Nerd Poker - Episode 14 - Dessa and the Cloak

Episode Date: May 16, 2018

Our intrepid protagonists have misfit wizard student Dessa cornered at the top of the tower, while some of the party tries to rush the valuable Drow history book "The Bottom of the Demonweb" out the front door. On the bright side they're not known for showing mercy. On the downside, people start screaming pretty quickly. Sorry there's no Blaine this episode or next, we had to schedule last second and he's apparently a popular comedian.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Sam

Lee Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2 Hey everybody, it's Brian Poussaint and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Hi friends

We're down one, but we've got Sarah, Ken, Dan, and Blaine He looked at the empty seat and we all felt it. Yeah. Blaine thinks stand-up comedy is more important than you guys, so that's cool. Oh, yeah, let him know on Twitter that you don't agree.

No, it was just scheduling at the last minute. He's too sad to play because of the kid he killed the other... This is four months ago. He's over it he's so over that um what were you how about i thank some patreons yeah sure like what we normally do yeah or do you want to do you want to do what you're doing first and then we'll segue and i'll do this real quick uh got some cash from anchorage i was just in uh uh fairbanks and Anchorage, Alaska. Wow. It was May, or it's the end of April,

so it's not too bad. It wasn't crazy, crazy cold like I've been there before. The distance blows my mind because it's farther than New York, but in a direction I never go. It was far. It took me a while to get there and to get back, and they're like one hour behind, which is weird.

Right. That's like for us, the ocean. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. So $20 bill here to the wonderful Nerd Poker crew. And then I can't read what it says. It looks like he wrote Anchorage and then, oh, yeah, I guess that is Alaska. Anchorage, Alaska.

There we go. And it's Robert Nickel. Thanks, Robert. Thanks, Robert Nickel. Thank you. And thank you from Patreon, Richard Cesare. Thank you, Richard Cesare. I believe Rich Cesare.

Or Cesare. Could Cesare be it? Don't know. This guy was one of my, I think, Second City students like 10 years ago, so I feel like I should remember his last name, but I can't. How to pronounce it.

I remember you, though, Rich. He does a tattoo shop in, I think, Michigan. Random person to remember, but I remember you, Rich. Thank you, Butts Butts Tut. Butts Butts Tut. Don't know what that really means, but it sounds like, yeah. It works. Were you doing the Steve Martin King Tut song there for Butts Butts Tut?

Is that what that was? I thought it was more like Duck Duck Goose. How'd you get so far? Thank you, Emiliano Zapata. Thanks. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Brett Shade. Zapata.

Thanks, Brett. Thank you, Serafina Lux. Serafina Lux Serafina, thanks Thank you, WiffleDiffle69 And thank you Also beautiful Thank you, Merkin Von Sparrowqueef The most beautiful

I don't know if that's their real name No, it says They couldn't possibly pay for Patreon If they didn't put their legal name in You've got to match your credit card Merkin Von what? Merkin Von Sparrowqueef Some nice work there Merkin

They've subscribed for two months Thanks Merkin We appreciate All your Sparrowqueef money So We ended on a bit of a cliffhanger We appreciate it. Yeah. All your Sparrowqueef money. So we ended on a bit of a cliffhanger. You guys were trying to bust Dessa, a wayward student of the Mage College of Gostel. You went into two different directions.

So you guys are really trying to stop this whole giant moon crashing into the earth ritual that's slowly unfolding. You know there's an elven death cult behind the whole thing. Elven death cult. Yeah, I know. You felt the Blaine commercial that would happen in that moment.

Yeah, or just all the other bands I could have seen with elven death cult. So many. So you figured out there was supposed to be a seance. It was over for Amon Amarth. And Mastodon. But Amon Amarth is a band. Amarth Amarn is its player character.

Why do I know that? So the... Amon Amarth. I don't remember what I was saying. No, that's not true. So you guys kind of busted up this seance. Yeah. In the process, some teachers died.

But you've got one of the professors going up to the top of this mage tower with you. This 30-floor mage tower. And so some of you are up there some of you are not Tui and Tom you went with a couple of the students to just try to get a very special book out of there

The Bottom of the Demon Web a book about the crimes of Lulf the spider goddess of drowse because it's got some old-school artifact info in there, and you want to learn about this cloak of Zinzerina that is buried nearby. There's just so much going on. There is. And so you guys are kind of going down.

It's buried in stone, though, right? It's like deep inside stone. Deep inside a collapsed cave. But there's more info in the book and you're trying to kind of book out of the tower with the book book um the rest of you guys we froze time um and so for you two i'm going to start with your party since there's more of you. So I would like you both to roll a perception check, and I will kind of go from the bottom up on your two rolls, depending on how much you describe, because I have a list of things I can tell you.

Time is kind of slowing down. You both get kind of hit with an adrenaline rush as you see this student, this half-elf teenager pull a wand on both of you, and you see the instructor kind of put his hands up like everybody just relax. What do you both roll? 16. Ooh.

Five. Is that the perception? So eight. Okay. So, yeah, do you get a bonus with the 16? I don't, and I counted it, yeah. Okay. So, Bodhi, you just sort of noticed that, yeah,

the instructor is putting his hands up. He looks like he's not drawing a wand also. He's not going full Harry Potter, Order of the Phoenix on this lady. I thought we agreed no more Harry Potter references. No, this is D&D second edition. Harry Potter is a character from Dungeons & Dragons. You just didn't read that edition. How is there not a Harry Potter RPG?

There must be. Of course there must be. There has to be. I know I played a Harry Potter card. Please tell us what it's called, listeners. On Twitter, over and over again. Send us a link. Yeah, we for sure won't mute you immediately.

So you guys You notice that You notice the teacher is not trying to retaliate yet Be aggressive Be aggressive And you also Here, I'll give you sort of a layout of the room I'll let you see this map

It's very simple But, you know, you kind of came in She was sitting over here There's like a pile of chair cushions It looks like she may have fashioned into a bed. There's a turned over table. No. No.

Fucking idiot. Dan looks really offended. It's just confusing. I was just like, what is happening over here? I don't want to fill the gaps. It's college, Dan. Oh, that's true. But this is the top of the mage tower.

What did you call it? I didn't even hear your race oh it's because i said there's cushions on the floor i get what you're saying i'm familiar with patton oswalt's i tried to buy a home bit where he do you ever hear that bit yeah was there a conversation on one of his albums um him and michelle went to go like view a house to buy and the house they interrupted an orgy and so there was like air mattresses all over the floor and naked people running to go hide the whole time it was um or what did he say an enchanted forests of cock shaft and labias um yeah a fog of fuck fumes i believe is another phrase maybe it's an opium dead man but is not that. This looks like she has been crashing in an abandoned, or at least abandoned for a week or so, library.

So you guys see a mostly empty room with just furniture knocked over. Okay. And she was just sort of shaking her head, sitting on the ground. Here, I guess you can tell. Do we know who this is? It's Dessa. It's Dessa. Dessa is a half-elf student.

The sad goth kid that was hooking up with the other. She hangs out in the woods a lot. She doesn't like to hang out with the other kids. And you did also notice a couple of weird moments with Master Magnus, the instructor who was concerned about her. He seems to know her a little well. Yeah. And Typha succeeded in an inside check and said yeah he's lying about something magnus isn't

with us that's not yes he is the instructor who's with you there's two more instructors who are waiting outside the tower somewhere okay but um is it just the two of us so it's you two and a bunch of npcs okay cool so it's you two master magnus is the instructor next to you, Gagos flitting around, farting. And then you've got, I think I just said Typha. And that might be it. I think that's it. That's all I have listed. So time freezes and I haven't yet said what Es esmeralda sees i'm just doing one last check

and yeah peter's on the stairs um i forgot to say this in the last episode but um he's got zaris who's undead and really uh brutally beat up by you guys you dropped a bookshelf on him yeah uh slung over his shoulder he's kind of trying to drag him out of the tower to see what the hell is going on with him. Not back to you quite yet, Tom. Esmeralda, you also notice a couple of very specific things about this sort of showdown you're in the middle of. You notice the wand Dessa is holding is bright white, like bone white.

adessa is holding is um bright white like bone white and you also notice that um her skin is very pale and ashen almost like grayish uh and her hair is is also short and white oh like that um that lady that in the death cult in the bathroom that lady that in the death cult in the bathroom um no she doesn't look like a lunar elf oh but i thought wasn't that lady all white also yeah you shit i should make you do one more role because i feel like you're asking that if esmeralda would put something together do do an insight check difficulty 12 both of us or just no just her because she got high on the perception oh right gotcha uh 19 total yeah well here you go then uh you fit you put it together that when um master magnus told you she was a half elf he conveniently left out that she was half drow oh okay so you can tell that she's half human half drow. She's got sort of purplish eyes.

She's got white sort of, it's almost like patchy short hair. And you're like, oh, it's because normally drows and humans don't have kids. And she's got the short end of a genetic stick or something. Like she sticks out basically is the problem for her socially. So that might be why she's goth. So she wants to destroy the world. Yeah. Cool.

And so Master Magnus at this point says. What's name dessa i get it dessa he says uh uh put that down if that's what if that's the magic you've been using you need to stop it immediately that's way too powerful that that wand is not supposed to be held by anyone even the archmage put that on lockdown you got to put that down immediately and uh she says you all have to leave right now or i'll use it however i want it's not just this one that i have but i have new friends and they've taught me a spell i can do even if i've signed a pact saying I won't cast any spells. So she goes, I've got my wand, and I've got this spell, and I'll do whatever I want if you guys don't leave this tower right now. What do you guys want to do?

He doesn't say anything? Right, well, he's trying to just talk her down. Dessa, do you know what's going on here? Do you know that they're destroying the world who's they what are you talking about it's a very complicated backstory I'd say the people you're involved talking about all that she's like you don't understand I've spoken to Zins arena where is she you don't know zinzerina where is she standing here she's you guys have got it all wrong you have no idea what what you're talking

about what do you think that zinzerina wants to do zinzerina needs to be set free she's imprisoned unjustly all i'm trying to do is set her free um what happens when you set her free she'll be born again what happens? She'll be born again. She deserves to be born again. What happens to the world? That's not even at risk. All I'm trying to do is take someone who's imprisoned

and set her free. That's all I'm trying to do. And it's you guys who are unwilling to listen. I've tried to tell this guy, Master Magnus, over and over again that we need to call for an emergency. We need to bring in mages from other parts of the planet. We need to have councils, and he won't listen to any of it.

He just tells me I'm crazy. Where is she in relation to us? I look at Magnus. So she is this X, and you are all huddled around the doorway. Okay. So she's to your left a little bit. How far would I have to go to cross to get to her? It would take you like a turn of rushing.

Oh, really? That far? Pretty far. Well, I'm going to do that. All right. You're going to go for rushing her? Yeah. All right.

I just want to knock her out. I just want to knock her out. I just want to put her to sleep. I was going to hit her with the butt of my Herald of Kelmar just across the temple. All right. I think we got a roll for initiative, you guys. Okay. You guys. You too. 14 for me.

11. Writing this down. What if there was a commercial? But there's not. Now I gotta roll for Hey Blaine. Do a commercial for Blaine. What we need is a Blaine. Yeah, we need a Blaine.

The NPCs are rolling really low on initiative so we gotta have some fun. This absence of Blaine was brought to you by The Impist. Instead of comedy. The Improv. Every once in a while this absence of Blaine was brought to you by Stand Up Comedy. The Improv.

Every once in a while, they'll ask you to do a set. The Improv. All right, so it's going to be Bodhi, then Esmeralda, then Dessa, then the other NPCs, basically. So, Bodhi, what are you going to do? and the other NPCs, basically. So, Bodhi, what are you going to do? I just want to gently bunker on the top of her noggin and put her to sleep.

All right. That's going to be an athletics check. Difficulty 18. Okay. Oh, nope. That was close. Eight. Yeah, no, nine.

So half of it. She manages to just sort of, like, because it no, nine. So half of it. She manages to just sort of... Because you're not trying to do damage. You're trying to do a surgical pop. She manages to... Do I get a second to action, though? You sure do. You get a second attack

because you are what's called a level nine barbarian. All right, now I'm just going to straight up, because I'm there, I'm just going to give her because I'm there, I'm just gonna give her an old school sleeper hold. So you're gonna try to grab her feet. From behind, right? Yep. Alright, that'll be a strength

check, a difficulty 10. Yep. Alright, you've got her in a sleeper hold. Does she go to sleep? It's gonna take more than one turn to put most people to sleep. Well, I lift her off her feet. I've got that on my side.

Esmeralda, you're up. I mean, what am I meant to do? He's choking out this teenage girl across the room, just to be clear. Wait, I keep forgetting she's teenage, but she's also a powerful mage.

Yes. Sarah, because you rolled high on your perception, I'll throw you a couple of... She's wearing very simple student robes. The only item of power you notice is this sort of bone-white wand in her hand. I'm going to try to extract the wand, I guess. All right.

Tell me how that'll work for your character. What does extraction mean? Yeah, I was just looking to see if I have any way to make that. Take out a colander and run some water over it. I'm going to, no, I'm going to use my acrobatics. Oh, shit. To sort of parkour um over there and then um i mean you get over there without really having to do acrobatics i'm just trying to get the roll 20 roll 20 i was

trying to get the highest roll 20 i mean this is you know not non-combat eight i mean you kind of do like a little bit of a spin but but it seems unnecessary. Okay, well then, yeah, then I guess I'm just... So you're right in front of her and Bodhi now. Okay, I'm just saying to her as I guess she's losing consciousness, I'm just like... You wish she's losing consciousness. She just got put in a super hole that she'll take more than one turn. We understand. We don't want to hurt you, but you have some facts mistaken, and I yoink the wand.

Yoink. Interesting. Roll to you. First of all, exactly. There's two. You're going to do a yoink check. I'll say this will actually be your non-combat action. It's going to be your attempt to.

Are you being, how should I put this? You being nice or sassy? I'm being persuasive instead of intimidating so do a persuasion although i actually have difficulty of 20 oh were you gonna have the same difficulty whether i intimidated or yeah yeah it was a 20 regardless i'm just looking at your bonus that's silly because i feel like one would be more effective but okay because i should have intimidated no you can you want to intimidate you can do it no i want i want to persuade okay it's going to change the way she reacts if you succeed or fail.

I didn't mean to roll. Come on, you saw it fall on my head. You can do that again. I really genuinely didn't. Let it be known that I am a merciful dungeon master. Oh, well, I rolled one better, and that gave me a three. Okay. I mean, yeah, she's not interested.

But now you're going to try to do a yoink. So this is going to be a, I guess a sleight of hand check. A difficulty of, hmm. No, let's do, she's going to do a dexterity saving throw, I'm going to say. This yoink roll brought to you by Chili's We're worse than you remember Chili's That's a good one Did you write that?

Good work buddy Oh shit She botches You now have a wand in your hand Okay So You do that, and now Dessa is up. She waves her hand at Master Magnus. He does not make his saving throw, and he starts screaming,

and he falls to his knees. She must have scared him. No, she definitely cast a spell on him. Typha is up. Yes. Yes. She runs up and punches Dessa in the face

and she knocks out and so you've now got a limp teenager in your arms. Nice job, Typha. Little one-punch Typha. Master chef. It would have taken two rounds to get her to sleep or hold, and you realize pretty quick that you're glad that she's out, because whatever spell she casts on Master Magnus, he is not okay.

Like, he's like shaking his head now. He's like almost in the same position that Dessa was in when you came in the room, just like crying out in pain. Tom. Hi. You're running down the stairs. You get about three or four flights down. When you hear in the distance behind you someone screaming,

and you're pretty sure it's Master Magnus, there's a moment where you're like, who's that? That's not one of my friends. Oh, wait, it's that professor dude. And Piotr kind of hears it. He doesn't turn around. He hoists Zerus up a little bit and starts running down faster. He says

in as confident a voice as he can, head up there and help your friends. I got this. Go. He tries to just book it down faster. Tui says, hey, I'm going to go check out the

drow learning annex and do some light reading. BRB. He keeps following Piotr Hey, I'm going to go check out the Drow Learning Annex and do some light reading. BRB. And he keeps following Pyotr down. What do you want to do? All right, I'll go back to help my friends. Okay. The party is going to be successfully reunited shortly.

However, combat has ended. As you get up there, you sort of see the same thing. Master Magnus is just sort of crying out on his knees and everyone else is sort of standing around. Bodhi is holding an unconscious woman. Can we help him in any way? Again. What do you want?

How do you want to try to help? Ask him. Do a do a Should we bind her arms? What should we do? A persuasion difficulty of 18. I'll do that again. Your dice landed on a weird side. This is like the most re-rolls we've ever done in like 10 minutes.

I think I might still be good. There isn't... Magnus, is he unconscious? No, he's hysterical. There isn't Magnus is Is he unconscious? No There's nobody else He's hysterical Yeah but there's nobody else Kind of running things

Besides us No one else who like Works for the colleges Up here now Did I recognize the spell at all? No but it seems Really strange That somebody who had

As much poison confidence A second ago Seems to be having A panic attack Sure Hmm Well yeah I mean it's obviously a spell it's unclear it seems almost like he's just psychologically wracked okay i slap him in the

face awesome do a she used the wand to do it though she used used the wand? No, she just waved her hand. No, she just waved her hand after the wand. We'll call that a performance check. Difficulty of... She's trying to slap some sense into him. Performance check. Let's do intimidation. Let's do an intimidation check.

Difficulty of 10. 22. You slapped the fuck out of this guy. He quiets down. He gets very quiet. But he stays on his knees. He kind of lurches to the side,

catches himself and slowly... Get a hold of yourself, man. He says, she cast a really horrible spell on me. It's not just like a confusion spell or some sort of hysteria spell. I think part of me is missing. What?

This is Magnus? Yeah. He looks over at you and he says, take out your little toy and tell me what you see when you look at me. I'm looking. He's undead. Well, that's what happened to...

That's a shame. He said, do you remember back in the library when there was that weird sort of parlor trick where we couldn't see that one draw book we were looking for? It was like, you got turned around. Um, it feels like,

uh, a part of my consciousness is no longer here. And I don't know what happened exactly, but you know, do we know, do I, do I know that's what happened or he's telling you this? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay.

Well, it seems like... He seems like a smart guy who's... Does he not know that he's... He says, I guess... I think she cast Undead on you, dude. He's like, I don't really know how your little lens thing works. It's weird, but... It's showing that you're Undead.

If you're sure I guess but I don't feel motivated by an evil cause or anything I just feel really empty are you breathing? he stops and says if I breathe

I can speak but if I breathe, I can speak, but if I don't speak, I don't desire to breathe. How's your pulse? He says, you tell me. He holds his arm out. There's no pulse. No pulse.

What's this little brat doing to everybody? Wake her up. It's time to like... I don't want her to do that to us. I know, I know. You start to feel sort of the weight of this thing in one of your hands, Esmeralda, as you realize you've got this sort of...

Oh, right, I got the... This bone wand in one of your hands. The magic bone. Can I look at the wand with the scarab? Hmm? Can I look at the wand with the scarab? Hmm? Can I look at the wand with the scarab? Sure. It's sort of glittering.

It's got sort of like rainbow glitter around it, and you can't really pin it down. It looks like it's chock full of a lot of kind of magic. Oh, I don't... Yeah, I got rid of identify. That was when we had the big mix-up at the beginning. Okay, well, we're in a bit of a pickle. This has been a lot of fun.

Yeah, he says, he looks at the wand, and he was like, don't trust me with that wand, but maybe we should get it to an instructor. It's very powerful. Oh, that's right. So do you know what it does? Yeah. It's called the Ivory of the Beholder.

It's this really ancient fang from a really dead beholder from many eons ago, and it casts very powerful curses, and you do not want that to fall into the wrong hands. Well, I have this blue staff. Do you know what it does by any chance? He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Maybe it'll help you. It's a blue staff I got a long time ago,

and I never identified it. He looks at it and goes, I don't know how to identify magical artifacts that I haven't spent time studying, and I don't feel up to it right now. You don't have to be shitty about it. You can point it at me and see what happens, but honestly, I'm having sort of an identity crisis right now,

and this seems like a weird time to ask the NPC to go through your inventory. I was going to try to help too, but fuck it. I don't need to know what my amulet was. He's still sobbing, by the way. I'm definitely team Magnus here. You guys are way, this is deeply. Are you ticklish, Magnus?

What about this green potion? Perhaps I was once ticklish. I just don't know anymore. He looks at the potion and he's like, again, maybe if you had asked me when we were all resting back in the cabin. I could hit you with this amulet. What will that do if I just hit you in the face with it? All right.

You're the magic scholar. He says, we need to get out of this tower. We need to get me somewhere else. I need to be seen by priests. We needed to get to get out of this tower. We need to get me somewhere else. I need to be seen by priests. This is bad. We needed to get to the top of the tower. We came here to save Dessa, and now you're holding her unconscious body. Okay, cool.

All right, so let's go. Tie her up. Tie her up. If you look around, you do see there's, you know. I have hemp and rope, too. Yeah, well, I would just use that. Hemp and rope? Yeah, I would just use that. Hemp and rope? Yeah, I would just use

the rope you have on you because you'd have to basically tear up some upholstery otherwise. Okay, no. Alright, you're just going to sling her over your shoulder and hog tire and carry over my back, yeah. You get a couple of flights down and you see the door that looks

like a strange portal again. Yeah. You see the door where behind it you hear this sort of like weird demon howling. Should we just throw her in one of these? I want to. As you go by, Master Magnus says, I think she's been using that wand on these floors. I think that's what happened.

That's troubling yep um and as you head down he's like don't don't open those doors we need we need to send other professors whatsoever um but you were thinking about it so i needed to address all right so keep moving so yeah you get down and um some of the other instructors are at the base of the tower to meet you. Help this guy. Yeah, they take one look at him and go, oh no. Yeah, we just saw young Zerus, who Piotr brought down. And yeah, something terrible has been going on here.

We need to interrogate Dessa. Can you hand her over, please? Do we trust them? I mean, I think we need to be there. Yeah, okay. We have a lot of questions, too. Well, we want to see. Very well.

We'll take you to the instructor's quarters. It's a little ways into the woods, actually, so if you'll just carry her over this way. Why is it in the woods? Hmm? Why is it in the woods? Because it's more peaceful. Okay.

I don't like the woods. The person who tells you this is Master Tetch. You saw him get gravely wounded in one of the battles. Sorry, did he get the book? Yeah, he's actually holding the book. And he says, if you like on the walk, I can tell you a little of what I've found. Yeah, we like to learn stuff. Cool.

Well, why don't I straight up give you the page about Zinzarina. How does that sound? Zinzarina. This I made to look like it was a page in a book, but it is not from a book. I wrote all of this. It is not from a book. I wrote all of this. And it is the page about Lolth and Zinzerina in this book. You notice there's a lot of stuff in there that you kind of don't need to know. But Master Touch points to the top right corner of the page and says,

You'll notice the note about Gastel. One thing I found particularly interesting is it straight up says what's going on with this cloak. It might seem fairly simple. It might seem complicated, but the long and the short of it is, deep down under that rock, it is halfway between two planes.

They decided it was too dangerous to keep in any one place at any one time so it is halfway into the feywild halfway into reality and that's how it's buried deep under the rock i got it so they caved it in and um you know uh it looks like sheer rock but i think they caved it in fairly traditionally and just phased, phased it halfway into the Feywild. So I'm pretty sure if we can find a way into the Feywild, we can retrieve the cloak or we can destroy this book and wipe everyone's minds. I don't really know what to do yet,

but that's what's going on with this cloak right now. Um, as far as I can tell from flipping to this page. And the Archmage knew about it. Yes. He says the Archmage knew this, but the rest of us didn't know this. So us instructors are, you know, it's just, I've only told one other instructor.

I told Master Jendi, who's right now in the tower. You probably passed her on the way down. She's trying to figure out that strange tree that's blossoming in the middle of the tower on one of the landing floors. Okay. So what do you say we go talk to Dessa? Let's do it. If there's anything else you want to know about this book, feel free to ask me. I can try to put it into context for you.

Okay. book feel free to ask me I can try to put it into context for you okay so you head in there and once you get in there you see it almost looks like soldiers barracks in the woods and it's a fairly large building and when you get in there you see like there's suites for all the instructors they've all kind of just got these you know floors of their own in these two large turrets and the instructors barracks. And Master Tetch invites you up to his and says, let's try and get her somewhere comfortable. I should pat her down and make sure she doesn't have any other magical artifacts.

But we should all be very careful. And as you start heading up the stairs to his quarters, Master Magnus says, can someone actually get Piotr and have him keep eyes on me? I don't want to be there when Dessa wakes up. I don't want to be in the interrogation. I just want to be alone. Who says this? Master Magnus? Oh, okay.

How's he doing? Undead professor? Undead professor, yeah. He doesn't look great. He looks really distraught. He's got that sort of empty look in his face that Zerus had and Rodney when you just nuked Rodney. I believe you hit him with a firebolt

as soon as you saw he was undead. I make sure to let him know how awful he looks. He says, thanks, man. Definitely already felt awful, and it's great to have someone confirm it. Why is everyone being so mean to him? It's weird. I'm like, I'll try to zing him back, but these characters are... We're trying to help him, and he was

a dick about it. But you were helping him after he lost his, like, soul. You have, like, a plus two sword, and you were like, hey, could you just let me know what this does? Yeah, you quarterstaff. He was like, well, maybe I could use this quarterstaff.

And he was like, I don't know how to cast identify. I don't know how to tell you what this quarterstaff does. Fight, fight, fight. Anyway, he was unable to help you, and you can interpret that however you like. I give him a Xanax. Oh, great. I don't know how you came up with this

21st century pharmaceutical but thank you so much uh i don't know what plane you got this from but um uh what do you guys what do you guys do because he kind of stops the action up the tower to just sort of have his little uh his little crisis do you isn... He just wants to be with Piotr or somebody else? He wants Piotr to sit with him in his quarters, which is... You're about to pass his quarters, basically. Okay. That's fine with us.

Is Piotr okay with it? Piotr's not anywhere around. They have to go get a student to go find Piotr. But didn't Piotr bring him the book? So then he just left? Yeah, you just don't know where he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, all this happened in a very short period of time it's true so uh okay sorry no you need to come with us nobody is gonna

we're not gonna wait around to he goes all right fine fine fine so mean to him i feel bad so you all head up to uh master touch's quarters dragging this guy who feels very sorry for himself and um sorry dude and yeah um master touch sets her up on a couch makes sure she she's bound makes sure she's not hiding any other wands or or magic jewelry and casts a few spells to double check to make sure um and uh before he sort of wakes her up with a spell uh he's like um i'm still concerned about this this sort of soul robbing spell she cast i don't know what she needs to do to cast it so well she waved her hand so that's probably so her hands hands... Yeah, he was like, but you know, certain incantations, if you concentrate, you can replace a gesture with that. And I don't know where she got this spell. We haven't studied this.

She got it from the drow. Should we just kill her? He's like, uh... I'm just presenting it as an option. If we're scared of her. I'm not suggesting that. What are you suggesting? Just killing her.

So then we don't have to worry about what she's going to do to us. He says, well, she may have... I could do it. He does stop and consider it. He's definitely not the one. And when you say this, Master Magnus just sort of starts crying softly. And he says, you'll have to forgive Master Magnus. He's actually Dessa's uncle, so this whole thing kind of is very disturbing for him.

That's very weird. He says, I'll tell you what, maybe she just has a— She just made you undead, dude. Yeah, he was like, well, and she may have made him specifically undead because she bears a grudge against him. That's not cool. So maybe not kill her yet, but be ready. So, Magnus, though, who's her dad?

A drow? Your brother? A drow. Oh. Her dad was the drow? Her dad was a drow. He died a long time ago, but he was a deadbeat drow. Oh. Her dad was the drow? Her dad was a drow. He died a long time ago. But he was a deadbeat drow dad with a human woman.

And he sort of left this woman, my sister, to raise Dessa by herself. And my sister was not up for it. So she put her in the mage college. And Dessa didn't like the mage college because she doesn't like being in school or other people. And I've basically raised her, and she never liked me, and that's where we are. Problem child. Dessa's story brought to you by Chili's 2. If you want diarrhea while you're flying, Chili's 2.

That's an airport Chili's. Is that what I should say? I didn't ever notice. I've never been to Chili's in the airport, so I wasn't sure. It's just called Chili's 2, T-O-O. Oh, is it because it's smaller? Yeah. That's the idea?

It's like an addendum Chili's? Mm-hmm. Also, Chili's was too confusing. Sort of Chili's was what I would also Chili's yeah nearly Chili's almost Chili's so master touched is ready to wake us up how about you guys yeah I think we should we should I mean her hands or her arms are still bound right okay let's see what happens let's see if she starts spouting some gibberish let's you know go ahead and come behind her you're gonna okay so she's kind of sitting in a couch against

a wall I mean you can kind of pull it away from the wall and then I get by I post up so you're ready to do whatever it's gotta be done yeah whatever all right so master touch snap some fingers in almost like magical smelling salt. She kind of nods herself awake. She didn't say anything. She just looks at all you guys, waits for you to make the first move. Who's taking over?

What is your major malfunction? Why did you do this to your uncle, to your own blood? He's the only reason that I'm in this horrible place. I shouldn't have to deal with any of this. What do you want to deal with? I want just to let me go. I'll take care of myself. I hate this whole...

I know. What's the ultimate goal other than... To let Zin's arena be born again no but ours like what are we trying to stop the moon from crashing I know that I know that but I mean you have the foresight to know that's happening but a lot of these NPCs don't yeah no matter what you tell them it's gonna sound not only a little crazy but they're gonna resist if they've got their own agenda but what are we trying to get done here while we're here? The world doesn't work that way.

What are you trying to get done in your life, man? I mean, like, what's the ultimate goal? I can tell a lot of things. You're trying to stop another, basically. I've got to rewrite my book. When you were at the college of. Make my kid not hate me. Dude, all the parents at this table are going through that. But, you know, when you were at the college of Roke in tinette and that giant thing sprung up you were like well we have this list

of colleges that we got right now i know that's probably taking over you feel like you've at least delayed something here um and now you're you are kind of caught up in sort of this social drama of what happened to cause everything. We need to stop. There's still a ticking time bomb in the mage tower. Right. So like that little tree could erupt into this whole sort of tether that connects the planet to the moon and maybe. And why aren't we destroying that?

Cause that would be worse. The instructors warned you that if you destroy it, it might just explode. I'd like to, I'd like to ask this girl. There's a girl there trying to to trying to control it right now right there's a woman an instructor yeah master yeah yeah or gendy there no you're right uh i just wanted to ask what is your role in this what are you supposed to be doing to help zinzerina's rebirth or whatever. I'm trying to bring her closer to existence.

What are you doing exactly to make that happen? Why should I tell you? I slap her in the face. Sweet. Do an intimidation check. Difficulty 15. I mean, she's evil, right? She's a shithead.

She's trying to bring Zinzerina back, and that's bad news. Difficulty what? 15. Intimidation, you you say i sure do 17 god damn all right so you you thwacker and um say the question again i want to answer it perfectly because you succeeded um what did i say what are you what are you doing to bring this about? Yes. Yeah. Um, she says, uh, I am one,

the only, the only one I know about, about of all these elves I've met, you know, I've, I've, I've met some of these people who believe in Zin's arena. And I'm the only one I know who's actually made contact with Zin's arena.

And I believe if I can just bring her this cloak, I can bring her back to life. Do you know how to reach the cloak? Why should I tell you? You're just going to destroy it. We're just going to try and stop you. I'm going to slap her. Sweet.

Intimidation check. Difficulty 15. Passed. Oh. No. Passed. Oh. No. That does not look like a success to me. 16. What's your intimidation bonus? 13. Holy shit. You have a 13 bonus? That's right. Passed.

You're an intimidating asshole. You look like true tiefling Vin Diesel. Okay. Say it again in his voice, please. You know how to get to the cloak you gotta play in. She says, it's very easy.

I just don't know the spell I need. You need to go to the Feywild and the rock is not caved in. It should be there. So come from the other side? Just come from the Feywild and the rock is not caved in and it should be there. So come from the other side? Just come from the Feywild. Got it. Thanks, sister.

Also, you gave her a black eye so she's just sort of like, oh, fuck you. Looks good. So when you looked at her through the scarab though, she's not evil, right? I feel like it's worth saying this So when you looked at her through the scarab, though, she's not evil, right? I don't remember. I feel like it's worth saying this three or four times an episode,

but the scarab does not determine alignment. I thought orange was part of the magic evil. It's like curse or enchantment. I thought it was like all the... It's a super mega overpowered homebrew item, but it is not detect alignment. Okay. Yeah, I wasn't... I guess I was thinking less alignment and more that all those creatures we saw from the other...

But yeah, I guess that makes sense. What color was she? I can't remember. Did I look at her? Well, then, yeah. I don't think you looked at her, actually. Well, let me have a look. You don't see any special colors

now that she's disarmed now. Although, do a perception check. Okay. Because there might be something going on. All righty. No, you don't see anything weird. I see her bonus. You don't.

13. Not with the 13. Here, now I'm going to talk to her and I'm going to be like, look, I got half health problems too. I know what it's like to try to live in the human world and the elf world, man. And I understand why you did this. They have the lamest entertainment of all time,

that stupid bard who sings his dumb songs. Okendoink. I hate Okendoink. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad, and I only had to listen to it for one night, so I can only imagine that it's been really tough for you. I didn't hear any of the songs, though. It seems like Dan had learned those songs.

I really wish I had heard some of those. So, yes, if the occasion arises, you can count on it that I will not pass up the opportunity to bring voice to Okendoink. So watch the fuck out.

I was in the middle of mentoring Dessa. Yes, that's right. She moved. Where am I? So do a... Do a dexterity check difficulty of... 10.

That's definitely not what I wanted you to say. Okay. 17. Okay, so she tries to headbutt you in the bridge of your nose, and you manage to back up in time for her to just swing and miss. Bitch, I tried to headbutt so many people, too. She didn't like the sass that she was getting. What?

She felt like she had just reached her limit and is starting to get really stressed out. Wait, I was just bonding with her and we were sharing our hatred of Okendoink. Yeah, and she felt she just sort of is resisting that. So she falls on the floor and now she's

not moving. She's very humbled. She's not knocked out. She's just sort of embarrassed. Just out of curiosity, I'm going to pull out my Appulant of Pandora. Why am I not kicking this kid to death? And align it to Oaken Doink. Soon, soon. Why are you not kicking this kid to death?

You should ask your compatriots that. I'm not going to help you with that one. She's told us how to get to the cloak, basically. We need to get to the show. I'm going to say at this point Tui, who has also rejoined you but has not said much

at this point says I kind of feel like we're done here. I feel like we should go check out the tree again or something okay so uh who's gonna know how to get to the feywild would that be tweet uh tweet says oh yeah uh and he remembers that he actually learned a spell so his mage hand can go into the Feywild. Well, what the heck? And when he says this out loud,

prompted by you who just got some experience points, Ken. Great. You're just complaining over email today because I didn't give you enough experience points last time. Yeah, like Master Tetch goes, oh, very interesting. Are you guys implying that we should go get this cloak? I think so. Get it and destroy it.

Yeah. I don't know how to destroy it, but I feel like at this point, that sounds better to me than waiting for these cultists to do it. And Master Tetch tells you the same thing Master Magnus said earlier. He was like, you could just point that at something. I look afraid to cause some damage. And I will remind you as your dungeon master that you got a bunch of stuff. And when you were in Tinat, Esmeralda also found a staff

and pointed it at something. Oh, same person. It created a series of portals. Portals. Ah, what color is your staff? It was also blue, if I'm not mistaken. So it looks different physically, but it has a similar aura to the one

that she used 10 or so episodes ago. Mine was blue. Yeah. similar aura to the one that she used ten or so episodes ago so yeah but you can create an entry and an exit or just an entry she waved it yeah she waved it once okay I created a portal over them she waved it again and it right went into full portal the video game and created a loop and they fell wait so he's just trying what my staff oh you just want to see what it's about if it's also a portal where are you gonna point it at who or what uh a wall nearby all right so you a portal opens up a blue portal cool you just see solid blue for and it's it's kind of, you know, misty.

So I will put it at another point on the wall. I'll do the same thing. Another blue portal opens. Did it change or is it still misty? No, they connect. They look misty, but you can't see through. I'll just throw a rock through it. Comes out the other portal.

Okay. Creep, whoop. Close them up. How do you close them up? By pointing finger by waving the staff again were you gonna point at the first one first yeah um oh wait a minute nothing happens i don't remember how that works it's second or first nothing you just leave them uh when you do this master touch says says You know you just did this You created portals in my home It's cool, right?

You seem unable to turn it off I'm getting a little concerned Is there somewhere you need to go quickly? It looks like the only place I can go is five feet to the left I could already go five feet I'm going to point at another wall Use it as a dumbwaiter No, I'm going to point at another wall. Use it as a dumbwaiter. No, I'm going to point at another wall and do the same thing.

You're going to do it a third time? Yes. When you do that, all three portals turn black, but there are now three portals. What the fuck? Stop. Oh, I was laughing at you, but now I'm laughing with you. I thought it was going to make one of the portals go away. Now what happens?

So I throw something through one of the portals. What do you throw through one of the portals go away. Now what happens? So I throw something through one of the portals. What do you throw through one of the portals, and which one do you throw it through? The girl. Dessa. No. But how about just a, I don't know. I don't have any junk.

You guys have been collecting stuff forever right but is there a book or something around yeah just toss whatever you toss the book in and well not the powerful book just a book thank you for being specific

so what you just grab something I said is there a book around there's like a book off of Master's? I said, is there a book around? Yeah, there's like a bookshelf of Master's. Los Angeles Magazine. Huh? Los Angeles Magazine. Okay, so you find the College of Gastel equivalent of Los Angeles Magazine. There's just sort of like a pamphlet on deer.

And you toss it in there. You're for on deer. And you toss it in there. You're friendly deer. This thin shredded substance sort of flies out of all three portals. Oh, dear. Yeah, that's bad. It's a shredder. Should we make another one? Master Touch says, please stop doing this in my home.

Sorry. Let's do one more. This is my private living quarters. You do not seem able to turn these off. Maybe I'll shut them off. Do you seriously? Yeah. I'll try to turn these off for you.

Oh, fuck me. I just want to be helpful. Great, you do a fourth one and they all turn white. Wow. There we throw something else through it. Bung! It bounces off. Yeah.

It's fixed, kind of. There you go. What about it? Can you throw something into each of them? You're welcome. All four of them, you pick up a series of books and pamphlets and fountain pens and they all just ping, like they pop off of it, but with like exceeding force,

like each time you do it. Tom Debs. Okay. Do one more. A fifth one? Yeah. We've already fixed the problem as well as we can. Now there's white holes in the wall though.

Let's see what happens when you do another one. I'm going to do one of the floor. I have to consult something I wrote. So, um... The moon crashes into your game. You're in... It's a much bigger room than the one that we're playing in. It's a big sort of living quarters.

And you're off on a couch inside. As we said, Bodhi pulled the couch away from the wall. There's a seating area in the middle of the room, but there's not a big open space on the carpet. Where are you pointing this fifth portal? I'll do another portion of the wall if there's not a good space for it.

There's not a good space really anywhere. You've been kind of popping holes open in this guy's walls. Yeah. What's the ceiling? Don't of the ceiling area. The ceiling. Huh? No, don't do the ceiling

because that'll be hard. All right. If there's a space in the floor, I'll do it there. There's not. There's no space. I mean,

you've had to like knock things, like things have been knocked to the side. This is for science. I feel like we're good for now because it's not, they're not going to transport anything. I don't know, I think Esmeralda really wants to see what's going to happen if you do this. What is for science. I feel like we're good for now because it's not they're not going to transport

anything. I don't know. I think Esmeralda really wants to see what's going to happen if you do this. What is the guy think? Engine Master wouldn't mind if you did this either. What is the guy whose house this is think? Master Touched? Yeah. Please stop doing this. I've told you four times and it's interesting you would ask what I think because I've been very

vocal about it and it's not like I need to repeat it. This time is probably the charm and it's going to close them's not like I need to repeat it. This time is probably the charm and it's going to close them all up. So just do one more. This time seems like the worst time. Let's go. Come on. The moon's going to crash into everything.

I'm all right. I'll save it for later. Oh my God. Oh my goodness. I'm not afraid. I just don't want to ruin this guy's house forever. All right. So he says, thank you for not ruining my house forever I'm not afraid. I just don't want to ruin this guy's house forever. All right. So he says, thank you for not ruining my house forever.

You're welcome. I'm going to try to figure out where we can basically, we don't have like a jail cell for Dessa, but we will figure something out. I can make another portal. Well, you need to be very careful because she can do this spell. Right. And he says um i'm worried that she almost head-butted you she's already like loosened her rope a little bit that

you've got there bodhi uh but uh while you're all saying this dessa has pulled herself back up and is sitting back on the couch and she's kind of like put her feet up and she's just like rolling her eyes at all you guys but uh master touch says you can just leave leave her here with me and i'll if you as long as you i can borrow your rope i'll try and find a way to you know tie her up better and uh i recommend you guys go talk to gendy about the tree and find out if you can diffuse this thing or does um tweet have like a sleep spell or anything like that that he could cast on? Do any of them? Can they just play a lullaby? Yeah, just...

I'm going to see, but... Oh, wait, I have something. No, Tui does not have... Wait. No, he does have sleep. I do, too. You want me to cast sleep? Well, I just thought it would be a way

to make her a little bit less scary for a while, right? Correct. Spell sends creatures into a magical slumber. Magical slumber. He has to roll. See if he can do enough hit points to knock her out. Hey, Blaine, what is this dice roll I'm doing for you brought to you by? Brian, you got one?

This dice roll is brought to you by Chili's 3. If you've been to Chili's 1 and 2, and you're still open to the idea of a Chili's 3, you're a terrible person. And on that note, Dessa conks out.

So, I guess we'll find out what you guys do on next episode that was episode 14 thanks for listening uh brian persain.com uh support us on patreon bonuses coming up and hey please uh review us on itunes i haven't said that in a while i don't know if we've said that in a while uh we haven't give us like give us like five stars it would be cool and if you don't want to give us five stars there's already plenty of you thank you thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box one six zero six nine Encino, California. Nine one four one six.

Thanks for listening.