Nerd Poker - Episode 42 - You Feel a Great Heaviness

Episode Date: February 7, 2018

More enemies of flesh and stone appear. Twee makes a cosmic gambit. Tom takes no Demelith sass. Bodhi stomps. Is the title of this episode a reference to our generous skeletal benefactor? Only time will tell.

Hey, it's Brian Possehn. I used to have a podcast where I played Dungeons & Dragons with a bunch of my friends. I missed it, so I decided to make a new one. It's called Brian Possehn's Nerd Poker. It's myself, a couple of my buddies, Blank and Patch, Dan Telfer, Ken Daly, an occasional guest or two, and we're gonna be playing in a new setting, my dining room. Each week you'll hear my wife, my son, my dogs, and we're gonna be playing in a place that I love and playing the game that I've loved half my

life, Dungeons & Dragons. We've got fifth edition and we're ready. So are you ready? Here's Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Brian Poussaint. You're listening to Brian Poussain's

Nerd Poker. Hi, Ken. Dan. Hi. Are you ready to fight the Demolites some more? Not really. Cool. Bye, everybody.

Let's hang out and talk about things that we liked as kids. Let's go back to Rehoboth Beach. I love the wheelo. Let's thank out and talk about things that we liked as kids. Let's go back to Rehoboth Beach. I love the wheelo. I'm going to go ahead and thank some people. Do you hate slip and slide? Slip and slide. It was fun. You hurt yourself a little.

Depending on what kind of asshole. There was the water wiggle. There was that thing, too. Yeah, that thing. And Skeletor's dick was another one. Yeah, Skeletor's dick. It hurt my butt. Every time I tried to slide on Skeletor's dick, it wasn't quite wet enough.

Or the ground that it was laying on was super hard. They would always lay it out over some dog shit. Yeah, yeah. Or there was a root under there, and you'd hit the root of a fucking tree on the top of your head, and you'd kick your friend in the nuts, punch their parent's car,

and go home crying. Ladies and gentlemen, this might be the episode where people truly die. This could be the end of the campaign. Before we do, I want to give you the best names I can find. Are we doing episode 42 right now? Let's do this.

Thank you, Time Blimp. I love you on Cagney and Blimpy. That's the pitch, you guys. Time Blimp. Thank you, Tony Blackie Green Like Charisma Elfson. Wow. I love a Jean-Claude Van Damme's in that time blimp. That one's a lot like me, high and inside. Thank you, Smarmy Rabbit.

Thanks, Smarmy Rabbit. Thank you, Skeletor's Pubic Mound. Fix it for kids. Oh. It would be Skeletor's Mons, wouldn't it? Thank you, Skeletor's pubic mound. That would be Skeletor's mons, wouldn't it? Thank you, Lion-O's taint. Thanks, Lion-O's taint.

Lion-O's taint. Murder by death? I sense a theme. Thank you, George Bush 9-11. Wait, what does George Bush have to do with 9-11? Thank you, George Bush 9-11. George Bush 9-11's Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait. What does George Bush have to do with 9-11? Thank you, George Bush 9-11. George Bush 9-11's profile photo is Steve Harvey.

It's actually a website about George Bush's Porsche. Look what Skeletor's dick started with the crazy names. Did I already think hiding in Brian's closet? Thank you. Hiding in Brian's closet. Oh, Jesus. I hate that one. I'm going to punch that one in the fucking face. Thank you.

Just look in your closet. With a baseball bat right now. Thank you. Which closet? Ask him. All right. Thank you, Milwaukee. All right. Just shoot them all. Thank you, Mill Wookie. Mill Wookie?

Mill Wookie's best. Thank you. Our listeners are super creative. Thank you, Laverne Baca and Shirley Baca. Thank you, Columbo's Queef. Begging your pardon. I'll say. Sorry to bother you. Two more.

Squeeze one out. This guy's kind of off theme, but sort of not. Columbo Queef? I'm sure I know. This is an old reference. Yeah, but it's not animated. I'm going to throw in one normal one. It's not an animated kids show. Thank you, Clint McElroy.

Disgusting. Thanks, Clint. He's, Clint McElroy. Disgusting. Thanks, Clint. Thanks, Clint. He's actually a popular podcaster. And thank you... Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the McElroys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's their dad. And thank you... Thank you,

Clint McElroy. Thank you, Clint McElroy. A.K.A. at DocKerm on Twitter. And thank you, the real Ghostbusters Ghost Wiener. I wish I would have been drinking something. Is that the one with Spencer, Tracy, and Kong? We're the Ghostbusters. I just love that they had to call that animated show

The Real Ghostbusters. I really liked both of those cartoons when I was a kid, too. I only liked the real one. I liked the fake one, too, because it had that cute little pig bat. Belfry. I love the pig bat. I would eat a pig bat right now. Oh, man.

I love pig bats over on the island. Have you had fat cells? Pig bat? You saw that new sandwich, right? Yeah, it's just chicken wings and like a... It's a burger, chicken wings, french fries, and other shit. Cow hearts? On a slice of pizza. Yeah? Wow. It's a turduck ox. It's a burger, chicken wings, french fries and other shit on a slice of pizza Yeah It's a turduck ox

It's a turduck and inside an ox with a toothpick through it It'll make your heart explode out your ears It's an entire tray of samples at a farmer's market Ladies and gentlemen, we are at the bottom of an island separated through time and space by an apocalypse, a moon crashing into a planet, you are fighting a are at the bottom of an island separated through time and space by an apocalypse, a moon crashing into a planet.

You are fighting a vampire at the beginning of his reign over the post-apocalyptic landscape. We are mid-combat. And up next is the big boss himself. Those are empty glasses. Do you want to start the scotch? I figure, yeah. Yeah, all right.

Wait. Wait. Are we in the jungle, baby? Because we're all going to die. Boom. Perfect. You want to get started here, Ken? Just a little touch because I got to.

Just a little touch. I'm already going. You got the touch. Thank you. Blaine. Oh, that smells You got the touch. Thank you. Blaine. Oh, that smells nice. I'm good, thanks. You want to smell the cork?

If I could smell the cork, I'd never leave the house. My favorite spinal tap breaker. So as you guys engage in combat, you notice... One more stinky. Six stone tentacles drop. Oh, yeah. Like stalag... Oh, shit. St like stalag whatever's from the ceiling. Tights. Yeah.

Tights. They wrap themselves. Well, two of the six wrap themselves around some of the wood elves. Oh. And the wood elves collapse to the ground. You also see about ten forms speeding towards you across the landscape underground with dust clouds behind them. Some kind of strafing thing here, right?

Or the fireballs or something. Why don't you guys throw something at these assholes? Hey, Bodhi. I don't have that kind of thing. Charisma saving throw, Bodhi. Charisma? Mm-hmm. Why?

Because the Demolith waved a hand in your face. Mm-hmm. And then he pointed his finger at you, and he went pew. Two. You notice your shadow at your feet disconnects from your body and all of a sudden a shadow boatie

slides across the ground and stands up next to the Demolith it's just a shadow boatie a black outline of your form against the red and blue light is now pulling the Herald

of Kelmar shadow out of its shadow scabbard. What the fuck? Oh, so this thing's going to try to fight me, my shadow? Yeah. Uh-huh. You're up, Bodhi. Peter Pan.

I'm going right for fuckface. I don't even give a shit about my shadow. Roll for fuck face. You successfully fuck a face. That would be 18. That's a hit. Roll for damage, please. This is the Harold

of Kalmar.mar yes ma'am six and then I'm so fine your damage he spit some blood in your face then yeah oh yeah you got a backhand you're gonna throw at him yeah sure uh that hits same 18 yep there you go serena nice come on big numbers i always thought brian was more of a venus god damn it five and uh Big numbers. I always thought Brian was more of a Venus. God damn it. Five and...

I keep wishing I could do an Ian Asbury. Fire damage. Hey, Tweet. You still playing a little song? Oh, I step out of the way of this guy, too. Oh, is that right? Sure, yeah. So you take these swings, then you back up again?

Yeah. Okay. Yep, you do. And by the way, yes, the back of your sword thuds into his chest, and as it drags out, some blood sprays on the ground. And, you know, soaks up a little bit of dirt on the way down. Tui? That was good. I had no song ready.

Yeah, you're in verse two of the final countdown. Yeah, I'm reading this thing. I'm also flying, of course. I've been flying going into this, so I'm sort of staying off the ground for whatever's coming at us, but I'm just gonna... I'm trying to stay back and to the left.

Luolven goes back to praying. She's levitating. Is there any advantage to that? I like... The players are now whispering to each other. So neither the listeners or the DM knows. I know. That's kind of the point.

I can't hear the players. I'm just wondering if there's any sort of advantage to one of us going behind the vampire. I don't know. Don't know. What would the Lost Boys do? Turn rice into worms? Go ahead. Sorry.

Oh, he went. Yeah, I'm just reading. Two of the wood elves try to shrug the stone worms off of themselves and are unable to. They're dragged to the ground. Two more are fighting them off, and two of the tentacles are heading for Tom and Twee. The strange shapes racing across the ground are getting closer,

and you think you see something red and brown with spines sticking out of them. Bloody poops. Gross. That's my favorite simple tourist song. Bloody poop you guys. Poops. Tom, you're up. Bloody poops.

I am casting a poison sprayay at the Demolith. Is that a cantrip you got? Yes, sir. Then he's going to try to save. He fails. Oh! Did he won? He won.

All right. So roll for Dimash, please. All right. That is 2d12. He's going to roll his hundy. 2. And 6. 8.

We're going to double that. Succide. And hopefully he kills himself there. 93. Holy shit. What? He botched and rolled a 93. Oh, wow.

Good. Okay, so. So he sits on his balls wrong. Ooh. Ooh. Doug Bess. Doug Bess is doing Mr. Belvedere. Mr. Belvedere.

Yeah, I know, but what was the kid's name? Because Doug would always do the... Oh, Wesley. Ew! Because he apparently really sat on his nuts. He did. It was in the news. And then he was hung from a wire, and the wire broke.

But Doug lived with the kid, the older kid on that show, and the kid came home from work early and caught Benson hanging out and went, hey, what are you doing home? The fucking Belvedere sat on his nuts. Fucking greatest story of all. And then he had to be in the Christmas parade and the

harness rested on his nuts. So, uh, you spray a jet of poison at him and he laughs and spins his sort of light, uh, parrying the spray away directly onto his foot where it burns a huge chunk off of his foot. Uh, it didn't work out.

Gago is up. Old motherfucker. I wrote that song for you. Dear listener. Old motherfucker's gonna fuck his own mother and she wants him too. You wrote that? Yeah, baby. Motherfucker. You're a regular Yeah, baby. Motherfucker.

You're a regular Dr. Luke. People like to fuck their moms and it's cool. It's fantasy, so incest is appropriate because they're monsters. Who gives a shit? He's getting me-o-ianopolis-y. No, no. I wouldn't say anything that would get me doxxed.

Yeah, he goes and he starts stabbing the Demolith in the back. He flies around and just starts jabbing him between the shoulder blades. And you see little slashes of fabric come off of him. Bodhi, you're up.

Or no, the Demolith is up. Excuse me. Isn't he walking around going, Charlie Horse, Charlie Horse? No. He places both his hands together, and he shoots up. He shoots up? Makes it difficult. He's a junkie.

Makes him difficult to reach. Shadow Bodhi. You know, when people shoot up, it does make them difficult to reach. Shadow Bodhi also floats only about an inch off the ground and comes down on you, Bodhi, for eight points of damage. So what? You're fighting your shadow. It's fucking crazy when you think about it

for real. If it would really happen, it would blow your mind. Bodhi, you're up. How far away is he from me? I can still reach him. It's your shadow. Yeah, but like his legs. It's going to be tricky. He basically made himself harder to hit.

You can roll a 20 to swing a melee weapon. Move away from the spotlight behind you. I wish Doug was here to just fucking get on his knees and fucking jump off. I'm just a tiny thing. All my friends are dead. All my friends are dead.

We're all terrible. Tom Lennon's been on like the last 12 bonus episodes. He probably will never do it again. I feel like we pushed our luck. We were three in a row. I don't know. It seems like he's pretty busy. He's a very busy man.

He's just a movie star. What else has he got going on? He's a very busy man. He's a movie star and a movie writer and a movie producer. Yeah, he's got a lot going on. And a kid and a wife and a thing and a thing. and a movie producer. Yeah, he's got a lot going on and a kid and a wife and a thing and a thing and a cat. I like how he comes here

in an Uber with a bottle of wine and he just... And the cat's in the cradle and the... Ugly kid Joe and the... What you gonna do, Bodie? It's your turn.

Stab this guy in his fucking feet. Damn it. No, you didn't. Again. Whoa! Uno. Two and a one and a... You didn't say uno.

You rolled a 21 on your botch? A one and a two. I did a nice... Oh, no, yeah. You rolled a 21 on your botch? A one and a two. I did a nice... Oh, no, yeah. You got to roll your 100 for this botch. That's a Lawrence Welk. Yeah. That's what I was getting at.

Going back in time. Lawrence Welk, everybody, remember? Oh, God. 400 years ago. Worst part of being at my grandparents' house. I would like everybody listening to notice that I didn't say that. Whatever. I would have gone with Carmichael.

The fact that in the Midwest, he's called a slider Carmichael. Roll 2d6, Brian. Is Carmichael anywhere? Down in Philadelphia, you got to get your hoagie Carmichael with. You know, down in Philadelphia, you gotta get your hoagie Carmichael with whiz. Roll 2d6. Okay. Of course. When I didn't want to roll high, right?

Yeah, you just took 10 damage as you took a swing, and you misjudged where the shadow's sword was and you plowed your hand right into his blade and you dropped the Herald of Kelmar. Oh, I hate it when I almost say I hate it when that happens. Hey, Tui.

Guess what? What? Your song just popped. My song popped? The end of the final countdown. Would you please... It's Firework by Katy Perry, right? That's better than Katy Perry. Could you please...

Pop music? Sort of. Perhaps for the first time, show our listeners what, let's see, what was it? 10D4 sounds like. 10D4. Oh, shit. That's a lot of D4s. You need any?

I'm sure you do. Three. Here's one. Four. Five. Here's five, four, five. Here's five more. All right, six. Oh, you got it. Oh, six.

You got it. Seven, eight. Two of these. Put the microphone right up because this will be a pretty sweet noise. Put it on in this one. Oh, one more. Oh, one more? Okay.

And then, yeah, Blaine, will you take your microphone out of the stand and put it right up to the dice tower? Yeah, we're going to get some nice sound. A lot of damage. Kill Damage. Jackpot. Add that up for me, won't you?

One, 1, 5, uh, 7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 17, uh, 20. That's not too bad. That's halfway. All right. Wow. Wow. So, all of a sudden, the Demolith goes rigid, and

you see green smoke come out of his mouth. Luovan is still praying. Everybody do a perception check. Just tell me the number. Seven. Seven? Brian, Blaine, roll your fucking 20s yeah okay 10 great 11 uh tom you realize um there appears to be fewer wood elves than there were a moment ago

blaine you see what looks like uh a big stone worm uh right about to approach you. It's been like writhing along the ground, and then you see behind it there's a couple more coming towards you. Bodhi, as you look down at your sword on the ground, you notice that just off to your right, there appears to be two stone wood elves, frozen with worms crawling off of them. Yik.

Oh, okay. Oh, so this thing will freeze you if it gets on you? That's what it looks like. How close are they to us? There is one about one round away from Tom, and there are three coming towards Tui. One is very close to a couple more rounds.

Can we move out of this room? This is a very, very, very large room. Can we get some distance? The ceiling goes up about 20 feet. Not a bad idea. I'm going to get away from these. Tom, you're up.

Having moved away from them, casting... And by away, 30 feet. 30 feet at a time, that's how he lives his life. Exactly. Easy to remember. 30 feet at a time. I will cast... Array of Sickness. I will cast a rare sickness upon the Demolith.

Is that another cantrip you got? Uh-huh. Do-do-do. Go for it. He's going to try to resist it. And he does. Son of a... All right. All right.

Gago flies the Demolith's face, waves a wand, tries to, like, jam the wand up the Demolith's nose. Weird. does eight points of acid damage. Bodhi, you're up. Let's see. Oh, by the way, Bodhi, as you're doing this, let's see. Oh, by the way,

Bodie, as you're doing this, you notice that there are 10 small creatures about two turns away coming at you at lightning speed. They're coming towards the whole party. So you're not sure which person they're going to go for, but they look like, um, just sort of bundles of muscle tissue and veins and bones.

Does anybody have any oil? Splinters of ribs sticking out of them with little tiny badger feet. And they're just rushing at you guys. I have oil. I have mess kit, yeah, tinder box, tin torches. Ten torches. I'm going to set a bolo on fire and wing it at these things that are running at me. All right.

Now, they're not together. They're sort of forming a circle around you guys. Oh, I thought they were close. Hmm. You could definitely try that with one of them. Now, fucking, I'm still going after Demolith, because I feel like we kill Demolith, then this shit, like in a movie just disappears uh or not or we just but uh i'm i'm now firing a crossbow bolt oh by the way are my bolts are they wood or are they uh yes okay cool perfect fire away son that is

fucking fiber roll a 20. yeah i want to like a fucking 20. Yeah, I want to. Like a real fucking 20. I want to. Do it. Dear Satan. That's pretty good. 14 plus 7. That's a hit. Roll for damage.

What do I roll on that? Heavy crossbow. Crossbow. Oh, I have 1D10 is what I have written down here. That is correct. Sound right? Yes.

Martin, your Uber driver has just pulled up. No, Brendan Small can't see Yngwie with me this weekend. That's what that was. No, Brendan Small can't see Yngwie with me this weekend. That's what that was. Oh. Yeah.

Six. All right. Anybody want to see Yngwie? Nice Jewish boy. You like guitars. Have you ever seen him? I've never seen him. You know, you might actually really, really enjoy it.

Yeah, he's a virtuoso. He puts on a hell of a fucking show. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we called him Squeegee Umama. Our wives will be certain that we will not be hitting on any women at that show. At an Yngwie show? Nope. So that Skrull that I hit him with is over, right? Correct.

Okay. Well, then I'm going to... I'm below... I'm still flying, but I'm below him, and I'm going to shoot a fireball up his dress. Not that we hit on women at any show. Yeah, I'm the last guy. Hey, ladies.

The three of us are the biggest studs in the world. Before we were married, we were good guys. How many women's nights will Brian ruin by making accidental eye contact? We have Festr trunk brother's disease. So I'm doing a... He is unable to make his saving throw, so please roll for damage.

Oh, hey, because I do... He makes a lot of spell saving throws, but not this one. Okay, I'm going to get out some cool dice for this, I think. What do the bolt do? Any sort of wood damage to him? Yeah, but I mean... He's not that kind of amp, huh?

Not the kind where if wood hits him, he's like, Oh, no. Fright night. Ouchie, a tree fell on me. He turned into a jerky boy? Oh, a tree fell on me. He turned into a jerky boy? Oh. Oh, a wood fell on me and killed me.

Dice, I just wanted to be a vampire. Yeah. Did you like the remake? Yeah, it was not bad, right? No, it was not bad. I expected it to be terrible. It was so fucking good. Yeah.

Not all remakes are bad. I know. Which one? Fright Night. It's so fucking good. Yeah. Not all remakes are bad. I know. Which one? Fright Night. Oh, I haven't seen it. Getting horror and comedy right is such a hard thing. It's so fucking hard. Look at Blaine's Pretty Dice that he took out.

You know what's a great remake? There's a handful of horror comedies that work. The Thing. Well, right. Anybody complains about remakes? Yeah. How many times do you watch the original though do you really you like the original I like the original I maybe see the two or three in my whole life but that's that's one of the only old horror movies it does me too well I actually like the universe jump. I like the Universal ones. Yeah, sure. I wish I was rolling up a character with this.

Oh, shit. Wow. I showed Rhodes Creature. He loves it. Sure. 18. That was where we started. 24.

30. 36. I like whatever this is. Nice. 36, 44, and then. She's a brick. 36. I like whatever this is. Nice. 36, 44, and then... She's a brick. 48.

Hows. She's mighty mighty. Let it all hang out. 36, 44, 79. What a winning hand. Whoa! So you thud a giant fireball into this guy. Right up his asshole. And his robes just get shredded. They're barely clinging to him anymore. And there's just a big explosion of fire as it slams into him.

And he's dead. Unfortunately, you realize that the stone worms that have been tailing you are more than long enough to get up and reach you Two of them are still a little bit aways, but one Reaches up and looks like it's about to swing at you So you're flying about ten feet off the ground this thing is ten feet long And it looks like it's gonna try and spring up and grab you. Okay. It isn't quite yet. Shadow Bodhi.

Abracadabra. It's gonna spring up and grab you. Bodhi, you take six points of damage. Shadow damage. Perfect amount of scotch and weed in me right now also you notice your six six or eight do you say you said six six uh you notice your pauldrons of shadow damage have have uh sort of crawled across your chest your your shoulder piece oh yeah those things are still going um they're sort of pressing against you and all of a sudden the tips of the

exoskeleton shove themselves into your rib cage. Jesus. Uh, Jesus. And so your armor is basically, uh, trying to stab you through the ribs. Uh,

you take an additional eight points of damage. Uh, can I try to pull them off with my, with my gauntlets of ogre power? Not right now, you can't. All right. Luovan casts a spell. Can somebody help me with this thing? I don't know what to do because I'm not magical.

One of the stone worms that is crawling towards Tom actually the only one the time when you kill this guy I'll play gets shattered all of a sudden it just like a concussive what happened sorry Luolvin cast the spell that she's been spending some time cooking up and just this concussive just explosion hits one of the stone worms, and it just gravel sprays everywhere. Good. Get them all.

There's only two of the wood elves you notice that are still alive. They're hacking at the stone worms that are chasing them around, and they're having no effect on them. Is Yockety Sacks playing? No. And where's Ren Hoek? That bald little guy is still running around for some reason. Where's the chihuahua with buggy eyeballs?

The guy that we... The Demolith? No, the guy that we were trying to... Koro. He's nowhere to be found. I should write that down. What? Last you left him, he was behind to be found. I should write that down. What? Last you left him, he was behind a boulder.

You left him back there. He was hiding amongst the... All your fighters. Shit. Yeah. He's a couple hundred yards away last you saw him. Behind a boulder. You haven't looked for him in a while.

He's still back there. We'll see, I guess. He's still back there. Let's fucking kill this dimwit. Alright. We're doing what we can. Bodhi, you feel something jump on your back. Is it my shadow or is it the... It's a secret.

Tom and Twee, you see a bundle of muscles, veins, and bone shards jump onto Bodhi's back and just looks like burrowing into his back. Jesus, fuck. You take seven points of damage. All right, I've got to start adding this shit up. Hold on. You look around, and you are surrounded by what looks like little porcupines made of bone splinters and just like organic tissue. We all are.

You're all surrounded by them. Hold on, hold on. All right. They're everywhere. They're barking. Have you already done the math? They're barking? Yeah.

They're making these horrible little like scree kind of noises. And they're trying to jump at people's faces like the bunny from the Holy Grail. And one of them is kind of chewing on a leg. Total damage is 39. Yeah. Yeah, how many hit points do you have there, Bodhi? 20-something. While he does that math, Tom.

You're up. All right. I am going to try one more attack. Yeah, I'm at 20. Shit. How did that happen so fast? Well, you're currently being attacked by three different NPCs in addition to your own armor.

Fuck. I'm again going to cast Poison Spray. Okay. Demolith target? Yeah. Nope.

He rolled a 20 on a saving throw son of a bitch gago is now going to try to stab and he botches things got real quiet after brian checked his hit points he rolled a 90 He rolled a 90. Who rolled a 90? A little two-point

gago. Uh-oh. He accidentally stabs himself while twirling his knives. Gago, gago. And you just see a little Tiny little

Poof spray of blood as he drops to the ground The Demolith is up Hey Tom, he wants to come say hi to you Okay He looks at Bodhi and just goes He goes to you Tom He swings his light sword at you His

His white lightsaber Uh huh What just Fleshlight with one of those inflatable balloons And a light bulb You take seven points of damage. And I point my finger at him and laugh and cast Hellish Rebuke at him. Oh, shit.

Okay. So he has to make a saving throw. He definitely didn't. Good. So that is two. Let's see. I've got to figure out the math on this. Okay.

So that is 2d10 fire damage per level. Wait a minute. Increase it by 1d10 for each slot level first. Okay. So I've got to figure out my slot levels. Let's see. Ladies and gentlemen, remember before leaving the house to check your slot levels. Do you have enough slots open to drive your car to work? Honey, did I leave the slot levels on?

Oh, no. Quick. Go to the doctor. No slot levels. Alright, so, what is that? Two slot levels? Uh, no. Yeah, that's two.

Two slot levels. So, total 6d10. 6d10? Yeah. Jesus fudge. Go roll your 6d10. I want10? Yeah. Jesus fudge. Go roll your 6d10. I want to make sure I'm doing it right.

This is going to be glorious. Blaine. Do you like Kiss as a kid? I'm sorry. 1d10 for each of us first. 2d10. So it's 4d10. Do you know that?

Not quite as... It's still pretty good. Do you know what Classic 78 is? But yeah. Classic with K. Or with Ks. Roll 4D10. It's a new band.

Do you need any D10? And they... Oh, okay. They sound like Kiss. Thank you. 1978. Alright. If they hadn't done Dynasty.

Okay. It's fucking cool. Classic 78. 9... 10... dynasty okay it's a fucking cool classic 78 9 10 18 22 uh so you guys see something pretty fun uh the laser sword comes striking down on Tom and cuts right into his shoulder, but Tom just sort of shrugs it off, points a finger, and rocketing backwards, the Demolith explodes in flame again,

hits the ceiling, and bounces off the ground. Wow. Nice. And Bodhi, you're up I'm going to try to pull the thing off my chest the pauldrons of dis yes and can I do

two actions or no one action at a time I want to pull the thing that was first. I want to do that first. That's trying to lodge itself in your chest. And then I want to... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay. You're going to love what I want to do next. I think I will. Strength check, difficulty 18. All right. Come on, man. Come on, Dragon Tower. That's a 14.

Ooh, so yeah, you get your fingers under it, but it just won't budge. Next action. Well, I'm going to try it again with the other action then. Do it. Fuck it. Yeah, that works. Okay, so you manage to pull it out and there's a you know big sinews of blood as you pull it out of your own cool chest like a face hugger all right

you still have a bonus action oh i do yeah um because you're raging yeah well uh i wanted to uh Yeah, well, I wanted to... I guess I can't light a javelin on fire and put it into the thing on my back, but I can definitely stab... You can light it on fire this turn. Well, I'll just stab at my back with the regular javelin. The thing that's on my back. On the blood golem porcupine?

I want to pierce that porcupine and pull it off my back. Roll a dex check, I guess. Yeah. Difficulty of 16. But right, but my dex goes up with danger sense. Correct. Right. And would it be an athletic or just dex?

Nope, just dex. I always try to get you with the athletic because it's so much higher. I know. You know. You're smarter than... Because you're trying to wriggle. That's just a six. Damn it.

So, yeah, you swing it back there, but you don't connect. Put dex. Oh, just an eight. Yeah. All right. Damn it. Shadow Bodhi thinks it's real fun what you're doing. He strikes you for 10 points of damage.

All right, I'm down to 10. Jesus. Tui, you're up. Can I just sort of scoot away from this thing as fast as I can? I am flying. Yeah, you can try. A little more scotch, by the way. Help yourself, Brian.

Pre-game, what's about to happen. What's the Demolith doing right now? He is trying to pick himself up off the ground. Okay. I'm going to... Can I fly directly towards him? Mm-hmm.

As fast as I can? Mm-hmm. Is he... You're flying. You can get to him before your turn's over. Is he prone? Yeah. And he's on the ground?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, he got fucking lit up with Hellish Rebuke from Tom. Okay. Yeah, that's some bad stuff, boy. Then I'm going straight up to him and I'm taking my acid wand and I'm putting it in his mouth.

Just sort of acid wanding it directly into his mouth. Roll for damage. What's the acid wand do? I'm not... It's... Acid damage? It's basically like casting an acid splash spell,

so let me look that up real quick. Acid splash. Is that the Jean Natay acid splash? 1d6 acid damage. And you're 5th level, so 2d6. 2d6. Yes, listeners, I am letting him regardless of the level of the wand. What are you fucking looking at on Facebook?

7? All right. So. His nose already is pretty big, but you melt a solid extra nostril into his face. And

when you do, you notice just a big ol' bubble of blood pop. Rise out of his face, pop, and just splash on the ground. Oh great, now I have hep. This is explaining a lot. Did we be collecting his blood and doing something with it?

I don't know why it seems like it would be Luovan tries to cast a spell and it just doesn't work. You notice all the wood elves are made of stone now. That's not good. One of the stone

worms tries to wrap itself around Tom, can I get those ten-sided dice back for me? You give them to me. Here, here, here. It tries to wrap itself around you. It sort of springs at you, misses and slams into the broken here here here. It tries to wrap itself around you. It sort of springs at you, misses,

and slams into the broken altar and is dead. Just fucking kills itself. What an idiot. It did a horrible botch. It was real sloppy. Is that the altar still? No, it just killed it's just killed itself just straight up step the board of that

it's a stupid all right um did it damage the altar further also Tom hit another another botch and a hit first I'm gonna roll the sponge uh one of the um blood golem porcupines uh makes the same mistake dives at you misses uh two of them however land on you and start burrowing into you

uh you take 20 points of damage. Wow. Jesus. You're trying to kill us. As you feel, their faces are just like rows of shark teeth and like one of those old school pencil sharpeners

just drilling into your body. How are you doing? Okay. Are these things from him or are these things from the cavern? I feel like he's... They popped into existence with the Demolith at a distance.

He's with them. They're with him. That's why I keep thinking if we kill him... Tom, you're up. Oh, I'm up. I attacked the things on me. I wish you would. uh Tom you're up oh I'm up uh I yes I attack the things on me I wish you would

uh with my sword oh I gotta roll to attack mm-hmm go botch five that's a nope Probably gonna roll to attack. Go, Botch. Five.

That's a nope. This would be Gago's turn, but he is unconscious and bleeding out. It is now the Demolith's turn. Damn it. The Demolith's turn. Damn it. The Demolith waves a hand and the altar that was broken in half

starts to rise up off of the ground and float there. Bodhi, you're up. Should somebody throw another thing at that when you get a chance? Boaty, you're up. Should somebody throw another thing at that when you get a chance? At the altar? What do you mean?

Well, he's clearly doing something with it. I guess. Somebody blasted. Okay. There are two five-foot broken pieces of stone slab floating off the ground. Okay. Hovering in place. Well, I'm going to fire a... Oh, no.

I'm going to try to get the fucking burrowing thing off my back again first. Okay. Roll a dex check, difficulty 10. All right. Yeah. No. God damn it. Yeah No God damn it

Got another Attack Yeah Same thing Yeah 20 I pull it Great It pops off

And it's wriggling around In your hand I Fucking throw it on the ground And stomp on it Roll a 2d6. Yeah. It explodes in organic tissues.

And you take one point of damage. As a few bits of spine hit you in the leg. You got one more action. Oh, shit. I wrote that down. spine hit you in the leg. Got one more action. Oh, shit. Hold on. Where's that camera?

Yeah. I fire a crossbow. A crossbow bolt at Fuckface. Roll a 20 to Fuckface. Wait, what did I do? Not you. I forgot his Christian name was Fuckface. Yeah, 18.

I'll fucking take it. Roll for Kelmar. Or no, crossbow damage, please. Yeah, it's 10. Where's the other one? It's the 10. Shit, oh, there it is. Nice. How much is that

so that slams into him he starts hovering off the ground again after this crossbow bolt and he's trying to pull out the bolt that you just hit him with he looks drunk he's trying to yank it out and he's starting to pull out the bolt that you just hit him with. He looks drunk. Good.

He's kind of trying to yank it out. Good, let's fucking... And he's starting to try to float away. Shadow Bodhi... Somebody catch him on fire or something. You should be at 22, I think. What? When you're doing your math. Oh, is it?

Yeah. Oh. Okay. Or 21. Shadow Bodhi hits you for eight points of damage. Shadow Blade just strikes you across the head, and you see little rivulets of blood on your eyebrows. Okay.

Tui, you're up. I'm going to just take my acid wand out of his nose and put it in his mouth and do that. What are you going to say as you fire this off? I'm going to say, hey, this is for not giving me a little courtesy wave after I let you cut in front of me on Serrano. He failed a saving throw. Roll for damage.

Ah. That's where his new D&D. Seven? All right. And that's right, like, in his spellcasting mouth. All right. And that's right, like, in his spellcasting mouth. Luovan is going to attempt a spell she hasn't done in a while.

Ew. So, okay. She tries to, she kind of, like, rushes at him, and she's holding both her hands out, and he hits the ceiling, like through an unseen force. He just kind of slams into it. That's good. A stone worm pivots towards Tui and jumps at him and gets a crit.

Oh. Ah. Ah. That's not good. We're going to do a little bit of this. And okay. We're all making old shit faces. I'm trying to come up with a joke about how I usually like to get stoned. You, Tweez, suddenly feel a great weight around one of your legs,

and you take 11 points of damage. Also, you feel yourself getting pulled out of the air and you're anchored to the ground and boy oh boy your leg feels horrible. Mm-hmm. How do you

reverse this stone thing? Reverse it? Tag it, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. Tom, one of the blood golem porcupines dives at you and misses again. Good.

Another one hits you on the back and is burrowing on you again. How many are there left? I believe there are three burrowing into Tom right now. Three? Yes. Tom, you take ten points of damage.

You are up. I... You guys notice, by the the way Tom's armor is dripping with wounds okay let's see I will cast I should have cast a thunder wave

that would be perfect right now um shit how many hit points you got Tom 16 uh I'm gonna cast another poison spray at

the demolet okay I'm going to cast another poison spray at the Demolith. Okay. He fails the saving throw. That's good. Your luck has been getting much better with those. At least that happened. Ten. Oh, God.

And my dice fell. But it was totally a 12. 15 total. The Demolith, who is currently glued to the ceiling through an unseen force, gets hit with this spray. And his skin starts to bubble. He misses his turn as a result. Bodhi, you are up. I'm gonna...

rub oil on... Your naked cock. Oh, sorry. On my javelin. I have one more D12. Oh, wait, one more D12? Yeah, I forgot about that, because I got... It's another level. Okay.

I just added on there. Oh, dear. Something. Six. Fuck. Yeah, because I was looking to see if his poison keeps getting damaged. I believe I was waiting to hear something fun from Bodhi. Sorry.

I'm going to oil up my javelin And I'm going to shove it in his I'm going to shove it in his chest He is 10 feet No I'm going to shoot it in Or 20 feet on the ceiling No I'm going to oil up A crossbow bolt

And I'm going to launch it But I'm going to set it on fire Oiling and setting your crossbow bolt on fire Is going to launch it. Okay. Yeah, but I'm going to set it on fire before I do it. Yeah, like oiling and setting your crossbow bolt on fire is going to take one of your actions. Yeah. Roll a 20, please. Wow, we have cursed dice trays today. These Mexican jumping dice.

What was it, 20? Sam, be honest. What was that for? What was that for? Crossbow bolt. But for shooting it. Yeah. He has a natural armor class of 16.

All right. So that's a no. So you just hit the ceiling next to him. Damn it. And I only get one on that, right? Yeah. Tui, you're up. I am going to...

Just rolled a fake 20. Yeah. I'm going to use my cape. Because I don't get two actions on that. I forgot to mention, suddenly the shadow disappears. Good. Well, that's good. Well, it doesn't so much disappear as

it realigns with your feet and moves back into a two dimensional shape on the ground. Yes, Tweed, you're up. I'm going to use my cape of the mountebank, and I'm going to... It hasn't been a sunset since you last teleported, I should say. Can I posit a theory of mine? I would love to hear this theory, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

That we are inches away from a time stream where a million sunsets have come and gone and a million sunrises have come and gone. So this thing is charged like a goddamn iPhone. I've never seen Dan make that face. So I'm going to... Tell me very specifically what you want to try with the knowledge this could go haywire. I'm going to do the David Bowman Discovery airlock pose where I kind of get down and squint my eyes really hard, and I'm going to teleport to exactly where the Demolith is

and replace him with me. Roll a 100. This is interesting. 64. 64 you appear on the ceiling next to the dumblet the worm is no longer attached to your leg

in a poof of brimstone and nightcrawler banff okay but I'm not in him no I was going to try to didn't work okay

I was gonna want to hire, I know what you were trying to do there. You got the thing off your leg. Yeah. However, you can't feel your left leg. Oh, now it's called Robert Klein's disease. LeWolven. So it's not funny. LeWolven waves

a hand. Now I have elbow patches on my jacket. The Demolith falls from the ceiling limp and thuds unconscious on the ground. Oh, I like that. What did? The Demolith. Oh, good. A Blood Golem Porcupine jumps at you

and latches onto your back. I pull it off and fucking... I bet you want to. You take five points of damage. All right. Tom, you're up. More poison at this guy. He's laying unconscious on the ground.

Great. I want to make sure he's dead. Kill you shit out of it yeah man he cannot make a saving throw for he is unconscious it's like was the Tarantino the driving movie that oh with Kurt Russell yeah Death Proof Death Proof it's the end of that

with just the girls just fucking stomping the shit out of him everybody kicking him while he's dead or down juice him up with a bunch of poison

3D12 Everybody kicking him while he's dead or down. I'm going to juice him up with a bunch of poison. 3D 12. 6. 12. 18. And 8. 26. There is a wet splat noise as you almost burn him in half

with acid. How much was that damage? 26. For fudge's sake. All right, Bodhi, you're up. I pulled the thing off me. Or I grabbed to. There's one...

I only had one on me. had one there's only one on you it's on your shoulders came on me yeah you don't need to do a dex check to a strength check difficulty eight okay no problem rip it off and stomp on its fucking stupid face well actually I want to use no I just throw it okay and then I'm gonna stab I'm stabbing at the Demolith with my Herald of Kelmar. Roll automatic success. Roll for damage. Oh, okay, cool.

2d6 plus fire. Yeah. Oh, nine plus fire. Oh, wow. Oh, nine plus fire. Oh, wow. As you plunk the Herald of Kelmar into this guy's spine, you hear his spine crack, and it sounds like chalk crumbling.

Good. And his body suddenly goes flat as he becomes a pile of ash. Cool. All the blood porcupines pop out of existence. Yay! Yay! Awesome. The room goes back to shifting.

The reds and the blue lights coming up out of the ground start moving in waves again. We should probably grab Lou Evan and try to get out of here, right? I mean, we did what we were, or let's see what happens next, but I don't want to be in here while something worse happens. You hear a da-doom, da-doom, and the whole cavern starts shaking, and the ground begins to rip open in the center of the cavern and sprouting up out of it

appears to be some sort of giant. In just a moment, this being 20 feet tall just sort of slams the ceiling open, creating more room for itself. And it stares down at you with its hands open, ready to attack. And it says, who are you? We're just travelers.

We killed the Demolith. He was trying to kill us. We are your doom. We stopped him. You're my doom? Who are you? Don't fuck with him. We might be able to turn this around.

I am the god of balance. The god of depth. The god of the oceans. I am Manon and McLear. Oh, nice. I have very little power. Well, we restored...

We were trying to help you, ultimately. You destroyed my link to the physical realm. You destroyed the Demoleth. Right. He's an asshole. What? Who have you done? what who have you done

what do you want we just wanted to restore the planet back to good that's all we wanted to get rid of this evil reverse evil you've gotten rid of the evil and now it's only us what do you want?

Fix that. Fix that. We want to fix the planet and riches and... Riches? Whatever. Just a nice, normal planet for the planet upstairs. Just a nice, normal planet, really. He gets out of his attack posture and starts kind of going... And he sits down.

He puts an elbow on his knee and starts stroking his beard. Do you guys mind if we go a little long, by the way? Yeah, sure. What happened to the wood elves, by the way? The stone wood elves? Are they still stone? They're still stone. Well, those guys are all our friends,

and they fought with us valiantly. A bunch of people have lost their lives fighting this fucking Demolith. It wasn't just us. it was a big undertaking we lost a little dude named gago I want him back do you want riches, you say. I don't know. More interested in all of us living. That's more important, like Ken said. And bringing the planet back to the way.

We can get riches later. He says, I'll make you a deal. If you make me a sacrifice, and you give me blood that you do not want to sacrifice, I will give you something back in return in the flavor

of whom you sacrifice. But I'm not interested in just giving life to the lifeless. I'd like to see you find your own way out of this cavern. See if you make it in one piece. I don't believe the fabric of time and space will allow such a thing. I believe you will be scattered across multiple dimensions if you try to go back up one of those tunnels. So tell me, what are you willing to go back up one of those tunnels. So tell me,

what are you willing to sacrifice to leave this place? Who are you willing to sacrifice to leave this place? We have the three of us, Loven, and the guy we can't find. Gago and, oh yeah.

Gago's dead. Oro. It's not a sacrifice If you give me someone who's already dead Hey Horo Yeah Come over here I don't think that's a good idea

This guy wants to talk to you Isn't this the problem The first place? Is Horo being... Right, but then that was how he got power. Yeah, now we'll be the demolitionists. Horo is not leaving Boulder, he said.

You just want blood. Oh, I would need a lot of blood. Perhaps a life's worth, yes. Take that guy, then. What do you mean, take him? I'm not going to do the killing for you. He strokes his beard, and you realize his beard is formless and strange.

It looks like it's made of clouds with ripples of lightning coursing through it. He's clearly an avatar of this guy. I thought we were in the credits, and then now this happened. Damn it. Should stop and then now this happened. Damn it. Should stop and get some gyros. Hey, can I suggest something here?

I'm already dead. Why don't you take me? What do you mean? Who's going to spill your blood? I'm not going to do that. That has to be someone else's choice. Seems easy enough. How are you already dead?

Would you like to explain a little something that the mortals might not know? Funny story, you guys. I've been dead this whole time. What? I'm a vampire. I'm trying to find the head vampire so that I can not be a vampire anymore. You saw the episode, right?

I reach in my pocket and I pull out a little mad ball. It looks like a teratoma, just a ball of veins and stuff. And I pop out some fangs. It just sort of keeps me alive. It's kind of a little thing I have. Mononymically, I guess. Keeps me alive. Who would spill this vampire's blood?

I'll certainly give you... Didn't we kill the head vampire? I'm afraid it was a different timeline. The Demolith you killed isn't the same creature that sired this vampire. I mean, how much blood do you need? I can't die. I might get weak. If you guys have some cookies and orange juice lying around,

I could probably maybe show me how much blood you're willing to give and show me who will do it. Let's go across to the hospital. Down to the morgue? No, we'll just go across to the hospital. Down to the morgue. No, we'll just go across to the hospital. If you can't die, then I'm happy. Yeah, we'll just slash your wrist. The altar that had been floating on the ground

thudded to the ground when the Demolith died, and he sort of looks over his shoulder at it and just kind of twirls a finger, and it instantly reassembles itself and says why don't you spill some blood on that altar and we'll just see what happens. You're getting kind of weird about it but alright.

And he says by the way if you think you're going to get anything out of a some sort of trick sacrifice it's not going to work. What some sort of trick sacrifice, it's not going to work.

What choice do I have? I'm tired of trying to guess time caves down here. Red and blue lights, I feel like I'm at Spencer's Gifts. Tui is appearing to offer himself up. What are gonna but it's probably not gonna work he looks at uh everyone else and says i'll give you something for the vampire i'll give you something for that it's altar of sacrifice by slayer cowering creature behind the boulder. And I'll give you something for any one of you. Would you like to know what I'll give you for any sacrifice? Sure.

If you give me the vampire, I will give you this whole island. I will clear up a path. You can go to the surface. I don't want to give him. And you can see what happens. Would you like to know what will happen if you give me someone else? Who else would you offer me? The cowering coward behind the boulder?

Yeah, sure. If you give me him, I will send you back on the boat on the other side of the storm right before you came to this land. Well, then we'll have to do it over again. Never turn around.

He says, is there anyone else you'd like to know what I'll give you if you give me their life? Me? Oh. Oh, I like this. If you give me this fey creature over here, this horned little devil,

I will give you, let's see, the rest of you. Hmm. He strokes his beard and he says, I will give you a thousand years to live as well as passage on the boat. That could be horrible,

like an episode of Black Miro. Don't we only need passage on the boat? Well, I know, but you get a little bonus if you give me this one. Oh, she's the most choice dish of all. She is the reason that I have lost power.

She will grant you extra time. You can go back before the storm started and try to stop the moon from crashing into the planet.

I think that's gotta be it. Why don't you just take her? It's not worth anything if I take her myself. If someone offers her to me it's worth so much more she uh lovin's hearing this and she's just kind of like but i worship you i am i am the one person here who believed in you what are you talking about and he's like, that's right. You're worth the most.

And I can give back the most because it is your fault we're all here. Well, she caused the problem so we gotta kill her. How do we kill her? Can I bite her neck? Turn her into a bat or something? She makes it pretty easy for you.

She's shaking her head, but without making eye contact, she just sits down on the altar. Who wants to? I'll do it. All right. All right. I cut her throat and lay her down on the altar. Jesus, that's so creepy.

I don't know if she caused this whole problem. Yeah, yeah. As you do that, everything goes black. As soon as you all see Tom draw a blade across her throat, your vision fogs and you feel a great heaviness and you cannot see. The three of you wake up. You're on your home continent. Holy shit. You're in beds in a lodge, separate rooms.

You have memories of everything. But you know you're about to go... On the boat. On the boat. But not yet. You come here for any number of things. And there's a knowledge implanted in your head now that you can find the leader of the lunar elves

and stop their ritual. Cool. Wow. Nice job, dude. That's it. That was fucking great. Am I still a vampire? No. Oh, I'm a real boy again. That's it. That was fucking great. Hey, am I still a vampire? No.

Oh, I'm a real boy again. That's cool. You're all restored to full hit points. But do I still have my little meatball? You realize the sun is rising outside. And for the first time in a long time, Tui, the sun hits you and it doesn't hurt. And you're relieved because you had originally gone to the land of Amina in the hopes of finding adventure.

Not just to kill your sire, find your sire, but enjoy the clouds. You'd heard the sun was hidden there. So you're glad that you can experience the sun once again. Holy shit. As you exit into the hallway hallway you all see each other and you go oh i wonder how much do that i wonder uh how much time we have i wonder how much time we have you know like you're not sure how long or you just know you have to find the head of the lunar elves and you're also just like oh wow we're not in that horrible creepy ass place anymore yeah we're not in a weird time cave time cave also uh fluttering into the hallway is gaga

what is this little place and then uh r2 and 3po come out they're all shiny and polished uh one more person they don't get medals one One more person comes out in the hallway. Luolvin. Yeah. Wow. She says, thank you. That must have been very difficult. It was.

I was granted my life, I think, because I had done nothing wrong. And it was not an actual sacrifice that needed to be completely made. It was more about you sacrificing something than, yeah, it was symbolic. Wow. Mononymic Lear was never a god of suffering, but he was a bit of a trickster. Trickster is a nice way of putting it. He was a dick.

Yeah, a fucking dick. But yeah, that's the campaign, gentlemen. Wow, wow, wow. Thank you, man. Nice. Melanie always asks, after every game, did you win? And now I can say we did. We did win.

Also, you guys are all level nine. Holy crap. Whoa. Nine. I was going to ask. We skipped one. Huh? No, you leveled up to level eight.

You're eight? You just maybe didn't spend a ton of time going over all the benefits. I still have seven. Before we play again, let's make sure you are properly. I got treated for level eight, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll also make it a really fucked up campaign where you can play a level 9 character

you might meet Sarah Gazzardo on there yes and so I'm gonna you know reach out to her and let her know we're ready to party holy shit well thanks for listening everybody that was a fun one I'm glad you guys had fun

how close did we come to... How many fucking hit points did Demolith have? He had 300 hit points. Jesus Christ. Sorry. People don't like... That's the only reason I wasn't helping you and doing it. No, I know.

And most really powerful vampires don't even have that many hit points. I really tried to make him higher. I was more concerned about killing him than getting the shit off me. I only did that once. Yeah, I know. I got close. I really had high hopes for my appearing inside his body and having him explode. Yeah, if you'd rolled higher, I was going to give it to you if you were over 80.

I also knew that it occurred to me, it was like you know i can't get killed i never knew i should just what i think we decided around episode 15 or so i i i we had joked about it very early on blaine and i and then we yeah i think it turned out it was a joke and uh or wasn't it just like an aside and one of your Twitter polls? Yeah, yeah. I did a Twitter poll joke. It would be a surprise twist. And Blaine said he liked it. And I was like, oh, do you like that idea, Blaine?

I'm glad I don't read that shit. So we built it into his backstory because I thought Tween needed some backstory. That was a cool surprise. And then... Yeah, I got hit with some blasts that would have killed me a few times. Yeah, in fact, he got hit with a spell from one of the vampires. The only reason it didn't affect him

was because he was secretly undead. So this spell, it doesn't affect undead people. Wow, all right. I still got to go find Nettie. Yeah. You are now...

Here's a few things I can tell you. Nettie is alive. Good. Because you went far enough back in time oh yeah what else what else what else is there anything else you guys want to know this is a good time to just do a nice quick little

we can do like a live video stream for Patreons or something where we answer more questions who is Snoke I mean clearly why is there air in Bill Cosby's house do you think so I mean clearly it's Darth Plagueis why is there air in Bill Cosby's house do you think so

I'm just trying to think if there's anything else I should just straight up tell listeners that they might want to know about this silly shit but um oh your sire was Count Fenza and the fairy dragon you knew that you figured that out what else

that's who did that to you yeah yeah yeah he figured that out. What else, what else, what else? Oh, that's who did that to you. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He figured it out when he was fighting him that he seemed familiar, and I passed him a note. Huh. 300 hit points, wow. Yeah, I really wanted him to be difficult.

He was? Yeah, it was not easy. To track how much damage you were doing. We were really close. I mean, Brian and I were both. I don't know how close you were doing. We were really close. I mean, Brian and I were both. I don't know how close you were. I was down to seven. Jesus!

Yeah. I hit seven hit points. I was one more attack from dying. Yeah, yeah. I was real close. That's why I had to get those fuckers off me because they were doing damage. I was really just wanting to inflict as much as I could on him.

Yeah. I'm glad I saw Hellish Rebuke. Yeah. Yeah, so... That was great. Yeah, the Hellish Rebuke was good. That, I think, turned the tides. Yeah, that was great.

I'm trying to think of what lore-wise might be interesting. Yeah, I think you probably did the most points today. I have no idea. It felt like it. You kind of did some... You did a lot of damage. Yeah, some big numbers. I was just doing

steady little numbers. It would have been really difficult, but you could have tried to fight the damage. I tried to set it up where you... I was really impressed that you guys kind of improvised making the Lost City of Morgothal into a thing

that was like on your... The fact that you combined Warchild with the Ent thing was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? Really? I thought that was what we were supposed to do. No! You were supposed to just kill it. Wow.

Well, at least I thought that was what you were going to do. Yeah. We were waiting for that to show up and help us. I had NPCs hint that it was possible because as you were getting closer I realized, oh, that let some... We were waiting for that to show up and help us. I had NPCs hint that it was possible because as you were getting closer, I realized, oh, that would be kind of funny if they tried. But then you did really well with that surgery episode. How close do we get to getting killed by ourselves

last week or the week before? Oh, it depended. I created, like, 20 different alternate universe versions of you and you didn't encounter the worst of them. You got pretty lucky. Oh, we didn't get the worst one? You made a charisma roll that kept you from getting attacked by Lone Wolf Bodhi. That sounds bad.

But there was... With the baby cart? Ourselves from vice.com. Yeah, you didn't run into the Redditor versions of yourself. I'm going to write a comic with Lone Wolf Bodhi. Oh, that would be badass, actually. Lone Wolf Bodhi and Oh, that would be badass, actually. Lone Wolf Bodhi and Cub is played by Gago.

Yeah, but I was thinking could make the next campaign a crossover, if you like, of what I just set you guys up with. Right. I also...

Yeah. Anything else you want to say. Right. I also... Yeah. Anything else you want to say? No. Thanks for... No, we haven't yet. Yeah, we kept going. It felt like... Sorry, let me get my clothes back on. Talking about all that stuff

felt like a good wrap-up for the whole... Yeah, I mean, it just... Because it's not just the episode, it's the whole campaign. Hey, guys. Mazel tov. Well, also, I feel like because they're in a big boss fight at the end of the last episode, you're still recording, right?

Yeah, they'll see that the episode is, what, an hour 15 or something and be like, ooh. It's 42, right, is the number? Yes. Ooh, some Douglas Adams. 42 episodes of story you had there, man. Nice job. Thanks. That was really fun.

It was the longest I've ever DM'd a campaign. And I'm so glad that Bodhi didn't die. I know, and I don't know if every listener knows this, but who do we have these made by? Oh, those are Wormwood, I think. This was Wormwood? And Elderwood Academy

is the tower. Yeah, that's the tower, but the Wormwood made my tray, and it says, there's a quote from Bodie, I'm going to live forever. I did that knowing that one day I would be fucked. But I was hoping today was not that day,

and it wasn't. Thanks for listening to Brian Posehn's Nerd Poker, everybody. Yeah, thank you, everybody, for committing all these hours to us. Yeah, and I really want to thank Skeletor's Dick for everything that he's brought us. Thanks for listening. BrianPoussaint.com, Mad Magazine, Link Patch. He's a guy. He probably has a website.

Visit me on Skeletor'sWife'sD's dick dot org dot NZ backslash gov. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at Patreon dot com slash Nerd Poker and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box one six zero six nine and Sino, California, nine one four one six. Thanks for listening.

Hey, everybody. Let's try again. Okay, back to one, everybody. It's fitting that the episode where we die is going to be one of those.