Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 24

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Alright alright alright, we're almost at the nest of the dragon Glutt sooooo- let's talk about what (and who) to destroy!  For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Poussaint, NerdPoker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam engineer sam and of course our kick-ass dm dan telfer welcome to nerd poker hey everybody it's brian pesain and you're listening to nerd poker episode 24 of the Mountain Campaign. We're season eight if you're nasty, right? Shit. My friends are here. It's going to be another good one. Last episode was super fun.

Chris is here. Hi, buddy. Hey. What's going on? Playing D&D. I see your summertime looks great. Dungeons and also dragons. Sarah's here.

I'm here. Hi. Hello. Hey. Hey. What's up? She's got a pair of sprints. Ken's here.

Started on me bucked. Hi. How are you? Hey, pal. I am ready to dungeon and especially dragon because we're about to do that for sure. Dan's next to you hello oh god sorry to surprise you the planes here oh where is Dan I'm over here oh I can't see you look across the crevasse

the crevasse reach for me wait wait wait i know how to save us let's get sam sam i'm here sweet children oh my god finally save the day that always happens when we don't end the intro uh you want to thank some people i sure will and they go by usernames patreon usernames have Patreon usernames. Have you been to patreon.com slash nerdpoker? Please come on over and you can subscribe to one of our top tiers and get mentioned. Users have already done it. Users like. Thank you.

Congress, please register and vote in 2024. Please. Thank you, Ridge Carpenter. Thank you, Teachers Talking Teaching. Thank you, The Randomore. Thank you, Skip the 405, Ride the Roscoe Pico Train. Thank you, Kelsey Roth. Thank you, Four Nice Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place Called Palladinos.

Thank you, Hit It and Quidditch. Thank you, 30... Reference is dated. Thank you, 362438, Only If She's 5'3 and has two fingers up her ass. Thank you, Sean. Is that Sir Mix-a-Lot with a blade joke? Oh, my God. Thank you.

I like that joke, and I cannot lie. Well, these other users can't deny that they go by names like Sean. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Ben Feltz. Thank you, Sirith Bunghole. Thank you, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Parenthetical, I need to get in touch with Mr. Posey, and this seems like the best way to do that.

And parenthetical. Thank you, Dr. Brigger Mortis. Thank you, De La Soul Asylum. And finally, thank you, some scared rat working through the trauma of that time there was a Sarah in her sewer sky. De La Soul Asylum is fantastic. It's a runaway train of a joke. Hey, Blaine, who are those

supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS And all the money in the register don't press any buttons no fucking alarm buttons 1877 all the money in the register and don't

press any fucking alarm buttons 1877 all the money in the register and don't press any fucking alarm button 1877 all the money in the register don't press any fucking alarm buttons. Fucking do it! 1-877 fucking do it for the kids. Dan?

Oh my god. We have a new sponsor. They started with us last episode but we're now sponsored by

Iron Guard Supplies which you can get 20% off card comic and gaming supplies by using the code nerd 20 at iron guard supplies calm as I explained last time it's it's basically these cool how would you protectors yeah they're plastic protectors for your books but then you don't have to get them graded which I've always stayed away from that because I didn't want to go through that process but I would like to have my

books protected so here we go iron guard supplies thanks a lot for kids For kids. You want to tell us what happened whenever? Last time I heard poker. I will. I rose, took a little nap, and then there was someone at the door. They have scaled the inside of Mount Dukes, hoping to get to the nest full of eggs. And, well, perhaps the dragon whose nest it is

is now on the other side of the door. Yeah, fucking what? All right, let's go find out what to... Let's do it, let's do it. All right, so you guys have all woken up. It's really good coffee. Was it dark roast or blonde roast? French press.

Oh, nice. French press, you need a rough grind for that yeah sure very coarse so you believe there is a dragon waiting on the other side of the door you've had your coffee we were talking about dark roast versus blonde roast french press coarse grind you've had your coffee and now we're standing around i said we just stand around for a while. At least 50 minutes. Would you like to look around the room while you stand around? Sure.

Everybody do a perception check. Oh, nice. Crit. Hey, nice. Hell yeah. Plus one. Let's go to 19. Mine's 13. Nine. Y'all kind of notice this very tall ceiling in here

with the acid falls kind of like crashing. Over here it forms a lot of white noise. It's arcing away from the stone. So not a lot of splashing, but you don't want to get too close. But yeah, the ceiling's really high and you can see Brian, Mordecai. There is what looks almost like a chandelier, except there's no light coming from it.

No torches, no attachments. Whose phone is by a microphone? But there is like a little bit of a cluster of crystals and they're pink not unlike the pink crystal on top of the staff that Pish Posh has. The staff of mortal currency.

And there's like a little notch in there. But the white noise of the acid waterfall makes it a bit difficult to hear things on the other side of the door in the hallway unless it wants to be heard or is rather loud. So you're all just kind of sitting in the white noise. Does it look like a lock or something? Do an insight check just you because you're holding the thing. No key!

It's kind of like a Mortal Kombat finishing move. Toasty. 16. Thank you for knowing the reference. Team plus one. It looks like the crystal on your staff fits in the notch. That's what I thought. I'm going to just do it.

Wow. You ready? And it looks, because staff can make you fly, it looks like the clog outs are probably flying up there and inserting it. All right. I'm going to go fly up and insert it. Remind me, how many charges are in the staff right now? Go stick that pink rod into the receptacle.

Nothing weird about that. You might have expended all of them. I'm not sure. I think you did. I think you put the last two and like no you put yeah you used the last charge to fly i think that create the force bubble i don't know because i didn't have the staff but does it need a charge it might not need a charge to unlock it might just no i'm gonna just use the

It might not need a charge to unlock. It might just... No, I can just use the... Just fly on your own. Does this thing reload itself every 24 hours? I have no idea. Except maybe he does because he attuned to it. Yeah, he's attuned. You know, it's got necromancy spells in it.

It's got three spells that he knows of, one of which is pre-existing, two of which I made up. The spell that is pre-existing is called Soul Cage, and the made-up ones are Reunification and Soul Expansion. Anything else you want us to know about your pink rod? If I do, what the? You created it. Nem told us to stick it in.

There's a crystal on top that's pink. It's mostly not pink. If the staff is reduced to zero charges and is not refilled within one day, roll a d20. On a one, the staff explodes in a burst of silver sparks. Wait, did the staff just explode?

No. If the staff is reduced to, this is why I have to ask, if the staff just explode? No. Yes. Is it supposed to? If the staff is reduced, this is why I have to ask. If the staff is reduced to zero charges and is not refilled within one day. Okay. But it hasn't been 24 hours. Right. So. So you feel like there is a clock ticking, perhaps, before you have to roll a d20.

It doesn't necessarily mean it's dead as well. How do I refill it with souls? The Naga that we just killed, can you get that guy? Sure. Does he have a soul? Oh, wow. That makes me feel, I know. how do i refill it with souls the naga that we just killed can you get that guy sure does he have a soul oh wow that makes me feel like i know i don't know i mean i can the soul cage spell only works on you you're a naga apologist i guess apologist yeah you feel like you know the spell soul cage well enough now that you would know you would have to get a humanoid soul. And you do believe you could potentially draw one out of one of your friends.

Juniper steps forward. Oh, no. This is no life. Oh, my God. You brought me to this. Please. All right. I mean, if you need, you don't have to jump all over it.

I'm just saying, like, if worse comes to worse. So right now you're, like, about to insert the crystal, and you can insert the crystal, but we've established you don't believe there's any charges in it currently. So you're just flying of your own accord. So you want to try it without a charge first? Yeah. Okay.

So you put it in there, and there's a... As it kind of, like, goes in there and kind of gets sucked in there's a click a crystal connecting with more crystal um and you hear this sort of like resonance come off it and it's sort of stuck for now stuck you can try to pull it up but it's it's light it's lightly seemingly cozily latched in and there is a hum. Do we need to do that and someone has to open the door while it's in there? Yeah, somebody press against the door,

see if it's open. Do you want me to do it? Nobody else is doing it. Yeah, sounds good, Glibbles. Bip, doo, crack. Glibbles opens the door. It's opening! It's open a crack shop.

Look for the dragon. You take it easy for now. How about I take it easy and shut the door again? What if I take it out? Will it lock back up? Do I need to just leave it in there? How about I shut the door? We'll see what happens.

All right. Shut. All right. Glimples. I'll pull it out. Is it unlocked? Okay, pull out. Normally, I don't recommend that method, but...

Okay, so you pull it out, and then... Oh, it still opens. I think these things are not connected, you silly goose. Oh. Were you not here for any of this before, Glimples? What? Were you not here? They didn't go any further.

Oh, they're just checking. They teleported out. No, I mean... He wanted to see if that was his staff. We didn't fuck around with that thing in the ceiling. We didn't touch that shit at all. Oh, so it's not even related to the door. I don't think so.

I don't know what the fuck he's doing. It did something. It's souls for the babies. Maybe the souls. But that's how you deliver them, yeah. Oh. Because in the drawing, the eggs are above. Maybe there's something about the chandelier. Like it's like

roots growing through the earth back up to the babies in the chamber above. Everybody do an insight check. You're smart for a squirrel. It's the forest. 18. Got an 18. Insight

that you're saying? Yes, sir. Three. Fishp class is like darn 24 oh shit 9 13 so you had a 21 I had an 18 18 and a 24 I'm gonna give this all to

Dallytail given that it was your concept we were rolling for and you got a fucking 24 so our smart little squirrel friend has brought up that maybe it's souls for the babies and it sure seems like a necromancy staff that's collecting souls and then these guys had this staff and could fly up there

and we're talking about souls for the babies were probably yes filling the staff with souls sticking it in the ceiling and they were being delivered to the babies were probably, yes, filling the staff with souls, sticking it in the ceiling, and they were being delivered to the babies. What? I mean, the metaphor is getting a little bit on the nose now. What do you mean?

Nothing. I don't mean anything at all. I don't even know what you're talking about. The penis-making babies from the soul. Yeah, they're delivering souls out of this. It's like the Hoobah Bloob Highway by Dr. Seuss. Listen, some dungeon masters draw maps that look like penises. Other ones get way overboard with allegories. I never said anything about a penis.

I don't know what you guys are talking about. No, I'm talking about another dungeon master you had at Earwolf. That's all I'm talking about. He did it. He drew maps like that. All right, so we shouldn't have stuck it in there. So Pitch Posh is going to strap on the staff so if there were souls in it now it's empty now they've been poured into this um chandelier you've emptied the staff yes should we destroy

the chandelier i pulled the staff out and came on its back i don't know what's back the subtext is made text Sam note the time right now you've taken you've removed the artifact from the socket you're still flying next to it what would you like to do anything else? should we destroy it? so no more souls can be

oh that lamp? the chandelier yeah it's like a cluster of crystals the crystal on top of the staff is kind of diamond-shaped, and it's got kind of asymmetrical bits of crystal growing out of the side of it. And the cluster of crystals in the ceiling, it's designed for it to fit in there.

And all the asymmetrical stuff is on the bottom, so it doesn't interrupt it being inserted but it's it's like a almost like a claw like a tarantula's legs of crystals reaching down as if to receive it um yeah i mean i don't i don't see any point in destroying it if we destroy a dragon anyways yeah Yeah, you want to save it for later. I was going to feed that thing. Yeah, it might alert a dragon to something. Exactly. But it might also be cool

to blow that fucker up. We could do it on our way out, I guess. Okay. I don't see us coming back this way, but who knows? Maybe we will. I've left popcorn this whole way. Meow, meow, meow. Oh, I'm fine with it anyways opening the door then?

I guess so am I doing it again? oh my god what? it's like that time I tried to sneak through a dormitory with Jerry Lewis do you want me to be sneaky about it or do you want me to be like real loud about it?

I'll hop up on Mordecai's shoulder and say this might be a great time for the equaler to really body if you want me to be, like, real loud about it. I'll hop up on Mordecai's shoulder and say, this might be a great time for the Equalair to really kind of, you know. Oh, the leader should do it. All right, leader. Open the door? Or do what? Well, because we think the dragon, in a humanoid form, seems to want to talk.

Oh, okay. I'm backing away from the door, Swarm. If it's not the dragon, it's something. Well, the globals did open the door a little and nobody tried to get in. Oh, you shut it again, because... All right, so yeah, here we go. Let's do it.

There's the march. March, march, march. I'll head outside first. Soon as that door's open, I'm gonna fucking bolt for the yard. You open the door and there's a screen there and you see Blep just climb up it um now there's a a long stone pathway and you can see what looks like

a few hundred feet down thisily walk towards the campfire yeah I feel like vaguely stealthy we're not like actually sneak but as we're not shouting and hitting symbols no stealth yeah glibbles does a mime of zipping his mouth shut. And then he unzips it. You know, zipper or something that's definitely being invented in favor. Oh, okay. Zip. You guys start walking down the hall.

That was funny, Brian. And as you get closer, you notice there is a figure sitting on a bit of loose rock. She has a stick that she is poking the campfire with. I'm looking at the miniature in my hand. She has a white robe and hood with gold lining the edges of it, a flowing green cape, and then a second iridescent cape draped over it that is

shimmering in the campfire light and it's early morning so as you approach you also can see the sky is sort of you know pink and orange just this big vastness of open sky through what is a huge hole that has been smashed open in the side of the mountain. It's just this massive opening, and at the end of this hallway, there's like a clearing, a sort of landing, big enough for all of you to stand on, but about the size of the room that you just came from, except more rough rock with boulders broken off

as something smashed into the side of the mountain. Hmm. The figure looks up. as something smashed into the side of the mountain. Hmm. The figure looks up. Well, have you had your coffee? Funny you should mention it. Okay, I say in Draconic, I'm like, who are you? Persuasion check. Je ne comprends pas.

Well, that's not going to help anything at all. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I got a five plus something, but who cares? Okay. She looks up and raises an eyebrow and says, well, you may call me glut. Oh. Okay, well, you may call me Glutch. Oh.

Okay, well. She looks almost human, but she has jet black skin and glowing red eyes. Yeah, I was going to say she was wearing white flowing robes. I was like, that doesn't sound like a obsidian dragon, but I guess. I was going to say it was Gandalf. She was a good lady, but. She seems to be taking another form or something. Apparently she can take a human form.

That was, again, Dallytale knew. Dragons, no offense, but dragons can be tricksters. Dragons often appear not in their own form. Are you saying this as an aside while she sits there are you saying this to her no i'm sure i don't i don't yeah nothing i don't mean to exclude her from you know i feel like she's we're not necessarily standing at her circle but she's an earshot right that's why i'm trying to be respectful welcome to my home my mountain mordecai ask her why she's destroying this town good question uh what's her name glut is that it beautiful name glut glut why are you uh destroying the town why

what's your ultimate goal this is my land they were sending scavengers into my home i mean the equal i heard that it was more like everyone already lived here and then you kind of moved in this was an abandoned city and I now have rights to it no one's arguing I think maybe what it is there I would I wonder if the people here could make things work. The humans down in that town? I'm no dragons to love treasure and worship. What are you saying? Sometimes people can live together, like in a forest.

Well, if they stop coming into my home, I will stop destroying them. So if people stop coming into this, the mountain, you'll stop attacking the town? Yeah. What are they scavenging when they come up here? I'm not really paying attention. I just see them leaving and then I destroy them. You're all very interesting was our not was our understanding of this was like it's not the people from the town who were coming into the mountain right it was like who was i saw humans leave and go into the town did you see this guy i pointed

glibbles no so does this track with anything that we had heard when we went to the town? It sounds like maybe some scavengers went in here and just tried to sell some things in town, and that was enough for Glut to destroy the town. Do you have anybody? They could have been completely unrelated to the town, just pass them through,

but it was enough for her to condemn the whole thing. Meow, meow. Do you have people in the mountain that are working for you right now, meow meow? Listeners, you should have seen the way he politely made eye contact with me when he said meow meow. Can you say it again? I was enjoying too much. Let me do it with

a slow blink. That means he loves me. Meow meow. Do you have beings in the mountain that are working for you right now, meow, meow? Well, I would love to know what happened to my quaggots. Dang, dang, dang. What quaggots? You have a staff that belongs to me, and then I had loaned them.

Oh. I would love to know where my quaggots are. We just kind of found the staff on the way out. We killed them. Oh. I would love to know where my Quaggoth are. We just kind of found the staff on the way out. We killed them. Oh boy. Is that right? Yes. How will I be compensated? How will we be compensated for our time?

You have attacked this town for no reason. It's fine if you want to stay in your little kingdom but for the people down below, they have nothing to do with this. I am quickly growing bored. What do you want? Don't tell her we're here to steal her eggs.

I think the only point of stealing the eggs was to get her to come to us so we could kill her, right she's right here there we got her um i mean as always i love to try to negotiate a truce but she doesn't seem amenable well so the conditions on which you would potentially be willing to speak or whatever parley with the town is no one from the town should be coming into the the castle again I'm calling the castle your lair call it with all you want

well we're just trying to figure it out we you must certainly didn't you just like burn the town to the ground a few days back yes yeah so they they sent us to go, hey. Don't do that. Cut it out.

Maybe you should give me something I want. And then, I'll leave you all alone. What do you want? I would like for you to kill one of my enemies. I can take you to them. And then I'll be on my way. What have they done to you? They haven't done anything to me. I want what they have.

Why are they an enemy? I want what they have. What do they have? Who are they? They are... You still haven't convinced us. A dragon, whose energy I made to further my means. Am I just going from dragon to dragon? But if you kill this dragon, I leave.

And no collateral damage will happen to the town while you attempt and fail to fight me. Are you unable to kill this dragon? It is difficult, and I was going to spend months, years, decades on this mountain, building power and then attacking it, but you all seem very capable

adventurers. Why don't I take you there? And if you can kill the dragon, I will absorb its echo and be on my way. Why don't we just kill this dragon? I don't think you can kill me. Oh, I didn't say that to her. I said that

with my eyes to everyone else. Roll to retcon. Understood. I'll tell you what. Can you tell us about this dragon that you're proposing we hunt? Yes.

It is from my home plane of existence, which is called Pandemonium, which is how I gained the rights to this mountain. Lawfully, it is my mountain. This is a dragon named Husgrin. Husgrin is a Topaz gem dragon trying to bring about the end of the world. He's trying to bring back Sardior, the ruby dragon of old that has been dead for eons

with a conclave of dragons. And what I would like to do is absorb his echo, conquer, I don't know, a couple other planes of existence, but it's too nice to lay eggs here. I don't need to make a fuss. I like vacationing on your material plane. We don't need to take on any extra work right now i'll again make it quite simple i'll tell you how easiest to fight him how perhaps you could kill him in one blow

with a trap and then i would simply be on my way and what then you could do it i feel like we're going in circles guys can i get some insight can i do an insight check on this dragon absolutely dragon lady i'm just gonna give this to you because you're this specific kind of suspicious oh it looked like a very small digit it wasn't great um it's a 12. she's uh got some kind of leverage that she hasn't explained yet. She seems cocky in a way that implies it's not just about a fight. She's got something over the town. She keeps talking about how like no collateral damage. How is she supposed to make that happen?

So yeah, explain why we wouldn't. Don't we get the same thing say we did kill you you that works better for our purposes right so why would we you don't seem to be selling it very well i guess is my oh well if you kill me my children will live on they should be hatching soon i took the liberty when i noticed I was being intruded upon, to move the eggs to a new nest. Oh, where'd you put them? Just outside the village.

I'd like to very casually detect her thoughts. Okay. Nice. I'm looking up the rules again. I know it's different to, like, dive deeper. Wisdom saving. Okay. Dragons aren't very wise.

Look. I'm taking a shot. Definitely. I support it. That was not meant to be. She has... I'm about to sneeze. A plus seven for this.

That'll be a 24. That's more than 12 now I believe that means she knows you tried yes? I don't know about that or is that only when you dig deeper? I'm just slowly using the wireless

fi internet if it fails if they succeed though if you probe deeper... It's just harder to deeper? Yeah, if it fails, you gain insight into its reasoning, its emotional state, and something that... But you didn't fail, so it doesn't matter. For the duration... Yeah, well...

When you cast... It looks like... Only probing deeper is the wisdom saving throw. So if you want, we can retcon the wisdom saving throw and probing deeper, and I can just tell you what surface thoughts are. Yeah, sure. Sure. And then if you want, you can probe deeper. Right.

Got it. She seems incredibly proud of herself. She seems to think that you could handle the task that she is proposing. Uh, and she seems like she has deliberately chosen, uh, where she is and she's very comfortable. She's thinking about how comfortable she is, how she could easily best you in combat and how she could cause something horrible to happen if you don't do this task. See, that's what I was worried about. I mean, yeah, I'm unconvinced by this evil dragon that we should be doing her bidding. Well, what if we don't help you?

What is that supposed to mean? I mean, what would happen if we didn't help you? Well, I could just leave right now and see to my children, make sure they have a fun play area. She stands up and says, I'm right here. I certainly don't need to be in this form any longer. I'm right here. I certainly don't need to be in this form any longer. Perhaps I should make my point.

Her body suddenly explodes and you just see viscera fly everywhere. If you like, I will let you roll a free dexterity savings or to dodge the viscera of the Azamar form that she just nuked.

While I get out a dragon miniature. A Dexterity saving throw? Yeah, we'll say you had to roll a 15 to not get slapped with aasimar guts. Nice. I got a 15. A mini I'm not using now. Alright. 21. Nice. using now all right 21 nice Brian yeah sorry you're gonna not get hit with guts okay what am i wrong yes thanks David saving pretty dragon. I got hit with guns. I traveled across country this morning.

I'm really toasty. Oh, sorry, buddy. Oopsie. Save and throw. Wow, you're hot. You're a hot dragon. It's obsidian, right? Onyx. Onyx. Oh, I thought do do do do do do let the boys so this is actually a pathfinder uh black dragon mini i think so it looks different than a dbD one, but then I put extra wings on it. It's got four

wings listeners, and I did a paint job on it, so it's got kind of like a pearl iridescence on it and some black shimmering paint also. I can't get it. Oops. Pretty. Send me a better picture because I can't. No, that's good.

I took one at home I can use too. Don't mind the glue on the bottom how'd I get knocked over? what'd you roll? how'd I get knocked over? I think the cable just my cable bumped you're okay you got hit by entrance

you get knocked down but you can it takes a whiskey drink uh 20 great 17 plus three so are you the only one who got hit i got hit yeah all right glibbles oh and actually probably i'm sure that what you said 15 yeah yeah yeah juniper good everybody ducks uh except juniper bricks and glibbles all get slapped with guts as the body parts just sort of fly everywhere um she is now perched on the edge and if we go into combat i will fill this out with some more of the tiles that i have but she then looks down at all of you and says I could just fly right out of here. There's no need to even have a fight. I like that.

Where exactly is this other dragon? The other planet. No, no, no. That's where he's from. No, the other dragon that I would like you to kill. He is on a mountain. I would say 50 miles east of here. What kind of trap did you have planned?

Trap? You said catch him in a trap or something. Oh, he is inside the mountain, and I can show you how to collapse the mountain on him. Oh, okay. Again, why can't you collapse the mountain on him? He will know that I am coming. He will sense that I have already collected the echoes of two other gem dragons.

Great, great worms. I am the only Onyx great worm. You guys can kind of sense each other. Is that sort of a dragon trait? A great worm a a great worm a great worm especially one that has already absorbed the life force

of another one alright so basically we're being hired assassins yeah it's like just

it doesn't solve any of our problems actually or the town's problems it just gives her more power I'll take my eggs to pandemonium

from whence I came and I'll perhaps conquer the nine hells next sure you'll get something out of it while I'll even

teleport you to the mountain and then teleport you back into the village Where neither my eggs nor I will be found But If you make me angry I will make sure my eggs hatch soon And the demons That I have been

Slowly incubating By feeding them souls And making sure they have gone through a form of the Dracolich process will be unleashed on the village. There we go. There we go. Where are those guys? My children.

Those are the eggs outside the village. I have fed my children hundreds of souls. So now they're not going to just be baby dragons, they're going to be dracoliches? That sounds delicious. A a dragolich is usually a magic using dragon that has gone through its own process deliberately but to do it before the life is even made they are a demon they will come into this plane of existence as very powerful demons. But with like a crunchy chocolate shell. How do we know that you're a worm of your word?

I guess you'll have to trust me. I can't believe we're even entertaining this. If you would like to entertain it, roll an insight check to see if she is a worm of your word. Yeah, somebody, everybody else insight because I can't. There he did. 17. 21.

19. Pish Posh didn't know shit. You're just looking at how resplendent her scales are. When's lunch? Sarah, what'd you get? I didn't because I already rolled an insight check. But can I do another one yeah this one was worse so no okay um bled dally tail mordecai you get the sense that

she's not lying but she might be um omitting just how prideful or selfish she will be regardless. So she's probably not going to harm the villagers if you do what she says, and she probably is going to leave, but it is questionable whether or not she will do other horrible things. What's your first step, Meow Meow? I think we gotta find those eggs.

Well, I will perch outside the mountain and when you slay this dragon, I will take on its echo. I will then fly back to the village, collect my eggs, and return to Pandemonium. See, that'll solve the problem. If you're with us, how do you control your eggs from hatching while we're there?

What do you mean? Well, isn't there a danger that the eggs could hatch while we're... They hatch on my command. Not until then. No, on my command. And you would keep them from hatching. I have been performing quite a lot of necromancy on these eggs. They are not just eggs. I'm just trying to use your words. Understand. You're trying to use them against me.

No, ma'am. Absolutely. I just want to understand. I don't want to fight you. I do. Well, I'll tell you what. I'll give you a moment to think about it. You seem overwhelmed. It's a lot to process. I'm going to head back to the village. I'll be back in, we'll say, an hour. Great! How about one of us comes with you? That's collateral.

Glibble starts to sweat. Persuasion check for Rix. Stop making me do things. Oh, well. Yeah, that's an 11. She leans down really close to you, Bricks, and says, Don't worry. I will be very respectful and simply sit upon my eggs,

and not a soul in the town will be harmed. I have no reason to attack the town. Cool. Well, it sounds like you've got it all worked out. I have no reason to attack the town. Cool. Well, it sounds like you've got it all worked out. So. Yes. Bye.

This is so anticlimactic and weird, guys. Come on. We need to talk, right? I know we do need to talk, but I hope what we're talking about is how we're going to kill this dragon. Sure. I'm going to kill this dragon. Sure. I'm going to kill another dragon. That's your plan? That's your plan? All right.

I got a plan. I don't know if we have the capability to kill this dragon. That's the thing. Here's the plan. It's very hard to kill it. She was like, we collapse the mountain. I'm this guy. Was it a guy?

Or was it a lizard? Tupac's dragon. Oh. So we do a trap for her. She comes in here. We blow this thing up on her head. Yeah. What if we...

What she just told us was that she can with a thought turn these dragons into dragoliches. I think we need to hustle down now to the village or fly there. Find her nest. See where she lands right now. We're watching her go. Then use the staff to suck all of the souls back out of the eggs.

Let's get a perception check to see if you actually are able to follow her path. I like that. Visually. Is this all of us? Yeah. You all, as she says, as Brick says this, you all run and try to like see over the edge where Glut is going. Perception? 20.

Nice. 22. Oh boy. It was my idea, but it's not going to be me who does it. It's almost like I should make you say what number you rolled, but I'm going to refrain because I respect you and you've suffered enough. Blep and Dallytail immediately with their nimble animal-ness go right up to the edge.

You see she's gliding silently and horribly on her four wings towards farintown there is that other mountain that farintown is at the base of and she is headed for it and you can see that she has made a sort of crater in the side of the mountain where you don't believe there was anybody you don't think she killed anybody to make it but this crater is where she sort of lands and kind of shuffles around and curls up it's in the distance it's hard to see but it's obvious enough what she's doing because of how massive she is okay so that's where the eggs are can we use those cards in any way did you move them i thought they were on the she said she moved the map oh god that's why she said and i would say you guys have done enough roles and thought about it and talked about it

enough that like you're you know she can on her quote-unquote command it could still be a spell that takes a while right make the eggs hatch yeah they're just gonna be babies okay so attack her in the nest that's the plan or wait for her to well it seems like the eggs are the only that's her leverage that's why we're here in the first place she said she's coming back here in an hour is it possible for us to that's why i was wondering can we can do those cards can those cards get us anything or can we how quickly could we how about those cards ken i mean one eight seven seven cards for ken do it it's it's about teleporting really the cards right that's what i'm doing exactly what i think everyone's asking about well

it doesn't oh arcane gates are you gonna look up what about the thing that's a 500 foot range is the problem okay but that could get us down how many times can you cast it yeah because you're more than 500 feet up this mountain but i would say maybe a few uses of it you could get down the mountain also glibbles didn't you teleport out of here somehow my friends did that teleportation circle is the remnant so if you have a person who knows the spells, you might be able to put it back together. I'm going to throw up a detect magic

and see if there's anything up in this thing where she lives. The deck has six charges. Okay. So you could get 3,000 feet. Not quite a mile. Do an insight check. Can you do them in rapid succession? I think so.

I'll get to that in a second, Blaine. Let's see. You can expand the detector. Oh, hang on a second. It's three charges to cast the Hurricane Gate. Okay. So I can do it twice. You can do 1,500.

Yeah. Do an insight check. Still. All right. than 500. Do an insight check. Still. Alright. I'm going to give you a vibe on what 1500 feet means to where you are. Science loves vibes. Oh,

science vibes. That's a 10 insight. Bill Vibe, the science vibe guy. I can't tell you specifically, but you think there is a chance that if you were to go bang, bang, bang with three charges, you could get

down the mountain and a little bit towards her nest and maybe book it to her and get to her before she leaves. But we only have two charges? Three. She has three. Six charges. Each one takes three, so it's's two so two times you could do it

so we're gonna be able to maybe get down the mountain but that's it and a little bit of the ways there you would just have to like run let's do it i mean that's that's just a thought i guess you could also combine that with something else let her blackmail us into going to do her dirty work that for some reason she can't just make a Gollum person to go do it or whatever. Well, what we could do is boom, boom, boom and start running because then presumably we have half an hour in which to finalize a plan. But it seems like isn't it every version of the plan that is at least us either getting to the eggs and having the dragon leave, right? Yeah. I mean, there's no... Or attack the dragon there. I mean...

Yeah, I mean, unless we're planning on agreeing with her and just doing her bidding, then there's no reason for us to wait here in my opinion. Yeah. It's worth a shot. Yeah, let's do it. But do we think then there's no reason for us to wait here in my opinion but we haven't got a shot yeah let's do it but do we think the that the if everything went perfectly could we use the the staff to remove the souls or to somehow suck stuff out of the egg um i will let ken do an arcana check to try to figure that out all right also i'm just checking uh who can cast teleport what classes

does that mean off the top of their heads is it like what class is it like wizard only what is telling probably i got a 19 on my arcana oh it's possible you think you don't know how much but you do think using the staff you could potentially drain their energy. It would probably do something really weird to the staff because you would be, she's told you taking several hundred souls out of each egg and pulling it into the staff. Does it hold that many? Nope.

Yeah. But you think, you think because they've been consolidated, it's the amount of power is the problem. As long as there is five or less eggs, you think you could do it. You don't know how long it would take. And you don't know if it would do something crazy to the staff.

I bet she wouldn't like it. I'm sure she wouldn't like it. I guarantee that. And also, I mean, you could do it more than one. You know, like, let's say, yeah, what if you sucked out like like, as many as possible and then expelled them in, like, a blast and then tried to suck them, you know, like, so repeated suckings.

Suck eggs, suck eggs, suck eggs. Use the staff to suck. Shoot eggs out. Could you do one more Arcana check? Sold. Sold eggs. It has come up teleporting the way Glibble's friends teleported. You are one of the three classes

that can cast teleport. 23. Yeah, I can cast teleport. You think you would need let's see to try to repair the circle with what little you know

it is a very difficult spell that you don't believe you currently have uh so to do that from scratch and guess with i don't know more than like a a cleric to kind of help you with the magic might take close to the full hour but you might be able to uh do it specifically to get exactly where you want on the nest so she might be flying back and then we just crisscross paths and we go to the nest while she's back here again for timing much like the cards i needed like a higher number to say if it was for sure um my last question did i miss anything what about that big evil book that you got and then we threw away oh yeah i've not been paying attention to it because uh uh i have uh i do think that it doesn't work if uh i do deeds that are good

you identified it right i did identify it okay uh but i can uh i can i have a remove curse that i've can lay on myself to remove myself from it okay and also uh i think it doesn't tune to me or i get freed from it if i'm using if i'm doing good deeds which i think i've been saving some lives of my friends i don't know that's a dm choice yeah and you did you tell your friends the things that can do yet no i haven't been i've been avoiding it i've been dunked in acid a few times yeah i also feel like if we do something to the eggs she is going we're gonna have to fight her agreed. And there's no way we can... I mean, what... I mean, weren't we always going to be fighting her?

Is there... Not necessarily. We just didn't have any plan. No, we thought we were going to fight her. We didn't know that she had a plan. Yeah, it was a surprise for her to go, oh, don't kill me. Right.

Yeah. Is there... Just throwing this out there. Ooh. Is there something where we get her to take us to the topaz dragon and we use the topaz dragon to kill her eggs i mean maybe this is the problem is now we're just playing these two dragons who want to take over the world off of each other and that just feels

like it's a lose-lose proposition for blame will you roll a d6 please because there is at least one thing that your book of vile darkness might be able to okay well here we go um let's see dark lore you can reference the book whenever you make an intelligence check to recall information about evil such as lore about demons and you will double your proficiency bonus on that check and after you spend requisite amount of time

reading and studying the book you require a physical disfigurement check sounds great spend requisite amount of time reading and studying the book, you require a physical disfigurement. Check. Sounds great. While you're attuned to the book and holding it, you can use an action to cast Dominate Monster on an evil target

with a save DC of 18. Hmm. Dominate monster. Like a dragon? No, unfortunately. A dragon is a dragon. Here's another thing. If we...

Let me talk to the microphone. I got very comfortable. If we... If we just defeat her, the other dragon's going to be an issue. if we don't if we just defeat her the other dragon's gonna be an issue as far as you know the other dragon is nice

oh yeah I think I think like these gem dragons are that's another thing is like some of them are are at least neutral good okay she claims it's trying to bring back another dragon, but... Yeah. This is where I'm getting into this... But that's a ruby dragon, which

I'm sorry to interrupt. No, but it feels like we're just taking her at her word. Doesn't it make more sense that actually she's the one who wants to bring back this ruby dragon? Yeah. She's just going to try to kill this good dragon and... It seems within the insight. So maybe a final option for us. Yeah, sort of related. We just go to the topaz dragon

we're like hey yeah come kill this other dragon with us or join us yes exactly so maybe that's it i think that's the thing to do you all look at where the sun is in the sky realize you've spent about 15 minutes of your hour and that this is the moment where you're going to have to decide whether or not to try to teleport towards her uh try to use the cards to teleport towards her or the circle or uh go with a plan c which is wait for her to come back pretend to play along go to the topaz dragon and get him to fuck up glut i didn't know that topaz dragons i sarah not bricks maybe bricks didn't know that topaz dragons could be that makes more sense yeah because colored dragons are are evil metal dragons are good and then uh i'm not i think gem dragons are sort of neutral or not

not bad they're they vary a little Is that something we would know about this world, Dan? I would probably know if I went, oh, dragon. We'll have to find out in the next episode of Nerd Poker, after which I may be buying an adult Topaz dragon miniature. Sam. Hi. Episode 24, Ken pulled out

the artifact and came on its back. We're mildly stealthily approaching a campfire. The dragon wants us to kill another dragon to take its echo. The dragon can't do it himself because the other dragon will see it coming. We're discussing how to attack the dragon. We're going to use the staff to suck a bunch of stuff off.

That sounds right. Dan, you got anything you want to club? Nah. Okay. I do. I've got Vegas coming up in the beginning of uh september and then i've got uh sacramento and uh then um issue three of grommets is coming out yeah issue two of uh uh rifters is coming out very soon so pick those up that's it of Rifters is coming out very soon.

So pick those up. That's it. Blaine. We attribute the success to save mankind from a... Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof. Well... On the next Nerd Poker,

the Nerd Poker gang uncovers evidence that could put the captain and Jasmine behind bars. Special guest Stacy Keach. All this and Brian sits on Stacy Keach's balls wrong. On the next Nerd Poker. Oh, so right. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker, and you get bonus episodes from there.

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