Nerd Poker - S5E35 Evilator

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

The torture room cleared (except for the huge gruesome mess) our heroes arrive inside some sort of evil elevator. That's right- an evilator! Do they use that word within the episode? No. But all like to have fun around here.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussaint's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussaint, and you're listening to my show, Nerd Poker. It's episode 35.

Holy crap, we did it. My friends are here. Look at them. Just look at them. Hey, buddy. What's up, Ken? Hey, Brian. How's it going?

I'm good. Good. You look like you got a haircut or maybe it's just wet. It's just wet. It's just wet. I'm just slick. Slick down. Blaine is here.

Hi, Brian. I'm dry as a bone. I've heard. Well, you know, that's the way the cookie crumbles because it's dry. Right. Sarah, hello. Hi. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you? Good. Good. Great. Chris, what's up, buddy? Hey, man. I feel like Sarah revealed next to nothing in her intro just now.

Yes. I don't know if she's okay. You'll never know the real me. Don't even try. I think we'll trust her. Okay. She's okay. Take Sarah at face value, usually.

Dan's here. Hi, Brian. What's up, buddy? I'm soaked, by which I mean this mug is full of whiskey. Hi, Brian. What's up, buddy? I'm soaked. By which I mean, this mug is full of whiskey. Oh yeah. Is it really coffee though? Yes.

It is delicious coffee. How do you, delicious. Do you make it at home? I buy whole beans and then I grind the beans and then I do pour over style. So yeah, I have a whole ritual. Beans of what? Coffee! I like dark matter coffee. I was thinking of asking for

coffee lectures before. Are they actually not magic beans? What's that, Chris? I heard the French press from Ryan. What did you say, Chris? Lots of coffee talk. He said magic beans. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a great idea. I can grow vines out of my gullet.

And our show would go off the rails if he wasn't here, folks. Here he is. Sam. Hello, buddy. Hello, sweet children. How are you, man? Good. Do you take ramen out to poop or just walk?

Or I mean, just poop? No, he's been out and he's pooped. He's good. Is it raining where you are? No. Oh, good. It's raining here in the valley. Well, let's get into episode 35 and thank some people.

Okay. Well, I'm going to thank some patreon supporters specifically at our hey boss and stargoyle tears over on patreon where if we could we would thank everyone but you are all so lovely that we have reserved it for these elite few and they go by usernames like callum kennedy thank you callum kennedy thanks callum thank you, your boisterous rejoice for Blaine's moist oysters. Oyster moist. Oh, my mouth is so dry from the horror I just said.

Thank you, Lord, for my two nutsacks. Thank you, Amit, pronounced Amit Chafee Chafee. Thanks, Amit. Amit also was in my World of Warcraft guild, and I will always recognize his name. Thank you, Brent Crinop.

Thank you, Smackdab in the Middle. Thank you. I waited for it. There it is. Thank you, Docking to Dockin. Rhymes with rocking to dockin. Oh, no. They're studs. van's playing docking don't

come call the police don't come period thank you Jack Burton thank you Eric Skor thank you Wade Long thank you the famous Dr. Wieners doesn't say the famous I added that thank you Poochieplex thank you

Friar Jolly's Fire Vollies. Ooh. There's a new one. New inside reference. Pun thing. Not really a pun. It's a delightful poem. Thank you, a Chad that doesn't suck.

Thank you, Fint the Druid. Thank you, Kayla the Wonder Poodle. Thank you, Rob I Am. Thank you, Big, the Wonder Poodle. Thank you, Rob I Am. Thank you, Big Alive, the band. Thank you, introducing the new NerdPoker NFT trading cards. They're mostly just pictures of Trump on the toilet. I don't know if we would endorse that. Don't go to that website if you see it linked on social media, folks.

Thank you, Blaine's Cum Bazooka and Fleshlight Emporium. Since 1943. I like that cum bazooka is a joke that's now being projected onto you. I feel like I've really washed my hands of that one. Thank you, Shakira, when the walls fell. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you, war anus. Thank you.

It's war anus. I appreciate the correction. Thank thank you Mark P. Strandberg thank you Kevin Hitt and of course finally thank you Beta Ray Bill Nye the Science Guy Beta Ray Bill Nye the Science Guy nice Blaine

whom words those supporters brought to us by Brought to us by Supporters to Brought to us by Fanko Porps cheaper than Funko Pops Because they're made out of wallboard Fanko Porps Wayne Newton sandwich cookies

Donka Shurn Mommy Donka Shurn And Preparation H R Geiger For surreal hemorrhoids And preparation H. R. Geiger. For surreal hemorrhoids. And. H.R.

Geiger hemorrhoids is the worst visual I've ever summoned into my imagination. I almost said Geiger because that's how you pronounce it. But I don't want to be the guy going. Well, you are now. And then my iguana shits down my back. That's the one thing too horrible for even him to have drawn.

I saw Giger hemorrhoids open for our crumb stigmata. I don't know. I think something other than stigmata would have been better, but I was so disgusted I couldn't quite pull. Big thick calves. Big thick...

Crumb calves. That's a medical condition, our crumb calves. Hey, Giger cankles. You and Elsa's medical condition? Enjoying our crumb comics too much. Oh, yeah. He aged like a fine milk a fine milk that was already a little slimy okay great documentary though now that i have grossed myself out in seven different ways it's

time to talk about what happened last time on nerd poker super aggressively this time are you all ready no dulcet tones this time just kidding i've already run out of energy last time on nerd poker our heroes managed to destroy a dude who fell down some stairs and laid there for a while and was not quite the challenge the map had promised. But anyways some creepy shit happened before that and hopefully sufficient ambience was provided for players and listeners alike. Our heroes have now entered some double doors that knocked out Lucas who no one still likes at all and entered an elevator like room. One lever protruding from an east wall.

One magic torch lit on the north. And some major investigation vibes from Winifred providing scoring along the floor. We now take you to the elevator episode already in progress. Hi, everybody.

It's me. Dan, you're back. Dan, you're front. front Oh my front is my Better half Cause your butt's not on it Shall we descend? Yeah Begin elevator music

As Ronnie the leader I say we should descend Oh Is that We have a new leader Well I saw we have those t-shirts now By the way you can get A Ronnie is my leader t-shirt

At Target Sweet If not Target at least Pok Sweet. If not Target, at least at netpoker.com. They would have it. Put a Target on your back. And go tell Target they should sell that shirt.

Or a Target right next to the Metallica shirts. I feel like we should commemorate this moment. Is there anyone here who feels up to doing a monologue or a speech somehow? I don't know if there would be. No, it's just

use the elevator. A good leader has few words. Yeah. Stage goes black. Spotlight on Winifred. Oh my god. On this day, in the year of our Lord,

whatever it is in this time, Ronnie finally took upon himself the mantle of leadership. He wore it well, he wore it bravely. And he stepped forth into the elevator and into the unknown. Nice.

Lights come back up. And now the comedy of Josh DiDonato. No! Hey, uh... I think we know what that means. Ronnie, now that you've accepted the mantle of leader, you have to immediately name the group, which we have not named yet.

We haven't? I thought we had something we were kind of using. No? No, not at all, actually. I had to think about it. Yes, or else the default is Ronnie's unknowns. Alright.

You are in the elevator of the lever looms. Do I have to make the mage hand do it? Is that where we were? It's up to you. I haven't heard any declarations as such yet. And yes, since I bought a turntable in December, every vinyl shop I've gone into seems to have Chuck Mangione. Every single one.

Oh, for sure. All of them. He's everywhere. Because a lot of people bought it, and then a lot of people went, nah. And I got rid of it. It's because he wrote the greatest song of all time. And she didn't start making 45s again.

She can only buy the one. Yeah. Ronnie, do you think she should mage hand it? Yes, I do. Okay, mage hand. We mage hand the lever. The mage and I? Yes, I do. Okay, mage hand. We mage hand the lever. My mage and I. Okay. Well, your ethereal mage places their palm upon the lever, pulls it down thusly.

And I am now going to alert our players. You don't have to do this next part in character, but it is going to occur in real time. Oh, shit. next part in character, but it is going to occur in real time. Oh, shit. You hear a voice echo in the elevator chamber. Greetings.

Announce the name of the vilest of villains for further descent. Five. Pence. Four. Ted Cruz. Three. Two. Whoever is the enemy of Valax.

We're going to register only that Friar Jolly answer as it's the only name that exists within this plane of existence. So you announce whoever is the enemy of King Valax. Is that what you said? Yep. Okay. Will you said? Yeah. Okay. Will you roll a D4, Friar Jolly? I don't suppose this is any good. That's a four.

Oh, okay. You all hear a hissing noise. That's a good sign. Good hiss. Could be a cute cat who's just scared. Yep. Yeah, that's what it is. That's got to be what it is.

No, the room begins to fill with acid. What room? The elevator? Yes. I am going to need everybody to do. What did you do? A DC saving throw. I didn't even hear what he did.

It's mostly that we didn't... What we didn't do. We didn't answer the question correctly. A dexterity saving throw. Well, do we know the answer? You sure might. Yeah, Brian, say it quick. The ice five.

The room is continuing to fill with acid, but I'm going to need you all to do the dexterity saving throw that I was misspeaking. This is like real data. Right now, Queep and Gus

do not have to make a dex saving throw. If you choose to fly, you have to declare it immediately. You all see it happening. It's pretty loud. It's a dex or a constitution? Oh, this sure is a dex one. A dex. Okay, cool.

Blaine, cast fly on us. Yeah, okay. Now you're off lies. I rolled a 19 plus 3, 22. Okay. Is there anybody I can pick up? 18. I go, uppie, uppie.

I got a 13. I'm just going to ask for an athletics check for picking up Winter Friend. I think Ronnie's going to be like some of the people I knew in high school and have some acid damage. He couldn't even get through that. I rolled an 8.

Alright, well, the acid begins to pour in. Those of you who managed to beat a 15 are going to get to have this damage. Because you're going to be able to play sort of hot foot and scramble back and forth up the walls

grabbing the torch handle and such. 13 points of acid damage. That's the real total or that's the halved total? That's the real total. If you beat a 15, you get to halve 13, which would be 6. Was he able to pick me up or no? No, I rolled a 10.

He rolled a 10. That is what you needed though. It's okay. That works. I'm just like Duffy, the guy that hung out in our Sonoma Town Square. He had some really bad acid damage. I want to say for listeners' benefit, I have been

more cruel with my house rules about queep picking up friends. I want to keep the way I do it, but I want to lower the DC. So the 10 is now what you need to lift somebody unless they're, say, Friar Jolly, who has an extra person strapped to their back

and would weigh significantly. Sorry to interrupt, Dan. Was it 13? What was the number? You had to beat 15 and 13 points of acid damage. That's what you meant. What is the name of the arch lich? Valix. You would all know that, especially because

Friar Jolly just included it. He said the villain of Valix, or whoever opposes Valix. Did he want us to prop him? I'm just going to say Valix just for the hell of it. The room is still continuing to fill with acid. I'm going to need a dexterity saving throw

from Dr. Uwud, Friar Jolly, and Ronnie. Oh, we didn't scramble up? Oh, there's nothing to scramble up on, unfortunately. Oh, I thought that's what you said. Also, that's what a dex

throw is. You're finding things for at least a moment. This is going to continue to rise. And also, you notice Bunk and Fizzbort are all having some problems. things for at least a moment. This is going to continue to rise. And also, you notice, you know, Bunk and Fizzbort are all having some problems. Gus announces, I wish I could help you guys by picking you up, but I'm small.

So, can I get those deck saving throws? Yeah, 14 on Ronnie's. 17. 18. Alright, so this is going to be halved for Friar Jolly and Dr. Uwud, and again, full for Ronnie. Fuck.

14 points. 14 points of acid damage. Are we still moving or no? Okay. What's up? Is the room still moving or no? The room is not moving. What's happening is acid is blasting up from around the floor.

I just didn't know when we pulled the... So we needed in order to move... We thought this was an elevator. It seems that it is because you kept referring to it as an elevator. But we did the lever, got the answer wrong, so we didn't go anywhere. Is there still... So can we go through the doors? Let me back up.

I need to back up too real quick. Were we healed when we started this elevator trip? No. No. We were down some stuff. I was down. So I will answer all of Sarah's questions. When you entered this room, the door went foomp behind you.

You have not tested it since it went foomp. Does it going foomp mean it closed? It is closed. And it closed of its own accord. Also, it did not go down also the fact that it is an uh being called an elevator so casually by me is in reaction to all of you referring to it as an elevator last episode after observing that there was like scoring around the floor and there was a lever and that you knew you wanted to probably go down and there was no other way to okay so those the answers the room is got about

uh three feet of acid in it and it begins to simmer down um managed yeah but as it simmers down you all manage to kind of brace yourselves a little better it recedes and you're able to plant your feet um bunk is doing okay but f Fizzboard is not looking great. Anybody got a Red Bull I could slam? Yeah, give me a second. I'm looking through the old list of rules. Can I get a mask cure wound? Can I also get an insight check from everybody?

Wills, do you think about that? I'm down low. Two plus eight is ten for my insight. I'm going to roll a mass cure wounds for everybody. Is that awesome? Rolling shit. Nineteen on fucking seven on insight.

Seventeen on insight. Those are some. What you got, Winnie? Shite numbers. Sixtite numbers 16 okay you beat a 15 it would uh the following things that occur to you no one beat a 20 so this is the this is for all of you who beat a 15 and your friends are hearing this second hand um this room seems to be deliberately shut as a sort of trap it does seem like it serves a function so it is it is sort of a security measure that you guys are encountering uh you do i think all feel relatively secluded here so if you wanted to do or attempt a short or long rest i would think that

would at least be a lightbulb above three of your heads right now that you can contemplate. But I think it would also occur to you, yes, this, the line specifically, and I can paste this in the chat, is greetings, announce

the name of the vilest of villains for further descent, and then it counts down from five. Yeah, you would be like okay so this is definitely commentary on the fact that this is valix's castle but um as to the answer i'm not gonna

just feed it to you based on a role that's gonna have to be based on your notes and recollection uh smartest players uh you know who you are It's going to have to be based on your notes and recollection. Smartest players. I can cast a spell that can make our smartest even smarter. Yeah, but who thinks they know it? Does anybody have an idea on what the end? What Fylex would think is the most evil? I would say that I would think that just as a character thing um

i have that memory uh what is it the feature um yeah it's a it's a feat where i can remember everything i feel like is it terry i'm looking oh um yeah keen mind i don't know would be it, Dan, but it does say I always know which way is north. The number of hours left before the next sunrise or sunset. Right. Oh, sure. Keen mind. Yes. And I can accurately recall anything I have seen or heard within the last month.

I love that. OK. I wonder if that's great. Can I contribute to that or is that enough? That's great. Can I contribute to that or is that enough? That is an inherent ability that doesn't have any

die value. Yeah, it does actually raise your intelligence by one also. But that's a passive trait. It's not like a role you specifically get to make. Oh, okay. Right.

I can cast on her enhance ability. So, for example, I could give her Fox's Cunning, and she would have advantage on intelligence checks. So, like, if she was trying to do a history check or something like that,

she'd have advantage. Cool! Would that help in our play? It absolutely will. A role is approaching for Winifred, so that will absolutely. I feel like history would be maybe a check. I don't know. This is going to be a history check for Winifred.

So if you want to boost her. Yeah, I do. I'm going to cast that spell on her. I bless you with the intelligence of a fox, a wily predator that everyone thinks is kind, but truly under the surface looks for nothing but vulnerabilities. Don't forget Q, because I feel like that's a fox primary. I said that on the phone.

Yep. Oh, you did? Yep. I missed it. Deceptively. Say it again. Oh, yeah. The fox is great.

Now we're going to... All right. What does the fox say? Yep. I missed it. Deceptively. Say it again. Oh, yeah. The Fox is great. Alright, now... What does the Fox say? Okay, so Advantage. By the way, Metalheads, you can get What the Fox Say by my band,

Poseine, the metal version, with the guy from Steel Panther and another friend of mine singing. Oh, Corey Taylor from Slipknot is on that one. Holy shit. He's famous. Are you ready, Winifred? Yes, throwing my mind back to the many epic poems that I have memorized and studied in my long years.

On a dark desert highway. Ooh, wind in my hair. I get a 24. Is that the Big Lebowski version? Yeah, 24. That's pretty fucking fantastic. Massive roll. So what this means is you are going to be able to narrow it down to two answers.

I had a pool of four, and two is the absolute best you could possibly do on this. So, good work. You would think the answer... Hmm? Did you phone a friend? I'm going to use my first lifeline. You're using all your lifelines, right?

This is the closest you can get to knowing the answer. Who wants to be a farthing heir? Excuse me? Your specific experience allows you to think about everything leading up to this castle raid and see back into, say, campaigns that other characters in the group have participated in, but you have studied the closest. The two most likely answers, in your opinion, are the Ice Five

or Eldrin the Third, the king preceding him. Yeah. That's gotta be it. I tried to say the Ice Five, but I think I said it too late. Yeah, I only registered the Blythe comment from Friiar jolly uh by the time

i heard that they were all done ultimately the ice five no offense lord's queep and uh doctors drew it but um you kind of helped valix right ascends to power so inadvertently obviously and with great great sacrifices made but it does feel like would he see them as villains um you would all kind of passive insight be like well he's aware members of the ice Five are currently raiding his castle. I feel like Ice Five is... Should we take a vote? Well, this is... Yeah. I think it's King Eldrin.

And again, these are the two most likely answers based off of Winifred's experience. This is not necessarily a slam dunk. Say them again, Varani. It's the Ice Five or King Eldrin the whatever. The third. Thank you. Who was the king before this king? Yeah, and it was all

a big war. You know what I mean? Well, somebody just yelled, somebody said Ice Five and it didn't do anything, right? It didn't count, apparently. I only was able to count one and since Chris kind of made a joke in character, but I think he would have been more serious if he had something that he could immediately... That was the best thing to come up with.

Yeah, he wanted to make sure there was an answer, right? I was trying to find Eldren, but I didn't remember anything. That's who it would be. I heard Ice-5, but I felt like this was a magic trap security thing that would respond to the first in-character thing that wasn't fucking Trump or whatever. What if we said King Eldrin in The Ice Five? We try to trick it? No.

I wouldn't say trick it. It's the true answer. Wasn't he in control of those trees that were blocking our way and stuff? What was that, Ken? Eldrin. Ken, what did you say? I thought, who was in charge of the trees or controlling the trees? Rush. Is that the Lich King?

Controlling the trees. Remember when we were trying to get past those branches? Oh, that was all just sort of like a giant thorn. That was a sentient plant creature. Yeah. Okay.

You know, I'm just a sentient plant creature. We're playing D&D. Could you tell? Let's do a vote. I really wish that movie would break to the D&D movie. I haven't seen it yet, but there's, I heard, I asked people, there's no cutaways of people playing the movie, right?

No. They should have totally cut to a bunch of people playing in character as the characters in the movie. Right? You're doing a D&D movie? Dan would be the one who knows that. I kind of did that in the Lego movie.

Oh, I know. That was great. So maybe that's why they didn't. Or if they did, I don't know. Yeah, get Will Ferrell again. Sure. He's good. But anyway.

Joe Manganiello and his friends playing around the table. Oh my god god how fun I think it's Eldred I agree Ronnie agrees I think it's the S5 but that's fine we'll I lose the vote and that's fine

well you're the smart one I'm willing to go with you I believe in democracy there was a great woman once her name was Halcine with you? I believe in democracy. There was a great woman once. Her name was Halcine. Also, I was going to say Ice-5 is five

villains, not a villain. Grammar wins the day. It's you and your. As long as I've registered my belief system, that's fine. Are we giving Fizborten... We also should probably rest before we try again,

right? Oh, okay. Good call. Oh, yeah. So we can be at maximum burnage. Lucas doesn't get a vote, I don't think. Or maybe he does because he lived in that long ago times. No, he wouldn't know anything. He's still unconscious also, for what't know anything. He's still unconscious

also, for what it's worth. He's also dumb as a brick. Hashinka, not dumb as a brick, I will say. You would all know. You could ask her. What's your opinion, Hashinka? She can vote. The only other thing I could

contribute is the Archmage of Vanzervale was definitely competing for the mantle of the Tenebrous one. Direct competitor with King Valix at the time. I think he's dead. I am not sure. Is that one of the two choices? That was another one that was not one that occurred to

Winifred because of various reasons but does not necessarily mean any one way or the other I'll give Winifred an insight check on whether it could be Archimedes of Antero

well it's a little, you know, a little check. Insight, you said? Yeah. 15? You like your answer better. Okay. Her personal answer

or the voted answer um her too okay yeah okay so the winner is eldren i say let's rest and then um exercise get boiled in acid democracy in this uh death tube all right maybe we get a q a with the actor who did that stirring monologue before and we can ask some questions. Ronnie, don't you want to learn more about the great decision you made? Yes. So we're resting up here?

Yeah, that is the case. Sure. Are we resting? Ronnie needs one. We should. I think if we can, we should. Alright. Yeah. I might like hardly any coins. And this heals us up, or do we need

a mask here, wounds? It will heal us if we get through the long rest, so we need to see if we can do that. Right? Yes. Yep, you get full health if everybody gets two shifts. If anybody only

gets four hours of sleep, I think somebody doesn't need two. I don't need to rest. Somebody else, maybe Brian or Blaine only needs four, I think, also. Ronnie's already snoring. Alright, I'm watching. I'm sleeping. I will sleep sleep as well can i get a perception check from the watch that's all

it's a 24 um very very still you can hear the sound of dust settling on your feathers dang you gotta get those cleaned four hours have gone by i'll take a take a watch all right let's get your perception check sir is this your wallet uh 10 plus 414 yeah i can. I can't hear dust settling on anything. No, you know, you're feeling a little annoyed with the acid incident, and so

you just sort of hear your pulse in your ears a little bit. But nothing blasts into the room during your shift. Okay. Alright, Who's taking last one? I can take another one. Yeah, I'll go again.

Oh, it doesn't matter, you say. Okay. Do we need another one? Yeah. You need one more. Well, actually, let me see. If you only... If Kweep and Dr dr who would only need four hours each then you're done right i believe that's the case unless i'm confused which wouldn't be the first time all right well then you're done indeed um yeah uh the room feels

uh it's eerily quiet as you all wake up it's a bit uncomfortable doesn't feel safe at all but nothing has occurred during your long rest that you're aware of so this time we should prepare for um acid yes right um let's see if there's anything i can do dan i have some insect gauntlets that i never use but they allow me to uh uh climb uh sheer cliff faces and stuff so i'm gonna have those kind of ready to go and hoist myself up onto the walls and people can cling to me if they need to he got those then uh at the very beginning of that other season, right? That's some season 3, like, episode

13 shit that he's dropping right now. Hey, I have these things! Nice. Okay, so if anybody has a spell or anything else, or just even an engineering idea about how to keep everybody up off the ground.

Well, if, uh, Queep, if you pick up Winifred, I'll try and grab onto the good doctor. All right. Right? Yeah, there just might be a more... Is there something we can, like, make handholds on the wall somehow? Yeah, like, just a little bit of... Yeah, Ronnie, can't you, uh, with your monk abilities, just climb up a sheer face?

I can, yeah. I mean, don't I have something like that? Can I just check that character sheet? Because I'm not sure I remember anything like that. Can I chop my blade of kukla into the wall and we can all hang from it? I would make you do a survival

check for that, but I would think you would take a look at the walls and be like all hang from it. What would I handle? I would make you do a survival check for that, but I would think you would take a look at the walls and be like, ah, stone. Oh yeah, never mind then. Does someone have like a like a Lehman's Tiny Hut type thing where we could all just gather in and then the...

I do, but it's... Let's all get a bag of holding. I don't know if... is that going to keep acid out um i think it's protects you from everything then great question do you have lehman's tiny hut impenetrable yeah seems like it is what about the floor of it does it say

that part I would assume so but I'm reaching for exceptions because I want to 10 foot immobile dome of force yeah around and above you remain stationary spells and other magical effects can't extend

through the dome or be cast through it atmosphere inside the space is comfortable and dry regardless of the weather outside oh let's uh does lehman's tiny hut have a floor no it creates a dome and not a hemisphere there is no floor right but does the isn't the acid coming in from the sides or was it coming up coming up through the sides of the floor? It's the sides of the floor, so if the dome is in the center, the acid will still come around it, right? The dome probably extends beyond

the floor, I would think. It's a 10-foot radius dome, so... The 10-foot radius is just the center of the room, and then the acid... It should, in theory... It would be like a donut hole surrounded by an acid donut. I'm the raspberry jelly.

I'm just hoping I get the answer right and then we don't have to worry about it. Well, I think you got it wrong, but I guess we'll find out. All the next nerd poker. We're canceling the Q&A with the actor. You couldn't afford my date, right?

Dan, if there's a... Brian? Could I shadow step up the wall somehow? Well, what shadow step would do is it would let you kind of teleport. Right. But yeah, so, but can I see, like, can I see a dimly lit area above us? That I could, because... Yeah, I mean, there's... Vision of, but yeah. So, but can I see like, can I see a dimly lit area above us that I could, cause it, yeah.

I mean, there's the, the corners on the Northwest and Northeast of the room are in flickering shadow. You could do it, but then you would, you know, have to do like a pretty solid acrobatics or athletics check to stay up in the corner without sliding down unless you have. But I think, I don't think you need to, cause I think we've, I think the Lehman's tiny hut solution might be worth it. Okay,

cool. Nice. I was just reading, uh, while we were talking. Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Sure. I think that, I think there was a discussion that led to some hope. I can't promise. I won't still. I saw a couple of things. I didn't even know I had, I'm fucking so dumb,

but, uh, well, I had seen stunning strike, but I don't think I knew exactly what it did. And that can be really helpful. You know, I could have stunned people before just by spinning a key point. But whatever.

Let's not think about all the times I was stupid. Let's think about the new Ronnie. Yeah. Check out my gauntlets. Yeah. Just check out my gauntlets. Yeah, everyone take a look at the gauntlets that Dr. Uwud has had for three years and never used. What do they do? I don't know. I've never used them.

I do think you use them once. I can't remember if it was like in Queep's Cliff Homeland or some shit. Yeah, I think I scaled a wall with them or something yeah they're like insect claws that come out and i can scale walls and use them to to slash people uh apparently the liam and tiny is that every week is a sphere it's spherical i'm looking at kerry gygax's original rules oh well nerd Oh. Well, nerd. It creates an unmoving, opaque sphere of force of any desired color. Well, in fifth edition, it's referred to as a hemisphere.

As opposed to a sphere. As the sphere projects above the ground. Yeah. A lot of rust in the lower hemisphere passes through the ground. I'm going to make it the color of a diming red barchetta. I'm looking at actually D&D. The internet disagrees. Farewell to the ground. I'm going to make it the color of a dying red barchetta. I know, but I'm looking at actually D&D. The internet disagrees. Farewell to the kings.

Let Sarah say something, please, because she represents what I'm also looking at. There's a, there's like, but to be fair, this is a hotly debated topic. There's an entire thread on D&D Beyond where people are arguing about whether or not it has a floor back and forth and back and forth. Right. This discussion has gone back and forth forever and we'll probably be going back and forth until wizards releases,

uh, something that rules one way or another. So basically, but either way, it should be fine. Even if Dan, if Dan says it doesn't have a floor, we're still good because it should go straight to the edge.

I'm just saying originally described is as a sphere that is split into a hemisphere by the floor, but the sphere continues through the floor, according to this. I would say... Actually, if you've read Schrodinger's theory on matter and... Okay, let's just... Let's do it. Let's be the donut. I heard a Schrodinger's reference.

Let's back up and argue for a few more minutes. Penelope Spheeris. I would say that none of you including dr who would really know with confidence what liam and tiny hut would do because it's not something that dr who had learned it's something that he knows is contained in a artifact he is keeping but uh you have all seen uh tales or heard tales of this spell before, and you would feel like, to a couple of y'all's points, at the very least, even if the gods were dicks

and it was only a hemisphere that didn't go through the ground, it would be making contact with the floor, and the acid you have previously encountered will be coming up through the sides of the floor beyond the hemisphere. So in theory, as far as all you know you'd be protected regardless i mean there was there have been multiple very popular songs written and sung about um this spell so i actually feel like you know i feel confident that it's going to work, is what Winifred says. Cool. There's a call and response.

Lehman's tiny what? Lehman's tiny hut. And that's why people love that one. There's also more of a mournful ballad piece about someone running away from the grief of losing their great love. You know, there's a lot of interpretations. But in all of them, they're safe inside, away from acid. Let's do it. Alright, is it happening?

Now, if I do a quick mental inventory of all the magic shit going on, I think I'm ready to go. So, but you're all gonna Dr. Ud's going to cast with his wand and then Winifred's gonna use Mage Hand. That's what's about to happen?

Well, does it go as soon as instantaneously your wand? No, yeah, it goes when he does the wand. We can pull the lever. We'll all be huddled in the center, ready to be huddled. And then we'll answer the question and we'll see what happens.

Yeah, if anything bad happens, hud it up. Because remember, it doesn't necessarily have to be acid. It could be another horrible thing. That's true. That's a great point. Ready to be huddled sounds like a really disturbing star Wars porn parody, by the way. Okay.

You cast Lee, miss tiny huts. No, no, no. We're going to see if it works. We're going to do that. We're going to do the,

we're going to pull the lever. We're going to answer the question. Then we're going to see what happens. Okay. So you cast Lee, miss. No. Okay.

Uh, you pull the lever. I'm fine. And yes, it's a flapping. You hear the voice say, Greetings. Announce the name of the vilest of villains for further

descent. Five. Four. Say it. Three. King Eldredan III. Two. Okay. five four say it three king eldred the third two okay as you say king eldred the third

it stops the countdown you hear the sound of loud groaning wheels somewhere beneath the floor the floor jitters for a moment and then starts to descend you hear a cranking

noise and begin to see grooves in the wall indicating that the floor was being held up and is now lowering itself down deeper into the sub castle basements basement sub basements of the castle, whatever you'd like to call it. You've technically already traveled to another plane of existence by going down that green magic tunnel, so it does feel a bit like you're all quite out of that actual geographic area. It goes down, down, down, and you are taken to a large chamber.

But it is only a chamber. It's about the size of the elevator you were just in, but the elevator kind of goes up if you step off. So I will just tell you that right now. Yeah, we can step

off. Wait, are you saying if we step off the elevator disappears it just goes back out to return i think i think uh i may have spilled too much beans but if you even like dangle a leg off of it you feel that there is some sort of weight mechanism reacting to it so it would feel like it might travel back up. Oh, just automatically goes back up. There are four torches and other chambers continuing in the north, south, east, and west. You're standing on a square platform. It looks the same in all directions.

No. Why don't we go ahead and hop on over to a new map on roll 20. Alright. What's everybody's got? Well,

I'll tell you this much. To the north north you see there are some are two sets of stairs that go up just a little bit like about 10 fuck i'm in the star wars map hold on folks if you enjoy Dungeons & Dragons, why don't you hop on over to our Patreon, where contributors of $5 or more a month get to enjoy bonus episodes, such as Chris Tallman, Dungeon Mastering Star Wars with 5th Edition Rules,

which we are featuring three episodes of this month. It's true. They're fun. Very fun. And we could always use your help uh listeners uh oh yeah and um i should uh i'll i'll pull it up before our next episode and thank them but one of our listeners did something really really awesome and they made we already had like a new season four ish wiki that someone made last year or the year before but like now someone made a wiki specifically for for the players to track all of their loot

and stuff i know i texted it to you guys a couple weeks ago um but really really generous they're like try to keep track of all your loot so nice and all the dildo district jokes that actually was the other wiki uh this one this one is lighter on dildo district jokes so you can actually track what you have uh which i thought was very generous because the other one everyone was really enjoying their own personal opportunity to log into a wiki and add their own dildo district jokes who would die do i'm gonna do it right now okay you in brian yeah yeah i'm there sorry sick thank you for apologizing i was really hurt by that just kidding um i love you brian so you look to the north you see two stairs going up 10 feet leading into what looks like a crypt-like room. There are

stairs to the south that is just a singular stair going up more than 10 feet. There are another set of two stairs going up 10 feet to the east where there appears to be a crypt chamber

there as well. And to the west there are stairs going up and it doesn't look as much like a crypt chamber there as well. And to the west, there are stairs going up, and it doesn't look as much like a crypt. I will open the map up a little bit more just to help you with, like, the vibes. But you kind of got

to ascend stairs in one of those four directions. But it seems as though there are torches lit for the north and south ones not for the east and west right torches lit for the yeah in the room you're in there's

only torches for the north and the south exits the east and the west also you know have their own clerks. I would say the south, with the stairs going up the highest,

I would have to give you a perception check for basically all four directions. So if you pick one, I can give you all a perception check, as you kind of try to peer without actually ascending any stairs or anything. Should we search for tracks? Perhaps the floor will reveal a clue. How about we get a perception check from

everybody and I'll just, we'll ascribe it to all four directions. Sounds good. I'm going to perceive right now. Can I guidance everybody? Yeah, you can. Oh, shit. I got an 18.

Ronnie got a 24. I got an 18. Ronnie got a 24. I got a 4. Guidance, though, what does that add to it? Oh, no, actually, I got a 7. What does guidance add? A D4. Oh, D4. Okay, so.

Well. I had a 24. I had a 24. Now I have a 20. Yeah, 12 for me. Great. Well, 24 is going to do a lot. I think so.

25. Still a lot. You peer around, and this is what you can gather without actually ascending the stairs. I'm going to reveal only a little bit more on the actual visuals. So I would take notes if you want to be super like. Memorizing this wink, Sarah, keen mind wink. So you guys kind of look to the north and feel like okay there are multiple and creep you know like you can kind of flap up a little bit flappy flap flap and kind of like peer up as high as the doorway

will let you to the north there appears to be multiple sarcophagi oh um also there's some torchlight to the east there are the most, and it appears there is one sarcophagi. To the south, there is a tiny, tiny bit of light that you and Ronnie barely can see. It's way up this high staircase. And to the west, there are a couple of torches atop the stairs. And it feels like you don't see any sarcophagi. There's a feeling I get when I look there. Let's avoid the sarcophagi?

Yeah. You see sarcophagi in... Everywhere but west. Correct. And south. You see north and east have sarcophagi for sure. So you're saying west? Yeah. I say west.

I say west, yeah. Young men. Okay. You all head up the stairs to the west which I will reveal is it wild wild is there a giant wooden tarantula up there

all of a sudden Will Smith drops down from the ceiling Kenneth Branagh starts delivering some very unfortunate dialogue. Oh, not a spider robot. You head into this room. There are two statues, one to the north and one to the south. They appear to be dragonborn. Their skin is iron, so it's difficult to tell what chromatic dragonborn they might be.

They're not supposed to be right like it seems like they're a natural iron color which is not what dragons typically are there are stairs as you may note heading upwards and a large stone door atop those stairs and there are a couple of fires lit on the floor that kind of like bring a glow to the room. And that's about it. Can I examine one of the statues closer? Sure. Let's get an investigation check from Winifred. Can I give her guidance?

Mm-hmm. Oof. Somebody else start looking, because even with guidance. I will look as well yeah it's a nine even with guidance okay what do i see on the statute what uh uh nine i expect well first we've got winifred i know everyone likes to dog pile on skill roles but winifred narratively is walking up to which one? South or north? North.

Okay. So if you want to place your token within a small space. Within killing distance. And can I get a dexterity saving throw from Winifred, please? Yay. It's probably just acid. How long does guidance last? It's still on me right uh it only lasts uh it lasts for a minute but you get to use

it once okay uh then 14 okay uh you are going to take a nice vacation in bora bora oh man with those crystal clear waters six points of slashing

damage as one of the hands just rakes you across the shoulder this statue goes thunk off of its platform thunk and begins walking towards the group and we'll have to find out what that means exactly

on the next episode of nerding pokers I guess I should walking towards the group. And we'll have to find out what that means exactly on the next episode. Oh, of nerding. I guess I shouldn't have looked at it. You walked. You wanted to examine it. You said,

I'm going to examine it. Sorry. I looked at it. I mean, you walked up close and do anything in this PC woke world. I can't even look at a statue. Oh my God. I keep forgetting that look at a statue. Oh my God. I keep forgetting that you are a truther. All right,

Sam, what happened on this episode of nerd poker episode 35? Uh, the room we're in filled up with acid. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Good shit. Thanks, Sam. Sure. it. Good shit. Thanks, Sam.

Sure. Dan. Goof. Dan, anything you want to plug? Yeah. Please head on over to Grim and Whimsy at patreon.com slash Grim and Whimsy. I'm up to some shows out in like Santa Monica and Los Feliz and and shit around la please take a look at my instagram where i will post about it and i might have a show in chicago but i might also just go see some

fucking emo bands so i'm still figuring out what i'm gonna do but keep an eye in chicago in april i might do some uh standing up comedy cool i I have two gigs at the end of April. I will be in Tacoma at the Tacoma Comedy Club with Johnny Taylor. And then during the day

that Saturday, I think it's like the 22nd, I'm going to be signing at a place like Destiny's. It's on my website, but I'll be signing at a place like Destiny's. It's on my website, but I'll be signing at a comic book shop in town, in Tacoma.

The following week, I'll be in Baltimore for one show and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania for one show. There's a great room up there called the Fun House. It's a bar. It's still there. It's so fucking cool. It's a great room.

Sorry. I always play Stats. It's a big comedy space there. I've had great shows, so looking forward to that. And then we're moving to Oklahoma City. That was supposed to be the first week in may but um uh my wife is going to be in a tennis tournament because my wife is a

fucking yeah since covet i don't know people do you guys know like melanie plays six or seven days a week now so yeah when uh when i crashed at your place in uh early november of last year she was telling me about it she's fucking it's fucking crazy like i uh she's always been like you know athletic and and like different from me but she played she played tennis as a youngin and then missed it you know she was on the tennis team for Fresno State and shit. And, like, that's her. And I never really saw that side of her until COVID. And she started playing just near us.

And then all of a sudden she joined all these other. She's got, like, a couple of leagues she's in. She's ranked. And it's fucking crazy. Awesome. And she's kick-ass. I went and watched her. And she's in she's ranked and it's fucking crazy awesome and she's kicked ass i went and watched her and she's fucking amazing anyway um does she make a sound when she serves no but the person she plays with sometimes does and it's fucking ridiculous and everybody all the other women improves i just was reading something they were saying like that

it actually improves people's performance. I don't think so. Melody doesn't think so. Brian, as a fellow nerd, think about all the times you've had to exert sudden bursts of energy and the noises it's forced out of you. Think about when you stand up or lay down.

Fuck my knees. Yeah, but that's it for me. Blaine, what's happening next week? We attribute the success to save mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof?

Well, on the first NerdPoker, Brian graduates from kindergarten, summer come cute. Sarah braids her. Some have come cute. Sarah braids her hair with a lemon twist. Ken stars in a shamrock shake commercial. Sam thinks about being born.

Dan is attacked by tippy-headred lions. And Chris stops time travelers from killing his friend, Baby Hitler. All this at a visit from Hoagy Carmichael on the first Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.