just realizing now that he's not breathing. So I'll leave him alone. Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't know.
I mean, he's kind of suffering if he's undead.
So it's like...
Can we ask the mage what he thinks we should do?
The mage is kind of around the corner now.
You can kind of jog over.
He was already asking.
He felt pity for him.
Do you want me to put you out of your misery?
He says, no, no, I want to get out of this tower.
I can't leave this room.
I don't know what's wrong.
Who turned you undead?
I don't know.
I got hit over the back of the head, and I woke up in here,
and I couldn't see anything.
And I found the door, but I couldn't open it,
and I couldn't get out.
Maybe somebody could re-dead him.
Leave him here for now, and we'll go about our business.
Does anybody have a god they can pray to about it?
I know he does.
Yes.
Yeah, I ask Kord. what do you ask cord uh to uh to re-undead this guy
or to fix this guy all right so you don't have a religion check. 17.
18.
I do have a religion.
I have one right now. Oh, that's right.
You got a bonus after you met your god on the battlefield.
So that's what you needed.
So roll 100, and that's how good Kord's response is going to be.
Come on, Kord.
Kord.
Kord. Kord. is going to be. Come on, cord. Cord, cord.
Oops.
Let me roll that one again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is a special roll.
Do it right.
Oh, shit.
97 from 24 was the first roll.
All right.
So, Bodhi, you close your eyes.
Because it didn't go in the tower.
And the second you close your eyes,
you feel this ringing in your head,
and it's almost as if you can see Kord
standing on the battlefield of Amina once again
with the dead mind flayer vampire on the ground.
And you hear his voice say,
Hey, what's going on my brother
what's up cord you want help with this thing yeah brother could you uh hook us up
there's something far more evil than this creature strapped to your back
have mercy on the weak, brother. Have mercy.
And that's it.
Okay.
Gogo?
Gago?
Gago, yeah.
Well, we know Gago,
but so have mercy on this undead guy?
Don't kill him.
I don't know, but that's what I'm saying.
I don't know what mercy is.
If we leave him undead
or if we, you know, kill him. Think about the way he I'm saying. I don't know what mercy is, if we leave him undead or if we kill him.
Think about the way he led with that.
I think Bodhi would recognize he said there's something more evil strapped to your back.
He's talking like priorities, too.
He's talking like... Right.
Oh, yeah.
So Bodhi, yeah.
He's like, if you kept Gago alive, you should keep this guy alive.
Yeah, you would infer that.
Okay, gotcha.
With a 97 roll, you would for sure.
Yes.
All right.
So that's what I tell everybody.
Alright, we'll see you
later. You just lay here. Kord's a good dude.
You wouldn't steer me wrong. Zerus is
basically, you broke his leg
by shoving a bookshelf on top
of him. So
Piotr goes over and kind of like drags him
out and you guys
all notice he's not bleeding much from that leg.
That's clearly broken open.
And,
uh,
Zaris is just sobbing and just inconsolable.
And yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
The book.
Um,
meanwhile,
um,
your friend,
master Magnus waves at you,
Bodie and says,
uh,
come take a look at this.
Okay.
You go around the corner, and you see there's a shelf that's designed for drow.
You see there's like silver drawings of spiders on the spines of the books and a lot of drow markings that you guys recognize.
There's like that weird sort of underdark chicken scratch that looks kind of like elvish, but it's long, thin lines.
And you remember
that you were looking at draw books a second ago,
but then you feel like you're facing
the opposite direction.
And Master Magnus says,
no, this is something a little weird
when you try to look at the draw books.
Yeah.
It literally turns you around.
That spell was not here
before. So what do we do?
I gotta take a minute.
Alright.
Where are you, Blaine?
Well, where am I?
What are the rest of you guys doing?
I'll call everybody else into the room.
There's a spell
on the bookcase.
Try looking at it. With my skirt? Well, bookcase uh try looking at it with my skirt well no just try
looking at it at all try looking at the book the only way you guys can even try to lay eyes on this
book is to go through a sort of it's almost like um uh chain link fence but it's like it's a metal
gate you guys have to pry open you walk around around this bookshelf, like around the corner. It's almost like the adult section in a bookstore where you have to go around
a corner and,
uh,
book store and a video VHS store,
of course,
not a book,
but yeah,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go,
you go, you underground books. They used to have them in Chicago. I got all my cherries. In Chicago comics and it would just be like brightly displayed
right in the middle of the room.
But anyway,
as soon as you guys
go around the room
and you kind of
turn to the right,
you realize you're
facing the way out again.
All right.
Does anybody have a mirror?
I have one in my box here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Piotr says,
I have a mirror.
All right. And Master master magnus says that's
the second time you've had a thief tool what is going on and peter is like oh shit but at any rate
both of them thank you for the idea yeah because um i'll let them look at it yeah master magnus
takes it immediately holds it up and says okay now i see the book I'm able to look at the shelf long enough and see it.
And he goes and he gets it.
He just pulls it right off the shelf.
He's like, that is...
That's some serious experience points for Ken.
Good idea.
It is.
Well, and both these fuckers got a lot of experience points this game.
What for what?
Huh?
Well, him for calling out to his god and having mercy for that kid.
Do I get points for suggesting that someone call out to their god?
Sure.
Thank you.
Blaine, you want to fish for some experience points?
How about a couple of points for me feeling bad about killing that kid?
I meant points taken away.
Tweed, do an insight check.
Difficulty 10.
In-seam?
Insight.
I was going to say...
One.
You do some soul searching
in an effort to kind of pull yourself...
Pull yourself out of your funk
and you see the abyss staring back at you.
With Ed Harris? at any rate um what's that third act marianne mestraniano master magnus says uh
he looks at you guys and says that spell i've never seen that spell before but it was like a
child spell it was like it was like a silly spin-you-around
kind of enchantment.
And he says... Like an
okie-fidokie spell, whatever his name was?
Uh, no.
He goes,
Okendoink? Okendoink, yeah. What are you saying
about Okendoink? How could you?
He's a beloved
performer. But he's silly. He's a local
celebrity. I love how silly he is he says
i do have someone in mind can you guess who i'm thinking about dasha dashi
and that is exactly 3.5 experience points remembering that's like but no he goes yeah
yeah like uh i have a feeling you know um she's really wrapped up in this
and she helped hide
that whole drow section
not just that book
I think she's trying to keep people from the drow books
because they were in a rush
because they didn't want to just steal them all
because they wanted to do this all under our noses
and he thinks
that the sort of demon
noises and the portal and all that other stuff were some last ditch efforts that were put up while we were asleep.
Distractions, yeah.
Well, not distractions.
He's like, that could be a real demon in a real portal to a bad place.
But he's like, I think she's running around scared.
Good.
Casting spells.
Good.
Let's fucking shut her down.
He says, well, we've got the book
okay
so we can get
well
we should head back down right
he's like I think we should
rush out of here
however I have a hunch that
Dessa is on the top floor
oh
let's go to the top floor then uh can we look at the book
right now yeah so he turns it over in his hand and um it's got uh lulth the the sort of head
goddess of the drow is on the cover um and you notice um uh the the book says the the the bottom of the wolf
what cooking with lol wasn't zinzerina slain by wolf correct the spider god correct i'm just
looking at my notes guys yeah this book is called the bottom of the demon web thanks for keeping
notes it's written in simple Elvish.
It says The Bottom of the Demon Web.
And he says,
Master Magnus says,
in here, this is
sort of a
history of Loth's greatest crimes.
And the way
this book interprets it, Zinzerina
is the daughter of Loth.
And that is why she killed her it's like
a competitive thing like like to to keep zinzerina from becoming too powerful she was destroyed um
but it lists all the things lulz did to zinzerina from that point of view and so uh in here it says
what became of her cloak after she died um and he's like based on everything you
guys have told me it sounds like there's a strong chance zinzerina is alive uh that happens with
gods sometimes you you kill them but if enough people believe in them they begin to exist
perhaps not in a traditional way but it also sounds like it sounds like tinkerbell like tinkerbell yeah okay kind
of like tinkerbell or uh neil gaiman's american gods or like you know uh he says um or if you
don't believe in in children's stories she was banished and she was never dead and the reason
she was able to keep a cult is because she was banished to the moon she is
on the moon and she is speaking to these cultists somehow from the moon from and he points up and
says the motherfucking moon um and uh he says it's kind of embarrassing because, you know, wizards and mages don't really spend a lot of time thinking about the literal surface of the moon, but more its placement.
They think of it more as a passive presence.
And he's like, this is all kind of new to me.
But I feel like one thing I am concerned about is that cave and if there really is some sort of tying to the cloak.
But I'm also concerned for
dessa um if she's on one of the top floors i feel i should confront her at some point um
and he says he's yeah he says i'm fond of her um close he tells you though he says um
this might be a little uh risky uh but i want to tell you what i think we should do
a little risky but I want to tell you what I
think we should do. I think
you should all take the book out
of the tower and I should confront
her alone. I think if we go as a
group she'll be scared and
she might do something she regrets
but I might be able to talk her out of
doing something that she'll regret if I go alone.
And what do we do with the book?
Take it to Master Tetched
and Master Gendi.
They know what to do.
They're powerful.
They know what to do.
This College of Gostel means a lot to them,
and they'll understand why I wanted to talk to Odessa alone.
If one of you wants to come with me as backup,
I won't say no, but even you, Piotr,
I think you should all head out of the tower
because I think this could get ugly.
Let's go take the book to
the tetch and such.
Are we delivering this book to
somebody? Can I try to read him
to see if I feel like I buy his story?
Everybody do an insight check.
Yeah, because he asked about the girl.
He seems obsessed with this girl.
Yeah.
Tell me if you get over a 15 with your insight bonus.
I got 12, so.
13.
Six.
Fucking two.
Can I ask, can I nudge Typha?
So you passively don't get anything. Oh, Typha.
Typha, hey, Typha.
You know people really well.
This has been very interesting so far.
But I tell her, I'm like, you know people really well.
In your line of work, you really get people.
What do you think about this guy's plan?
She rolled a 19, and she gets a plus six to her insight rolls.
Wow.
She says, he's not telling us something. I also give her a plus six to her insight rolls. Wow. She says, he's not telling us something.
I also give her a plus six to her egg rolls.
They're delicious.
I want experience points by proxy here, too.
So she says that to you, but then she doesn't elaborate now.
I like you.
You like me, too.
Okay.
Really quick.
Brian,
do a medicine roll
difficulty five.
Oh,
the medicine rolls
are very easy.
The spicy medicine rolls
are fantastic.
We'll get to you next.
First,
what do you,
did any of you
with this information
do anything with it?
Well,
I'm just going to say
that I think that,
I think we should
get the book out of here,
but I do think we should
go up with you
to see Dessa.
So. He shakes his head and he's like,
I just don't want something bad to happen.
Well, lots of bad things have happened already,
so I think the train has left the station on that one a bit.
The what has left the what.
Does somebody want to run the book down?
Two of us?
We want to split up?
What do you want to do?
He says, I would not be opposed to that idea.
And then as soon as he says i would not be opposed to that idea and then as
soon as he says that uh you hear a buzzing noise and you hear uh a weird tinny voice above you say
what's up motherfuckers oh shit guess who woke up uh esmeralda weird gross pixie is now flying around. Hey, Gago. How you been? Little dives.
It's been a while.
Hey, pal.
You'll try to kill me, I'll die.
Yeah, that wasn't me this time.
You did pretty good.
This is a new friend.
But you got to start yelling out your name when you get close.
Just like screaming, Gago, Gago, Gago.
That's actually not a bad idea
try to be more distinct
it's weird how that very thing would get me not stabbed a bunch
you know what you should do is get one of those Buster Poindexter
haircuts where it's all like real
like a pompadour that goes two or three feet
up in the air
that way we can tell it was you from a distance
I don't know who Buster Poindexter is
due to the limitations of this realm
but it sounds real
I like the pompadour thing,
like motion you did
with your hand.
Maybe some nice
bicycle reflectors.
Again,
I don't know
what a bicycle is.
A reflector makes sense
logically,
but, you know,
the only reason
I know the word
motherfucker
is because I fuck
people's moms
because I'm an asshole.
I mean,
not that,
you know,
that's,
you know,
logistics.
Wait, you fuck people's mothers At their asshole
Well yes
Should we set him up
To accompany this guy
No
No
He's evil
Well yeah
But he's helped us before
Why don't we
I think we should split
I know it's not ideal
For gameplay
But I think maybe
We should split up
I think so too
For this
So
You know He just shakes his head it's not ideal for gameplay, but I think maybe we should split up. I think so too. Okay. For this. So, you know,
he just shakes his head,
Master Magnus,
and says,
you know,
I told you you could come with me.
I don't know why you're making
such a big production out of this.
I don't know why you don't,
you're making this whole,
why you're creating tension here.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what you're talking about.
No one's saying anything. Calm down. And you're whispering to your cook about me. I mean, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. No one's saying anything.
Calm down.
And you're whispering to your cook about me.
I mean, I don't know why you can't just ask me to my face.
I asked her if she had any eggs.
I'm really hungry.
I'm getting light up-y.
He's like, fine.
Someone take the book out of here.
It needs to move.
Who wants it?
I'll take it.
Okay.
I kind of want to go see Dessa personally
Yeah?
If that's okay but I'm fine to
I do too
Are you going to go down with Tom?
Or are you going to
Someone's got to protect the book also
And get it to Tetch
Piotr says he'll go down with you too
Okay
Who am I going with?
If we split evenly i'll go with tom
okay all right uh so uh you guys head down and um we'll we'll just pause the action for you guys uh
bodhi um and uh esmeralda and gago and uh i'm gonna say Typha wants to stick with you but
you all head up with Master Magnus
and at the top there's just this
the stairs end in a door
as opposed to all these landings that have been
off to your right and
the door's unlocked
he goes in there and
you see just sort of
sitting on the floor
shaking her head,
there is a teenage half-elf just shaking her head, just shaking her head.
And she jumps up, and she pulls out a wand, and that's where we'll pause.
Damn, that's Jesus.
Are you the key master?
Anything you want to plug?
No.
All right.
I'm this guy.
I do stuff.
Well, thanks for listening.
BrianFossain.com.
Check out our Patreon.
Fun bonuses lately.
They've been really fun.
Yeah.
People should check those out.
We had our first player death. Yeah, and then we've been... Oh, shit. Yeah. I won been really fun. People should check those out. We had our first player death.
Yeah, and then we've been... Oh, shit.
I won't say who.
Maybe a couple, actually.
The actual player
died during the game.
We've had some fun old friends
play, but we've got some new friends
coming up.
You've been teasing
some for a while. I can't wait to find out.
Anything else?
I'm doing a 5K for charity this weekend
where I have to eat five kilos of beef.
So come on down and watch me eat two kilos of beef
and then get taken to the hospital for charity.
Thanks for listening to episode 13, right?
See you next time bye
bye ciao
thanks for listening to another
episode of nerd poker you can follow
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Thanks for listening.