Nerd Poker - Episode 40 - Gilfry or Die

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

The heroes continue their confrontation with Lord Chasma who, let's face it, might be kind of invincible. Luckily the evil Kenku Gilfry might have decided to help the crew out, and they might be one ...step closer to the building holding Jnrei D'Nah. Hopefully everyone won't get smeared across a steel dome first.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Sam, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2. Hey, everybody. It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker.
Starting point is 00:00:57 My friends are here. What episode is this, by the way? 40. Episode 40. That doesn't seem right. The last campaign lasted 42 episodes too the big 4-0 wow you feel different 40 is the new you know what um the new 38 with two fingers up your ass i haven't even introduced you who are you who are you no one knows
Starting point is 00:01:21 no one knows my friends are here in this asshole. Why did I sound like George Takei when I said this asshole? I got real deep in a way that I don't normally do. This asshole. That wasn't it. Anyway, my friends are here. This is a great deliberate George Takei impression. But it was better when I was just fucking around.
Starting point is 00:01:44 No, do your deliberate George Decade. My friends are here. Chris. Hi. Sarah. Yo. Ken. I am.
Starting point is 00:01:52 What is up? Dan. Lane. Hello. I can't say Matt at Lane. That was awesome. Yeah, way better than mine. Hello.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Sorry I chimed in before you said my name, but you just pointed at me and then waited. Yeah. And I was like, ugh. Remember when I did a take at the beginning of the last episode? I did a silent one. Uh-huh. That's what we're known for on this podcast, silent takes. So many.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Patreon. Yeah, you know, I like to hang out with Patreons at my favorite club, Paladinos. Yeah, we all go to Paladinos to see rock bands. You know what i like to hang out with patreons at my favorite club yeah we all go to paladinos to see rock bands you know what i like to check out i'm looking forward to this band it's called share s-h-a-r-e the share tribute band with all songs providing a healthy message for kids uh about sharing all right also we've uh this weekend uh we got glenn dan ziggy stardust performing songs of doom, gloom, and all things with an evil but up-tempo beat. And hey, you know what? Let's gear up for Christmas,
Starting point is 00:02:51 just like your favorite department stores. Way too early at Palladino's with Slayer, S-L-E-I-G-H-E-R, a Slayer cover band that only does Christmas music, even that awful Mariah Carey one. Oh, man. That one's terrible. Patreon users Cloacacola. cover band that only does christmas music even that awful mariah carey one oh man that's uh that one's terrible patreon users cloaca cola i mean that hack stump grinder and used eraser nipples everybody agrees that santa baby is the worst christmas song yes and madonna's version
Starting point is 00:03:17 not worse than earth kit right we all agree yes yes yeah okay cool I like that song worse than Eartha you like Santa Baby by Madonna no no no the Eartha Kitt version yeah but the Madonna one Madonna's worse she sounds like
Starting point is 00:03:32 she's doing the character she did in Dick Tracy where it's Santa Baby baby baby baby it sounds like Dice yeah yeah it does
Starting point is 00:03:42 well it's my Dice oh I wish Andrew Dice Clay played Breathless Mahoney. And it's also the voice I do when my mom is being annoying. Like, can we go somewhere special for your birthday? It's the same voice. Wait, is your dad Andrew Dice Clay? What?
Starting point is 00:03:59 My mom. No, but Andrew Dice Clay's wife. Oh, right. Sure. Oh, yeah. Got it. That's not Oh, right. Sure. Oh, yeah. Got it. It was not a good joke. It was more like a logic puzzle than a joke.
Starting point is 00:04:11 How could you not find it? That joke puzzle was worse than one of my D&D puzzles. This is my son. I can't operate. We should get into this. Just take out a spare rib for $100. Yeah, you guys are in mid-engagement with a god named Lord Kazma, and you're engaged with, what happened?
Starting point is 00:04:36 Wait, have we not done a Rock the Kazma? You going home, dude? We haven't. No Rock the Kazmas? He's winding up his headphones cord. Brian is really distracted by Blaine touching a cord. Yeah. I'm plugged.
Starting point is 00:04:47 He touched a cord. Does the cord. We haven't, we haven't done a rock the chasm joke yet. Also, every time someone says cord now, I only think of cord. You're God.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You did that off the air, by the way, the, the core depression.
Starting point is 00:05:03 I was just for you at this time. You don't want to give listeners a taste. I did. I just the way, the chord impression. I was just for you at this time. You don't want to give listeners a taste? I did. I just did my chord impression. I was distracted. It was great. I can't do it. I think now everybody needs to go around and do their chord.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Let's see. Blaine. Hey, I'm chord. I don't get no respect. I'm chord. I don't get no respect. Hey, I'm chord. You know what?
Starting point is 00:05:22 That one's on me because I shouldn't have started with Blaine, obviously. I would have just done that at the end. You did a cord impression? I did. I tried. It was so bad that it just sounded like me. No, I was distracted because Blaine was unwinding a cord and Brian was like, hey, everybody, look at that cord.
Starting point is 00:05:38 I did do one before the first game started off, Mike. Damn it. Okay. Anyways, back to... Call me me brother like cord say hey brother hey brother oh my god that's a weird impression so you're mid-engagement with this uh this thing this giant blue demon face and it doesn't get any respect either i'm telling you oh whoa gendy a sorcerer you brought with you from the planet below is currently flying and in air combat with about about 10 or 11 humanoid fly demon things
Starting point is 00:06:13 that have pierced the darkness you've magically surrounded lord casmo with twee you're kind of behind him and you hit him with a fireball everybody else uh you know you're doing your own thing uh netty you're below him uh levitating trying to think of something you can do in range through or around the darkness um typha you and bodhi teleported down the lane uh esmeralda you're also underneath if i'm not mistaken or no you're by the door more. I moved to the side, to the left side of him to point the wand. The bone wand. You did hit him with the bone wand.
Starting point is 00:06:50 And you give him some sleep poison. Yeah. When he goes to sleep, I'm sure he sleeps. Yeah. I mean, it's a little different for a semi-omnipresent being. You could cast melatonin on him. Your sleep would be great but but but uh more specifically down the path you two tried to find a guard to help you out um bode you you just untangled a guy
Starting point is 00:07:15 and uh typhoon you went a little farther down the path and found the dismembered meat of one of the guards and noticed that tattooed across his chest there are some words. Are they in common? Yep. Can I memorize them? His chest is not really in order. And you're not sure it's all there. Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:40 But does the asshole I'm with have a... Probably. Get to me and tell me that. All right, I get to him and tell him that. We win. The end. Well, you know, Typha, you just finished your action, and we're going to head on back to Nettie at the moment. Nettie, what are you up to?
Starting point is 00:07:59 I'm going to cast a firebolt. Great. Do it like Michelle Rodriguez. Oh, you did. I'm going to... Yeah, that's got the best range of any of your spells for sure. Now, the downside is you're going to be casting this into darkness.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Yes, so I'm going to aim for the inside edge of the hair that I can see. Great, yes. Yes, you can. Okay, so I'm going to aim for the inside edge of the hair that I can see you. Great, yes. Yes, you can. Okay. So cast and go. Ten. So you do a little bit of flames on the edge of his hair. Ten PTS of damage.
Starting point is 00:08:45 It's something. It's something. It's something. Tweet, you're up! Oh. I just, you know what? I'm going to... Oh my god! He bumped the book. It's alright, everybody.
Starting point is 00:09:03 Yeah, but what Made you do that Do you have a stroke He brought his hand up And it touched his book It was not But it also I feel like No it was like
Starting point is 00:09:12 A Rube Goldberg Am I wrong But was that just also Just like tension Like everybody was Not ready for I thought you were like Dozing off
Starting point is 00:09:18 No it was like It was like dominoes Falling over there Like seven Oh cause he bumped His dice tower I thought Yeah it looked like Yeah it was like dominoes falling over there. Oh, because he bumped his dice tower. I thought... Yeah, it looked like a huge champagne flute
Starting point is 00:09:30 about to go into all the equipment. Because you know how Ken is always drinking champagne flutes. Well, he's secretly the Batman. It's my water. Champs. Bring me my branch water. I'm going to... Are any of those uh those humanoid things can i see them moving around any of the flies that are coming off of this thing uh yeah you can see
Starting point is 00:09:55 a couple of them from the angle you're at um but most of them are on the other side of a wave of darkness that uh gandhi cast okay uh i guess i'm just going to uh i'm gonna do a thunder wave i'm gonna try to get this thunder wave can i launch it like under and in front because it's a floating head yeah yeah i could do sort of a southern orbit and have it come up in front and kind of go off in its face and maybe it'll take out some of those fly things too. Maybe right in the teeth would be nice.
Starting point is 00:10:31 You looking that up? This week at Palladino's it's Mission UKFC and it's a guy dressed like the colonel and he sings Mission UK songs. here's the downside of thunder wave you can't cast it out it emanates from you so you would have to get right up in this thing's face within 15 feet to do damage to anything hmm i don't know if i want to do that
Starting point is 00:10:59 can i get a cloud of daggers going in front of that thing instead? Let me check. You know who I saw at Palladino's was a tweezer. How was that? Very tiny Weezer cover band. Cute, too. It's a life angel. It's a death angel with a more positive message. You know there's a real Weezer cover band called Geezer where they dress up like old men
Starting point is 00:11:25 That's great I saw them open for Nerf her They're all dressed like Geezer Butler I don't know what that is Get out of my house Okay bye Everybody read the rest of the story off my laptop I'm going home
Starting point is 00:11:38 Geezer Butler is the name of Brian's butler Oh my god You have to get within 60 feet To hit it with clouded daggers the name of Brian's butler. Oh my god. You have to get within 60 feet to hit it with cloud of daggers. Can I get that thing just to go? I'm underneath it. I can just kind of swing around so that I'm not in its
Starting point is 00:11:56 line of sight and then cast up. You're going to have to get right underneath it though because Nettie cast darkness underneath it. So there's about, you know, 10 feet between its beard and the bottom of the darkness. So you'd have to, like, still fly right up in there to really.
Starting point is 00:12:16 You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to hit the beard with a couple of fire bolts. All right. Yeah, fuck it. I'm not going to get fancy. What are they, D8s? You can hit it from where you're at. That's 1D10, and it goes up another D10 at fifth level.
Starting point is 00:12:30 So that's 2D10. Eight. More of its beard catches on fire, you guys. This thing looks like Gritty, that funny mascot from Philadelphia, with the beard, the orange beard Have you seen Gritty? Yeah, I've seen him Oh wow, you gotta see Gritty if you haven't seen Gritty
Starting point is 00:12:51 I think everyone here has seen Gritty Have you seen Gritty? Yeah, no, we've seen him Oh man, I can't get over him He's so funny, that Gritty Sam, have you seen Gritty? Have you tried getting over him? No, I can't get over him.
Starting point is 00:13:07 But you should try. I can't. I don't want to get over him. He just brings me so much joy, this Gritty. Have you heard of him? Yeah, we're telling you we have. Have you seen pictures of him? Yes.
Starting point is 00:13:18 I can't believe the pictures of this guy. Dan, wake up. I was awake. I was waiting for Blaine to stop talking, a never-ending struggle. So this is going to be Gilfrey's turn. He's kicking over Gritty. Look,
Starting point is 00:13:33 for what I lack in pop culture references, I make up for in being creepily blunt. So then there's going to be Gilfrey running down the path. You just see Gilfrey running down um he's still doing that running running running um run in he this time gets far enough away that you see lord kazma uh turn his whole head around and start following gilfrey's double um very slowly he only moves like you know like 10 feet
Starting point is 00:14:07 but like he's now looking behind him away from the coliseum uh following the sound gilfrey throwing up a distraction for us the other gil or basically that's what it seems like the other gilfrey is now running towards the Coliseum door. Oh. Maybe we should follow him. The other guy, yeah. Yeah, get out of this arena. Gilfri Prime. Wait, the one that's going for the door or the one that's leaving?
Starting point is 00:14:38 The one that's... We don't want to go back to where we came. Not the distracting one. The one that's going to the door. Yeah. Yeah. But we're still away down the path. Esmeralda, you're up.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Great. Did those humanoid fly type things, are they still flying around? They're all closing in on Genndy. And did they, he created them, right? They came out of his mouth. Cool, cool. I'm going to. What if you said the gun is good, the penis is bad?
Starting point is 00:15:07 They pass through the darkness also, which... They're passive arcana. You know that there may be some lost in the darkness. You don't know from your angle. Okay, well, what I wanted to do was, due to my level up, I now have some new powers. Sparkles? I would like to cast sparkles!
Starting point is 00:15:30 Yay! A one foot long stick appears in Esmeralda's hand with festive sparkles glittering off the end of it. One of those round batons. I'm going to try to cast Dispel Magic at the flies
Starting point is 00:15:45 if they were created through spell usage or magical usage and see if that dispels them in some way. I thought you said I would try to cast the spell magic. Dis. Yo, I'm going to cast Dispel. For 30 seconds, I was trying to think of what's that spell. An expansion pack of Mavic the Gathering appears. Well, good news.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Great range on old Dispel Magic. I'm just trying to see. Speaking of great range, you know who I saw at Palladino's? Queef. Queef? I create like eight octave Queef range. But do they sing Queen songs or what is it yeah but it's
Starting point is 00:16:27 you gotta see it you have to pick one of them whichever one I guess is closest they do bicycle race yeah one of these things just it blinks out of existence nice you don't have that as a cantrip do you um what
Starting point is 00:16:47 it's not a cantrip but it's a spell i can cast at will um in between each long rest once in between each long rest i i took instead of i took a the drow high magic feat so now i have some extra abilities some cool feet you can cast cast a Tarantino spell. Wait, wait, wait. If a spell... What spell level is it? It just says... I don't know, because it's just...
Starting point is 00:17:18 Oh, right, because it's a feat. It is just the spell, so whatever the spell is, I assume. Okay. What does spell magic what's your spell DC yes you also wanted to note
Starting point is 00:17:29 that it spell magic charisma is your spell casting ability for all three of the drow magic spells okay so is what it says
Starting point is 00:17:36 so what do you need your spell DC I can look it up too it's 12 so then what is the charisma thing about hmm I can look it up too. It's 12. Then what is the charisma thing about? Hmm? Then what is the charisma thing about?
Starting point is 00:17:50 Oh, well, does he have to do... It says charisma is your spellcasting ability for all three spells in Drow. Oh, so do a charisma check. That's what we're doing. Nine. Okay, well, I had him roll a four. four so yeah he blinks out of existence yeah bye fly that's great bode you're up oh wait do you get a second you get a second action uh do i i think so yeah tell me yeah you're you're a fighter um i don't get i don't believe
Starting point is 00:18:23 i get an extra i think i get a bonus action i don't believe I get an extra. I think I get a bonus action. I don't get a. Okay. Do you want to use it? No. Okay. You're up, buddy.
Starting point is 00:18:32 You're not there yet, right? I am not. And I don't know the information that you know. Correct. Fuck. To seduce the guy and ask him to take off his clothes. Just out of nowhere? Well, I mean, you're sexy.
Starting point is 00:18:46 You get it. I mean, you're in the middle of death. Typha, do a charisma saving throw. 14. Yeah, I mean, she blinks. It's on his body. It's written on his body. Jesus Christ, it's written on his body.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Okay. Hey, take up your armor. I'm saying you held your turn until basically he showed up. Okay, cool. So I don't get to. He goes, okay, now my friend's here. Take your armor off. He takes his chest plate off. He pulls his shirt down, and you see there's a prayer tattooed across his chest,
Starting point is 00:19:20 like right at the start. It's serendipity. Do we have to go there to read it, or do we read it here? He's like, yeah, I think we either say it to someone else, or we say it at the start. It's serendipity. Do we have to go there to read it or do we read it here and there? Yeah, I think we either say it to someone else or we say it to the door. Get to the part about the footprints! Get to the part about the footprints!
Starting point is 00:19:33 Mind against consciousness, give me thine favor, never waver. Okay. I commit that to short-term memory. Adrenaline-fueled. Me too. Cool. Can we blink back with this guy? You can try.
Starting point is 00:19:49 I mean, you all want to do it. You two can do it together. We could peel him. Your turns are next to each other. Okay, let's go. Yeah, go. Both of you do charisma checks. He made it.
Starting point is 00:20:00 I got a natural 20. Ooh. Yeah. Did you beat a 10? Yes. All right. So you all brunk and together you are now in the middle of the path. You got to do one more time.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Goddamn it again. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yep. 13. He made it. I didn't beat a 10 on that one. So everyone else, you see a guard in Typha appear at the group.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Bodhi, you are now standing alone in the path. Okay. Can I try again, or do I not get a shot? Yes, you get one more to try. That's a hit. Yeah. All right. You're alone again, but you feel like you're closer to everyone.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Okay. Based on the pattern you've been going. You're northeast towards. But do I get one more shot? You're alone. No like you're closer to everyone. Okay. Based on the pattern you've been going. You're northeast towards. But do I get one more shot? You're alone. No, you've done your three. I'm just going to run. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:20:53 I guess not. You can't see anything in either direction. It's that far. I'll wait. Okay. Typha. Okay. The guard is next to you.
Starting point is 00:21:04 I start saying to everybody everybody it's written on his chest the mercy prayer is written on his chest like i'm trying to say like get to the door yeah recited just the same as the teleport except instead of saying the teleport one say this mercy and if you run to the door i mean he'll run right up there with you yeah let's go but i want everyone to i start shouting it out so everybody can okay you shout out the prayer uh mind against consciousness give me thine favor never waver in the this like obnoxiously small six foot tall portal opens up in the middle of the door and you see a small corridor going about 10 feet to a smaller wooden door okay so i stop
Starting point is 00:21:48 and turn back to all of them and i'm like go go go but i'm not leaving until bodhi gets there but i'm like let's go you know let's okay let's move it let's move it i mean the guards turn is next and he just runs in uh netty you're up as he, I scream at him, keep this door open until everybody gets there. Okay. I'm coming down. Great. I hear all this, I assume, is yelling and bragging. You can use your turn to get to the doorway, so you're like right next to Typha. Groovy.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Tui, you're up. I'm going to do a funny thing where I swim into the doorway. Like I'm flying, but I'm going to, like I'm swimming. Do a dex check, because you've got farther to go, and you've got to get around some darkness. On your side, kind of like doing like a side breaststroke kind of a thing. Do it like you're following a hand with delicious food smell. Yeah, you just barely get, you catch up to them flying in
Starting point is 00:22:36 and now you three are at the door with Gilfrey and the guard is already inside. I'm doing like a butterfly. Is Gilfrey inside too? Gilfrey goes the guard is already inside. I'm doing like a butterfly. Is Gilfrey inside too? Gilfrey goes in. Esmeralda, you're up. I'm going. All right, you're in.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Hey, Bodhi. Yes. You're up. Yeah, I'm going to try to join the guys. Okay. That's it, yes. Prunk, you appear underneath Lord Kazma. You see Gendi fighting a bunch of flies.
Starting point is 00:23:11 She's not coming? Not yet. I tell her to come, and then I head towards these guys. Okay. Yeah, I mean, you're actually close enough. You can catch up to everybody where you're all just kind of like squeezed in this tiny little hallway yeah um up next is lord casma uh you see uh this sort of red beam kind of come down from behind the darkness there's still darkness uh floating
Starting point is 00:23:46 between you and lord casmo if you're in the doorway so you can't really see what's happening but you see this sort of red beam come down and just uh no more uh gilfrey double did the vine get hurt no this is the double it's no i know honestly it's too far away it's it's the gilfries double was i figured that was like so far down the path at this point yeah it was you know you you feel like it was wider than the path so it was probably like a 20 foot wide beam cool um and at least and uh do do uh gendy is being grappled by one of these flies uh and she can't get away typha you're up i pull out the crossbow and i how far away is the fly gendy grapple trying to do the math so 100 about 100 feet up in the air. Are you fucking kidding me?
Starting point is 00:24:46 No. And about 30 feet away from the doorway. So she was above Bodhi when he came in. He couldn't have really helped anyway. No. I mean, I guess I try and close the... If I close the physical distance on the ground,
Starting point is 00:25:01 I'm still going to have to shoot with disadvantage, but I got to try and help her. So that's what I do. I close the physical distance on the ground. I'm still going to have to shoot with disadvantage, but I've got to try and help her. All right. So that's what I do. I close the physical distance on the ground. Roll with disadvantage. All right. That's a natural 20. Oh, two natural 20s. Holy shit! Roll for damage.
Starting point is 00:25:16 All right. That woke everybody up. Yeah, Sam. And you told me you thought D&D was for dipshit. I thought we were going to have some scotch for Gendy for a second there. We'll see. It still might happen. 13. I'm going to be very quiet, but I just won
Starting point is 00:25:33 $52,000. Did you double that? I did. Alright. I mean, you hit one of them and it lets go of Gendy. Thank God. And I scream, come on, let's go. Are you guys all... Is anyone going to do anything besides hide in this hallway or does someone want to get out and try to do something?
Starting point is 00:25:56 I'll help too. I don't know how. Okay. Well, if it's just you, we'll jump to you if anyone else wants to do something. I didn't realize. I think probably actually if I had known that Gendy was still there you're all kind of smushed in a
Starting point is 00:26:08 hallway right now so you can pop out but if you're just gonna get ready to go can I just go out and get my crossbow back from Typha and try to use it as well because I won't have disadvantage to help free Gendy unless Nettty wants to go netty or netty or tweet because they're
Starting point is 00:26:29 they're ordered up before you either you want to do anything to try to grab gundy or yeah sure okay bullet tweet you want to do anything uh how far away is guard's just hiding in the hallway. She's 100 feet up, 30 feet away. You can fly, but... Can I just grab her with my mage hand and pull her in? Let me see. She's 100 feet in the air, though, right? Yes, you can. I'm looking for the distance.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Wishful thinking. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what the rules say. Your mage hand is a 60 feet range you can you can close the distance and do it yeah okay you've got it you've got to fly 40 feet towards her i'll do it and then i'll just grab her by the magical and you do have double distance on your mage hand for those who don't remember last campaign you got a bonus for reading a book so yeah grab it yank her she gets you manage to pull her
Starting point is 00:27:29 you know towards you so now that's it you know you've pulled her 60 feet away from the flies but you're really close to the flies right now okay that brings us to Nettie what were you gonna
Starting point is 00:27:44 now do you want to do anything? I also could cast Mage Hand and help with... Try and grab Twee while he's grabbing her? I mean, the thing is, he's a little too far away for you to reach unless you're levitating again.
Starting point is 00:27:59 All right. Well, that's not a cantrip. No. Hey, Blaine This Sunday I was going to go to Paladino's Yoko Oh Yes is playing How high up in the air do you need to be?
Starting point is 00:28:15 Nettie how high up in the air do you need to be? Yes songs done in the style of Yoko Ono I love Long distance Unlistenable roundabout Yeah it's useless You know 60-foot range on the mid-champion? Long-distance, unlistenable roundabout. Yeah, that's useless. What if she ran and jumped and I boosted her up in the air so she, at the height, the apex of her thing,
Starting point is 00:28:35 she could cast a spell to pull twee? Is that a physical reality? No. I mean, if you did a an athletics check yeah uh i'd say she can jump pretty high but that's like four feet and then you'd give her like a maybe two feet speaking of jump you know who i saw paladinos yeah who van jealous if you both made an athletics feat or a athletics, then you could get her six feet up in the air. And would that get her there?
Starting point is 00:29:09 I mean... Don't forget, Nettie is 20 feet tall. She's very tall, but she's not that tall. All right. Karate kid and play were... All right, time's up. You doing anything? Criss-cross.
Starting point is 00:29:24 The rap duet that does Christopher cross-covers. I play in the end time's up you doing anything crisscross the the rap duet that does Christopher Cross covers his mage hand work so Tweeze Tweeze now got her
Starting point is 00:29:32 they've got to close some disc they've got to close about 40 feet to get back to you but
Starting point is 00:29:38 they're closing the distance yeah he mage hand her flew like closer to him but they're both flying up in the air.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I can at least shoot a firebolt at the fly. It's too far away for you to... I mean, no. It's within 120 feet. You could shoot a firebolt at the fly. Okay. Woo! Two points of damage. Buzz buzz.
Starting point is 00:30:06 You hit the one that's already been hit and it doesn't look too happy about it. That's good. Esmeralda, now what you can do. So then I will, I guess, crossbow as long as I'm here. With disadvantage, right? Why do I have disadvantage? Because the flies are about 100 feet away.
Starting point is 00:30:22 They're fur. Got it. That's the thing about the range. If it's within 80 feet... He rolled two nat 20s is how he was able to hit one. Also, he wasn't proficient though, right? That's true. Alright, yeah. Fine. Actually, I'm good with range weapons. So he was fine.
Starting point is 00:30:41 Well, it's pointless now. Okay, so that was my first attack and I missed. Okay. Do you know Counting Crochies are playing this week? It's Counting Cro-Songs. Are they going to do it? The style of Jim Crochie.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Bad, bad Mrs. Robinson. Have you heard Oingo Bo-Kay-Go? I'm going to send the health inspector to Paladino's and shut it down. Yay. All right. That's two misses. Yeah. For me as well.
Starting point is 00:31:16 Bodhi, you're up. I hope they don't get closed before Neil Sudoku plays there. Oh, before you go, Gilfrey points at the guard and says, mercy prayer. That's it. Okay. What can I do to help expedite this? She's still way above us, right?
Starting point is 00:31:39 There's nothing really. They're coming in. Oh, they're coming. Yeah. It looks like 11 flies humanoid flies following them oh okay uh can i hack at them they're way too far away they're way up in there okay but they're coming towards it now she's coming well i guess there's nothing he can do right all right well i'll just forgo the turn and uh help uh help everybody get into the
Starting point is 00:32:08 hole lord chasma comes through the darkness just right through uh and you see coming with it almost bouncing off of its face there's like a dozen more of those humanoid flies uh flying in uh gendy flies grabbing onto you, Twee, right at the doorway. Do you want to go in? Do you all want to mush in there? Yes. Great. Everybody do a... Let's do this. Just a straight up dex check.
Starting point is 00:32:37 Make sure you're able to get into this small hallway. 21. Some of you are well over six feet tall, this you got a duck 14 13 5 all right so esmeralda you you uh you just kind of trip a little bit over all the tiefling tails and somebody grab her um and you're you're you're outside uh but you you feel like you'll get in before the flies. That's all.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You scoot, scoot, scoot. I am going to set a timer for you guys to figure out what you're going to do now that you're inside. I look at the guard and say, how do we close it? Probably say the prayer again. I do it. I say the prayer again out loud. Wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:33:21 I thought you said she was in. This is just like Left 4 Dead. No, I mean, you can get in but once everyone's in i say as long as you're not attacking or anything okay no all right it's the white witch so you say the prayer again and everybody's inside yes and paying this steel wall appears right where esmeralda was let's get the fuck out of here yeah um follow into here follow this cave or tunnel, I mean. You hear after the door appears within a couple of seconds, well, less than a minute, some clubbing noises
Starting point is 00:33:53 against the steel wall. But it's distant. It's like a distant club. Not that club. You're like two floors above the club. Right. And you feel like they're now trying vampire to get in oh yeah 100 okay um let's haul again he says thank you thank you twee hey uh i'm evil now but i still have a heart hit it and the band kicks in i do my number uh it's in the way that you use it come to paladino's to
Starting point is 00:34:29 see aorta your favorite heart cover band so um and bob sega just uh just a wooden door another on the other end of this hallway it's a you know hallways like 20 feet long you guys barely have to scoot a little bit down see it uh but But after the metal pang, it actually opens itself. Uh-oh. And a guard is there. And you know he's a guard because he's got sort of some leather armor on. And he's got a Bahamut sigil on. He looks like he's some sort of fighter.
Starting point is 00:35:01 And he's got big bags under his eyes. And he says, thank God you're here. Sorry I didn't open the door sooner, but I was afraid of what was going on out there. I was waiting for you to shut the steel door again. You got to help me out. I've been trying to get out of this. Right now, we're all in...
Starting point is 00:35:22 Pardon me while I pull up. I get those submarines. we're all in, um, pardon me while I pull up. And we're, uh, we're all in the altarsphere right now. And,
Starting point is 00:35:31 uh, I've been trying to get out, uh, but I'm kind of, uh, uh, you'll see, I'm kind of stuck here right now.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Um, he leads you guys, uh, down another sort of curved hallway and you, you enter a spiral spiral not a spiral staircase but like a a central hub of a room and there's a spiral staircase going down but there's a glowing barrier over it and um standing next to it there is uh just a tall elf wearing very simple linen robes and it turns to you and says, oh, hello.
Starting point is 00:36:07 I was wondering if anyone else would show up. How is this elf dressed? Simple linen robe. Not like the guards or the mages? Is this a new outfit that we've seen? And is the guard scared of him? Yes. Oh, he is.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Yes, he's like. He's like, He's mighty casual of a self. What's going on? He says, well, first, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dean and I've... Dean? Yeah. Is that a problem? No, it's just a problem.
Starting point is 00:36:37 He says very seriously. He says, oh, you'll have to excuse me. I was raised in a human society. It's not the most exciting name. And he was in charge of human society. It's not the most exciting name. And he was in charge of a college. Spelled D-E-I-G-H-J-N. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:51 Apostrophe L-L. Imagine it's Elfie spelled. You could riff on it for a while, if you like, he says. And he sort of starts twiddling. I love it when you and your brother do push up the daisies. What do you do here, Dean? Oh, I'm not from here. i'm what you'd call a visitor to this place and he smirks what's the altar sphere oh the altar sphere is i mean this is
Starting point is 00:37:13 where you can go and visit an altar to bahama or loath or umberly underground or you can head to one of the other areas of the prison i understand you all just came from the submission yard you could uh head to one of the other three quadrants do you work here dean oh no i'm just a visitor you could say and he smirks again do you mean by visitor do you mean prisoner what do you keep smirking i feel like you're alluding to something you know what's going on, David. You're smirking. I'm asking why. Oh, are you held captive here? Yes. Oh, cool. I would very much like to leave.
Starting point is 00:37:52 What'd you do? Well, I did some things. Let's just say civilizations weren't proud of. Let's take a look at that clip. He says, I could show you if you like and he extends a hand no they just show that scene from mac and me like paul rudd always does the kid in the wheelchair go down the hill and lands on the he did that on conan like 20 times that is my best running gag i love when you show that youtube clip to people because there's a
Starting point is 00:38:24 youtube clip that like compiles a dozen of them and then you can be like and since this youtube uh highlight reel was made he's done it six more times he's not done probably no he'll never let that joke go but yeah he he basically implies if you take his hand he'll take it on a little trip down uh mind meld lane You'd think, Twee. You know, I'm gonna pass on the Mind Meld right now. If that's okay. I don't mean to be impolite, but there's a lot going on.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Can I try to talk to the guard privately? Which one? The one in the leather armor you just met? Or Ed, who came down with you? I'm kind of hungry, though. I'd like a Mind Patty Meld. You Or Ed who came down with you. I'm kind of hungry, though. I'd like a mind patty melt. You gesture back towards the door you came from. I see there. And I try to describe.
Starting point is 00:39:12 And he says Dean. I can't. I was thinking you said it that way. OK. You guys kind of walk around the corner. While they're talking to Dean or whatever. About the rat pack and stuff? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:25 And then we can... That's all I can think of. Okay, so we're going to go... I'm going to ask him about what the deal is here because there's so many things to figure out. Yeah, he says... I am exasperated. I'm not sure what this elf's deal is,
Starting point is 00:39:43 but I don't think his real name is Dean. I don't think he's really an elf. And I've seen him kill some other guards. He's kind of been holding me hostage, trying to get me to spill the beans on how to get down this spiral staircase. Okay, but you, so do you, you can get out of here? This is, normally you'd be able to leave here, no problem.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Is that, I'm just trying to understand what this space of the prison is. That's right. I'm supposed to guard this area. Okay. And you, but you would be able to leave, but you can't because. He's holding you here? He's holding me here. How is he holding you here?
Starting point is 00:40:17 He told me he would kill me if I tried to leave. And I've watched other guards try to leave. How does he kill them? He waves his hand and they're disemboweled. Ooh, that's a bad move. Also, I should tell you, the reason I'm not telling you how you can leave is because he can kind of hear everything we're saying.
Starting point is 00:40:33 Oh, hey, Dean, what's up? You listening? You see him kind of like, Marco. He doesn't really care that much. Yeah. But he is interested in getting into this spiral staircase. What is the spiral staircase? Do we know?
Starting point is 00:40:50 Yeah. You, you know, if you go down the stairs, there are altars to the three gods who run the prison where you can supposedly commune with any of them. Hmm. Uh,
Starting point is 00:40:59 okay. Chris is showing me the map and looking at me like I'm a goddamn fool. No, you don't have a map. No, no, I know. That's why we took notes. You can see. Sarah, he does this. And as he turns in a way where you notice his back is facing north.
Starting point is 00:41:18 And he goes, yeah, you know the three gods. Umberlee, Bahamut, and Lulf. Oh. Umberlee, Bahamut, and Lulf. Who does this? The guard. Oh. Like against his chest so Dean can't see what he's doing.
Starting point is 00:41:36 Dan, the DM, is gesturing in three different directions. Yeah, so he's trying to help you understand that once you go underground, head north to Umberlee, east to Lulf, or west to Bahamut. Okay. Can we just kill the hell out of this elf? Yeah, I kind of want to. He's not an elf. Whatever he is.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Was he a drow? He's the same level as the Swamp Monster and Johnny Blue Skies. Okay. You feel like this guard knows the Swamp Monster and Johnny Blue Skies. But he's going to be very reluctant to... The guy that we just escaped, the giant fuckface? But they're all demigod killers. This area... Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. And if he's in this area, he's on par with...
Starting point is 00:42:16 The place you just left is called the Godslayers, and you know they take Godslayers out to be tortured in the submission yard. Right. And I think Lord Kazma was chasing after the birdman. Oh, hey, can we after the bird past the door do we have to know what's on the other side of the door to blink past it uh there is is there's no door to we came in i thought there was a you don't think you can use those crystals spiral showcase you don't think you can use them for anything other than traveling in the submission yard based on what you know. So why are you killing a bunch of people, Dean?
Starting point is 00:42:48 He's like, well, they keep trying to run away and bring mages in here to fight me and I just don't care for it. You're in the main dome. Okay, I get that. No, but I want to know. So we're in a tunnel right now, right? You just kind of went down a short tunnel and you're in
Starting point is 00:43:03 a chamber. Who's on what side of this asshole, Dean? There's a chamber about 20 feet tall. It's made of brick. There is, in the center of the room, an opening, a circular opening in the ground that's a spiral staircase going on with a glowing shield. Does Dean have eyes on everybody? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:19 On everybody. He can also hear us when we're talking in another room. He's got ears on everybody, too. And he wants to go down this staircase and the shield is stopping him. On everybody. He can also hear us when we're talking in another room. He's got ears on everybody, too. Mm-hmm. And he wants to go down this staircase, and the shield is stopping him. And he says, Dean says, by the way, I mean, if you can help me descend this staircase, I will happily leave you alone and go about my own business. I will tell you I have business with Loth.
Starting point is 00:43:41 If any of you would like to come with me to speak to Loth, you're welcome to. If you'd like to go talk to one of the other gods, I don't really care. I'd just like to go down and find Loth. If any of you would like to come with me to speak to Loth, you're welcome to. If you'd like to go talk to one of the other gods, I don't really care. I'd just like to go down and find Loth. What do you think he knows? This is Brian asking this and not Bodhi. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Did we already get from the guard that he knows how to get through the shield or no? You haven't really asked him or anything yet. And he's tried to kind of like let you know, like he can hear anything I say. It doesn't matter if I whisper. But he was saying that the guy was,
Starting point is 00:44:15 this guy was trying to get through that shield. Why hasn't he let him yet? I think because he's scared. Oh, okay. He's trying to do his duty, do the loyal thing and not. He's got a Bahamut sigil. You get a feeling he's a little nervous. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:31 He's a good dude and he's like. But you do think, yeah, there's a chance in this guard's head and the leather armor that he might know how to get past this shield. What do you want to talk to Lolth about? I'd like to get off this rock. And I think Lolth knows how. Why do you think Lolth knows how? I think Lolth has some connections.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Let's just call them powerful cosmic connections that can get me onto that little rock you guys came from. I've never been to that rock before, and I'd like to go. Dwayne Johnson? He's great at everything. You're a traveler, Dean? Exactly. That blue face guy we just. You're a traveler, Dean? Exactly. That blue-faced guy we just saw could probably help him, right?
Starting point is 00:45:09 If he goes out and talks to that blue-faced guy. That guy can fly and go anywhere. Yeah, that guy can take you. He giggles and says, Lord Kazma and I don't get along. Well, have you talked to him lately? He's kind of turned on a leaf. Yes, I have. What did he have to say? He doesn't speak my language. Which is sensuality? What is your language? He winks at you yes I have what did he have to say he doesn't speak my language which is
Starting point is 00:45:25 sensuality what is your language he winks at you and just says wouldn't you like to know no I'm good if you guys pause for even a second you notice him almost mechanically just like pivot his head back almost as if he's casting
Starting point is 00:45:46 spells in his own head. He's focused on the staircase. God, I hate this motherfucker. My only help is the bird. What bird? The bird guard. The surfing bird.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Is bird the word? Gilfry comes over and just waves at you. Hi, Gilfry. Yeah, so... Is bird the word? Gilfry comes over and just waves at you. Hi, Gilfry. Hail Umberlee. Hail Umberlee. Gilfry, who's this? Who's Dean? He breaks into another voice all of a sudden. He
Starting point is 00:46:17 leaves his sort of high elf friendly voice and just says, Plainer Horror, Nine Hells. Okay, cool. He's a plainer horror. He's a planar horror. He's a planar horror. He's a planar failsafe. Oh, so he got out of there
Starting point is 00:46:33 and he went to there. How are things over the planar failsafe, Dean? Dean giggles and says I'm not a planar failsafe. No, but how are things over in the planar failsafe? I'm from another planar fail-safe. No, but how are things over in the planar fail-safe? I'm from another cell block. Copy. They keep people like me up to the northeast.
Starting point is 00:46:53 What are people like you? We're beings that are not from this realm, and they were just too scared to keep in a normal old prison. We show up, and they just get real scared. They just found you know, found me floating around on another plane and decided to lock me up here. But I want to visit where you guys are from.
Starting point is 00:47:11 What do you really look like? He says, uh, sure you want to know? I mean, I'm curious. It turns into large march. You want to see something really? He says, I'll make you a deal. Give me something that I'll find interesting
Starting point is 00:47:26 and I'll show you what I really look like okay didn't we have like a piece of paper about Lolth you have a book about Lolth yeah it's called Everybody Poops
Starting point is 00:47:43 there's nothing like that I think it's called the Bottom of the Demon Web. I'll have to look at my notes, but yeah. I don't have it on me, but there's something in there that would be bad to share with him, right? But he might find it interesting if he's a Lolth kind of guy. Lolth. You want to offer it to him?
Starting point is 00:47:57 I have here that you own it. I'm just checking with everybody that, was there anything in there? I don't have my actual hard copy out of it right now. There's nothing in there that was like, is a problem to give to a player i had it on my kindle yep it's called the bottom of the demon web uh what you know about this book is it lists the crimes of wealth and what she did to zinzerina right which we already know so is there a problem with me he said show me something interesting i don't think I mean, if you say any of this out loud, he's going to... I'm asking
Starting point is 00:48:25 the human players in this home right now. You got the printout still? Yeah. Ken has it, so... Right? It's just like... Research? Yeah, just what's in the real life.
Starting point is 00:48:42 But I'm just saying, if he wants something interesting, that's something. And that's just a page from the book. That's the page. If we give that to him, does that tell him we're looking for Jen Radina? I don't think so. I'll just be like, oh, we were reading about Lolth when we were at this one. Really? What were you reading?
Starting point is 00:48:57 Will someone please look me in the eye and tell me that you're okay with this? Yes. Sarah. Oh, I can share. And I hold up the book like I'm doing story, yes. Sarah. All right, okay. Oh, I can show, and I hold up the book like I'm doing story time at the library. His eyes get huge. I would happily take that off your hands.
Starting point is 00:49:12 In fact, if you give that to me, I'll not only show you my true form, I'll do you another favor, whatever you ask. He holds a hand out. I don't think that's a good idea. Well, now, definitely. Lady to lady. You did not play that cool he also says now i think you want to give me that book do i yes
Starting point is 00:49:32 it doesn't feel like it he takes a step towards you and says oh you want to give me that book your droids get him out of here. And when he says it, he snaps some fingers. You see about 20 inside-out bodies appear and slap against the ground. And he said, I tried to clean up for the visitors, but this is
Starting point is 00:49:57 what I've already gone through. I can go through more quite easily. Yuck. Can I just Xerox you just a couple pages of it? And then, I mean, this is, you don't know what I went through to get this book. I just wanted to show you. I thought you might find it interesting.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Tell me what you went through. Hey, Dean, what do you know about Gin Radina? I want to know more about Gin Radina. We don't know anything. What do you know? Give me something and I'll tell you. I happen to be an amazing chef. When he says it, he points at the book.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Jim, the book. He wants it too bad, but... He doesn't know what he wants. Can I give him some of the pages? What were you going to give us for it? At this point, he's seen it, and he tells you straight up, give me that book. I'll tell you everything I know about Jen right now.
Starting point is 00:50:46 Okay, I toss him the book. Will you let us out of here? I don't know how to get out of here unless... I toss him the book. All right. You toss him the book. He snatches it. And before he says anything, and he says something very soon,
Starting point is 00:51:00 he opens it very quickly, runs his hand back and forth against the pages and closes it and he kind of tucks it in the belt of his robe and he smiles he says jinn radna is a cosmic being and she is trapped somewhere in my jails uh building i i'm from a i'm from a cell block to the northeast as i. I believe she is imprisoned where I just came from. What's imprisoned there, buddy? But I have done all sorts of
Starting point is 00:51:32 horrible things up where us planar horrors are exiled. So you're welcome to go there, but I don't think it's going to go that well for you, so good luck trying to do better than I did. I turned that building inside out and couldn't find her. Why are you looking for her? I want to get off this rock and I happen to know she is the most powerful
Starting point is 00:51:55 thing in this prison. What about Thud? What's Thud? I don't know. We're trying to find out we've heard a word that's it i don't know what thud is i don't either he doesn't have this map by the way this isn't like a map you can just pull out so as you if you if you at any point are to talk about that like you're making maybe making notes now but in the game yeah this map only exists on a drow orb that Tui has in his bag. So you can kind of memorize it as your character. But I mean, he doesn't have a map.
Starting point is 00:52:31 He doesn't know some of these buildings, apparently. So you were looking for Jyn Radina to help you get off this rock, as you keep calling the beautiful moon. Yes. What about the archmage? Wouldn't the archmage be able to get you out of here? He blinks and he says, I don't sense an archmage. Well, that's not good.
Starting point is 00:52:54 Where's the archmage? We don't know. Jesus Christ. We don't know. Another building, not here. He grabs the guard. He has been kind of side-eyeing the guard that came in with you, Ed. And he kind of, almost without moving his feet,
Starting point is 00:53:20 just kind of slides across the room, grabs him by the shoulder. And he just. No, leave him alone. He just starts brushing his armor aside. He's with us. And he grabs it and he yanks it off of his chest. And he says, he's got a prayer here. What is this prayer?
Starting point is 00:53:42 I don't know, man. We're trying to figure out, can you tell us anything else about Jyn Radina? You couldn't find her. I know she is from another plane. I know she is a being that was once a part of a collective. I know she is as powerful as one of your gods, but does not care or know your gods very well.
Starting point is 00:54:06 She knows Lolth, so I wanted to go talk to Lolth. It sounds like you've got the best plan so far. Thank you. I wish we were of more help. I'd feel like a dipshit and a half. You're a planning horror. He turns your guard around, and there's another tattoo on the guard's back and he's a unicorn he blinks just kind of like reading it throws the guard against the wall
Starting point is 00:54:37 and takes off down the stairs uh you notice as he heads towards the stairs the shield just disappears it's almost like he just said the prayer in his mind or something that's written across this guard's back. And he just... No. Let him go. What? Why? We gotta get the Jyn Radina.
Starting point is 00:54:53 We can't kill... He turns people inside out. Okay, but he's going to talk... He's going down to talk to Lolth, and he's looking for Jyn Radina. And Lolth is the one who has been torturing and imprisoning Jyn Radina, right? I thought he came from the place that Jinn radin is supposedly in right yeah but he he was in the same cell block but he couldn't he's convinced that jinn radin is in the northeast block so if you look at the little orange square the the upper right one um that is uh that is for planar horrors.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Those are beings from other planes that your society deemed too dangerous to be allowed to roam free on any plane. Okay, I check on the guard who got thrown against the wall. He's like, fuck! How am I supposed to know there's a tattoo on my back? I don't know shit. Damn it, fuck!
Starting point is 00:55:41 Should we try to stop him, do you think? Or is that pointless pointless he kind of looks around at all the bodies and he's like i mean i i don't i don't have a plan either i i we could follow him down we could go to the northeast where's the prayer i don't know what's in the northeast though we look at his back what does his back say uh his uh his back his back says another prayer and it says, name thine own. Hey,
Starting point is 00:56:12 torture master, can you change a prayer? Can we like turn this portal back on? This is a yes or no. So you're hearing me say yes and you're hearing me say no. He goes, yes.
Starting point is 00:56:28 We can change this code. Yes yes can we lock that guy in here and change the code yes can you do that no can we do that yes oh jesus god damn in heaven can you just say say the prayer does it work if we just say the prayer i try it you say name thine own yeah nothing happens what is name that is that is this a riddle where you have to name something name thy own name thine own oh yeah you say court do a religion check brother yep you see what looks like pink ethereal swords just cross in front of the downward staircase alright that's good
Starting point is 00:57:13 hopefully there's no other exit so now he's locked in there and we'll see how that he doesn't know he's not going to think so he can't turn that off yeah but he also is like talking to lol down there right but yeah uh gilfrey says cord and just kind of makes like a snickering face
Starting point is 00:57:36 what's his fucking problem? Hey, a lumberly. It's like you just told a Bears fan you like the Packers, basically. Fuck the Bears. Okay, so is there any other way out of here? God, this moth. Jesus Christ. We need to have the screen closed. You guys love to be attacked by moths all day.
Starting point is 00:58:01 It's in my face. Say that again? I was distracted by the extra planar horror flying in my face. Are there any other exits here? There's the one, the door we came in. You see it looks like there's a curving hallway going in three other directions. Okay, sorry. So you have basically locked Dean in the basement.
Starting point is 00:58:22 And you could go, would assume northeast, right? Yeah, let's do that. Alright, so you head over there and What's his name? Gilroy? Gilfry. What do you think of the cherries and garlic? I show him our bad crystals and go, are there new crystals that work
Starting point is 00:58:40 that can get us across? Yes or no? He shrugs you don't know do we need to get across well if we could find attuned crystals that not these sharks i mean you get through the hall it's another very like low ceiling kind of short hallway a wooden door you open it it's unlocked and um you you see there's a another sort of steel barrier okay between you and the outside you basically you basically got to the northeast part of this dome in the center of the map um could be another submission yard you don't know anything about what's between you and the extra planar horror building is there another i'm asking johnny bird man is there another torture chamber out here
Starting point is 00:59:26 uh he opens his mouth and says graveyard what about does ed know ed doesn't it's like i it's not a part of the block say the prayer you just could be like ghost and shit. Yeah, let's find out. Cool. So you recite the mercy prayer again. And sure enough, it is a graveyard that's very clean. And you see it through, you know, this door that opens. You exit and behind you, you can see there's the Colosseum-like steel
Starting point is 01:00:05 gigantic building behind you as opposed to the series of small rooms and doors that you just came from. And spanning out in like every possible direction, you see altars, statues, mausoleums, sepulchers, all sorts of things that seem to signify a humanoid graveyard.
Starting point is 01:00:30 You see... Everything must go! We've lost our lease! In the distance you see a couple of larger temple-looking buildings, but the sky is vast and dark and cloudy and looks bigger, bigger again than this area
Starting point is 01:00:46 should be according to the map should we see if the crystals work yeah yes uh when you press your finger against the crystal in your palm nothing happens is this is that area out here or is that yes we're out of charge or maybe maybe it's just a different kind of an area. Yeah, we might need a different thing. Do we go to one of these big temples in the hopes that something's there? There is a cobblestone path that appears to go very straight to the northeast through all the monuments. If we haul ass, how long would it take for us to run
Starting point is 01:01:26 to one of these big tunnels? An hour. I mean, they're pretty far away, but they're huge. Can I show the crystal to Gilfray and be like, with a questioning look, like, He shrugs.
Starting point is 01:01:44 He nods like he understands what you're asking, but he shrugs and then he nods. Like he understands what you're asking, but he shrugs. I point in here before he said he's like, not seeing, I point to where we're trying to go to the Northeast corner and like, and shrug like, yeah,
Starting point is 01:01:57 he's, he just, he seems like he's maybe been here, but doesn't know his way around. Hmm. Are you in contact with another tour? The torture master for here over here. contact with the torture master over here? I am the torture master.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Got it. The torture master is consigned to the submission yard. Who's consigned to the graveyard? The dead. No one runs the graveyard? He shrugs.
Starting point is 01:02:26 How about Barter Town? Who runs Barter Town? Let's run to the temple. Yeah. The nearest temple is a little north off the pass. Does everybody agree to that? You guys kind of have to dodge around
Starting point is 01:02:39 some statues and monuments to get there. And yeah, within an hour, nothing happens. No skeletons erupt from the ground um and you get to a temple with a a large uh a large sign uh everything i touch turns to sold everything I touch turns to sold wow it's a realtor that's a good realtor up here
Starting point is 01:03:10 and it just says in common Baphomet Baphomet Baphomet B-A-P-H-O-M-E-T is that a good guy or a bad guy? Why doesn't everybody do a little religion check? Is it related to Bahamut?
Starting point is 01:03:30 It's so close. Ooh, I rolled a one. You don't know shit, Typha. I rolled a one, too. You extra don't know shit. I rolled a four. Eleven. You rolled a four.
Starting point is 01:03:42 I got a rock. I got the same thing as he did Gendy Come on Gendy Gendy did not make it What the hell let's see if Gilfrey knows Gilfrey Natural 20
Starting point is 01:03:55 Gilfrey tell us about Baphomet The trick with Gilfrey Is I have to look at the Knowledge bank I wrote up of what Gilfrey is I have to look at the knowledge bank I wrote up of what Gilfrey had said to him. And he kind of goes... Good guy, bad guy. Evil.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Nine hells. One of the lords of hell. Thanks again again he says Abyss Oh that's not good Like Orcus Dead God of the dead He is dead Dead God Evil
Starting point is 01:04:37 He's a dead God The evil God of death Or he's a dead God Not of death We all actually recognize this name, right? Yeah. Oh, I didn't. That's Baphomet.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Oh, that's convenient. Not the D&D version of Baphomet, but for all intents and purposes. Thank God the real world. Some of us worship Satan and wear t-shirts advertising that. No, I don't and wear t-shirts advertising that. No, I don't know any of the D&D.
Starting point is 01:05:08 And he rolled a natural 20, so I'm trying to just look at his word bank one more time. He's kind of like going, his mouth is open and clacking. Don't you all know stuff then? You guys all rolled so low that...
Starting point is 01:05:24 Right. What would Bodhi know about him? Not enough. Not enough. I mean, when he says nine hells, I mean, already you guys have heard that phrase a lot. Well, this time he passes his religion check. You don't get to do another one.
Starting point is 01:05:38 You're carrying over. You don't just get to keep checking. Bodhi in this situation does not piece together anything new that Gilfrey hasn't already. Gilfrey. He has one more word I can give you. There's no recollection of that name. He shifts back into his elven. He seems like he recognizes it completely, but his ability to speak is limited.
Starting point is 01:06:01 And he says, Prince. Oh, you know what i was just gonna i was gonna let gilfrey know that i speak celestial common elvish giant and goblin so if he has any additional oh right so when you tell him that um he actually uh i'm gonna have to improvise this uh but he reaches back and he says in in the deep booming voice of Lord Kazma I'm just trying to think of like the best way to phrase this I bring you blood
Starting point is 01:06:44 Baphomet I bring you blood, Baphomet. I bring you blood. Hmm. In Celestial. We tried to deliver your blood, but you weren't here. We'll try to reattempt delivery of your blood tomorrow between 10 and noon. So did it seem like Lord Kazmet worships Baphomet?
Starting point is 01:07:03 Or is maybe used to be like in some sort of connection to him. Okay. But. I mean, back in the nine hells. Yeah. Okay. Well. And so I haven't really told you even what you see.
Starting point is 01:07:16 I mean, you guys. We're just stopping to use the restroom or whatever. There is a big sort of theater. It's marble and it's wide. It's like 100 yards wide and it's circular. And there are stairs that go down. There's seating. There's nobody here.
Starting point is 01:07:36 Like an amphitheater? It's like an amphitheater that goes down into the ground. And at the bottom of it, sort of on the stage, it looks like there's some kind of trap door, some sort of marble plate stage it looks like um there's some kind of trap door some sort of uh marble uh plate that you could lift up if you headed down there but no crystals no charging station you know you see you see there's like um some sort of uh some sort of steel candle holders on the on the theater at the bottom. I perceive all this.
Starting point is 01:08:05 Passively, yes. You can see us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking, looking, looking, looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel like, if you do a perception check, there, Typhoon? 17. Yeah, you feel like there might be more
Starting point is 01:08:17 underneath the theater, but. Well, we have to go into the Prince of Hell's underground murder basement. I mean, do we? Why do we have to? I don't think we do. Yeah? I don't think we do. Yeah. I don't think we do.
Starting point is 01:08:26 All right. I'm trying to figure out a way to get across this area. I mean, yeah, you're in a really big area. We can go to the other temple. We saw two giant temples, right? Yeah. I mean, you could jog another couple hours to the southeast, and there is another temple there. Would there be any?
Starting point is 01:08:43 This temple just has a sort of big archway that you could see from far away. The other one, it looks like it's a more above-ground building altogether. Can we investigate for any evidence of Zinzerina, maybe? And Tweed, didn't you have like a fey, something where we could step, like, shorten distances by stepping through some kind of door? Yeah, I mean, he can do...
Starting point is 01:09:03 If he does a couple of checks in a row, he can enter a portal into the Feywild. You guys have not tried entering the Feywild since you came to the moon. There is that. You don't know if another celestial body would be very accommodating on another planetoid, like the moon.
Starting point is 01:09:26 You want to try to talk to Jenray again and see if we can get closer? You think maybe she's hidden in the Feywild? Well, you don't think that. No, I'm not suggesting that at all, but just because she asked. It's possible. But basically, his mage hand extends its distance by traveling through the Feywild, and so he knows he can open a portal if he does a couple of things.
Starting point is 01:09:45 But you know that that would be hazardous. You'd have to have some kind of route back in your original plane. Or you might have a hard time finding your way back. Time might shift a lot. I was just trying to shorten this distance. All right. Then I guess let's explore this tomb. On the next episode of Nerd Poker.
Starting point is 01:10:05 Yep. That'll be 41 next time. Thanks for listening. Oh, my buddy. Anything you want to plug? Yeah, my buddy Alex Robinson gave us some comics. He made this D&D inspired book called The Lower Regions, which is, as you might expect, a play on words because it's filthy and violent and uh no
Starting point is 01:10:27 dialogue but he made it a few years ago uh so um if dnd nerds would be interested in extremely uh amusing blood make sure and take it with you so my kid doesn't see it he gave us three copies so make sure we leave with three copies. All right. Cool. BrianBassine.com, as usual. Patreon, you can support us there. We appreciate that. Or just keep listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,
Starting point is 01:11:01 and you get bonus episodes from there. slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also uh send us anything at p.o box one six zero six nine encino california nine one four one six thanks for listening

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