Nerd Poker - Episode 26 - Harrowing Hag Havoc

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

Beneath the mountains along the coastline on a quest to recover an artifact for their friendly mind flayer acquaintances, the Ice Five have vanquished a bulette but still have a terrifying otherworldl...y hag to deal with. The battle has now raged long enough for them to consider, oh yeah, SHOULD we be helping MIND FLAYERS? Sarah is back and certainly has some thoughts on the last few major choices the Ice Five have made. But they're in deep now, so hopefully everyone will get to keep their brains.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Season three. Hey, everybody.
Starting point is 00:00:51 I'm Rhodes Poussaint. No. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. What are you smiling about? You're funny. My friends are here. Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hi. funny. My friends are here. Chris. Hello.
Starting point is 00:01:06 Sarah. Hi. Ken. Poop. Dan. Hi. And Blaine. Hi.
Starting point is 00:01:12 The end of the table, Sam. Hi, everyone. Sam, I love your hair, but my son burned you. Dude, that was sick. Did he tell you guys about this? No. I overheard some of this. Sam has pink hair right now.
Starting point is 00:01:25 You probably didn't know exactly what he said to you. Oh, so I was walking by and he's wearing his Spider-Man thing and I go, I like your costume. Have a good day. And he goes, thanks, Hawaiian shaved ice hair. Oh. It does look like Hawaiian shaved ice. That's strong.
Starting point is 00:01:41 I mean, that's just the same. You look delicious. It's a little corny. I would like to thank some of our Patreons. Do it. Hawaiian Shaved Ice. Thank you, future sponsor, Hawaiian Shaved Ice. But also, thank you, Patreons like Jordan.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Thanks, Jordan. Thank you. I love your almonds. Thank you, Shut the Fuck Up Donnie. I love your almonds. Thank you. Shut the fuck up, Donnie. I love his shoes. Donnie. Thank you, Eric Farmer. Thanks, Eric.
Starting point is 00:02:13 And thank you, Gago's Giant Ruby Sack. Thank you, Gago's Giant Ruby Sack. It's impressive. Thanks, everybody. And did you have any were you going to... Did you have any business you wanted to get to before
Starting point is 00:02:27 I tell everyone what happened last time on NerdPoker? No. Okay. Well, in that case... It's on my phone. I'll go get it for the next episode. Oh, sounds good. Last time on NerdPoker. What? That is upsetting. That is upsetting. We're going on a
Starting point is 00:02:43 capito. By upsetting, you mean awesome. Our heroes decided to help the pirate clan known as the Thixits by going to a nearby underground cave. After descending down some sheer cliffs and crossing paths with a shattered skull, they found the beast responsible for so many dead mind flayers. A Bulette. A Bulette with strange reactions to some of their spells.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Something we may talk about in a moment. Chris doesn't feel like it. We talked about it off the air and now he's like, this is getting a little too meta. Anyway, as they encountered the beast it leapt forward crushing young gus the pseudo dragon who was barely spared through the combined efforts of tiktok and halcine or gus although they eventually blew the fuck up out of the butt of that bulette or whatever.
Starting point is 00:03:46 I got my sentence structure got a little improvisational there. I forgot what a predicate was. As they killed it, summoned as if through rage. Do you have to press play again? Summoned as if through sheer
Starting point is 00:04:01 rage from the depths of the cave. A hag screamed, leaping forth and casting an ice wall at our heroes, smooshing a couple of them up, but, you know, Blaine had a cool spell, and right now she's riding her staff like a cane, headed towards Dog, sir.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Casting ice spells like a real bitch oh um do we need more sponsors so we can make those cues longer no it's just what we've been doing the last two episodes is sam's been putting him in in post no i'm just trying to move on that's not that you offended me i he put him in in post so they've been there for our listeners' last two episodes, but this is the first time we did it live, and I think we need a looped version of it. Yes, we do. I really like it. I think he's been doing behind the scenes. I kind of like the sort of raw,
Starting point is 00:04:54 unfiltered, oh, you gotta press play again. It makes it feel really at home. It's just natural. That's also fun. Sam, please loop it. I have further notes about the music cues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's start from the top. Hey, everybody.
Starting point is 00:05:08 In three, two, and one to Dan. We're at the top of the order. You've got protection from energy running. And yeah, you guys noticed when you cast radiant spells on it, it did a fair bit of damage. It resisted another spell. That was probably an undead Bulette. That's cool.
Starting point is 00:05:32 I'm not sure what my placement is on this. Baby, you're much too fast. I took care of everybody else. Yes, you are. I took care of everybody. Little dead Bulette. I've been drinking. I'm going to let him sing, and I'm going to close this door.
Starting point is 00:05:44 You want to love this, go to less. All right, cool. Do we know what we've cast? Yeah, so. I don't remember. I feel like it's been a couple weeks, right? Oh, yeah. I think you used two of Halcyon's spells,
Starting point is 00:05:59 so I wanted to make sure that I get that. Yeah, and we haven't played the regular campaign in a month, so do we need to pause actually really quick? Or do you want to spend an interminable amount of time just doing inventory from what people just heard? You looked at me right when you said interminable,
Starting point is 00:06:15 but I feel like I was going to be really quick. It's weird how you just waste my time every day. Why are you such an asshole? Wow. I've always been this asshole. Wait, are you friends with the narrator off the show? I'm trying to remember what you cast. You cast Spare the Dying, I know that, on Gus.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Oh, I did? Yeah. Because I knew that Elsa inflicted wounds and shatter. You did inflict wounds and shatter, yes. Okay, all right. Cool. I got it. You did inflict wounds and shatter.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Okay. All right. Cool. I got it. And yeah, Dr. It's got protection from energy going. I don't think there's any other. I sure do.
Starting point is 00:06:57 I don't think there's any other ongoing spells that I know of. I don't have any. So I don't have any at all. And there is wings because Sarah's coming back, there is, we had a discussion earlier, a question of, is there anything that could still be done about Lixenrot, who's been decapitated? Oh, yes, because I think Dan didn't know, because maybe stuff hadn't been updated,
Starting point is 00:07:17 but I do have Revivify. But it's actually my only prepared, or one of my only prepared third level spells, but you can't replace a missing limb with it. So we would need to dig up that head, dig out that head. I mean, isn't his asshole just blasted wide open? Can't we just go in through that?
Starting point is 00:07:38 Pretty much, pretty much, yeah. I mean, you can look. Do we really want to start this hour off in a undead Bulette's asshole? I mean, that's. I mean, you can look. Do we really want to start this hour off in a dead Bulette asshole? I mean, that's where I start every morning. No. Aren't you glad that I came back to return the class to this establishment? So, yeah, I'm trying to think if there is anything else I should cover.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Just that there is a shot glass upside down representing that she is flying 15 feet up in the air. Coolio. I have been trying to find if there's some sort of tool people use for flying minis, because I feel like that's come up fairly often. Yeah, that's sort of like that plastic-y. I've seen other Dungeon Masters use it, but I don't know where they get it. Google hasn't helped me. I'm sure there's a really obvious whiz kids.
Starting point is 00:08:26 If Brian wasn't so stingy with his Wi-Fi around here, we could look it up. Who could possibly find... All my devices are on Brian's Wi-Fi, everybody. Dr. Uwud. Yes? You are up. Well, I'm still getting...
Starting point is 00:08:42 I'm still protected from energy, right? Yeah, ice in particular. You declared it would be ice. Yeah, so she's up here flying on her ice cane, right? She specifically has a very tall magic staff. Okay. Made of gray wood.
Starting point is 00:09:00 Okay, so there's gray wood ice staff. And I'm... I remember I was being down here because we were heading down this this thing right that you're in like a big open space so that this cavern like field goes more this way and it goes more this way and there isn't like a wooden door there but there is like an archway so this is where she came from. Yeah. Okay. So maybe if we go in there, there's going to be a spider pets and stuff like that. You don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Could be curious. Safety could be interesting. Maybe she made sandwiches. Oh, yeah, maybe, but I am going to set the one minute timer to, for you to finish up your thoughts.
Starting point is 00:09:40 I'm going to have to, who's she engaged with right now right now she is she just did cone of cold on a few of you guys and she is flying away from you three in the back she's kind of headed right for dark thorn snaggle this oh god or snagging this
Starting point is 00:09:57 I'm sorry it's pronounced snagging so she is can I go give me some of that sweet heat So she is... Can I go... Can you give me something that's sweet heat? Mama needs her sweet heat. Mama needs her sweet heat.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Dig in, Mama. Easily the funniest thing anyone has ever said on this podcast. Oh, wow. I'm going to activate my flame blade. Yes. And I'm going to... I guess I'm going to start... I And I'm going to... I guess I'm going to start... I guess I'm going to try to...
Starting point is 00:10:29 Oh, you know what? You do have, I think, your thorn whip active already. Okay. Well, I'm going to... You know what? Then I'm going to see if I can thorn whip
Starting point is 00:10:38 that crazy thing out of her hand. Cool. The staff, she's kind of straddling it right now. Even better. You're going gonna have to get closer ladies and gentlemen right now i haven't been doing this enough i listened last couple of episodes with this particular battle i would like to be doing this more i want to describe visually for the audio listener so this is a cave that's not that deep it's about 150 feet in this sort of expanse,
Starting point is 00:11:06 and Dr. Ud's in the back. He's the farthest in. He is, as he said, near that opening where the hag came out of. And you've got a bit of distance. You'd have to almost get right under her, which you could do for your whole movement this turn, get right under her to try to whip her legs and her staff. Okay, and I'm sorry, and you said who's she engaged with right now?
Starting point is 00:11:27 She's not directly engaged with anyone right now. She's flying. So she kind of has a little bit of freedom. She looks like she's headed right for Snaggin, though. I've got her arm kind of showing where she's headed. Okay. The way she's kind of reaching out. Then I'm going to move and do that.
Starting point is 00:11:44 I'm going to move to th that. I'm going to move to thorn whip the broom out of her hand. Great. Why don't you please bring your mini right underneath her and roll to attack. What would my attack be with that? I got a 14 with a
Starting point is 00:12:03 14, 17. What's a plus to hit. What's your plus to hit with a thorn whip? Do you know? I can help you look it up. Yeah, that would be awesome if you could. Can you give me a commercial? Oh, plus six. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:12:15 So that's a 20. That's not a natural 20, but a 20. That's a hit? Yeah. She's a toughie to hit, but you got her. She'd take away her stick. He's really popping up. 1D6 and I did 6. I love it.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Sweet heat. And hey, is there a way for me to do any sort of move on that to try to yank that stick out of her thing there? Yeah, I'll allow it because you're you you did hit you did uh reach the 20 range and you're aiming for her staff specifically so i'll say let's do yeah athletics athletics uh-huh pretty high difficulty with this what's your bonus uh it's a plus three great roll it uh that's a five so So now you can't even you do crack it
Starting point is 00:13:07 and she kind of she kind of wavers side to side a little bit when you you hit it. Okay, tick tock. You are up. Awesome. Are you still golf ball holding Gus or a football like he's like on golf ball? You know how you hold yeah, I'm sort of yeah, like a golf ball.
Starting point is 00:13:24 I said to him uh to get distance is he going to do that can he be flying can who be flying in the in the last episode gus ate a good berry and he's at one i was thinking i had said it at the time the the point was to wake him up is he awake ah uh you would have to try to wake him up. Got it. Okay, so I'm not going to worry about that. I'm going to shoot her with my arrow. Sounds great.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Can he just disappear? This is just a Gus question, but he's a familiar. Can he just disappear at will? Like, is that how that works? He's unconscious still. But I mean, if he were awake, is that possible? That's a great question. Okay, thanks.
Starting point is 00:14:01 The fact that he went unconscious and did not disappear concerns me okay chris and i talked about this off the air a little bit i asked you about something's going on with gus did he become a real boy that's the blue fairy right there i don't know if you don't know i don't think i should shoot her uh so with the bow that's's a 26 Dan. Holy Matt. Wait, is that a critical? No. You just have a great to hit with that bow. That bow is my friend. That's your whole class.
Starting point is 00:14:30 You're an arcane archer. Pretty much it. Uh, so that's nine points of piercing. Oh my goodness. And then I'm going to actually, you know, as far as giving her multiple targets, I thought I was going to move. I'm not. I'm just going to stay. All right. so you just right between the shoulder blades sweet smack an arrow
Starting point is 00:14:49 right in her back and she screeches uh that's a that's ouchy full can i shoot her one more time do you have another action i have two i have two attacks i'd like to see you try oh okay i thought we're friends oh that's probably not as good. That's a 16. The miss narrowly goes underneath her arm. So she is up. She's gonna take my mic out of the stand. She's gonna fly
Starting point is 00:15:21 here. Kind of lean towards Dargthur. Is she still at that height or is she closer to him? You know what she's going to do? You know what she's going to do? She's not going to do that. Here.
Starting point is 00:15:42 She's going to use her action to reach down and pick up licks and rats corpse oh it's my favorite tom stoppard flash flies back up hal senior up um is she undead i would assume can i get an insight check i really i wouldn't know that but okay yes uh well what this is this is important uh why do you think wouldn't know that, but okay. Insight check. Well, this is important. Why do you think you would know that? Because I'm a cleric, and it just feels like that would be within my realm of knowledge.
Starting point is 00:16:12 I'll let you choose. You can do insight, religion, or arcana. Okay, then I guess we're doing arcana. Do you have proficiency in arcana? Yes. You can roll with advantage. Yeah. Good, because...
Starting point is 00:16:26 15. You think she is some kind of fey creature based on the length of her limbs and what you know about hacks. So meaning not undead, but a different type of... Correct. Perhaps from another plane. Alrighty, then. Sorry,
Starting point is 00:16:42 accidental Ace Ventura. I wouldn't have even thought of that. I've thought of that you're so i've never even seen it i've literally never even seen your personality so unlike jim carrey's i you like somehow sapped the reference out i feel like other people have used that too like old people well you know i always think of that phil hartman sketch where he would he wouldn't say all righty then but he would go all right like while they were doing him and John Lovitz would do the science experiment. I think it was just because I drew it out. Anyway, I only know it from the zeitgeist, not even from the actual film.
Starting point is 00:17:10 It was Peter Graves. That's what the Phil Hartman impression was. Hello, I'm Peter Graves. So what I'm going to do. What happens if I touch this subatomic particle collider? John Lovitz begs him not to destroy the planet. Let's keep going back into Peter Graves' career. I'm going to party once. Mission impossible. keep going back into Peter Graves' career. We had a party once.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Mission impossible. Setting the one minute timer for Hell Scene. I didn't even think it had started yet. You just were... I apologize because we were doing so much chatting. Yeah, because I was not. Brother of James Arnaz. I sensed a dip in the chatting.
Starting point is 00:17:39 You keep on doing your mask impression. Somebody stop me. I was going to riff on how I thought you were talking about George Pappard for a minute. Oh my goodness. I mean, the timer is just for decision making. No, no, no. The only reason it's happening is because I do have these new spells, so this will be the first time that I start to be prepared.
Starting point is 00:17:57 I found a gif of it's B.A. taking a bite of chewing up a big bite of a sandwich and then it cuts to Hannibal looking at him, and he's eating his sandwich and chewing and looking at him. Then it cuts to B.A. chewing and then falling over. Because they would drug him to get him on the plane every time. Yeah, because B.A. don't fly.
Starting point is 00:18:17 No, no. And they drug him every episode. They would drug him to get him on the plane. Okay, I'm going gonna cast shatter again. I'm wondering whether she's immune to cold damage and stuff. But I'm gonna try shatter here. Shadoobie.
Starting point is 00:18:36 The timer's up so you cast shatter. It's a spell attack if I'm not mistaken. Nice. So 23. That's a hit. Nice. Success, success, success. So she does,
Starting point is 00:18:53 or wait, is it a spell attack? Yeah, now she has to do a constitution. Oh no, it's a constitution saving throw. The A team, they'd also shoot jeeps with rocket launchers and they'd just flip over and everybody would be okay. A lot of volts.
Starting point is 00:19:08 A lot of defective rocket launchers. A lot of welding armor to vans, too. Oh, yeah. Nobody getting crushed. Nobody getting thrown. A lot of people falling in cardboard boxes. This is a tent, so she
Starting point is 00:19:24 doesn't make her save. In G.I. Joe, they always showed a parachute. When a plane would explode, then you'd see a parachute gently floating down to a Bennigan's. The safest action ever. Okay, she takes 18 points of thunder damage. Thunder damage. Thunder.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Thunder. She's shattered. Thunder damage. I'm going to have her do an attempt at... Committing suicide? No, she's going to try to hold on to the corpse as she gets hit with this very powerful force of thunder. She drops the corpse. Yes!
Starting point is 00:20:03 But she manages... Well, let me... I'll have her do a lot of save those. And she stays on her staff. Oh. All right. Is that it for you, Halcine? It is.
Starting point is 00:20:14 I have nothing else. Dark, three are up. All right. All right, I pull back my bow and cast a lightning arrow on her. Lightning arrow! We are bow buddies. Also, a listener wanted to know if you have Hunter's Mark. I have it available, you said.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Okay, yeah, but you don't have it prepared. No. Got it, okay. You make the best Hunter's Mark. That is something you can do with a bonus action. Right. So the next time I make a ranged weapon attack during the spell's duration, the weapon's ammunition or the weapon itself,
Starting point is 00:21:01 if it's a thrown weapon, transforms into a bolt of lightning. Make the attack roll as normal. The target takes 48 lightning damage on a hit or half as much damage on a miss. And if I miss, or whether I hit or miss, each creature within 10 feet of the target takes a dexterity or has to take a dexterity saving throw.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Wow. Dexterity saving throw to Oh thanks very saving throw to what like stay standing yeah each of these creatures takes 2d a damage just being well she's she's the only one in it cuz she's flying 15 feet up so why don't you roll to attack that that's cool as hell yeah I like it now that you guys are 5, you can do some pretty cool shit. Like, Vivify might not be able to regenerate a limb, but it's still a very powerful spell. Yep.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Melody made fun of my tower when she was here, but I still like it. 19. Plus what? Holy crap. Was that a strength? What would the bonus come from on that? You just described it.
Starting point is 00:22:10 It's a plus to hit, so it's your bow's plus to hit. Do you know? Do you want me to try to look it up for you? It should be at the bottom of your first page next to the description of the bow. Oh yeah, so it's plus four. Okay, so it's a 23.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Roll for damage. She's going to do a dex check to not fall off. She got a 16. What's your spell save DC on there? Where? Sorry, everybody. Blaine You know what makes a good salad?
Starting point is 00:22:50 A good salad dressing And you know who makes a good salad dressing? My friend Paul Perhaps you've heard of him Paul Mitchell Paul Mitchell salad dressing For best results he is with Paul Mitchell salad dressing For best results He is with Paul Mitchell salad conditioner
Starting point is 00:23:07 The silkiest Softest Luscious lustrous cob salad Paul Mitchell salad dressing and conditioner Paul I don't see the spell save DC Back to you Brian Does it say what the dexterity difficulty is in the lightning arrow
Starting point is 00:23:22 I think it might say right in there. Brian. Yes? I'm surprised that you and Melanie have been together so long, and that's the first time she saw your tower. Creepier, Blaine. it's really weird it says whether you hit or miss each creature must within 10 feet we are sorry listeners you just heard this uh must make a dexterity saving throw and then it doesn't say what number this is probably really obvious if you're a math person
Starting point is 00:23:59 you're like of course every lightning arrow follows this strict rule of the dude. It's probably spell save DC It's just not on your character sheet. Where's do you guys see it on yours? Yeah, the spell save DC is on your spell sheet Is that a sec? Oh the top of it's on the top of the spell sheet. Is that on the like third or second? Yeah, it's like a third page fourth page If they're gonna spell save DC I'd like them to do a spell save on that Washington DC All right, enough of the bullshit already. Am I right? She does not fall off her staff.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Boo. But she is going to take that damage. So please roll your damage. Take that damage. They're rebooting that. Oh, really? Who are they getting for it? Joel McHale.
Starting point is 00:24:44 What are they rebooting?? Joel McHale. What are they getting? Take that damage. And Christy Swanson. Press Your Luck. Press Your Luck is Elizabeth Banks. Press Your Luck just makes me think about being sick at home. So is Charlie's Angels.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Have you seen that trailer? How is it? I've not seen it. I couldn't finish it. It's a trailer I stopped watching. I've never done that. Uh-oh. It's a trailer. I stopped watching. I've never done that. When are they going to make it with men? 22. Holy crap.
Starting point is 00:25:11 It's Ken's whole complaint. Ken's been writing on the internet all about it. How about Angel's Charlies for once? And it's all men for a change. Three hot men. Cleep, you're up. Oh, I'm going to fire my crossbow at it. A woman's in charge?
Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah, it's a disembodied woman voice. I'm sorry. Charlie's Charlies would be actually really amazing. And Charlie's Theron can play Charlie. It'd be Charlie's all the way down. Perfect. I'm going to run behind the ice and hide. Oh, nice move.
Starting point is 00:25:39 I'm low on health. Got it. Move Queep for him. Let it be low on health. How far back are you going to go? I'm just going to duck out and fire and try to stay in cover there. Whatever is out of line of sight.
Starting point is 00:25:51 Yeah, perfect. I guess I... Well, no, I'm running away. It was my bonus. All right. Snagging this. You see black shadowy tentacles
Starting point is 00:26:06 whip towards the hag and they miss. What the? Come on. It looked cool and then nothing happened. Dr. Ud, you're up. Is she still over there?
Starting point is 00:26:21 I'm going to try to do the same thing. I'm going to try to whip that thing. It just looks familiar and nothing happened. I'm going to try to do the same thing. I'm going to try to whip that thing. It just looks familiar and nothing happens. I've seen this. Why am I watching it again? And I got a... I don't think that was a hit. That was a... I rolled a six. That's a miss.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Yeah. But if it was a hit, that would be cool. Oh my god. That would be really cool, huh? Why did I just roll for damage on that hit? I didn't get it. That would have been cool, huh? Why don't I just roll for damage on that hit I didn't get? That would have been amazing. Tick-tock, you're up. I will shoot again. Go for it.
Starting point is 00:26:56 That's a 19... 21. That's definitely a hit. Cool. Shit. Five. Five points of damage i will maybe i should sneak away from there's no more room over here right there is sex yeah yeah yeah it's hard to see uh simply because we don't have more of a tray we need to go to like a pizza place and get a jumbo ass tray this is a decent tray but we could
Starting point is 00:27:24 have a much larger playing field with what table space we have. So I'm just kind of opening up for the listener. You can be like 10 feet. I like it. I think it's kind of got a cozy reference. Just say you're that far. I'm like, yeah, that far back. All right.
Starting point is 00:27:39 And the next one. Oh, shoot. That's going to miss. That's a 14. Nope. All right. She is now truly going to fly past
Starting point is 00:27:51 the Darkthor. Is she trying to leave? Oh, she's going to do something to all of us. Because now we're all on the same plane. We're all on the same plane. We're all in the killing hole.
Starting point is 00:28:07 Yeah. Oh, man. She is going to raise an arm. No. And cast a wall of ice through Darkthor and Snaginthus. Uh-oh. We're the Ice Five. She's attacking us
Starting point is 00:28:28 with our own nickname. Offensive. Brian, do a dexterity saving throw, please. Snaginthus got a critical. Uh-oh. 19. 19 awesome so that's a save too nice she makes this come up
Starting point is 00:28:54 and they're gonna take half of this damage but it's a lot of damage you're a lot of damage oh mom heard you're never gonna live that one down Telfer never gonna live it down You're a lot of damage Oh Right Mom heard You're never gonna live That one down Telfer
Starting point is 00:29:07 Never gonna live it down Never gonna live it down You got smoked I like that guy Oh Tom I love all these people Who are popping out Is that Tom?
Starting point is 00:29:23 We got Billy We got some weird You got smoked guy I don't know I don't know who that was That's like a new person It sounded like Tom to me That's the guy that love all these people who are popping out. Is that Tom? We got Billy. We got some weird... You got smoked guy. I don't know who that was. That's like a new person. That's the guy that just insults people that are hurt already. Dan got out a lot of dice. Dan got out a lot of dice to roll.
Starting point is 00:29:37 He's counting a tremendous amount. Dan got out a lot of dice for damage to roll. Somebody is going to be buried in a hole And we're going to all die You take 17 points of ice damage You only took half So that would have been a lot more damage If you had missed your dexterity saving throw Okay
Starting point is 00:30:00 Also there is now a new obstacle on the planet Say the number again 17 You take 17 icy points Okay. Also, there is now a new obstacle on the plane. Say the number again. 17. You take 17 icy points. All right. I don't like one bit. No, sir.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Fire dog. What are you digging? I'm trying to find another ice wall without revealing all my minis. Remember when they awkwardly spilled out on the floor? We're not looking, though, so don't worry. You can use your eyes and go ahead and look. I revealed my mini. 12th grade gym class. Was Melanie there?
Starting point is 00:30:38 No. Obviously not. It fell out when he was climbing the rope. Then I had a mini. Now I have a tower. Nice. I bought it. In between 12th grade and now.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Interesting. I bought a giant wiener, yeah. What? You bought a giant wiener? You missed the beginning. Let's go back over it all again. I was talking. I can't listen to things when I'm talking.
Starting point is 00:31:08 I'm up. It's my turn. Well then. I mean, it's working so well, but no, I'm going to, this is not like that great, but I'm just, I'm going to run out of stuff to do. So I'm just, what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to cast. What?
Starting point is 00:31:27 That run of talking about how you're gonna what you're gonna do you were laughing about circles i'm not laughing at you you were being funny welcome back sarah just got up and started pulling her butt apart and she's talking out of her butt like jerry i never saw the film
Starting point is 00:31:43 and yes i will continue. I didn't get that one either. What movie is that in? Ace Ventura. He talks out of his butt? He talks out of his butt. Oh my God. Remember that really funny part?
Starting point is 00:31:56 Where he talked with his butt? Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame. Sacred Flame. There it is. Oh, little zoops. Sacred Flame. Okay. So that is. Tell zoops. Sacred flame. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:06 So that is... Tell the listeners how that goes. I don't have my cards, so I'm going to tell... I know, I got... Hey, everybody, make a note. If you don't have a card between episodes, I will bust all the decks out. I think I have them,
Starting point is 00:32:18 but what I can tell you is that flame-like radiance descends on a creature that you can see within range. The target must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. But it's not a... Oh, yes, I get 2d8 now. Awesome. Level 5, baby. She rolled an 18.
Starting point is 00:32:34 No. Does it do nothing or is it half the damage? It doesn't even. It does nothing. I'm very sorry. She resisted. Boo. I'll see if he pulls apart her buck cheeks and is like, wah, wah.
Starting point is 00:32:49 You don't have to see it to get it. Dark threw her up. This is a great game. My mom asked me recently how she could listen to my podcast, and I was like, oh, no. Oh, man, if my parents ever ask me that, I will give a very similar, hey, look over there. What if we went on a vacation, everybody, to Maine?
Starting point is 00:33:20 Dan, that has nothing to do with your podcast. Or does it? Can we do that? Can we take the podcast on the road to Maine? Oh, my God. That would be so fun. I really want to go to the National Park there. Oh, I'm being serious.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Were you guys joking? Maine National Park? No. Acadia? I got to get $5,000 a week. Bless you. In Maine? Or I'm dead.
Starting point is 00:33:39 What's the park? Acadia? Oh, I don't know. Isn't it? Are you thinking of Acadiana? No, I think I'm thinking of Acadia National Park in Maine, the state of Maine. I don't know. Isn't it? Are you thinking of Acadiana? No, I think I'm thinking of Acadia National Park in Maine, the state of Maine. Now I have to look it up.
Starting point is 00:33:49 I don't know if I've been to Maine. Guys, do you love this Dungeons and Dragons game? I couldn't just use another arrow if I've already cast it. No. I'm sorry you don't know about America's best idea. Acadia National Park. Actually, you you can it says it lasts up to
Starting point is 00:34:07 Dolphins I think it might have even been the first but it was one of the first Let me look one more time Did Ansel Adams take pictures there? Ansel Ansel Ansel Main listeners I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:34:22 On behalf of everybody Ansel Ansel. Name listeners. I'm sorry on behalf of everybody. What are you calling a semi? Ansel. Ansel. So it looks like it's just one piece of ammunition. Okay, that makes sense. All right. One piece of ammunition.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Every little move you make. One. Honk. Hey, Wayne Brady, I ain't. I'm going to shoot a regular arrow. Roll the attack. Bow buddies. And I felt nothing.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Bow buddies. Bow buddy, bow buddy, bow buddy. What a triple. That's a 19. Yes. That's a 19. I'm left to hit. I think my cards are on my desk at home. Roll for damage, please. Shoot her in the head.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Nine. She screeches as you connect with her abdomen Ooh Poor lady Really on like a deep spiritual level Queen, you're up Oh, hi I'm gonna poke out and shoot
Starting point is 00:35:35 You notice when you poke out She is way on the other side of the cave now It does in fact look from where you are That she is trying to escape through the entrance you came through. Why is she leaving? Let me try to wing her on the way out. 19. That's a hit.
Starting point is 00:35:57 7. Alright. Another screech. As you connect with her side. Can I do it again? At this point, she's got a few arrows stuck in her tail. I'm going to put another one in her if I can.
Starting point is 00:36:10 She's looking like a porcupine. Go for it. Nope. 12. Yeah, that's a miss. Back behind my eyes. She's trying to leave, you guys. Stop her.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Cock-a-la-cock-o. She's trying to leave you guys Stop her Snaggath places his hands To his temples and attempts to cast Mind Blast and it fails Boo Snaggath I was excited for a second Exit stage left Dr. Rude you're up I'm going to try to do that again. I'm just going to try another whip to get that.
Starting point is 00:36:48 You're going to have to catch up to her now. She's flown away from you quite a bit. So bring your mini up, please. Oh, okay. Well, then fuck that. Is everybody kind of moving back to get away from her? Can't really tell. Why don't you ask the group?
Starting point is 00:36:59 Are you guys heading back towards... I think we're going to kill her. I think if she's trying to leave, that's probably not... Yeah, I think we should pursue her. Good, yeah. Yeah. All right. I'll hunt her down.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Then I'm just going to chase and whip. The old-fashioned chase and whip. You can almost catch up to her. You can get like halfway through... Chase and whip. Halfway through where that ice wall is. Okay. So can someone move his mini if Blaine's not doing it?
Starting point is 00:37:20 Thank you. Like halfway. Yeah, exactly. Near the Bulette corpse. Oh, yeah. By the Bulette corpse. Oh, yeah. By the Bulette corpse. And you notice she's dropped the headless corpse of Lixenrot back there.
Starting point is 00:37:34 She gave up on it. It did look like she was, I don't know, maybe going to drag him outside and make a meal out of him. So 16. With just your passive insight. I thought she was going to trim. She's got this huge mouth of just sharp, ragged teeth. And yeah, she looks like she's very much of another ravenous world. TikTok, you're up. I will move.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Was that a hit or a miss? I'm sorry. I missed what your number was. Oh, 16. That's a miss. I'm sorry. So I'm here. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:38:01 So I'm going to go one, two, three, four. I want to try and walk below me by the river. here. So I'm going to get... Can I cut her off as much as I can? I guess what I want to do is get in a position where I can hit her now and then keep moving if she gets away to keep going after her. Great, okay. So I will shoot her twice.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Damn it. 15. Same thing. 15. Darn it. But Dan Dan what if they hit I'm going to we should roll and see what he would have got as a bonus surge I can do my second win as a bonus action so I'm going to do that now so I get to retain 1d10
Starting point is 00:38:37 okay so 10 I get back that's it that's my turn great she is going to fly around the corner and So 10, I get back. Okay. That's it. That's my turn. Great. She is going to fly around the corner and disappear from view. What a dick. You just see her lean into her staff, and she turns away from you and just arcs. I saw that happen when I was working at HBO. Okay.
Starting point is 00:39:04 And you know you're underground like a few levels, so she's presumably arcing up the tunnel. You're not sure how fast she went, but she did seem to zoom a little bit when she focused. Happened a lot on Ellen. Halcine, you're up. Are we trying to stop her? I don't have a ton of hit points,
Starting point is 00:39:21 so I don't really want to get hit by a 35-point ice wall, but I guess I run around the corner to get hit by a 35-point ice wall. I guess I run around the corner to see if I can see her. We can let her go. Can you show me where you want to go? We can loot her room, which is right over here. You see her about... Not her room, but... She's still like 10 feet above the ground, and she's like 20 feet in front of you.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Oh, she's that far. Shoots up that ant her. Her back is to you, though. Get her with a spell. Make her brain go on the outside. You're now facing down a tunnel, though, and she's making a... This tunnel does a hard left.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Get where I said. This tunnel does a hard left here, so she's about to round a corner. Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to cast... I have to ignore so many good jokes
Starting point is 00:40:08 because they're in the middle of my sentence. I'm going to cast Thunderwave. Yeah. Thunderwave. Oh, wait. I have to be...
Starting point is 00:40:22 So she has to be within... 20 feet. 15 feet, it says. Can I get... Can I have to be... So she has to be within... 20 feet. 15 feet, it says. So can I get... Can I have gotten... You can get closer to her if you want. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Close, close. You've got just enough distance where you could get right behind her and cast it. Oh, shit. I love this. Do you want to do that? Oh, I can get right behind her? Like, even be able to touch her, say?
Starting point is 00:40:42 No. She was still 10 feet off the ground. You'd have to, like, leap and hit her with a stick. That sounds fun. Could you do that? Were you going to collect some of her hair? But I mean, could I get in front of her, is my real question. Okay, there's no way for me to get in front of her.
Starting point is 00:40:56 I mean, unless you have something that can speed you up. You've used up all your movement. Um, okay. Then I guess I'm just gonna have to do... What if I were to tell you I could... What if I were to tell you I could change into a giant spring? What I wanted to try to do was to do Gust of Wind and push her back, but it emanates from me, so I don't want to push her. You would know if you did Gust of Wind,
Starting point is 00:41:17 you could slam her into a wall really hard. Or the ceiling. That's what I hope Thunderwave is also going to do. You would think either one of those could successfully do thatwave is also going to do you would think either one of those could successfully do that I'm going to do Thunderwave then
Starting point is 00:41:28 I love this so she's going to do a constitution saving throw I'll tell you who needs a constitution savings throw is that mess in Washington D.C.
Starting point is 00:41:38 am I right? here here they should roll a constitution save Mavis came in here just to fart 13 both sides right they'll save D. fart. 13. Both sides, right?
Starting point is 00:41:45 Spell save DC 14. Yeah, both sides. I heard it. Thunder wave. Thunder. So this does 10 points of damage and pushes her 10 feet away. I don't know if I'm a dog fart. How'd your spell work?
Starting point is 00:42:01 Mavis doesn't fart. That was me. Which way are you trying to push her straight like straight into this wall because there's a wall sarah yeah there's a wall right here this way this way or up um i guess just away from me so into the wall that's so like into this wall yeah okay she's gonna try to do a uh a duck save to not get knocked off onto the ground. She rolled real. That's a six. So she flies as she smashes into the wall off of her staff.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Good. Break her. Still holding it. But she careens to the ground. Did you roll your damage? Yeah. Ten. All right.
Starting point is 00:42:43 So you can lay her on the ground there if you want. Prone. Suck it. Also, she hits the ground with like a crack, and you're really getting a sense that she's torn up pretty bad. Good. Tore up. Darkthru, you're up.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Darkthru, you see Halc hal seen around the corner and you hear an explosion and a scream how quickly can i get around that corner uh this turn you wouldn't you uh you'd be able to make it about as far as hal seen okay and so yeah when you round the corner you see she is splayed out on the ground screeching hal seen's got her hands out from the thunder wave. And I wouldn't have any time to cast anything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Oh, fairy fire. Okay. I believe that is a dex saving throw. Yeah. But it also makes it so other people can hit her easier too. If she doesn't evade it, but she rolled a 18. So I believe that means that she evades being splashed with the fairy fire.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Well, yeah, because my... That would be my spell save? Yep. Yeah, it's 13. But wait, what's the spell attack bonus? That's a different thing. Some spells, it's either or. Either you do a saving throw
Starting point is 00:44:12 or you do a spell attack roll. This is a saving throw. A dexterity. So you try to cast a shining light. Doesn't quite work out. Got anything else you want to try with the bonus movement or you think you're done? I done quick you're up um you peep around the ice wall and you see just a big empty cavern with snag and this kind of like a tick tock and doctor who
Starting point is 00:44:36 had all looking after everyone else he's run down somebody shouted she's running away yeah yeah i'm gonna take a look in this doorway over here okay so you look over and down in the doorway there is a cliff it's again not a door that for the sake of having fun much way yeah it's like an archway down into a pit it looks like it's about a 15 foot drop and there's it you've you know kind of you kind of see it's very very very dark, though. Dark pit. Light a torch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:09 All right. Toss it down in there. Toss it down there. You see skulls, garbage. Looks like a couple of desiccated corpses with the meat eaten off of them. What a mess. This place is gross. It looks like there's some sort of nest you're not sure what's going on um you think you see really rickety wild looking uh wooden furniture in like the back of
Starting point is 00:45:35 this little nest uh but yeah okay what a way to go i'll tell i'll tell everybody else what I saw or whoever's in the room Snaginthus is going to run towards you for his turn and he's going to say search for the web that whatever it is we're looking for there's some sort of
Starting point is 00:46:02 shattered piece of shard we should search down there for the shard oh the shattered piece of shard yes we should search down there for the shirt we should regardless if she gets away or not all right and then that'll bring us to dr uid uh so you can make it to the here if you want and you wouldn't be able to get because you're a little farther away you wouldn't be able to get close enough to do a melee attack against her, but you could do a spell or a ranged attack. And who's back here? Those two. Me and Snagathus.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I'm going to stay up here until she's taken care of. So I'm going to move myself. The hag. Oh, sorry. Couldn't see there was a funded Bulette. You see her again sprawled out on the ground see had what was that okay and how and how far like uh alice the goon how far from the turn right here i did not like that she's about 20 feet down that tunnel could i keep going and get up to her no you'd have to use all your movement to get that far.
Starting point is 00:47:06 Okay. Yeah, there's some old school animated shit that freaked me out. That and the blockheads. The blockheads on Gumby. Yeah. And like that little evil dude on Gumby too. Well, the planet, the little planet one.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Kid playing the piano. Fuck that kid. Yeah, the worst. I will continue my move i guess sort of joining around with doctor and everybody i want to shoot her with two arrows okay now she's she's so buddy prone right so you get advantage yeah no i want her to be dead do it do it oh so then kill kill she's looking real fucked right now too the fact that Halsey knocked her out for a stab 25 nice so 10 points
Starting point is 00:47:54 of damage boom she's taking a lot of hits she's still not dead yikes powerful boss. Double sevens, Dan. So that makes a 16.
Starting point is 00:48:09 That is a miss. Shit. I cannot hit it. What the fork? All right. Hard to hit. Bo buddy, help me. He's going to reach out a hand.
Starting point is 00:48:22 No. Better not be across America. Don't say across America. Oh, my God. Please not across America. I'm going to need from Halseen Dargther, Dr. Uid. Everybody except for Ken, basically. I'm going to need a constitution saving throw.
Starting point is 00:48:42 Boo. 18. Boo. 18. Plus. 21. 19. 19. 14. All right.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Dark throw is the only failure. That sounded way harsher than I meant. All right. So she's going to do it's accurate half damage to everyone except for you you're going to take this full number oh boy this is cold damage oh i'm immune to cold uh i believe you're are you immune or resistant there's an important distinction there because if you're resistant protection from oh you know what if you're resistant even if you rolled a save then you are immune
Starting point is 00:49:32 for all intents and purposes so you take no damage you two are going to take half you're going to take full and here that comes 8 16 oh god you're rolling again?
Starting point is 00:49:48 Mmhmm Oh god A lot of dice Dan Oh boy He's doing new math 42 points of cold damage So that is 21 for you two, 42 for you.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Actually, I'm going to use my shield master evasion reaction. If an effect allows half damage on success, you can use a reaction to take no damage. Holy shit. Nice. You want to do that for me? Can you do that? Now that's a reaction, but I assume that's a reaction too.
Starting point is 00:50:21 That's how reactions work is to an attack. That's the only way. Okay. It's too bad because my other reaction would allow me to actually do damage to her, but I need those points. Okay. So yeah, this is just a blast of cold air
Starting point is 00:50:37 that she reaches out with towards all of you. And guess what, Halstein? It's your turn. Darkthor's dead. I'm just trying to figure out how dead how many negative hit points do you have I'm getting there okay so it's my turn now
Starting point is 00:50:52 yes and you say that she looks bad she's looking rough yeah okay I'm going to and Darkthor's down yeah Darkthor's down I'm going to And Darkthirst down? Yeah, Darkthirst down I'm going to inflict wounds on her
Starting point is 00:51:10 You should You totally should Lots of them She's been talking about you behind your back Alright, because I have to be able to reach her Is this a saving throw? You can reach her She's like five feet in front of you A melee spell attack
Starting point is 00:51:24 Okay you can reach her she's uh she's like five feet in front of you a melee spell attack okay and i'm just deciding if i want to do it at second level or fire no i think it should be fine at this level so if it even hits we'll see yeah i don't think that hit um 15 that That's a miss. Sorry, guys. I missed touching her. Hey, Darkthor, do a death saving throw, please. Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee! Boo!
Starting point is 00:51:57 Uh, damn it. It's a fail. Yeah. It's a best of five. Can I use my... Oh, no, I can't. No, not yet. We'll have time. Don't worry. I'll get my... Oh, no, I can't. We'll have time. Don't worry.
Starting point is 00:52:08 I'll get to you. I'm not worried. Am I aware of this going on? You hear her shouting. I don't know if Darkthor is a yelper when he dies, but... I thought I could just take her out and then deal with everybody. I feel like he whimpers quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Darkthor? I feel like he whimpers quite a bit. Dark for? I feel like I would hear like a thud or something. Dark for what noise do you make when you go unconscious? When you're hit with a blast of cold air. Sounds right to me. What are you doing, Cleek? I'm heading over there. You're going to run to them?
Starting point is 00:52:41 Yeah. All right, so you can get about halfway. Okay. A little more if you fly. Okay, I'll fly. Bye-bye. Ka-ka-la-ka-la. Snagenthus is going to go
Starting point is 00:52:56 down into the garbage pit for his turn. And Dr. Uy'd, you're up. I am going to cure wounds on Darkthar. Great. Roll your heals. That's a six. Cool. So negative three.
Starting point is 00:53:20 Awesome. He's almost back to full speed. And I can't do another spell. No, unless it's a bonus action spell, which does exist. Wait, if you do cure on somebody who's at... He's not really at that negative number. He's at zero.
Starting point is 00:53:35 Oh, that's true. Yeah, you're right. You basically made your death save. I think that's another addition that stuck in my head. Why? I think that negative... It stops you from having to do... The negative hit points, I think, and it might be wrong, it only matters about instant death. So, like, if you're at two hit points,
Starting point is 00:53:52 your total hit... your max hit points are 35, and someone hits you for 50 damage, you're instantly dead. But if they hit you for 20 damage, you're unconscious. Also, if he was being attacked now, like, if the bullet, attacked now, like if the
Starting point is 00:54:05 bullet, for example, still here was munching on you, it could take you out for sure. All right. So he brings you back to six. To zero. Nice. Is he even conscious or is he just stable? Oh, I think you're just stable. It's like you made a death save. He's at six.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I think if he gave him six, so you're... He's at six hit points. Yeah, you're out of it. You're at six. Okay, he i think if he gave him six so you're he's at six you're out of yeah you're you're you're out of it you're okay cool you're still laying on the ground gotcha okay that's even better uh tick tock you're up i will shoot her with my arrows let's see you try oh is she and then we're still doing the advantage she's still prone uh yeah well no she would have got up yeah yeah yeah okay
Starting point is 00:54:55 as she rose up sorry that's all right uh 28 yeah that's a hit uh an arrow you just shot in her that's a good one so that's a hit that's a fuck of an arrow you just shot in her that's a good one so that's seven points nice and I will shoot her again she's still not
Starting point is 00:55:11 dead nope this fairy thing is yikes forget it it's an 11 13 nope that's a miss forget it all right I'm neither dungeoning nor dragoning today. The 28 hit.
Starting point is 00:55:32 What was the damage on the 28? Eight. Oh, okay. Tick tock. I'm going to need a wisdom saving throw, please. Coolio. I needed one of those on eBay the other night. 19.
Starting point is 00:55:45 All right. She tries to cast Hold Person on you, but you managed to avoid being petrified by stealing your mind. No, you tried to kill my friend. I'm going to make you into a purse. She runs around this corner. No! Right after she does it. I do think, by the way, that he's healed.
Starting point is 00:56:00 I think you're just at zero. I think that's how it works. Is that what it is? Okay, zero. I think it's just so if you get healed, you get versus being stabilized. Sorry, but I don't think we've done a proper out-of-death-save health count in a while.
Starting point is 00:56:12 She ran away again? It's still fun, though, right? She's around the corner. There's a hard turn this way. She got up and ran around the corner? She got up, tried to cast a spell on TikTok, and ran off. All right.
Starting point is 00:56:26 She ran. I mean, she's holding her staff still, but she ran. She can't be far, because if she stood up tried to cast a spell on tiktok and ran off all right she ran i mean she's holding her staff still but she ran she can't be far because if she's ridiculous yeah it's like it's a dance so whose turn is it uh yours it's mine yeah hence the excessive eye contact that's just your thing dan is it Is it? You're an eye guy. I do have abnormally large eyeballs. All right. What? You do? I feel like I have big eyes.
Starting point is 00:56:52 All right. She's just really irritating me. I was attempting self-deprecation, and then when it didn't land, I was like, oh, well, that doesn't sound good at all. You're a real keen painting. All right. Tim Burton. Yes. There's also a cheap trick song.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Shatter again, I guess. I'm running to see her and then shatter. You run around the corner. She is scrambling up a short cliff. Okay. Who's got the biggest eyes of them all? So it's a Constitution saving throw again. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Definitely bad. It's a... I love Led Zeppelin. 17. Yep, she made it. is a I love Led Zeppelin. 17. Don't you mean Greta Van Fleet? She made it, but she takes half as much damage on a fail. Okay. Roll your damage.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Roll your damage, Heather. Is it thunder damage? Yes. Nice. Would that jack her up at all if she's trying to climb with thunder damage? Like with that slow, I don't know. Apparently she's trying to climb with thunder damage? Like with that slow... I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Apparently she's invincible. It seems that way. Oh, come on. Rolling terrible. Seven. Could have been 24. How would you like to see a hag? Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. Perfect ending. So she shatters.
Starting point is 00:58:04 She's climbing up. Yeah, her back is too she's like just pulling herself up over this precipice it's like eight feet above the ground okay so i yeah i think she should like like her her limbs should like shake and fall and then she should fall off and then like her skull should just shatter on the great yeah i mean just like a clay pot in a legend of zelda game it just goes goes crash and she's no more. Yay. Thank goodness. What time are we at, Sam?
Starting point is 00:58:30 57 minutes. Cool. You got some time to look around, I would think. Loot the body. I saw loot the body open for... Who's looting the body? I shouted that clay pot head, so I'm going to do it. All right.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Nobody else is there. You turn her over, and she does have a necklace of what looks like goblin ears. Oh, God. Shh, they can hear us. That might help with your charisma. Necklace of goblin ears. What looks like small goblin-like skulls
Starting point is 00:59:08 are sort of sewn into her robe. Her staff looks like it was messed up when she smashed into the wall. It looks heavily damaged. But it does look like it's got some sort of magic fetishes tied to the top of it. I don't want that. Does anyone want that?
Starting point is 00:59:24 Yeah. I mean, I would say at this you might you might have all learned a lesson from tiktok's cursed acts that certain evil weapons get stuck to you and have back drawbacks but uh this is also maybe a powerful staff is just broken and you never know with broken magic stuff um but uh she has a small pouch tied around her i'm taking the goblin ear necklace and what's in the pouch you unbutton the pouch and you see a uh sort of i don't want to say you know like about the size of my laptop broken blue that's what we're glass like object shimmering white streaming, almost spectral shapes moving inside of it.
Starting point is 01:00:08 That's nothing, you guys. It's a crystal eye pack. And as you do that, Snaginthus is walking up to you with his eyes wide. He came from the trash bin already? Yeah, he spent some time in the trash bin. The time it took you to loot the corpse.
Starting point is 01:00:24 What did you find, fish friend? All I came for was this. What? I found, you know, some basic magic ingredients for alchemy and such in her lair. Cool. You may take them. I only came with the hope of finding this for the mother brain. Right.
Starting point is 01:00:44 So what do you do with it now takes it and fixes our boat yeah well i would we hopefully our people are fixing your boat right now as i speak oh i bet they are i would uh i would use this crystal we would give it to the mother brain and she would somehow integrate it into herself how long would that take do you think for her to integrate it? I don't know. She would study it, find the best way to use the power of the blue crystal, and hopefully everything would go great.
Starting point is 01:01:13 Cool. She has Arcanist at her disposal. I do not know if you remember, there are two amongst the Thixit clan who are older and from before times. And those guys stay away from us. If you prefer, I suppose. They basically guard her and they would study this crystal before risking giving it directly to her.
Starting point is 01:01:36 But perhaps they would grind it into dust. They would place it in her brine pool that she lays in. Can I do an Arcana check now that I've seen this thing? You're still... Yeah, right now it's sort of revealed within the pouch. Why don Can I do an Arcana check now that I've seen this thing? You're still, yeah, right now it's sort of revealed within the pouch. Why don't you do an Arcana check? Brine pool.
Starting point is 01:01:51 While she's doing that, I'd like to insight check the guy as he's talking about this. Please. 19. It's the most powerful magic item you've ever held. Oh. It seems to have an otherworldly quality to it. However, it looks very familiar.
Starting point is 01:02:12 You're certain you've seen this before. What? Has it been sticking out of a bunch of beholders and dragons? You think you've seen it sticking out of a beholder and a dragon. Oh, okay. It's one of them scales uh what would you like to know with that insight check exactly when he's saying this is is he being like yeah and she's gonna be great or is this and now we're gonna murder everybody uh what was your role 16. he seems
Starting point is 01:02:40 nervous excited this is when the mind flayer problems start to become an issue that's what i'm thinking like we helped them but now i don't know you guys did agree to no i know but now i don't know if i want this guy to have this thing i mean let's say we give it to him it's definitely as we're sailing away like we'll tie it to an arrow and shoot it in. Throw it. Whatever. Just some kind of like, if we, you know.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Because as soon as the mother brain becomes a fucking fairy dragon. Are you going to become evil again when the mother brain takes this? What do you think? What do you mean evil again? Well, mind flayers are, you know. Eating the brains of others.
Starting point is 01:03:26 For example, us. Well, we will continue to eat the brains of others. It's the only way we can biologically continue to exist. But we would attempt to only eat the brains of willing subjects and goblins as we have been recently. Okay. All right. So what is this going to do then for her that you need it so badly? She's going to die without it?
Starting point is 01:03:47 It has power in it that can at least create a new found energy. Arcanists have been studying what it does to other creatures and they believe it can spare her dying form. How do you know about what it does to other creatures? Did you do that to the other creatures we've seen with these things? No. We haven't seen it firsthand. We've only seen from a distance certain monsters
Starting point is 01:04:11 who have these crystals embedded in their flesh. How did they get embedded in the other monsters? Well, there are only rumors that we have been able to research, but we know there were some dark dealings that allowed the dragons of the Barrow Steps, for instance, to get a supply of these. From? I believe the Tenebrous one.
Starting point is 01:04:34 Where do you think Crazy Lady got hers? Crazy Lady? The hag. Perhaps somewhere in the caves underneath. Okay. And how did you guys know she had it? We heard rumors.
Starting point is 01:04:50 From Huggy Bear? What are you talking about? We set up this spot here near the cave to try to wrest it from her. We were pirates. So you just were checking her out in general, saw she had the crystal, and you're like, oh, we got to get that. No, we listened to rumors from sailors that for powerful items that we could use to bring life back to the mother brain who lived in our ship's hold.
Starting point is 01:05:11 And when we learned of this cave, we thought, surely this is our best bet. And we set up this camp, this checkpoint to accumulate money and power in the hopes we could eventually defeat these creatures. So this is a really big date for you. May I have it? We should, uh, no.
Starting point is 01:05:30 And on that note, we're going to wait till next week. Let's wait till next week. Hey, Sam, what do you think we did today? Be happy to tell you guys. What happened? All right, we're starting up with the witch and we're thorn whipping. George Pappard was an actor known for Breakfast at Tiffany's, but our riff run was mostly a team.
Starting point is 01:05:46 Sarah threw thunder damage and several people shot arrows who kept at the witch who cast a wall of ice. Brian's never going to let it up was sung to the end. Vogue song. Never going to get it. Even though no one acknowledged it. We all laughed at Sarah for playing the game. Normally Sarah then played sacred flame.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Brian shot an arrow at the witch's abdomen and Ken missed with an arrow. Send Sarah knocked her off the wall and offer staff. Sarah then played Sacred Flame. Brian shot an arrow at the witch's abdomen and Ken missed with an arrow. Sarah knocked her off the wall and off her staff. Stagenthys gets a little more billy each time he talks. There's massive cold damage, except for Sarah, who played some crazy shit. I think Brian is dead. TikTok shot a big arrow and missed and avoided a hold person.
Starting point is 01:06:20 A Keen painting is, of course, a reference to Margaret Keen, whose shitbird husband pretended he painted them. Sarah killed the witch and shattered her skull, and now we're looting a dead body because this game rules yeah awesome thanks sam sure uh anything you want to plug uh yeah everybody go out there and buy skittle i don't know no patreon uh support us support us on patreon please why would you not do that please and then also uh our website have we advertised that recently or no that's not up yet when will it be up soon yeah we got a website coming what are you talking about oh i don't know thanks for listening thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,
Starting point is 01:07:09 and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. 416. Thanks for listening. Yeah, alright, we're back. We're taking a look at traffic. Going up with Bripo. What's it look like up there?
Starting point is 01:07:36 I'm trying to test sound. Can you not scream over me testing sound? I wanted the narrator music. Oh, give me one second. Okay, thank you. testing. I wanted the narrator music. Give me give me one second. Okay, thank you. That's in there
Starting point is 01:07:47 too. There's a freak action. Don't scream over me, but I'm in the middle of a sentence. It's like down.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.