Nerd Poker - S5E57 That Whole Dimensional Problem

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Oh riiiiight! We're not just in a crumbling tomb, but that tomb is in a weird pocket dimension, which is connected to the castle with a swirling vortex tether thing. Well you know what that means- it's balcony surfin' time! Maybe!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey everybody, I'm Brian Pussain, Comedian, writer, actor, nerd. I've been playing D&D with my friends for a long time. I decided to do a new podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons in my very own dining room. With my wife, kid, and my noisy dogs. So meet my friends... Sarah Kev Dan

Lee Chris Now it's time for another episode of Brian Poussin's Nerd Poker. Hey, it's Billy. Season five. Hey, everybody. I'm Brian Poussin, and you're listening to my show, Nerd Poker. It's episode 57.

Chris is here. Hey, Brian. 57, just like the Heinz sauce Yeah Best Ken's here Hi here I am What's happening today

We doing some D&D Yeah we are Stick around Let me get ready Put a shirt on Or take a shirt off dance here hey Brian

what do you think of this shirt that I put on earlier but like real slow and sexy like is that of a band I've never heard of or a joke I don't get oh it's a joke you don't get what's it say on it?

It's a joke. Oh, where the going gets tough, the tough turn to necromancy. Oh, I get that. Apropos. Also, I was just trying to make a joke about how I was sexually putting on a shirt and then not describing it to you,

but still expecting you to find it sexy. Yeah, real simple joke. Got it. Sarah's here. I am. Hello. Hey, how are you? You're right, I didn't ask how are you. What is that setting behind you?

I don't know, this is like a castle that I put up here. I just looked back as if I could really see my own background. Now, where are we on Witcher? Should I watch Witcher or should I not? I feel like Dan. I know that was the thing you liked.

I only watched a little. I love the game. So you don't watch the show. You're not a fan of the show. I only watched a couple of us. Every time I see it, I go, should I watch this? I haven't watched it yet. And I haven't watched The Last of Us.

And I also haven't played that game. Oh, I never got to play the game because I didn't have a, whatever the platform was on. But I like the show. But Dan had opinions about Witcher, right? Dan, you said one of the Witchers is good or the spinoff or something? Oh, yeah.

I think Witcher gets really good in the second season and the spinoff Blood Omen is almost better just because it's really compact. It seems like something I would like and I haven't played the game or watched it. Should I play the game too?

The game is so good. Get on that silly game. I feel like we've also had this conversation on the show like three years ago. It's been a while. Are you playing Baldur's Gate, Dan? Yeah.

It's easily my favorite fantasy video game that I it? Yeah. It's easily my favorite fantasy video game that I've ever played. It's really, really good. Is it a light to the rings game? It's like, what if Skyrim had D&D rules and even more dialogue options? And you roll dice and everything in it, right? Oh, yeah.

You get to do all the skill checks. It's pretty fun. It's on PlayStation, PC, and Mac. Okay. Blame. How are you, buddy? I'm good. I just started playing Oddworld.

It's great. I remember Oddworld. Abe's Odyssey. Oh, man. He's easy. I love that Abe guy. I think that was a Tim Schafer game, wasn't it? I have no idea.

It's got that sense of humor, for sure. There's no earthworm, Tim, but what is? Tim Schafer and I worked on the school newspaper together. And then he wound up being a big gaming guy. And then I wound up doing one of his games. I did a voice in Brutal Legend. But he was one of the first guys I knew who knew computers. And then he wound up creating a ton of games and making shit tons of money

and living in Marin County for the rest of his life. We should get Tim Schafer on the show. Let's do it. Sam's here. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. Hi. How are you?

I'm good. That dog is really delightful Do people stop you on the street And say that dog is delightful? They do Yeah Look at him All dogs are awesome But then there's just

He's special Yeah he is let's do some D&Ding yeah and I'll thank some Patreon supporters who go by usernames like Stephen Moore thank you Stephen

thank you Jinraydana lives on a moon rock I found in my nose gross thank you 6971 Milftits Avenue oh yeah rock I found in my nose. Gross. Thank you, 6971 Milftits Avenue. Oh, yeah. I get it. I'm Brian while he's drinking. See that 6969

Milftits Avenue with two fingers up your ass. Oh, I got it. They had me at 71 and then melted. It's close to deal. All right. Well, this next one, I'm going to just say in advance, Brian, please do not do this impulsively. Just please, please don't do this.

Thank you. The atrocity. Please, Brian, show everyone the atrocity. Oh, no. If you know what that is, yikes. It's flat. No, don't do it. Yeah, it's very flat. You can walk it like

a plank. No, it's a real, it's a joke from my act. When Rhodes was seven, I climbed it. It was the last time he saw me naked. I climbed out of the shower and he goes, the atrocity. Yes, and Walking Like a Plank is, of course, a season three reference where we talked about Dark Thirstery's

You dick. You dick. Thank you, Wumbo Jumbo's Secret Ingredient. Thank you, Luke the Husbatron Jib Jabbas Prime. Thank you, Ruroni Kalane collaine oh shit i haven't been changing my name ever since i was letting the episode stack up let's see how long it thank you ed gein's leather jeans i wonder what they're made of thank you truffle-bound queef bake from a muscle-bound beefcake.

Yum. I snorted. Yeah, I got a snort. He's like, what the fuck is happening? Thank you, Jared motherfucking Elder. And finally, thank you that time Blaine whipped panzuzu out at Chi-Chi's. I remember that.

Or as I prefer, Pazuzu. Blaine, who were those Patreon supporters brought to us by? Patreon supporters brought to us by Sham69 Pooh Punk Shampoo Mohawk Let's Talk

and Sham69 Conditioner Noice and Columbo's the breakfast cereal with little marshmallow Let's talk. And Jam 69 conditioner. Noice. And Columbo's, the breakfast cereal with little marshmallow trench coats. Oh, and just one more thing. It's part of this balanced breakfast. Columbo's, they're fucking great. Dan.

Thanks, Blaine. It's time to talk about... What happened last time on Licky playing poker with four other dogs. Hi, Licky. Licky, want to say hi to Ramen? Sorry, Ramen went on vacation, Licky. Hi, Licky. I'm trying to get Licky

to bark because I've never made eye contact with Licky without her barking. Our heroes made it to the elevator to bark because I've never made eye contact with Licky without her barking. Our heroes made it to the elevator platform. Will they make it out of the collapsing dimension dungeon? We're about to find out. Yeah. Alright, so you guys

are now on the elevator platform and do y'all remember from when we recorded the last episode a few minutes ago what it is you have to say to make it elevate you? Eldrin III. Hooray! It's a friar jolly.

As if some voice out of the sky insisted you say it with a prompt, you announce Eldrin III. Thanks, Silverflame! You got it, buddy. Oh. And the elevator shakes as it starts pulling itself up. Barely with the structural integrity

of the shaft in place, it's magically lifting up. So it's not dependent on pulleys and such, but it is starting to go up a shaft where you're starting to see it's not dependent on pulleys and such, but it is starting to go up a shaft where you're starting to see it's crooked in spots and it's got to like, like lurch through parts of the elevator shaft that are not as straight as it were when you went down.

There are giant chunks of rubble on it too, so you're pretty glad that magic is what's bringing you up because gravity would otherwise probably be delaying how much it could move. You make it to the top and are reminded of all those wonderful acids that were splashed on you

when you were trying to figure out how to make it move. It makes a loud as it slaps back into place. The doors open and you are now able to rush out of it. There's less

structure now collapsing on you. However, you are now heading out onto a platform and this is not on Rolltoying. This is Mind Palace stuff if you remember some 20 odd episodes ago when you did this part,

but you are now presented with a swirling green vortex, open space, uh, around, but also there is just this twirling magical funnel that you guys had to make your way through and creep. Uh, if I'm not...

Didn't your wings smack into it for a second or something? I remember getting across this expanse was difficult last time. Does anyone remember what happened? This is how you get back to your prime material plane. On the other side, you can see in the distance there is a platform leading

into the Vendarian Castle's proper dungeon. I feel like Kweep flew us across. Maybe... Didn't we have a rope? Was there a rope involved? Oh, it was a straight... Yeah. Did you, like, fly across a rope? Probably. We probably...

I mean, we usually do that. I don't remember. Like a guide rope? Yeah, I don't remember either. But... All right, well, you've got, you've got two NPCs with you this time. Fizzbort did not make it. You guys lost him in the mess, unfortunately. Oh no! I put all my focus and forgot to announce this,

but he missed his dexterity saving throw and took a big chunk of rock to the head, so this one wants to run back and get his port. He's... Oops. He's, you know... This is not... I gotta just... We have not done well there at NPCs this

season. It's real... Actually, some embarrassing shit. And that's on us. Yeah, I don't want to necessarily mock you guys for it. I think that would be a weird type of roasting, but I do find it amusing, curious.

You guys like to collect NPCs and then forget they're there. It's like Pokemon cards or Beanie Babies, basically. TikTok has spoiled the whole NPC thing for me. Oh shit, my kid's in the car! Why do TikToks spoil it? The stupid NPC trend

that's going on right now is fucking... Ugh. Why do you blame TikTok? I love the NPC thing. I think it's... I'm going to start making 10 grand a month doing it. What is it? It's just people...

You pretend to be a... You pretend to be a... Like a video game NPC who just repeats something when you walk up to it. Like, oh my goodness! What are you doing here? Oh my goodness! What are you doing here?

I think it's funny the first time. Yeah. It's mostly japanese girls doing it and guys uh you know dming them for feet pics basically get paid for each action well that's a different thing but yeah that's some creepy shit it's that's when they're doing like the emoji like what is wrong with people at this point oh you mean tiktok the app i thought you're talking about the character. No, no. I'm talking about this. Oh, yeah.

When you were like, why blame TikTok? And I was like, who else are we going to blame? Yeah. Yeah. I don't use that fucking app. I don't want the Chinese government. No, I'm just kidding. I dance on that dumb thing.

Wait, Sarah, are you saying you're happily, you're blaming the app or you're blaming the character? Ken was blaming the app. Dan, we had a whole mix them up. Could have been an entire sitcom episode, just like the kind I love, where Dan is defending TikTok, the character, and Ken is attacking TikTok, the app, and they are talking

past each other. I love the white knight of Warforged. TikTok did not like Dan's NPCs, as I recall. TikTok had a lot of issues with him. You liked Gus, and then that was pretty much it. I liked Gus. Okay, so we're going to fly down this tunnel without Fizbort. Apologies, Fizbort.

Does the other NPC remember what happened when we crossed this thing the last time? We got them downstairs. We picked them up downstairs. Yeah, they were in the torture room. Yeah, so you were with Gus and Hashinka. Oh, but you know what? Daniel, I'm going to have to remind you once again that Winifred has a keen mind.

And her keen mind means that as per the actual thing that it says, I'm looking up my feature and trades. I don't have a keen mind at all. But it says that I can accurately recall anything I have seen or heard within the past month. So how did we get across this the last

time? Winifred asks her keen mind. This is what Winifred's keen mind says. The last time you went across, there was a magically placed platform and although you could not see it well, you could tell that there was the structure of this pocket dimension attached to it going down with the elevator.

You couldn't see it visually, but you knew it was there once you started going into the dungeon. And you knew that this twirling vortex, it's about 15 feet wide, was a sort of dimensional tunnel. You're now looking and this side you notice, as opposed to last time, has detached itself somewhat and is ruptured. The rock you're standing on has cracks in it like a Los Angeles sidewalk. And it is sort of tilted about five degrees to the right so it's uneven as opposed to where what was even before you can

you can just sort of tell it's not as structurally stable as the other side with the prime material plane you also kind of can see the edges of the vortex separated from the platform you're on The edges of the vortex separated from the platform you're on, implying that this entire dimension you're on is losing its structural integrity and pulling itself off of the tunnel. You can kind of look beyond the crack in the little one foot wide space between the vortex and the platform that wasn't there the last time and you see this large vast cosmic expanse of blackness and what looks like one of those three dimensional models of a real estate website where you can see like the entire shapes of rooms and hallways and closets you see a giant chunk of the dungeon you're just in sort of floating off into gravity free space as if it has broken off from the elevator you just came up that is what you notice

okay so tldr we want to get out of here asap uh and was there a rope that we used or did we just fly what what do i remember you used a rope for part of it, yeah. Okay. It was tough though because you have like only so much rope and it's about 200 feet across. Speak for yourself. Is this platform now sort of free floating? Like you're saying it's no longer attached.

It's starting to free float. You feel like you've only got a few minutes before the platform you're on breaks off and floats in the cosmos. What if like you've only got a few minutes before the platform you're on breaks off and floats in the cosmos. What if we turn this into like a Fonzie water skiing thing? We throw a rope around

Queep and he's the motorboat and he just flies and then we hang on to the rope here on the platform and we kind of I don't think a platform goes across though, right? He said it's free-floating. Oh, it's... Here's the thing.

Yeah, like, as I was trying to describe, it was attached to the elevator shaft and everything, just not beyond to the vortex tunnel. So we need to just get through the vortex. You guys are kind of, like, on a little... Yeah, like, you're on, like, a little, like, what would you call it? Not a patio, but, like, a second floor. What is that like a balcony a balcony thank you balcony airport bag you guys are on a

little balcony basically without a railing um you you do think some things that i'll have everyone roll an insight check to see if further creative solutions can be described to you i'm going to give you something different for folks who roll a 10, a 15, or a 20. So insight check, you say? Insight check for everyone. Can I give everybody guidance before we do this? Guidance works

on more than one person? Guidance one at a time. So I touch somebody and they do it, and then I touch somebody and they do it. No, because this is a flash of insight you're all getting as you look around. You can give yourself insight. I got a 21. Or you can give yourself guidance if you want. 11 plus 8, 19. Oh, we got some

pretty decent insights. With my guidance, I got a 28. I got an 11. Nice. Not an 11, but the 28's pretty high I went for a 21 Blaine what did you get?

I got a 19 Nice Brian what did you get? 19 You remember you flew across And you feel pretty great about it And you're kind of wondering if anybody wants to congratulate you Or you know thank you Just show some gratitude for once and you feel pretty great about it, and you're kind of wondering if anybody wants to congratulate you.

Or, you know, thank you. Just show some gratitude for once. Ronnie and my brain, sorry. Dr. Uwit, you guys are looking at everything and thinking, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a limited amount of time. There's probably not a good spot to secure rope. And if we were to try to use a rope across, it might be, you know, dangerous to touch the sides of the vortex. So it just seems like it's a precarious situation.

And then, Fragile, you murdered this one. situation and then friar jolly you murdered this one and that really high roll will get you an expansion on the jumping the shark fonzie on jet ski idea so you you're looking at it and you're like okay okay okay although the dungeon master just explained to me that there's like a whole elevator shaft attached to this there's probably a way where we could destroy the doorway behind us, thereby detaching the balcony from the entire structure. And we could surf the balcony across and probably protect ourselves from touching the side of the vortex if Kweep pulled it.

There is just two problems with that that you're unsure of how the gravity is going to work or change as you go through the vortex from a free-floating uh cosmos um versus you know you're currently experiencing gravity but maybe when you blow off the building you'll start feeling zero gravity you're're not sure. And also, can Queep pull that much weight? You're on a small stone platform. You feel like the stone platform probably weighs about 500 pounds.

He's pretty strong. And will it just sort of like bounce slash drag across it or will it explode? Anybody who can levitate or fly or anything or wild sheep or do whatever. Yeah, I'm going to see if I have one last wild sheep. And then I think... Can I...

Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead. No, no, finish. Finish your thought. I was just going to say that then Queep, I think, should fly people across. And I will sing to him to give him bardic inspiration. Oh. At least for at least one of the checks.

And I look at Queep and sort of following Windefred's thing and say, Queep, the silver flame can enhance you. It can make you stronger. It can make you fly straighter. You just tell me, what are you? So technically I can enhance an ability. So if you,

if maybe, I don't know, Ken and Dan can determine what ability would be most helpful as far as flying us across. I can enhance that for up to an hour. I feel like it's always an athletics check, right? Is that right? Strength.

I can enhance your strength. I usually do an athletics check. Strength. I can give you bull's strength. And it would give you advantage on strength checks and your carrying capacity doubles.

Whoa. Holy shit. What a spell. That's awesome. That's cool. That's enhance ability for it. It's a, as long as I can concentrate,

it lasts up to an hour. Oh, awesome. Okay. Yeah. So if you do that and then I'll do, I'm, I'm on the,

the free floating platform and I'm going to sing, Tom, a free falling. And then I'm going to leap up so Queed can grab me and take me across. But you get a, you get a check. You get a bonus on your check. And then you should just come back. I feel like everybody. You can add an inspiration die 1d10

to one ability check attack attack roll, or saving throw. All right. And I actually have several of these that I can use as a bonus action. So if you take me across, then I'll sing to you again. Nice. And again, and again, and again. And you'll never hear me shut up,

because I'm just going to be helping. All right. So what should I roll? Dan? Athletics? It's going to be helping. All right. So what should I roll? Athletics? It's going to be athletics. What did you want to say, Brian? I have one more thing. Can I shadow step over there too? What is the range on shadow step? Because that

would be a good idea if it was close enough for shadow step to work because I think it's like 100 feet. Can I go to a spot between there? Can I stop? Up to 60 feet. You know, what you could

try to do is once you get close, it could be like a guarantee. I have it open. Where am I going towards? The lower? I'm looking at roll 20. We don't have roll 20.

Oh, we're not. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not on roll 20. Okay. So, yeah, here. Although I will, just to make it clear, use the blank room.

So there is less confusion. And I will take Mary Lynn Ricecoast to drop it. So you guys are if you look there is illustrated just barely the platform up here. If you look at the top of the screen.

But it's not really helpful because it then goes into a vortex that I don't have a map for that I've been just trying to describe. So you guys can hear me describe it, but like, Oh, Mary Lynn's back in roll 20 for me.

I don't know if you guys noticed. I think she keeps nine tabs open. Um, okay. So, uh, you would think Brian, you can shadow step,

but only in the sense that you have to get a little more than halfway across. And then you can sort of shadow step out of Queep's arms when you're 60 feet away and appear in the shadows of the dungeon ahead of you. But it's 60 feet, and you have about 200 feet to go. Okay. So that'll be an option.

I do want to throw in there, I had Gus and Hashinka roll. Gus got an 18, so he's not really going to be able to tell you something that you high rollers didn't already get, but because Hoshinka got a 21, you notice Queep right before you're about to take off. She picks up a heavy chunk of rock

that has broken off from the doorway and kind of chucks it to see what happens when it hits the vortex and it bounces twice. It goes boomf boomf and boomf. And there's like a little splash of green energy both times it does it. And the third

time it seems to lose a little bit of its momentum and it just disappears right through it. And Hoshinka explains to you I think what happens is if you hit it, it bounces a little, but then if you glide into it a little,

you could just fall into another place. It's permeable if you are gentle. It bounces you around if you are not. But it might cause damage if you touch it regardless. I do not know. I think if you hit it hard, it hurts and you bounce. If you hit it light, you pass through to mystery dimension. Cool. See all the mystery dimension then.

All right. Well. Let's just all hold hands and jump into the mystery. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I've been trying to think for a couple of weeks now the best way to do this. But I think I'm just going to have to, just for listeners, you know, listen to it. So it's not like, it's not a bad experience to listen to.

So what I'm going to do is this is just going to be one roll for each trip. There's not going to be saving throws. There's not going to be pre-described consequences. I'm not going to tell you if you get this, you get this beforehand. You're going to all rely, if it's just Queep, you're going to all rely on the die bonuses that have been given to Queep and his athletics checks. And then if you want to do something like Brian, if you want to Shadow Step at the end, we're going to say when it's your turn,

everything that's about to happen, and then we'll roll, and then it'll be done. Cool. Shadow Step in. Who's going first? Is it Winifred who jumped into his arms? And then Blaine, you want to say something? I was going to use the last of my magical energies

to transform into an owl. Cool. Well, would you like to fly across first with Gus, who is offering to keep you company? Yes. And I'm reminded that the owl reminded me of the owl symbol of the, the crown, which is floating with us again,

be, he should take it as a separate trip. Cause last time it like creep should get that separately. Right. Cause if someone's holding it, you said when we were crossing the river, yeah, it'll have his movement speed.

Yeah. Or can Dr. Uwit pull it across? Cause he's an owl. He could, it's just gonna it's gonna be a little uh a little heavy for him and you might need to just let him uh roll his own uh check to to drag it across in a timely fashion sure sure yeah i'll do that you're gonna go first gus will help you and get it you advantage on an athletics check i'll go first? Gus will help you and get you advantage on an athletics check.

I'll go first. What? Athletics check, you said? With advantage. Owl athletics check? With advantage. Go, go, gatcha, gahool! Gus is gonna help you and also grab onto the rope and say, I think it's pretty fucked up what you did in the staircase

killings. Staircase killings? That's a reference to the staircase in the staircase killings. Staircase killings? That's a reference to the staircase. The documentary series. That's an early Hitchcock movie. A guy blames a murder on an owl. 15 plus 7.

Amazing. So it takes you, you know, about a solid minute, but you manage to drag the slow floating mantle of the Tenebrous one across the expanse and land on the other side uh this this platform who's your daddy is not violently shaking so you're glad that you know its existence does not depend on the continued concentration of an arch lich who's up next? Who wants to go?

It's Winifred and creep, creep, right? So she believes, I believe so. I had already left in his arms. So that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

I'm checking my watch. I'm like, I just sang to you a gorgeous Tom Petty song and I'm waiting. So my bonuses are whatever my athletic bonus is. Do I have advantage? What's what else? You have advantage for now. You have advantage and you get...

Inspiration die. You get the inspiration die, which means that you can... What's cool is that you can add it after seeing the roll. Got it. And it's good for 10 minutes. So you might be only the one song

because you might not need... You'll know whether... But it says before knowing the outcome, but I feel like you'll know the, you know. All right, I will roll my athletics with advantage. Yes. Okay. That's an 18.

All right, you managed to make it very quickly across with Winifred and drop her off with Gus and Dr. Owlid. Okay, you're still inspired. So if you need it, it's there. You fly back across. Who's next? Do you want to take Hoshinka? She seems to be pretty

beat up. All right. I'm totally fine. My nose is broken, but whoops. That's a 14. Do I need inspiration? Woohoo! You don't know until you decide.

What's the inspiration die? 1d10. Yeah. So that's a 23. You do falter for a moment as she becomes dead weight and starts to black out,

but she manages to keep a good grip on the rope after you assist her for a second because she's holding on to you, right? But you've got some sort of rope attached, you said? Yeah.

Got it. Got it. Alright. Okay. Next. Before you leave, I'm going to give you another one. So I'm going to be like, sigh like an eagle. And then send him off. Nice.

I hope you have a spreadsheet with all the pop culture references you're going to make with each card of inspiration. Who's next? Ronnie the Leader! Get out of here, you son of a bitch! Alright. Ronnie, do you want to try the Shadow Step thingy?

Yeah. Great. I will slightly reduce the Mystery DC for that. So roll that Athletic Sugar with Advantage. Oh, bang. Nice. That's 26. Could not

have been higher. Ronnie, you feel like you just really get the first class treatment on this flight as you go across. And you can shadow a step for effect and spook everybody by appearing behind. I'll have a Coke Zero, please, with my peanuts. I prefer a strip waffle.

They don't do that anymore. American Airlines doesn't do the Stroopwafel anymore. Oh, man. Delta is my last hope, and they're still not ready. If you're on a three-hour flight, I just did Phoenix, from

LA to Phoenix, to go see Metallica. And you're only in the air for 50 minutes, so it was strictly peanuts. Phoenix, from LA to Phoenix to go see Metallica. You're only in the air for 50 minutes, so it was strictly peanuts. If you're up three hours, they'll pull the thing out, but I don't see Stroopwafels in that collection anymore.

There's salty chips and a bummer brownie. You just bite into it. You just go, meh. It falls asleep. Not so much baked as formed. It falls apart in your mouth. Not in a good way.

Not a good mouthfeel for the brownies on the airline. Why don't they just make the whole plane out of the brownies? The brown box. By the way, Strictly Peanuts is the name of my all-male burlesque review. All right. Strictly Peanuts. You cosplay as Linus.

I believe Friar Jolly is our last trip across. Let's go, Friar Jolly is our last trip across. Let's go, Friar Jolly. And do you have a special number you want to sing for this bardic inspiration, Winterfred? Another one? I think he still has it. I still have it. He still has it. Okay, so no special song for Friar Jolly.

Not surprisingly. Still fly like an eagle. To the sea. Maybe some golden earring, perhaps? That's a 26. Some screaming blue messiahs. Excellent. Well, despite the heavy armor that

Friar Jolly has, you have absolutely no problem carrying him across. You've never felt more confident in your life, Queep. This was, after all, botches. This was your heroic moment where nothing failed you. You managed to carry everybody off as you, and you really did roll really well. So I'm going to just, you know,

throw in a little bit of extra sauce. As you land on the other side, there's a moment where you all collect yourselves and plan to just, you know, start getting out of the castle as quickly as possible and you look behind you and you can see just the platform just sink away from the

end of the vortex and the vortex slowly starts to expand outwards and dissipate from the far side slowly pulling away until you guys suddenly see a cosmic expanse in all directions. There's chunks of rubble floating around.

You think you even see in the distance some sort of large celestial body, some movement of some creature moving, and then the whole blackness just goes out of existence. And you are now in what is essentially a stone closet. Weird. It was very curvy. out of existence, and you are now in what is essentially a stone closet. Hmm. Weird. It was very curvy. Nobody's going to believe us.

There's a mop sticking me in the hinder. What's going on? How big is it? Can we find a door? Very narnian. All right, we're going to, yeah. Narny, narny. All right, now you are in a castle

full of dead bodies that you have left. And you do know that it is going to, for the most part, be easier to get out than it was to get in. There is, however, the matter of there are remnants of an undead army that aren't gonna necessarily dissipate the same way. So what I'm going to have you all do is I'm going to have you try to do a quick moment of discussion with me about how you're getting out.

And then we're going to have you do a stealth check, probably. So how do you guys want to just try to get out the way you came in um i would i would point out you encountered patrols so that would be the number one concern the number two concern would be you really did kind of come in through a weird monster pen you broke into a strange almost like a stable full of monsters in the darkness and that you feel like that could be a little

bad news bears maybe we could ask the plants you guys were really good at talking to that murder tree is there a way we could talk to the plants about how to get out of here I believe well communed with that we had like a map of the or we knew where stuff was in the castle.

So the undead armies are still despite the fact that their leader is now dead, they're still going to be fighting and dead. You're not sure. If you like

those of you who are magic users can do an arcana check. you're not sure. If you like, if you like, those of you who are magic users can do an Arcana check. Yeah. Guess what the after effects of the Arch Lich has on your plane of existence. Cool. 15 plus three is an 18. I put on my little owl mortar board and go,

what's happened to Dan? Yeah, that beats mine. Yeah, I put on my little owl mortarboard and go, what's happened to Dan? Yeah, that beats mine. Yeah, I got an 8. You think with an 18, there's probably a lot of magical protections and traps, as well as potentially a couple

of beings who have magically been enthralled. All of it is undone. All of that is undone. But you do think the undead nature of a lot of these beings is probably going to continue because it's not like vampirism where once your master dies, you're no longer under the thrall of them. It's a specific spell is cast to make you obedient. So if they were made to be obedient by some sort of extreme high level charm spell, they're released.

But if they're just obedient because they think this guy's a badass and they've been undead with them for a few centuries, they're probably still around the castle, but you do think some magical traps and, uh, you know, maybe some summoned things are all gone. Okay.

So, yeah. How fucked up are we as a party, hit point-wise? Do we want to do a long rest in a closet? I think we do. I think that's a good point. I think we do. rest in a closet. It's like, honk, shoo, me, me, me, me.

I think that's a good point. I think we do. Because I'm way down, even as an owl. Should we maybe not do it however in this particular closet? I'm just guessing that everybody knows. Everybody knows this is the way to Valix. And if Valix, if all of a sudden it's like,

oh, it's crazy. Let's go find Valix. Maybe we shouldn't be in the elevator. I don't know. You're really in a closet at this point. I mean, you can exit it and kind of go a little bit farther into like the personal study. Maybe everybody doesn't know. At the ghost whale who's now probably returned to an elemental plane or something. Yeah.

I feel like we should just try it because we have a single point of entry. Unless we're on, are we on like a, is it like an abyss right behind us? No, that's out of existence. So it's like you're right now you are in a stone closet because the three walls of the closet used to be cosmic expanse, but that spell has ended. The tethering of that expanse to the Vendarian castle

has wisped out of existence. You would think, I'll throw this in with an 18 arcana spell, that probably means whatever Valix was, whatever he was trying to be when he resurrected himself in that skeleton

he's just gone because he was just obliterated at best he is a wisp of a ghost free floating in a cosmos light years from any occupied celestial body.

Okay. So if you want, you can go out the way you came, but I think I missed it if you said something other than that. We were just deciding whether to rest in the closet

or out of the closet. Got it. I would say you would probably want to go back to the study because you had kind of blocked off the south. I think I still have that map. I encountered a graphics issue

a ways back that might have wiped out some of my maps. But you had closed off kind of like a room. Great. Isn't it now?

Like a guest closet where we just kind of go in and take five. Oh, well, here's the elevator. Anyway, it's like the southeast. Oh, here we go. Southeast, I think. Here we go. That's the map.

So if you wanted to go back here, I'm going to get rid of the ghost whale because he bye bye. Oh, ghost whale. You can tell there's like that barricade you made. Oh, yeah. You would know that if you kind of go this door on the top is where you'd be coming from. And if you wanted, you could go over here. And just take a short or long rest.

Let's do it. Let's do it, please. Excellent. All right. Which one are you doing? Let's do it. Let's do a long rest and set up some watchers. I agree.

And spell slots and such. Awesome. So is anyone going to do watch? Someone's about to say it. I'll do one. I'm an owl. Yeah. And I think you only need a couple of people only need four hours,

right? Yeah. It makes you a good double watch duty person. So out immediately. Eye shades on cold cream. Slices of cucumbers. She's much older. She's much older. She's much older. I gotta figure out how I can undo that.

20 years. And you don't have any fingers, right? No, I got them back. You got them back. Fire Jolly might deliberately throw that in your face as if wanting to remind you you lost them. Your fingers still look young. They do. Gorgeous.

Can I get a perception check, Dr. Uwud? Yes. Ooh, 20 plus 4, 24. Awesome. You don't feel like you hear anything as you sort of, you know, you're an owl. You're silently flying

around the library. Puffing up some pellets. Yeah, yeah. Occasional little as they land on the ground. Tossing up some pellets. Yeah. Occasional little as they land on the ground. Down this hallway, however, you do think you hear

some white noise. I would, I would think that you would generally want to check in with the flower system at some point. The plant system.

But you, you don't see any in the the library it would occur to you because you'd already discussed it recently like once once we get out of the library we can get towards the study the study of like the royal hall where there was a lot of these vines and thorns and such and probably find out uh but for the most part if i if i was an owl right now and I flew out of the study, it would just be putting my friends in danger. You don't know that. You think that it might be okay?

I would... If you wanted to go down the hallway and try and get close enough to the plant, I would absolutely allow it. You know, I could just wait until somebody comes out on a watch and do it because I don't need that much time.

Right, right. You can do a double watch and come back. Do a double watch. All right, so you come back.'t need that much time. Right, right. You can do a double watch and come back. So you come back. For watch number two, do you want to just make it this one? So who else can do a watch?

Any volunteers? I'll do it. I heard Chris first, so prior to Jolly, Dr. Uwud lets you know that he just heard this and he would like to go explore. So first... Takeover. Can I get a perception check from Friar Jolly?

Sure. 18 plus 5, 23. Nice. Okay. You, you, Friar Jolly, as he flies away, things seem pretty quiet here, but you are starting to hear a little bit of just like, like in the distance.

Like a pulsing? Uh-huh. Irregular, arhythmic. Huh. Kind of like a vibrating of the walls. Does it seem at all familiar as far as the, all the stuff we just went through with Valix? Like,

does it seem like this place is in any way magically connected to him not being alive? I would say you'd feel pretty confident, but I will allow a general insight check to see if you can piece together what it could be. Okay. You're pretty confident it's not magically held together. You know, like I got teleported to the Feywild at one point,

but you feel like it is a stone building that is on ground. Right. May I give myself guidance on this insight check? Yes, you may. All right. So it's... Thoughtfully stroke your chin. 22 total.

It almost feels like this castle is under attack. I'm going to wake everybody up. All right. Hey, uh... Wait, did we get our... What? We can go back to bed if you want. Yeah, you're not going to get your hit points

full up. I will give you short rest hit die hit points as far as Jolly Wigs, the rest of you are. Nah, dog, I roll back over. Alright, well, just so you know, I don't want to go to school. Maybe our friends are here. We'll have to see.

Anyways, see you in four hours. Dr. Uwud, you are flying down the tunnel and you start to get closer to the study. These are halls, actually, not tunnels. You're finally in a building that looks like it is meant to support a civilization

and not some insane wizard. The insane wizard did take it over, but he gone now and you start to see some vines with a couple of little blooms that appear as you get close. Do you commune? Are these the blooms if I touch them, they're bad? No, this is, you're confident this is the root thorn bloom system that you magically connected yourself to.

Okay. I'm just going to go up and land on one of the roots and go, hey, hi. You feel warmth and you see green in the corners of your vision start to spread across your vision as you sort of bring your consciousness into a shared place with the plants and it says oh oh hello hello you're different oh that's still me this now now quick ask me what my favorite band is um uh what's your favorite band is. What's your favorite band? The Kinks. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Hey, is this castle under attack? Just asking. How are things outside? It is under attack. There is violence happening against these walls. I am attempting to move my roots a little farther away. Is the violence magic? Is it

stones? Is it weapons? Large weapons of some kind are hitting us with objects both magical and physical. Do you know who's doing it? Men made of stone.

Men made of stone? The Rolling Stones? The Stone Roses? The Stone Temple Pilots? Keep going. Dwayne the Rock Johnson? I'll give you a hint. You're not going to get a pop culture reference.

Ben Grimm? Rocky Balboa? Stoney Curtis? Stoney Curtis. Hi, Fred. I'm your slave boy for the week. Tom Shales? No.

I mean, I can spell it out for you if you want a little more, though. Yeah, sure. That would be great. I think I have maybe seen one or two of them before. They're not completely a shock to me, but they do seem to be an army of some kind. Seen them before. Are they enemies of your... the lich that lived here? I should think so, yes.

You know he's gone, right? I do. I'm trying to leave. Okay. Well, hey, we'll stay in touch. Stay in school. Yeah. Longer letter later, I'm gonna go talk to my friends

And uh I'll see you At the root Peace Peace Peace out I'm gonna fly back And uh

Woo hoo Hey let's talk to that plant Woo hoo Castle's under attack By giant rocks you guys What if it's like Mmm And rolls over

towards our eyes? We should get the sisterhood of the traveling pants up here. Actually, we really do need this rest or else we're not getting out here. So, an hour or two can't make a difference, right? I think we should take a risk and rest up.

I'm trying to. Yeah, let's sleep through the war. That's a great, let's do it. Who's going to take final watch? Dr. Ud needs a nap. I'll sleep. Oh, I'll watch. I'll watch.

All right. But I've gotten eight hours now, right? Yeah, yeah. I think Dr. Ud might be the only one. He needs his four hours. No, no, Dr. Uid and now Friar Jolly need to... Yeah, rest up, guys. Go back to sleep, perform our hours.

Night-night. Okay, I'll stay up. So, Ronnie, Kweep, Friar Jolly, and Winifred, do a perception check. Do a perception check. Enjoy your memes. All right, Jolly and Dr. Good are asleep. I got a 12.

13. Ronnie, the leader, got a 19. Nice. That's why you're the leader, Ronnie. Winifred and Creep, you also... Creep? Creep, how dare you? Goodbye.

He's a creep. He's a weirdo. The hell's he doing here? The narrator does not respect Ken's character. You guys... I'll take Creep any day. All right, you fucking creep. You two, Winifred and Creep,

hear the white noise, the concussive sounds, and agree that it could very well line up with all of the information you've been told as you get up. Ronnie, you can tell from listening this is definitely a battle of some kind, and it is an opposing force and you guys may or may not want to be careful when you get out of here but it's definitely going to be tricky escaping the castle while it is being either destroyed or invaded. Does he have like a thought on the stone? The fact that

they're stone people? Ronnie? Yeah I mean does that sound familiar to any of us? Can I get an insight check from everyone as you all wake up? No. Fully rested and replenished. You're all rested.

You're all replenished. 24. Chris Tallman, what is your insight? 19. All right, Sarah, what'd you get? 24. Chris Tallman, what is your insight? 19. Alright, Sarah, what'd you get? 24. Brian, what'd you get? 9.

I say yes. And then Blaine, what'd you get? Duplicate is 10. Awesome. Well, we're going to have to find out what those insight checks mean on the next episode of Nerd Poker. Stone soldiers. I wrote them down.

Damn it. That was a fun one, man. Yeah, I'm glad you liked it. Trying to keep it weird as we exit and not just make it like season three where you guys give all the power to a bad guy and then i make you kind of wander around for a second and then it's over sam what do you think happened today all right episode 57 we're on an elevator that's going somewhere bad queep might be pulling us through the abyss we're taking a long rest. Blaine is an owl. All true. All true.

Woohoo! Look at the shine I leave behind. That's for Chad. We do. We really do. Woohoo! I'm going to be Dan. I'll be back in LA when this drops. It'll be my birthday week.

So everybody, you know, just celebrate my birthday the way you normally would by looking at my Instagram. That's all. Excuse me. Oh, my God. I have a couple weeks off and then 28th excuse me 29th and 30th I'll be in Ferndale, Michigan Grand Rapids, Michigan

and then Chicago at the Beat Kitchen on the 30th and then I will be at Challenger Comics from 2 to 4 that Saturday, signing anything you bring. And then Scotch McTiernan versus the forces of evil.

Even dongs? You can get that anywhere. Please go. Brian's dying, everybody. Quick, sign my tits so I can get them tattooed. Dates at BrianPersane.com Cops coming up in the fall.

Come eat House of Nanking with me. That's it. Jesus Christ. I don't think there's going to be a next Nerd Poker, but if there is... We attribute the success. Save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode.

You got walls and a roof. Well, on the next nerd poker, future Brian steps out of a steaming time machine with a dire warning for mankind. Kill Marty McFly's parents or Dan will never be born. Yeah, I don't get it either. All this and another joke about

what happens on the next episode of Nerd Poker on the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416.

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