Nerd Poker - Episode 40 - Gilfry or Die
Episode Date: November 14, 2018The heroes continue their confrontation with Lord Chasma who, let's face it, might be kind of invincible. Luckily the evil Kenku Gilfry might have decided to help the crew out, and they might be one ...step closer to the building holding Jnrei D'Nah. Hopefully everyone won't get smeared across a steel dome first.
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Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd.
I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time.
I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room.
With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs.
So meet my friends Sarah, Ken, Sam, Blaine, Chris.
Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker Season 2.
Hey, everybody.
It's Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker.
My friends are here.
What episode is this, by the way?
40.
Episode 40.
That doesn't seem right.
The last campaign lasted 42 episodes too the big 4-0 wow
you feel different 40 is the new you know what um the new 38 with two fingers up your ass
i haven't even introduced you who are you who are you no one knows
no one knows my friends are here in this asshole.
Why did I sound like George Takei when I said this asshole?
I got real deep in a way that I don't normally do.
This asshole.
That wasn't it.
Anyway, my friends are here.
This is a great deliberate George Takei impression.
But it was better when I was just fucking around.
No, do your deliberate George Decade.
My friends are here.
Chris.
Hi.
Sarah.
Yo.
Ken.
I am.
What is up?
Dan.
Lane.
Hello.
I can't say Matt at Lane.
That was awesome.
Yeah, way better than mine.
Hello.
Sorry I chimed in before you said my name, but you just pointed at me and then waited.
Yeah.
And I was like, ugh.
Remember when I did a take at the beginning of the last episode?
I did a silent one.
Uh-huh.
That's what we're known for on this podcast, silent takes.
So many.
Patreon.
Yeah, you know, I like to hang out with Patreons at my favorite club, Paladinos. Yeah, we all go to Paladinos to see rock bands. You know what i like to hang out with patreons at my favorite club yeah we all go to paladinos to see rock bands you know what i like to check out
i'm looking forward to this band it's called share s-h-a-r-e the share tribute band with
all songs providing a healthy message for kids uh about sharing all right also we've uh this
weekend uh we got glenn dan ziggy stardust performing songs of doom, gloom, and all things
with an evil but up-tempo beat.
And hey, you know what?
Let's gear up for Christmas,
just like your favorite department stores.
Way too early at Palladino's with Slayer,
S-L-E-I-G-H-E-R,
a Slayer cover band that only does Christmas music,
even that awful Mariah Carey one.
Oh, man. That one's terrible. Patreon users Cloacacola. cover band that only does christmas music even that awful mariah carey one oh man that's uh
that one's terrible patreon users cloaca cola i mean that hack stump grinder and used eraser
nipples everybody agrees that santa baby is the worst christmas song yes and madonna's version
not worse than earth kit right we all agree yes yes yeah okay cool I like that song worse than Eartha you like Santa Baby
by Madonna
no no no
the Eartha Kitt version
yeah
but the Madonna one
Madonna's worse
she sounds like
she's doing the character
she did in Dick Tracy
where it's
Santa Baby
baby baby baby
it sounds like Dice
yeah
yeah it does
well it's my Dice
oh I wish
Andrew Dice Clay played Breathless Mahoney.
And it's also the voice I do when my mom is being annoying.
Like, can we go somewhere special for your birthday?
It's the same voice.
Wait, is your dad Andrew Dice Clay?
What?
My mom.
No, but Andrew Dice Clay's wife.
Oh, right.
Sure.
Oh, yeah. Got it. That's not Oh, right. Sure. Oh, yeah.
Got it.
It was not a good joke.
It was more like a logic puzzle than a joke.
How could you not find it?
That joke puzzle was worse than one of my D&D puzzles.
This is my son.
I can't operate.
We should get into this.
Just take out a spare rib for $100.
Yeah, you guys are in mid-engagement with a god named Lord Kazma,
and you're engaged with, what happened?
Wait, have we not done a Rock the Kazma?
You going home, dude?
We haven't.
No Rock the Kazmas?
He's winding up his headphones cord.
Brian is really distracted by Blaine touching a cord.
Yeah.
I'm plugged.
He touched a cord.
Does the cord.
We haven't,
we haven't done a rock the chasm joke yet.
Also,
every time someone says cord now,
I only think of cord.
You're God.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You did that off the air,
by the way,
the,
the core depression.
I was just for you at this time.
You don't want to give listeners a taste. I did. I just the way, the chord impression. I was just for you at this time. You don't want to give listeners a taste?
I did.
I just did my chord impression.
I was distracted.
It was great.
I can't do it.
I think now everybody needs to go around and do their chord.
Let's see.
Blaine.
Hey, I'm chord.
I don't get no respect.
I'm chord.
I don't get no respect.
Hey, I'm chord.
You know what?
That one's on me because I shouldn't have started with Blaine, obviously.
I would have just done that at the end.
You did a cord impression?
I did.
I tried.
It was so bad that it just sounded like me.
No, I was distracted because Blaine was unwinding a cord and Brian was like, hey, everybody,
look at that cord.
I did do one before the first game started off, Mike.
Damn it.
Okay.
Anyways, back to... Call me me brother like cord say hey brother
hey brother oh my god that's a weird impression so you're mid-engagement with this uh this thing
this giant blue demon face and it doesn't get any respect either i'm telling you oh whoa
gendy a sorcerer you brought with you from the planet
below is currently flying and in air combat with about about 10 or 11 humanoid fly demon things
that have pierced the darkness you've magically surrounded lord casmo with twee you're kind of
behind him and you hit him with a fireball everybody else uh you know you're doing your own thing uh netty you're below him
uh levitating trying to think of something you can do in range through or around the darkness um
typha you and bodhi teleported down the lane uh esmeralda you're also underneath if i'm not
mistaken or no you're by the door more.
I moved to the side, to the left side of him to point the wand.
The bone wand.
You did hit him with the bone wand.
And you give him some sleep poison.
Yeah.
When he goes to sleep, I'm sure he sleeps.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a little different for a semi-omnipresent being.
You could cast melatonin on him.
Your sleep would be great but but but uh more specifically
down the path you two tried to find a guard to help you out um bode you you just untangled a guy
and uh typhoon you went a little farther down the path and found the dismembered meat of one
of the guards and noticed that tattooed across his chest there are some words.
Are they in common?
Yep. Can I memorize them?
His chest is not really
in order.
And you're not sure it's all there.
Oh.
But does the asshole I'm with
have a... Probably.
Get to me and tell me that.
All right, I get to him and tell him that.
We win. The end.
Well, you know, Typha, you just finished your action,
and we're going to head on back to Nettie at the moment.
Nettie, what are you up to?
I'm going to cast a firebolt.
Great.
Do it like Michelle Rodriguez.
Oh, you did.
I'm going to...
Yeah, that's got the best range of any of your spells
for sure. Now, the downside
is you're going to be casting this into darkness.
Yes, so I'm going to aim for the
inside edge of the hair that I can see.
Great, yes. Yes, you can. Okay, so I'm going to aim for the inside edge of the hair that I can see you. Great, yes. Yes, you can.
Okay.
So cast and go.
Ten.
So you do a little bit of flames on the edge of his hair.
Ten PTS of damage.
It's something. It's something.
It's something.
Tweet, you're up!
Oh.
I just, you know what?
I'm going to...
Oh my god!
He bumped the book. It's alright, everybody.
Yeah, but what Made you do that
Do you have a stroke
He brought his hand up
And it touched his book
It was not
But it also
I feel like
No it was like
A Rube Goldberg
Am I wrong
But was that just also
Just like tension
Like everybody was
Not ready for
I thought you were like
Dozing off
No it was like
It was like dominoes
Falling over there
Like seven
Oh cause he bumped
His dice tower
I thought Yeah it looked like Yeah it was like dominoes falling over there. Oh, because he bumped his dice tower.
I thought... Yeah, it looked like a huge champagne flute
about to go into all the equipment.
Because you know how Ken is always drinking champagne flutes.
Well, he's secretly the Batman.
It's my water.
Champs.
Bring me my branch water.
I'm going to... Are any of those uh those humanoid things
can i see them moving around any of the flies that are coming off of this thing uh yeah you can see
a couple of them from the angle you're at um but most of them are on the other side of a wave of
darkness that uh gandhi cast okay uh i guess i'm just going to uh i'm gonna do a thunder wave
i'm gonna try to get this thunder wave can i launch it like under and in front because it's
a floating head yeah yeah i could do sort of a southern orbit and have it come up in front and
kind of go off in its face and maybe it'll take out some of those fly
things too.
Maybe right in the teeth
would be nice.
You looking that up? This week at
Palladino's it's
Mission UKFC
and it's
a guy dressed like the colonel and he sings
Mission UK songs. here's the downside of
thunder wave you can't cast it out it emanates from you so you would have to get right up in
this thing's face within 15 feet to do damage to anything hmm i don't know if i want to do that
can i get a cloud of daggers going in front of that thing instead? Let me check.
You know who I saw at Palladino's was a tweezer.
How was that?
Very tiny Weezer cover band.
Cute, too.
It's a life angel.
It's a death angel with a more positive message.
You know there's a real Weezer cover band called Geezer where they dress up like old men
That's great
I saw them open for Nerf her
They're all dressed like Geezer Butler
I don't know what that is
Get out of my house
Okay bye
Everybody read the rest of the story off my laptop
I'm going home
Geezer Butler is the name of Brian's butler
Oh my god
You have to get within 60 feet To hit it with clouded daggers the name of Brian's butler. Oh my god.
You have to get within 60 feet to hit it with cloud of daggers.
Can I get that thing
just to go?
I'm underneath it. I can just
kind of swing around so that I'm not in its
line of sight and then
cast up.
You're going to have to get right underneath it though
because Nettie cast darkness underneath
it.
So there's about, you know,
10 feet between its beard and the bottom of the darkness.
So you'd have to, like, still fly right up in there to really.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm just going to hit the beard with a couple of fire bolts.
All right.
Yeah, fuck it.
I'm not going to get fancy.
What are they, D8s?
You can hit it from where you're at.
That's 1D10, and it goes up another D10 at fifth level.
So that's 2D10.
Eight.
More of its beard catches on fire, you guys.
This thing looks like Gritty, that funny mascot from Philadelphia,
with the beard, the orange beard
Have you seen Gritty?
Yeah, I've seen him
Oh wow, you gotta see Gritty if you haven't seen Gritty
I think everyone here has seen Gritty
Have you seen Gritty?
Yeah, no, we've seen him
Oh man, I can't get over him
He's so funny, that Gritty
Sam, have you seen Gritty?
Have you tried getting over him?
No, I can't get over him.
But you should try.
I can't.
I don't want to get over him.
He just brings me so much joy, this Gritty.
Have you heard of him?
Yeah, we're telling you we have.
Have you seen pictures of him?
Yes.
I can't believe the pictures of this guy.
Dan, wake up.
I was awake.
I was waiting for Blaine to stop
talking, a never-ending struggle.
So this is going to be Gilfrey's turn.
He's kicking over Gritty.
Look,
for what I lack in pop culture
references, I make up for in being
creepily blunt. So then there's
going to be Gilfrey
running down the path.
You just see Gilfrey running down um he's still doing that
running running running um run in he this time gets far enough away that you see lord kazma
uh turn his whole head around and start following gilfrey's double um very slowly he only moves like you know like 10 feet
but like he's now looking behind him away from the coliseum uh following the sound gilfrey
throwing up a distraction for us the other gil or basically that's what it seems like the other
gilfrey is now running towards the Coliseum door. Oh.
Maybe we should follow him.
The other guy, yeah.
Yeah, get out of this arena.
Gilfri Prime.
Wait, the one that's going for the door or the one that's leaving?
The one that's...
We don't want to go back to where we came.
Not the distracting one.
The one that's going to the door.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But we're still away down the path.
Esmeralda, you're up.
Great.
Did those humanoid fly type things, are they still flying around?
They're all closing in on Genndy.
And did they, he created them, right?
They came out of his mouth.
Cool, cool.
I'm going to.
What if you said the gun is good, the penis is bad?
They pass through the darkness also, which...
They're passive arcana.
You know that there may be some lost in the darkness.
You don't know from your angle.
Okay, well, what I wanted to do was, due to my level up,
I now have some new powers.
Sparkles?
I would like to cast sparkles!
Yay!
A one foot long stick
appears in Esmeralda's hand
with festive sparkles
glittering off the end of it.
One of those round batons.
I'm going to try to cast Dispel Magic
at the flies
if they were created through spell usage or magical usage
and see if that dispels them in some way.
I thought you said I would try to cast the spell magic.
Dis.
Yo, I'm going to cast Dispel.
For 30 seconds, I was trying to think of what's that spell.
An expansion pack of Mavic the Gathering appears.
Well, good news.
Great range on old Dispel Magic.
I'm just trying to see.
Speaking of great range, you know who I saw at Palladino's?
Queef.
Queef?
I create like eight octave Queef range.
But do they sing Queen songs or what is it
yeah but it's
you gotta see it
you have to pick one of them
whichever one I guess is closest
they do bicycle race
yeah one of these things
just it blinks out of existence
nice
you don't have that as a cantrip do you um what
it's not a cantrip but it's a spell i can cast at will um in between each long rest once in between
each long rest i i took instead of i took a the drow high magic feat so now i have some extra
abilities some cool feet you can cast cast a Tarantino spell.
Wait, wait, wait.
If a spell...
What spell level is it?
It just says...
I don't know, because it's just...
Oh, right, because it's a feat.
It is just the spell, so whatever the spell is, I assume.
Okay.
What does spell magic
what's your
spell
DC
yes you also wanted to note
that it
spell magic
charisma is your spell casting ability
for all three of the
drow magic spells
okay
so
is what it says
so what do you need
your spell DC
I can look it up too
it's
12 so then what is the charisma thing about hmm I can look it up too. It's 12.
Then what is the charisma thing about?
Hmm?
Then what is the charisma thing about?
Oh, well, does he have to do...
It says charisma is your spellcasting ability
for all three spells in Drow.
Oh, so do a charisma check.
That's what we're doing.
Nine.
Okay, well, I had him roll a four. four so yeah he blinks out of existence yeah bye fly that's great bode you're up oh wait do you get a second you get a second action
uh do i i think so yeah tell me yeah you're you're a fighter um i don't get i don't believe
i get an extra i think i get a bonus action i don't believe I get an extra.
I think I get a bonus action.
I don't get a.
Okay.
Do you want to use it?
No.
Okay.
You're up, buddy.
You're not there yet, right?
I am not.
And I don't know the information that you know.
Correct.
Fuck.
To seduce the guy and ask him to take off his clothes.
Just out of nowhere?
Well, I mean, you're sexy.
You get it.
I mean, you're in the middle of death.
Typha, do a charisma saving throw.
14.
Yeah, I mean, she blinks.
It's on his body.
It's written on his body.
Jesus Christ, it's written on his body.
Okay.
Hey, take up your armor.
I'm saying you held your turn until basically he showed up. Okay, cool.
So I don't get to.
He goes, okay, now my friend's here.
Take your armor off.
He takes his chest plate off.
He pulls his shirt down, and you see there's a prayer tattooed across his chest,
like right at the start.
It's serendipity.
Do we have to go there to read it, or do we read it here?
He's like, yeah, I think we either say it to someone else, or we say it at the start. It's serendipity. Do we have to go there to read it or do we read it here and there? Yeah, I think
we either say it to someone
else or we say it to the door.
Get to the part about the footprints!
Get to the part about the footprints!
Mind against consciousness, give me
thine favor, never waver.
Okay.
I commit that to short-term memory.
Adrenaline-fueled. Me too.
Cool.
Can we blink back with this guy?
You can try.
I mean, you all want to do it.
You two can do it together.
We could peel him.
Your turns are next to each other.
Okay, let's go.
Yeah, go.
Both of you do charisma checks.
He made it.
I got a natural 20.
Ooh.
Yeah.
Did you beat a 10?
Yes.
All right.
So you all brunk and together you are now in the middle of the path.
You got to do one more time.
Goddamn it again.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yep.
13.
He made it.
I didn't beat a 10 on that one.
So everyone else, you see a guard in Typha appear at the group.
Bodhi, you are now standing alone in the path.
Okay.
Can I try again, or do I not get a shot?
Yes, you get one more to try.
That's a hit.
Yeah.
All right.
You're alone again, but you feel like you're closer to everyone.
Okay.
Based on the pattern you've been going.
You're northeast towards. But do I get one more shot? You're alone. No like you're closer to everyone. Okay. Based on the pattern you've been going. You're northeast towards.
But do I get one more shot?
You're alone.
No, you've done your three.
I'm just going to run.
Oh, no.
I guess not.
You can't see anything in either direction.
It's that far.
I'll wait.
Okay.
Typha.
Okay.
The guard is next to you.
I start saying to everybody everybody it's written on his
chest the mercy prayer is written on his chest like i'm trying to say like get to the door
yeah recited just the same as the teleport except instead of saying the teleport one say this mercy
and if you run to the door i mean he'll run right up there with you yeah let's go but i want everyone
to i start shouting it out so
everybody can okay you shout out the prayer uh mind against consciousness give me thine favor
never waver in the this like obnoxiously small six foot tall portal opens up in the middle of
the door and you see a small corridor going about 10 feet to a smaller wooden door okay so i stop
and turn back to all of them and i'm like go go go but i'm not leaving until bodhi gets there but
i'm like let's go you know let's okay let's move it let's move it i mean the guards turn is next
and he just runs in uh netty you're up as he, I scream at him, keep this door open until everybody gets there. Okay.
I'm coming down.
Great.
I hear all this, I assume, is yelling and bragging. You can use your turn to get to the doorway,
so you're like right next to Typha.
Groovy.
Tui, you're up.
I'm going to do a funny thing where I swim into the doorway.
Like I'm flying, but I'm going to, like I'm swimming.
Do a dex check, because you've got farther to go,
and you've got to get around some darkness.
On your side, kind of like doing like a side breaststroke kind of a thing.
Do it like you're following a hand with delicious food smell.
Yeah, you just barely get, you catch up to them flying in
and now you three are at the door with Gilfrey
and the guard is already inside.
I'm doing like a butterfly.
Is Gilfrey inside too? Gilfrey goes the guard is already inside. I'm doing like a butterfly. Is Gilfrey inside too?
Gilfrey goes in.
Esmeralda, you're up.
I'm going.
All right, you're in.
Hey, Bodhi.
Yes.
You're up.
Yeah, I'm going to try to join the guys.
Okay.
That's it, yes.
Prunk, you appear underneath Lord Kazma.
You see Gendi fighting a bunch of flies.
She's not coming?
Not yet.
I tell her to come, and then I head towards these guys.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, you're actually close enough.
You can catch up to everybody
where you're all just kind of like squeezed in this tiny little hallway yeah um up next is lord
casma uh you see uh this sort of red beam kind of come down from behind the darkness there's still darkness uh floating
between you and lord casmo if you're in the doorway so you can't really see what's happening
but you see this sort of red beam come down and just uh no more uh gilfrey double
did the vine get hurt no this is the double it's no i know honestly it's too far away it's it's
the gilfries double was i figured that was like so far down the path at this point yeah it was
you know you you feel like it was wider than the path so it was probably like a 20 foot wide beam
cool um and at least and uh do do uh gendy is being grappled by one of these flies uh and she can't get away
typha you're up i pull out the crossbow and i how far away is the fly gendy grapple
trying to do the math so 100 about 100 feet up in the air. Are you fucking kidding me?
No. And about 30 feet away
from the doorway.
So she was
above Bodhi when he came in.
He couldn't have really helped anyway.
No.
I mean, I guess I try and close the...
If I close the physical distance on the ground,
I'm still going to have to shoot with disadvantage,
but I got to try and help her.
So that's what I do. I close the physical distance on the ground. I'm still going to have to shoot with disadvantage, but I've got to try and help her. All right. So that's what I do. I close the physical
distance on the ground. Roll with disadvantage.
All right.
That's a natural 20. Oh, two natural 20s.
Holy shit!
Roll for damage.
All right. That woke everybody up.
Yeah, Sam.
And you told me you thought D&D was
for dipshit.
I thought we were going to have some scotch for
Gendy for a second there. We'll see. It still
might happen. 13. I'm going to be
very quiet, but I just won
$52,000. Did you double that? I did.
Alright.
I mean, you hit one
of them and it lets go of Gendy. Thank God.
And I scream, come on, let's go.
Are you guys all...
Is anyone going to do anything besides hide in this hallway
or does someone want to get out and try to do something?
I'll help too.
I don't know how.
Okay.
Well, if it's just you, we'll jump to you
if anyone else wants to do something.
I didn't realize.
I think probably actually if I had known that
Gendy was still there you're all kind of smushed in a
hallway right now so you can pop out but
if you're just gonna get ready
to go
can I just go out and get my
crossbow back from Typha and try to use it as well
because I won't have disadvantage
to help free Gendy
unless Nettty wants to go netty or netty or tweet because they're
they're ordered up before you either you want to do anything to try to grab gundy or yeah sure
okay bullet tweet you want to do anything uh how far away is guard's just hiding in the hallway. She's 100 feet up, 30 feet away.
You can fly, but...
Can I just grab her with my mage hand and pull her in?
Let me see.
She's 100 feet in the air, though, right?
Yes, you can.
I'm looking for the distance.
Wishful thinking.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what the rules say.
Your mage hand is a 60 feet range
you can you can close the distance and do it yeah okay you've got it you've got to fly 40 feet
towards her i'll do it and then i'll just grab her by the magical and you do have double distance
on your mage hand for those who don't remember last campaign you got a bonus for reading a book so yeah grab it
yank her she
gets you manage to pull her
you know towards you so now
that's it you know you've
pulled her 60 feet away from the
flies but you're really close to the flies right
now okay
that brings us to
Nettie
what were you gonna
now do you want to do anything?
I also could cast Mage Hand
and help with...
Try and grab Twee while he's grabbing
her?
I mean, the thing is, he's a little
too far away for you to reach unless you're
levitating again.
All right.
Well, that's not a cantrip.
No.
Hey, Blaine
This Sunday I was going to go to
Paladino's
Yoko Oh Yes is playing
How high up in the air do you need to be?
Nettie how high up in the air do you need to be?
Yes songs done in the style of Yoko Ono
I love
Long distance
Unlistenable roundabout
Yeah it's useless You know 60-foot range on the mid-champion? Long-distance, unlistenable roundabout.
Yeah, that's useless.
What if she ran and jumped and I boosted her up in the air so she, at the height, the apex of her thing,
she could cast a spell to pull twee?
Is that a physical reality?
No.
I mean, if you did a an athletics check yeah uh i'd say she can jump pretty high
but that's like four feet and then you'd give her like a maybe two feet
speaking of jump you know who i saw paladinos yeah who van jealous
if you both made an athletics feat or a athletics, then you could get her six feet up in the air.
And would that get her there?
I mean...
Don't forget, Nettie is 20 feet tall.
She's very tall, but she's not that tall.
All right.
Karate kid and play were...
All right, time's up.
You doing anything?
Criss-cross.
The rap duet that does Christopher cross-covers. I play in the end time's up you doing anything crisscross the
the rap
duet
that does
Christopher Cross covers
his mage hand work
so Tweeze
Tweeze now got her
they've got to close
some disc
they've got to close
about
40 feet
to get
back to you
but
they're closing
the distance
yeah he
mage hand her
flew like
closer to him
but they're both
flying up in the air.
I can at least shoot a firebolt at the fly.
It's too far away for you to...
I mean, no.
It's within 120 feet. You could shoot a firebolt
at the fly.
Okay.
Woo! Two points of damage.
Buzz buzz.
You hit the one that's already been hit
and it doesn't look too happy about it.
That's good.
Esmeralda, now what you can do.
So then I will, I guess, crossbow as long as I'm here.
With disadvantage, right?
Why do I have disadvantage?
Because the flies are about 100 feet away.
They're fur.
Got it.
That's the thing about the range.
If it's within 80 feet... He rolled two nat 20s is how he was able to hit one. Also,
he wasn't proficient though, right? That's true.
Alright, yeah. Fine. Actually,
I'm good with range weapons.
So he was fine.
Well, it's
pointless now.
Okay, so that was my first attack and I missed.
Okay.
Do you know Counting Crochies are playing this week?
It's Counting Cro-Songs.
Are they going to do it?
The style of Jim Crochie.
Bad, bad Mrs. Robinson.
Have you heard Oingo Bo-Kay-Go?
I'm going to send the health inspector to Paladino's and shut it down.
Yay.
All right.
That's two misses.
Yeah.
For me as well.
Bodhi, you're up.
I hope they don't get closed before Neil Sudoku plays there.
Oh, before you go, Gilfrey points at the guard and says,
mercy prayer.
That's it.
Okay.
What can I do to help expedite this?
She's still way above us, right?
There's nothing really.
They're coming in.
Oh, they're coming.
Yeah.
It looks like 11
flies humanoid flies following them oh okay uh can i hack at them they're way too far away they're
way up in there okay but they're coming towards it now she's coming well i guess there's nothing
he can do right all right well i'll just forgo the turn and uh help uh help everybody get into the
hole lord chasma comes through the darkness just right through uh and you see coming with it almost
bouncing off of its face there's like a dozen more of those humanoid flies uh flying in uh gendy
flies grabbing onto you, Twee,
right at the doorway. Do you want to go in?
Do you all want to mush in there?
Yes. Great. Everybody do
a...
Let's do this. Just a straight up dex check.
Make sure
you're able to get
into this small hallway.
21. Some of you are well over
six feet tall, this you got a duck
14 13 5 all right so esmeralda you you uh you just kind of trip a little bit over all the
tiefling tails and somebody grab her um and you're you're you're outside uh but you you feel like
you'll get in before the flies. That's all.
You scoot, scoot, scoot.
I am going to set a timer for you
guys to figure out what you're going to do
now that you're inside. I look
at the guard and say, how do we close it?
Probably say the prayer again.
I do it. I say the prayer again out loud.
Wait, wait, wait.
I thought you said she was in.
This is just like Left 4 Dead.
No, I mean, you can get in but once everyone's in i say as long as you're not attacking or anything okay no all right it's the white witch so you say the prayer again
and everybody's inside yes and paying this steel wall appears right where esmeralda was let's get
the fuck out of here yeah um follow into here follow this cave or tunnel, I mean.
You hear after the door appears within a couple
of seconds, well, less
than a minute, some clubbing noises
against the
steel wall.
But it's distant. It's like a distant club.
Not that club. You're like two floors above the club.
Right.
And you feel like they're now trying vampire
to get in oh yeah 100 okay um let's haul again he says thank you thank you twee hey uh i'm evil now
but i still have a heart hit it and the band kicks in i do my number uh it's in the way that you use it come to paladino's to
see aorta your favorite heart cover band so um and bob sega just uh just a wooden door another
on the other end of this hallway it's a you know hallways like 20 feet long you guys barely have to
scoot a little bit down see it uh but But after the metal pang, it actually opens itself.
Uh-oh.
And a guard is there.
And you know he's a guard because he's got sort of some leather armor on.
And he's got a Bahamut sigil on.
He looks like he's some sort of fighter.
And he's got big bags under his eyes.
And he says, thank God you're here.
Sorry I didn't open the door sooner,
but I was afraid of what was going on out there.
I was waiting for you to shut the steel door again.
You got to help me out.
I've been trying to get out of this.
Right now, we're all in...
Pardon me while I pull up.
I get those submarines.
we're all in,
um,
pardon me while I pull up.
And we're,
uh, we're all in the altarsphere right now.
And,
uh,
I've been trying to get out,
uh,
but I'm kind of,
uh,
uh,
you'll see,
I'm kind of stuck here right now.
Um,
he leads you guys,
uh,
down another sort of curved hallway and you,
you enter a spiral spiral not a spiral
staircase but like a a central hub of a room and there's a spiral staircase going down but there's
a glowing barrier over it and um standing next to it there is uh just a tall elf wearing very simple
linen robes and it turns to you and says, oh, hello.
I was wondering if anyone else would show up.
How is this elf dressed?
Simple linen robe.
Not like the guards or the mages?
Is this a new outfit that we've seen?
And is the guard scared of him?
Yes.
Oh, he is.
Yes, he's like.
He's like, He's mighty casual
of a self.
What's going on?
He says, well, first, allow me to
introduce myself. My name is Dean and I've...
Dean? Yeah.
Is that a problem? No, it's just a problem.
He says very seriously.
He says, oh,
you'll have to excuse me. I was
raised in a human society. It's not
the most exciting name. And he was in charge of human society. It's not the most exciting name.
And he was in charge of a college.
Spelled D-E-I-G-H-J-N.
Yeah.
Apostrophe L-L.
Imagine it's Elfie spelled.
You could riff on it for a while, if you like, he says.
And he sort of starts twiddling.
I love it when you and your brother do push up the daisies.
What do you do here, Dean?
Oh, I'm not from here. i'm what you'd call a visitor
to this place and he smirks what's the altar sphere oh the altar sphere is i mean this is
where you can go and visit an altar to bahama or loath or umberly underground or you can
head to one of the other areas of the prison i understand you all just came from the submission
yard you could uh head to one of the other three quadrants do you work here dean oh no i'm just a
visitor you could say and he smirks again do you mean by visitor do you mean prisoner what do you
keep smirking i feel like you're alluding to something you know what's going on, David. You're smirking. I'm asking why. Oh, are you held captive here?
Yes.
Oh, cool.
I would very much like to leave.
What'd you do?
Well, I did some things.
Let's just say civilizations weren't proud of.
Let's take a look at that clip.
He says, I could show you if you like and he extends a hand
no they just show that scene from mac and me like paul rudd always does
the kid in the wheelchair go down the hill and lands on the he did that on conan like 20 times
that is my best running gag i love when you show that youtube clip to people because there's a
youtube clip that like compiles a dozen of them and then you can be like and since this youtube uh highlight reel
was made he's done it six more times he's not done probably no he'll never let that joke go
but yeah he he basically implies if you take his hand he'll take it on a little
trip down uh mind meld lane You'd think, Twee.
You know, I'm gonna
pass on the Mind Meld right now.
If that's okay. I don't mean to be
impolite, but there's a lot going on.
Can I try to talk to the guard privately?
Which one?
The one in the leather armor you just met?
Or Ed, who came down with you?
I'm kind of hungry, though. I'd like a Mind Patty Meld.
You Or Ed who came down with you. I'm kind of hungry, though. I'd like a mind patty melt. You gesture back towards the door you came from.
I see there.
And I try to describe.
And he says Dean.
I can't.
I was thinking you said it that way.
OK.
You guys kind of walk around the corner.
While they're talking to Dean or whatever.
About the rat pack and stuff?
I don't know.
And then we can...
That's all I can think of.
Okay, so we're going to go...
I'm going to ask him about what the deal is here
because there's so many things to figure out.
Yeah, he says...
I am exasperated.
I'm not sure what this elf's deal is,
but I don't think his real name is Dean.
I don't think he's really an elf.
And I've seen him kill some other guards.
He's kind of been holding me hostage,
trying to get me to spill the beans
on how to get down this spiral staircase.
Okay, but you, so do you, you can get out of here?
This is, normally you'd be able to leave here, no problem.
Is that, I'm just trying to understand what this space of the prison is.
That's right.
I'm supposed to guard this area.
Okay.
And you, but you would be able to leave, but you can't because.
He's holding you here?
He's holding me here.
How is he holding you here?
He told me he would kill me if I tried to leave.
And I've watched other guards try to leave.
How does he kill them?
He waves his hand and they're disemboweled.
Ooh, that's a bad move.
Also, I should tell you,
the reason I'm not telling you how you can leave
is because he can kind of hear everything we're saying.
Oh, hey, Dean, what's up?
You listening?
You see him kind of like, Marco.
He doesn't really care that much.
Yeah.
But he is interested in getting into this spiral staircase.
What is the spiral staircase?
Do we know?
Yeah.
You,
you know,
if you go down the stairs,
there are altars to the three gods who run the prison where you can
supposedly commune with any of them.
Hmm.
Uh,
okay.
Chris is showing me the map and looking at me like I'm a goddamn fool.
No,
you don't have a map.
No, no, I know.
That's why we took notes.
You can see. Sarah, he does this.
And as he turns in a way where you notice his back is facing north.
And he goes, yeah, you know the three gods.
Umberlee, Bahamut, and Lulf.
Oh.
Umberlee, Bahamut, and Lulf.
Who does this?
The guard.
Oh.
Like against his chest so Dean can't see what he's doing.
Dan, the DM, is gesturing in three different directions.
Yeah, so he's trying to help you understand that once you go underground,
head north to Umberlee, east to Lulf, or west to Bahamut.
Okay.
Can we just kill the hell out of this elf?
Yeah, I kind of want to.
He's not an elf.
Whatever he is.
Was he a drow?
He's the same level as the Swamp Monster and Johnny Blue Skies.
Okay. You feel like this guard knows the Swamp Monster and Johnny Blue Skies. But he's going to be very reluctant to...
The guy that we just escaped, the giant fuckface?
But they're all demigod killers.
This area...
Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah.
And if he's in this area, he's on par with...
The place you just left is called the Godslayers,
and you know they take Godslayers out to be tortured in the submission yard.
Right.
And I think Lord Kazma was chasing after the birdman. Oh, hey, can we after the bird past the door do we have to know what's on the other side of the door
to blink past it uh there is is there's no door to we came in i thought there was a you don't think
you can use those crystals spiral showcase you don't think you can use them for anything other
than traveling in the submission yard based on what you know. So why are you killing a bunch of people,
Dean?
He's like, well,
they keep trying to run away and bring
mages in here to fight me and I just don't
care for it. You're in the
main dome. Okay, I get that.
No, but I want to know.
So we're in a tunnel right now, right?
You just kind of went down a short tunnel and you're in
a chamber. Who's on what side of this asshole, Dean?
There's a chamber about 20 feet tall.
It's made of brick.
There is, in the center of the room,
an opening, a circular opening in the ground
that's a spiral staircase going on with a
glowing shield. Does Dean have
eyes on everybody? Yeah.
On everybody. He can also hear us when
we're talking in another room. He's got
ears on everybody, too.
And he wants to go down this staircase and the shield is stopping him. On everybody. He can also hear us when we're talking in another room. He's got ears on everybody, too. Mm-hmm.
And he wants to go down this staircase, and the shield is stopping him.
And he says, Dean says, by the way, I mean, if you can help me descend this staircase,
I will happily leave you alone and go about my own business.
I will tell you I have business with Loth.
If any of you would like to come with me to speak to Loth, you're welcome to.
If you'd like to go talk to one of the other gods, I don't really care. I'd just like to go down and find Loth. If any of you would like to come with me to speak to Loth, you're welcome to. If you'd like to go talk
to one of the other gods, I don't really care. I'd just
like to go down and find Loth.
What do you think he knows?
This is
Brian asking this and not Bodhi.
Absolutely.
Did we already get from the guard
that he knows how to get through the
shield or no?
You haven't really asked him or anything yet.
And he's tried to kind of like let you know,
like he can hear anything I say.
It doesn't matter if I whisper.
But he was saying that the guy was,
this guy was trying to get through that shield.
Why hasn't he let him yet?
I think because he's scared.
Oh, okay.
He's trying to do his duty, do the loyal thing and not.
He's got a Bahamut sigil.
You get a feeling he's a little nervous.
Okay.
He's a good dude and he's like.
But you do think, yeah, there's a chance in this guard's head
and the leather armor that he might know how to get past this shield.
What do you want to talk to Lolth about?
I'd like to get off this rock.
And I think Lolth knows how.
Why do you think Lolth knows how?
I think Lolth has some connections.
Let's just call them powerful cosmic connections
that can get me onto that little rock you guys came from.
I've never been to that rock before, and I'd like to go.
Dwayne Johnson?
He's great at everything.
You're a traveler, Dean?
Exactly. That blue face guy we just. You're a traveler, Dean? Exactly.
That blue-faced guy we just saw could probably help him, right?
If he goes out and talks to that blue-faced guy.
That guy can fly and go anywhere. Yeah, that guy can take you.
He giggles and says, Lord Kazma and I don't get along.
Well, have you
talked to him lately? He's kind of turned on
a leaf. Yes, I have.
What did he have to say? He doesn't speak my language.
Which is sensuality? What is your language? He winks at you yes I have what did he have to say he doesn't speak my language which is
sensuality what is your language
he winks at you and just says
wouldn't you like to know
no I'm good
if you guys pause for even a
second you notice him almost
mechanically just like pivot his head back
almost as if he's casting
spells in his own head.
He's focused on
the staircase.
God, I hate this motherfucker.
My only help is
the bird.
What bird? The bird guard.
The surfing bird.
Is bird the word?
Gilfry comes over and just waves at you. Hi, Gilfry. Yeah, so... Is bird the word? Gilfry comes over
and just waves at you.
Hi, Gilfry. Hail Umberlee.
Hail Umberlee. Gilfry, who's this?
Who's Dean?
He breaks into another
voice all of a sudden. He
leaves his sort of high elf friendly
voice and just says,
Plainer Horror, Nine Hells.
Okay, cool.
He's a plainer horror. He's a planar horror.
He's a planar horror.
He's a planar failsafe.
Oh, so he got out of there
and he went to there. How are things over
the planar failsafe, Dean?
Dean giggles and says
I'm not a planar failsafe.
No, but how are things over in the planar failsafe?
I'm from another planar fail-safe. No, but how are things over in the planar fail-safe? I'm from another cell block.
Copy.
They keep people like me up to the northeast.
What are people like you?
We're beings that are not from this realm,
and they were just too scared to keep in a normal old prison.
We show up, and they just get real scared.
They just found you know,
found me floating around on another plane
and decided to lock me up here.
But I want to visit where you guys are from.
What do you really look like?
He says, uh,
sure you want to know?
I mean, I'm curious.
It turns into large march.
You want to see something really?
He says, I'll make you a deal.
Give me something that I'll find interesting
and I'll show you what I really look like
okay
didn't we have like a piece
of paper about
Lolth
you have a book about
Lolth yeah
it's called Everybody Poops
there's nothing like that
I think it's called the Bottom of the Demon Web.
I'll have to look at my notes, but yeah.
I don't have it on me, but there's something in there
that would be bad to share with him, right?
But he might find it interesting if he's a Lolth kind of guy.
Lolth.
You want to offer it to him?
I have here that you own it.
I'm just checking with everybody that,
was there anything in there?
I don't have my actual hard copy out of it right now.
There's nothing in there that was like,
is a problem to give to a player i had it on my kindle yep it's called the bottom of the demon web uh what you know about this book is it lists the
crimes of wealth and what she did to zinzerina right which we already know so is there a problem
with me he said show me something interesting i don't think I mean, if you say any of this out loud, he's going to... I'm asking
the human players
in this
home right now.
You got the printout still? Yeah.
Ken has it, so... Right?
It's just like...
Research?
Yeah, just what's in the real life.
But I'm just saying, if he wants something interesting,
that's something. And that's just a page from the book.
That's the page.
If we give that to him, does that tell him we're looking for Jen Radina?
I don't think so.
I'll just be like, oh, we were reading about Lolth when we were at this one.
Really?
What were you reading?
Will someone please look me in the eye and tell me that you're okay with this?
Yes.
Sarah.
Oh, I can share. And I hold up the book like I'm doing story, yes. Sarah. All right, okay. Oh, I can show,
and I hold up the book
like I'm doing story time at the library.
His eyes get huge.
I would happily take that off your hands.
In fact, if you give that to me,
I'll not only show you my true form,
I'll do you another favor,
whatever you ask.
He holds a hand out.
I don't think that's a good idea.
Well, now, definitely.
Lady to lady. You did not play that cool he also says now i think you want to give me that book do i yes
it doesn't feel like it he takes a step towards you and says oh you want to give me that book
your droids get him out of here. And when he says it, he snaps
some fingers.
You see about
20 inside-out bodies
appear and slap against
the ground. And he said, I tried to clean up
for the visitors, but this is
what I've already gone through.
I can go through more quite easily.
Yuck.
Can I just Xerox you just a couple pages of it?
And then, I mean, this is,
you don't know what I went through to get this book.
I just wanted to show you.
I thought you might find it interesting.
Tell me what you went through.
Hey, Dean, what do you know about Gin Radina?
I want to know more about Gin Radina.
We don't know anything.
What do you know?
Give me something and I'll tell you.
I happen to be an amazing chef.
When he says it, he points at the book.
Jim, the book.
He wants it too bad,
but... He doesn't know what he wants.
Can I give him some of the pages?
What were you going to give us for it? At this point, he's
seen it, and he
tells you straight up, give me that book.
I'll tell you everything I know about Jen right now.
Okay, I toss him the book.
Will you let us out of here?
I don't know how to get out of here unless...
I toss him the book.
All right.
You toss him the book.
He snatches it.
And before he says anything, and he says something very soon,
he opens it very quickly, runs his hand back and forth
against the pages and closes it
and he kind of tucks it in the belt of his robe and he smiles he says jinn radna is a cosmic being
and she is trapped somewhere in my jails uh building i i'm from a i'm from a cell block
to the northeast as i. I believe she is imprisoned
where I just came from.
What's imprisoned there, buddy?
But I have done all sorts of
horrible things
up where us planar horrors
are exiled.
So you're welcome to go there,
but I don't think it's going to go that well
for you, so good luck trying to do better than I did. I turned that
building inside out and couldn't find her. Why are you looking for her?
I want to get off this rock and I happen to know she is the most powerful
thing in this prison. What about Thud?
What's Thud? I don't know.
We're trying to find out we've heard a word that's it i don't know
what thud is i don't either he doesn't have this map by the way this isn't like a map you can just
pull out so as you if you if you at any point are to talk about that like you're making maybe
making notes now but in the game yeah this map only exists on a drow orb that Tui has in his bag.
So you can kind of memorize it as your character.
But I mean, he doesn't have a map.
He doesn't know some of these buildings, apparently.
So you were looking for Jyn Radina to help you get off this rock,
as you keep calling the beautiful moon.
Yes.
What about the archmage?
Wouldn't the archmage be able to get you out of here?
He blinks and he says, I don't sense an archmage.
Well, that's not good.
Where's the archmage?
We don't know.
Jesus Christ.
We don't know.
Another building, not here.
He grabs the guard.
He has been kind of side-eyeing the guard that came in with you, Ed.
And he kind of, almost without moving his feet,
just kind of slides across the room, grabs him by the shoulder.
And he just.
No, leave him alone.
He just starts brushing his armor aside.
He's with us.
And he grabs it and he yanks it off of his chest.
And he says, he's got a prayer here.
What is this prayer?
I don't know, man.
We're trying to figure out,
can you tell us anything else about Jyn Radina?
You couldn't find her.
I know she is from another plane.
I know she is a being that was once a part of a collective.
I know she is as powerful as one of your gods,
but does not care or know your gods very well.
She knows Lolth, so I wanted to go talk to Lolth.
It sounds like you've got the best plan so far.
Thank you.
I wish we were of more help.
I'd feel like a dipshit and a half.
You're a planning horror.
He turns your guard around,
and there's another tattoo on the guard's back and he's a unicorn he blinks just kind of like reading it throws the guard against the wall
and takes off down the stairs uh you notice as he heads towards the stairs the shield just
disappears it's almost like he just said the prayer in his mind or something that's written across this guard's back.
And he just...
No.
Let him go.
What?
Why?
We gotta get the Jyn Radina.
We can't kill...
He turns people inside out.
Okay, but he's going to talk...
He's going down to talk to Lolth, and he's looking for Jyn Radina.
And Lolth is the one who has been torturing and imprisoning Jyn Radina, right?
I thought he came from the place that Jinn radin is supposedly in right yeah but he he was in the
same cell block but he couldn't he's convinced that jinn radin is in the northeast block so if
you look at the little orange square the the upper right one um that is uh that is for planar horrors.
Those are beings from other planes that your society deemed too dangerous
to be allowed to roam free on any plane.
Okay, I check on the guard
who got thrown against the wall.
He's like, fuck!
How am I supposed to know there's a tattoo on my back?
I don't know shit.
Damn it, fuck!
Should we try to stop him, do you think?
Or is that pointless pointless he kind of looks
around at all the bodies and he's like i mean i i don't i don't have a plan either i i we could
follow him down we could go to the northeast where's the prayer i don't know what's in the
northeast though we look at his back what does his back say uh his uh his back his back says another prayer
and it says,
name thine own.
Hey,
torture master,
can you change a prayer?
Can we like turn this portal back on?
This is a yes or no.
So you're hearing me say yes
and you're hearing me say no.
He goes,
yes.
We can change this code. Yes yes can we lock that guy in here and change the code yes can you do that no can we do that yes oh jesus god damn in
heaven can you just say say the prayer does it work if we just say the prayer i try it you say name thine own yeah
nothing happens what is name that is that is this a riddle where you have to name something
name thy own name thine own oh yeah you say court do a religion check brother yep you see
what looks like pink ethereal
swords just cross in front
of the downward staircase
alright that's good
hopefully there's no other exit
so now he's
locked in there
and we'll see how that
he doesn't know he's not going to think
so he can't turn that off
yeah but he also is like talking to lol down there right but yeah uh gilfrey says cord
and just kind of makes like a snickering face
what's his fucking problem? Hey, a lumberly.
It's like you just told a Bears fan you like the Packers, basically.
Fuck the Bears.
Okay, so is there any other way out of here?
God, this moth.
Jesus Christ.
We need to have the screen closed.
You guys love to be attacked by moths all day.
It's in my face.
Say that again?
I was distracted by the extra planar horror flying in my face.
Are there any other exits here?
There's the one, the door we came in.
You see it looks like there's a curving hallway going in three other directions.
Okay, sorry.
So you have basically locked Dean in the basement.
And you could go, would assume northeast, right?
Yeah, let's do that.
Alright, so you head over there and
What's his name? Gilroy?
Gilfry.
What do you think of the cherries
and garlic? I show him our bad crystals
and go, are there new crystals that work
that can get us across?
Yes or no?
He shrugs you don't know do we need to get across well if we could find attuned crystals that not these sharks i mean you get through the hall
it's another very like low ceiling kind of short hallway a wooden door you open it it's unlocked
and um you you see there's a another sort of steel barrier okay between you and
the outside you basically you basically got to the northeast part of this dome in the center
of the map um could be another submission yard you don't know anything about what's between you
and the extra planar horror building is there another i'm asking johnny bird man is there another torture chamber out here
uh he opens his mouth and says graveyard
what about does ed know ed doesn't it's like i it's not a part of the block
say the prayer you just could be like ghost and shit. Yeah, let's find out.
Cool.
So you recite the mercy prayer again.
And sure enough, it is a graveyard that's very clean.
And you see it through, you know, this door that opens.
You exit and behind you, you can see there's the Colosseum-like steel
gigantic building behind you
as opposed to the series of small rooms
and doors that you just came from.
And spanning out in like every possible direction,
you see altars, statues, mausoleums, sepulchers,
all sorts of
things that seem to signify
a humanoid graveyard.
You see...
Everything must go!
We've lost our lease!
In the distance you see a couple of
larger temple-looking
buildings, but the sky
is vast and dark and cloudy
and looks bigger, bigger again than this area
should be according to the map should we see if the crystals work yeah yes uh when you press your
finger against the crystal in your palm nothing happens is this is that area out here or is that
yes we're out of charge or maybe maybe it's just a different kind of an area.
Yeah, we might need a different thing.
Do we go to one of these big temples in the hopes that something's there?
There is a cobblestone path that appears to go very straight to the northeast
through all the monuments.
If we haul ass, how long would it take for us to run
to one of these big tunnels?
An hour. I mean, they're pretty far
away, but they're huge.
Can I show the crystal
to Gilfray
and be like,
with a questioning look, like,
He shrugs.
He nods like he understands what you're asking, but he shrugs and then he nods.
Like he understands what you're asking,
but he shrugs.
I point in here before he said he's like,
not seeing,
I point to where we're trying to go to the Northeast corner and like,
and shrug like,
yeah,
he's,
he just,
he seems like he's maybe been here,
but doesn't know his way around.
Hmm.
Are you in contact with another tour?
The torture master for here over here. contact with the torture master over here?
I am the torture master.
Got it.
The torture master is consigned
to the submission yard.
Who's consigned to the graveyard?
The dead.
No one runs
the graveyard?
He shrugs.
How about Barter Town?
Who runs Barter Town?
Let's run to the temple.
Yeah.
The nearest temple
is a little north off the pass.
Does everybody agree to that?
You guys kind of have to dodge around
some statues and monuments
to get there.
And yeah, within an hour,
nothing happens. No skeletons erupt from the ground um and you get to a temple with a
a large uh
a large sign uh everything i touch turns to sold
everything I touch turns to sold wow it's a realtor
that's a good realtor up here
and it just says
in common Baphomet
Baphomet
Baphomet
B-A-P-H-O-M-E-T
is that a good guy or a bad guy?
Why doesn't everybody do a little religion check?
Is it related to Bahamut?
It's so close.
Ooh, I rolled a one.
You don't know shit, Typha.
I rolled a one, too.
You extra don't know shit.
I rolled a four.
Eleven.
You rolled a four.
I got a rock.
I got the same thing as he did
Gendy
Come on Gendy
Gendy did not make it
What the hell let's see if Gilfrey knows
Gilfrey
Natural 20
Gilfrey tell us about Baphomet
The trick with Gilfrey
Is I have to look at the
Knowledge bank I wrote up of what
Gilfrey is I have to look at the knowledge bank I wrote up of what Gilfrey had said to him.
And he kind of goes...
Good guy, bad guy.
Evil.
Nine hells.
One of the lords of hell. Thanks again again he says Abyss
Oh that's not good
Like Orcus
Dead
God of the dead
He is dead
Dead God Evil
He's a dead God
The evil God of death
Or he's a dead God
Not of death
We all actually recognize this name, right?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't.
That's Baphomet.
Oh, that's convenient.
Not the D&D version
of Baphomet, but for all intents and purposes.
Thank God the real world.
Some of us worship Satan
and wear t-shirts
advertising that. No, I don't and wear t-shirts advertising that.
No, I don't know any of the D&D.
And he rolled a natural 20, so I'm trying to
just look at his word bank one more time.
He's kind of like
going, his mouth is open
and clacking. Don't you all know
stuff then?
You guys all rolled so low
that...
Right.
What would Bodhi know about him?
Not enough.
Not enough.
I mean, when he says nine hells,
I mean, already you guys have heard that phrase a lot.
Well, this time he passes his religion check.
You don't get to do another one.
You're carrying over.
You don't just get to keep checking.
Bodhi in this situation does not piece together anything new that Gilfrey hasn't already.
Gilfrey.
He has one more word I can give you.
There's no recollection of that name.
He shifts back into his elven.
He seems like he recognizes it completely, but his ability to speak is limited.
And he says, Prince.
Oh, you know what i was just gonna i was gonna let gilfrey know
that i speak celestial common elvish giant and goblin so if he has any additional oh right so
when you tell him that um he actually uh i'm gonna have to improvise this uh but he reaches back and he says in in the deep
booming voice
of Lord Kazma
I'm just trying to think of like the best way
to phrase this I bring you blood
Baphomet I bring you blood, Baphomet.
I bring you blood.
Hmm.
In Celestial.
We tried to deliver your blood, but you weren't here.
We'll try to reattempt delivery of your blood tomorrow
between 10 and noon.
So did it seem like Lord Kazmet worships Baphomet?
Or is maybe used to be like in some sort of connection to him.
Okay.
But.
I mean, back in the nine hells.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well.
And so I haven't really told you even what you see.
I mean, you guys.
We're just stopping to use the restroom or whatever.
There is a big sort of theater.
It's marble and it's wide.
It's like 100 yards wide and it's circular.
And there are stairs that go down.
There's seating.
There's nobody here.
Like an amphitheater?
It's like an amphitheater that goes down into the ground.
And at the bottom of it, sort of on the stage,
it looks like there's some kind of trap door,
some sort of marble plate stage it looks like um there's some kind of trap door some sort of uh
marble uh plate that you could lift up if you headed down there but no crystals no charging
station you know you see you see there's like um some sort of uh some sort of steel candle holders
on the on the theater at the bottom. I perceive all this.
Passively, yes.
You can see us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking, looking, looking, looking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You feel like, if you do a perception check,
there, Typhoon?
17.
Yeah, you feel like there might be more
underneath the theater, but.
Well, we have to go into the Prince of Hell's
underground murder basement.
I mean, do we?
Why do we have to?
I don't think we do. Yeah? I don't think we do.
Yeah.
I don't think we do.
All right.
I'm trying to figure out a way to get across this area.
I mean, yeah, you're in a really big area.
We can go to the other temple.
We saw two giant temples, right?
Yeah.
I mean, you could jog another couple hours to the southeast, and there is another temple there.
Would there be any?
This temple just has a sort of big archway
that you could see from far away.
The other one, it looks like it's a more above-ground building altogether.
Can we investigate for any evidence of Zinzerina, maybe?
And Tweed, didn't you have like a fey,
something where we could step, like, shorten distances
by stepping through some kind of door?
Yeah, I mean, he can do...
If he does a couple of checks in a row,
he can enter a portal into the Feywild.
You guys have not tried entering the Feywild
since you came to the moon.
There is that.
You don't know if another celestial body
would be very accommodating on another planetoid,
like the moon.
You want to try to talk to Jenray again and see if we can get closer?
You think maybe she's hidden in the Feywild?
Well, you don't think that.
No, I'm not suggesting that at all, but just because she asked.
It's possible.
But basically, his mage hand extends its distance
by traveling through the Feywild,
and so he knows he can open a portal if he does a couple of things.
But you know that that would be hazardous.
You'd have to have some kind of route back in your original plane.
Or you might have a hard time finding your way back.
Time might shift a lot.
I was just trying to shorten this distance.
All right.
Then I guess let's explore this tomb.
On the next episode of Nerd Poker.
Yep. That'll be 41 next time.
Thanks for listening.
Oh, my buddy.
Anything you want to plug?
Yeah, my buddy Alex Robinson gave us some comics.
He made this D&D inspired book called The Lower Regions,
which is, as you might expect, a play on words because it's filthy
and violent and uh no
dialogue but he made it a few years ago uh so um if dnd nerds would be interested in extremely uh
amusing blood make sure and take it with you so my kid doesn't see it he gave us three copies so
make sure we leave with three copies. All right. Cool.
BrianBassine.com, as usual.
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