Nerd Poker - Episode 47 - Abyssal Dismissal

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

At the slimy underground lake the Ice Five continue to lay into the Path of the Vaunted Tusk, but something far more dangerous lurks deep in the subterranean waters. Will they survive their encounter ...with yet another narwhal juggernaut, this one with backup? Only time will tell.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussaint Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blaine, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Season 3. Hey, everybody.
Starting point is 00:00:52 It's Brian Pussain, and you're listening to Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. It's episode 47 of season 3. My friends are here. Chris. Hello. Sarah. Hi. Ken. Hey. Hello. Dan. My friends are here Chris Sarah Ken Dan
Starting point is 00:01:09 When you're gone how can I Even try To go on 37 38 39 Hey buddy Hey Rhodes Rhodes is in here saying goodnight to me Love you buddy 38, 39. Hi, Brian. Hey, buddy.
Starting point is 00:01:25 Hey, Rhodes. Rhodes is in here saying goodnight to me. Love you, buddy. And at the end of the table, as always, Sam. It's good to see everyone. Hi, Sam. Hi, everyone. It's good to be everyone.
Starting point is 00:01:38 It's not really the end of the table. It's more like the beginning of the chair. Whoa. Yeah. That's super deep. Sierra missed. Rhodes is whispering. He's low yep it is your line thanks pal goodnight love you buddy I said which episode we got there Dan I'm to thank some patrons as soon as your son leaves room because some of these names are X-rated by Rhodes. His ear is firmly pressed against the door right now.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Thank you. He doesn't even know X-rated is a thing. Thanks. He's going to go, what's that? You're going to go Google that. Yeah, there's a browser on his iPad, right? It doesn't exist anymore, really. Let me Google X-rated on dad's computer.
Starting point is 00:02:28 It's a tradition. Thank you, hit thank you gus oh hey hi kevin by the way kevin hits a great guy hi kevin congratulations thank you gus the tenebrous one thank you rob thank you kelly kelly bobelli thank you jordy i hope there are tapes thank you pd thanks jordy i do i do too i think we all do i hope there are tapes. Thank you, Petey. Thanks, Jordy. I do, too. I think we all do. I hope there are tapes. Thank you, TikTok's knick-knack, brigger-brack, talk-rockin' clock shack.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Thank you, TikTok's knick-knack, brigger-brack, talk-rockin' clock shack. There's no way I'm going to repeat that. We tanked him four episodes ago. You'll live with that. Thank you, used eraser nipples. Thank you, TikTok's mechanical boy parts.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Thank you, Toon's 7 ad. Thank you, Toon's 7 ad. Or it might be Toon's rad. Who knows? Leet speak. Thanks, third-, Tunes7ad. Thank you, Tunes7ad. Or it might be TunesRad. Who knows? Leetspeak. Thanks, Third Year Student Harmacist. Thanks, Ninja Slippers. Thanks, Tom Muscemi.
Starting point is 00:03:12 Thanks, Ethan. Thank you, Pribbles. Thank you, Talon Shade. Thank you, Nikolaus Chatelaine. Thank you, Unicornius. And thank you, Dargther's Ass Closet. You have to clean that out. Unicornius is great.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Have they used that phrase on your ass closet no they like to talk dirty about you that's what happened no yes there was was there a long time ago well that's the thing Melanie tells me about your ass closet check your ass I'll go hey have you seen my keys
Starting point is 00:03:43 she'll go check your ass closet. What the hell is that? It's your back pocket. It's total gibberish. But when somebody says it to you all the time, it makes you insane. And it makes you not want their help. Don't you have like a walk-in ass closet, Brian?
Starting point is 00:04:01 I thought last episode got personal. That was ass closet backstory all right uh well speaking speaking of backstory france it's time to talk about what happened what happened last time on nerd poker our heroes descended into the pit of the abelis deep in a cave west of Dame Island. They got a bit sneaky times and came up with a plan and did a few things that got the jump on the path of the vaunted tusk. But they are currently engaged with a chule,
Starting point is 00:04:34 a lobster-type creature that is grappling occasionally with Tick Tock up front. Also stomping up the path, we have a juggernaut, a very large tusk folk about the size of 10 of you, who's very angry, but has been hit by a fireball. We don't have any NPCs with us. You do. We do. You do have a guard. He looks like a pretty decent fighter, but he's picking up the rear.
Starting point is 00:05:00 And at some point when it's his turn, we only got about halfway through the turn order last episode in this combat. We should have like 20 other people with us to fight this fucking juggernaut asshole. Well. Did we? I forget. No, that's not the thing that we're here to fight. He's just protecting us.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Yeah. That's a guard. You're not even here. This isn't even the final boss in this pit. There's no way we're going to live through this. The other one didn't. The other one blew up a bomb. This one doesn't even have a bomb.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Well, right, but look at the fucker. He's formidable. I don't deny that he is indeed formidable. Thank you again, Sean Bryant, for not only designing but 3D printing the juggernaut. That's really cool. Barely half-ass rough painted, but I just wanted him to look creepy enough that he...
Starting point is 00:05:47 Well, let's kill him so you don't have to finish him. Well, one thing I love is this is the second one and you intuit that there are more out there in the world. I think this is it. I mean, these guys hate you. They know you. The Ice Five and the Path of the Vaughn Tusk have... They hate me as much as i fucking hate them
Starting point is 00:06:05 i think i've been on record they're really you don't care for their attitude no so he uh he's ending his turn just roaring at you guys in his garbled language and up next we have the guard he if someone can move his minia for me is going to go up and try and help with that Chul and roll to attack him. Here comes Mavis. Hi, sweetie. He takes two swings. The second one misses, but his first one does quite a bit of damage to the Chul as he critted.
Starting point is 00:06:40 He critted on that Chul. Hey, Ken, how is the treasure? We're working on it. Up next comes one of these fish guys. He's going to start charging up behind the juggernaut. And then we have Queep. Queep, you dropped a fireball on the juggernaut.
Starting point is 00:07:01 You're currently flying right around here. I'll move your guy now that the juggernaut's gone but you're kind of like yeah i'm gonna fire a crossbow at the juggernaut as well actually first i'm gonna rage thank you for raging uh listeners uh have reminded me as i think they have you um you you're sneaky on twitter so sometimes they they alert the nerd poker account more than you probably. But yes, remember, you take half damage of certain types when you're raging. So please mind your hit points, Queep. I'm having a rage.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Roll that attack on that. Yeah, okay. Do your feathers puff out more? Sure. Do we see other colors reveal themselves? My cockatoo thing pops up on the top of my head. Any cockatoo. What's your first? Five.
Starting point is 00:07:50 You see your arrow just go. I think Sam missed that one. Your crossbow bolt, right? I know. Any cockatoo, I said. The crossbow bolt just lands and this thing's hide. Thank you for that. And doesn't even seem to pierce its fatty tissue.
Starting point is 00:08:05 So why don't you try another one? I would try again. Oh, 13. 16. That is another miss. This one goes wide. All right. I'm going to fly elsewhere.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Okay. Well, tell me what elsewhere is because this is a... Is there a ledge that I can land on? Low level John Biner over this way is it's spiraling upwards yeah so because he was working at a high level I have to
Starting point is 00:08:33 wait till they're done with their joke are we doing a show nope I quit so that's too far that's 400 feet so you wouldn't be able to get that far but you can land over here if you wanted to get in. I don't even know where Sark lives anymore. Austin, Texas. I'll stay over here. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Sounds good. And that brings us to Paris, Texas. This guy spends his turn chanting. Uh-oh. You guys. And then this guy spends his turn diving underwater. He disappears.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Everybody throw their poo at the guy that's chanting. Dr. Uwe, you're up. I'm back here, right? Uh-huh. Is this like a... Can I see this guy? The narwhal is what disappeared, by the way. I did that visually for you guys.
Starting point is 00:09:19 I did not tell listeners. You cannot sneak past him. Can I see him? Yes. Yes yes he's very far away though he's he's over 100 feet away uh i'm then i'm going to uh i'm gonna move closer to him can i move closer to him and then use a spell uh when i get within 40 feet of him or 60 feet of him can i you'll have to get past the chule and he'll get to take a swing at you as you run past narwhal can i get is the chule uh uh closer or farther away than 60 feet from the narwhal well actually you know what i'm gonna do uh if you want to do a commercial for me or something i now that we're getting into combat i'm gonna we're kind of
Starting point is 00:10:04 like in the spiral from when you were sneaking up. I'm going to actually make this more... Accurate? Yeah, like proportionate. So I need a minute. Dan, moving this stuff around is brought to you by Back Tween. Back Tween for tweens. Up yours, Dad!
Starting point is 00:10:23 I'm healing myself! Slam! Back Dween. Hot on the mic. Hot on the mic brought to you by... I like being hot on the mic. By what? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:40 My riff gun jammed. Yeah, it's not so easy, is it? Yeah, not so easy when you don't have a card in front of you with shit that you wrote in the car. Yeah, I already did the crystal V8 and the fact tween. I don't know where all the magic... All right, so that is accurate.
Starting point is 00:10:57 If you could just scoot the guard and Halcine so they're in front of the chulmore, or at least at an angle. I'll also do this this this is the wall oh and yeah uh so dr uid you you have to get just around this tool just around the tool yeah and you'll be in spell range and uh can i do this without engaging the Chul? I'm going to get your Chul more. Actually, if you stay right behind him, yes, but you'll have your back
Starting point is 00:11:32 to him and he'll be, on his turn, he could potentially turn around and attack you. You'd have to be in a pretty scary range. Sure. Do it. Put your guy on the other side, please. Tell us what spell you're doing. I'm going to get over here. He's so fun to say. And I'm going to
Starting point is 00:11:47 do that fifth level telekinesis spell that I had. Shit. From the dragon eye? Yeah, from the dragon eye. And I'm going to use it to propel this narwhal, hopefully, into the far wall. Narwhal into the
Starting point is 00:12:04 far wall. Didn't wewhal into the far wall. Didn't we leave the dragon on the boat not to be a downer? Or do we have it with us? I mean, it makes sense to me that we would have brought it with us. I am going to say you have it with you because I don't have a note as to whether you left it on the boat.
Starting point is 00:12:18 We did the first time, but I think it makes sense that when we went back to the boat, we would have taken it with us. Okay, good. Yeah, I'll give it to you. I mean, you had time to regroup before you went like between stopping the signal that could have had giants swarm the city and going to the cave you had time to meet with the arcanist i'd say
Starting point is 00:12:35 you would have had time to retrieve that for you would have known there's some big shit going down so sure buddy guess what he's failed his ability to resist this. Great. So I'm going to just get him off this ledge, hopefully into a wall. The wall is probably, here's what you can do. How much feet did I say you can move him? It's in the telekinesis spell, I believe. Sorry. Whoops. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:12:59 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Pardon me. Pardon me, ma'am. I'm sorry, pardon me, pardon me, ma'am. The telekinesis spell is... You gain the ability to... I think it's range of 60 feet that you just got into. I'm looking how far you can move him.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Range of 60 feet. I can move it 30 feet in any direction, but not beyond the range. And also a creature lifted upward is suspended in midair. So you can either suspend him, but you can't get you you have a few options you can suspend him in the air you can slam him into the wall right this way you can kind of like dunk him in the water or you can toss him in a direction i would like to toss him towards something that's not water can i toss him backwards over that's not water can I
Starting point is 00:13:45 toss him backwards over this guy if you want backwards oh yeah like just backwards into this guy I would just want to get him
Starting point is 00:13:51 to uh to get hurt why don't you toss him at that guy so he's gonna I'll pick him up and throw him on the guy behind him
Starting point is 00:13:59 yeah but is there a cliff is there some kind of yeah but a height to it I just I don't want him to get back in the water. He can throw like 30 feet. So what he can do is arc this big boy like this.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Yeah. And then the force will continue to carry him and he'll land about here. Okay. And he will take bludgeoning damage that I will let Blaine roll. Okay. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Yeah, let's do that. So there he goes. You guys all just see Dr. Ud raise his hands. Juggernaut kind of shakes and grits his teeth for a second. You just see him gritting him as hard as he can. He just goes, flies backwards and padumsh. I'm going to let you roll.
Starting point is 00:14:34 What do I have here? You padumshed him. There's some gravity involved in this one, so this isn't a standard roll. I'm going to consult my physics chart. Hell, we have to get more of those druidic relics. You and me? Or just as a team?
Starting point is 00:14:49 I was thinking everyone. It's interesting that you took it as the two. I took it that way because you turned to me and said, Halcine, we need to go get some of those. You didn't say, hey guys. You left me out. Oh, I didn't mean to exclude you. I was just thinking we were having a little moment while the doctor was killing a guy.
Starting point is 00:15:06 You're up there! Because the spell only lasted 30 feet and you're trying to toss him farther, I'm letting him do a dex saving throw to try not to really get fucked up and he failed it. Okay. Just for the listeners, for funsies, he rolled a 3. So take that, fuckface. He doesn't
Starting point is 00:15:21 have the best dex. So why don't you go ahead and roll we're gonna do uh 3d 10 plus 5 3d 10 bludgeoning in the middle it was a pretty rough throw i don't suppose they had a bunch of bear traps all laid out over there no but i mean he would have taken half if he had managed to kind of squirm midair. Unfortunately, the benefit of this is it was harder. 12, 17, 22.
Starting point is 00:15:54 All right, so he takes 22 points of bludgeoning damage. You just see him get chucked. And he's sort of like down for a round at least. He is now prone. He would have to use half of his move. Remember how long his strides were? He got it. He got a cut in half because he's gonna have to spend half of his turn next
Starting point is 00:16:10 turn just going getting back on his feet. And what's this guy doing? Did he did it? He watched. He watched his big buddy just sail over his head right now. He's not doing anything, but his last idea was to back up his buddy. You're not sure at this point what he's doing.
Starting point is 00:16:29 I there's a there's a better than average chance he's going to keep running up the stairs and there's a reasonable chance he'll retreat you're not sure uh but that will take us to tiktok hello uh i am am i lying on the ground i was grappled and now you're not lying on the ground you're released okay great uh i'm up close to him so I'm going to try and chop at him. I'm going to draw my two hand axes and do the two-handed melee attack on him. Okay. Slim slam. Slim slam. Slim slam, flim flam, jam jam. So for the first one,
Starting point is 00:16:56 it is 22. That's a hit. So that's a D. You need to beat a 16 to hit the jewel. Nice. So that's five points of slashing okay and with the other hand i will slash also shoot nine okay that's a miss uh i will try that one more time so okay slam with each hand axe oh natural 20, okay. Do I get to roll percentile on these, Dan? I'll allow
Starting point is 00:17:28 it. Sweet. So that's five and three. Eight points of slashing. Do you want me to roll the other hand or roll the percentile now? Roll percentile. I hope it's high. Oh, I hope it's high. 60.
Starting point is 00:17:45 Ooh. Oh, I hope it's high. 60. Ooh. Okay, so this time you just bring, you arc it up and you just see his arm go spiraling off. You cut him right in like two parts of the exoskeleton. He just is like staring where it used to be. His right arm
Starting point is 00:18:02 is gone and it just sort of skitters off to the side. I like the hand. It's okay. It'll grow back when he molts. Oh, okay. Maybe Helsene has some butter or something like that. So that's a 15 with the other one.
Starting point is 00:18:15 That's a miss. Okay. That's it. Oh, you know what I'll do? I will rotate around him so that he's getting attacked on multiple sides. You know what? How many times did you miss? Once or twice?
Starting point is 00:18:31 I missed twice. I'm going to let you re-roll both of those. His back was to you, but, Dr. Ewood, you didn't go that far. You remember to get as close as you could, you had your back to that guy? He was already flanked. Oh, okay. So you're there. You got to roll with advantage for both of those misses okay i don't know if i'm
Starting point is 00:18:47 still moving oh great okay so this is for the first miss yeah yeah yeah i should have given you advantage and thank you so we got to do a quick retcon uh that's a miss it's a 15 and then this is for the other miss uh nope that's a 10 thank you so and then you're gonna move you still you said i just rotated around great he it's his He is going to turn around and try to go after you. So he's not looking great. And so he is going to roll with disadvantage as he tries to grab you with his remaining claw. Yeah, he misses.
Starting point is 00:19:24 But he's going's get two attacks yeah he can't grab onto you at all he's just he's he's really bad uh pathetic thus it goes for lobster fella thing how scenes up um so am i close enough or can i get close enough to to cast call lightning down these guys? The guy down here at the altar? You can get close enough. You're going to have to run past the Chul. He'll get an attack of opportunity on you as you run past him. However, he will roll with disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Okay. So, you're going to go for it? Yeah. Okay, so you have to get this close to do call lightning okay so he's gonna try to take a swing at you oh he got a crit oh with disadvantage yeah oh wait why he didn't roll with advantage i rolled you're right he rolled a three i'm a fucking that was just me being straight up stupid you rolled a three and a 20 and then i just got excited because i saw 20 it canceled out all dungeon master logic you guys
Starting point is 00:20:28 and i this is where you learn yeah now you're now you have to go back in time and think about all the other times dan could have fucked up in the exact same way i didn't know he was human it's it's alarming uh when perfect and telfer finally. So yeah, you get there. Go for that call lightning, Halcyon. That crit would have been cool, though. Okay, so. Not really. It's got one arm.
Starting point is 00:20:52 It's pretty pathetic. Yeah, you see Halcyon run past, and he's just like, ah, like waving it around like Kermit in a disco, just trying to. So when you cast a spell, choose a point that you can see within range. Kermit in a disco.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Each creature within five feet of that point. So I'd like to cast it on this guy, and then hopefully the Juggernaut also needs to make a dex saving throw. Juggernaut is rolling with disadvantage because he is prone. Good. So he got a six. So that's going to hit him full force. Fish boy. Now, seeing as he's upside down, where do you think it might hit him in full force. Fishboy. Now, seeing as he's upside down, where do you think it might
Starting point is 00:21:28 hit him? In the butthole. I hope it does. Fishboy rolled an eight. They both failed. Okay, great. Smack dab in the middle. Smack dab in the middle.
Starting point is 00:21:42 The Beefy Fishfolk listeners listeners at home i'm using what's called a swagon i'm not sure how it's pronounced it's s-a-h-a actually wait i think is my laptop turned on i don't know is it i'm asking sam not you fuck face so who are you that the radar in here is really kind of what was your question a little bit i i'm trying to play something through my laptop but you can't hear it because everyone's doing bits. Is my laptop connected? Yes, it is. This is how you pronounce it.
Starting point is 00:22:10 So who again? So who again? Was that Dennis Leary on the toilet? I think it was Matt Mercer, actually. It was Eddie Pepitone. So who again? So who again? From Son of a Woman.
Starting point is 00:22:24 Roll that damage on your lightning, I believe. 22. They each take 22. Son of a Woman. McClinky. But even better than that, on each of my turns until the spell ends, I can just keep calling it down. Nice.
Starting point is 00:22:35 And then in the same point or a different. What exactly do you want to happen to this fish fella at the altar? Cinematically, could you describe for us what you'd like to see lightning do I just I'm gonna throw a little breading on there
Starting point is 00:22:48 first and then I just like to all right well I'm not sure narratively how to clean up the juggernaut he gets rolled around in some in some
Starting point is 00:22:57 breadcrumbs for a second now you just see this guy get filleted as a lightning bolt hits him and he just goes sailing hey Halsey do an insight
Starting point is 00:23:08 check oh natural 20 plus three you felt like you were super focused on this guy as you watched him get toasted you saw his mouth forming midwards and you feel like you interrupted some kind of cant so something was something he was in the middle of something and it got halted. Anything else for you? No. Fun. I enjoyed watching that. That will be
Starting point is 00:23:36 Darkthor's turn. Did the juggernaut take any damage? He did, but I mean he's laying there. You see his body get wracked with pain and he growls, but he looks like he's got a whole bunch of hit points. Hey, Dr. Sturry. Is this guy still fucking with my friends up here? He looks like shit, but he sure is.
Starting point is 00:23:51 All right. I'm going to do a two-hand attack on him. Scoot up towards him. And you get to roll with advantage because Dr. Uden and TikTok are helping you flank him. And how did we decide? The last time I played, I think we did a bonus episode so i was doing a bode but uh how do we decide that the two-hand attack works because i think it changed you don't you get if you use single hand you get two attacks if you use two-handed you can do more damage but it's a single attack okay so what was say the first thing
Starting point is 00:24:27 if you single-handed two attacks okay that's what i'm gonna do then okay two-handed one yeah single-handed but get two attacks yeah but one of your attacks is with a dagger right his offhand well i'm gonna use uh the dagger well no because he's not no you can't use an offhand weapon if you've got both your hands on the circle. He's saying single hand. If you single hand yeah, then you... I'm sorry. I misunderstood because... I want to get the two attacks.
Starting point is 00:24:54 Okay. Woo. That thing's going all over the place. That one's... It did not want to stop that guy. That one's not going to be a hit. What was it? You need a 16. No.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Okay. Yes. Okay. And then that's... This is with your dagger? Yeah. All right. Get him.
Starting point is 00:25:26 Seven. Hey, Brian. How would you like to see a one-armed lobster die with your dagger? Are we any sort of height? Yeah, you're maybe 80 feet above the lake. Well, I take his one arm off and then I kick him off. Okay, so... He goes
Starting point is 00:25:49 die-hard style back down. Flail, flail. Alan Rickman just, yeah, slow-mo. Down, down! There's a couple of corpses in the water now. Let's use this momentum and fucking push him back.
Starting point is 00:26:04 You have some movement too. You can try to catch up to Halcine if you want to. I will. Yeah, okay. Where is she? Right here. She's kind of in the lead there. Just busted lightning on those fuck faces. Alright. It is time for the
Starting point is 00:26:20 juggernaut to get up. Boo. And yep, he gets back in front of his friend. And he's pissed. He's not doing anything besides that right now. Isn't he still
Starting point is 00:26:37 under my control? No. You just get to do a push call, I think. I'm checking now. Oh, it's concentration up to 10 minutes. Yeah, it says here in crayon where I wrote, it says I can do whatever I want, and I also have a Corvette, and I'm tall. Okay, so what it says is, I'm looking at it also.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Why did you write three wieners? In case I lose one at the airport. Do you see where it says subsequent rounds, Blaine? Mm-hmm. On subsequent rounds, Blaine? Mm-hmm. On subsequent rounds, you can use your action to attempt to maintain your telekinetic grip on the creature by repeating the contest. Okay. Sweet.
Starting point is 00:27:12 So right now, he's getting... I'm just checking. I rolled a 19, whatever that means. Yay. Yay. Four wieners. Four wieners. You know what? No, you know what I think it is?
Starting point is 00:27:39 I have a lot of ways to go there. I'm not going to go any of them. Yeah, I think we're going to use that on your turn. It's going to be like a retcon. This is you maintaining control through his turn. So he's going to go any of them. Yeah, I think we're going to use that on your turn. It's going to be like a retcon. This is you maintaining control through his turn. So he's going to try to contest your 19. He rolled a 12 plus 5.
Starting point is 00:27:53 17? Yep. You've got him pinned. You just see him. You see Bigfuck just rolling around. Let's charge him and cut him up. I'm ready. It looks like it's going to happen pretty soon. You see Big Fuck just rolling around. Yeah, let's get down there and fuck him up. It looks like it's going to happen pretty soon.
Starting point is 00:28:12 The guard is going to run up to Halcine, if someone can scoot our blue-caped gentleman up there. And up next... By the way, I didn't have a crazy aneurysm with my crazy magic spells. Aneurysm jokes. Fun every time. Yeah, I didn't mean it. But I have the crazy magic thing that happens.
Starting point is 00:28:31 You gotta laugh, guys. It's fine. It was normally the fish's turn, but we made some nuggets out of him. I'mma chop him with my axe. Who you gonna chop? The juggernaut. Chop. You're gonna come down on him? Great. I can't hear why i did roll with advantage because he is prone and held i'm happy to do that doesn't make any logic or logical sense
Starting point is 00:28:53 because it's not like it's call busters 14 you just can't he's squirming around i mean he's he is squirming so you can't quite get it in your first attack. He's wiggling like he got out of a bathtub and he's just all covered. That one's a 20s. So like Andy Serkis dying in King Kong. Roll your crit damage, my friend. One of the worst deaths in cinema was Andy Serkis dying in King Kong. It really, really affected me badly. Me too.
Starting point is 00:29:20 I'm very upset. It was a very upsetting death. I hate every time King Kong dies. In the King Kong with Jack Black, there was a moment when he got shot on the Empire State Building. Spoiler alert. It's never good. And the life goes out of his eyes,
Starting point is 00:29:34 and it really bummed me out on such a massive level. When I was at my crit damage, I had double the dice damage, but not the plus damage. But now we're going to kill a big thing, and it's going to be a joyful occasion, right? Yeah, right after he learns how to skate. You guys are making Ken remember a number for fucking ever.
Starting point is 00:29:52 What is your number of damage? I forgot it. You said 15. Yeah, I know. 15. 15? Okay. I didn't hear it. I was just fucking with you, Ken. Oh, good. Oh, gosh. Sorry. I felt bad. Great. 50 points. I have a roll. I have fun with a riff, but I don't want my riffs to ruin the show. Roll percentile. Don't hold this shit against me.
Starting point is 00:30:08 I'll fucking whine so much. I love you so much. I love you, too. Make Twinkies in the garage with me. 34. Okay. Roll another 1d6. Extra damage. You guys see Queep
Starting point is 00:30:24 fly down, and he's just standing on top of this guy, just hacking at him with his axe, and it's tough to get through all the blubber, but he's definitely making some progress. Bonk, bonk on the head. You can watch blubber on Disney+, it's Robin Williams' best work.
Starting point is 00:30:42 This guy's gonna run up and attack Halcine. The fish man? Don't do it. Let's all kill him. Is he real jacked? I mean, he's tough looking. He's got that weird thing, and he's going to miss.
Starting point is 00:31:00 He's got this big claw-looking thing on a hook. He's just swinging it at Halcine. Halcine is able to duck it both times. Duck it. But yeah, he looks like he's a pain in the ass. Up next, something else happens with a character you can't see right now. Oh, dear. I will say the little narwhal guy is underwater.
Starting point is 00:31:22 That's probably all I'm talking about. And then we've got Dr. Ud. Oh, dear. I will say the little narwhal guy is underwater. That's probably all I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. And then we've got Dr. Uid. I'm still holding this guy, right? Yep. So why don't you do another contest to check? This is a concentration spell, so you can't do another spell. That's 15.
Starting point is 00:31:38 Ooh. This time he rolled an 18. Do I get any spell bonuses? It does say sometimes a spell attack bonus 6. Spell save. Is it strength? He rolls his strength against his spell attack.
Starting point is 00:31:56 So yeah, he beat it. Yeah, your bonus is 6. And what did you roll? I forget. What did I roll? 14. He got an 18. Yeah, you beat him by 2. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah, and what did you roll? I forget. What did I roll? 14? He got an 18. Yeah, you beat him with plus six. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah, you beat him by two. So, good work. You've got him held. That takes us to TikTok. Am I in arrow range? Am I 150 feet to that juggernaut? No, he's... Well, let me see. Actually, yeah, you're just barely.
Starting point is 00:32:30 And we can see him. Right? There is fog. It's like a Lord of the Rings giant open staircase with no railing. It's just like a Halloween headquarters in here. Exactly. I'm going to shoot him with my arrow
Starting point is 00:32:43 and the juggernaut. Okay. All right. 21. Okay. So that's the ass closet. That's a hit. Yep.
Starting point is 00:32:57 D8 plus 4. 11 points of piercing. That's actually very impressive from that distance for you guys. You see this arrow arc around, just thock him right in the thigh and he makes a squealing noise. What are you? It's a fuck face?
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah, Queep, you see blood spray out of this arrow. Oh. And I will do that again. Who's this dick? That's Queep. Oh. That's our dick. That bird figure that you've been playing with? That's 27. hit. Nice.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Wow. I've been hanging out here. TikTok nailed him with these arrows. Nice. 10 points. Damn, man. Beautiful. This guy's starting to take a lot of damage.
Starting point is 00:33:35 He's not looking horrible, but you know at this point you've done about as much damage as you did to the Chewle, so you're good. Chewle. Chewle. So were you about to ask something something or did I just look up when you were almost making a face that resembled talking? Sounds cool. All right.
Starting point is 00:33:51 Everybody roll a perception check, please. Oh, perception. Perception. Let's just see what I perceive. Twelve. Okay. Twenty. Seven. I got 20. 7.
Starting point is 00:34:06 I got it. Create on my perception. This time, Dark 3, you hear it too. Whispering noises in your head. What the fuck? What's it say? You can't quite make it out, but you rolled a natural 20? 23, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Did you say? 20 plus 3. Do you say out loud that you heard something? I hear something. What did I hear? I think when I hear that he says it? Yeah. You're not sure what it is, but you hear clear words in a mysterious language.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Voices in my head. What's the language sound like? That's a great question. What do I think it is? You might actually know this, so I'm glad you stopped me and asked, because I may have made a mistake. This might be something dark for knows Elvis halfling or under common no you don't know this way bien on some trade bien
Starting point is 00:34:54 ensemble this might be a good time that's a you know abyssal abyssal abyssal what do you know language wise vacuum cleaners uh no mish how do you talk to me stick shift i don't think any of you know this language tell me how you pronounce it i guess it would be abyssal oh yeah the abyss it is a couple of our listeners if if if they're staring at their books or their knowledge of dnd might guess what this language is but it is not one that you guys know. I think because you're hearing it and I'm hearing it, maybe this is the thing we talked about before, and maybe if you start singing your thing or doing your mantra now,
Starting point is 00:35:35 maybe that's what that is. Smack dab in the middle. Smack dab in the middle. Smack dab in the middle. That's all I said. Smack dab in the middle smack dab in the middle Sierra Mist making it great
Starting point is 00:35:50 hey TikTok as your turn ends Gus says hey boss need me to scout anything keep your eye on the water boss why don't you put him he'll fly over he'll hover over.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Do a perception roll. When is it my turn? Next. The jewel's dead. This is his perception? Yes. 19. I should have actually done this before TikTok started.
Starting point is 00:36:19 But yeah, he sees a shape in the water. How big, boss? How big, boss? About the size. Dan realized he should do Gus's voice for this. It's about the size of that lobster thing, but it's not the lobster thing. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:34 What lobster thing? Number one of the guys narwhals dived in the water. That's who it is. It's bigger than the narwhal. Oh, okay. It's that thing. It's bigger than that? Is it my turn?
Starting point is 00:36:42 Bigger than this guy who disappeared. Got it, okay. So sorry for the wait house scene. It is now your turn. Okay, now I want to move my lightning to the water. Cool, okay. So the cloud that you've been able to summon lightning on just goes, and you can figure out it's about where.
Starting point is 00:37:02 I'm going to try to do it where the shape of it. I'm going to have you do a ring. This is so great. Hey, Blaine, when was the last time you went to Paladino's? You know what? I didn't get to Paladino's last weekend. I went to a comic convention. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:22 How was that? I ran into Loretta Swit. Oh, from MASH. Yeah. I asked her to tell me some stories. Yeah? She said she was sick of that shaving cream. Be nice and clean.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Shave every day and you'll always look gay. Right about there is where the shape is. Oh, can oh i thought that was where those dupe boys had had enough it is nope that was although the tried to think of a hazard joke couldn't make it happen so yeah that's about where it is and you can move it over and you're gonna have lightning hit the water all right uh what is that a spell attack okay how was the red sweat was she in good shape was she she was really she was really good incredible hair oh yeah yeah I mean, like, amazing hair. I didn't want to say the first thing about the composer.
Starting point is 00:38:28 I was like, yeah, is it going to be all thin? But she had it going on. That's great. She was really cool. Very lucid, too. It was good to see. Your lightning, when it hits the water, arcs across the entire surface.
Starting point is 00:38:40 And you see two shapes underwater crackle with electricity. One of them is about the size of the narwhal guy. And you can pretty much passively figure out that's probably the narwhal guy. And the other is the bigger shape that Gus spotted. So you think you hit two things. Roll that damage. Did they fail? Did they take half damage?
Starting point is 00:39:01 They both failed their saving throw. So they're going to take half damage just they both failed their saving throw so this is they're gonna take full damage on this 22 nice damn all right so monster hits this things in the water whatever is in the water yeah
Starting point is 00:39:22 I went to a Things in the water. Whatever's in the water. Things in the water. Yeah. I went to a pre-Thanksgiving comedy show at Paladino's. Oh, really? Yeah. I saw Turkey and Peel. Oh, God. And Cranberry Sobel. You know who I saw? Yeah turdakin uh dan this weirdo comedy uh that's why i did a key and peel thing see think of a comedy uh combining was was cranberry so hosting? That's what I just did, that joke.
Starting point is 00:40:07 Actually, they had a comedy movie playing. Did you not even hear me? I was listening. Do you black out? This is a beautiful. Anything else with your turns? What? Anything else with your turn after you've brought lightning gun?
Starting point is 00:40:19 I saw a shaky green bean casserole. You know what? I like the stovetop sin bad. Are you going to move? Are you going to do anything else? No, I'm good. Thanks. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Dark, you're up. What's this asshole up to right there? He just took a couple of swings with his claws on chains at Halcyon. Okay. Playing a bunch of grab ass. claws on chains at Halcyon. Okay. Blaine, what you grab at? I'm going to take two slashes at him. You tell him, Billy. Smack dab in the middle.
Starting point is 00:40:56 You scoot towards him there, Blaine. You move Darkthroat up in his face. Oh, yes. 23 on that first one. That's sure a hit. I'm going long sword with this guy so I can get more damage in hopefully, potentially two handed you mean?
Starting point is 00:41:09 oh no one hand can I do it twice? one handed I thought you said that's what I'm going with the first one is a nine. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:28 And then... It's a 16 to hit on the... It's a hit. Okay, cool. You need to beat a 12 to hit the fish guy. Okay, and then eight on that next one. Slashing damage. How do you want this guy to die?
Starting point is 00:41:49 Yeah! How do you want this to die? In half. I want to cut him in half, and then he just kind of folds over like a lawn chair. And so he does, like a tailgating party. You just see him fold over over you could sit on him if you want crack open a beer it'd be a little slimy because there'd be fish guts and blood all over
Starting point is 00:42:10 your pants so this guy right here eventually he'll just fall over but so yeah tip him over i like to tip him over it's like a chess piece right yep so he's tipped and uh juggernaut he failed his thing thing. He's lost his turn. He's still pinned. Let's get down there. The guard is going to run down. If you can take the... Dr. Uden.
Starting point is 00:42:31 That's me. Blaine gets bored and likes to just move the pieces around. I like it, though. I don't love it. Well, of course, you don't mind it because it's usually good, but it's still playing the game wrong. That's perfect. So he gets that far.
Starting point is 00:42:44 He's running towards the juggernaut it's a bit of a jog creep you're up you're still standing on top of once again i will roll with advantage chop it that die is so heavy 19 that's a that's a hit. You at this point figure out you need a 19 hit this guy. That's a 6.
Starting point is 00:43:13 I'm doing it again. No, I'm letting you know. Oh, but you rolled a 6. No, no. 6 was damage. Correct. Now second attack is a 19. Sorry, 22. That's also hit 13 Nice
Starting point is 00:43:31 Some more hacks in there Chop chop Cock-a-la-chop Up next we have the fish is dead You see this guy's surface Which old fish? Behind Queep Also at Paladino's on Thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:43:48 I was like carrot casserole top Oh my god Wait I'm trying to do the It doesn't work Carrot casserole? Yeah that's a thing Really carrot cake top Would have worked No there's a carrot casserole that's a thing dan dan's a thing
Starting point is 00:44:10 queef you see a tusk just fly past you like and you just barely get it so it doesn't go through your your wing but like it's jesus guy's trying to come for you you know uh last thanksgiving i just i'm waddling around pretty I fell asleep watching football on Sebastian. Happy Thanksgiving. This is going to air after Thanksgiving. Oh, fuck. After Thanksgiving. You'll still be high on Thanksgiving and enjoy these jokes.
Starting point is 00:44:38 You'll still be digesting your carrot top stuffing. Dr. Uydrup. Yeah, that's better. I'm still trying to hold this guy, right? Uh-huh. Fixed it. So that's a 21. So I'm going to try to start moving down here.
Starting point is 00:44:55 You can get just past... 10 feet past Darkthor, so two squares past Darkthor. Yeah. Right there. Cool. Do a spell attack on Bigfella.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Oh, this guy? 14 with a plus 6. He got a 15. You got him. He's still pinned. I love this spell. It's pretty nice.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Before TikTok can take his turn, this spell. It's pretty nice. Before TikTok can take his turn, this surfaces. Oh. I hope it's not SpaghettiOs. If you thought the chewel was bad. Is this another mini from Sean Bryant?
Starting point is 00:45:42 Nope. This is not from Sean Bryant. Is that the abalone? You see that come to the top. I'll let you all roll an insight check if you want to guess what this thing is. It's a lovely figure. All you pick, actually, I'll let you pick your bonus here. It could be either
Starting point is 00:45:59 insight or nature. 14. 12. 8. 11. No, I mean, you can't completely piece together. It's an ableth, but it might make sense if that was an ableth.
Starting point is 00:46:15 He's on the surface. He is being picked up by Ken right now, but distance-wise, he is also behind Ken a fair bit. I did touch up his paint job he's a pre-painted mini but I kind of added a little bit of extra green weirdness and gloss to his piece. Did you give him that Letterman
Starting point is 00:46:33 jacket? Yeah he's a football player so he is coming up on you Queep so before TikTok you can do anything I'm going to need you to do a wisdom saving throw. Dumb boy.
Starting point is 00:46:49 Do it. Do it, Queep. Well, something's fishy about this guy, right? That's a nine.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Because he looks like a fish is what I meant. I like that guy. Wow, it's weird watching Sam turn somebody else down. Queep, you suddenly feel like maybe you're making a mistake attacking this Narwhal guy. Maybe you'd like to try attacking somebody else for a change. And you think maybe next time you get a chance to swing your axe, that guard looks real good.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Maybe someone else is coming down the pipeline. It's going to be more fun to fight. Yeah, why was I hurting these pretty animals with the pretty horns? Did a whammy on our bird buddy. Yeah, I burned him, I saw. I'm also going to... What else are we going to do here? I'm going to need I'll have the guard do this
Starting point is 00:47:50 he is going to do an intelligence check oh he braces himself and you see like a tentacle wave and the guard kind of put a hand on his head for a second and it looks like he resisted something tick tock you're up um You see like a tentacle wave and the guard kind of put a hand on his head for a second and it looks like he resisted something. Tick tock.
Starting point is 00:48:06 You're up. Is the Aboleth in the middle of the range? Smack dab in the middle. Is the Aboleth in range for my arrows? Yep. I will shoot him with my arrow. If you get to the edge. Yes.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Right now you're kind of. Shoest him. Shoest him. Shit. Twelve. No no that's a miss all right i'll try one more oh that's better uh 26 yay and i'm gonna make it a bursting arrow is a hit yeah burst the shit out of him it will be so a DA plus 4. So that's 9 piercing and then 5 bursting or force.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Wow. Okay. So he goes underwater. If anything is within 10 feet of him, it also takes up. I'm just saying that because I can't see. As you hit him, he goes and disappears from view. Good. Bye. Let's focus on this other guy until we have to fight him. Halcine, you're up.
Starting point is 00:49:10 You know what? I forgot. Wait. One second. Are you going to move anymore? I will back off the edge. Okay. But you're not going to run down the stairs or anything?
Starting point is 00:49:20 You're going to keep your position? I like being high up. What did you forget, Sarah? Well, I feel like I'm going to retcon something that you might also be retconning. I hope my brain can handle it. Technically, I should have been able to do additional damage because of my shield.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Oh. When I did lightning damage. But then you also said that my shield arm took some damage because I died. I'll give you a little spoiler alert. It's going to be when you try to use your shield defensively that you think this nerve is this pinched nerve is going to be but i already did right for my shield master evasion i took half i took no damage well we'll we'll check in on it next time that's a good point we'll just in future then i screwed up because i could have been adding
Starting point is 00:49:59 okay uh well is it okay i might have killed more people but it's fine i guess uh i can be adding stuff when i do lightning or thunder damage okay well it's acknowledged for the listener i think at this point when you did the shield evasion it's on a dead character so it would just be the amount of retconning would be a little goof goof okay but uh yep what you're gonna do oh it's my turn yes uh the tiktok just went he just shot an arrow and the aboleth that appeared to be surfacing went under after it got hit with the bursting arrow. I want to do the lightning down into the water again.
Starting point is 00:50:31 So you can reposition it right about here where you saw him. If you could scoot the cloud that way for me somebody and then he's going to do his dex check I believe. Oh he botched it. Roll your damage. You got a one uh huh oh nice
Starting point is 00:50:48 so that's um and then so I'm going to do the additional damage holy shit so that's um 31 points of damage perfect something else happens everybody do a perception check Holy shit. So that's 31 points of damage. Ba-boom. Perfect. Something else happens. Everybody do a perception check.
Starting point is 00:51:10 Now, the duration is 10 minutes, so I need you to be sort of telling me. Well, 10 minutes, each turn is six seconds. Okay, yeah, that's what I figured. So it's pretty pointless to keep track, unless this fight lasts like 70 episodes, I think we'll be okay. 12. Sorry, what are we doing?
Starting point is 00:51:25 Perception. 16. 8. 12. Gus got 18. 11. What about the guard? Does he do perception? Yeah, you're right. He likes to be called a bacon.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Did anybody beat anyone else get an 18 or better? Besides Gus? No. Yeah, you're right. He likes to be called a 16. Did anybody beat... Anyone else get an 18 or better? Besides Gus? No. So you hear Gus go, Wah! Hey, boss.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Yes, boss. I heard a weird croaky language in my head, and it was screaming. Oh. It sounded like it was trying to get maybe my attention, but I didn't understand its words. It was trying to get some attention with that scream. I believe the
Starting point is 00:52:08 phrase is incoming. The Aboleth is calling for help. Oh, boy. It was definitely calling for help. That sounds right. Yeah, I think there might be some more people coming. Let's continue to attack it. Then it'll bring us to Darkthor. Unless I'll see you want to move again. You all have an option to move farther down.
Starting point is 00:52:24 I don't know. Ask Gus if he thinks it was the sound of it dying he doesn't think it was the sound of it dying because you think die it sounded more like help or more like site check for gus yeah so for gus inside that's just intelligence right great question not sure not staring at a character sheet i don't have that tab open right now wisdom wisdom thank you uh six i don't know he's in pain all right i'm gonna get to how close can i get to him uh you can get right up to this guy's tail why haven't we lit him on fire yet well you, you did hit him with a fireball, but he's moist, so he's not easy to light on fire.
Starting point is 00:53:08 You're moist. He's not oiled up like the more flammable folks. I don't have an action? Yeah, buddy. Oh, you do? Okay. Yeah. Just one?
Starting point is 00:53:20 No. All right. You can use multiple attacks or two-handed attack. I'm going to do two long sword slashes and you got advantage because he's pinned oh shit so that means see if I can beat an 18 on the first one
Starting point is 00:53:35 yeah why not see if you crit go for a 20 so I'll take that 18 you need a 19 to hit him it is it's 18 plus 3, so it's 21. Great. Yep. Roll your damage.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Okay. If you're heading down to McDonald's, McCoxix is back for a limited time. Oh, boy. McCoxix. So 10 on the first one. Okay. 22 on this.
Starting point is 00:54:16 Oh, that's a hit, too. Nice. Advantage on a pinned down guy sure is fun for everyone. Fucking eight again. Nice. Ooh. Ten. Ten slashing. Nice. Ten. Ten slashing. Awesome. So yeah, you start
Starting point is 00:54:28 hacking up his tail. Looks like you're going to get maybe one of the fins cut off soon. Doing some serious carving on his butt. You're carving specifically on his butt? No. Well, his tail. You said butt. It's butt adjacent. So you're
Starting point is 00:54:44 going to come in here, guard and you're gonna try to join darkther he's gonna try to hack at his tail too whoa what if i just didn't have room for my dice tray today so i'm a little sloppy uh he is unfortunately gonna miss both times the tail is in pain and it's thrashing around. Poor tail. That's going to bring us to Kweep. Hey, Kweep. Yeah. You're going to head on over here. Yeah. And take a big old swing
Starting point is 00:55:13 at Dargthur with your axe. Can you roll to attack, please? Dargthur, you just see your friend Kweep have a glowing red in his eye as he saunters over. Oh, that's a terrible 13.
Starting point is 00:55:33 So your AC is above a 13, so your final roll to attack a Darkthor again, please. Oops. This is a 21. Roll for damage. Here we go. Oops. This is 21. Okay. Roll for damage. Oof.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Two more. Here we go. 13. All right. So, Darkthor, you take 13 points of slashing damage as he brings his queep, suddenly flies towards you and brings his axe down on your shoulder. What the fuck, friend? His eyes are going red.
Starting point is 00:56:03 You feel like that the aboleth is still somewhere nearby influencing him uh it's unpleasant snap out of it i hate you all right and so uh you guys where are we in the turn order? Double check, double check. Goes Queep. Narwhal guy is going to come around here and swim. Just backing up his new friend. Dr. Uwud, you're up. Can I still move this? Can I move this guy? Everybody's attacking him, right?
Starting point is 00:56:43 It'll be a spell attack to try to... Yeah, he'll resist if he can. Can I twist his neck or something while he's... You can try with the spell attack, yeah. Holding this thing? Can I break his thing off? And he'll try to resist. So do... Add your spell attack bonus.
Starting point is 00:56:57 That's a natural 20. Ooh! 26. Yes. So I just want to do some damage to him while I'm holding him. He got a 21 so you beat a 21 great so you crack his neck
Starting point is 00:57:10 does he feel better? does he let all the pressure out of his shoulders? roll this is fucking brutal I gotta go back to the physics table you're gonna do 68 plus 10 please I got to go back to the physics table. You're going to do 68 plus 10, please. God.
Starting point is 00:57:29 That's 78 points. Roll. 68. Six eights and then add 10. Do you need something, Blaine? You got it. Want some eights? Hold on.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Here's eight, 11, 17. Here's an eight if you want one a little higher 17 uh 17 19 23 plus 10 is 33 so you just hear a loud crunch as you see this thing's just neck kind of going is it does it feel like Cinnamon Toast? Because I'm feeling like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It looks so painful. He's not dead, but you guys all just hear it echoes up through the cave,
Starting point is 00:58:13 and you're just like, oh, fuck. He almost broke his head clean off. It was ugly. I'm going to have you roll to maintain after that attack, so he's going to try to break free of the spell. He rolled terrible. 14. Oh, he got an eight.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Oh, okay. So he remains pinned. And then you see this guy come back. Oh, hi again. And he has a friend this time. Oh, no. Oh, dear. It's a little
Starting point is 00:58:47 Mark Lynn Baker figure. Wow, that's weird. From Perfect Strangers? Why would he be... This guy. Oh, no! Oh, what?
Starting point is 00:58:57 That's the avalice. Oh, no! So what's that other guy? Oh, no. That's a little piece of shit
Starting point is 00:59:03 compared to this guy. I thought he seemed too small to be the avalope. Oh, shit. Do we know if we've done any damage on him because he's been underwater? You're not sure. We don't know. Maybe Halcine's lightning has done damage, but this is his first time you've even seen so much as a silhouette.
Starting point is 00:59:18 And he's coming up out of the surface. Yeah. And this one's a real large thing. Just passive insight. He looks similar to the other one. So there's something going on here. I'm not like... He is
Starting point is 00:59:36 also going to do something. Trouble. Right smack in the middle. Hellsine, do a wisdom saving throw please I have advantage against being charmed does that matter this is a charm
Starting point is 00:59:54 smack dab in the middle smack dab in the middle 25 you hear a strange chanting voice in your head for a moment and then it passes. You're able to flush it out of your mind by repeating whatever that dab thing
Starting point is 01:00:13 was. Smack dab in the middle. But it feels like it's trying to fuck with you. I'm now going to need Queep, Dargthyr and the guard's going to do this too
Starting point is 01:00:28 you're all going to do a strength saving throw please strength saving throw oh uh 12 okay is it close enough Oh, uh... Twelve. Okay. Is it close enough?
Starting point is 01:00:49 Twelve. Awesome. Okay. Hey, Dr. Uid, I'm going to need you to do a strength saving throw, too, please. Fifteen. Nice. Okay. Guess what?
Starting point is 01:01:03 You're okay. However, Queep, Darkthor, and the guard, you, and I mean, you all see this,
Starting point is 01:01:13 but a wave of water pulses up and just rushes up this path. Dr. You're able to kind of do happy feet and like dance your way out of it, but you three all just feel a yank like as it pulls you back this way and you all get sucked into the water as it pulses back in you guys have lightning there's water breathing and water walking right they have the water we have the water
Starting point is 01:01:40 they have potions but i can't i can't send lightning until they get out of there. You are knocked prone also? All three of you are. We can also cast water walking on a bunch of people. Kind of helpless, floating upside down in the water right now. TikTok, you're up. This does not look good. I will shoot
Starting point is 01:02:01 giant, ugly Aboleth with my arrow. 22. not look good i will shoot giant ugly aboleth with my arrow uh 22 that's sure hit i will do the same force arrow thing again okay so oh darn that's not very good uh five points of piercing and five points of force damage if anything is within 10 feet i don't know if that little one is in 10 feet of it is just barely that would take uh the five points of force damage as well okay um i mean yeah and you all see this thing kind of just go like it's not dead but it it shudders with pain.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Cool. And you were going to do one more, did you say? Was that both? I think you only did one attack. Oh, you're right. I just did one. I will go one more. Ooh, 12... 21 to hit. That sure hits. So this will just be four and eight points of piercing damage on the big one.
Starting point is 01:03:01 On the big one. Got it. Okay. Halcine, you're up. points of piercing damage on the big one on the big one got it okay hal senior up um so is the juggernaut still alive uh yeah you see it just sort of like bob in the water a little bit and kind of plump the water back down it's it's beat up but uh it is still pinned by dr uid um but if i if i move my to him, it won't impact the people in the water, like floating in the water. Negatively now. Okay, so yeah, I'm going to move the lightning then on to him. Nice.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Great. He's going to do a dex check with disadvantage because he is pinned. God, I'm rolling all over the fucking place. Yeah, he fails real bad. Okay. So he does 20. He gets 20 points of damage.
Starting point is 01:03:55 What would be your favorite way to see a juggernaut die, Alcine? Keeping in mind that you had one blow up on you and nearly murdered you recently. I feel like I got to hand this one to Dr. Uwud, who really kept him pinned the whole time and allowed, you know, I really got to give it up to Dr. Uwud, who can decide what happens here. It's generous. There's no I in team, but there is us.
Starting point is 01:04:21 How do you want to see this guy die? You've been pinning down this whole time. You know what I would like? You can position him in the lightning, right? Can I do something? Can I ask you if I can do something? Maybe. Can I use this telekinetic spell thing that I've been using
Starting point is 01:04:33 to throw this guy into the water on top of the Aboleth? Roll 20-sided dice. 19. For sure. Oh, my God. Roll. For sure. Oh my god. Roll. Sam. This guy is now flying at this guy.
Starting point is 01:04:53 Wait, what's your spell attack bonus? Flying fish. Take a picture. His corpse is flying at him. A what? A six. Okay, so you rolled a 25 on this. No, no.
Starting point is 01:05:03 That was total. That was with the spell bonus. Yeah, with the spell bonus. No, no, that was total. That was with the spell bonus. Yeah, with the spell bonus. Oh, okay, so it's a 19 with the spell bonus? Okay. Great. This thing sails, and you're able to get it so the tusk just fucking lands right in there.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Yeah! Oh, Jesus. And it screeches in pain. Ming the Merciless, motherfucker. Klytus, I'm bored. Let's go to the Galleria. What is the Galleria, Clytus? Yeah, you get a token of inspiration for that one, Doctor.
Starting point is 01:05:36 For sure. You just fucking launched a giant tusk corpse into the Aboleth. Nice job, Doctor. We'll make sure to remember that next. You can roll with advantage for anything you want any old time hal seen recently used hers for a death saving throw so a token of inspiration yes make sure to write that down you can dance and on that note on that i'll say kind of uplifting note at a really rough battle. Let's hand it over to Sam.
Starting point is 01:06:06 Hello, everyone. This game, we resumed our fishy Donnybrook. Dan called a crit, but it wasn't. It was a lie. He lied. Halseen dispatched the fish man and Darkthor dispatched the lobster man, giving them the death they deserve for peacefully praying at a lake. Darkthor is hearing whispering words and we all trust him and love him.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Everyone stop saying abyssal. Dr. It is using a spell to hold the large fish wearing overalls down. Our beautiful baby boy Gus may have heard the Aboleth call for backup or possibly die. Darkthor is feverishly working to cut an ass closet into the juggernaut. Queep has gone against
Starting point is 01:06:50 everything I love about him to attack Darkthor. Dr. U had snapped a neck, which may not matter as a huge Aboleth has surfaced and I fear it may have negative intentions. Several people were sucked into the water, much like the thrilling game of Jaws I once watched being played. And we ended
Starting point is 01:07:07 by throwing one monster into another. Hey! I want to thank one more time Preston Snow. The big apple. The little apple left is pre-made. The big one I made myself by cutting the head off of a Bulette and the tentacles off of a Displacer Beast
Starting point is 01:07:23 and putting it on a fish monster cool and then painting the whole thing so those were from Preston huh just ahead the head of the big one I cut off another minion and glued on there so he's like a mishmash thank you cuz I wanted I wanted to have I wanted to have the abolish be way bigger that's this is they don't make like a standard dnd aboleth this is like a pathfinder okay aboleth and then that one i was like no that's that's better so i kind of frankensteined i like him because i mean i fucking hate him but and thank you again sean bryant who i'm gonna next time you see a juggernaut uh might not be under great circumstances but
Starting point is 01:08:03 he'll be better painted up i'll have him look nice and fancy. By gum. You got any dates you want to play? Yeah, someplace in the other place, but brianposain.com. Records coming out real soon, though. I'll be able to announce some
Starting point is 01:08:19 pre-ordered dates and all that. The Posain album I did. Yeah, people ask about that sometimes. Scotty and a bunch of other dudes oh yeah it's coming out february 14th on megaforce records but there's gonna be a pre-sale and a bunch of different places all right thanks thanks for listening to another episode of nerd poker you can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,
Starting point is 01:08:54 Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening. Three, two, one. No, but you don't say anything. Spin the clock Spin the clock 3, 2, 1 But you don't say anything, I'm going to say something And then when I get to you Like 40 seconds in After I go around the whole table
Starting point is 01:09:17 Then you respond, alright? Ready? Here you go buddy 3, 2, and 1 Hey everybody

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