Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 21

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

The leisurely river cruise everyone signed up for continues to be interrupted by a bunch of very rude monsters trying to murder everyone, and a certain NPC face-plants in some blooms of acid flora. Oh, and RIP to Dave the Quaggoth. You were the worst, but you were a real one. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Pazanian, you're listening to Nerd Poker. Um, Willie's under the table, making dog noises. My friends are here sarah couldn't make it this week um it was my fault we rescheduled it she had already said she couldn't do it today but i couldn't do it last week because anyway we're all here except for sar Sarah. But Chris is here. Hey, pal. Hi, my name is Chris.

Ken is here. Hello. Hey, buddy. Hi. Dan is here. Hello. Next to me is Blaine. Hi, I'm next to you.

And at the end of the table, as always, is Sam. Hello, sweet children. Hey, pal. Dan, you want to thank our Patreon followers? I really wanna. So I'm gonna. Thank you to Patreon supporters at our top two tiers. They go by usernames like Dr. Fistington.

Thank you, Dr. Fistington. I mean, a real doctor? He's an osteopath. And to degrees, you wouldn't mean anything anymore. Thank you, Oyster Mistaken. I mean, a real doctor? He's an osteopath. Listen, decrees don't mean anything anymore. Thank you, Oyster Moister, the moistest oysters ever moisted. Thank you, Slappy

McSack. Thank you, Wes Bell. Thank you, Firm Rip. Thank you, Rusty Grundle. Remember hearing about what that was in college. Thank you, Chris Bakos. Thank you, Nakama Toys Chicago. Unlimited toys. Thank you, Nick the Dick.

Thank you, Brian. I gave you $69 in St. Louis, you son of a bitch. Thank you, Pratt Dudley. Thank you, Eric Wortley. Thank you, Stephen Moore. Thank you. I want my name to be... Are we good?

My ADHD can't take what's happening on the other side of the table. Thank you, Stephen Moore. Thank you. I want my name to be... Are we good? My ADHD can't take what's happening on the other side of the table. Thank you. I want my name to be Spaghetti. Thank you, a pup named Skook. Thank you, Luke the Husbatron Jibjabis Prime. And finally, thank you, Ed Gein's Leather Jeans. Blaine, who were those supporters

brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Wet Idea, perspirant and odorant. In scented and really scented. Get ready, get sweaty, get wetty. Wet Idea. Always let them see you sweat. Dan? And to the

listener that gave me $69 in St. Louis, is that where they said? Oh, yeah. I'm sure I mentioned that on the show. That seems like an amount that I would write down and save for sure.

$520. I believe there's a specific thing he's hoping you'll say. What? $69? $69. Thanks for the $69. Doll hairs. Nice. But yeah. I69. Doll hairs. Nice. I'm sure I mentioned it before. I'm sure it wasn't $67.

Two fingers up there. Out of the mic. Two fingers up your ass. I get it. Because it fits. They both fit. The Spocker. They both fit. The Spocker.

This is a real noisy episode. My pop filter got eaten by a dog like a year ago. Your what? Remember for the mic? It's the pop filter. That's what the color thing is called. Something completely different. Never mind.

I think it was Willie. That wasn't a year ago. That was just a couple months ago. Okay. It seems like so long ago that we talked about what happened last time on Nerd Poker. Well, everybody's running away. This whole acid monster thing really sucks. So we're just going to run. Everybody's kind of flying.

The Quaggoth got dipped in the acid. I can't remember if Sarah's townsfolk character got dropped in the acid or not, so no, okay. I think so. It'd be really funny if that happened, and I think we joked about it happening, but I guess it didn't happen.

It's been a while since we recorded main campaign episodes everyone is attempting to make it to the other side of acid waterfall part two the other side of which a frightened bone naga awaits behind them an acid monster will they escape only clipples is a melee range everyone else is getting the fuck out of Dodge. We now take you to get in the fuck out of Dodge. Already in progress. So at the top of the turn order is going to be Sarah. Does anyone have anything they'd like to

chime in on before I autopilot Sarah? I think Bleb was about to, at the end of the last episode. Was it? Yeah, it was like, because he had just been healed. He had been dead. And then you're like, and it's your turn. We'll find out

next time. Thank you for having listened. I'm a fan. Oh, I subscribe. I know. It's really good. Everybody, you should subscribe. My name is Weenus, Weenus, Penis, Penis. I can't wait for you to read it. Oh, wow. You should really stop submitting on that high of a

platform. All right. So that would mean Blaine can go, of course. I'm just looking because I should try to start at the top of the turn around. That means we're like in a weird almost. Oh, sorry. No, no, no, no, no. Don't you be sorry. I should be sorry to myself. Blaine, what would you like to do?

The newly hairless. Really? Yeah, I'm a very sphinx-y. Meow. Oh, yeah, you got burned. Hey, so we're trying to escape, right? We're all running. Yes.

And now that you have no fur, of course, you have an evil item on you that you're probably just, like, bitter about the lack of fur. You're going to start turning on everyone, right? that's what happens now right is it i mean i wanted to just to be funny but no no i was uh i was thinking about running for my uh for my life okay now my remaining eight lives i believe you're being carried by pish posh along with two other people, I believe. Maybe Brix is flying, we talked about. So I think Brix is flying and maybe Blep and Glimples are both clinging to Pish Posh. Does that sound right?

Well, Glimples is down, actually, on the shore. Is he? Yeah, Glimples is here. I didn't remember him being on the shore. I thought he was dangling off of Pish Posh after almost falling off. Earlier. Yeah, but then he tried to swing and remember he just critical failed. I thought he slid down

his leg or something, but yeah. That poor boy. I believe Mordecai is carrying me and Juniper. Got it. That part I got. I'm just thinking for blaine's blaine's sake because he wants to run but he is clinging to a dragonborn okay and how close is the the acid thing um

so glibbles is the only one in melee range and it sounds like he's on the ground um it is about 10 feet away. Okay. Well, I'm just going to sort of stay on whoever's carrying me because I'm very weak. But I would like to cast my spiritual weapon. Great. And that's going to be

bonus action. Is it summoned already? Do you remember? I think it's summoned already. spiritual weapon. Great. And that's going to be a bonus action. So you can... Is it summoned already? Do you remember? I think it's summoned already. I believe you did it last time because we went through this. And then you, as your action, did a sacred flame, I think. Yes. I think that's a perfect thing for you to do. Okay. Well, then

as we escape, I'm going to use the spiritual weapon to attack the thing. Great. So... I do remember that the uh oh sorry sorry willie i do remember that the last time i attacked it it attacked me back and killed me so uh is is this thing in attack range that it's gonna um or are we beating feet i think you are beating feet however you are flying. So you can't literally use your movement unless you want to bail.

And I think to Chris's point, both of the attacks you would probably want to do this turn don't require you being within melee range. So it kind of is just like you can just cling to Pish Posh and just fire away. Okay. I'll do that. Swing your floaty weapon and then toss a sacred flame on him and he'll have to do a save uh i will do that then i'll hit my uh a spiritual weapon i wish you would i don't want you guys to die but i do want you to die it's such a conundrum wait Wait a minute. Those are opposites. That's a natural 20. Nice. On a hit,

it target takes force damage equal to 1d8 plus my spell cast. Great. And don't forget to double the die damage. 3, 6 plus my modifier which is six. So, 12. Nice.

Okie smokes. Did we win? Nope. He's down some hit points, though. Smashing into him. Good hit. Yes. And then he's gonna do a dexterity savings throw. What does he need to beat?

He needs to beat a 14. Ooh, that's a miss. Give me that sacred flame damage. Oh, uh, sacred flame. Sacred flame. Sacred flame. The sun shines in the rain.

Six. Nice. All right. I want to make sure. I will hold on. Thank you. Yes. Six.

Cool. Dan, does it seem like these different damage types are all doing what they're supposed to be doing? I wonder, because I know before there was a thing about like poison or something, it being resistant to... As far as you know, poison and acid aren't going great, but you haven't noticed the others.

Okay, cool. Thank you. Yes. However, it is tough. Yeah. And whenever you guys have been hitting it, it looks like it hasn't just been getting shattered like you would hope. And also when you have done melee damage, these crystals stick to you and burn. Or your weapon. But that was a big problem for melee combat.

Yeah. And the ground itself is terrible. These little plumes, which, by the way, I've done another round of painting. So hopefully that's more clear. There's little plumes everywhere. They just burst when you run across the shores. And where you don't see the shores, there's just more acid.

If we were to move, hypothetically, like half speed, like being careful, would that... So basically, if we move carefully for 15 feet as a turn, would that spare us having to step on

Yeah, because I remember you did it last time and we're like wait, what the? I was like, give me that dice. I think I made it about 15 feet before I just stopped where I was. And I think I told you you do a deck save, but then take half damage if you make it. If you're being really careful and going half speed, I can definitely make a compromise.

What I'm mulling over in my head is whether or not to give you advantage on the roll or no damage. But I think I would just give you advantage on the roll because it is a spicy ground. So there's a way to mitigate it. It's a spicy meatball. I mean, thank God. Yeah. That's all we want life it's you know yeah like like i wanted it to um be colorful so i didn't just drop the little plumes everywhere

plus the way it's 3d printed out they weren't everywhere but oh it's it's it's all over the place it looks great and where it hasn't popped it splattered. Or where it isn't ready to pop. It has popped. And it is beginning to bloom again. So, I think that's it for your term. Breathe it really deeply. Also, Brian, you shaved your beard. I had to for a job.

Congratulations. Willie's breathing into the mic though, if anybody's wondering what the hell was going on. It's up on my lap. It's just so hot in here. All right. Well, Ken Ken are you eating pizza? you wish it's so hot the dogs are breathing in short pants it is now

the acid elementals turn boo boo so he's taken some swings of glibbles. And that is a 19 hit. No glibbles. How would we like to see glibbles die?

You know. Making that noise. Fun newspaper series to kind of commemorate him. Like, you know. Glimples. Glavin. Okay, so his AC is 15. That's going to be a hit for sure. And that is going to be 3d6 plus 5.

Damn, that seems like a lot. Mm-hmm. Damn, that seems like a lot. 17 points of acid damage on the old glibbles. Is this like a Robocop scenario? He is down to one hit point. Peter Unwiller. Just like Emile.

A muzzle. And I was going to do a constitution. He does make it so he manages to shake the sticky things off him. Now it's going to try to punch him again. Seems redundant at this point. Gribbles is down. Okay. And you just see him. Now it's going to try to punch him again. Seems redundant at this point. Glimples is down. And you just see him just get covered in these sticky things.

And of course, as he goes down, Glimples makes a shriek. That'll take us to the top of the turn of order. Is he dead? He's down. He's on ground that's going to burn him at the

top of his turn and give him an automatic to death fails. Wow. He's not in good shape. This is leg day. That's the thing. You can't skip it. You can't skip leg day. This the thing you can't skip it this is what happens actually

so it's a good idea not to skip both leg day you don't want just the one leg before Briggs goes can I before Briggs goes can I get a perception check from everybody I perceive we're deep shit 23 Before Bricks goes, can I get a perception check from everybody?

I perceive we're deep shit. 23. Ooh, someone's got here something. Same thing, 23. Oh, jeez. 17. 18. Oh, 19.

Sorry. Alright, well, you guys all hear 18. That didn't score. 19. Sorry, 15. All right. Well, you guys all hear a rumbling coming from underneath. Those of you who beat the 20, you're going to hear that it is coming from near the waterfowl on the other side of the cave. Perfect. When one says rumbling, Dan, could you describe, can you elaborate? rumbling then. Could you describe?

Can you elaborate? It sounds as if some rock face behind the acid waterfall is shaking violently. Like a Polaroid picture. Do we have a moment to discuss this? First Bricks is going to throw some darts at the acid elemental.

I wish you would. Great call. First one is a 23 to hit. It's going to be seven points of damage, and then she's going to toss another. That one's a miss. It's a nine to hit. Okay. Next in the turn order is Brian. I suppose

you could all confer about the noise you heard, if you like, now that it is a player character's turn. Players here. You have your own. Over here, behind the waterfall. Far away. I think my thing would be like, that sounds big.

And just reminder, uh, glibbles is face down and acid blooms. Uh, I think maybe, could that be glut coming? Which one was, Oh, shit. Glut's the dragon. Not necessarily. Just rumbling, you know. Well, let's get out of here. Something's coming.

Yeah, let's keep going. We're trying. You're going to just fly? Yeah, I'm going to take my two... Is there anywhere to grab Gubbles? You can get... I mean, you can try to get Gubbles, and also you can only get so close without Pish Posh

because he's got the bubble bubble bubble right who's got the bubble okay and that keeps the acid waterfall from hitting you unless you want to just fly straight through the acid waterfall which i'm always game to see what happens no so what would you like to do would you like to uh stay put fly closer to the waterfall fly for glibbles or something else we We can attack, I mean, is this the waterfall's edge right here? Yeah, you're only like 15 feet away from the waterfall. Yeah, so, I mean, we could

you know, we're a little closer to wait for them. You're 20 feet from glibbles. Once we're there, once they're here, we can go through. Do you want to try and grab glibbles? Yeah, let's try. Alright. So, you can get within 5 feet of him and then try to scoop him up. If you've got like a weapon or some kind of item that's long, it's just going to be a...

Item that's long. Yeah, I'll use my long sword. It's tricky, isn't it? How are you going to scoop up a fellow with a long sword? Are you going to stick it through his belt? Yeah, cock-tailed to his back. I'll hold the blade. Oh!

I'll wrap something around my hand and then hold the blade and then put the pommel out. While you're doing that, i can attack with my bow just to try and give some cover fire sure does that sound good yeah uh chris because you are next in the turn order i think that absolutely makes sense because we can just say what brian's doing is he's holding his action until you fire awesome so then it's your turn and then he's he's holding his action until you fire. Awesome. So then it's your turn. And then he's going to do this after you fire. So I am going to have you do the distraction first. Coolio.

All right. So I get two shots with my bow. So the first one is 26 to hit. That is very much a hit. Well, you're cool. So I'm going to do the same thing as before, which is 2d6, basically, plus a d8,

and then adding 5. 4, 5 is 9, and 3 is 12, and 5, 18 points. Oh, man. You just smashed into it. You know, fire off another volley while it's your turn.

Fire off the second volley. This time, if I hit, it would just be the decent now. Yeah. Oh, critical fail. This was the wrong time to roll one of these. And I was about to say, well, you can wait for Brian to do it for your second attack. But now we're definitely going to log that botch. I will say,

we'll have fun with the botch after he goes to scoop up Globals. So, Brian, since this is going to involve kind of like wrapping your hand, I'm going to have this be a survival check. Okay. My name is Hand, and I'm here to say... You have a pretty good

survival bonus of plus four. I'm going to give this a DC 15 boss. Alright, so you guys see Mordecai the Equaler bravely wrap his hand and business and just grab

his own sword. Scoop glibbles up through, I guess, his belt, right? With the pommel of the sword and just grrrr! It is difficult to dangle him, so I'll say you just have to kind of slam him against your own chest. If you could put both your

tokens close enough to Glimbles... Yeah, it's tough because of the terrain. Great. So Glimples is up and no death fails. Yay. But he does have these acid crystals stuck to him.

Okay. And it's not hurting you, Brian. But please roll a percentile, Chris. Oh. Now, this is a good thing, right? Probably. The botch? If you're grabbing a drink, will you grab me one?

An 86. You do your business. 86? 86, I say. 86. Would you believe 44? 44. All right. So you're going to overextend.

And this is, it's supposed to knock you prone. Okay. But since you're grabbing them, we're going to say this is just going to mean that you lurch off of Mordecai and hit the ground. Oh, shit. Okay. Please do. I mean, you're going to take damage no matter what. Of course.

Also, I would have you take automatic botchch damage but i feel like this is gonna be brutal oh okay regardless because of the acid all over the goddamn place where it's gonna be a dexterity saving throw and due to the uh highness of your botch we're gonna make it a dc18 go. And if you make it, you land in the blooms. If you miss it, you land in the river. When I land in the river. Alright. I rolled 13 plus my bonus is

8. So a total of 21. No, no, look kind of caught, Chris. I think I'm going to make you roll that. No, no. You managed to land on the plumes and you are going to take some acid damage.

I mean, at this point, who hasn't? How many hit points do you got, Chris? Currently 32. Okay. You guys weigh the same,

so... I'm sure that dog weighs more than I do. It'd be 15 points of acid damage and you are prone and have crystals. No, you don't have crystals. This is the plume, not the elemental. Got it. Crystals.

On Crystall, man. Alright. Anything? I'm going to say Brian's used his turn wrapping his hand and scooping up gobbles, but how about you? Do you have a bonus action you can use? You haven't used your movement, so I will let you stand up if you want. Yeah, I guess. Oh, sorry to shout. Yes, I definitely would like to get to my feet. And again, with my arms stretched, I think as I did before, trying not to disturb

anything where I've already landed. And I'm very much like, uppy, uppy, uppy. Yeah, I very much want to get off the ground. Well, and you can, so that, how much movement do you have? A total, if I've used half to stand up, that would leave me, where is my movement? 35,

so half I would have 17. Hmm. If you want, I'll make it uh a dc15 athletics check to try to jump and grab mordecai yeah it's a high jump sure but he's he's low enough that he could scoop up with his broadsword glibble so it's not really like difficult for a live squirrel. All right. I will definitely try and jump up athletics. My bonus is only a one. I rolled. Did you hear it?

I rolled a 13 plus 114. I won't. You won't have extra damage when you jump and land in the blooms. But yeah, it's a jump and a miss. I'm definitely landing like all four tail alert, you know, like, squirrel in danger pose. Frozen. Car coming. Yeah.

So, that's going to be the bone naga's turn. And he is still frightened, I believe. That was told the dead that sent him back there from you, right, Blaine? It sounds like what it had to have been. It was a turn. I just turned. Turned undead. Not told the dead.

Yeah. Turn undead. I believe he's frightened for like a minute, right? Yeah. So that's going to be 10 turns. I have that. It has only been three turns. So he still, he still go bye-bye.

And then it's going to be Glibbles' turn. And he is going to try to make a death saving throw. Because, you know, he's scooped up, but he's still dying. Excellent. That was a win. Good. Save. And after Glibbles, it's pish posh.

What a day it's been. Right? Oh, my God. Can I try and suck this thing thing soul up into the staff? Ooh, I'm going to have to pull the stats up. I like the things you're saying to me. Dan, I hope you're not implying that the acid crystal golem doesn't have a soul. Now this is...

I think I told you the name of it privately. I forget if I said it on the air. This staff is called the Staff of Mortal Currency. Uh-oh. And it is not fully revealed to you yet because you're half attuned to it. I'm just checking.

But what I know is it would work on this thing. You know what? That sounds like a free insight check to me. Meaning I pass no matter what. Depends what your bonus is. Free insight check. I don't know that much. That's a 17.

Hot dog. You're going to get quite a bit of info with that. There's no way an elemental has a soul. Okay. But you do think there's... Isn't Golem imbued with something? Sometimes. And I'm trying to remember how many charges you have left in the staff.

Have you been keeping track? Hundreds. Dummy. Those three. Elemental. You guys asked if I'm keeping track. I'm not keeping track. Well, it was full.

Not necessarily a soul in it now. Sometimes they're just the result of the elemental plane interacting with the primate. You could delete some souls of your cats. Belay that order. I will. Well, fuck, I guess. Does lightning work on acid? You think it would work better than poison?

Yes. All right. I'll cast lightning bolt at it. Great. And that's a save of some sort, yes? 14 dex. Oh, that's a failure. That's a definite success, yes.

Failure for you. Take a nap. Pish Posh tries to hit it with lightning, and it does not go great. But yes, acid Breath would not have been a good deal. What's the total miss? It doesn't take half damage or anything? That's a good question. You want to double check?

I would like for you to check for your own good. You should know. Half as much damage. See? They would have got so mad at you. I feel like we went sorry last year. I think it's time to talk about whether Ken gets kicked off the market.

What? He's done this twice, it sounds like. I think he needs his annual review right now. 4D6. Twice. They said you've had to be told this multiple times to check the goddamn stats on your lightning spell.

How many times have you know all that does that's a lot of times it's it's 86 so it rolls four so it's ten ten total points you smash it with lightning and you know what you don't feel as sad as you did a second ago but yeah half damage because he is going to rattle his way to the side all right this thing has taken a lot of damage it has taken a lot but it is resistant to a lot and immune to a couple of things. How about this? Does it feel this? Yeah. That's Frank.

I'm flipping you off. You coward. Son of a bitch. Blaine, you're up. I'm going to do another attack with the spiritual weapon. That's a miss. Uh-oh. That's a four. spiritual weapon. I could spiritual my weapon. That's a miss. That's a four.

Yeah, his AC is higher than four, unfortunately. Seriously? Yeah, what a... Ten with my spell attack. Okay, but his AC... I believe it's 18, right? Can we surrender? Can't we just say it's a hit?

No. I do double damage. Listeners, if we can just get 300 more subscribers to our Patreon before this airs, I will have let that hit. Otherwise, no. Tell your friends. I'm the ghost of Lucy.

Actually, yeah. If 300 more people do sign up, I will absolutely do that. But you're going to have to be the leader of that Actually, yeah. If you do, if 300 or more people do sign up, I will absolutely do that. But you're going to have to be the leader of that motion, Blaine. All right. Anyway, it is your turn, Blaine, Blev. What did you do? Well, I just did that.

You just did that? You missed and missed? I can't believe my brain erased that you tried. So that was one thing. But you're going to uh in addition to spiritual weapon are you gonna do sacred flame again uh well that's a that's a that's a second thing right that is an action but the spiritual weapon's a bonus action so you get to do both uh unless i'm mistaken which i don't think i am because that's a spell that's uh i use as an attack

That's a spell that I use as an attack. The beauty of a spiritual weapon is you can already be wielding a weapon. Why even summon another one, right? Why summon a magic weapon when you're holding a goddamn mace? Because it's your bonus action. And it's already floating once you summon it. And then you can swing it on your bonus actions in addition to your main action. Does that make sense?

It's like a ball in Phantasm. You have this magical weapon that you control. This kind of rolls around. Right, so it doesn't take your action because you can freely swing with your arms while this sort of like floaty thing is separate. Okay, well then I'll do another Sacred Flame. Great.

Oh, he's unfortunately definitely going to make that. That is a... 17. Well, why don't I just go fuck myself? I think we're all going to come fuck ourselves. I don't want to see you do that.

So is that half damage? No, it's no... It's a mess. The Sacred Flame is kind of a pain that way. It's why people lamented on Baldur's Gate 3 on the internet. Can we change the difficulty setting?

Uh-huh. Yeah, let's change this to story mode. Love it. We'll fast forward through this fight. Awesome. Do it. All right. So then the rumbling becomes an explosion.

Oh, it really literally did. Nice sound effects. I did not deliberately drag my chair. Well, it worked. It worked out great, honestly. Do we have a soundscape for this episode? What's happening? Is Hans Zimmer here?

A large shape bursts forth through the acid waterfall towards Mordecai. We've been waiting for this all along. What the hell is that? Fuck. What is that fucking thing? I hate it. It is going to

be able to get this far. Holy shit. Why are there so many terrible things in this river of acid that's already terrible? You're telling me a Bulette is on a payroll. Dan doesn't like us. He's been trying to murder us

since we started this new campaign. I don't think a Bulette knows what it's like to be employed. Are you saying it doesn't have a union? Oh, no. They might belong to the Monster Manual Guild or something like that. I think that large monstrosities have one.

They must. I mean, you see each other at conventions. Somebody can say, you're going to tell the Bulette you should. Bulettes are assholes. They have a standing leap of 30 feet. We met Bulette, substitute brunette. I said, will you remember Seneca? Never forget her.

Oh, natural letter. Mom's a millionaire. So I share one less cigarette and swap all the dresses. I don't know what's happening right now. The bite is going... Oh, wait. It's English beat. I did roll the bite, but first I forgot to check the deadly leap. If the Bulet jumps, you can use...

Willie. Oh, that's it to land on somebody. Nobody's on the ground, so it can't smash people. It does a real asshole thing when people are on the ground where it can purposefully land on you. So that is a miss. It is a 7 plus 7 to hit 14. I believe your AC is 16.

Fuck that thing. You can fuck it on your turn. Right now, no. It's the acid element. Is that in the book? We'll see. I'm looking. It's toasty. Alright, so... Can you?

It's toasty. All right. So. It is. The view lab, by the way, is going to onto the shore right there. Sure. And get covered in crystal or a plume acid. Just.

Yeah. See how it likes it. It's just bathing gloriously in it. Actually, it might not be enjoying it. Acid Elemental is going to take some swings that you Pidgeposh and kind of move at. Oh, weird. It's going to go...

It's ignoring the Bulette. I'm a douche. And you do the Fandango. It's very hard to bounce, but I'm going to just remind you. And he falls in the acid and dies. It is in melee range of you as it does this. Sure.

Why not? Rock me on my douches. First swing is a 13 hit, which is a miss, right? That's a miss, baby. And then we have 25 to hit.... That is not a miss. 25 to hit. That is definitely not a miss. 25? Yeah.

A roll high. 17. That's a hell of a bonus. That's one of them old school monsters. Where's my bonus, Billy? Oh, it's in the mail. Jeff D. is finishing your drawing as we speak. 12 points of acid damage. So I have that, I believe, don't I?

Oh, no. Because you're a black dragonborn, yeah, I believe you're resistant. That's a lot of damage for you to have. I can't even remember. Six points of damage, then. Jesus Christ. I want to make sure I'm a black dragon.

That's good. You drool on yourself when you're drunk all the time. I'm just trying to remember a goddamn thing at all. Alright, that's going to swing it. What? Oh. What the hell?

Did it already swing? No. Dan, it just hit me for half whatever. Did it? Yeah. Everything's fine. It's over. Okay.

Yeah. The first one was a mess. Dan, are you Memento? Were you me? No, but I am so sweaty. I'm having a hard time concentrating. Oh, sorry, buddy. Jump in the pool.

Is there any water in the pool? Yeah, it's nice. Our session today has an AC of zero. Then I push my glasses up my nose and into my brain. So the second one is a miss, but I'm going to need you to do a constitution save 15 to not have the acid crystals lastly that's a 17 plus my big bonus which is i'll show you a big bonus which is 320. yeah you shake it off shake it off yeah because you stay out too late and that's

going to bring us back to bricks up top are you guys both wearing vincent price t-shirts maybe we're going to make out i didn't know that's so weird i didn't know that was vincent price that's what i thought yeah house of wax oh i thought yours looks more like scott ackerman with a pencil mustache but still you could just say scott ackerman jeff what's his name jeff bryan uh what's say it what's his name isn't it jeff bryan yes jeff bryan i can't read it's upside down my brain is uh that's so funny i was looking at those shirts for the last 50 minutes and put it together just now. Because I thought yours was the Joker at first, but then I realized it's from... Jeff Braun. Waxworks or whatever.

She's going to toss more darts. Two hits. Yes. Good job. Six and then another six. So, smash some darts in there Brian you're up hmm

um I'm still gonna I'm committing I'm still gonna get away I've got two people on my shoulders and uh I'm not on your shoulders I'm on the ground reaching for you okay well I'm gonna grab you then and I don't know. I'm on the ground reaching for you. Okay. Well, I'm going to grab you then and let's get the fuck out of here.

All right. Well, he's got to stay close to me too. He's teeny tiny. I'll make sure I join you. Roll to pick him up. So you're going to that way. Yes. All right.

So you get up. Can you put glibs, dally tail and Mordecai right up? I'm assuming you want to be right by the waterfall. Yeah. Okay. You're flying. Do you want to be over the land or do you want to be over the acid?

Over the land. That is a relevant choice. And yeah, it's hard to make a guy stand on it. So feel free to put it there and we'll remember. That's what you're doing. We get it. Cool. And anything else you want to do with your turn,

Brian, your hands are a little full right now. Yeah. I will say dally tail as a reaction can scramble on your back, but you have an unconscious glibbles clinging to you. Yeah. Do you want to use your action for anything? No.

Okay. Do, do, do, do, do. In that case, Chris,

you're up. Now that case, Chris, you're up. Now that I've scrambled up, I'm checking my inventory to see what healing potions I have because I would like to pour it down his throat. I have two potions of healing, so I'd like to pour one of them down Glibble's throat. Great. Will you roll his healing for me, please?

I sure will. So that's 2d4 plus a 2. Ken, squirrel dice. Yay. I love those squirrel dice. Three and one. Four plus two, six. Excellent.

So he is up to six hit points. I'm still trying to get the D&D Beyond app to work. So I think I want to actually take him just down by hitting him, right? You can do that, or you can scroll down to the number. Okay, thank you. Just don't hit it more than once. Got it. I do that all the time.

Oh, my gosh. This is so complicated. It doesn't take. I'm hitting six and then... Sam, you're starting up a D&D app, right? Mm-hmm. How's that going so far? It shocks you every time you try and roll for dice.

Is that... It's to weed you off the game. Oh, okay. I'm sure you'll get a lot of subscribers. We're at 40 minutes. Thank you, Chris. So that'll be your action. Any bonus-y stuff you want to do um win the game i like oh yeah i'd like to uh i'm gonna from my squirrel folk thing it's called lucky nature and i get to win the game i'm sorry that's

an action chris you win the game with an action, not a bonus action. I don't think I can do anything else. I guess I'll try and put my hand, maybe one paw really on Mordecai and one paw really on Glimbles as Glimbles comes awake so they don't fall. Great. So you're braced. No one is slipping and sliding. Bone Naga is going to continue to be freaked the fuck out. And then tis Glibbles.

Glibbles finally wakes up. What the fuck? Oh, Jesus Christ. You're all right. It's okay. It's okay. What? All right. Oh, I got third degree burns on my arm. I feel terrible. Relative.

Relatively, it's all right. All right. Well, look, Fire Crossbow bolted this piece of shit. Yeah, there's two of them. I mean, dealer's choice there. Oh, shit. There's another thing? Yeah, it's a Bulette.

It's a classic character. It's pronunciation often debated. Well, in that case, which shit I hit? What do you think, Zali? You know that acid fuck, right? Yeah, I'll hit the acid fuck. I guess I just rolled twice and one was a motherfucking critical hit. You can do it in that?

Okay, well, you're the... You're the NPC. What do you mean I can do what? Are you questioning my ability to change targets mid-attack? It doesn't... It doesn't matter because I'm doing the one I was originally going to do anyway. There's no argument. Jesus Christ.

All these fucking guys. Alright, so the first one is going to be... Oh, that's a horrible thing to do. Lip smacking? Yeah, why would you do that to me? I don't know.

Alright, first one is gonna be 22. We're all blinking right into the microphone. And then four. But he is going to hit it with a crit. That's awesome. Hit it or crit it.

Oh, the WB. Is WB still around? It sure isn't. It'll be back in a year or two. I have bad news about the existence of TV network. Yeah, I think it was just deleted by Paramount. Comedy Central, RIP. I'm just glad all my work on Mind of Bencia is gone.

All my episodes of The High Court with Doug Benson just completely ripped away. That was a show? Yeah. I was one of the three writers on it. It was a delight. Me and Karen Anderson and Jocelyn. Remember all that work that we did for nothing?

Years and years. Up next, after glibs, is good old Pish. Oh, Pishy Pish. Pish to the posh. Pish to the posh. The dwinds, wherever I did go.

That was so upsetting when I was little. It was the most upsetting sketch they've ever done. And they have some gory sketches where people's chest explode in that even movie. My kid saw that and he couldn't stop thinking

about it. He's now 35 years old. I watched him. His hair turned My kid saw that and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Your kid saw that? He's now 35 years old. Yeah. I watched him. His hair turned white right in front of me. What sketch? What sketch?

Find the fish. Find the fish. It's in his trousers. Oh, yeah. Terry Jones has a red long hair. The pacing of it. Where is that fish? It went wherever I did go?

It's in the cupboard. I'm so mad. I'm going to do that thing I did again. Alright. Lightning bolt. Lightning bolt. That's a great. Yes.

That's 12. That is no good. So that is... Oh, hit him. Hit him with your moon lightning. Three. Nine. Ooh.

What was that? 15. 15. Sorry, 15. That's half of it. I got really excited. 19. 24.

26. And 29. Nice. Huge explosion of acid shards everywhere. Not dead, but you took a chunk off of them. Starting to look fucked up. Took a chunk?

Thank goodness. Took a chunk? Took a chunk? Took a chunk? Took a chunk? Took a chunk? Took a chunk? Took a chunk?

If you take a chunk, you take a chunk. I don't know if it was Chaka Khan, Rubber Band Man, or... I mean, listen. They're all just as good. Hey, Dan, prepare yourself for the Rubber Band Man. Yeah. And now...

I traded my Rubber Band Man 45 for Jungle Love. That's about a guy who can blow himself, right? Yeah. Rubber band man. Sam Markatuck. Rubber band man. Never leave the house.

It's not much else. Folks are not. No. He really is. I mean, there's a whole lot of Nazis. Yeah. Everybody's a Nazi. All right. I believe you still have a bonus action if you can use one.

Yeah. I don't remember where we keep landing on this with Pish Posh. I don't have a bonus action. Pish Posh. Tax for action one. Well, sure, but you got a whole bonus action category. There's usually at least some random ass thing in it where is it

I know I can I'll touch your screen touch your screen listeners somebody left the house let's see if it's there no it's under actions should maybe scroll down

there it is so no No, it's under actions. Should maybe scroll down? There it is. Oh. So no, you got convert sorcery points, I guess. Yeah. Which I can get some spells back. Yeah. That's why you're a sorcerer.

I'll convert some sorcery points then. Okay, do it. How are you doing so? Are you getting back a certain level spell? I am getting additional spell slots back. Right, right, right. Nice. Which level?

Tell the kids at home. Where am I at? How powerful is this rejuvenation? I will go with fourth level. Oh, shit. That's got to be like all your spell slot or sorcery points. I was, yeah.

Alright. Sweet. Alright, Blaine. It's blab o'clock. Meow. I'm going to use my bonus action to swing my weapon. Please do. Hit me.

If you can. If you dare. 18 plus 6, 24. Oh, that's a hit. That's a 6 and 6, 12. All right. And then I'm going to do the other one. I wish you would.

It's spiritual. So that's me. That's a dex save for me. Unfortunately, that other one. I wish you would. It's spiritual. So that's me. That's a dex save for me. Unfortunately, that's 16. That's pretty high. But what does it need? A 14. Oh, sorry about that.

It whiffs. It's okay. All right. Cool. It's time for some classic Telfer asshole move. Here comes the Bulette. Nope. It's much... Thanks to Mordecai flying away, it's much closer to the Pish Posh crew.

It's not going to put any knight moves on us, is it? Oh, that's a silver Bulette. Now, Pish Posh, maybe we should rewind a little bit. Okay. Maybe we need to a little bit. Okay. Maybe we need to do a retcon here. Is there any... Do you want to be using your movement to fly?

I know you're within... Yeah, I don't want to get hit as I move away. Oh, that's right. It just got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I forgot that I advanced on you because I left myself an audible cue to not forget but because of the terrain being bumpy i couldn't put the token there all right all right yes yes that's why it's wide so it's gonna the

bulette is going to jump and attack you pish posh of course it goes to me can't hit me. You're the gingerbread man. It's a 14 hit? Come on. No. Whoa. Please. Jesus. Ooh, spicy kid. I'm going to fucking kick a fart at it.

It is a little emotionally wounded from what you just said. Good. Good. Go fucking sell. That's what I gave him. It's going to do a charisma saving throw. Oh, you know what? It braced itself. It's been hurt before.

So then the acid elemental is going to take some sweet. Is that the Bulette? That was in all the Johnny West movies. Bulette's underneath. All right. Look. Oh, it's underground? He's trying to make a case that the Bulette somehow nudged the acid elemental.

They're supposed to be next to each other, not between. Oh, I see. He just balances better. I'm trying to make a case for anything. Yeah, yeah. But I see what you're saying. He does not dig. The Bulett did just enter his space.

I mean, up in his grill. Wouldn't you say, Blake? I like that one, too. Maybe. Wow. That is going to be a 13 hit. So that's a miss, two misses oh bad round for the monsters finally good jesus seems as though they know each other they went to craft here all right so bricks is gonna be both coming from a show at Flappers. Oh, man. Carpool? Yeah. Oh, Flappers.

Main room, side room. But, you know. Yoo-hoo. Sure. All right, so I'm just bringing up Briggs' sheet. Briggs is gonna... Let's see.

Does she have something else I should be doing? I know she's a monk, so it's mostly... Is she in melee with anything? She's in melee with the acid guy. I mean... no one's thrilled

about she doesn't want to get some stuck to her but i'm trying to see she she usually does unarmed strikes but she has a hand axe that she can just be chopping and that'll be uh a little more damage that would also potentially give her more access to like stunning strike and that kind of shit you know what i mean like if she's i mean if she unfortunately she has to be in melee because it's there unless she disengages well no that she's she um she's being carried she's being carried by pish posh and i think you just brought up that she was flying herself didn't just oh that's right you kept flight on her right yeah you know what i'm gonna have her uh will someone roll an insight check for bricks That's right. But you can't flight on her, right? Yeah. You know what?

I'm going to have her. Will someone roll an insight check for bricks? Can you got this? I could do it. But I think when it comes to stuff like this. All right. She is going to keep throwing darts because she thinks she can't tell, because of the insight check being low, how whether she could kill

the acid element or if she swooped in and started doing the melee handaxe stuff. So she's not taking the risk with that low insight check. It's a miss. And a hit. Why am I rolling? I could be using D&D Beyond. All right.

Second dart smacks into it. Doesn't do a ton of damage. Bad luck, but hey, it's a hit. Up next is going to be Brian. Mordecai, be cooler. I'm still going to keep booking with my little friends. Right week to wear a Jaws t-shirt, by the way. What? Oh, I know. You are a Jaws t-shirt, by the way.

Oh, I know. Jaws 3, the shitty one. I mean, it's still a Jaws. Does it take place, the third one, on the 4th of July? I don't know that they do. No, I don't think so. Is it the same mayor, or just the first two? No, it's at a

SeaWorld kind of place yeah isn't it in florida in that one is that the michael cain one because they never really say where it is now that's the fourth one oh okay i've seen the first one maybe six times and then i've seen like pretty much all the rest of them but not since college like i just plowed through them all and that was it. There's a good one. The first one. Yeah. They could have stopped with Jaws. I think you're going to want to maybe do a ranged attack or something, Brian, because you're

right at the waterfall waiting for Pish Posh to break out of me away. Sure. I'll shoot crossbow. Great. At the acid monster. Rolled a crossbow. at the Acid Monster. Rolled a crossbow. Yeah, baby!

Critical. Yeah! Plus six. Twenty-six. Great. Why don't you roll a percentile? Yeah, big ol' one. I'm trying you roll a percentile? Yeah, big old one. Yeah, okay. So just roll your regular damage. Okay. One to five is not nothing.

Or is nothing, I should say. But still double your dice damage. Just no fancy shit. Oh, shit. Nice. Oh, no. No, that was supposed to roll an eight. I thought it landed on a ten.

No. Or you what? I rolled an eight. Or you rolled the wrong die. Where is my eight? I don't know. Oh, it's overhiding. The hair.

Where's Brian's die? I ate it. You're going to poop in a little bit. I'm so tired of putting your poop through a sieve to find Brian's die. Thank you. Is that what you doubled? Plus something, though?

Oh, yeah. Plus three. So nine. Great. Excellent. And I'm marking that. You still haven't done your second attack, right? You get two attacks with your crossbow. Oh my god I'm marking that. You still haven't done your second attack, right? You get two attacks with your crossbow. Oh, my God. This is fantastic.

So much damage. 14. Need an 18. Okay. The second one's a miss. Well, up next will be Dallytail, but we'll have to find out how Dallytail goes, what he does on the next episode of Nerding

Pokington. Sam. Hi. What do you think we did? Episode 21. Bricks is dead or close to it. There's a rumbling behind the acid waterfall. Pish Posh attacks the acid monster with lightning.

A frigging walking dolphin thing called a boulette is out there. We learned based on shirts that both Ken and Chris are dorks. We learned about the rubber band man and Mordecai used his crossbow against the acid monster and hurt it moderately. Hey! You got any gigs? No, I got my monthly

show if you're out here in LA, come see Warped Woods at Bigfoot Lodge. It's a delightful show. I went and enjoyed it this weekend. I did just get to say on social media, yeah, so sometime next year my movie is coming out. I did just get to say on social media, yeah, so sometime next year, my movie is coming out. So that's going to be really nice. I am adapting Edgar Rice Burroughs novel

to the land that time forgot for the asylum who makes the Sharknado movies. So that means I have to go by a busy asylum rules of what the screenplay will contain and the plot format and all that. And the budget is $5, so I can't put every dinosaur in one. That's not a lot of money

for a movie, Dan. It's about what it is. But yes, they're going to make it. It'll probably be straight to Tubi, but keep an eye out. That's awesome. Just get hyped. If they shoot it in LA, I'll probably get to be in it too, so that'll be fun.

You could be the land. I sure hope so. But yeah, Edgar Rice Burroughs is a real piece of shit. So I'm looking forward to making this. I already have made significant plot changes. Looking forward to doing that. Cool. Tour dates, BrianBestain.com.

I've got Mobile coming up. And then the next night we're in New Orleans and then Lafayette. That's all with J.T. Haberset. And then I've got one show in Phoenix on the 18th. That'll be hot. With Carmen Morales. She's awesome. Ed Greer.

That'll be a fun show. And I'll be wearing a Flotsam at Jets, I'm sure, because I'm in Phoenix. But the comic books are going crazy. So Grommets 2 issue 2 just sold out also. Yay! Congrats!

We're going to second printing for that issue also. And second printing of Grommets 1 comes out this week. I'm super stoked on it. And then Rifters is doing great too. So Rifters 2 should be out in like two weeks. But pick it up.

That's it from me, Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind from hell. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next nerd poker brian drives off the lot in a new kia sorento hybrid with zero percent apr for 66 months and two thousand dollars bonus cash back at signing a kia summer sticker sales event all this and kia releases blaine's wife shaken but unharmed, on the next Nerd Poker. patreon.com slash nerdpoker and you get bonus episodes from there and you can also

send us anything at P.O. Box 16069 Encino, California 91416 Thanks for listening.