Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 34

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Commence Operation: Pillar Babies! Ok we don't call it that within the episode, but the plan is to make pillars collapse around Furlknott the topaz dragon while he investigates his phony baloney non-babies. The big boss fight continues! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hey, it's Brian Postain, nerd poker. We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here, Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer engineer Sam and of course our kick-ass DM Dan Telfer welcome to Nerd Poker Hey everybody it's Brian with a Satan here listening to Nerd Poker it's episode 34 of the Mountain Campaign. All my friends are here. Sarah's remote. But hello. Hello. Hi. Chris, you called it the mouth campaign.

Did it? Mountain campaign. That's just my earphones. OK. Chris. Hi, Sarah. Do you prefer this remote setup? I hate it. Chris. Hi, Sarah. Do you prefer this remote setup? I hate it. Thanks. Ken's here. What's so bad about it? Why don't you like it?

You don't get to be really your buddy. I feel really lonely. Yeah. Take a lonely entire day out. You're pretending you're here. Dan's here. Don't worry, Sarah. I'll leave a bag of flaming dog shit

on your doorstep on the way home. I thought we were friends. Blaine's here. You shit on my house. Hi, Sarah. I'm sorry they're working dirty. I told him not to work blue because you don't like the shit jokes. She's doing that. It's more of an 80s reference than a shit joke. Sam is here. Hello, sweet Saras. Oh no. We're gonna leave a flaming bag of Sam at your door. Can't buy me.

Let's thank some people and fucking get into Oh man. Killing a fucking asshole dragon. It's about to get messy with that dragon, but first let's keep things nice and tight with an orderly list of supporters whom we shall thank. They go with usernames like heck 487. Thanks heck 487.

Thank you at disc golf travelers. I'm sorry. Looked up at Brian. You're just rubbing my shoulder. Well, I hit him by accident and then I. I've never seen such gentle physical touch from you with a little... Yeah, he's always around. He sits on a plane. He is. It's usually a little...

All right. Where was I? He sits next to me in business. Thank you, Russian Guyovich. Thank you, Russian Guyovich. I know you like having your name said over that. Thank you. Two in the thoughts, one in the prayer. Ha ha ha. Thank you. I want a T-shirt that says that.

Well, we should. We should just start making T-shirts. But then of our people's listening names. That's legal. Thank you. Well, wake a bomb or disco fries. Too drunk to tell. Oh, weird. Yeah. Better hat. You can make people get in real close and read it. What was that Guillermo del Toro vampire TV show?

Uh, yes. Um, the strength, the strength. Oh yeah. It was, it was a little uneven. I watched it as long as I could. But I remember one of the things that was really disturbing is when you become a vampire, you know, you, everyone turns into a Nosferatu basically, and they were trying to find it with a little bit of a sense of humor.

And I was like, Oh, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that but I remember one of the things that was really disturbing is when you become a vampire you know you everyone turns into a Nosferatu basically and they were trying to find a way like how can I retain my mind and live forever and not be one of these mindless Nosferatu and they said oh your genitals like fall off and you get a cloaca when you become a now every time I hear cloaca either because of a Queep reference or a reference in our Patreon supporters, I just remember vampires, dick's falling off. Thanks, Garamal Del Toro. Also, thank you Queep's Holy Cloaca. Oh, that's a theme.

I really find it odd that somehow, despite it not being alphabetical in any way, Patreon sorted those two next to each other. Just happened. Thank you, Matt Weins. Again. Thank you, Todus Empdor. Thank you, Kilt Bill. Thank you, The Electric Bear.

Thank you, The Great Trando Calrissian. Thank you, Brandon Blackburn Alderman, 71st Ward, Dildo District. Thank you, Prop Meat. Thank you, Dangwayne Half-Step. Prop Meat. Prop Meat. Thank you, Come Meat. Thank you, Dang Wayne Half Step. Prop Meat. Prop Meat. Thank you, Come Meet the Mountain Campaign. Thank you, Old Portland Stew.

Thank you, Steinmetz Pianos. You can tuna fish, but you don't can pianos. Thank you, Bryce Spider Lisser. And finally, thank you, Beholder Up Front. Chibbering Mouth are in the back. Blaine, who are those supporters for our by? Spore is brought to us by two scoops of teeth in a package of Kellogg's tooth brand. Tooth scoops. Smile. It's what's for breakfast. Chew up. Dance.

Thanks, Blaine. It's now time for me to describe. What happened last time on Nerd Poker? Our heroes devised a trap for Furlnot the Dragon, who is now chasing a fake baby Topaz Dragon towards city hall. There was a deception via polymorph where Glibbles is now currently a fake tiny topaz dragon running into the city hall. Well, Mordecai, Gigantic Pish Posh, and Bleb are all hiding in the bushes, because you know how that goes. And then Dallytail and Bricks are up in a window waiting.

We now take you to the trap already in progress. And then Dally Tail and Bricks are up in a window waiting. We now take you to the trap already in progress. That was so distracting, Blaine. Rolling a hundred sided die. It was like no sound except my voice and this hundred sided die just going, kuk kuk kuk kuk kuk. What? Now this roof over here.

Tis a roof. What is it? Is it stone? Is it like what kind of a? Yeah, so it looks like a bit of stonework, but mostly it is wood. It is not entirely made of stone. It is heavy.

It is heavy, but it is not as heavy as, say, the stone pillars. Right. But it looks like it has these sort of like long stone planks on either side. And then the roof looks like it is, it is more like sloped and then, uh, it is Dolly tales, sweet, sweet turn. Well, let's see. Sweet, sweet turn. Well, let's see. And so the dragon has landed and is staring. Is it looking down here at Glibbles?

Perception check, please. 15 plus 520. He's trying to get his bearings. He's mostly looking at Glibbles, but his neck and eyes are darting side to side, trying to get a lay of everything that's happening. You get the sense that he's got a lot of forward momentum and is going to start diving like right towards where Glibbles is, but right now his face is very active trying to figure out what he's getting himself into as he rushes forward.

All right, then I'm going to follow Bricks's lead and I'm going to get out of eyesight. So call stealth check, please. Yeah. Move to the side. Just move over there. Well, that's a natural one. Icarumba. Well, I won't make you get some sort of damage. Yeah, mostly it's just you're, you're going to, I would say something like, uh, hesitate. Like you go to one side, then you know, got off, Rick's is on this side. I'll go to some, some kind of awkward social moment or something weird. Muppet like back and forth. Yeah.

To the doorway. Near. to one side, then you know, got off Bricks is on this side. We'll go to some kind of awkward social moment or something. Some weird muppet like back and forth. Yeah. To the doorway. OK. Near. Far. You know, whatever dally tale would Bricks, I'll be over here. You stay there. Oh, wait, should I be should I go to you? You're left by right. Bricks. Awkward. Awkward. Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going left. Oh, it is your turn right. Bricks? Awkward. Awkward. Excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm going left. It is your turn now, Bricks. Get him. I am... I thought I was holding my action until he arrives. Yeah, sure. I mean, he's arrived. He's on the ground 65 feet in front of you. I just want I'm going to wait until the the he's been collapsed.

I'm going to see if the I.S. That's my plan is that I will. I wish once the collapse has happened, I didn't realize it's made of wood. I thought it was stone. So that stone and stone and wood. If he paused, but not much to do about it. It's heavy. It's heavy. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Fingers crossed.

All right. It's an old building. It is sort of held together with what looks like wooden repairs to the stone. And yes, I know you were holding your action but it is now another round and more things are happening. So I wanted to check in. I mean, I think I'm still waiting, right?

Unless I missed something. Sure. No, no, it just things are going to if you don't if you don't attack, you don't attack. That's fine. I just didn't know what your choice would be now that he's getting very close. He's in range. All right. So it is now Glibble's turn. He's going to run inside. So he doesn't quite his token doesn't quite fit. His major doesn't quite fit because he's large, but in real life he can fold his wings up and like slip in real life in the in the parallel universe for all of this is real and my fantasies dance.

Yeah, if you could just take him kind of like put him to the side. We'll say he's indoors on the first floor. Okay. And, you know, of course he runs in and like calls out over his shoulder, Daddy, I'm so scared, I'm so scared, Daddy. Then he starts singing from whatever happened to Baby Jane. whatever happened to baby Jane. I've returned all that tattoo daddy. All right, anyway, I can't keep that big going for too long or my face will fall off. Pish posh.

Is he moving in yet? He's about to. He's next in the turn order. I'm holding baby, I'm holding. Are you going to make one last ditch effort to hide your gigantic form a little bit? All right, stealth check please. That's plus 13 I believe.

Sorry. Yeah, plus six, 11. Okay, so you do your best to kind of curl up behind a bush next to Mordecai, but you're massive. I'll say. And you can tell now that his face is right there, 65 feet away and his eyes are darting around. He sees you.

Right. And it is now his turn. I look at Globo's and I'm like, oh my God, it's his baby dragon. Nice. Nice. Nice. All right, so he is going to rush forward, but to the side towards Pish Posh.

He's clearly got all of his attention on the doorway, like he's about to duck in there, but he's not going head on. He's coming around the side towards where Pish Posh is. And he is going to lean down. He's going to use desiccating breath on the bushes that Mordecai and Pish Posh are in. So he is going to rocket forth, exhale yellowish necrotic energy in a 60-foot cone. So DC 17 Constitution saving.

I have hellish resistance. And I have resistance to necrotic damage. Nice. So you'll have, you'll have resistance to necrotic damage. Nice! So you'll have, you'll have, uh, whatever, so, so hang on. So that's rough, yeah. If you, if, if you make this, I need to still ask what hellish resistance is before you guys roll, so, um, what does that say, Brent? It doesn't say it on here, I'd have to look.

Okay, I'll give it a quick... We just have resistance to fuck. A quick goog. Maybe it says back, no. You have resistance to fire damage. Yeah. Is what that is. This is necrotic on Forge.

So I have to... I'm making a 17 saving? Uh, du-du-du-du-du-du. On a failed save, you'll take full damage and additional effects. On a successful save, you'll take half the damage and no additional effects. So both of you please roll a Constitution saving throw. Let's see, 26. Nice.

Fantastic. Come on, come on, come on. Uh, it's the 13. Okay, so that is a fail sadly. His breath is now going to do 10d6 necrotic damage. Oh shit. So you will take a quarter of this. 38 points of necrotic damage to Mordecai. Who's taking a quarter of this 38 points in aquatic damage to Mordecai. Who's taking a quarter of it? You sir.

Oh. And then Mordecai you're going to take a quarter of 38 which is half of 19. So nine and a half nine points of necrotic damage. All right. Who are you talking to? He's taking nine you're taking 38 points. So nine and a half, nine points of necrotic damage. All right. Who are you talking to? He's taking nine, you're taking 38 points. Okay, Jesus.

And in addition, you are now weakened, Brian. So everybody's working for you on the weekend, but you'll be rolling disadvantage on strength. What if I roll second wind? If I take my bonus action on my next. Well, I'll have to, I was mid sentence. Hang on, let me look that up. Second wind, I don't know if that does anything in this particular situation.

In my head it does. You're a smarty man. You gotta call it out. Yeah. You'll regain hit points. That's how you kill this asshole. You're a smarty man. You gotta call it out. Yeah. You'll regain hit points. You'll kill this asshole. You'll regain hit points. So, so, uh, you, right now you've lost 38.

You could get one D10 back on your turn. Uh, but you are also going to have disadvantage on strength based ability checks and strength savings rows. Until the end of your next turn. And he is then going to psychic step. You all see him go poof and reappear over there next to Blap. Oh, great. He's still got his sort of

not quite yet. He's not going to attack yet, but he's still got like he's. Yeah, he's exactly. He's like angled in a little bit. You think he is about to poke his head in? Can I use my hold action before he does that? Perfect. My held action.

I know because he has not gone under the awning yet. So you'll want to re-declare that next turn. Fantastic, great. Then, we're going to Blap. Blap, all of a sudden, Furlnot appears directly in front of you. His face is leaning in towards the doorway that Glibbles just ran through,

but his eye is trained right on you. Okay. I'm going to blink. All right. And I'm going to- Slow blink to communicate that you love him. Yes, and very slow blink. Let him know that I'm not afraid.

He has an eye for you and his eye. I love him very much. I'm going to- Cast blink. I'm out of threat. He has a mouth for you and as I live it. I love him very much. Cast Blink. I'm going to Blink behind him. Nice. Out of range. Alright, so Blink will take you... You become Ethereal to the end of your next turn.

Cool. Roll a d20 at the end of each turn. Cool. Roll a d20 at the end of each turn and an 11 or higher you vanish from your current plane of existence and occur in the ethereal plane. Well that's cool. Yeah. Handy. Yeah I'm looking at the spell. We haven't cast this yet, I don't think. No, it's, I've always got it loaded. On a roll of 11 or higher, you vanish from your current plane of existence and appear in the ethereal plane. The spell fails and the cast is wasted if you were already on that plane, which you're

not. At the start of your next turn, when the spell ends, if you are on the ethereal plane, you return to an unoccupied space of your choice. If no unoccupied space is available. So you do want to appear behind him next turn. Yes. You'll need to do a D20 roll right now and get an 11 or higher to pull it off. 14.

Excellent. So bang, you're in the ethereal plane. And so you can see everything in a haze, sort of like if you were wearing the one ring of via Mordor. And so you know, you're that you're on your way over here, moving behind him and you will reappear on your next turn. All right, so we're approaching Los Angeles. Let's prepare for a rival cross check. you're on your next turn. All right. So we're approaching Los Angeles. Let's prepare for a rival cross check.

And the duration is a minute. So you can do it next turn, or you can hang out in the ethereal plane for a while. It's up to you. Okay. Yeah. They got good drinks there. Up next is going to be Mordecai. Uh, I'm going to move behind, uh, this brick in case he comes back. All right.

Dally, tell Europe. I heard the breath and I assume screams and then he disappears. Brian and Ken decide if they screamed. Perhaps they were stoic in the face of desiccating breath. Are you a real tough guy, Ken? I'm muled internally. Oh, all right.

Brian, you're a tough guy. All right, but I did go far. I'm going to hold an attack, and my attack is if the dragon goes underneath, and my attack is not against the dragon. My attack is I'd like to fire at one of the many stone pillars. Yeah. Okay. The stone pillars are not currently visible.

So you'd have to kind of like not even like from this vantage. There's no pillars. Those pillars have a roof on top of them. That seals all the way up to the building? Sorry, I thought I should have shown you more last between episodes, one sec. I'm going off mic, so. Dan's off mic, everybody.

Dan, are you okay? Oh my God. Dan, you're off mic, are you okay? Can you hear us? Dan! It looks like this. Dan, you're off, Mike. Are you OK? Can you hear us? Dan, it looks like this. Oh, so it's fully connected. Yeah. Got it. Oh, so we can't see anything from where we are.

Not if you're up top. No. Oh, you're above it. I thought it was up here. No. If you were to run out the window and climb on the roof of City Hall, you could get an angle on it, but from the window you can't see the pillars. But the roof is what we want to collapse, right? Yes. Yeah.

Still not quite what I'm saying. Sorry, I wish I had a full building here. I see it. Yeah, so like, it's gonna be like... The roof is the same level as the floor that you're on. Can you take a video of me doing this instead of Sarah? I can see, I can see from the thing. Oh, he can see.

She's got a camera. I'm the she. She has a good angle on it though. So that's why I said. Yeah, it's pretty good. I support myself. Sorry for misgendering. It's pretty good.

I can see it. Tell him that I'm saying that I can see it. She's saying she can see it. Okay, so like Sarah, here is the awning, right? I'm saying like, Dallytail, he can be up here. Yeah, I have to get an angle on the pillar. We have to go in front of the dragon to do that, which I'm not going to do. You could climb out and get up there, maybe.

But you but I go out the other side. But you would. But with me. You could climb out and get up there, maybe. But I go out the other side. But you would. But I'm climbing out in front of you. Yeah. No, but I'm saying if you're going to go on the other side, and get up on the other side. If you wanted to stealth onto the roof

without him seeing it, it would be a stealth check DC 17. Yeah, and I'm not a stealthy guy. I'm a rager guy. What the sex? I'm going to go some. Um, what the sex? I'm going to go some way to go back down. These aren't open, right? This is the only way out. Yeah, I'm going to go back down.

Oh shit. That's by him. Fuck. Well, we're fucked. I will. All right. We surrender. I will hold the move.

If the dragon goes underneath the thing, I'm going All right. We surrender. I will hold the move. If the dragon goes underneath the thing, I'm going to try and without then maybe I would jump onto the roof above it to try and get away. Is there is there something that you would have done a little bit differently if this had been described? Well, I think we can shoot out the window. See underneath. No, I'm gonna wait.

I'll hold my move again. I guess we're waiting on this guy to take the trap. I'm down to retcon and say those previous stealth checks of you hiding on the side of the window, you were trying to hide on the roof. And that you would just be farther back. There's a roof here, yes. Yeah. There's a roof here.

So you would just have to be farther back on the roof to hide, otherwise you'd be completely exposed. But he's not gonna be able to see the pillars from there anyway be farther back on the roof to hide otherwise you'd be completely exposed and you He's not gonna be able to see the pillars from there anyway. No from the roof, right? Okay, here's here's here's the trick you would have had to do what what uh You guys just push and I did which is on the high side hide outside Yeah, we retconned that the roof is tall because that's what I See inside the room. Here's the here's the last thing I want to say before we move on to your turn.

Bricks, this is for both your benefit, but mostly dolly dolly tale. You can cling to walls without any effort whatsoever. So if you see him go under there, you can just scamper along the wall in on one turn, scamper out, get an angle and shoot, but you can't stay in the window. Right. No, I know, but I can't hold a move and an attack. I can only do both.

I'm holding the move. Well, here's what you can do. You can, you can hold an action, but run along the wall. Now? And go. But isn't going to see me. That's what, that's what what I'm I'm under the impression that if I step out this window, he's going to see me. He is currently staring at Blep and he's super deceived to.

Yeah. So he's down low. He's being distracted, but it's still a stealth check if you want to make sure he doesn't see you at all. All right. Try it. Alright, try it. Uhh, 15. Okay, so you think there's a reasonable chance because you're in the open he can see you, but yeah. Cling along the wall and I guess you would go outside. Towards Blaine. Above, well not towards Blaine, but towards Ken and Brian.

So you'd be above Ken and Brian on that wall. I met my friend Blaine. Yes, yes, towards your actual Blaine, but towards Ken and Brian. So you'd be above Ken and Brian on that wall. I met my friend Blaine. Yes, yes, towards your actual Blaine. Zynamigo. Bending realities. Blaine Capac. Yes, so you're kind of around the side, not quite on the roof like that, but you're-

Yeah, there's nothing there. You now have an angle that you can be holding in action. Yeah, I will hold an attack on the pillar if the guy goes underneath. And we do have a very loud goblin who has a turn before Fro'o'not, so. Okay, Bricks. I mean, I don't know what to do now because I thought that I was observing this whole thing and holding my actions that I was observing this whole thing and we holding my actions that I could then attack him when she was squished.

But it turns out I'm just looking at a roof. I don't know how you thought killers would support nothing. You should call the front desk and have them move you. No, no, I thought the roof was higher. We thought that we thought the window looked out onto the lower level basically, if that makes sense. Yeah, we thought this was a roof. See, basically, if that makes sense. We don't want to answer about the situation. We thought this was a roof. Well, here's what you would,

and I will allow Chris a retcon too. Folks, enjoy the retconning, I am. But you are currently like on a very small landing. Both of you are on a very small landing inside. You would be able to see Furlnot shove his head through the door and fire or attack his head inside the building as Pish Posh is knocking the thing down on him.

Interesting. Okay. Okay. That's what that's so in that case, then I would like to, well, do you want Chris to say anything? I'm gonna give Chris a moment. He likes his angle on the pillars. Oh, sure I am. Okay. I'm furious. So then I would. Okay, so then I would like to...

No. I would like to use... I think I'm in the right location. Please correct me if I'm not. To be able to use my actor feet again here to be another one of his little babies. Uh huh. And try to get him further inside. Okay.

Yeah. Hey, I'm a baby. I'm a little respect. Yeah, I'm gonna be a different. It's gonna be a different character. This time, it's gonna be like, Papa. Please. Papa. My nanny boom box. Sounds like you're talking to Bob Odenkirk and Little Women right now. Papa, please. Papa, please. Come get us. There's more. We're all here.

Please. They're hurting us. I tell you, it's so upsetting. Oh, my God. Could you please roll a deception check, Sarah? Take your marriage with a father's love. Play characters that give no respect. No respect. Fathers are people, too.

Now, when I do have advantage because of the actor feat, I have an advantage on deception checks when I'm trying to pass myself off as a different person. So I don't know if this counts because it's like not specific person. Hell yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's from your repertoire.

Okay. They're doing the voice of an egg that you saw. Okay, well, so that was bad. The voice of an egg. The other egg was named Ronald. This one became named whatever you are. Oh my God, that was was worse. Oh, are you kidding me? Oh, wow. What was your bonus to deception? Does it help what happened? Uh, no, I mean, it's not just lie. Lie about what you're doing.

We all do it. Undercover egg. This whole thing has been staged. Sarah, you've got a 38? Incredible. Wow. Awesome, so totally deceived. Nice. I guess you win. Sarah, would you roll?

Nine. Just tell us. Ha ha ha. Teen. Tournament gems are fun. Well, the, the jaw-boll. Donka for being honest. And Shane for being gillous.

No. Oh, God. Cut that out. Yeah, cut that out. Anything else you'd like doing your turn, Sarah? Um, Sarah? No. Question mark.

Okay. I mean, you know, yeah, I think with the retcon, no, I'm just still doing what I was doing, which is just chilling here and hoping for the best inside. Well, you did get inside his head. Whether you're, whether you're still there is,'re still there is up for debate at the moment. Mm-hmm. Wow. Sam's broken. Sam's eyes are pink from laughing at this whole thing. Shane for goodness sake, Gilly.

What are you seeing? What are you seeing with your eyes? What's happening in there? Shane Gillis. He's just crying, laughing. All right. There's now Glibbles's turn. He's gonna do the voice of Ronald. So he clears his throat and says,

what are you doing, Johnny? There's no killing us in here. There's this knives coming at me and there's even an axe that's gonna cut me and then the Tommy's gonna get an axe and I don't know. He rolls. 13. That's pretty good.

That was better than you, Sarah. It's how you want to work. Pretend I didn't hear that. I took a workshop. Oh, but he's got some good techniques. All right. You're going to do Harold later. Long for me, brah is my new passion. Fishposh, you're up. Me too. it, brah, is my new passion. Pish posher up.

Me too. Yeah, I'm gonna, hmm. Fucking long-form it, brah. I'm going to menace Glibbles. Oh! What? I'm going to act like I'm gonna do something bad to glibbles. How so? I'm gonna sort of move towards glibbles and like match my teeth at you.

You're going to slide under the awning. I'm gonna stick my head under and put your toke in there please so we have a visual reference and you're gonna match. Alright so you put him actually up in there because he's trying to like get visual on Glibbles. Are you trying to intimidate Glibbles or are you trying to deceive? I'm trying to deceive. Roll a deception check, please. I'm going to menace Glibbles. It's such a sentence.

Also the phone that Sarah's on is being knocked around for no particular reason. So Sarah's probably got an error. It fell over. What's that? And then Sam fixed it and then you tipped it over. No, I tipped it over the second time. And then it became that ever-blanket for Mr. Show. Because he's part cat, remember?

Yeah, I know. Not for real. Chris, he's pretty sure. But I have to pull up a... I just closed the tab with Globals character sheet I'm pulling it up it'll tell you. Should have left it open. Any of these other guys with their sheets I could have easily told you by now. Deception check is wet. Anybody. What do you check for deception against wisdom?

NPCs. He's got a sheet like an NPC, so yeah, yeah, okay, there you go. Got pages up your ass. That's a 26. Holy shit. You feel the gaze of Farlnacht turn towards you as you gnash your teeth. You see out the corner of your eye and in the corners of your vision, the gnashing of Topaz teeth. Sup, dick. All right. Han Solo coming in at the death star at the end. All right, kid, let's blow this dick and go home.

Cut the chatter, Red 2. Cost me $500 and I'm happy to say that. All right, is that your turn then? Yes. Okay, it is now Ferlnout's turn. He is going to go from menacing the now disappeared blep to trying to rip your throat out. He's going to duck under the awning.

Oh! If you can kind of tease his neck in there, to trying to rip your throat out. He's going to duck under the awning. Oh. If you can kind of tease his neck in there. I believe we have a couple of held actions. Yeah. Is anyone waiting for him to go under or are you waiting for him to go all the way under? Cause right now it's his neck and like front arms. He's halfway under.

Yeah, now would be when I would start. Okay. Okay. I believe we have a held action from Mordecai, Bricks and Dolly Tail. So in order Mordecai, are you going to run around and hit the pillars or M? Pillars. Okay. What are you going to hit the pillars with? My Battle Axe.

Great. Roll to attack the pillar. My battle axe. Great. Roll to attack the pillar. 15 plus 621. That's a hit. Roll some damage. I gotta do some damage to my pillar when I get home. I'm exhausted. You go and bite it. Oh, that reminds me. I had a dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, I just laid there for a while, worried about money. Six. Nice.

All right. So you go take a big chunk out of it. Listeners, I'm doing modified stone door statistics for these pillars. So they have an AC of 17 and 10 hit points. OK, cool. Dang. So they work out. Oh, I'll take a second action.

I can actually see. Second attack? Yes. Second attack. Yes, I can attack. Yeah. Roll to attack that pillar. This attack AC 17. Oh, what is that? That's a 15. Yeah. Plus, it's another hit.

Six of 21. Roll that damage. Roll it. Roll Roll that damage. Roll it. Roll out the damage. We'll have a damage-a-fun. Nice. Oh, nice. Eight plus three. So you smash into it with your axe and the pillar just shatters.

Cool. Are you going for the middle one on your side or the one closest to? Yeah, the middle one right here. Okay. Yeah. And then I'll go here next. Bricks, you can see Mordecai dart under and start smashing one of the pillars just out of vision.

Dallytail, you see that middle one get shattered. I believe the next held action specifically will go to, we'll do Dallytail and then Bricks. I don't think unless sorry but unless unless held actions hold through entire turns I had held my action like two or three turns rounds ago or whatever. If you haven't taken an action since then then I would just sort of carry it over. I did I did take an action because I pretended to be a baby. That's right, so yeah, you no longer have one,

but Dallytail, you did, once you climbed around the side of the building, did hold your action. Right. All right, so can I go ahead? I would like to fire, I guess, at a different... You can do the one nearest you or the one on the far end, the far corner. You can see those two pillars still.

I'll go. There's one right by Pish Posh and one on the corner over here. I'll go away from Pish Posh. Shit. That's a one. Roll a D100, please. You get hit by a car. Look. 31. Yeah, good. That's not bad. No, you're just going to take 1d6 damage.

And you're still up here. You're not moving down. I'm on top of, I guess I'm on top of the roof. I'll have to move it maybe after. Yeah, the arrow just cuts your finger and you take three points of damage. Two, two points, excuse me. Two points of damage to two points. Excuse me. Two points. I'm on top of spaghetti. I'll cut your cheese.

I'm going to then let you know how big is is the Pish Posh sort of to scale like I he is to scale. Could I am Legolas my way down his back onto the ground. Slide. Yeah. That's obvious. Like Fred Flintstone. That's a clear acrobatics check. Be careful of the silicone caulk.

Roll to Legolas. Yeah. And your legs made out of. Can I have a saving throw against a boner? It's definitely a dexterity saving throw. Athletics you said? Yeah. 20.

Hell yeah, just tell us what it looks like exactly since that's what acrobatics check, it's so cinematic. I land and all of a sudden there's a giant brontosaurus, bunch of ribs in the air and I quickly eat my way through it and then land on my feet. Now, and I don't mean to speak for you Ken but I would assume you turn around and say it's a living. I say yabba dabba doo. Great so that's what Frohnott ducking under would first start with. He is way too

worried about Pish Posh be distracted by the fact that one of the pillars had been taken out. He just thinks something is happening out of the corner of his eye. His his strange spectral children are a bigger concern at the moment. So he goes to bite you Pish Posh. Oh, it's a fucking 12 to hit. No. He's going to try to claw at you twice. 20 to hit. That's a hit.

And the second claw is probably a, yeah, it's an 11. But one of those is a hit and that's now going to be one D8 plus four. Cock a duty. Five points of slashing damage. He's just all over the place right now. He's a mess. Just a disgrace to Topaz Dragons. Blep, you're up. You're in the ethereal plane.

You can choose to reappear. I'm going to not reappear yet. Okay. You're just gonna hang out in the ethereal plane to watch reappear yet. Okay. Just gonna hang out in the ethereal plane to watch. Just gonna hang out. Are you gonna hold an action? I'm gonna hold an action. So the way I'm interpreting Blink looking at it is at the start of your next turn or as part of holding your action, you can

choose to reappear. Do you want to hold an action from the ethereal plane and wait for something to happen? I'm going to wait for something to happen I want to I don't want to take any damage if this roof doesn't fall on him but if it does then I'm going to reappear and do some cloaca stuff. I love that for you. Are you going well here's the thing you're going to attack him if it falls on him. If it falls on him, yes, I'm going to then I'll reappear. I just don't want him. You don't want to reappear and hit a pillar. Which is not. I could do that, actually.

I want to make sure you're ready to come back and attack something when I come back. You're not coming back yet though. Not yet. You're just getting ready to hit something. Yes. If it falls. Yes. Okay.

Murkai. I'm a little upset. I thought I heard the mailman. All right. I'm gonna go to this pillar. Okay. Scoot him in the corner and roll to pillar attack. Okay.

We wanna get a 17. I don't know. Did I take a turn? I don't know. Wait, didn't you? I had that furl and that was going to attack you. Yeah and then I didn't do anything. I got attacked. You didn't take your turn? I got attacked. You didn't take your turn? Pish Posh, you just, I thought you took your turn to Menace. Oh great. Yeah. You're good. It was a weird turn. It was a weird turn, but you're... Isn't that like a bonus action? Can't you like Menace? No, it's just something he chose to do. He's doing a sort of feet-less version of what Sarah's been doing. It was definitely a hit. 17 plus 6. Okay. Nice. Hell yeah. Wasn't an official menace.

10 hit points for these pillars. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. Yes. Again, 8 plus 3. Nice. All right. This pillar explodes outwards. You all hear a loud groaning as the roof begins to lose its balance. However, it's the two pillars it's missing.

Listeners, there's three on the right, three on the left, and it is the middle and outer pillar on the right that have been taken out. You would feel like it's gonna fall if you take out one or two on the other side. Yeah, so I'm gonna go there. Okay. Next.

And do you still have another attack? Yeah, yeah I do. Then roll for it. Could I get there quick enough though to do another? I should think it's... You only had to go 5, 10, 15 to get to the other and then 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. You're right there. Yeah.

Okay, cool. I'll take another attack. Just running around hacking pillars like a maniac. Oh, yeah, that's another hit. Yeah. Oh, wait, 10. No, it isn't. 10 plus. It was 17, right? So 10 plus six. Just bear it. So you can just kind of thunks against you. Don't get a good angle on it.

However, your fearless leader is making moves everybody. Dally tails up. Billiard. I'm going to, maybe you'll get. I make myself laugh with that now. Can I fire my bow maybe at, one of like this pillar over here to help.

Yeah, totally. Totally. Okay, so. Oh, it's got to be a miss. 14. Miss. Second one. Sort of flies through the air.

29 to hit. That's very much a hit. Roll that damage. All right. So this is and it's taking damage already. 2d6. All right. So it's two, D6. All right. So three and six is nine and five and 14 and three is 17 and five, 22 points. That pillar explodes right next to him.

That was too much damage. I shouldn't have rolled one of those. You need 10. I think you have enough with one of either of those dies. So we'll give it to you. Great. I saw the numbers as you were adding them. And you're it'll explode. The roof is so close to collapsing, but you have, you know, that one over there right next to Pish Posh

and the one by Mordek and the one in the middle over there. So it's a nice to hit the middle in there, right? Yeah. Yeah. The middle on, um, for all nuts and, and your side, or you maybe even the one you're at, but those two, not the one that Pish Posh is next to are the key. Yeah. If you get either of those, it's pretty clear with your passive insights.

And those are, Oh, yeah. Yeah. They can project. I don't think. Bricks. Do you know, it are all you. Yeah. Like a projectile thing. Cool. Bricks. It is your turn. Yes.

With this. Okay. So I'm gonna say. I'll try to figure it out. I'm again using the voice. I'm gonna say, pa-pa. Please just say,

I'm under the pillar. I love it. Under the pillar? Please, I'm trapped under the pillar. Sarah's VIP two episodes in a row. I'm under the pillar. Trapped under the pillar. Please, just knock this pillar.

I'm trapped here. Please, knock it out. And you're projecting that from the exact location of the rubble of one of the pillars? No, from one of the standing pillars, because I wanted to knock it down to try to free his baby. Okay. So, so the. Awesome. So I do you want to do it like the outer corner one where Mordecai is? I mean, honestly, I don't have no.

I would say it would be this one would be the best one. I could just me saying like, there's one in the middle. I'm sorry, sir. I can't hear you over these guys. Sorry. This is not like ventriloquism. I can't like throw my voice. So this is just me saying, got it, you know, please knock down the pillar. I'm here, you know, like, you know, we're under here. Please just trying to get him to just start playing frenzy and just knocking down. That'll be a deception check. Of course. Yeah. Real high. It's going to need to be high because you're,

you're not throwing your voice, but you're saying you're like, you know, 15, 20 feet away. The road was critical. It's a road with critical. I mean, the... 15 plus 2 off with advantage means it's a 20. Get it. Yep, dirty 20. So you kind of lean down so you can shout through the doorway on the floor beneath you

and it echoes under the awning. And he pivots and turns his head at the two pillars nearest him. Will that do it for your turn, Bricks? Yes. Okay. It's now Glibble's turn. Glibble's who is still inside clears his throat because it's now his turn to do a scene in the Herald. And so, okay, so Glibbles is going to say... I'm so distracted. I'm so sorry. It's not me. I know, I know. It's just, it's crackling.

I think it's because we have a film with the server just by the wire. Excuse me, everybody. So it's because we have a phone with Sarah just by the wire. It's a phone. Excuse me, everybody. That's my fault. Yeah. I really wish we could just fire you. J.K. L.O.L. Glibbles is going to follow your lead, Bricks, and say, Holy shit! Oh, no, my popple, my sister's trapped under this one of underneath one of them pillars over there.

Oh, fuck. There's going to be a 19 on his deception trick. Nice. He's you guys have for all that's attention. He's confused as hell. Made me think he was really there. Pish Posh. You're up. I'm going to back out from under here. Okay.

And barf acid into his face. Excellent roll to barf. That happened to me at a 7-Eleven. Can't eat those eggs over at 7-Eleven. That was all Mickey's big mouth's fault. 11. Can't eat those. Can't eat those eggs over. It's 11 hours on Mickey's big mess. Well, all right. So he has to make a saving throw.

Twenty one. Yeah. Twenty one. He said, yeah. Which which saving throw is it, Khan? Dexterity. Oh, well, he is going to roll an eight. Oops. So he just slapped in the face with a wave of acid. 18d6.

You can borrow a couple of my d6. Oh yeah, d6 time for Ken. Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken. How many do you need? 18? Only 18, Blaine. I'm sure you can take care of that. I only need nine really. One, two, three, four, five, six. Only 18. Only 18, Blaine. I'm sure you can take care of that.

I only need nine really. One, two, three, four, five, six. So I'll take nine and then roll twice. Something is busting up a storm. All right. It's that 5G that Kamala Harris is trying to... 10, 12, 14, 15, 16, 18, 24, 26, 30, 31, 36. What is that?

That is a six. 42. Logos are usually sixes on custom dice and that's what's happening. Seven fifty five. Fifty four. Fifty four points of acid damage as you just completely smash it into his face and you all just hear this horrible hissing noise as it covers every inch of his face. Assassin's Bromit brought to you by Norns. I got 52 points of acid damage the summer of 1992. I got 52 points of acid damage when Brian threw up at me outside of 7-11. All right, anything else for your turn? Pish Posh. Uh, oh, what else can I do here?

I think you have a bonus action. Let's see. You have a laser gun? I think you can kick a skull at him eventually. That's yeah, that's a whole other thing I think. Um, I mean, weren't you in a band called the Skull Kickers? Can I do a melee attack? You'd have to get back under the roof. His neck is extended in there towards the door, but you're about 15 feet away from melee

right now. Yeah. You have to get back under the awning. If I want to hit the one right by me. Oh, the pillar. Yeah, you can hit the pillar. Okay. So that's plus 14 to hit. Jesus.

That's 17. That's exactly what you need to hit. Pillars, AC 17. Damage is two to eight plus eight. God. It has 10 hit points. So this is an automatic success on this pillar. If you want, you can roll,

but this is, even if you roll two ones, it's gonna be enough. Oh, yay. Yeah. So it explodes. Some shit's going down, my friend. You all hear this. As the awning collapses on top of Ferlnaut's head and neck

and front two arms. He is now half buried under a pile of rubble, most of it stone, some of it wood. And he is not visible and is about to take his turn. But I believe that is all for your turn, right, Pishpash? That's it for me. All right. He has a job.

I'm gonna try to break free because he is next in the turn order. I mean, he's dead, right, Pish Posh? That's it for me. Right. He has job. Gonna try to break free because he is next in the turn order. I mean, he's dead, right? We killed him. Yeah, totally killed him. But I have to roll the damage. So I'm actually, I'll let- Rubble damage.

Pish Posh did this. So hang on one second. Let's see. What is- Probably 3066, right? If his acid breath is 18. Yeah, probably. It's the reason.

At least. Do, do, 18, probably. At least you to do to do. So, Sarah, are you excited? Very. This is going to be. 6D10 bludgeoning damage. You can roll it. Pish posh. All right. 6d10 bludgeoning damage. You can roll it pish pash. We'll say 6d10 plus 5. Christine? 28. 33. Nice!

33 points of bludgeoning damage and he is now restrained and he's going to try to break free. That was going to be... Okay. That was going to be a 12 on his strength check and that is not a success versus the rumble. So he's stuck. I'm just checking to see. He cannot use his psychic step to teleport out because he has to be able to see the space to psychic step and he cannot. He's completely buried in his head. He's not within vision range of anything. Sounds like he should just suck an egg. Well he's got another thing he can do with his bonus action

I don't think he would do. He has he go fuck himself. Wow. Cause that hurts for me. He can only do that as a reaction. So we're not on his turn. We're part of it. Cool. That'll do it for his turn.

Blep, you're up. You see the collapse from the ethereal plane. I'm Plane. I'm going to blink in behind him. And I'm going to cast Guardian of Faith. Oh yeah. Perfect. Guardian of Faith like right next to him. Like as close as I can to him. I saw them put for dragon force.

And I believe you're running out of batteries on the Seraphim. It just went. Well, we're running out of time too, so it's perfectly timed. I know, we're just about to wrap up this turn order. It's a race against time. Any creature hostile to me that moves to a space

within 10 feet of the Guardian must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Creature takes 20 radiant damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one. So I'm going to put it right next to him and just have the Guardian just empty all this damage on him. Great. And for lack of having another nearby thing, we'll just say the Guardian is this glowing yellow Odie Ugg. Sorry, next to him. And yeah,. Does he attack on your turn? When does he attack? Does he control his own initiative? No, it's Rome. Any creature hostile to me within 10 feet of the Guardian. Is your elbow okay? Is it a saving call right now? Yeah. Any creature hostile to me that moves to a space

within 10 feet of the Guardian for the first time on a turn must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. I feel like if you put it next to him, he does the dex save now, right? Yeah. He's restrained. This is like an automatic success. He can't even seed it to dodge it.

So it's, go ahead and roll damage. Well, that's a 20 radiant damage. Okay Oh on the Odeon, it's an automatic All right, cool and then he And then he the guardian vanishes when it has dealt a total of 60 damage. So I'm just gonna leave them there Okay Okay. Guardian has dealt. Say, sir, are you cracking up like us?

Twenty of damage. What's happening? All right. I mean, a note. A lot of radon here. Sarah, a lot of radon in the room. Last in the turn order before we call it an episode. Ryan Mordecai.

Oh shit. Mordecai, you see the canopy collapse on Deferral Knot. Blett puts a Guardian of Faith next to him. He's right next to you. What do you do? I'm on Feral Knot and I'm just stabby, stabby, stabby, stab. Roll to stabby, stabby, stab, stab. Yeah. Oh, my good Mordecai. Law of the Sword. I know we're about to call it, but sort of this deal.

Yeah, because I'll take a photo of this for reference and it'll help to see next time. I don't know What is that? Oh, no shit. First one's not a hit, but I'm going to take another action. Okay. Another hit, another attack on your action. Another attack, I mean, yeah. I get an extra attack when I write an attack.

Fucking king. What is that? It's such a glittery die. It's an eight. Oh, no. Yeah, you needed a team. Eighteen. Is he, is he prone or restrained? Oh, yeah, he is. Oh, yeah. So he can't see he's going to get.

Those are both automatic kits. Roll your damage. Oh, shit. OK, cool. He's completely like he can't dodge if he was just restrained, but he's basically blinded and restrained, but he's basically blinded and restrained. Yeah.

So he's pretty fucked at the moment. So six on the first one. Okay. He's now officially below half his hit points. And then, uh, a little more slashing here. 4 plus 3, 7 slashing. Great. Cool. Right on. And it will be next episode Dallytail the top of the turn order, when next we join Nerdpokery. Yeah. Ah, Geno.

Wow. Nice work, everybody. I'm like a dragon, guys. Samuel, what had happened today? Episode 34. The dragon landed and is attacking us. We're figuring out where the roof is. Now that we know where the roof is, we're working on crashing it down in the dragon.

Sarah's pretending to be a scared child, I think. Blaine's Shane Gillis comment wrecked me. The dragon's neck is under the roof. We're hitting the pillars. Sarah's goading the dragon into hitting a pillar down. Ken knocked the final pillar off and crushed the dragon. Mordecai stabbed the dragon a whole bunch. Cool. Anything you want to plug? Sure, yeah. If you want to hire me for Dungeons and Dragons related purposes, head to jantelfer.com folks. Do it. Do it. Do it.

BrianCassane.com for tour dates October and November. I'm in San Francisco. I've got Dallas in the middle of October. I've got Austin where we're showing what's the movie I said earlier, Silver Bullet. Oh, yeah. And making fun of even King. Yeah. Yeah. And something else, I forget what the movie is, but that's what JT Habers at.

He and I have some other gigs coming up. We've got San Diego. I've got San Francisco with a guy, Obelam. Come out, get grommets, pick up all the issues and give them to friends for Christmas. Rifters also. Go to a comic book shop and buy a fucking comic book. They're fun. Blame.

We attribute the success saved mankind from it. Thanks for joining us on this episode. You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerdpoker, a rash of copycat ball-sitting sweeps through the city and threatens to put Brian's mayoral bid in jeopardy. Can the Nerdpoker gang get people to stand up and adjust their balls in time? All this, and Mayor McChese sits on his buns wrong. Hoo hoo hoo! On an all new Nerdpoker!

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