Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 26

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Pishposh will now make a solo attempt to recruit a gem dragon (nbd) while everyone else lies to Glutt and makes a mad dash for the village. Surely the village can defend itself and lend help to the party! Well wait-how well defended was it the last time we were there? Uh oh. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody it's Brian Persane. You're listening to Nerd Poker. It's the 26th episode of the Mountain Campaign. Everybody's here and we've got Sarah and Blaine on Zoom.

Hello, Sarah. Hello, Blaine. Hello. Hello, Sarah. Hello, everybody. Chris, I go out and come back in again. No, that was perfect. Chris is here at the table. Hey, Blaine, great entrance. Sarah, great work.

Ken is here. Hi. And Dan or DM is here. Hello, everybody. And at the end of the table, Sam. Hello, Zoom children. Sweet, sweet children. I don't have anybody to add to it, so you want to jump in and thank some people. I sure will.

Thank you to our Patreon supporters, all of you. And if you were considering supporting the podcast, we're at patreon.com slash nerd poker. If you're at our Hey Boss, or that other tier, it? Stargoyle? My brain fell out my butt. If you're at one of those two tiers, you'll get your name shouted out. For instance, we got some supporters with names like I am the great who do. Wow. How's that for a thank you? Thank you, Chris Ayers. Thank you, Josh. Why? Yes, the D is for doughnuts.

Thank you, Sik-Roll. Thank you, Gus's Free Willy. Thank you, Nug Nug's Tug Tug. Thank you, Lord I reckon. Thank you, Skyler McVaugh. Thank you, Deckard Skilso. Thank you, Satan OV Beer. Thank you, Dango Merman, AKA Uncle Magic. Thank you, I'm Just Here To Deliver The Worms. Thank you, Kaylee, we love you and just want you to come home. Thank you, For Listening, Don't Forget Toilet Rat.

Thank you, Nathan's Furry Purple Carrot. Thank you, You Won't Know When or where but I will lick you. Oh I like it. Lock your doors everybody in the cast. Funky emotion. Oh so that's a day loss all day. Oh that makes it slightly better. Thank you Dr. Uyds, Forest Grown, OG Kush. Thank you, Zen Smoke. And finally, thank you, Makin Lee, or Lay, depending on how you pronounce L-E-I-G-H. Blaine, who are the supporters brought to us by?

Supporters brought to us by the Logitech Gaming Rat. It's like a gaming mouse, but bigger, way bigger. The Logitech Gaming Rat, with or without pizza without pizza and dog flops flip flops for dogs. Protect your dog's feet without losing your hippie asshole cred. Guaranteed to be lost immediately. Your dog will hate him, but your dog can't talk. Dog flops, Dan Blaine. And we'd like to thank our current sponsor, Diamond Select Toys.

They sent us this amazing demolish or demolish dice holder right here. Look at them. Don't touch it. Oh, no, Blaine. I said, don't touch it. Oh, I thought all I heard was touch it. Ah, it's available for preorder from a WWW

Diamond Select or dot diamond select toys dot com. It's available for pre-order from www.diamondselecttoys.com and you'll see a picture on our social media we post in front of it. Look at that thing. I said don't touch it Blaine. It's time to talk about what happened last time? Unnerd Poker! Everybody split the party, fun times. We've got most of the crew on the back of Giant Eagle Bleb. His body finally covered in the feathers that his fur couldn't cover in his tabaxi form.

Everybody clinging to his back of course except for Mordecai, the equaler, colliding so low behind it. Slower because eagles are fast and Mordecai's are contemplatively slow. Pish Posh was carried to a far-ass away mountain by Glut where he has set off three of five magical rune things and is now heading to meet a Topaz dragon that may or may not eat vitamin half or help, we'll find out. But first, let us check in on our gliding party. Everybody else besides Pish Posh who we'll get to, oh, we'll

get to. Right now the eagle is kind of as fast as it can down towards Farrington. Ladies and gentlemen, Nerdbooker is your cat speak. Make our final approach into Los Angeles. Want to get our float dentists out there. One man's passed through the cabin there and she built a brand new river. So we're gonna have to do that with a bunch of Shazam.

And that's where I'll have you on the ground in about four weeks. Can I get a hot towel? Oh my God. I'm not kidding when I say that might be the most evocative impression I've ever heard. I fly almost every day of my life. I nailed it.

I felt so high. I felt, I was transported immediately. Incredible work. Congratulations to Blaine who just, I mean, nailed it. I know you're actually level nine now, boy. Nobody else. Blaine, you might be up for a preshy. If I did prepare for a rival cross check.

It seems like a pretty quick amount of time. You're going, excuse me, to get to Ferrentown. Will you discuss anything on the way down? On the way to fair, I mean, killing into an eagle, we got to destroy those eggs, right? No, we can't touch the eggs, because I think I thought we agreed that we we should be right near them, I guess. But I feel like if we do anything, she'll be alerted.

Right. So then it's just sound the alarms, tell everybody to get the fuck out. As you approach, you notice the crater containing the new sort of makeshift nest is about 200 feet up a small cliff sort of looming over Fairntown. This mountain that Fairntown's at the base of was already kind of ominously right there and you traveled away from it. That's where supposedly Glut's true nest was up at the top,

but it looks like she's sort of created through some sort of destructive gesture while you were inside the mountain. This little just explosion crater where she has dropped her eggs off. You can just sort of see these glowing green eggs about the size of each of you. How many? Five. Oh, okay. And they're all just kind of, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

And just sitting in the rubble, you're starting to approach and realize, okay, you could either go down into Ferrentown, which is this half destroyed village, 200 feet at the bottom of this cliff, or you could go what, next to the nest or third place. Mordecai, you're not quite close enough to like literally do something with everybody, but I'll conversationally say if you want to say something, we can say that you communicated at some point. Between us, who's who's got like fire capabilities? Fire capability. Oh, no, the other dragon, but he's not with us.

I mean, my bow fires. It's a dragon wing bow and it fires radiant damage. Do you mean as far as like destroying the. Like what if we wanted to torch the whole? Yeah. Yeah, but I think Sarah was is saying yes, but not until. Right. But I'm trying to get our. We'll say, yeah, not more of how you're like circling with the eagle. I'm just thinking out loud.

Yeah. Asking that I'm just trying to get our narrative. I'm having an excuse in a row. I'm happy to like camp out near the nest to start attacking. But we should at least some of us should try and contact fair in town. Right. OK, yeah. So let's head into what I'm also thinking. Maybe we can recruit some people, some NPCs to help us. Yeah. OK, so I was just thinking out loud. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. And I'm still behind them. All right. Well, you kind of

land on the outskirts of Fair in town. There's a lot of destruction that has happened here, but you know, there is sort of a little hut that seems to be vibrating subtly called Dr. Puckles' Curiosities, where he picked up some supplies beforehand. He has a third eye literally on his left cheekbone. You can help us to, right? Perhaps, perhaps.

So should we split up or how many how many people are in this town? I mean, who are we yelling? A couple of dozen people. Let's start with him, because. Am I there too? Yeah, we'll see you all landed together. Cool, let's grab him first and tell him what's up. But hurriedly, you know, like he might have a way knowing the town. Maybe he could.

How do we alert people and how do we get people on our side? Yeah. To help us. OK, so you head into the hut. Yes. The curiosity's hut where, you know, Dr. Puckle just hanging out at the counter and he made a more dramatic entrance last time but this time he was surprised.

Oh. He quickly turns around and says, oh, how can I help you? Who wants to lead? I thought you were on a mission. Is the dragon dead? Unfortunately no. It's with our friend and we we want to alert everybody, the townspeople to help us kill the eggs and then kill it when it comes back.

What do you mean kill the eggs? Isn't it on top of the mountain? The eggs. The eggs are right above us. What? Oh, well, we thought the dragon was threatening us by, you're saying the nest is? He doubled down.

He moved the nest closer to you guys so he could trick us into working for him. She, the dragon's pronouns are she, her. They, yeah, sure. They will work for anyone, of course. Yes, that is bad news. I don't know how helpful much of the town will be. Many of the warriors have already died and we mostly have women and children left. And when I say women, I of course just mean any, but the non-warriors, the non-warriors. Any. But the non warriors, the non warriors.

This is this is not a patriarchal society. But yes, not a lot of warriors left. Well, anybody that can help would be good. And everybody else should get on a horse and get the fuck out. Well, I can certainly, if you like, right now sound an alarm. Yes. He says, excuse me a moment. He disappears through the back of the hut and you just hear a wailing sound like a siren echoing through the town and you hear cries of worry. He comes back in and he says, just looking up a name really quick because he's about yeah, name really quick because he's about yeah uh Baron Shuffy has made it clear that any able-bodied folk should head to his hall the moment that alarm goes off okay everyone else should be evacuating

that is a magical one you may remember from the last time you were here it's just a short walk up a hill all right cool So we can go tell those people those people if they if we don't say anything to them they're just going to stay in that hall right? Correct yeah I'm going to go meet them. Yeah very well good luck. Who else? Bricks do you want to help? Ideas Bricks I believe there's a fishing for ideas. Well, because you're so charming and convincing, you might be, you might be able to help the equalers, you know, convince the people to run. Is that sarcasm? Or fight?

I smell, no, I'm happy to help however I may. Certainly. So what, and also what should we decide more doing about the eggs? Is somebody going to be up there to try to? I can start heading up there. If you guys go tell them, whoever's not immediately needed for that, I can just go up and try and get a good book.

What's the actual plan? Shoot those eggs once it's time. Right, when she comes back. I would imagine it's- Or if they start hatching. Yeah, I'd say hatching, obviously, if she comes back, because we know she can trigger them,

right? Yeah. Hey, Willie. Hello. Hey, girl. Hello. Hi. You're so sweet.

All right, so I'll run to the nest and try and find a place, maybe just above it, someplace to get a good. I think you would know before heading out, too, it would be a bit of a climb. It's on top of a like 150, 200 foot cliff. And then it would be like, you know, you'd have to find kind of like a perch above the nest.

But yeah, it'll be a bit of a, I'll get moving then. Athletics. I can, what am I? Well, you can scurry up. Yeah. Yeah. As a squirrel, I can, I have a climbing speed. Cool.

Well, you're on a scurry mission, my friend. And you think you can handle them on your own or should somebody else have? I mean, it seems there are five arch demons. Probably not. But, you know. Hmm. But I can at least get at least one of us. Like, let's say she sets them off sooner than we're expecting. At least someone will be there to start. You mean, that makes sense.

Should I go? I mean, I'm going to go with him. OK. And so that would leave Bricks, BLEP, Juniper and Glibbles to go rally the townsfolk by the hall. OK. Yeah. You cool with that, Bricks? Doing that without me? Yep.

Okay. Okay. So the group of you start heading up towards the hall. Mordecai, you're booking it over there with Dallytale and you pretty quickly can get to the cliff. You start flying up while he scurries. You get pretty close and can I get a perception check from you too?

Certainly. As you approach the top of the cliff where you know the eggs are in the crater just over the lip of the cliff above you. I'll tell you at this point you're like 80% of the way up. Bad. 3 plus 5. 8. 18.

Nice. Eight. 18. Nice. You feel Mordecai, this sort of oppressive presence. You think there is some sort of magical ward that could be triggered if you get too close. OK, so you think, OK, like we were going to head kind of like straight up. Maybe we should go around a little bit, maybe get above it, Like fly and scurry to the side a little bit on the cliff to avoid what's happening. There's just this ominous sort of silence

that happens as you get close to the top. Boom. So you spend some time doing that. You get kind of up and you rise sort of intuitively just by looking around about at the edge of the crater. And you can tell like, OK, like if I go in the crater, I'm going to set at least an alert off, if not trigger some sort of spell that will hatch the eggs, just hit us with acid damage of some random reason.

But the crater itself is about the size of like, you know, a bigger town hall than the one in Ferrentown, but like a large mansion sized building coming down in a single point where there are five humanoid sized eggs glowing, just sitting amongst the rubble all nestled together. OK, there's another cliff. sitting amongst the rubble all nestled together. Okay. There's another cliff. It's sort of more of a slope this time, not as sheer,

where there are a couple of spots where you could maybe hide behind rocks if you climb up about a hundred feet. That'd be great. Are there large, pushable, rollable rocks? You're not with them. Maybe we can let them consider such a plan. Should you reunite?

But for now, we're going to switch to where you physically are, Blaine. Oh, sorry, sorry. No, I'm just going to be a classic asshole dungeon master and blep. You Bricks, Juniper and Glibbles are hustling to the town hall. You get there. You remember there were guards. Last time you were here, you do not see any guards. You see an old man hunched over with a pitchfork. What have you done with the guards?

Meow, meow, meow. It's just me. What are we doing? Sorry, and where did we land on this that we're trying to get, they said they're all evacuating to the ones who are who are who did not feel ready to defend the town. We're going to evacuate somewhere.

You were not told where. Oh, OK. But but we're supposed to be are we supposed to be telling the others to evacuate the able body? The I was going to say I was trying to say the magic whaling alarm was alerting everyone to just evacuate, and those who were not planning to evacuate to meet at the town hall. Okay, got it.

And so you were going to head to the town hall to see who was ready to fight, and right now, on the outside of the town hall, there is an old man with a pitchfork. Okay, so this man, so I look this man in the eyes with the pitchfork, and this man, so I look this man in the eyes with the pitchfork. And I say, would I do this? You prepared?

Are you? I see that you are prepared. Yes. To defend this town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's kill this thing. You honor yourself, sir. And I go inside to look for more people.

You head inside. Everything is very quiet. You do not see a sign of anyone else. He's the only dude? Do an investigation check, Bricks. Okay, I'll investigate for people. Specifically for people, we're saying. No, Dan, don't try to trick me.

14. I'll tell you other stuff too, but that is going to be the primary focus of this check. 14. There's a few side rooms in the town hall. You can't find Heider here of any actual person. You do see sort of the main office where you met with Baron Sheffy. There is, you know, an open door. You kind of look in there, it looks like there's some things laid out on his desk, but you where you met with Baron Shovey, there is, you know, an open door.

You kind of look in there. It looks like there's some things laid out on his desk, but you don't see a sign of another person. I'll let you mull it over. Well, Blaine Blaine says something. Yes, yes, Blaine. Yes, Blaine. Hey, Dan Blaine, can I ask, can I ask this little old man something?

Course. Hey, you're not a topaz. You're not a topaz dragon. Are you? No, no, I'm I'm just a farmer. No one you few things magic, but I'm just a farmer. I Know dragon Interesting. I don't know what kind of plot point you're trying to unearth here, fella. Sorry, I'm just throwing stuff out in the room. Yeah, I'll see what sticks like a wacky wall walker. I hear you.

So we have this one guy, nobody else. He's Define the Town. Should we just bring him up to where, to the egg area? That would be the expeditious choice. Or you could try to find more things. Like there's nothing, we're not gonna leave him to defend the town solo. I mean, if you come out and you meet him and Bleb and

the sad, desiccated, walking corpse of Juniper that the old man would say something along the lines of, I mean, it might be some stuff in the town hall if you wanna just go digging around, but I don't think there's anybody here besides us. You know what I'm realizing? Oh, sorry. I'm done.

Go ahead. I'm done. Sir, please. He's done. Continue. This is awkward. We're talking over each other on Zoom. You don done. Sir, please. He's done. Continue. This is awkward. We're talking over each other on Zoom. You don't know what Zoom is? I'm realizing that Bricks is gonna take Juniper

by the shoulders. And she's gonna say, you were never my favorite, nor did I even like you. But it is a tragedy what has been done to you. You must leave now. Go to our monastery. Travel. And go there and

if you choose to stay perhaps someday you will be more than a shadow of your former self. But I urge you to leave now and to travel to our home. What if I made Juniper roll because she wanted to fight so bad in my opinion? Dan, I was waiting for you to reply, but then I realized it's me.

So. I'll let you choose Sarah. It's your other PC that has been robbed of its usefulness. I'll let you choose, Sarah. It's your other PC that has been robbed of its usefulness. Juniper with a dazed, semi-dazed expression on her face says, yes, yes, I think that would be best. What direction, where do I? Oh boy.

And then Bricks really, with a huffing and puffing and a rolling of the eyes, like writes down a series of directions for her. Which she would. For how to get back to the, you know, she's still reeling from her whole near-death experience. And then she makes sure that Juniper has like what she needs to get out of there and she leaves.

Excellent. Farewell, Juniper. Um, yeah, the old man's just like, you know, we can dig around in there if you want, but it's just me. You want to go to this cliff and talk about how to kill a dragon? What? I think yes. Let's do it, sir. Kind of like leans his pitchfork up against his shoulder

for a second, dusts his hand, reaches his pockets. Should we be looking for anyone else in the town? Is there anyone that we should be looking for before we leave to make sure that everyone has either evacuated or joined our force? The two guards that normally guard the town hall sort of said they're gonna escort everybody You know to the nearby woods

then to the next town Barons with them It's about that's about the sum of everybody. I Don't know what the doctors still here or not. He's the guy who usually sounds the alarm. Are any of these townspeople made of Topaz? It's an interesting theory you have there, kitty, but I'm afraid it's nothing I could give you a positive thing on, as far as I know.

Gem dragons are pretty hard to kill, but I'm ready. I've killed dragon. Let's do this. Just checking me out. All right. Dan, can you help me? And I've been looking at hellish rebuke forever.

Oh, that is I think a reaction, right? Oh, is that what it is? I think so. I know Ken in our first Patreon campaign played a tiefling and he used Hellish Rebuke at some point. It's I think like if you're a tiefling in fifth edition, it's like they hit you and then they burst into flames if they hit you. Yeah.

They do like a deck saving throw. I have resistance to fire, Hellish Resistance, but then I also can, I can throw the spell hellish repute. You point, yeah, I have it up also. You point your finger and the creature that damaged you is momentarily surrounded by hellish flames. They must make a dexterity saving throw or else take either 2D or 2D 10 fire damage or more at higher levels. And how often can I use it? It's a reaction. So someone has to hit you for you to use it.

I understand that. It's a spell slot. Okay. So, does it only work once when I've been hit or does it continue to work? This is the thing. I think it's just once, but I'm trying to figure out how often you can do it

because that is not in there. I'm just trying to figure out how often you can do it because that is not in there. I'm just trying to figure out what I've got as defense. Yeah, it would take a first level spell slot because it's a spell, right? Yeah, yeah. That's the thing. You do use a spell. Thank you, Chris, for helping my brain make sure connection, which I think would have

been obvious if I thought of Hellish Rebuke in the last five years. But yeah, like it's no, no, I wish I remembered. So just I don't know how often you use your spell slots as a monk. Or you're not a monk. What are your fighter? So I don't I don't it's tricky. But I think that. OK. Well, let's call it. I'll use it when I get hit. Yeah. Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I think I think it's something like

It's a separate rule for tieflings. It's super obvious and I'm just not connecting the dots Yeah, Ken, if I would say like you could be my backup on this and look it up for me Except of course, I'm about to put you on the spot on your little solo quest with the topaz dragon except of course I'm about to put you on the spot on your little solo quest with the Topaz dragon. But those of you who are sort of clutch with the old man are gonna head to the cliff, yes? Or he did propose you could dig around in the town hall for a minute or two, for more than people.

For more people? Sorry, I can't hear you. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm leaning away from the microphone and I don't know how much it's helping. No, it's not you. Zoom. Gotcha. You had said earlier, and I kind of gave you a hard time, that you were doing that investigation check to try and find people. If you want, you can also now go back to the town hall and look for supplies of some kind. Or you can go meet your friends, Dallytail and Mordecai.

I mean... Time is of the essence in a sense. But Blaine, your your your screen says DJ Poofarton, but I know that bonus episode character. Check us out on Patreon. Call you Blep and and say, yes, join us on Patreon. So Blep, should we do a quick, super quick run through of the town hall for supplies and or any surprises and then head out to the cliff?

Yeah, can I throw up a Detect Magic in here? I'm within 30 feet of stuff. Sure, you throw up Detect Magic and do not immediately get any auras. You head into the town hall. You do notice there are a multitude of side rooms. And again, you're not really picking up any auras. This is a pretty poor little town and you're you think

the doctor in his little curiosity shop might be the source of most of the magical auras in this town, as well as the helmet that Pish Posh took. But that's right. You were told when you took the helmet, that was sort of the main magical artifact and you think maybe the side rooms might have some weapons or I don't know. There's definitely books and one of them you can tell from the main sort of lobby. I feel like we're doing like a speed run through. So let's get an investigation check and I'll tell you what a speed run gets. This is me and Blup now, right?

15. Yeah, I got a three, but with a plus one. That's a four. Excuse me. I got to just, I have to powder my nose. The Baron's office does look like it has a rack of weapons. There is a rack on either side of the Baron's office. It looks like guards might come in and out of to collect these. There are 10 javelins, five on either side of the Baron's office. It looks like guards might come in and out of

to collect these. There are 10 javelins, five on either side of the room, and all of them have been left behind. Okay, well, is the old man with us? Cause he should take whatever he needs or wants. I'll take some of these javelins. I'll carry maybe two of them, but yeah, I'm ready. I'll throw these fucking things.

Oh, really? Okay. It would be fun to care to throw javelins at giant green eggs. I mean I'll take your word for it. I've never tried. I'm not going to take any of these but but I don't need them but we'll get you a hand. Isn't that good enough for your bricks? We could say that between the old man Blup and Glebbles you're taking all 10. Okay. The old man says he'll take two and then Blip, how many do you want before the NPC just loads them all up? I'll take another two and then.

Okay. You'll have Glibbles be the workhorse. If you want me to carry them for other people to throw at eggs, I can do that. Glibbles says if everyone's taken two, he'll take two, and then that will leave four more if you want to take those bricks. I'll take those, yeah.

Okay. So just to hand out. And you start heading over to the cliff, it sounds like, to meet up with Mordecai and Dallytail. Yeah. Which, you know, I won't... We'll get to that in a second. Somewhere miles away, Glutt is flying in a circle or perching

or biting time in one way or another. Whilce, Pish Posh, walks down a mountain tunnel. This room that you're approaching seems harshly lit. Whoa, there's a pooch between my legs. Sorry. No, it's okay. It's been a long time. Oh, there's a pooch between my legs. Sorry.

No, it's okay. It's been a long time. As you approach, notice there's like magical torches in this gigantic chamber. And the chamber is filled with dust because of the rumbling, you assume. There's been some sort of cave-ins already sort of happening, loosenings.

But you also look up and almost volcano like there is a large opening at the top that it's it's not as big as the entire shaft that you're approaching. And you're coming through, you know, this this tunnel into a huge city sized area. But down below, you can see there is something moving around quickly, kicking up more dirt and rocks. How far away? Kind of like peering over right now as you enter the chamber.

Looks like it's a few hundred feet below, but it's a pretty large creature. This Topaz dragon is obscured largely at this point, but it's massive. It's far bigger than glut. And it seems like it is partially trapped or something. Oh, okay. Like it's trying to break free. I'm going to use a card to teleport down to it.

OK, so you pull a card out of the deck and you only have three of these, right? Six, six. But it takes like a certain it takes three charges. Yeah. OK. Yes. We did the math. Yeah, this is three charges. And it could take you up to 500 feet. So, you know, there's it's easy to spot a place about 500 feet below where you can,

you get right into the thick of the dust. And the rustling stops as you approach. And all of a sudden everything is very quiet. You get from guess. I will telepathically say, glut is here to kill you,utt is here to kill you. I'm here to help you. I would like a persuasion check.

All right. You got this pish posh. This is what you were born for. It's a sofa. Are you a little short for a stormtrooper? Don't ruin the voice that I'm going to do. Blaine. Would you say perception persuasion, you silly goose?

Sorry. Thank you for all that's a big fat seven. He says in response, very quietly considering how big of a creature he is. You're not fooling me. I know you're here to kill me, too. I could have killed you already. I'm just trying to Burden for time right now. Give me one reason not to bite your dragon ass in half

Because glut will kill you if I bite you in half. Yes, glut brought me here to kill you Fold glut into bringing me here to kill you. I fooled Glet into bringing me here to kill you. You Onyx dragons are all the same. You look just like her. You're one of her spawn, aren't you? Are you OK? You seem trapped. I'm a little trapped. How can I help you?

Yes, there are shackles that hold me down once those rooms, somebody's activating the mountain collapse. This is my den. I'm just trying to rest. There's a lot of things going on out there though. I know what you're up to upstairs. So can I try to break the shackles? The dust is starting to settle and you see, yes,

there are these glowing translucent shackles that kind of pulse with white, as if they're not all there. Yeah, this big shackle that's like, is there, that's like half there, kind of shimmering. And it, oh, you're getting another phone call. Maybe it's an emergency, pick it up. Do not disturb.

Hi Sam, it's your landlord lady. That too. Hey listen. Ramen got into the water heater again. And now all the water in the building is cold. It's not heat. Oh no. It's turned off the heat.

So if you could get over here and get your dog out of the water heater, Sam. Sam? Sam are you there? I don't know how to work these new tiny hand phones. I was born in different centuries, Sam. Oh, lady. Oh, landlord lady. Sam and seen.

Willie's looking around for you somehow. I know something is happening just in the distance. Tiny bits of acoustic debris coming out of our earphones. Yes, the dust settles, you see the shackle, and also, you see... Oh shit. Is Willi gonna play the role of the topaz? Would love to see Willie in the game And something big

What the hell? Say this is your landlady somebody stole my giant topaz dragon If you can find who stole my giant topaz dragon. If you could find out who stole my dragon, Sam. It was a gift from Anton Sandor Lavey. Oh wow. Holy shit. Cool. Wow.

Wow. Smells like new car. I love it. Yeah. Can you guys see it? Sarah and Blaine? One of you guys hold it up. Somebody take a picture of that. Yeah, very cool. Yeah. Can you guys see it? Sarah and Blaine? One of you guys hold it up for the command. Yeah, very cool.

Wow. You can see that? And you can tell right away it's about twice the size of Glut. Yeah. Which of course, miniature wise is a little more obvious. That's good. But that is the actual to scale.

Wow. And yeah, it looks almost like a blind cave fish because you can just see right through it. But it's kind of creepily got no internal organs showing through. Just this magically constructed looking being. If you can get these goddamn shackles off. I'll try. Unfortunately, somebody has set off three shackles and you see that there's one on his right

leg, his right arm and his tail. If you can get these damn things off me, I'll be very quick when I bite you in half. Sounds like a plan. Let's see what can I do about that? How did you get here anyway? Glet brought me to wait. I teleported. I caught you before. Yeah, you're with glut.

You said I told you that I'm telling you that. You were trying to be on Mr. Nice guy. You can't fool. Oh, for all nuts. His name is for all nuts. For all nuts all furl nuts. His name is Furl Nuts. Furl Nuts. Furl Nuts. These Furl Nuts.

Well, I'll try to I'll try to break the shackles. All right. How will you do that? And that's a good question. With acid. OK. So you're not on his body from at the wall. Are you going to barf it? Yeah. OK. So you're not on his body from at the wall. Are you going to barf it? Yeah. OK. Just kind of not to get it on him.

All right. And that is a is that a spell to hit or is that a dex save? That's a good question. I think it's just a. It would be proud. Yeah, I'm just. Prone to write if you don't have it ready. Well, I'm just. Be prone too, right? If you don't have it ready. Well, if you just, yeah. Prone?

Well, I'm not trying to kill him. He's not trying to kill the dragon. He's trying to hit the magic shackles or they're connected to the walls. Yeah, I'm just thinking it was the target not moving. Right. So I'm going to go into your character sheet and we'll try to figure this out together. Yeah. It seems silly, but I think you would be able to-

Breath weapon, 30 foot range. Nice. So you can walk up to the wall and I think you would go, okay, so it almost is like when I do this, I'm not gonna even necessarily be able to hit the shackle. Maybe I can destroy the wall around it or something. So, says it's a Dex save. De it's a deck save decks 15 it says hang on we're getting another phone call well, but

Should I pause Sam? No, you're good. Okay Very distracting folks. Sorry. My limited attention span is is meeting new things today. So he's going to do this Or the walls hacking him the walls not gonna do a save so why don't you just roll the damage and we'll see how much of the The wall is taken out Sorry, just that's how my brain Reacted got a helicopter Helicopter sort of shit going on Owning for helicopter.

So the shit going on. That's a 10 damage on my. I'm gonna see if I can describe this. It's like this Ken. Every time he like uses his dragon level strength to pull, you see all of the energy sort of disappear into the chain and there's like no traction that these links on the magic chain retain.

And you see like he pulls as hard as he can and yet the chain barely becomes taut and just sort of limply rises. And it looks like it doesn't put any pressure on the wall at all no matter how hard he pulls as if the magic links are absorbing the entirety of his strength every time. And you just see as he does it, his wing smashes into a wall and kicks up more rubble. I told you this, these onyx dragons, they don't know what they're trying to say. You just you're not powerful enough. Someone's trying to blow me up. Do you know how this trap works? I was just going to say, could you ask him?

Yeah. Well, yeah, there's a ritual that. Is there a way to reverse the ritual? Oh, oh, yeah, you could try to break the rock around the shackle. You dumb fuck. But no, somebody did this really complex thing that's trapping me here. I wish they hadn't started the ritual.

This would be so much simpler. Maybe Gluck did it. Can you describe the ritual? Does he remember? I can't say anything, right? No, you're you're miles and miles away. So he doesn't know where to reverse the ritual. You do. There's you don't know where to reverse the ritual.

No, he he he he says, this was a failsafe if a monster invaded. I know it was here. No one knows I'm here. That fucking glut. This is an ancient thousand zero trap you've got me in, son. I don't know how to undo it. The dwarves made this an eon ago. Why don't you?

Why don't you try what you want? You spit up again. All right. I'll try. You silly baby. And maybe you can. I will do the same. All right, roll damage one more time on the same shackle. 10.

Ken, did what you did put the shackles on him? Yeah. Absolutely. When he put that rune stone in. That's why I'm asking if I can. He doesn't know. And I would think that I'm going to do it if you do an insight check. Sure. I'll let you know. I know I'm not supposed to be asking. No, no. As a friend, it's like, well, is Pish Posh communicating the Dungeon Master

the way he wants also? Would you Insight? Yeah boss. So 15. Oh. Um, it's really hard to tell because of the way the indentation sort of disappeared and rose up after you put the Rune Stone in there, but you get the impression, no, there's no easy way to undo it except what you're doing. All right. I can continue to barf on the, on the stone. And we'll have to see if you can do it because after an additional, I was at nine or ten

points of acid damage. I'm going to write this down. It was ten. It was twenty. So a total of twenty points of acid damage. You've done a significant amount and it looks like you are sizzling away the rock that's holding this magic in place. But it's taken a hot minute and it won't be until the next time nerd poker happens that we'll see how that goes.

But I would think at some point soon, Glutt is gonna wonder what it's taking so long for you to finish the rest of the ritual. Sam, what do you think happened? Hey, episode 26, we're talking to a little old man. We're giving him javelins. We're all meeting at a cliff. Ken's using a card to transport.

We're talking to a trap shackled giant see through topaz dragon. Wasn't Ken supposed to kill him and not talk to him? What a liar. My landlady called, my dog got trapped in a water heater. Ken is having trouble freeing him from the dragon that he trapped. Oops. Thanks. Dan, anything, any shows coming up or? No, stand up doesn't pay me money. So if I want to see any of my side hustle either. Stand up doesn't pay me money, so if I want to see any of my side hustle either.

Never mind. What do you got going on, Brian? I've got Phoenix on the 18th at Stand Up Live. It was rescheduled because I got sick a couple of weeks ago. That was supposed to be a July show. I got moved to August 18th with my friend Carmen Morales and Ed Greer, a friend of the show. So Ed was hilarious on the show and he's his standup is fucking awesome.

So if you live in the Phoenix area, the Tempe area or the what's the other city that's right next to him? There's like three Tucson. Now Tucson's a little bit of a drive, but. Stand out, Tempe, the two to guess things. Tombstone. Anyway, I can come out to those shows. That's a whole other state. And then I'm in Sacramento.

My where I started my what would my mom call it? My old stomping grounds. Yes, I've never ever said that in conversation, but old people would. Yeah, that's with Johnny Taylor. I mean, there'll be guest sets because when I'm in Sacramento, all my friends come by and it's a blast. Then of course, comic books.

Grommets, Rifters, go to a comic book store and stay with them grommets is very popular and i can't even fucking believe it it's like selling out everywhere and all the reviews have been insane so thanks for the support and thanks for supporting our show blame we attribute the success saved mankind from there for joining us on this epi- You got walls and a roof? Well- On the next Nerd Poker! The Nerd Poker gang enters a motocross race to prove themselves to their father. While Sam gets a promotion that takes him off the streets. Can Robo-Ken get to Pinkberry in time?

All this, and in Russia, Brian's balls hit on him wrong. On the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerd poker and you get bonus episodes from there And you can also send us anything at P.O box 16069 and seno, California 91416 thanks for listening