Nerd Poker - S5E32 Torture Chamber Chaos

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

The group enters a room where the NPCs go bonkers, more NPCs are discovered, and they all go bonkers too. Time to light it all up!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint. Who the fuck are you?

Just kidding. A little intense, right? Nerd Poker. Episode 32. Thanks for being here. My friends are here. All of them. Every friend I have left in this world is right here on this computer.

I don't like anybody else. Just kidding. God, this is manic already. Let's get in. Good energy. Chris is here. Hey, buddy. Brian, did you take your pills this morning? Don't worry about it. I just want to get to Sam. Dan's here. Brian, did you take your pills this morning? Don't worry about it. Oh. I just want to get to Sam.

Dan's here. Hey, Brian. Just texting with your therapist. They said you missed your appointment this morning. She doesn't exist anymore. Sarah's here. Hi. Sorry, I'm not Sam.

Guess you'll get there eventually. Blame. Hey, pal. Hi, it's me,'s me sam hi sweet children ha ha ha scooped little hot in the mic what a little hot in the mic sam wouldn't do that that's not something sam would do hey brian i'm coming over to wrestle you oh god here he is everybody never hot in the mic sam everybody hello sweet children hey pal hi uh um how is everyone yeah yeah let me tell you let's do an episode 32 what do you think yeah let's do it i think you'll be good i think we get my candles almost revealed the secret uh d20 that i don't know if you can see because of my weird backdrop but there's a d20 in the middle of my candle oh you can grab that out of there yeah the best part is it's metal so like i i do need i do need

to just grab it with my bare hands because then when it's in my hand everything's fine yeah the wax will protect you the wax will protect me from the white hot metal that I have plucked from the candle. That works. I think it's time to thank some Patreon supporters. You're keeping us alive, everybody. In this dark dystopia, your dollars are our torches. What? I would like to thank Patreon supporters who go by names like Death Atlas.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Benjamin Vaughn. Thank you, Heck487. Thanks, Heck. Thank you, AtDiscGolfTravelers. That sounds like a Frisbee golf account. Thank you, TwoInTheThoughts, OneInThePrayers.

Hey! Thank you, OlBagGoHolding. account thank you two in the thoughts one in the prayers hey thank you old bag oh holding thank you sir arthur the bearded bringer of the pixel comma period thank you micah purdue thank you who likes cake uh everybody right thank you matt weans thank you marijuana marinara Thank you, Matt Weems. Thank you, Marijuana Marinara. Nice. Delicious. Thank you, Michael Downers. Thank you. Thank you, Queep Sells, but who's buying?

Who wants some? Thank you, Digby Dogs, Hot Diggity Dog, Dog Dickle Depot, Dildo District Adjacent. Thank you, Salmon Ramen's Salmon Ramen and Topless Gym. Thank you, Totus Emptor. Thank you, Kilt Bill. Thank you, The Electric Bear. Thank you, Manny Boffins. Thank you,

Brandon Blackburn, Alderman 71st Ward. Dildo District. Thank you, Prop Meat. Thank you. Oh, no. I got my fish addicted to heroin. Prop Meat.

That's like fucking 12 years old, isn't that? That reference? Probably sure is. That's from an old show. Yeah. That's from Earwolf. Jesus Christ. It sure is.

Nice. Some of these jokes. There's a joke here about when i put a horn of blasting up a bear's butthole and that was back in the earwolf days to be a player character thank you oh no i got my fish addicted to heroin thank you dang wayne half step thank you sam has awoken my need for an evanescence nerd poker crossover event. And finally, thank you. Maybe the word chlorophylls is always met with a

second of complete, utter, soul-sucking silence. Maybe. I'm not sure what that is a reference to. I feel like it's something one of us said very enthusiastically and I have now completely... Chlorophylls. Chlorophylls.

It sounds like an emo band of plants. Hey, Blaine, who are those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to us by Scott's Lawn Fertilizer. Scott comes to your house and shits on your grass. Available Tuesday through Friday, Saturday through Monday. He's a cheap potlay reloading. And Scott's Lawn Furniture. Try not to think about it.

Also, McAllen 18-year-old scotch tape. I think I'm going to be stick. McAllen 18-year-old scotch tape. Damn. Thank you, Blaine. It is now time to discuss What Happened on last time with nerd poker i'm making it into like a talk show now where i'm fred willard or something what happened um

i'm so off the rails in two words Our heroes made it into some kind of torture chamber where they found a fucking pseudo-dragon named Gus, a dead pangolin thing, and a pentagram covered in blood. Queep urinated holy pee all over the pentagram, but it wasn't super blessed, despite Friar Jai's very intimate blessing uh we are now about to have i believe sarah chuck a canteen of holy water into the center of the pentagram here we go

i'm done with that voice i'm gonna yeah that was where we left off right and and then and then perhaps even more so important blaine was perhaps going to have dr ued trends from the air but i i you can do both but i think ice rain is interesting the thing with the ice rain is it's going to start raining before it is blessed so there will be a moment of just like ice rain smashing this and then we gotta figure out exactly how friar jolly is going to bless the cloud i bless the cloud every time i take a selfie but how are you going to bless the club how can i blow how can i bless it how would you like to i can you certainly can but keep in mind the way you bless holy water i believe is to place your hands like an inch above it right um this is a a

you know could i stand sort of like from photo style with dr uid so that my hand is sort of like with his as he's casting the spell so like he starts casting it and then i sort of almost put my hand on top of his and bless like that? Because I'm just praying to make it holy. Here's the thing. The ritual to make holy water takes an hour. Okay.

And then what is the exact spell you're casting? I wasn't casting any spell. I was just praying over the water to make it holy water. Oh, I'm moving on to Blaine. What's the actual spell? Ice storm, a hail of rock-hard ice pounds to the ground at a 20-foot radius, 40-foot high cylinder

centered on a point within range. And then it says, hailstorms turn the storm's area of effect into difficult terrain, and I figure turn the storm's area of effect into difficult terrain, which I figure that would be the area of effect would be the ice and water. And maybe, you know, bless the ice.

The movie Ice Storm shouldn't have been called that. Should have been called Slippery Slope. Should have been called slippery slope should have been called a dead kid key party spoilers all right you could do this but I'm gonna make you roll an arcana check

Chris to give Friar Jolly or I'll let you do arcana or insight how you would get an ice storm to be blessed could I do Insight and give myself Guidance? great

do you want me to roll that now? yes please alright so the Insight is 11 and then adding a D 4 4 so 15 total there you go is 11 and then adding a D 4. 4, so 15 total.

There you go. That's what you get for a clue. Because he is going to be using moisture that is already in this air, you can bless the moisture in the air, but it's going to take you an hour. Guys, I need an hour. All right. I'm going to do some tax prep socks off feeding the

fish water uh bunk is gonna do um he's gonna he's gonna spend a hit die to try to heal a little bit he's just so fucked and let's see what else we got going on here. I'm going to put some balm on my cloaca. I thought your cloaca was already the balm. Hey, I got a bomb ass cloaca. That is happening. uh that is happening and also i'm gonna say uh lucas is on friar jolly's back and he's still kind of awake and once the action slows down a little bit he goes um the brain um king eldren the 30s he's making a request what the what is it all right he wants

to hear walk like an egyptian bangles no he's he's um he's more into devo no he's saying before you extinguish whatever magic is here could you consider placing his brain in the pool of blood? I don't like where that's going. No. You mean like it'd become a monster to kill us? Do you want us to try to put you in the body of that little pangolin creature? He does think some sort of necromancy could bring him back to life. And he's optimistic about whether it would be capable of autonomy and intelligence.

And he doesn't think it would be a murder creature. Yeah, I mean, this whole thing is now half bird piss and half blood. I just feel like you don't want to mess with it, probably. Yeah, I mean, and Fizzbort is stroking his beard and going, yeah, I know a little bit of necromancy and I don't like the sound of that at all.

I do think something would happen if we put his brain in the basin of blood. But I think it wouldn't be good unless you had a more complicated plan. So I would definitely have to take suggestions like, do we dump the pangolin body in there with the brain? And it doesn't sound like anybody really wants to fuck with this. Yeah, that's bad nah

oh your brain no yeah lucas is like he's um very disappointed and he is screaming at me but i understand i thought that so lucas has the brain i thought friar jolly was or i somebody else took it off of lucas because it kept controlling lucas in a way i would say it's it say it's telepathically communicating to Lucas regardless of who is holding it. But that's a matter of that's a matter of chat worth having at some point.

Who is holding the brain? I think it might be you, Winifred. I think it's either me or Farajali, but I could be wrong. Yeah, because I've got Lucas strapped to my back, so I would imagine I would not also have the brain. Right, because I believe there was a point where lucas was holding the brain on your back and you're in that shit went weird but yeah he's he's getting messages from the brain still not as intense as far as like the sway it has over him but he can hear it and he is compelled

to tell you that we should get out of this room get out of this room well first an hour of blessing the air destroy this thing with some blessed ice while the spell is going off and that other bit of dialogue happened can everybody do a perception check sure

sounds great right now i'm assuming i'm focusing on blessing and should not do it This is not a perception check for Friar Jolly who is focusing on a spell I got a 20 with my bonus I got a natural 20 plus 4 I got a 19 plus 4

23 Nice So perceptive Perceiving Ronnie? I got shit 2 plus 7 is 9 perceiving going on. Ronnie? I got shit. Jack. Yay!

Two plus seven is nine. Nice. The good news, Ronnie, is all of your friends notice how little you're perceiving and they perceive it and they come over and they tell you everything that they see. They perceive even more. Yeah, their collective perception bleeds off on you quite

a bit. You would would all with the possible exception of ronnie who learns it secondhand notice that the four heroes that are laying on the torture tables all seem to be very slowly continuing to drip blood but their bodies look very old um you also sorry i didn't i missed this part i think i was out of the room there's blood dripping from bodies into the pentagram why didn't you stop that that would be a good start right it was very dry old blood but it seems like these bodies are still full of blood somehow um also you would hear in the distance the echoes of screams on the other side of this metal door on the north end of the room. Oh, boy.

Maybe bless the bodies. And you would hear quiet, ominous, sort of, what's the word I'm looking for? Rustling coming from the two prison rooms on either side of the metal door. Ew. We were told not to deal with the prisoners, right? That's what Gus said. Yeah, Gus said they were undead. Yeah, right now his...

Gus's arms are folded and he's like, I wouldn't look! Uh-uh! No, sir! Can I tell Gus that it's while we're waiting, just that i'm so thrilled to meet him i've heard so much about him through the stories the poems the right i have right this is again i'm not mixing up my seasons yeah yeah we've talked about him maybe he says he says um

are you a bad guy trying to trick me by sucking up to me? No, but I get why you would think that. You've been through so much. All right, you get that I'm cool. High five. And yeah, the hour goes by. The spell is ready to pop. Would you like to cast Ice Storm, Dr. Ud? I would. I really would.

Blessed. Holy. Go, go gadget. Ice storm. Fadoosh. Um, and I will say this would probably involve friar. Jolly finishing the spell sort of as that spell is finishing to like,

make sure the moisture that gathered was still being blessed um in case you missed any right because it was just sort of invisible in the air um you uh you've combined your spells and it is all just smashing into the center of the pentagram yeah you're really trying to get the 20 foot radius around like the center with the basin of blood. Yes. Yes, please. Okay, so this is rock hard ice that is pounding it, and that is going to mean that the holy water in it is slow release, not unlike a giant

ice cube in a glass of whiskey. It is doing a lot of damage to it also. The bits of rock are being knocked up off the ground from around the pentagram as the ice storm just not only washes off and sort of ice blasts off the blood, but, you know, does damage to the stone floor itself.

Oh, I can warm one cubic foot of material. Oh. With prestidigit. Would you like to do that like right in the middle? Yeah. Okay. Interesting. So like right where the basin is.

Great. Because I was about to get to the basin and this is going to be a little different then. So the ice is going into the basin and instantly melting in the warm swirling blood um very soon after that combination of spells goes off you see a bright green pillar of flame shoot up from the basin and a low green flame uh sort of sizzle to life around the area that the ice storm is going off. You would all think, well, maybe I have a reaction

to this for a moment before the Dungeon Master says anything. I'm going to throw some stakes on there. Let's get those stakes going. Should we move one of those bodies or several off of those pedestals? Let's roll the bodies off. Should we move one of those bodies or several off of those pedestals? Let's roll the bodies off.

Should we let them hit the floor? Brian wakes up. He just drops his phone and just leans in like we all knew he would. While they're gonna do that i'm gonna i am gonna just for good measure be sprinkling um

my my canteen of holy water over the whole shebang as well cool um i'm gonna have you all looking towards the flame as you knock the bodies on the floor and uh as the canteen splashes about and the ice storm hits. So can everybody do a perception check?

Watch it. There's a lot of ice, so slipknot. Nice. Do you say perception, Dan? Yeah, boss! I say now in voice. Fourteen. Fourteen nine? Did you ever see that

John Benjamin sketch Slipknot That is One of the best sketches That has ever existed And then they They get invited to open for Slipknot At the big arena show

Fans get so angry Fans got mad. Brian Stack is one of the funniest people alive. John Glazer, also funny, but Jesus Christ, that is a great bit. Music crowds... John Glazer, yeah, yeah.

Music crowds hate to get comedied. Oh. Man, do they hate to get comedied. I know, it's got to be a recipe or else when we would ask maynard in the early days to go to tool shows he would make any comedians like go up and embarrass themselves before the show like if you're getting free tickets to see tool now you have to go up and wear a stupid jacket and do a character and get fucking quarters winged at you. Wow.

That's like, that sounds like the early stages of the gathering of the Juggalos being formed. So what perception? And I think Dr. Ood's the only one who beat a 20 if i'm not mistaken yeah i got an 11 i got a nine i like this weird fucking alchemy experiment you guys are doing

yeah we like uh that's it I got a 12 got it well none of you but Dr. U had noticed this as you're removing the bodies from the tables and letting them hit the floor but Dr. U do you notice as each body starts to go thump on the ground the green pillar of flame

which was originally like a pillar of flame you could just see flame seems to have the silhouette of a humanoid kind of vibrate into existence from within the flame and it seems to get clearer and more solid as of each body hits the floor is it the lord jesus we say it goes like like rocking back and forth just like like, like becoming more in the room. Very Frankenstonian. That's the word. Within the green flame.

The first body hits the floor. The second body hits the floor. This is good, right? We like this. The third body hits the floor. It feels like it was a big mistake, but you've already done it. Yeah.

The fourth body hits the floor. The flames continue. Should we try to stop it? I'm game to do anything. It's all full of holy. Now it has holy. Let's see. I'll be curious to see. Maybe we're summoning an angel. Here he is. Let's see.

The... The ice storm continues for a little bit longer it lasts a while i think until he wants to stop it i don't have um the casting length on here it seems to be instantaneous i don't know how long. It's like... It's like one turn, so like a few seconds. But yeah, the form sort of slumps and falls to the ground outside of the basin and the flames subside. There's no more blood.

The area has been cleaned with holy with holy flame however it was a violent process the green flame did seem to be necromantic in nature so combining the two things didn't just like cleanly burn it away it was some sort of spell that ended up happening. I mean, hopefully it fucked it up some. And yeah, there is now a still form slumped on the ground. Who is it? It appears to be a drow.

They are wearing simple clothing. And they are breathing but unconscious. Male or female? Female. We should kill it, right? It's been summoned in a pentagram of blood. Let's tie it up.

Holy water. Yeah, let's get insight checks from everybody as you tie it up and then Yeah, let's get insight checks from everybody as you tie it up. Yeah, do you guys recognize this female drow? I got an 11, so probably not. I also got an 11.

I got a natural 20 plus 9. Nice. Wow. Fryer Jelly knows the shit out of who this is. Yeah is I got 15 plus 8 so 23 17 what is I would say

Friar Jolly you 100% are convinced this being is not who was supposed to have been summoned by Nailface or the evil king this is who is summoned when things got fucked with by Holy Water. Also, when the bodies have been

removed from the summoning circle. This is someone who comes through when you remove certain necromantic elements from the spell. Let's tie her up, wake her up, and then talk and see who it is. Sure.

I like it. Maybe we put that king's brain inside of her. And then pee on it. Well, I'll definitely be checking the calico. Yay. All right. Dr. Uid, you get a really eerie suspicion that you know this person oh oh right what was uh

from like campaigns ago right maybe oh i was thinking another campaign drow girl but yeah ash Hoshinka's different, right? There have been three significant drow females. Dan loves a drow lady. Tear the plot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would uh would Gus know who this is? Um Yeah. Yes. Or myself or. I'm gonna have Gus roll an insight check. His bonus is not huge. Can I give him guidance? Also, can I do a history check to check my knowledge of all of the epic poems and songs that have been written? Yeah, sure.

I will also give you guidance. Gus rolled a three, but got a two with his guidance, so he got a five. With my guidance, I'm going to get a 25. Shit. So first of all, Gus goes, drow, drow, drow. I don't even know anymore. And I'm sleepy from being tortured. And I'm sleepy from being tortured.

Winifred, you piece together that this is likely a prisoner that was trapped in another plane of existence. And you are with history. History is what you're on, right? This is likely a member of a drow faction called the Violet Fang that has occupied Clottenheim. Holy crap. I remember that. One, one, one for my... Yeah, I can't remember.

Lord Queep, you must know this woman. Yes, do I know this woman? yes do i know this woman um you're starting to put it together that yes it is likely a drow woman that you saved from a cave in cladenheim shortly after you awoke from the comet freezing you and that's how shinka yes i'm just trying to just trying to bring it up to speed. Ashinka was trapped in another dimension through similar magics, except by the Archmage of Vanzervale. Man, this is a real reunion here, you guys. Is she conscious?

Nope. She's tied up and she's wearing what looks like just... Like maybe it used to be... Lululemon pants? Maybe it used to be armor, but it's really like worn down um does she need to be healed? she was bad right? no she was

originally yeah she was an assassin who um was just very droll then she ultimately went to fight the arch mage or the Archmage, or the Arch... She got trapped on the stairs. The Violet Fang

was both a person and a group of assassins. The one who fought the Archmage and won was the Violet Fang person. This is not that person. This is someone named Hoshinka who was trapped

by an Archmajor Van Zervale trap when you were descending some staircases Queep and Dr. Uid. And you were unable to locate her. Here she is. I'll try to revive her. Alright. But she's smelling salt.

Okay. She wakes up and says, Oh, am I to be interrogated again? We're just making sure you're okay. What happened? These ropes. I mean,

come on. We didn't know. We had to be safe. You guys have the weirdest reunions I've ever seen when you see people you haven't seen in like years it's just like yeah they're just like I'm not excited because she was kind of a weirdo didn't she have like a sandwich

with a name yes yes she did Keith or Kevin sandwich with a name it said Kev yes I gotta figure that out. Kevin or something. It said Kev.

Yes. All right. Well, I'll be excited for you guys. She had before, before she got unwammy. She had a sandwich that she named Kev. Kev was, I think you uncovered this.

So I'm going to just say that at the very least, Hoshinka remembers this now, but if you guys bring it up, she will tell you, oh yes, um, when I was crazy in the caves, an adventurer named Kevin gave me the sandwich, and I cannot, I could not remember anything that happened more than 10 seconds in the past, but I was desperate to remember Kevin, and I wrote Kev on this sandwich,

and then I forgot the rest of his name, but I knew the sandwich was Kev every time I looked at it, and it began to sink in that Kev was my savior. This rotten sandwich. Memento and super salad. Oh, yes. Adventures in sandwiches from many years ago. Oh, yes. Adventures in sandwiches from many years ago.

Hello. This is a bad place, I see. Can you tell us anything about the beings that were torturing you? Oh, no. I have been in another plane of existence. I've not been tortured so much as lost and trying to survive. I do not know this room. Oh, okay.

Well. I would say, too, Friar Jolly, you would hear that and go, okay, yeah, that's because we did something weird with this room. I mean, I'd like to welcome you from the frying pan into the fire. I mean, I'd like to welcome you from the frying pan into the fire.

We were in trouble. There's people who need help on the other side of that door. Oh, OK. Well, I can tell one of you is your your skin looks like it's been dipped in acid. And it looks like one of you is strapped to someone else's back and chanting something that is a bit disconcerting. He's chanting? Lucas is chanting something quietly under his breath. Yeah, but it was. What's that?

Do an inside check all right we should uh um i would love to hear what you're about to say blaine but first i would say fire jolly goes lucas knows how to do something and he either already knew how to do this or the brain taught him how to do this, but he is casting a spell. And it does not sound like a kind of spell the Silver Flame would approve of. You're not familiar with the magic words, but it sounds bad. I'm just going to let my weight go backwards. So I fall down on my back and crush Lucas into the ground.

Hopefully breaking his concentration. Athletics check, please. Athletics check. And squishing the brain. This is funny. No, no, Sarah has the brain, right? Fifteen. Okay. He goes, and he goes,

Hey! What are you doing back there, little buddy? I believe I have done what I needed to do. Oh, shit. What'd you do? Look, look and see, is Eldrin gone? Sarah, who has stepped away for an appointment, cannot be here to say this, but I would say when a Fred would pull out

the terrarium with a floating brain in it and there is no longer a floating brain in the terrarium. Fuck. Well, Lucas, Well, Lucas... Might be the end of your... Might be the end of your road, kid. But it's good news, because... He said he could telepathically locate a body that needed sentience. That was prepared for sentience.

And that he could bring his own wisdom to the body and not you know a monster where did you put the brain is it in the pangolin he said it's not in this room but it is made of blood in this room and it is somewhere within

a mile probably he said down? Somewhere below? Hmm. I believe I have done good works for my king. Do you think you could take us? Yeah, not so much for us. Hmm?

Can you take us to the brain? I don't, I just know it's down. I'm but a simple squire. I don't, I know it's down I'm but a simple squire I don't I'm a new soldier he just felt the magic in the room and he said that he could use it to connect with the body

that's all I know I think Sarah would want to light him up right yeah probably Lucas I'll say when Fred would be gritting her teeth and leaving the true would want to light him up, right? Yeah, probably. Lucas? I'll say it would be gritting her teeth and leaving the true choice to one of you.

Ronnie, what do you think? You're the leader after all. Light him up. That was quick. Are you going to kill him? I'm certainly going to take him off my back. And we don't need him to reverse the spell. He can't.

He doesn't know how. He tells you he was fed this spell by King Eldren. Stuff on his head. Feels not great. King Eldren was an asshole. He had an army that was called the Crystal Fist. He was very bossy with all of you. Yeah.

Not related to King Valak's evil, King Valak's separated by a century, but yeah. Definitely not the nicest king. Let's put Lucas down. Yeah. Before he can do any more damage. All right.

You set him on the ground. His legs are broken. One of them is half missing. I put him down like a dog, I mean. He's just sort of like not really defending himself, just sort of shrugging. I did what I had to do. I did what I had to do. Leave me here if you must.

Ronnie, you want to use that arm blade? Um, well, he just sucks. He's not evil, right? I mean... Well, he summoned evil. He's kind of fucked us, I think. And he is vulnerable to that king who still exists and now has a blood body

I don't know do you think do we think that he still has any connection to this king that we could use him as sort of like a tracker like a blood you do get a vague sense that maybe

yeah do you think the spell he was fed had to do Like a blood bag. You do get a vague sense that maybe. Yeah. You think the spell he was fed had to do with connecting a body and a thing. So in a sense, he is the summoner of this new being somewhere. And he does have a magical link to it. Whether he can control it is unlikely, but he did create it. And so you do think he can mentally place it it's difficult he's like oh it's it's like that way forward and down that way and down he points to the north well let's drag him along then until we don't need him yeah put him back on

my back well oh yes giddy up here we. There's somewhere we can gag him or something so he can't make any more spells. Yeah, you can easily gag him. You can just put some cloth in his mouth. Gagging. Yeah. Unless Ronnie's got like a gimp suit. He can use a rubber ball or something.

Um, no. You're the leader. I just figured you might have special equipment. to use a rubber ball or something. Um, no. You're the leader, I guess. You might have special equipment. Maybe some oils and lubricants. I don't know. Alright, should we head towards

that door? Yeah, so the metal door is definitely locked. It is possibly magically locked. It is possibly magically locked. I will remind everyone that Winifred does have knock, which will make a loud pang

noise, and if it is easily unlocked, that will take care of it. Well, it's... Can we do detect magic on it? Anybody have... I have detect magic. Yeah. Do you have it, Dr? Anybody have? I have detect magic. Yeah. Do you have it, Dr. Ud?

I do. Ooh. Do you detect magic? Oh, wait. I don't have detect. I have dispel. My apologies. Well, that's helpful if we detect magic.

Mm-hmm. The door is magic. Sure. Oh. Should we dispel the magic? Certainly. I will cast door is magic. Sure. Oh, should we dispel the magic? Certainly. I will cast dispel magic. Great.

Give me a level and a role, please. Uh, I am, I guess it would be a third level. Actually, you know what? I will do it at fourth level. What the hay? Oh, so that's going to be your role plus four. And whatever other bonus you get. The DC is 10 spells.

So I'm just making a spell check. Yeah, boss. Says Gus in the room. All right, so my spell modifier is plus five. So I'll roll a d20 and I'll add 5 9 plus 5, 14 plus 4 you said dude? on top of that?

no I'm casting it at 4th level oh got it uh yeah it does not seem to have much of an effect the the door like shimmers with blue for a moment oh this magic is powerful uh fizzbort offers to do it but he says his spell requires him to place a hand on the door go for it be careful uh does anyone have a mage hand they could maybe just give the door a gentle pat first winifred does winifred is yeah yes all right i win afraid uses mage hand and um it disappears immediately she tells everyone the mage hands yeah it like fizzles out

and it makes contact shit I'm willing to risk it but I could also just try casting Dispel Magic and add another high level attempt. Yeah, do that! Do that. You like both opinions. Presumably.

Um, he... Oh! He gets a 23 on it. And he says... This time it shimmers blue and it makes like a fizzing noise. I think I did it. Nice.

Check the traps. Fizzbort says, sure. And he reaches for the doorknob. Seems fine to me. Hmm. All right. Should we go in hot or are we sneaking in? Is Queep checking also? I will check, yeah.

Okay. Is it inside or sleight of hand? If you're checking, it's investigation. Investigation. I'll give you guidance. Thank you. That is a 19 plus 120. It does not seem okay.

It does not seem okay. No. Aha. We have a trap. We must detrap. Something seems to be unusual about the square of metal around the door handles. It looks kind of like the door handles are a part of a larger trap. Oh.

Raleigh, don't you want to use those Tools those thieves tools And try and de-trap it Which thieves tools We found thieves tools and I feel like you And Winifred have been sort of Sharing them but whoever's got the best Sleight of hand right

Yeah I have a pretty high sleight of hand I think it's a plus 7 I'll give you guidance as well I think it's a plus seven. I'll give you guidance as well. I think it's more fun to have a currently present player do it. Let's do it. I'll pull Winifred up if we need it. All right. Oh, no, I have a plus seven on sleight of hand.

Sorry, it was perception is my plus seven. So I have three on sleight of hand. Sorry. Better than me. Yeah. I'll still try. Yeah, Winifred has a plus eleven on sleight of hand. Can somebody play her?

I'll do it. I have access to her sheet. Okay. But if one of you would like to do it because you're a player and not a dungeon master. I'll try it. Okay. The only difference is you won't get it in the game, I mean, I'll try it, but then what if I, okay. The only difference is you won't get it in the game log, but yeah, go for it, Brian.

You can do what you can do. You can roll on your character sheet, just a 20 and then 11 to it. I rolled a 17 plus three. So then whatever, whatever adds to it. Jesus. 31. Yeah, Winifred manages to get the thieves' tools

around the large metal blocks, and both of them slide out and thunk onto the floor. There are now two square-shaped holes in the door, and she says, well, I think that did it. You're welcome. That's her deep bow and a flourish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Queep, Dr. Uw uid i hope that you appreciate just how highly i perform in your presence it is because i am inspired every time i get up from a long rest yeah you did good you did good

can you peek through one of those holes you sure can so you look through one of those holes and you can tell there are stairs descending down with torches. The stairs are made of elaborate metal. They look like they are sort of chitinous in nature. There is another metal door at the bottom of the stairs that is ajar.

Is it a door or a jar, right? Are you going to give it a little honk? I'm going to turn into a doorway. Let's sneak down there. Yeah, Fizbor looks and he goes, I would maybe send one person to sneak a door open.

Means someone's probably in there and they're confident no one's coming. Hmm. I'm running out. All right. So you managed to before running goes down, I'll give him guidance for him. There's no leader. The doors easily and quietly open. You know, they don't have handles and we got to,

you know, like reach through them and just pull. But Ronnie, let's get that stealth check to see how you go. they don't have handles anymore you gotta you know like reach through them and just pull but uh ronnie let's get that stealth check to see how you go oh boy low one too low in a row uh shite i mean at least that slight of hand for winifred was high so ronnie tiptoes down the stairs as best he can, but it is on metal stairs, and there's a little bit of reverberating on the metal as

you put pressure on them, and you hear the sound of a grunt on the other side of the open door. Oh my god, it's Tim Allen. On the other side of the open door. Oh my God, it's Tim Allen. It's Steve's tools time.

Yeah, and then you hear a voice complaining about how woke Disney is. Yes, you hear someone's recognizing you, Ronnie. You're about halfway down the stairs. There's about 10 feet more of stairs in front of you. Okay. For a second. Okay. You hear footsteps approaching the doors.

Okay, well, I'll scoot back a little. Do an insight check for me, Brian. Anyone else know what I'm having him Do an insight check for me, Brian. Anyone else know what I'm having him do an insight check for? Let's see if he... 19. Ronnie remembers that he is very lucky that he follows the way of the shadow and has an ability called Shadow Step.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He could look behind him into the room through the open door and teleport backwards into the room he came from. Yeah, that's what I do. Great. So you disappear through there. You would all know there are footsteps coming from the bottom door and the door is slightly ajar at the top. Are you going to shut the door at the top?

Oh, we hear that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or at least ronnie would tell you in a whisper i would assume yeah okay all right so um you manage to quietly shut the door because it does it's not a loud door um there's a moment of silence and then you hear a and footsteps walking away um i think passive insight you would all think there's like a 50 50 chance that this being looked up the stairs saw two square shaped holes where door handles used to be and is going back with that knowledge. It's also possible he did not notice and he was

just grunting with annoyance. I would prefer the annoyance. Yeah, I feel like he would keep, he would go investigate the door if there was something going on. Can I get a perception check from everybody? I'll roll one for Winifred.

I'll make it up to cash. I'm going to let that back down. Oh, wow. 25, 18, plus 7. Winifred got a 13. 14. 15. 18.

Fun. Ronnie, you hear uh like grinding of metal on stone as if something is being dragged across the floor it's pyramid head okay i'm gonna head back down there stealthily again all right would you like to shadow step down or sneak yeah uh because you can't look through the door holes and just poof yeah i'll do that okay so you appear in a shadow near the door you can much more clearly here now because i'll let you keep that 25 perception in this moment that is only a moment later. It sounds like a large metal weapon is being dragged

along the ground towards the door. Okay. Probably a dagger. Right? Maybe a Swiss Army knife. Yep. More like a whole Swiss Army. Well, he knows we, here, right?

How far can I go without getting killed today? Get an eyeball on him. Yeah, you can get an eyeball on him. The door is still open to crack if you want to just peek your head around. Yeah, you're not sure how close he is. He sounds like he's getting closer. Right. I'll check. Let's get a stealth or perception.

Your choice. Roll the perception. The. Bocce boo, but plus this, I have a plus seven, so it got it up to an eight, but it was a it was a botch. OK, so you peek around a slightly open door and just as you peek around a giant gloved hand goes boomf

against the door that you can see the back of and pops it into you a little bit not expecting a body to be on the other side and you hear him the being go and we'll have to find out

what it means on the next episode means we're fighting next episode can I roll initiative and stab his face right now no okay save him hi buddy

there's four people in the torture chamber dripping blood into the pentagram. Winifred is going to drip her cantina holy water around. We're trying to pull the bodies down with an ice storm. There's a drow here now who is trapped here, who we know from our past. Oh, damn, it's Hoshinka. Everyone we know is here now.

She's been lost in another dimension. Lucas is doing a spell under his breath, and we've lost our floating brain. We're checking another door, I think, or a trap trap uh we're in there's stairs going down to another door there's a creature down there that can hear ronnie coming down the stairs and it's dragging a large metal weapon around and a big gloved hand has found us we're fucked fact dan folks please check out my new gaming company uh head on over to patreon.com slash grim and whimsy and you can see that i am putting some gaming materials up and i also have two game settings and they're going to be developed over time and then i'm going to try

and put out a little dnd module so uh with your support i can do that quicker and hire artists and it'll be a delight to publish them and i'll put stuff out weekly to make you feel great about supporting it so please head on over grim and whimsy and um yeah i'll be doing stand up i'll be at the it's a rad rad rad rad world at the lyric hyperion i would love if you could come and see that and i'll be touring soon cool i have a tour dates bram stane.com tacoma oklahoma city and uh san San Diego so far. Shit's opening up. And then I've got Poseidon on Grotto on YouTube.

And Grandpa's Metal Stash every Tuesday, still on Gimme Metal. On episode 137 now or 138. I've done so many hours of metal. That's it for me. Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof.

On the next episode of Nerd Poker, Blaine is replaced with an AI that can only sing the theme song for all the family. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box one six zero six nine Encino, California,

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