Nerd Poker - S5E29 Jolly Return

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Chris Tallman is back! Ken is too! The full crew is faced with the prospect of fixing an undead Bunk, who may or may not be in the process of being posessed by the archlich. And, well, leave it to our crew to take a morbid DM choice and basically dare the DM to do it.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to my show, Nerd Poker. Everybody's here.

That hasn't happened in so long. Chris is back. We'll say hi to him formally in a second but uh we're very happy to be back it's episode 29 and uh let's get into it hello pals chris hi buddy how's it going good we missed you i missed you guys too strangely there's not a lot of dungeons and dragons in the hospital they don't know we never told everybody what was going on, but we told everybody that you were, you know. Oh, sorry, everybody. Taking care of some things and, you know, but we didn't.

I was on a missionary mission trying to bring role playing to the hospital. But we're happy to have you back, buddy. Glad to be here. Thank you. Sarah's here. I am. Hi. Hello. How are you? Hi. I Glad to be here. Thank you. Sarah's here. I am. Hi. Hello. How are you? Hi. I'm all right. How are you?

Good. Good. Ken is right next to you. Yes, Brian. Hi. How are you? What's going on? What are those weird eyeballs? They look like it's from that Beetlejuice thing. Is that what that's from? It's an art piece I did for a show.

Oh, that you did. Yeah, but it reminds me of that what that's from? It's an art piece I did for... Oh, that you did. Yeah, but it reminds me of that that's... The snake? Yeah, exactly. Beetlejuice snake? You knew what I meant. I know. Blaine's here. Hey,

Blaine. Hey, hi. I got kicked out of the hospital for the missionary thing. Now, are you still sick? No, I'm much better. Oh, good, good. Yeah, I think we're worried that we were exposed to norovirus now, so we're disturbed.

We had that next week. Last week we had that. Yeah, it's going around really bad. I flew yesterday and there was a baby behind me going, a baby doing that. Trying to get your attention.

So I think I'm going to get whatever that baby had. I hope it's not. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Sid's. Sid's home kids furniture. Remember that place? Oh, Jesus. Yeah, San Francisco.

It was right next to that diabetic supply place called Sugar Happy. How can you be that clueless? Who knows? A guy named Sid, he fucked up. I like baby furniture. What?

How was I to know? It was like that dildo district thing. Every dungeon needs a master here he is everybody dan hi brian hey pal how are you well i mean i do have violent diarrhea but it's purely recreational it's not i'm not sick all right um there was a great intro i'm sorry but you wanted to keep doing bits about it, and I had a bit in the can. Yeah, diarrhea bit in the can, huh? Right? Huh? Huh? I just enjoy the way

Brian pronounces eyeballs. Violent diarrhea. Nobody ever has peaceful diarrhea. Huh? Huh? Huh? Who could forget? There he is. Rubbing his face. America's sweetheart.

What's up, Sam? Hello, sweet children. How are you doing, buddy? I'm good. I'm good. Good. Good to see you here and shirted. That's right. It's still the beginning of the ep. Did we get Sarah? We got Sarah.

She was after Chris. I'm so worried. She was up top. Yeah, not super memorable, Sarah. You got to set the step. Turn it up. I'm sorry that I wasn't jumping all over. Everyone's so excited, like doggies,

that their owners coming home and jumping all over each other with bits. Diarrhea, diarrhea, SIDS. Oh, we got to get it. I'm SIDS. I have diarrhea. Sudden instant diarrhea syndrome. This is called diarrhea. All right.

Early onset diarrhea. It's going to be a good episode 29. We'll see about that. Dan, we should thank some people for letting us be here. Yeah. Thank you, everybody, for bringing this instant diarrhea straight to your ears. It's really a pleasure to do this for you. And I would like to thank listeners who are Patreon supporters who go by names like Apriaryx.

Thank you, Apriaryx. Lots of eyes in fun places. Thank you, Smurfettes Conspicuous Bulge. Thank you, Big Angry. Thank you, Aprierex. Lots of eyes in fun places. Thank you, Smurfettes Conspicuous Bulge. Thank you, Big Angry. Thank you, Kugelbear. Thank you, Snowman... Snowman Janello. Thank you, Greg Shell. Thank you,

Dirty Dick's Double Dong Depot down in the, you guessed it, the Dildo District. What? Thank you, Nathan's Meat Tube Sandwich. No relation. I don't like this. Thank you, Nathan's Meat Tube Sandwich. No relation. I don't like this. Thank you. That's delicious. Wedgenold Butcheeks.

Alright. Thank you, Sean Dixon. Thank you, Saga Nadau. Thank you, MinocGate. Thank you, I Saw a Burning Witch Get Impaled to Megadeth by an Electric Wizard's Hellhammer. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Apeachykeen Keechie Peen.

Thank you, Fang the Tabaxi with one fuzzy nut. Thank you, Terry's ex-wife's restraining order. I think they figured that shit out. Thank you, Big Fan Nice Guy. Thank you, Shootin' Runner. Thank you, Professor Physics. Thank you, Rando Cardrician. Thank you, Professor Physics. Thank you, Rando Cardrician. Thank you, Sean Meredith.

Thank you, Yukon Corguglio. Oh, man, you're doing riffs on your own pun from the past. Thank you, Skyler Browman. That was not in there, the clearing of the throat. That was me. Thank you, Kaylee. My stupid real name started this mess, McPhail. Thank you, Eric Ewald.

Thank you. Jack Gulick. Thank you. Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot,

the more you toot, the better you feel with two fingers up your ass. Diarrhea. Cha-cha-cha. Thank you. Jamie Swedler. Thank you. Trond.

Thank you. Ms. Construzzi's. The bit that never fails to land. Ms. Construzzi's. Dear God, make this horror end.

And finally, thank you. She-Ra's Unfortunate Quarter Century He-Man Phase. That is a very elaborate riff. I'm going to need someone to write in and explain to me. Hey, Blaine, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to us by... McDonald's After Dark. McRib for her pleasure, Bed Bath & Beyond After Dark, It's Just Bed, Flintstones Chewables After Dark, Wham Bam Bam Thank You Ma'am Ma'am, Hustler Store regular hours. And Black Angus before dark. Hosing out the vomit before the opening shift gets here.

And complains, which is all they seem to be able to do these days. Dan? Thanks, Blank. Can you whisper the whole episode? Yes! Dear Lord. Thank you, and I'm so glad we are sponsored by folks it's time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker we didn't have chris tallman which sucked

but aside from that our heroes finally got wait what's that ch Chris? And Ken. Oh, and Ken. We didn't have Ken either. That was fucking... Oh, man. There was not enough people here last episode. Having to pick up all that slack was fucking exhausting. We went through a chamber with a

fucking smoke thing, and then there was... They ran around the smoke. You know, like Doctor Who had cast a bunch of lightning bolts on it was, they ran around the smoke, you know, like Doctor Who would cast a bunch of lightning bolts on it and they ran around the edges of it, but they think this, they, I'm really kind of like glossing over this recap. I apologize

everybody. Let me start over. Our heroes land on a mysterious island called Amina. There is a no, no, that was that was too far back. Our heroes made on a mysterious island called Amina. There is a... No, no, that was too far back. Our heroes made it through a chamber that had a little smoke churning thing in the middle of it that they suspect was possessed by the Archlich himself. Dr. Uid cast Call Lightning on it, and there was a big old storm cloud that obscured the view of this thing. They snuck around the edges of the chambers and made it

through a doorway into some sort of library. Unfortunately, Bunk's eyes are glowing yellow and shit. We take you to season five already in progress. Alright, so that's what's been happening. And guess what else is

happening? A fissure of silver flame begins to erupt next to the party and stepping forth from it is not just a being with broken legs who's still unconscious holding a jar with a brain in it, but a much more memorable figure, Fire Jolly. What happened? Oh, I had to get lunch. Let's see. I did more of like a brunch thing. There was some French toast. There was some ham sammies.

I love a French onion soup. Every time I go to a place that has a French onion soup, I get it. Because you never know if it's going to be the best one. I'm sure you didn't mean to step out at the worst possible time and abandon all of us. Just when we need to do most.

Well, are they? Here's Bunk. He's not looking well. Who? You remember Bunk, right? Bunkle T. Rankinboing? Oh, right. Biddle dee ding dong. He's dead.

Oh, God. Right. So he's here. And I don't know. Does anyone else want to catch up the good fryer on what else has been happening? While he went and got some soup, was it? I mean, I always get the soup and then I mix it up every time. All right. Ronnie would

never tell you, but he missed you. Oh, coming from the leader. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. He well, I mean, he didn't say it. And look at this room you brought everybody to. I feel like the Silver Flame

summoned Friar Jolly to some noble battle or confrontation and all Friar Jolly remembers is the brunch that he was rewarded with afterwards. There were kobolds, I think. I don't know. Neo-Hottug, perhaps? I don't know. The curfew

was insane. I went back to more ham more ham fizzbort alerts you friar jolly that he has resurrected bunk he did not know uh proper resurrection so he brought bunk into a hopefully temporary undead state until he sighs deeply and says, maybe some kind of cleric could bring him back to life. I don't know. Oh. But you know.

Do you guys know any of those guys? That would be great. I don't think I have anything that does. I could burn him. Oh, boy, could I burn him. What if you tried to pray first? Well, I was just there. I mean, I probably still smell like the Silver Flames cologne if you get close to me.

Okay. Yeah, can I... Intimate. Do we have a moment for me to pray? Yeah, you know, Fizzbort has just lost control of Bunk. Bunk's eyes are glowing yellow. However, I will definitely honor a religion check if you would like to make a religion check and ask the Silver Flame for assistance. I would love to.

Ooh, that's not great. That's a 10. No, that's... The Silver Flame feels like he's given you enough mimosas and that you should be grateful. Oh, and I am! Silver Flame, and I am! Now, is Bunk doing anything? His eyes are glowing.

Does he look, you know? He's beginning to smile. And now he is starting to levitate off of the ground. Okay, I feel like we're going to need to... I don't like the combination of smiling and levitating. No, or yellow eyes. Don't forget. Also, he's dead.

So I just feel like there's a lot going on here that's in the not good column. What's the evil king's name again? Valix. Hey, Valix! Is that you? Oh, hello. How are you? Is that coming out of the room?

That's coming out of Bunk, who also turns his head and says, Oh, Dr. Uid. Creep. It's been so long. We never had a proper introduction. It's a shame you didn't use those pendants Vincenzo gave you to just

teleport into the courtyard. You would have been guests of honor. And by guests of honor, you mean eaten. No, no, no such thing. I only have my power thanks to you. Uh, no, no such thing. I only have my power thanks to you. Okay. So we gotta fix this.

Hold on, I'm checking what I can do here. Stall! I'm tapped in. Yeah, so let's have a little chat. You are not supposed to be in the library, so... You didn't really listen a moment ago when I tried to explain things to you, so maybe you'll listen now through the mouth of one of your friends,

this Bunkle-Chi Rankin' Boy. I think you ought to leave immediately. Or, if you like, pledge your servitude towards me. I don't think the latter is likely, given all the effort you've put into this. We got out of this room. No? No! We got out of the room, but now he's taken over the body of

Bunk. And he's talking through him. This was previously through a little thingy of smoke in the middle of the last room you were in. Right. And now Bunk is with us, but we're no longer in the room. Correct, you're in a library now. You've gone through a door. Does he want us out of the library

too? He would like you out of his castle of Vendaria, is what you would take from this. Right. Which is a problem because we're going to kill him, so it's sort of our whole raison d'etre, if you will. Right. Will you? Sure.

Okay. All right. Let's see. Are we all to kill him? I can easily deal with the undead if that's what we want to do. He says, it seems you must be compelled by extraordinary means. So consider this a warning.

And he takes out both of, he's still levitating, takes out both of Bunk's swords and places them in a scissor-like formation in front of Bunk's neck. He's going to cut Bunk's head off, right? You're making it seem as though we can save bunk i don't think we can can we and that's what we were like trying i think that's what the idea was like oh we'll have him walk around undead and then maybe we'll get a resurrection spell but yeah it does seem like to see if you're gonna do anything it does feel like you can just like are you just gonna tell him to go ahead like we barely know that guy anyway uh no i'm kidding pull the swords away from me physically i mean i can i can try to it's like something the former president would say i didn't know that guy you try to ban it you know we try to get him out of his body but yeah then we still have the shambling zombie corpse

and we only have a few hours to deal with it. So I don't... So, yeah, are you guys saying this out loud? Well... Well... I think it's all in our text thread. I feel like this is really Friar Jolly's wheelhouse. Let me check the Discord and see how you guys feel about this

situation. I mean... I'll say it in like a huddle, like I don't have the spell today, but tomorrow I could try and do something. Okay, I'll say it in like a huddle. Like, I don't have the spell today, but tomorrow I could try and do something. Okay, I cast Dispel Magic on Bunk. What level? Fourth level. Nice. Okay, that is nice.

Let's get that plus four spell roll from you. See if you can't beat what is happening. Spell attack or modifier, right? It's modifier, yeah. Because you're not attacking. Correct.

Sort of. Not really. Okay, it's rolling. It's rolling. If you succeed, he'll feel attacked. Okay, with my modifier, that's a 21.'ll feel attacked. Okay. With my modifier, that's a 21. Nice.

Oh, shit. Okay. Just as he is about to chop Bunk's head off. And honestly, it seems like, do you guys a favor by killing Bunk? He goes limp and falls to the floor of the swords clanging across the library floor. That's why I sort of hesitated. But what's done is done. Yeah. hesitated but it's done it's done yeah fizzboard's like oh uh wow i didn't realize you want me to just end my spell you guys don't seem super attached to this guy it's just that we're our

hope our hope is a little bit we don't feel super optimistic about it but clearly we're still we'll still give it another few hours all right well sorry i didn't send uh my own description to aaron english for the season five parties official art uh rather than bunk who's pretty much out of this at this point but uh oh you'll be dead eventually okay well things don't look good for fizzboard either it sounds like according to uh according friar jolly but why don't we head all on over to roll 20 and take a look at the library you're all in oh uh some of you are already there uh and i will move the map over because it's still in the purple worm room but here you are in the library i'd like to check out some uh some rolled doll books while we're in here. You're going to want to

go to the bottom if you see a big black screen. The Fog of War is on. And I am not... I'm still in the process of converting control over to you guys. So give me a second before you try and scoot your token. Copy that. This is a mess. Hmm. It sure

is. And it's a huge, huge Duncan library. You know Duncan? it sure is it's a huge huge donkin library you know donkin classic adjective everybody loves it I use it for donuts and basketball do you suppose there might be

something in here he didn't want us to see definitely in that other room it was like there was well you weren't here but um it was there was like a uh what what kind of spell was it dr uid let's see it was disguising something that we so we couldn't see a trans and some dan i have a transmutation transmogrification. Yeah. It's transmutation magic. All right. Well, I'm going to investigate the room and the books.

Okay. What about you guys? Yeah, let's get an investigation check for just the area in front of you. Can I put some guidance on everybody? Tap their shoulders, the little power of the golden flame, or the silver flame, I should say. Anyone who would like to join her, please, by all means, go ahead and roll an investigation.

And that's a d4? It's a bonus d4. Yeah, and do let me know if you plan to explore more than the immediate area in front of you. This is a very large and ominous library, and I think you'd all get the sense that if you parted too much from the party,

something spooky might happen. Ooh. I only got a seven. So I got a 20. What did you get playing? A 22. Nice. I got a natural 20 plus three.

Holy shit. Balls. You found some shit balls. Hmm. Come on. Come on. to come in them up. We call them Ferraro Rochers. It's like candy with lingerie. Brian, what you got?

Would you want me to roll? If you'd like to, or you can just take a break. No, I'm trying to get him to roll 20. Now I'm in there. Ah, gotcha. Alright, Brian, what did you get on that investigation check? Everyone else rolled pretty fucking high, but I would love to hear what you got, because you are

the outlier at this point. Not a liar. 19 plus 1. I'll take it. Oh, goddamn. All of you guys. We know everything in this room. Yeah, well, I'll open up some of the map with all of those rolls for sure. Yeah, you will.

You kind of get a scope of how big this place is. It definitely seems as though you are the first of the raiding adventurers to get into this room. There's no real sign that anyone's been here in years. And yeah, it's creepy as shit.

You walk around the main chamber and you see there is an altar of sorts in the back. Really? Yes. With like a big old fucking book just sitting on it. There are things strewn everywhere, and there are four smaller chambers, two to the east, two to the west. Roll20 should reveal all of this. Sweet. Feel free to take some screen grabs for our listeners.

But this library is, you know, a massive place. As I said last episode, the shelves are about 20 feet tall. There's some rolly ladders on some of them. And yeah, books, pages all over the floor. And an eerie light is being cast onto the altar where the large book is. There is a door behind the altar. onto the altar where the large book is. There is a door behind the altar.

And I will say you all remet there like in the beginning of the room still where your tokens have been placed on the south side. I mean, do we want to go to the altar first or do we want to scare the boogans out of the shadows and fight them? I will throw in a few more things um based off of how high some of those investigations or some of these books like they're look like

they're pretty valuable you see some of them are probably from originally the feywild that they were written and created by satyrs and other fey beings they have a strange glow to them just in your hands and it it feels kind of creepy and and i would say with again with the high roll you kind of pick one or two of them up and put them down right away and feel kind of uneasy about it there's a table in the middle of the room where it looks like folks have been looking at some sort of war maps. Very dusty, very dusty. It looks like there has also been some sort of struggle here. No one has looted this room. It looks like somebody has been fighting.

There is a little bit of blood splattered on some of these pages and on the wooden floor. The altar area, however, is particularly pristine. There's a couple of bookshelves up there floor the altar area however is particularly pristine there's a couple of bookshelves up there by the altar and i would i would say you would all kind of get a sense that there's these these four chambers to the sides are very dark and ominous um there are strewn pages leading into all of them you think you can see tables and more shelves in them, but the, the,

the sense that something supernatural is lurking behind every shelf sticks with you guys. Do you guys want to look at those maps? Yeah. I'll check out that table. See what's going on there. I prefer regular natural books. Mm-hmm.

Ferdinand. Well, looking at the maps, you do see one of Clottenheim. It seems to lay out which cities the undead army should overthrow first. You see also a larger variety of feywild maps from the past. It looks like they have plotted an overthrow of some of the fey civilizations. And these are maps of enchanted woods, floating cities, underground cavern cities, places you've never seen. Cool. Does it seem as though from the maps they have overthrown them or more? These were plots.

There is a, yeah. Yeah. There's an element of like progress and it seems imminent success. And some of these have been sort of shuffled to the bottom of the pile as it were. Can we take, can we like roll up and take some of the ones that seem like they're

had they haven't happened yet but about you know what i mean just so we can take this with us in case to refer to it you could i would say they all look like they have been engaged it looks like no one's been in here in a while and the klottenheim map is the most recent one um and it is not finished. It is more of a speculative one, but that's pretty much it. What if we just took the map and then their plan is ruined and we win? Like, well, we lost the map. We're not taking over the continent anymore. Is there a way for us to look at the Clottenheim map and know what is different about it compared to what we know about Clottenheim?

Yeah, totally. This map does sort of outline parts of Clottenheim that you are familiar with. In particular, the city of Vendaria and its sister city are represented. You see... I'm pulling it up. I have notes on said map. You guys can tell, especially those of you who are native to this place, which would be Winifred, Dr. Uwud, and Kweep,

are native to this place, which would be Winifred, Dr. Uid, and Queep. This looks pretty old. It outlines the Trident Coast, and there is a plan to invade

Hawbelly, Bozor, Hoxus. Wow. There is a plan to Hawbelly, Bozor, Hoxus. There is a plan to go up to a place called Pachinon's Paradise, the icy wastes to the northeast.

And the grass is green. And Vondor der an which is a city of moon elves that was the sister city and uh there's a plan to just utterly raise that city burn them down

yeah it looks like they haven't done any of it according to map but there's there's lines drawn with string and pegs to all of these places. And they have figurines poised on said map. Are they playing D and D? Yeah.

Or risk one of those. Um, you can take all those maps. You can, uh, you know, does that do any of you have like a mind or something? I i actually have that yes i do okay so we can reference this in the future if you want to clear all the pegs and string off of it fold it up and put it in your

pocket you'll remember how it looked because you have keen mind yes i do have keen mind okay um i think most notable most notable of the map there's um there's been two giant comet chunks that destroyed the continent that uh it looks like they haven't landed yet so there's more of claudenheim than there currently is okay and so um i wonder does this seem like an area where there might we might be able to find like a resurrection spell or something or didn't chris did you say i mean it's a spell that's available to me but i have to long rest to change up my spells yeah you have you have you have at this point about 16 hours.

So you can fit a long rest in and learn a spell. We should definitely... Guys, shouldn't we be letting Fragilely rest? Because we either are resurrecting Bunk or we're not, right? Yeah. Bunk, who now white-eyed, is just sort of shuffling around and following.

We're on a timeline with that. So I just wonder if we should set that makes sense the hut the lehman's hut or one of those yeah let's hear yeah um tell me how you guys are going to camp up yeah how are you gonna does anyone know how to cast sentiments tiny hut and will it have crumb cake oh should we just sleep on the altar right next to the book? Yeah, I mean, unless there's a corner. Is there a corner of the library that looks like

defensible and... Those four rooms look pretty defensible, all things being said. They also look creepy as shit. Let's go in there, murder whatever's in there, and take it's stuff for our own and make that our little nest

the story of america all right take your pick where are you going to start northeast southeast northwest southwest top right bottom right i'm gonna let's roll a four do we want to go further into the room that way if somebody busts in here we might have a little more yeah or do we want to go further into the room? That way, if somebody busts in here, we might have a little more time. Or do we want to clear it in order as we're going through? Weep has pulled out a dice and he has decided. I think bottom left. I rolled three. I got bottom right, but okay.

Yeah, I say bottom left or bottom right is good, but I think- Bottom right. Bottom right. Bottom right. That's what my dice said, and you know the dice are great for me all the time. Like he says, too. So we're fucked going into this room. You peer in.

It is dark, but, you know, well lit enough that those of you with dark vision can pretty much see what's going on. There's a table with four chairs around it. A couple of scrolls have been spread out over the table. Oh, nice. And, yeah, it looks pretty much like more library. However, you think you hear something on the edge of hearing and the shadows do seem to shift as you look out. I'm going to press to digitate.

Press to digitate. Do I see any candles or lanterns at the at any point in the room i can just light them otherwise i guess i think i can just create a light there there are a few here and there on every table you've seen so far well the two tables the one in the main chamber and the one here there are there's like two very burned down candles that look like they might not light very well well i can um i think i just going to light a small campfire in the shadows. What happened? Wait, what? In a library?

From the corner where we are. I'm just going to... I can instantly snuff it out. Okay. I could do this. I will cast light on... That would have been helpful, but too late now. There's a campfire roaring in the corner. Oh, God. I will cast light on

that would have been helpful but too late now there's a campfire roaring in the corner oh god I'm gonna cast light on the table so that everything

within 10 feet of it is glowing it's too late the campfire's going come on which corner of the room did you just look stop the campfire please

in the where the shadows were where I heard mysterious no that whole room that whole room. That whole room is just rife with shadows shifting and whispers at the edge of here.

So she makes fire everywhere. I'm making fire in the corner. Which corner of the room? The room has four corners. Okay, I'm looking as far away as possible, basically, from us. One with the most paper. Alright. I don't know what this really means, but

I'm going to go ahead and draw a little pink flame where I think Sarah would... Okay. What would the temperature be in there where books would burn? Guys, would you relax? I can put it out immediately. It's like a magical fire. It's not...

Yeah, and then Fire jolly has cast light on the table so yeah that would have been helpful but he didn't do that first so what do we see from my room is extremely well lit um so where the shadows went away do we see no they seem to dance with the flames perhaps against the flames at times, contrary to the lighting effects. Do I see anything that looks flammable where I put my fire? The whole room looks extremely flammable. Alright, I put it out. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's go kill those shadows. Another forest burning. Ronnie! Those shadows are trying to kill us! Um, okay. Fight the shadows. Let's get them. Fight the shadows.

You heard the leader? Fight the shadows. You got to fight the shadows. I'm not the leader. Okay. Well, after the leader punches the shadows for a few minutes, I'm obligated to remind the leader that he has shadow step and can go from shadow to shadow

mid-combat. Are you guys going to have a designated lookout during the long rest? Or would you like to talk about flames for the remaining time? I think we should move a bookshelf to block the doorway. Oh.

You can do that. Love it. Oh. You can do that. Love it. Okay. Why don't we get a quick survival check to see how that goes? Because this is something that's pretty fun. The yellow on the table looks kind of like the Millennium Falcon. You said survive.

I'll put guidance on everything. Someone's got to lead this. You can have advantage because I'll say your friends are helping you. But let me know who's doing this and you roll a survival check with advantage and guidance. I have a pretty good survival unless somebody else does. What's yours? Plus nine. Oh, that's good. It's more than pretty good.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, you know, I don't want to just start a fire in the corner of a library. I'd like to talk to my friends. I start a small fire directly in front of fire. Dolly's face. And they just like wink at it just briefly and then wink it out. You guys talk about it so well, it goes great. You don't have to roll for it.

How's it? Nice. It is a minimum. If you have a plus nine in survival. So with the guidance, that's a minimum if it's you have a plus nine in survival so with the guidance that's a minimum of 10 uh and then if you rolled a one that would be a minimum of 11 so you're fine great if you had botched maybe it would have fucked with you but with guidance and advantage that seems ridiculous uh so let's not bother and you move the bookshelf so it blocks the door these bookshelves as you can see are pretty long so they perfectly kind of they're just the right one um and i'll say you move this guy so this guy

is no longer where you see it i love it what's behind all right yeah and does anybody have something to sort of we need to clear out the shadows or attack that whatever we need to figure out before we're resting right we have does anyone else have light spells does anyone have a spell that is non-flammable that could i have wall of i have wall of fire but perfect dr uid cast wall of fire in the middle of the room is what i heard no um yeah you feel free to try anything else before you take a long rest, but I am inclined to prompt that you're taking a long rest soon. I have a Mexican radio.

I guess. I have a spell. It only covers 20 square feet, but I can create sort of like a magical light that would reveal any invisible creatures or anything.

But like I said, it's a 20 foot cube. It won't do the room. Well, might as well throw it at one of the shadows. Yeah. Is there a shadowy corner that seems more shadowy or just pick one? Oh,

absolutely. The least shadowy corner right now is the one you just removed the bookshelf from. So that, that, that doesn't really have any standing objects over there, shadowy corner right now is the one you just removed the bookshelf from right so that that that doesn't really have any standing objects over there but the the opposite end this end because it has sort of two bookshelves against it seems to have a strange physics to the shadows as if they are going against the light of the table. Bottom right. In the bottom right, I'm going to cast Fairy Fire.

Ooh. Each object in a 20-foot cube within range is outlined in, let's say, green light. Any creature in the area when the spell is cast is also outlined if it fails a dexterity saving throw. Yeah.

Some classic drow stuff. So my DC is 17. Okay. So Dan, if there's anything in there. What color are you using? Green. Okay. Silver is not available, so I'll pick green.

There. It's like, yeah, isn't it like green and purple or something? You flash that corner of the room with fairy fire and two orbs suddenly start glowing green. What? And they start floating around

the room. Are they like creature orbs or like somebody observing us magically orbs? It almost, it almost looks like, uh, they must be creature orbs.

The fact that they're glowing green is interesting because they don't seem to have any mass. Um, they, they, they look like they are shadow orbs of shadow floating around with a green hue to them. Now they're sticking close to the ceiling.

All right. Light them now. They're sticking close to the ceiling. Alright. Light them up! Right? Let's kill those orbs. Yeah, let's get them. Cool, what are you doing to them? Chopping them. Chopping broccoli.

Okay. Dana Carvey. So, Creep swings his axe at both of them, and you hear a quick as the axe connects, and they disappear. Oh. Oh, my. That's good.

Chop them all up. Yep. Is there another shadowy corner? Yeah. Um, I mean, you feel like that was the most shadowy.? Yeah. I mean, you feel like that was the most shadowy. Do a perception check, everybody.

See how safe this room feels. I have everybody doing it to make sure we feel definitively about this. It feels seven to me. Which kind of check? Dan? Perception. 14 plus 4, 18. Perception. Perception.

Nice. Oh my goodness. Ronnie got a 26. Holy balls. Ronnie, you feel really good about this room. It feels pretty much cleared of unusual shadows. You even notice that

the corner of the room that is glowing green does not seem to have any beings in it. And that there are no unusual flickers of shadows. And you step, shadow step from every single shadow back and forth just to feel out how good the shadows are okay and all the listeners note that you're just using shadow

step a lot people keep asking why i haven't used it they do last season too because it was also what uh what's on the table here? Can we check it? Yeah. A couple of scrolls that look like they are full of weird poetry in, uh, it depends on what languages you have. I can tell you what they said.

Fucking beatniks. But, um, yeah, why don't we get someone to do watch and then we'll get to that just because I feel like there is a lot that's been on the cusp of happening regarding that long rest. And listeners are probably biting their nails. I will watch.

I will watch as well. We will watch. Somebody has, they only have to sleep for four hours, as I recall, in this group. So don't forget if you're that person. I guess we're half elves. That's our friend Blaine. Nice. And Brian.

Oh, and Brian. Brian is half drow, and Blaine is a half wood elf. Good have. So, we resting? Yes. Yeah. The rest of us take a rest.

Sweep, let's get a perception check, please. Sure. 22. Sure. 22. Wow. You hear a strange groaning as if the wood from a bottom of a ship is experiencing rough weather on the other side of

the bookshelf that you're using to block the room off. Oh, dear. It goes on for a while. It's low and deep enough that it doesn't wake anybody else up. But it's definitely not a sound you heard before you moved the bookshelf over there. And it seems like it's echoing as if occupying the entire central library. That's problematic.

Well, I will monitor the situation and let everyone continue to rest. that's problematic. Um, well, I will monitor the situation and let everyone continue to rest. Do you touch or move the shelf and peer beyond it? I do not. Okay. Well, that'll end our first watch as you sort of nervously stand next to the shelf and the, the noise continues to let everyone know if they haven't noticed the noise

who's taken second watch? I'll do it. Oh, Brian also raised his hand. Who wants to fight for it? Who wants to? Brian Sharks. It's all you, Brian. Roll a perception check. Doing it and doing it

and doing it and doing it and doing it well 19 you pick up on the groaning wood like noise that Queep told you about pretty quickly also over time you think you begin to hear a sort of low howl singing sound you okay Also, over time, you think you begin to hear a sort of low howl singing sound. Ew. Okay.

I'll monitor both. Do you move or touch or hear me wake up? I go a little closer to the shelf. It gets more intense as if, yeah, like if you were to move the shelf, it would be very loud. Okay. And you just monitor the situation and send your shift. Yeah, if it gets worse, I'll let anybody know. Good, okay.

Not necessarily. So that means you got through the long rest. Yeah. Other than hearing that weird singing noise, no. So you're all, I believe, up, if I'm not mistaken. Mm-hmm. First things first, you all notice that sound it's it's gotten loud enough that it's not uh disruptive but you can all hear it without having to say roll a perception check oh so yeah the the chamber seems the library's entire chamber seems to be making like a... And there's like a...

Okay, well, so you should start because the time is tight with the resurrection spell, right? Yeah, you've got about three hours. All right. I will... It takes an hour for me to cast, so we should do it. Is it a roll? Just need any inspiration or anything? Yeah.

Which spell is this exactly? This is raise dead. You return a dead creature you touch to life, provided that it has been dead no longer than 10 days. If the creature's soul is both willing and at liberty to rejoin the body, the creature returns to life with one hit point. It also neutralizes any poisons and cures non-magical diseases. It doesn't remove magical diseases, curses.

The spell closes all mortal wounds. It doesn't restore missing body parts. Okay. Well, he's going fizzbort has been trying to stay awake and keep this going um and so he is going to drop his spell of resurrection that he has been trying to keep going um and so he lets it go uh bunk sort of slowly slumps to the floor and you begin casting your own resurrection spell raised dead um and may i ask while while that's going on what is going on with lucas is that his name yeah lucas is is kind of in a

coma strapped to friar jolly's back okay so we maybe want to think about he's been traumatized heavily from combat and um his leg is is it's been could i heal him unintentionally amputated um you you can definitely heal him. Yeah. But I mean, well, healing him, like bring him. Unless it's a spell that specifically can return a missing limb.

One of his legs is gone. Okay. So he's just, but he's also unconscious though, right? Yeah. And some healing might bring him to consciousness out of his comatose state. You know, tomorrow I could do a different spell and help him out.

Okay. Well, I'll try to, let me just, I'm going to cure wounds spell and help him out. Okay, well, I'll try to... I'm going to cure wounds on him and see if that... At second level? And see if that helps him while we're resurrecting. He doesn't have a ton of hit points, but why don't you go ahead and let me know. Second level is definitely for the best, considering how fucked up he is. And also, once characters, be they non-players or not, get super fucked up, they do have lingering effects unless special spells are cast. 15 for him.

Okay. Yeah, he groggily wakes up and says, oh, hi. Why do I feel so dizzy? Just rest up. You've been out for a little bit. And we're just bringing some people back to life. We're in a library, which is cool. So maybe you could look for something to read in a little bit. But if you could just chill for a moment, that'd be great.

Why can't I feel one of my legs? It's badly broken and we're going to work on it, okay? Okay. I would like it if you could just sort of let me out of the castle. Working on it. Okay. That ends that conversation. And yeah, you still got

the jar with the king's spirit inside of it. Okay. So I know we got a lot going on. So we're raising dead. Eldrin III. Yeah. Also, I would say

based off of all of the undeath and resurrection you're dealing with, it does start to occur to you there might be something you could do for King Eldrin elder the third however he is a floating magic brain so there's been an elaborate amount of necromancy cast on right so now we're just waiting to see the raised dead yeah i mean you all hear the groaning the howling. Eventually Ray's dead finishes and Bunk is unconscious at one

and alive once again. Yay! With two hours to spare before he would I think within ten days there actually was a pretty big window but that spell to keep him walking

around was not balanced. Also, Fizzbort decides he's going to take a nap. Classic Fizzbort. Oh, Fizzbort. That guy. Who may have been named Malorthil last time you were here, Chris.

I forgot his name. Fizzbort's what he went by in college. I can heal Bunk more, but if someone else has a Cure Wounds, it might be good to mix up how many spell slots were getting used. I do, yeah.

I can give him one too, if you want. Just to buff him up. Okay. Well, buff him up. Okay. Well, let's see. Bunk. I'm going to pull up so I can tell you how fucked up he is. He looks like

his skin is really messed up. His armor is badly damaged. His hair is a little singed off. I feel like, you know, you're doing a lot. He's okay. He's got, you know, just let me know

how many hit points you're giving him. He'll clear his skin up for sure. Who's casting? I thought Blaine was. Give him another eight. He's up to nine and he groggily wakes up

and he says, It's the worm, dad. Yes. You killed it, pal. Well, I have good news. Yeah. You're uh leveled up oh yes nice work bunk i have some news for you coming back from the dead is an ordeal the target takes a negative four penalty to all attack rolls saving saving throws and ability checks. Every

time the target finishes a long rest, the penalty is reduced by one until it disappears. Noted. Yeah. He's like, oh yeah, that makes sense. Oh. Weirdo. Do you need more healing? I can give you another.

He is currently at nine of 67 hit points. All right. I will give him an additional D eight plus my spell casting on the fire. Um, so it's a D eight. Yes. Plus five. So I'm rolling

two, five, seven. Seven hit points to our little friend. Great. All right. That was two, two, seven with three fingers up in his ass. Yay. So he's a little more capable now.

Struggles to his feet and says, What? Where are we exactly? Are we stuck in here? We're barricaded in. We're resting right now. Okay, well, you are all barricaded in.

And would you like to leave? Do you want to check out that moaning wall? Yeah, we'll take a look. Basically, the bookshelf you're using to barricade yourself in is resonating with this deep groan and howl. You feel like, yeah, you know, given what's been learned during the long rest, if you were to, say, scoot it, the sound would echo rather loudly into the room you barricaded yourself into.

Can somebody shadow step or teleport to the other side without us unbarricading? Or is there some way to do that without us to see what's going on? I can't shadow step. Yeah, I can do that. Oh! I don't know if that's possible from here. If you can see the other i don't know how it works but yeah let's take a look at shadow step rules um you're in dim light or darkness you can teleport up to 60 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see so you would have to be able to currently... You'd have to peek.

You have to scoot it and peek. I'm trying to think if there's anything... We just need some... Pull some books out and make a hole? Just get Davide's over there with that. Oh, I like that. One of those crank drills. You have some kind of adventuring tools you could use to, if not drill, claw... Just try to quietly make a hole to look through. Scratch a hole. You have some kind of adventuring tools you could use to, if not drill, claw.

Just try to quietly make a hole to look through. Scratch a hole. Ronnie's got that arm blade. I bet you he could poke a hole through the back of that bookshelf. Thank you. Why don't we just blast open the bookshelf and go? I mean, it was just a thought. Why don't you set everything on fire and see what happens okay tell me what i should do i think you're talking

about moving some books aside and trying to poke a teeny little hole in the bookshelf so you can see through it without scooting it well it sounds dumb when you say it so that you'd be able to then... Who's doing it? I'll try it. All right. What were you talking about using? A sword or something, guys? My arm blade. Arm blade?

Yeah. Cool. Let's get a slight of hand check. Am I allowed to give him guidance? Oh, yeah. The power of the silver flame Cautions through your body, Ronnie No matter what I will be there with you

Following your lead I rolled a natural Woman How big are your naturals? What's the number on that? Oh my god, what's happening? No, it's 23 Okay, yeah, well with the crit You very deftly, without making a sound What's the number on that? Oh my God, what's happening? No, it's 23.

Okay. Yeah, well, with the crit, you very deftly, without making a sound, poke an eye-sized hole in the wood of the bookshelf, which, you know, is pretty thick oak of some kind. It's got finish. It's very old. You do manage to get a hole. And yeah, the sound kind of pops for a second.

You all hear it. And it is unusually dark, darker than it was when you last left it. You can now, Brian, if you like, not only peek through it, but teleport into the shadows on the other side of the bookshelf. I'm going to do that. I'm going to shadow step. All right. And do you have roll 20 open? No. we were having a problem that's right i was just

checking to see if anything's changed so um i'm gonna say there's a good shadow just like on the about like 25 feet near the edge of a bookshelf so uh do you want to focus on being stealthy give me a stealth check as you teleport to try to not draw any attention to yourself. Cool. I'll do that. Nice rolls today. 15 plus 3, 18. Okay.

You pop on the other side and you notice there is a distinct lack of light here. A distinct lack of light here. And there is some sort of gigantic pale blue specter like shape. That seems to be swimming back and forth in the air on the top of the library. Hmm. And we'll have to learn more about that on the next episode. Ooh. Of Nerd Poker.

Love it. Sam, are you available for a recap of what you think happened on this episode or nah? Sam appears to be practicing his deadlifts at the moment. Let's talk plugs.

This will be going up today, Brian. You got anything you want to plug i'm off for a little while uh i'm off for uh no stand up the month of march at least uh not on the road i'm i'll probably be picking up sets here and i'll let people know um i've got an appearance at a moon tower coming up in Austin, Texas. That should be really fun. And so he's a good festival and it's a great city and I will actually

bring in my family. So we're going to be full of law barbecue. I'm stoked about that. I just want to thank people who are, if listeners are coming out to my standup shows, my standup shows have been insane and I don't want to jinx it, but the last two cities have been, all the shows have been sold out.

Oh, nice. And which doesn't always happen. And like my numbers are way up and people are coming out and crowds are super cool. And shows have been fun again. And I know I've like talked shit about standup on the show and, but it's actually been a good time.

Me and Johnny Taylor have had a blast. We were just in Batavia, Illinois two weeks ago. And then this weekend we were out in Kansas City and fuck man, those crowds were awesome. So thanks for, if you're listening, thanks for supporting

the show but also thanks for supporting my stand-up. I really, really appreciate it. That's great. And more tour dates on BrianBassin. uh into the spring and summer cool well i'll be doing a show here in los angeles this wednesday uh called microdose comedy which we talked about last episode and whether it sounded like they were actually going to be dropping acid

during the show which they are not um i'll also be doing shows in LA pretty much every week for the next month or so. And yeah, next week, I'm going to try and launch a little project that I think y'all might be interested in inspired by my general fun employment. So keep an eye on my social media, and I will be able to tell you more about that next week. Oh, and I do have that Abortion Front show, and I think you can find more information. It's on my website, BrianBassoon.com, but it's also, that's the 23rd, so it's this week. I think it's at the Lyric, and I'm doing it. So, yeah.

Such a great place. The Lyric also, they have new management over there that is really good it's a little chicago guy uh sean casey and the it's always been a cool space i i love that that space finally has like a good manager yeah i did a show there uh on saturday i did story smash with christine blackburn yeah great room i think i'm pretty surearen's doing this thing. Me, Maren, and Dana Gould. Already, that's worth leaving your fucking house. Also, yay abortion. Yeah, it's a great, great, great, great.

The best cause, probably. Yes. In my opinion. I'm going to be announcing a roller derby for Derby Dolls in Vernon this Saturday. So, if you've never seen real up-close bank track roller derby, it's always a lot of fun. That's super fun. I think I mentioned this before, but there was an L.A. derby girl named Nerd Rage for a while. She named herself after my first comedy record.

And she would wear glasses, the fake glasses with the tape over the metal. She acted super nerdy and had pigtails. She was just fucking awesome in metal. That's great. Nice. Blaine, what's happening next week

on Nerd Poker? We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode you got walls and a roof well on the next episode of nerd poker a little old lady is hired to read what's coming up on the next episode of Nerd Poker. On the next episode of Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,

Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.