Nerd Poker - S5E30 Hell Delving

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

No big deal, just an extremely haunted library to get through, and then our intrepid heroes can descend into the horrors beneath the royal keep. Though all the NPCs are still alive, shocking as that may be, between the four of them only one of them isn't one foot in the grave. Pretty much everyone has been maimed at one point or another. And things are only just starting to get risky.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Pussain's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Pussain. You're listening to my show, Nerd Poker.

It's episode 30 of season 20, whatever it is. Dan's here. Hey, pal. Hi. How are you? I'm pretty good. Just sipping on a key lime LaCroix, the crown prince of LaCroix flavors. Nice.

Sarah, how are you? I'm well. And yourself? Got any LaCroix over there you can plug? I don't. I just am not a sparkling water person. Not into it. Not interested.

Don't need the extractivity in the mouth or my guts. Regular water tastes fine. I don't need the sparkling. I love room temperature flat water. That's my jam. Sorry. Chris is here. Sarah, can I tempt you with some room temperature flat water?

That looks incredible. Coming over. The scent hand is beckoning you. Blaine. Hey, I'm just enjoying a big glass of beef. Save it for the commercials. Oh, I won't. Kitten's here. save it for the commercials kittens here beef it's for drinking yep hi how you doing pal terrific cool uh dan brian should we do this yeah Yeah, I mean, first of all, did we acknowledge Sam in the Ghost of Romney?

We did. Well, I'll acknowledge him, but I already got a note saying he can't be on here. He's working. Hi, sweet children. But we love him. That's what I needed. Was that Mr. Hankey? The Christmas food?

Hi, me ho. He's a sound engineer now. That gig is done. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Boo. Now he's a sound engineer and he brings it to you, dude. Oh, who's that, Ken? It's Babu.

Yeah, it's Babu. He's a... Jesus Christ. That's the worst toy ever made. Babu Frick! My favorite thing about Babu Frick is it's the same voice actress who did the voice of the ghost

girl in Harry Potter. She's this crazy old school weirdo person. She's very funny. Hey folks, I like to thank Patreon supporters. You know what's coming. I'm thanking the people at those top tiers of Patreon who go by

names like Dustin Peterson. Thank you, Dustin. Thank you. Thank you, Paquito Torpedo. Thank you, Matthew Spears. Thank you, Jeffrey Boyd. Thank you, Todd Voss of the Voss Water Corporation, I'm sure. Thank you, Giant Monsters on the Horizon.

I just like to call out Flatwater people. Thank you, Jonathan Mott. Thank you, Roll for Tickle Fights. Uh-oh. Thank you, We Are the Munchies. Thank you, Ian Fassel. Thank you, Neil Wicker. Thank you, Pepperbert.

Thank you, I don't know about you but if I were undead I'd try to learn to be alive or something thank you Adam Ruiz thank you Eric Maughan thank you I'm sorry thank you for apologizing Dan thank you Dharma Trails thank you Jonathan

Wood thank you nerd poker quotes Brian Posehn don't do fucking stained Thank you, Dharma Trails. Thank you, Jonathan Wood. Thank you, Nerd Poker Quotes. Brian Poussain. Don't do fucking stained impersonations on my show. Sam, pull that out. I remember that. I love that he didn't pull it out, apparently. Thank you, Ben, who runs the nerd poker quotes twitter account one of my uh constant sources of ego stroking that i enjoy when i log into that hell app hey nerd poker quotes slash

ben why don't you come on over to instagram uh thank you grigsby silverskin thank you sean bryant Sean Bryant. Thank you. Thank you, Sarah's Weighted Dice. Yep. Cheater. Gotta win. All costs. Thank you. Finally, it comes out. Thank you, Bob Robb. Thank you, David Feig. Thank you, Wick Rotation.

Thank you, My Name is Craphead. Mount Craphead. Thank you, Stephen Terrell thank you clay carver thank you roland of gilead thank you balrog total fitness thank you manfred manthrax thank you nerdy girl 13 and finally thank you justin millum thank you justin thank you hey blaine who are those patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to us by Crest Weather Strips. Protect your teeth from wind, sun, and water damage.

Look, the saliva beads Crest Weather Strips and the Vodka Tushy sterilizes, cauterizes, and ebriizes. Vodka Tushy. Dan? Thank you so much. That voice is so... really makes me feel like I'm home sick from school and I'm like a kid

again because it really sounds so much like the game show the Rice-A-Roni guy the announcements. Oh yeah. Rice-A-Roni, the water beads. It's really like it's a weird nostalgic but unsettling.

And the CA-90 ecologizer freshens as it deodorizes. Dan? Oh, thank you. Hey, before I get into what happened last time on NerdPoker, is Billy around, baby? I miss Billy. Does Billy maybe want to tell us what happened

last time on NerdPoker? Sir, last time on NerdPoker, everybody went to a hoedown. There was an alimand left, there was a do-si-do, and somebody married a donkey. No one responds to improv pimping quite like Chris Tallman.

It's the penance I must pay for having pimped so many people in my own past. It's fair. it's delightful um last time on nerd poker other tear ducts on my face yeah so good yeah what could I possibly do to compete with that. Hello? Can you hear this? Hang on. Hang on. Everything's fine, I thought. You're cool. You're good, man.

Did your hearing just go? You're great. You're good. You're making weird faces. Are you on multiple Zooms? Can you not hear us? Behind you, Dan. Dan, it's happening? Dan, it's Megan.

It's behind you. There's a skidamarink. My sound just completely exploded. Sorry, everybody. Oh, weird. Sound exploded. We didn't do anything while you couldn't hear anything. We said nothing. It was silent. Definitely nothing happened. Is it over? Is it the? Is it

the skinnamarank? Did you get skinnamaranked? I don't know what the fuck that was, but... It's the least scariest thing that can happen to you. Last time on Nerd Poker, our heroes got to level 10, which is fun. Also, they took a nap in a library room that they barricaded, whilst

loud groans and moaning happened from the next room. Yeah, I know. I heard that. Ronnie, the leader of the group, poked a hole in a bookshelf and teleported out there to note there is a large

spectral creature swimming around near the ceiling. We now take you to the adventure already in progress. Yeah, Ronnie, you see some weird shit floating around up there. Not the ceiling. We now take you to the adventure already in progress. Uh, yeah. Uh, Ronnie, you see some weird shit floating around up there. Not the leader. Oh. Alright. But thank you.

I love you on dinosaurs. Before we get into it, would anybody like to roll their new hit points? Done. Folks, we are recording this immediately after our most recent episode. So. I chose tough as a feat.

And I got some serious hit points. Nice. What's your new hit points there, Queep? Lots. 101. Jeez. Nice. And what was the new feat you said?

Tough. Tough? What's that do? It just gives you hit points basically oh okay i wanted some my space heater kicked in just as you said tough and i was like wait what yeah that's how tough i am dan i wrote five hit points cool what is for yeah i'm now at 83 And I rolled five hit points.

Cool. What is for, yeah. I'm now at 83. Damn, you guys are pretty durable at this point. No, we're not. You should not attack us with anything difficult. And I'm just noting how credibly durable you are. You're tough. No, no, we're not.

It's just a bunch of talk. All right. Well, anyone else get new hit point? Brian's working on it. Yeah. Oh, I feel like I was doing... Just the automated hit point, but I'm... Yeah, I was doing the automated thing.

I'm trying to get... That's fine. Yeah, so my new is 63. Ooh, that's pretty good for a bard at this low. Yeah, I'm going to get to choose more skill proficiencies and some new spells, but I haven't gotten a chance to do that yet.

I'll just stop listening to any of you who are following the game whatsoever and just do this in the background. That'll be fun, right? My hit points went up to this. I was 57 and now I'm 63. Nice, nice. I don't know what I'm 63. Nice, nice.

I don't know what I get at 10th level. You scroll down. Once you've leveled it up in D&D Beyond, it'll give a little exclamation point next to where you get to make changes. Yeah, I know the mastery of Ki is now flowing through you, which makes you immune to disease and poison, if I'm not mistaken. Ooh. Nice.

Oh, cool. So if you get a throat bug. Oh, God, I hope I never get that again. Your proficiency bonus is now the same. Your ki points are at 10. Nice. Your unarm are at 10. Nice. Your unarmored movement is up to 20. And you have, yeah, purity of body is what that is called.

Yeah. So what can I do with that? Not get poisoned. Oh, right. Okay. Well, I love that. This is my chance to change some spells, too. So, yeah, I'm going to need some time to do this.

Yeah, it's okay. I mean, listeners keep telling me they want us to do do this on air so i know it might feel like they're telling me the opposite so really they're like shut up and play the goddamn game sarah that sounds a lot like the voices in your head that i've heard so much i get a lot of shut ups from those guys yeah um so yeah, the leveling up you guys are free to do on your own time but if you do make your mind up and choose anything

it could be fun to toss in there. We don't have to spend a ton of time pausing. Yeah, I don't think I had anything to pick. I went through. Yeah. It didn't look like there was anything for me to... Yeah, it does vary from class to class just like how much there is to pick but you did get that passive stuff um and uh yeah that being said what would you like

to do ronnie you're out there in the darkened library noting it's this pale blue shape you think you see what looks like aquatic fins on the side of this thing that is floating around the ceiling. That is about the size. Yeah. It's like about the size of a bus. Um, Ronnie would say several carriages long.

Okay. Like the Chinese balloon. Well, yeah. Shoot it down and leave no debris. I want to investigate, but I also want to let my friends know before I maybe get them to help me invest.

I mean, yeah. Passive would be, oh, shit. Right? Like, you'd just be kind of like, ooh, you did a good stealth check coming out there, and I think you're happy with not having too much attention drawn to you in the shadow. Right. So I'm going to come back out of the shadow. Back to where everyone else is hiding? Well, that's the only way I can... Well, sure, but you could just sneak into the main library

or you can teleport back into the barricaded room. Those are your two options, really. Where they are. Gotcha. So, Ronnie reappears. And I let them know about this weird avatar-type creature on the...

Yeah, this episode was brought to you by James Cameron. It's got fins. Stick your tail in it. I didn't like the first one so much so I didn't see the second one. It's like that. If you put your plug in it, the second one's great.

It's on the ceiling. Ignore the dialogue somehow. It's fantastic. Should we go kill that thing? Sure. is great. It's on the ceiling. Ignore the dialogue somehow. It's fantastic. Hmm. Should we go kill that thing? Sure. We can try. Yeah, I don't know how, but let's

Oh, how do we get back in there? We just move the Yeah, you can move it aside. I mean, you're not you have to make up your mind whether or not that's a good idea. It was more like we were trying to see what that all of that. Is that the thing? Sorry, I missed it, but was that the thing making all the noise? It would have

sounded, I think to, or Ronnie, why don't you do an insight check? That doesn't seem like it would have been making moaning and groaning noises. It's hungry. It's a stummy. 17. Stummy? Stummy.

Stummy. With a 17 we'll fuck stummies a second to think about what blaine just said um with a 17 ronnie insight you would have gone into that room briefly scoped it out come back and come to the conclusion the moaning was coming from the spectral being and the groaning was something that was seeming to come from the entire room um beyond that it seemed like both things were magical in nature and you're not entirely sure why that would happen um but i would say passive insight as you relate it to the group you all can come to the conclusion that some sort of aquatic creature using

some sort of echolocation sounds vaguely like that. However, it was spectral for some reason and it was floating. It's like a whale. It was whale-like for sure. Some kind of spectral leviathan was floating around the library.

Wow. I suspect a leviathan was floating around the library wow i suspect for leviathan open for mastodon how were they it's all right all right it was kind of derivative a lot of wailing well is this bookshelf kick overable like if we wanted to, like, surprise the thing, we could, like, pull down the bookshelf fast and go at it. If we wanted to attack it.

I think we just move it quick, right? Yeah, I mean, you have a few options. You could just push it aside. It's just too big to have it easily collapse into the hall. Inwards? Or outwards. You could pull it inwards into the chamber you're in pretty easily. Or if you wanted to, with strength or power, just

smash the bookshelf inwards into the hallway. Well, maybe we move it just so there's enough space that we can get through, but Blobhole can't follow us. Maybe leave Bunk in here.

Why would you do that? You're not well, buddy. Oh, right. I just didn't like the way you said it. We'll call you if we need you, but I want you to be... You and Locus and the king can chat. Okay. So that seems doable you would just have to tell me are you like are you genuine you suggested surprise so

do you want to do a stealth check trying to push this thing aside sure great someone take the lead on this you can have advantage because everyone's trying to help you scoot it quietly and you could get guidance from uh friar jolly, too, if you like. Absolutely. Give me a stealth check with advantage and guidance. Brian, this is a little harder than teleporting into the shadows.

Okay. Oh, yeah. I get to roll again. Mm-hmm. Sounds like the first one went well. Oh, nice. 22. And then also guidance roll. D4.

Yeah. Throw that on top. Three. 25. Yeah. So with the assistance of your friends lining up along the bookshelf grabbing different parts of the shelves you're able to very silently lift it about an inch off the ground and scoot it aside about four feet so all of you guys including the mighty creep and his wings can scoot through without creating too much noise the the groaning and moaning does seem to get louder um the the groaning seems to be coming from the walls the shelves and um it does sound sort of

like whale singing coming from the leviathan who from here you can see little glimpses of its head and its tail it looks a lot like a whale with four fins and an elongated neck um hard to see just from this peeking in this little hallway around the bookshelf, though. So you could try to get the jump on it. And we think it's an anime, right?

Yeah, why do we think that? Just because that's who we are? I guess it's a lich's castle. Yeah. The only thing that makes me wonder is maybe it's not this whale, but back in that center room where there were all those maps, remember there was some blood,

which makes me think there was one being that maybe wasn't so psyched about this plan. But all things being equal, it's probably long dead. Well, we could go out there and try to talk to the whale and then see how the whale reacts to our communiques. I will put my hand on Winifred's shoulder and give her

guidance. Oh, am I doing it? Well, you're the chatty Cathy of the group. I am. That phrase always makes me laugh. Sorry. Okay. So I'm going to slip out there and try to see if the whale's a friend or foe.

Is that what's happening? And the rest of us will silently move the bookcase back into closed position. Yeah, I mean, tell me exactly how you're doing that friend or foe business. I'm just going to slip right out, just out into

the... Just right out from the bookcase. Get ready to slip right back in. Don't close it behind me. Leave it open. Oh no, we'll leave it open. And then, I thought you just said you were... Hey, he just made a face at me like he's going to close it. Guys, don't let him.

No. Okay, so I'm just going to slip out and then I'm going to, I guess, greet the whale. I know it annoys everybody when I try to talk to everything, but listen, you got to give it a go first before we stab it. Okay. Are you going to then say something persuasive?

Yeah. I'm going to say, you are a majestic creature. What brings you to this castle? Persuasion check, please. Oh my god. You guys are fucking goofs That is a 29

Oh my god You got guidance on that as well Oh wait I didn't do it I didn't add the guidance Oh my god It didn't add the guidance Wow Thanks Winifred so annoying but my persuasion is out of control so that's

actually a 32 oh shit well first of all I really appreciate you acknowledging how annoying Winifred is second of all no you love her she persuades you to love her more like lose a Fred

with 32 I just as a dungeon master in a meta way, suddenly feel myself very charmed by Winifred. Yeah, you know, you poke your head out and you say these things and it turns to you and it seems to acknowledge, it doesn't speak, but it does kind of redirect its focus to you and hover and sort of cock its strange spectral-like head at you. Okay, so I don't have like a message. I would have to touch it to be able to speak tongues with it.

I don't think I have message anymore. Yeah, so maybe i can gesture uh friar jolly does anyone else have message or an ability to talk i have sending will that work uh i you send a short message of 25 words or less to a creature with which you are familiar the creature hears the message in its mind, recognizes you as the sender, and if it knows you, it can answer in a like manner immediately. So can I gesture for our Jolly out here?

Like, hey. Sure. Tell it it's a majestic creature. I already did, but, you know, it seems amenable. Let's see what it says. Is that alright, Dan? Yeah. Alright, yeah, I will verbatim say what she says

okay um you get you get a really weird sort of just like white noisy like rushing sound as you attempt to communicate with it it does respond but it doesn't seem to be speaking a completely sentient language. Oh, so maybe it's more of an animal than a being. Correct. But even an animal should, you should be able to communicate using that, right? Yeah. It says the spell enables creatures with intelligence scores of at least one

to understand the meaning of your message and i guess it answers i guess i think you would also think maybe this thing is a projection or that it's dead um and that might be contributing okay well i don't really understand that at all so i give up um i mean it's i mean pretty i feel like i might be a little unfair on on accident here um but let's see what what else could i tell you like does it seem like an illusion okay so it's it i will let it communicate a little more than that i feel like i am not being completely accurate here. It communicates to you that it doesn't know how you got here to the bottom of the ocean, but this is its lair. And it has been promised to it.

And it would like to know why it isn't able to enjoy the meals that it has been trying to enjoy lately. Oh. Okay. So, can we do a perception check to try to assess with that information? I think that's insight. Like a ghost. Yeah. Go ahead.

Everybody roll an insight check now that you're sharing this information. 11 plus 8, 19. Nice. 17, 13. 21. Great. Well, I would say, just based on being a twin,

you feel like this is some sort of specter that has been summoned by the Archlich. You think he has access to otherworldly beings. This thing has slaughtered people in this space. It was triggered to arrive by you guys doing something in the library and with that absolutely majestic persuasion roll it has halted its usual activity which i think is to eviscerate people um that it thinks it should be able to eat the people it eviscerates, but it is not quite able to. Perhaps because it is either dead or a projection.

However, it does have a certain amount of sentience. It just, it seems like it is communicating across a void. No, I feel kind of bad for it. Can we, is it possible to like, if it's undead or dead, can you banish it or turn it or do something? I can turn it. Possibly, depending on how, it sounds turn it or do something? I can turn it, possibly, depending on how powerful. It sounds like it's pretty powerful, so I don't think I would be able to destroy it,

but I could turn it. Yeah, turning it censures it, right? What exact, I'm trying to think here. Turning, I think it means it has to move as far away from us as possible. Let me just look real quick. Destroy andead. If its CR is lower

than the threshold for my level? Yeah. My guess is it's pretty powerful. It is pretty powerful. As an action, I present my holy symbol. It has to make a wisdom saving throw, and if it fails, it is turned for one minute, or until it

takes damage. Okay. Okay, well, what kind of CR are we talking about? Because I can estimate... Oh, it has to be CR1? To kill it. Oh, it won't kill it.

What about to make it turn? Turn is there's no CR. It's just... You roll for it? Turn is there's no CR. It's just it has a wisdom saving throw. Yeah, it's a roll. It's what? Rolling. So it has a CR that I am going to apply to it. What is it?

So how does that factor into the roll it's making here? I think that factors into the role is that if it fails the saving throw instead of being turned it would be killed okay because i'm powerful enough as a cleric that my turn on dead turns into destroy undead got it okay well for only less than cr1 it's wisdom so rolled a 19 on saving throw and it has a that's that's exactly what the CR would have been. Yeah, 17, actually. Okay. So, it rolled a 19.

Can't turn it! Yeah, it barely registers what you're doing. I mean, it sounds like it'll at least let us. Yeah. If we can just communicate to us, like we're going to look in, maybe you can try to communicate. Like we're going to try to figure out why you can't eat. Can you let us,

you know, we'll look around here. Maybe, I don't know. Just a thought. Okay. Um, yeah,

it says, uh, it sends you a message of, um, please deliver flesh into my mouth. I have been promised this. Myself and my brothers and sisters are hunting. And, you know, this this lair is not what I was led to believe it would be.

Brendan Fraser's great at everything. But it definitely is communicating to you like, maybe you could, if you could put me back in touch with the other beings that have made an agreement. Right. Let us through and we will like, I feel like I can just tell it like,

let us go through. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's very much just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, just bring me some ghost food. Cool. We will happily send anyone we meet into this room. So we should now try to, I guess, quickly investigate the room, investigate that big book, and just scooch on out of here? Yeah, head up to the altar. Yeah, like behind the book in the altar, you do think is the door that you guys want that will lead down into the depths of the royal keep. So you all head up towards the altar there is a large book sitting on it that occupies the space pretty

significantly as in the altar has kind of a book stand on it and this book looks like it's meant to be left open as a part of a ritual. And the pages aren't exceptionally heavy, but they are large. By turning them, you see complete spells here. They look like complex

necromancy. The pages haven't been turned in a while. I would say Fizzbort, who knows a little bit of necromancy, takes a look at it and says, ah, yes, this is definitely for making things undead. Excuse me, making things undead? Is that what you said? Yes, this particular page seems to be dedicated to some sort of titan being made undead.

So this thing, probably the whale? Yes, something like it at least. Can you undo what's been done? If you give me a few hours with this book, I might be able to set the spirit free, so to speak. Do we want to do that, or do we just want to keep going since we chatted with him? If you want to leave me here, I can catch up to you. I'd be willing to do that.

I don't know. I mean, I came here to help slay the lich. Yeah, let's just go through the door. Yeah. Sounds like somebody's going to get eaten when we're gone. Well, that's sort of the trade-off, right? Like, you could tell him to do whatever you want,

but, you know, it's up to you guys, kind of, as players. Do you want to, and I'm going to scoot everybody's tokens, sort of, just in case, but I think we're almost done with this room. I think we should just go. Right? Yeah, let's go through that door.

Go down and kick some ass. I'm no leader. I'll do whatever anybody else wants to do. I heard him say, I'm the leader. We're taking everybody we left in that room with us? Yeah, I think we have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we talked to the whale thing.

You see in front of you first of all, second of all, you see in front of you a five foot five five foot wide, excuse me, heavy wooden door with an iron latch.

It is closed. Check it for traps. Check it for traps. Do your little investigation check, please. A little investigation. Whoever's doing it, tell me who's doing it. I'll give you guidance.

It's a door. You can't all crowd around it like a school group. Who's a door. You can't all crowd around it like a school group. Oh, I tried. Who's got the highest investigation? Not me. Not me. I only have a three.

And I rolled badly. It's investigation, but not sleight of hand. That's three or more than me. I'm definitely highest sleight of hand, but not investigation. I have five, so. Okay. I guess I'll do it. Yeah, I have a zero.

I'll give you a guidance thank you okay so that is um um so with the guidance that is 22 nice um there is definitely a magic vibe coming off of the door, but you don't see any physical traps. If you'd like, I will give you an Arcana check on top of that with advantage because

you rolled over 20. Okay. Arcana check. Do you want guidance again? No that's okay I'm 24 Winifred would deny guidance from Friday

What was that again sir? Thanks but nothing 24 Not the glorious 32 from earlier But sizable nonetheless You feel like there is transmutation magic cast on this door. Okay, so options are

dispel the magic, use knock to magically unlock it, or use mage hand to try to unlock it. Anybody? Yeah. I got none of that shit. I can't help you But that sounds like a great plan

Which one? Ronnie, what should we do? What was the Spell magic Mage hand Spell magic Yeah, to spell magic on the door Use a mage hand to try to just open it

Or And nobody Does anybody have a mage hand? I have a door, use a mage hand to try to just open it, or... And nobody? Does anybody have a mage hand? I have a knock... I have knock and mage hand. Yeah. Fizzbord also has a mage hand. Whichever one thing you have more confidence in.

Yeah, knock. What does knock do exactly? It unlocks the door? Knock makes a big, loud noise, but it'll unlock a magical or a regular lock. Yeah! Yeah. I'm going to get on the other side of this room. Alright. So you cast a knock on the door.

Yeah. Okay, it goes throughout the library. I save an haircut. Yeah, two bits. You don't know necessarily that anything has changed. You don't know that it was magically locked per se because you didn't try to handle. Yeah, now I mage hand

the door. As the mage hand reaches for the door, the glow of green suddenly explodes outwards from the door. This hot green light, this bright green light flashes for a moment, and your mage hand dissipates.

And the door stays closed? It reverts to its former... So it wasn't locked, it was trapped magically. Got it. So a ways to dispel. Guys, you gave bad advice. Hey, don't talk that way about Ronnie.

I mean, it could have been a corporeal hand that learned that lesson. Okay, so someone needs to disarm the magical trap or dispel the magic on the thing. So I guess I'm just going to go through all my spells here and then I'll be worthless to all of you. That's never true. Fizzbord does have dispel magic. Okay, Fizzbord, please step up, man. He's going to attempt to dispel.

I will show you his die roll Since this is so Dependent on He got a 7 And that is going to be Just too low He cannot dispel it This fucking door

Fucking doors y'all Fucking doors Should be called doorsors and Doors. I know. That's what it's newly standing for. We can't really attack the... Can we attack the door? Well, let's see.

I'm trying to look up... I'm dispelling magic. I'm going to dispel magic, okay? Okay. I don't want to use a... Can I do an insight check to just get a guess of what level i should cast it at or is that not possible um i'll say you already rolled so high on that other stuff you think this is a level five oh a level five um that's a waste of a spell magic i if that's a waste of a fifth magic that's a waste of a 5th level spell slot

I can do like 70 points of damage on something with that spell slot you know Fizzbort says he's willing to try again he does think he has that he's going to have to you got this Fizzbort this time he gets it.

He rolled a 10 and with his. Yay. So he, this big, uh, white light flashes at this time. And, uh, he says, I think that did it. It only cost us 10 spell slots. Uh, yeah. And he, he says, well, this one's a cantrip, y'all. And he casts Mage Hand,

pops the door open. Okay. I wave goodbye to the whale. It, you know, waves with its spectral flipper at you. Oh, sweet. Ahead of you is a spiral staircase. It is

a stone stairwell that leads down the staircase is narrow it is only about 8 feet wide the ceiling bends down at an arc with the stairwell and there are magical torches lit on the

outer wall of the stairwell a bless bless you I cast bless you should we go down? all of the stairwell. A blast. Bless you. Thank you. I cast Bless You. Should we go down? Yeah, let's do it. Is there a lever that we pull

that turns it into a fun slide? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pull it and I'll go down. It's really fun. You're like, why don't adults have more things like this? All right. So yeah, you get in there uh you walk down down it goes

on for uh quite a while and it seems to keep going no doors anything 10 minutes go by 10 minutes yeah um at this point fizz says, something else is going on here. It's like a magical staircase, so we gotta

say the word or something. Yes, or an illusion of some kind. Can I detect any magic anyplace? Besides the torches? You all feel like there's definitely something magic going on. Just passively. Fizzbord says

this right as you're all thinking the same thing. No. Is there anything that looks like secret doors? It seems as if this stairwell goes on into infinity unless something is done should we check out these bends around to the right downwards and you keep going and it seems

as if the torches and the stonework keeps repeating itself oh we're in a heart hannah barbaric staircase yeah the save money yeah maybe i'm gonna try and go investigate the torches and see if one of them is actually like a switch or something like that. Roll an investigation check for her, Charlie. I'll give myself guidance. Okay. The investigation is not good. Oh, 18 plus...

423. Alright, you see a little arrow has been carved into the base of the torch, pointing up. There are also three squares to the right, to the left, and underneath it that are empty squares.

Oh, boy. This is going to kill us. Should we mage hand this, or I'll just do it? You notice also with that check, there are, in the curved stairwell, at least while you're all gathered together, you can see three more magic torches. All right. I will push it up. It kind of like

has a little bit of a metal rail in it, so when you push it up it does slide up an inch and click into place. All right. Anything different? Nope. Should we go down a little bit and see what happens? Let's get out of the next torch. Yeah.

Into the next torch. Take a look at the same place. There's an arrow pointing to the right. And then three empty squares. Let's do it. Push it to the right as you go you note the other two torches both have a left arrow and a down arrow and as you click them into place you see the stonework in front of you kind of like collapse almost as if through telekinesis, it unfolds what looked like it was a tunnel downwards. It rebuilds a little landing and a stone doorway and a wooden door with an iron latch.

You are now in some sort of lower level. And there is a small landing and door where there once seemed to be an infinity stairwell. Check for traps? Yeah. Sure. Roll that investigation check. I'll give you guidance. Me?

Whoever's got the best investigation. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. Ken was already doing it, so I didn't do great either. But, um... I can try. That's a 13. Seems safe.

Yeah, Danny, why don't you double check? Ronnie. Yeah. Danny, Ronnie. Ronnie, Danny. Ronnie. 17. Seems totally safe all right okay i can mage hand open you uh you use major and open the door it opens inwards inside there is another small stone landing that goes in about five feet and then with eerie silence it ends and there is a

twirling green magic circular cylinder like tunnel that continues into the distance about 200 feet and you see another door with another small stone landing this cylindrical

glowing green light magic tunnel that goes about 200 feet has no floor, ceiling, or walls. It is a pure magic surface if you go past this landing on the other side of the door.

Get those wings ready. Sure, yeah. I'll fly through. Okay, you're going to fly all the way to the end? I will try, yes. You can test the, see if it is like step-on-able. Presumably it's not. It's probably like bio-locked to the

lich. He's got to use his own footprints or something. Alright, so you're going to just try to fly without touching the sides I would assume? Yes, sir. Great, let's get a... I'll let you choose acrobatics or athletics. I'm Brian.

Athletics. What are you doing, Brian? I got a 21. Brian's like licking the microphone. So, just being weird. 21, you managed to make it to the other side. It does, as you go, feel pretty cramped. Pretty tricky to carry somebody to the other side.

You don't like the idea of it very much. It seems like there's a solid chance their legs would dangle and touch whatever this magic swirling field is. And you're able to land on the other stone landing. You can look back, you know, your friends are down there, but it was pretty tough to flap your wings

given the limited amount of space. Right. You really had to like hummingbird, like beat them hard so you didn't have to extend them all the way up. Should have taken a rope. Somebody want to arrow a rope over here? Yeah, I'm going to aim at Queep.

No, wait a minute. Roll to attack. Roll to attack. Let me get my head in the way. Yeah. Go. He leans forward and makes his skull as big of a surface as possible. You fire an arrow directly at it. No.

You want to try to fire... The trick with an arrow, my good friend, is it's got, I think, a limited amount of distance it can go without having to have a significant arc to it. I'm sorry, I missed why we're firing an arrow. Why don't you just come back and

take a rope? I barely made it the first time. All right. Do you want to check the door before? Yeah, I'm going to see what's going on around here. What's on this side? Is it a landing? Yeah, it's about the size of the other one.

It's about five feet of stone that you can stand on, and there is a door. Very much like the one we just came from. I'll check for traps. A terrible investigation. That is a six. Great door, one of your favorites Right, flying back now?

Okay, that's going to be an athletics check, my good friend Come on, baby, come on How about a mathletics check? Fourteen All right, can I get a dexterity saving throw from Cleave? Yes, and I have advantage on dex now So I'm so happy you have advantage on this

That's a 16 Okay For a second You feel the feathers get singed on your wings. And at the same time you get kind of spun. You really don't like the fact that your wings touched the side of this and you almost got thrown completely off of your course,

but you managed to make it to the other side. There's a truck backing up in the dungeon. Okay. So what do you guys think should i fly back across with a rope what do you want to do yeah i you know maybe uh blaine can be blackie again and cast Fly on all of us. I love it. I'm doing it. Can Bunk cast Dispel Magic? Will that do anything, you think? Bunk? You mean Fizzbord. I'm looking at his.

He could do it one more time. I can do it. He also doesn't feel great about it. At a high level. I can do it. He also doesn't feel great about it. Like he tells you like, yeah, I don't know that this is going to solve what's happening here.

This doesn't seem like just a trap. What does it seem like? I'll have him do an insight check. Stinky. He says, it seems like an otherworldly presence. Presence? Yes.

As if this is another plane of existence interacting with ours, if that makes sense. Hmm. I would gather that the other side of this tunnel is not the prime material plane. Okay, so Bunk should be able to teleport over there. Queep can fly.

I have not added my spells for leveling up. So with the knowledge of what we are facing. Bunk is not with you, by the way. You left him back up in the library. I said we took everybody. Did you? No, we took everybody. We definitely did not leave. We left him in when in the library i said we took it no did you no we took yeah definitely did not leave we left him in the room yeah we left him and definitely said that

okay he did i didn't hear okay okay i really wanted to get you at that one but okay sorry um bunk tells you he doesn't think he can teleport more than halfway down this tunnel. Oops. How long is it? How far is it? About 200 feet. Okay. So I guess with this knowledge, I can, since we leveled up, I can take a moment to think about this. If you guys want to talk about it.

Are there shadows over there? Could a mighty leader shadow step? Do a perception check, Ronnie. It's 200 feet. I might be too far. You're muted, Brian. No, I wasn't.

Oh, your mouth moved. I wanted it to make a noise. I really wanted it. It's a coke jar. 17. Yeah, you don't think you can see a shadow. It's far, and also there's light coming from this tunnel, so you really don't even think that there's a shadow on the other side.

Nobody has dimension door? Great question. So Fizzbord's going to think about that. Hang on. You know what I can do now that I'm 10th level? Nope. Is I can animal shape into an elemental form. And I can change into an air elemental and fly down there.

Ooh. Okay, I'm going to... That sounds cool. Okay. Well, an air elemental... Well, I'm going to... I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, I was just going to say that he can do that.

We can fly. I can get Dimension Door and bring one smaller creature with me, it looks like. Okay. Which is definitely... Of my size or smaller. Okay. In that... I'm just looking at the distance on that you probably already know 500 feet 500 feet okay so i will so you could you yeah so you could

dimension door i think just bunk if we're talking small. And then. Is it your size or smaller? My size or smaller. And your medium? Yeah. If you're a human? So you could, if you're a medium, yes. I think you commented before on Winifred's dumpy body. So.

Whoa, whoa, everybody. Come on guys, seriously. Listen, he said it. Yeah. I think it's, I think it's more about the size of the the like creature right yeah i mean like if it's literal very literal then bunk is the only one smaller than winter fred if it is about creature size the equal or smaller than yeah any of you really um yeah i'm just trying to figure that out so dimension door

you can bring along objects as long as their weight doesn't exceed what you can carry um bring one willing creature your size or small that sounds to me like it's just another medium creature so you can bring one other you can dimension door back and forth with one other person of your choosing hey how many times can you cast dimension door so i could cast it using up all of my um fourth level spell slots i could do it three times but i could only that would only get me that's only twice that i could bring someone right because i'd have to get back correct and including npcs there are seven other people it's a real fox in

the grain situation we got here okay so take out if you take out dr uid who's an air elemental with six trips and queep can fly i mean total yeah uh so so five trips five five trips ten back and forths well no does fizzboard have anything any, any transmutation that he could fly or levitate? Let's see. He does not have fly. He does not have dimension door. This is why I'm saying the rope. Yeah.

We can secure it and climb across. It will dip a little bit. 200 feet is pretty tricky. I can pray to the silver flame. Tricky. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky. I can bring two people over.

Basically, I can bring two people over besides myself. I can go once, come back, and go again, and that's it. So, should I do that? Yeah, you know, one thing he does note is

he can cast Spider Climb, which will make it much easier to carry somebody for Queep. Queep can put all his focus on the flying and not holding. If you cast Spider Climb on people, Queep will not be flying with disadvantage, which he would

if he was carrying somebody. That's good. I'll bring Bunk first. You get Bunk on the other side. Then I come back. Maybe we should leave. What? I'm going home, guys. Talk to you.

Goodbye. And then who should I bring who doesn't want to fly? You've got the other NPC who has been strapped to Friar Jolly's back who you could either bring or just trust Friar Jolly to fly with. I trust Friar Jolly's back who you could either bring or just trust Friar Jolly to like fly with. I trust Friar Jolly. I'll bring, I could

bring. Fizzboard? Oh no, he's spider climbing, right? No, he can cast spider climb on other folks, which he would do. He would, he would, he's like just do me last and I'll keep casting spider climb on folks. Okay, well I can bring Ronnie then. Great.

So. Okay, so. Youonnie's now on the other side with bunk and you can come back i can't come back that's it oh you're stuck got it so you're on the other side now we have winifred ronnie and bunk uh queep friar jolly Dr. Uid can bring himself. Are you going to go over, Dr. Uid? Sure. Okay. So with that breezy voice, you turn into an air elemental flyover and meet your friends on your sign. So, Queep, you can carry Friar Jolly and Fizzbort.

That'll be two trips. Okay. So let's get an athletics check or an acrobatics. You chose athletics as your bigger bonus. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, and Fizzboard is spider climbing.

Is spider climbing. You have spider climb cast on your fire jolly. So great. You can just sort of go first and then Fizzboard. Yeah. That's what he suggests. Great. Let's do it.

Hug me. All right. With ease, he grabs a hold of your feathery mask. Let's get that athletics check. That's an 11. Okay, can you do a dexterity saving throw, please? Yes. I have advantage on dex. 14? 14. I have advantage on dex.

Mm-hmm. 14? 14. Okay, well, suddenly your wing collides with the side of the tunnel, and you begin to spin, and we'll have to find out what that means exactly on the next episode.

No! Hooray! Fucking hell. Oh my. Nice. My. Oh my. Nice. Oh boy. Well, congrats on level 10.

Good stuff, Dan. Yeah, man. Yeah, for sure. All right. What do you got going on, Dan? Well, let's see. This is going to go out next Monday.

I have a show. It's called Splendid Comedy. Check out the details on my Instagram. But all proceeds go towards a cat shelter. So that is not just a fun comedy show that will have a really awesome lineup. But it's for charity. So I'd love if you could come out and see me that on friday the third awesome cool in la uh i've toured it's brian persain.com but nothing really till april now i'm going to uh spokane oh no tacoma actually washington and uh Washington. And then I've got Moon Tower coming up

in Austin, Texas. But I'll start to, as I know what theaters I'm at and what shows I'm doing, I'll let people know about that. That's it for spring for right now. And I'm like,

luckily, have a light schedule. And I'm going to do some swimming. So see you there at the swimming hole. I don't know. And then my comic books are chugging along. When I have something to plug, I'll let you know. I will be doing a signing along with most shows.

I've been doing that. So I did one in Batavia recently and I did one. Oh, no, I skipped Batavia, but I just did a signing at Elite Comics in Kansas City. And it was fucking fun. Good time. So come by and I'll sign some comical books or your old Mr. Show book or your Devil's Rejects poster that I'm the one missing on. And it's always fun. Anybody else?

Blaine, can you tell us what's going to happen next week? We attribute the success to save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next episode of Nerd Poker, an interview with that green comet that makes your teeth turn green. That green comet, it's made from gasoline.

That green comet, it makes you... Oh, sorry, there's somebody at the door. Hold on for just a second. Stacy Keach, what are you doing here? Stacy! Stacy, no! Come on, Stay down! Come on! patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.