Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 15

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Everyone is on their last legs, both our heroes and the horde of blood-soaked quaggoth. Heroes fall, rise, and fall again. If they could just stop getting blinded, possessed, and poisoned this could all turn around! And soon it will, one way or the other.  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.  

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Poussin, and you're listening to my show, Nerd Poker. My friends are here at my house. Sarah's not feeling good, but we're going to have her on the phone, it sounds like, when her character is not dead.

But, Sarah, are you there? Oh, my God. I'm here. Hello. Hi, Jeremy. Hello. You sound great. Ken's here. Howdy. Hey, buddy. How you doing? Ken's here. Howdy.

Hey, buddy. How you doing? Chris is here. Hello, Brad. It's also me on the phone. We got Chris's back in the 20s. Nice. Blaine is here.

He's in my swimming pool dying. Oh, no. Somebody save him. Dan's here. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, Oh, no. Somebody save him. Dan's here. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Mm-hmm. You sound like Joe Bonamassa. Uh-huh.

Or Kirk Hammett with his wah pedal. Wow. Sam is here at the end of the table. Hello, sweet children. Thank you. Hello. Hi. Thank you. Hello. Hi. Are you excited about going to Brussels?

I am, yes. How long are you going to be in Brussels? For five days. Wow. How many days is that in Brussels days? Two. Ooh. Nice.

They are farther from the sun over there. I hope JCVD's there. You will be. That's where he's going, for God's sake. That's the best. Um, you ready? I'm ready. Let's thank some people. Let's thank Patreon supporters who go by usernames like

Roland on Molly with Friar Jolly. Alright. Thanks Singing in the Pain. Thank you, Rob. Thank you, Nathan's Meat Tube Sandwich. No relation. Thank you, Steven Albrecht. Thank you, Nathan's Meat Tube Sandwich. No relation. Thank you, Stephen Albrecht. Thank you, Wyatt Fuller. Thanks, Wyatt.

Thank you, Harry Guyass. By the way, has anyone seen my other sandal? Thank you, Sean Dixon. Thank you, Saga Nado. Hi, Saga. Thank you, Minoc Gate. Thank you, Butt Ruckus. Thank you, JustinocGate. Thank you, ButtRuckus. Thank you, Justin Grateful Dad.

Thank you. ButtRuckus. And like, it's so weird when these are organized like this. Thank you, Justin UF Charisma to not be getting constantly punched in the face. I don't know what the UF is. I don't know if that's an acronym or a typo or a word i don't understand but justin uf charisma to not be getting constantly punched in the face ufc i don't know exactly ufc charisma is probably what it is you're right jake tawny thank you

tim and jake tawny thank you starboard land the anti-portland i get it and finally thank you fang the tabaxi with one fuzzy nut blaine who are those supporters brought to us by sports brought to us by chef boyardee selects bucatiniel amitrius sorry chef boyardee selects bucatatiniel Matriciana Spinach Ravioli with a pink sauce Pesto Gnocchi Bolognese Vodka Penne Arrabbiata In a can! Chef Boyardee selects That's a fancy meat to ball, Dan

Why, thank you, Blaine And now, it is time for What Happened Last Time on NerdPoker. Our heroes got the shit kicked out of them by a bunch of quaggoths who started with an opening volley of a

fireball and hit everybody while they were still recovering from wave one of the quaggoths. Wave two is almost destroyed but guess what our heroes are also almost destroyed i quite cruelly let sarah get the shit kicked out of her while she wasn't here and am now dragging her out of her sickness coma just to witness me doing it again. We now take you to the combat already in progress. So... At least you're up front about it.

Yeah, I'm super up front. I'm very kind. Very mindful about the experience. Bring the ruckus. Bring the mother... We are at the top of the turn order. Chris, is Dallytail... Stabilized.

Stabilized. Okay, well, it is your turn. Are you awake? No, I am stabilized at zero hit points. And if nothing happens, then in 1d4 hours, I would gain a hit point and wake up unless somebody does something here. But otherwise, I'm unconscious. And if I'm not mistaken, Ken, you're in the same position, yes in the same position yes so pish posh dally till you have been stabilized uh and now

because i am a do i have anything we can give them i have my regular potions but i used my big potions i have uh some spells i'm gonna throw out out. Okay. Don't tell Dan that. I won't. I'm going to throw out a prayer of heat. I mean... What did I just say? I mean, I'm going to run for... I'm going to try to find a bathroom in here.

Oh, cool. Hey, Dan, can I go talk to you in the other room? Yeah. Guys, now's your chance. All right. So you guys are now going to have to have a quaggoth take a turn. He's going to turn to you, Blep. And he is going to...

Well, he's got... Just also for the listener's sake, sir i should i should kind of describe to everybody the room looks like not to delay the the onslaught but right now everybody is pretty close to what i would call the like west end of the torture chamber by the way just bucolic bird noises coming in off the mic um but you're all where the Quaggots all kind of piled in on the far door, which is like the west door. So there's a big pile of corpses right here. The ghost is MIA at the moment, but has been possessing people, making them jump off of these cages in the center of the room. Between the cages and the western exit the last

quaggoth is standing and he's picked up the staff but he hasn't really used it yet i would think passive insight you're all like oh maybe this guy needs to like learn a little bit with the staff before he knows how to use it but he's got it and um bricks is between the two cages like in the center of the room dallytail is between the Quaggoth and Blep. And Blep is like right on the other side. And our fearless leader, Mordecai. Not the leader. Not the leader is the new information that I have.

Is blinded and poisoned about 15 feet behind Blep. And also revved up like a deuce. blind blep and also uh revved up like a deuce um so yeah the quaggoth is going to run over and start clawing at you i hate that about him he is not nice he's one of the ruder monsters that you fought if i'm being perfectly honest his manners are terrible he He's covered in blood. We should leave him a shitty Yelp review. Can we find him? I dare you. Online? Actually,

he's been cancelled several times, so he's paid a lawyer to scrub his online record. That's a thing? Overpriced shipping. Badly packaged. I think it is a thing, but I'm not going to be able to comment on that firsthand or else incriminate myself blaine i 13 hit is that hit uh armor class 13

is that a hit correct that is my question to you do you have armor class of 13 or that you're saying 13 who's on third i have 13 okay so this is a hit he's rolling with advantage because he has wounded fury so it's gonna be nine points of slashing damage here comes his next claw attack It's going to be nine points of slashing damage. Okay. Here comes his next claw attack.

Let's see if he gets a crit. Nope. So that is going to be a 23 to hit. That's a mess. Nice. That is another nine points of slashing damage. Jeez Louise. How many more hit points you got, Blep?

Don't tell him. 27. 27. I think it's 23. Oh, that's a lot. That's good. Yeah, I've been managing to duck out of the way because I'm a because I'm a cat. I don't want to get into the shit. I saw some. I saw

a faucet. Didn't want to get wet. And we'll know when you did get into the shit because you'll start kicking gravel over it. Yeah, I'll just be there's nobody puts cucumber behind you. Can you go ahead and do a constitution saving throw uh 17 plus 320. all right you brace yourself as a supernatural force tries to

hijack your central nervous system and you're able to shrug it off it is now your turn, Blup. I am going to... Mordecai's on deck. I am going to... First, I'm going to invoke duplicity. Nice! And I'm going to make it look like I'm running between them for the kitchen, because I heard a can opener.

So I'm going to run behind them, and while I do that, I'm going to do a prayer of healing. the kitchen because i heard a can opener so i'm gonna run behind i'm gonna run behind them and while i do that i'm going to do a uh a prayer of healing okay a prayer of healing is a uh uh everybody six creatures of my choice that I can see within range. Regain hit points equal to 2d8 plus my spell cast modifier. Yeah! Meow meow! Alright, so are people healing up then?

Everybody, 13 plus 13 plus 6, so everybody gets 19 points how many? 19 points nice and do we all leap up and now like Dan do we all have like matching like gold armor like we're all

now like yeah you're all jumping up you're all wearing bad news bears uniforms and I'm gonna so we're all up 19. Thank you. And then a 19. It doesn't help my other ailments though, right? No, it's just a hit point thing.

Just a hit point thing. Yeah, sorry. That's all right. You're going to have to fight using echolocation. That'll be it for you, right? Yes. I'm also going to start to back between these back this way. So just movement-wise.

Okay. I'm going to kind of try to just make a run for it back here. Okay. Do you want to make your guy right here? You will get an opportunity attack even with invoke duplicity. Yeah, I'm just moving away from this stuff. I'm not bolting. Got it.

Brian, you're up. Again, listeners, a corpse exploded, and that is why Brian has his status effects. That was a gross one, too. It's this guy. Yuck. I don't like him. He's got Boomer from Left 4 Dead.

Yeah, there's nothing I can really do. And we established it's hard for you to throw things. Gaming. You can heal yourself. If you wanted you could uh like there's enough like roaring and clawing that you could run right at the danger and attack with a disadvantage but it would be it would you know put you in harm's way and you'd still be blinded and poisoned

put you in harm's way and you'd still be blinded and poisoned yeah is there a do those uh healing potions do they take care of blindness or poison i don't believe so i was gonna say you could run away from the sound of the fighting we we i think we talked about that a few episodes ago i think it's like lesser restoration that's more of like a clear it's a cleric thing. Yeah. Well, I'm just going to try to stay out of it. Maybe even move back against this wall. Okay. I'll scoot you like right in here.

Is that the table where all the tools are? Yes, there are a lot of tools and torture implements laid out on that table. You can upgrade your guns. Nice. Yeah, that's a little Fallout joke, folks. Alright. That'll bring us

to Sarah. Hey! Hi, Sarah. I am unmuting my cough and joining you again. Hello. Hi. Hi. You are healed and laying on the ground prone. Did you manage to add those hit points? I did.

And so to clarify, is there still a guy? There's nobody for us to fight right now. There's one guy left who is standing about 10 feet away from you. From me. And I believe you threw my axe at another guy, but then did I re-pick up my axe again? No, you got knocked out pretty soon after that. Am I on the ground next to her?

No, you're about 15 feet away. Never mind. But you are on your feet. Okay, then I... You're far enough away that you would not invoke opportunity if you got up and ran yeah I mean I could disengage anyway but I think I'm going to

I guess I'm just gonna throw two darts at him and then run away cool roll to dart okay thank you again for calling in Sarah and then run away. Cool. Roll to dart. Okay. Thank you again for calling in, Sarah.

My pleasure. I missed with the first one. I rolled a three plus seven with a ten. This guy's armor class is 13. Much like black. I'm going to do it again. Do it.

Okay, this time I got a 26 to hit. Oh, that's a hit. There you go. Who raped me? I. And I did a whole five points of damage. How would you like to see this guy die? Thank you. I darted him to death.

I'm going to stand up tall and straight, and I'm just going to say bullseye, and then he's just going to keel over because it went straight into his eye and his brain. Amazing. Nice. All right. Up next in the turn order,

Chris, there is a ghost afoot. Other than that, no visible opponents. I will I guess rise to my feet and say, Creature, we have a holy man amongst us. If you do

not leave us be, he will be forced to use his powers. Alright. We have a squirrel played by Kevin McDonald. Intimidation check. Cut out my head. Intimidation check.

Keep in mind, you're doing this against a ghost. Oh yeah, I mean 16 plus my bonus of 0 so that's a 16. If you crit something like that, even though 16 plus my bonus of 0. So that's a 16. If you crit something like that, even though it seems impossible, I would at least have some fun with that, but unfortunately your

calls for Armistice have gone unrequited. Alright, can I hold an attack if there seems to be an opponent? Yes, you can hold your attack until there seems to be an opponent? Yes, you can hold your attack until there seems to be a point. Great.

You can tell Brian is frustrated. He has placed his character sheet over the combat. Oh, I didn't mean to. I'm teasing you anyway. Ken, you're up and you're awake, literally up. Oh my god. We should... We have the ghost to deal with.

Yeah. Anybody. Does anybody have something that can heal my poison or my blindness? I do not. I think it's like holy man stuff. You have to be like lesser restoration or something like that. Thanks, Dan. Can I...

Thanks, teacher. Cast. Cast detect thoughts. I don't know if you can detect the thoughts of a ghost. Let me see. Why, Dan? Because ghosts don't have brains like everyone else?

This guy. Sam, can you believe it? Oh my god. I can focus my mind on any one creature I can see. Oh, you sure can't see this fella. Never mind that. Oh, you sure can't see this fella. Never mind that. Sorry, my dude.

Yeah, you know. Let's see what kind of spray I can spray with my cards. So there's no more monsters, Dan? No. There is currently... Just the ghost? Just the ghost.

Can we start... The monster was inside the house the whole time can we start looking around like going through drawers and stuff to see if there's something in here that we could when it is your turn i'll entertain such a question right now a chance damn can i do something um i guess because you held your action and we moved to ken and ken hasn't done anything yet no no you're not letting me finish you're not letting me he hasn't done anything yet so nothing has happened okay um i realize the reason i kept saying laceration it's that's a spell that i have so i i want to scurry over and put a little paw on Mordecai.

And so I can remove it. I have to do it twice to get rid of both. So the first one I will get rid of is blinding. I think that is the one he probably hates the most. Yeah. So. Is your paw got like a little fringe on it like Licky's? Is your paw like fringy like Licky's? A little bit. Yeah. But it's a little fringe on it, like Licky's. Is it probably like fringy, like Licky's? A little bit.

Yeah, yeah. But it's a little disturbing. You know, like when we first really saw Chewbacca's fingers underneath all the fur? That was upsetting. So I don't know. You know. Yeah, he's a warrior. So he's got a little bit of like, you know, gristle and detritus.

I want to see the meat. But yes, I will heal and start looking. Multikai, can you see now? Oh, yeah. Hey. Oh, fuck. You and sort of look up. Mordecai, can you see now? Oh, yeah. Hey. Oh, fuck. You're a mouse or whatever. All right.

So now, Ken, is there anything you'd like to add to this beautiful touching after school special moment? I just think we need to rest. We got this ghost going. Yeah. And it's possessing us um well we can get out of the room now though yeah yeah yeah well let's run away then are we gonna go forward yeah let's climb over the bodies and search for you know treasure and while we're here right yeah oh yeah yeah let's search the bodies and search for you know treasure and while we're here right yeah oh yeah yeah let's search the bodies somebody said hit what will you like to do for your turn ken search the bodies okay so you're gonna go over to we'll switch one close there's equidistant there's

this guy and the guy with the staff he looks cooler i'm gonna get the cooler guy okay uh to get the cooler guy. Okay. You roll an investigation check. Alright, I will. Take it upon, ma'am. That's a Columbo check.

14 plus 6 is 20. So, you find this pouch about the size of a softball strapped to a belt, which is all he's really wearing. And a staff that he's got kind of tucked into the back of his belt.

I will take those. What's in the pouch? You open the pouch. There is about... What's in the pouch? 18 fingers with varying states of meat being picked What's it about? 18 fingers with varying states of

meat being picked off them like a collection of buffalo wings. Snacks? Yuck. It's a snack bag. Throw that away. Okay. Fucking serial killer. Alright.

Do we see anything about the staff in particular? Roll an insight check. Okay. Is that the one that he was using against us? That's an 18. Although there was really only one time you used it and it was

I mean, what I'm going to tell Ken basically. Necromancy seems like a necromancer's staff. But that's all I can give you mid combat is that it yep all right for the ghost turn this happens the large quaggoth

goes and pulls itself to its feet sure why wouldn't it and then it's going to be Blaine's turn I am going to hmm

I'm going to oh nice so I see this Quaggoth go the Quaggoth is missing a jaw it is covered in blood It looks like it should be dead Okay I'm feeling bad about that

I'm gonna do a I'm gonna do a sacred flame down on it Okay That's a dex save right That is a dex save That'll be Oops excuse me A nine that looks like a fail to me

okay and those are sorry damage on the sacred flame Brian if you could be any creature in the Star Wars cantina what would it be in In the cantina?

Yeah, in the bar scene. Oh, my God. Like a Greedo? Wolfman? No, he gets killed. Devil? Eight. Points of radiant damage?

Astronauts. Yeah, Bowshek? Who gets their arm cut off although walrus may anything else for your turn I'm going to have my my illusionary self start to circle him

okay Mordecai the clouds part an undead looking quaggoth shambles before you. I'd be the weird guy smoking the hookah. Yeah.

Yeah. Crossbow. Okay. Roll to crossbow. Yeah. roll to crossbow yeah 17 that's a hit nice 8 so

crossbow bolt lands right in its skull bolt kind of like goes through an eye and comes out the other side doesn't seem to affect him too much he's got a ghost in him i'm you did damage of course but uh just conveying the horribleness of an undead creature okay i i believe you get another attack cool also someone on Patreon told me to tell you, because you are the level fighter that you are, you roll a crit on a 19. So please keep that in mind. Oh, okay.

Nice. So 19 or 20 is a crit. Yeah. Wow. Nice. Okay. I'll do another crossbow. Brian, you should roll a 19.

You never received a receipt or a badge. A special Paul Hardcastle dice that we ordered on the internet. And then a 19. I don't think it's going to be a 13. 13's a hit? Oh, it is. It sure is.

Does this guy count as undead I would say now he does I think I've said he's undead because I know that the ghost is not undead something new is happening 9 that is a miss oh no damage I'm sorry I'm a ding dong

9 more points another thing smacks into him narrative Dan put some effort in Dan cool a ding dong yeah nine more points another thing smacks into him other thing bolt narrative dan cool with some effort in dan said something new is cool uh are you gonna move around or anything brian i'm gonna stay there all right uh sarah you are up and it is your turn um okay i just basically just kind of asked you guys did we establish so they're just going to keep coming back to life i mean does does bricks know uh have bricks do an insight check well the goat the ghost brought him back to life as far as we know we gotta kill the ghost something new

is happening yeah is this the isn't this the ghost possessing a body let's uh let's let let the magic of internet uh convey sarah's insight role uh bricks has been unconscious too many times in the last hour and a half and rolled a seven so uh i mean you definitely do think it's related to the ghost but whether or not killing the zombified quaggots will kill the ghost isn't completely clear right um but it is like yeah like it's not necessarily like all of them are going to keep getting up i think that mechanic would be pretty obnoxious okay um well then um i guess i will just i do i see my my axe? Yes, it is implanted in a quaggoth on the far end of the room, which isn't super far from you.

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 feet away. Okay, I have 45 feet of movement, so I'm going to go grab it and then hopefully bury it in the skull of the standing Kroga. Roll to bury. Okay. Come on. I'm just having fun with words over here. That's a 26.

That's a hit. Love it. I have only five points of damage though but I get one more attack you sure do and this time thunk and what are you attacking him with this time

same oh I was doing a melee oh okay so yes you do run up to him and that was melee and here it comes again thank you for clarifying and that's a 20 to hit? That is what they call a hit. That is six points of damage.

Oh-ho. He's starting to fall apart. One of his arms seems to have dislocated from his shoulder joint. That's good. And then my choice now is do I use my bonus action to disengage or do i do flurry of blows that's the real question we all face one day um so i guess i'm gonna i guess i'm gonna flurry of blows him nice bless you oh my god what happened thank you scared me i think it's really funny i got so far away from the mic as best i could and it still terrified you because you didn't know where it

was coming from i didn't know what it was i sneezed excuse me um i have code okay i'm sure what the uh okay i'm gonna i'm Flurry of Blues-ing him. Okay. Or Flurry of Blues, like Joe Bonamassa? Joe Bonamassa-Jose. Your joke and reference powered me to a natural 20. Oh, shit. That's the magic of Joe Bonamassa.

Tell me that double die damage that's um that's three six that's uh ten points of damage on the first and then i believe i get one more right yeah it's got oreos mixed into it god i missed that one didn't work because I rolled a 9. Okay. Now, listeners did also ask me on Patreon why I don't do a D100 on crits anymore. I think I should let you roll a D100. Oh, awesome. Because it was a natural 20.

This is the last guy standing, and he has one hit point left. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I rolled a 70. Oh, fuck.

So he dies as you flurry of blow him. That came out in a way I did not care for. What happens in Vegas, right? Here's what I'll do. I'll have you not only

kill him, but you can tell us how the ghost and the zombie die. Oh. Wait, so everybody dies? Yeah, I gave you more homework. So if you could, you can tell us how both the zombified Quaggoth dies and the ghost as it leaves

his body. Okay, so the zombified guy who I'm flurry of losing, I sensed that he was near the end and so then I just like gave him purple nurples for the last bit to really

humiliate him. And then that's what actually what took him over the edge to the final not that edge to the final point your death is what I would say and then the ghost

died to him did the ghost also die him? Uh-huh. The ghost also dies? Yes, its energy can dissipate somehow, yes. Oh, okay. He's... Someone else is going to have to do this. At least somebody's talking about how the ghost dies. What if all the wind goes out of him like a balloon

and he just flies around the window? Nice. I would say your nurple attack extends to the ghost and that's what they extend out from your fingers oh is that brian about jerry duggan it sounds like one of jerry duggan's famous mouth farts and just and he rips it across the room Duggan's famous mouth farts and he rips it across the room. Alright, the room goes

silent for the first time in a long time. Blood everywhere. I'm exhausted. Your friend Mordecai poisoned. Pile of corpses. I guess you won. I'll walk up and cast another

lesser restoration my little forest magic I feel like we should try to rest somehow I'm going to do one last mass healing word roll the healing

hit points, Blaine, and everyone else can you roll a perception check? Oh my god. Can't take any more. A Tyrannosaurus runs down the hallway. That's crazy.

Enters the torture chamber. Total crossover. And begins biting everyone in half. Perception, you said? Yes. 21. Cha-cha. 16.

Same thing. Everybody gets nine points. Thank you. My perception is low. Eight points. Blaine and Sarah, what is your perception check? Oh. Eight. And I'm on poison 6 and 6 12

my friend here right correct you've been restored by Dallytail Sharp Twig thanks Dallytail don't thank me thanks the forest thanks the forest there's trouble in the forest.

And dee dee dee dee dee. Dee dee dee dee dee dee. And you have 21, right? 21, yes. Alright, so you all kind of glance the room over as you debate how you're going to rest. There does not appear to be

any more living bodies like bricks in any of the cages. Um, you do hear a scratching noise inside the iron maiden in the corner. Oh Jesus. Excellent. Um,

you note that in addition to the tools on the table, uh, there is a forge over here. Although i would think that with a 16 and a 21 dally tail and pish posh would both go that's probably mostly for torturing that's probably just for heating up things to stab people with or maybe they even threw bodies in the fire there is also over here a chair that looks like it is meant for observing the torture next to it is a suit of armor and shield on a rack and a locked chest um i would think with a 21 roll dally tail it occurs to you that chair is probably where the

lead quaggoth sat and your best guess is it was the Quaggoth who first entered the room with the staff who died several Quaggoth deaths ago. That that was the leader? Yeah. Well, I think Dallytale's probably more interested at the moment trying to

see if somebody's still in the Iron Maiden. Do people want to split up or do you want to stick together? Check for Barbara Steeles. Yeah, let's go open the Iron Maiden. Excellent. And if there's something in there,

Head for the Hills! Who's doing it? Black Sunday reference. I'll go for the Iron Maiden. Excellent. Are you going to pop it open? Is there like a lock? There's not a lock but there is an iron latch like a hook that's been sort of turned over through a little iron loop

Let's see We roll a Baltimore spell and see if we can open this Iron Maiden Excellent I guess I'll sort of tap on it Baltimore spell and see if we can open this Arn Maiden. Excellent. I guess I'll sort of tap on it. All right. Catch my breath. I'll unlatch it.

Can I get a Constitution saving throw, please? Arn Maiden? I'm going to stare it all over again uh total of eight all right an explosion of green gas and flesh come out of the door as you crack it open hulk uh is it barbara steel take oh man dally tale 16 points of poison damage and you all just see this um this arm like like kind of like reaching out it's like skeletal with bits of muscle and just like flesh hanging off of nails it looks like a

zombie of some kind exploded and is it evil or its arm is just sort of reaching out and twitching still while the rest of it lies on the ground oh slowly push it close cough green and use my last second level spell and depoison myself rude can I do something no yes

I'm gonna have my uh my duplicate go over and uh turn undead on what uh on the zombie and the thing okay i'm gonna have my uh my duplicate go over and uh turn on dead on what uh on the zombie and the thing okay and if i uh oh it's dead isn't it though it there's really not anything left of it i mean it's like it's it's just rotten a little bit of uh storytelling sauce it's twitching while the rest of it lies on the floor okay well then forget it i was just gonna i was excited to turn someone dead because i you could make the arm do something funny with turn on dad uh maybe uh do the do this the thing that's uh blaine is placing both his hands against each other and

using his middle fingers to wiggle see all the people yeah yeah um just make sure you cross that spell slot off for what you didn't i'd let you do jay pay lol but yes uh so that is done mario baba anybody all right we should uh we should get some rest let's go find a red roof and do we want to check out though but that throne and there's a locked little chest right that long? I'm so worried about more shit happening to us. Oh, can your duplicate check the chest? Yeah, of course.

Why not? Check the chest. I'll do that. Yeah, meow. It's just just an illusion so it can't actually touch things so it just kind of meow my idea was dumb

should we check for traps at least check the chest for traps for sure is anybody good at that or who's got the best investigation does bricks know anything about this room being in the cage and seeing stuff going on Is anybody good at that? Or who's got the best investigation? Does Bricks know anything about this room? Being in the cage and seeing stuff going on? I do think, like, if Sarah, if you want to,

if you remember any of what I told you about what Bricks went through, if you have those notes, yeah, you can feel free. I think that, I think you told me, I think you told them also that it's like they get you in the cage and then they suck out your soul? Is that correct? Yeah, Bricks,

you saw people kind of like get tied up on a rack and when they were near death, they would use the staff to pull a soul out of their body and into the staff and then they would leave with the staff. Is that the staff I took off the guy?

Yeah. Yes, all my... The rest of my party died. Sorry. You don't sound sorry. You have a staff full of souls. Very sorry. A staff full of souls.

But you didn't see anything with the chest. Bricks, did they say anything about babies when we got here they were telling us about uh souls for the babies uh dan do i i don't will you roll an insight check sarah yeah 13 you do know that they were collecting the souls in the staff and then bringing them to some sort of quote unquote babies okay and can I just ask just as an aside did they bring a dead body in here

with them they did strapped to Mordecai's back, there is a corpse. Okay, so you see Bricks kind of like peer around your back furiously. And then she like shakes her head like

kiss. You know, she's like, I know that one. Knew that one. You know our friend? Oh, is she your friend? I'm surprised to hear that. Well, yes, I did know her. We trained together.

We worked together at the monastery. I'm not shocked to see that she's ended up here. But I'm glad that you did not take the rest of you down with her. Don't say that much. Was she a bad monk? She was very friendly. That's the most I could say for her. Very, very kind.

Very kind person. I smell some fake praise. Well, I smell a good body. Why are you carting her corpse around? That's a question for you, Moritai. That's really nice. She's asking a question, Brian. What?

Why are you hauling her corpse around? Because I'm the leader. I'm buying my corpse. Oh, now you're the leader. No, I don't know. It was the last thing Juniper would have wanted was for Mordecai to say that. Well, I'm glad to hear that. I wanted to make sure we may not have been friends as you were,

but I did want to make sure she gets a proper burial at some point. I can say the rights or someone can. Oh, yes. We'd love to hear what you have to say about her. Unless you'd like to continue carrying her around like a marionette puppet. No. Whatever. Yeah, let's...

Give her a proper. There's nowhere to really bury her at the moment. You could set up some sort of pyre, or you could maybe take her back to the sort of collapsed dwarven shops where there was some rubble. I think that's why we brought her. We didn't feel like there was a great place. Well, that's pragmatic, and I do respect that. So why don't you continue to carry her let's get

you back and uh and when we find a place i'm happy to assist okay do we want to peek through that door and see if that's the a place where we can secure ourselves that's what we need right we need to head yeah find a room to lock yeah i mean we get a lot of stuff in here we can barricade these doors with potentially but yeah let's have a look and and it seems like nothing can come from behind us so as long as we barricade this door the way ahead maybe we peek just make sure nobody's in the next room with a cannon do you open the door and peek who does it i'm not gonna do that that zombie gutted me. So far we talked about investigating the chest and

opening the door and everyone's to a fear. I will investigate the chest. Check for traps. Investigation check, please. Yes. It's a 22. Holy smokes. I have good investigation. Yeah, you like size it up, step back and forth

and then notice that there's just something alien about the chest. And just as you're about to start backing away, you see a series of eyes start blinking awake.

a giant toothy maw appears where the chest's door is. Back into battle, guys. Yeah, so well, I'm going to have you roll for initiative. I'm just checking to see if you are in trouble or not before we roll for initiative.'m just checking to see uh if you are in trouble or not before we roll for

initiative but i'm in trouble well i know like if it's gonna bite you i think because you got that high investigation i'm just gonna have you be close-ish okay and i'm not gonna have everyone roll initiative yet because i need to get the mini out and i can't hear numbers right with my brain hear numbers right with my brain until I'm done with the task that requires digging around. What about 69? So, then there is this.

Mod? A mimic I painted five years ago, right before the pandemic started. And, everybody, please roll for initiative again. Remember when you're going to rest? Hey, Blaine, what'd you get?

Eight. That's what you had last time. Yeah. Chris, what'd you get? Nineteen. Ken, what'd you get? Five. Very defiantly rolled that. Brian, what'd you get 19 ken what'd you get five very defiantly rolled that brian what'd you get 19 yeah uh chris what's your dex uh dexterity 20 brian what's yours 16 all right so chris is going to go slightly before you. And Sarah, what is yours? 14. Cool. The mimic is going to roll. Why do I do this?

I'm a silly boy. I wonder if it's one of those rich little mimics. It turns into Richard Nixon and Johnny Carson. Mimic rolled the same as you, Sarah. What's your dex? They both sound the same. I am not a few. My dex is

18. Okay, so you're going to go before the Mimic. I understand the Mimic has a really great Haldeman chunk. BB Rebozo. BB Rebozo. Sarah and listeners, just so you know everybody's

pretty much about where they were except dally tails over by the iron maiden in the in a nearby corner and we've got pish posh about 10 feet away from the mimic who just sprung to life chris you're up uh dally tail is gonna move his full movement which

is 35 brian would you mind moving him like seven squares i wanted to come i guess towards me so i'm like clear tomorrow and that should give me a clear line so where i want to stop so i have a clear line of sight on that yeah that's a perfect spot i'm going to fire my bow at its uh first one is a 12 to hit that's a hit uh great um i'm going to do that d8 and then a d six and it hasn't been hurt right so i can't now it just blinked awake great so three and seven 10 plus 5 15 it lands in one of its. There's a little splatter of green blood. Great.

I will take this. You coward. Oh, Jesus. Do you mean screaming? Oh, fumble. Is it a match? Match, match, match. Roll a D100, please.

Listeners, you're getting your wish. No, pal. That shoots Ken in the head. 58. No. Okay. So you are going to accidentally fire a bolt in your foot while attempting That shoots Ken in the head. 58. No. You are going to accidentally fire a bolt in your foot while attempting to reload. Oh.

And you're going to take 13 points of piercing damage. Jesus Christ. It hits right next to your tendon. How many? 13. I'm down. You guys see Dallytail

accidentally fire a bolt into his foot and fall down. Unconscious. He's got that tiny foot. Brian, you're up. God damn it. You're up. You see your squirrel friend fall down in front of you. Dying.

I'll give him half my... I have a regular... A healing potion? Yeah, a healing potion. So you're going to walk over and pour it down his... His tiny little mouth? Fill up his little cheek pouches with health. Would you like to roll to heal? Yeah. Like squirrely Gillespie.

Which healing potion is it? This is the regular. Okay. Thank you, Mordecai. Did you not... I only have one left now. I'm going to look up the dice because I think maybe you don't know. It's 2d4 plus 2.

Great, thank you. I have two greater and two regulars. Could you roll a 2d4? Yeah. And we'll add two and that'll be what he gets. Oh, shit. That's four points. Awesome.

At least you rolled a lot. Indeed. Mordecai, is that you? Yes. Sarah, you're up. Hi. Hi. hi um hi is the mimic pretending to be brenda vaccaro actually she really sounds like suzanne

yeah like my voice is my voice is going down like an octave an hour okay um so there's a mimic is in front of me yes it is It is 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 feet away. Oh, it's 30 feet away. Okay. Then what I'm going to do is I am going to run to it and try to chop it up like firewood. Okay. Roll to chop it up like firewood. Okay. Roll to chop. Here I go. I'm going to run to you.

That's a 22. What was that, Sarah? That's like an axe. 22. That's a hit, yes. Okay, so that's 9 points of 10 million damage. My first real

6-string. And then you get another one, yes? Yeah, that one was a 12. That is a hit. Oh, great. Summon of 71. Mimics are pokey. What was that, Sarah? That's 6 points of 71. Mimics are pokey. Sarah 69. What was that, Sarah?

That's six points of damage. Alright, so chunk, chunk. Hit it both times. I'm gonna use, um, try to keep pointed to do stuff with the wind. Go back tonight.

Sarah, I'm sorry, I can't hear. Everyone is doing bits over everything you say. What did say okay cool um uh what else is new uh what did you say i'm so sorry oh my god i'm gonna take a specific key point to take a step of the wind and disengage and go as far away as i can okay uh 71 how many more more feet of movement would you have if you used 30 to get there? 71. I have 45 total. Can't stop my leg. It's not the mimic

who is going to run up to Pish Posh and bite him. And I think it would go a little something like this. 16 hits. Yeah. Okay. I'll just make Jack Nicholson out of the black box. We watched The Shining with

Ali on Saturday. Oh my god. That was fun for him. It was actually he really liked it. He was scared but like good scared. No shit. That's scary. How old is he? Now he's 58. It aged him right in front of me. He's got gray streaks.

Pish posh. Did they come and take dad of the year away from you? Never had it. You're going to take six points of piercing damage. And then three points of... It might be resistant to piercing. Worst thing was there's three end bombs

in it. That was the only thing that we were like, Oh! What the hell is it oh damn it all right six you said so far uh i'm not done but yes yes go ahead six points piercing yes and then three of acid that i am all right that. So, seven and a half. I wish I was resistant to acid. Seven. Tell the cop.

I'm resistant to acid. It has you grappled with its tongue as it wraps its tongue around you and chomps down. Sexy, sexy. Yes. Playing your habit to you. I'm going to, I'm still where I am so I'm just going to hit it with a sacred flame

that's a dexterity thing which it doesn't have a lot of right but it crits is that bad I mean it makes the saving throw okay which I believe is a miss that's a miss Is that bad? It makes the saving throw. Oh, okay.

Which I believe is a miss. That's a miss. Anything else, Blaine? I'm going to send my duplicate over towards it. Okay. I can use my spells through my duplicate. Right on. Ken, you're up.

You're grappled with a tongue. Grappled with tongue. Ability checks made to escape this grapple have disadvantage. So if you want to get away, it is strength check. I want to get away. Okay.

I would like to wrestle out of here. What do I roll? As soon as Ken is done with this. What am I rolling? A dex or strength? Strength. Alright then. With disadvantage, you say?

Alright. That is a 12. You managed to break free. Well, hang on, it's disadvantage. Oh, I thought you were giving me the disadvantage. That's, yes, 12. Huzzah, you break free.

Da-da-da-da-da-da. I will cast... Bonus action? Oh, yeah. Breaking free was your action got it what the fuck do I have as a bonus sorry

oh christ everyone is so upset with me listeners how far away am I from it now you are right in front of it can I just shove it uh no can I shove it up my ass can i you can spread

out as a bonus action i can't let you shove it but i can't let you spread your butt to see if it wants to go inside your butt oh that's a great idea okay i will go to your birthday we'll have to find out how that field trip goes on the next episode of Nerd Poker Sam what do you think happened? hold on no alright episode 15 we are in battle Sarah killed the last monster leaving one ghost

we're searching bodies there's a bag of fingers gross Sarah killed a zombified guy and the ghost that came out of him Sarah's carrying this game over the phone there's a fire for burning bodies and a chair for watching the bodies be burned and a locked chest. Black Sunday is a 1960 Italian gothic horror film directed

by Mario Barra starring Barbara Steele, John Richardson, Andrea Cechi and Enrico Olivieri. Sarah asked why Mordecai is carrying a woman around. Ken checked the trunk for traps and a toothy maw emerged. Dallytail shot himself in the foot and finally Ken invited something into his butt

good times everybody I'll be in Chicago still looking for where I'm talking to a couple different venues but I'll be in Chicago end of May like the 24th to June 2nd so keep an ear out and I will do one or two shows while I'm out there.

And if you're in L.A., me and Lisa Wallin will be doing a show at the Nightcap in Burbank at 8 p.m. on May 19th. Sounds good. BrianFossain.com for tour dates for me. I've got Batavia, Illinois coming up. And my Netflix is the Joke Fest. I'm at the West Side Theater on Mother's Day, the 12th. Yeah, I believe it's the 12th of May.

Pink Fox with me. And then I'm not sure somebody else else probably another friend will join me and then uh it's a bunch of new material and i'm never in los angeles and people always go hey when are you doing a show in la and i go oh i don't normally i'm got one right now i am the The 12th. And then Denver, I'll be hosting an evening with Geezer Butler. So, holy crap. Yeah. Get your Black Sabbath questions ready. That's at the Gothic Theater in Denver like on the 21st of May.

And then other tour dates on BrianBussain.com Blame. We attribute the success to save mankind. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well. On the next episode of

Nerd Poker, Brian's diarrhea ruins the technical Emmys, but not the German technical Emmys. All this and Brian's diarrhea helps Dan train and win the Long Beach Surf Competition. On the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening Hey Sorry, episode 15 Is that what it is? Yeah Episode 15 Go

Oh my god Hey Episode 15 Take 2