Nerd Poker - S5E4 Silent Flying Death

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

As our crew commits to travelling through the caves, the harpy encounter is imminent. Hopefully Ronnie is used to his role as "leader" because his friends will need his help if they want to avoid becoming the food of eyeless barn owl creatures. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Poussin, comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room with my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends Sarah, Kev, Dan, Blake, Chris. Now it's time for another episode of Brian Posse's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five.

Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Posse, and you're listening to Annoyed Poker with Brian Posse. My friends are here. Look at them. I'm already making Chris laugh at my dumb fucking take. Oh, I love me some Brian Paulson. That's great.

What's up, Friar Jolly? Hey, how are you? I'm good. Queepy D's right next to you. Yeah. What's up, Brian Parson? Yeah, good job.

You cold-kicking it? Yeah. Dr. U is here. Dr. Who, you say? Dr. U, you are. What's up, Brioche? What's up? It's B to the P.

What's up, D to the T hey hey you ever get a lot of brioche bread like a few times in a row because it tastes so good and then after a few weeks you've put on like 20 pounds and you're like oh that's right because I started getting brioche bread

that's the Dan Telfer lifestyle brioche it I gained COVID 72 pounds and I think even more than that. Not just brioche. Ever since Fat Sal's came to town, I blame Fat Sal's.

It's a problem. Tara's here. Hello. To take your life and steer. How are you doing? Doing good. I'm eating some organic knockoff Skittles. And, you know, things are fine.

Oh my God, are you kidding? Where do you get knockoff Skittles? Well, they're like the Whole Foods version of Skittles. And honestly, can I say something? I don't care that they're organic. I kept buying Skittles because I like Skittles. And every, like I say something? I don't care that they're organic. I kept buying Skittles because I like Skittles and every, like half the time they were like crunchy,

like stale almost. And they had the wrong texture and I got so sick of it that I was like, I gotta try a different like brand of fruit snack. Have we talked about something or did I have a dream that what we used to eat was really bad for you? I feel like I saw.

Well, there was a news article that Skittles was being taken to court because there was poison in their recipe or something. Oh, really? Yeah. Specifically in the one we had, the spicy hot, right? Yep. Yep. No. Skittles lawsuit alleges the candy is, quote unquote,

unfit for human consumption. But not specifically the spicy hot ones. It's all Skittles because they have some paint thing in them. Poisonous letters. Who cares? Now you tell me. We're all going to die long. What are the Whole Foods knockoffs called?

Jesus Christ. I've been eating Skittles since the 80s or whenever they came out. Giggles. Giggles. Giggles. Yum Earth Giggles. I'm coming out with Spittles since the 80s or whenever they came out. Giggles. Giggles. Yum Earth Giggles. I'm coming out with spittles. Well, do you remember... There's one weird flavor and I can't identify it, what fruit it's supposed to be.

I don't know. He probably thinks I forgot about him, but I did not forget about Sam. There he is. Look at him with the sweet, sweet ramen. Hello, sweet, sweet children. Sweet heat ramen. That's right, sweet children. Sweet heat ramen. That's right. Ramen's like an extra pink.

Look at him. Friday is when we're having our portrait taken. Oh, nice. We've been hearing about it. Going to get a rent a tuxedo later today. Did you pick it out? No, not yet, but I found a place that had, it's like costumey place, so they have tails

and the neck thing that goes up high and a top hat. Sam, will you guys both be wearing a black garbage bag around for the next few days just to sweat off those last few pounds before the photo? Yeah, and I have that machine that's just a belt around my waist and it jiggles me. Perfect.

Is he getting his own tuxedo? From comedy sketches in the 50s? Yeah, exactly. You've seen it. And then a 1950s doctor who prescribes me weight loss help and it's just cocaine. Oh, speed. It's definitely speed.

It's just methamphetamines. I have one of those. I put it around my neck in a dry cleaning bag over my head and masturbate. That's how they did it in the 50s. That's how you drop the mounces. Yeah, that's manual erotic asphyxiation.

The show has started. We're in. Yeah. Anybody else have something horrible to say? No, I guess I'll get in the patreon supporters first patreon supporters name is oh god i just listened to the beginning of episode four and

i'm calling the police oh that's interesting uh this is episode four how did you do that also i'd like to thank noah gedrick thanks dr uid's goodberry fluid Noah Gedrick. Thanks. Dr. Uwitz Goodberry Fluid. Oh, thank you. Sure is. Thank you, Hectic Planet. Sounds like an Evan Dorkin reference. Thank you, Galifio. Thank you, Walt Keegan. Thank you, Jana Fields.

Thank you. Thanks, Joel Watson. Thanks, Ray RPG. Thanks, Mark R. Thanks, Kerry Marsh. Thank you, Marcos Nolan. Thank you, Matthew McDonald. Thank you, Todd Bogman. Thank you, Daniel O'Sheaald thank you todd bogman thank you daniel o'shea

thank you splort dusky seventh of his name thanks thank you short shorts thank you philip robinson thank you dargther's secret rope hole thanks dick trebuchet. Thanks. Saturday Morning Media. Thanks. Kristen Barrick-Schisler. Thank you. Thank you, Douglas Scott. Thank you, Craig Breckenridge. Thank you, Ryan Spateri. Thanks, Denim Perineum. Oh, thank you.

Boy, oh boy. Thanks, Scott Lester. Thanks, Chock Fullo Butts. Thanks, John Matthews.s sorry stepping on commentary thank you polar bear pants thank you mick is new thank you john hood thank you evan cateau thank you jesse wesson thank you diana thank you angry elvis thank you dane meyer thank you brand Thanks, Ben Kowalik. Thanks. Philip Owens. Thank you, Stacy Dunkerley. And finally, thank you, It's Terfluten

Blaine, not Fluteduckin. Yeah, totally. True. Blaine, who were they brought to us by, speaking of you? Those supporters brought to us by Ad Classic Support is brought to us by... And...

Classic... Bards! Fire, turpent, landed, peckin', squawkin', eatin', poopin'. Birds! Birds, can't have bees without them. Birds from the members of bees, and new diet bees. Ow, bees. Dan?

Thanks, Blake. I a new diet bees. Ow, bees. Dan? Thanks, Blake. I like those diet bees. Diet bees are good. First couple taste weird, but then they're good. The chemicals aren't good for you. Is there any sort of a diet or bee aftertaste? No. They're a little yellowjackety.

You know how yellowjackety is, it's the same thing. Yeah. Hey, Dan. Brian. What happened last time on Nerd Poker? I'll tell you, Brian. What happened last time was our new heroes landed and went inside a cave just outside the cliffs of Vendaria.

They're sort of still, you know, getting used to the fact that Ronnie Yen is there fearless and extremely confident. No! But they're also gathering around some information as they inch forward through the dark. There appears to be harpies who assaulted a small party of moon elves and dragged some sort of artifact North through the cave. Will our heroes find the artifact? Will our heroes encounter Harpies? I don't know. Let's find out.

Dan, I thought you were, Dan, I thought you were throwing up. Like, Oh my God. My, my,

the same reflex that when my cat was puking oh my god dan needs help paper towel on the floor you're from the diaphragm dan uh just start petting me and it'll go out easier so yeah you guys are all gathered sort around this encampment and you're you're going slow there's mist everywhere there's you know uh looks like a couple of lanterns left behind but otherwise nothing everything has been gutted by the harpies including this strange container that was originally brought here you found out through speak to the dead to appease king valyx on behalf of the moon elves it is now, animalistically dragged north through the tunnel in the hopes that maybe whatever it is

will end up being food or some such shiny thing. And Ronnie was just going to go scout the drag tracks to see if it maybe is just like around the corner or if it's surrounded by harpies. And I will put my hand on Ronnie's shoulder and say, from one best friend to another and cast Guidance on him. Okay.

Ready to go there, Ronnie? Yeah. Excuse me. All right, so why don't you roll us a stealth check as you carefully head north? Alright. Stealth. Stealth. Stealth. Stealth. Big roll. Big roll. Stealth. Stealth. Stealth.

Man, that's so good. Eight. You've got guidance if you want to add it. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay cool I'll take it yeah so you got a 5 plus 3 on the original stealth roll and here comes the guidance I see it

not bad so you got an 11 you just barely catch yourself, Ronnie, as you are attempting to lively navigate the misty cave ahead. And you see what appears to be a thick, leathery strap that is dragged across the mouth of the cave about a foot above the ground. I will reveal what that looks like exactly, but you almost trip over it.

A leathery strap? Mm-hmm. How would you like to respond to this revelation, sir? Anybody have some heavy metal lullabies? No, I know. I'm just thinking about it.

But he would do. What would you like to do? It's a leathery strap. Yeah, it's about like, we'll say an inch thick. And it is, you want to investigate it basically, Ronnie? You want to try to look past it? Yeah, it's about, like, we'll say an inch thick. And it is... Do you want to investigate it, basically, Ronnie? Do you want to try to... Yeah, I'll look at it again.

Yeah, investigate it. Yeah, give me an investigation check, please. There you go. I am unsettled by those details. Rolling low. I think it's the leathery. Yeah. It's not leather strap.

It's leathery. Too much mist. Do a perception check? yeah it's not leather strap leathery too much perception check uh i'm going to say at this point this is sort of what is defining your view unless you take further adventurey action so um you're unable to really get through the mist it's too low to the ground the there's too bad lighting spilling from the area you were just in with the turned over lanterns. You just can't quite make it out. You can step over it and look farther down the cave, however.

I'll do that. Okay. Let's get another stealth check, please. Again, you just caught yourself with at 11. This is higher. Oh, yeah, 21. Hey! All right.

You adventure a little bit farther north in the cave, and as you round the bend, there are more of these straps, and they seem to be impeding your path. They're almost haphazardly wrapped around rocks and such, but they appear to be some sort of organic remains that have been turned into almost like a wire of sorts from one side of the cave to another and sort of smashed against rocks. There appears to be some sort of twine sloppily attaching it

to some crevices between cracks in the cave wall very very haphazardly done but you see there is some twine also leading from these leathery straps farther into the chamber ahead okay like a trip wire or something

at least they're organic like my skittles oh you meant a different kind of organic Like body parts Yeah Why don't we get Hey Somebody said

Body parts Body's amazing Brian can you do an insight check for Ronnie please Sure Can you do an insight check for Ronnie, please? Sure. Six. Oh, yeah. You're just not sure what's going on here. No.

You do think if you tried very carefully, a.k.a. an acrobatics check, you might be able to navigate through all of these strap like things and get to the next chamber without touching any of them, but you're still not sure what they do or what will happen if you touch one. Wait, can he please wear a catsuit

while he does it? Is he going to be doing the through the lasers catsuit thing? It depends. Please. Again, he could go back and regroup but Ronnie I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna look in Rolls Royce so yeah you've got your token down I'm gonna move

it up and show you exactly where you are sort of in this tunnel okay I have a loose robe right I'm gonna like tie everything up on my clothing or actually take my robe off and make a pack

of it and put it in with my other stuff I call up the I say I have three spare leotards if you need one I'm good I don't actually know what he's facing but she would offer if she knew I'm going to try across the room and I got an 18

in athletics we're going acrobatics boss oh I thought you said okay cool acrobatics but I will let you roll it with advantage because you went out of your way 18 again meant to happen roll another because you can get higher

yeah you managed to navigate it. Navigate through and I'll reveal the next chamber to you. You get through this sort of large bundling of twine and again, creepily organic straps attached to the sides of the cave wall and get to what looks like a much older encampment that's probably not related directly to the moon elves. It looks like this might have been something that is now years abandoned. There's just a mess here.

Everything's covered in dust and all these straps lead to something in the ceiling. It looks like a very large bundle has been haphazardly attached to the ceiling of this chamber. Bundle of what? Straps, candy. There are so many bits of twine and straps kind of wrapped around it.

And leading up to it, it's unclear what is underneath this large bundle attached to the ceiling Ronnie horrible yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna throw up a detect magic and I'm gonna kind of sweep the area and see if there's if this you're not with them though you don't see any of this Ronnie

hasn't reported back and you would have to do quite some tricky maneuvering to catch up to him. I mean, if you want, you can start making your way, Dr. Because you're feeling impatient. Like, I totally hear it. You know what I'm saying? You can you can do some. He did a gorgeous back handspring ending with a round off.

Okay, I'll yeah, I'll lay out. What does layout mean? I'll just I. What does lay out mean? I will not do anything. It's going to tan. Brian, what do you think Ronnie would do in reaction to this? Reaction to which thing? The big bundle that is attached

to the ceiling of this next chamber with all the straps and twine leading up to it. I don't know. I can't picture it so like what do i need to do to maneuver around it i mean you don't really need to maneuver around it you're in the chamber now but uh yeah it does look like all those straps and twine somehow lead to this obscured weird bulge on the ceiling. All right. I'm going to go back to the... Not the last chamber,

but I'm going to go to where I can yell to my friends. And kind of explain what... Yeah, you can do that without having to make an acrobatics check. You can kind of go right up to where the straps get really thick and shout through it. Okay.

The straps in this room wind up in this third room all coming together in one large package. I don't know what to make of it. Do they seem like tubes? Is there something moving through the straps?

Not now, but it does seem like it was alive at some point. is it like a trip wire maybe like if you touch any of the straps it'll I haven't touched anything so I don't know that sounds very gross it seems like something Dan would do where if you touch a leathery

strap it opens a sack of harpies yeah hey Ronnie classic Dan of harpies. Yeah. Hey, Ronnie! Classic Dan. Ronnie, what's beneath the big bundle? Like, if the big bundle's on the ceiling,

what's on the ground? Like, if the bundle were to open, what would it fall onto? Uh, my riff gun jammed. Actually, uh my riff gun jammed actually what did it open up to

Dan what is there below it below it there's a few old crates and barrels some some some crate and nothing uh yeah it's not really like anything that seems to indicate what is in this mysterious bulge on the ceiling. Wait, did you say it's a crate and barrel?

Yeah, there's a... More of a restoration hardware guy myself. Well, I mean, you could set it on fire. Cut it all apart, move past it without doing anything. Yeah, maybe if there's a way we could all be in there together, it wouldn't seem so dangerous. Right now, there's something happening. Try to get through as stealthily as you can.

Is this the only way through to where we're headed anyway? Or is this like a side? We could swim in the water. Actually, sorry, first question. The drag to the tracks that he was following the dragged whatever the where did that did that keep leading all the way to the yeah yeah so Ronnie you would have noticed it looks like this got dragged right

through this area on the ground and this was maybe done after this was dragged up through the tunnel somebody want to try swimming around the other way yeah feels like we're gonna have to check out this bundle even though we know it's gonna be awful oh the bundle i don't want to see what's in it what's all right well um when we come up then

does the room end here like on the other side with the the dock and stuff is that the end of this room you see like there are a few more docks. You can kind of like look up around, but they don't go to anything. As this cavern sort of opens up, it's just this sheer cliff that goes up a couple hundred feet. It doesn't look like there's another way into the tunnel

on that side. And nothing over here? It's all blocked off? That's where, over there, you can sort of see there's a couple of old dinghies that are tied up to the dock, but next to the dinghy, just sheer cliff

going all the way up, and then you can see there's a ceiling way up there. I guess we gotta get through these sex tongues, right? Well, can we open up this area just to look at it? Where we are? Sure.

Like that? Yeah. Oh, okay. I wonder if the docks go all the way around. Yeah, I mean, you can see cliffs. It's... I'll try to open up a little more. There's dinghies, and it's hard to, it's hard to really.

Can I go, can I go examine the straps? Like right where they start? Yeah, absolutely. Go ahead and pop your token up to where you want to be exactly. So I know what you're rolling exactly. And I think we're going to do an investigation check. Let's just start. Let's just start. Don't, don't let's start. let's just start

don't let's start let's just start I've got a weak heart honestly a little burn I rolled a 20 not a natural but okay it looks like

a couple of them have fallen apart due to sloppy creation but they are the dried intestines of some sort of creature that have been rigged into a series

of trip lines. And again, some of them have fallen apart, but it looks like their intention is to pull on something ahead, farther down the tunnel where Ronnie is. Likely, the bulge you've heard about. So the idea is if we set off the trip wires, the bulge will fall. Something will come out of it.

Something comes out of it. Seems like it. It seems like something bad is inside the bundle instead of a gift for us. Yeah. Passive insight. Bad. So should we just try to get through here and all put on our

catsuits and then just is it all closed off over here too you guys really want it to be not closed off but it sure is so like as you get over there I don't I've already changed like I'll show you mine has spangles I'll show you a little more squeeps since you want to be over there I really want to be over here bad. It's like, you know, just cliff. There's a dinghy,

but there's a cliff. Also, remember, there's a ghost ship out there. Yeah. And it feels like that ghost ship, this is a place it could end up. All right, let's figure out a way. Maybe we can clip some of these. We want to, though. Well, we got to though. Oh, can

Queep fly over them, or do they go all the way up? I've heard that you are wonderful at carrying people through danger. The poems, the books, the entire books have been written about Queep's ability

to carry people safely, unproblematically. have the entire books have been written about Queep's ability to carry people safely unproblematically it's true the book's called Queep's not good at this no you I believe in me yeah this tunnel's

only about 10 feet tall and the straps go all the way well we'll read the books later then maybe have the people who are maybe tall and the straps go all the way. Well, we'll read the books later then. Maybe have the people who are maybe a little more adept at getting through should go first in the hopes that they

may not set up. Let's see if anybody, does anybody, these are new characters, so just quickly, does anybody have Misty Step or whatever? Something where they can, I didn't pick that. So let's just have the economy solves. Hey, Blaine,

will you roll an insight check for me? Yes. To determine whether I'm going to throw you a bone? 18 plus 4, 22. You do think that you could wild shape into something that could get through here? Well, I was thinking about that,

but I was also trying to think of something that would be able to get through and get other people through. I mean, with that insight check, you do think there's probably a way to disarm this,

you know, to to clear the path but you but uh you haven't really tried to yeah we don't have a rogue do we this time okay well uh it would be a sleight of hand check basically hey can hey uh i'm going to can i do something dan no of course can i uh can i put up my little folding change thing? My little paper folding screen? And I'll throw my clothes over it, and then I come out, and I'm a little grassy snake. Oh.

You'll get under everything if you go that way. You can head on up to Ronnie and say hello. Okay, so he's through. thing if you go that way you can head on up to ronnie and say hello okay so he's through um i go up to fire jolly and i pull a coin out from behind his ear oh my god in heaven and i say i have a bit of a knack i did used to do shows um just a little bit of of slight of him perhaps i should try to disarm it or should we try to all get through? What do you think? Oh, if it's a disarmable thing, yes, of course. I could help you by giving you blessings

from the Silver Flame. Ronnie, what do you think? Does that sound good? You're on the other side. If we fail, that bundle's going to come down right on you, so... And Dr. Rued now. We need your buy-in. Do not fail. Is there a way for me to

sort of slither up the side of the walls towards the top of the... to kind of get up and look around in snake form? Because my snake can get all over the place. Give me an investigation check. Blaine, that's going to get you

in trouble. Hey, how about a one? Oh! That snake landed right on that leathery thing. Well, we're going to find out what it does. I'm going to make this really interesting. Blaine, you know, Dr. Ewig slithers up the cave wall. He's darting around and he's kind of like,

really, I'm going to get a full lay of the land. And you kind of like wriggle your body and you realize very quickly you've completely tangled your body around the tripwires attached to the wall. And if you move an inch, including change to another shape, you could set one of these things off. Okay. Good. Perfect. Perfect. Just the way I want it.

I'm picturing Sir Hiss from the yeah exactly tied himself in a knot yeah well now more than ever when if i'd cracked her knuckles and it was gonna okay she's gonna try and disarm i guess so i mean unless we want to try they got plate mail on. I feel like it's going to be hard for you guys to get through, right? I don't think I'm going to be of much use here. I would definitely get tangled, Bunk says. Okay. Okay, I will

put Guidance on you unless Bless you think would be better. I don't think so. Well, Guidance gives you the D4 on ability checks. Bless gives you the d4 on ability checks bless gives you a d4 on attacks and saving throws i don't think i think guidance for the ability check right yeah so i'll i will give it a real good one this time dan like almighty silver flame imbue this bard's fingers with the power of performance.

Okay. Delightful. With a flourish. Very. Winifred is suddenly wearing a top hat and everyone's like, where did that even come from? But she pulled it out of her bag. Okay, I am going to do Sleight of Hand, you said, Dan? Yep. And I get how much? A d4 on top of this

oh no oh well okay it's gonna stop me from destroying anything but hold on uh that was bad it was a very bad roll though looking at the four oh okay was it was it a one no so a 13 total the guidance definitely saved your ass on this one you for a second your hand slips as you try to undo the very first strap and um it loudly goes as if it's being set off but your left hand deftly reaches out to the side and grabs it taut before the rest of the trap can set off. You do feel like you need to do something with this trap that is now taut in your hand

or else if you let go or move, you might set this trap off. Okay, so I do whatever I feel is necessary. Let's get another sleight of hand check. The DC is higher now. I just keep pulling it and it's turning into different colored hankies touch her shoulder and cast guidance again last time you needed a 10 and you got the the 9 plus 3 that that uh that saved you um but this time okay this ridiculous. I rolled the same thing. Okay, well, but he gave

me guidance again, right? Yes. Mm-hmm. It's a roll again. Thank you, because we needed to... Oh, no! I got a 10 total that time. So, you, uh, kind of try to walk

that first strap that's in your hand to the next strap. Before it gets super tangled, there is this one that's kind of by itself. And you walk up to the big bundle and you're like, okay, I'm going to try and get the next strap undone. And as soon as you touch it, you hear just this rustling above your head. You're like, is that a bug? And you look up and accidentally bump your elbow. And the whole thing just completely starts going so how many sleight of hands would i have had to do like 50 to get through you would have had to get either one above a 15 the first time

uh or you would have had to get it above an 18 the second time ridiculous Ridiculous. Insane. But if it was a 10... No, no, no. My rolls were ridiculous because I have a really good plus. I wanted a 10 or it was going to get set off or a 12 then if it was going to get set off. Okay, so everything is fine. So here's the thing. Dr. Uwud,

Ronnie, you see these like these chain reaction coming towards you on the straps. What would you do? Who's around me? Just Dr. Uwit. Everyone else is on the other side of this chain reaction that's happening. Tell him to move and then I'm going to move myself.

You are close. Move quickly. I'm going to constrict myself around them as tightly as possible. I would like an acrobatics check, and let me check your sheet real quick. You know what? You're in a perfect position to do this. I'll give you advantage on this. I got a 15 plus 3, 18.

And you got advantage. Roll one more time. 17 plus 3, 18. And you got advantage. Roll one more time. 17 plus three, 20. All right. You constrict yourself right as they hit you. And you're holding the entire trip line together at this point. There are three straps that are just like plugged into you. So if you guys look at the map now

dr uid i'm going to put you right where you're entangled right here and i'm going to delete a couple of these that basically through your combined efforts uh sarah and blaine you have managed to get a couple of these things gone especially because it got started to get a couple of these things gone, especially because it got started to get set off. But Blaine, you're now like holding them together and it will actually help Winifred undo it if she wants to forge ahead. And Winifred, your hands are free now. It looks like the chain reaction has temporarily stopped, but all the tension is on Dr. Uid's constricted snake form,

which is just sort of vibrating around three straps right now. Don't mind me! Are you sexual? Is there any way we can seal this off? I mean, do I have any choice other than that? You can do it, Winifred! Don't let your previous failures affect you. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, like, if you're feeling a little gun shy, I will say you're getting closer and it would occur to you.

You could try to acrobatics your way through these straps to where Ronnie is and approach it from a different angle. Should you choose. But that's probably, that's just an extra check, right? So I'm going to do a check either way, but yeah, it would be an extra check. I'm going to do another sleight of hand. This time I'm going to roll an actual physical die and see if that helps.

Put guidance on you again. Thank you. Hurry up. I don't know where the scars are going to pop up when I change back. Okay, that's 15. Ooh. And then I'm going to also, as a bonus action, I'm going to play a small song for Dr. Uwud.

It's so beautiful and really speaks to his little snake heart. It's like a snake charming song and, it gives him an inspiration die for 10 minutes. He can add it to one ability check attack roll or saving throw. Um, and he can, he can add it after he rolls, but before he knows whether it's going to be needed.

Cool. Hey, Dr. Yes. You feel, uh, cool hey dr uid yes you feel uh this tight thing suddenly loosen as winifred walks up to you and managed to one by one undo the tension and all the straps while holding on to a strap with the other hand winifred you get all the way to the to the final bit of tension and you managed to take all the twine and straps and pin them to the ground to the left and all of the tension is under a large rock that you managed to maneuver on top

of the straps and hold all of the tension dr uid you're free and the path is now clear but for these trip lines that are no longer in the way okay oh nice Oh, nice. Okay, and Dr. Uy, do you have a bardic inspiration die of 1d8 to use? We have 10 minutes to use it. Yeah, make a note. Forever. Okay, I'm going to sort of fireball somebody.

Why not? Woo! No, I'm kidding. Hey, thanks for the thing. I'm going to change back into me and then go put my uh put my stuff back on i have like like burns and stuff on my sides where the yeah winifred like dejectedly collapses her top hat like it's kind of beating herself up like it's not it's not a great but not your

best performance very Very close call. Shove it back in my bag. Let's get past this fucking thing. You're on the app. It's good. I thought they were good. We're good. You know, Winifred, I gotta be honest.

I thought you were great. I thought it was a bad crowd. Weird crowd. As you all enter the chamber and join Winifred, can I get a perception check from everyone, please? Yes.

Can I put guidance on myself? Mm-hmm. As I look around? Of course you can. 15 plus 4, 19. Eight. Also eight. Mm.

You want perception, you said? Yes. Nine. Ronnie, perception check, Ronnie. Certainly. 24. Holy shit. Yeah, you're all kind of fanning out,

and there's a few things in this chamber that look like they were not quite caught by these harpies um there's some silverware an old chess set missing a few pieces oh over here um on the north side of the cave but uh as ronnie you get kind of like the west side of this chamber where the path continues you see there is this large black box that's leaning up against a wall. It's kind of like a little forearm-sized, loaf-of-bread-sized treasure chest

that looks... It looks sealed. It's got a handle on either side and it's just onyx. It's like black stone. Should we just make the whole plane out of it? Ronnie found that? Yeah, Ronnie, you find it just where I'm going to show the end of the tunnel is. And Ronnie, as

you find this, you do hear this weird rustling noise. Oh, yeah! Coming from a little farther down the path. But yeah, now you've got this, you're walking up to this thing leaning up against the side of the tunnel. It looks like the dragging tracks lead up to it.

Hmm. Lead up to that thing. Yes. That must be the thing that they brought to offer to King Valix as a peace offering. The skeleton, or the corpse with the mouth. Does it seem hollow? That must be the thing that they brought to offer to King Valix as a peace offering. The skeleton or the corpse with the mouth. Does it seem hollow?

Is there some kind of a latch? Is there some kind of a way to open it? It looks like there is no keyhole or latch, but there is a seam around the lid. A seam? Mm-hmm. Just thinking out loud. Is this going to be one of those nightmare scenarios where it's like, oh, you're the super king of death, so we gave you like a shit bomb.

Is this going to be like a bad thing? Could be. Can anyone detect evil or? I can detect shit bomb evil or magic not evil maybe I should throw up a detect magic do you think there is a call for everyone to check their spells

and what they're able to I can turn undead and things like that but I can't I just I can't I don't just sense evil like that does it look like I have a mage hand. I can do my mage hand to try to open it. Um,

yeah, you could try that if you want, if you guys want. Sure. Um, Oh, you know what? I have even better than that.

Uh, I have a spell. Well, let's try the mage hand first. Cause it's a cantrip. Then I have something else if that doesn't work. Okay. So you use the mage hand to try to pry it up by the seam? Yeah.

Great. Let's get that sleight of hand check going. You're of course how far away from this as everyone backs away? Obviously as far away as possible. Ooh. Buzz botch. Uh-oh. Okay. I'm going to need everyone to do a dexterity

saving throw, please. Golly. Sure, it's fine. Gee whiz. Ooh. But we were as far away as possible. Yeah, I would say, looking at where you guys placed your tokens and those of you who weren't really thinking of

exactly where your token should be right now, you're all near the edge of the tunnel. I'm going to put bunk right about where you would be. Ronium put you there too because you kind of found this thing right about where your token is. Why don't I line y'all up for you since you didn't know exactly where this chest

was but I'm saying you're all approaching you can tweak it tweak it from there if you like that's right about where you are let's hear those dexterity saving throws from everyone nine six fifteen twenty five

okay it seems the mage hand what do you get there Ronnie thirteen 25. Okay. It seems the mage hand... What do you get there, Ronnie? 13? Cool. The mage hand slips and does something it's not supposed to. It doesn't seem like it's necessarily a complex mechanism, but it kind of, like, with its knuckles,

bops the lid in a way that looks like it's violent. And a bunch of very thin needles go... out from the ridge of the lid in a way that looks like it's violent. And a bunch of very thin needles go out from the ridge of the lid. Queep, you're the only one under a 10, yeah? Sure. No, I got a six. Okay, this is going to be fire jolly as well. You're going to take seven points of piercing damage

as a few of these. Wow, wow, wow. A few rows of them just go across your legs. Everyone else manages to sort of hop up. What kind of damage did you say? Piercing. Seven piercing. Got it.

Bunk made it. But yeah. Seems like maybe, you know, if you're a little more delicate, you could pop this open. Maybe the harpies encountered this and dropped it? Okay, shall I? I mean, yeah, it seems like he didn't open it. He just banged on it.

Yeah, just an accidental knuckle wrap on the lid did this, it seems like. Okay, I'll try again. Sure. I'll cast Guidance on Mildred. Lots of slights of hand checks in episode four. Uh-oh.

Nope. Trying to get it. That's a one. That's a one again. What are the chances of that? They're bad. Yeah. One plus six plus my extra one from my bardic, I mean, from my cleric friend.

All right. So actually it's 10, but it was a botch technically, so. Okay. So when this happens, no needles this time, but the lid does kind of go like, it seems like it is in some sort of locking mechanism now what are the chances of that this is bullshit very low

are you always involved I think it's about like 1 in 40 chance that could have happened somebody else do it does it have more needles in it it looks like maybe it does have more needles but right now it's in some sort of lockdown. It's not even locked. Someone can just open it.

All right, I'll try. Okay, Kweep. What am I doing to open it? Sleight of hand check, please. And the DC is higher than it was before. I'll put guidance on my friend Kweep. So far, only botches. My least favorite Captain Crunch spinoff.

Botch checks. What you got, Queep? Five. Oh, unfortunately... What, did you roll a one also? I rolled a three plus two yeah unfortunately nothing happens you're just like

you're feeling it very carefully and it's just it's like this thing is you can't even see a seam on it anymore it almost looks like solid obsidian just this black Ronnie you're very dexterous right yes yes I don't try like a bunch of monkeys

banging on a but Ronnie as you approach you're like oh god this thing doesn't even have seams anymore I don't even know where to start with this thing okay what am I rolling sleight of hand please and the DC is very high guidance

13 13 plus a d4 oh yeah no okay I'm over this you guys just can't find a scene no no I tell everybody to step back step around the corner I got a 15 what does a 15 do You guys just can't find a seam? No, no, no. I tell everybody to step back, step around the corner.

I will not be responsible for... I got a 15. What does a 15 do? It does not, unfortunately, find a seam in the lid. This thing seems to have gone into a lockdown mode. I make sure everybody is out of range. And then I'm going to... I'm going to cast Knock. Okay. A target that is held shut by a mundane lock or that is stuck or barred becomes unlocked unstuck or unbarred okay if it has multiple

locks only one is unlocked if you choose a target that is held shut with an arcane lock that spell is suppressed for 10 minutes during which time the target can be opened and shut normally okay you cast knock uh when you cast it a loud knock audible from as far away as 300 feet emanates from the target object oops you all take a noise anyway you all take a step back you cast uh knock on this box the lid goes suddenly a seam appears and it just goes, like it opens a little bit and you see something glowing inside.

The lid isn't open all the way, but it's pretty open. What is glowing inside? Do you approach and open? Does anybody have a mage hand again? Well, I do. I approach and I use the mage hand to open. Okay.

Use a perception check too then, please. Okay. I mean, we know what it's going to be. 13 perception. 13 perception. please. Okay. I mean, we know what it's going to be. Uh, 13 perception. You look inside, there's some sort of, uh,

circlet, uh, a threaded bit of jewelry that one can wear around their forehead with a very pale blue glow to it. Also, you know, still now you're hearing those rustling noises that, uh, Ronnie heard also coming from the, to it. Also, you know, still, now you're hearing those rustling noises that Ronnie heard also, coming from the

tunnel ahead. Okay, so I yoink that circlet, and let's get out of here, or prepare to be attacked. Very loud knocking noise. Well. Still foggy mist pouring down from the tunnel ahead and noises uh

do we want this in our back it's weird are you gonna do anything with this circuit man i think i have to probably somebody will have to attune to it right yep let's move forward let's do it oh into it alright let's do it stop the noise alright let's get the harpies

let's go marching order I believe that is going to lead with Queep whose token I think is buried under someone else's. I'll go behind Queep. And I think they ordered something like that. Are you going to scout ahead, Ronnie? Or are you going to fall back?

Ronnie? Brian? Yeah. You want to scout ahead? Are you scouting ahead or falling back as they advance? Scout ahead, yes. Okay, let's get a stealth check. All right. I was confused by the action and then still not used to Ronnie as a name.

Let's see. 22. Oh, boy. You tip forward and you see yeah you make it a little bit farther down the tunnel and you see glowing eyes in the dark there's just like there's reflection of the pale glow one set?

hmm? one set of glowing eyes or a lot of glowing eyes? three sets oh okay or maybe one set of glowing eyes or a lot of glowing eyes? Three sets. Okay. Or maybe one set of something with six eyes. They all scurry towards you, and they are rats. They run farther down the tunnel.

They're headed to Sarah's toilet. Let's put them on our head and make some lunch. You make it to this part of the tunnel, Ronnie, where there are two chambers now. There is what looks like a large nest up there to the north side of this tunnel, which you'll be more clear in two seconds.

Is one of them the 36th chamber? Never mind. Oh, I get it. I see what you did there and then to the north uh there's that nest and then to the south there's like a little what looks like a hallway in like a like a like a wooden hallway that's built

into the cliff face and a few doors okay uh report back yeah report back okay so there's uh two Report back? Yeah, report back. Okay. So there's two chambers up. The one I got through, and then there's two ways of going.

Or you could just advance through the tunnel. I'll show, make that one more clear, too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sounds like we might need to deal with that rat's nest leave the rats alone is it a harpy's nest? with rats in it? would you like to investigate the nest?

well just like what does it seem like to him? I would say it looks like recently they ran away from me immediately so they were spooked there's wood scraps some black slime, looks like

maybe some splintered bones. That's not a rat's nest, right? That's a harpy's nest. But there were rats in it that just scurried away down the tunnel. Right. Alright. I mean, I think we just press forward and... Yeah. Possibly

quiet. For the best. If those harpies don't have eyes, then perhaps silence and sound can be weapons. What a wonderful memory you have, Friar Jolly. I better not do any bits. No, it just happens. Thank you. I'm still impressed,

and I would like to thank you for your attention to details. Everybody, please do a perception check. It's fine. I'm looking for something over a 20. Can anyone beat a 20? I got a 20. 16 plus 4. Okay.

Nice. 13. I also got a 20. I also got an 8. I got a 20. I also got an 8. I got a 9. Okay, it was Dr. Wooten. Who else got a 20? Sarah.

I did. Both of you see this very silent flying form rocket down the passage. It is an eyeless harpy, its face resembling a barn owl's except instead of eyes in the middle of its round sort of facial area there's just nothing it's just more feathers um and it is just it is launching right towards ronnie oh whoa wait do we have it we'll give you an action do i have time for an action you do and you'll get to use those actions on the next episode son of a of nerd poker that's right you two specifically will get an action and then it's likely we're going to roll initiative but you two will get

to uh do something hey sam what do you think happened? Episode four. We're in this cave and it's full of don't touch me straps. Our unanimously agreed upon leader is creeping around like a French jewel thief. God damn it. We're figuring out a bundle and what it means to us. The straps are intestines probably of course. Of course, Dr.

Uid has transformed into a snake because you can be animals in this game. And now he's caught in the tripwires because you can make mistakes in the game too i had to get something from ups outside but when i came back winifred was saying i want to play a snake song and it that made me very happy there's something leaning against the side of the tunnel we hear a rustling i hope they're not related the mage hand wasn't as smooth as we liked and a few times that happened we got some needles as a reward we eventually got it open times that happened we got some needles as a reward we eventually got it open and there's something glowing like the case in pulp fiction

turns out that rustling noise belongs to some glowing eyes and we found a nest and the episode ended with all the rats scurrying away on their way up sarah's toilet yep that happened told you i had a feeling that reference would get used at least once if not nine times i'm gonna have that show in la my friends kill at the glendale room on august 2nd tuesday august 2nd crystal adams ever maynard jackie cation myself will be doing sets and then please keep an eye out chicago put it in your calendars now for october 21st and 22nd i will be headlining the l Lodge with some friends. Please keep an eye out for the ticket link as well.

Cool. BrianPersinna.com for tour dates for me and any information about my comic book stuff. Blaine, what's going to happen next week? We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof well

on the next nerd poker Dan says stop putting words in my mouth Sarah says yeah stop it

I will sue you if you do not knock it off Chris says you're misquoting us verges on libelous

and slanderous. Brian says, shut up, I'm trying to sleep. All this and Charo live from the Marianas Trench aboard the James Cameron Deep Sea Challenger as she sets the world's deepest coochie record on the next Nerd Poker. Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069,

Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.